Total Driving Pleasure: ITV (Central) adverts, 29th June 1982
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- Опубліковано 17 лип 2021
- Earlier, I think, the same day as my last upload - ie 29th June, 1982. Still the Central region, though, as evidenced by the weather slide at the start. Slightly undermines itself by being a generic image dominated by a raincloud, even though the forecast is for sun. Enjoy the early monochrome version of the cake, which is actually a desperate attempt at making something letterhead-worthy out of a logo that at this point is just a plain white sphere lit from the right.
Adverts! In the rush to dismiss a particularly irritating dinner-party guest, Clean Cut Middle Class England, Esq. tears his very nice jacket. Also said party appears to have destroyed their home. Sketchley's to the rescue! Best known as a dry-cleaners, they'll also sew the sleeve back on and subcontract someone to do the hoovering for you if you're THAT precious. And they DO do duvets. Enjoy the harmonious slogan jingle, because that was still a thing in 1982.
Next, Maxwell House coffee, and in this time period that means another scenario for actual authentic marrieds John Alderton and Pauline Collins. John's trying to do a crossword, the answer is "coffee", Pauline has coincidentally made some coffee, gentle comedy ensues. This is from when they were trying to sell it as being "Flavour Locked", which is largely meaningless except as a way of saying it tastes nice.
Then, TV-am starts up just to confuse you. No, of course not, it's just a car advert from the early eighties, so it has to be full of neon and dry ice on a black backdrop. Now's the time to move over to the totally equipped Triumph Acclaim, apparently. It has seats and everything. And they flip down so you've somewhere to put your skis, because it's 1982. By British Leyland's standards, the Acclaim was reasonably successful (there are still 125 of them on the road today) and its sales helped the remains of Leyland afloat long enough to regenerate into Austin Rover. It was the last Triumph ever made, though.
Next, an eerie, shadowed, piano chord-soundtracked break-in becomes downright terrifying once the light goes on. I know I go on about clowns being basically monsters all the time, but that is a particularly scary clown face they've chosen for their supposed anti-hero protagonist. Anyway, it's not a fake-out involving the product in question being in the safe: it is in fact full of jewellery and he does indeed nick it. The twist involves a bottle of tonic water and some glasses, which Bozo here is too stupid to also steal so he can drink it at his leisure somewhere without cameras, the dumbass. William Franklyn, the original Schweppes spokestuxedo, looks on.
Then, it's those electrics again! This time it's fridge-freezing and has the cross-promotional Hotpoint seal of approval, complete with conceptual "iced diamond" thing. It still has Ray Brooks and his verbal tic electric, though. Hotpoint and the CEGB scratch each other's back, and pass the savings on to you. Or not.
And it's Mitre again as well, and they've brought Gary Watson! They have two different kinds of trainers, only one's twice as expensive as the other! Also a balls. Fortunately laser pens are yet to be invented. More underhanded cross-promotional shenanigans: buy them at InterSport! Or somewhere else. But mostly InterSport!
Local stuff! Here's DFS! No, it's not the same DFS. Well, it is and it isn't. This is the OG DFS, a Derbyshire-based furnishings company with a handful of stores. Within a few months of this recording, they're bought out by Graham Kirkham, owner of Northern Upholstery, who replaces his company's name with theirs (and redesigns their logo so it looks less like the sort of thing you'd see in your local through-the-door Admart), hires Tom Adams as a spokesman and builds it into the constantly-on-sale juggernaut it is today. Back then, it was much more quaint and desaturated, impressed just to be an out-of-town store - not to mention open on Sundays (only for viewing, though, you can't buy owt - God wouldn't like it).
Finally, more local styles for your East Midlands Co-Op. They have a sale at all these stores, described by possibly the least interested voiceover they could find. It is a jumbo sale here is an elephant please come and buy whatever it is they sell here is it a department store or groceries or whatever who cares come here or don't.
History on the making
Older adverts you have uploaded then usual.
Tuesday 29th June 1982
It Was A Good Month?
Ha! The Acclaim, arguably the best car BL nailed together in the 80s on account of it being a Honda Ballade with a Longbridge middleman to stick the badges on and tweak a few screws...
Indeed. I love the shot of the features, shown all at once in a collage, so you can't make them all out. It softens the crushing disappointment upon buying one.