Narrated D&D Story: That Time My Bard Fathered An Entire Village

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  • Опубліковано 1 гру 2024

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  • @troperhghar9898
    @troperhghar9898 4 роки тому +3134

    Me: so DM how's my bard doing?
    DM: you died of every STD in the world

    • @troperhghar9898
      @troperhghar9898 4 роки тому +107

      @Josiah Sepulveda no, this is what happens when you have to miss three sessions in a row

    • @troperhghar9898
      @troperhghar9898 4 роки тому +117

      @Josiah Sepulveda on the one hand I hate that my character died
      One the other hand "death by sex" is how Nikki Stardust the drow bard would have wanted to go

    • @beastwarsFTW
      @beastwarsFTW 4 роки тому +33

      This is why bards can learn cleric's spells.

    • @TarsonTalon
      @TarsonTalon 4 роки тому +73

      Me: Great...does that mean I'm the God of Seduction now?
      DM: ...sigh...yes.
      Me: MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

    • @MazzaAzi
      @MazzaAzi 4 роки тому +46

      You filthy....
      casual!
      A TRUE bard would die of every STD in the world AND at least 70 extraplanar ones

  • @patrickedger2448
    @patrickedger2448 4 роки тому +1480

    Ladies and gentlemen...the origin of tieflings and dragon sorcerers.

    • @CLPS-yt4zg
      @CLPS-yt4zg 4 роки тому +99

      Definitely need this as some sort of background plot for a campaign
      no seriously
      think about it

    • @patrickedger2448
      @patrickedger2448 4 роки тому +112

      @@CLPS-yt4zg "So how did you get your sorcerer powers?"
      "...I'd rather not go into that."

    • @barbatosmcmurderton4209
      @barbatosmcmurderton4209 4 роки тому +123

      @@patrickedger2448 "My Grandpa was a Bard."
      "Say no more."

    • @BrennaDraws
      @BrennaDraws 4 роки тому +31

      @@patrickedger2448 The daddy issues!

    • @EliteWarrior1026
      @EliteWarrior1026 4 роки тому +90

      "You have Celestial blood corseing through your veins?! How was your family so blessed?"
      "Sigh. My dad got drunk, polymorphed into a horse, and encountered a Unicorn."

  • @friendcomputer5276
    @friendcomputer5276 4 роки тому +1568

    I'd say that seducing and impregnating the demon was actually a smart idea in that specific situation. It gives her what she wants while avoiding the ususal problems associated with bargaining away your firstborn.

    • @jacobweatherford4696
      @jacobweatherford4696 4 роки тому +143

      Only because its also her firstborn

    • @friendcomputer5276
      @friendcomputer5276 4 роки тому +97

      @@jacobweatherford4696 Exactly, that the point!

    • @jacobweatherford4696
      @jacobweatherford4696 4 роки тому +69

      @@friendcomputer5276 still a very smart strategy

    • @silverstar7843
      @silverstar7843 4 роки тому +92

      Too bad the DM kinda made him regret the right option. Clever as all hell, but bit asshole. Though judging by the story, was well received and made the game so much better.

    • @PhoenixHavok
      @PhoenixHavok 4 роки тому +18

      Perhaps, but sounds like the player had a few problems before this about that

  • @thearbiterofwv8314
    @thearbiterofwv8314 4 роки тому +1616

    A dragon, a demon, and a princess are all walked into by a bard...

  • @alastorchang
    @alastorchang 4 роки тому +1947

    Bard: "I roll to seduce the magic sentient sword."
    Dm: "What?"
    Bard: "Nat 20. 'Parry' me."
    Dm: "Fine. The sword leaps from BBEG's hand and penetrate's you deeply and repeatedly. 4d10 +8. Take 30 damage."
    Bard: "Okay you made your 'point'."
    Dm: "And it climaxed a bunch of caltrops like items into. 3d4 Take 6 more damage.
    Bard: "I'm still in 'stab-le' condition."
    Dm: Oh and you're pregnant with 6 magical sentient daggers. 6d4+6 take another 18 damage."
    Bard: "But I'm a guy."
    Dm: "Magic."
    Paladin: "What the fuck? Okay what is the BBEG doing?"
    Dm: "He is stuck in a state of shock, horror, and disgust. Also he is disarmed. Also also he is contemplating his life choices that lead him to this moment."
    BBEG: "Time out. You guys seeing this? Dude just got fucked by my sword and gave birth to a bunch of baby swords in like six seconds. Yo I'm out. Princess is in the back."
    Dm: " He is walking away. Do you wish to end combat?"
    Battered Party: "Yes!"
    Bard: "My 'sharp' wit gave us the 'edge'. I'll 'cut' to the chase, can someone heal me I have 1 hp."
    Dm: "The princess comes out of the back and kicks you in your family jewels, make your death saves."

  • @VirtuesOfSin
    @VirtuesOfSin 4 роки тому +1457

    Faerie: "It is done... Your wish has been granted... I certainly hope you find it worth the cost..."
    Bard: "Awesome! So, when do we start?"
    Faerie: "Wha- I don't... I don't know what you mean?"
    Bard: (Stripping his cloths) "You wanted my first born child, didn't you?"
    Faerie: (Blushing) "Oh...."

    • @identi8040
      @identi8040 4 роки тому +155

      I ask myself everyday "*why*" and I go "because its dumb"

    • @feeshofyeet5011
      @feeshofyeet5011 4 роки тому +58

      Saw a meme like this before. One of my favorites

    • @Squiggy8440
      @Squiggy8440 4 роки тому +41

      I saw that comic! It was silly and the artwork was tasteful ^^

    • @identi8040
      @identi8040 4 роки тому +23

      @@Squiggy8440 sorry but mind putting a link down here, I kinda wanna see the comic

    • @Squiggy8440
      @Squiggy8440 4 роки тому +17

      Identi it was on facebook, I don’t remember if i saved it, even if i did, i dont recall the OP posting the link to it.... :( ill try to track the artist down though, gimme a bit :)

  • @augmentedlinguist4674
    @augmentedlinguist4674 4 роки тому +712

    Wow,this story ended on a more positive note than I expected,also that elf is gonna have one heck of a fatherhood,good luck to him
    Edit:Well dang didn't expect this comment to blow up,thanks for the likes,I'm very happy

    • @prinnygoddood901
      @prinnygoddood901 4 роки тому +14

      Omg ikr

    • @bethanysmith5856
      @bethanysmith5856 4 роки тому +41

      Good thing he's and elf...... never mind the fact his soul is going to be trapped means he doesn't have any worry about not having enough time to spend with his many children.

    • @darienb1127
      @darienb1127 4 роки тому +42

      @@bethanysmith5856 "Dad, can you help me with this?"
      You're 456, you don't need my help to put furniture together anymore!"

    • @Cronomancer
      @Cronomancer 4 роки тому +38

      His bloodline certainly won't die, that's for dang sure. 😂😂😂

    • @tauempire1793
      @tauempire1793 4 роки тому +7

      @@Cronomancer indeed he became the Ghengis Khan of DnD lol

  • @00220022inferno
    @00220022inferno 4 роки тому +601

    Honestly, not a bad way to play a comedic character. I liked this Bard's story and change.

  • @Raizen22
    @Raizen22 4 роки тому +311

    Not gonna lie, this was a rather humorous story to listen and I can't hate on the bard. Very very nice of him to stay in character.

  • @francomaemori7123
    @francomaemori7123 4 роки тому +399

    For a moment I thought that given that the demon bride was somehow linked to other women in the village, the Bard impregnated them as well.

    • @bethanysmith5856
      @bethanysmith5856 4 роки тому +44

      Something like that came to mind before I listened to this.

    • @mitchellbonds766
      @mitchellbonds766 4 роки тому +78

      That was my thought too. "Demon gets pregnant = all the women bound to her get pregnant too." 60 ish kids all of approximately the same age? Yeah. Yikes.

    • @wilmagregg3131
      @wilmagregg3131 4 роки тому +23

      @@mitchellbonds766 as another comment said
      this could be a possible orgin for tiefling kind

    • @nielsdejong
      @nielsdejong 4 роки тому

      drive.google.com/file/d/1A7cWC9Axu5MhPARkAFCTfvEuH_aWZJ8J/view

    • @kittyelf1485
      @kittyelf1485 4 роки тому +5

      I thought the same thing

  • @Jaszs1
    @Jaszs1 4 роки тому +349

    Imagine the town, full of your offspring that's half-elf, half-dragonkin, half ghost-demon-scorpion whatever and half-nobility

    • @lagggoat7170
      @lagggoat7170 4 роки тому +94

      Safest and weirdest town.
      Just imagine the school chaos. Poor normal kids
      "Miss teacher, Erica set the table on flames again!"
      "I didn´t, that was Emma, learn to tell us apart"
      "Sven is casting Hideous Laughter on the fifth graders again!"

    • @velvety2006
      @velvety2006 4 роки тому +41

      @@lagggoat7170 imaging trying to find a nanny for those kids 😂

    • @nielsdejong
      @nielsdejong 4 роки тому +2

      Half Dragon: drive.google.com/file/d/1A7cWC9Axu5MhPARkAFCTfvEuH_aWZJ8J/view :)

    • @myrandomcorner3460
      @myrandomcorner3460 4 роки тому +44

      well one of the nobility children leads the town the half elf dragonkin are the guards the.... deamon ones are the special forces... that town grows with each offspring haveing there own and grows to conquer the land... Actualy that would be an interesting Campign that group could do go back and say its been several years and the town of the bards kids has grown to consume much of the land and you have to either defeat them all or simply join them.

    • @justjoking5252
      @justjoking5252 4 роки тому +8

      @@lagggoat7170
      Ok, that broke me.

  • @partialbullet2215
    @partialbullet2215 4 роки тому +575

    “I roll for impregnating” - One of All things DnD’s friend 2020

    • @agentmysterious6682
      @agentmysterious6682 4 роки тому +12

      man I'ma end up making Goku in DND

    • @R3GARnator
      @R3GARnator 4 роки тому +1

      Well it makes more sense than roll for seduction.

  • @TheIcyPanda
    @TheIcyPanda 4 роки тому +617

    Monster Waifu:
    Princess:
    Dragon:
    Bard externally: HAHAA! who's your daddy!
    Bard Internally: Oh my god I'm a father.
    I love these type of dumb stories as long as everyone is having fun.

    • @nielsdejong
      @nielsdejong 4 роки тому +2

      drive.google.com/file/d/1A7cWC9Axu5MhPARkAFCTfvEuH_aWZJ8J/view

    • @cleareyezgamerfreak2706
      @cleareyezgamerfreak2706 4 роки тому +8

      this is some ecchi fantsey anime stuff loooool

    • @orcatwar9810
      @orcatwar9810 4 роки тому +2

      @@cleareyezgamerfreak2706 since waifu was used
      I can see why

  • @AntoanArcana
    @AntoanArcana 4 роки тому +1144

    "We don't usually do sexual things but, since it was to punish the bard, everyone was cool with it."
    Honestly...mood.

    • @drcalcium9232
      @drcalcium9232 4 роки тому +56

      Sexual punishment? If that's what your into I guess...

    • @ivian8425
      @ivian8425 4 роки тому +12

      @@drcalcium9232 What a cocktease :p

  • @indigosteel5702
    @indigosteel5702 4 роки тому +334

    LOL
    This reminds me of an idea for a campaign a friend and I came up with: An old retired Bard is kidnapped by an old "conquest;" an archdevil. His only hope for rescue is a party of adventurers who were ALL at one point or another sired by the same Bard 😂

    • @TarsonTalon
      @TarsonTalon 4 роки тому +81

      The looks on all their faces when they are all different species and half-species...welp, at least daddy had polymorph, so they aren't all freaks, lol.

    • @MrMaradok
      @MrMaradok 4 роки тому +46

      It’s like the high fantasy version of The Ridiculous 6! I love it!

    • @indigosteel5702
      @indigosteel5702 4 роки тому +9

      @@MrMaradok EXACTLY!!

    • @Gmod-ki4mw
      @Gmod-ki4mw 4 роки тому +45

      If the bard was an Elf you could even make it so that some of them are actually his grand/great grand children, so it's not so obvious if you want to keep that part of it a secret.

    • @indigosteel5702
      @indigosteel5702 4 роки тому +9

      @@Gmod-ki4mw Good idea!

  • @alarosebaster2626
    @alarosebaster2626 4 роки тому +239

    Ngl I'd have done the same thing with seducing the demon. She wants a family and someone's firstborn. It's a matter of convenience to have the firstborn be her own child. Most mothers aren't gonna give up their newborn

  • @xoersummoner1336
    @xoersummoner1336 4 роки тому +77

    I've never thought I would hear the frase "I roll for impregnation" until this very moment... Well played internet, well played.

  • @Lothmar22
    @Lothmar22 4 роки тому +405

    gm: Roll for Waifu.
    Bard: Nat 20.
    gm: Roll to confirm.
    Bard: Nat 1.
    gm: Congrats on marrying a yandere.

  • @yecnay25
    @yecnay25 4 роки тому +317

    Hilarious. Bard’s all “I want waifus.” DM” are you sure?” Bard” Waifu me up brother!” DM”Oh you’ll get waifus. You’ll get waifu’s indeed. Muhahahaha!”

    • @wilmagregg3131
      @wilmagregg3131 4 роки тому +28

      the hell taker would be best bros with this bard
      because not only do there share the same taste they know the struggle of actually having that many waifus

    • @R3GARnator
      @R3GARnator 4 роки тому +7

      DM gave the man what he wanted. It'd be less interesting if they were all human commoners.

  • @CLPS-yt4zg
    @CLPS-yt4zg 4 роки тому +218

    Wait
    What would happen if just
    Someone started trying to date one of the daughters, or sons....
    That would be one heck of a family reunion and meeting

  • @zanewilkins9548
    @zanewilkins9548 4 роки тому +202

    I know it was pretty hilarious 60 kids he's got his own freaking Army but something else that comes into play here he could probably Roll Up character sheets for each one of the kids and use them to play a different campaigns and have an interlocking backstory with them

    • @emberfist8347
      @emberfist8347 4 роки тому +40

      Here is an idea have them all be Bards and continue the family tradition.

    • @gnarthdarkanen7464
      @gnarthdarkanen7464 4 роки тому +30

      The next whole Campaign could be around (some of) his kids... Give three "hybrids" for the Players to pick and let them roll away with it. See what happens... You've just knitted the party together at least as "cousins" so not so much of the "dark brooding loner" BS... Everyone can reasonably create a decent interlocking backstory... Obviously the GM should resist overdoing the "low hanging fruit" of constant kidnapping and tormenting the family (but it makes a decent starter)... and let the dice fly.
      A lot of people complain about the beginning being the hardest thing "not to cliche to death". This just wrote itself practically speaking. ;o)

    • @zanewilkins9548
      @zanewilkins9548 4 роки тому +14

      a very well could work but I wouldn't consider it low-hanging fruit if they actually did it right he has 60 kids you have 60 options to mess around with male and female any class with the mutations of demon dragon a high range sorcerer

    • @gnarthdarkanen7464
      @gnarthdarkanen7464 4 роки тому +4

      @@zanewilkins9548 In GM'ing it, I meant that kidnapping "beloved NPC's" is low hanging fruit. A cheap shot made cheaper if the GM insists on tapping a 60+ member family he insisted on the PC's by rote just for conflict.
      That's exactly what breeds the "dark loner trope".
      Otherwise it shouldn't be hard to let a "rescue mission" write itself, and just move on. 60 kids is a LOT of mouths to feed even on a successful adventurer's salary.
      Bonus points if you can bring in a "late starter" to take up the rescued cousin.
      You could even do it with Players swapping in and out and changing Parties. A sort of "come as you can" operation to help resolve pesky schedule conflicts with larger groups of Players.
      It CAN definitely be done well. ;o)

    • @zanewilkins9548
      @zanewilkins9548 4 роки тому +4

      @@gnarthdarkanen7464 what I'm talking about is not kidnapping any NPC but using that as a launching point for his campaign and using the 60 kids for future campaign and when you go to roll up the character sheets for the next players have the characters be one of is 60 kids where his kids Dragon Blood demon blood Borat sorcerer princess in it roll the dice to see which one they get when I roll up the character as one of his 60 kids I think it'd be an interesting campaign and is her lot of stuff that you could do with it but basically it's a future campaign where you're playing as one of his children is really open for interpretation and it's not low-hanging fruit it's actually very interesting and and it doesn't involve kidnapping so there's no low-hanging fruit to be had it would just literally be a fun campaign

  • @darkstalkerknight63
    @darkstalkerknight63 4 роки тому +105

    all I heard is a win-win-win-win situation. hear Me out on this. he literally has 3 of the most powerful wives in every sense of the words.
    one who is immortal, one whose life is about 500 years and one of the most powerful beings alive who is unbelievably rich and powerful being a princess
    and by the way, this would make them all queens and a king and all of them can literally become immortal by taking all of the spells and spending a week to a year literally depending on the pells and make him immortal as well and he has an armor of kids who by the way they all can make them also immortal.
    one, have one of them go into Druid I would go with the princess and have her focus on timeless body to find a way to have them live a lot longer
    two, have one them become like a Necromancer but not fully and demon wife can do that by having her forces on healing and stuff like Reincarnate and spare the dying and clones and so on,
    and have the last one become like an Ancients paladin and the dragon wife can do this because her can use her family and her 2 wives and husband as her oath and she can make them all immune to everything.
    if I did the math right on average they will live between 3,000 to 5,000 years before needing to use even a clone

    • @tcrpgfan
      @tcrpgfan 3 роки тому +6

      Don't forget that they're willing to share.

  • @akbarrmd7714
    @akbarrmd7714 4 роки тому +137

    so basically this bard is like the DnD version in captain Jack Harkness and Glenn Quagmire into one.🤣

    • @emberfist8347
      @emberfist8347 4 роки тому +16

      Less Quagmire and more Deadpool and Jake. They will seduce everything that movies and most thing that don't.

    • @DragonGunzDorian
      @DragonGunzDorian 4 роки тому +6

      Like a non sterile geralt of rivia.

  • @alanmarcelinosantos5338
    @alanmarcelinosantos5338 4 роки тому +16

    The bard teaches all his sons and daughters his simplord abilities, so all of them can have as many kids as he has, and the family can become an empire

  • @davidmartin5483
    @davidmartin5483 4 роки тому +152

    😂😂😂ok this one is actually pretty funny since it shows what the seducing bard role actually has to face....and don't act like we didn't know that evry bard with a seducing build has at least 60 children somewhere in the world. Even if you don't specify the details......we all know where this will end....after all the stereotype doasn't exists for no reason and this bard at least knows of them has three loving wifes and has to take responsabilyties for his actions. In my opinion this is actually a good outcome and we should be proud of him....and more disgusted by the probably 1000 if not more bards who do the same only with far more partners and do not take any responsability what so ever.

    • @bethanysmith5856
      @bethanysmith5856 4 роки тому +31

      I know that one of the running jokes/campaign ideas is a band of half siblings are looking for their bard father and walk into a tavern, while their father stealthily walks out.

    • @funnyblog100
      @funnyblog100 4 роки тому +3

      I would make a d100 STD table for that.

    • @wilmagregg3131
      @wilmagregg3131 4 роки тому +1

      @@funnyblog100 magic makes it hard to make those permanent though unless a bard sleeps with something of the nurgle varity that will probably give you a uncurable magic disease

  • @curtistic5724
    @curtistic5724 4 роки тому +170

    Just before lockdown, I rolled up a half-elf whose mother was an ogress seduced by an aging moon elf bard. His height comes from his mother.

    • @afonsothadeusaviolomedinat8809
      @afonsothadeusaviolomedinat8809 4 роки тому +3

      Shouldn't he be a half-ogre/orc?

    • @curtistic5724
      @curtistic5724 4 роки тому +1

      @@afonsothadeusaviolomedinat8809 I don't think he can be both.

    • @afonsothadeusaviolomedinat8809
      @afonsothadeusaviolomedinat8809 4 роки тому +11

      Let me rephrase that: he would be half-ogre but his racial probable would be of a elf-orc and probable be identified as one by last people

  • @Markis2bi4
    @Markis2bi4 4 роки тому +79

    Johnny Bravo as a polyamorous husband and hard-working patriarch

    • @emberfist8347
      @emberfist8347 4 роки тому +19

      This is what Johnny Bravo wished he was.

  • @derpywaffles4life79
    @derpywaffles4life79 4 роки тому +27

    I just want him to walk into a village and yell “Poppas home!”

  • @Dementio223
    @Dementio223 4 роки тому +39

    This seems to just be a practical joke. DM had his fun, got the party to go along with it, and ended it when it ran it’s course. Nothing too gross in the grand scheme of things.

  • @solarprince8139
    @solarprince8139 4 роки тому +33

    Bards: The reason Tieflings, Draconians and every other hybrid exist..

  • @Wh173c0c0
    @Wh173c0c0 4 роки тому +95

    I'll never quite understand the Bard stereotype about being a pervert. My Bard (and first character) was an immortal (age-wise only) 3,799 year-old 145cm "tall" Half-Elf who had a 16 INT, spoke eloquently, persuaded people using logic, had proficiency in 75% of the skills (plus half proficiency in the rest), knew like 10 languages, was a pacifist, and (the kicker) was asexual. In combat, he mainly used illusions to befuddle his enemies and stuck to healing wounds otherwise. The party had a running joke where they wanted to find him a halfling or gnome girlfriend due to his height. He always seemed confused when the players suggested seducing an NPC since he didn't understand the concept. It was a fun time; I quite liked the character.

    • @lagggoat7170
      @lagggoat7170 4 роки тому +15

      One of my bards (Corvum) is an ancient scholar who uses his CHA and forging skills to make a decent living at selling forged documents, who at most jokes about taking people out to dates (with a sort of grandfatherly charm).
      My other bard (Tiefling) is a hedonistic shitstirrer, mostly to rebell against her family, but even she doesnt seduce people (I mean I´m ace, I wouldnt even know how to do that). She flirts and tries to actively seem like the bard clichee, but she isnt the bard clichee.
      My other other bard (Firbolg) is a young wholesome chill hippie who just loves beauty and bedazzles himself with various pretty stuff (feathers, but also expensive stuff) and gets wide-eyed at gorgeous people, but he also wouldnt willy-nilly seduce people (why do that when he instead could just stare at their beauty or draw them). He might get into a romance with our goliath bardbarian tho :-D
      Break the clichee, guys!
      (Also yes, my favourite class, why would you ask? XD)

    • @christiangarza8122
      @christiangarza8122 4 роки тому +6

      The thing is most bards are played like rock stars and we all know the old saying, “Drugs sex and rock and roll”

    • @RavenCloak13
      @RavenCloak13 4 роки тому +5

      Wh173c0c0
      Mostly because what you described sounds lees like a Bard in terms of the more jovial and socially active yet distant at the same time that I’d usually associate with someone who actively travels and tries to get a crowd to listen to his performance and more like an anti-social inventor/prodigy that didn’t really get the need of interactions or social norms and just wished to simply perfect their craft.
      Also probably has to do with the fact when people read the original manuals and saw the traits best suited to the class and the class abilities as well as seeing the provided baseline concept for the Bard they probably got more of what the other guy commented. A rockstar/car salesmen type personality that used charm and guile to get what they want.

    • @okamiinuzuka6270
      @okamiinuzuka6270 4 роки тому +3

      Honestly ,I suspect it's mostly just cause it's fun and find players love to cause chaos XD (or at least the people I play with like to cause chaos). Like how ridiculous is it that your tiny human (whatever raced) bard can seduce the dragon and then loot it's gold and still have a chance to come out clean. Or stories like this where the stereotype creates a sensible yet ridiculous situation. When in doubt may as well try it and see if dumb luck will let you get far enough

    • @thedreamscripter4002
      @thedreamscripter4002 4 роки тому +1

      Well, I'm playing a seducer bard (with multiclass in fighter) in a DnD campaign right now, and I really enjoying it. The point is that this character is much more than seducer - in fact his personality described more by searching social and inner freedom and fame. He is mercenary, adventurer, the guy who lies his ass out of anything, musician, who plays metal, forger, who impersonates himself sometimes as kings royal guardian, sometimes as foreign prince (he doesn't know any foreign language and in fact can't even read, but can perfectly forge accents and pseudo-foreign languages) and etc. - so in fact he was just a poor guy from the capital in quite an unfriendly world, who tries to move to the top of the society. And he also loves to seduce, but in realistic way: he falls after attractive women, but doesn't try to seduce grass, dragons or sentinent swords. Once I decided to seduce young nun, and I had to roleplay all flirting instead of just rolling the dice - so far the most difficult seducing I have to do. Succesfull seducing.

  • @princeboo3188
    @princeboo3188 4 роки тому +31

    Me, a Druid: I like these animals
    The Bard: What if I was your animal?~
    Me: ...

  • @angrymike590
    @angrymike590 4 роки тому +13

    On one hand punishing a troll player, on the other targeting a player. I'm glad this experience turned out well though I do wonder what color the dragon was

  • @GambeTama
    @GambeTama 4 роки тому +22

    "I roll for impregnation"
    - Bard, Moment (Every)

  • @sse2479
    @sse2479 4 роки тому +48

    My heart just jumped when you said that. The Wheel of Time is, by far, my favorite fantasy series. Beats out LOTR, Dark Tower, Journey to the West, Wrinkle in Time, His Dark Materials, Shannara... I was literally crying and cheering through the last book. No medium, be it movie, music or books, has made elicited as much emotion as that series. It is on a level of it's own.
    Stick with it. There are a lot of politics in the middle few books, but it picks up again and A Memory of Light will knock you the fuck out.

    • @jimbeam7636
      @jimbeam7636 4 роки тому +4

      What about R. A. Salvatore's Drizzt series?

    • @delmenze9105
      @delmenze9105 4 роки тому +5

      At last, I find a kindred soul! How many years have I searched!

    • @sse2479
      @sse2479 4 роки тому +1

      @@delmenze9105 lol. Join the facebook group if you use fb. Lotta kindred souls on there :) Also there is a WOT subreddit.

    • @sse2479
      @sse2479 4 роки тому +3

      @@jimbeam7636 Nope! I actually don't read that much, despite reading... uh.. literally thousands of pages of fantasy... uh... maybe more than average?
      I will have to check it out. Ever heard of the Xanth series? Fucking great. I'd put it at #2. First book: A Spell for Chameleon

    • @jimbeam7636
      @jimbeam7636 4 роки тому +1

      @@sse2479 my guy you are in for a treat. Look up Homeland. That's the first book in a 40-50 book series.

  • @jbabylucus1641
    @jbabylucus1641 4 роки тому +29

    The title already has me wanting at least 4 parts to it lol

    • @allthingsdnd
      @allthingsdnd  4 роки тому +13

      Fathers a village... fathers a country... fathers the earth... fathers the universe, I really don't think I still want to stop

    • @emberfist8347
      @emberfist8347 4 роки тому +4

      @@allthingsdnd Well I think that the kids should be Bards as well continue on the family tradition.

  • @phoenixtan23
    @phoenixtan23 4 роки тому +7

    Man's gonna have the best father's day ever yet he'll be in a nightmare when trying to remember all their names and birthdays

  • @GreaterGrievobeast55
    @GreaterGrievobeast55 4 роки тому +50

    Ooooh yeah! Well theres always the *yirbel* kind of bard (she does *live* ) and THIS kind. Reminds me about how the bard in our party had formed a weird chaotic sex cult before I showed up. And how we got a second bard but the first session they showed up in he played so good that he got an ego driven boner and passed out. Since his player never returned he never woke up!
    Edit: *this son of a bitch*

  • @swapertxking
    @swapertxking 4 роки тому +21

    I remember being next to a table like this; but instead of a bard... it was the monk who had a low int and high cha thinking his vow of celibacy was the go ahead to screw anything that wants to.

    • @RavenCloak13
      @RavenCloak13 4 роки тому +2

      swapertxking
      ...how did he even become a Monk with an INT stat that low? Cause of the high CHA?

    • @swapertxking
      @swapertxking 4 роки тому +3

      @@RavenCloak13 I mean int isn't the stat for monks, its wis, so that's why if you're asking.

    • @RavenCloak13
      @RavenCloak13 4 роки тому

      swapertxking
      Ah, though I have to ask, what actually is the difference between INT and WIS? Played DnD only a handful fo times with friends in high school and just went with what they suggested for standard mage and didn’t really bother ask for the low down on it cause I figured I could learn while playing as one of them wanted to practice DMing two different campaigns at once with both me and the other friend starting from 2 different areas.
      Is it like, the amount of stuff you know compared to just being able to figure stuff out?

    • @swapertxking
      @swapertxking 4 роки тому +2

      @@RavenCloak13 umm best way I understood it is how do you balance 6 nails on a board with only one touching the board. INT is expertly balancing them in unique positions, WIS is bundling them and then balancing them as a unit. basically INT is a smart smolution, WIS is a clever solution.

    • @RavenCloak13
      @RavenCloak13 4 роки тому +1

      swapertxking
      Ah! Okay!
      Ih, and my main reason why I said the INT thing is I figured like actual Monks wouldn’t take in very stupid people liable to blow shit up or just not get the whole monk life style.

  • @trinitywolf6007
    @trinitywolf6007 4 роки тому +25

    DM: Welcome to Firtility Town, you must find the bard who owns this lovely town, what do you do?
    Player: i ask one of the kids playing in the town square...
    DM: All right...
    Player: Hey there little girl do you know where i can find Mr. Bard?
    NPC: og you mean my father?
    Player Yes, where is he?
    NPC:oh, well i'm not sure where he is, you'll have to ask thing 1 to find out.
    Player : who is thing 1?
    NPC: oh that's my big sis.
    Player :... why is her name thing 1?
    NPC: oh that's because she is the first child out of 60+ kids :)
    player: ... *looks at the DM* and what's your name?
    NPC: my name/number is thing 54 :)
    Player: (sighs) and where is thing 1?
    NPC: in that giant crowd over there:)
    Player: (mind) F**** they all look the same!
    DM: so, what will you do now?
    Player: I walk away, i Am Not doing this ...
    DM:ok, you leave the village and become a nomad of the lad living a pretty normal life and you settle down and start a lovely family, and die peacefully in the end... Till next we meet...
    Player: ok-
    DM: i the village of Fertility :)
    Player: WHAT?!

  • @jackmack4181
    @jackmack4181 4 роки тому +12

    Female Demon: I want your first born
    Bard: alright, when do we begin?
    FD: what
    Bard: you wanted my first born....soooooooo
    FD: ah....😦

  • @frostfirered1
    @frostfirered1 4 роки тому +1

    Wheel of Time is literally my favorite series. I'm so happy to see it advertised here

  • @allthingsdnd
    @allthingsdnd  4 роки тому +156

    So did this bard manage to seduce you? 😂😂

  • @AngelicEternity92
    @AngelicEternity92 4 роки тому +1

    I can actually appreciate how well the DM went along with this whole thing, and that's an amazing party to keep that whole track going.
    Pretty hilarious use of a bard, especially how things ended XD

  • @kevinbrink423
    @kevinbrink423 4 роки тому +32

    "I changed it to this instead just to screw with the bard."
    ... Obviously. ;)

    • @gnarthdarkanen7464
      @gnarthdarkanen7464 4 роки тому +2

      Anything to screw with the Bard is a good decision. ;o)

    • @stanleyschlosser7495
      @stanleyschlosser7495 4 роки тому +2

      @@gnarthdarkanen7464 but if you screw with the bard you also preg

    • @gnarthdarkanen7464
      @gnarthdarkanen7464 4 роки тому

      @@stanleyschlosser7495 Not if it's with a screwdriver... I might occasionally dabble in sadism. ;o)

    • @stanleyschlosser7495
      @stanleyschlosser7495 4 роки тому

      @@gnarthdarkanen7464 GAURD pay the court a fine or sit your sentensce MURDER MUREDER

    • @gnarthdarkanen7464
      @gnarthdarkanen7464 4 роки тому +3

      @@stanleyschlosser7495 You confuse yourself... I'm a SADIST. Dead people don't feel anything, and they don't writhe around on the ground and scream so delightfully as the living. My intentions are NEVER to kill... and no killing, means no murder.
      You'll have your own sentence for wasting the Court's time, the Magistrate's time, and by the gods I'll see to it you've wasted the Lordship's time!!!
      Call the Guards again! I dare ye'... I have plenty of screws!
      ...AND likely, you'll land ME a job for his Lordship as a keeper of his dungeon, menacer of prisoners, and possibly (oh please call them hither faster) head inquisitor! My lust for the outcries of others has no limits. ;o)

  • @matthewcheung7888
    @matthewcheung7888 4 роки тому +95

    My paladin can seduce goats and princesses, but real me can’t even be friends with a girl

    • @DragonGunzDorian
      @DragonGunzDorian 4 роки тому +2

      Your pfp is very fitting since you have a paladin.

    • @aaronmontgomery2055
      @aaronmontgomery2055 4 роки тому +8

      @@DragonGunzDorian perhaps he should be a wizard instead

    • @DragonGunzDorian
      @DragonGunzDorian 4 роки тому

      @Aaron Montgomery why?

    • @lawrencelopez9839
      @lawrencelopez9839 2 роки тому

      Ask her out. Get friendzoned. There you go, you now have a friend... or a gf if they say yes.

  • @Kikori_Fanri
    @Kikori_Fanri 4 роки тому +1

    The wheel of time is an incredible adventure! Robert Jordan was incredibly detailed with his world

  • @GreystenAlzrr
    @GreystenAlzrr 4 роки тому +17

    god this reminds me of a session few days back our rouge did an acrobatics check with DISadv and he stuck the landing dirty 20 DM have him roll a charisma check NAT20 and before we knew it our rouge dwarf was getting carried off by 5 women to a private room
    bout 12hours passed in game and the DM goes congratulations you're the father of 5; party went silent not sure to either cheer or berate our rouge

  • @ivanivan744
    @ivanivan744 4 роки тому +29

    My character, seeing the bard who seduced a princess, a dragon and a demon at the same time: My Man!

  • @casualsleepingdragon8501
    @casualsleepingdragon8501 4 роки тому +2

    When the kid pick on brings his 60 siblings to the after school

  • @mariagoff5532
    @mariagoff5532 4 роки тому +3

    WEEEE! I am so glad to find another Wheel of Time fan! I've read every book a dozen times!

  • @Samuraiedge2
    @Samuraiedge2 4 роки тому +15

    The DM reminds me of a fellow player in the campaign I'm in. Since her character and mine have a close sisterly relationship, she would try and get my half elf shipped with a variety of guys. Other half elves, elf nobles, and even dragons cause she is a descendant of dragons.
    Currently, the player has found 7 elf carpenters and the head of a noble house.

    • @TheFearsomeRat
      @TheFearsomeRat 4 роки тому +3

      That sounds kinda like some sort of sitcom...
      Also... 7 Carpenters... there is a obvious joke to be made but I'm going to resist making it.

    • @Hangman-yq5uh
      @Hangman-yq5uh 4 роки тому +2

      @@TheFearsomeRat They must be pretty good with their wood, eh?

    • @RavenCloak13
      @RavenCloak13 4 роки тому

      Samuraiedge II
      Why carpenters specifically?

    • @Samuraiedge2
      @Samuraiedge2 4 роки тому

      @@RavenCloak13 We hired them to help rebuild a watchtower we were using as our little headquarters.

    • @RavenCloak13
      @RavenCloak13 4 роки тому

      Samuraiedge II
      Ah neat. But really, all 7 eh? Well, cast a wide net I guess.

  • @darklusare7582
    @darklusare7582 4 роки тому +1

    This DM is so kind letting him play his character fully

  • @austinbowman6177
    @austinbowman6177 4 роки тому +1

    This man will be sad, but he just gave every other bard a HUGE FLEX bc he has so many children.

  • @spellbreath2876
    @spellbreath2876 4 роки тому +11

    63 kids So basically the aftermath of every Htai protagonist ever

  • @enderdragonash8148
    @enderdragonash8148 4 роки тому +2

    This bard was basically medieval Rasputin and I love it

  • @zacharyhawley1693
    @zacharyhawley1693 4 роки тому +6

    Village Father. Hahaha I can imagine everyone giving his childern that look.

  • @perryunicorn1538
    @perryunicorn1538 4 роки тому +7

    we literally have a campaign where everyone made half elves..so the joke is they ALL have the same elf bard father XD every person in the campaign is a half sibling XD

  • @CascadianPatriotII
    @CascadianPatriotII 3 роки тому

    You have my utmost respect for being able to so elaborately humor the bard player without things going off the rails. 👍

  • @NinjaBusCow
    @NinjaBusCow 3 роки тому +1

    The DM had a great sense of humor and accepted the Bard's Challenge.

  • @railbaron1
    @railbaron1 4 роки тому +7

    This Bard went from being a 1 note love machine to being the embodiment of the song "I Loved 'em, Every One"
    🎵 _I've known some painted ladies that sparkled in the light_
    _Country girls that loved the lovers moon_
    _Some I never really knew,_
    _Though I always wanted to_
    _Some I only met once in a room_
    _Some said they liked my smile,_
    _Others of 'em stayed a while_
    _While others left me on the run_
    _This is the only way,_
    _Only way I have to say_
    _I loved 'em every one_
    _Big, little or short or tall,_
    _Wish I could've kept them all_
    _I loved 'em every one_
    _Like to thank 'em for their charms,_
    _Holdin' me in their arms_
    _And I hope they had some fun_ 🎵

  • @fleurgymcheurgy9267
    @fleurgymcheurgy9267 4 роки тому +1

    That opening sequence was absolutely beautiful!

  • @leimi7901
    @leimi7901 4 роки тому +1

    This is the best Elf/Bard I’ve ever heard of

  • @toastertech1181
    @toastertech1181 4 роки тому +51

    "roll to impregnate" ..i saw this in an hentai image once.. but seems it is a real thing XD

  • @williambruyette8975
    @williambruyette8975 4 роки тому +1

    Glad someone is actually promoting his books on youtube. Been long awaited for a great writer.

  • @darienb1127
    @darienb1127 4 роки тому +9

    Now i wanna play a bard that thier entire plot is them taking care of the aftermath after their younger and horny escapades

  • @negativeninja7465
    @negativeninja7465 4 роки тому +28

    I don't really know who was the "Villan" in this story, The Bard or The DM.

  • @orlandobritt1460
    @orlandobritt1460 4 роки тому +3

    This is why you have someone watching the dam Bard

  • @movespammerguyteam7colors
    @movespammerguyteam7colors 4 роки тому +27

    That’s a lot of (to quote Donkey from Shrek) “mutant babies”.

  • @DaniMartVTen
    @DaniMartVTen 4 роки тому +5

    This is straight-up Monster Girl!

  • @jimdude7782
    @jimdude7782 4 роки тому +2

    What an absolute player truly the definition of a bard

  • @micahdavis3274
    @micahdavis3274 4 роки тому +1

    Not only was that hilarious but that was brilliant!

  • @digitalgamer3756
    @digitalgamer3756 4 роки тому +2

    We had a "paladin" per say who decided to mess with Aphrodite, and he ended up having I think like 87 kids in one go (no idea how or why) and they ended up having a village of dragonborn.
    Well later on, something killed all/most of his kids (I think 1 lived maybe? Idk it's dead now).
    So obviously grieved, he goes to the village to see what happened. Well what we forgot/he forgot was that there was a thing he had called "blood rage", which basically caused him to go crazy. Welp, he ate them. All the corpses. (And I just remembered now that one did survive, but he killed them with a slap by accident).
    In TLDR fashion, "paladin" messes with Aphrodite, has enough kids to populate a village, they all die, blood rage, he eats all the corpses.

  • @delmenze9105
    @delmenze9105 4 роки тому

    As a massive Robert Jordan fan, and having invested the better part of 2 decades waiting for/reading the entire Wheel of Time series, the amount of joy I experienced when I heard you say Audible has the audiobooks available for my favorite series of all time; it is beyond measure! I go now to subscribe! *speeds off leaving dust outline*

  • @virgomobius5177
    @virgomobius5177 4 роки тому +1

    When she said her line at 3:01 I immediately thought of the reply “So when do we start????”

  • @RainbowEssence-c3w
    @RainbowEssence-c3w 4 роки тому +4

    It's crazy hilarious stories like these that make me wanna play D&D, sadly I don't have any friends to play it with... Nor do I know how to play it. The books are insanely expensive too... *sigh* All I have are a few of the older books, but trying to read and study the whole book just to play the game is... ugh, so much work.

  • @flyingturret208thecannon5
    @flyingturret208thecannon5 4 роки тому +4

    ... what? That was my reaction through it, as I was laughing the whole way.

  • @skullsquad900
    @skullsquad900 4 роки тому +7

    That reminds me!
    If anybody here likes Fantasy, Amazon's making a live-action "Wheel of Time" series, and it's looking pretty good!

    • @lunncaleb
      @lunncaleb 4 роки тому +1

      Thank God. It appears that I am not the only one looking forward to this

  • @sebastian1175
    @sebastian1175 4 роки тому +2

    It's literally a monster with grotesque animal parts in her body
    Bard: Jackpot

  • @shimthar2198
    @shimthar2198 4 роки тому

    OMG i love you lol. The wheel of time is the BEST. I've listened the series over the couse of a year and a half. 10/10. I recommend it to EVERYONE

  • @samwhary5498
    @samwhary5498 4 роки тому +5

    NGL I really like this guy. He's hilarious and this story was AMAZING. XD

  • @tauempire1793
    @tauempire1793 4 роки тому +1

    What a legend I would live to shake the hand of man who created the bard if I ever met him

  • @daganlove8536
    @daganlove8536 4 роки тому +1

    The wheel of time is FANTASTIC. I honestly might prefer it over tolkiens work. And the audiobooks are great as well. Especially the narrator who handles the female characters. Her voice is so soothing

  • @b3rz3rk3r9
    @b3rz3rk3r9 3 роки тому +2

    Weirdly, I could see the "Bard romancing a vengeful demon bride" thing being a nice romance story in a sorta Dark Fantasy story.
    Picture this: A Bard seduces the demon into becoming a bride, and having sweet moments (dates, songs, dancing, etc.) in between harsh missions. Then, after seeing his friends die and wishing to be with his woman in the afterlife, he sets off on his own adventure to get his Demon to become an Angel after this story was finished. Cut to years later, finding him to have some new class to match his Nomadic fate (personally, I'd choose Duelist for flair but that's just me), with the wife as his shadow the whole time; keeping him sane and trying to turn him away from this self-imposed mission in an attempt to save his withering physical state. And every time she'd do this, he'd smile that kind smile that she fell for, and put on a cheerful act to disguise his struggle. She wouldn't buy it, obviously, but it'd make of a very sweet character dynamic.

  • @JoeSpringer97
    @JoeSpringer97 4 роки тому +1

    The Wheel of Time series....one of the few book series that can tell LOTR to sit down, shut up, and take some notes.

  • @brianhenderson7688
    @brianhenderson7688 4 роки тому +3

    Lmfao honestly this is one of my favorite things about D&D , some of the best games are the ones that get carried away having fun!

  • @mrtheman5061
    @mrtheman5061 4 роки тому +17

    “The stereotypical bard”

    • @craigtucker1290
      @craigtucker1290 4 роки тому +2

      I would say the that they are the corrupted nonsensical current version of the bard since this wasn't what they originally were. Originally, you could charm someone, but charming someone isn't the same as seducing someone by any stretch of the imagination.

  • @researcherchameleon4602
    @researcherchameleon4602 3 роки тому +1

    I saw this title, and my mind went right to that one tortoise that single handedly saved his species

  • @alexandercross9081
    @alexandercross9081 4 роки тому +1

    So back in the day I made a Half Dragon Sorcerer in a norse setting, he was a grandchild of Nidhogg, and one detail I work shopped with the DM, is that dragons are supernaturally effective in the baby making department, not necessarily in the making it pleasurable because dragons don't do sex for pleasure they just have a matting season, they just have a near 100% chance of producing children when they get around to it, and this trait was inherited by my character, that combine with the fact he was supernaturally charismatic, and the rest of his stats combine to make decent looking, and factor in an early sexual awakening, and he got "the talk" from his adoptive parents pretty late, meant that before he knew what marriage was he had a litter of 30 something children, with 18 women
    Before the he joined the campaign

  • @claytondavidson6308
    @claytondavidson6308 4 роки тому +1

    Wow...
    That DM was great. Kudos to him.

  • @jccjccjoanne
    @jccjccjoanne 4 роки тому +6

    It must be so awkward to play at this table. I was at a Call of Cthulhu game where an male NPC kept hitting on my female character for the first two sessions... At the end of session 2, my character just said she was a lesbian in love with another female PC and not interested. Then in session 3, the keeper keeps trying to force a romance between my character and the female PC. I just want to investigate supernatural crime, not romance.
    Also I'm gonna start playing a male Tabaxi bard for the next 6 weeks of D&D adventure. Let's hope I will be asexual...

    • @TarsonTalon
      @TarsonTalon 4 роки тому +1

      Be wholesome bard. Your schtick is camping out on top of the lord's keep, and singing your heart out, for the purposes of denying said lord of sleep because they are an authoritarian goof and you hate their stupid laws. Increase shenanigans by getting as many evasion spells as possible, including invisibility, teleport, and some illusions. Anger said lord to the point of sending bounty hunters after you, lol.

  • @christianhdzm
    @christianhdzm 4 роки тому

    Stories like this one is the reason I love d&d and this channel, it's amazing what can happen in a "regular" adventure

    • @gnarthdarkanen7464
      @gnarthdarkanen7464 4 роки тому

      Amazing how a GM's idea "just to screw with a PC" can suddenly spawn inspiration to something a whole lot better than two weeks of sweating over prep' and trying to do something "just cool enough" without burning out. ;o)

  • @audiblearcavr9982
    @audiblearcavr9982 4 роки тому +1

    This story kept escalating and I never knew when to stop.

  • @kabanzai
    @kabanzai 4 роки тому +1

    I will now refer to this story as my backstory of why I want to play a half dragon elf

  • @KingLief75
    @KingLief75 4 роки тому +2

    "I roll for impregnation".
    Oh. It's one of *those* games.

  • @ShadwSonic
    @ShadwSonic 4 роки тому

    That book from the promo is pretty darn good for those who don't know! And it's just the second (counting the prequel but not the interquel) of a 15-book series, with even the shortest having a decent length! And Audible has ALL OF THEM.

  • @GreyTalus
    @GreyTalus 4 роки тому +1

    This is the way to make a character grow up 🤣

  • @bekf2240
    @bekf2240 4 роки тому +6

    Reminds me of the one time I played DnD for the first time and someone introduced a "boner check". Completely derailed the entire campaign.

  • @Artemisthemp
    @Artemisthemp 4 роки тому +3

    And this is why every group should have a Bard

  • @Jebbtube
    @Jebbtube 4 роки тому +1

    This was truly the happiest of endings.