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Yes! That’s a good one. I’ve heard that one before and it is not good to expect eye contact when it’s so uncomfortable. Eye contact needs to be a skill that the autistic person chooses to do or not to do, not something they’re forced to do. I’m sure it depends on the level of uncomfortableness they experience
My dad would always say, "Look me in the eyes!" in a very angry tone. That caused me not to trust him at the time. That was years ago and I trust him now.
Another thing I would like to add is never mimic your autistic child. It will just make them even more upset because what if it’s something they can’t control. For example around 9 years ago I my mom and I were in the car with another family and I had a water bottle that was open and I really wanted the lid to close it and for some reason they refused to get the lid and I yelled “Why!” And the mom of the other family mocked me with the same voice and I told the other dad to give back the lid and she mocked me again and I just felt terrible. I wasn’t intentionally being naughty, I just wanted the lid in case it spilled. From my experience, that’s how not to reprimand any child but especially autistic children.
Fantastic video and so helpful. So many times I’ve been labelled as lazy and selfish. This is also brilliant advise for parents of NT children as well. Each child is individual and each child is special no matter. Thank you for this.
Thank u for this! I have autism and ADHD and I heard the stuff a lot from my parents as a kid and it didn't help any but I'm just so thankful that you have posted this video because there needs to be more awareness about this everyone deserves to feel loved and tysm for being a good mom too your kids we need more parents like you!
@@7Aheadfamily Also in connection with this it’s also usually a good idea (especially with children and teens) in connection with the no yelling rule to avoid the following (especially if the child or teen doesn’t understand figures of speech yet): 1. “How dare you presume…”, 2.“Don’t play dumb with me!”, or “Do I really look that stupid to you?” 3.”Oh please!” This also relates to the no sarcasm rule. 4.”Give me a break!” This relates to the no sarcasm rule as well. 5. Anything that will cause the child or teen to develop an excessive fear of institutionalization and the like (for example)(especially when the child or teen’s actions are not even close to crossing such a line). This last one is probably fairly rare but it’s not unheard of. The first four are much more commonly used by parents and other adults (from what I have observed over the years).
Another thing not to say is anything along the lines of “I will not believe anything you say unless you look me in the eye and say it.” More than a few adults said this to me when I was growing up. Also don’t say “Stop lying to me!” unless you pretty much 100% know that they are lying. This ties in with the don’t yell rule. That being said autistic children can learn to lie (sometimes quite well). My sister was able to tell her first lies by the time she was ten years old (if not slightly younger). But that’s a whole other story…
Thank you for sharing. Those are some good ideas. Especially when an autistic child is expected to look adults in the eye when they aren’t comfortable doing it.
When my parents say these things to me (which is quite often) I get so so confused but my parents think I am trying to play innocent or something. I hate it because I never WANT to annoy my parents!
that is true, thank you for sharing. I still find myself sayign , "stop that" and not clarifying what I am talking about, so I know I need to work on it too, Even in our LIVE that we did today, I said "stop" to my Autistic kids, and forgot to explain what it was that I wanted them to stop doing. 🤷♀️
Even a person who doesn’t have autism might have a look on their face, that isn’t intentional. I mean you might think someone is mad at you, and actually they have headache or they might not even be looking at you and you think they are.
I hate it when people think they have to tell me what I need to understand. "You need to understand that..." Usually it's because they want to make sure that i understand that they don't want to understand me or help me. They also don't realize that what they are telling me that I need to understand is something that I completely understand much than they do. For example, everyone always tells me that I need to understand that people don't understand me. Trust me, there is NOTHING that i understand better than that. I had that concept mastered before I was ten years old.
With sarcasm you really have to know the person, and even with NT adults, sarcasm directed at the person is generally not appropriate. Many autistics can understand sarcasm, and I make heavy use of it in talking about situations. With kids, I think a good ruleof thumb is to use speech development history as an indicator of how likely they are to correctly process sarcasm. It's probably best to hold off with kids with language delays, but language accelerated kids are likely to be able to process sarcasm well.
@@7Aheadfamily I'm not sure I'd expect a neurotypical child of Simon's age to understand sarcasm yet. It will be interesting to see where he is at 5 or 8 or 10. For examples of autistic sarcasm, see all the material referring to neurotypicality as a neurodevelopmental disorder. Autmazing's channel has such a video explaining, to concerned autistic parents, the difficulties experienced by neurotypical children, and there are several parody DSM entries to be found online.
It is hard enough sometimes to know if someone is being sarcastic even if you understand sarcasm, especially if you don’t know the person or if they are say similar things and sometimes are being sarcastic and sometimes aren’t. Also, I wish people would realize that it is much harder to pick up on sarcasm if it is in person and not just a written comment. We use things like facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice when using sarcasm. You can’t do that in a written comment.
Maybe one of your next videos can be a toilet training do’s and don’ts video. In this video you can mention where Simon is training-wise at this point in time and what you are still working on. It would actually be unusual for someone his age to be accident-free even during the day. For example, when Caillou was on PBS Caillou ( who was usually age four (as the theme song stated)) was never shown to have any accidents but there were situations depicted in early seasons where he only made it in time because his father or mother noticed that he needed to “go” and reminded him just in the nick of time. In real life some of these situations would have likely gone the other way. I noticed that that video seems to be coming out a bit late. If you are waiting for Simon to be one hundred percent nighttime trained it could be a long wait. I was much older than Simon when I got there (for example). Also if daytime accidents are still happening in the car, while playing, on your lap, or even during bathtime this is pretty normal for someone his age (whether autistic or neurotypical). In fact even in kindergarten or first grade these things can still happen from time to time. Therefore as long as Simon is at least eighty to ninety percent daytime trained it’s probably not too early to come out with this do’s and don’ts video as long as it is educational, informative, in good taste, and adheres to the UA-cam community guidelines.
Thank you for your thoughts. We are actually editing a video right now about toilet training. We just want to make sure that it’s a good one because we feel that it will be very popular. Thank you for your insight.
Here’s another “don’t” that I just thought of. This is not an example of something mean or that would hurt anyone’s feelings necessarily but is an example of something that might cause some confusion for the child involved. For example here’s a hypothetical. Let’s say that Simon is busy playing and he’s too involved in what he’s doing to remember to use the bathroom and an accident results. This scenario is pretty common for kids around Simon’s age (or even slightly older) if shows like “Caillou” and “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood” are anything to go by. If you say to him something along the lines of “Where do you go potty?” (or “pee pee” or “poo poo” (for example)) he might take it literally any say something like “in my undies (or shorts)” or something similar. It’s better to point out that an accident happened and ask different questions that are more specific and less ambiguous. I have some memories of being confused (not sad, angry, embarrassed, or hurt, just confused) in situations like this (e.g. while playing in my sister’s room and getting too involved in what I was doing) when I was around Simon’s age or even up to a year or so older. That just about sums up my recollections and observations on this for now.
Bonus: treat them how you want to be treated by them. For instance: Don't say something like: I want you to respect me and my privacy while I do not respect you and/or your privacy. Just because I am older than you and/or I am your caregiver.
One thing about yelling: Your voice doesn't have to be raised super high for an autistic kid (me) to see as yelling. Say something in an angry tone of voice, and it feels the same as yelling. Granted, you can't always control that, but being calm and having a medium level of volume is the best way to go. Don't yell, don't raise your voice, and try not to speak in an angry tone of voice. At least, that's my experience/advice.
Thank you for making this, I am an adult on the spectrum and I have adhd, and I’ve been told some of these things my entire life, especially that I’m selfish and lazy or that I embarrass my mom. It makes me feel absolutely awful. I love your videos. Very helpful. And your kids are adorable.
Also never tell anyone Autistic child to shut The f up. Which obviously you guys would never do that. I can tell. I get the feeling that y'all are kind and would never say that to a kid.
Non specific commands such as don’t do that can be hard for anyone to understand. I would imagine it would be even harder with a young child, especially if they have autism.
I reserved raising my voice for emergencies, and it worked both times I did it. My boys were really acting up one evening, so I asked, "Why are you acting like bad boys?" They stopped, and you could see their brains working. "We're not bad boys, why are we..." They instantly changed to their more normal behavior.
You bring up a very valid point. We as parents need to pick our fights and only spend focus and time on the ones that matter. If we nag and lecture about everything, the kids will stop listening when it’s actually really important.
one of my big issues is when someone tells me I need to do this and this and this while telling me what needs to be done not understanding that it better for you to write it down so I can check it off then to try to tell me all the things needed to be done. The reason, I have trouble with this is because I feel like I needed to get it all done at one time instead of step by step.
That makes sense. I have to write things down in the morning, and take things step-by-step. If I think about all the things I have to do all at once it is overwhelming.
Great video. I have great respect and admiration for you and your family. Thanks for the videos, they have been helpful to me. My son was just officially diagnosed with level 2 Autism. I knew he had it before the officially process.
these are so accurate lol i was told off in school for rolling my eyes and i didnt i dont like eye contact :/ also i have gotton to the point where i dont ask if they are sarcastic because apparently im just serposto know wat they mean. also people in school say why cant you be normal and now i try to act ( normal ) and the way that u figered out that i mite be autistic i heared them talking to one of my teachers and i think that there should be more autism awarness in schools where i live but that probly not gonna happen sadly.
I’m sorry there’s not very much autism awareness at your school. I’m sure that would make a big difference, simply to have everyone be educated on how to support autistic people.
@@7Aheadfamily thats one of the reasons i love your videos because its teaching me about other peoples experrianses with people with autism and teaching sometime me how to be aware of idk how to word this but anyways its nice to see that somewhere there are people who make autism feel more of a gift than a disorder
The other thing with "you're embarrassing me" is that these situations aren't just embarrassing to you. When you are having a meltdown in a shoeshop or soft play area and you're 10, you're feeling embarrassed about it too. It's not like autistic kid is making mum embarrassed and taking great delight in that. Meltdowns are no fun for anyone, and you're kid is probably having a worse experience than you are.
Thank you for your channel. I am a professional Santa and former educator. I just wonder what you think about someone in my position saying, "Thank you for loving a great child.". In front of your children. Thank you for responding.
I think that would be fine to say. I always like the saying “you have a beautiful family” then you are complimenting the family as a whole, the parents and the child.
Hello I have asd and this is really accurate and I've sent this to alot of people . I need some advise for school cus I've been getting bullied in school for haveing a diagnosis and I don't wanna tell any of the teachers because they will probly say the wrong thing and make it worse . A thing not to say to a autistic child or anyone is ' look at me so I know your listening ' I HATE it so so much Wen teacher say that if they know I have a diagnosis .
Oh I feel like I just saw your video when I clicked on it it had 2244K likes and then when I clicked out of the video. maybe then all of the likes went away on my side maybe UA-cam had a glitch? Maybe it was just a glitch on my side?
@7Aheadfamily I also don't appreciate it when people slam stuff in my face about stuff that I've done in the past. Like yeah I was there! You don't need to slam it in my face and blab it to other people! I also don't like it when people tease me with stuff. Like saying we are going to do something and tease me with it. The list goes on and on! I'm a testy person!
with me being autistic, I have neurotypical siblings that use sarcasm towards me and I say your being rude as my response most of the time as I'm not understanding the tone they are using conveys sarcasm
OMG!! I am a very verbally eloquent university educated Autistic adult. I am even an author yet there are still people who, even knowing me very well, still think it's appropriate for them to talk about my Autism to other people IN FRONT OF ME as if I were a toddler.
@@7Aheadfamily I’m very literal and don’t understand social hierarchy. Social skills don’t come naturally. People say I purposely don’t understand social skills. One of my counselor says I might be faking being possibly Autistic, because I’m visually impaired.
I see ❤️. It was a little confusing. I just mean that often times a parent will give corrective feedback to a child while everyone is still around them "on the field" when they should wait till they are alone with the child "off the field" and can teach them or give them feedback privately so the child will not be embarrassed and can ask questions for further clarification.
2:20 tone indicators are widely used online like /joking /sarcasm /serious to indicate tone as tone/intentions are hard to tell online. If I say “my favorite food from Burger King is raw beef patties /j” I’m being sarcastic.
Emojis/emoticons can also help but it depends on the autistic person themselves. 😂 mostly means joking/laughing while crying, 💀 is used to express disbelief or shock, or 😏😉 can denote sarcasm.
My child is level 3. He would not understand any of these complex sentences. Could you do a video about Ezra s receptive language? I am really interested in how he improved with years.
Great idea. He is improving his receptive language, it’s been slow growth, but he has been learning and improving. Usually with commands he does better with one or two word sentences.
It isn’t ever a child’s job to make other people around them happy or feel good. It just isn’t. Teaching a child or expecting a child to change their facial expression just to make others around them feel good is ridiculous! In the moment or off the field. How many adults have rbf? Do we expect them to change it and walk around smiling all day just because it looks nicer to us? 🤷♀️
That is a good point. The point we want to make is to teach kids skills they can choose whether or not to use when they get older. If my child glares at me and looks really angry when they aren’t, I’ll try to help them see how others may misunderstand. So this skill can hopefully be helpful in the future as they grow up and are in a job interview they may want to use it and be aware. But I love what you said about not making the child feel it is their responsibility to make other feel a certain way. Very true .
Along with that some parents (or other relatives) who do this will justify it based on the commandment “Honor your father and your mother”. During childhood I got more of that from my grandparents than from my parents, but still…
Huh? Almost all of this is equally valid for neurotypical kids as well (except for the superpower part). Could have just titled the video "parenting advice".
True. But I do think it’s interesting, and good to note that everyone of these things have been said by an autistic adult, who look back at their childhood, and would recommend parents being careful to not say these things, “especially” to autistic children.
That can work just as long as there is an explanation of why the behavior is bratty, and how they can fix it and what they should do instead. Good job at labeling the behavior and not the child ❤️
As a general rule of thumb (I could see where there would be some exceptions), if you wouldn’t ask a neurotypical kid to do a particular thing, you shouldn’t ask an autistic kid not to do that particular thing. For example, if you wouldn’t ask a neurotypical kid to stim, you shouldn’t ask an autistic kid not to stim.
Thanks for the education about autistic disorders I’m curious about intellectual disabilities are they connected to autism in any way I know it’s a developmental disorder
I’d say im medium masking autistic so for me that means forcing myself to talk when really i am nonverbal so i show my stims and ask when i dont know when someone is being sarcastic
One thing not to say is “Why do you always embarrass me like this?” (Especially if you are either level two (like I was growing up, I’m currently level one) or if you are level three). Your sibling (who is level one) does not do that. Why can’t you be and/or act more like him or her? Another thing not to say is “Why do you choose to be like this?” (Often along with “Why are you so difficult?”). On a related note being accused of committing a serious or mortal sin for (supposedly) refusing to follow The Golden Rule would also happen because everyone (supposedly) instinctively knows how to do this (Or so my parents and teachers alleged). This would usually happen during or shortly after a sensory meltdown. I had to deal with these comments (and ones like them) back in the 1980s and even into the 1990s fairly frequently.
With my asd daughter i take her cues . I don't yell at her . She gets upset with screaming . I let her stim. I let her know if I'm fount to run sweeper since she hates it. I tell her go in other room to warn her .
I with on all this I have autism myself , another one you don’t say is don’t stop being to autistic and you are so annoying my teacher told me things you said those I mentioned I as well and hope this helps someone out there
Thank you so much for this video 😊 i can definitely agree with all of these wish this video has been shown to my parents when i was younger...i still completely shut down if anyone yells at me and it will often be a struggle not to cry if it feels aggressive (i say feels because tone changes also give me intense anxiety and im aware that i misread slight elevation in volume and any kind of stern vocal tone as an alert of danger, this may also be tied into my farthers behaviour with me as a child. Shouting normally became aggression and the best approach was normally to say nothing and hope it boiled over. But i would cover my ears whenever anyone shouted as a child not even at me just around me , i still get agaitated and anxious if i hear neighbours shouting. I think its also important to note that in general auspies tend to have heightened senses and sensativity to those senses so what seems loud to nuerotypical indaviduals isnt necessarily the same as nuerodivergent indaviduals, same with brightness , smells ect. For example i often declare why are those people shouting and my partner will go there not , but to me it sounds like they are, screaming. And you are exactly right , to this day my partner will tell me to not do something and walk off 😅 and i stand there dumbly for a good 20minutes not moving because i genuinely have no idea which action or thing hes referring to until he realises and comes back and tells me exactly what he means 😂 These are all amazing points 😊 i do really appreciate the time and effort you put into awareness and understanding it is always a pleasure watching 😊
@@7Aheadfamily On a related note another phrase people should avoid with autistic children (or probably any children for that matter) is “suffer in silence”. When I was older than Simon but younger than Ezra one adult in my life said “suffer in silence” (and some similar phrases) to me one evening when I was crying. I was in too pain to think clearly (let alone talk) and I was basically crying like a baby. As it turned out I had a double ear infection. Luckily another family member noticed that I was in pain and insisted that I go to the hospital to have it looked at. I was given liquid Tylenol (which sort of tastes like cherries if you really use your imagination) and a liquid antibiotic that sort of tastes like bananas if they are not ripe yet. As a result of the antibiotic my hearing is normal and there were no complications from the infection.
@@7Aheadfamily Looking back it’s somewhat understandable given that some other close relatives around that time would (I would later learn) sometimes lie about having headaches, stomachaches, and the like to get out of doing things. However given that this was before I knew what lying was it was not reasonable to assume that I had picked that exact moment to start. For me that would take at least another two to three years and even so my first lies were not all that convincing, but that is likely to be the subject of a later post. Also it looks like autocorrect may be making some errors in some of your recent posts. If you are using an Apple Device you might want to reset your keyboard dictionary (according to the instructions on Apple’s web site) to see if it resolves the issue. I find that I sometimes need to do this myself after an iOS or iPadOS update to resolve autocorrect issues that sometimes occur after an update.
My son is 10 and is non verbal Autistic, any tips or suggestions or books for speech therapy? He is extremely intelligent and high functioning. ABA is not working..
Yeah, we’re going through the same thing with Ezra. We are actually hopefully going to be moving to a new school who specializes in non-traditional ABA for severely autistic kids. Stay tuned, and will let you know how that goes!
When you are around others be encouraging though. My brother is quiet but he is also like Ezra very much into adventure and wants to join in. Compared to many others autistic or not he is a ton of fun to be around. He is a more severe autistic 2-3 he was diagnosed before the levels. Being positive I tell him when he doesn't want to join that it won't be the same without him.
One morning, the driver was in front and didn't have an Ohio State University ID. I'm a custodian. He said to move back. I panicked that I might hit students or a car. I honked. I wonder if they think I'm bad.
The problem is that autistics are always accused of being rude when we aren’t. We are blunt and honest, there’s a huge difference. We don’t sugar coat things just to boost others egos.
How do you feel about aba? I decided against it. I did research on it before my decision. It's true how cruel people can act towards asd meltdowns in kids. Its annoying how people stare and assume your child is just "misbehaving "
ABA is a personal decision. And you will know what is right for your child. ABA is also done differently in different places. We do a play based ABA with our kids where they lead and they can stim.
@@7Aheadfamily that's really nice. Here in pa it's more a set protocol general thing and it seems like they make them mask and do things like dog training. One of the therapist that come here said they do still use shock treatment here that's a hard No here
Im realizing that im an awful parent. Not because im a bad person but because i have severe autism and my parents did the exact opposite of all this. I was basically bullied by my own family growing up cause they didnt want to admit i had autism. Im struggling now as a parent if an autistic son. I keep realizing what im doing is not good for him but i cant find services for myself let alone him. I am struggling doing my very best to do right by him but i also dont know amy better so things are really hard. It feels like i need someone to mother me while i mother my son so i can learn the right way to do things and express myself with my child. My mother passed when i was 15 so i not only lack knowledge about parenting but just lack knowledge about being a women in general on top of having autism. Very confusing.
Between the ages 4 and 6 and one night at the age of 8 when I had the runs, my parents and usually my mum would yell at me every time I soiled my pants by accident. It got to the point that I developed an intense fear of my own poop and I would only go #2 on the toilet after I was finished eating my evening dinner. The reason I chose that time is because it's dark around that time in the winter. I felt that my poop belonged to the darkness of the early winter twilight. As I got older, I allowed my bowels to see the light of day, or to be done any time I needed to go. As I got even older, I would strain myself to have a BM before I left home with my family to go anywhere and it worked and I've damaged the nerves in my rectum in the process. I've been dealing with bowel incontinence for 17 years and I can still hear the words that my mum yelled at the top of her lungs. The memories are so painful that I almost took my own life twice as a teenager. I'm happy to be alive, now.
You have been through so much. I appreciate your willingness to share your story. And I am so grateful too, that you are better now and alive. You are able to do so much good. 👍🏻
There’s something so comforting about watching your videos even if my autism presents quite a bit differently. The labelling is something that has had a massive impact on my self-esteem, I’m working on it and I’m a lot better than I used to be, but it’s awful thinking you’re a bad, difficult person when you’re only a child.
Im getting an autism evaluation soon. I'm 17. I was always told these as a kid and the "don't look at me that way" always confused me because I didnt know how to control my face or what they were talking about.
I came to this channel in an effort to learn more about autism as my friends son who I have a special bond with is autistic and videos like this are a huge help. Just love y’all! ❤️
@@7Aheadfamily my son is so much smarter and capable than people realized. Since he’s been in my care, he’s really coming into himself. I talk to him as if he understands EVERYTHING I’m saying because I believe he does
That is so important to do! Yes! We believe Ezra actually understands most things as well. Alway assuming intelligence is the best way to go for sure!~
I remember my mother would tell people that I was very mildly autistic in front of me when I was growing up. It took me a while to fully understand what that meant.
This is less of a things not to say to an autistic child and more of a things not to say to someone with autism in general thing but here goes. Last year when I had a kidney stone I became familiar with Bill Engvall’s stand up comedy. Most of it is pretty funny (especially his description of what it was like to have a kidney stone). I did not have a procedure done so I can’t relate to the part of the routine about the stent but the rest of it is actually pretty funny. The one part of his stand up that I enjoy less is the “here’s your sign” portion of it when he says something that he thinks is obvious, the other person misses the point, and then he says “Here’s your sign.” It’s funny when it’s obvious that the person on the receiving end of it is neurotypical and probably just not paying attention. On the other hand if the person on the receiving end of it is on the spectrum or has some other neurological condition that’s not funny. I have never met him but one time (a number of years back) not long after he did a stand up routine in my area I heard that as many as three or four times for about a week after that. As someone on the spectrum (currently level one) that’s not funny even in retrospect. The bottom line is that in some situations it’s probably fine to do this but if someone knows or suspects that the other person is on the spectrum it’s probably best not to do that. I know this is common sense but some people don’t have common sense. Also a child (especially one on the spectrum) on the receiving end of this is more likely to be confused than offended (until the joke is explained) but it’s still best not to do this.
Three more phrases to avoid with an autistic child (or probably any child, for that matter) are: 1. “Be a Man!” (or any variation of that) 2.”Grow Up!” 3.”Don’t be a baby” (along with variations like “How old are you?” and “Act your age!”) Some neurotypicals justify using these phrases by claiming that they absolutely know that the other person is acting a certain way as a manipulation tactic. This can (very rarely )be true in some instances but when someone is on the spectrum this is usually not what is happening.
Two more things to avoid saying to an autistic child (or an autistic adult for that matter): 1. Cat got your tongue? At first it’s just confusing. When you start to understand it it’s both slightly gross and offensive. 2. Penny for your thoughts. This one is confusing at first and then even more confusing when one is not actually paid for saying what he or she is thinking about.
mine is i will tell my son no he can't do something, he will repeat no like he is asking if i said no than i still have to say no. because if i say yes, he thinks i mean yes.
I feel like your a new mom Still when it comes 2 autism. I'm not saying that 2 be rude but you've gotta alot 2 still figure out with Ezra especially.. It appears you not sure how 2 handle him cuz he's not a baby anymore but he's 100% treated like 1, same with Simon who's verbal & talks great but it's now baby talk from hearing you guys, like num nums, car car, etc.. I guess you'll learn 2 get outta the baby stage yourselves soon 2..
I wish the world weren’t so determined to suck us all dry until we don’t have the tiniest bit of extra time, energy, or money to be safe and present for our kids, autistic or allistic (unless, of course, we’re in that tiny group of the independently wealthy). I know I’ve said impatient things at times. I’ve tried to apologize and correct myself when possible. But the world is set up to punish us for reproducing, period, nevermind reproducing a child more demanding of us than the median child would be. I feel like I need to be in two places at the same time, all day, every day! 🫠
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Bonus if not added: “make eye contact with me please, hunny.” I don’t feel comfortable giving full eye contact to ppl unless I trust them.
Yes! That’s a good one. I’ve heard that one before and it is not good to expect eye contact when it’s so uncomfortable. Eye contact needs to be a skill that the autistic person chooses to do or not to do, not something they’re forced to do. I’m sure it depends on the level of uncomfortableness they experience
My dad would always say, "Look me in the eyes!" in a very angry tone. That caused me not to trust him at the time. That was years ago and I trust him now.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
Another thing I would like to add is never mimic your autistic child. It will just make them even more upset because what if it’s something they can’t control. For example around 9 years ago I my mom and I were in the car with another family and I had a water bottle that was open and I really wanted the lid to close it and for some reason they refused to get the lid and I yelled “Why!” And the mom of the other family mocked me with the same voice and I told the other dad to give back the lid and she mocked me again and I just felt terrible. I wasn’t intentionally being naughty, I just wanted the lid in case it spilled. From my experience, that’s how not to reprimand any child but especially autistic children.
Thank you for sharing this.
I agree I noticed that with my asd daughter. I never imitate her stims I feel that's making fun and just wrong 😮
True
Fantastic video and so helpful. So many times I’ve been labelled as lazy and selfish. This is also brilliant advise for parents of NT children as well. Each child is individual and each child is special no matter. Thank you for this.
Of course. Thank you. We try to remember these things with all our kids
Thank u for this! I have autism and ADHD and I heard the stuff a lot from my parents as a kid and it didn't help any but I'm just so thankful that you have posted this video because there needs to be more awareness about this everyone deserves to feel loved and tysm for being a good mom too your kids we need more parents like you!
Wow! Thank you! ❤️
Two labels I heard mostly from a few of my more distant relatives growing up were “spoiled” and “ungrateful” (usually on or close to Thanksgiving).
Thank you for sharing. That would be very hurtful to be called, spoiled, or ungrateful when it is not true.
@@7Aheadfamily Also in connection with this it’s also usually a good idea (especially with children and teens) in connection with the no yelling rule to avoid the following (especially if the child or teen doesn’t understand figures of speech yet):
1. “How dare you presume…”,
2.“Don’t play dumb with me!”, or “Do I really look that stupid to you?”
3.”Oh please!” This also relates to the no sarcasm rule.
4.”Give me a break!” This relates to the no sarcasm rule as well.
5. Anything that will cause the child or teen to develop an excessive fear of institutionalization and the like (for example)(especially when the child or teen’s actions are not even close to crossing such a line). This last one is probably fairly rare but it’s not unheard of. The first four are much more commonly used by parents and other adults (from what I have observed over the years).
Very good advice! Thank you for sharing ❤️
Another thing not to say is anything along the lines of “I will not believe anything you say unless you look me in the eye and say it.” More than a few adults said this to me when I was growing up.
Also don’t say “Stop lying to me!” unless you pretty much 100% know that they are lying. This ties in with the don’t yell rule.
That being said autistic children can learn to lie (sometimes quite well). My sister was able to tell her first lies by the time she was ten years old (if not slightly younger). But that’s a whole other story…
Thank you for sharing. Those are some good ideas. Especially when an autistic child is expected to look adults in the eye when they aren’t comfortable doing it.
When my parents say these things to me (which is quite often) I get so so confused but my parents think I am trying to play innocent or something. I hate it because I never WANT to annoy my parents!
that is true, thank you for sharing. I still find myself sayign , "stop that" and not clarifying what I am talking about, so I know I need to work on it too, Even in our LIVE that we did today, I said "stop" to my Autistic kids, and forgot to explain what it was that I wanted them to stop doing. 🤷♀️
I have moderate to severe autisim, and moderate dandy walker syndrome, and attention deficit hyper activity disorder!
Thank you for sharing.
Even a person who doesn’t have autism might have a look on their face, that isn’t intentional. I mean you might think someone is mad at you, and actually they have headache or they might not even be looking at you and you think they are.
Exactly. That happens all the time. Thank you for pointing that out.
I hate it when people think they have to tell me what I need to understand. "You need to understand that..." Usually it's because they want to make sure that i understand that they don't want to understand me or help me. They also don't realize that what they are telling me that I need to understand is something that I completely understand much than they do. For example, everyone always tells me that I need to understand that people don't understand me. Trust me, there is NOTHING that i understand better than that. I had that concept mastered before I was ten years old.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
With sarcasm you really have to know the person, and even with NT adults, sarcasm directed at the person is generally not appropriate. Many autistics can understand sarcasm, and I make heavy use of it in talking about situations. With kids, I think a good ruleof thumb is to use speech development history as an indicator of how likely they are to correctly process sarcasm. It's probably best to hold off with kids with language delays, but language accelerated kids are likely to be able to process sarcasm well.
Valid point. Thank you so much for sharing my two boys, at this point of their life do not comprehend sarcasm at all.
@@7Aheadfamily I'm not sure I'd expect a neurotypical child of Simon's age to understand sarcasm yet. It will be interesting to see where he is at 5 or 8 or 10.
For examples of autistic sarcasm, see all the material referring to neurotypicality as a neurodevelopmental disorder. Autmazing's channel has such a video explaining, to concerned autistic parents, the difficulties experienced by neurotypical children, and there are several parody DSM entries to be found online.
It is hard enough sometimes to know if someone is being sarcastic even if you understand sarcasm, especially if you don’t know the person or if they are say similar things and sometimes are being sarcastic and sometimes aren’t. Also, I wish people would realize that it is much harder to pick up on sarcasm if it is in person and not just a written comment. We use things like facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice when using sarcasm. You can’t do that in a written comment.
Thank you for sharing! We’ll have to check that one out ❤️
So true ❤️
Maybe one of your next videos can be a toilet training do’s and don’ts video.
In this video you can mention where Simon is training-wise at this point in time and what you are still working on. It would actually be unusual for someone his age to be accident-free even during the day. For example, when Caillou was on PBS Caillou ( who was usually age four (as the theme song stated)) was never shown to have any accidents but there were situations depicted in early seasons where he only made it in time because his father or mother noticed that he needed to “go” and reminded him just in the nick of time. In real life some of these situations would have likely gone the other way.
I noticed that that video seems to be coming out a bit late. If you are waiting for Simon to be one hundred percent nighttime trained it could be a long wait. I was much older than Simon when I got there (for example).
Also if daytime accidents are still happening in the car, while playing, on your lap, or even during bathtime this is pretty normal for someone his age (whether autistic or neurotypical). In fact even in kindergarten or first grade these things can still happen from time to time.
Therefore as long as Simon is at least eighty to ninety percent daytime trained it’s probably not too early to come out with this do’s and don’ts video as long as it is educational, informative, in good taste, and adheres to the UA-cam community guidelines.
Thank you for your thoughts. We are actually editing a video right now about toilet training. We just want to make sure that it’s a good one because we feel that it will be very popular. Thank you for your insight.
Here’s another “don’t” that I just thought of. This is not an example of something mean or that would hurt anyone’s feelings necessarily but is an example of something that might cause some confusion for the child involved.
For example here’s a hypothetical. Let’s say that Simon is busy playing and he’s too involved in what he’s doing to remember to use the bathroom and an accident results. This scenario is pretty common for kids around Simon’s age (or even slightly older) if shows like “Caillou” and “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood” are anything to go by. If you say to him something along the lines of “Where do you go potty?” (or “pee pee” or “poo poo” (for example)) he might take it literally any say something like “in my undies (or shorts)” or something similar. It’s better to point out that an accident happened and ask different questions that are more specific and less ambiguous.
I have some memories of being confused (not sad, angry, embarrassed, or hurt, just confused) in situations like this (e.g. while playing in my sister’s room and getting too involved in what I was doing) when I was around Simon’s age or even up to a year or so older.
That just about sums up my recollections and observations on this for now.
Good point! That does defiantly happen. :)
Bonus: treat them how you want to be treated by them. For instance: Don't say something like: I want you to respect me and my privacy while I do not respect you and/or your privacy. Just because I am older than you and/or I am your caregiver.
Very true. I feel like we teach children how to show respect by showing them respect.
One thing about yelling: Your voice doesn't have to be raised super high for an autistic kid (me) to see as yelling. Say something in an angry tone of voice, and it feels the same as yelling. Granted, you can't always control that, but being calm and having a medium level of volume is the best way to go. Don't yell, don't raise your voice, and try not to speak in an angry tone of voice. At least, that's my experience/advice.
I think those are very wise words. Thank you for sharing.
I’m also autistic and even when people raise their voices slightly I perceive it as yelling and get really stressed
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Thank you for making this, I am an adult on the spectrum and I have adhd, and I’ve been told some of these things my entire life, especially that I’m selfish and lazy or that I embarrass my mom. It makes me feel absolutely awful. I love your videos. Very helpful. And your kids are adorable.
Thank you. I hope we can help spread education awareness about Autism, and bless lives.
Also never tell anyone Autistic child to shut The f up. Which obviously you guys would never do that. I can tell. I get the feeling that y'all are kind and would never say that to a kid.
You are right. I would never say that to a child… I would actually never say that to anyone.
Non specific commands such as don’t do that can be hard for anyone to understand. I would imagine it would be even harder with a young child, especially if they have autism.
True.
I reserved raising my voice for emergencies, and it worked both times I did it. My boys were really acting up one evening, so I asked, "Why are you acting like bad boys?" They stopped, and you could see their brains working. "We're not bad boys, why are we..." They instantly changed to their more normal behavior.
You bring up a very valid point. We as parents need to pick our fights and only spend focus and time on the ones that matter. If we nag and lecture about everything, the kids will stop listening when it’s actually really important.
one of my big issues is when someone tells me I need to do this and this and this while telling me what needs to be done not understanding that it better for you to write it down so I can check it off then to try to tell me all the things needed to be done. The reason, I have trouble with this is because I feel like I needed to get it all done at one time instead of step by step.
That makes sense. I have to write things down in the morning, and take things step-by-step. If I think about all the things I have to do all at once it is overwhelming.
I feel I have to get all things done right then and there if someone list them off instead of writing them down.
Yeah, that makes it difficult. ❤️
Great video. I have great respect and admiration for you and your family.
Thanks for the videos, they have been helpful to me. My son was just officially diagnosed with level 2 Autism. I knew he had it before the officially process.
Good for you for getting the diagnosis early! I am happy you found our channel. ❤️
And i'm 20 years old, and i'm almost 21!
Happy almost birthday! 🎂
these are so accurate lol i was told off in school for rolling my eyes and i didnt i dont like eye contact :/ also i have gotton to the point where i dont ask if they are sarcastic because apparently im just serposto know wat they mean. also people in school say why cant you be normal and now i try to act ( normal ) and the way that u figered out that i mite be autistic i heared them talking to one of my teachers and i think that there should be more autism awarness in schools where i live but that probly not gonna happen sadly.
I’m sorry there’s not very much autism awareness at your school. I’m sure that would make a big difference, simply to have everyone be educated on how to support autistic people.
@@7Aheadfamily thats one of the reasons i love your videos because its teaching me about other peoples experrianses with people with autism and teaching sometime me how to be aware of idk how to word this but anyways its nice to see that somewhere there are people who make autism feel more of a gift than a disorder
Thank you ❤️ glad you are enjoying the channel ❤️.
The other thing with "you're embarrassing me" is that these situations aren't just embarrassing to you. When you are having a meltdown in a shoeshop or soft play area and you're 10, you're feeling embarrassed about it too.
It's not like autistic kid is making mum embarrassed and taking great delight in that.
Meltdowns are no fun for anyone, and you're kid is probably having a worse experience than you are.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
During a meltdown don't try and explain something don't rationalize wait until we are not a hot engine to push us out of the snow.
That makes total sense. Thanks for sharing your advice.
@@7Aheadfamily I hope I can make both Simon and Ezra's lives better along with other parents that have autistic kids.
You for sure do! Thank you for all you share ❤️
Thank you for your channel. I am a professional Santa and former educator. I just wonder what you think about someone in my position saying, "Thank you for loving a great child.". In front of your children. Thank you for responding.
I think that would be fine to say. I always like the saying “you have a beautiful family” then you are complimenting the family as a whole, the parents and the child.
Hello I have asd and this is really accurate and I've sent this to alot of people . I need some advise for school cus I've been getting bullied in school for haveing a diagnosis and I don't wanna tell any of the teachers because they will probly say the wrong thing and make it worse . A thing not to say to a autistic child or anyone is ' look at me so I know your listening ' I HATE it so so much Wen teacher say that if they know I have a diagnosis .
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️That sounds really annoying. ❤️
Using inappropriate phrases to an autistic person can make them hurtful, upset, and disappointed.
Thank you!
These are things you shold never say to ANY child...
very true! my thoughts too!
30 seconds and I am here!
You are the best!
Oh I feel like I just saw your video when I clicked on it it had 2244K likes and then when I clicked out of the video. maybe then all of the likes went away on my side maybe UA-cam had a glitch? Maybe it was just a glitch on my side?
There have been some glitches, but I don’t remember ever having that many likes :-)
@@7Aheadfamily that’s weird yeah that’s happened to my channel with the likes before :)
Yeah, there’s lots of glitches every now and then
@@7Aheadfamily yes there is
❤️❤️❤️
I have autism and, I know this sounds ridiculous, but I don't like compliments
Thank you for sharing. I know someone who hates to be complemented and they aren’t autistic
@7Aheadfamily I also don't appreciate it when people slam stuff in my face about stuff that I've done in the past. Like yeah I was there! You don't need to slam it in my face and blab it to other people!
I also don't like it when people tease me with stuff. Like saying we are going to do something and tease me with it.
The list goes on and on! I'm a testy person!
Thanks for sharing ❤️ glad you’re here ❤️
with me being autistic, I have neurotypical siblings that use sarcasm towards me and I say your being rude as my response most of the time as I'm not understanding the tone they are using conveys sarcasm
That makes sense. It is rude to say things that others may not understand and do it on purpose.
That is also a lot for someone with out autism but might have a different type of disabilities
Very true!
OMG!! I am a very verbally eloquent university educated Autistic adult. I am even an author yet there are still people who, even knowing me very well, still think it's appropriate for them to talk about my Autism to other people IN FRONT OF ME as if I were a toddler.
That’s weird, I’ve never heard anyone say that before. That’s awesome, I’m an author too. Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
I agree with all of these
Thanks
There’s no field.
You don’t agree with my metaphor? 😊
@@7Aheadfamily I’m very literal and don’t understand social hierarchy. Social skills don’t come naturally. People say I purposely don’t understand social skills. One of my counselor says I might be faking being possibly Autistic, because I’m visually impaired.
I see ❤️. It was a little confusing. I just mean that often times a parent will give corrective feedback to a child while everyone is still around them "on the field" when they should wait till they are alone with the child "off the field" and can teach them or give them feedback privately so the child will not be embarrassed and can ask questions for further clarification.
2:20 tone indicators are widely used online like /joking /sarcasm /serious to indicate tone as tone/intentions are hard to tell online. If I say “my favorite food from Burger King is raw beef patties /j” I’m being sarcastic.
Emojis/emoticons can also help but it depends on the autistic person themselves. 😂 mostly means joking/laughing while crying, 💀 is used to express disbelief or shock, or 😏😉 can denote sarcasm.
❤️❤️❤️ you’re right!
Thank you for sharing ❤️
You’re welcome ^^ 💕 (btw ^_^ is an emoticon of a happy/cheery face. I use this emoticon a lot when I’m happy)@@7Aheadfamily
I love it!
Thank you forall of this advice, its very informative.
You are so welcome!
My child is level 3. He would not understand any of these complex sentences. Could you do a video about Ezra s receptive language? I am really interested in how he improved with years.
Great idea. He is improving his receptive language, it’s been slow growth, but he has been learning and improving. Usually with commands he does better with one or two word sentences.
Don't EVER tell me that I am "differently abled." It makes me sick every time someone says that to me.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
It isn’t ever a child’s job to make other people around them happy or feel good. It just isn’t. Teaching a child or expecting a child to change their facial expression just to make others around them feel good is ridiculous! In the moment or off the field.
How many adults have rbf? Do we expect them to change it and walk around smiling all day just because it looks nicer to us? 🤷♀️
That is a good point. The point we want to make is to teach kids skills they can choose whether or not to use when they get older. If my child glares at me and looks really angry when they aren’t, I’ll try to help them see how others may misunderstand. So this skill can hopefully be helpful in the future as they grow up and are in a job interview they may want to use it and be aware. But I love what you said about not making the child feel it is their responsibility to make other feel a certain way. Very true .
Along with that some parents (or other relatives) who do this will justify it based on the commandment “Honor your father and your mother”. During childhood I got more of that from my grandparents than from my parents, but still…
Huh? Almost all of this is equally valid for neurotypical kids as well (except for the superpower part). Could have just titled the video "parenting advice".
True. But I do think it’s interesting, and good to note that everyone of these things have been said by an autistic adult, who look back at their childhood, and would recommend parents being careful to not say these things, “especially” to autistic children.
The “superpower” question probably comes from media depictions of autism in movies like Rain Man and TV Shows like “The Good Doctor”.
I bet you’re right.
A key for me is to preface, “you aren’t a brat, but this (very specific behavior) is bratty.”
I’m not sure if that’s good but would love feedback!
That can work just as long as there is an explanation of why the behavior is bratty, and how they can fix it and what they should do instead. Good job at labeling the behavior and not the child ❤️
I don’t like it when people straight up ask me to change autistic traits. For example, “Can you try to be more flexible with changes in the schedule?”
That makes sense. Thank you for sharing that one I can see how that would be a difficult one.
As a general rule of thumb (I could see where there would be some exceptions), if you wouldn’t ask a neurotypical kid to do a particular thing, you shouldn’t ask an autistic kid not to do that particular thing. For example, if you wouldn’t ask a neurotypical kid to stim, you shouldn’t ask an autistic kid not to stim.
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for the education about autistic disorders I’m curious about intellectual disabilities are they connected to autism in any way I know it’s a developmental disorder
Under the umbrella of autism diagnosis, you can have an intellectual deficit or not. So you can have either one while having Autism.
I am 42 and I get the first one all the time from my mother and I never understand what I have actually done wrong
Thank you for sharing. This is true, and this happens to people all the time,
Don’t like labels. Golden video.
Thank you so much
I’d say im medium masking autistic so for me that means forcing myself to talk when really i am nonverbal so i show my stims and ask when i dont know when someone is being sarcastic
Thank you for sharing. ❤️
One thing not to say is “Why do you always embarrass me like this?” (Especially if you are either level two (like I was growing up, I’m currently level one) or if you are level three). Your sibling (who is level one) does not do that. Why can’t you be and/or act more like him or her?
Another thing not to say is “Why do you choose to be like this?” (Often along with “Why are you so difficult?”).
On a related note being accused of committing a serious or mortal sin for (supposedly) refusing to follow The Golden Rule would also happen because everyone (supposedly) instinctively knows how to do this (Or so my parents and teachers alleged). This would usually happen during or shortly after a sensory meltdown.
I had to deal with these comments (and ones like them) back in the 1980s and even into the 1990s fairly frequently.
Thank you for sharing your insight❤
With my asd daughter i take her cues . I don't yell at her . She gets upset with screaming . I let her stim. I let her know if I'm fount to run sweeper since she hates it. I tell her go in other room to warn her .
That sounds great! ❤️
I with on all this I have autism myself , another one you don’t say is don’t stop being to autistic and you are so annoying my teacher told me things you said those I mentioned I as well and hope this helps someone out there
I agree. No one should say that you should stop being autistic or that you are so annoying especially your teacher.
Thank you so much for this video 😊 i can definitely agree with all of these wish this video has been shown to my parents when i was younger...i still completely shut down if anyone yells at me and it will often be a struggle not to cry if it feels aggressive (i say feels because tone changes also give me intense anxiety and im aware that i misread slight elevation in volume and any kind of stern vocal tone as an alert of danger, this may also be tied into my farthers behaviour with me as a child. Shouting normally became aggression and the best approach was normally to say nothing and hope it boiled over. But i would cover my ears whenever anyone shouted as a child not even at me just around me , i still get agaitated and anxious if i hear neighbours shouting. I think its also important to note that in general auspies tend to have heightened senses and sensativity to those senses so what seems loud to nuerotypical indaviduals isnt necessarily the same as nuerodivergent indaviduals, same with brightness , smells ect. For example i often declare why are those people shouting and my partner will go there not , but to me it sounds like they are, screaming.
And you are exactly right , to this day my partner will tell me to not do something and walk off 😅 and i stand there dumbly for a good 20minutes not moving because i genuinely have no idea which action or thing hes referring to until he realises and comes back and tells me exactly what he means 😂
These are all amazing points 😊 i do really appreciate the time and effort you put into awareness and understanding it is always a pleasure watching 😊
Thank you so much. And thank you for sharing your story. you help us and are a blessing to our family because you were willing to share.
Another phrase some of my relatives used that should also be avoided is “Children should be seen and not heard.”
You are absolutely right. Children should be heard.
@@7Aheadfamily On a related note another phrase people should avoid with autistic children (or probably any children for that matter) is “suffer in silence”. When I was older than Simon but younger than Ezra one adult in my life said “suffer in silence” (and some similar phrases) to me one evening when I was crying. I was in too pain to think clearly (let alone talk) and I was basically crying like a baby. As it turned out I had a double ear infection. Luckily another family member noticed that I was in pain and insisted that I go to the hospital to have it looked at.
I was given liquid Tylenol (which sort of tastes like cherries if you really use your imagination) and a liquid antibiotic that sort of tastes like bananas if they are not ripe yet. As a result of the antibiotic my hearing is normal and there were no complications from the infection.
Wow, yeah that is sad. I am glad that someone helped you get the anabiotic so you could get better ❤️
@@7Aheadfamily Looking back it’s somewhat understandable given that some other close relatives around that time would (I would later learn) sometimes lie about having headaches, stomachaches, and the like to get out of doing things. However given that this was before I knew what lying was it was not reasonable to assume that I had picked that exact moment to start. For me that would take at least another two to three years and even so my first lies were not all that convincing, but that is likely to be the subject of a later post.
Also it looks like autocorrect may be making some errors in some of your recent posts. If you are using an Apple Device you might want to reset your keyboard dictionary (according to the instructions on Apple’s web site) to see if it resolves the issue. I find that I sometimes need to do this myself after an iOS or iPadOS update to resolve autocorrect issues that sometimes occur after an update.
Thank you! Yeah I hate auto correct. 😊
Hey 👋 7 ahead family thanks for sharing this video 😊❤
Our pleasure!
My son is 10 and is non verbal Autistic, any tips or suggestions or books for speech therapy? He is extremely intelligent and high functioning. ABA is not working..
Sounds very Familiar. Have you looked into RPM...
ua-cam.com/video/4b7kBjjbnrA/v-deo.html
@7Aheadfamily Thank you. I'll check this out. Yes, the school is stuck on ABA, and it isn't working.
Yeah, we’re going through the same thing with Ezra. We are actually hopefully going to be moving to a new school who specializes in non-traditional ABA for severely autistic kids. Stay tuned, and will let you know how that goes!
When you are around others be encouraging though. My brother is quiet but he is also like Ezra very much into adventure and wants to join in. Compared to many others autistic or not he is a ton of fun to be around. He is a more severe autistic 2-3 he was diagnosed before the levels. Being positive I tell him when he doesn't want to join that it won't be the same without him.
Thank you for sharing. That is very true. We feel the same way about Ezra
@@7Aheadfamily definitely feel like Ezra would be fun hanging out with he really seems to enjoy the national parks
For sure!
One morning, the driver was in front and didn't have an Ohio State University ID. I'm a custodian. He said to move back. I panicked that I might hit students or a car. I honked. I wonder if they think I'm bad.
I’m not Autistic and sometimes I don’t even get sarcasm.
I know. Sarcasm is used quite often in the United States and yet in other cultures around the world it is used a lot less.
@@7Aheadfamily I agree. Being American Is hard a lot sometimes.
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@@7AheadfamilySarcasm is used pretty commonly in the US, England, Canada, and France. I’m not sure about the rest of the world.
Self opinion is the gold of the heart for self spirit
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I think it's perfectly fine 2 teach a child about being rude. Manners can be taught regardless of a diagnosis..
The problem is that autistics are always accused of being rude when we aren’t. We are blunt and honest, there’s a huge difference. We don’t sugar coat things just to boost others egos.
❤️❤️❤️thank you.
Yes, we agree, teaching children about being rude is important ❤️.
What noise canceling headphones do you recommend?❤
Here are some that we have used
Noise Cancelling bluetuth Headphones - amzn.to/3QNK70y
Hindersound in ear headphones - amzn.to/3LUoKrm
@@7Aheadfamily 😊 thank you
Of course
How do you feel about aba? I decided against it. I did research on it before my decision. It's true how cruel people can act towards asd meltdowns in kids. Its annoying how people stare and assume your child is just "misbehaving "
ABA is a personal decision. And you will know what is right for your child. ABA is also done differently in different places. We do a play based ABA with our kids where they lead and they can stim.
@@7Aheadfamily that's really nice. Here in pa it's more a set protocol general thing and it seems like they make them mask and do things like dog training. One of the therapist that come here said they do still use shock treatment here that's a hard No here
Wow, that is crazy. In the United States, they can go to jail for that…
Parents & Doctor React to Mild Electric Shock ABA
ua-cam.com/video/-j-oqUNKmgU/v-deo.html
@@7Aheadfamily I'm in usa pa lolz
Im realizing that im an awful parent. Not because im a bad person but because i have severe autism and my parents did the exact opposite of all this. I was basically bullied by my own family growing up cause they didnt want to admit i had autism. Im struggling now as a parent if an autistic son. I keep realizing what im doing is not good for him but i cant find services for myself let alone him. I am struggling doing my very best to do right by him but i also dont know amy better so things are really hard. It feels like i need someone to mother me while i mother my son so i can learn the right way to do things and express myself with my child. My mother passed when i was 15 so i not only lack knowledge about parenting but just lack knowledge about being a women in general on top of having autism. Very confusing.
So sorry, it sounds like you have been through a lot. We would love to help you get some help. Are you in the united states?
Between the ages 4 and 6 and one night at the age of 8 when I had the runs, my parents and usually my mum would yell at me every time I soiled my pants by accident. It got to the point that I developed an intense fear of my own poop and I would only go #2 on the toilet after I was finished eating my evening dinner. The reason I chose that time is because it's dark around that time in the winter. I felt that my poop belonged to the darkness of the early winter twilight. As I got older, I allowed my bowels to see the light of day, or to be done any time I needed to go. As I got even older, I would strain myself to have a BM before I left home with my family to go anywhere and it worked and I've damaged the nerves in my rectum in the process. I've been dealing with bowel incontinence for 17 years and I can still hear the words that my mum yelled at the top of her lungs. The memories are so painful that I almost took my own life twice as a teenager. I'm happy to be alive, now.
You have been through so much. I appreciate your willingness to share your story. And I am so grateful too, that you are better now and alive. You are able to do so much good. 👍🏻
There’s something so comforting about watching your videos even if my autism presents quite a bit differently. The labelling is something that has had a massive impact on my self-esteem, I’m working on it and I’m a lot better than I used to be, but it’s awful thinking you’re a bad, difficult person when you’re only a child.
Thank you so much for sharing. ♥️
Im getting an autism evaluation soon. I'm 17. I was always told these as a kid and the "don't look at me that way" always confused me because I didnt know how to control my face or what they were talking about.
Thank you for sharing. I hope the autism evaluation goes well. Keep us updated with how it goes.
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This was a really good information! I whish more people could understand things like those to kids!
Thank you so much for sharing.
Where did you get your headphones that your son wears?
They are called Hinersound Kids Headphones. here is a link... amzn.to/3LUoKrm
Thank you.
You bet!!
I came to this channel in an effort to learn more about autism as my friends son who I have a special bond with is autistic and videos like this are a huge help. Just love y’all! ❤️
Thank you so much! Right back at you ❤️
Your video was sooo good! I do find myself talking about my son in front of my son though and I’m not sure how to not do that
Thank you so much for sharing!❤️ It is really difficult sometimes but it will really benefit your son's self image.
@@7Aheadfamily my son is so much smarter and capable than people realized. Since he’s been in my care, he’s really coming into himself. I talk to him as if he understands EVERYTHING I’m saying because I believe he does
That is so important to do! Yes! We believe Ezra actually understands most things as well. Alway assuming intelligence is the best way to go for sure!~
I remember my mother would tell people that I was very mildly autistic in front of me when I was growing up. It took me a while to fully understand what that meant.
This is less of a things not to say to an autistic child and more of a things not to say to someone with autism in general thing but here goes.
Last year when I had a kidney stone I became familiar with Bill Engvall’s stand up comedy. Most of it is pretty funny (especially his description of what it was like to have a kidney stone). I did not have a procedure done so I can’t relate to the part of the routine about the stent but the rest of it is actually pretty funny.
The one part of his stand up that I enjoy less is the “here’s your sign” portion of it when he says something that he thinks is obvious, the other person misses the point, and then he says “Here’s your sign.” It’s funny when it’s obvious that the person on the receiving end of it is neurotypical and probably just not paying attention.
On the other hand if the person on the receiving end of it is on the spectrum or has some other neurological condition that’s not funny. I have never met him but one time (a number of years back) not long after he did a stand up routine in my area I heard that as many as three or four times for about a week after that. As someone on the spectrum (currently level one) that’s not funny even in retrospect.
The bottom line is that in some situations it’s probably fine to do this but if someone knows or suspects that the other person is on the spectrum it’s probably best not to do that.
I know this is common sense but some people don’t have common sense.
Also a child (especially one on the spectrum) on the receiving end of this is more likely to be confused than offended (until the joke is explained) but it’s still best not to do this.
Thank you for sharing!❤❤
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Three more phrases to avoid with an autistic child (or probably any child, for that matter) are:
1. “Be a Man!” (or any variation of that)
2.”Grow Up!”
3.”Don’t be a baby” (along with variations like “How old are you?” and “Act your age!”)
Some neurotypicals justify using these phrases by claiming that they absolutely know that the other person is acting a certain way as a manipulation tactic.
This can (very rarely )be true in some instances but when someone is on the spectrum this is usually not what is happening.
Thank you for your insight!💕💕
Two more things to avoid saying to an autistic child (or an autistic adult for that matter):
1. Cat got your tongue?
At first it’s just confusing. When you start to understand it it’s both slightly gross and offensive.
2. Penny for your thoughts.
This one is confusing at first and then even more confusing when one is not actually paid for saying what he or she is thinking about.
Thank you so much for sharing.
mine is i will tell my son no he can't do something, he will repeat no like he is asking if i said no than i still have to say no. because if i say yes, he thinks i mean yes.
Thank you for commenting!💕❤️💕 How old is your son?
@@7Aheadfamily he is 9
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I have not one kid to give his to an colectively opinion...
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I feel like your a new mom Still when it comes 2 autism. I'm not saying that 2 be rude but you've gotta alot 2 still figure out with Ezra especially.. It appears you not sure how 2 handle him cuz he's not a baby anymore but he's 100% treated like 1, same with Simon who's verbal & talks great but it's now baby talk from hearing you guys, like num nums, car car, etc.. I guess you'll learn 2 get outta the baby stage yourselves soon 2..
Ohh Catie, keep in mind you see a little 10 minute video not 24 hours of the day. 😊.
I wish the world weren’t so determined to suck us all dry until we don’t have the tiniest bit of extra time, energy, or money to be safe and present for our kids, autistic or allistic (unless, of course, we’re in that tiny group of the independently wealthy). I know I’ve said impatient things at times. I’ve tried to apologize and correct myself when possible. But the world is set up to punish us for reproducing, period, nevermind reproducing a child more demanding of us than the median child would be. I feel like I need to be in two places at the same time, all day, every day! 🫠
Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️ We do live in a very busy world.
@@7Aheadfamily And deliberately impoverishing. Wouldn’t be so busy if paychecks covered basic expenses. 😬
Always give people respect and kindest and nice love🌸🌻🌸🌻🪷🌻🌺
Yes. ❤️❤️❤️
@@7Aheadfamily 🥰🥰🥰🥰
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