Excellent video Michele, my ex girlfriend kept seeking the wrong men to be able to feel she was in charge to fill the gap with them to attract their "expensive" care and so fill worth of it. Her father as a child made her feeling worthless. One important flag for her men was these men needed money to make her happy. Her father didn't have money for her to make her happy. Her father was emotionally unavailable. Her relationships all went to crap because all that gap really was , was that they didn't love her within. When she met me the first thing she spoke about was that she wished to have a relationship that can last instead going to crap. The second thing she voiced from beginning was to make lot's of money. Her father, a wealthy heir never worked his entire life. I loved her , we had a bond, I cared for her still, she went off to look for men with money where there was no bond, to feel capable of closig that gap, the gap she never managed to fulfill with her father. Her tool to separate us was to blame and shame me for the very riches I had freely available for her, consideration, respect, care. She set a date with one of these others, and suddenly switching telling me I didn't have consideration, I didn't respect her. Everyone prised us how good we looked together. It's actually sad to see something fulfilling with so much potentials destroyed in the name of something empty and fake because the inner child is at the console and it's crazy for attention from a father that will never go back to do the work
I turned away more than one good man because I needed to prove myself. But my first 2 longterm relationships were being controlled by a man even though I tried to remain safe. You don't have the capacity to discern at that point.
Childhood emotional neglect.... I don't remember a lot of encouragement. I don't remember a lot of I love you's. Not a lot of hugging and not a lot of seeing my mom emotional. My dad was angry a LOT. I remember being discouraged with my dreams: art. I wasn't told I could be anything I wanted to be or that I was talented enough. I just turned 40 and I'm still struggling with tackling my dreams that I'm COMPLETELY capable of doing!!! This damn wall/block won't go away.... So, I'm digging at the past lies I believed about myself.
I feel exactly the same 😢 it's AWFUL. My parents couldn't have cared less about my emotional or intellectual development, or my happiness. Everything revolved around them and their agendas, we were just there to help them feel and look good to the outside world. I wanted to do music, but my mom wanted to hog the spotlight as a musician herself. I got zero encouragement to explore any of my passions. You can heal and rewrite your inner programming, but it takes time. Don't let your past ruin your present and future, you're in control now ❤
Funny thing about my origin story, is that I was bullied a lot by my sister, whom I’ve recently realized she has some narcissistic traits. The neglect comes in when I tried to go to my mom for support, and that’s where the emotional neglect came in. She refused to help me, only saw “sibling rivalry” and was blind to the power imbalance, and interpreted my going to her for support as me asking her to “take sides” against her daughter. So the lesson I learned was: the world isn’t safe, and people are going to hurt you, but don’t come looking for support from others for your problems, you’re on your own. No wonder I have such a big avoidant streak.
I love myself even though these things hurt. I didn't deserve these things that happened to me and I'm a good person and deserve to be happy. Great video.
My parents were not really abusive but emotionally unavailable, so that turned me into a people pleaser for many years. But after divorcing my narc I have learned to not be a people pleaser any more. Thanks for this video Michele.
On the one hand I am so sure that I suffer from CEN even though I had everything - no luxury compared to other children but more than enough; good food, clean cloth, taken care of when I was sick, birthday parties - but when not behaving as expected, being told "Be reasonable", "Shame on you" ... - of course parents cannot allow everything - and based on what you said I was not seen on an emotional level ... - proba ly my sisters either - on the other hand I think that I am just an ungrateful bastard blaming my parents for my own flaws ... confusing. A lot of points you mentioned fit ... even worse; starting a relationship thinking / feeling I don't deserve it ... and self-fulfilling prophesy ... get the confirmation. ... also other issues as push-pull connection style.
Unrealised emotional neglect signs - Am I a people pleaser Do I tend to focus a lot on how other people think and there's a disconnect in myself If you feel like you need validation before doing something courageous. Your LTRs where you are the giver and they are taker. Steps to get over - - Validate the pain (fear, anxiety, depression, resentment, hopelessness, helplessness, loneliness - validation stops the cycle). Acknowledge the emotion and choose to let out go. - start noticing your feelings, pause and ask yourself what an I feeling, do you need, how do I like this person, what's going on inside me, check in on yourself feel grounded and be connected to self. - feed your self love - have the emotional maturity and literacy. Don't be in the habit of expecting somebody else to fill that emotional need. You'll wind up attracting toxic people. - pay attention to inner dialogue.. It should not be harsh/mean. Be loving. - have boundaries.
Yes I always have that feeling of loneliness meaning exclusion,being unseen unheard,yes Michelle all the time and I'm battling with that fact everyday,I'm categorized as a people pleaser,giver.
Ty ty ty so much because when you said all of the Physical needs were met. Food clothing a clean nice home in a family neighborhood.....when on the 1 or 2 occasions I tried to tell an adult about the abuse they would say the above...and then when yiu began describing the emotional abuse/neglect my inner child wept....because she FINALLY felt validated and heard. Ty
This has really helped me. My mom and I tried to go to therapy but she couldn't handle what the therapist had to say and she called him "crazy" - now moving forward independently
12:25 I've tried several times to get my family to validate and acknowledge but they won't. I've come to conclusion now, based on what you say here and my own experience that I need to stop trying to get others to acknowledge and validate and just validate and acknowledge it myself for myself.
OMG 10:22 is my life story. In every relationship that I have been I was so busy trying to get relationship work, to attend her needs and the needs of the relationship that I thought.. man, it isn't even a matter with whom I'm in a relationship with.
its so wonderful to have access to these online resources, while i am in the midst of the realizations that i was abused in severe ways by everyone in the household. its helping me DURING the process and that is everything. so eternally grateful.
thank you so much for this video Michele. I’m 24 and I spent my childhood (and most of teenage years) mentally, emotionally and physically abused by my father. I’m in therapy since a few years trying to heal myself to break the pattern but sometimes I feel that I’ll never really be able to recover.
Hi guys!! Just wanted to share info. about my upcoming life coaching certification course. Some people plan to become life coaches - others 'fall into it'. I think when a person has gone through something so life altering, something that pushed them outside the realms of their authentic self, something that so profoundly changed not only their self perception, but altered their nervous system, dis-regulated their brain and warped their reality..... and yet when they manage to reconnect with self, and heal the deep emotional wounds that are hidden to the naked eye and misunderstood by those that have never been through an experience like that - well, it's only natural to feel a deep desire to want to help others that have been through that. That's how I 'fell into coaching' and it's been an amazing experience to help individuals all over the world to break through the side effects of cptsd and/or side effects of narcissistic abuse. If YOU are interested in becoming a life coach - be sure to check out my website: micheleleenieves.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification/
I love you Michele for who you are, you are a geniune person, almost all other channels on narcissistic behavior, they are just breaking the already broken sensitive or Empathetic people by posting daily or periodical videos. More over, they sounds very artificial and they want just followers but I feel like you are geniunely wanting us to get out of this shitty feelings and heal ourselves. There are a number of geniune personalities in this field and I am thankful to you for your efforts. Not sorry for being little rude and I am sure that some people are here to make some money, they are playing with the emotion of these sensitive people, I mean, some are making their videos dramatic with some added background music and others are just acting as if they got a husky voice to get some more attention. People, don't fall for them, use such kind of videos to heal yourself in a healthy way, follow only geniune personalities in the field, look for solutions, please don't listen to those fake instructors to get some validation, it is too unhealthy and you will find yourself in the same stage for longer period if you are seeking for validation through their videos. It is totally okay to think about getting validation, but don't get addicted to it. Even I will be very happy for a moment if I am getting some validation for this comment. Love from India ❤️🙏
I've been working on this very thing .. When Michele made me aware of this ,it connected to everything .. Thank you for the help .. nice to see a new video...
Your videos are so helpful and insightful Michele because they focus on the solutions to problems we thought had no cure. Your tips and advice are practicable and doable. Thank You.
Wow! What an eye opener! I really need therapy. I have so much to work through. I never realized how much I went through as a child had plagued me throughout my 48 years of life.
Trying to save my daughter thru this mess. Narc in-laws and covert narc W have cut me out and created a preteen that acts and reacts as a 5 year old. 😩
Even after years of therapy, I’m still getting involved with people who abuse me and completely ignore my needs. WTH? Just found out my boyfriend deliberately destroyed my new mower and put Round up on my entire garden to kill everything. Why in earth would someone do this and how am I not seeing through these monsters?
It is easy to bring in toxic people, particularly if you have a tendency to ignore red flags or to have weak boundaries. Praying that you will find the healing that will help you quickly remove toxic people from your life.
It’s when we believe “we deserve it, we ignore it” when we take responsibility for and accept that we put ourselves in those situations and we will NEVER EVER do it again, the cycle stops. I’m a victim’s advocate and also a survivor. Hope this helps. Stay strong and know *YOU DESERVE BETTER AND TO BE HAPPY* only you can make yourself happy. Kick this one to the curb, dangerous. You must’ve loved your garden. Abusers destroy anything you give attention to and love. 😔 I’ll pray for you. God Bless and stay strong 💪
Garden Bee 😢 I’m so sorry. I’m so proud of you! You got this!! Remember “The grass on the other side may not be greener, but... can you look in the mirror and tell yourself you deserve better?” Absolutely YOU CAN!! 💪
Why the fvck i fall in love with Michelle? She's like have a superpower that knowing every person problem solve in this world. Are you an fallen angel?
Both my mom and my dad were not there for me growing up. My dad took off and my mom was severely emotional unavailable. I forgave my dad years ago tho, because he came back and mostly because he could admit to what he did and was very regretful. My mom on the other hand still swears to this day that it was all my fault and that is precisely the reason I can't forgive her. She wants our relationship to be better but she can't understand that until she validates what she put me through I cannot and will not forgive her.
Thank you so much for all you do Michele 🙏💜 I am so so grateful to have found your channel, your videos help me immensely and we’re all blessed to have access to this information. Really, you’re an angel. Thank you.
After alot of fights and painful memories coming back to the surface. I finally set boundaries for my while family. We had a major situation happen and they all responded very toxic. The only one that was there for me unconditionally was my step dad and husband. It opened my eyes that I need to set real strong boundaries and not let people use me an me try to please everyone. It was a tough pull to swallow but am alive and feeling much better.
Re: Face to face coaching.. I could use some support on approval traumas….. and I was hit by my dad before physically, he was not jus emotionally neglectful…. he did hit, so now I jus kinda have the compulsion to seek approval from others over & over…
This is incredibly helpful as all your videos I've watched are. This one resonates strongly primarily due to its timing and what I've been struggling with. I'm ordering the Living with Intent journal. Thank you so much, Michele for these wonderful vids and healing tools. ❤💯🙏
10:14 Ouch, a powerful observation 17:30 Also be careful of meta self critic, where you try to talk to yourself nicely, then when you don't feel great straight away you get critical of your self talk for not having an effect...that's still the critical voice getting to push in.
I'm going through this alot my dad was often a bully to me growing up we get along now but he did hurt me in the past by making sure nothing about me mattered or that i was an embarrassment to be around and he'd say I'd belong in the mental hospital i am worried from all of that I'll let others down or that I'm just a burden.
I don't have too many memories from childhood, but I seem to have the avoidant attachment of someone who was neglected. My mom appears to be Borderline and when she starts a fight over something, within a few months I have amnesia about the whole event, so it's no wonder I don't remember a lot of my childhood. If I don't remember what happened though, how do I heal from it?
I don't know about anyone else but I learn so much here but it gets to be too much. I can't handle it and I spend the day learning and freaking out about memories and I don't do the basics like eating, cleaning and I keep promising myself I can garden, which needs to be done but I enjoy it, but I need to get away from them, but it will take abc, efg, and xyz and . . and and I did well yesterday. . . But I'm late and typing . . .
is it possible to sue parents for such behaviour? They destroyed my life and i try to help myself but my heart is broken so badly, i want a justice at oeast once in this life...
I used to fantasize about burning down the house with my mom and step father in it. I've came to realize that they didn't know what they were doing as they were just as messed up as me. We who see the cycle need to end it.
that's what i recently understood too!:) and were exactly there where u described:D same fantasy, some worser even. Good point bro we end this cycle and make this world a better place
Exactly covert perfectly covert Non mirrored. Was there but no émotion at all. Where i live they are never pleased so i m not a pleaser any more thanks to them.
I am dealing with this now obviously since I am on your channel. I don't self harm but ruined my hair which was as long as yours. If I am upset I will cut my hair :/ this time, it wasn't good oh well i
Michele this all starts at home and it is all about who reared a person and especially in this world these things are happening , anyway you are the best at what you do and stay safe.😊😊😊.
My whole life was full of neglect. I would like to tell my story. I was so neglected my whole life all my family friends co workers. My x they would isolate my 2 sons and I no matter where we were at they engaged in the number 1 way to gain power and control. They were a mafia of people. They engaged and make so much money and hid it from me. All the coincidences I look back on The jobs people held and the monkey branching. I was always taking care of my sons while she disappeared. Now my older sons don't respect me. I never thought people behaved the way they do. They kicked me out and she stole my place. They believe it is normal behavior. I struggle so much. Please let me tell my story
Jesus Christ , son of God, healed me from many emotional wounds , He showed me godly forgiveness, only through receiving His love and forgiveness and receiving a new heart of flesh I was able to truly forgive others and I am able to do that . No resentment. No more inner work. No more endless searching for healing myself. Jesus Christ of Nazareth healed me , HE IS THE ONLY SAVIOR that is out there, we humans cannot forgive others and validate ourselves and our fleshy ways of being and neglect the fact that we were made for and by The Word of God(Jesus Christ). I was before in new age spirituality, I've searched and searched many ways of healing myself using psychology, pagan spiritual paths , it can be dangerous and it is because you open yourself up to demons who masquerades as angels of light (spirit guides, gurus etc). They use your traumas and provide a false way of escape.l, only to bound you soul more and more in sins and keeping you far from the true Salvation, Jesus Christ. The ONLY TRUE HEALER is Jesus the Christ (The Messiah) by His wounds on that cross we were healed. AND for all you friends out there,[ the battle isn't against flesh and blood,(the people) , but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places(the demons that use that people to attack and destroy you) -quote from Ephesians --6:13-- from The New Testament] Again, this message here, comes from a born again christian, not a religious person, BUT the TRUTH is only THE WORD OF GOD (Jesus Christ). God wants relationship with us "Creator-creature". We were made for His glory , as any other creation was made initially. Is all for and by and through Jesus. Please if anyone read my comment , read the New Testament, confess and repent from your sins, just acknowledge Jesus as The Christ, Son of God, who was tortured, crucified for your sins also, but then HE Resurrected! BELIEVE! He is the LIFE and only through accepting Him as Lord and Savior , you can have eternal life. Your soul is eternal, it has to go some place after leaving this body. Please believe Jesus, heaven is real, hell is real, reincarnation and other Asian philosophies are just satan's lies. JESUS, Son Of GOD can HEAL you if you pray and ask for His Help. His blood shed on that cross washes away any guilt and shape. Jesus accepts you to come to Him as you are now, no matter what you have done in your life, just humble yourself before Him and confess that you need Him. The spiritual world exists, faithfully angels exists, demons exists also, only Jesus is King of Kings and has power over any stronghold of any demon, even satan. Come as you are in humbless and with a sincere heart and ask Jesus Christ (Yahushuwah The Messiah) for help, if you need more faith ,ask Him to show Himself to you, He Is GOD THE SON. There is a spiritual battle for our souls, yes , satan is trying by any means not only to destroy your life here on earth but to take your soul with him in hell , forever. PLEASE, this is important, all my life I wanted to know the truth, I was in a continual search for the TRUTH and for my soul purpose, in was in orthodox religion , then atheist, agnostic, then I had Buddhist philosophies of life, then I got involved in new age ( yes I tried this path of raising my frequency by many ways that are in new age , trying to obtain illumination, peace, I was thinking that was it, that I was helping my soul to evolve and I am a light being on earth) BUT these are lies from the pit of hell, GOD borrowed us these bodies, our soul longs for HIS ETERNAL and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, universe as a creation can't give you that, only your creator can satisfy that need that all have for acceptance and love and forgiveness and purpose. I believe these people with narcissistic disorder are demon possessed or influenced, but your battle isn't with the people but with the forces that control them. We are all sinners, only Jesus can change a person's heart and mindset , I know because He had changed mine!! If anyone really wants healing, please stop trying to heal yourself like your are your god, it will be little efficient and you will be struggling thinking you are getting somewhere. CHRIST wants and He is more than able to heal you heart and any other need you have. Trust HIM, it's the most important decision you will make in your life if you believe and accept and confess The only Savior that IS, Jesus Christ or you refuse His extended helping (pierced by nails) hand . YHWH ELOHIM (The Most High) bless you and keep you, who read this comment , we had a Father who truly loves us. (If interested in what I wrote, my Instagram @biasphotosz ) . Jesus Christ said about HIMSELF " I AM the Way, The Truth and The Life , no one comes to the Father , except through Me " [John 14:6- New Testament]. Our Heavenly Father LOVES each and everyone of us , His immense love was shown by Sending His only begotten Son to die in our place, so we can reconcile (stay in His presence again, because He is holy) through the blood of Jesus Christ (who paid for our sins and took our shame away). Accept Him as Lord and Savior, while there is still time.
Again, this message here, comes from a born again christian, not a religious person, BUT the TRUTH is only THE WORD OF GOD (Jesus Christ). God wants relationship with us "Creator-creature". We were made for His glory , as any other creation was made initially. Is all for and by and through Jesus. Please if anyone read my comment , read the New Testament, confess and repent from your sins, just acknowledge Jesus as The Christ, Son of God, who was tortured, crucified for your sins also, but then HE Resurrected! BELIEVE! He is the LIFE and only through accepting Him as Lord and Savior , you can have eternal life. Your soul is eternal, it has to go some place after leaving this body. Please believe Jesus, heaven is real, hell is real, reincarnation and other Asian philosophies are just satan's lies. JESUS, Son Of GOD can HEAL you if you pray and ask for His Help. His blood shed on that cross washes away any guilt and shape. Jesus accepts you to come to Him as you are now, no matter what you have done in your life, just humble yourself before Him and confess that you need Him. The spiritual world exists, faithfully angels exists, demons exists also, only Jesus is King of Kings and has power over any stronghold of any demon, even satan. Come as you are in humbless and with a sincere heart and ask Jesus Christ (Yahushuwah The Messiah) for help, if you need more faith ,ask Him to show Himself to you, He Is GOD THE SON. There is a spiritual battle for our souls, yes , satan is trying by any means not only to destroy your life here on earth but to take your soul with him in hell , forever. PLEASE, this is important, all my life I wanted to know the truth, I was in a continual search for the TRUTH and for my soul purpose, in was in orthodox religion , then atheist, agnostic, then I had Buddhist philosophies of life, then I got involved in new age ( yes I tried this path of raising my frequency by many ways that are in new age , trying to obtain illumination, peace, I was thinking that was it, that I was helping my soul to evolve and I am a light being on earth) BUT these are lies from the pit of hell, GOD borrowed us these bodies, our soul longs for HIS ETERNAL and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, universe as a creation can't give you that, only your creator can satisfy that need that all have for acceptance and love and forgiveness and purpose. I believe these people with narcissistic disorder are demon possessed or influenced, but your battle isn't with the people but with the forces that control them. We are all sinners, only Jesus can change a person's heart and mindset , I know because He had changed mine!! If anyone really wants healing, please stop trying to heal yourself like your are your god, it will be little efficient and you will be struggling thinking you are getting somewhere. CHRIST wants and He is more than able to heal you heart and any other need you have. Trust HIM, it's the most important decision you will make in your life if you believe and accept and confess The only Savior that IS, Jesus Christ or you refuse His extended helping (pierced by nails) hand . YHWH ELOHIM (The Most High) bless you and keep you, who read this comment , we had a Father who truly loves us. (If interested in what I wrote, my Instagram @biasphotosz ) . Jesus Christ said about HIMSELF " I AM the Way, The Truth and The Life , no one comes to the Father , except through Me " [John 14:6- New Testament]. Our Heavenly Father LOVES each and everyone of us , His immense love was shown by Sending His only begotten Son to die in our place, so we can reconcile (stay in His presence again, because He is holy) through the blood of Jesus Christ (who paid for our sins and took our shame away). Accept Him as Lord and Savior, while there is still time
Excellent video Michele, my ex girlfriend kept seeking the wrong men to be able to feel she was in charge to fill the gap with them to attract their "expensive" care and so fill worth of it. Her father as a child made her feeling worthless. One important flag for her men was these men needed money to make her happy. Her father didn't have money for her to make her happy. Her father was emotionally unavailable. Her relationships all went to crap because all that gap really was , was that they didn't love her within.
When she met me the first thing she spoke about was that she wished to have a relationship that can last instead going to crap. The second thing she voiced from beginning was to make lot's of money. Her father, a wealthy heir never worked his entire life. I loved her , we had a bond, I cared for her still, she went off to look for men with money where there was no bond, to feel capable of closig that gap, the gap she never managed to fulfill with her father. Her tool to separate us was to blame and shame me for the very riches I had freely available for her, consideration, respect, care. She set a date with one of these others, and suddenly switching telling me I didn't have consideration, I didn't respect her. Everyone prised us how good we looked together. It's actually sad to see something fulfilling with so much potentials destroyed in the name of something empty and fake because the inner child is at the console and it's crazy for attention from a father that will never go back to do the work
Very well written..this suffices my story too
I turned away more than one good man because I needed to prove myself. But my first 2 longterm relationships were being controlled by a man even though I tried to remain safe.
You don't have the capacity to discern at that point.
@@kirstenvogel9620 thank you for sharing your experience
@@amarnarayanan5469 thank you
1.Validate your past pain
2. Start noticing YOUR feelings
3. Feeding your self love
4. Have Boundaries
Childhood emotional neglect....
I don't remember a lot of encouragement. I don't remember a lot of I love you's. Not a lot of hugging and not a lot of seeing my mom emotional. My dad was angry a LOT.
I remember being discouraged with my dreams: art. I wasn't told I could be anything I wanted to be or that I was talented enough. I just turned 40 and I'm still struggling with tackling my dreams that I'm COMPLETELY capable of doing!!! This damn wall/block won't go away....
So, I'm digging at the past lies I believed about myself.
I feel exactly the same 😢 it's AWFUL. My parents couldn't have cared less about my emotional or intellectual development, or my happiness. Everything revolved around them and their agendas, we were just there to help them feel and look good to the outside world. I wanted to do music, but my mom wanted to hog the spotlight as a musician herself. I got zero encouragement to explore any of my passions. You can heal and rewrite your inner programming, but it takes time. Don't let your past ruin your present and future, you're in control now ❤
Attend to your emotions. Sit with your emotions and give yourself time to process them. That will help you to heal from emotional neglect.
Funny thing about my origin story, is that I was bullied a lot by my sister, whom I’ve recently realized she has some narcissistic traits. The neglect comes in when I tried to go to my mom for support, and that’s where the emotional neglect came in. She refused to help me, only saw “sibling rivalry” and was blind to the power imbalance, and interpreted my going to her for support as me asking her to “take sides” against her daughter.
So the lesson I learned was: the world isn’t safe, and people are going to hurt you, but don’t come looking for support from others for your problems, you’re on your own. No wonder I have such a big avoidant streak.
This was deep
So much soulful insight as we're healing.50 years and this battle continues. Thank you Michelle
I'm crying....you have helped me finally realize what I need to do to get past my internal walls and blocks! ❤️💗🙏🏻 _THANK YOU!_
Feel it to heal it - Thank you so much❤️
Alice Speh my cool new-age chiropractor always says this.
I love myself even though these things hurt. I didn't deserve these things that happened to me and I'm a good person and deserve to be happy. Great video.
Yessssssss my emotional state has me locked up but I’m getting free.
My parents were not really abusive but emotionally unavailable, so that turned me into a people pleaser for many years. But after divorcing my narc I have learned to not be a people pleaser any more. Thanks for this video Michele.
On the one hand I am so sure that I suffer from CEN even though I had everything - no luxury compared to other children but more than enough; good food, clean cloth, taken care of when I was sick, birthday parties - but when not behaving as expected, being told "Be reasonable", "Shame on you" ... - of course parents cannot allow everything - and based on what you said I was not seen on an emotional level ... - proba ly my sisters either - on the other hand I think that I am just an ungrateful bastard blaming my parents for my own flaws ... confusing.
A lot of points you mentioned fit ... even worse; starting a relationship thinking / feeling I don't deserve it ... and self-fulfilling prophesy ... get the confirmation. ... also other issues as push-pull connection style.
Thank you thank you thank you ❤❤❤❤❤
Unrealised emotional neglect signs -
Am I a people pleaser
Do I tend to focus a lot on how other people think and there's a disconnect in myself
If you feel like you need validation before doing something courageous.
Your LTRs where you are the giver and they are taker.
Steps to get over -
- Validate the pain (fear, anxiety, depression, resentment, hopelessness, helplessness, loneliness - validation stops the cycle). Acknowledge the emotion and choose to let out go.
- start noticing your feelings, pause and ask yourself what an I feeling, do you need, how do I like this person, what's going on inside me, check in on yourself feel grounded and be connected to self.
- feed your self love - have the emotional maturity and literacy. Don't be in the habit of expecting somebody else to fill that emotional need. You'll wind up attracting toxic people.
- pay attention to inner dialogue.. It should not be harsh/mean. Be loving.
- have boundaries.
Yes I always have that feeling of loneliness meaning exclusion,being unseen unheard,yes Michelle all the time and I'm battling with that fact everyday,I'm categorized as a people pleaser,giver.
Ty ty ty so much because when you said all of the Physical needs were met. Food clothing a clean nice home in a family neighborhood.....when on the 1 or 2 occasions I tried to tell an adult about the abuse they would say the above...and then when yiu began describing the emotional abuse/neglect my inner child wept....because she FINALLY felt validated and heard. Ty
Hang in there ❤
This has really helped me. My mom and I tried to go to therapy but she couldn't handle what the therapist had to say and she called him "crazy" - now moving forward independently
Couldn't be a better presentation.
12:25 I've tried several times to get my family to validate and acknowledge but they won't. I've come to conclusion now, based on what you say here and my own experience that I need to stop trying to get others to acknowledge and validate and just validate and acknowledge it myself for myself.
OMG 10:22 is my life story. In every relationship that I have been I was so busy trying to get relationship work, to attend her needs and the needs of the relationship that I thought.. man, it isn't even a matter with whom I'm in a relationship with.
its so wonderful to have access to these online resources, while i am in the midst of the realizations that i was abused in severe ways by everyone in the household. its helping me DURING the process and that is everything. so eternally grateful.
You are the good karma Michele
thank you so much for this video Michele. I’m 24 and I spent my childhood (and most of teenage years) mentally, emotionally and physically abused by my father. I’m in therapy since a few years trying to heal myself to break the pattern but sometimes I feel that I’ll never really be able to recover.
Hi guys!! Just wanted to share info. about my upcoming life coaching certification course. Some people plan to become life coaches - others 'fall into it'. I think when a person has gone through something so life altering, something that pushed them outside the realms of their authentic self, something that so profoundly changed not only their self perception, but altered their nervous system, dis-regulated their brain and warped their reality..... and yet when they manage to reconnect with self, and heal the deep emotional wounds that are hidden to the naked eye and misunderstood by those that have never been through an experience like that - well, it's only natural to feel a deep desire to want to help others that have been through that. That's how I 'fell into coaching' and it's been an amazing experience to help individuals all over the world to break through the side effects of cptsd and/or side effects of narcissistic abuse. If YOU are interested in becoming a life coach - be sure to check out my website: micheleleenieves.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification/
I was literally looking for videos on this topic today!!!
I love you Michele for who you are, you are a geniune person, almost all other channels on narcissistic behavior, they are just breaking the already broken sensitive or Empathetic people by posting daily or periodical videos. More over, they sounds very artificial and they want just followers but I feel like you are geniunely wanting us to get out of this shitty feelings and heal ourselves. There are a number of geniune personalities in this field and I am thankful to you for your efforts. Not sorry for being little rude and I am sure that some people are here to make some money, they are playing with the emotion of these sensitive people, I mean, some are making their videos dramatic with some added background music and others are just acting as if they got a husky voice to get some more attention.
People, don't fall for them, use such kind of videos to heal yourself in a healthy way, follow only geniune personalities in the field, look for solutions, please don't listen to those fake instructors to get some validation, it is too unhealthy and you will find yourself in the same stage for longer period if you are seeking for validation through their videos. It is totally okay to think about getting validation, but don't get addicted to it. Even I will be very happy for a moment if I am getting some validation for this comment. Love from India ❤️🙏
I've been working on this very thing .. When Michele made me aware of this ,it connected to everything .. Thank you for the help .. nice to see a new video...
This is very thoughtful.May God give us courage to do this
All these narc videos describe my VA doctors and therapists to a tee. When narcs with power help the narcs in your life then WATCH OUT!
Your videos are so helpful and insightful Michele because they focus on the solutions to problems we thought had no cure. Your tips and advice are practicable and doable. Thank You.
Yes . ., exactly ! 100 percent agree
Wow! What an eye opener! I really need therapy. I have so much to work through. I never realized how much I went through as a child had plagued me throughout my 48 years of life.
Thank you. I didn’t know I needed to watch this.
One of the best videos I’ve ever watched. Best advice ever! And this is coming from a fellow therapist ❤️
Trying to save my daughter thru this mess. Narc in-laws and covert narc W have cut me out and created a preteen that acts and reacts as a 5 year old. 😩
Family denials, systematic dishonesty, power players, controllers etc. Create alianation. So painful and sad.
Even after years of therapy, I’m still getting involved with people who abuse me and completely ignore my needs. WTH?
Just found out my boyfriend deliberately destroyed my new mower and put Round up on my entire garden to kill everything. Why in earth would someone do this and how am I not seeing through these monsters?
It is easy to bring in toxic people, particularly if you have a tendency to ignore red flags or to have weak boundaries. Praying that you will find the healing that will help you quickly remove toxic people from your life.
Cindy C Thank you.
It’s when we believe “we deserve it, we ignore it” when we take responsibility for and accept that we put ourselves in those situations and we will NEVER EVER do it again, the cycle stops. I’m a victim’s advocate and also a survivor. Hope this helps. Stay strong and know *YOU DESERVE BETTER AND TO BE HAPPY* only you can make yourself happy. Kick this one to the curb, dangerous. You must’ve loved your garden. Abusers destroy anything you give attention to and love. 😔 I’ll pray for you. God Bless and stay strong 💪
Rebecca Thank you. I did love my garden. I am moving 5 state away in 3 days. Terrified he will hurt my car. Going back in to therapy.
Garden Bee 😢 I’m so sorry. I’m so proud of you! You got this!! Remember “The grass on the other side may not be greener, but... can you look in the mirror and tell yourself you deserve better?” Absolutely YOU CAN!! 💪
Why the fvck i fall in love with Michelle? She's like have a superpower that knowing every person problem solve in this world. Are you an fallen angel?
Both my mom and my dad were not there for me growing up. My dad took off and my mom was severely emotional unavailable. I forgave my dad years ago tho, because he came back and mostly because he could admit to what he did and was very regretful. My mom on the other hand still swears to this day that it was all my fault and that is precisely the reason I can't forgive her. She wants our relationship to be better but she can't understand that until she validates what she put me through I cannot and will not forgive her.
You’re very VERY insightful and helpful. Thank you for all you do. I’m sure you have helped many to not give up.
Thank You Michelle 🌹🌹🌹. Great Video 🙏🙏🙏
Good to self love ❤️🙏🙏🙏💕
Thank you so much for all you do Michele 🙏💜
I am so so grateful to have found your channel, your videos help me immensely and we’re all blessed to have access to this information. Really, you’re an angel. Thank you.
After alot of fights and painful memories coming back to the surface. I finally set boundaries for my while family. We had a major situation happen and they all responded very toxic. The only one that was there for me unconditionally was my step dad and husband. It opened my eyes that I need to set real strong boundaries and not let people use me an me try to please everyone. It was a tough pull to swallow but am alive and feeling much better.
Excellent video, thank you Michele!
If I had a £ for every time I was told ‘I’ll give you something to cry about’ or ‘I want doesn’t get’. Ugh, so invalidating.
Re: Face to face coaching..
I could use some support on approval traumas….. and I was hit by my dad before physically, he was not jus emotionally neglectful…. he did hit, so now I jus kinda have the compulsion to seek approval from others over & over…
Thank u so much for this help and tips..
ur videos are so helpful thank you 💕
Wow, amazing, thank you.
Wow, it's amazing that you would talk about this subject now because I had recently been looking it up and reading about it.
Thank you.
Your so smart
Love the video. Thanks Michelle
Thanks Michelle, much needed advice. We have posted your video about relationship at selfhelpchampion under ADULTING ❤️❤️
Thank you
Damn this is so exciting! My heart is beating so hard!
I love you♥️ thank you.
This is incredibly helpful as all your videos I've watched are. This one resonates strongly primarily due to its timing and what I've been struggling with. I'm ordering the Living with Intent journal. Thank you so much, Michele for these wonderful vids and healing tools. ❤💯🙏
10:14 Ouch, a powerful observation
17:30 Also be careful of meta self critic, where you try to talk to yourself nicely, then when you don't feel great straight away you get critical of your self talk for not having an effect...that's still the critical voice getting to push in.
Your the best thank you for all these videos
I'm going through this alot my dad was often a bully to me growing up we get along now but he did hurt me in the past by making sure nothing about me mattered or that i was an embarrassment to be around and he'd say I'd belong in the mental hospital i am worried from all of that I'll let others down or that I'm just a burden.
Right on point.
I don't have too many memories from childhood, but I seem to have the avoidant attachment of someone who was neglected. My mom appears to be Borderline and when she starts a fight over something, within a few months I have amnesia about the whole event, so it's no wonder I don't remember a lot of my childhood. If I don't remember what happened though, how do I heal from it?
i needed this video so much. thank you
This was me!!
This is such a great video, thank you Michelle! So helpful
Thank you for this video. I needed to hear how to do it.
Thank you ❣️
Wounded people dont wound
People decide wound others
I have wounds but I choose to heal not hurt
You see what I mean
even you
To me say nice things to myself even when the voice comes with a complaint.
I don't know about anyone else but I learn so much here but it gets to be too much. I can't handle it and I spend the day learning and freaking out about memories and I don't do the basics like eating, cleaning and I keep promising myself I can garden, which needs to be done but I enjoy it, but I need to get away from them, but it will take abc, efg, and xyz and . . and and I did well yesterday. . . But I'm late and typing . . .
Great video! Thanks!
Help! SOS!
is it possible to sue parents for such behaviour? They destroyed my life and i try to help myself but my heart is broken so badly, i want a justice at oeast once in this life...
I used to fantasize about burning down the house with my mom and step father in it. I've came to realize that they didn't know what they were doing as they were just as messed up as me. We who see the cycle need to end it.
that's what i recently understood too!:) and were exactly there where u described:D same fantasy, some worser even. Good point bro we end this cycle and make this world a better place
change the place;)
Exactly covert perfectly covert
Non mirrored.
Was there but no émotion at all.
Where i live they are never pleased so i m not a pleaser any more thanks to them.
How is it feel and how look like when you become healed?
So, while being in a healthy relationship i cant expect my emotional needs to be fullfilled? Why do i even need those then?😅
I am dealing with this now obviously since I am on your channel. I don't self harm but ruined my hair which was as long as yours. If I am upset I will cut my hair :/ this time, it wasn't good oh well i
Can you please do a video on how emotional abuse can affect your religion?? If you’re knowledgeable in that aspect...
I do not know what emotional needs are. Please would you explain?
Hi Michelle, this is awasome video. I would like to have conversation with you. Can you please let me know procedure?
I really need your help to bring up my child right way.
Michele this all starts at home and it is all about who reared a person and especially in this world these things are happening , anyway you are the best at what you do and stay safe.😊😊😊.
My whole life was full of neglect. I would like to tell my story. I was so neglected my whole life all my family friends co workers. My x they would isolate my 2 sons and I no matter where we were at they engaged in the number 1 way to gain power and control. They were a mafia of people. They engaged and make so much money and hid it from me. All the coincidences I look back on The jobs people held and the monkey branching. I was always taking care of my sons while she disappeared. Now my older sons don't respect me. I never thought people behaved the way they do. They kicked me out and she stole my place. They believe it is normal behavior. I struggle so much. Please let me tell my story
Or what healthy connections are. As someone said to me once, ' you (me) know nothing'
Jesus Christ , son of God, healed me from many emotional wounds , He showed me godly forgiveness, only through receiving His love and forgiveness and receiving a new heart of flesh I was able to truly forgive others and I am able to do that . No resentment. No more inner work. No more endless searching for healing myself. Jesus Christ of Nazareth healed me , HE IS THE ONLY SAVIOR that is out there, we humans cannot forgive others and validate ourselves and our fleshy ways of being and neglect the fact that we were made for and by The Word of God(Jesus Christ). I was before in new age spirituality, I've searched and searched many ways of healing myself using psychology, pagan spiritual paths , it can be dangerous and it is because you open yourself up to demons who masquerades as angels of light (spirit guides, gurus etc). They use your traumas and provide a false way of escape.l, only to bound you soul more and more in sins and keeping you far from the true Salvation, Jesus Christ. The ONLY TRUE HEALER is Jesus the Christ (The Messiah) by His wounds on that cross we were healed. AND for all you friends out there,[ the battle isn't against flesh and blood,(the people) , but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places(the demons that use that people to attack and destroy you) -quote from Ephesians --6:13-- from The New Testament] Again, this message here, comes from a born again christian, not a religious person, BUT the TRUTH is only THE WORD OF GOD (Jesus Christ). God wants relationship with us "Creator-creature". We were made for His glory , as any other creation was made initially. Is all for and by and through Jesus. Please if anyone read my comment , read the New Testament, confess and repent from your sins, just acknowledge Jesus as The Christ, Son of God, who was tortured, crucified for your sins also, but then HE Resurrected! BELIEVE! He is the LIFE and only through accepting Him as Lord and Savior , you can have eternal life. Your soul is eternal, it has to go some place after leaving this body. Please believe Jesus, heaven is real, hell is real, reincarnation and other Asian philosophies are just satan's lies. JESUS, Son Of GOD can HEAL you if you pray and ask for His Help. His blood shed on that cross washes away any guilt and shape. Jesus accepts you to come to Him as you are now, no matter what you have done in your life, just humble yourself before Him and confess that you need Him. The spiritual world exists, faithfully angels exists, demons exists also, only Jesus is King of Kings and has power over any stronghold of any demon, even satan. Come as you are in humbless and with a sincere heart and ask Jesus Christ (Yahushuwah The Messiah) for help, if you need more faith ,ask Him to show Himself to you, He Is GOD THE SON. There is a spiritual battle for our souls, yes , satan is trying by any means not only to destroy your life here on earth but to take your soul with him in hell , forever. PLEASE, this is important, all my life I wanted to know the truth, I was in a continual search for the TRUTH and for my soul purpose, in was in orthodox religion , then atheist, agnostic, then I had Buddhist philosophies of life, then I got involved in new age ( yes I tried this path of raising my frequency by many ways that are in new age , trying to obtain illumination, peace, I was thinking that was it, that I was helping my soul to evolve and I am a light being on earth) BUT these are lies from the pit of hell, GOD borrowed us these bodies, our soul longs for HIS ETERNAL and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, universe as a creation can't give you that, only your creator can satisfy that need that all have for acceptance and love and forgiveness and purpose. I believe these people with narcissistic disorder are demon possessed or influenced, but your battle isn't with the people but with the forces that control them. We are all sinners, only Jesus can change a person's heart and mindset , I know because He had changed mine!! If anyone really wants healing, please stop trying to heal yourself like your are your god, it will be little efficient and you will be struggling thinking you are getting somewhere. CHRIST wants and He is more than able to heal you heart and any other need you have. Trust HIM, it's the most important decision you will make in your life if you believe and accept and confess The only Savior that IS, Jesus Christ or you refuse His extended helping (pierced by nails) hand . YHWH ELOHIM (The Most High) bless you and keep you, who read this comment , we had a Father who truly loves us. (If interested in what I wrote, my Instagram @biasphotosz ) . Jesus Christ said about HIMSELF " I AM the Way, The Truth and The Life , no one comes to the Father , except through Me " [John 14:6- New Testament]. Our Heavenly Father LOVES each and everyone of us , His immense love was shown by Sending His only begotten Son to die in our place, so we can reconcile (stay in His presence again, because He is holy) through the blood of Jesus Christ (who paid for our sins and took our shame away). Accept Him as Lord and Savior, while there is still time.
Again, this message here, comes from a born again christian, not a religious person, BUT the TRUTH is only THE WORD OF GOD (Jesus Christ). God wants relationship with us "Creator-creature". We were made for His glory , as any other creation was made initially. Is all for and by and through Jesus. Please if anyone read my comment , read the New Testament, confess and repent from your sins, just acknowledge Jesus as The Christ, Son of God, who was tortured, crucified for your sins also, but then HE Resurrected! BELIEVE! He is the LIFE and only through accepting Him as Lord and Savior , you can have eternal life. Your soul is eternal, it has to go some place after leaving this body. Please believe Jesus, heaven is real, hell is real, reincarnation and other Asian philosophies are just satan's lies. JESUS, Son Of GOD can HEAL you if you pray and ask for His Help. His blood shed on that cross washes away any guilt and shape. Jesus accepts you to come to Him as you are now, no matter what you have done in your life, just humble yourself before Him and confess that you need Him. The spiritual world exists, faithfully angels exists, demons exists also, only Jesus is King of Kings and has power over any stronghold of any demon, even satan. Come as you are in humbless and with a sincere heart and ask Jesus Christ (Yahushuwah The Messiah) for help, if you need more faith ,ask Him to show Himself to you, He Is GOD THE SON. There is a spiritual battle for our souls, yes , satan is trying by any means not only to destroy your life here on earth but to take your soul with him in hell , forever. PLEASE, this is important, all my life I wanted to know the truth, I was in a continual search for the TRUTH and for my soul purpose, in was in orthodox religion , then atheist, agnostic, then I had Buddhist philosophies of life, then I got involved in new age ( yes I tried this path of raising my frequency by many ways that are in new age , trying to obtain illumination, peace, I was thinking that was it, that I was helping my soul to evolve and I am a light being on earth) BUT these are lies from the pit of hell, GOD borrowed us these bodies, our soul longs for HIS ETERNAL and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, universe as a creation can't give you that, only your creator can satisfy that need that all have for acceptance and love and forgiveness and purpose. I believe these people with narcissistic disorder are demon possessed or influenced, but your battle isn't with the people but with the forces that control them. We are all sinners, only Jesus can change a person's heart and mindset , I know because He had changed mine!! If anyone really wants healing, please stop trying to heal yourself like your are your god, it will be little efficient and you will be struggling thinking you are getting somewhere. CHRIST wants and He is more than able to heal you heart and any other need you have. Trust HIM, it's the most important decision you will make in your life if you believe and accept and confess The only Savior that IS, Jesus Christ or you refuse His extended helping (pierced by nails) hand . YHWH ELOHIM (The Most High) bless you and keep you, who read this comment , we had a Father who truly loves us. (If interested in what I wrote, my Instagram @biasphotosz ) . Jesus Christ said about HIMSELF " I AM the Way, The Truth and The Life , no one comes to the Father , except through Me " [John 14:6- New Testament]. Our Heavenly Father LOVES each and everyone of us , His immense love was shown by Sending His only begotten Son to die in our place, so we can reconcile (stay in His presence again, because He is holy) through the blood of Jesus Christ (who paid for our sins and took our shame away). Accept Him as Lord and Savior, while there is still time
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Okay Michelle, now that you just showed me that I was emotionally neglected, now what? Look for a therapist?
💕
hlw mam im emotional neglect
Thank you 👌