Coming home to a clean home is honestly a blessing. I’m 22 and just graduated from nursing school. Working 12 hour night shifts and coming home and having to cook, clean, and do dishes is exhausting. One day I told my mom I appreciated everything she did for me when I was a kid and I wish I contributed more when I was younger. One day I came home and to my surprise she was sitting on the couch watching the news. I asked her if something happened at home and her response was “look around stupid.”When I checked my apartment was spotless, laundry was done, cabinets where organized, floors and countertops where spotless, and a weeks worth of food packed in the fridge. Now she comes once a week to help me maintain it. I’ll never be able to repay that woman for everything she’s ever done for me, but I’ll prove to her that she raised one hell of a son.
As a married man myself, I can tell you that nothing deteriorates marital relationships at home faster than a partner who doesn’t uphold their given responsibilities………..
Everyone has their own view of responsibilities and values. They just need to be clear to each other first. Just throwing out: "partner who doesn’t uphold their given responsibilities" means nothing since those responsibilities can be literally 'none'.
@@ollivainionpaa684 I kept it vague to apply to multiple facets of a relationship. NOBODY is in a willing relationship with someone with NO responsibilities. I’m not just talking about chores, it can mean being intimate with your partner, taking care of kids, helping with organization etc. You’re not going to be in a happy life with someone who just sits on couch and contributes nothing
@@TheMuscleMan2244 would you expect her to put 100% effort in all the responsibilities, or like 50% in intimacy but 150% in care of kids, how would u feel abt a person who under compensates and over compensates in different responsibilities.
@@ContranianCommando Well that’s part of life. I can guarantee you that you’ll be having less sex after you have a kid. The marriage duties will have to rebalance realistically. That kind of thing should be up to communication between you and your partner. I’m just saying that if you aren’t holding up your part, whatever that part may be in your current phase of life, then your relationship will inevitably breakdown
How about you prioritize your kids well being over your own fleeting " happiness ". You're not going to have eternal love and respect within a relationship. Ask yourself what you're doing wrong and don't just look the other way.
@@nikitamarynich1794 Horrible advice. I begged my parents to get a divorce in middle school. They stayed "for the kids" and we felt the resentment and misery every day. It's better to have two parents separated who are happy than two together who are miserable. Kids can understand more than you think.
As a married man with 3 kids. Believe me something as simple as the trash not being taken out can snowball into a huge problem. But it goes both ways it does take a lot of work especially with kids. Stay strong guys.
Pearl is an idiot who probably grew up with a silver spoon and thinks that ppl can't fight about chores cuz they have other people they pay to do it for them.
Yeah and that person is messd up and imature.shoudint be married. trash is just a excuse for something else that u dont realise.Women today are trashy hos that want but never deserved respect.htat is the problem, not the man not taking out the trash.
My friend's parents divorced because his father keep throwing away his cigarette ashes on his mother flower pot, even after she told him to not do that many times
My grandmother used to say "big things are forgiven but small things break up marriages." Having to deal with someone who does not contribute to maintaining a household but only adds to the work that has to be done is stressful.
@@zzygyy mf you living in your moms basement and she hiring maids while not teaching you a goddamned thing about personal responsibilities. We found him, folks
Pearl's former best friend recently came out saying pearl has never even been in a serious relationship, let alone lived with a man, or been engaged... enough said
Exactly. She is the exact opposite of what she preaches. She isn't a virgin, has had multiple relationships that didn't end well, and shes 26 and still not married or a mother. She thinks putting on a modest dress makes her a traditional woman, and its sad that a lot of men seem to buy into her character.
@@user-sz2ez8tk1y *"its sad that a lot of men seem to buy into her character."* As sad as people buy into debate bro Destiny. A man who had a child with woman(American) and chose to travel across country date and marry a foreign woman. He the epitome of a pass port bro! Can you really take that man serious? Both are hypocrite along with Aba in support of him.
Lived in a house with 10 people in college. Dirty pans, rotting food, disgusting bathrooms, and sticky floors got old real quick. When I brought it up to everyone I got ignored and then eventually I got tired of it and stayed up all night cleaning. No one said thanks, some people are happy to let others pick up their shit for them.
she took advantage of the "void" left when kevin samuels passed... a lot of her points are verbatim LITERALLY from Samuels and others and now she just literally says anything and sees if it can stick XD... its honestly sad af that some men allow themselves to be scammed by her and others
Growing up in an African household with both parents working, my mother NEVER cleaned up after my brothers and I. There were no 'gendered' roles. We were expected to do all the house chores, so even now in my early twenties living on my own, I would never expect a woman to come into my life and have to clean up after me. Cooking and cleaning are essential skills for everyone to know.
My father was the most confident and outgoing man I’ve ever met. His confidence defied the constraints of gender. He possessed every traditionally masculine quality and skill set, and he definitely exhibited his share of Italian machismo. Yet, my father also did my hair for school and ballet, taught me how to do makeup, did all the laundry, did the shopping and errands, and took me everywhere. My dad was mostly the stay at home parent, even though he was initially the breadwinner. My parent’s had planned on my mom staying home, but my dad was injured and all our plans had to change. My dad literally did every single thing he could do or take care of for the family and my mom, even when he was on so much morphine he could barely stand. It was hard times, and no one was perfect, but we made it through. We just communicated and communicated, even when we were bad at it, until we got good at it. If someone isn’t willing to communicate their wants/needs/struggles/ideas, then they better learn how to take a back seat and do what is asked of them or go on and git! Lol
Un vero uomo si deve saper pulire il culo e lo schifo che fa intorno xD senza pretendere che tua moglie ti faccia da schiava. Si vive insieme in sta vitaccia e una mano lava l'altra.
When my wife and I first got married, I was the bread winner, but after 3 years my medical problems got the best of me. I had to go on disability and she started working. I couldn't do much because of the pain, but I did take care of the kids, kept the house clean, and I even learned how to cook food from scratch (mostly 'cuz watching "The Sopranos" just made me wanna learn). I've even got a part-time job to help out with things a bit. It's worked out so well, that we celebrate our 20th Anniversary on the 19th! Marriage ain't easy, but being one who was raised by a single mom, divorce was never an option because there was no way she and my kids were gonna struggle the way we did.
What if the situation is one person brings in the dough and the other stays home. So a traditional relationship. Would you say its fair game to not contribute to doing the chores if you put the roof over the other persons head? I think it is. This is excluding couples with children of course.
I think both sides need to respect each other's work put into the family. For example, if a man works and supports family financially and woman takes care of their home, they both need to be appreciated for the things they do. Men literally sacrifice years of their lives to build our societies and take care of women and children. We lack mutual appreciation.
I went through 2 years of debilitating depression. My husband was essentially a single father. But he cried so many times about how he didn't want to come home. I completely understand how people can divorce over "chores". It almost happened to us. These people have zero experience in actual, meaningful relationships.
@No Name I 100% agree although it's not just women regretting their elopement. Men are too & will purposely make the wife's life a living hell until she divorces. I've seen that too. But I can't speak too much about the bad side of elopement. My husband & I eloped after knowing each other for 6 months. This Sunday we're celebrating 16 years of marriage. Our marriage is most definitely not the norm & it felt like, especially in the beginning, that everyone & the world was against us. But we stuck it out & are now closer than we've ever been.
@kaynyne9 he obviously wasn't willing to break up our family over my depression because he didn't. But I would have 100% understood & even expected him to while we were going through it. It wasn't him just willing to "break up our family" over my depression. It was a culmination of many many things and in addition to me being unable to get out of bed to even shower, we didn't have sex for over a year. There was a lot of things that was going on that I wouldn't have blamed him for leaving me. At the end, I was waiting to die & wishing I wouldn't wake up in the mornings. So if I felt like that, I couldn't imagine how he felt. Marriages are hard, deliberate work from both people to make it successful. And if only 1 person is trying, they're eventually going to feel like its a waste of time.
@No Name exactly. The guy is talking about how 2 people come to an agreement and one doesnr step up to it and pearl is talking about how these women get ran through and then get into marriage, get bored want anither d and get a divorce
After I became disabled due to a permanent back injury my marriage struggled a lot because my wife got burnt out. She worked long shifts in the hospital then came home and took care of me and the house and it broke my heart not being able to pull my weight. We’re a strong loving couple with great communication and we’re in it for the betterment of our lives together so I’m thankful she didn’t dip out when things got hard AF. 11 years strong. ❤
What i dislike the most about justpearlythings is how willing she is to speak on a situation she has NO experience in. I’ve never been in a long-term relationship either, but I know that something as simple as sharing a small responsibility (like chores) is not as small as it seems on the surface. A marriage is complex, it has to constantly be nurtured. People may feel slighted at what is perceivably a small thing, but there’s always something underlying it. I just feel like she’s so immature, and then to try to dictate what other women should do with their lives and relationships its just deplorable.
That was a big part of my divorce. I was in the Marine Corps, working 14-16 hours days frequently, working weekends, and coming home and having to clean the house, cook my dinner, do my laundry, etc. Meanwhile the whole time she never had anything more than a small part-time job at any point. Like she would work at a crossfit gym and do 10 hours a week just cause she liked it. Then on top of it we had the whole dead bedroom experience. So I finally just realized that I had a roommate that didn't do any of the housework and lived off my money. Took me 9 years to figure out.
@Alex Harris lol yeah. To be fair the dead bedroom part was only like the last 3 or 4. And I did have a lot of training/deployment time interspersed in there. Plus we got married before I was in the Corps and she was actually working then. It was kind of a slow build-up. In retrospect there were a lot of red flags, even when we were dating, but that's what you get when you get married at 20.
@A Well I would have been much better at recognizing the signs. Like I said, there were definitely red flags early on that I didn't recognize/ignored. And yeah, now at 33 I wouldn't accept those behaviors that I was seeing and I would have left the relationship instead of just going forward and getting married.
My parents have been married for 63 years. They have both had to compromise the roles a little bit. My dad is a general contractor, my mom was a stay-at-home mom. When he could tell she was getting run down and needed help, he wouldn't work weekends and he would help out with everything at home. When my dad was overrun with work, my mom would take care of the accounting side of his business. With this relatively simple adjustment they made their roles, and marriage work. There was a couple years when construction was not bringing enough money in, so my dad would stay home and my mom would go work as a secretary temporarily. Nothing is black and white in a marriage.
Mine have been married for nearly 50 years, and you hit the nail on the head. This is why I refuse to believe anyone in the redpill space has actually _seen_ a functioning relationship up close. No one raised watching two people respect each other, constantly compromising, and showing gratitude for each other's labor could possibly come to the conclusion that "adherence to strict, traditional gender roles is the only way relationships work." You and your partner are a team. You're both human. You're gonna have off days, weeks, months, even years, and so will they. If you're unable or unwilling to be flexible in the roles you will have to play in that partnership, you're not built for marriage.
As a recently divorced man, I was putting all the household stuff on my ex wife. This was do to immaturity I thought this was okay and y'all see where that got me. Once she left me with my kid full time I realize what she had to do and can't blame her for leaving me. Like Aba said it's embarrassing and make me feel like a failure.
Good to see you being self-reflective in this way. In your experience do you think it has to do with how you were raised by your parents or just your own personal choices?
@@maam-yj8ph It definitely is because of how I was raised. My mom left when I was 5ish and my dad did it all himself. My dad was tough. He loved us but it wasn’t love kids understood. He also stayed single so I never saw how a man should love a women. With that I thought this tough love is what everyone knows and understands, but that’s definitely not the case.
I watched Pearl for a while and always wondered why she’s never been in a long term relationship, has a ton of facts but no actual real life experience besides other ppls answers. I’m glad someone asked “what have you experienced?” And he did it respectfully
Okay, so her parents long term relationship is not an experience? Well if that is the case we can also say Aba has not been a long term relationship, so what experience does he have? Therefore, he is also not qualified to talk. 🤷🏾♂️
@@ITISKONY Pearl's parents long term relationship is not PEARL's experience. The difference is Aba is older, black, been in more relationships, has a background where his immigrant parents had more exposure to struggle. Pearl is what, young white girl in America who have always been financially set and even said herself that she doesn't even need marriage to gain wealth because her parents are set. He aint marketing himself as a relationship guru, she is. Two single people, different energies. Fault me, but im more likely to listen to someone who understand what it means to work on relationship and lived it, not someone who just read about it or ask questions on it. Because if you can sit there and comment that after watching this video that Aba aint qualified, you aint listening, you're just making arguement to be right lol.
@@kcockbur OK. You're funny, I thought kids learn from watching their parents? So, if that is the case, you saying her parents long term relationship doesn't matter is inaccurate. Also, you're contradicting yourself because in the same breath, you made reference to Aba's immigrant parents to justify why he has more exposure. 🤣🤦🏾♂️ Finally, you don't know how many relationship Aba has been into. There are people that older and has only been in 2 relationship. Pearl's parent as not always been rich, so she knew how they started and how they grow the wealth. So, don't paint her as one spoilt rich kid. Pearl doesn't say she is a relationship guru, I'm not sure where you got that from.
@@ITISKONY I get where you are coming from but pearl can use her parents relationship as an example but not as experience. There is a huge difference between experiencing things in a relationship and watching a long term relationship. You can use it as an example for what you might want but you don't automatically get their experiences from watching them. I am a tradition house wife of 7 years and I don't think a traditional man would want her.. She is so rude and she is addicted to social media and attention especially from men otherwise she would not be on social media doing what she does. She craves male attention and validation. My funny man made a joke to me a while back about how I could become rich off of desperate guys on social media by talking about my traditional views and I laughed hard and said "my god, no thank you I don't need the unwanted attention from men". His response was "that's my girl" because traditional men don't want women who crave male attention. And for a women to usually crave attention and validation from men, like she does, didn't have enough attention from their dad. Which I bet she didn't with her multiple siblings, so I wouldn't be using her parents relationship as a good example either. She is a wolf in sheeps clothing. If a person can't or doesn't practice what they preach they shouldnt preach it.
The thing that annoys me about Pearl is how she'll regurgitate basic Red-pill talking points as if she's a lifelong expert, but then will immediately backtrack and play the ignorance card the moment she gets pressed/ challenged on it. "Oh I don't know anything, I'm still learning, I'm only 26, etc." ..it's mad cringe.
That’s 💯 facts!! It makes me so freaking mad listening to her. After a while it’s all the same talking points over and over again. I think that’s also why she needs to change people out after a while because they figure that out and can argue back(like Esther does in the clip). It’s only the first time you might not have an answer to her talking points (as a new panelist on the podcast) but once people are not nervous anymore and know pearl it’s easy to dismantle what she is saying.
Not doing the little things is one of the fastest ways to get resented by your spouse aside from complete betrayal. To me, those little things show appreciation just about more than anything.
"You must not respect me" oooh that shit killed me when I Heard her say that to me. She was right despite me thinking I did respect her. Show it, which is what I needed to do
YES! I really don't care if my husband buys me presents. But when he helps even just a little, like with dishes, or takes the trash out, or grabs all the kids and takes them out side just so i can have a break? Thats when I feel cared for and loved. Because he did something that he know would care for me. On the flip side, if I feel like I'm just the maid, resentment sets in. We have gone down both roads. I have learned how to care for him, and he for me. Thats marriage and that why its hard..
It don't matter to girls one way or the other. You can do all the big things, and the little things and they still will drop you because they decided what you did wasn't enough.
@@bbuny10 some times you don't even realize that you have been doing something that has hurt your spouse. Im guilty! Thats why coming together with humility and understanding is so importante.
@@annekendziora9114 so if he does all of that and you feel respected he still gets less than in the beginning of the relationship. No unsolicited blowjobs, nothing. It doesn’t make a difference really.
I’m late but my marriage is failing for this very reason. I am a wife and mother with a full time job. I told my husband if he couldn’t step up and support me at home this will not work. We have had this conversation a few times. He is finally considered my feelings when I told him the marriage isn’t working and I wanted a divorce. He has started to step up on his housework, when he usually would come home and just play the game. So yes, helping with household chores is very important. Like I’m exhausted from work and mommy duties, I got to come home and clean, cook, prepare for the next day and still have sex? Plz.
Before my husband and I started living together, I told him I would be solely be responsible for most of the housework, except for a few things that he could do (taking out the trash, walk the dogs, clean the yard, tend to the car), and we agreed. We have never had an issue because we came to an agreement before we started cohobitating. I also work from home, which gives me about 2 hours of free time to spot clean the house before I clock in. The reason this works is because I am a traditional homemaker and my husband respects that. All I ask for is some appreciation. I am always tired, but I'm not frustrated. Acts of service is my love language.
What do you do for work vs what someone else does for what is critical. You substitute key differences in life styles and that very well may change. Now apply that logic to other people living differently.
This is essentially what me and my wife do. I’ll take care of fixing major stuff, the little stuff we take care of together. I cook, she cleans. We do a deep clean on the weekends and have a day date afterwords. Like lunch at the park, Go to a movie. A hike maybe. We just get it done. Whether it be an agreement, or what not it’s just being able to depend on and communicating with your spouse is the key. Many avenues to the main road I like to say.
@@rkrs843 well other people just have to communicate, plan it out. That’s the foundation. How does a building withstand the elements and stay intact. Structure. Same thing applies to relationships.
I literally just lost a friendship over this. Lived together for 3 years, and their significant other came in, took over the house and made it disgusting, leaving all their shit everywhere. I stopped cleaning up after them and just let them live in their filth. Moved out and that was that. I love having my own place that's always clean ❤️. I'll be damned if someone thinks they're gonna come in here and mess up my peace and what I've built.
People tend to forget that our homes are a reflections of who we are and what we like. It’s imperative for our well being to live in a clean home. As stupid and mundane as it may sound, a clean home brings peace in your life Living in a clustered house gives me anxiety and depression and I’ll dump anyone that causes me to feel this way.
Been there done that. Also made the mistake of moving in with someone who I thought was a clean freak, turns out she's only a clean freak when her mom is the ninja that comes in to do it for her. So when we moved in together all her nastiness was exposed for what it was. She had never cleaned anything a day in her life, including laundry. She started stealing my clothes instead of figuring out laundry for herself. That's when I called her mom and told her to figure something out for her daughter because I had put notice in and was leaving.
I had a somewhat similar situation. I lived with a friend who was ok living in an absolute pigsty because he was raised by his father (mother abandoned the family) and that was the way he lived so my friend didn't know any different. It got to the point where I was really struggling with the situation since every time I wanted to cook for myself - I would have to wash the cookware because it had been sitting in the sink for a solid couple days. And whenever I would just start washing things he would come in saying "well I was going to do that". Thankfully we didn't lose the friendship over that, and honestly that was only ever the one issue. The rest of the time we got along great because we're both just a couple dumbasses. But I definitely learned a lot from that situation.
As a married woman, the "chores" podcast lady infuriates me. She is a brick wall who refuses to listen. He explained how small issues grow to divorce perfectly: no chores/other issues-->minor disagreement/argument-->failure to apologize or make changes-->diminished attraction/less emotional attachment-->physical intimacy subsides-->anger+resentment builds-->smex stops-->serious arguments exponentially increase-->communication completely breaks down-->separation or "break" discussion...
You explain it perfectly, and it isn't a gender issue in my experiance. A relationship, is about ballance. When it isn't balanced by respect, it's defective. Sometimes, one person does more then the other, and the pendulum swings, and the other does more. Like when one is sick, or has to work extra hours for example. Eventuality you have a conversation about ballancing out the duties if both people are emotionally mature, it isnt more then minor arguments. In my experiance, mental helth care, honest communication and active listening is what saves marriages from divorce.
If minor issues and disagreements is what destroyed a person's marriage, then they shouldn't have gotten married. Small issues is like the husband snores or the wife always forget her keys. Failure to make peace with small issues is failure as a person.
A failure to address these issues you have with proper tone is just as big a failure as the person not meeting your expectations to begin with. Having an attitude towards someone not doing something you want them to do will not produce results. As well as calling out the things they do wrong, when they do attempt to do the things you want, instead of congratulating them for the things they did correctly will ensure that they will not continue doing said thing. If someone does the dishes and all you do is complain about the way they stacked them, or the fact that they didn't dry them well enough (if done manually) then that person is feeling like you didn't respect the effort they put in. They will be sure to use that time instead, to put effort into things that benefit them rather it be entertainment or something they're working towards on the side. A lot of the times people will be guilty of this, and completely lack the self awareness and self accountability to see where they failed in the relationship, and how they had a much larger cause for the downward spiral in the relationship than they understand. Stuff like this is what causes men to shutdown to begin with. If I'm with a woman, I'm sacrificing time with my family (people who love me unconditionally, regardless of what I offer or what my mental state is). Goals that can lead to a better life for me and the people around me get put on the backburner. If what I stated above and more is what I'm getting in return, I'm going to start slowly reorganizing my time to the things that are important to me.
I married a man just like this. No help with chores. EVER. Four sons. Never once even got up at night to help when the babies were born. Tried to hold on, but after 25 years of basically being a domestic servant, we got divorced. After this video, im going to do whatever I can to get my four young adult sons to watch this ENTIRE video. Blue haired guy perfectly described how just not helping with chores can snowball into other things. Your feelings change about the person and you become resentful if they dont ever help with chores, IE: be considerate. This information could be so helpful to young people entering relationships. Maybe you dont realize it but this isnt something you hear a lot, and coming from you guys it has the ring of truth. Thank you for sharing.
I’m sorry for your experience. I hope your sons help you with household chores, they will learn from real life experience that this should not always fall solely on the woman 🩷
Pearl is one of those people that thinks if she just repeats what she says over and over again, it'll eventually make sense. Destiny is right, she's a child and she really lacks listening skills.
Destiny has never been divorced so he's doing exactly what pearl is doing in speaking on something he has no experience in. Plus that dude let's his lady get piped down by other dudes so he's not the model of a healthy relationship.
@@rudesword2852 One does not necessarily have to go through something to give advice based on common sense and also, I personally don't follow Destiny nor do I believe that anyone is the epitome of truth but in this particular situation it's not hard to tell who's right or wrong. Pearl is wrong here and behaving like a child repeating herself or yelling over someone they disagree with. As for the experience thing, try looking at it like this, most people don't necessarily have to be a parent to know that leaving your child in a locked car is dangerous, so if a childless person says, never leave your child in a locked car, and you willingly choose to brush his advice off because you're the actual parent, then you're being foolish. Good advice and factual opinions have no discrimination. Sometimes, even those with more experience give the worst advice.
I don’t know Pearls content so I won’t comment on her. Destiny however I am aware of and trust me he is guilty of the same things you say pearl is guilty of. Also from what I’ve seen Destiny has been in the debate game longer which CAN make a big difference.
@@mooblerthomson9851 I don't watch either of them, I tried once Destiny seems like a jerk and pearl is very ignorant. They both use logical fallacies to make it seem like they are saying something but 80% of the time it's biased crap.
@@rudesword2852 what the hell are you talking about?! Being divorced doesn't mean you know the reasons women file for divorce. You know one case - your own
Yeah but I’d rather hear arguments than be hungry and have no coat for the winter cause there’s not enough money coming in the household but aye the grass is always greener on the other side. I just think the psychological toll is far greater in a single parent household than in two
@@zalitosway8419fr my parents are divorced and we are still living in this shithole because my mom has to waste another 500 extra on renting another apartment and my parents can’t pay their debts,single parent households are definitely worse,if my dumbass parents could suck it up and just live with each other for a couple months so they could pay off their debts so our family could be stable and I won’t even be able to go to college
@@zalitosway8419 I disagree honestly. I really think I'd be worse off growing up watching my dad be abusive towards my mom and possibly eventually towards my siblings and I. Even if there's no abuse involved, sometimes a toxic relationship between 2 parents can make life a living hell for the kids. And this is coming from someone who lived through borderline poverty with a single mom lol. I'd rather grow up poor, losing homes left and right, than end up enduring endless fights that consist of yelling and throwing things.
@@berrymckockiner5883 exactly this and more. Psychologists have actually found that arguing in front of children is actually healthy, as long as they get to see a healthy conclusion to the problem. If they see healthy compromise, arguing in front of children is just fine, it actually shows them how to deal with people who won’t agree with them, because in the world, no one is ever going to agree with you %100. Arguing, sticking with it and finding a healthy conclusion together shows children not to give up on things as soon as it gets hard. I also want to add, as a personal anecdotal experience, I would have rather have dealt with my parents arguing sometimes over things than having to deal with two sexually and physically abusive step fathers that favored their children over me and my sister, and a single mother who was too afraid to be alone to realize the danger she was putting her daughters in. We may have had nice toys, but the family dynamic was torn apart and everyone hated each other. I much rather would have had a cohesive and loving family unit than a shiny new dirt bike and years of trauma to work through in therapy.
It's never really about the minor things like dishes, laundry, garbage, etc. It's about feeling disrespected, like your partner doesn't recognize or appreciate your efforts. It's about feeling like you're putting more into the relationship than your significant other. It's about trying to communicate and making your needs known and it constantly getting ignored or being met with hostility. It's about complacency and misunderstandings. Tired of these people with no experience on the matter trying to pass such strong surface level judgements on how these things are supposed to work. Let em get in the same position they're criticizing and find out.
Yeah, but I just now thought about how this can be weaponized too though. If it is something small like cleaning, than you could probably overlook it. If this leads to something bigger than I can understand.
Destiny is a homosexual and a fornicator who knows absolutely nothing about marriage and is not a mentor for anyone on relationships - but yeah pearl is a pickme
Out of many content creators i've listened to, Aba n Preach have been the most realistic and relatable ones on this platform. Reasonable, experienced, and real. Experienced not in everything, but these guys are real and reasonably blunt.
Agreed, been watching some Destiny after this seen him dismantle F&F and Sneako on 4 podcasts. I'm begging there isn't any skeletons cause he's the first guy I've found in a while that speaks sense towards both sides like A&P have thankfully been doing for a long time. If he clowns I still have them, it just be nice if a new group of people emerged that wasn't based on one of two extreme sides. People that don't dismiss when they are right about something but filters out the bad.
@@dcworld4349 I'm a big Desinty fan and I'm gonna be the first person to tell you that he 100% has a bunch of skeletons. Mostly related to some terrible political takes (N-word saga, even his soulless and unempathatic takes on the recent stuff related to the Ohio Derailment and many more...), but I'd say his takes on relationships are generally quite good. Regardless, both his political takes and his relationship advice are generally quite reason and on average significantly better than any alternatives I've seen
@@savaok255 I googled and read some contradictions. As in he would go around calling people the N-word? Or In the George Carlin way where he would use it on stage or when talking in public, not saying it too someone. He just used the word rather than say the N-word, or a more recent example in the Rogan context? Not to excuse it, Rogan himself has said when he saw it all clipped together he cringed and felt uncomfortable. And I think in the last 10-15 years we have all slowly agreed even if you grew up with Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle and rap music, you don't use it. I myself hadn't heard the word in years, before Dave Chappelle came back, and when I discovered A&P. And I admit I felt a jolt, I understand that it's their word now and I'm not saying they should stop. It was just as if I got dragged back in time because I hadn't heard it since I was a teenager. What did he say about the Ohio situation that was wrong? Couldn't find it? Seems like a weird thing to have a wrong take about.
I got married when I was 22 (my wife was 19) and tomorrow will be our 22 wedding anniversary, and I can tell you now, a house is made by the efforts of both people. We share the parenting responsibilities, we share the chores, we share the wins as well as the fall backs. It's a team effort. Unless you're independently wealthy, there's no such thing as the "head" of a household anymore. It takes two to make it work, because the modern struggle requires two.
This is facts. If you both pay bills then you should both help with cooking and cleaning. If it’s only the two of you and no kids it shouldn’t even take that long. At most like 30 minutes a day
You don’t have to be wealthy to have traditional gender roles. I stopped working (for the most part) to be home with the kids while they’re small. We are not wealthy, but we do not live above our means and we make sacrifices so I can be home.
I experienced this and it was one of the driving factors of why me and my ex broke up. She moved out her for her parents' house and into my apartment, that I've lived in and maintained for near enough four years. It got to the point where I looked forward to the day she went to visit her parents. So I could actually give my apartment a proper clean. Because she could not clean up after herself or keep my place tidy. It 100% does get annoying very quickly. That experience has definitely put me off anyone else ever moving in with me 😬
I have a friend who loves Pearl, so she made me listen. And I liked what she said for a few mins then real life hit me. This girl is single for a reason. Her idea of submission would bore even the most nacissist man.
Dude same. I randomly saw one of her shorts and I thought she made a valid point but the more I watched the more unhinged it got. The next day I came across Aba n Preach’s vid on her and quickly became a subscriber. I guess I owe Pearl a thanks 😂
Women don’t divorce for no reason. Men don’t divorce for no reason. NO ONE goes into marriage planning to divorce! The reason may not be important to YOU. Its not something YOU care about. It’s little things that pile up and one day he/ she has finally given up.
@@manoahhines6818no she's not she's wrong it can also be cheating infidelitys constantly stepping out on your marriage that can be that to not everyone getting divorced for nothing it's a reason
I grew up in a house where my dad (who worked less hours than my mom and earns less than her) did absolutely nothing in the house "bEcaUsE he WorKeD alL daY". Cue to my mom getting sick because stress and my deadbeat of a father decided I had to take care of every chore in the house, plus my mom's health and my little siblings' care while I was 16 y/o. He refused to visit my mom at the hospital because reasons. Fast forward to now, and his horrible attitude has eroded his image for us that we barely talk to him. So yeah, men and women need to choose better, but at the same time know when to quit and divorce.
@@rumooooni SAME. We are three kids and we've been BEGGING them to get divorced, but they won't becausw my father knows he won't ever find a woman like my mom again, and my mom feels like she's too old for a new relationship. So there they are, dysfunctional af and unhappy.
God, I’m sorry about that OP. That has to be such a strain on you. And your parents aren’t even divorced too.. I wish the best for you. As tough as my parents divorce was, i think it was way better than staying together. Wish the same happened for you. ( also I hope my comment isn’t coming across as me pitying you or anything! I just really understand your situation)
@@soomi5667 Don't worry! It didn't come across as that. It did strain me mentally when I was younger, but I've learned how to destress and my internal peace has been getting better. I feel sorry for my siblings tho because they had to go through that as well and made them bitter of their dad, yk?
I lived with friends one time. There was a guy who gave me a pity story to move in with me and my other friend(we all went to school). The cat that moved in with us never did chores, always smelled like ass, ate our food since he was "honorably discharged" from the army and couldn't find work. Any time we asked him to play his part, dude would straight up cry PTSD but keep us up at like 2am hollering and laughing on skye calls. Dude made me feel some type of way about veterans in my young age because of him. Of course I don't feel that way anymore but that was the first and only time I lived with friends. Now I'm in a 1BR chilling by myself. Don't room with certain friends.
If there’s one thing I learned in college is that you should never be a roommate to your friends or family. Me and my cousin decided to live together since we knew each other since we were kids and we figured we get along. Unfortunately that didn’t happen. He tried to break me and my girlfriend up because he was upset that we weren’t spending more time together. There would also be times he just wouldn’t pay the rent and my family had to force his mom to help pay. I will never room with friends or family again unless they’re my immediate family.
This video is the truth of my life right now. My wife and I just had a newborn, and my wife severely cut her foot which required surgery, so she has to be off her feet for 6 weeks. This means that I have to not only go to work for 40+ hours a week, but I have to come home and do all the work at home, including taking care of the baby and cooking meals and cleaning. It was becoming too much for me, so my mother-in-law drove 9+ hours to come and help us, and after a week, my mother-in-law and my wife are already driving each other crazy, because my mother-in-law does things her way and my wife does them completely different. Respect to Pearl for stating her opinion, but it's clear she has no idea what it's like to be in a marriage and have shit go sideways constantly and have to deal with that every single day. I love my wife and child more than anything, but that love is seriously the only thing that is keeping me in my current shit-show. My wife even told me one day that she would be upset if I left, but she would understand. I responded in saying that if love is "convenient", then it's not love. Love isn't a feeling... it's a full-ass experience with a person. If you don't want to experience the full spectrum of life with them, then it's not love. And if someone don't love you... It. Will. Not. Work. That's why divorce happens: They think it's love, but when shit gets real, they run. Not doing chores in a relationship life is a symptom of a fake, privileged, entitled love that lasts as long as the bedroom scene does. Real love is going through it with them, through it all, doing what it takes, and seeing them on the other side of it. Very few people know what that is because very few are willing to go through that. But you will not know until you go through it, and keep going through it and keep going through it. If you're not wanting to go through that, then it's not worth it. Forget finding someone else to do it, because if you're not willing, it won't happen. You won't find love. If you don't want to do it, then you'll never find someone who does. It's that simple. Venting aside, I appreciate you both, Aba and Preach, for keeping it real and calling folks out when they're in the wrong. You've become my 20 minutes of escape / therapy every time I'm able to watch your videos. You're as real as it gets, and I don't care what F&F or Shneko or any other haters say to you, because they can't match your realism. They're wannabe preachers with followers that can't light their own candles when it comes to this shit. You two and Jordan Peterson have taught me more about what it takes to be a man, a husband, and a father, more than any of these Red Pill posers could in their entire lives combined. I thank you and appreciate you both. Blessed Be.
If being a man means being a authoritarian then yeah jordan peterson taught men a lot. I think love is a feeling, you get that feeling from that experience with someone.
This is very real for women in relationships. When you both work all day and then the house chores and family responsibilities rely almost solely on you...you basically have two jobs. It creates animosity and the work never stops...ever.
I literally had this conversation last night with my gf. She just moved in a month ago and she wasn’t cleaning, no cooking, no chores, plus she makes the place dirty and then when I confronted her, she asks me why I’m getting mad over small stuff like that and cuz I got money like that, she even asked why I don’t just hire someone. So I said, we going to break up if this keeps happening and she was like “why didn’t you tell me this was bothering you earlier” like wtf? This video legit came at the perfect time, cuz last night she made me feel like I was in the wrong but now I know I ain’t. She trippin if she thinks this going to continue if she don’t shape up
If you want my opinion, I'd say either go your seperate ways or have a long discussion about why this bothers you so much and try to drill it into her why she's in the wrong. Show her this video if it'll help.
Let me guess youre under 25? Is she pregnant with your child? if not, the only person you need to be hiring is a moving service to move her and stuff to the street.
@@LethalByChoice I already had this convo with her last night, and today she actually sent me a small portion for the rent and said she’d start helping around the place more but we’ll see 🤞🏼
Stay strong, she'll probably change for a little and then get back comfortable. Growth is not comfortable so she has to go through it if she wants to be with you. That's how you'll know she's a keeper
It's the principle behind it, not just the "chores" itself. Constantly failing to keep a clean space for you and your partner is a reflection of the level of respect you have for them. It all boils down to respect
No sometimes it's just who people are. My wife used to leave little piles of trash every where because she is mentally incapable of finishing sweeping.
My ex moved in with me a few months ago. When she moved in I started to struggle financially because she expected me to help pay her bills. I paid for all the bills and everything in our household. When I asked her if she planned on contributing any of her money she received from working she told me, you would be paying those bills anyway if I didn’t live here. Completely ignoring the fact that I now had to buy more groceries, was paying for two people to eat out like 2-3 times a week, was paying her car insurance, and giving her money for hair and nails. Her unwillingness to contribute to our household made me resent her immensely and the relationship never recovered.
That was extremely selfish and fkd up. But, people do to us what we allow them to. Was she your ex wife or girlfriend? Why were you paying for her nails and hair ,especially if she was your ex? What was she doing with her income?
@@ladyhotep5189 she probably became his ex- afterwards. I would ask if she ever lived by herself before, though. Because for a person to not realize more people in a household = higher expenses leads me to think she is either very bad at finances or plain entitled.
13:24 “Then you should have picked a better guy” Thank you for making the point for them: what do you think divorce is? It’s getting rid of a person you can’t be with anymore and most likely eventually look for a better person.
@@nobody-n9s Yep they do it all for the clout. And what's sad is there's hoards of followers and sheep that they accumulate spouting this nonsense. And I ain't mad at it coz ayye the game is the game, it's more just a sad reality that people would rather listen to random "gurus" on the internet than actually got to therapy or see professionals about their issues. Whether it's the male guru's or female gurus they basically all prey on the audience their claim to be "helping" 😂
I’m about to become a stay at home mom to our first child. I feel a HUGE responsibility to make sure he doesn’t have to do anything when it comes to household chores when he comes home from work. He works really hard and i would feel bad if after a long day of hard labor he comes home and has to do more. So far we have been 50/50 on everything (bills/chores) because we were both working, but soon my responsibilities and work will shift to maintaining the household. He still does more than his fair share of chores. He’s very clean and orderly and I never have to ask him to do anything. It’s really amazing.
This will be a wonderful thing and a challenge! It might take a while to get the hang of things with a new born and managing the home but it gets better. You can do it mama!
Good luck! Don't do what I did & take on 100% kids alone.. yes the dad's working hard but he gets to clock out & babies are HARD & parenting never gets to clock out. So take your breaks too. & It's parenting is not just a woman thing, it's a man thing too. So just cuz you ask him to whatever with the baby isn't something to feel bad about asking. Hopefully he does without needing to be asked or told but if he does, don't feel bad. just some words, take them or leave them ☺️
I dated a guy who lost his job after he moved in. I’m sure he was depressed, but i got tired of coming home after work and having to do his dishes after he’d been home gaming all day. Dude was OUT. Not because he lost his job, but because he did NOTHING. Pearl is useless. She’s completely without nuance. She’s just picked a side and sticks with it. Sometimes she says correct things, but it’s never because she’s thought about it.
OMG , there are actually people like that ? dude sits at home games all day does nothing without a job while hes with a girl ??!! thats absolute dead weight behaviour . im 23 have never been in a relationship , but thats one of my worst fears if i get into one i.e being a deadweight cuz It takes both the people to build a relationship. little things like that can add up over time and blow up like a bomb one day.
Dated, not married. That is a different story. Pearl is clearly coming from the idea that marriage is a much bigger commitment than dating. Don't go into it if you can't handle the bad times. You make vows in front of God, your family and your nation to be together through all the shit. Some chores is not a huge reason to go straight for divorce. You should exhaust other solutions before seeing a lawyer.
Nobody has an issue if you leave a bum who you're _dating_. We do think that if you're married and have a kid - splitting your family is stupid and that's a fact. Unless it's actually something really bad, you should like the tougher generations of the past keep your family together for the sake of the kid.
@@nobodyknowsforsure I do agree to that to at a extent. What if the parents really can't stand each other? Being raised in such a divisive situation is probably not good for the child psyche always having to pick sides between the two
Chores can be a lot. I don't mind splitting some of them. Things like cooking though I enjoy quite a lot. I'm Jamaican and Jamaican men love cooking. Cooking for my family is one of my favourite things to do. Watching my kids enjoy a good meal is a great feeling. I don't know how to explain it. 😁
Thats facts, watching people enjoy food you made is incredibly fulfilling. We all have chores we enjoy/tolerate/hate doing. Its a matter of finding what you & your partner can split based off work/life balance. Cooking might be your thing, maybe dishes is hers. In the end it dont matter what the part is, everybody gotta pitch in.
As a kid, my Mom was a nurse, who worked all night, the graveyard shift at a Nursing Home, and then she came home in the morning, made breakfast for 4 kids, get 4 kids ready for school, then get them off to school. It made me feel good, when I got home, to wash dishes, help with the laundry, clean the bathroom, sweep, mop, vacuum, etc. I even would make my Mom's bath for her when she was getting ready to go to work at night, and while she was taking a bath, I would lay out her nurse uniform, panty hose and shoes, out for her on her bed while she took her bath. Then always give her a hug and tell her I loved her when she was heading out the door at night to go to work. She worked 20 years as a nurse, and only missed ONE day of work in all those 20 years! She instilled the hard work value in me, just by me watching her work hard. Then on the weekends, when I was off of school, I did the same chores, plus yard work, mowing the lawn, racking leaves, etc. And on the weekend, I would bring her and my Stepdad coffee in bed in the morning. It made me feel great to help her, and my Stepdad, he worked his ass on working on the railroad for 40 years, he never missed work! When you love someone, whether Mother, Father, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, it makes you happy to make their lives a little easier by doing these things. Then when I started working at 15, I worked my butt off and rarely ever missed work. My parents instilled hard work in me, and what love means, I was very blessed to have them as parents to teach me this by how hard they worked, and my Mom had 4 kids, and was there for every activity her kids did, soccer games, dance class recitals, football games, high school band performances, softball games(4 of us, so we did a lot of sports and school activities), I'm blessed. So when I got older, and in relationships, I when I lived with my boyfriend, I did the same. When you are raised right, then you do right. And now my daughter is 21, and she works her butt off, never misses work, or never shows up late to work. She has a beautiful apartment with her roommates/best friends, and has a beautiful car, she pays all her bills on time, and she gives me the upmost respect, we are so close, and love each other so much. You as a parent, have to be the example of how to live a good, and hard working responsible life. And teach your kids to not only survive in this world, but thrive. Sorry for the long rant, but it's just the truth.
Pearl says what she thinks is supposed to be said rather than thinking and generating a helpful response. Its like we're helping her work out her logic. This is how so many podcasters perform. Just a stream of seeing people work out their thoughts, something that should take place in an intimate conversation.
They’re having 2 different arguments destiny is talking about actual long term relationships that spiral out and she’s talking about city girls who marry and divorce because they wanna do their own thing since that’s what she’s pretty much who’s she’s used to talking to
Yes, I mean she's doing awesome for only being in the game for a year. She is obviously going to become more refined and become a better interviewer. But I feel like sometimes these types of topics have to be steered very carefully in order to be conducive for the audience to prevent people from becoming more confused or lost in translation
They are doing it for the clout. Pearl said she tested all content, the red pill content got her a greater audience. Even she doesn't believe half the things that come out of her own mouth.
Not even just a helpful response. But just a response that displays some dang intelligence. She says exactly what these sad red pillers want to hear so she can generate income
My marriage ended because I was a stay at home dad and as much as I cooked and cleaned, and took care of both toddlers during the pandemic 24/7 365. It was never enough. I did all the chores but would get the complaint of you leave shoes in the living room or you take too long cleaning. So yes chores are an issue because when she wanted a divorce I was like cool I’m over this anyway. But this divorce process is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced. Marriages only work if both do work. I should have been the one complaining about the chores but I was always the only one cleaning.
@ShafiAhmed479 Get outa here, to the guy above I hope your doing well now, I'm exactly the same way and I decided I'm not responsible for other poeple negative response to me when I'm trying my best NOT to upset them! I just move on knowing I did my best🥲
Is it just me, or are we overwhelmed with people who aren't married (or even in a relationship) who cannot WAIT to spread the good word in a how a relationship works, meanwhile Preach is actually married and hardly ever tells people what makes shit work, or at least doesn't make a series of videos preaching to people how to make relationships work. I'm married and I feel horrible for people who are hoping to have a companion at some point, and all they have to help them out is a bunch of 20-something perpetually-single introverts who primarily live online but who claim to know exactly how relationships work.
You should have seen him dismantle F&F and Sneako on 4 podcasts. I'm begging there isn't any skeletons cause he's the first guy I've found in a while that speaks sense towards both sides like A&P have thankfully been doing for a long time.
@@dcworld4349 Dude you are watching a cuck destiny is literally theeeeee worst person to give any kind of advice on marriage or relationships he is a complete mess when it comes to this crap....
Yes splitting your family is totally okay for stress due to chores. Nothing says you love your kid by destroying your family. I will say that if you don't have kids it's completely fair game.
This is one of the reasons I fell away from the Red Pill space. A lot of the guys in that area have women that work day jobs but be on their channels telling guys to expect a servant. I’d see if she was a housewife but MOST of the consumers of these red pill guys aren’t HVM that could afford to take care of a woman in that capacity.
But that’s nothing to do with the red pill. It tell you to walk it you like you talk so if she is work and doing chores you either help with the chores or pay of lot more of the bills
To be fair tho, Destiny is essentially a sugar daddy. his wife is with him for an American greencard, and to use his clout to boost her fansley and patreon
@@gjjijji If she works an 8 hour job just as the man does, then paying more of the bills won’t help with the physical labor she has to do at home. Keeping the home clean involves; clean the toilets, bath tubs, showers, sweeping or vacuuming the floors, dusting the house and furniture, cleaning the refrigerator, stove, cleaning the baseboards, keeping the blinds to the windows clean, keeping the curtains clean,doing laundry; folding and ironing clothes, changing the bed sheets, doing the dishes, cleaning up after cooking, cooking, not to mention going to the store to buy the food, clothes, cleaning supplies etc. these task are done daily and a few are weekly depending on how messy someone is. Use the extra money to Pay for a once or twice a week housekeeper this will help out much better than just paying extra bills.
@@qesther1241 if he’s pay most of the bills than she’s pretty much working more just because she wants and that’s her choice. Again I don’t care either if she is doing chores plus work the guy should be knocking out most the bills if he’s unable to provide that he need to get he ass into the kitchen and start helping
The thing I find completely hilarious is that if a man said he was initiating a divorce on her podcast because every day when he comes home the house is a mess, his wife never cooks, and there is laundry piled everywhere, she wouldn't dare make this statement! She'd be the first one holding a torch and a pitchfork to advocate for that man's sorrows!
It happened to me like that. My wife rarely cleaned up after herself or took my issues seriously. I was resentful and my interest in her dropped day after day until I gave up on the person I thought she was. People ask what happened to us and I can't say "laziness and apathy," so I just say we weren't a good fit.
I was like this with an ex-bf of mine. We both were in the military (aka both worked the same long ass days) and I'd do all of the household cleaning and laundry which I honestly didn't mind. What DID irk me though was when he created *more* mess for me to deal with. I don't mind washing the dishes and doing laundry, but when I have to go seek all the dirty dishes and clothes laying about.....it definitely got frustrating quick
@@DeadLkeMe This. Because of my past of having to constantly clean up after others while hunting stuff down I now get triggered whenever I have to look for something and it isn't where it should be. Immediate anger like "...why the hell aren't the meat scissors in the drawer I LITERALLY bought a pair of scissors so you'd stop kidnapping these!". Mental damage from selfish roommates/family is real.
Agreed. I split up with my fiancé of 7 years over this stuff. Loved her dearly, but I paid 80% of the bills and worked 60-70 hours a week and couldn't count on having clean work clothes or dishes being done, I can count on two hands the times she cooked a meal for me. All the while she was working part time and for a period of time didn't have a job at all and I paid for everything, and on my days off I was the one vacuuming and mopping floors, shampooing carpets, cooking all the meals (I was an executive chef) etc.. I grew to resent her and our relationship fell apart. I definitely had my own flaws as well and played a part in how that relationship decayed, but I whole heartedly agree a large portion of what keeps a relationship healthy is the division of labor. I'm in a great spot now with the woman I'm currently with, we both share the load at home and have good jobs, and our first child is on the way. I wouldn't have known what to look for in a partner though if I didn't experience what I absolutely didn't want in a partner. All that to say I get why women want to divorce over those things because I being a man initiated the breakup with my ex over the same stuff, its just the genders were reversed in that scenario.
@@stephanea5364 I was impatient, and not very emotionally supportive. I guess being a man we don't get much empathy from the world, so its hard to be empathetic at home. My thought process was always "no one cares how I'm feeling or what I'm going through I'm just expected to perform" and so I went into a lot of situations feeling the same about her. I failed to realize how differently women are built, and expected things from her that were not inherently natural to her being. I signed off on her getting on birth control which wrecked her hormones and psyche because I didn't know any better. I failed to communicate effectively in a lot of scenarios and instead of having the fight or telling her exactly how I felt I just withdrew into myself. I wasn't much of a leader, I was 22 and she was 19 when we got together, and I didn't know shit about leading a relationship. The list could go on really but after we broke up I decided to be single and celibate for a year and did a lot of self reflection and growing, after that I was able to find a woman who is a great partner, but I had to work on my own flaws to be the partner she needs as well. It took a lot of self reflection to get to that point and ongoing daily self reflection to remain there. The "manosphere" really helped me improve and understand my and my partner's roles more clearly, I took a lot away from it, but the general anger and vitriol that comes with it is something you have to leave behind if you want to have a successful relationship.
@@SPDRM thats very true in a lot of circumstances. what helped me weed out those types of women was making my expectations known from the very beginning. Layout very clearly what you expect from a woman from the jump and the lazy or entitled ones seem to reject you relatively quickly, which is good for you in the long run. The woman I'm with now cooks most of the meals, does all of the laundry and grocery shopping, sets up appointments etc.. she does a lot, but in return I do a lot as well. I pick up the slack when she's not feeling well, I do all the heavy lifting, I build the shelves, cabinets, help clean up the house etc.. its a healthy balance and a positive partnership, she does the things she's good at, I do the things I'm good at, and we meet in the middle when need be. but I was very clear from the beginning of what I would expect out of her if she were to be my wife one day, and I was very clear about what I wouldn't tolerate....so far so good 🙂
I've never been in a relationship but I have experienced what was said in the podcast. Like Aba said, this happens outside of relationships, it also happens with families. Having to do all the work for people that take advantage, or could care less, is so draining and so many other negative emotions. You can't even ignore the responsibility because if you do, the house turns into a bug infested crack den. The times when certain family members finally did their job it felt like a goddamn vacation.
Dear Pearl, It's not about chores. It's about what's behind it that carries weight. Like, not caring about the other person, like not caring to put work into your relationship to keep it healthy, like not listening to your partner or taking their concerns into consideration, like treating them as if they don't matter over and over, etc. Yeah sure..things like communication, counseling, etc. should definitely take place before making the decision to divorce, but it's rarely just about "chores." Like yeah, both men and women need to take extra care in picking a partner. It's not just "are they clean" but "do they actually *show* that they care about you consistently, under pressure, etc." But for her to skim over the responsibility of the guy in this scenario and just be like "well you should've picked a better partner" instead of "yeah he needs to listen, care and step up".. like... That's where she lost me 😂 It seems like Pearl is just all about blaming women for everything. It's almost like she does it for the validation of red pill dudes and it's ...😬 Like, it's never all men or all women that are to blame. Both genders carry blame, responsibility, praise, etc. and it's most definitely case by case.
This is so bad faith, like everyone just lumps everything along with chores to make their point.. she's just saying divorcing over little things is not good, so that means a partner who gets some little things wrong but gets most other important things right..
@@ContranianCommandono, what she said was that a partner divorcing because the other partner doesn’t contribute to chores was not a legitimate reason. She said chores are a bad reason to divorce.
The most underrated statement in the whole pod was that you don’t really know someone until you’ve lived with them. Sure, you can say, “choose better”, but people change and not always in ways that can be foreseen.
But on the other hand I also think it's important to encourage people to pick partners that have qualities that actually make them good partners. For men and women.
It’s called having discernment and know the qualities they want in a person. People don’t actually get to know people anymore. Nowadays people go from texting on dating apps to the bedroom in matter of days/weeks. I do not believe that anyone can pretend to be something they are not for a whole entire relationship. The truth is that 100% of the time the person has red flags that we choose to ignore and if your a woman most likely you believed that you could be the one to change him.
@@itsyaaveragegirl this, a good amount of women do this, pretty much every relationship ive been in they werent in love with me, they were only in love with the emotional checklist i provided at times, the idea of what they thought i was that they deluded upon themselves and what they could possibly change me into being, its never taking me as is and working together, its always "fixing" me to be ideal like im some sort of project
Someone that's never been married or in a long term relationship can never understand how little things can deeply impact a relationship over time if the issue isn't dealt with. No one wants to come home and deal with unnecessary BS every single day. Life is hard enough as it is.
Because a lot of ppl in relationships lacc communication and think every thing is about them so one person could be upset and the other partner may not even know
@@thaatruthseeker3725 That's what I meant when I said if it wasn't dealt with. If the other person has voiced their concerns about the other one being lazy or whatever, and their partner still doesn't put in their fair share, what are they supposed to do? Now, if they never stood up for themselves, it's really their fault that the relationship fell apart. You can't expect anyone to read minds.
I'm glad you guys are calling this stuff out for what it is. I had started consuming red pill content when I myself was in a deterriorated mental state of health. Once I actually was able to deal with my own personal problems, I quickly realized how red pill is just.....not good. thankfully i didn't consume much of that content and it only lasted a few weeks maybe a month or two before i snapped out of my delusional headspace. Lifes all about perspective eh?
Part of the reason I divorced my ex husband is over chores. The reason I held on for so long was I was like...is it really worth leaving someone over? But he was the stay at home parent and I worked, and he did nothing at home. If I did things, he walked behind me and messed them up. He was resentful when I asked for help, when I cried for help, when I begged for help. Over 9 years it built up and I couldn't raise both him and our children in the chaos. Now he lives in his own place and is still getting in trouble with the landlord for dirtiness, now the the point where he has regular checks from them to keep him from getting evicted. Laziness kills relationships. And I have no regrets. Now I keep my home the way I want and don't have that constant anxiety around me.
@@nobodyknowsforsure did you read???? This man has no job (=NO MONETARY SUPPORT), he was so dirty that there are people having to come to his house to make sure its SANITARY. Like basic hygiene. What makes you think a man like that is good for a child? If he cant take care of himself it shows how immature he is, and clearly it's better to have him out rather than the risk of the children being anything like him.
@@nobodyknowsforsure and besides, if the woman has to come home from a job and and do the chores, why do you think he was even paying attention to the kids? Cause taking care of kids definitelywasnt a chore this man was doing
@kaynyne9 yep! Now they have someone to model good self and home care for them, and they see him every day. We get along very well, he drops them off at school then me at work and does the reverse as well. But now no one argues in front of the kids, no one has to suffer through poor mental health for them, I can provide for them more efficiently as can he and what we have is super normalized to them now. Not every split household is a nightmare when you both have the same goal of providing for and not harming your kids. His shortcomings as a partner is not their fault and they deserve two dads in their life :). We still do family activities together and make large decisions together.
@@nobodyknowsforsure Two happy parents is good for the kids. And NO parent should have to suffer in a relationship for the sake of their kids, when there is options.
I greatly appreciate this guy for explaining real life scenarios and challenging Pearl effectively. She talks for the sake of talking at times and now she can't handle real push back on her points, especially the weaker ones.
She is stupid and cannot defend herself against Destiny's arguments. She did the Kamala Harris/Hillary laughing or cackling when she had no answer. Forgive me for using politics. You get my point about Pearls before swine.
I’m currently divorcing my husband right now over this. He does almost nothing (he would clean dishes maybe once or twice a month if I’m lucky). We both work full time, and I come home and clean the whole house, picking up kids toys, cook, laundry, put away cloths, while still spending time with my two toddlers and making time for them. Giving them baths, brush hair and teeth, and bedtime. All the while cleaning up after the cloths he throws everywhere! And trash! And I’m not getting any compliments when I dress nice, no appreciation, no dates, no sexual satisfaction. We went to counseling once or twice a week for 3 YEARS. I tried everything to get him to step up so not to break up our family. You can bring a horse to water but you can’t make them drink….
If you were to be a trad wife and he was working and putting a roof over your head I would say its fair he shouldn't help you do the chores unless he wants to. But seeing as you both work and you do most of the chores I can agree with your choice of getting a divorce.
@@kcb8130 THEY BOTH WORK FULL TIME. He could help her, why should both work full time but she has to do house work as well??? Take care of the kids by herself as well???? Good luck with that shitty mentality in your marriage if your ever manage to get one. I can see divorce in your future
@@dvdm7525 lol full time is considered 35 hrs a week which is nothing. If the man works 12 hours a day and his wife works 8, she should be picking up the slack... additionally, on average in north America, men work longer hours - average 10hrs per week longer. So, women need to start working longer or shut up and do your damn house work
Pearl is the kind of person who romanticise relationships in her head by thinking the way things should work. When she's never experienced real life situations that always reflects the reality of how easily relationships can be broken down, due to simple things not being done, partners taking advantage of their significant others, refusal of help in the financial areas and so on (the list is endless). If she experienced any of this, she wouldn't be talking nonsense and giving an unrealistic one-sided view of things.
She is a wonderful person and talks truth and facts. A football coach does not have to be a former Superbowl winner to be a great coach. What she says resonates because she speaks facts 100 percent.
@@josephineicuka-asumo2570 Because it resonates with men from the globe who are sick and tired of a misandry that is being spread by legacy media and universities.
My husband & I literally sat down and made a chore list when we were like 2 years married because who was or was not doing which chores was harming our relationship. Been married for almost 6 now and I rarely even think about it because we figured that out. It is 100% little stuff piling up that can ruin a relationship. Isn't always massive like an affair and if you look at what led to affairs, a lot of the time, it was little stuff piling up!!
The devil is in the details. It was always that little shit that got to me living with roommates. Swore it off after a couple years like that (until a LTR)
So if little stuff piling up is the major reason for divorce, then shouldn't the divorce rate be similar across the world in free countries. But no it doesn't its mostly a west issue..In a lot of cultures they do not let the little stuff break down the pillars of marriage..
@@ContranianCommandoThat’s not usually a good thing. They just stay together to avoid judgement while resenting each other throughout their marriage. I’m not from the west and I’ve seen so many examples of that
@@aquilabamigbade3473 and i have seen a lot of examples of people overcoming their little issues with each other by improving or ignoring them, so this cancels our anecdotal experiences i guess..i will in no way say that any culture has got relationships completely right, but the western values of relationships, hookup culture are the absolute worst values we could have come up for in relationships.
@@ContranianCommando I don't for one second believe that anyone overcame any problem by ignoring it. You either work on your issues TOGETHER or your marriage falls apart. As for the west, there is more economic stability. Women are able to work, earn a lot of money in various enterprises, the culture is very liberal overall and families are nuclear rather than generations living together.
I have been through this. I work 7 days a week about 70-80 hours a week, come home and my ex wife expects me to do everything. She doesn’t work by the way, just sits at home watching Korean soap operas. I pick up the kids from day care even though she is home all day. I have to do all the chores, pick up the kids, help with homework prep for bedtime. It wasn’t a marriage it was servitude. And when I said I wanted to hire help I get accused of being lazy and not saving money. I put up with it because of the kids but after a while, I knew nothing would change.
Get yourself a South East Asian young girl who would gladly clean the house and gift you a kid or two without any complains. You got yourself a modern, entitled brat who thinks she's special. She ain't.
Chores were a HUGE issue with my ex, she stayed at home since she was unable to ever really get a good job, so I expected her to do 95% of the stuff around the house with me occasionally pitching in since I worked and earned us a living, except I did 95% of things and she thought doing something here and there was such a big thing, it was honestly ridiculous, I worked as an aide in a nursing home so my job was typically incredibly stressful and it was always a fight getting her to do stuff, glad she’s an ex Much as I loved her.
Did u explain to her that since you had the responsibility of earning , she should take the responsibility of the house...wat logic did she have for not doing the needfull
I tried to make it work for my first fiance. I hung on for as long as I could. But I didn't realize how severe his issues were until we started to live together after two years of dating. Moved in together by year two, totaling a 5 year relationship. I not only worked two jobs because he was only making money to pay for his vices, I would come home and everything was trashed and destroyed, pet mess all over the floor, the home smelled so bad, I'm not even going to keep going because it was so traumatic. I asked so many times, please help me clean. Not even anything major, I would beg him to take out the pets for walks and potty, but no whatever he was doing or watching was more important. I couldn't marry a man like that.
Divorce for "no reason"??? As a divorcee, I will say that it is a HUGE decision to ask your spouse for a divorce, not a walk in the park. I was lucky that I didn't have kids or property with my ex, but the emotional roller coaster leading up to making the decision to divorce was torture. It was probably brewing for a year or more, you're trying to find a way to work things out so you can save your relationship, going to therapy, trying couples' therapy, anything honestly to see if you can stay together. Your nerves are fried, you're confused in your feelings, confused by your sense of obligation to your spouse, to yourself, your family, and to the cultural idea of marriage, kids, etc. in the future. You're judged by your parents, your siblings, and you lose friends. I lost a ton of friends after my divorce because the reality is that people pick sides. You're judged by your community, especially if you're from a culture where divorce is taboo. Then the lawyers and their fees, the time spent on contracts, and whatever legal garbage has to be taken care of. If you come from an abusive marriage, these things are likely WAY WORSE to go through and you may not have a great support network as you go through it. And after it's all done, you have to learn to be alone again and like it, work on yourself, trust people again and socialize, build new friendships, and the list goes on. Divorce is an upheaval of one's life - no one is doing it for "no reason."
"No reason?" It's not literal... it means for small or stupid reasons... She even explains this. You, people, are out of touch and can't even understand plain English.
That roomate shit hit hard, fr if room8s aren’t doing their own part or just cleaning up after themselves it’s infuriating. It screams im entitled and have no accountability
Unfortunately my friend had to end her 10 year relationship recently, mainly because he stated that she didn't do anything for the family. She hasn't been away from her kids since this came into this world (his oldest is about to turn six). He would disregard any plans she's made way ahead of time, then goes on day trips with his friends and leaves her with the kids the morning of. Her family lives 2.5 hours away in the next major city, she would mention and make plans to go visit (as a family) he would just back out saying he didn't feel like going, so she would have to deal with the kids for the whole weekend by herself. There's a lot more to say, but I'm sure him having to move in with his mother again will remind him what it takes (they're not married and the house was bought by her and it was 70/30 for a long while, too) Over all we all want to be around self-sufficient adults who understand teamwork.
Why have kids before marriage? Why be in a relationship for 10 years if he is not even willing to put work in?? Why kids in the first place with said man? Don’t talk about teamwork when you hired the wrong person. Can’t hire a bozo and expect greatness…
Thank you for this episode. THANK YOU!! And thank you to the gentleman with the blue hair who made many valid points & who spoke through experience not “talking to people on the street for a year” 😂
Being with someone and LIVING with someone are 2 completely different worlds. It's cute to play house and spend the night at your partners house but sharing those responsibilities both big and small, it really matters and makes a difference in the relationship.
This is the single most common reason I've seen friends', family's and acquaintances' relationships fall apart. You really don't know a person until you've lived with them, and even more so until you've gone through hard times with them.
I’m dying of laughter. I still got ptsd from an ex constantly leaving his dookie in the toilet cause he’d “forget” to flush. I 100% can’t be compatible with anyone who can’t put their weight in on any level, even in friendships. We aren’t children . We all pick up after ourselves, we can both work, and contribute to kids 🤷🏽♀️
yo this is actually so true though. As I grew up watching my parents, watching my father get shit together whenever we had some important event to be at as a family and listening to my moms sit in the car complaining about how late we were. This never made sense to me as she could have easily walked her ass back in that house and just helped him get it together so we could leave on time and prepared. I eventually got tired of seeing this and took it upon myself to walk back in the house and help out my pops. it really is the little shit that matters most in a relationship.
JustPearly always goes on about her rich daddy and privileged life... so don't expect her to undersrand ordinary life like sharing a home and doing chores.
Forget marriages, I had a best friend for SIXTEEN YEARS, we lived together for two, and now I will never speak to her again lol division of labor is huge, and while there were other issues, a lot were issues that I knew about the entirety of our friendship. Others were revealed by being in such close proximity to her all the time, but the primary thing that broke us up was our household dynamic. A year into that living situation, I still loved her more than anyone, but I also _resented_ her and was so annoyed all the time. We keep saying love isn't enough to keep a relationship together _BECAUSE IT ISN'T._ Love wasn't enough to save my relationship with someone who's been in my life for over half of it (I'm 28, it ended 9 months ago). It's definitely not going to be enough to save your marriage if you're not both actively working on making it better.
How stupid you are both just still teenagers mentally honestly grow up be the bigger person better said the adult and make up with her she probably misses you even tho she won’t admit it
You should have seen him dismantle F&F and Sneako on 4 podcasts. I'm begging there isn't any skeletons cause he's the first guy I've found in a while that speaks sense towards both sides like A&P have thankfully been doing for a long time.
@@dcworld4349 considering the amount of haters he has and he's been doing this for over 10 years, anything dirty would've been out by now. Everyone tries to cancel him.
@@slimconfucius that's nice to hear, just recently found out about him so I've not exactly been just drowning through his content. But I've seen enough to where it seems he gets the problem and the hypocricy that is going on in left circles. Yet isn't willing to give the right a pass either. He's even willing to give the red pillers some credit on some areas they are giving good advice. Before laying out what the rest of what they are saying is factually wrong. It felt so nice to see that again, so used to for the most part your either on one side or the other.
I got my mom a roomba and I never seen her so happy in her life. She used to clean the floors like everyday because of our dogs and dirty shoes, plus vacuum carpet. Me buying this simple thing that saves her a couple of hours a week, helped her tremendously.
My husband and I have been married for 1.5 year now. When it came to actually living with each other I didn't recognise my own home. Everything was put somewhere else, and things were messy and not very clean. My hard work wasn't appreciated especially with kids in the mix. I used to ask all the time please help blah blah... That got old and didnt do anything. I could feel resentment and annoyance growing and my husband felt my negative vibes because I felt like nobody respected my work (I'm a SAHM). So I decided to make a silent protest. I stopped washing clothes, doing dishes, hoovering, sweeping, cleaning the toilet, the bath, cooking. Everything you can think of I stopped. It took about 2-3 weeks for him to notice and he always says now that he has to keep on top of it as it bugs him and it's certainly made him more aware of how much goes into making a house and home and not a dumping ground. It definitely made me less angry knowing I couldn't care less and knowing that he is also aware and more inclined to do his side of things too. So Pearl unfortunately is really misled. I somehow feel this is just a front and she knows yet this is what pays her nicely so she's keeping up the facade 🤔... Chores can most certainly vow for divorce.
Ex-wife and I had this issue for years, I'm a bit of a neat freak and I liked coming home knowing i dont have to stress before bed. Coming home to 2-3 hours of more work while she wasnt working was infuriating. When we switched roles after i broke my ankle she noticed how much i got done WITH CRUTCHES and started helping out more. It's really easy to keep your house clean, its not easy to maintain a relationship if you feel you're being taken advantage of.
@@michael43567 The only person making a mockery is you and the lazy ass fucking person. For anyone who thinks its "just chores" is either autistic or never been in a relationship. For someone to not make an effort keeping the house in check while the other partner works and they dont does not give a shit about thier partner. What type of spouse can sit there and watch their partner do all the cooking and cleaning after they just came home from work? That person dsnt give a fk about their partner, their life or anything and chores is just how their real feelings manifested.
@TheGr8190 still a silly reason to divorce. That's just ONE factor of maintaining a relationship. What if he also pays the bills, pleasures you sexually, protects you, buys you gifts, is a great communicator etc? You throwing a marriage away because he doesn't pull his weight with chores?
My family immigrated to Australia from Eastern Europe when I was 3. It's a very traditional-esc, household. Dad worked a full time job, so did mum, but she still came home and did chores, cooked and cleaned, it's just how it was. Since mum works as a cleaner she taught me and my brother a lot and as we learnt, we began pulling our weight. In the end, there is a great sense of fulfillment from completing certain tasks. When I make my bed to perfection, when i've vacuumed the house, done the dishes, I feel great. When i've cooked a meal and I watch people eat and enjoy the food i've prepared. I actually think that's one of the best feelings in the world.
@@olorundareqowiyat1002 then do it of its that basic. My grandparents had a very traditional household and my grandparents both worked full time, they both did chores. This concept is really not that hard to grasp
@@olorundareqowiyat1002 My Grandpa was from Ghana 7 he'd outbake my Grandma anyday. Also, as a WWII Drill Sergeant the man would spend HOURS cleaning. These dudes be wanting legal sex slaves & its sad.
I bet your Dad also respected you Mom. Probably even fixed stuff & all the other traditional masc stuff. I doubt your Dad was a slob with no domestic value. Its totally cool if both parties agree to that & hold up their end. "Traditional" works when there's mutual respect. But most men today aren't making enough for a whole household, let alone more than some of their women! Its a trip watching these low-earning guys who can't change their own oil tell women to "do more".
As someone who struggles with upholding MY end of the bargain in my relationship (due to illness and other issues), my *biggest* stressor is the slack my husband has to pick up on top of working his day job, it wears on anyone. Anyway, Pearl grew up in a 10 bedroom mansion so my assumptions is she probably hasn’t had tons of experience with completely keeping/maintaining a house without some kind of outside help.
I totally agree. Me and my sons father broke up bc of “ chores” I worked full time, we had a small child, and I did everything around the house. EVERYTHING! It took a toll on me and our relationship. He made a mess constantly and never cleaned up after himself. The kicker was I made more money than him so I paid the majority of the bills too. I left and never looked back. Now I’m married to a great guy and my ex still lives in the same house we bought together and it’s absolutely destroyed from him not maintaining it.
You left him not because of chores but because he earned less than you.A women married to a billionaire will not only do chores but also will allow him to fool around with his hot female secretary.
@@abhi3710 Let me guess, you're a not-so-attractive virgin who has never had a girlfriend, has very few friends, if any, in real life, and your greatest accomplishments have all taken place within the confines of your favorite video game? And fyi, billionaires hire maids. Even the married ones.
@@abhi3710 it really added insult to injury. Not only did I have to clean up after him but I paid the majority of the bills too. I wouldn’t have minded if he actually pitched in with the house work. Me and my husband now both do the house work. It’s too much for 1 person while working full time.
That's my parent's relationship right there. Mother is the breadwinner of the family, and still has to clean, cook and look out for her two kids. There's a reason why I don't say I love my parents equally anymore, and why I respect my mother more than anyone in this world. I honestly don't plan on getting in a relationship if I don't want to pull my weight, nor would I want to pull someone else's.
"I *vow* to be with you for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad times..... But the chores tho? I'm OUTTT." Weak vows. All talk no walk.
Literally feels so good to hear this. Imagine paying and the bills, doing all the cooking and cleaning, homeschooling. I asked my ex- husband to help me for months on end with no real help bro.
What people don’t understand is most of it is not even about the chores it’s about respect. How you do one thing is how you do everything. If you can disregard your wife struggling and feeling taken advantage of because you won’t help around the house, you probably disregard her in other ways too. A lot of folks have never lived with a spouse before and you can tell. Everything is always great when it’s just weekend dates and birthday trips but when you live together that is when you realize this is 24/7 and y’all both have to be willing to grow up and make some changes about yourself that you didn’t even realize before. Marriage isn’t a fairytale it’s wayyy more compromise than folks realize.
If he's paying all the bills, then he shouldn't be doing the chores. Wtf is this entitled mentality. Imagine suffering for 70 hours a week to have to clean and do the chores? Fuck that shit. Only modern women complain about that shit.
Why should a man help you in the kitchen if he is not getting help in the work that he does for living from you??Isn't it hypocritical to expect a man do chores when a women doesn't do anything to make his life easy??Grow up.
@@Imnotactiveanymore744 If you would have had the empathy for the man that takes the world on every dam day earn not only for himself but also for his family without expecting any help in his work from his wife/partner then you would not have used the phrase "I AM THE BREADWINNER" as an excuse. Girls have no idea how much tough it is for a man to get recognised in the work space from everyone cause we don't have pretty and cute privilege like chicks. If you are not satisfied with someone's income or resources then just don't marry that guy.Why compel him do stuff to make up for his low income??That's not only manipulative but also destructive.
@@ContranianCommando he was in monogamous relationships as well. and also being in an open relationship or not open doesn't matter on the subject of getting a divorce over doing chores and stuff.
@@te0nzin yeah it does. Some guy trying to give relationship advice while his gf is getting plowed by another man is ridiculous. What next? Mia Khalifa or Lara Rhodes opinion on relationships is valid now?Fuck outta here.
The problem isn't that chores lead to divorce. The problem is as the guy said. Someone not doing chores are the first step in a series of problems that develop as a result of one little thing. One thing becomes multiple things. Next thing you know you are far too relaxed in that relationship and you are not putting in the effort that you used to. A relationship should take effort for the rest of your life. The whole point of it is for both of you to be happy.
Coming home to a clean home is honestly a blessing. I’m 22 and just graduated from nursing school. Working 12 hour night shifts and coming home and having to cook, clean, and do dishes is exhausting. One day I told my mom I appreciated everything she did for me when I was a kid and I wish I contributed more when I was younger. One day I came home and to my surprise she was sitting on the couch watching the news. I asked her if something happened at home and her response was “look around stupid.”When I checked my apartment was spotless, laundry was done, cabinets where organized, floors and countertops where spotless, and a weeks worth of food packed in the fridge. Now she comes once a week to help me maintain it. I’ll never be able to repay that woman for everything she’s ever done for me, but I’ll prove to her that she raised one hell of a son.
W mom
You make sure you show her the best way you can❤ She sounds like Awesomeness personified!!
That is so sweet
OMG, I died at look around, stupid XD
You're already paying her back. Good parents just want to know their kids are going somewhere in life, and you are.
As a married man myself, I can tell you that nothing deteriorates marital relationships at home faster than a partner who doesn’t uphold their given responsibilities………..
Everyone has their own view of responsibilities and values. They just need to be clear to each other first.
Just throwing out: "partner who doesn’t uphold their given responsibilities" means nothing since those responsibilities can be literally 'none'.
@@ollivainionpaa684 I kept it vague to apply to multiple facets of a relationship. NOBODY is in a willing relationship with someone with NO responsibilities. I’m not just talking about chores, it can mean being intimate with your partner, taking care of kids, helping with organization etc. You’re not going to be in a happy life with someone who just sits on couch and contributes nothing
@@TheMuscleMan2244
Thank you.
@@TheMuscleMan2244 would you expect her to put 100% effort in all the responsibilities, or like 50% in intimacy but 150% in care of kids, how would u feel abt a person who under compensates and over compensates in different responsibilities.
@@ContranianCommando Well that’s part of life. I can guarantee you that you’ll be having less sex after you have a kid. The marriage duties will have to rebalance realistically. That kind of thing should be up to communication between you and your partner. I’m just saying that if you aren’t holding up your part, whatever that part may be in your current phase of life, then your relationship will inevitably breakdown
It's not chores, it's feeling like you've wasted your life on someone who doesn't value or respect you.
How about you prioritize your kids well being over your own fleeting " happiness ". You're not going to have eternal love and respect within a relationship. Ask yourself what you're doing wrong and don't just look the other way.
@@nikitamarynich1794 You know nothing.
@@nikitamarynich1794 Horrible advice. I begged my parents to get a divorce in middle school. They stayed "for the kids" and we felt the resentment and misery every day. It's better to have two parents separated who are happy than two together who are miserable. Kids can understand more than you think.
@@nikitamarynich1794 yet again men have to do it all
@@hugh2hoob668 My ass, have you done anything as a Man ?, You know nothing about relationship.
As a married man with 3 kids. Believe me something as simple as the trash not being taken out can snowball into a huge problem. But it goes both ways it does take a lot of work especially with kids. Stay strong guys.
Great message marriage is tough but extremely rewarding
Pearl is an idiot who probably grew up with a silver spoon and thinks that ppl can't fight about chores cuz they have other people they pay to do it for them.
when something that simple starts snowballing you know there is more behind it. Its not about the trash, someone just doesnt deliver
Yeah and that person is messd up and imature.shoudint be married. trash is just a excuse for something else that u dont realise.Women today are trashy hos that want but never deserved respect.htat is the problem, not the man not taking out the trash.
My friend's parents divorced because his father keep throwing away his cigarette ashes on his mother flower pot, even after she told him to not do that many times
My grandmother used to say "big things are forgiven but small things break up marriages." Having to deal with someone who does not contribute to maintaining a household but only adds to the work that has to be done is stressful.
One of the reasons to afford a maid service. One less headache money well spent
@@zzygyyyeah cuz the majority makes enough to pay minimum of an extra 20k to 30k a year...
@@zzygyy mf you living in your moms basement and she hiring maids while not teaching you a goddamned thing about personal responsibilities.
We found him, folks
Maybe “small things” was referring to grandfather.
No one divorce for chores .
Pearl's former best friend recently came out saying pearl has never even been in a serious relationship, let alone lived with a man, or been engaged... enough said
Well lucky for Pearl she doesn't give relationship advice on her show!
Shes literally repeating things her dad probably said at the dinnertable
Period and clearly doesn't own a home lol. Cuz girl
Exactly. She is the exact opposite of what she preaches. She isn't a virgin, has had multiple relationships that didn't end well, and shes 26 and still not married or a mother. She thinks putting on a modest dress makes her a traditional woman, and its sad that a lot of men seem to buy into her character.
@@user-sz2ez8tk1y *"its sad that a lot of men seem to buy into her character."*
As sad as people buy into debate bro Destiny. A man who had a child with woman(American) and chose to travel across country date and marry a foreign woman. He the epitome of a pass port bro! Can you really take that man serious? Both are hypocrite along with Aba in support of him.
Lived in a house with 10 people in college. Dirty pans, rotting food, disgusting bathrooms, and sticky floors got old real quick. When I brought it up to everyone I got ignored and then eventually I got tired of it and stayed up all night cleaning. No one said thanks, some people are happy to let others pick up their shit for them.
I salute you, i live with my three other siblings and it's hell when it comes to chores, can't imagine 10
And you were dumb enough to do it for them haha
How did you not die of some sort of disease?
Couldn't be me. Hats off to you for sticking it through but goddamn I would have left a long time ago. I'm not picking up after someone else.
Oh naw I got OCD I can’t have a dirty house.
She has been sheltered then went straight to giving people advice on the internet.
Ooooh ok we will listen to one who can’t handle his partner sides dicks …
she took advantage of the "void" left when kevin samuels passed... a lot of her points are verbatim LITERALLY from Samuels and others and now she just literally says anything and sees if it can stick XD... its honestly sad af that some men allow themselves to be scammed by her and others
@@WW-ik7vr yup she was privileged and most of her fakes are from Kevin yet she contradicts herself all the time
Privilege to podcast pipeline 🤣
Lol now do Destiny.
Growing up in an African household with both parents working, my mother NEVER cleaned up after my brothers and I. There were no 'gendered' roles. We were expected to do all the house chores, so even now in my early twenties living on my own, I would never expect a woman to come into my life and have to clean up after me. Cooking and cleaning are essential skills for everyone to know.
She doesn’t have to clean up after you. Yet you still have to take care of and protect her lmao.
@@ZackSNetwork do you think before you speak?
@@ZackSNetwork ur implying she won’t take care of him either lol stop reading into things
@@ZackSNetwork Bruh. Did you miss the part with BOTH PARENTS WORKING? Get yourself together.
I was raised the same way. We all contributed to taking care of our house. It was an expectation.
My father was the most confident and outgoing man I’ve ever met. His confidence defied the constraints of gender. He possessed every traditionally masculine quality and skill set, and he definitely exhibited his share of Italian machismo. Yet, my father also did my hair for school and ballet, taught me how to do makeup, did all the laundry, did the shopping and errands, and took me everywhere. My dad was mostly the stay at home parent, even though he was initially the breadwinner. My parent’s had planned on my mom staying home, but my dad was injured and all our plans had to change. My dad literally did every single thing he could do or take care of for the family and my mom, even when he was on so much morphine he could barely stand. It was hard times, and no one was perfect, but we made it through. We just communicated and communicated, even when we were bad at it, until we got good at it. If someone isn’t willing to communicate their wants/needs/struggles/ideas, then they better learn how to take a back seat and do what is asked of them or go on and git! Lol
❤ love this
Lol italian machismo had to laugh as a son of an Italian 😂
You dad is the man!
Un vero uomo si deve saper pulire il culo e lo schifo che fa intorno xD senza pretendere che tua moglie ti faccia da schiava. Si vive insieme in sta vitaccia e una mano lava l'altra.
Your father sounds like a truly good man
When my wife and I first got married, I was the bread winner, but after 3 years my medical problems got the best of me. I had to go on disability and she started working. I couldn't do much because of the pain, but I did take care of the kids, kept the house clean, and I even learned how to cook food from scratch (mostly 'cuz watching "The Sopranos" just made me wanna learn). I've even got a part-time job to help out with things a bit. It's worked out so well, that we celebrate our 20th Anniversary on the 19th! Marriage ain't easy, but being one who was raised by a single mom, divorce was never an option because there was no way she and my kids were gonna struggle the way we did.
A bit belated congratulations! A lot of happiness and love to you, guys!
May God keep blessing and strengthening the both of u😍💕🙏🏾.
And congratulations 🎉🎊🍾😍
It’s deeper than the chores . It’s the disrespect and lack of caring about your significant other’s feelings .
What if the situation is one person brings in the dough and the other stays home. So a traditional relationship. Would you say its fair game to not contribute to doing the chores if you put the roof over the other persons head? I think it is. This is excluding couples with children of course.
Exactly it’s a respect thing!
@@shadow-man8715 IMO it depends on the work hours the person have. Also if you have children you need to put effort and be a good father/mother.
I think both sides need to respect each other's work put into the family. For example, if a man works and supports family financially and woman takes care of their home, they both need to be appreciated for the things they do. Men literally sacrifice years of their lives to build our societies and take care of women and children. We lack mutual appreciation.
@@shadow-man8715 Children are a whole day and a half of work every day all by themselves.
I went through 2 years of debilitating depression. My husband was essentially a single father. But he cried so many times about how he didn't want to come home. I completely understand how people can divorce over "chores". It almost happened to us. These people have zero experience in actual, meaningful relationships.
@No Name I 100% agree although it's not just women regretting their elopement. Men are too & will purposely make the wife's life a living hell until she divorces. I've seen that too. But I can't speak too much about the bad side of elopement. My husband & I eloped after knowing each other for 6 months. This Sunday we're celebrating 16 years of marriage. Our marriage is most definitely not the norm & it felt like, especially in the beginning, that everyone & the world was against us. But we stuck it out & are now closer than we've ever been.
DId you have kids? If yes, was he willing to break his family for it??
@kaynyne9 he obviously wasn't willing to break up our family over my depression because he didn't. But I would have 100% understood & even expected him to while we were going through it. It wasn't him just willing to "break up our family" over my depression. It was a culmination of many many things and in addition to me being unable to get out of bed to even shower, we didn't have sex for over a year. There was a lot of things that was going on that I wouldn't have blamed him for leaving me. At the end, I was waiting to die & wishing I wouldn't wake up in the mornings. So if I felt like that, I couldn't imagine how he felt. Marriages are hard, deliberate work from both people to make it successful. And if only 1 person is trying, they're eventually going to feel like its a waste of time.
Hope you are making it up to him for that lost time. Happy your feeling better
@No Name exactly. The guy is talking about how 2 people come to an agreement and one doesnr step up to it and pearl is talking about how these women get ran through and then get into marriage, get bored want anither d and get a divorce
After I became disabled due to a permanent back injury my marriage struggled a lot because my wife got burnt out. She worked long shifts in the hospital then came home and took care of me and the house and it broke my heart not being able to pull my weight. We’re a strong loving couple with great communication and we’re in it for the betterment of our lives together so I’m thankful she didn’t dip out when things got hard AF. 11 years strong. ❤
Sounds like a beautiful relationship you guys have. Many blessings and many more years to you and your wife. ❤️
I hope your beautiful relationship continues for many years to come ❤
Congrats on 11 years! Today is our 16 year anniversary ❤️
Hope you will do the same for her 🙃
Most men don't care about their partners, especially when she's ill.
You got a real one bro, stay blessed 💯💯
What i dislike the most about justpearlythings is how willing she is to speak on a situation she has NO experience in.
I’ve never been in a long-term relationship either, but I know that something as simple as sharing a small responsibility (like chores) is not as small as it seems on the surface. A marriage is complex, it has to constantly be nurtured. People may feel slighted at what is perceivably a small thing, but there’s always something underlying it.
I just feel like she’s so immature, and then to try to dictate what other women should do with their lives and relationships its just deplorable.
That was a big part of my divorce. I was in the Marine Corps, working 14-16 hours days frequently, working weekends, and coming home and having to clean the house, cook my dinner, do my laundry, etc.
Meanwhile the whole time she never had anything more than a small part-time job at any point. Like she would work at a crossfit gym and do 10 hours a week just cause she liked it.
Then on top of it we had the whole dead bedroom experience.
So I finally just realized that I had a roommate that didn't do any of the housework and lived off my money.
Took me 9 years to figure out.
Damn son, 9 years?? That's rough
@Alex Harris lol yeah. To be fair the dead bedroom part was only like the last 3 or 4. And I did have a lot of training/deployment time interspersed in there. Plus we got married before I was in the Corps and she was actually working then. It was kind of a slow build-up.
In retrospect there were a lot of red flags, even when we were dating, but that's what you get when you get married at 20.
@@JCTheSniper15 Do you think that wouldnt have happened if you married at 30?
@A Well I would have been much better at recognizing the signs. Like I said, there were definitely red flags early on that I didn't recognize/ignored. And yeah, now at 33 I wouldn't accept those behaviors that I was seeing and I would have left the relationship instead of just going forward and getting married.
@@JCTheSniper15 I understand, glad you got out youre still young and will find someone better
Hit the nail on the head. The fact you see your partner struggle to do everything and it doesn't move them to help Is what hurts. Pearl has no idea.
Does she ever? She just hates other women. That's all she does. She's unreasonable and anyone who listens to her is just insecure.
Why would anyone be in a relationship with someone who has that kind of character trait, let alone marry them. I’m so confused.
@@JLynnDsMyoosik and that's the point, a lot of character traits come out during marriage and living together after marriage.
@@fionay2014 especially women who change rapidly after the honeymoon phase and they drop the impression management
@@kcb8130 facts
My parents have been married for 63 years. They have both had to compromise the roles a little bit. My dad is a general contractor, my mom was a stay-at-home mom. When he could tell she was getting run down and needed help, he wouldn't work weekends and he would help out with everything at home. When my dad was overrun with work, my mom would take care of the accounting side of his business. With this relatively simple adjustment they made their roles, and marriage work. There was a couple years when construction was not bringing enough money in, so my dad would stay home and my mom would go work as a secretary temporarily. Nothing is black and white in a marriage.
Now that's teamwork 💯
Mine have been married for nearly 50 years, and you hit the nail on the head. This is why I refuse to believe anyone in the redpill space has actually _seen_ a functioning relationship up close. No one raised watching two people respect each other, constantly compromising, and showing gratitude for each other's labor could possibly come to the conclusion that "adherence to strict, traditional gender roles is the only way relationships work." You and your partner are a team. You're both human. You're gonna have off days, weeks, months, even years, and so will they. If you're unable or unwilling to be flexible in the roles you will have to play in that partnership, you're not built for marriage.
Well said, you can't tell Pearl or these weird Red pill/Black pill people anything....
Sounds like a team working towards a common goal
Absolutely this entire comment. This is how my marriage works, and we're definitely better for it.
Bruh... do your chores!
Bruh
And wash yo azz. Sheet's easy when you share them.
Like Destiny's wife.
What if I'm paying all the bills?
Lmao I clean my own pee off the toilet too lmaoo
Define chores
there are a lot of things that have to do with a house that women won’t do that are still chores
As a recently divorced man, I was putting all the household stuff on my ex wife. This was do to immaturity I thought this was okay and y'all see where that got me. Once she left me with my kid full time I realize what she had to do and can't blame her for leaving me. Like Aba said it's embarrassing and make me feel like a failure.
What’s your status now? Are you working on your weaknesses within yourself?
you should do a podcast about men being better husbands since you have experienced the opposite side of it. men would listen to men more.
Good to see you being self-reflective in this way. In your experience do you think it has to do with how you were raised by your parents or just your own personal choices?
@@UrbanPhoenix247 I’m single I took a year off from dating and focus on being a better father and man. I recently just started dating.
@@maam-yj8ph It definitely is because of how I was raised. My mom left when I was 5ish and my dad did it all himself. My dad was tough. He loved us but it wasn’t love kids understood. He also stayed single so I never saw how a man should love a women. With that I thought this tough love is what everyone knows and understands, but that’s definitely not the case.
I watched Pearl for a while and always wondered why she’s never been in a long term relationship, has a ton of facts but no actual real life experience besides other ppls answers. I’m glad someone asked “what have you experienced?” And he did it respectfully
She was born and raised that even insults are oki,,, that's not attractive to normal men
Okay, so her parents long term relationship is not an experience? Well if that is the case we can also say Aba has not been a long term relationship, so what experience does he have? Therefore, he is also not qualified to talk. 🤷🏾♂️
@@ITISKONY Pearl's parents long term relationship is not PEARL's experience. The difference is Aba is older, black, been in more relationships, has a background where his immigrant parents had more exposure to struggle. Pearl is what, young white girl in America who have always been financially set and even said herself that she doesn't even need marriage to gain wealth because her parents are set. He aint marketing himself as a relationship guru, she is.
Two single people, different energies. Fault me, but im more likely to listen to someone who understand what it means to work on relationship and lived it, not someone who just read about it or ask questions on it.
Because if you can sit there and comment that after watching this video that Aba aint qualified, you aint listening, you're just making arguement to be right lol.
@@kcockbur OK. You're funny, I thought kids learn from watching their parents? So, if that is the case, you saying her parents long term relationship doesn't matter is inaccurate.
Also, you're contradicting yourself because in the same breath, you made reference to Aba's immigrant parents to justify why he has more exposure. 🤣🤦🏾♂️
Finally, you don't know how many relationship Aba has been into. There are people that older and has only been in 2 relationship. Pearl's parent as not always been rich, so she knew how they started and how they grow the wealth. So, don't paint her as one spoilt rich kid. Pearl doesn't say she is a relationship guru, I'm not sure where you got that from.
@@ITISKONY I get where you are coming from but pearl can use her parents relationship as an example but not as experience. There is a huge difference between experiencing things in a relationship and watching a long term relationship. You can use it as an example for what you might want but you don't automatically get their experiences from watching them. I am a tradition house wife of 7 years and I don't think a traditional man would want her.. She is so rude and she is addicted to social media and attention especially from men otherwise she would not be on social media doing what she does. She craves male attention and validation. My funny man made a joke to me a while back about how I could become rich off of desperate guys on social media by talking about my traditional views and I laughed hard and said "my god, no thank you I don't need the unwanted attention from men". His response was "that's my girl" because traditional men don't want women who crave male attention. And for a women to usually crave attention and validation from men, like she does, didn't have enough attention from their dad. Which I bet she didn't with her multiple siblings, so I wouldn't be using her parents relationship as a good example either. She is a wolf in sheeps clothing. If a person can't or doesn't practice what they preach they shouldnt preach it.
The thing that annoys me about Pearl is how she'll regurgitate basic Red-pill talking points as if she's a lifelong expert, but then will immediately backtrack and play the ignorance card the moment she gets pressed/ challenged on it. "Oh I don't know anything, I'm still learning, I'm only 26, etc." ..it's mad cringe.
What red-pill taking points what does this got to with red-pill
Shes the worst red-pill grifter of them all.
She’s 26???🥴
Yup
That’s 💯 facts!! It makes me so freaking mad listening to her.
After a while it’s all the same talking points over and over again. I think that’s also why she needs to change people out after a while because they figure that out and can argue back(like Esther does in the clip). It’s only the first time you might not have an answer to her talking points (as a new panelist on the podcast) but once people are not nervous anymore and know pearl it’s easy to dismantle what she is saying.
Not doing the little things is one of the fastest ways to get resented by your spouse aside from complete betrayal. To me, those little things show appreciation just about more than anything.
"You must not respect me" oooh that shit killed me when I Heard her say that to me. She was right despite me thinking I did respect her. Show it, which is what I needed to do
YES! I really don't care if my husband buys me presents. But when he helps even just a little, like with dishes, or takes the trash out, or grabs all the kids and takes them out side just so i can have a break? Thats when I feel cared for and loved. Because he did something that he know would care for me. On the flip side, if I feel like I'm just the maid, resentment sets in. We have gone down both roads. I have learned how to care for him, and he for me. Thats marriage and that why its hard..
It don't matter to girls one way or the other. You can do all the big things, and the little things and they still will drop you because they decided what you did wasn't enough.
@@bbuny10 some times you don't even realize that you have been doing something that has hurt your spouse. Im guilty! Thats why coming together with humility and understanding is so importante.
@@annekendziora9114 so if he does all of that and you feel respected he still gets less than in the beginning of the relationship. No unsolicited blowjobs, nothing. It doesn’t make a difference really.
I’m late but my marriage is failing for this very reason. I am a wife and mother with a full time job. I told my husband if he couldn’t step up and support me at home this will not work. We have had this conversation a few times. He is finally considered my feelings when I told him the marriage isn’t working and I wanted a divorce. He has started to step up on his housework, when he usually would come home and just play the game. So yes, helping with household chores is very important. Like I’m exhausted from work and mommy duties, I got to come home and clean, cook, prepare for the next day and still have sex? Plz.
Heavy emphasis on the sex and they have the nerve to ask you why you're so tired
Update?
@@therealvoid365 happily divorced
@@jasmineellis7064 sorry that it didnt work out but congrats on your freedom i hope you find anythinng you wannt inn the future ~~~
@@jasmineellis7064 good for you
Best wishes for you all the way
Before my husband and I started living together, I told him I would be solely be responsible for most of the housework, except for a few things that he could do (taking out the trash, walk the dogs, clean the yard, tend to the car), and we agreed. We have never had an issue because we came to an agreement before we started cohobitating. I also work from home, which gives me about 2 hours of free time to spot clean the house before I clock in. The reason this works is because I am a traditional homemaker and my husband respects that. All I ask for is some appreciation. I am always tired, but I'm not frustrated. Acts of service is my love language.
What do you do for work vs what someone else does for what is critical. You substitute key differences in life styles and that very well may change. Now apply that logic to other people living differently.
This is essentially what me and my wife do. I’ll take care of fixing major stuff, the little stuff we take care of together. I cook, she cleans. We do a deep clean on the weekends and have a day date afterwords. Like lunch at the park,
Go to a movie. A hike maybe. We just get it done.
Whether it be an agreement, or what not it’s just being able to depend on and communicating with your spouse is the key. Many avenues to the main road I like to say.
@@rkrs843 well other people just have to communicate, plan it out. That’s the foundation.
How does a building withstand the elements and stay intact. Structure. Same thing applies to relationships.
@@rkrs843 The 1st sentence made me dizzy and I still don't understand what u meant
Taking out the trash...
Why dont women like taking out the trash?
I literally just lost a friendship over this. Lived together for 3 years, and their significant other came in, took over the house and made it disgusting, leaving all their shit everywhere. I stopped cleaning up after them and just let them live in their filth. Moved out and that was that. I love having my own place that's always clean ❤️. I'll be damned if someone thinks they're gonna come in here and mess up my peace and what I've built.
👏👏👏
Thats a very awkward position to be in 😅
People tend to forget that our homes are a reflections of who we are and what we like. It’s imperative for our well being to live in a clean home. As stupid and mundane as it may sound, a clean home brings peace in your life Living in a clustered house gives me anxiety and depression and I’ll dump anyone that causes me to feel this way.
Been there done that. Also made the mistake of moving in with someone who I thought was a clean freak, turns out she's only a clean freak when her mom is the ninja that comes in to do it for her. So when we moved in together all her nastiness was exposed for what it was. She had never cleaned anything a day in her life, including laundry. She started stealing my clothes instead of figuring out laundry for herself. That's when I called her mom and told her to figure something out for her daughter because I had put notice in and was leaving.
I had a somewhat similar situation. I lived with a friend who was ok living in an absolute pigsty because he was raised by his father (mother abandoned the family) and that was the way he lived so my friend didn't know any different. It got to the point where I was really struggling with the situation since every time I wanted to cook for myself - I would have to wash the cookware because it had been sitting in the sink for a solid couple days. And whenever I would just start washing things he would come in saying "well I was going to do that".
Thankfully we didn't lose the friendship over that, and honestly that was only ever the one issue. The rest of the time we got along great because we're both just a couple dumbasses. But I definitely learned a lot from that situation.
As a married woman, the "chores" podcast lady infuriates me. She is a brick wall who refuses to listen. He explained how small issues grow to divorce perfectly: no chores/other issues-->minor disagreement/argument-->failure to apologize or make changes-->diminished attraction/less emotional attachment-->physical intimacy subsides-->anger+resentment builds-->smex stops-->serious arguments exponentially increase-->communication completely breaks down-->separation or "break" discussion...
You explain it perfectly, and it isn't a gender issue in my experiance. A relationship, is about ballance. When it isn't balanced by respect, it's defective. Sometimes, one person does more then the other, and the pendulum swings, and the other does more. Like when one is sick, or has to work extra hours for example. Eventuality you have a conversation about ballancing out the duties if both people are emotionally mature, it isnt more then minor arguments.
In my experiance, mental helth care, honest communication and active listening is what saves marriages from divorce.
Nailed it
It felt like arguing with autism itself.
If minor issues and disagreements is what destroyed a person's marriage, then they shouldn't have gotten married. Small issues is like the husband snores or the wife always forget her keys. Failure to make peace with small issues is failure as a person.
A failure to address these issues you have with proper tone is just as big a failure as the person not meeting your expectations to begin with. Having an attitude towards someone not doing something you want them to do will not produce results. As well as calling out the things they do wrong, when they do attempt to do the things you want, instead of congratulating them for the things they did correctly will ensure that they will not continue doing said thing.
If someone does the dishes and all you do is complain about the way they stacked them, or the fact that they didn't dry them well enough (if done manually) then that person is feeling like you didn't respect the effort they put in. They will be sure to use that time instead, to put effort into things that benefit them rather it be entertainment or something they're working towards on the side.
A lot of the times people will be guilty of this, and completely lack the self awareness and self accountability to see where they failed in the relationship, and how they had a much larger cause for the downward spiral in the relationship than they understand. Stuff like this is what causes men to shutdown to begin with.
If I'm with a woman, I'm sacrificing time with my family (people who love me unconditionally, regardless of what I offer or what my mental state is). Goals that can lead to a better life for me and the people around me get put on the backburner. If what I stated above and more is what I'm getting in return, I'm going to start slowly reorganizing my time to the things that are important to me.
I married a man just like this. No help with chores. EVER. Four sons. Never once even got up at night to help when the babies were born. Tried to hold on, but after 25 years of basically being a domestic servant, we got divorced. After this video, im going to do whatever I can to get my four young adult sons to watch this ENTIRE video. Blue haired guy perfectly described how just not helping with chores can snowball into other things. Your feelings change about the person and you become resentful if they dont ever help with chores, IE: be considerate. This information could be so helpful to young people entering relationships. Maybe you dont realize it but this isnt something you hear a lot, and coming from you guys it has the ring of truth. Thank you for sharing.
I’m sorry for your experience. I hope your sons help you with household chores, they will learn from real life experience that this should not always fall solely on the woman 🩷
Tell ‘em momma! Glad you don’t gotta deal with that mess anymore
@@marylockitt It should mainly fall on whoever is at home.
Pearl is one of those people that thinks if she just repeats what she says over and over again, it'll eventually make sense. Destiny is right, she's a child and she really lacks listening skills.
Destiny has never been divorced so he's doing exactly what pearl is doing in speaking on something he has no experience in. Plus that dude let's his lady get piped down by other dudes so he's not the model of a healthy relationship.
@@rudesword2852 One does not necessarily have to go through something to give advice based on common sense and also, I personally don't follow Destiny nor do I believe that anyone is the epitome of truth but in this particular situation it's not hard to tell who's right or wrong. Pearl is wrong here and behaving like a child repeating herself or yelling over someone they disagree with. As for the experience thing, try looking at it like this, most people don't necessarily have to be a parent to know that leaving your child in a locked car is dangerous, so if a childless person says, never leave your child in a locked car, and you willingly choose to brush his advice off because you're the actual parent, then you're being foolish. Good advice and factual opinions have no discrimination. Sometimes, even those with more experience give the worst advice.
I don’t know Pearls content so I won’t comment on her. Destiny however I am aware of and trust me he is guilty of the same things you say pearl is guilty of. Also from what I’ve seen Destiny has been in the debate game longer which CAN make a big difference.
@@mooblerthomson9851 I don't watch either of them, I tried once Destiny seems like a jerk and pearl is very ignorant. They both use logical fallacies to make it seem like they are saying something but 80% of the time it's biased crap.
@@rudesword2852 what the hell are you talking about?! Being divorced doesn't mean you know the reasons women file for divorce. You know one case - your own
imagine raising kids in a household where the parents hate each other
that is also a disadvantage in life
Yeah but I’d rather hear arguments than be hungry and have no coat for the winter cause there’s not enough money coming in the household but aye the grass is always greener on the other side. I just think the psychological toll is far greater in a single parent household than in two
@@zalitosway8419fr my parents are divorced and we are still living in this shithole because my mom has to waste another 500 extra on renting another apartment and my parents can’t pay their debts,single parent households are definitely worse,if my dumbass parents could suck it up and just live with each other for a couple months so they could pay off their debts so our family could be stable and I won’t even be able to go to college
@@zalitosway8419 I disagree honestly. I really think I'd be worse off growing up watching my dad be abusive towards my mom and possibly eventually towards my siblings and I. Even if there's no abuse involved, sometimes a toxic relationship between 2 parents can make life a living hell for the kids. And this is coming from someone who lived through borderline poverty with a single mom lol. I'd rather grow up poor, losing homes left and right, than end up enduring endless fights that consist of yelling and throwing things.
There is no proof that arguing parents are bad for kids
@@berrymckockiner5883 exactly this and more. Psychologists have actually found that arguing in front of children is actually healthy, as long as they get to see a healthy conclusion to the problem. If they see healthy compromise, arguing in front of children is just fine, it actually shows them how to deal with people who won’t agree with them, because in the world, no one is ever going to agree with you %100. Arguing, sticking with it and finding a healthy conclusion together shows children not to give up on things as soon as it gets hard.
I also want to add, as a personal anecdotal experience, I would have rather have dealt with my parents arguing sometimes over things than having to deal with two sexually and physically abusive step fathers that favored their children over me and my sister, and a single mother who was too afraid to be alone to realize the danger she was putting her daughters in. We may have had nice toys, but the family dynamic was torn apart and everyone hated each other. I much rather would have had a cohesive and loving family unit than a shiny new dirt bike and years of trauma to work through in therapy.
It's never really about the minor things like dishes, laundry, garbage, etc. It's about feeling disrespected, like your partner doesn't recognize or appreciate your efforts. It's about feeling like you're putting more into the relationship than your significant other. It's about trying to communicate and making your needs known and it constantly getting ignored or being met with hostility. It's about complacency and misunderstandings.
Tired of these people with no experience on the matter trying to pass such strong surface level judgements on how these things are supposed to work. Let em get in the same position they're criticizing and find out.
Yeah, but I just now thought about how this can be weaponized too though. If it is something small like cleaning, than you could probably overlook it. If this leads to something bigger than I can understand.
Definitely, people who lack the experience speaking on shit they no nothing about.
Exactly.
@@Karynwashere
90% percent of gen z here in YT basically
@@Karynwashere I thought that's what Aba and Preach are doing aswell?
Pearl was raised in a wealthy household with servants. Her lived experience is very narrow.
Pearly is the ultimate pick me of pick me’s with no real world dating experience
Destiny is a homosexual and a fornicator who knows absolutely nothing about marriage and is not a mentor for anyone on relationships - but yeah pearl is a pickme
She's not really the ultimate of anything. She's just so desperate for attention that she'd be blasting it on Only Fans if she wasn't so butters.
She is a wonderful person and the term pick me is just a put down just like calling a man an insult. When you have no argument, you resort to insults.
@@Canadakonnect no a pick me is a girl who’s says and does things for male validation. I said what I said.
@@Kailloumitchell And we agree with you 🥇
Out of many content creators i've listened to, Aba n Preach have been the most realistic and relatable ones on this platform. Reasonable, experienced, and real. Experienced not in everything, but these guys are real and reasonably blunt.
Agreed, been watching some Destiny after this seen him dismantle F&F and Sneako on 4 podcasts. I'm begging there isn't any skeletons cause he's the first guy I've found in a while that speaks sense towards both sides like A&P have thankfully been doing for a long time. If he clowns I still have them, it just be nice if a new group of people emerged that wasn't based on one of two extreme sides. People that don't dismiss when they are right about something but filters out the bad.
@DC World congrats, you now watch a guy who literally take it up the ass. 😂
@@dcworld4349 I'm a big Desinty fan and I'm gonna be the first person to tell you that he 100% has a bunch of skeletons. Mostly related to some terrible political takes (N-word saga, even his soulless and unempathatic takes on the recent stuff related to the Ohio Derailment and many more...), but I'd say his takes on relationships are generally quite good. Regardless, both his political takes and his relationship advice are generally quite reason and on average significantly better than any alternatives I've seen
Ana has experience being a player... Preach is the only one with real relationship experience and even that's far fetched
@@savaok255 I googled and read some contradictions. As in he would go around calling people the N-word? Or In the George Carlin way where he would use it on stage or when talking in public, not saying it too someone. He just used the word rather than say the N-word, or a more recent example in the Rogan context?
Not to excuse it, Rogan himself has said when he saw it all clipped together he cringed and felt uncomfortable. And I think in the last 10-15 years we have all slowly agreed even if you grew up with Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle and rap music, you don't use it. I myself hadn't heard the word in years, before Dave Chappelle came back, and when I discovered A&P. And I admit I felt a jolt, I understand that it's their word now and I'm not saying they should stop. It was just as if I got dragged back in time because I hadn't heard it since I was a teenager.
What did he say about the Ohio situation that was wrong? Couldn't find it? Seems like a weird thing to have a wrong take about.
I got married when I was 22 (my wife was 19) and tomorrow will be our 22 wedding anniversary, and I can tell you now, a house is made by the efforts of both people. We share the parenting responsibilities, we share the chores, we share the wins as well as the fall backs. It's a team effort. Unless you're independently wealthy, there's no such thing as the "head" of a household anymore. It takes two to make it work, because the modern struggle requires two.
i understand the man and the woman have share the household responsibilities but the man has the obligation to be the head of the household
This is facts. If you both pay bills then you should both help with cooking and cleaning. If it’s only the two of you and no kids it shouldn’t even take that long. At most like 30 minutes a day
Speak Truth, to these people, Sully Fox 👏👏👏
@@jordanmpeck5751 protector of household. Still need a solid team
You don’t have to be wealthy to have traditional gender roles. I stopped working (for the most part) to be home with the kids while they’re small. We are not wealthy, but we do not live above our means and we make sacrifices so I can be home.
I experienced this and it was one of the driving factors of why me and my ex broke up. She moved out her for her parents' house and into my apartment, that I've lived in and maintained for near enough four years. It got to the point where I looked forward to the day she went to visit her parents. So I could actually give my apartment a proper clean. Because she could not clean up after herself or keep my place tidy. It 100% does get annoying very quickly. That experience has definitely put me off anyone else ever moving in with me 😬
I have a friend who loves Pearl, so she made me listen. And I liked what she said for a few mins then real life hit me. This girl is single for a reason. Her idea of submission would bore even the most nacissist man.
It's just a grift.
😂
Dude same. I randomly saw one of her shorts and I thought she made a valid point but the more I watched the more unhinged it got. The next day I came across Aba n Preach’s vid on her and quickly became a subscriber. I guess I owe Pearl a thanks 😂
Thank you guys for not being bias and always call out bullshit when it's necessary. Mad respect for you two.
Bruh
Amen
They were kinda biased
@@5Akecheta4 How are they biased ? They are the most normal youtubers ever 💀
@@5Akecheta4 explain the biased part
Women don’t divorce for no reason. Men don’t divorce for no reason. NO ONE goes into marriage planning to divorce! The reason may not be important to YOU. Its not something YOU care about. It’s little things that pile up and one day he/ she has finally given up.
Chores is not a good reason to divorce I believe she's correct about that.
@@manoahhines6818no she's not she's wrong it can also be cheating infidelitys constantly stepping out on your marriage that can be that to not everyone getting divorced for nothing it's a reason
I grew up in a house where my dad (who worked less hours than my mom and earns less than her) did absolutely nothing in the house "bEcaUsE he WorKeD alL daY". Cue to my mom getting sick because stress and my deadbeat of a father decided I had to take care of every chore in the house, plus my mom's health and my little siblings' care while I was 16 y/o. He refused to visit my mom at the hospital because reasons. Fast forward to now, and his horrible attitude has eroded his image for us that we barely talk to him.
So yeah, men and women need to choose better, but at the same time know when to quit and divorce.
Same here I literally beg them to leave each other nope 16 miserable years married and they are still together dysfunctional + hoarders
@@rumooooni SAME. We are three kids and we've been BEGGING them to get divorced, but they won't becausw my father knows he won't ever find a woman like my mom again, and my mom feels like she's too old for a new relationship. So there they are, dysfunctional af and unhappy.
God, I’m sorry about that OP. That has to be such a strain on you. And your parents aren’t even divorced too.. I wish the best for you.
As tough as my parents divorce was, i think it was way better than staying together. Wish the same happened for you.
( also I hope my comment isn’t coming across as me pitying you or anything! I just really understand your situation)
fiction aint what it used to be
@@soomi5667 Don't worry! It didn't come across as that. It did strain me mentally when I was younger, but I've learned how to destress and my internal peace has been getting better. I feel sorry for my siblings tho because they had to go through that as well and made them bitter of their dad, yk?
I lived with friends one time. There was a guy who gave me a pity story to move in with me and my other friend(we all went to school). The cat that moved in with us never did chores, always smelled like ass, ate our food since he was "honorably discharged" from the army and couldn't find work. Any time we asked him to play his part, dude would straight up cry PTSD but keep us up at like 2am hollering and laughing on skye calls. Dude made me feel some type of way about veterans in my young age because of him. Of course I don't feel that way anymore but that was the first and only time I lived with friends.
Now I'm in a 1BR chilling by myself. Don't room with certain friends.
If there’s one thing I learned in college is that you should never be a roommate to your friends or family. Me and my cousin decided to live together since we knew each other since we were kids and we figured we get along. Unfortunately that didn’t happen. He tried to break me and my girlfriend up because he was upset that we weren’t spending more time together. There would also be times he just wouldn’t pay the rent and my family had to force his mom to help pay. I will never room with friends or family again unless they’re my immediate family.
Your cousin is a sociopath
This video is the truth of my life right now. My wife and I just had a newborn, and my wife severely cut her foot which required surgery, so she has to be off her feet for 6 weeks. This means that I have to not only go to work for 40+ hours a week, but I have to come home and do all the work at home, including taking care of the baby and cooking meals and cleaning. It was becoming too much for me, so my mother-in-law drove 9+ hours to come and help us, and after a week, my mother-in-law and my wife are already driving each other crazy, because my mother-in-law does things her way and my wife does them completely different.
Respect to Pearl for stating her opinion, but it's clear she has no idea what it's like to be in a marriage and have shit go sideways constantly and have to deal with that every single day. I love my wife and child more than anything, but that love is seriously the only thing that is keeping me in my current shit-show. My wife even told me one day that she would be upset if I left, but she would understand. I responded in saying that if love is "convenient", then it's not love.
Love isn't a feeling... it's a full-ass experience with a person. If you don't want to experience the full spectrum of life with them, then it's not love. And if someone don't love you... It. Will. Not. Work. That's why divorce happens: They think it's love, but when shit gets real, they run. Not doing chores in a relationship life is a symptom of a fake, privileged, entitled love that lasts as long as the bedroom scene does. Real love is going through it with them, through it all, doing what it takes, and seeing them on the other side of it. Very few people know what that is because very few are willing to go through that. But you will not know until you go through it, and keep going through it and keep going through it. If you're not wanting to go through that, then it's not worth it. Forget finding someone else to do it, because if you're not willing, it won't happen. You won't find love. If you don't want to do it, then you'll never find someone who does. It's that simple.
Venting aside, I appreciate you both, Aba and Preach, for keeping it real and calling folks out when they're in the wrong. You've become my 20 minutes of escape / therapy every time I'm able to watch your videos. You're as real as it gets, and I don't care what F&F or Shneko or any other haters say to you, because they can't match your realism. They're wannabe preachers with followers that can't light their own candles when it comes to this shit. You two and Jordan Peterson have taught me more about what it takes to be a man, a husband, and a father, more than any of these Red Pill posers could in their entire lives combined. I thank you and appreciate you both. Blessed Be.
You sound like an amazing man
She cut her foot, but I bet her hands still work huh? One foot still work, she can hop around and get sh*t done
What an incredible statement
Well said🙏🏽blessings to you and your family 🥰
If being a man means being a authoritarian then yeah jordan peterson taught men a lot.
I think love is a feeling, you get that feeling from that experience with someone.
This is very real for women in relationships. When you both work all day and then the house chores and family responsibilities rely almost solely on you...you basically have two jobs. It creates animosity and the work never stops...ever.
I literally had this conversation last night with my gf. She just moved in a month ago and she wasn’t cleaning, no cooking, no chores, plus she makes the place dirty and then when I confronted her, she asks me why I’m getting mad over small stuff like that and cuz I got money like that, she even asked why I don’t just hire someone. So I said, we going to break up if this keeps happening and she was like “why didn’t you tell me this was bothering you earlier” like wtf? This video legit came at the perfect time, cuz last night she made me feel like I was in the wrong but now I know I ain’t. She trippin if she thinks this going to continue if she don’t shape up
If you want my opinion, I'd say either go your seperate ways or have a long discussion about why this bothers you so much and try to drill it into her why she's in the wrong. Show her this video if it'll help.
Yea yea yea we’ll see bro 😂
Let me guess youre under 25? Is she pregnant with your child? if not, the only person you need to be hiring is a moving service to move her and stuff to the street.
@@LethalByChoice I already had this convo with her last night, and today she actually sent me a small portion for the rent and said she’d start helping around the place more but we’ll see 🤞🏼
Stay strong, she'll probably change for a little and then get back comfortable. Growth is not comfortable so she has to go through it if she wants to be with you. That's how you'll know she's a keeper
It's the principle behind it, not just the "chores" itself. Constantly failing to keep a clean space for you and your partner is a reflection of the level of respect you have for them. It all boils down to respect
No sometimes it's just who people are. My wife used to leave little piles of trash every where because she is mentally incapable of finishing sweeping.
My ex moved in with me a few months ago. When she moved in I started to struggle financially because she expected me to help pay her bills. I paid for all the bills and everything in our household. When I asked her if she planned on contributing any of her money she received from working she told me, you would be paying those bills anyway if I didn’t live here. Completely ignoring the fact that I now had to buy more groceries, was paying for two people to eat out like 2-3 times a week, was paying her car insurance, and giving her money for hair and nails. Her unwillingness to contribute to our household made me resent her immensely and the relationship never recovered.
You got played man.
That was extremely selfish and fkd up. But, people do to us what we allow them to. Was she your ex wife or girlfriend? Why were you paying for her nails and hair ,especially if she was your ex? What was she doing with her income?
"Back to the streets, where you belong darling."
@@ladyhotep5189 she probably became his ex- afterwards.
I would ask if she ever lived by herself before, though. Because for a person to not realize more people in a household = higher expenses leads me to think she is either very bad at finances or plain entitled.
Yikesssss that’s horrible. Do girls rly expect you to pay for hair and nails and stuff?? I’ve never heard of that
13:24 “Then you should have picked a better guy”
Thank you for making the point for them: what do you think divorce is? It’s getting rid of a person you can’t be with anymore and most likely eventually look for a better person.
There's not a single "internet guru" out there that lives by the words that come out of their mouths
This should be top comment! That exactly what’s happening all over the internet
Exactly.
@@nobody-n9s Yep they do it all for the clout. And what's sad is there's hoards of followers and sheep that they accumulate spouting this nonsense. And I ain't mad at it coz ayye the game is the game, it's more just a sad reality that people would rather listen to random "gurus" on the internet than actually got to therapy or see professionals about their issues. Whether it's the male guru's or female gurus they basically all prey on the audience their claim to be "helping" 😂
@Ace Cream and Coffee Cats Bruh that young buck a wild boy. And you got grown men living by that kids word. Society bruh 😂
im ngl tate does cause he actually had a reality tv show typa thing which actually shows how he lives but def fnf sneako and especially pearl dont
I’m about to become a stay at home mom to our first child. I feel a HUGE responsibility to make sure he doesn’t have to do anything when it comes to household chores when he comes home from work. He works really hard and i would feel bad if after a long day of hard labor he comes home and has to do more. So far we have been 50/50 on everything (bills/chores) because we were both working, but soon my responsibilities and work will shift to maintaining the household. He still does more than his fair share of chores. He’s very clean and orderly and I never have to ask him to do anything. It’s really amazing.
This will be a wonderful thing and a challenge! It might take a while to get the hang of things with a new born and managing the home but it gets better. You can do it mama!
All facts! If I don't have to work...then baby ain't gotta come home and do much
you better do your chores🤨
Please dont open an Instagram account for your child and family, thanks. 😂
Good luck! Don't do what I did & take on 100% kids alone.. yes the dad's working hard but he gets to clock out & babies are HARD & parenting never gets to clock out. So take your breaks too. & It's parenting is not just a woman thing, it's a man thing too. So just cuz you ask him to whatever with the baby isn't something to feel bad about asking. Hopefully he does without needing to be asked or told but if he does, don't feel bad. just some words, take them or leave them ☺️
I dated a guy who lost his job after he moved in. I’m sure he was depressed, but i got tired of coming home after work and having to do his dishes after he’d been home gaming all day. Dude was OUT. Not because he lost his job, but because he did NOTHING.
Pearl is useless. She’s completely without nuance. She’s just picked a side and sticks with it. Sometimes she says correct things, but it’s never because she’s thought about it.
Shes a red pill parrot and it makes hella bank
OMG , there are actually people like that ? dude sits at home games all day does nothing without a job while hes with a girl ??!! thats absolute dead weight behaviour . im 23 have never been in a relationship , but thats one of my worst fears if i get into one i.e being a deadweight cuz It takes both the people to build a relationship. little things like that can add up over time and blow up like a bomb one day.
Dated, not married. That is a different story. Pearl is clearly coming from the idea that marriage is a much bigger commitment than dating. Don't go into it if you can't handle the bad times. You make vows in front of God, your family and your nation to be together through all the shit. Some chores is not a huge reason to go straight for divorce. You should exhaust other solutions before seeing a lawyer.
Nobody has an issue if you leave a bum who you're _dating_. We do think that if you're married and have a kid - splitting your family is stupid and that's a fact. Unless it's actually something really bad, you should like the tougher generations of the past keep your family together for the sake of the kid.
@@nobodyknowsforsure I do agree to that to at a extent. What if the parents really can't stand each other? Being raised in such a divisive situation is probably not good for the child psyche always having to pick sides between the two
This is an important conversation that needs to be talked about more. Thanks guys. Y’all never disappoint.
Chores can be a lot. I don't mind splitting some of them. Things like cooking though I enjoy quite a lot. I'm Jamaican and Jamaican men love cooking. Cooking for my family is one of my favourite things to do. Watching my kids enjoy a good meal is a great feeling. I don't know how to explain it. 😁
Thats facts, watching people enjoy food you made is incredibly fulfilling. We all have chores we enjoy/tolerate/hate doing. Its a matter of finding what you & your partner can split based off work/life balance.
Cooking might be your thing, maybe dishes is hers. In the end it dont matter what the part is, everybody gotta pitch in.
Excuse me Chadicus Maximus, I would like to compliment you for being a fine man, we don’t have enough of them.
W mans your name says a lot also
That’s great but in America we have traditional values and gender norms that we would like to conform to. We are not Jamaican.
Pin of facts
As a kid, my Mom was a nurse, who worked all night, the graveyard shift at a Nursing Home, and then she came home in the morning, made breakfast for 4 kids, get 4 kids ready for school, then get them off to school. It made me feel good, when I got home, to wash dishes, help with the laundry, clean the bathroom, sweep, mop, vacuum, etc. I even would make my Mom's bath for her when she was getting ready to go to work at night, and while she was taking a bath, I would lay out her nurse uniform, panty hose and shoes, out for her on her bed while she took her bath. Then always give her a hug and tell her I loved her when she was heading out the door at night to go to work. She worked 20 years as a nurse, and only missed ONE day of work in all those 20 years! She instilled the hard work value in me, just by me watching her work hard. Then on the weekends, when I was off of school, I did the same chores, plus yard work, mowing the lawn, racking leaves, etc. And on the weekend, I would bring her and my Stepdad coffee in bed in the morning. It made me feel great to help her, and my Stepdad, he worked his ass on working on the railroad for 40 years, he never missed work! When you love someone, whether Mother, Father, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, it makes you happy to make their lives a little easier by doing these things. Then when I started working at 15, I worked my butt off and rarely ever missed work. My parents instilled hard work in me, and what love means, I was very blessed to have them as parents to teach me this by how hard they worked, and my Mom had 4 kids, and was there for every activity her kids did, soccer games, dance class recitals, football games, high school band performances, softball games(4 of us, so we did a lot of sports and school activities), I'm blessed. So when I got older, and in relationships, I when I lived with my boyfriend, I did the same. When you are raised right, then you do right. And now my daughter is 21, and she works her butt off, never misses work, or never shows up late to work. She has a beautiful apartment with her roommates/best friends, and has a beautiful car, she pays all her bills on time, and she gives me the upmost respect, we are so close, and love each other so much. You as a parent, have to be the example of how to live a good, and hard working responsible life. And teach your kids to not only survive in this world, but thrive. Sorry for the long rant, but it's just the truth.
This is beautiful ❤
@@amarie1852 aww, thank you. ❤️
Utmost*
@@shahee6579 thanks. I'm a grammar perfectionist too, but I typed my post out pretty quickly 😊
😢 you're mom and step dad really are amazing! You are amazing too yah know❤ ! A loving family who work together♡♡♡♡♡♡ 😊
Pearl says what she thinks is supposed to be said rather than thinking and generating a helpful response. Its like we're helping her work out her logic. This is how so many podcasters perform. Just a stream of seeing people work out their thoughts, something that should take place in an intimate conversation.
They’re having 2 different arguments destiny is talking about actual long term relationships that spiral out and she’s talking about city girls who marry and divorce because they wanna do their own thing since that’s what she’s pretty much who’s she’s used to talking to
Yes, I mean she's doing awesome for only being in the game for a year. She is obviously going to become more refined and become a better interviewer. But I feel like sometimes these types of topics have to be steered very carefully in order to be conducive for the audience to prevent people from becoming more confused or lost in translation
@@howtobeamerican yeah her inexperience definitely showed so hopefully she’s able to learn from her interviews to make her craft better like you said
They are doing it for the clout. Pearl said she tested all content, the red pill content got her a greater audience. Even she doesn't believe half the things that come out of her own mouth.
Not even just a helpful response. But just a response that displays some dang intelligence. She says exactly what these sad red pillers want to hear so she can generate income
My marriage ended because I was a stay at home dad and as much as I cooked and cleaned, and took care of both toddlers during the pandemic 24/7 365. It was never enough. I did all the chores but would get the complaint of you leave shoes in the living room or you take too long cleaning.
So yes chores are an issue because when she wanted a divorce I was like cool I’m over this anyway. But this divorce process is the worst thing I’ve ever experienced.
Marriages only work if both do work. I should have been the one complaining about the chores but I was always the only one cleaning.
A man staying at home and the wife working is a crazy concept to me 😮 but to each their own 😊
@ShafiAhmed479 Get outa here, to the guy above I hope your doing well now, I'm exactly the same way and I decided I'm not responsible for other poeple negative response to me when I'm trying my best NOT to upset them! I just move on knowing I did my best🥲
@@ShafiAhmed479 ikr a man should never be a stay at home dad ever!
Is it just me, or are we overwhelmed with people who aren't married (or even in a relationship) who cannot WAIT to spread the good word in a how a relationship works, meanwhile Preach is actually married and hardly ever tells people what makes shit work, or at least doesn't make a series of videos preaching to people how to make relationships work.
I'm married and I feel horrible for people who are hoping to have a companion at some point, and all they have to help them out is a bunch of 20-something perpetually-single introverts who primarily live online but who claim to know exactly how relationships work.
If you were in a happy relationship you wouldn’t be in these comments
@@selfimprovement3682 Nah, they can find the topic interesting regardless
PIN THIS COMMENT
Preach has absolutely spoken on what makes shit work.
@@selfimprovement3682 tf is that logic?
Feels good to finally hear someone, especially men, on a public platform, acknowledge this...Good job guys.🤜
I can’t stand the ginger giant
You should have seen him dismantle F&F and Sneako on 4 podcasts. I'm begging there isn't any skeletons cause he's the first guy I've found in a while that speaks sense towards both sides like A&P have thankfully been doing for a long time.
@@dcworld4349 Dude you are watching a cuck destiny is literally theeeeee worst person to give any kind of advice on marriage or relationships he is a complete mess when it comes to this crap....
@@dcworld4349He's got his skeletons for sure, but he's changed and matured and an alright guy.
Yes splitting your family is totally okay for stress due to chores. Nothing says you love your kid by destroying your family. I will say that if you don't have kids it's completely fair game.
This is one of the reasons I fell away from the Red Pill space. A lot of the guys in that area have women that work day jobs but be on their channels telling guys to expect a servant. I’d see if she was a housewife but MOST of the consumers of these red pill guys aren’t HVM that could afford to take care of a woman in that capacity.
But that’s nothing to do with the red pill. It tell you to walk it you like you talk so if she is work and doing chores you either help with the chores or pay of lot more of the bills
This. If you want her to do the house work. Pay for the house and it's keep to keep her in it.
To be fair tho, Destiny is essentially a sugar daddy. his wife is with him for an American greencard, and to use his clout to boost her fansley and patreon
@@gjjijji If she works an 8 hour job just as the man does, then paying more of the bills won’t help with the physical labor she has to do at home.
Keeping the home clean involves; clean the toilets, bath tubs, showers, sweeping or vacuuming the floors, dusting the house and furniture, cleaning the refrigerator, stove, cleaning the baseboards, keeping the blinds to the windows clean, keeping the curtains clean,doing laundry; folding and ironing clothes, changing the bed sheets, doing the dishes, cleaning up after cooking, cooking, not to mention going to the store to buy the food, clothes, cleaning supplies etc. these task are done daily and a few are weekly depending on how messy someone is.
Use the extra money to Pay for a once or twice a week housekeeper this will help out much better than just paying extra bills.
@@qesther1241 if he’s pay most of the bills than she’s pretty much working more just because she wants and that’s her choice. Again I don’t care either if she is doing chores plus work the guy should be knocking out most the bills if he’s unable to provide that he need to get he ass into the kitchen and start helping
The thing I find completely hilarious is that if a man said he was initiating a divorce on her podcast because every day when he comes home the house is a mess, his wife never cooks, and there is laundry piled everywhere, she wouldn't dare make this statement! She'd be the first one holding a torch and a pitchfork to advocate for that man's sorrows!
Her inability to understand what theyre telling her is so mind boggling that i almost think shes doing this on purpose
It helps her show spread by being this dense
She knows what’s going on. Its a trick
She knows damn well, and the incels who lack critical thinking will follow her dumbass
It happened to me like that. My wife rarely cleaned up after herself or took my issues seriously. I was resentful and my interest in her dropped day after day until I gave up on the person I thought she was. People ask what happened to us and I can't say "laziness and apathy," so I just say we weren't a good fit.
I feel the same way towards my ex for the samd reason.
I was like this with an ex-bf of mine. We both were in the military (aka both worked the same long ass days) and I'd do all of the household cleaning and laundry which I honestly didn't mind. What DID irk me though was when he created *more* mess for me to deal with. I don't mind washing the dishes and doing laundry, but when I have to go seek all the dirty dishes and clothes laying about.....it definitely got frustrating quick
I have a question, lets say she dint clean up after herself, but took ur issues seriously, would you still have given up on her?
@@DeadLkeMe This. Because of my past of having to constantly clean up after others while hunting stuff down I now get triggered whenever I have to look for something and it isn't where it should be. Immediate anger like "...why the hell aren't the meat scissors in the drawer I LITERALLY bought a pair of scissors so you'd stop kidnapping these!". Mental damage from selfish roommates/family is real.
Why couldn't you just say the truth?
Agreed. I split up with my fiancé of 7 years over this stuff. Loved her dearly, but I paid 80% of the bills and worked 60-70 hours a week and couldn't count on having clean work clothes or dishes being done, I can count on two hands the times she cooked a meal for me. All the while she was working part time and for a period of time didn't have a job at all and I paid for everything, and on my days off I was the one vacuuming and mopping floors, shampooing carpets, cooking all the meals (I was an executive chef) etc.. I grew to resent her and our relationship fell apart. I definitely had my own flaws as well and played a part in how that relationship decayed, but I whole heartedly agree a large portion of what keeps a relationship healthy is the division of labor. I'm in a great spot now with the woman I'm currently with, we both share the load at home and have good jobs, and our first child is on the way. I wouldn't have known what to look for in a partner though if I didn't experience what I absolutely didn't want in a partner. All that to say I get why women want to divorce over those things because I being a man initiated the breakup with my ex over the same stuff, its just the genders were reversed in that scenario.
What were your flaws?
@@stephanea5364 ..JFC
@@stephanea5364 I was impatient, and not very emotionally supportive. I guess being a man we don't get much empathy from the world, so its hard to be empathetic at home. My thought process was always "no one cares how I'm feeling or what I'm going through I'm just expected to perform" and so I went into a lot of situations feeling the same about her. I failed to realize how differently women are built, and expected things from her that were not inherently natural to her being. I signed off on her getting on birth control which wrecked her hormones and psyche because I didn't know any better. I failed to communicate effectively in a lot of scenarios and instead of having the fight or telling her exactly how I felt I just withdrew into myself. I wasn't much of a leader, I was 22 and she was 19 when we got together, and I didn't know shit about leading a relationship. The list could go on really but after we broke up I decided to be single and celibate for a year and did a lot of self reflection and growing, after that I was able to find a woman who is a great partner, but I had to work on my own flaws to be the partner she needs as well. It took a lot of self reflection to get to that point and ongoing daily self reflection to remain there. The "manosphere" really helped me improve and understand my and my partner's roles more clearly, I took a lot away from it, but the general anger and vitriol that comes with it is something you have to leave behind if you want to have a successful relationship.
@@SPDRM thats very true in a lot of circumstances. what helped me weed out those types of women was making my expectations known from the very beginning. Layout very clearly what you expect from a woman from the jump and the lazy or entitled ones seem to reject you relatively quickly, which is good for you in the long run. The woman I'm with now cooks most of the meals, does all of the laundry and grocery shopping, sets up appointments etc.. she does a lot, but in return I do a lot as well. I pick up the slack when she's not feeling well, I do all the heavy lifting, I build the shelves, cabinets, help clean up the house etc.. its a healthy balance and a positive partnership, she does the things she's good at, I do the things I'm good at, and we meet in the middle when need be. but I was very clear from the beginning of what I would expect out of her if she were to be my wife one day, and I was very clear about what I wouldn't tolerate....so far so good 🙂
@@kyleabram9036 Thanks for your thoughtful and mature answer. You have it figured out. Best of luck.
I've never been in a relationship but I have experienced what was said in the podcast. Like Aba said, this happens outside of relationships, it also happens with families. Having to do all the work for people that take advantage, or could care less, is so draining and so many other negative emotions. You can't even ignore the responsibility because if you do, the house turns into a bug infested crack den. The times when certain family members finally did their job it felt like a goddamn vacation.
Dear Pearl,
It's not about chores. It's about what's behind it that carries weight. Like, not caring about the other person, like not caring to put work into your relationship to keep it healthy, like not listening to your partner or taking their concerns into consideration, like treating them as if they don't matter over and over, etc.
Yeah sure..things like communication, counseling, etc. should definitely take place before making the decision to divorce, but it's rarely just about "chores."
Like yeah, both men and women need to take extra care in picking a partner. It's not just "are they clean" but "do they actually *show* that they care about you consistently, under pressure, etc."
But for her to skim over the responsibility of the guy in this scenario and just be like "well you should've picked a better partner" instead of "yeah he needs to listen, care and step up".. like... That's where she lost me 😂
It seems like Pearl is just all about blaming women for everything. It's almost like she does it for the validation of red pill dudes and it's ...😬
Like, it's never all men or all women that are to blame. Both genders carry blame, responsibility, praise, etc. and it's most definitely case by case.
This is so bad faith, like everyone just lumps everything along with chores to make their point.. she's just saying divorcing over little things is not good, so that means a partner who gets some little things wrong but gets most other important things right..
@@ContranianCommandono, what she said was that a partner divorcing because the other partner doesn’t contribute to chores was not a legitimate reason. She said chores are a bad reason to divorce.
They are a gimmick & pander to their audience. It's mad cringe.
@@IHavent82Day i gave the context of why she would say that women should not divorce for chores, as i have watched her videos
@@ContranianCommando what you said isn’t what she was saying though. I’ve seen her videos too; she’s a grifter.
The most underrated statement in the whole pod was that you don’t really know someone until you’ve lived with them. Sure, you can say, “choose better”, but people change and not always in ways that can be foreseen.
This.
But on the other hand I also think it's important to encourage people to pick partners that have qualities that actually make them good partners. For men and women.
It’s called having discernment and know the qualities they want in a person. People don’t actually get to know people anymore. Nowadays people go from texting on dating apps to the bedroom in matter of days/weeks. I do not believe that anyone can pretend to be something they are not for a whole entire relationship. The truth is that 100% of the time the person has red flags that we choose to ignore and if your a woman most likely you believed that you could be the one to change him.
@@itsyaaveragegirl this, a good amount of women do this, pretty much every relationship ive been in they werent in love with me, they were only in love with the emotional checklist i provided at times, the idea of what they thought i was that they deluded upon themselves and what they could possibly change me into being, its never taking me as is and working together, its always "fixing" me to be ideal like im some sort of project
@@Ash_Wen-li that will happen by itself. But the training to do chores for everyone has to start early.
Someone that's never been married or in a long term relationship can never understand how little things can deeply impact a relationship over time if the issue isn't dealt with. No one wants to come home and deal with unnecessary BS every single day. Life is hard enough as it is.
Because a lot of ppl in relationships lacc communication and think every thing is about them so one person could be upset and the other partner may not even know
@@thaatruthseeker3725 That's what I meant when I said if it wasn't dealt with. If the other person has voiced their concerns about the other one being lazy or whatever, and their partner still doesn't put in their fair share, what are they supposed to do? Now, if they never stood up for themselves, it's really their fault that the relationship fell apart. You can't expect anyone to read minds.
Lack of communication nobody can read your mind
I'm glad you guys are calling this stuff out for what it is. I had started consuming red pill content when I myself was in a deterriorated mental state of health. Once I actually was able to deal with my own personal problems, I quickly realized how red pill is just.....not good. thankfully i didn't consume much of that content and it only lasted a few weeks maybe a month or two before i snapped out of my delusional headspace. Lifes all about perspective eh?
What is it to believe that divorce is bad over frivolous reasons?
@@dankmartin6510 chores aren’t frivolous.
🙏🏼
Part of the reason I divorced my ex husband is over chores. The reason I held on for so long was I was like...is it really worth leaving someone over? But he was the stay at home parent and I worked, and he did nothing at home. If I did things, he walked behind me and messed them up. He was resentful when I asked for help, when I cried for help, when I begged for help. Over 9 years it built up and I couldn't raise both him and our children in the chaos. Now he lives in his own place and is still getting in trouble with the landlord for dirtiness, now the the point where he has regular checks from them to keep him from getting evicted. Laziness kills relationships. And I have no regrets. Now I keep my home the way I want and don't have that constant anxiety around me.
So a split home helped your kids?? 🤦♂
@@nobodyknowsforsure did you read???? This man has no job (=NO MONETARY SUPPORT), he was so dirty that there are people having to come to his house to make sure its SANITARY. Like basic hygiene. What makes you think a man like that is good for a child? If he cant take care of himself it shows how immature he is, and clearly it's better to have him out rather than the risk of the children being anything like him.
@@nobodyknowsforsure and besides, if the woman has to come home from a job and and do the chores, why do you think he was even paying attention to the kids? Cause taking care of kids definitelywasnt a chore this man was doing
@kaynyne9 yep! Now they have someone to model good self and home care for them, and they see him every day. We get along very well, he drops them off at school then me at work and does the reverse as well. But now no one argues in front of the kids, no one has to suffer through poor mental health for them, I can provide for them more efficiently as can he and what we have is super normalized to them now. Not every split household is a nightmare when you both have the same goal of providing for and not harming your kids. His shortcomings as a partner is not their fault and they deserve two dads in their life :). We still do family activities together and make large decisions together.
@@nobodyknowsforsure Two happy parents is good for the kids. And NO parent should have to suffer in a relationship for the sake of their kids, when there is options.
I greatly appreciate this guy for explaining real life scenarios and challenging Pearl effectively. She talks for the sake of talking at times and now she can't handle real push back on her points, especially the weaker ones.
She speaks like an airhead. It’s not just that what she says is dumb, literally they way she talks is just as smart as her thoughts.
She is stupid and cannot defend herself against Destiny's arguments. She did the Kamala Harris/Hillary laughing or cackling when she had no answer. Forgive me for using politics. You get my point about Pearls before swine.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
This dude let's his wife have sex with other men lmao
Can’t handle it?
I’m currently divorcing my husband right now over this. He does almost nothing (he would clean dishes maybe once or twice a month if I’m lucky). We both work full time, and I come home and clean the whole house, picking up kids toys, cook, laundry, put away cloths, while still spending time with my two toddlers and making time for them. Giving them baths, brush hair and teeth, and bedtime. All the while cleaning up after the cloths he throws everywhere! And trash! And I’m not getting any compliments when I dress nice, no appreciation, no dates, no sexual satisfaction. We went to counseling once or twice a week for 3 YEARS. I tried everything to get him to step up so not to break up our family. You can bring a horse to water but you can’t make them drink….
Maybe he’s just not into you anymore. At least to me it sounds like he’s not.
If you were to be a trad wife and he was working and putting a roof over your head I would say its fair he shouldn't help you do the chores unless he wants to. But seeing as you both work and you do most of the chores I can agree with your choice of getting a divorce.
If he works longer hours and makes more, you should be doing those things.... or be happy with less and stay home
@@kcb8130
THEY BOTH WORK FULL TIME. He could help her, why should both work full time but she has to do house work as well??? Take care of the kids by herself as well????
Good luck with that shitty mentality in your marriage if your ever manage to get one. I can see divorce in your future
@@dvdm7525 lol full time is considered 35 hrs a week which is nothing.
If the man works 12 hours a day and his wife works 8, she should be picking up the slack... additionally, on average in north America, men work longer hours - average 10hrs per week longer. So, women need to start working longer or shut up and do your damn house work
Pearl is the kind of person who romanticise relationships in her head by thinking the way things should work. When she's never experienced real life situations that always reflects the reality of how easily relationships can be broken down, due to simple things not being done, partners taking advantage of their significant others, refusal of help in the financial areas and so on (the list is endless). If she experienced any of this, she wouldn't be talking nonsense and giving an unrealistic one-sided view of things.
She is a wonderful person and talks truth and facts. A football coach does not have to be a former Superbowl winner to be a great coach. What she says resonates because she speaks facts 100 percent.
@Tantratonic that's because others have said the same, but for some reason, it hits differently when she says it. I wonder why? 🤔
@@josephineicuka-asumo2570
Because it resonates with men from the globe who are sick and tired of a misandry that is being spread by legacy media and universities.
@@Canadakonnect and that's the reason you like her.
@@josephineicuka-asumo2570
Of course. It's nice to see someone speak the truth about all the hate men get which is unjustified.
My husband & I literally sat down and made a chore list when we were like 2 years married because who was or was not doing which chores was harming our relationship. Been married for almost 6 now and I rarely even think about it because we figured that out. It is 100% little stuff piling up that can ruin a relationship. Isn't always massive like an affair and if you look at what led to affairs, a lot of the time, it was little stuff piling up!!
The devil is in the details. It was always that little shit that got to me living with roommates. Swore it off after a couple years like that (until a LTR)
So if little stuff piling up is the major reason for divorce, then shouldn't the divorce rate be similar across the world in free countries. But no it doesn't its mostly a west issue..In a lot of cultures they do not let the little stuff break down the pillars of marriage..
@@ContranianCommandoThat’s not usually a good thing. They just stay together to avoid judgement while resenting each other throughout their marriage. I’m not from the west and I’ve seen so many examples of that
@@aquilabamigbade3473 and i have seen a lot of examples of people overcoming their little issues with each other by improving or ignoring them, so this cancels our anecdotal experiences i guess..i will in no way say that any culture has got relationships completely right, but the western values of relationships, hookup culture are the absolute worst values we could have come up for in relationships.
@@ContranianCommando I don't for one second believe that anyone overcame any problem by ignoring it. You either work on your issues TOGETHER or your marriage falls apart.
As for the west, there is more economic stability. Women are able to work, earn a lot of money in various enterprises, the culture is very liberal overall and families are nuclear rather than generations living together.
I have been through this. I work 7 days a week about 70-80 hours a week, come home and my ex wife expects me to do everything. She doesn’t work by the way, just sits at home watching Korean soap operas. I pick up the kids from day care even though she is home all day. I have to do all the chores, pick up the kids, help with homework prep for bedtime. It wasn’t a marriage it was servitude. And when I said I wanted to hire help I get accused of being lazy and not saving money. I put up with it because of the kids but after a while, I knew nothing would change.
Wow.. I’m sorry to hear that.
Wow
You pay the internet get rid of it and buy her a maid outfit say I know you like k drama so much I decided to turn your life into one.😊
Get yourself a South East Asian young girl who would gladly clean the house and gift you a kid or two without any complains. You got yourself a modern, entitled brat who thinks she's special. She ain't.
She did that cuz you allowed her to get away with it. Gotta put your foot down broski.
Chores were a HUGE issue with my ex, she stayed at home since she was unable to ever really get a good job, so I expected her to do 95% of the stuff around the house with me occasionally pitching in since I worked and earned us a living, except I did 95% of things and she thought doing something here and there was such a big thing, it was honestly ridiculous, I worked as an aide in a nursing home so my job was typically incredibly stressful and it was always a fight getting her to do stuff, glad she’s an ex Much as I loved her.
So sorry you had to go through that. I'm an CNA at a nursing home, and that job is stressful
I'm glad she's your ex, too
Did u explain to her that since you had the responsibility of earning , she should take the responsibility of the house...wat logic did she have for not doing the needfull
@@antithoughtpolice7497 think we’re all glad the she’s his ex 🤣
Shorty was a liability 👊🏿
I tried to make it work for my first fiance. I hung on for as long as I could. But I didn't realize how severe his issues were until we started to live together after two years of dating. Moved in together by year two, totaling a 5 year relationship. I not only worked two jobs because he was only making money to pay for his vices, I would come home and everything was trashed and destroyed, pet mess all over the floor, the home smelled so bad, I'm not even going to keep going because it was so traumatic. I asked so many times, please help me clean. Not even anything major, I would beg him to take out the pets for walks and potty, but no whatever he was doing or watching was more important. I couldn't marry a man like that.
Glad you noticed before marrying
Divorce for "no reason"??? As a divorcee, I will say that it is a HUGE decision to ask your spouse for a divorce, not a walk in the park. I was lucky that I didn't have kids or property with my ex, but the emotional roller coaster leading up to making the decision to divorce was torture. It was probably brewing for a year or more, you're trying to find a way to work things out so you can save your relationship, going to therapy, trying couples' therapy, anything honestly to see if you can stay together. Your nerves are fried, you're confused in your feelings, confused by your sense of obligation to your spouse, to yourself, your family, and to the cultural idea of marriage, kids, etc. in the future. You're judged by your parents, your siblings, and you lose friends. I lost a ton of friends after my divorce because the reality is that people pick sides. You're judged by your community, especially if you're from a culture where divorce is taboo. Then the lawyers and their fees, the time spent on contracts, and whatever legal garbage has to be taken care of. If you come from an abusive marriage, these things are likely WAY WORSE to go through and you may not have a great support network as you go through it. And after it's all done, you have to learn to be alone again and like it, work on yourself, trust people again and socialize, build new friendships, and the list goes on. Divorce is an upheaval of one's life - no one is doing it for "no reason."
❤
Did the pegging not turn your relationship around?
Truth.
Thank you🙏🏽
"No reason?" It's not literal... it means for small or stupid reasons... She even explains this. You, people, are out of touch and can't even understand plain English.
Pearl is terrified of saying anything that her male audience will find unattractive i.e. holding them accountable
This part
Yup even fresh and fit hold men accountable 😅
She's just a pick me girl
She really pissed me off with this one, smh
@Zealadinn well said.
That roomate shit hit hard, fr if room8s aren’t doing their own part or just cleaning up after themselves it’s infuriating. It screams im entitled and have no accountability
Imagine those roommates not paying bills and you gotta boil water and use it to bathe in the dark.
@Spit1990 oh yeah. Friendships can end quick
@@Spit1990 HELL NO. They will work at the nearest Mcds or Gas station before we end up there.
Jesus
people who leave dishes in the sink for weeks, the get angry when you remove the dishes.
Dorm Life!
Unfortunately my friend had to end her 10 year relationship recently, mainly because he stated that she didn't do anything for the family. She hasn't been away from her kids since this came into this world (his oldest is about to turn six). He would disregard any plans she's made way ahead of time, then goes on day trips with his friends and leaves her with the kids the morning of. Her family lives 2.5 hours away in the next major city, she would mention and make plans to go visit (as a family) he would just back out saying he didn't feel like going, so she would have to deal with the kids for the whole weekend by herself. There's a lot more to say, but I'm sure him having to move in with his mother again will remind him what it takes (they're not married and the house was bought by her and it was 70/30 for a long while, too)
Over all we all want to be around self-sufficient adults who understand teamwork.
Why have kids before marriage? Why be in a relationship for 10 years if he is not even willing to put work in?? Why kids in the first place with said man?
Don’t talk about teamwork when you hired the wrong person. Can’t hire a bozo and expect greatness…
Thank you for this episode. THANK YOU!! And thank you to the gentleman with the blue hair who made many valid points & who spoke through experience not “talking to people on the street for a year” 😂
Being with someone and LIVING with someone are 2 completely different worlds. It's cute to play house and spend the night at your partners house but sharing those responsibilities both big and small, it really matters and makes a difference in the relationship.
This is the single most common reason I've seen friends', family's and acquaintances' relationships fall apart. You really don't know a person until you've lived with them, and even more so until you've gone through hard times with them.
I’m dying of laughter. I still got ptsd from an ex constantly leaving his dookie in the toilet cause he’d “forget” to flush. I 100% can’t be compatible with anyone who can’t put their weight in on any level, even in friendships. We aren’t children . We all pick up after ourselves, we can both work, and contribute to kids 🤷🏽♀️
Appreciating that you used "dookie" that was phenomenal 🤣
How in the world does someone forget to flush??? 🤢
Sounds like your whole existence is based on conditional gains.
Bruh flushing the toilet ain’t even a chore 😂😂😂😂
Uhhh jesus ex of yours is a clown full stop.
yo this is actually so true though. As I grew up watching my parents, watching my father get shit together whenever we had some important event to be at as a family and listening to my moms sit in the car complaining about how late we were. This never made sense to me as she could have easily walked her ass back in that house and just helped him get it together so we could leave on time and prepared. I eventually got tired of seeing this and took it upon myself to walk back in the house and help out my pops. it really is the little shit that matters most in a relationship.
JustPearly always goes on about her rich daddy and privileged life... so don't expect her to undersrand ordinary life like sharing a home and doing chores.
Forget marriages, I had a best friend for SIXTEEN YEARS, we lived together for two, and now I will never speak to her again lol division of labor is huge, and while there were other issues, a lot were issues that I knew about the entirety of our friendship. Others were revealed by being in such close proximity to her all the time, but the primary thing that broke us up was our household dynamic.
A year into that living situation, I still loved her more than anyone, but I also _resented_ her and was so annoyed all the time. We keep saying love isn't enough to keep a relationship together _BECAUSE IT ISN'T._ Love wasn't enough to save my relationship with someone who's been in my life for over half of it (I'm 28, it ended 9 months ago). It's definitely not going to be enough to save your marriage if you're not both actively working on making it better.
Love this perspective. People and relationships are different when you actually have to live with them.
How stupid you are both just still teenagers mentally honestly grow up be the bigger person better said the adult and make up with her she probably misses you even tho she won’t admit it
destiny mocking pearl was probably the funniest thing he has done in his life lmao
Can't possibly be funnier than his S-tier Starcraft strategies...
You should have seen him dismantle F&F and Sneako on 4 podcasts. I'm begging there isn't any skeletons cause he's the first guy I've found in a while that speaks sense towards both sides like A&P have thankfully been doing for a long time.
@@dcworld4349 considering the amount of haters he has and he's been doing this for over 10 years, anything dirty would've been out by now. Everyone tries to cancel him.
@@slimconfucius that's nice to hear, just recently found out about him so I've not exactly been just drowning through his content. But I've seen enough to where it seems he gets the problem and the hypocricy that is going on in left circles. Yet isn't willing to give the right a pass either. He's even willing to give the red pillers some credit on some areas they are giving good advice. Before laying out what the rest of what they are saying is factually wrong.
It felt so nice to see that again, so used to for the most part your either on one side or the other.
Are there real names destiny and pearl? Bruh
I got my mom a roomba and I never seen her so happy in her life. She used to clean the floors like everyday because of our dogs and dirty shoes, plus vacuum carpet. Me buying this simple thing that saves her a couple of hours a week, helped her tremendously.
Get the one that mops too. I would love to get both... one that brooms and the other mops. 🥰😍
Never understood how people are walking with shoes in the house 🤔
Doesn't dog hair mess up a Roomba or does it handle it pretty well? I've been thinking of getting one
@@LadyCoyKoi I didn't know there's one that mops! I'm gonna get one now
My husband and I have been married for 1.5 year now. When it came to actually living with each other I didn't recognise my own home. Everything was put somewhere else, and things were messy and not very clean. My hard work wasn't appreciated especially with kids in the mix. I used to ask all the time please help blah blah... That got old and didnt do anything. I could feel resentment and annoyance growing and my husband felt my negative vibes because I felt like nobody respected my work (I'm a SAHM). So I decided to make a silent protest. I stopped washing clothes, doing dishes, hoovering, sweeping, cleaning the toilet, the bath, cooking. Everything you can think of I stopped. It took about 2-3 weeks for him to notice and he always says now that he has to keep on top of it as it bugs him and it's certainly made him more aware of how much goes into making a house and home and not a dumping ground. It definitely made me less angry knowing I couldn't care less and knowing that he is also aware and more inclined to do his side of things too. So Pearl unfortunately is really misled. I somehow feel this is just a front and she knows yet this is what pays her nicely so she's keeping up the facade 🤔... Chores can most certainly vow for divorce.
People always try to tell others how to live lives that aren’t realistic, or aren’t reflective of the life they’re living by💀
Ex-wife and I had this issue for years, I'm a bit of a neat freak and I liked coming home knowing i dont have to stress before bed. Coming home to 2-3 hours of more work while she wasnt working was infuriating. When we switched roles after i broke my ankle she noticed how much i got done WITH CRUTCHES and started helping out more. It's really easy to keep your house clean, its not easy to maintain a relationship if you feel you're being taken advantage of.
True. But divorcing over chores is foolish. Y'all have made a mockery over y'all vows
@@michael43567 The only person making a mockery is you and the lazy ass fucking person. For anyone who thinks its "just chores" is either autistic or never been in a relationship. For someone to not make an effort keeping the house in check while the other partner works and they dont does not give a shit about thier partner.
What type of spouse can sit there and watch their partner do all the cooking and cleaning after they just came home from work?
That person dsnt give a fk about their partner, their life or anything and chores is just how their real feelings manifested.
@@michael43567 Do your FaQing chores than Michael
@@michael43567 not foing chores is not putting in effort to maintain the relationship
@TheGr8190 still a silly reason to divorce. That's just ONE factor of maintaining a relationship.
What if he also pays the bills, pleasures you sexually, protects you, buys you gifts, is a great communicator etc?
You throwing a marriage away because he doesn't pull his weight with chores?
My family immigrated to Australia from Eastern Europe when I was 3. It's a very traditional-esc, household. Dad worked a full time job, so did mum, but she still came home and did chores, cooked and cleaned, it's just how it was. Since mum works as a cleaner she taught me and my brother a lot and as we learnt, we began pulling our weight. In the end, there is a great sense of fulfillment from completing certain tasks. When I make my bed to perfection, when i've vacuumed the house, done the dishes, I feel great. When i've cooked a meal and I watch people eat and enjoy the food i've prepared. I actually think that's one of the best feelings in the world.
100% bro. Same here 🇷🇸
Tell these fools to seat and quiet, break a home because of simple home care which is basic.
@@olorundareqowiyat1002 then do it of its that basic. My grandparents had a very traditional household and my grandparents both worked full time, they both did chores. This concept is really not that hard to grasp
@@olorundareqowiyat1002 My Grandpa was from Ghana 7 he'd outbake my Grandma anyday. Also, as a WWII Drill Sergeant the man would spend HOURS cleaning.
These dudes be wanting legal sex slaves & its sad.
I bet your Dad also respected you Mom. Probably even fixed stuff & all the other traditional masc stuff. I doubt your Dad was a slob with no domestic value.
Its totally cool if both parties agree to that & hold up their end. "Traditional" works when there's mutual respect.
But most men today aren't making enough for a whole household, let alone more than some of their women! Its a trip watching these low-earning guys who can't change their own oil tell women to "do more".
As someone who struggles with upholding MY end of the bargain in my relationship (due to illness and other issues), my *biggest* stressor is the slack my husband has to pick up on top of working his day job, it wears on anyone. Anyway, Pearl grew up in a 10 bedroom mansion so my assumptions is she probably hasn’t had tons of experience with completely keeping/maintaining a house without some kind of outside help.
I totally agree. Me and my sons father broke up bc of “ chores” I worked full time, we had a small child, and I did everything around the house. EVERYTHING! It took a toll on me and our relationship. He made a mess constantly and never cleaned up after himself. The kicker was I made more money than him so I paid the majority of the bills too. I left and never looked back. Now I’m married to a great guy and my ex still lives in the same house we bought together and it’s absolutely destroyed from him not maintaining it.
You left him not because of chores but because he earned less than you.A women married to a billionaire will not only do chores but also will allow him to fool around with his hot female secretary.
@@abhi3710 He shouldve been a billionaire then OR HELPED AT HOME.
@@peekaboo4283 I think baby daddies have it better than husbands.The deserve no marriage.
@@abhi3710 Let me guess, you're a not-so-attractive virgin who has never had a girlfriend, has very few friends, if any, in real life, and your greatest accomplishments have all taken place within the confines of your favorite video game?
And fyi, billionaires hire maids. Even the married ones.
@@abhi3710 it really added insult to injury. Not only did I have to clean up after him but I paid the majority of the bills too. I wouldn’t have minded if he actually pitched in with the house work. Me and my husband now both do the house work. It’s too much for 1 person while working full time.
That's my parent's relationship right there. Mother is the breadwinner of the family, and still has to clean, cook and look out for her two kids. There's a reason why I don't say I love my parents equally anymore, and why I respect my mother more than anyone in this world.
I honestly don't plan on getting in a relationship if I don't want to pull my weight, nor would I want to pull someone else's.
@Hi here we go again with not all men instead of actually trying to encourage men to BE BETTER. fuckin pos.
Goes to show that sometimes…the small things matter the most
sometimes ? the small daily things matter way freakin more than the big big thing once in a long while
Agreed
@@daemok4752you’re right, my bad lol. In that case, they always matter.
"I *vow* to be with you for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad times.....
But the chores tho? I'm OUTTT."
Weak vows. All talk no walk.
Literally feels so good to hear this. Imagine paying and the bills, doing all the cooking and cleaning, homeschooling. I asked my ex- husband to help me for months on end with no real help bro.
What people don’t understand is most of it is not even about the chores it’s about respect. How you do one thing is how you do everything. If you can disregard your wife struggling and feeling taken advantage of because you won’t help around the house, you probably disregard her in other ways too. A lot of folks have never lived with a spouse before and you can tell. Everything is always great when it’s just weekend dates and birthday trips but when you live together that is when you realize this is 24/7 and y’all both have to be willing to grow up and make some changes about yourself that you didn’t even realize before. Marriage isn’t a fairytale it’s wayyy more compromise than folks realize.
If he's paying all the bills, then he shouldn't be doing the chores. Wtf is this entitled mentality. Imagine suffering for 70 hours a week to have to clean and do the chores? Fuck that shit. Only modern women complain about that shit.
Why should a man help you in the kitchen if he is not getting help in the work that he does for living from you??Isn't it hypocritical to expect a man do chores when a women doesn't do anything to make his life easy??Grow up.
@@abhi3710 some of you all are so jaded and bitter you can’t even see past your noses. Selfishness has you all in a chokehold.
@@Imnotactiveanymore744 If you would have had the empathy for the man that takes the world on every dam day earn not only for himself but also for his family without expecting any help in his work from his wife/partner then you would not have used the phrase "I AM THE BREADWINNER" as an excuse.
Girls have no idea how much tough it is for a man to get recognised in the work space from everyone cause we don't have pretty and cute privilege like chicks.
If you are not satisfied with someone's income or resources then just don't marry that guy.Why compel him do stuff to make up for his low income??That's not only manipulative but also destructive.
Then say that. Doing chores is easy . Im a dude, my roomie was my bf and I cleaned most times. I didn’t even care
that clip of you guys giving the homies the wallets was sweet and funny af. thanks for including that, made me smile!
She has such strong opinions for someone who’s not in a relationship
For someone who's not in a relationship where she lives with the guy.
And destiny has a lot of opinions based on his open relationship, which is not the majority of relationships
@@ContranianCommando he was in monogamous relationships as well. and also being in an open relationship or not open doesn't matter on the subject of getting a divorce over doing chores and stuff.
@@te0nzin yeah it does. Some guy trying to give relationship advice while his gf is getting plowed by another man is ridiculous. What next? Mia Khalifa or Lara Rhodes opinion on relationships is valid now?Fuck outta here.
@@te0nzin and pearl can also talk from the experience of her parents who are married for so long have so many adopted , own kids.
The problem isn't that chores lead to divorce. The problem is as the guy said. Someone not doing chores are the first step in a series of problems that develop as a result of one little thing. One thing becomes multiple things. Next thing you know you are far too relaxed in that relationship and you are not putting in the effort that you used to. A relationship should take effort for the rest of your life. The whole point of it is for both of you to be happy.