Feel Them PULLING Away? - AVOID THIS MISTAKE! | Matthew Hussey
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- Опубліковано 21 січ 2023
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On Today's Episode:
Investing months and years in a relationship that you secretly question and know to be wrong for you feels like insanity to stay and even more foolish to leave the longer you stay in it. Have you ever been nervous about asking too many questions when you first begin dating? It’s natural to feel like you may run someone away with a line of questioning, but Matthew Hussey is a reminder that you can never scare away the right person for you.
Matthew Hussey is a dating expert and the relationship guru millions of women turn to while trying to decipher what kind of dating life is best and how to get the guy they wants. He’s the bestselling author and life coach that brought you How to Get the Guy, and in this clip he’s running down how to stop lying to yourself about the relationship you wish you had and the actual relationship you’re living with.
Look for the person that wants to be in a relationship, and be honest with yourself if your partner is the wrong person for you and have the courage to choose something different that leaves potential for a healthier relationship.
Choose self-love.
Choose radical confidence.
QUOTES:
“When you’re throwing out a serious question you don’t have to say it in a really serious way.”
“If they’re saying, I’m not ready for a relationship, that is a giant red flag! [...] they are telling you to your face that you are going to get your heart broken here.”
“Love isn’t enough. It’s not! Compatibility is crucial.”
“You’re going to feel pain either way, leave or stay, you’re going to feel pain, [...] at least have the pain that’s a question mark. This pain is a period, it's not a question mark. At least leaving means possibility…”
Follow Matthew Hussey:
Website: www.howtogettheguy.com/
UA-cam: / gettheguyteam
Instagram: / thematthewhussey
Facebook: / coachmatthewhussey
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
😂😂😂
“Love is not enough & life is so painfully short”. A man’s actions will tell you what he values & believes. When his words don’t match his actions - run! PS: Don’t lie to yourself about how miserable you are.
And tbh i was lying to myself bc i feel I was being codependent and i told him that i couldn't see myself without him so....i stuck it out for awhile even tho he wasnt giving me what he was in the beginning which was more of his time and having deep meaningful conversations. I need that for me to stay in a any kind of relationship really. But yeah he just kept it so surface level which was killong m3 slowly ha. I couldn't take it anymore so i pulled away..and just replied to him when he'd reach out..we just had a tiff on Monday and i haven't heard from him since lol..idk..ima think he nvr really cared or felt what i was feeling in the situationship. I tried to just keep it like friendly although he wanted more but i tried to keep it healthy lol i was like done..i have self respect so im not going to keep entertaining his shenanigans smh 😅 men🙂🌧
I totally know that feeling ❤👍
Sanjeev, I really needed to read this today! Thank you.
He is right. I had a "fuck this" moment and now I realize I really need to spend my enegry towards someone who do likes me and wants to do stuff with me instead of just wasting my time or pillow talking me dreams just to keep his ego steady
I agree with you....he's right...I for sure had a fuck this moment life short as hell...hell with the pain let's move on from toxic relationship
@@michellelee4140 yeah, looking back at my old situation I cringe at the thought of for why I even liked the guy in the first place.
@@melteddarkchocolate000 that makes both of us I wish someone would've slapped me back to reality
I feel this too..
Same
I have wasted my twenties with relationships I should have left, filled with emotional and physical abuse. I am 29 now and even though I am still young it is hard to grieve those years I let myself be treated that way. this is such an important message ❤
same here.. glad at least I got it now.. some never do.. sad indeed
Those experiences are required and see them as GROWTH and experience now because without this, you wouldn't know what you want and what you don't
Honestly, I think it's very hard to date in our twenties. Both we and other people are maturing and trying to construct our foundations as adults (learning our lessons from our mistakes as well). School never prepared us to know how to navigate through our relationships and self-development, unfortunately. Still, in my case I believe I am doing my work but that means saying "no" to many guys that aren't on the same page as me. They say women are emotionally mature at the age of 32 while men reach it at 43 (average). We are talking about a big gap here.
I agree with many things that Matt says, but as women, staying single is the biggest protest we end up unconsciously doing (especially heterossexual women). So don't be too harsh on yourself, I'm sure you are becoming an amazing person and your future partner will be very lucky =)
Uh,I know how it feels.
You’re still so young. Don’t worry. You can still find love ❤
You're absolutely right they need to hear it, I I'm in a 5-year relationship and I asked him where does he see this going and he said he wasn't ready yet. I planned on leaving anyway. I started watching your UA-cam videos and you just helped me reinforce the reasons why I should not stay and you hit every one of them on the mark. So thank you so much for saying it because yes we need to hear it over and over again although we already know it. It doesn't matter how much we love them with our heart and soul we cannot make them love us if they don't. Thank you for your wisdom, thank you for sharing this information with us and thank you for reconfirming and reinforcing. I'm in the process of moving out now.
You are making the right choice because you are choosing the only person who's always by your side: yourself. I hope you can feel better soon.
I'd strongly recommend psychoteraphy. I was on a pattern of choosing toxic partners for years. Therapy made me understand I had the power to choose someone who loves me truly and that depended solely on me because I command my life.
You deserve the world! ♥️🙏
A book author once called what you're describing being a placeholder, until the right one comes along. Hit me hard. Then I started being more pushy and one boyfriend of 1,5 years actually got an ultimatum (as per Steve Harvey, we know if this is the person we want to marry after 6 months of dating). Hate time wasters. Congrats on your freedom and best of luck going forward. Oh btw, I've just finished listening to Mikhaila Peterson's podcast no. 111 with Guy Winch on moving on after heartbreak, it was really informative, you might find it helpful.
After 5 years?
You can do this! Another lucky soul is waiting for you.
I’ve been lying to myself that it’s okay and it will be okay. I expressed myself so many times on how want to be treated and what my standards are. He’ll be good for a month and it’s like a clockwork. I’m so done with this bs. Life is too short. There’s someone out there that will treat me way better
Sounds like a covert narcissist
No wonder you're sick and tired of that. I've just finished watching Mikhaila Peterson's podcast no. 111 with Guy Winch on recovering from heartbreak and he said not to listen to any words, literally blank them out. Instead, just watch their actions if you want to see hiw much or little they're interested. Found that awesome. Too often words paint a totally different picture than their actions, action being the only one that matters. Let's hope I can keep this in mind in my next relationship 😂🙈
Don’t sleep with another man.. until he proves it. Stay strong 💪 better than tears
I walked away from a 2 year relationship that you just described to a tee!!!! He was incredibly openly emotionally unavailable, and I was so ready and wanted to love. I stayed because I kept thinking "well once ge gets to know me"...." nope, no no... didn't work and in the end. I felt so completely drained, depressed, bad about my self, unworthy. I gave and gave and gave becuase I love and he took.... I felt like his human blow up doll... but I kept saying yes... I'm so glad my eyes are open, and I finally walked away finally. 3 months later, I'm finally feeling a bit like me again. What a leason
🙌🙌🙌
I’m glad you left! Your situation was similar to mine and I left early this month .. 😢 it’s hard but we need to heal because we gave and gave and we should heal this before entering a relationship .. we will find someone who will give and take; it’ll be balanced 🤍
My situation is also similar dear...
Good on you!
All the best for your future.
Me the same! He said the exactly the same words, and I do get hurt deeply, deeply.
This video is spot on. Asking his intentions very early on is important. If you want to settle down, anyone being wishy-washy, is a no go.
If you truly want to settle down, please DO NOT sleep with a man for quite awhile. If he is cool with that, he truly does want to get to know you for who you are and has the best of intentions. If he can't handle that, he just wanted to get into your pants more times than not.
Yup i mentally friendzoned the guy who " claimed" we are dating but he is not sure he wants a romantic relationship.
He feels pressured to " date" because he feels he is old & its time.
We are at early stages of getting to know each other and he said this.
Instead of convincing this guy how wonderful it is to be in a relationship. I dont contact him anymore & continue my search in online dating.
I dont take it personally. This is his issue. Not mine.
It happened to me too after meeting his family on a trip and I know it’s his problem but I also feel I scared him but showing too much too soon
On
I have to cry every time I hear Matthew speaking...I would love to hear it 10-15 years ago when I made all those mistakes...
I’m so Sick of men and dating apps. I will meet someone in person in the future! For now I’m on vacations for dating.
I just ghosted a man because of inconsistency and unreliability. I don't have time today!
Compatibility has this notion of "equality". Having similar goals in life, having more things in common than differences, putting equal amount of effort in the relationship... That is carrying the relationship very far so he is right on that.
I’m only 24, and feel upset because I started this relationship just after I’d turned 21. Those were years I didn’t put into myself at all and I wish I had. I can have a completely fresh start which is great, but I wish I’d invested more into myself in those years. I’ve learnt though that it’s all a lesson anyway, it’s taught me How I am in a relationship and how I can improve for myself and my partner
Actually this advice applies to all people not just women, I have a feeling many men need to hear this as well
I think if you're meeting someone for the first time in person and you don't want to waste your time you have to hardball, in other words, you have to interrogate. It's important to know if you and the other person have the same intentions. If you don't ask them what they're looking for and what their intention is etc, you're likely to end up having your time wasted and in a situationship that you don't want to end up in.
And you can do that in a pleasant way, not only an unpleasant interrogating way that will definitely put people off the first time you meet them.
But you're right about wanting to get the information you need as soon as you can
Thank you so much for this , you’ve helped me so much over the years . I wasted 8 years on someone who wasn’t sure he wanted a relationship!
Damn Matthew was on fire in this
I'm 32 just broke up with this guy I was in a situationship with. We had 1 disagreement and he suddenly told me I was a bad partner. Not 7 years being his emotional pin cushion, not when he wanted to become a stripper. Not when he dropped out of college on a fucking scholarship with only 5 classes left! Supported him through all that and more. And I realized loving him is not going to change him and I need to let him go. I'll be sad yea but I'll be OK. Everything is going OK! He has his own demons he doesn't want to deal with and I'm not going to fix them for him!
Girl you were in a situationship for 7 years?! More like you were his doormat.. ouch
Good decision. You are not his savior. Cut him loose and start respecting and loving yourself.
@@yshujh9372well she has ended it now, so let's celebrate her courage and wish her all the best for the future
Yes, it will hurt. It will hurt a lot. But sometimes, walking away is the only thing you can do. It will hurt. Really hurts! You will battle this and at the end you will be stronger. The life you have now is in your hands.
Thank you soooo much for posting this video. His passion spoke volumes. I cried because I was in a (13 year) toxic relationship. I have since left and, because meeting men in your 40s (with kids) seems to be difficult, had tried a dating app. The guy I am talking to now had a profile that seemed real. And he claimed to be looking to find a relationship. Well, we have been "talking" via text for months. He claims to just not have a lot of time to date.... Um, how do you expect to develop a relationship if you don't have "time" to devote to it? I have been patient and understanding, but I was/am looking for someone that has "time" to put into a relationship. I have expressed to him that "I do not want to feel as if I am a doll on a shelf waiting to be played with". I told him I want to be with someone that "wants to skip a sport game on TV to spend time with me". I am learning that this is not him. This video has given me the... confirmation I needed to end this. I have had doubts and ill feelings, but chose to squash them because he is "busy with 2 jobs (he has a great paying 1st job- why is a second one needed?) and family things". I'm sure he is a nice guy, but he is not in the same place I am and (i feel) is hiding something.
So that you very much!
Sounds like the Anthem for men who are just looking for something short term rather than anything solid. Because let’s face it, what real gentleman who is literally looking for a genuine connection with someone going to say those things “not enough time” or what have you. It’s really a great thing you walked away and avoided a potential disappointment. This is why I personally avoid apps. Just something about them invites insecure people who hide things. (Many experiences with it) it’s a lot better to just connect with someone at a more comfortable venue like places you actually enjoy because more often than not you’d meet people there who enjoy the same thing and therefore increases your shot at connecting with them. But that’s me. I hope you meet someone great soon enough! 🙏🏼
Yes don’t bother with this man and don’t even waste time telling him what you want, he already told you he is “too busy” so don’t even try to change his mind. Drop him and keep looking. I suggest finding someone else who also has kids..
Sis, I feel you. Don’t let this man waste another ounce of your precious energy or squander another second of your invaluable time. It’s better to be single than let a man drain you like this. (P.S. I recommend the Female Dating Strategy podcast… it’s a goldmine of good advice and confidence-building.)
Pls be strong and move on... If he into you definitely he will do some efforts,, if he doesn't then pls move on.. be single is much better than being in a bad relationship.. thanks 🙂
This is a very common type of toxic male online dater, the kind who just texts/messages interminably with you - and many other women too. It’s some bizarre kick that a certain type of guy gets from it. Stay away, don’t fall for it! Rule #1 of online dating: don’t waste time talking or texting, if you think they might look attractive/interesting to you, meet up with them ASAP. Don’t get pulled into the time wasters.
"Leave or stay, you will feel pain", wow that really hit me. I really needed to hear that today. I really love my boyfriend, but he is not that ambitious about career and growth, like I am. So, also like Matthew said, stop thinking he will change, you are in this relationship right now. Do you still want to be in this relationship your whole life ?
Time is precious get feal and ask up front questions! Saves every time
Having conversation and learning what people are looking for in life is alright. I am always looking for friends first regardless.
He is absolutely amazing. He helped me so many years ago when I was single. I have my soul person now. 😌
You said it, Matt! I hope my friend learns from this because she likes someone who doesn't want a serious relationship.
This was so raw, straight to the point and real !!!
I appreciate his commentary.. thank you so much cause I needed to hear every word ❤
I wish you found me earlier lol. But I AM ! Shifting my perspective. I love that I am learning. Your generation is so smart!!!! Thank you ! I lost my entire late 30 and 40s. 23 years. ‘ I was not the one they wanted’. It was a fantasy. An illusion. I hung in there. You are so right ! God bless you !
I love hiw passionate matthew was on here...shows how much he truly cares for us all being unhappy bc times running out to stay stuck when we aren't getting any younger..love you Matthew ❤ from one caring human to another of course 😌
You are too good at what you are doing and truely i need to hear this,better late than never will
"Be honest with yourself about how miserable you are". So profound... we tell the best lies to ourselves. 😔
I'm one of the ones that needed this right now 🤦🏽♀🙏🏼❤
I'm the 'not ready' person who ends up unintentionally hurting people who pursue me. It's so frustrating because I'm getting to the age where I feel like my young high potential years are more numbered and figured I'd be settled by now and want to be but at the same time I don't want it and can't seem to function romantically anymore after an abusive relationship I was in. When I try to date now I resent the other person for infringing on my independence. I want to be over that and can't seem to no matter the 3+ years and therapeutic self work I've done
Love how passionate Matthew is about this topic 🤍
We are SO lucky to have this advice. He’s so right that this message can change the trajectory of someone’s life if taken action. Thank you Hussey, your passion is infectious and I can see your heart as you’re speaking. I’m SO GRATEFUL I stumbled on this video when I did.
Thx so much for your wisdom. I recognize that I waisted my time for 8 years with the wrong,partner 😢
Matthew is so wise. His advice gets better and better and better.
THANK YOU 💟 For that message, Matt ! And to you, Lisa for your talks. Always great content with you two ! ♥️♥️
Thank u so much. I needed that. Especially leaving or staying is gonna be pain. I needed that encouragement that leaving was right decision. And staying was pain, so now it's better.
This is time saving and life changing for me. Many thanks for putting out here so clear❤️
Makes segment my ring tone.
Yes Matthew!!!! You are helping me with this very hard topic!!!! I can't thank you enough! You have a holy spirit!
I’m that person who needed this. Thank you from my whole heart. 🙏
Wow for Matthew’s sincere PASSION! Thank you!
Thank you so much for this message,I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS! I appreciate your words . 🙏 💜
Love Mattew's passion here ...he's just speaking his heart out , barely taking a breafh ...that's what it means to love your job and your calling 👏👏👏
My life was literally changed by one of Matthew's videos. I had an aha moment that helped me leave an abusive relationship. Thank you so much Matthew for doing what you do . ❤️
Exactly what I thought F@&k this - Thank you Matthew God Bless I needed this slap on the face to wake me up!!! The guy I’m with for nearly two years, doesn’t leave me alone constantly chases me when I try to leave him, tells me he loves me but doesn’t want to be intimate nor label our relationship, it’s been two days since I’ve ended this stupid relationship that I was higor would have eventuated to something , time to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and move on
We women live in dreams
Thank you for your message! I can say that I am that girl you just saved her time of life. ❤ Keep doing what you doing please 🙏🏻
More women need to take the time to get to know a guy before getting intimate. If he leaves after a few weeks he never really liked you that much. It takes at least 3 months seeing the guy in different situations to get some real impression of him. Longer is even better. It’s not a guarantee but at least you won’t be as emotionally attached and vulnerable. Plus there’s less risk of unwanted pregnancy.
Wow! This was powerful and I absolutely needed to hear it! Life changing!
Needed to hear this today!! 🙏🏼
This is an eye opener. Thank you!😊
This message is very explosive, actually you say it like it is !!! It makes a lot of sense when you actually look at what's happening in your life, thanks for sharing ❤❤
Thank you. You're amazing. Every video I have watched of yours has helped me so much in my current situation! Thank you thank you 🙂
Loved ths video. Needed to hear this today. I appreciate your passion about this subject ❤️
Everything he said, is completely match in my relationship.. Because he told me earlier he can't marry me... And he can't leave me... I'm scared about breakup pain.... But last 7 years of my life are so painful.. When I'm trying to breakup with him,,he became more toxic... Now I'm decided to not waste my life thank you Mathew.... My english is not to good.....
Hope you are doing well? ❤
Powerful and so true!
Even when a woman says well we'll just hang out and be FRIENDS see where this goes 🚩 bad idea ! You are gonna be sorry in the end because your further damaging your soul. You got friends to hang out with and if you don't then be your own friend, enjoy your own company not some guy you like and he just wants to hang out and have a good time. Loneliness is something you must be very careful with because you can get involved with someone who you should not .
Great comment!
I am noticing my loneliness and don’t want to attract the wrong person…
@@bindicat9070 yes, loneliness can draw you to getting involved with the wrong people, Man or Woman. I know I've been there so now I am very careful about that. I'd rather learn to enjoy my own company rather than to get involved with the wrong people. I pray for Holy Spirit to comfort and guide me . I am praying for Holy Spirit to comfort and guide you too bindicat9070 God Bless
For anyone out there to find a REAl relationship. Ignore all males who tell you how to catch other males. Just look for a grownup man. IF you can find one.
If 🤣🤣🤣
That's the real problem 😂
Sooooo right!! Omigawd! I wish I heard this when I was in my teens and not in my almost 40s post divorce!
That was powerful!!
Thank you! It is life changing! ❤
Brilliant going to watch it right now
so true! the death of me..feeling pain hanging around for a bloke who just dont want me..living in hope for years
Very helpful, thank you 🙏🏻🌹✨🙏🏻
This was just what I needed to hear today. Thank you 🤍🤍🤍
Absolutely!!! Same for me!!!💯🙏🏾💪🏾
Thank you, Matthew. Thank you.
Soo True!! Thanks so much!! ❤
Oh Wow! Matthew Hussey did it again! He really has the power to articulate the right words to wake you up and enlighten you! So glad I heard this!!! 👏👊💪 "____ this! I'm never again gonna stake my life on the idea that this is going to change. Let me find someone who has the same outlook as me who has the same goals as me."
So perfectly said! 👏☺️👍
Absolutely amazing!!!!!!
THANK YOU!
I love you Mathew .. You made me make the right decision .. You woke me up .. Thank you :')
Thank you for your nice messages like to hear that
That’s exactly what I did. F@#k this and walked away. Not another word. It hurt but feels so good
I'm so happy to be single again!!! 🌞 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏
Needed this... 👍
“Something different”
❤❤❤
Thank you for your passionate video. It is beyond helpful and your advice is the golden ticket to have a successful decision regarding love.
❤.. this was so effortlessly impactful!
you realize these people are just grifter's right? this whole motivational life guru bullshit is just people selling you products all these people just take Adderall and say things that sound good and all you people suck it up
Expressed passionately by Matthew! He so good at what he does!
Great video
Literally, I love him
Amazing!!
Thank you.
Thank you❤
He’s so good
....and this is the video that changes my life.....
I have spent so much time alone that I am seeking a relationship but on the way to find it there's so much men that gotta be weed out! Some are honest, some are weak some are broken ... Still hanging in there. At least now I know potential aint hope!🤘
Me!! He’s talking to me!! 👏🏼
Hahahaha it’s funny how he’s so passionate talking about these things haha 😂 good job Matthew haha
Because we all know someone (multiple people) who said they didn’t want a relationship, who said they didn’t want marriage, who said they didn’t want babies, and boom. They meet the right person and it all changes.
So that’s why this isn’t so black and white.
Spot on!
This actually confirms what Matt is saying. He said he doesn't want a relationship... He said it to you... He didn't want a relationship with you... Than he met someone else & fell in love & wanted a relationship with them..
This is the hard truth.
I can feel his frustration 🤭😶🌫️❤️
He was angry.
Not angry ,just letting others know the truth ,it was from his heart..❤
On to the next!
I loooooooove Matthew!!!!
This is so true! If you're the kind of woman who would see "I'm not looking for a relationship" as a challenge, he will never see you as worthy enough to commit to, men want women who are a challenge and have a high sense of self worth. A woman with high worth would walk away as soon as he said that...that is, if she was even looking for a relationship.
Wow, this was such a powerful segment! His passion for women making the right decisions really spoke loudly to me. Thank you for sharing this moment in the segment.
PREACHHH
Very true
I’m a guy and watching this. 5 years into it. It’s my fuck this moment. Let’s all heal together