Transition And Envy | Mia Mulder
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
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"Transitioning is "doing" on top of the "doing" that everyone already does."
YES. Thank you for putting this into words that I could never articulate.
YES YES YES YES THIS !!
That really struck me as well. This entire monologue is just masterful. It's dark but really funny and so many sentences and phrases just reach out and grab you with how cogent and concise they are. Just really excellent writing.
Correlary: survivor's guilt. It's bad enough to struggle with, it's even more complicated to have other trans people demand a performance of it.
This was very good timing. I began my transition in June, and it's been going well enough but I feel like I'm not making progress like I should be, and seeing these model tier girls like 4 or 5 years younger than me who transitioned as teenagers and stuff on one hand makes me happy because I could only dream of having that kind of acceptance when I was that age. But, on the other hand, I did have to start much later in my life, there are things I missed out on, and things I can't change without so much extra work, and it's hard not to feel that bitterness. I have horrible anxiety about not being able to pass even years down the line because I was just too late, and living in the American South its very hard to get the care I want and need to move further with my transition. It's sometimes very discouraging, to the point of even slipping back into a more toxic headspace where I feel like self harming or just borderline suicidal. I especially felt the bit about feeling selfish for focusing so much on you're own transition, I've felt like that almost the entire time ive been on hormones considering I started at the beginning of covid and i have these horrible deppressive bouts where I just start crying cause I cant handle it and i just feel weak. Thank you for this, it definitely helps hearing these kinds of anxieties voiced.
Solidarity. I also struggle with envy and bitterness on top of anxiety, depression, adhd, etc...
Thank you 😊
Transition burnout is a definitely a real and valid thing to experience. We all have our own paths and timelines to go on. There is no shame in taking a break or stepping away from transitioning to regain some mental health. You are still Trans and still valid. 💗🏳️⚧️☺️
Here’s what I get SUPER envious more than physical appearance: social acceptance. I find myself getting furiously resentful of other trans people sometimes, because they’re widely embraced and accepted and as a non-binary person in Europe, I just can’t reasonably expect that to happen, ever. I was watching Star Trek: Discovery and when a character had to ask to be called by “they” pronouns and everyone immediately complied, I got so upset, like, why do they get to live in the future communist space utopia and get gendered right just by asking ONE TIME and my mom will probably mistender me for the rest of her life just because I can’t hope to even explain to her why it matters enough to try in a language that is absolutely desperate to gender everyone at all times, 8 times per sentence? Elliot Paige came out and everyone was all “woo elliot” (and by everyone I mean only progressives, but it felt like everyone) and I thought oh fuck off this is just rude! A celebrity comes out and everyone makes a huge point of how ValidTM they are and I have to worry with every new person that they’ll think I’m some kind of “transtrender”.
It’s a toxic impulse on my part. Of course it’s a good thing to have representation of nonbinary people who are accepted and for Elliot Paige to be embraced, those are great things. It’s just had not to feel bitter when you feel like there’s no place for you in society.
I'm not from Europe, but I relate to this a lot. I can't medically transition at the moment because there's no trans healthcare (which I might need because I'm not pursuing a necessarily binary transition) nor any possibility to change my legal gender in my country, and that's not going to stay this way for probably a very long time. I'm lucky to have accepted my transness at a fairly young age and that my dysphoria isn't very severe because I can wait until I go live in a better place, but it sucks that I have to wait in the first place. It sucks that so many trans people have a lot more privileges and advantages in regards to their transition just because of the place where they live. It sucks that history, imperialism especially, basically made some countries to be less fortunate than others, and like Mia said in another video, that some countries have to be more progressive than others because they used to be the one who colonized and "enlightened" their colonies. People here don't care about being progressive, they think progressivism is bad and a tool for the west to manipulate developing countries, not a way for marginalized people to be able to exist, and it just fucking sucks.
@@MEl-mr3wp Honestly good on you though for making plans to leave for somewhere where you have a greater ability to live freely.
I guess the good thing is that the world is trending towards getting better about this, and until it gets there, trans folks always have each other.
Thanks for making this. Your videos help my baby trans heart. 💗 [growing heart emoji]
I had to accept that I wasn't going to get top surgery or wasn't going to wear a binder regularly. I had to accept that it didn't make me less me, and that as much as I felt pressured to meet physical transition standards to get respect and care from other trans people, and to be gendered right by cis people. Wearing the binder did not = being called the right gender. I would have to do more and more and more to myself that I wasn't even interested in doing, and at the end... They'd probably just call me "he" and I'd be trapped again. I've been jealous in the past of people who could do that full translation, bc it seemed like they could finally reach that "finish line"
But being cis isn't a finish line. It's an entire life experience. And in that, we as trans people aren't any different. We should give ourselves the grace of being able to live like that, even when the cis aren't so courteous to us.
I am bitter, but mostly because I did not gather factual information. That information that you say could scare trans people from ever starting transitioning. I say, being scared of transitioning is good, you are a realist. The worst thing is being a wishful thinker, thinking that things just fall into place. They do if you are extremely privileged, like a rich white cis male. For the rest of us, some effort is needed, thinking. I often say, I saw a chess piece Queen by doctor's door and made my job to avoid him at all costs; but there are other pieces. There are other games, like running with the bulls, or the Squid game. The goal is to survive. Many of us don't.
Plant envy? That's a new one. ;)
It's funny that you talk about community, Mia. I've been very slowly reaching out to individuals and forums, but is that really "community" or are we needing an immanent community, one that is physically near by and accessible?
I hope you find my comment on your last video from February. Being that I watched it a half hour ago (because I'm a time traveller, Gorge!), my opinions there haven't changed.
The feeling that you described for "soldiering on" after you get past a novel feeling of the start of transitioning, in all its seemingly hopeless futility, is how I felt living life identifying as a cis-male. Because I believe in reincarnation, I felt I had some undisclosed-to-me purpose here I just wanted it to be DONE ALREADY!!! The cure to the bitterness was one I didn't ask for, either, and that I hadn't focused back on in a while: gender dysphoria. My proverbial tower crumbled and I noticed what was left was me. Being trans became just being true to what I found in the rubble. I hope no one else has to go there to get "authentic". It is work, though, you are so right.
Do you know anyone who wants a beard transplant? I know a great donor that has boar hair thickness beard hair that likes to root itself 2-4 millimeters under the skin, quite durable. The hair stands up to Nair at over 2.5 hours without dissolving. ;P
Thank you for making these videos and being honest, even to a fault! Know there are always people out there who see you and lend support, even if only being the blog-artist in your comment sections on UA-cam.
> sisyphean torture
hair removal. ugh. STOP COMING BACK!!
now i can't even get hair removal done because of covid. it's awful if you can do it, and even worse if you can't.
Great video but that skillshare transition was pretty tacky. Would have just been better if you included it in the beginning or end.
WHAT A MIA VID
I can sadly potentially never transition due to having medical conditions HRT likely wouldn't play nice with. As a disabled person, I'm rarely envious of others but I had a best friend who is trans. I helped her get support, access grants, change her gp, seek referral, hormones, look into housing and even got her free support from someone working at the Gender Identity Clinic she was assigned. But she ended up gaslighting and abusing me, cutting me off from my friend group and eventually cutting me off entirely as soon as she found out I was trans.
I can possibly never access the healthcare I helped her gain. And I don't even have someone by me to talk to. I don't know that I'd call it envy, but I'm just. Catastrophically sad and hurt.
Don't be sad Harry, there are nice caring people in this world and you will meet them someday, believe in better days to come. Love, Nomi 👧👍
@@nomigomezmolina2806 Thank you, I appreciate that
I'm so sorry you've gone through this, your grief is fully justified. I hope you meet someone who is able to be a better friend to you
@@Bee-nw6df This means a lot, many thanks
Omg I'm sorry 😭
As a cis woman, I feel this video gave me a great insight into the many ways trans women and cis woman feel a pressure to 'glow up' if that makes any sense? Anyways, another great video, I always feel like I'm learning from you
Aishah B I totally feel this too. Women (trans or cis) are often expected to “glow up” or what I grew up hearing in the 90s “she went from geek to chic”.
@@naryainc No.
Also fuck this terf bullshit and reported.
@naryainc A lot of things in that comment are (I hope) unconsciously transphobic. You don't seem to see trans women as women. Trans women are female, just not cis. If a man is attracted to a trans woman, that man isn't necessarily bisexual. Homosexual trans women are lesbians, not interested in men. Womanhood is not defined by the ability to have babies; many cis women also don't have a functioning reproductive system and many don't want to be pregnant and give birth and raise kids. Most trans women don't transition with the goal of being hypersexual, just to be theirselves. They are not males. Blanchard is a rampant transphobe and his concept of autogynephylia is transphobic.
And lesbians exist. Lesbians who are attracted to femininity. And trans lesbians don't transition purely for the goal of attracting partners; they want to be themselves. They don't model their transition to what a specific lesbian they happen to be into would like to see. They don't transition with the goal of sleeping with lesbians; they transition, because they are women. Because they want to be seen as a woman. If they are attracted to women, that just limits the dating pool to lesbians. That does not work like you describe it at all.
And the competing isn't just because of competition for sexual partners, it's something that through our culture gets subconsciously nestled in our brains; looking like the narrow stereotype of what is considered attractive in media is often the only way to get a superficial sense of respect as a woman in a misogynist world. Everyone sees the vitriolic hate you can get any time from anyone if you're not trying to conform to that. The extent to which this affects people differs from person to person. But it isn't just simply put competing for sexual partners. It's also about self-confidence. It's about sheltering yourself from hate. It's wanting to be seen as worthy and not look in the mirror and have internalized misogyny tearing you to shreds. Conforming to the standard to not stand out. And many other factors. You may not feel this way. Good. But many do feel like that and simply seeing wanting to look good, or acceptable, to our society's standards as competing for sexual partners and nothing more isn't getting the full picture. And specifically for trans women this is more true; next to misogyny, you open yourself up to a lot of transphobia by being visibly trans. Conforming to beauty standards is in a way a tool to be able to pull of stealthing; that way, the transphobia falls away. Any attribute that is seen as slightly too masculine by anyone can put you at risk in the wrong neighborhood. The problem here is the culture we preside in that causes this trend of trans women doing everything in their power to conform, and not on autogynephilia.
Trans women aren't "males who wish they were female" and trans men aren't "females who wish they were male". Trans women are women, trans men are men, and sex isn't binary or rigid either. A trans woman who chooses to transition becomes female to the extent she desires to be, a trans man in transition becomes male to the extent he desires to be. If a trans man has fully transitioned to where he wants to be, and has got all the parts you want and gotten rid of the parts you don't want in a partner, and you are physically attracted to him, single, and the only reason you wouldn't be interested in him is because he is trans - that's not because you're heterosexual. Because you'd still be straight if you were interested. That'd be transphobic. Now if you were attracted to a trans woman, that would make you, also a woman, bisexual.
Please, try to read up on these things before putting out essays like that.
@@naryainc I also reject my initial evaluation that you are unintentionally transphobic. Sexual attraction isn't based on genes; it's based on physical appearance and superficial sex characteristics, both primary and secondary, which can change over the course of transition. You have come here with the intention to not recognize trans women as women and trans men as men. You ask me to define a list of (mostly) very different terms you can easily find definitions of and on which I don't go against any mainstream definition, and think they all mean the same to me somehow? When you are the one treating gender and sex as if they're the exact same, and obviously have some weird assumptions about what sex is seeing how you call people who have transitioned by their birth sex. Meanwhile, you can't wrap your head around a transgender lesbian existing, having to call them "homosexual transsexuals" and calling trans men "females being men" (which I never said) in order to ridicule their existence. Oh no you don't even know what to say? Transgender men, what a preposterous concept! Let's just say they are deluded and actually women, that'll show em! It's very scientific. As someone who used to study biology, it's always so funny how people who don't know the first thing about the field try to invoke it (as a whole, not even a specific part) to argue with me about trans people.
You're the one refusing to follow modern day science on this. I hope you choose to educate yourself on this, read some science, switch from learning from famous transphobes like Blanchard to learning from people like Judith Butler (also known as not a poo-poo head). Maybe read some experiences by trans people and the doctors and psychologists involved with them. If you want to keep some form of bio-essentialism you could start with the research in which brain function of binary trans people lined up most with cis people of the same gender and not with the gender they were assigned at birth. Assessing the incompleteness of this concept is something for later in your journey to getting rid of your transphobia. I truly hope you get better and put some effort into learning about this, but you're not gonna learn about it any more from me. I'm not debating you any more on this than I have done so far. UA-cam comment sections aren't where you're supposed to get that education anyway.
@@naryainc I'm not sure if this will clear things up, but I'll try. We're using "male" and "female" as adjectives meaning "man" and "woman". People have categorised transwomen as "biological men" and transmen as "biological women". We don't because, generally speaking, there is no physical difference between transwomen and ciswomen, or transmen and cismen. That is, if you tried to seperate them into groups based on physical characteristics, you'd inevitably put cis people in the trans category and/or trans people in the cis category.
I'm not trans myself, but I feel like this resonates with me a lot. I'm an artist for a living and when you work in a creative field it's really hard not to compare yourself to others. To envy others. To feel like you've stagnated while other people developed their work so beyond anything you could ever do. This really hit home for me.
Again, wonderful video as always.
Luckily, as an artist you don't need to be the best, either in terms of technique or message, just to speak your truth. There's plenty of room for everybody. All the rest is market competition (in which everybody's a loser), and it's useful if not always easy to remind yourself that your market value is not a hallmark of your worth.
Christ, you have a point. The envy bit really is similar now that you mention it.
At least, in my experience. I'm just a hobbyist artist, it's not my day job, but I do recall looking hopelessly at other artists seemingly way ahead of me in skill and creativity. Almost similarly as I did when scrolling through /r/transtimelines or similar online places. I stopped the latter because it was really starting to hurt me and I still have months if not years before I can medically transition, but I still end up seeing what others post on instagram every now n then and it just makes me want to give up almost.
But then I remember all the people who gladly gave me their pictures for me to draw or asked me for commission work, and how happy they were when I finished a piece. I may not be able to do what the big names do in a fraction of the time I spend on it, but that doesn't mean the people who you affect aren't grateful or joyous of your work. For them, they are envious of your work as much as you envy some of the other artists.
As a transwoman, I really appreciate that you have taken the time to understand us, and that you've been able to relate some of our experiences to your own.
Even if it's not a perfect match for how envy affects us, it still means you understand us a lot better.
I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you for taking the time and effort to listen to trans voices and to genuinely reflect on what we say, I wish we had more humans like you.
*sees Starship Troopers reference*
Me : *hits like* "I'm doing my part!"
Thank you! I knew that was familiar. It hit that part of my brain, but I couldn't remember where it was from.
I'm cis, and seeing Claire come out as trans on QC 8 years ago was my first real exposure to a trans person in the media. It spurred me to find out more about trans folks, and ultimately to align myself as an ally.
Over the next few years, I met some trans folks (mostly online, because I am a hermit) and definitely made some missteps. One memory that still stings is the time I posted on a facebook thread (which included at least 2 trans women that I was aware of) that, as a bisexual, I could see myself dating a trans man, but probably not a trans woman, because I tend to like butch women, and "trans women are too femme." (**Please note that I was immediately called out for this statement and absolutely no longer think that way!!**)
That particular instance, alongside having more experiences with trans and NB folks across the entire gender spectrum, had a huge impact, not just on the way I view trans folks, but also the way I perform my own gender. I realize now that part of my "trans girls are too femme" mentality early on actually came from my own insecurities about the ways in which I don't fit into the gender binary.
As a cis woman who has been called "sir" a more than handful of times in my life, I still sometimes find myself looking at trans women who fret about not thinking they can "pass," and thinking, "how could you be worried about passing when you're so much more femme-looking than I am?"
I'm thinking specifically here about a Contrapoints video in which Natalie makes an off-the-cuff comment (no pun intended) about her hands looking "mannish," and I paused the video, looked at my own hands and thought, "no way."
It strikes me as interesting that the more I learn about how trans women struggle with body image, beauty standards, and gender expectations, the more I understand that trans women are exactly like cis women in so many ways.
So I guess if I have a point here, it's that anyone who says that trans women don't face the same struggles as cis women is alarmingly ignorant and can go %&*$ themselves.
This one's gonna sting, I think; but it's also probably what I need right now.
It did sting
y u p
I'm sorry if it did.
Um, holy crap, the modeling bit... I did and am doing the same thing, but with no friend with an agency...
Exactly
As a non-binary person I relate to this a lot, I don’t think there’s necessarily a problem with viewing someone’s appearance as ‘goals’ or inspiration, but it’s very easy to end up being more jealous than inspired.
Once again, trans women are making the content that I, a more-or-less cis fat woman, relate to most.
Fascinating
I think it’s kind of amazing how many experiences we share as human beings despite our different backgrounds and circumstances 💕
@@naryainc I think you as a person are pretty sad based on your many overwhelmingly awful comments.
The plant is sad. I send my love to the plant.
What you said about height being a gender signifier resonated with me.
I'm a tall cis woman with broad shoulders and one of the go to insults thrown at me involve being "mannish" or "trans" regardless of how fem i present.
At the end of the misogyny and trans misogyny stem from the same place 🤷🏽♀️
As they say:
Trans misogyny is misogyny.
Tall women are sexy. Go slay, Queen.
Trump has COVID and Mia uploaded, what a day to be on the internet.
😂😂😂
Early in my transition interactions with other trans people put a lot of pressure on me to want to do certain things and to want to be a certain way which kind of put me off having all that much to do with other trans people. I needed to create my own identity in order to kill and become god. We should probably all try harder to not push narratives of transition on to other people and be more supportive in helping form unique narratives of self actualisation and acceptance
My transition goal was to survive originally and when I in the past would get into these spirals with things like envy, wanting more, getting into the doldrums etc I would always strip myself back to that goal.
@@allisondoak9425 The phrase "kill ... god" reminds me of a trans guy's song Hand of God by Lower Dens in which he says, "I'm going on a journey cause I'm very brave. I'm risking all I have to hunt and conquer God." Love the idea!
Allie Doak The peer pressure from other trans people was tremendous when I started. I was once accused in the early years of my transition of merely “dabbling” in transition, simply because I couldn’t afford bottom surgery or FFS. All in or not at all, the attitude went. I was supposed to sell everything I owned, beg, borrow or steal (yes, literally steal) to get the necessary funds. If I didn’t do those things, well...I just didn’t want it enough. It led to my feeling hopeless and almost suicidal for many years. Yet even now as attitudes are changing, that feeling of failure lingers.
This really hits close to home! I'm a transguy who hasn't started my medical, and there's another transguy in my weights class.
He's on the taller side, and quite skinny. When he told the class that he was trans, my first thought was that he was joking.
I'm 5'3, with wide hips and a larger chest. I get misgendered way too often.
Needless to say, I saw this other pre-op transguy who passed far better than I did, and I resented him a little bit.
Big mood. As a curvy 5'0" attempting/pulling off masc feels impossible.
As a cis guy that stands tall at 5'3", I'm always envious of anyone that's 6 foot or taller, lol. Certainly it would help me from being misgendered as a plump lesbian TWICE A WEEK...It doesn't bother me though.
Big mood. * sighs and glares at stubbornly thicc ass and hips despite working out every day *
It's the current year. Let us trade these characteristics dammit. @ science pls catch up
@@naryainc I see you're just confirming to be transphobic on this thread. It's obvious what you're doing.
So this video by Mia Mulder is telling me to stop watching Mia Mulder?
w o a h
@@delve_ woah x2
@@christian_kansas woah x3
Combo!
Ooof, I don't like this title. Everything's going pretty perfectly for me in my transition and I'm still wrought with envy of other people.
Envy over trans girls who transitioned young, envy over cis girls for a myriad of reasons, envy over cis people in general not having to deal with anything, envy over other trans ladies who are more attractive than me.
I'm probably in the top 1% of trans girls in terms of looks/success/acceptance/happiness, and I just feel so much loss and pain over what I can't have or what I missed.
I might have to skip this one.
Aaaah who am I kidding I'll be back in 2 hours to watch.
@@naryainc her point isn't that cis people don't have problems, it's that for trans people there are struggles that are pretty much inherent to existing; not receiving the social recognition that cis people receive by default, constantly feeling invalidated by the perception of other people and by self-perception, etc. I'm cis and i've been through a lot in my life but my identity & gender have always been accepted & most of the time it's not even something I have to think about, which is a pretty big point of difference to living as a trans person
@@naryainc it's not an immature parameter, it's kind of an unavoidable part of being human that we define our identity through both our internal feelings and peoples' responses to our actions/presentation, and when we receive recognition that contradicts our own feelings it can be harmful. I'm not trying to downplay the problems cis people can have, I'm just saying that being cis isn't necessarily the cause of them and at any rate we're afforded a lot of privileges that trans people aren't. Also I agree with your second comment, gender-based oppression manifests in a lot of ways and to an extent we're all denied the ability to express our gender identity fully, and sexism exists outside of the trans experience. I just have to reiterate that for a trans person this can be a lot more harmful and that fact doesn't take away from the oppression faced by other groups.
@@naryainc i was being succinct, by dealing with things, i meant dealing with trans specific things, everyone has their own problems ofc and my point was that my jealousy was irrational to begin with.
Another thing just worth noting is that standards of beauty as a societal pressure are pretty awful and unevenly applied. The deck is stacked against trans women often due to misogyny and even further stacked against trans women poc. Whiteness is so heavily centered in aesthetics that it's a fixed game. Not to sound naive or like I'm bullshitting: beauty is relative and you're not any less worthy of love based on conventional ideas of aesthetic beauty. That isn't to say you can't feel good by feeling attractive or that ideas of beauty don't inform society and self perception. But as someone who can't shave most days due to their joints being all messed up - you got this.
Sorry for the unhinged rant.
Damn Mia, I really needed this. I never thought about my dysphoria as a form of envy, but holy shit is it. Thank you
A thing that definitely seems to exacerbate this whole phenomenon of trans folk aspiring after fictional characters is how effortless the transition process seems to be for a lot of them. Even in live-action prestige TV, you'll rarely see a woman struggling with her gender expression, a trans guy grappling with the complicated nature of their newfound reality, or much of anything that trans people face on a constant basis.
I get that entertainment is often our escape, but I'd definitely be down for more trans representation that isn't just of the "this person has figured everything out" type. We need more light shed on trans dread.
be careful what you wish for. most gay stories are struggling, self-loathing, being abused and often courting death because the world is cruel and random in that cruelty. i ___really___ could not bear that piled onto trans media especially given that trans media often 'represents' the community by having so many characters be liars and predators that it can turn away trans personas and potential trans allies. maybe it is better that there is a bit of idolizing of the success of transition than to add one more brick around the neck of trans insecurities?
@@technopoptart it doesn't have to be one of two extremes. You can depict trans people judiciously while acknowledging that like everyone else, they have their own issues they're actively tending to. To portray us as flawless might provide temporary relief, but it's hardly the thing I look back on and I'm appreciative of. I'd like everyone to know what it's truly like to be trans, rather than a sugar-coated version of reality, which seems to be all but accommodating to our kind.
@@lyserberg i get where you are coming from but in the end books are a business and surely you understand how business tends to put easily digestible high drama on a pedestal and archetype narratives tend to be shuffled down to narrow sets of repeated traits. while there may be very good representations of people as people there are many more representations of people as a collective of communally accepted traits and histories. frankly i stopped reading for several years because i was tired of so many stories always telling me that _i_ was either a rapist child predator or i was going to 'come out strong' after my inevitable rape or despite the fact that i was going to be dead soon simply because the prevailing ideas on gay men was(and often still are) such. it was so rare that i found stories where this wasnt the case to some degree that it really stunted me artistically and took away some of my love for fiction. i get that some people are very fortunate and can see themselves represented in a neutral or positive light in books so regularly as to not pine for even the smallest bit of positive representation but i am aware enough about the way that money flows to understand that "better than nothing" is a very real issue and that it wouldnt be hard for positive trans representation(even in a reductionist and binary way) to be seen as out of fashion and dry up
tldr? yeah it sucks to see your peergroup only being a caricature but there is some solace of it being a non-violent one that doesn't give the overt message that your peergroup must suffer and die no matter what
As a trans woman named Claire, how did I not know about this comic!!! :)
"What do you do with an aimless transition?" That hit hard. I've been transitioning for the past 11 years and I still don't feel "done" and I don't think I ever will. But you know what? I'm still a whole person and I don't need to reach any certain goal to be complete. Not even the goals I once had. I used to wanna be stealth, but then I tried it for a couple of years. Although I passed well, the fear of being clocked went up to my fucking throat instead of just simmering somewhere in my stomach on occasions when being trans might be dangerous. Instead I feared it all the time. From that I learned: I don't wanna be stealth, I wanna be cis, but that's not gonna happen.
So, I came out again, late in my transition, and few trans people seem to understand why I did that. It was to ease that huge amount of stress, of not just needing to pass, but *relying* on my passability. I don't think stealth should be the goal. Comfort should be. For some that means going stealth, but not for everyone.
Now I'm instead focusing my energy on accepting myself, being proudly trans and openly trans. Even though I always hated the idea of being proud to be trans. I hate being dysphoric and having to transition to be alright with my body. But I can't stop being trans by hating it. That's not gonna solve anything. So I think accepting it is probably the best course of action for me, and if I can get to a point of being even just slightly proud of it... that would make my life so much easier. I'm a trans man, but I relate to like exactly everything you say in this video. But responding to everything would be too much. I'm often jealous of other trans men, but then I remember the less fortunate trans men, and then I feel better about myself... I'm terrible, I know.
Also, I'm a fellow Swede who also started my transition before they modernised the system, back in 2009. I also self-medicated with hrt for some time before I got it prescribed by a doc. But testosterone then, not estrogen, obviously.
This hits like a truck. I am a trans woman that started in my late 20s due to her own denial and being in a backward country (internalized transphobia is a bitch) and I am so envious of younger people that get to live their 20s as themselves and not a caricature of their agab. At the same time I'm also in that spot where body-wise I'm *almost* there, and it almost feels more harrowing than at the start; then every change feel great, a true leap, while now it feels like an endless grind to get ever decreasing results: some hair around my mouth that just doesn't know when to give up, my waist that won't ever have a nice indentation no matter the exercise, the slight squareness of my jaw that no ffs can really solve...and none of them are that much outside the range of cis women and yet I can't feel I am being robbed of the ability to look just right to not feel this stupid dysphoria.
Thing is, women come in all shapes and sizes. Look at The Rock's daughter, his oldest. She looks JUST like her daddy, face-wise. Very masculine features, cis all the same. What matters is how YOU wish to express yourself. I am in your EXACT situation, sister. I was going to start at 26, but then buried that part of me again until now. 29 going on 30, and I've seen so many beautiful women who pass at 30+, and it gives me hope that I can be beautiful. Granted I may never look exactly the way I want to look, or look like a model, or whatever. And you know what? That's okay. I don't need to be a model. I just want to be ME, and express myself the way **I** want. If others think I'm ugly, fuck'em. As long as I think **I'm** beautiful, and as long as I am ME. Pure. Unadulterated. Me. Then I'm okay. As long as I can love me, I'll be okay.
I bet you have beautiful hair. My hair sucks... have other things I worry too much about. Meanwhile, after 8 months of HRT, I had that indentation at my waist you mentioned. I'm not even under weight or anything.
The thing is... most women I know don't have that hourglass look that I happened to have. Genetics just be like that. Meanwhile, I was super self-concious of how wide my chest was (not including boobs), especially when i saw other trans women who had smaller upper bodies... then I saw a cis-femme nurse yesterday who had a large chest...
We totally do get the short end of the genetic lottery, assuming we transition after puberty [ie. after the age of 20 or so], but it's not like everything is ruined... it's just a few irreversible traits... and they tend to blend into the background compared to everything else.
Now, I admit there are assholes pretending like things are more noticable than they are... but they're lieing. They're purposely trying to put ppl down.
Sometimes femmes look sorta masculine and sometimes mascs look sorta feminine and this happens to cis ppl too, so it's all good.
Most of my trans friends came out rather recently, or they grew up around other trans people to teach them. I knew this was gonna be a relatable video, but Susan's Place really shot me. Only Susans and Hudsons were the resources for how to transition that I could access and it absolutely influenced how I viewed myself. I've been out for nearly 7 years, and I think this video really helped me.
god, same. I used to trawl through their forums eight, nine years ago, because if you were going to fall down a trans research rabbit hole on the English-speaking internet back then, there was a pretty good chance you'd land there at least once, and probably more than once.
i'm a trans woman and definitely feel "i'll never look as good as this person." i realized over the last year that i spent way too much energy angry about it, and have tried accepting myself. it's not easy. but i don't have the energy to keep comparing myself to others.
Wow, this was such a great video, and you almost perfectly said what I've been feeling lately. Before I started transitioning, looking at trans forums and timelines helped give me the confidence to start transitioning. But now I find that I just end up comparing myself against them. I've learned that I just need to be okay with my own pace, especially since I've been transitioning for under a year and this process is painfully slow.
Why doomscroll when you can hang out with your lovely plant
I don't know why but I lost it (laughing) watching her hold that plant looking super serious.
Ah, a fellow survivor of Susan's Place. Hugs, sweetie! 🙃
Made me think of your video on it and what a great essay it was that people should check out.
@@borealmarinda4337 nice to see you here, being lovely as always. Thanks! 😊
i often get very envious of trans guys who pass, so envy is a big thing for me i guess. it gets difficult sometimes, and i get jealous and sad very easily when i see passing trans men, sometimes i won't even watch transmasc creators that i like. dysphoria mixed with envy and jealousy is one hell of a drug.
This one was very engaging to me. Covered topics that I cover a lot in my own mind, on my own time. Keep it up please, Mia
I don’t aspire to be beautiful, but I would like to be convincing enough that I’m not an object of ridicule.
“transition is doing on top of the doing everyone else does” before I came out I assumed by life would immediately improve when I came out and it did, for about a week and then it just became more labor. more forms, more expenses, more medicine, more coming outs. I’m only about a month into my medical transition and currently am pending any notice physiological changes. all that waiting for just more waiting.
i am lucky in that being a transman there are alot less barriers to passing and being able to reach “an endpoint”. i dont think I would be able to handle this is if I believed I would never pass.
I'm here for the Star Ship Troopers reference
It hurt some days.
Trans envy has caused me to shut down from many people, including my friends, who are also trans. They are some of the most creative, beautiful, passionate, amazing women who I have ever known. I can't talk to them because I don't want to bother them. I know they love me and I love them, I care about them, I want what is best for them because they are amazing.
I haven't talked to them in over a month because I'm scared. I'm scared that they won't like me anymore because I've ignored them. I want to talk to them. I want to tell them what I feel, why I'm feeling this way, why I am hurting. I have two friends who are trans and with absolutely understand why I'm not talking with them. I love love them so much but I don't want to talk to them at the moment.
I haven't streamed on twitch because I don't want to see myself and get hurt. Trans envy is hurting what I love doing the most. I love entertaining but...this is hurting. I...I hate this feeling and I want it to stop. I've been transitioning for over a year but the envy is still there.
Although its true that passing is often a hazy and ever elusive patriarchal concept I find it hard to ignore the social consequences associated with it. While its easy to critique the psychology behind our superficial need to achieve arbitrary presentation standards, the fact remains that the more you can stealth, the more you can pass, the easier your life can be on average. Its easier to be employed, its safer to socialize, its less emotionally taxing to function in society etc.etc. Perhaps from a more eurocentric / 1st world perspective there are more ways to protect people from instances of institutional injustice or there is less of a risk of being ostracized or to be murdered in the street. From the other perspective though I feel like "envy" or "jealousy" hold a completely different weight. The difference between someone who can pass and someone who cannot is more often than not life or death, and I'm not sure if working in it internally is a satisfactory option in these scenarios.
Anyway I feel like a lot of envy I see in online communities comes from internalizing the belief that our "gender value" lies in our attractiveness as women (which is a more diverse concept nowadays but still seems to be a priority for most people). Thats something I hope a more holistic approach to gender theory and feminism can help reduce at least for the new generations.
As a cis man I feel kinda called out by this (in a positive way). I feel like I should learn more about trans perspectives but there's this tendency to default to a 'blaire white version' of trans perspective, that's very sanitized and doesn't represent anyone's really life.
This is a great for saying how being trans (or being anyone really) isn't about finding someone else to compare your life to.
(also, try not to watch blaire white)
One thing that worries me a lot is how we (as in trans ppl) sometimes misinterpret dysmorphia as dysphoria, especially when it comes to interacting with unrealistic beauty standards and snapchat filtered photos as if they were true.
Cis people also feel that, and as hard as dealing with dysmorphia is, they at least don't have this layer of confusion on top of it (and yet there's a lot of cis people seeking surgery as to look like their own filtered selfies).
Meanwhile we're not sure if not being instagram beautiful when we look in a mirror makes us dysphoric, or what we're feeling is dysmorphia. Though, since it is so connected with arbitrary, filtered and unrealistic standards, I'd really tend towards the latter. And I feel, personally, that there is a big difference between "I want this medical intervention so I can undo damage done by puberty and look like me" and "I want this medical intervention so I can look like/be as beautiful as/be the model of purty", even when both might make use of the same procedures. Not that the latter is necessarily wrong, but it could signal to a bigger issue, that we're not really as equipped or informed to deal with since the cis thinking our dysphoria is dysmorphia has made us tend to rule out any and all cases of dysmorphia except when it very explicitly manifests.
i'm trans and i do online SW, i started medically transitioning around 14/15 so i ended up at least for a while not getting much dysphoria about my physical appearance and became kinda accustomed to that. a little more than a year ago i got long covid and lost like 30 pounds for an extended period of time (i was already very skinny so it was very no bueno) i stopped going out almost entirely and i didn't get any hormone refills so i had to ration them for a while. it was so horrible, my dysphoria sky rocketed to how bad it was pre transition when i started going thru male puberty. i saw my bone structure up close for the first time and it felt like body horror damn near. because i wasn't taking my hormones as i should've been i don't know for sure but i think my bone structure permanently masculinized at least a little. i felt like absolute shit, thinking all my progress was lost. my mental state was absolutely horrible in so many ways. i temporarily stopped doing SW because of it which was my only source of income. now i'm back on hormones, gained back more weight than i had before i got sick (W tbh) and started doing SW again. overall i'm doing A LOT better. my face has been the slowest part of my body to gain back weight in so i'm still pretty dysphoric about that, idk if it'll ever get back to how it looked when i still had my baby fat from transitioning young. but really i'm mostly just glad i'm out of that place i was physically but especially mentally.
My world came apart not too long ago as I had to finally grapple with the fact that not only was I not a binary trans woman, as I'd originally imagined, but that the "MtF transition pipeline" I had to intensely forced myself into for years and also everyday, in a (successful) effort for passing as a woman socially, had made me utterly MISERABLE.
I felt like I began my transition from zero and, fuck, was it even one anymore? It implies moving from an origin to a destination, and what destination is there for someone whose gender identity basically comes down to "some genderless vaguely feminine but not fully person shifting around"?
My conclusion was that I wasn't transitioning, nor did I want to anymore. We will always move the goalposts further and further and even if we reach it, we might be fucking destroyed from the self-harm. I decided I want to simply treat my appearance as it comes each day, to how I feel, to be myself, to be... fluid.
Maybe we all should accept flows and ebbs and diversions and changes instead of cramping ourselves so hard in a box. After all, isn't the point of transitioning to not fit rigidly inside a box defined by others? Let's not just create a new uncomfortable box for ourselves as a solution.
This video is so good. It's so easy to get into and envy and despair mindset when scrolling through social media, so going offline is a great suggestion, and we do need to be kinder to ourselves and each other. Not really related, but there was a very weird mid-video ad about "Why dating a young Slavic woman is a good option" - wtf is UA-cam doing
i find myself envious of other trans men, mainly those with supportive families who got to transition in their teens. i'm 25 & started testosterone earlier this year, & i often find myself feeling bitter & sad over the adolescence i feel i lost. i'm working on getting better at processing my feelings. thanks for the great video mia 💛
Hey me too. It especially sucks because the typical trans guy narrative has us figuring ourselves out relatively early in life, and seeing people with supporting parents can really cause those feelings of envy. You're not alone. Also, grats on starting T!
I relate so so much. When I first started T I had to stop watching some specific trans men UA-camrs for a while because of how much I envied them. I envied them for figuring out they were trans in grade school, I envied how practically all of them said "just wear a sweatshirt and sweatpants and people will gender you as a man, that's what I did before taking T!" And because of my bone structure and frame before T, that was physically impossible for me. It wasn't until I started being regularly gendered as male that my envy settled down, and is mostly just white noise now. Now, I can talk about these things without a panic attack ensuing afterwards. And one tool I learned to keep my envy at bay was compare myself to how I was before. But all in all, I don't really think my envy will completely go away, kind of like how I will always have dysphoria to some degree. But, I think day by day it'll get better for me, and I believe that is true for you too.
I feel this so hard, especially trans guys who are getting top surgery early in their life and transition. People who are 18/19 getting top surgery after 4-6 months of hrt I'm very envious of. I don't know if/when I'll finallly get surgery. Im happy for them. I don't think anyone should have to go through what I'm going through. I'm just reminded of where i could be if the circumstances were different
I know that this is an older video, but I really relate to the bitterness aspect of transitioning. I'm a trans teen, and it's common to see people in my age group already starting hrt, name changes, and planning out surgeries. Most of my trans friends are already starting to physically transition with parental support, which often makes me feel stuck and alone. I've gotten incredibly upset when I see young trans people complain about not being able to start hrt until they're 16, while starting when I'm a legal adult is still risky for me. As a result, I connect with a lot of older trans people in this regard. I also come from a more traditional Asian family, so transitioning will mean that I will lose all of my extended family, which is something I'm not sure I want to do when I'm 18. But I'd also be missing an opportunity for a fresh start, where I could potentially become stealth, which is a huge goal for me. So it's a lot easier and comforting to stay in a weird limbo of transitioning but not really, or being perpetually "in the middle". Being trans is mentally, emotionally, and physically draining, especially without a lasting support system (not even mentioning how uncertain my future is as a nonwhite trans person).
"i postponed what I wanted for better days. And like many people I live life as usual stuck in the middle. " As someone fighting depression this hit hard.
Petition to make a version of A Christmas Carol as A Trans Carol
Mia Mulder
indeed
Mia Mulder
no doubt
period
redluM aiM
I envy Ryan Reynolds for his body but I’m not going to take testosterone and get surgery to achieve that lol
Hmm yeah idk. It hits in the feels when you realize you're one if thr last generations to go through the wrong puberty.
If I get low. I just share porn of myself on the internet and take validation in men that want to sex me.
I'm just glad I can keep my hair.
I'm as deep as a 2 inch pool, but thats okay. 😄
In what world are you NOT transition goals?
Jealousy is of course one of the " seven deadly sins ". Unfortunately I feel it quite a lot for cis women.
havent finished the video, never usually comment. im at the part where you memtion qc and for a long time, almost 2 years, thru the worst of my transition i worked as janitor out of a tiny closet. i read qc every day, living a social life vicariously through martin and the gang. i wanted to BE faye, i wanted to look like claire. i wanted a social circle and friends and love. and i think a lot of trans people feel an acute bitterness and a sour envy at having to get their fix of this, a shallow imitation, of acceptance, desirablity, and love, through media, rather than being fulfilled in a world that despises or doesnt understand them
How to help break a Dysphoric pattern of compulsive thought:
Step 1: Get mindful. You need to notice that you are having these thoughts before you are focusing on how much it sucks to exist. Unless you are particularly bad into your compulsive thought patterns, it is especially important to cut this off before it becomes a longer term problem (those of you who have this issue, keep reading, its not that this won't help its that it'll work slower)
Step 2: Associate all the enjoyable, positive things about your transition with these thoughts, but in a V E R Y S P E C I F I C W A Y. This is going to be what I refer to as your "Counter" to these thoughts. Ideally, when you notice you are thinking dysphoric thoughts and have caught yourself, you think of all the little ways that transitioning has made you happy. That first time you caught a glimpse of the person you are in the mirror, that compliment that someone gave you that one time which made you smile, people being nice and supportive, whatever you got.
Step 3: Just keep this up until the compulsive thought pattern implodes on itself. A month is the base amount of time to see it take root and not need as much input to stay working, but it can take upwards to three months.
Step 4: Remember that every little bit is a victory. Every time you break yourself out of a compulsive thought pattern, think of how good it is to be able to break out of such toxic and useless thoughts and reclaim your mind. This isn't just a platitude either: When doing work in your mind, every little pinch of success is more important than any moments of failure no matter how intense. Every small victory is a proof that you are gaining ground on the issue. And while it might not be quick, every inch is an inch it can't gain back, every small win adding to the larger victory over the issue.
This is good info. I'll use it for some compulsive thought patterns I have. Thank u
@@nicf1555 The basic idea at the core of it is useful for all sorts of things, though you'll have to alter the methodology to address issues that aren't dysphoria. Hope it helps!
@@ShadaOfAllThings I wrote about this is other post but it kinda jumped at me at reading this:
Isn't that method suited to deal with dysmorphia instead of dysphoria? I'm not saying your advice is wrong, I think it is actually quite good and correct, just that we might be naming the problem wrong and conflating it with something else.
Like, if it was dysphoria, getting it out of your mind, "accepting your body as it is" and not seeking intervention would be bad (as in, produce negative outcomes) and akin to repression, no?
@@TeslaTritone Dysmorphia and Dysphoria share similarities. Both are at the root a compulsive thought brought on by issues about how the self perceives the self. And while if you tried to use this to repress deeper seated issues like being trans then you will have issues, but I wrote this specifically to help people combat the compulsive thought patterns that are present after transitioning. The lingering parts that don't so easily go away.
For example, in my own case, while I was transitioning I had an issue where I had repeat thoughts of wondering if I was actually a girl, whether this was all worth it, whether I was getting what I wanted out of it, so on. And at the same time I recognized that this experience had given me a lot of positive feelings as well. I actually looked like I wanted to look like being chief of all. Those issues wouldn't have gone away without that input I gave it, despite being happier about my body than I was.
I hope this answers your question. I am writing this shortly after waking up.
@@ShadaOfAllThings Aah, yes yes. I was wondering because though both have similar manifestations, dealing with them (and outcomes of that) tend to be done in an almost opposite way, but your example is pretty good and makes a lot of (relatable) sense.
What made me wonder is that I stressed a lot about my appearance and body stuff like that after some years in hrt, but not in a gendered way (like I had with my voice, for example) but in a "not pretty enough" way, despite knowing I would be read as a girl and feeling pretty comfortable with myself in the abscence of comparison.
Regarding the world and feeling selfish caring for yourself, I see this as not selfish but necessary. Being the best you gives other people permission to be their best them as well, and that's what will make real changes in our world.
Shorter: Secure your oxygen mask before helping others. 😘
I know this video is a bit older now but I keep coming back to it. It’s hard to avoid a lot of the feelings Mia talks about for me, especially the feeling that you’re stuck in the middle and not getting where you want to go. Rewatching doesn’t make those feelings go away, but it does make me feel better to know I’m not the only one who feels that way.
The positive reactions in my experience were particularly off of reddit. the questionable content subreddit was MAD about Claire in my experience. It was pretty rough. I left because of how toxic that space was. I think Jeph said some stuff against the transphobes and the subreddit too.
Also i never thought "goal" was a serious thing. i thought it was like just saying "this person is pretty and i kinda wanna be like them" maybe this is because of aphantasia and maybe this is because I didn't want to look like anyone in particular, i just wanted to feel good. I have things i want to do (get bottom surgery, lazer, name change, gender marker change). But I don't have an image i want to be, only how i want to feel.
I got top surgery and I still get misgendered. Cause im short and stout and my voice is high pitched. Sucks butt wish I could be those trans guys who don't even go on T but are just super skinny and lanky and already talk with a deel voice.
algorithm go brrr
PLAAAANT
I love hearing your thoughts, they are really elaborated and not shallow. btw I found you for your point of view on drugs policy and stayed because of your streams/cool thoughts, your transness is just a cool plus 🙃
Coming from 2022... I'm sorry, it only gets worst. Imagine being trans in our world today... AND you live in Ukraine... what if you were disabled or black? yeah.... ................ SSSIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHH
To this day I'm still invalidated by a lot of people because I never once took E, by transmedicalist and envious people in general, misusing pronouns, and keep saying that I uses face altering filters, or the more horrible comment that "your face going to change in your 20s", I'm already 25, this is why I avoid trans specific community/servers because I tend to be more invalidated there in general servers where I could just be stealth and not say anything
I think susan's place scarred us all lol
This is fascinating I myself live in the UK and I transitioned even longer ago than you 13 years ago. I'm in my thirties now.
I struggle in my life with overwhelming bitterness and animosity not for other transpeople I'm friendly with younger individuals at much earlier stages of there transition and I enjoy the in depth conversations I have with them that I hope lead them to a path they are happy with but I'm not angry at them. But with my society.
The UK unlike Sweden has regressed significantly in the past couple of years in regards to trans acceptance.
I like you had a rough time of it having to self medicate, deal with incredibly bigoted and sexist experts berate my gender presentation (I'm a binary MTF btw) yet I wasn't wearing enough skirts for them (I wear skirts like 50% of the time!) and deal with overt violence sexual assault and while I survived and emerged victorious I managed to eke out a reasonable career that I dislike my rage is in that I could have contributed more I could have been a paramedic or a doctor but the persecution I experienced was too great and my will was too feeble and I let them tell me that I could never achieve such aims. My grades suffered because I was made homeless in my final year of university ect.
I'm genuinely haunted and overcome with disgust and rage at the injuries inflicted upon me and I could rest easy if I knew transpeople today didn't suffer. But they do. They suffer as much as I did all that time ago. These same monsters that permanently and irrecoverably damaged me remain supreme and horde incredible wealth and gloat with great joy how much they distain us.
For me it makes forgiveness impossible, and endlessly tempts me to throw my life away inflicting vicious vengeance upon them.
This is exactly why I can't really read any trans fiction. Every book ses to be about a young, binary trans person in school who, despite all hardships has completely medically transitioned, changed their name, and passes flawlessly. Nearly every conflict is about someone finding pre-transition photos or dead names and threatening to reveal them. They can be devastating at times, remembering never being able to come out, let alone transition as a teen.
Mia Mulder
I cut down on my social media consumption a few weeks ago and I feel better for it. True, there are feelings of missing out. Then again, I am an American interested in politics and Joe Biden and Donald Trump are our nominees, so, um, yeah.
I used to read QC too! I can’t remember why I stopped but I got upset at the works of several of the big name Western Massachusetts artists for depicting too much misogyny. I loved everyone at Coffee of Doom, especially the manager.
I think the concepts of envy and privilege interact strangely. Eg “why would I bother comparing myself to a white trans person?” can be an antidote to envy, but it also feels lonely and embittering.
Is it weird that the most inspirational part of this to me is when mia's practicing speaking to the camera (around 24:00)?
I think I'm in my second year and I still live male, but my SO has started using female pronouns for me; i asked her to. I feel like she wants me to pass quicker than I'm ready to transition.
not even five minutes into the video and i ask myself why you have a plant in your bed, no worry though i can relate
20:38 oh shit I relate to that so hard. I haven't even started hormones yet and I'm already exhausted just from having to shave my face every second day. I get so exhausted and sick of performing gender that I let myself stop shaving, and then my dysphoria spikes and I end up basically crippling myself with depression. Eventually I break out of it and I'm good for a few months, and then I can't deal anymore and the cycle repeats.
I don't do my makeup as often as I'd like, because focusing on my current face upsets me too much, and the idea alone is exhausting.
Honestly, I was already exhausted, the world is tiring, but now I'm so far beyond exhausted, it's actually worrying.
Hi Mia, I love what you do and say and how honest you appear to me. Can I go to whoever you live and sign up for your history class? I was living in Antigua Guatemala and I managed to get myself to the California Bay Area, you know, Berkeley. I love it here even though it's a bit crazy in the USA and I do want to go to Europe and study another language, Spanish and English is not enough for me. I have been transitioning for just over two years and there are still ups and downs but overall I feel quite satisfied with the progress that I have made. I never had to try being a gril
+16:05 I can't believe I didn't know you could use a razor like that!! 🤦♀Shaving PSA by Mia
Hey, thanks for making this video. I’m a trans guy, and haven’t been out for super long, and already have had several moments of weariness or almost burnout about “being trans” or presenting masc in the “right” way.
I know what I’m doing is right for me, but the way others view me is so incredibly anxiety inducing, and that anxiety is exhausting.
I found a lot of comfort in this video. 🖤
funnily enough, i dont really have a 'goal'which does make me doubt myself, im still only a few months in and havent started any type of gender affirming care yet.. But I also never had goals 'as a man', in terms of looks. Ive never seen myself as much of anything. Any thoughts about the future werw always from a first person perspective. And in the rare cases they werent, i was presented by an amorphous blob or something that was decidedly not me.
But I never liked being me as a man. Not internally. On the rare ocassion I put effort I could see the person in the mirror as handsome, but any happiness came from expectations of how the people on the outside would react. As a girl, or atleast a more feminine not-man, though? Im starting to like myself more. Im putting effort more regularly. I actually seem to somehow know what feminine and gender-neutral clothes look good on me and style and wear them when i go outside. And the amorphous blob in my mind, is starting to take more of a shape. I dont care much what that shape ends up being, so long as its less hairy and makes me feel confident wearing a wider variety of clothing. Ideally, breasts stay small and I get a bit more thigh or hip and less prominent/nicer placed love handles i guess. A kind of androgynous body. i think that would afford me the most varied wardrobe. But if I get 'blessed' with big booba and curviness i wont be complaining. So long as its not this hairy dad bod that I find hot on others but absolutelt detest on myself.
Mia, I've been single for the past 25 years, trying to find a woman to have a relationship with. What the fuck do we do if we are all unhappy? Blame capitalism?
This is the most boring self indulgent and narcissistic trans video I’ve ever seen. Give it a rest already!
I'm nonbinary, agender, and genderfluid, so there is no way for me to pass or go stealth. Generally for nonbinary people the only two options are that you're out or you're closeted. There is no preexisting societal paradigm for genders outside the binary. However, my goals are not to pass, but to be openly and visibly trans. I recognize that this makes me privileged and that I'm starting from a much more privileged position than most. Therefore I see it as my obligation to be a trans rights activist and pave the way for those who can't. There is no model for a third gender, so I have to rediscover it.
Damn, 2m? I'm 181cm, and I think I'm too tall.
Same... I envy a lot of younger and prettier trans women, trans women who started before I did, trans women who could afford FFS, trans women with supportive parents. The only thing that prevents me from being bitter is that... I have crushes on all of them.
Wasn’t expecting a Heinlein reference in the wild today! What a delightful surprise!
I think one of the biggest reasons I'm afraid to transition is the safety I will lose from being assumed to be a cis straight man, the violence that comes with that loss and the fear of the possibility I might not pass. Its easy to say passing doesn't matter (it shouldn't matter) but in a significantly heteronormative world passing equals safety from violence.
The reoccurring theme of doing trans reminds me of Judith Butler. Gender being preformed and all. In light of gender euphoria, it interesting to consider that, being, is a kind of doing.
i just realised that i have never been jealous of a cis woman about gender stuff honestly.
its been more than a year since ive been medically transition and i havent gotten started on voice training. every time i try to start, i get overwhelmed and give up. ive pretty much always been unreasonabley scared or changing my voice (related to anxiety around accents and stuff)
welcome to the sisterhood MIA. Jealousy as common for Transwomen as CIS women. whee
Dissasociated on my dog walk listening to this, luckily my dog led the way. This is a very uncomfortable video, but I appreciate it greatly. Thank you, I can't imagine how it and the others affect you besides when you say they fuel your depression. Took an extra 20 minute walk listening to NF's Hate Myself to process and get back to normal.
It's hard to accept that the body I really want to have is not one I'm likely ever able to have.
The fact that I've spent over half of the time that I've been transitioning locked up at home, in quarantine doesn't help. It really does make it hard to feel like I'm actually doing anything at all, when the only frame of reference I have is my own.
this was such a good and helpful video for me, thank you so much ❤
I'm a trans teen and I relate to this video so much. I'm currently in a limbo and have been since I found out I'm trans. My close friends and certain teachers know I'm transgender, and they're accepting, but my parents are not. Right now, I'm not able to safely transition, I know quite a few other trans people at my school, they are on blockers, they have accepting families, and are officially "out" at school. I get so jealous that they get that and I can't. why do they get to live their lives, but I'll have to wait for years? most of all though, I get so incredibly guilty being jealous of them. shouldn't I be happy they don't suffer the way I do? suffice it to say, this video really helped me out, to find out that someone I look up to so much feels the same way I do.
I’ve just discovered your channel, and wanted to thank you so much for this video ❤
The envy is real, and it does no one good.