I am intersex and trans. Dr cut me when I was seven, my life was hell and I am slowly getting my truth back. You are one who has helped me learn to accept myself. My name is Mia Gomez Molina, I did not steal your name, in Spanish Mia means mine. I love the name and I love your show. I live in Guatemala where it is impossible for me to live and I am planing my escape. Canada would be nice, I would love to visit Europa and one day I will. Much love, Mia! 😇
I hope you’ve managed to come that much closer to regaining your truth, Mia! Our lives are ours to live; others should not have any say in what we do with or in our bodies. Much love.
A similar dynamic exists between women in Iran too. The rapid expansion of (some) women’s rights caused a lot of inter generational envy and hostility, sometimes abuse. It’s a shit situation.
Almost all older generations of minority groups feel this way. Yes, the new generation have it easier. Yes, the older had to struggle every step of the way to get to where they are now. And yes, the new generation have the old to thank for, and certainly have a well founded sense of pride in that respect. But the older generations endured so the new don't have to, and holding on to this high-minded attitude will undo all that progress. Elders got the ball rolling. Instead of stopping it, they should guide the new generation forward and, eventually, pass the torch on.
COMPLETELY AGREE. I live in the uk where medical transition is free (which is awesome) but will also take about 12 years between applying to a clinic and surgery (about 9 years to hormones) and I DEFINITELY hope the younger generations dont have to deal with that bs
@@thomase13 thank you! I started transitioning about 4 years ago when wait times were a little shorter and I think I could be on hormones in the next year
I had a moment where I fell into that mindset. Before that, I always struggled to understand why people resented others, who had it easier. I walked by my old school, a catholic all girl school that almost threw me out twice because I had a relationship with another student. That and the shit I got from other students, teachers and my parents about my relationships was, well, shit. I struggled hard to find any sort of confirmation. Now there is a gay bar right across the street with a big pride flag and when I first saw that, I thought "Wow, people like me sure have it easier now, they have no idea what is like.". Then my brain restarted and I got out of that a**hole mindset and realized: that is a good thing. Suffering is not required for others, just because it was a thing for me. I should get my head out of my ass and realize that I was successfull, in the sense that I always wanted it to be easier for me and others like me. Now it is easier and while I am no longer in the exact situation the students there are in now, I very much benefit from the situaion having changed aswell.
Excuse me Mia, I am aaaaalll about having an open and inclusive definition of Trans. All for it. But. How do I subject it to a heirarchy? How do I assign people scores and judge them? I need to know so I can sell them stuff. I swear I am not a capitalist.
Irish trans person here. Realized two years ago when I was eighteen. Got referred to one of only two gender clinics in Ireland (not for treatment, for meeting) Waiting list 17 months. Its been two years and still waiting. Tried to go private, 6 month waiting list for clinic in Galway. Waited 8, went to meeting. After going through so many hoops, and doing, so many meetings with psychiatrists and counselors (you have to to even get on waiting list for private or public clinics), I was under the impression that I was getting my hormones. When the doctor started saying how I had to see a whole load more pyschologists and hoops, I got upset and explained how I thought I'd already gone through these hoops, could I not get my healthcare? She immediately stood up and said this wasn't going to work. I stammered how please could she not do this and I had waited so long. She said I was being aggressive and I had to leave. Everything turned out ok in the end, I got hormones from Gender GP. There good. But the whole experience really hurt me. In a lot of ways. This was two years ago. The system is still broken. p.s thank you for sharing your experiences Mia. Really powerful video!
It's really bad that Gender GP has had to deal with lot's of pressure from the health service to shut them down, and refusing to co-operate with them. Britain and Ireland seem like the worst. It seems much easier in places like the US or Canada or most western countries in Europe. So bad that research done on trans youth elsewhere for example can't even be applied to the UK apparently (according our health system) - this is because waiting times are so long in the UK that other risks need also to be taken into account apparently such as issues with bone density due to the extended length of time on puberty blockers for trans youth in the UK compared to elsewhere along with delays in the UK health system on top of that. I'm like "Will the UK just f*cking put teenage trans youth on HRT like everyone else does! ffs! Then the Uk won't have the problem of being the outlier will it! Jesus Christ..."
Honestly mood. I'm in England and trying to go public, my local gender clinic is 6 years to first appointment, which imo is fucking APPALLING and they keep making me jump through hoops. So far I'm 4 years in lol. Hope ur doing ok now
Part of the reason whwy I feel like DIY talk should be normalized a lot more. Just go to the doctor and say that they can either give you hormones and blood tests normally, or let you risk your safety through shady dark web ones. The worst thing about this is really that the medical system is more afraid of the 1% who might detransition (mostly temporarily due to financial problems, lack of support, wanting to have a baby or just from not being able to handle society's hostility) and sue the doctor, than of the countless living years, and even lives lost to depression from dysphoria.
@@adamdawson6700 Sorry, late to the party here.... SIX YEARS?!?!? My life, I'm throwing a massive shitstorm over the dutch health care system with waiting lists starting at 60+ months and you've waited 4 years with the knowledge you'd still be waiting by the time I'd get my help?! I'm soooo effin sorry for you, like genuinely feeling sad for your case and all the sisters in a similar situation. How do people expect we get to actually live our lives properly with these abominable amounts of support? I mean it's not as if I chose to be a complete mess for most of my life only to figure out that my mind and my body seem to be reading from the opposite sides of my genetic mark up. Six. Years... That's just... My brain is numb, this is unfathomable. And yet still you have the care and sympathy to ask someone else if they are ok. I know this is stupid, call me hysterical if that helps, but I'm sending you all my love and I honestly hope you get the assistance you need to be your true self waay, waaay, faster than your current prognosis.
@@borednerd5767 yes fellow human, I agree with your hypothesis let us don black robes and hunt this invader as we human beings do Sincerely Another human
@ThisIsMyRealName Don't throw out comments when you know absolutely zero about what you're talking about. yea, forced sterilization is awful, but everything else you said was W-R-O-N-G.
Early in my transition I was a transmedicalist and the way you described the thought process of this group hit right at home. From discomfort towards non-assimilating or non-dysphoric trans people to anger towards those who have it easier. The sad thing is it doesn't go away. You spoke of feelings of anger towards those who have an easier time and I have the exact same feeling watching the video of a young, talented woman who has access to the surgeries she needs. But the thing is, people like you who take a step back and realize that this is a harmful behaviour help the trans community let go of this idealization of suffering. And maybe this way we treat our people in less shitty ways. Thank you for the amazing work that you do. It really really matters.
I think it tends to be people with really bad dysphoria, and they don't have a good coping mechanism so they take it out on other people, namely "tucutes" or "transtrenders" because they're jealous that they don't experience that same pain
@@nirgunawish I said that transmeds and truscum normally are people with really bad dysphoria, not that everyone with really bad dysphoria is a transmed or truscum. that's like if I said that a lot of TERFs are lesbians; just because a lot of TERFs are both doesn't mean that all or even most (or even a significant number) lesbians are TERFs. note that I also said they don't have coping mechanisms for it and so they take it out on other people. if you don't take it out on other people, congrats! you probably have a coping mechanism! this is not about you! you sound exactly like the cis people who think I'm "kill all cis people" or something when I say that transphobes exist. sometimes things aren't about you and that's okay :)
"You have no idea how good you have it" This. I've never been envious of anyone but I waited until my dad had died until I started my transition. That was 5 years ago and now I'm 51. I find myself feeling really resentful of those in their 20s that can still have kids and meet someone. As a translesbian my impossible choice was be my authentic self and die alone or be fake and find someone. Yes it's crazy but i feel like I've been robbed of my life. I'm happy for younger generations who will have it easier but I'm also internally angry. I want the surgery but I'm unlikely to get it because i need to lose a third of my weight for surgery. With already a healthy diet but being 51 I'm still finding it really difficult after 5 years. I'm the happiest I've ever been... but I'm still not happy. Thank you for vocalising the words leaking out of my scared heart. Tysen tack. Xxx
To me, being an Older Enby (early 30s lol) means being that big sibling that the kids these days can look at and think "If that person gets to live to be happy, I get to live to be happy". I literally didn't even know I was allowed to exist for 2 decades of my life. I do envy the kids these days... but I also feel pride that I shaped the world for the better, for them.
The transmedicalist "you need dysphoria to be trans" meme kept my egg from cracking for years because I earnestly thought I didn't have dysphoria despite pursuing laser hair removal because I hated my facial hair, and a voice coach because I hated my voice and wanted a higher voice
I never felt I was trans. And yet my story is filled with things that those who had transitioned tell me were classic signs. I didn't feel as though I needed it badly enough. And had a real tough time trying to convince anyone in the medical sphere. Even though I was drinking to the point of permenantly damaging my nervous system and basically just taking the view that I could just let the years slip by until I died - living a functional existence devoid of quality.
@@chriswalker7632 I'm sorry you had to go through that. To be perfectly honest, if I had stayed in my egg any longer I probably might've wound up in the same boat you did for a while.
@@XioriannaEBDjinn Yeh, it's something I have only been able to put my finger on lately. The philosophy of Existentialism has an awful side to it - it can basically be used as a framework to deny the existence of LGBT people (I guess Terfs are an example). Because Existentialist can niavely deny that a person can be essentially gay for example - instead saying that being gay is a 'choice'. Although Existentialism can be richer and far more nuanced than that (and avoid falling into the trap of being a Terf). But a good side of it is that they attacked 'roles' such as gender stereotypes. Another word for a 'role' is a 'function' - functions are something you can measure in terms of quantities. And in that sense functions are the opposite of 'qualities'. Roles are things that can be imposed on people - it's where 'bad faith' comes from in existentialist philosophy. Not to get political but functions or roles are very top down in their nature I think - very hierarchical. And they can keep trans people 'in their place' and locked away. Existentialism can be used to say trans people don't exists - that there is no essence within them driving them to transition. But Existentialism as a philosophy is at the end of the day concerned with the qaulity of people's existence from their own point of view - so it is easier for a trans person to overcome the flaws in existentialism than the essentialist demands of transphobes who impose roles and functions from above based on their own bigotted view point. Or something like that anyway.
It's not just white trans girls who tend to gatekeep - in my experience it's generally light-skinned trans women of varying ethnicities and age ranges. I'm East Asian, and I've seen plenty of East Asian trans women be awfully gatekeepy to the point where it made me feel not only disgusted, but that I would never be the gold standard beautiful East Asian feminine ideal because I can't afford surgeries and didn't start HRT as early as seemingly all of my peers, both older and younger. Keep in mind they view me as one of 'the good ones', seemingly because I also aim to just assimilate into society as 'just another woman' and was blessed with looking relatively feminine at baseline. I can only imagine how radically differently I'd be received if I were more genetically unlucky. I also recognise the huge amount of privilege I hold in day-to-day life, being a light-skinned, mostly-passing and conventionally pretty Asian woman, when I hear about how much harder some friends have it. I've noticed something of a pattern when it comes to many trans women who just want to assimilate - they tend to start becoming more and more exclusionary as time goes on and the closer they get to ticking the boxes of being completely physically cis-passing (read: SRS) and being straight-passing (even if they are bi/pan). It especially reeks of self-shame when they refer to themselves as 'cis'. I don't expect people to wear their transness on their chest - lord knows I don't - but I also don't deny it. I guess it is easier for me to accept that I will always be noticeably queer in some way, given that my romantic orientation leans towards women and femmes. I see it as utterly ridiculous to deny your own transness to the point of actively labelling oneself as cis. I will always be trans as it is a descriptor regarding the circumstances of my birth, but I am also many, many other things to the point where being a woman is only one small, if significant part of who I am...and being a woman honestly factors into my daily life far more than being trans.
I've mostly experienced gatekeeping from white transmen. Never have I experienced gatekeeping from a trans women. Maybe it's because I'm transitioning into a more masculine sex. Hmm.
@@aderyn7600 I wonder if that's the case too. I think in some cases it's more "accepted" for an afab person to transition into binary male, because the masculine gender is still seen as the "higher" gender in our patriarchal society. Not to say transmen don't still catch shit, but I wonder if that has something to do with the shit you catch from other transmen or something.
As a light skinned, conventionally pretty, black trans woman who "talks white," I think I get that. Granted, I've only met trans women like myself or white trans women in person, that sounds about right. Colorism intersecting with racism & possibly some transphobia are likely the culprits of this I think.
I've seen a LOT of trans men do this. I've never met a transmed trans woman irl, I've never met a TERF irl, but most of the white gay trans guys I've met have been transmeds.
Thank you, Mia, for this. As a 17-year-old who has been struggling with her identity for about a year now is is pretty sure she's a trans girl, this video was important to me. Sometimes it's hard trusting myself, and I doubt my trans identity constantly. It's hard to remember sometimes that I really _can_ be trans, that I truly *_can_ be a girl as I want. But I like this idea you present. Of, "Yeah, they said they wanted to be another gender, so they're trans." I like it.
just don't cut your genitals off or take hormones. Once you get older you're probably going to regret it a lot. I know a lot of people in my age group who were super trans sexual when they were your age but once they all hit 25-26 they realized they don't want that. Now their lives are ruined.
@@sparklesparklesparkle6318 you dont know this person. you have no idea what their life is like, or how they feel about their identity. regret in transitioners is very low statistically either way, and id recommend you to read up on studies done into it, but i know you dont actually care about that
@@rfeyman3682 Generally that's because LGBT parents have to adopt/use IVF to have kids, which is expensive and thus they're able to provide a higher QOL due to their increased income. I'm not saying that income alone is what makes someone a good parent, but many problems ultimately stem from finances or lack thereof.
I relate so hard. Here I am, trying to come to terms with my gayness in my thirties and insanely jealous of all the teenagers I see at Pride who have grown up in so much more accepting society. It's not that I wish it was harder for them, I just wish it was easier for me too. It is somewhat ironic that the LGBTQ+ community has fought so hard for so long to make society more accepting, precisely to make it easier for future generations. And when it happens, we fuck it up by making it harder for them ourselves because we are jealous. There is irony in there somewhere.
I'm also white (but not transgender) and fall into a couple of different intersex categories that have made my experience with gender very complicated, and not precisely cis-aligned -- and when you talked about how transgender people are often forced/coerced into sterilization in order to be granted the services you need -- my heart just dropped, and I am so, so sorry you and many other trans ppl have had to experience something so cruel! """Normalizing""" (i.e.; medical institutions dictating what ppl's bodies can be without their full consent, in order to socially uphold a rigid sex-binary) surgeries are often forced on intersex babies at birth and during childhood, and are forced on many transgender ppl in a different sense, which I didn't realize. No one should EVER be forced through/coerced into sterilization or medical practices they don't want -- nor denied the ones they do want. No one should be made to feel like their bodies and identities are wrong and shouldn't be permitted in society. I dunno, I just feel a whole lot of solidarity with transgender ppl. Always going to stand by you all. You're very brave, and this video was beautiful, sad, funny (when you wanted it to be), and especially enlightening! Best of wishes.
Thanks for this comment, I've often heard from a lot of people who are intersex whenever trans people are brought up that they hate being dragged into discussions about trans people for various reasons. Often when someones trying to explain how gender and sex are bimodal not binary and intersex people are brought up i'll see an intersex person jump in and say not to drag them into the conversation or that. Anyways it just helps to get a reminder that they don't speak for everyone.
@@animeentranced1130 I'm glad! : D Like, it's obvs good to respect those individual intersex ppl too (many have reasons for feeling the way they do about it, and I wouldn't bring an individual intersex friend into the convo without their expressed desire to), but the thing about the intersex "community" is that it reeeeeeally more depends on which intersex person has stumbled upon the debate being had. And while I don't think anyone likes being used as a play-card in arguments without ppl actually caring about them, I also know that a lot of highly specific organizations of intersex ppl are transphobic (I guess if I were to compare it to a similar mindset, I'd compare it to how some trans ppl -- often transmedicalists -- will say and do things to appeal to cis ppl; there are totally intersex ppl who do the eeeeeexact same). Imo, if you care about intersex ppl, and want justice for us same as you do other ppl, then why not bring up our existence in a debate? We don't benefit from being invisible! And I genuinely wish more intersex ppl and trans ppl were standing in solidarity with each other. We could help each other out so much, and it's sad that we're divided.
@@wl9162 Maybe it‘s less about bringing up intersex people in general but rather in how intersex people are brought up. Sometimes non-intersex queer people (e.g. trans people) do that just as an example how biology isn‘t binary for their own argument - and then they just move on, without really considering intersex people‘s oppression, experiences and perspectives.
It’s weird to be a middle class white binary trans man. Like on the one hand I spent most of my life wishing I were dead, and on the other I know my experience pales in comparison to the vast majority of trans people. I listen to stories like yours, and I think “that could have been me” and I wonder if I would have survived
I once heard someone say that it would be more appropriate to define trans people by their gender euphoria rather than their dysphoria and it changed a lot about the way I had previously thought about the trans experience. Loved hearing Abby be the doctor lol if only we had known
That was exactly what flipped the switch in myself. I've thought about being transgender for 1½ years now, but I never experienced crippling disphoria and so I thought my experience is valid. Only with Abigail Thorns video I realized, that it isn't really about dysphoria, but about euphoria. And well, here I am now. A proud transfem ^^
Hearing my only trans friend for a while say that dysphoria-- and dysphoria about specific things at that-- was necessary to be trans was enough to just about convince me I wasn't "trans enough" because I wanted to wear dresses sometimes, even though all my euphoria came from being gendered correctly. I went back in the closet for months because of this and it cost me pretty much everything I'd worked for with my transition. Now that I've started looking at it from a euphoria standpoint, I'm much happier :)
I'm glad the narrative has started to tilt in this direction. I have always experienced very strong gender euphoria when in a femme modality. Finding out that was a very strong indicator of being transfemme is what made the whole thing click. Just in time to not go bald 😬
This is quite the roller coaster. So much emotional turmoil, interspersed with "Oh...um...was there a paywall I missed somewhere for this, ahem, quality content?" It could be argued that the capitalist mindset enables and enforces a lot of those feelings of inter-generational envy and distaste among trans people. After all it could be argued that earlier trans people "paid" for their transition in terms of the suffering, loss of social and material capital, etc. And when younger trans folk come along and transition more easily or "cheaply" (relatively speaking), it can feel like they are "being rewarded for nothing". Why does the homeowner hate the idea of a homeless person being given a home? "Because I paid for mine, why shouldn't everyone else?". This easily feeds into the baser human feeling of "I had to suffer, why shouldn't everyone else?". It frustrates me that we can fall into this trap, and miss the bigger picture. That whatever the reason for their identification, more trans people means the increased likelihood that young trans people will have access to the idea of transness. Which means they might find the language to express who they are when they can make changes to accommodate, instead of at 31 like...some people I know.
And the really silly thing is that the “I had to suffer, so should everyone else” is applied to even the most insignificant and unimportant things- like parents parking “I had to haul my children across car parks 10 miles long! I didn’t have those fancy shmancy car parks with extra room right at the front!” Seriously, I’ve seen that exact argument. We should be happy that things are being made better, and not it’s on people who had no hand in our suffering anyway. It’s not their fault things used to be harder. And it’s a good thing that things aren’t still that hard- regardless of what topic it is we’re talking about.
The worst thing about that is that I used to have this exact mindset of "I suffered from my homosexuality how dare you have it so easily" and I still have the reflexe of thinking like this when it comes to other people........ while I'm part of a LGBT+ association that fights for acceptance and wants people to have an easier time... Like the LGBTQ community is literaly about making the world easier for younger people yet we are enable to enjoy the progress with fought for... look at this paradox !
yes exactly! living in neoliberal capitalism makes us want to compete with each other instead of recognising we're in this together. the oppressors benefit from us fighting each other instead of fighting back against them
I started my transition for the first time back in 2009/10 and I gave up after 8 months. I regret that so much now that I am 30 and just starting again. I'm glad the process is a little easier now. Because people shouldn't have to give up simply because it's so expensive and roadblocks are thrown up everywhere. I had to give it up because I became homeless. But that shouldn't have been the case. I shouldn't have had to go through 9 years of hating myself and not looking in mirrors and being suicidal on a biweekly basis just because I thought I'd never be woman enough to transition. Cos my head is too big and the doctor keeps doubting me cos my voice isn't femme enough or I'm not wearing enough makeup on the day that I go to see him. It's still hard now to transition here in the UK. But not nearly as hard as a decade ago. And that's a GOOD thing. Because if you need to, or even want to, transition. You should be able to. For your own health and wellbeing. I'll probably never look as good as Mia. Because I'm starting over at 30. Nobody should miss that chance like I did.
You have endured some rough breaks. I hope you never have to again. X I have yearned to be female for fifty years. I am elated that awareness and understanding is finally increasing, for humans of all ages. I have outed myself slowly over the past couple of years, although a few friends were aware thirty years ago. Society and I have conditioned myself into the male role for so long now, that I barely know if I want to change or not. I have a dream of upping sticks and heading to Brighton to give it a go. I'm a non-conformist hippy tom-boy that can't be arsed with make-up and wigs. Although, I may have to compromise on this, I guess. Pragmaticly, survival necessitates being adaptive. And my coping mechanisms (rink & rugs) have thrashed my carcass and cranial contents to within a missing hair's breadth of my own extinction. Move towns, find a home (on a tight budget), and a job (eeuuwww!), and attempt transition!? That could require balls of steal! Ahem. Brighton's magnetism is pulling me closer! :-D M xXx
I honestly laugh a lil when I get called a "trans trender"... The irony is so lip smackingly delicious. Mostly cause it tends to come at me from early transition males, many barely out of their teens. They see my young face and nb identity and think I'm some trender, without knowin I'm 27 and I've been living as male since 19 and on T since 24. And it wasn't until 6 years into transition that I adopted the terms nb and queer due to finally understanding/accepting my own gender/sexual ambiguity. I firmly opt out of surgery, but enthusiastically take my hrt weekly. I wear male clothes, but make little attempt to hide my breasts. I'm just me. It took forever to figure it out, and trust me when I say it isn't a trendy phase but the culmination of almost 25 years of self discovery.
oh wow, I just realized that the guest voice is actually Abigail from philosophy tube. these lines about "I´m not convinced you are entirely sure yet" are especially poignient now, considering her own transition in the meantime
There's something to be said about the number of trans women who are really "traditional" trans women who want nothing more than to be accepted as a normative women but are making themselves visibly trans on the internet for the sole reason of educating us normies. I think that's commendable and something a lot of the "audience" just doesn't get that its a sacrifice in a way.
Please remember that older generations are the reason younger ones get to have it easier. You saved people, you helped pave a way by existing alone. Love your videos.
This way of thinking is obscenely prevalent in a lot of transmasculine circles, and it honestly makes me want to step away from the community sometimes. Sure, seeing another trans person “having it easier” can absolutely feel invalidating- I’ve definitely get that before. It’s not fair that some of us go through shit that others might never have to. But that’s never an excuse to punch down at fellow trans people. You’re absolutely right- pain is subjective, and on some level I think we all share the same hurt. But even if someone doesn’t, I’d say that’s a wonderful marker that the world is beginning to change. As a community, though, I think we really need to practice more love and support of everyone of trans experience. We really need to work on punching up rather than down at each other. But seriously wonderful video! Thank you for expressing everything you did, and I hope you get through the break in HRT as safely and positively as possible!
I started trying to access transition in... god, like 2004ish here in Australia. I... was not lucky. I was too fat, too disabled, too bisexual. I was denied medical transition. For a decade or more. I nearly didn't survive, honestly. And.. yeah, I definitely find myself feeling that feeling (because it's a feeling, not a value, not a belief) of "they don't know what it was like, they don't know how we suffered". And it took me a while to figure out exactly what was happening behind that feeling for me. And eventually I figured it out. It was "but if they don't suffer like I did, then that means I suffered for nothing". And that's why it's such a deep, sad, hard feeling. Because when we see people not going through what we had to, when we KNOW that it's good they don't suffer like we did, we are GLAD that they don't have to go through what we did - we find ourselves wondering "why do I feel this way, why aren't I just happy for them?". But we are. We are. The struggle comes from the subconscious knowledge (and hopefully eventually conscious knowledge) that.... we suffered for nothing. We shouldn't have had to go through what we did. We suffered for nothing and the world shouldn't have done that to us.
Thanks for sharing. That moved me. Felt like the cynicism of witnessing something better right there in front of you, but which has still not been available for you.
The urge towards medical validation is understandable but dangerous. Giving clinicians final say on who is or is not trans opens up the possibility for trans people to be formally marginalised as ill, rather than just de facto. It also allows the clinician to revoke an intrinsic part of the self if they deem it unconvincing. Unconvincing! I'm glad you used the gay comparison because we use to rely on it, but it became too othering and confining
@@nirgunawish yes but also systems with free healthcare deny trans people hormones bc they're gay or the wait lists are absolutely unreasonable (I live in the uk, my local gender clinic is 6 years to first appointment and then 3 years of therapy before hormones and then once ur on hormones for 6 months u can be referred for surgery which is another 3 years and expecting people to wait that long for life changing medical care is yikes)
The following is more a public journal entry than anything else, a way for me to process my emotions... People often don’t know how good they have it until they lose it. It’s also easy to become jealous of others who have made it further than you have from a younger age. I’ll be 25 this year. I’ve lived as a male my whole life. If I had been more aware of gender variance from an earlier age, maybe I would have transitioned by now. When I look back, I see countless examples of my desire to be feminine. I’ve never wanted to be masculine. The idea of it repulsed me. I assumed that I was just a non-manly person. I didn’t know what a transgender person was until I was about 18. By the end of March 2020, I was fully experiencing gender dysphoria. The person I saw in the mirror wasn’t me. At the time, I still didn’t know much about gender and I had not yet heard of gender dysphoria. Because of previous trauma, I made the logical assumption that I had multiple personalities. So, I made this channel, posted a few videos, and moved on with life. As I learned more about dissociative identity disorder (multiple personalities; DID for short), I came to realize that the “other personalities” were just parts of my personality dissociated from the whole. I learned to dissociate rather than accept the idea that I might be the one experiencing the dysphoria. When I look back at how I felt about certain things, it’s obvious that I wasn’t really a guy on the inside. I just didn’t know. I was blind to the signs. It feels like it’s too late to transition now. I’m stuck in a body I can’t meaningfully change, and I’ll never be a real woman. If it’s not clear by now, I’ve subconsciously wanted to be a woman most of my life, but I only really understood that idea less than a year ago. There are three personalities: ****** (the one assigned at birth) Simon (the part of me that can turn off my emotions and respond to trauma effectively), and Olivia (the hidden part of me that I fear will never be seen by others). I don’t mind if other people read this, but it was mainly written for me to process what I’ve been thinking about recently. Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a better day than I.
Definitely is not too late for you dear Olivia!! You just have to decide to take the first step and start living your life as you wish. Dress the way you like, use the pronouns you feel comfortable with and let the rest know so that you can one day be Olivia everywhere. I started my transition at the age of 24. I was the most tormented and insecure person you can imagine, the opinion and gaze of others hurt me as if they were poisoned daggers. My whole existence was an unbearable ordeal (a very very severe dysphoria). It was difficult, a long and painful road, but today at 31 years old I'm proud of the woman I have become. Prejudices, evil and other people's opinions no longer affect me, heterosexual men have fallen in love with me, I have loved them in return and I've been capable of experienced sex as a woman for the first time in my life. Things I never thought I could ever experience. I just needed to take the first step. Currently my best friend began her transition not long ago, at the age of 27, and she found a job, she moved and every day she becomes more and more beautiful (lucky bitch). I have supported her a lot and part of her family too. It was not easy for her but the important thing is that she decided to take the first step and begin her journey as well. Maybe what I say will not be of much use, but I really hope that you have changed your mind in these months and can start to walk your own path. Sometimes it may seem impossible... Today things are not easy for me, especially with my depression... But if you start to move, believe me dear, you will be surprised at what you are capable of achieve if you put your mind to it. I send you all my love and support ♥️
[CN: Interphobia, genital mutilation] The video should have at least brushed upon how Hirschfeld initially gained medical recognition for mutilating intersex people and that his work is still used as a justification today to mutilate intersex babies. As it stands this video paints Hirschfeld as some kind of hero, while his true legacy is a lot more complicated.
Hey, I'm trying to find out more about this, but haven't been able to find any sources confirming his work with intersex people. I did find some suuuuper troubling stuff about his belief in eugenic theory, but the only mentions of surgery I've seen were in reference to the gender confirmation ones he did. Could you point me toward where I could learn more about his views and actions toward intersex people?
I don't know about you, Mia, but I as a Swedish trans woman has felt the trans care here has actually gotten *worse* since 2013. Since the law changed, the demand has skyrocket, but the amount of resources have stayed the same, which means that waiting times and evaluation times have grown exponentially
It really depends on which clinic you're at. Some remain crap, but stockholm has modernized a little bit. But I totally see where you're coming from, my clinic in uppsala is still just as crap as in 2012.
I wish I lived in a world where many of my friends and I have not experienced homelessness after coming out. It's painful enough to exist like this in society, but fucking hell familial rejection really is the biggest slap to the face.
mia, i can't even begin to say how much i appreciate this video. this was amazingly influential and positive and well-spoken. thank you so much for making this video :) (also... seat belt gang)
I'm 54. I was scared off of being trans by seeing a picture of what post surgery looked like, and having a reaction, "That's not right," as it didn't look like the proper vagina even a little. And for years I let that be the case, only coming out last year at 53. Do I envy the younger generation who have it easier? Yeah, in a way. But it is outweighed by happiness they can be who they are. Selfishly, it also allows society to see me as I am. My younger kid (17) is trans as well--he came out first--and he looked at the male surgery and said, "That's not right." And it isn't. I hope the male surgeries get better soon. My kid envies my ability to simply transition now... even though it took so long. I don't know how to make it better for him.
If it's any consolation, cis women often also feel shame for their vaginas . It usually is connected to the size of the clitoris . You can find articles on this through a quick search. Cis men also are insecure about their penises , be it size or shape. Now, trans people may have functionality concerns and not just aesthetic ones when evaluating the results of surgery, but my point is , body self appraisal is something that many people struggle with . Sending love to my trans co-humans
I am trans masc too, and on T for almost 3 years. But opted against surgery for a few reasons. Cost, risks, results and general fear of being put under. But if it helps, please remind him how many cis men have a chest. I mean many older guys, ex body builders, low T, heavy dudes, intersex male passing, and prostate/testicular cancer survivors. Workin retail I noticed it was as much as 1/5 men with breasts. As for bottom surgery, it has come soo far in recent years but is still a real crap shoot. I can't help but jokingly call some of the hack jobs "Franken peeny" (if only to lessen the heart break for that guy).
I'm 19, and most of the stuff you went though at my age, I went through at just about the same time... I was 13.. Still trying to wiggle my way into modern life, but the area i live in... Well... It's utter shit. "I'm not sure you're ready" ive heard that for 4 years, every month. Up until about 6 months ago, (where I ended up being so hopeless I joined the us Army, yes just after that ban, I got out quick because I didn't realize what the fuck i had gotten myself into) where I was homeless 2 weeks after i turned 18 because of the mindset of people here, and actually (FINALLY!) Got even the option to start my transition... Oh for young people, they didn't give a single shit, (fun fact, I was put in a mental hospital at 14, gonna let that sink in, because my father thought I was a psychopath for being trans. And that happened 6 times. Oh if I didn't have a mental illness then, i sure as shit do now, mmm.. Gotta love that hopeless depression). The moral of the story, some places really really just aren't progressive at all, and the people worse, even if they're in "the greatest country" (yeah, fuck off america, this isn't ww2, it's been how long and youre still doing the SAME shit.)
It reminds me of gang initiations. Where the shared traumatic suffering creates an ingroup. Having gone through the abuse and trauma of the "Diagnostic proces" and being bounced several times before getting through, I can certainly say that I experienced the whole proces as something akin to rape. Where someone is in a position of power over you and callously abuses that power and causes you unceasing suffering. I don't use the term loosely, my own experience in that field (sexual assault) is probably why the experiences felt so similar to me. Anyway. The group having suffered that particular trauma, that initiation, feels that those who haven't aren't entitled to their label or identity. They in turn having no clue about the trauma and suffering of the other group. Not to mention the fact that it is messed up to want other people to suffer as you did. Combine that with the perception that the cause of these people harms your cause and you get a pretty fucked up mix of feelings and stakes. Makes the discourse personal and toxic. We are not arguing from reason. We are arguing from trauma. Personally I Identify as a woman. Not as a transwoman, a woman. That's what I always wanted to be. That's what I am. That said, I fully support the struggle of non-binary and non-conforming people everywhere. My experience and needs are not their experiences and needs. When You start to argue whose suffering is more valid or more serious everyone loses. The only thing to do is to stand shoulder to shoulder and fight for all the things we need.
My friend and I were discussing the idea that there were 2+ types of dysphoria. One is the physical ("get these boobs *off me*"), another is social (pronouns, being seen as your gender by the people around you), and that the people who say they don't experience dysphoria actually experience the second type, but not the first. Also take into account the idea that gender euphoria is just the flip side of dysphoria, and can be placed under it as an umbrella term. Therefore, if you're more comfortable being seen as a different gender than your sex, you actually do experience dysphoria of sorts. This would mean that the vast (very vast) majority of trans people experience dysphoria (and/or euphoria). (This might just be my way of explaining how a person can be trans without dysphoria in my head, but we thought it was an interesting perspective if nothing else)
Yeah, that tracks with my personal experience. Like, the exclusion from gender *euphoria* was a constant depressing force. A constant, low-grade dysphoria, as it were.
I remember explaining to my mom in 2011 that a "Transsexual" is someone in transition, and a "Transgender" is someone that has completed their "transition". Oh how times changed for the better IMO.
I'm a 47 year old trans woman who began transition about two years ago. A little less than a year ago, my then 14 year old son came out to me and began his transition immediately. I'm thrilled for him that he had the love and support and knew himself well enough to set out to transition at such a young age.
The more I think about it, the more I feel that my dysphoria isn't some natural part of me, but a way of looking at myself through society's eyes. I don't have dysphoria because I am trans; I have dysphoria because I am ashamed that I don't fit society's standards of what a woman is. I think that trans people without dysphoria are just trans people who haven't internalized that shame. They accept themselves as their gender, regardless of how they look or how others view them. Maybe I'm wrong though. I can't speak for other people.
Very interesting perspective. I also feel like I wouldn't have any dysphoria if I saw my body as a woman's body regardless of my appearance. Obviously, there isn't any way for me to test this though.
The thing that gave me the most dysphoria was my name. How dare people coerce me to be this gender I never consented to being. I felt immediate relief upon the legal changing of my name and that basically took care of it. As for the medical stuff, I honestly did it for shits and giggles and I'm happier now so hey. But if I lived in a society where any body can be any gender, I'd be thrilled.
one exercise i find interesting is: Imagine all the cis people went on vacations along with the transmeds. You're walking around town with only inclusive trans people about. What changes in how you feel?
This is a hugely problematic view to have. It supports every transphobes opinion that we do not need transition. We already know therapy does not cure being trans. Why are you regurgitating conversion therapy talking points? With no opposition, as well. Transitioning is not internalized self shame. It’s freedom, and allowing me to finally feel like myself. I’m not transitioning for society, and people who don’t understand that really do not understand trans people.
Also, those “trans people” who have no dysphoria and accept their bodies do so because they’re cis. I don’t think you realize that you’re saying that trans people should be like cis people and accept themselves. Really really tone deaf imo.
Hi Mia I am an MtF Aussie, only 20 months on HRT. Your story is so sad because you have been deprived so unfairly. Your story brought tears to my eyes. I hope things improve for you. You are beuatifull. Ashleigh 💖
it feels like a rare occasion to watch a video on transphobia and feel affirmed by the end of it. Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective. You made great points, and I hope the people who need it the most hear them and get a bit of the warmth you shared.
When I realized things the first time, just reading about the requirements for transition and a name change scared me so much, that I decided that I just cannot be trans. Took me 19 years to get to a point where I didn't care anymore, and 7 months ago I started to transition, scared nothing had changed, since not transitioning was not an option I would have survived long anymore. Wierd thing is, as I started to actually process this stuff I realized that most likely I never had that choice, since everything points towards me being sterile anyway. Yes, things have definitely improved in the last 10 years, but in my opinion we're still far away from how things should be, and I hope over time we can work towards making things even easier, and I look forward to being able to shock people transitioning in 10 years with the tale of my name change (currently ongoing), or how I had to DIY for 6 months, to survive and keep my job, before I will hopefully get my hormones officially (1½ months to go). I have 19 years of suffering, of telling myself I'm a cis dude, even though I knew deep down that I'm just not, to look back on. I think the what would have happened had I transitioned back then, with 18, instead of now, but I realize that since while I've always been sure that I'm not a man, the realization that I'm a woman was something that needed to grow, and back then, I doubt that would have been possible. Love your videos.
Wonderful video! Trans experience is so removed from my cis experience and I’ve learned a lot thanks to videos like this. Personally, I identify with the discussion around subjectivity in mental illness. Being diagnosed with ADHD at age 36 has been interesting. Its definitely impacted my ability to function in society (so... a disorder), but on the other hand, to hell with society for pathologizing me based on it’s expectations. Shit, most of my mental health issues are a conflict between how I need to live my life to maximize my own happiness, and the necessities of living in a neoliberal late-capitalist “utopia”.
Phillip Metzger I’m from the rural south and I’m a straight white cisgender male, and yeah it’s taken me doing research to try and understand this stuff, what I do understand though is that feeling of ostracism by society, as I’ve been ostracized because of my atheism and my need for medical marijuana, two things i can’t control, (but i can hide it and not every trans person can hide they are trans, so I know it’s a different level), just like trans people can’t control if they are trans. Until recently I used to live my life without access to the medication I need, and even fear of jail if I got caught with it when I could get it. So trans people being denied hormones is also something I can kind of understand their feelings on, when you know you need something, and you can’t get it because of stupid laws, it’s frustrating, it’s dehumanizing, it’s also dehumanizing to have doctors treat me like drug addict over it and being skeptical of me, despite my obviously very poor health. I still have a lot of stuff i don’t know or understand about this whole issue, and questions about things, concerns and stuff, but I feel it’s best to let the trans community answer and sort this stuff and just support the position they come to in the community and support the community, I know whatever answer I try to come up with will probably be wrong since I don’t understand the trans experience. Overall my view is to let people to live as they wish as long as they don’t harm, exploit, or dehumanize others. P.S. fuck capitalism.
PS PS my state got medical marijuana finally and it was extremely easy for me to get my medical card because of how sick i am, so I’m finally free and don’t have to fear jail any more, the only problem I have is the stuff at the dispensary is way too expensive, and insurance won’t cover it. When I got my card I cried and jumped around my house yelling I’m free! Then I quickly went and laid down because my back started hurting because I caused a kidney stone to move lol. Went 4 hours the next day just to get to the dispensary, and spent 400$ on 10 days worth of medicine (sigh)
You hit my heart with memories. My own transition story follows along the lines of yours. I've watched people go through hormones and surgery while I was waiting around trying to strike connections to make it happen. It's not fair for anyone's personal story to add on any additional struggles beyond the current world or rather certain societies. The major difference I feel in my own life is I'm a nonbinary person who had to conform and hide when the laws and policies around being transgender and going through with medical transition in my region was stricter and very binary centric. I also did the starting phase in the early 2010 decade and was formally diagnosed. I hope through my whole journey I can be as "daddy" wants me to be.
@@MiaMulder Nice try, but he's never been able to link his own painful experiences and vulnerably craft it into a message of hope AND a history lesson.
super well done, thank u for this. i especially appreciate the empathy and compassion you have for others that really shines through all aspects of this video. there’s a deep love for others and sensitivity that stitches together the whole piece in a way that really touched me. i’m a nonbinary trans person who doesn’t experience too much in the way of gender dysphoria (although i have a ton of body issues outside of that), and this really helped me put myself emotionally in the shoes of people who might disagree with me. i’m glad that because of this video in particular i can now meet those arguments from a place of compassion instead of assuming the worst. thank you. ❤️ much love and support to you through your health stuff. you’re great.
"The inability to let go of your past and be happy for those who don't have to struggle in the same way." So profound an insight. Of course I have seen this in my own transition, and have also been guilty of it while struggling to become less exclusionary while dealing with survivors guilt. I have also seen this among Veterans (US context) which I work among and belong. Vietnam Vets suffered, suffered horribly, and fought to change that in our society and yet it is extremely common for Vietnam Veterans to sneer at the younger generation all while suicides remain the second highest among any demographic save trans people. Dealing with our own trauma while not traumatizing the younger is a terrible part of being human.
The position Im in at the moment is basically one i never imagined existed when i started transitioning - people around me know I am trans and still respect me, I haven't done everything I felt that I had to do to be "fully transitioned" And I'm totally fine. The only people I heard about at first would have told me my current scenario would be painful and incomplete when it's mainly not
I’ve avoided watching this until today bc I’ve been a bit fragile around trans-related issues this past month and I knew this one would make me emo. just finished watching and I am indeed rather teary but this really is one of the most intellectual vids on here tbh
I started to get to know my grandpa more recently and older generations will be stuck in the past in some way due to their struggles. He went through some pretty hard things that I never understood when I was younger. Me and my mom were both surprised how easy it was to get hormones. There are some things I’m still worried about but mostly is just normal medical stuff like correct dosages but I’m really worried about telling my dad about hrt. He kind of ignored my coming out originally but he has a lot of right wing views and this is a bigger change than what I’ve done before. I took 2 years thinking about hrt and I watched a lot of videos about it. Seeing trans people live normally and sharing both good and bad stories about their experiences helps me feel better about doing it myself. I actually just started hrt yesterday and I was more concerned with using the needles properly than anything about the medication itself since I started learning about it. I have a big family so I don’t really care as much as others about infertility. Helping take care of my niece is enough for me. I can definitely see how people would be heartbroken to give up the option to have a child themselves. My life experiences have made me think adoption would be better for me if I want a child anyway but there is something special about being blood related has and it’s all the family history you can look through. People will form bonds just by being around each other though and they can become just as strong. I think people just need love and hope but it won’t prevent suffering that life brings. It makes it possible to get past it.
Hey Mia, yesterday I noticed your channel for the first time and today I am watching the first video and I am really enjoying the content. I am definetly not going to make the "swedish contrapoints" statement as I am sure you have heard that one a thousand times by now. I am currently studying at swedens oldest university (Greifswald) and I am actually involved in a project to teach school children more about sex ed and as a part of that we as a group are trying to host a discussion on 31.3. and I feel like this video has given me, a mostly cis bi guy a really great understanding that many other videos so far have not. Coming from a rural area, that coincedentally has also once been swedish, damned imperalists, I think this is such an interesting topic and it is quite sad to me that I am learning all of this by myself in my midtwenties, because I choose to and not because it is taught in school or anything. Anyway, tldr: great content, thanks for the video. Swedish Contrapoints.
This video is bittersweet comfort for me. On one hand, I'm reminded of multiple conversations I've had with my mom on this subject, which is not fun, but on the other, I feel more comfortable with my own identity which is quite fragile right now.
Thank you so much for being so frank and honest with your experiences. I'm sorry that I didn't find your UA-cam channel sooner, because I could have used this 5 years ago when I first learned what you did when you started transition. And I live in the US! My understanding of transgender was stuck in the 1980's until then and I tried to come out then. That didn't go well. Now, 5 years later, your story had a lot in common with mine, so when you had the really emotional moments toward the last 1/3 of the video, I kept hearing my inner narrative from not too long ago. Thank you! It feels good to know my experience isn't a freak occurrence.
Mia, you helped me transition/affirm/claim my true self --- I am non-binary. I found comfort in your story even though we inhabit different gender categories. Thank you!
Before I go cry myself to sleep (in a good way, this was a fantastic video); I just wanted to say thank you and wanted to also add that In addition to the option of "letting go and learning to be happy", there is also the option of using that past experience as a catalyst/fuel/knowledge for fighting the things that still hold us back as a society (laws, public perception, etc). Even if things are better now, theres still more to do and that past experience is invaluable and should not be discounted in any way in the struggle to fix things. That's obviously not a requirement that someone do that, they deserve to live their life how they want.
I just gave myself a hug after watching this video, thank you for some positive reassurance for a transperson like me who needs some encouragement to take steps and come out
I can totally relate to this. I came out as trans in 2016 and started HRT in 2018 and most of what caused my suffering is having an unsupportive family. I got on HRT much easier than I ever expected so what makes me feel like shit is when I see other trans people with supportive families and I'm like "you have it so good!!"
this has made me better understand the kind of faulty but very human reasoning transmeds have, i mean they're still wrong but i no longer see them solely mindless cruel monsters who pick on the less privileged/ fortunate/ conforming people in their own community, kind of humanized them without really excusing there actions.
'This was the advice I was given, and that was only 10 years ago' Depending on where you are when you figure out you are trans, it's quite possible this is going to be the advice you're given now too. I can think of some threads on certain image boards that still largely push this harmful advice onto newly cracked trans people. Those boards were where I was used to spending time, and so when I started looking for trans people to talk to they were the first place I looked. I got out of that toxic mess but it's sad to think so many don't, and go on to internalise and then continue perpetrating these ideas.
39:02 "society thinks that anyone who transitions is a bit of a weirdo anyway" dang that's almost validating in a twisted way. I've been thinking a lot abt the social capital that you lose/gain/trade when you commit to transitioning. Internalized judgement and overthinking the implications are what's really been keeping me from committing to it, and I was lowkey planning on some form of "deep stealth" before I learnt of the term in this video/comments. So thinking of, say, the act of coming out - as opposed to a given phase of transitioning, or even the potential stage of passing - as the real switch that puts the social capital transformation in motion is really helpful to me right now. It's close to saying that once the coming out is complete, the damage is done and the hardest part is behind you (which incidentally is the case only because of where I currently live, transitioning in my home country would be a similar hell to the one you went through)
Thank you Mia, I feel much the same way you do - i just got on hormones at the age of 25... I came out outside of the web sphere and started pursuing my transition when I was 20. So when I see people in other parts of the world - or who can afford going to private psychiatrists (sadly where I am, in Italy, that’s just how the public healthcare works and I don’t think it has improved much) getting the ‘mones in a matter of a year, or even a few months, there /is/ a part of me that feels resentful. “You didn’t suffer like I did” I think is a good way to describe it. The difference between me and transmeds is that I quickly dismiss that as a gut reaction instead of building a cards castle of pseudoscience rationalisations on top of that already shaky ground. Also just as an anecdote, in spite of being a binary “transsexual” myself I’ve had more than one transmed call me a “trender” for stupid stuff like having long hair, or wearing skinny jeans... and they used those things to build the assumption that I don’t have dysphoria- when they have no way to know that, in fact, I do. I would feel pity for them and their obvious suffering if it wasn’t that they use it in such a callous and ill intentioned way, even towards other “transsexuals” who don’t follow the super strict gender roles that cis/heteronormative society forces on people. The biggest fallacy in their argument imo is that you can’t read minds, you can’t know what other people go through... so they base the entire idea of who has dysphoria and who doesn’t on completely arbitrary standards.
The idea that homosexuality and womanliness are the same thing bewilders me. Like, if two gay men are both, in some way, "a woman", and that womanliness manifests in a direct need to *be* a woman ... then don't you have two gay women? Which I guess presumably makes them "men"? Which I guess makes them two gay men again?
I think we're actually the same age and have a SUPER similar timeline; I started coming out in 2012, and I had no representation either...in 2015, I faced that same question (kids or transition) and I chose kids for a long time. I didn't start hormones until 2017, after finally being able to preserve my fertility. But those 5 years SUCKED and were filled with turmoil, and now, 2ish years after starting HRT, I have a ton of regret about not transitioning sooner. I feel so much envy for the younger generation of trans folks who get to transition as teens/don't have to go through puberty 1.0, but also like...hopeful. It's complicated. Anyhoo, thank you so much for sharing this. I feel much less alone. Yay commiserating comrades
Two years into my transition and your videos are changing my life, my view of myself and of the world. Grateful for you, your unique perspective and your truth.
I paused this video partway through to think about how the experiences and suffering of those who came before differ from my own, then you said it yourself in this video. Each of our struggles are different, but they are no less valid; similarly, a lack of struggle does not make one's identity invalid. For me, I struggled with "allowing" myself to call myself trans, partly because of all of the transmedicalism and gatekeeping. It wasn't until after I "allowed" myself to be nonbinary for a bit that I even realized I had dysphoria because I felt like I wasn't allowed to examine those feelings, due in no small part to my already present imposter syndrome. All that being said, if a 14 year old is able to get on puberty blockers and figure themselves out by the time they're old enough to start hrt and have as smooth a transition as possible, good. I'm glad. That's the goal.
A wonderful video. Twenty-some years ago I had a partner who informed me they needed to transition. She left, disappeared, and went "stealth". It always saddened me that she felt I, or her other friends, would have been a detriment to her new life. Today, I am so happy that these discussions are happening, and people can slowly come out of shadows and proclaim who they are. Thank you.
Watching this video made me want to give you a hug so bad. I can’t even imagine what you’ve gone through. I’m sorry you had to go through it. I know that’s not enough but it’s all I have to give. I’m so thankful for you making this content to not only help other trans people but to help others hopefully be better informed to be better allies.
This means a lot to me, because I struggle with feeling like I’m being trans in the “right way” and this reminded me that there is no right way, we’re all different and that’s okay.
The last part of this video really gets me, because I feel similarily sometimes. I am 23. I am nonbinary. I have partially socially transitioned, but not medically at all, tho I definetly want hrt. The only reason I haven't aleady started diy hrt is because I do not have the money. So when I see younger trans ppl who are far more advanced in their transition or trans people who do not need/want hrt I am envious of them and there are these small moments where my brain goes "you don't deserve this when I can't get it". Obviously that is wrong. This is one of the reasons I hate truscum so much. I sometimes am a bit of a truscum even tho I do not want to be, but I catch myself every time and just stop, because it's bullshit. Because I know for a fact that most truscum do not think I deserve hrt either, because I do not have strong body dysphoria. Hrt would be mainy for relieving social dysphoria for me.
I think you deserve it.👍 Do research it, though. I'm operating with female kit, and I was told testosterone could raise my ovarian cancer risk. (TBH I'm extremely attached to my hair, and I fear losing hair, too.) Know your risks, your source, and I wish you the best.
@@grmpEqweer Hey, thanks for the comment. propaply won't do diy. too risky for me. I think I can wait a few years till I can access it through the proper channels
I wish I had been brave enough to transition back in 2012, but like you describe in the video there was no community at the time. All I had were my insecurities and shame which I would continually bury deep down and discuss with no one because I was scared of being ridiculed and ostracized for expressing them.
Dear Mia, this is this first video I've seen of yours and I found it incredibly thoughtful, honest and humane. I'm not Trans myself but it's something which has become increasingly important to have an awareness of for the sake of the people close to me, the people I love. I was initially quite perplexed by the endless petty and super-counterproductive infighting which seems to grow out of internet culture along with the obvious benefits. There are many questions I'd love to ask you but that seems intrusive and impertinent - suffice to say you've helped me work my own head out a bit and it's nice when someone can cut through all the territorial pissing and the "my pain is bigger than your pain" shit that seems to inform so much of the so called discourse in this and many other more modern avenues of inquiry into being and identity. Keep up the awesome work. I don't have much in the way of money but I'm happy to chuck what I can toward your Patreon. All the best from Sydney, Australia :3
Never thought I could feel so empathetic towards transmedicalists. Okay, this is not at all meant to call out anyone, but this video makes me think so much of the "cycle of abuse", and I mean that in the most empathic way possible. Braking it is incredibly hard, but it can be done. Stay strong friends, I believe in you
You wonderful person you. This entire vid was a rollercoaster of emotions. Making me laugh while i'm still drying my eyes from the prior section that brought me tears. Not to forget the lewd segments that just made everything worse. More on topic though, I don't want to have to carry a label, I don't want to have to present a set of terminology to explain to people who I am or why I am. I am me, full stop. If you want to know who I am, get to know me. I have no intention of hurting anybody, say "Hi", reach out. Get to know the people around you by putting in effort, not read from a sheet of characteristics, terms or attributes.
I'm so glad to see someone making a video on this topic. I would also like to add that trans people who are frustrated with the fact that other trans people have had it easier should instead channel that anger at our oppressors who are responsible for the way the system was(and still is) fucked.
I remained in denial for several years genuinely because I told myself that I couldn't be trans on account of not having suffered enough or in the same way and therefore didn't deserve to identify as such. I was finally disabused of that notion earlier this year and I feel like I've made more progress with myself in those months than I have in the past 10-20 years. I came out as non-binary at age 32 and there is still the feeling of regret over not realizing sooner, but it is completely eclipsed by the euphoria I feel daily as well as no longer hating who is staring back at me when I look into a mirror.
Suffering is such an insidious excuse for dominate groups to create these issues within marginalised groups. Every group that sees positive change then has people within the group that suffered under the dominate group for what is inherently no reason. But of course the dominate group is able to encourage infighting within the marginalised one to escape their real culpability. I really appreciate you making this video because I think it has the ability to be applied in some ways to lots of marginalised people. And I think it’s also really important to recognise these types of forced suffering (waiting for hormones etc) as not ‘medically necessary’ like they are presented but the pressure of the dominate group.
hi mia i just wanted to comment that, as a trans girl in her mid teens, i really look up to you in a way. i don’t think you’re the ideal woman and it would be crazy to try to be like that anyway, but… a lot of your own story reminds me of mine. i found out i was trans 3 years ago and i was forced to come out to my parents in march of 2022 which is when i started to form severe trust issues with them. i pretty much performed hyperfemininity online because i felt like i wasn’t female enough for my own family… and now 9 months on hrt i’m in the deepest pit of depression i’ve ever been in. so many things i’ve just bottled up are resurfacing and i’m completely dissociating from the life i’ve put together online and i keep worrying about detransition and being a lifelong medical patient and not being womanly enough for the world but. i find that your videos comfort me more than anything and i genuinely don’t know what i would do without them. i don’t think i “pass” and i’m scared i’ll never be able to just live life as a woman without the trans aspect just haunting me constantly but i know that there Are people like me who have endured the suffering and are in a much happier position, so… thank you mia for everything you’ve done. you saved a girl’s life.
this is something I learned from being poly and in relation to jealousy in that context but I think it's very applicable in relation to feeling bad about this gut reaction you can sometimes have when you've been through a Struggle that people don't have to go through anymore, which is basically just that feelings aren't bad, feelings aren't wrong to have necessarily, there are feelings that can lead to actions that are bad, but the feelings themselves are just feelings, and as long as you know that the actions those feelings might ask of you are bad and you don't actually do anything then you're not a bad person for just feeling something
I've been really depressed the last few days, and I want you to know that "I suffer for my womanhood, EUGH" sent me into a laughing fit and I feel a little better now. Thank you :)
I'm here from the future to say that I've already seen it and it's good - it's like the Cosmonaut video but hot.
Philosophy Tube *even hotter
Ollie, thanks for being a cool dude
Hotmonaut
Olly, my dude, I love you but you played "my therapist" far too well haha
Olly is so thirsty for trans women
"He didn't think I was a perverted sex freak, thank God. If only he knew"
Underrated
Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis Sexualis where you turn into a big gay snail at the end.
This is the perfect youtube comment
Isnt that just Bloodborne?
I've seen both that anime and british puppet show
@@Kidomaru80 Bloodborne said trans rights
I am intersex and trans. Dr cut me when I was seven, my life was hell and I am slowly getting my truth back. You are one who has helped me learn to accept myself. My name is Mia Gomez Molina, I did not steal your name, in Spanish Mia means mine. I love the name and I love your show. I live in Guatemala where it is impossible for me to live and I am planing my escape. Canada would be nice, I would love to visit Europa and one day I will. Much love, Mia! 😇
jorge gomez molina Hello from Canada! I hope you are able to find a way to a better life.
I hope you’ve managed to come that much closer to regaining your truth, Mia! Our lives are ours to live; others should not have any say in what we do with or in our bodies. Much love.
@Eric Benavidez Get lost I guess.
@@alicedeligny9240 Seconded. No room for Eric’s sentiments here.
I would welcome you here in Canada
A similar dynamic exists between women in Iran too. The rapid expansion of (some) women’s rights caused a lot of inter generational envy and hostility, sometimes abuse. It’s a shit situation.
Its super fucked up and this fenomenon can also be observed when it comes to making education free in the US (seen as 'debt envy' of sorts).
@@kjronning1 The "If I had to suffer, so do you." infighting bullshit
That must be really painful
same thing with gay men in the US - happens any time younger people get more exceptions.
Almost all older generations of minority groups feel this way. Yes, the new generation have it easier. Yes, the older had to struggle every step of the way to get to where they are now. And yes, the new generation have the old to thank for, and certainly have a well founded sense of pride in that respect. But the older generations endured so the new don't have to, and holding on to this high-minded attitude will undo all that progress. Elders got the ball rolling. Instead of stopping it, they should guide the new generation forward and, eventually, pass the torch on.
How would you like to be guided ? Fair question yes ?
COMPLETELY AGREE. I live in the uk where medical transition is free (which is awesome) but will also take about 12 years between applying to a clinic and surgery (about 9 years to hormones) and I DEFINITELY hope the younger generations dont have to deal with that bs
@@adamdawson6700 Damn; that's obscene - I hope you don't end up actually having to wait that long!
@@thomase13 thank you! I started transitioning about 4 years ago when wait times were a little shorter and I think I could be on hormones in the next year
I had a moment where I fell into that mindset. Before that, I always struggled to understand why people resented others, who had it easier.
I walked by my old school, a catholic all girl school that almost threw me out twice because I had a relationship with another student. That and the shit I got from other students, teachers and my parents about my relationships was, well, shit. I struggled hard to find any sort of confirmation.
Now there is a gay bar right across the street with a big pride flag and when I first saw that, I thought "Wow, people like me sure have it easier now, they have no idea what is like.". Then my brain restarted and I got out of that a**hole mindset and realized: that is a good thing. Suffering is not required for others, just because it was a thing for me. I should get my head out of my ass and realize that I was successfull, in the sense that I always wanted it to be easier for me and others like me. Now it is easier and while I am no longer in the exact situation the students there are in now, I very much benefit from the situaion having changed aswell.
I transitioned in 1989 and went ‘classic’ deep stealth. This was very relatable. Thank you.
thank you for your serivce
hell yee boomer trans (what even is time?)
braver than the troops.
@@dtaliesin6638 Only good troops are garbage truck drivers!
Excuse me Mia, I am aaaaalll about having an open and inclusive definition of Trans. All for it. But. How do I subject it to a heirarchy? How do I assign people scores and judge them? I need to know so I can sell them stuff. I swear I am not a capitalist.
Everybody gets the ranking of number 4. Problem solved.
@@chocokittybo Like the earthbound moles?
@@laslosermcuseless1574 I haven't played earthbound so my answer is either "yes" or "no" depending on which response is funnier
@@chocokittybo then this conversation never happened
Not in a threatening way thought
@@laslosermcuseless1574 "Not in a threatening way" is a somewhat ominous phrase on its own if I'm being honest
Irish trans person here. Realized two years ago when I was eighteen. Got referred to one of only two gender clinics in Ireland (not for treatment, for meeting) Waiting list 17 months. Its been two years and still waiting. Tried to go private, 6 month waiting list for clinic in Galway. Waited 8, went to meeting. After going through so many hoops, and doing, so many meetings with psychiatrists and counselors (you have to to even get on waiting list for private or public clinics), I was under the impression that I was getting my hormones. When the doctor started saying how I had to see a whole load more pyschologists and hoops, I got upset and explained how I thought I'd already gone through these hoops, could I not get my healthcare?
She immediately stood up and said this wasn't going to work. I stammered how please could she not do this and I had waited so long. She said I was being aggressive and I had to leave.
Everything turned out ok in the end, I got hormones from Gender GP. There good.
But the whole experience really hurt me. In a lot of ways. This was two years ago. The system is still broken.
p.s thank you for sharing your experiences Mia. Really powerful video!
It's really bad that Gender GP has had to deal with lot's of pressure from the health service to shut them down, and refusing to co-operate with them. Britain and Ireland seem like the worst. It seems much easier in places like the US or Canada or most western countries in Europe. So bad that research done on trans youth elsewhere for example can't even be applied to the UK apparently (according our health system) - this is because waiting times are so long in the UK that other risks need also to be taken into account apparently such as issues with bone density due to the extended length of time on puberty blockers for trans youth in the UK compared to elsewhere along with delays in the UK health system on top of that. I'm like "Will the UK just f*cking put teenage trans youth on HRT like everyone else does! ffs! Then the Uk won't have the problem of being the outlier will it! Jesus Christ..."
Honestly mood. I'm in England and trying to go public, my local gender clinic is 6 years to first appointment, which imo is fucking APPALLING and they keep making me jump through hoops. So far I'm 4 years in lol. Hope ur doing ok now
The Irish healthcare system is such a mess
Part of the reason whwy I feel like DIY talk should be normalized a lot more. Just go to the doctor and say that they can either give you hormones and blood tests normally, or let you risk your safety through shady dark web ones. The worst thing about this is really that the medical system is more afraid of the 1% who might detransition (mostly temporarily due to financial problems, lack of support, wanting to have a baby or just from not being able to handle society's hostility) and sue the doctor, than of the countless living years, and even lives lost to depression from dysphoria.
@@adamdawson6700 Sorry, late to the party here....
SIX YEARS?!?!?
My life, I'm throwing a massive shitstorm over the dutch health care system with waiting lists starting at 60+ months and you've waited 4 years with the knowledge you'd still be waiting by the time I'd get my help?!
I'm soooo effin sorry for you, like genuinely feeling sad for your case and all the sisters in a similar situation. How do people expect we get to actually live our lives properly with these abominable amounts of support? I mean it's not as if I chose to be a complete mess for most of my life only to figure out that my mind and my body seem to be reading from the opposite sides of my genetic mark up.
Six. Years...
That's just...
My brain is numb, this is unfathomable.
And yet still you have the care and sympathy to ask someone else if they are ok. I know this is stupid, call me hysterical if that helps, but I'm sending you all my love and I honestly hope you get the assistance you need to be your true self waay, waaay, faster than your current prognosis.
The stuff about sterilisation is horrible. I'm sorry humans were so awful and I'm glad they're slowly getting better.
hmmmm.... sounds like an alien
@@borednerd5767 yes fellow human, I agree with your hypothesis let us don black robes and hunt this invader as we human beings do
Sincerely
Another human
@ThisIsMyRealName Don't throw out comments when you know absolutely zero about what you're talking about. yea, forced sterilization is awful, but everything else you said was W-R-O-N-G.
Retrospectivly I love how Abby voiced those lines, it makes it 10 times better
Early in my transition I was a transmedicalist and the way you described the thought process of this group hit right at home. From discomfort towards non-assimilating or non-dysphoric trans people to anger towards those who have it easier. The sad thing is it doesn't go away. You spoke of feelings of anger towards those who have an easier time and I have the exact same feeling watching the video of a young, talented woman who has access to the surgeries she needs. But the thing is, people like you who take a step back and realize that this is a harmful behaviour help the trans community let go of this idealization of suffering. And maybe this way we treat our people in less shitty ways.
Thank you for the amazing work that you do. It really really matters.
I think it tends to be people with really bad dysphoria, and they don't have a good coping mechanism so they take it out on other people, namely "tucutes" or "transtrenders" because they're jealous that they don't experience that same pain
@@nirgunawish I said that transmeds and truscum normally are people with really bad dysphoria, not that everyone with really bad dysphoria is a transmed or truscum. that's like if I said that a lot of TERFs are lesbians; just because a lot of TERFs are both doesn't mean that all or even most (or even a significant number) lesbians are TERFs.
note that I also said they don't have coping mechanisms for it and so they take it out on other people. if you don't take it out on other people, congrats! you probably have a coping mechanism! this is not about you!
you sound exactly like the cis people who think I'm "kill all cis people" or something when I say that transphobes exist. sometimes things aren't about you and that's okay :)
@@nirgunawish also like, i wish I was born cis too lol and that means nothing
"You have no idea how good you have it"
This.
I've never been envious of anyone but I waited until my dad had died until I started my transition. That was 5 years ago and now I'm 51. I find myself feeling really resentful of those in their 20s that can still have kids and meet someone. As a translesbian my impossible choice was be my authentic self and die alone or be fake and find someone. Yes it's crazy but i feel like I've been robbed of my life. I'm happy for younger generations who will have it easier but I'm also internally angry.
I want the surgery but I'm unlikely to get it because i need to lose a third of my weight for surgery. With already a healthy diet but being 51 I'm still finding it really difficult after 5 years.
I'm the happiest I've ever been... but I'm still not happy.
Thank you for vocalising the words leaking out of my scared heart. Tysen tack. Xxx
To me, being an Older Enby (early 30s lol) means being that big sibling that the kids these days can look at and think "If that person gets to live to be happy, I get to live to be happy". I literally didn't even know I was allowed to exist for 2 decades of my life. I do envy the kids these days... but I also feel pride that I shaped the world for the better, for them.
This made me cry , thank u
Thank you ❤
The transmedicalist "you need dysphoria to be trans" meme kept my egg from cracking for years because I earnestly thought I didn't have dysphoria despite pursuing laser hair removal because I hated my facial hair, and a voice coach because I hated my voice and wanted a higher voice
I'm sorry you had to experience that. I really hope you are doing better now.
@@gonedeadforlife Thanks :) Since I cut through the bullshit and started transitioning, I've never felt better
I never felt I was trans. And yet my story is filled with things that those who had transitioned tell me were classic signs. I didn't feel as though I needed it badly enough. And had a real tough time trying to convince anyone in the medical sphere. Even though I was drinking to the point of permenantly damaging my nervous system and basically just taking the view that I could just let the years slip by until I died - living a functional existence devoid of quality.
@@chriswalker7632 I'm sorry you had to go through that. To be perfectly honest, if I had stayed in my egg any longer I probably might've wound up in the same boat you did for a while.
@@XioriannaEBDjinn Yeh, it's something I have only been able to put my finger on lately. The philosophy of Existentialism has an awful side to it - it can basically be used as a framework to deny the existence of LGBT people (I guess Terfs are an example). Because Existentialist can niavely deny that a person can be essentially gay for example - instead saying that being gay is a 'choice'. Although Existentialism can be richer and far more nuanced than that (and avoid falling into the trap of being a Terf). But a good side of it is that they attacked 'roles' such as gender stereotypes.
Another word for a 'role' is a 'function' - functions are something you can measure in terms of quantities. And in that sense functions are the opposite of 'qualities'.
Roles are things that can be imposed on people - it's where 'bad faith' comes from in existentialist philosophy.
Not to get political but functions or roles are very top down in their nature I think - very hierarchical. And they can keep trans people 'in their place' and locked away.
Existentialism can be used to say trans people don't exists - that there is no essence within them driving them to transition. But Existentialism as a philosophy is at the end of the day concerned with the qaulity of people's existence from their own point of view - so it is easier for a trans person to overcome the flaws in existentialism than the essentialist demands of transphobes who impose roles and functions from above based on their own bigotted view point.
Or something like that anyway.
It's not just white trans girls who tend to gatekeep - in my experience it's generally light-skinned trans women of varying ethnicities and age ranges. I'm East Asian, and I've seen plenty of East Asian trans women be awfully gatekeepy to the point where it made me feel not only disgusted, but that I would never be the gold standard beautiful East Asian feminine ideal because I can't afford surgeries and didn't start HRT as early as seemingly all of my peers, both older and younger. Keep in mind they view me as one of 'the good ones', seemingly because I also aim to just assimilate into society as 'just another woman' and was blessed with looking relatively feminine at baseline. I can only imagine how radically differently I'd be received if I were more genetically unlucky. I also recognise the huge amount of privilege I hold in day-to-day life, being a light-skinned, mostly-passing and conventionally pretty Asian woman, when I hear about how much harder some friends have it.
I've noticed something of a pattern when it comes to many trans women who just want to assimilate - they tend to start becoming more and more exclusionary as time goes on and the closer they get to ticking the boxes of being completely physically cis-passing (read: SRS) and being straight-passing (even if they are bi/pan). It especially reeks of self-shame when they refer to themselves as 'cis'. I don't expect people to wear their transness on their chest - lord knows I don't - but I also don't deny it. I guess it is easier for me to accept that I will always be noticeably queer in some way, given that my romantic orientation leans towards women and femmes. I see it as utterly ridiculous to deny your own transness to the point of actively labelling oneself as cis. I will always be trans as it is a descriptor regarding the circumstances of my birth, but I am also many, many other things to the point where being a woman is only one small, if significant part of who I am...and being a woman honestly factors into my daily life far more than being trans.
I've mostly experienced gatekeeping from white transmen. Never have I experienced gatekeeping from a trans women. Maybe it's because I'm transitioning into a more masculine sex. Hmm.
@@aderyn7600 I wonder if that's the case too. I think in some cases it's more "accepted" for an afab person to transition into binary male, because the masculine gender is still seen as the "higher" gender in our patriarchal society. Not to say transmen don't still catch shit, but I wonder if that has something to do with the shit you catch from other transmen or something.
As a light skinned, conventionally pretty, black trans woman who "talks white," I think I get that. Granted, I've only met trans women like myself or white trans women in person, that sounds about right. Colorism intersecting with racism & possibly some transphobia are likely the culprits of this I think.
@@XioriannaEBDjinn oh 100% especially when it comes to nonbinary genders being gatekeeped by binary trans people.
I've seen a LOT of trans men do this. I've never met a transmed trans woman irl, I've never met a TERF irl, but most of the white gay trans guys I've met have been transmeds.
Thank you, Mia, for this. As a 17-year-old who has been struggling with her identity for about a year now is is pretty sure she's a trans girl, this video was important to me. Sometimes it's hard trusting myself, and I doubt my trans identity constantly. It's hard to remember sometimes that I really _can_ be trans, that I truly *_can_ be a girl as I want. But I like this idea you present. Of, "Yeah, they said they wanted to be another gender, so they're trans." I like it.
Hi five 👋
@@nram3930 👋
just don't cut your genitals off or take hormones. Once you get older you're probably going to regret it a lot. I know a lot of people in my age group who were super trans sexual when they were your age but once they all hit 25-26 they realized they don't want that. Now their lives are ruined.
@@sparklesparklesparkle6318 you dont know this person. you have no idea what their life is like, or how they feel about their identity. regret in transitioners is very low statistically either way, and id recommend you to read up on studies done into it, but i know you dont actually care about that
@@sparklesparklesparkle6318 SRS has some of the lowest rates of post-operative regret of any elective surgery.
“The doctor said that trans people aren’t fit parents anyway.” He said WHAT the actual FUCK?
The Doctor is not a fit human.
the truth
@@luisasventa6749 Sweden is the "utopia" that sterilized trans people while starving them of hormones.
LGBTQ+ parents are some of the best parents I know, maybe because they feel they have to be.
@@rfeyman3682 Generally that's because LGBT parents have to adopt/use IVF to have kids, which is expensive and thus they're able to provide a higher QOL due to their increased income. I'm not saying that income alone is what makes someone a good parent, but many problems ultimately stem from finances or lack thereof.
"True Transexual"? I'd rather have a true trans soul rebel!
💗
*sick guitar riff*
How would you even recognize me?
Hi nice to meet you
I relate so hard. Here I am, trying to come to terms with my gayness in my thirties and insanely jealous of all the teenagers I see at Pride who have grown up in so much more accepting society. It's not that I wish it was harder for them, I just wish it was easier for me too.
It is somewhat ironic that the LGBTQ+ community has fought so hard for so long to make society more accepting, precisely to make it easier for future generations. And when it happens, we fuck it up by making it harder for them ourselves because we are jealous. There is irony in there somewhere.
I'm also white (but not transgender) and fall into a couple of different intersex categories that have made my experience with gender very complicated, and not precisely cis-aligned -- and when you talked about how transgender people are often forced/coerced into sterilization in order to be granted the services you need -- my heart just dropped, and I am so, so sorry you and many other trans ppl have had to experience something so cruel! """Normalizing""" (i.e.; medical institutions dictating what ppl's bodies can be without their full consent, in order to socially uphold a rigid sex-binary) surgeries are often forced on intersex babies at birth and during childhood, and are forced on many transgender ppl in a different sense, which I didn't realize. No one should EVER be forced through/coerced into sterilization or medical practices they don't want -- nor denied the ones they do want. No one should be made to feel like their bodies and identities are wrong and shouldn't be permitted in society. I dunno, I just feel a whole lot of solidarity with transgender ppl. Always going to stand by you all. You're very brave, and this video was beautiful, sad, funny (when you wanted it to be), and especially enlightening! Best of wishes.
Thanks for this comment, I've often heard from a lot of people who are intersex whenever trans people are brought up that they hate being dragged into discussions about trans people for various reasons. Often when someones trying to explain how gender and sex are bimodal not binary and intersex people are brought up i'll see an intersex person jump in and say not to drag them into the conversation or that.
Anyways it just helps to get a reminder that they don't speak for everyone.
@@animeentranced1130 I'm glad! : D Like, it's obvs good to respect those individual intersex ppl too (many have reasons for feeling the way they do about it, and I wouldn't bring an individual intersex friend into the convo without their expressed desire to), but the thing about the intersex "community" is that it reeeeeeally more depends on which intersex person has stumbled upon the debate being had. And while I don't think anyone likes being used as a play-card in arguments without ppl actually caring about them, I also know that a lot of highly specific organizations of intersex ppl are transphobic (I guess if I were to compare it to a similar mindset, I'd compare it to how some trans ppl -- often transmedicalists -- will say and do things to appeal to cis ppl; there are totally intersex ppl who do the eeeeeexact same). Imo, if you care about intersex ppl, and want justice for us same as you do other ppl, then why not bring up our existence in a debate? We don't benefit from being invisible! And I genuinely wish more intersex ppl and trans ppl were standing in solidarity with each other. We could help each other out so much, and it's sad that we're divided.
@@wl9162 Maybe it‘s less about bringing up intersex people in general but rather in how intersex people are brought up. Sometimes non-intersex queer people (e.g. trans people) do that just as an example how biology isn‘t binary for their own argument - and then they just move on, without really considering intersex people‘s oppression, experiences and perspectives.
It’s weird to be a middle class white binary trans man. Like on the one hand I spent most of my life wishing I were dead, and on the other I know my experience pales in comparison to the vast majority of trans people. I listen to stories like yours, and I think “that could have been me” and I wonder if I would have survived
I once heard someone say that it would be more appropriate to define trans people by their gender euphoria rather than their dysphoria and it changed a lot about the way I had previously thought about the trans experience. Loved hearing Abby be the doctor lol if only we had known
That was exactly what flipped the switch in myself. I've thought about being transgender for 1½ years now, but I never experienced crippling disphoria and so I thought my experience is valid.
Only with Abigail Thorns video I realized, that it isn't really about dysphoria, but about euphoria. And well, here I am now. A proud transfem ^^
*is not valid
@@TricksFisch123 the representations we see in media are so important, I'm happy for you!
Hearing my only trans friend for a while say that dysphoria-- and dysphoria about specific things at that-- was necessary to be trans was enough to just about convince me I wasn't "trans enough" because I wanted to wear dresses sometimes, even though all my euphoria came from being gendered correctly. I went back in the closet for months because of this and it cost me pretty much everything I'd worked for with my transition. Now that I've started looking at it from a euphoria standpoint, I'm much happier :)
I'm glad the narrative has started to tilt in this direction. I have always experienced very strong gender euphoria when in a femme modality. Finding out that was a very strong indicator of being transfemme is what made the whole thing click. Just in time to not go bald 😬
Today I found Contrapoints' Swedish sister. The world seems like a better place.
I think she's Dutch :)
No sorry you're right
Swishter :D
This is quite the roller coaster. So much emotional turmoil, interspersed with "Oh...um...was there a paywall I missed somewhere for this, ahem, quality content?"
It could be argued that the capitalist mindset enables and enforces a lot of those feelings of inter-generational envy and distaste among trans people. After all it could be argued that earlier trans people "paid" for their transition in terms of the suffering, loss of social and material capital, etc. And when younger trans folk come along and transition more easily or "cheaply" (relatively speaking), it can feel like they are "being rewarded for nothing". Why does the homeowner hate the idea of a homeless person being given a home? "Because I paid for mine, why shouldn't everyone else?". This easily feeds into the baser human feeling of "I had to suffer, why shouldn't everyone else?".
It frustrates me that we can fall into this trap, and miss the bigger picture. That whatever the reason for their identification, more trans people means the increased likelihood that young trans people will have access to the idea of transness. Which means they might find the language to express who they are when they can make changes to accommodate, instead of at 31 like...some people I know.
And the really silly thing is that the “I had to suffer, so should everyone else” is applied to even the most insignificant and unimportant things- like parents parking “I had to haul my children across car parks 10 miles long! I didn’t have those fancy shmancy car parks with extra room right at the front!”
Seriously, I’ve seen that exact argument. We should be happy that things are being made better, and not it’s on people who had no hand in our suffering anyway. It’s not their fault things used to be harder. And it’s a good thing that things aren’t still that hard- regardless of what topic it is we’re talking about.
The worst thing about that is that I used to have this exact mindset of "I suffered from my homosexuality how dare you have it so easily" and I still have the reflexe of thinking like this when it comes to other people........ while I'm part of a LGBT+ association that fights for acceptance and wants people to have an easier time... Like the LGBTQ community is literaly about making the world easier for younger people yet we are enable to enjoy the progress with fought for... look at this paradox !
yes exactly! living in neoliberal capitalism makes us want to compete with each other instead of recognising we're in this together. the oppressors benefit from us fighting each other instead of fighting back against them
+++
I started my transition for the first time back in 2009/10 and I gave up after 8 months. I regret that so much now that I am 30 and just starting again. I'm glad the process is a little easier now. Because people shouldn't have to give up simply because it's so expensive and roadblocks are thrown up everywhere. I had to give it up because I became homeless. But that shouldn't have been the case. I shouldn't have had to go through 9 years of hating myself and not looking in mirrors and being suicidal on a biweekly basis just because I thought I'd never be woman enough to transition. Cos my head is too big and the doctor keeps doubting me cos my voice isn't femme enough or I'm not wearing enough makeup on the day that I go to see him.
It's still hard now to transition here in the UK. But not nearly as hard as a decade ago. And that's a GOOD thing. Because if you need to, or even want to, transition. You should be able to. For your own health and wellbeing.
I'll probably never look as good as Mia. Because I'm starting over at 30. Nobody should miss that chance like I did.
That's unfortunate. Homelessness is awful. Your parents are conservative? They tossed you out for their lack of understanding?
@@XenaBe25 I grew up in care. I was homeless from the age of 16 and for much of my life between then and 23 or so.
You have endured some rough breaks. I hope you never have to again. X
I have yearned to be female for fifty years. I am elated that awareness and understanding is finally increasing, for humans of all ages. I have outed myself slowly over the past couple of years, although a few friends were aware thirty years ago. Society and I have conditioned myself into the male role for so long now, that I barely know if I want to change or not. I have a dream of upping sticks and heading to Brighton to give it a go. I'm a non-conformist hippy tom-boy that can't be arsed with make-up and wigs. Although, I may have to compromise on this, I guess. Pragmaticly, survival necessitates being adaptive. And my coping mechanisms (rink & rugs) have thrashed my carcass and cranial contents to within a missing hair's breadth of my own extinction. Move towns, find a home (on a tight budget), and a job (eeuuwww!), and attempt transition!? That could require balls of steal! Ahem. Brighton's magnetism is pulling me closer! :-D M xXx
I honestly laugh a lil when I get called a "trans trender"... The irony is so lip smackingly delicious. Mostly cause it tends to come at me from early transition males, many barely out of their teens. They see my young face and nb identity and think I'm some trender, without knowin I'm 27 and I've been living as male since 19 and on T since 24. And it wasn't until 6 years into transition that I adopted the terms nb and queer due to finally understanding/accepting my own gender/sexual ambiguity. I firmly opt out of surgery, but enthusiastically take my hrt weekly. I wear male clothes, but make little attempt to hide my breasts. I'm just me. It took forever to figure it out, and trust me when I say it isn't a trendy phase but the culmination of almost 25 years of self discovery.
oh wow, I just realized that the guest voice is actually Abigail from philosophy tube.
these lines about "I´m not convinced you are entirely sure yet" are especially poignient now, considering her own transition in the meantime
There's something to be said about the number of trans women who are really "traditional" trans women who want nothing more than to be accepted as a normative women but are making themselves visibly trans on the internet for the sole reason of educating us normies. I think that's commendable and something a lot of the "audience" just doesn't get that its a sacrifice in a way.
Please remember that older generations are the reason younger ones get to have it easier. You saved people, you helped pave a way by existing alone. Love your videos.
This way of thinking is obscenely prevalent in a lot of transmasculine circles, and it honestly makes me want to step away from the community sometimes. Sure, seeing another trans person “having it easier” can absolutely feel invalidating- I’ve definitely get that before. It’s not fair that some of us go through shit that others might never have to. But that’s never an excuse to punch down at fellow trans people. You’re absolutely right- pain is subjective, and on some level I think we all share the same hurt. But even if someone doesn’t, I’d say that’s a wonderful marker that the world is beginning to change. As a community, though, I think we really need to practice more love and support of everyone of trans experience. We really need to work on punching up rather than down at each other.
But seriously wonderful video! Thank you for expressing everything you did, and I hope you get through the break in HRT as safely and positively as possible!
I started trying to access transition in... god, like 2004ish here in Australia. I... was not lucky. I was too fat, too disabled, too bisexual. I was denied medical transition. For a decade or more. I nearly didn't survive, honestly. And.. yeah, I definitely find myself feeling that feeling (because it's a feeling, not a value, not a belief) of "they don't know what it was like, they don't know how we suffered". And it took me a while to figure out exactly what was happening behind that feeling for me. And eventually I figured it out. It was "but if they don't suffer like I did, then that means I suffered for nothing".
And that's why it's such a deep, sad, hard feeling. Because when we see people not going through what we had to, when we KNOW that it's good they don't suffer like we did, we are GLAD that they don't have to go through what we did - we find ourselves wondering "why do I feel this way, why aren't I just happy for them?". But we are. We are. The struggle comes from the subconscious knowledge (and hopefully eventually conscious knowledge) that.... we suffered for nothing.
We shouldn't have had to go through what we did. We suffered for nothing and the world shouldn't have done that to us.
Thanks for sharing. That moved me. Felt like the cynicism of witnessing something better right there in front of you, but which has still not been available for you.
The urge towards medical validation is understandable but dangerous. Giving clinicians final say on who is or is not trans opens up the possibility for trans people to be formally marginalised as ill, rather than just de facto. It also allows the clinician to revoke an intrinsic part of the self if they deem it unconvincing. Unconvincing!
I'm glad you used the gay comparison because we use to rely on it, but it became too othering and confining
@@nirgunawish yes but also systems with free healthcare deny trans people hormones bc they're gay or the wait lists are absolutely unreasonable (I live in the uk, my local gender clinic is 6 years to first appointment and then 3 years of therapy before hormones and then once ur on hormones for 6 months u can be referred for surgery which is another 3 years and expecting people to wait that long for life changing medical care is yikes)
@@nirgunawish and transmedicalists often say u arent trans till u get treatment which, again, takes over a decade here so till then u cant be trans?
The following is more a public journal entry than anything else, a way for me to process my emotions...
People often don’t know how good they have it until they lose it. It’s also easy to become jealous of others who have made it further than you have from a younger age.
I’ll be 25 this year. I’ve lived as a male my whole life. If I had been more aware of gender variance from an earlier age, maybe I would have transitioned by now.
When I look back, I see countless examples of my desire to be feminine. I’ve never wanted to be masculine. The idea of it repulsed me. I assumed that I was just a non-manly person. I didn’t know what a transgender person was until I was about 18.
By the end of March 2020, I was fully experiencing gender dysphoria. The person I saw in the mirror wasn’t me. At the time, I still didn’t know much about gender and I had not yet heard of gender dysphoria. Because of previous trauma, I made the logical assumption that I had multiple personalities. So, I made this channel, posted a few videos, and moved on with life.
As I learned more about dissociative identity disorder (multiple personalities; DID for short), I came to realize that the “other personalities” were just parts of my personality dissociated from the whole. I learned to dissociate rather than accept the idea that I might be the one experiencing the dysphoria.
When I look back at how I felt about certain things, it’s obvious that I wasn’t really a guy on the inside. I just didn’t know. I was blind to the signs. It feels like it’s too late to transition now. I’m stuck in a body I can’t meaningfully change, and I’ll never be a real woman.
If it’s not clear by now, I’ve subconsciously wanted to be a woman most of my life, but I only really understood that idea less than a year ago. There are three personalities: ****** (the one assigned at birth) Simon (the part of me that can turn off my emotions and respond to trauma effectively), and Olivia (the hidden part of me that I fear will never be seen by others).
I don’t mind if other people read this, but it was mainly written for me to process what I’ve been thinking about recently. Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a better day than I.
Thank you for sharing. All the best to you. And it's certainly not too late.
Definitely is not too late for you dear Olivia!! You just have to decide to take the first step and start living your life as you wish. Dress the way you like, use the pronouns you feel comfortable with and let the rest know so that you can one day be Olivia everywhere.
I started my transition at the age of 24. I was the most tormented and insecure person you can imagine, the opinion and gaze of others hurt me as if they were poisoned daggers. My whole existence was an unbearable ordeal (a very very severe dysphoria).
It was difficult, a long and painful road, but today at 31 years old I'm proud of the woman I have become. Prejudices, evil and other people's opinions no longer affect me, heterosexual men have fallen in love with me, I have loved them in return and I've been capable of experienced sex as a woman for the first time in my life. Things I never thought I could ever experience. I just needed to take the first step.
Currently my best friend began her transition not long ago, at the age of 27, and she found a job, she moved and every day she becomes more and more beautiful (lucky bitch). I have supported her a lot and part of her family too. It was not easy for her but the important thing is that she decided to take the first step and begin her journey as well.
Maybe what I say will not be of much use, but I really hope that you have changed your mind in these months and can start to walk your own path. Sometimes it may seem impossible... Today things are not easy for me, especially with my depression... But if you start to move, believe me dear, you will be surprised at what you are capable of achieve if you put your mind to it.
I send you all my love and support ♥️
[CN: Interphobia, genital mutilation] The video should have at least brushed upon how Hirschfeld initially gained medical recognition for mutilating intersex people and that his work is still used as a justification today to mutilate intersex babies. As it stands this video paints Hirschfeld as some kind of hero, while his true legacy is a lot more complicated.
Hey, I'm trying to find out more about this, but haven't been able to find any sources confirming his work with intersex people. I did find some suuuuper troubling stuff about his belief in eugenic theory, but the only mentions of surgery I've seen were in reference to the gender confirmation ones he did. Could you point me toward where I could learn more about his views and actions toward intersex people?
I don't know about you, Mia, but I as a Swedish trans woman has felt the trans care here has actually gotten *worse* since 2013. Since the law changed, the demand has skyrocket, but the amount of resources have stayed the same, which means that waiting times and evaluation times have grown exponentially
It really depends on which clinic you're at. Some remain crap, but stockholm has modernized a little bit. But I totally see where you're coming from, my clinic in uppsala is still just as crap as in 2012.
I'm bingewatching your videos, and you're quickly becoming one of my favorite breadtubers
Welcome aboard!
I wish I lived in a world where many of my friends and I have not experienced homelessness after coming out. It's painful enough to exist like this in society, but fucking hell familial rejection really is the biggest slap to the face.
That's one reason I haven't started trying to access transition resources. That and general anti-trans discrimination. It terrifies me.
mia, i can't even begin to say how much i appreciate this video. this was amazingly influential and positive and well-spoken. thank you so much for making this video :)
(also... seat belt gang)
I'm 54. I was scared off of being trans by seeing a picture of what post surgery looked like, and having a reaction, "That's not right," as it didn't look like the proper vagina even a little. And for years I let that be the case, only coming out last year at 53. Do I envy the younger generation who have it easier? Yeah, in a way. But it is outweighed by happiness they can be who they are. Selfishly, it also allows society to see me as I am. My younger kid (17) is trans as well--he came out first--and he looked at the male surgery and said, "That's not right." And it isn't. I hope the male surgeries get better soon. My kid envies my ability to simply transition now... even though it took so long. I don't know how to make it better for him.
If it's any consolation, cis women often also feel shame for their vaginas . It usually is connected to the size of the clitoris . You can find articles on this through a quick search. Cis men also are insecure about their penises , be it size or shape. Now, trans people may have functionality concerns and not just aesthetic ones when evaluating the results of surgery, but my point is , body self appraisal is something that many people struggle with . Sending love to my trans co-humans
I am trans masc too, and on T for almost 3 years. But opted against surgery for a few reasons. Cost, risks, results and general fear of being put under. But if it helps, please remind him how many cis men have a chest. I mean many older guys, ex body builders, low T, heavy dudes, intersex male passing, and prostate/testicular cancer survivors. Workin retail I noticed it was as much as 1/5 men with breasts. As for bottom surgery, it has come soo far in recent years but is still a real crap shoot. I can't help but jokingly call some of the hack jobs "Franken peeny" (if only to lessen the heart break for that guy).
I'm 19, and most of the stuff you went though at my age, I went through at just about the same time... I was 13.. Still trying to wiggle my way into modern life, but the area i live in... Well... It's utter shit. "I'm not sure you're ready" ive heard that for 4 years, every month. Up until about 6 months ago, (where I ended up being so hopeless I joined the us Army, yes just after that ban, I got out quick because I didn't realize what the fuck i had gotten myself into) where I was homeless 2 weeks after i turned 18 because of the mindset of people here, and actually (FINALLY!) Got even the option to start my transition... Oh for young people, they didn't give a single shit, (fun fact, I was put in a mental hospital at 14, gonna let that sink in, because my father thought I was a psychopath for being trans. And that happened 6 times. Oh if I didn't have a mental illness then, i sure as shit do now, mmm.. Gotta love that hopeless depression). The moral of the story, some places really really just aren't progressive at all, and the people worse, even if they're in "the greatest country" (yeah, fuck off america, this isn't ww2, it's been how long and youre still doing the SAME shit.)
It reminds me of gang initiations. Where the shared traumatic suffering creates an ingroup.
Having gone through the abuse and trauma of the "Diagnostic proces" and being bounced several times before getting through, I can certainly say that I experienced the whole proces as something akin to rape. Where someone is in a position of power over you and callously abuses that power and causes you unceasing suffering. I don't use the term loosely, my own experience in that field (sexual assault) is probably why the experiences felt so similar to me.
Anyway. The group having suffered that particular trauma, that initiation, feels that those who haven't aren't entitled to their label or identity. They in turn having no clue about the trauma and suffering of the other group. Not to mention the fact that it is messed up to want other people to suffer as you did.
Combine that with the perception that the cause of these people harms your cause and you get a pretty fucked up mix of feelings and stakes. Makes the discourse personal and toxic. We are not arguing from reason. We are arguing from trauma.
Personally I Identify as a woman. Not as a transwoman, a woman. That's what I always wanted to be. That's what I am. That said, I fully support the struggle of non-binary and non-conforming people everywhere. My experience and needs are not their experiences and needs. When You start to argue whose suffering is more valid or more serious everyone loses. The only thing to do is to stand shoulder to shoulder and fight for all the things we need.
My friend and I were discussing the idea that there were 2+ types of dysphoria. One is the physical ("get these boobs *off me*"), another is social (pronouns, being seen as your gender by the people around you), and that the people who say they don't experience dysphoria actually experience the second type, but not the first. Also take into account the idea that gender euphoria is just the flip side of dysphoria, and can be placed under it as an umbrella term. Therefore, if you're more comfortable being seen as a different gender than your sex, you actually do experience dysphoria of sorts. This would mean that the vast (very vast) majority of trans people experience dysphoria (and/or euphoria).
(This might just be my way of explaining how a person can be trans without dysphoria in my head, but we thought it was an interesting perspective if nothing else)
Yeah, that tracks with my personal experience. Like, the exclusion from gender *euphoria* was a constant depressing force. A constant, low-grade dysphoria, as it were.
OLLIE IS HERE OMG
I remember explaining to my mom in 2011 that a "Transsexual" is someone in transition, and a "Transgender" is someone that has completed their "transition". Oh how times changed for the better IMO.
I'm a 47 year old trans woman who began transition about two years ago. A little less than a year ago, my then 14 year old son came out to me and began his transition immediately.
I'm thrilled for him that he had the love and support and knew himself well enough to set out to transition at such a young age.
The more I think about it, the more I feel that my dysphoria isn't some natural part of me, but a way of looking at myself through society's eyes. I don't have dysphoria because I am trans; I have dysphoria because I am ashamed that I don't fit society's standards of what a woman is. I think that trans people without dysphoria are just trans people who haven't internalized that shame. They accept themselves as their gender, regardless of how they look or how others view them.
Maybe I'm wrong though. I can't speak for other people.
Very interesting perspective. I also feel like I wouldn't have any dysphoria if I saw my body as a woman's body regardless of my appearance. Obviously, there isn't any way for me to test this though.
The thing that gave me the most dysphoria was my name. How dare people coerce me to be this gender I never consented to being. I felt immediate relief upon the legal changing of my name and that basically took care of it. As for the medical stuff, I honestly did it for shits and giggles and I'm happier now so hey. But if I lived in a society where any body can be any gender, I'd be thrilled.
one exercise i find interesting is: Imagine all the cis people went on vacations along with the transmeds. You're walking around town with only inclusive trans people about. What changes in how you feel?
This is a hugely problematic view to have. It supports every transphobes opinion that we do not need transition.
We already know therapy does not cure being trans.
Why are you regurgitating conversion therapy talking points? With no opposition, as well.
Transitioning is not internalized self shame.
It’s freedom, and allowing me to finally feel like myself. I’m not transitioning for society, and people who don’t understand that really do not understand trans people.
Also, those “trans people” who have no dysphoria and accept their bodies do so because they’re cis.
I don’t think you realize that you’re saying that trans people should be like cis people and accept themselves. Really really tone deaf imo.
Hi Mia
I am an MtF Aussie, only 20 months on HRT. Your story is so sad because you have been deprived so unfairly. Your story brought tears to my eyes. I hope things improve for you. You are beuatifull.
Ashleigh 💖
I am 3 months on HRT..:)
Ellie Beats Now your a whole year , how is it
just came here from the philosophy tube coming out video. good shit
it feels like a rare occasion to watch a video on transphobia and feel affirmed by the end of it. Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective.
You made great points, and I hope the people who need it the most hear them and get a bit of the warmth you shared.
When I realized things the first time, just reading about the requirements for transition and a name change scared me so much, that I decided that I just cannot be trans. Took me 19 years to get to a point where I didn't care anymore, and 7 months ago I started to transition, scared nothing had changed, since not transitioning was not an option I would have survived long anymore.
Wierd thing is, as I started to actually process this stuff I realized that most likely I never had that choice, since everything points towards me being sterile anyway.
Yes, things have definitely improved in the last 10 years, but in my opinion we're still far away from how things should be, and I hope over time we can work towards making things even easier, and I look forward to being able to shock people transitioning in 10 years with the tale of my name change (currently ongoing), or how I had to DIY for 6 months, to survive and keep my job, before I will hopefully get my hormones officially (1½ months to go).
I have 19 years of suffering, of telling myself I'm a cis dude, even though I knew deep down that I'm just not, to look back on. I think the what would have happened had I transitioned back then, with 18, instead of now, but I realize that since while I've always been sure that I'm not a man, the realization that I'm a woman was something that needed to grow, and back then, I doubt that would have been possible.
Love your videos.
Wonderful video! Trans experience is so removed from my cis experience and I’ve learned a lot thanks to videos like this. Personally, I identify with the discussion around subjectivity in mental illness. Being diagnosed with ADHD at age 36 has been interesting. Its definitely impacted my ability to function in society (so... a disorder), but on the other hand, to hell with society for pathologizing me based on it’s expectations. Shit, most of my mental health issues are a conflict between how I need to live my life to maximize my own happiness, and the necessities of living in a neoliberal late-capitalist “utopia”.
Phillip Metzger I’m from the rural south and I’m a straight white cisgender male, and yeah it’s taken me doing research to try and understand this stuff, what I do understand though is that feeling of ostracism by society, as I’ve been ostracized because of my atheism and my need for medical marijuana, two things i can’t control, (but i can hide it and not every trans person can hide they are trans, so I know it’s a different level), just like trans people can’t control if they are trans. Until recently I used to live my life without access to the medication I need, and even fear of jail if I got caught with it when I could get it. So trans people being denied hormones is also something I can kind of understand their feelings on, when you know you need something, and you can’t get it because of stupid laws, it’s frustrating, it’s dehumanizing, it’s also dehumanizing to have doctors treat me like drug addict over it and being skeptical of me, despite my obviously very poor health.
I still have a lot of stuff i don’t know or
understand about this whole issue, and questions about things, concerns and stuff, but I feel it’s best to let the trans community answer and sort this stuff and just support the position they come to in the community and support the community, I know whatever answer I try to come up with will probably be wrong since I don’t understand the trans experience. Overall my view is to let people to live as they wish as long as they don’t harm, exploit, or dehumanize others.
P.S. fuck capitalism.
PS PS my state got medical marijuana finally and it was extremely easy for me to get
my medical card because of how sick i am, so I’m finally free and don’t have to fear jail any more, the only problem I have is the stuff at the dispensary is way too expensive, and insurance won’t cover it. When I got my card I cried and jumped around my house yelling I’m free! Then I quickly went and laid down because my back started hurting because I caused a kidney stone to move lol. Went 4 hours the next day just to get to the dispensary, and spent 400$ on 10 days worth of medicine (sigh)
You hit my heart with memories. My own transition story follows along the lines of yours. I've watched people go through hormones and surgery while I was waiting around trying to strike connections to make it happen. It's not fair for anyone's personal story to add on any additional struggles beyond the current world or rather certain societies. The major difference I feel in my own life is I'm a nonbinary person who had to conform and hide when the laws and policies around being transgender and going through with medical transition in my region was stricter and very binary centric. I also did the starting phase in the early 2010 decade and was formally diagnosed. I hope through my whole journey I can be as "daddy" wants me to be.
I started transition at 50. I LOVE your intellingence and am happy you have the best part of your life in front of you...
Best historian on UA-cam
I dunno, I think there's this tristan person? Seems like a big deal that's way better at history
@@MiaMulder Nice try, but he's never been able to link his own painful experiences and vulnerably craft it into a message of hope AND a history lesson.
👏MORE👏DIRECT👏HISTORY👏EXAMINATIONS👏ARE👏VALID👏
super well done, thank u for this. i especially appreciate the empathy and compassion you have for others that really shines through all aspects of this video. there’s a deep love for others and sensitivity that stitches together the whole piece in a way that really touched me. i’m a nonbinary trans person who doesn’t experience too much in the way of gender dysphoria (although i have a ton of body issues outside of that), and this really helped me put myself emotionally in the shoes of people who might disagree with me. i’m glad that because of this video in particular i can now meet those arguments from a place of compassion instead of assuming the worst. thank you.
❤️ much love and support to you through your health stuff. you’re great.
"The inability to let go of your past and be happy for those who don't have to struggle in the same way." So profound an insight. Of course I have seen this in my own transition, and have also been guilty of it while struggling to become less exclusionary while dealing with survivors guilt. I have also seen this among Veterans (US context) which I work among and belong. Vietnam Vets suffered, suffered horribly, and fought to change that in our society and yet it is extremely common for Vietnam Veterans to sneer at the younger generation all while suicides remain the second highest among any demographic save trans people. Dealing with our own trauma while not traumatizing the younger is a terrible part of being human.
That "you'll be right as rain" accent was incredible.
This was beautiful! Thank you for opening my eyes and sharing such personal experiences! It must have been such a difficult thing to do! Thank you 😊
The position Im in at the moment is basically one i never imagined existed when i started transitioning - people around me know I am trans and still respect me, I haven't done everything I felt that I had to do to be "fully transitioned"
And I'm totally fine.
The only people I heard about at first would have told me my current scenario would be painful and incomplete when it's mainly not
I sincerely hope your medical adventure comes out okay and you're able to get what you need.
I’ve avoided watching this until today bc I’ve been a bit fragile around trans-related issues this past month and I knew this one would make me emo. just finished watching and I am indeed rather teary but this really is one of the most intellectual vids on here tbh
Just now watching this in 2021 and had no idea Abby was in this; a wonderful treat :) even if she’s the bad guy
Your lipstick is on point. I particularly love the vivid pink and red
I started to get to know my grandpa more recently and older generations will be stuck in the past in some way due to their struggles. He went through some pretty hard things that I never understood when I was younger. Me and my mom were both surprised how easy it was to get hormones. There are some things I’m still worried about but mostly is just normal medical stuff like correct dosages but I’m really worried about telling my dad about hrt. He kind of ignored my coming out originally but he has a lot of right wing views and this is a bigger change than what I’ve done before. I took 2 years thinking about hrt and I watched a lot of videos about it. Seeing trans people live normally and sharing both good and bad stories about their experiences helps me feel better about doing it myself. I actually just started hrt yesterday and I was more concerned with using the needles properly than anything about the medication itself since I started learning about it. I have a big family so I don’t really care as much as others about infertility. Helping take care of my niece is enough for me. I can definitely see how people would be heartbroken to give up the option to have a child themselves. My life experiences have made me think adoption would be better for me if I want a child anyway but there is something special about being blood related has and it’s all the family history you can look through. People will form bonds just by being around each other though and they can become just as strong. I think people just need love and hope but it won’t prevent suffering that life brings. It makes it possible to get past it.
Hey Mia, yesterday I noticed your channel for the first time and today I am watching the first video and I am really enjoying the content. I am definetly not going to make the "swedish contrapoints" statement as I am sure you have heard that one a thousand times by now. I am currently studying at swedens oldest university (Greifswald) and I am actually involved in a project to teach school children more about sex ed and as a part of that we as a group are trying to host a discussion on 31.3. and I feel like this video has given me, a mostly cis bi guy a really great understanding that many other videos so far have not. Coming from a rural area, that coincedentally has also once been swedish, damned imperalists, I think this is such an interesting topic and it is quite sad to me that I am learning all of this by myself in my midtwenties, because I choose to and not because it is taught in school or anything.
Anyway, tldr: great content, thanks for the video. Swedish Contrapoints.
I just found your UA-cam channel and the only regret I have is that why didn't I find it sooner. You're absolutely stunning btw. Godspeed.
Put into words something I've thought about for a while, and from a really positive perspective. Thank you
This video is bittersweet comfort for me. On one hand, I'm reminded of multiple conversations I've had with my mom on this subject, which is not fun, but on the other, I feel more comfortable with my own identity which is quite fragile right now.
Thank you so much for being so frank and honest with your experiences. I'm sorry that I didn't find your UA-cam channel sooner, because I could have used this 5 years ago when I first learned what you did when you started transition. And I live in the US! My understanding of transgender was stuck in the 1980's until then and I tried to come out then. That didn't go well. Now, 5 years later, your story had a lot in common with mine, so when you had the really emotional moments toward the last 1/3 of the video, I kept hearing my inner narrative from not too long ago. Thank you! It feels good to know my experience isn't a freak occurrence.
Thank you! So glad I found your videos, especially right now in my life.
You are so welcome! I'm glad you like them ^^
Mia, you helped me transition/affirm/claim my true self --- I am non-binary. I found comfort in your story even though we inhabit different gender categories. Thank you!
Happy that you're true to yourself
Before I go cry myself to sleep (in a good way, this was a fantastic video);
I just wanted to say thank you and wanted to also add that In addition to the option of "letting go and learning to be happy", there is also the option of using that past experience as a catalyst/fuel/knowledge for fighting the things that still hold us back as a society (laws, public perception, etc). Even if things are better now, theres still more to do and that past experience is invaluable and should not be discounted in any way in the struggle to fix things. That's obviously not a requirement that someone do that, they deserve to live their life how they want.
I just gave myself a hug after watching this video, thank you for some positive reassurance for a transperson like me who needs some encouragement to take steps and come out
I can totally relate to this. I came out as trans in 2016 and started HRT in 2018 and most of what caused my suffering is having an unsupportive family. I got on HRT much easier than I ever expected so what makes me feel like shit is when I see other trans people with supportive families and I'm like "you have it so good!!"
this has made me better understand the kind of faulty but very human reasoning transmeds have, i mean they're still wrong but i no longer see them solely mindless cruel monsters who pick on the less privileged/ fortunate/ conforming people in their own community, kind of humanized them without really excusing there actions.
'This was the advice I was given, and that was only 10 years ago'
Depending on where you are when you figure out you are trans, it's quite possible this is going to be the advice you're given now too. I can think of some threads on certain image boards that still largely push this harmful advice onto newly cracked trans people. Those boards were where I was used to spending time, and so when I started looking for trans people to talk to they were the first place I looked. I got out of that toxic mess but it's sad to think so many don't, and go on to internalise and then continue perpetrating these ideas.
It is given in Poland where I live right now for a example. Poland is a hell Scape for a trans people in Europe basically
"The first trans person I ever met was me..." Lol, same here.
39:02 "society thinks that anyone who transitions is a bit of a weirdo anyway"
dang that's almost validating in a twisted way. I've been thinking a lot abt the social capital that you lose/gain/trade when you commit to transitioning. Internalized judgement and overthinking the implications are what's really been keeping me from committing to it, and I was lowkey planning on some form of "deep stealth" before I learnt of the term in this video/comments. So thinking of, say, the act of coming out - as opposed to a given phase of transitioning, or even the potential stage of passing - as the real switch that puts the social capital transformation in motion is really helpful to me right now. It's close to saying that once the coming out is complete, the damage is done and the hardest part is behind you (which incidentally is the case only because of where I currently live, transitioning in my home country would be a similar hell to the one you went through)
Thank you Mia, I feel much the same way you do - i just got on hormones at the age of 25... I came out outside of the web sphere and started pursuing my transition when I was 20. So when I see people in other parts of the world - or who can afford going to private psychiatrists (sadly where I am, in Italy, that’s just how the public healthcare works and I don’t think it has improved much) getting the ‘mones in a matter of a year, or even a few months, there /is/ a part of me that feels resentful. “You didn’t suffer like I did” I think is a good way to describe it. The difference between me and transmeds is that I quickly dismiss that as a gut reaction instead of building a cards castle of pseudoscience rationalisations on top of that already shaky ground.
Also just as an anecdote, in spite of being a binary “transsexual” myself I’ve had more than one transmed call me a “trender” for stupid stuff like having long hair, or wearing skinny jeans... and they used those things to build the assumption that I don’t have dysphoria- when they have no way to know that, in fact, I do. I would feel pity for them and their obvious suffering if it wasn’t that they use it in such a callous and ill intentioned way, even towards other “transsexuals” who don’t follow the super strict gender roles that cis/heteronormative society forces on people. The biggest fallacy in their argument imo is that you can’t read minds, you can’t know what other people go through... so they base the entire idea of who has dysphoria and who doesn’t on completely arbitrary standards.
The idea that homosexuality and womanliness are the same thing bewilders me. Like, if two gay men are both, in some way, "a woman", and that womanliness manifests in a direct need to *be* a woman ... then don't you have two gay women? Which I guess presumably makes them "men"? Which I guess makes them two gay men again?
I think we're actually the same age and have a SUPER similar timeline; I started coming out in 2012, and I had no representation either...in 2015, I faced that same question (kids or transition) and I chose kids for a long time. I didn't start hormones until 2017, after finally being able to preserve my fertility. But those 5 years SUCKED and were filled with turmoil, and now, 2ish years after starting HRT, I have a ton of regret about not transitioning sooner.
I feel so much envy for the younger generation of trans folks who get to transition as teens/don't have to go through puberty 1.0, but also like...hopeful. It's complicated.
Anyhoo, thank you so much for sharing this. I feel much less alone. Yay commiserating comrades
Two years into my transition and your videos are changing my life, my view of myself and of the world. Grateful for you, your unique perspective and your truth.
I paused this video partway through to think about how the experiences and suffering of those who came before differ from my own, then you said it yourself in this video. Each of our struggles are different, but they are no less valid; similarly, a lack of struggle does not make one's identity invalid.
For me, I struggled with "allowing" myself to call myself trans, partly because of all of the transmedicalism and gatekeeping. It wasn't until after I "allowed" myself to be nonbinary for a bit that I even realized I had dysphoria because I felt like I wasn't allowed to examine those feelings, due in no small part to my already present imposter syndrome.
All that being said, if a 14 year old is able to get on puberty blockers and figure themselves out by the time they're old enough to start hrt and have as smooth a transition as possible, good. I'm glad. That's the goal.
A wonderful video. Twenty-some years ago I had a partner who informed me they needed to transition. She left, disappeared, and went "stealth". It always saddened me that she felt I, or her other friends, would have been a detriment to her new life. Today, I am so happy that these discussions are happening, and people can slowly come out of shadows and proclaim who they are. Thank you.
THIS VIDEO SLAPS THANK YOU FOR ARTICULATING THIS SO BRILLIANTLY
Watching this video made me want to give you a hug so bad. I can’t even imagine what you’ve gone through. I’m sorry you had to go through it. I know that’s not enough but it’s all I have to give. I’m so thankful for you making this content to not only help other trans people but to help others hopefully be better informed to be better allies.
This means a lot to me, because I struggle with feeling like I’m being trans in the “right way” and this reminded me that there is no right way, we’re all different and that’s okay.
The last part of this video really gets me, because I feel similarily sometimes. I am 23. I am nonbinary. I have partially socially transitioned, but not medically at all, tho I definetly want hrt. The only reason I haven't aleady started diy hrt is because I do not have the money. So when I see younger trans ppl who are far more advanced in their transition or trans people who do not need/want hrt I am envious of them and there are these small moments where my brain goes "you don't deserve this when I can't get it". Obviously that is wrong. This is one of the reasons I hate truscum so much. I sometimes am a bit of a truscum even tho I do not want to be, but I catch myself every time and just stop, because it's bullshit. Because I know for a fact that most truscum do not think I deserve hrt either, because I do not have strong body dysphoria. Hrt would be mainy for relieving social dysphoria for me.
I think you deserve it.👍
Do research it, though. I'm operating with female kit, and I was told testosterone could raise my ovarian cancer risk.
(TBH I'm extremely attached to my hair, and I fear losing hair, too.)
Know your risks, your source, and I wish you the best.
@@grmpEqweer Hey, thanks for the comment. propaply won't do diy. too risky for me. I think I can wait a few years till I can access it through the proper channels
I wish I had been brave enough to transition back in 2012, but like you describe in the video there was no community at the time. All I had were my insecurities and shame which I would continually bury deep down and discuss with no one because I was scared of being ridiculed and ostracized for expressing them.
Dear Mia, this is this first video I've seen of yours and I found it incredibly thoughtful, honest and humane.
I'm not Trans myself but it's something which has become increasingly important to have an awareness of for the sake of the people close to me, the people I love.
I was initially quite perplexed by the endless petty and super-counterproductive infighting which seems to grow out of internet culture along with the obvious benefits.
There are many questions I'd love to ask you but that seems intrusive and impertinent - suffice to say you've helped me work my own head out a bit and it's nice when someone can cut through all the territorial pissing and the "my pain is bigger than your pain" shit that seems to inform so much of the so called discourse in this and many other more modern avenues of inquiry into being and identity. Keep up the awesome work. I don't have much in the way of money but I'm happy to chuck what I can toward your Patreon.
All the best from Sydney, Australia :3
Never thought I could feel so empathetic towards transmedicalists. Okay, this is not at all meant to call out anyone, but this video makes me think so much of the "cycle of abuse", and I mean that in the most empathic way possible. Braking it is incredibly hard, but it can be done. Stay strong friends, I believe in you
You wonderful person you. This entire vid was a rollercoaster of emotions. Making me laugh while i'm still drying my eyes from the prior section that brought me tears. Not to forget the lewd segments that just made everything worse.
More on topic though, I don't want to have to carry a label, I don't want to have to present a set of terminology to explain to people who I am or why I am. I am me, full stop. If you want to know who I am, get to know me. I have no intention of hurting anybody, say "Hi", reach out. Get to know the people around you by putting in effort, not read from a sheet of characteristics, terms or attributes.
I'm so glad to see someone making a video on this topic. I would also like to add that trans people who are frustrated with the fact that other trans people have had it easier should instead channel that anger at our oppressors who are responsible for the way the system was(and still is) fucked.
I remained in denial for several years genuinely because I told myself that I couldn't be trans on account of not having suffered enough or in the same way and therefore didn't deserve to identify as such. I was finally disabused of that notion earlier this year and I feel like I've made more progress with myself in those months than I have in the past 10-20 years. I came out as non-binary at age 32 and there is still the feeling of regret over not realizing sooner, but it is completely eclipsed by the euphoria I feel daily as well as no longer hating who is staring back at me when I look into a mirror.
Suffering is such an insidious excuse for dominate groups to create these issues within marginalised groups. Every group that sees positive change then has people within the group that suffered under the dominate group for what is inherently no reason. But of course the dominate group is able to encourage infighting within the marginalised one to escape their real culpability. I really appreciate you making this video because I think it has the ability to be applied in some ways to lots of marginalised people. And I think it’s also really important to recognise these types of forced suffering (waiting for hormones etc) as not ‘medically necessary’ like they are presented but the pressure of the dominate group.
hi mia i just wanted to comment that, as a trans girl in her mid teens, i really look up to you in a way. i don’t think you’re the ideal woman and it would be crazy to try to be like that anyway, but… a lot of your own story reminds me of mine. i found out i was trans 3 years ago and i was forced to come out to my parents in march of 2022 which is when i started to form severe trust issues with them. i pretty much performed hyperfemininity online because i felt like i wasn’t female enough for my own family… and now 9 months on hrt i’m in the deepest pit of depression i’ve ever been in. so many things i’ve just bottled up are resurfacing and i’m completely dissociating from the life i’ve put together online and i keep worrying about detransition and being a lifelong medical patient and not being womanly enough for the world but. i find that your videos comfort me more than anything and i genuinely don’t know what i would do without them. i don’t think i “pass” and i’m scared i’ll never be able to just live life as a woman without the trans aspect just haunting me constantly but i know that there Are people like me who have endured the suffering and are in a much happier position, so… thank you mia for everything you’ve done. you saved a girl’s life.
this is something I learned from being poly and in relation to jealousy in that context but I think it's very applicable in relation to feeling bad about this gut reaction you can sometimes have when you've been through a Struggle that people don't have to go through anymore, which is basically just that feelings aren't bad, feelings aren't wrong to have necessarily, there are feelings that can lead to actions that are bad, but the feelings themselves are just feelings, and as long as you know that the actions those feelings might ask of you are bad and you don't actually do anything then you're not a bad person for just feeling something
You pose wonderful questions and self reflect in an incredibly approachable way. Thank you for your voice of curiosity and reason.
I've been really depressed the last few days, and I want you to know that "I suffer for my womanhood, EUGH" sent me into a laughing fit and I feel a little better now. Thank you :)