I decide what to get rid of by asking two questions in a particular order: Is this item useful by myself, my partner or a house guest? What's the likelihood that it'll be used or appreciated? I had to get over the fact that I needed more things than I wanted as we happily host out of town family quite a bit, and we have to make sure they can sleep and eat. The reason feels like Christmas. :) I really appreciated Ryan's response to Mikala. I appreciated TK's as well, but I urge you to encourage conversation around how people show value, as what you mentioned was "intolerable" is common with people with ADHD or those who struggle, even as adults, with object permanence! (As an adult with ADHD, minimalism has come to the rescue many a time, simply by giving me more bandwidth for what matters,)
My current technique is to keep Swedish Death Cleaning concepts in my mind. That's helping with trimming down those last few things that are not adding to my life. When it comes to furniture, my new rule is "Can I move it myself?" I'm so sick of heavy furniture and what it means for the spines of the future - both my own spine and the spines of those who have to lift these mammoth pieces in the future!
first threshold: If it makes me cry to not have it, it should stay. second threshold: I ask the question "Can I take a photo to remember it and then throw it away?"
I've played the Minimalism Game, the Packing Party (twice) and coupled with a lot of life experiences and moves (anticipating the movement of life as opposed to clinging to things) I am now just learning to not bring it in. That's the best way, right? **Hint: if you are downsizing repeatedly, that means more junk is creeping into your life, right? Reinforce the borders & gates! (I speak from experience, not preaching) We are interesting that way as humans...aesthetic and compiling resources is part of our unique Homo sapien standing, and a part of our modern-day psychologically-connected unhappiness. We are marketed to in our ancient mind....
To Makayla: Something that was not addressed is the reason you’re acquiring items for a future home of your own. It probably helps you get through this time period of living with your parents when you so badly want your independence. But it’s more practical to stop buying stuff and save your money at this time. You can’t pay a security deposit with pots and pans!
There was a purse my mom gave me a few years ago, that I sold and immediately regretted. My mom passed away recently and since then I have been searching for replicas online and finally found it! But quickly realized that I don't really want it or need it. And ultimately, I am holding onto a regret that I can't afford to hold space for. I can hold onto my life with her and not search for things to replace or relieve pain.
I also love the caller that said if you have something better or similar to keep then get rid of the rest. Exactly what I'm doing now. I'm not getting rid of everything, just the things that are excess.
Thank you for saying that part about his you wouldn't treat people like when they aren't around, if you don't think about them, don't care about them, like them, and wonder how they are, isn't love. I've literally had someone I loved tell me that is how they feel about me and it hurt me more than anything has in my life. I've had to let them go, declutter them from my mind and heart. And they still try to get back in my life when they are bored.
I love some of my stuff, but I am not loving it right. If I have to clear things away, to get to something, then put it all back after I put back the item I am done with, I clearly have too much stuff. I am watching this during a break in cleaning the bedroom and love every item I throw out. Every item gone is more freedom and more peace. I want to love the stuff I keep properly to the point that the things I "love" are easy to use, easy to store, and easy to take care off.
TK got me with the 'don't keep what you aren't fighting to use' currently having an internal battle about my cookbooks, I love having cookbooks but a lot of them I don't use, I just am plagued by the 'one day I may finally use this great cookbook all about salads' etc
Public library is a great place to donate cookbooks that are in good condition. They can put them on shelf for loan or sell for needed funds to buy other books.
Now listen, we can talk about having less clothes, having less paper junk, having less decoration… but please let me keep my cookbooks. I only have around 30 cookbokks, but they do “spark joy” whenever I look at them.
To deal with all that paper, I recommend that Sydney make a "Sunday box" to go through the papers bit by bit. There may be essential documents worth keeping, like ID certificates or medical records, so it's not as easy as just chucking them. However, it can be done. The problem is she is thinking it has to be done in one go - that's why it's overwhelming. A Sunday box is small box/tub/tray (think shoebox depth maximum) that she you put papers into through the week and sort through on your Sunday evening while watching your tv (like most people do on a Sunday evening). If she does this every Sunday (or whichever day works for her), even if she only sorts one Sunday box a week (ie 20 centimetres or 8 inches depth), she will get through TEN METRES (or 65 feet) high of papers in a year! That's like five tall people worth! I can't even imagine how much that would weigh, too. A room of papers is overwhelming. A shoe box is so much less overwhelming. It's a way to tackle while still having peace of mind that she sorted it properly. And then just never stop doing it - we always have papers coming into our lives, so this method will always have a use.
Very good idea to separate the important things, I would worry, however of falling into the rabbit hole with this..ensure that you set clear parameters over what's important. As the years have gone by, it's amazing to me to see what I wouldn't have dared deleted is now gone. My hard drive hit 200,000 unnamed scanned files this year, and rather than spend an entire year naming them, I deleted it. I know anything important that I have needed, I have pulled aside and renamed, so it was easy to find! Kind of like the basement statement: If it's hugely important and needed, why is it buried in my hard drive and impossible to find? JUST IN CASE?
15:00 ryan, pushing through the discomfort. This has been really painful and also helpful to me. I’m confronted that I have hoarding tendencies, how ingrained things are in me because of my upbringing, that I crave freedom from this. I have come to terms we will have no more babies and let go of our baby things ( this was so painful as I would have loved to have another child but due to health issues I can’t) And many other things about myself. I am glad I have gone through the pain because I have learnt about myself.
I don't know if you noticed this Josh, but when TK speaks, you turn to Ryan to talk, instead of turning to TK. I think the dynamic hasn't quite changed yet to fit a third person in. Maybe if both of you try ask TK questions after he speaks, rather than speaking between yourselves it might flow better?
I used to posess my stuff - such as concert stubs/ event lanyards/ watches that don't function anymore / nits and grits of things which are junk - i always felt a sentimental value in such tangible disposable things which should make way for space but yet i cling on to it because of the memories attached to them, holding on to the stuff only creates more fear of letting them go, because a part of me goes along with the stuff i couldnt let go, but hey is just stuff, let it go. non-attachment to memorable stuff would lead to less suffering?
"Just in case" : U nailed it again🙃 "One Day or Day 1..".Hammering wisdom. "Handle internal cutter 1st, before your external work out. Push through discomfort to learn a lot. " With Ryan we Hammer down our inner and outer walls.
The First Lady introduced her question, she said she was living w/ her parents till she was financially able to afford a house but had all those containers of stuff- maybe purchasing all that “stuff” is part of what is keeping her from being able to purchase a house?
I'm going to move next month, I have less things to move when the time comes. I'm glad I started decluttering 6 months ago, you don't realize how much junk you have until you start going through it.
This awareness while vital for me is really stirring up a number of important questions and issues in my life that I was unaware of previously. To give up my someday soon things I buy and possess is to give up the hope that that life is coming and will be mine. These things represent my hope, my plans, my changes and my personal redemption story. Right or wrong this is why I defend them. No one knows including me my future and I need to believe that better, brighter, BIGGER days are ahead and this is essential for me to remain sober and strong even if these things never materialize. Thank you for the clarity and knowledge and encouragement. Love you guys
If I love something that's mine, I will devote the time to care for it - clean it, dust it, maintain it generall and admire it all the rest of the time....or it goes.
Thanks for this video!!! Made me reflect on how far I have come. I’m so much happier without the junk, the clutter. Since having kids there’s nothing more important to me then time with them- less stuff has meant more time.
I found a home for a bunch of things I didn't use and am finally able to figure out my synthesizer right with my phrase pad. Happy now! Found a real pair of hiking shoes that fit right! 👍
As English is my third language almost. Im also facing difficulties to write professional emails etc, now thinking that the course might be as well useful to me. But what I notice as Josh correctly said, the problem is that we write the way we talk. And I can say some books I started to read from the professional speakers are unreadable for me, because they written same way as they used to talk, which makes it uninteresting and difficult for reading. Now I know why I couldn’t finish my books
I dont agree with the answers to the first question, because it is a different situation to collect things for when you move out. You do need some things in the future that you dont need right now, but take a hold of these things, you probably dont need 50 boxes, so my advice would be to look at ALL the things and decide from there, what do you really like and what is a fantasy future😊
At the moment it’s ‘is this helping me become the person I want to be? Is this contributing towards my future or holding too tightly to my past?’ Thanks
Dang...such a good question!!!!!!!! I'm holding onto items for my daughter for her next step..(currently living in a womens transition home)....the crap is coming out of the closets and my ears...my adult sons legos too LOL
I find the rule very useful...csrcond bestvafter no Piles rule! In factcI discoverrd a lot of old EMPTY PAPER BOXES kept "Justi n case" (to return the item tocsell the item... or forcipothetical other items )... Thats agood rule tocreciclr them in the paper recicle... Thank you!
I get the prize of the best Stufferiter this November. But because in October I decided not to celebrate xmas, the title is up for competition in December. Who's next to be awarded? :))
Look, always look - there's always rubbish to get rid of first. Broken things, old containers, packaging, damaged stuff, torn stuff, squashed stuff. No decisions necessary - put it in the bin. Keep going. There's always more, you'll be surprised. And then use the visibility rule - What spot do you see every day that bothers you? Get rid of the junk in that space. Donate donate donate, or use it up if you want to keep it. Spend five minutes every day - make it a habit. Stop after five minutes so you don't exhaust yourself. Always start in the same place. Once you are in the habit, do a morning five minutes and and afternoon five minutes. Pretty soon that space will only need 30 secs to clean. Then you can go to the next most visible space, spend 4 mins 30 secs on that spot. Repeat, every day, keep going. If you've got a lot, you need to be gradual and pace yourself. Progress, a little bit, every day, even if it's just taking one bag of rubbish to the bin and one bag of donations to the car to be donated. Don't spend 5 hours one day, be exhausted the next day and then do nothing for a month. Better to be consistent. Take before and after photos. You'll be amazed.
I've tried every method out there without success .. the only thing that is working for me is this .. I have a four foot folding table I set up in my bedroom. I didn't think I had room for it but surprisingly it fits perfect in the spot I have it. I call it The Sorting Table, with two tall bins underneath I put huge labels Trash & Donations, plus a smaller cardboard box for iffy stuff labeled Use-it or Lose-it. I put my swivel armless desk chair next to it. On one corner I placed my small TV to keep me company. When my favorite shows come on I will put a box or pile of stuff to be sorted on the table and slowly pick up each item, make a decision and put it in one of the 3 bins or if it's a keeper I'll put it away where it belongs. I'm making fantastic progress and enjoying every minute of doing this.
How do you decide what to get rid of?
I decide what to get rid of by asking two questions in a particular order: Is this item useful by myself, my partner or a house guest? What's the likelihood that it'll be used or appreciated? I had to get over the fact that I needed more things than I wanted as we happily host out of town family quite a bit, and we have to make sure they can sleep and eat. The reason feels like Christmas. :) I really appreciated Ryan's response to Mikala. I appreciated TK's as well, but I urge you to encourage conversation around how people show value, as what you mentioned was "intolerable" is common with people with ADHD or those who struggle, even as adults, with object permanence! (As an adult with ADHD, minimalism has come to the rescue many a time, simply by giving me more bandwidth for what matters,)
My current technique is to keep Swedish Death Cleaning concepts in my mind. That's helping with trimming down those last few things that are not adding to my life.
When it comes to furniture, my new rule is "Can I move it myself?" I'm so sick of heavy furniture and what it means for the spines of the future - both my own spine and the spines of those who have to lift these mammoth pieces in the future!
Being ruthless, start with big items you do not use at all.
first threshold: If it makes me cry to not have it, it should stay. second threshold: I ask the question "Can I take a photo to remember it and then throw it away?"
I've played the Minimalism Game, the Packing Party (twice) and coupled with a lot of life experiences and moves (anticipating the movement of life as opposed to clinging to things) I am now just learning to not bring it in. That's the best way, right?
**Hint: if you are downsizing repeatedly, that means more junk is creeping into your life, right? Reinforce the borders & gates! (I speak from experience, not preaching) We are interesting that way as humans...aesthetic and compiling resources is part of our unique Homo sapien standing, and a part of our modern-day psychologically-connected unhappiness.
We are marketed to in our ancient mind....
I'm getting rid of stuff that doesn't feel like Christmas. You guys made my day.
Yes, I love that too!
To Makayla: Something that was not addressed is the reason you’re acquiring items for a future home of your own. It probably helps you get through this time period of living with your parents when you so badly want your independence. But it’s more practical to stop buying stuff and save your money at this time. You can’t pay a security deposit with pots and pans!
Love that message " Don't fight to keep anything you're not fighting to lose". Sums it up.
There was a purse my mom gave me a few years ago, that I sold and immediately regretted. My mom passed away recently and since then I have been searching for replicas online and finally found it! But quickly realized that I don't really want it or need it. And ultimately, I am holding onto a regret that I can't afford to hold space for. I can hold onto my life with her and not search for things to replace or relieve pain.
I also love the caller that said if you have something better or similar to keep then get rid of the rest.
Exactly what I'm doing now. I'm not getting rid of everything, just the things that are excess.
Thank you for saying that part about his you wouldn't treat people like when they aren't around, if you don't think about them, don't care about them, like them, and wonder how they are, isn't love. I've literally had someone I loved tell me that is how they feel about me and it hurt me more than anything has in my life.
I've had to let them go, declutter them from my mind and heart. And they still try to get back in my life when they are bored.
5 minute mark. I’ve been dealing with unreciprocated love in my friendship and I haven’t been able to let go. That right there. ❤thank you.
I love some of my stuff, but I am not loving it right. If I have to clear things away, to get to something, then put it all back after I put back the item I am done with, I clearly have too much stuff. I am watching this during a break in cleaning the bedroom and love every item I throw out. Every item gone is more freedom and more peace. I want to love the stuff I keep properly to the point that the things I "love" are easy to use, easy to store, and easy to take care off.
TK got me with the 'don't keep what you aren't fighting to use' currently having an internal battle about my cookbooks, I love having cookbooks but a lot of them I don't use, I just am plagued by the 'one day I may finally use this great cookbook all about salads' etc
Public library is a great place to donate cookbooks that are in good condition. They can put them on shelf for loan or sell for needed funds to buy other books.
Oh, NO... Me too 😢
Now listen, we can talk about having less clothes, having less paper junk, having less decoration… but please let me keep my cookbooks. I only have around 30 cookbokks, but they do “spark joy” whenever I look at them.
To deal with all that paper, I recommend that Sydney make a "Sunday box" to go through the papers bit by bit. There may be essential documents worth keeping, like ID certificates or medical records, so it's not as easy as just chucking them. However, it can be done. The problem is she is thinking it has to be done in one go - that's why it's overwhelming.
A Sunday box is small box/tub/tray (think shoebox depth maximum) that she you put papers into through the week and sort through on your Sunday evening while watching your tv (like most people do on a Sunday evening).
If she does this every Sunday (or whichever day works for her), even if she only sorts one Sunday box a week (ie 20 centimetres or 8 inches depth), she will get through TEN METRES (or 65 feet) high of papers in a year! That's like five tall people worth! I can't even imagine how much that would weigh, too.
A room of papers is overwhelming. A shoe box is so much less overwhelming. It's a way to tackle while still having peace of mind that she sorted it properly. And then just never stop doing it - we always have papers coming into our lives, so this method will always have a use.
Very good idea to separate the important things, I would worry, however of falling into the rabbit hole with this..ensure that you set clear parameters over what's important. As the years have gone by, it's amazing to me to see what I wouldn't have dared deleted is now gone. My hard drive hit 200,000 unnamed scanned files this year, and rather than spend an entire year naming them, I deleted it. I know anything important that I have needed, I have pulled aside and renamed, so it was easy to find!
Kind of like the basement statement: If it's hugely important and needed, why is it buried in my hard drive and impossible to find? JUST IN CASE?
Don’t fight to keep anything you’re fighting to lose. That was certainly insightful. I wish that part wasn’t so overlooked.
I'm going to repeat this line from T "Get rid of everything that doesn't feel like Christmas" 👏👏
15:00 ryan, pushing through the discomfort. This has been really painful and also helpful to me. I’m confronted that I have hoarding tendencies, how ingrained things are in me because of my upbringing, that I crave freedom from this. I have come to terms we will have no more babies and let go of our baby things ( this was so painful as I would have loved to have another child but due to health issues I can’t)
And many other things about myself. I am glad I have gone through the pain because I have learnt about myself.
Excellent, will be listening to again. It is so true that there is this feedback loop of internal and external clutter that perpetuates itself.
I don't know if you noticed this Josh, but when TK speaks, you turn to Ryan to talk, instead of turning to TK. I think the dynamic hasn't quite changed yet to fit a third person in. Maybe if both of you try ask TK questions after he speaks, rather than speaking between yourselves it might flow better?
I used to posess my stuff -
such as concert stubs/ event lanyards/ watches that don't function anymore / nits and grits of things which are junk - i always felt a sentimental value in such tangible disposable things which should make way for space but yet i cling on to it because of the memories attached to them, holding on to the stuff only creates more fear of letting them go, because a part of me goes along with the stuff i couldnt let go, but hey is just stuff, let it go.
non-attachment to memorable stuff would lead to less suffering?
Best insight for me: “One day . . .” I need to focus on “Day one!” Thank you!!!
Another great term “stuffitis”. It matches “clutter coffin”! Both eye opening terms for too much stuff
"Just in case" : U nailed it again🙃
"One Day or Day 1..".Hammering wisdom.
"Handle internal cutter 1st, before your external work out.
Push through discomfort to learn a lot. "
With Ryan we Hammer down our inner and outer walls.
The First Lady introduced her question, she said she was living w/ her parents till she was financially able to afford a house but had all those containers of stuff- maybe purchasing all that “stuff” is part of what is keeping her from being able to purchase a house?
I'm going to move next month, I have less things to move when the time comes. I'm glad I started decluttering 6 months ago, you don't realize how much junk you have until you start going through it.
In the past, I was a "just in case" person. Thanks to all of you, no more. Thank you!
This awareness while vital for me is really stirring up a number of important questions and issues in my life that I was unaware of previously. To give up my someday soon things I buy and possess is to give up the hope that that life is coming and will be mine. These things represent my hope, my plans, my changes and my personal redemption story. Right or wrong this is why I defend them. No one knows including me my future and I need to believe that better, brighter, BIGGER days are ahead and this is essential for me to remain sober and strong even if these things never materialize. Thank you for the clarity and knowledge and encouragement. Love you guys
If I love something that's mine, I will devote the time to care for it - clean it, dust it, maintain it generall and admire it all the rest of the time....or it goes.
Ryan addressed Mikala's question the best.
Sounds like there's a lot of "stuffering"... I'll see myself out. 😂
I actually found that joke funny my family would look at me if isaid that and be like its not funny and i would be laughing at my own jokes lol
😂❤
love you guys. thank you for directing people to the right direction.
Yeah -the stories we tell ourselves are so important.
Thanks for this video!!! Made me reflect on how far I have come. I’m so much happier without the junk, the clutter. Since having kids there’s nothing more important to me then time with them- less stuff has meant more time.
I need to declutter my basement NOW.
Best thing I ever did...when I had one. Now we don't...I can't even imagine how I would store things LOL
Watch A Hoarder's Heart basement series, it's very inspiring.
I found a home for a bunch of things I didn't use and am finally able to figure out my synthesizer right with my phrase pad. Happy now! Found a real pair of hiking shoes that fit right! 👍
As English is my third language almost. Im also facing difficulties to write professional emails etc, now thinking that the course might be as well useful to me. But what I notice as Josh correctly said, the problem is that we write the way we talk. And I can say some books I started to read from the professional speakers are unreadable for me, because they written same way as they used to talk, which makes it uninteresting and difficult for reading. Now I know why I couldn’t finish my books
Boi Clean ~ Men are different & see the job as right & left. Get it done. So will watch & injest. Thank You. 🌹
I dont agree with the answers to the first question, because it is a different situation to collect things for when you move out. You do need some things in the future that you dont need right now, but take a hold of these things, you probably dont need 50 boxes, so my advice would be to look at ALL the things and decide from there, what do you really like and what is a fantasy future😊
"How to write gooder" Sign me up, Ryan!! 🤣 Love your humor!
Makes me think of Madame Blueberry from Veggie Tales, buying endless amounts of things from "Stuff-mart".
Don't complicate your mind with decisions. Keep the best of the most useful. The rest you can replace if you have to (you probably won't).
It feels nice to know that clutter coffins are common😅
Such a good episode 💯
Susan, very good idea!
Packing Party is so great!!!
Get rid of everything that doesn't feel like Christmas. You can't build a meaningful life on just in case items, relationships, etc.
Love you guys… can we cut back on the use of pithy interchanged with another word with same inference
Ty for everything 🎉❤😅😊
At the moment it’s ‘is this helping me become the person I want to be? Is this contributing towards my future or holding too tightly to my past?’
Thanks
Dang...such a good question!!!!!!!! I'm holding onto items for my daughter for her next step..(currently living in a womens transition home)....the crap is coming out of the closets and my ears...my adult sons legos too LOL
Haha I agree my college age son and his legos😅 he still loves them though
@@corky23 mine still wants more! He builds them...and puts them on a shelf LOL
I find the rule very useful...csrcond bestvafter no Piles rule! In factcI discoverrd a lot of old EMPTY PAPER BOXES kept "Justi n case" (to return the item tocsell the item... or forcipothetical other items )... Thats agood rule tocreciclr them in the paper recicle... Thank you!
Hmmmm, not sure how I feel about the continual upside-down of your pod cast? 🤔 but, some interesting points, thank you 😊
I get the prize of the best Stufferiter this November. But because in October I decided not to celebrate xmas, the title is up for competition in December.
Who's next to be awarded? :))
I really want to get rit of a lot of stuff but I don't know where to start. Do you have a good tip for me?
Start in the easiest place.
Look, always look - there's always rubbish to get rid of first. Broken things, old containers, packaging, damaged stuff, torn stuff, squashed stuff. No decisions necessary - put it in the bin. Keep going. There's always more, you'll be surprised.
And then use the visibility rule - What spot do you see every day that bothers you? Get rid of the junk in that space. Donate donate donate, or use it up if you want to keep it. Spend five minutes every day - make it a habit. Stop after five minutes so you don't exhaust yourself. Always start in the same place. Once you are in the habit, do a morning five minutes and and afternoon five minutes. Pretty soon that space will only need 30 secs to clean. Then you can go to the next most visible space, spend 4 mins 30 secs on that spot. Repeat, every day, keep going.
If you've got a lot, you need to be gradual and pace yourself. Progress, a little bit, every day, even if it's just taking one bag of rubbish to the bin and one bag of donations to the car to be donated. Don't spend 5 hours one day, be exhausted the next day and then do nothing for a month. Better to be consistent. Take before and after photos. You'll be amazed.
I've tried every method out there without success .. the only thing that is working for me is this .. I have a four foot folding table I set up in my bedroom. I didn't think I had room for it but surprisingly it fits perfect in the spot I have it. I call it The Sorting Table, with two tall bins underneath I put huge labels Trash & Donations, plus a smaller cardboard box for iffy stuff labeled Use-it or Lose-it. I put my swivel armless desk chair next to it. On one corner I placed my small TV to keep me company. When my favorite shows come on I will put a box or pile of stuff to be sorted on the table and slowly pick up each item, make a decision and put it in one of the 3 bins or if it's a keeper I'll put it away where it belongs.
I'm making fantastic progress and enjoying every minute of doing this.
That means yuo should not be narzisistic with your stuff??? That just blew my mind.
I want to sell it all
TK KNOWZ SOMETHING!!!!
HES RITE 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Cookbooks :-(