It's wild to me when men who lack the financial means can't even fathom that there are romantic gestures that require little to no resources at all. He could've taken her to a park, the zoo, the beach, some botanical gardens, on a romantic walk, written her a poem. And there so many instances throughout their love story where he doesn't match the energy she came with at all. And that's my biggest problem with men who use their lack of financial resources as a way to opt out of even the most basic reciprocity that's expected in a loving relationship. It isn't struggle love because the guy lacks the resources and finances, it's struggle love because you lack the effort and alignment. It's men who want all the benefits of a loving committed relationship, without the burden of even doing the bare minimum. And that's why struggle love will never be my portion, not in this lifetime.
100%! I dated a guy who didn’t have that many resources and I would find free things for us to do and he would just sit back and do nothing. I still cringe when I think about how I did the most for someone who did the least. I think effort shows alot about a person’s intentions
I’ve had male friends buy me coffee and meals with no expectations. The fact that any romantic interest wouldn’t even consider doing that as a basic decency is just mind blowing.
Steph, he agreed to drop the other women and move in with her because she most likely had the most money and financial stability compared to the others he was dating lol. She didn’t say she’d move into HIS house in 6 months, she said he needed to move into HER house…he’s 10 years her senior. He saw dollar signs, smelt the desperation and is resting in his feminine energy sis
You know what I first thought (and still think), when I first heard this story? I thought that this right here is proof that there are women who will accept significantly less than me from men, and that when men say women like this don't exist, I can point them straight to this story and tell them to leave me alone. I actually just did this with a man. I told him that there are women who expect nothing from men but basic companionship in order to commit. And that he needed to go find her because it wasn't me.
This story is a hot mess. I think the lady was desperate, and the guy married her for her money. I think he was going to cancel on her yet again, but his ego wouldn't allow him to leave her alone. Also, in his post, he didn't talk about why he loved her. He was more excited that he got a wife after putting in the bare minimum.
This. The fact that she’s much younger than him, much more educated and focused her attention on him alone very early on already placed them in two completely different leagues. Yet, the settling commenced. I’d love to be in a loving partnership, but being with a man who brags about how little it took to get me just isn’t my idea of a good time. Congratulations to them though, if they like it I love it, lol.
He said "no pressure to take her on fancy dates or expensive restaurants." He is saying she didn't pressure him to do that stuff because perhaps she didn't value or care about that stuff. What she valued was commitment, moving in together, building a house and he followd through on those things.Being lavished on ain't everything but if she felt felt like he was the kind of man who could give her emotional security and support well that's all that matters. Maybe since she's a high earning woman she is not looking for a partner to give her financial security--maybe that isn't what she needs or wants because she has created that for herself. It's wild the way folks obstinately refuse to imagine or even acknowledge that people might have different priorities, wants and needs out of a partnership.
I'm not going to someones house on the first date and he's not coming to mind. If I end up unalive everyone is going to blame me for being naive and the criminal gets the win.
"I think if you have someone who will fly you around the world but won't commit to you, you don't have anyone at all. " GODT DAMN STEPH SHEESH A WORD. 👏👏👏👏👏👏
@@MsAnonymm she spoke of commitment. not how much money they do or don't have. someone. if a guy is broke or ballin without a commitment from him the woman has no one. she should just keep dating
I’m a married woman but the theme that I’m getting from this and even the Simon Buchi story is that to the majority of black men, regular black women are not good enough and they don’t deserve to be courted. That in itself is problematic. Black women, stop entertaining men who aren’t willing to take you out on quality dates! Forget chemistry! If a guy is rolling out the red carpet for you, it will come!
The bottom line...summed up to be...put in congruent effort. If you like someone show them. Hopefully they are aware of your love language and give you their effort in a way that matters to you.!
Marriage cost money…and a significant amount. Wedding ceremony, home mortgages, child birth & raising a child. That’s just the most basic stuff I can think of off the top of my head! I don’t plan on getting married anytime soon cause my career is not where I want it to be. How do people have the audacity to get married when they can’t even spend money on a date?
It’s not marriage that costs money- it’s the optics of marriage and also separation that costs money. Marriage is one of the best ways to become financially stable. Areas where money can be saved via marriage 1) taxes 2) rent/living expenses 3) most types of insurance (car, health, etc). If both a broke and working, building a business, in school or grinding- marriage can be a HUGE asset especially if they delay having children. AND you have access to each others’ networks. If the emotional maturity is there- I’m advocate for marriage at a young age.
Also, lol at my dog's shuffling. I JUST found a daycare for him, and I am planning on putting him in whenever I film...but I didn't do it today...whewpseee. Anyway...thank you for watching!!
His friend not only buying the engagement ring but deciding that their upcoming vacation would be the perfect time to propose is the part of the story that is the most questionable. That part being included at all is wild to me because there's really no romantic or sweet spin to it. It's one thing to not be able to afford a wedding ring but it's another thing to have someone else tell you that you should propose AND buying the ring! So much of their dating featured her setting the timeline and pace it would have really sold the idea that their shared vision for the future is what brought them together if he had initiated such a big event in making that partnership official. It's passive in a very off-putting way (I'm trying to think of scenarios of how this could have played out and even in my best faith imagining there's a lack of effort there-like maybe he was wanting to propose and trying to think of when to do it but didn't have enough for a ring yet and his friend said: no this vacation is perfect! I will buy the ring myself so you can do it on your trip! --why not get a placeholder ring that was not expensive so you can propose when you feel moved to and then get the real ring later? why frame it as if it was your friend that urged you to do it when you did?)
I agree. He was on cruise control and let everybody else drive their relationship. He brought nothing to the all-important table, not even leadership. She had all the vision. It was like she had all the plans and "insert willing male here".
@@Got2BOshun yeah I agree. Because why would a “friend” be that involved in their relationship? And she was so focused on putting in 1000% in their relationship most of the time while he did -10%
@@deeniesmothers9310 “insert willing male here”🤣🤣 this is exactly what this woman did. It could have been any man as long as he was willing to go along with her planned fairytale
This look is giving! Where did you get the lip color Edit: I think this segment is a good idea. Giving yourself some distance from news so it cools down can give us more perspective and a deeper analysis!
@@hellostephco84 I've never even thought about checking for their lip stuff before, even though I love their skin and eye stuff. They fully need to consider a brand partnership with you 💗
I think I needed to hear this… I really struggle with dating, especially when it feels like the guy wants to invest as little time and resources as possible… both emotionally and financially. It’s not about having an expensive date, but I think it’s a kind and lovely act to have a date that is planned and thoughtful. I’m a bit sick of wandering around the city or park on a walking date in the hot sun without food or refreshments. I wouldn’t even do that to my pet dog.
Wow, NO refreshments or food? Why are you putting up with this? Ok I suggest that you check out the Female Dating Strategy podcast and website. You really need to hear this.
I agree, nothing wrong with the overall message that romance doesn’t have to be an expensive fairy tale but I feel like this story was not the right example. Tho honestly, I would be offended if he kept blowing me off and then asked me to meet him at Popeyes for a date :/
Why did the realness have to be black folks and include chicken tho? I get what you're saying but that definitely wouldn't be the love story I'd share. I don't read that newspaper or column at all, but I'm sure Brad & Becka don't have to stoop to classic stereotypes to get a feature. It's very much giving "I'll take anything as long as I get the ring" vibes on her part, "see, we are diverse" on the papers part, and "I'm just along for the ride" no leadership, low effort vibes from him. But chile...that ain't my relationship. If they like it, I love it! I wish them the best!
"Chill out" dates that take place in private settings, is not a date. Its either a trap for sexual harassment or assault. Or, its just being cheap. If its the latter. Then they are already underestimating you. Men know they need women but don't necessarily want us. Men who simply want to chill at their place, especially for first date smells of resentment. Sounds a little controlling, because men are aware of women safety issues and should respect the stats. They are aware, so ladies...BEWARE.
I spent around $15k the first year courting my wife. I know that’s extreme for some, however the guy should’ve rolled out the red carpet after the Popeyes date. Love is more than money, but it seems he showed little effort in the relationship.
I hope you really don't believe you can just tell a man to stop dating others and he will really do it. That man in the article showed little interest in her and she practically dragged him down the aisle, sad to say but he will not magically transform just because a ring is on his finger. He obviously feels he settled, otherwise other women would've been a nonfactor on HIS OWN accord. He probably STILL thinks he can do better. But I guess she won't be able to complain about feeling unappreciated since this is what she accepted from the start. Maybe he'll order her some sides for their anniversary? Or share his KFC?
In my mind, interested men act interested. I do realize that I’m also lucky because I have always met men that actually court me and I’ve had multiple proposals. Things don’t have to be a fairytale but in my mind he wasn’t really acting interested either. It just seemed like she wanted to be married and he was there. But if she likes it, I love it.
The binary thinking some people have about dates is so confusing to me. There are so many inexpensive, cute dates you can go on. It's bizarre how some people think dates are either super fancy dinner date vs. watching a movie in the basement splitting a bottle of tequila. 😅
I think it all boils down to how much effort you're willing to put in. Seems like some of these men consider the emotional energy necessary for dating or socializing in general is beneath them.
@Tony Alston you're correct she is still single. being a cheap date isn't working huh? she needs to up her standards and make the dude paaay. and she'll be married tomorrow! or at least have a better time...
That story is so cringy. It’s literally saying, in my eyes, “Black women will settle for any type of man just so they won’t be single.” It kind of makes me want to cry that so many black women want the title of WIFE so badly still that they’ll ignore every red flag just to say they have a man 😞😔 Staying single should be preferable to being with someone who doesn’t meet your standards, but too many black women act like single-hood is a death sentence, so… -edit- Scroll down under this comment & find the one from the man. Don’t worry, you won’t miss it. That is the *type* of “human” that these women are settling for. I am not losing out on anything by not being open to that type of male energy. Those types are not needed & they are not assets. Black men who think they’re the prizes and constantly dog women are typically the ones who end up in rest homes with no visitors & no one who truly loves them. They don’t love anybody anyway. I have love in my life; I have ppl that I can call on if I needed them, and if I ended up dead tomorrow I’d have ppl at my funeral & ppl who would miss me. If I were in a rest home in 30 or 40 yrs, I would have visitors & loved ones regardless if I ever married. All women, but especially BLACK women, need to have this same energy and appreciate what they have & water their own gardens instead of looking at what other ppl have, imagining that it’s perfect or better than your life. Y’all do need to stop settling, and when I say “y’all”, yes, I’m referring to my fellow Black women. (The only way you’re going to gain more beauty in your life is to appreciate the beauty u already have.)
Honestly why can't we have a good ending, we too can have the whimsical love story. I said it earlier but the fact Steph did a mini woop at a BW getting married (to a bum) and said "he's not abusive" is actually not ok
@@Nat0528 girl, this broke my heart. And the fact that Steph kinda co-signed it broke my heart even more. I, too, am a black woman of a certain age and if anybody wants to be in my life whether it’s as a friend or romantically, they have standards they have to meet. If you’re a black woman, it’s especially important to keep your standards high.
@@norikay22 we can have our happy endings, we just have to keep our eyes and ears open & use our brains & stop focusing on “dying alone” cuz we won’t die “alone” anyway. Most of us have ppl in our lives that love us and many of these men aren’t worth a min of time. I think the black women that have happy endings (or fairytale romances) just aren’t posting on social media b/c they’re trying to protect what they have.
I’ve been asked on dates many times. Once numbers are exchanged to plan the date, the date is never mentioned again but I’m often invited to their homes at 10pm-2am to “chill”. Edit: I do not accept the “chill” invitations, ever!! We will not speak again and my acceptance of the date invitation is now null and void, if it ever gets planned anyway(which I doubt it would)
I’ve done a media interview before that turned out a lot different than what I expected. Yes, everything in the story was something I had told them but the way they put it together, highlighted some things and not others created a narrative that I really didn’t feel like was an accurate reflection of my story. Whoever wrote this story knew exactly what they were doing. The couple probably talked to them for hours and the author pulled the most unflattering details because they knew it would get exactly the kind of engagement it’s getting. Not to say the narrative we’re getting from this isn’t true, cause the details are messy and embarrassing as hell, but I’m also sure what we’re getting isn’t the totality of their story. His Instagram caption didn’t really challenge the narrative tho…
Was he really swimming in it though? Like I honestly believe he wasn't giving her much attention because he was waiting for the type of woman he really wanted to finally come around or simply walk into his life. And when she didn't, he decided to go ahead and give this woman a chance... The woman who had been showing him attention and interest all along. The woman he would cancel dates with. Congrats to them and if they're happy that's what matters. This was just my opinion 😊
Honestly it seems to me he, like many other men nowadays, was looking for his 'instagram woman' but also didn't wanna 'spend money on women' and I truly believe those two very conflicting ideals are the reason many men out there are so resentful about their dating life.
Don’t let him come across her, either. He’ll cheat on Parking Lot Penny, they’ll get divorced, and he’ll take his half of her assets and spend it all on Miss Dime, never dating to take who he really wanted to the parking lot of a fast food establishment
“Why can’t I lure any goddesses to my lair with a $5 pizza and a $10 bottle of wine that I’ll Venmo them for later?! Chicks just don’t appreciate gentlemen these days” 😂
A relationship doesn't end at the wedding. If that was the sort of effort he had put into dating, can you imagine the dynamics of their marriage? Eww. There is a reason why divorce rates are so high.
Thank you! This is why I think it’s dangerous to put marriage on a pedestal. Settling for “not abusive” to get a ring screams lack of self worth. I wouldn’t take a stray dog to a Popeye’s parking lot. I would at least take him to the park and feed him a treat. It’s giving intentional negging and degrading her to see how low she will go. Sadly, she won the limbo competition. Personally, I view that as a tragedy not a triumph.
When I dated my husband we didn’t go on fancy dates but we did spend lots of time together doing things that we both liked doing. He didn’t have lots of money but he put in effort to spend as much time as he could with me. Time and effort trumps money every time. But believe if he doesn’t spend money or time on you he likely is not into you.
Hey Steph. I agree to an extent but there's also an entire chasm between this scenario and a fluffy fairytale. Maybe only the 1% get to live fairytales so that's not what I expect. I don't want to go to Popeye's though! 🤣🤣🤣 Please God, no.
A friend of mine had hooked me up with this guy, a blind date. I could tell he was attracted to me, at least physically. He picked me up to go for a walk on the Promanade. Okay, that's fine. However, he takes a bottle of water out of the trunk of his car and then he says to me, " oh I feel really bad cause I don't have any water for you." I'm looking at him like, sir, how bad do you really feel when there's a corner store right there that you can go to or give me yours since it hasn't been opened yet!This man made no attempt to provide me with libation. Fast forward 2 days later, my friend says oh he really likes you but he said you won't return his calls. My response, "why would I? He made no effort so I won't either." Ladies stop taking the bare minimum. I get that being content in being by yourself while also having peace doesn't rank as high as being partnered, for most people, but my God please stop accepting so little. In the end it will not be beneficial to you in any shape or form.
I get so excited whenver you upload a new video , I don’t have any siblings and you are like a big sister to me , funny how can o relate to you even that I am in whole different country , different ethnicity, different beliefs, love from Tunisia ♥️♥️
I love how you reworked what he said 😄 "Shut up, Sir" had me rolling. 👏🏾👏🏾 My mom used to say, it's all about the tone, and he really could have meant that he wanted someone with shared values, and an emphasis on everlasting. real love rather than just grand gestures, but the tone of how he conveyed it took it elsewhere. So yes, keep it quiet, Mister.
WOOING. This is what it boils down to. What makes this story depressing, is the reality that the collective of Black Men do not find Black Women deserving of the care and respect to show they are interested (even if it's for a hook-up). It's not even about money. A man can be dead broke, but if he is truly interested and finds a woman WORTHY he will move mountains just to get to know her. He will get creative and put THOUGHT into it. And what we're seeing is a collective of men who don't feel women even deserve the bare minimum of thoughtfulness much less any kind of investment into a potential relationship. They already come into the equation with a chip on their shoulder, bruised egos, lack of confidence, and almost a sense of resentment against women. And once again as it plays out in this story Black Women are taking up the slack and settling for the type of man that with a Jagged Edge "might as well do it" mentality. It's all bad out here.
I think what it is with Black women specifically is that ALL we've done so far is compromise, date down, have to "appreciate the small things", and remained unhappy, that we (Black women) automatically thinking the best. Especially having the worse for so long
I agree, people are suggesting that Black women stop being “gold diggers”.. when we’re we collectively gold diggers?? We were historically beasts of burden enduring oppression alongside Black men. Black women only recently began desiring more.
More and more straight men are becoming hypergamous. I find this alot with men of color who are culturally American and who didn't grow up in traditional households. I'm starting to rethink dating American men in general. It's bad out here, yall. Keep your wits about you.
You need to do a update on the Solomon guy. He is starting a Gofund me to fund his wedding. Ppl say he even asked for donations for the ring he gave his girl. WTH.
She dated down, married down and he gloating about how he didn't have to do much. She wasn't even his first pick(he was talking to multiple women), he moved into her home, he was married before. She comes off as desperate but as long as she's happy.
I didn’t hear about this story before now, but I do care! I always love the way you discuss topics because you hit the subject from all angles. I think I have an unpopular opinion regarding men shelling out in early courtship because I don’t want a man to invest in me unless I’m sure I am emotionally invested in him. In my experience men feel like they are entitled to a certain level of access to you, outside of just sexual, if they have invested in you. I understand that mindset. I once had a guy who was interested in me offer to get my car fixed, and I’ve had women tell me I should have let him but I didn’t see a future with him. I don’t want anyone I don’t love to provide for me. I much prefer a lowkey start to courtship because I want to make sure the connection is real first.
I agree, I'm OK with a man paying for dinner and coffee dates etc but I have turned down anything more than that. I wouldn't want a man covering housing/car costs, buying clothes etc for me unless we were in a committed relationship. Flowers, perfumes, small gifts..these are all more appropriate for courting.
I agree one hundred percent. The idea of letting a man pay my rent or buy me something expensive if I don’t enjoy his company or want to be attached to him long term is a little scary to me honestly. A man is obviously going to feel like he’s owed some level of loyalty. For me it’s a red flag if a man to sets out to deliver too much prior to being in a committed relationship. It’s giving love bombing.
Yep. I’ll treat you well, be a good wife and do all the wifey things if you treat me like a lady. If you’re treating me like a best mate and plan our wedding at POPEYES of all places, live alone forever and eat all the Popeyes you want 😂😂😂
@@Mmeme2023 that would have made the story normal and even cute. then the only down points would be his cringy caption and this “friend” buying the wedding ring, smh.
@Tony Alston They're from Boston. A lot of Boston restaurants were still open even if it wasn't sit down you could do take out. It being a pandemic is not a good reason to not try and offer her a meal, to go, a few steps above Popeyes.
1. She owned her apartment, so he gets half if he didn’t sign a prenup. 2. She on the hook for his child support if he stops paying. 3. If he looses his job and then divorce her, she has to pat him alimony AND his child support
Does he though? Is it automatic? I'm from the UK and recently read a story about a married woman who lived with her husband in his house. When he died unexpectedly, she didn't automatically get the house as she thought she would because he hadn’t changed his will or put her name on the deeds of the house. The law might be different in the States. Is it?
@@rejectionisprotection4448 where did you read this story?? I studied law in the UK and married couples automatically get access to homes once their partner passes. Was the woman in your story a “common law wife”? If so, then she wouldn’t get the house because that is not a legal marriage as no documents were signed.
@@EA-rt3pi I've responded 2x to you with links to the article. Obvs Steph doesn't allow links in her comments. So, search "Daily Mail a cautionary tale widow". She WAS married to her husband and wasn't a common law life, but it's a bit more complicated than that.
@@rejectionisprotection4448 found the article and as I suspected you’ve misunderstood the law. She’s entitled to the property. The problem is she also inherited a loan she couldn’t afford. So had to give up the home to her father in law, who bought the house
Yes, there's probably a lot we don't know about their relationship. But that's what he chose to highlight, which gave the indication that that's what he valued about her. His words came across like what he loved about their relationship was that he didn't have to do much for her.It's less about the lavish spending, she being educated or making more money than him. We know women carry the burden in the home and relationship. So based on his words, it's fair people assume that it won't end well for her.
Yay - I'm a solo traveler. Glad to see you enjoyed yourself. The standard varied from person to person. Yes there's women for whom the standard includes receiving expensive gifts solely because of the gift - but then some men use that as an excuse to generalize.
If basic respect is lacking, it’s a hell no for me. Isn’t the beginning supposed to be when we put our best foot forward? If that’s it, it’s a hard pass for me.
To me it isn’t about their story not being a fairy tale it’s about him thinking that she doesn’t even deserve the bare minimum, he put no effort what so ever in “courting” her. So yes sis settled, and I’m not clapping just because one of us got married because if their marriage is anything based off of their love story then yikes.
You look very beautiful. I really like your hair and makeup combined with your confidence it's all working for you. I know why you have not talked about your dating life recently, but would love to hear any recent successes/ positive dating experiences you have had.
Your comments are very precise. I did have a relationship like that in my life. It can get complicated but you may as well enjoy yourself. Thank you Steph.
Yeah, I care and it's an abomination and will only end in tears for that woman. I weep for how LITTLE some BW will settle for, but that couldn't be me, that's for sure!
I’m glad I met my husband when I did although we didn’t go to a super expensive restaurant but it was a really nice steak house. We talked, ate, and he dropped me home. I typically don’t reach out after a 1st date but he really courted me before I said yes to our 1st date. I knew he was leaving for a new job in a new city and I reached out to him the next day expressed that I enjoyed my date with him and would love to see him again before he left. The rest was history married for 6 years. As a married woman I just hate the idea of settling. love happens in every kind of ways but I hope he truly takes care of her by putting in efforts (small efforts as well) in their relationship. I think social media gives man and woman the idea that a first date is supposed to be lavish 200 dollars or more. It’s sad that some men thinks all or most women thinks like that. I think I’m reality most women just want to be courted with serious intentions and go on a good steak house or good adventurous date that may cost 60-100 dollars. The thing is that dating websites and social gives to many options and now people are not really wanting to put in efforts in each other to really get to know there date. It’s sad that this what dating has turned into.
I think what makes the NY times wedding story not a fairytale is that I think the bride did not recognize that the fact that she and her groom had the "same dreams" is actually a red flag for him because he is 10 years older than her. He should be 10 years further along in realizing his dreams, but he did not seem to be. But I wish them well.
This was written to embarrass her. Everybody is looking down on her. She hasn't got any self esteem stop explaining shit that doesn't need to be excused. From the beginning to the end he made her the man of the relationship.
I have to say that I just love you girl! I definitely relate to lots of your content! You are like the bestie that I just missed having in my life! You make me feel like wheww I'm not tripping then. Thank God someone gets it! You are awesome, brilliant, and beautiful! If you visit Chicago, we goin out girl!!💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️
The narrative steph spun in the end, basically saying, that maybe for this couple, it’s not the narrative itself, but they WAY in which the narrative was told‼️ Or perhaps, that lady was accustomed to being wined and dined, but appreciated the simpler things she now shares with him, etc‼️ 😩 I really love that steph is always balanced in her views… but even her wholesome alternate viewpoint can’t make this entire story “un-cringe!” Its always said, even if you put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig! BW, pls continue to value and love yourself❤️ Also, keep your standards higher than a giraffe’s 🐱‼️ Lord, if being chosen means a complete lack of effort and mediocrity in my man, then pls let me be single in perpetuity🙃
Steph really disappointed me with this. How she gonna say she's happy because a BW got married. She basically said she would only be pressed if he was abusive? Is she OK?
@@norikay22 Yes, i agree i was like ooof‼️Why steph why? lmao‼️ We are worthy of effort and energy as all others! Like we shouldn’t have to accept mediocrity and the bare minimum, only to dress it up and present it in an alternative manner‼️
@@norikay22 if you have viewed any of her storytimes one can gather that she would be the woman in the parking lot. She has admitted to chasing men so I can definitely see her accepting this. It's unfortunate because she seems to be a great person and I would hate for her to settle.
He's a freeloader. Move in oh okay what a sweet deal. A cheap ass ring and his friend bought it and proposed on his behalf. That isn't love at all. It's a need and she met it.
This was a nice little spin Steph put on this story. A lil too nice if you ask me. She sounded like she was the woman who got married defending herself lol. Steph's take was admirable but that still doesn't take away the fact that this story was cringey, reeked desperation, and just plain embarrassing. There's nothing wrong with having standards and I'm not even saying they have to be high standards. But a lot of the stuff people ask for is bare minimum at most. The amount of people who want to the moon standards are few and far between. The problem is the ppl they are asking them of are either not good ppl, don't really like them for real, and/or just lazy. And to the woman complimenting her partner for making a coffee, I'm sorry but that is bare minimum. I make my parents, friends, etc. coffee all the time. If the pot is already made how much trouble is it to pour an extra cup? Not saying don't be appreciative but let's not act like they flew to Ecuador, gathered the coffee beans, flew back, and grinded the beans themselves or anything. I would thank my partner of course but I'm not posting about it online. Truthfully, that was a basic a** task 🤷🏾♀
So enjoy your content, Steph. I find it fascinating and insightful - and educational. My perspective is that of a white, British, Gen X woman (not your target/typical demographic, I imagine...). So, much of your commentary is a window into a whole different world, for me. And that, I so appreciate. I'm lo-o-ong-time single. Because it all seems like a huge amount of effort that I can't quite summon up the energy or will to make. For what I can't - after all this time / life experience - imagine would bring a big enough positive to my life to be worth it. These days, I feel like a potential partner would have to clear such a high bar to add *anything* to my life. But. Were I to make a foray into that arena (which I occasionally do). I don't/wouldn't expect the dating effort / outlay (financial- or energy-wise) that you talk about. Chiefly because I don't feel inclined to match it, myself. So, why should I expect it from him? It would actually make me deeply uncomfortable, these days. All of which probably adds up to explain exactly why I'm single - and, I imagine, destined to remain so...! Yay for the deplatforming of Andrew Tate. Double yay that my Gen Z son agrees with that wholeheartedly - and is as grossed out by the proliferation of mysogynistic podcasters / PUAs / 'masculinity coaches' / that ilk, as I am.
He is looking at marriage as a business. He doesn't love her and most likely will cheat throughout their marriage and feel absolutely nothing about it. I hope sis knows what she has on her hands.
Totally see your point of view, dating for men in this age has become them just putting in the bare minimum and they know they can get away with it because there are more of them than us. In this case however, I don't know if I'd be so quick to judge. I haven't read the full story but to some people being wined and dined is not important. They just want to make they both have shared values and are most likely more practical than romantic. Also while I'd never accept his actions at the beginning, maybe she was just being gracious because she knew something we don't. He may have had his reasons. Regardless of our views I think most people will agree that this is NOT a fairytale 😂
Seems like she was the pursuer and he wasn’t really interested and she had to ‘make’ him be the man for her. And his friend had to buy the engagement ring and sort of push him to propose, seems like he’s just there for the ride.
I’m 21 soon 22, I just ended a month long relationship after realising I was being manipulated. I did almost everything for him and put in so much effort for a guy 24, who would rather lay in his bed and complain about having to accompany me home than put in any effort at all. Even the simple things he didn’t do and I think he just expected to have a maid or something to use and shelf afterwards. He has a good future ahead of him but I wanna put my peace first as I feel he didn’t deserve me, my time or my kindness. I do feel bad tho because I feel like he was the one for me but he prefers playing games.
It's wild to me when men who lack the financial means can't even fathom that there are romantic gestures that require little to no resources at all. He could've taken her to a park, the zoo, the beach, some botanical gardens, on a romantic walk, written her a poem. And there so many instances throughout their love story where he doesn't match the energy she came with at all. And that's my biggest problem with men who use their lack of financial resources as a way to opt out of even the most basic reciprocity that's expected in a loving relationship. It isn't struggle love because the guy lacks the resources and finances, it's struggle love because you lack the effort and alignment. It's men who want all the benefits of a loving committed relationship, without the burden of even doing the bare minimum. And that's why struggle love will never be my portion, not in this lifetime.
Chillee, not in ANY lifetime
Well Said👌🖤
You put my thoughts into words so eloquently! 🧡
100%! I dated a guy who didn’t have that many resources and I would find free things for us to do and he would just sit back and do nothing. I still cringe when I think about how I did the most for someone who did the least. I think effort shows alot about a person’s intentions
Lack of effort and alignment is right!
I’ve had male friends buy me coffee and meals with no expectations. The fact that any romantic interest wouldn’t even consider doing that as a basic decency is just mind blowing.
Steph, he agreed to drop the other women and move in with her because she most likely had the most money and financial stability compared to the others he was dating lol. She didn’t say she’d move into HIS house in 6 months, she said he needed to move into HER house…he’s 10 years her senior. He saw dollar signs, smelt the desperation and is resting in his feminine energy sis
Excellent analysis, did not even think about this
FACTS!!!
This man is probably sitting on the couch right now wondering when his wife is going to take him on a shopping spree 💅🏽
All of this!! Every 👏🏽last👏🏽word👏🏽‼️
Women agreed to date this guy? 🤦🏾♀️
@@shantiwilson6143 low standards and low self esteem. Many women, in fact many people don’t know they deserve better.
You know what I first thought (and still think), when I first heard this story? I thought that this right here is proof that there are women who will accept significantly less than me from men, and that when men say women like this don't exist, I can point them straight to this story and tell them to leave me alone.
I actually just did this with a man. I told him that there are women who expect nothing from men but basic companionship in order to commit. And that he needed to go find her because it wasn't me.
Ok lol yes!!
I'm not her but she's definitely out there. Go get your Queen, King lol
@@andiyazi_sanaThis 😂😭😂😂
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Yep-there’s a lid for every pot. Some can be found for $5 at Family Dollar, while others are a limited release at Macy’s
This story is a hot mess. I think the lady was desperate, and the guy married her for her money. I think he was going to cancel on her yet again, but his ego wouldn't allow him to leave her alone. Also, in his post, he didn't talk about why he loved her. He was more excited that he got a wife after putting in the bare minimum.
This. The fact that she’s much younger than him, much more educated and focused her attention on him alone very early on already placed them in two completely different leagues. Yet, the settling commenced. I’d love to be in a loving partnership, but being with a man who brags about how little it took to get me just isn’t my idea of a good time. Congratulations to them though, if they like it I love it, lol.
@@DawnNa_22 This...all of this!
I pray to God I will NEVER be like this.
@@DawnNa_22 ‘If they like it, I love it!’ LOL!😭
He said "no pressure to take her on fancy dates or expensive restaurants." He is saying she didn't pressure him to do that stuff because perhaps she didn't value or care about that stuff. What she valued was commitment, moving in together, building a house and he followd through on those things.Being lavished on ain't everything but if she felt felt like he was the kind of man who could give her emotional security and support well that's all that matters. Maybe since she's a high earning woman she is not looking for a partner to give her financial security--maybe that isn't what she needs or wants because she has created that for herself. It's wild the way folks obstinately refuse to imagine or even acknowledge that people might have different priorities, wants and needs out of a partnership.
I'm not going to someones house on the first date and he's not coming to mind. If I end up unalive everyone is going to blame me for being naive and the criminal gets the win.
so true lol they will victim blame the heck out of the woman who has died/been injured
@@AMMA83 exactly. They blame us for picking the wrong man, but then they also wanna shame us for having "too high" standards. Patriarchy is a scam
"I think if you have someone who will fly you around the world but won't commit to you, you don't have anyone at all. " GODT DAMN STEPH SHEESH A WORD. 👏👏👏👏👏👏
@@MsAnonymm she spoke of commitment. not how much money they do or don't have. someone. if a guy is broke or ballin without a commitment from him the woman has no one. she should just keep dating
I’m a married woman but the theme that I’m getting from this and even the Simon Buchi story is that to the majority of black men, regular black women are not good enough and they don’t deserve to be courted. That in itself is problematic. Black women, stop entertaining men who aren’t willing to take you out on quality dates! Forget chemistry! If a guy is rolling out the red carpet for you, it will come!
Its only when a guy is not really into you that taking you on quality dates is asking too much.
The bottom line...summed up to be...put in congruent effort. If you like someone show them. Hopefully they are aware of your love language and give you their effort in a way that matters to you.!
This. Completely.
Lol God forbid
Marriage cost money…and a significant amount. Wedding ceremony, home mortgages, child birth & raising a child. That’s just the most basic stuff I can think of off the top of my head! I don’t plan on getting married anytime soon cause my career is not where I want it to be. How do people have the audacity to get married when they can’t even spend money on a date?
Right?! 🙄
It’s because he’s spending her money
@Tony Alston his friend had to give him money for an engagement ring - that tells us a lot about his finances.
"Wedding ceremony, home mortgages, child birth & raising a child." - None of that is a requirement for marriage.
It’s not marriage that costs money- it’s the optics of marriage and also separation that costs money. Marriage is one of the best ways to become financially stable. Areas where money can be saved via marriage 1) taxes 2) rent/living expenses 3) most types of insurance (car, health, etc). If both a broke and working, building a business, in school or grinding- marriage can be a HUGE asset especially if they delay having children. AND you have access to each others’ networks. If the emotional maturity is there- I’m advocate for marriage at a young age.
"chilling out" is not a date, its for couples in a relationship
To me, she courted him. ‘Shared goals’ is code for I can lift you up from your income bracket. It’s giving ‘come up wife’.
"Does Anyone Still Care About This" would be a fantastic title/name for a podcast!!
Maybe shorten a little to "Does Anyone still Care..." then each episode could be "About X"
Also, lol at my dog's shuffling. I JUST found a daycare for him, and I am planning on putting him in whenever I film...but I didn't do it today...whewpseee. Anyway...thank you for watching!!
How cute!!! Day-care for fur babies is so sweet to me lol ❤❤❤
this hairstyle suits you so well!
His friend not only buying the engagement ring but deciding that their upcoming vacation would be the perfect time to propose is the part of the story that is the most questionable. That part being included at all is wild to me because there's really no romantic or sweet spin to it. It's one thing to not be able to afford a wedding ring but it's another thing to have someone else tell you that you should propose AND buying the ring! So much of their dating featured her setting the timeline and pace it would have really sold the idea that their shared vision for the future is what brought them together if he had initiated such a big event in making that partnership official. It's passive in a very off-putting way
(I'm trying to think of scenarios of how this could have played out and even in my best faith imagining there's a lack of effort there-like maybe he was wanting to propose and trying to think of when to do it but didn't have enough for a ring yet and his friend said: no this vacation is perfect! I will buy the ring myself so you can do it on your trip! --why not get a placeholder ring that was not expensive so you can propose when you feel moved to and then get the real ring later? why frame it as if it was your friend that urged you to do it when you did?)
I agree. He was on cruise control and let everybody else drive their relationship. He brought nothing to the all-important table, not even leadership. She had all the vision. It was like she had all the plans and "insert willing male here".
I think she bought the ring
@@Got2BOshun Oh… I didn’t think of that! She might be this mysterious “friend” that bought the ring.
That’s so embarrassing!
@@Got2BOshun yeah I agree. Because why would a “friend” be that involved in their relationship?
And she was so focused on putting in 1000% in their relationship most of the time while he did -10%
@@deeniesmothers9310 “insert willing male here”🤣🤣 this is exactly what this woman did. It could have been any man as long as he was willing to go along with her planned fairytale
What happens in the beginning sets the tone for the rest of the relationship. Don't do what you don't want for the future.
This look is giving! Where did you get the lip color
Edit: I think this segment is a good idea. Giving yourself some distance from news so it cools down can give us more perspective and a deeper analysis!
The lip is Juvia's Place! It's called cocoa
@@hellostephco84 I've never even thought about checking for their lip stuff before, even though I love their skin and eye stuff. They fully need to consider a brand partnership with you 💗
I just bought a matte lipstick and a colored gloss from Juvia’s a couple weeks ago, I prefer them to most other lip products ❤️
"Does Anyone Still Care About This"... I'm into it.
I think I needed to hear this… I really struggle with dating, especially when it feels like the guy wants to invest as little time and resources as possible… both emotionally and financially. It’s not about having an expensive date, but I think it’s a kind and lovely act to have a date that is planned and thoughtful. I’m a bit sick of wandering around the city or park on a walking date in the hot sun without food or refreshments. I wouldn’t even do that to my pet dog.
Wow, NO refreshments or food? Why are you putting up with this?
Ok I suggest that you check out the Female Dating Strategy podcast and website. You really need to hear this.
I agree, nothing wrong with the overall message that romance doesn’t have to be an expensive fairy tale but I feel like this story was not the right example.
Tho honestly, I would be offended if he kept blowing me off and then asked me to meet him at Popeyes for a date :/
popeyes would be fine for an established couple, not a date
It would definitely be a no for me 😬
Why did the realness have to be black folks and include chicken tho? I get what you're saying but that definitely wouldn't be the love story I'd share. I don't read that newspaper or column at all, but I'm sure Brad & Becka don't have to stoop to classic stereotypes to get a feature. It's very much giving "I'll take anything as long as I get the ring" vibes on her part, "see, we are diverse" on the papers part, and "I'm just along for the ride" no leadership, low effort vibes from him. But chile...that ain't my relationship. If they like it, I love it! I wish them the best!
You said: they met on Hinge. I heard: they met unhinged. Enough said.
"Chill out" dates that take place in private settings, is not a date. Its either a trap for sexual harassment or assault. Or, its just being cheap. If its the latter. Then they are already underestimating you. Men know they need women but don't necessarily want us. Men who simply want to chill at their place, especially for first date smells of resentment. Sounds a little controlling, because men are aware of women safety issues and should respect the stats. They are aware, so ladies...BEWARE.
If a man isn’t able to purchase a ring for me on his own that is indeed a red flag. It can be simple but it has to come from him.
I spent around $15k the first year courting my wife. I know that’s extreme for some, however the guy should’ve rolled out the red carpet after the Popeyes date. Love is more than money, but it seems he showed little effort in the relationship.
Love this!
My dad spent a similar amount! And it was worth it!
Love that for your wife! Well done 👏🏽
I hope you really don't believe you can just tell a man to stop dating others and he will really do it. That man in the article showed little interest in her and she practically dragged him down the aisle, sad to say but he will not magically transform just because a ring is on his finger. He obviously feels he settled, otherwise other women would've been a nonfactor on HIS OWN accord. He probably STILL thinks he can do better. But I guess she won't be able to complain about feeling unappreciated since this is what she accepted from the start. Maybe he'll order her some sides for their anniversary? Or share his KFC?
lol! I agree wholeheartedly‼️
THAT PART!🤣🤣🤣
It'll get better if she has his kids..........not.
Girl you just get more and more radiant! You’re like a fine wine just getting better with time 🥰😍
In my mind, interested men act interested. I do realize that I’m also lucky because I have always met men that actually court me and I’ve had multiple proposals. Things don’t have to be a fairytale but in my mind he wasn’t really acting interested either. It just seemed like she wanted to be married and he was there. But if she likes it, I love it.
The binary thinking some people have about dates is so confusing to me. There are so many inexpensive, cute dates you can go on. It's bizarre how some people think dates are either super fancy dinner date vs. watching a movie in the basement splitting a bottle of tequila. 😅
Right, all it takes is a little effort and creativity. Which apparently people are severely lacking
I think it all boils down to how much effort you're willing to put in. Seems like some of these men consider the emotional energy necessary for dating or socializing in general is beneath them.
Steph! We care about it if YOU’RE talking about it. I click your videos so fast when you post. Keep it up ☺️🤎
The friend buying the ring is where he lost me, because I’m a fairly cheap date and a practical planner.
Why do I feel like she planned it behind the scenes
@Tony Alston you're correct she is still single. being a cheap date isn't working huh? she needs to up her standards and make the dude paaay. and she'll be married tomorrow! or at least have a better time...
@Tony Alston being married isn’t the end goal. Having a SUCCESSFUL marriage is.
That story is so cringy. It’s literally saying, in my eyes, “Black women will settle for any type of man just so they won’t be single.” It kind of makes me want to cry that so many black women want the title of WIFE so badly still that they’ll ignore every red flag just to say they have a man 😞😔 Staying single should be preferable to being with someone who doesn’t meet your standards, but too many black women act like single-hood is a death sentence, so…
-edit-
Scroll down under this comment & find the one from the man. Don’t worry, you won’t miss it. That is the *type* of “human” that these women are settling for. I am not losing out on anything by not being open to that type of male energy. Those types are not needed & they are not assets. Black men who think they’re the prizes and constantly dog women are typically the ones who end up in rest homes with no visitors & no one who truly loves them. They don’t love anybody anyway. I have love in my life; I have ppl that I can call on if I needed them, and if I ended up dead tomorrow I’d have ppl at my funeral & ppl who would miss me. If I were in a rest home in 30 or 40 yrs, I would have visitors & loved ones regardless if I ever married. All women, but especially BLACK women, need to have this same energy and appreciate what they have & water their own gardens instead of looking at what other ppl have, imagining that it’s perfect or better than your life. Y’all do need to stop settling, and when I say “y’all”, yes, I’m referring to my fellow Black women. (The only way you’re going to gain more beauty in your life is to appreciate the beauty u already have.)
All of this! There’s no cute spins on this! He’s a bum and she is desperate‼️‼️
Honestly why can't we have a good ending, we too can have the whimsical love story. I said it earlier but the fact Steph did a mini woop at a BW getting married (to a bum) and said "he's not abusive" is actually not ok
@@Nat0528 girl, this broke my heart. And the fact that Steph kinda co-signed it broke my heart even more. I, too, am a black woman of a certain age and if anybody wants to be in my life whether it’s as a friend or romantically, they have standards they have to meet. If you’re a black woman, it’s especially important to keep your standards high.
@@norikay22 we can have our happy endings, we just have to keep our eyes and ears open & use our brains & stop focusing on “dying alone” cuz we won’t die “alone” anyway. Most of us have ppl in our lives that love us and many of these men aren’t worth a min of time. I think the black women that have happy endings (or fairytale romances) just aren’t posting on social media b/c they’re trying to protect what they have.
@Tony Alston what? 🤣🤣🤣 outta nowhere u swoop down with all this animosity towards a woman u don’t even know
I’ve been asked on dates many times. Once numbers are exchanged to plan the date, the date is never mentioned again but I’m often invited to their homes at 10pm-2am to “chill”.
Edit: I do not accept the “chill” invitations, ever!! We will not speak again and my acceptance of the date invitation is now null and void, if it ever gets planned anyway(which I doubt it would)
don't go
@@marie-francoiset9402 oh of course not. Absolutely not.
I’ve done a media interview before that turned out a lot different than what I expected. Yes, everything in the story was something I had told them but the way they put it together, highlighted some things and not others created a narrative that I really didn’t feel like was an accurate reflection of my story. Whoever wrote this story knew exactly what they were doing. The couple probably talked to them for hours and the author pulled the most unflattering details because they knew it would get exactly the kind of engagement it’s getting. Not to say the narrative we’re getting from this isn’t true, cause the details are messy and embarrassing as hell, but I’m also sure what we’re getting isn’t the totality of their story. His Instagram caption didn’t really challenge the narrative tho…
Was he really swimming in it though? Like I honestly believe he wasn't giving her much attention because he was waiting for the type of woman he really wanted to finally come around or simply walk into his life. And when she didn't, he decided to go ahead and give this woman a chance... The woman who had been showing him attention and interest all along. The woman he would cancel dates with.
Congrats to them and if they're happy that's what matters. This was just my opinion 😊
Honestly it seems to me he, like many other men nowadays, was looking for his 'instagram woman' but also didn't wanna 'spend money on women' and I truly believe those two very conflicting ideals are the reason many men out there are so resentful about their dating life.
@@fatumsoare Spot on. He didn't HAVE the money for the Instagram woman.
Don’t let him come across her, either. He’ll cheat on Parking Lot Penny, they’ll get divorced, and he’ll take his half of her assets and spend it all on Miss Dime, never dating to take who he really wanted to the parking lot of a fast food establishment
“Why can’t I lure any goddesses to my lair with a $5 pizza and a $10 bottle of wine that I’ll Venmo them for later?! Chicks just don’t appreciate gentlemen these days” 😂
A relationship doesn't end at the wedding. If that was the sort of effort he had put into dating, can you imagine the dynamics of their marriage? Eww. There is a reason why divorce rates are so high.
Thank you! This is why I think it’s dangerous to put marriage on a pedestal. Settling for “not abusive” to get a ring screams lack of self worth.
I wouldn’t take a stray dog to a Popeye’s parking lot. I would at least take him to the park and feed him a treat.
It’s giving intentional negging and degrading her to see how low she will go. Sadly, she won the limbo competition.
Personally, I view that as a tragedy not a triumph.
When I dated my husband we didn’t go on fancy dates but we did spend lots of time together doing things that we both liked doing. He didn’t have lots of money but he put in effort to spend as much time as he could with me. Time and effort trumps money every time. But believe if he doesn’t spend money or time on you he likely is not into you.
Hey Steph. I agree to an extent but there's also an entire chasm between this scenario and a fluffy fairytale. Maybe only the 1% get to live fairytales so that's not what I expect. I don't want to go to Popeye's though! 🤣🤣🤣 Please God, no.
Correction, Popeyes *parking lot*
A friend of mine had hooked me up with this guy, a blind date. I could tell he was attracted to me, at least physically. He picked me up to go for a walk on the Promanade. Okay, that's fine. However, he takes a bottle of water out of the trunk of his car and then he says to me, " oh I feel really bad cause I don't have any water for you." I'm looking at him like, sir, how bad do you really feel when there's a corner store right there that you can go to or give me yours since it hasn't been opened yet!This man made no attempt to provide me with libation. Fast forward 2 days later, my friend says oh he really likes you but he said you won't return his calls. My response, "why would I? He made no effort so I won't either." Ladies stop taking the bare minimum.
I get that being content in being by yourself while also having peace doesn't rank as high as being partnered, for most people, but my God please stop accepting so little. In the end it will not be beneficial to you in any shape or form.
I get so excited whenver you upload a new video , I don’t have any siblings and you are like a big sister to me , funny how can o relate to you even that I am in whole different country , different ethnicity, different beliefs, love from Tunisia ♥️♥️
I love how you reworked what he said 😄 "Shut up, Sir" had me rolling. 👏🏾👏🏾 My mom used to say, it's all about the tone, and he really could have meant that he wanted someone with shared values, and an emphasis on everlasting. real love rather than just grand gestures, but the tone of how he conveyed it took it elsewhere. So yes, keep it quiet, Mister.
Hello Love ❤️!!!! Thank you for the late night upload!! I’m here for it!! I hope you are well! You look marvelous darlin 🥰
Great nuanced commentary. Thanks for sharing.
She married down. Don't kid yourself had her physical aesthetic been that of a preference he would have made greater efforts. He married up.
WOOING. This is what it boils down to. What makes this story depressing, is the reality that the collective of Black Men do not find Black Women deserving of the care and respect to show they are interested (even if it's for a hook-up). It's not even about money. A man can be dead broke, but if he is truly interested and finds a woman WORTHY he will move mountains just to get to know her. He will get creative and put THOUGHT into it. And what we're seeing is a collective of men who don't feel women even deserve the bare minimum of thoughtfulness much less any kind of investment into a potential relationship. They already come into the equation with a chip on their shoulder, bruised egos, lack of confidence, and almost a sense of resentment against women. And once again as it plays out in this story Black Women are taking up the slack and settling for the type of man that with a Jagged Edge "might as well do it" mentality. It's all bad out here.
Yass to the hair the face and everything hunnie!! You giving us a whole look today 🥰
I think what it is with Black women specifically is that ALL we've done so far is compromise, date down, have to "appreciate the small things", and remained unhappy, that we (Black women) automatically thinking the best. Especially having the worse for so long
I agree, people are suggesting that Black women stop being “gold diggers”.. when we’re we collectively gold diggers?? We were historically beasts of burden enduring oppression alongside Black men. Black women only recently began desiring more.
More and more straight men are becoming hypergamous. I find this alot with men of color who are culturally American and who didn't grow up in traditional households. I'm starting to rethink dating American men in general. It's bad out here, yall. Keep your wits about you.
You need to do a update on the Solomon guy. He is starting a Gofund me to fund his wedding. Ppl say he even asked for donations for the ring he gave his girl. WTH.
I SAW THAT 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Oh Lord.
Him being a “dating coach” is starting to sound like “entrepreneur”, lol
This hair! Makeup & nails 💅🏾 🤍🙌🏾 you look fab girl
The craziest part was someone else buying him an engagement ring to give to her !
Let's be honest. The guy is a gold digger. She had her own house, more money and he wanted some of that.
Yep.
Awesome analysis and LOVE the hair
Not me getting here one minute after you posted 😂
😂😂😂
I’m here after 7 minutes I was waiting for her to upload
She dated down, married down and he gloating about how he didn't have to do much. She wasn't even his first pick(he was talking to multiple women), he moved into her home, he was married before. She comes off as desperate but as long as she's happy.
I didn’t hear about this story before now, but I do care! I always love the way you discuss topics because you hit the subject from all angles. I think I have an unpopular opinion regarding men shelling out in early courtship because I don’t want a man to invest in me unless I’m sure I am emotionally invested in him. In my experience men feel like they are entitled to a certain level of access to you, outside of just sexual, if they have invested in you. I understand that mindset. I once had a guy who was interested in me offer to get my car fixed, and I’ve had women tell me I should have let him but I didn’t see a future with him. I don’t want anyone I don’t love to provide for me. I much prefer a lowkey start to courtship because I want to make sure the connection is real first.
I agree, I'm OK with a man paying for dinner and coffee dates etc but I have turned down anything more than that. I wouldn't want a man covering housing/car costs, buying clothes etc for me unless we were in a committed relationship. Flowers, perfumes, small gifts..these are all more appropriate for courting.
I agree one hundred percent. The idea of letting a man pay my rent or buy me something expensive if I don’t enjoy his company or want to be attached to him long term is a little scary to me honestly. A man is obviously going to feel like he’s owed some level of loyalty. For me it’s a red flag if a man to sets out to deliver too much prior to being in a committed relationship. It’s giving love bombing.
I agree but there’s a lot of grey area between Popeyes parking lot and extravagant gifts. My bare minimum is mutual respect and effort.
First of all, you look stunning 😍… I would rather die alone if I have to settle for this kind of man. Totally gross 🤮
Yep. I’ll treat you well, be a good wife and do all the wifey things if you treat me like a lady. If you’re treating me like a best mate and plan our wedding at POPEYES of all places, live alone forever and eat all the Popeyes you want 😂😂😂
He could’ve taken her to Red Lobster/ The Cheesecake factory…not Popeyes. Or Korean BBQ.
An ice-cream date and a walk in the park would have been the perfect core memory.
@@Mmeme2023 that would have made the story normal and even cute. then the only down points would be his cringy caption and this “friend” buying the wedding ring, smh.
@Tony Alston They're from Boston. A lot of Boston restaurants were still open even if it wasn't sit down you could do take out. It being a pandemic is not a good reason to not try and offer her a meal, to go, a few steps above Popeyes.
Hello , Beautiful !!!! I can’t wait to see your vlog , so glad that you enjoyed yourself!
1. She owned her apartment, so he gets half if he didn’t sign a prenup.
2. She on the hook for his child support if he stops paying.
3. If he looses his job and then divorce her, she has to pat him alimony AND his child support
You get a hand clap of praise from me 👏👏👏👏👏👏 this is how the marriage system gets you when you aren't strategic.
Does he though? Is it automatic? I'm from the UK and recently read a story about a married woman who lived with her husband in his house. When he died unexpectedly, she didn't automatically get the house as she thought she would because he hadn’t changed his will or put her name on the deeds of the house.
The law might be different in the States. Is it?
@@rejectionisprotection4448 where did you read this story?? I studied law in the UK and married couples automatically get access to homes once their partner passes. Was the woman in your story a “common law wife”? If so, then she wouldn’t get the house because that is not a legal marriage as no documents were signed.
@@EA-rt3pi I've responded 2x to you with links to the article. Obvs Steph doesn't allow links in her comments. So, search "Daily Mail a cautionary tale widow".
She WAS married to her husband and wasn't a common law life, but it's a bit more complicated than that.
@@rejectionisprotection4448 found the article and as I suspected you’ve misunderstood the law. She’s entitled to the property. The problem is she also inherited a loan she couldn’t afford. So had to give up the home to her father in law, who bought the house
Your hair everything in this video! Keep up the good work 🙂
Yes, there's probably a lot we don't know about their relationship. But that's what he chose to highlight, which gave the indication that that's what he valued about her. His words came across like what he loved about their relationship was that he didn't have to do much for her.It's less about the lavish spending, she being educated or making more money than him. We know women carry the burden in the home and relationship. So based on his words, it's fair people assume that it won't end well for her.
Yay - I'm a solo traveler. Glad to see you enjoyed yourself.
The standard varied from person to person. Yes there's women for whom the standard includes receiving expensive gifts solely because of the gift - but then some men use that as an excuse to generalize.
How lovely that they “connected on a deeper level” but dude was a cheapskate from the start. He also cancelled a few times? TF? Nah.
If basic respect is lacking, it’s a hell no for me. Isn’t the beginning supposed to be when we put our best foot forward? If that’s it, it’s a hard pass for me.
To me it isn’t about their story not being a fairy tale it’s about him thinking that she doesn’t even deserve the bare minimum, he put no effort what so ever in “courting” her. So yes sis settled, and I’m not clapping just because one of us got married because if their marriage is anything based off of their love story then yikes.
You look very beautiful. I really like your hair and makeup combined with your confidence it's all working for you. I know why you have not talked about your dating life recently, but would love to hear any recent successes/ positive dating experiences you have had.
Such a good topic + segment. I look forward to the next, Steph💛
The thing that bothered me most about this situation is that The New York Times thought this was a worthy love story to post 😒
It’s almost like it’s intentionally trying to sell Black women the narrative to lower our standards so we too can be married. 😩
Yes, the misogynoir of whoever green lit this piece is coming through loud and clear 😒
Your comments are very precise. I did have a relationship like that in my life. It can get complicated but you may as well enjoy yourself. Thank you Steph.
You had a good balanced opinion on this! Nice wrap up! What's one isn't for all...everyone accepts different things and that's cool!
Yeah, I care and it's an abomination and will only end in tears for that woman. I weep for how LITTLE some BW will settle for, but that couldn't be me, that's for sure!
OMG, you remind me of the lady Kimberly from For Harriet. Also, you guys resemble alot also.
I think going out on a simple first date like a coffee date or drinks or maybe even a happy hour is not a bad idea.
Looking beautiful Steph! About to watch this while I’m at work, thanks for the upload :)
I love listening to you talk!
I’m glad I met my husband when I did although we didn’t go to a super expensive restaurant but it was a really nice steak house. We talked, ate, and he dropped me home. I typically don’t reach out after a 1st date but he really courted me before I said yes to our 1st date. I knew he was leaving for a new job in a new city and I reached out to him the next day expressed that I enjoyed my date with him and would love to see him again before he left. The rest was history married for 6 years. As a married woman I just hate the idea of settling. love happens in every kind of ways but I hope he truly takes care of her by putting in efforts (small efforts as well) in their relationship. I think social media gives man and woman the idea that a first date is supposed to be lavish 200 dollars or more. It’s sad that some men thinks all or most women thinks like that. I think I’m reality most women just want to be courted with serious intentions and go on a good steak house or good adventurous date that may cost 60-100 dollars. The thing is that dating websites and social gives to many options and now people are not really wanting to put in efforts in each other to really get to know there date. It’s sad that this what dating has turned into.
I think what makes the NY times wedding story not a fairytale is that I think the bride did not recognize that the fact that she and her groom had the "same dreams" is actually a red flag for him because he is 10 years older than her. He should be 10 years further along in realizing his dreams, but he did not seem to be. But I wish them well.
This was written to embarrass her. Everybody is looking down on her. She hasn't got any self esteem stop explaining shit that doesn't need to be excused. From the beginning to the end he made her the man of the relationship.
Well, she did, actually.
You look lovely Steph! And well said. It's not always about the whimsical, it is about the real ❤
I have to say that I just love you girl! I definitely relate to lots of your content! You are like the bestie that I just missed having in my life! You make me feel like wheww I'm not tripping then. Thank God someone gets it! You are awesome, brilliant, and beautiful! If you visit Chicago, we goin out girl!!💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️
The narrative steph spun in the end, basically saying, that maybe for this couple, it’s not the narrative itself, but they WAY in which the narrative was told‼️ Or perhaps, that lady was accustomed to being wined and dined, but appreciated the simpler things she now shares with him, etc‼️ 😩
I really love that steph is always balanced in her views… but even her wholesome alternate viewpoint can’t make this entire story “un-cringe!” Its always said, even if you put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig!
BW, pls continue to value and love yourself❤️ Also, keep your standards higher than a giraffe’s 🐱‼️ Lord, if being chosen means a complete lack of effort and mediocrity in my man, then pls let me be single in perpetuity🙃
Steph really disappointed me with this. How she gonna say she's happy because a BW got married. She basically said she would only be pressed if he was abusive? Is she OK?
@@norikay22 Yes, i agree i was like ooof‼️Why steph why? lmao‼️ We are worthy of effort and energy as all others! Like we shouldn’t have to accept mediocrity and the bare minimum, only to dress it up and present it in an alternative manner‼️
@@norikay22 if you have viewed any of her storytimes one can gather that she would be the woman in the parking lot. She has admitted to chasing men so I can definitely see her accepting this. It's unfortunate because she seems to be a great person and I would hate for her to settle.
@@bunchielove6893 I have and Steph definitely would be parking lot girl
Hi!! I was literally waiting for your take on this!
Can’t wait for the vlog! I know you got great insight to share from solo travel!
U r a very smart and analytical 1. Period!
Ummm I think she’s the breadwinner. Therefore, committing to her was strategic for him. He don’t have to do much for her. Just be there.
@Tony Alston oh yes! we know we can come anyway we are. including what you said. it's more than enough
He's a freeloader. Move in oh okay what a sweet deal. A cheap ass ring and his friend bought it and proposed on his behalf. That isn't love at all. It's a need and she met it.
Whatever you make a video on, I still care! I'm here for this new series!
This was a nice little spin Steph put on this story. A lil too nice if you ask me. She sounded like she was the woman who got married defending herself lol. Steph's take was admirable but that still doesn't take away the fact that this story was cringey, reeked desperation, and just plain embarrassing. There's nothing wrong with having standards and I'm not even saying they have to be high standards. But a lot of the stuff people ask for is bare minimum at most. The amount of people who want to the moon standards are few and far between. The problem is the ppl they are asking them of are either not good ppl, don't really like them for real, and/or just lazy. And to the woman complimenting her partner for making a coffee, I'm sorry but that is bare minimum. I make my parents, friends, etc. coffee all the time. If the pot is already made how much trouble is it to pour an extra cup? Not saying don't be appreciative but let's not act like they flew to Ecuador, gathered the coffee beans, flew back, and grinded the beans themselves or anything. I would thank my partner of course but I'm not posting about it online. Truthfully, that was a basic a** task 🤷🏾♀
So enjoy your content, Steph. I find it fascinating and insightful - and educational. My perspective is that of a white, British, Gen X woman (not your target/typical demographic, I imagine...). So, much of your commentary is a window into a whole different world, for me. And that, I so appreciate.
I'm lo-o-ong-time single. Because it all seems like a huge amount of effort that I can't quite summon up the energy or will to make. For what I can't - after all this time / life experience - imagine would bring a big enough positive to my life to be worth it. These days, I feel like a potential partner would have to clear such a high bar to add *anything* to my life.
But. Were I to make a foray into that arena (which I occasionally do). I don't/wouldn't expect the dating effort / outlay (financial- or energy-wise) that you talk about. Chiefly because I don't feel inclined to match it, myself. So, why should I expect it from him? It would actually make me deeply uncomfortable, these days.
All of which probably adds up to explain exactly why I'm single - and, I imagine, destined to remain so...!
Yay for the deplatforming of Andrew Tate. Double yay that my Gen Z son agrees with that wholeheartedly - and is as grossed out by the proliferation of mysogynistic podcasters / PUAs / 'masculinity coaches' / that ilk, as I am.
He is looking at marriage as a business. He doesn't love her and most likely will cheat throughout their marriage and feel absolutely nothing about it.
I hope sis knows what she has on her hands.
Great commentary
Totally see your point of view, dating for men in this age has become them just putting in the bare minimum and they know they can get away with it because there are more of them than us.
In this case however, I don't know if I'd be so quick to judge. I haven't read the full story but to some people being wined and dined is not important. They just want to make they both have shared values and are most likely more practical than romantic. Also while I'd never accept his actions at the beginning, maybe she was just being gracious because she knew something we don't. He may have had his reasons.
Regardless of our views I think most people will agree that this is NOT a fairytale 😂
Smells like settling.
Where is the wig from sis? Love it on you xxx
Seems like she was the pursuer and he wasn’t really interested and she had to ‘make’ him be the man for her. And his friend had to buy the engagement ring and sort of push him to propose, seems like he’s just there for the ride.
love the series already!
Women shouldn't go to a man's house on a first date. You could get messed up. My friend is dead okay. Stop being desperate. That's all I have to say.
i'm so sorry about your friend
I know. Don't do it ladies. AT ALL. I'm sorry about your friend. And yes, it gives desperation vibes.
We missed youuuuu steph 🥰 have a wonderful day
You look so pretty here. I love the hair and lipstick!
I’m 21 soon 22, I just ended a month long relationship after realising I was being manipulated. I did almost everything for him and put in so much effort for a guy 24, who would rather lay in his bed and complain about having to accompany me home than put in any effort at all.
Even the simple things he didn’t do and I think he just expected to have a maid or something to use and shelf afterwards.
He has a good future ahead of him but I wanna put my peace first as I feel he didn’t deserve me, my time or my kindness.
I do feel bad tho because I feel like he was the one for me but he prefers playing games.
If he’s playing games, he wasn’t the one for you.
I feel like dating in the US is ROUGH ROUGH ROUGH as a black woman. It's sad coz we so yummie.
Great commentary Steph