✨ Plan your most intentional & successful year with the 2024 Artist of Life Workbook, a powerful guided journal for achieving your dream life → lavendaire.com/workbook
When you’re young, you’re always worrying what other people are thinking about you. When you reach middle age, you no longer care what other people think of you. And when you’re old, you realise, everyone was just thinking about themselves all along.
Wow I am 13 years old I do agree with u but I still can’t help but fall into old mindset of thinking everyone is staring at me and thinking bad of me but I’ll try to keep it at this
How to heal: What defines you is what you do with that pain - awareness: ask yourself: “What childhood tories or traumas stick out in my memory?”, You really have to be honest and vulnerable with yourself. Give yourself space and time. This step is the key of the whole healing process. - understanding: see the new perspectives, what was true, what were just opinions or just assumptions that you’ve had. - compassion: start with yourself, you have to be compassionate to yourself. Next, have compassion for all others involved in your story and empathize with them because “hurt people hurt people” - forgiveness: learning to forgive is a part of self love. Oprah Winfrey: “Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past will be any different.” Be present! - learning: What has this experience taught you? What have you learned? What have you gained? How are you stronger and better because of this? The more painful and uncomfortable the more it has the power to change you. - transformation: rewriting your story through the eyes of love. ask yourself: Where is the love in my story? rewrite your limiting beliefs, rewrite a new ending for yourself. ___be present___
I'm 17 and I'm trying to change myself for a better life and now I'm here.I felt lots of depression and stress between my family,friends and for my life.Thank you for this video it really help me.
18 and graduating this year. I've been focusing on bettering myself my entire senior year then then this came up. I was wondering what was halting my progress, and I believe it may be my issues that I experienced growing up in a toxic household.
Being in denial is a normal human reaction towards protecting our feelings and emotions. Healing is a process and it does take alot of hardwork, effort and sincerity . Its a journey that begin with awareness or own up the feeling ....
@@alishagee3450 Well done my dear, being able to talk it out is already a very significant accomplishment. Not many people can delve or talk about their hurts ... its akin a wound that we just want to cover it up with a bandage
⭐️💝 The heart always gives the right answers, you just have to ask it, and listen, it will always give you the most right answer possible. It will always be a response that will resonate with you. Ask, and listen, you will be surprised at his answers. ⭐️💝 For all those who wish it : Recite as many times as possible (Very effective, miraculous: D) : • For oneself : « Divine Source heal me. purify me » • For others : « Divine Source Purifies Heals Totally First name + Last name + Relationship-with-the-person » • For the universe : « Divine Source Purifies Completely Heals the whole planet Earth, and the whole Universe » ⭐️💝 Save a prayer with a voice recorder and put it in a loop mode, it’s making a constant healing ⭐️💝 Write all the things that you can do for yourself and others, and do it ⭐️💝
I was bullied for years growing up. I was the kid everyone made fun of, and I still don’t really understand why. When you asked “What would you say to your child self,” I burst out in tears. I wish I could tell her “You are beautiful and smart and fun, and no one has any reason to put you down.” I know my self esteem is still damaged from that experience, but I didn’t realize by how much. I guess I have some work to do. ♥️ Thank you for this!
The reason you got bullied is because they had issues, and those issues are their problem, not yours. However, the reason you kept getting bullied over and over is because you let them. You need to learn to stand up for yourself and fight when you have to.
@@danman6612 I feel that your words are kindly meant. My opinion is that kids bully each other no matter what. I did stand up for myself back then, and it only ever made it worse. Once other kids have decided you’re “uncool,” there isn’t much you can do to change their opinion. 7 months after writing my original comment... you’ll be glad to know I have been doing some work and have made considerable progress. I still have work to do, but my self esteem is stronger! :)
@@AnnikaOrne "My opinion is that kids bully each other no matter what." Based on personal experience, if you hurt someone, people will think twice before messing with you. Bullies tend to go after the easy targets instead of those they think could seriously cause them harm. "Once other kids have decided you’re “uncool,” there isn’t much you can do to change their opinion." Correct, and they tend to leave you alone and go after someone else who they consider an easy target. I'm glad to hear you've been making progress, keep it up! :)
@@danman6612 Please stop trying to “fix” my past. I was a tomboy and literally pushed my bullies to the ground multiple times. I was literally the tallest and strongest kid in my class-I had an early growth spurt and actually won an arm wrestle tournament in 6th grade (boys and girls). Getting physical is not the answer for little girls bullying each other, nor would it have helped in junior high. Not only are girls and boys (usually) VERY different, you really have no idea what you’re talking about in regards to my experience. I attended a private school where anytime I “stood up” for myself I was the one reprimanded. Girls bully with words and then cry to the teacher when you respond. Not only that, but my main bully was a teacher’s daughter. There are so many factors that played into my experience, it’s a little baffling you’re trying to tell me how I could have avoided it. Read a little about sociology and you’ll learn it’s actually better for girls when they are late bloomers (short, young looking, underdeveloped). Girls who develop early are almost always bullied.
@@AnnikaOrne I'm not talking about pushing and arm wrestling, I'm talking about causing actual physical pain. "Please stop trying to “fix” my past." You can't fix your past, you can only learn from it. "Getting physical is not the answer for little girls bullying each other" If the bullying is physical, then the response must be physical. "you really have no idea what you’re talking about in regards to my experience." I'm not claiming to know your experience, but I do know how bullies operate. "Girls bully with words" Therefore, you respond back with words and laugh at them. "Read a little about sociology" I've read plenty, and yet they still haven't solved the bullying problem in schools. "Girls who develop early are almost always bullied." And will continue to be until they stand up for themselves.
To anybody reading this, I pray that whatever is hurting you or whatever you are constantly stressing about gets better. May the dark thoughts, the overthinking, and the doubt exit your mind may clarity replace confusion. may peace and calmness fill your life. 🧘♂
Hey, Here are the parts of the video: The theory essential part of the video: - Nobody is perfect, nobody lives a perfect life (1:30) - Don't judge people for their struggles (3:17) - Relative pain (4:23) The 6 practical steps to healing: 1. awareness (5:20) 2. understanding (6:40) 3. compassion (9:03) 4. forgiveness (12:26) 5. learning (14:30) 6. transformation (17:30) The best quote (in my opinion) " what defines you is what you do with that pain." Thank you Lavendaire for this video!
To the person reading this: You are who you are. You are a gorgeous and beautiful creation. You are a masterpiece. You are who you are. You are strong and courageous. You can absolutely do it. You are powerful. Remind yourself that you are who you are. Move forward with your determination, and conviction. You can absolutely do it. Have a great day ahead, Remember you are who you are. ❤️❤️❤️
⭐️💝 The heart always gives the right answers, you just have to ask it, and listen, it will always give you the most right answer possible. It will always be a response that will resonate with you. Ask, and listen, you will be surprised at his answers. ⭐️💝 For all those who wish it : Recite as many times as possible (Very effective, miraculous: D) : • For oneself : « Divine Source heal me. purify me » • For others : « Divine Source Purifies Heals Totally First name + Last name + Relationship-with-the-person » • For the universe : « Divine Source Purifies Completely Heals the whole planet Earth, and the whole Universe » ⭐️💝 Save a prayer with a voice recorder and put it in a loop mode, it’s making a constant healing ⭐️💝 Write all the things that you can do for yourself and others, and do it ⭐️💝
@@solmorales18 ⭐️💚 MIRACULOUS PRAYER : Recite the most time possible this simple prayer, and you will see by yourself, it's very miraculous, healing : 💚 « GOD , JESUS-CHRIST , HEAL ME TOTALLY , PURIFY ME » ⭐️💚 To heal someone : « GOD , JESUS-CHRIST , HEAL TOTALY NAME+LAST-NAME+link with the person (for example my grand mother) » Recite the most time possible this simple prayer, and you will see by yourself, it's very miraculous, healing.
Key points: awareness, understanding, compassion, forgiveness, learning, transformation „What childhood stories or traumas stick out in your memory?“ „How can you look at the situation from a more logical and unbiased point of view?“ What are some assumptions you might’ve been making this whole time? What was true and what else were just opinion or assumptions? „What would you say to your younger self going through those things?“ Have Compassion to everyone part of your story. Try to let go and forgive. Change your perspective about the past. „What have these experiences thought you?“ Practice gratitude for what you‘ve been through. Quote: „ Life is happening for us not to us.“ Rewrite your story. „Where’s the love in your story?“ Realise that were often focused on the negative aspects of life. Nothing’s perfect. We’re taking a lot of things for granted. Rewrite your limiting beliefs. „What limiting beliefs might I have from this experience?“ It’s a matter of understanding why you have certain fears, worries or anxieties. Take back control over your life/story. „How do you want to live your life moving forward from here?“ „What good will you take with you and what bad will you leave behind?“ Quote: „Life isn‘t perfect and it’s not meant to be perfect.“ „What defines you is what you do with that pain.“ „How did that pain transform you?“ Thank you Aileen. Feels like I can be my own therapist with this. 😊
I’ve actually noticed that the pain I’ve experienced in my life has made me weaker. I used to be a very positive and adaptable child, which came pretty naturally to me. I’ve lost that and now have social anxiety and depression. I don’t know how that really happened, but I will try to apply the points in this video to figure out and deal with what happened and improve myself. Thank you💖
i seen something that said pain and trauma doesn’t make you stronger…it makes you weaker healing from that trauma or pain makes you stronger but not the actual pain n trauma itself
I'm also experiencing weakness I know Its difficult. But I'm learning to communicate with others and getting better I feel like I'm gaining in a good way.
@Dariane Jackson i thought i was the only one who felt this way! i feel like i’m just a soul in a body sometimes and i just feel so sad all the time, unlike how i was before. i used to be so happy and cheerful but now that’s gone and all i want is to have it back. trauma really doesn’t change you :(
I was molested at 7 years old by a family member, this was during the time my parents split and since very young we’d move constantly even within the same town because their relationship was so toxic at that time. I was bullied because of my religion and being skinny and tiny compared to everyone else. I was abused mentally, physically and emotionally by partners and family. I definitely appreciate you and your content, because I have so much anger and pain inside and it destroyed my mental health. I developed severe anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and I finally have reached out for help🙏🏼
@Yami Santi Thank you for sharing. In her video, Lavendair says in Understanding that we should look for new perpectives that what we assumed may not have been so. But when one is abused there is no other perspective... or am I missing something? I was also abused as a child.
I was also being molested by a close family member I was 7yrs old I didn't know what was going on until when I became an adult n it started hitting me Soo hard I also grew up believing am not beautiful n a big percentage of my schooling I used to be body shamed since I was Soo skinny At the age of 26 I struggle with relationships I lack confidence n I have self esteem issues am also a single mom to a 5yrs old boy .I would love to heal n be free but I do not know where I should start
You’re so strong for going through all that you have been through and that’s you’re still here I’m proud of you ❤️ you got this! Keep going because you’re strength is amazing I’m proud of you
*"Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past would be different"* Oprah Winfrey-This has touched me and has me in a state of letting go and healing in a way that will make me to never look back and feel a sense of regret but instead I'll look back and feel a sense of gratitude and lesson to have gotten me where I am now...😇😇😇
The ‘pain tolerance’ tangent kind of hurt to hear. I’ve always had people tell me I’m “strong and I’ll be fine.” But at the end of the day I’m still just a person and I feel pain too, every traumatic event I felt JUST as much as anyone else. Yes, I had a rough start, but just because I got through it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt to go through :/
I have a great-uncle who fell, hit his head, and drowned in a shallow mud puddle when he was a small child. Just because someone else drowned in a deep pool or the ocean or in an industrial disaster involving a giant pot of oil doesn't make one person more or less drowned. Your pain is valid, Cherie Rose.
Exactly - I know exactly how you feel. My therapist helped me learn that people invalidate other peoples’ pain out of awkwardness & not knowing what to say, not bc what they say is the right thing to say. But despite knowing that in my head & working so hard on knowing that in my heart, it STILL stings when I’m told things like “You’ll be fine - you’re a smart girl.”
When Aileen mentioned forgiveness, I thought to myself that that’s not hard since I forgive everyone ever since my childhood But then it hit me that there was one person I forgot to forgive Myself Once I realised that I just cried Take care of yourself, folk. Love you 💖🌱
Oh god I couldn't stop crying the whole video but I'm determined that January 2023 is my healing month and it's time to face my trauma and let go of the limiting beliefs
Healing is not only a process but a decision. You can't be forced nor 'made to' heal. It's a decision one makes and decides to embark on the journey, for it is a journey. My encouragement is to heal when you are ready to, when the time is right, it happens naturally. You just submit to the process naturally. P. S Don't take too long though ❤️
I cried. I started to think about my mother. How she was burdened by her mistakes...as I struggle with too. I have so much emotional pain that it doesn't allow me to see myself worthy. And now I can see that she dealt with the same inner pain.
⭐️💝 The heart always gives the right answers, you just have to ask it, and listen, it will always give you the most right answer possible. It will always be a response that will resonate with you. Ask, and listen, you will be surprised at his answers. ⭐️💝 For all those who wish it : Recite as many times as possible (Very effective, miraculous: D) : • For oneself : « Divine Source heal me. purify me » • For others : « Divine Source Purifies Heals Totally First name + Last name + Relationship-with-the-person » • For the universe : « Divine Source Purifies Completely Heals the whole planet Earth, and the whole Universe » ⭐️💝 Save a prayer with a voice recorder and put it in a loop mode, it’s making a constant healing ⭐️💝 Write all the things that you can do for yourself and others, and do it ⭐️💝
You need to go to therapy because you can’t continue to live with all that emotional pain. Believe me I’ve had more than my fair share and far less than others but you should address it so you can get past it and have a happy life
@@meg-d3024 yes agree with you! actually this was I did!!! my journey of healing from painful past experience is manageable as I was able to share my story to others.
My boyfriend and I after dealing with each other on and off for 4 years broke up yesterday and then your video came along I loved it and it inspired me greatly. Thank you!
This helped me because it made me realize how an event from my childhood made me more withdrawn and unwilling to get close to my friends because I was afraid of being left out and abandoned. But now I know that it doesn't define me and I can change! :)
Life definitely wouldn’t be life without difficult, trying times. Life is challenging for me right now. I can not tell you how much it helps to continue to tell myself “everything will be okay”. Mindset is, without a doubt, a great ASSET. From a self love content creator to another, this couldn’t have come in a better time. Thank you Aileen. I appreciate you! 💗
I like the positivity but i think you should add some caveats re trauma that is more extreme eg abuse. The last part of your msg about how having gratitude for your pain sits VERY uncomfortable in those situations
I agree that mindset is key, but to piggyback off of Aileen’s message about compassion, you might want to tweak your self talk from ‘everything will be okay’, to ‘even if everything is not okay, I will be okay’. Much love and light to you on your journey! ❤️ 💡
@@busymama7903 When I tell myself “everything will be okay”. I know what I am trying to tell myself. Which is that regardless of what happens “I” will be okay. Thank you so much for your kind words. Have a great rest of your week! ❤️
Every day we are blessed with a fresh new start! A clean slate. Every day is a new opportunity to become the greatest version of ourselves. What happened in the past does not define your future, you can create a different story! Just know that every breath you take is meaningful ♡ make each moment count !
Erika K Vanilla Sky is one of my favorite movies and in it Sophia says, “every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around.” That has ALWAYS been my favorite quote and stuck with me when I first saw the movie
Im 31 and still cant forget 2 decades with narcissistic parents and 4 years with a bf.. I don't trust anyone else now but my son. It is not that easy even if you try.
Yes it's not easy,but it is possible if you decide to not to suffer any more and let go of the toxic baggage of your past that isn't serving for good TODAY and be Determined not to give up!! Lots of love, Positivity and support for the New You 🤗 👍
I didn't loved myself, i didn't care about myself, just cared about pleasing everyone around me, or not doing anything at all, hearing your words is making me cry, hope i can heal. Everything you are saying males sense.. and this is making me cry again and again. I am going to grow from this pain. And i am going to get stronger. Thankyou for this
"Having compassion for others in the story" That's impressive and all, but it's something I know I can't do for everybody, not even with time. At times, there just isn't any good reason why someone does something bad that hurts you. Growing up, I've met many adults like that. They just do it. Just make sure you are not hurting yourself by retaining or bearing hate for these people - they are not worth it. I prefer to just "nothing" them. And honestly, I feel that's okay too :)
bad people don’t have an excuse to abuse and traumatize others. but you do have to understand that the root of their behaviour is anger and greed that’s accumulated through trauma. every person on this earth goes through trauma. someone gets out of it only hurt, someone else gets out of it being a bad person. that’s why we have to change this generational trauma, so future generations don’t have the burden of trauma copied by their own parents. we can’t change people, we also don’t have to always be kind to them. sometimes you just have to move on for the sake of our own mental health
This reasonated well. Same I cant be compassionate to those who hurt me, instead of forgiveness I think finding a way to let go n move on will be better
Almost 2 years ago, I started my healing process after going through a deep depression. At that moment I decided to do a solo trip to Bali, specifically Ubud. The trip inspired me, energized me, and gave me renewed hope in myself and my life. It is during that trip that I encountered the exact quote from Rumi: "The wound is where the light enters you". And at that point it's exactly the quote that I needed in my life. It's also during those period when I discovered your channel. Fast forward to today, I'm a different person. Yet I am still healing, from old wounds and fresh ones. I'm still figuring out myself and my life, and many times I still feel lost. It's slow but I'm making progress. The point I want to share here is that the journey of healing and finding ourselves is not a one time deal. We need to commit to working on ourselves continuously. And I know it's gonna be worth it. PS: Aileen, I felt some sort of synchronicity with you multiple times, for instance through this Rumi quote, your Bali solo trip this year that reminds me of mine, and I also found out that we have the same MBTI profile, and many others I can't remember. Somehow I feel like you're my long lost soul sister. Oh I just love you, your energy and your work. I'm glad I found you. Thanks for this and for your light *Hugs*
This has been a tough year, I hope to get over the internal pain and agony I am going through and finally be healed. I hope everyone watching the video does it too ❤
Nobody and nothing cured me from my past trauma and slowly it turned into my insecurities but today listening to you and filling out your pdf helped me start my healing process...THANK YOU ♥
Yesss. This is sooo true. Pain “let’s the light in”.... Having Cancer and then SURVIVING Cancer turned out to be a big GIFT for me ...has given me such GRATITUDE and I’m trying to continue to GROW every day💝
I felt a lost of depressed and lost myself in 14,15,16 yo.But now I am found that how to heal myself with this s*it problems.Thank you for sharing.I love youuu.
I just went through this healing experience by myself but it is exactly as you describe it. It was painful but so worth it. It feels like th constant buzz inside my head yelling my own defects has quieted completely and I am more motivated to look forward to what my life can become. Thank you for sharing this.
@@31oise Hi, I'm terribly sorry I did not answer sooner. I started journaling whenever I had this feeling of being inadequate. I chased that thought through my writing. I let all my feelings out without restriction and when I finally finished I read it again. That way I discovered the incredibly hateful discourse I had against me. It changed from a stormy cloud to facts and pictures spread in front of me and I could see them for what they were: thoughts. A lot of them were judgements. I would never have said this about any person I have ever known yet I was saying it to myself. Some of them were fears, rooted specifically to the fear of failing. But the ones that I saw as a chance were assumptions. These ones I could do something about. So I started with those.
Thank you for sharing this. I just thought i was lazy because i left work but now i believe i need to work through trauma and pain first before i can move on…
“Everything is happening FOR us, not TO us..” - this is how to not relive past traumas again.. And expressing gratitudes of love, helps create steps of progress.. So beautiful.. Thank you 🙏🏼
"Meant to struggle" I'm so happy you said that. We are meant to struggle and that is how we grow and learn. Thank you for sharing what you've learned from your journey.
This video is sooo underrated! Many don’t understand how much work it really takes to work on yourself and accept everything that’s happened. Thank you for this video ! I’m proud of the work you’ve done for yourself ❤️
Tbh this video is everything I need rn My father. Left me and my mom for 1 year and after that my family started to have financial problems so we had to move to our village. I didn't wanted to go to the village BC I was like omg what will others say!?!? So as a result I was frustrated I was kinda overthinking the situation and I was soo traumatized by the past and I had this problem of showing my emotion Basically I couldn't cry I was holding sooo much And now 9 months of being a village girl or living in the village I am on a spiritual journey I have grown soo much I am greatful Hope this helped you Enjoy you day and remember: "If you have a problem you also have the solution "✨
I am an advocate for good mental health management, and a survivor of abuse. This is by far the most practical and realistic video to watch out of thousands of self-help videos I have watched if anyone is ready to heal and progress.
When she talked about forgiveness, i remember the quote "Forgive yourself for not knowing" and that I think is beautiful. Base on my personal experience, it's probably easier to forgive those who wronged you first than forgiving yourself first. It's easier to understand them when you shared best moments in life than understanding why you let them hurt you at the first place. Probably that's what love can do, forgive even after all and I need it for myself too.
Yes! you are absolutely right, and just to share something this is a quote that I made or mantra that I say to myself when forgiving somebody that has done some quite unpleasant things “I will forgive the people who hurt me not because they deserve to be forgiven but for the sake of my own self, I will leave my past for it does not serve me in the present, I want to move forward and live the life that I desire”. Hope you have a wonderful day🌷🍄🌈
My last relationship was emotionally abusive. I changed so much during that, that now when it has ended im still left with that old self of mine that i hate the most. Its ruining my present and i just want to bloom once again, be different than who i am right now because of my past
Thank you for this …. I’m 53 and still have pain and struggle from past hurts and trauma. I’ll I’ve ever been able to do is remember them and then I keep replaying them on my head… but never finding a way or knowing how to heal from them. Your video has offered me a place to start the process of healing and hopefully step out of this painful shell I live in.
All I kept thinking during your video was how I am as a mother. I am a single parent to a 6 year old, I work full time, I'm doing a part time degree and have to run our house too. I always try to ask about her day, but she also spends alot of time with my parents. Your mum must have felt as guilty as I do, it is not easy being a single parent. Mum guilt is real ❤
Im so blessed to hear this at this time Im struggling with a break up of what I thought was a good friendship but then I never realized how one sided relationship until I got so tired of it and he never understood anything
From a friendship breakup too I was loyal tried to make it work from this yr Jan but she doesn't want to fix it &says she doesn't want more friends? Known her for 1yr 11mnths I had my own mistakes which I agreed to all but the person also did & doesn't want to own up to her toxic traits sooner or later she'll see what she lost yours too will. What goes around comes back around but for now I just want to heal,learn,grow &get few new friends at least but not get too attached/expect a lot. Wish you the best too✨✨
Watched this and understand what it likes to feel abandoned, etc. It has been 10 years since my dad took his own life, so I am celebrating a milestone of surviving 10 years. On a spiritual level, I want to accepts God's love and forgiveness through Jesus dying for our sins so I can learn to forgive and be transformed by God's love. Easier said than done, but I always need to remind myself and pray to receive God's love daily.
The rules of God are forgiveness first you have to forgive others to be forgiven and if this god is real I'm so sorry but there's no option to ever see your father again I hope you have the strength to give God the endless praise he craves and demands so you can exist in his Kingdom to carry on just endlessly praising him in person if this is truly existence I am so sorry that we have to live under this monster I think this is one of the worst quotes I can find in the Bible that describes God's nature. 1 Samuel 151Samuel said to Saul, "I am the one the LORD sent to anoint you king over his people Israel; so listen now to the message from the LORD.2This is what the LORD Almighty says: `I will punish the Amalekites for what they did to Israel when they waylaid them as they came up from Egypt.3Now go, attack the Amalekites and totally destroy [1] everything that belongs to them. Do not spare them; put to death men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep, camels and donkeys.'"4
I love the compassion part, it's so true. I would add that there's some EMOTIONAL work that needs to be done at some point. It's ok to UNDERSTAND something on a rational level, but if your emotions are not RELEASED, you'll stay stuck with them not flowing out. It's hard to process things solely on a rational level.
I'm being grateful from hearing how your personal issues resonate with my own as well. Growing up having asian parents really got me feeling insecure, unloved, and abandoned as a child till now being an adult, just last night i was struggling over those feelings again and again. Thank you Lavendaire for being honest and try your best at sharing some of your personal issues and share your process and growth with this community. To whoever reading this, You are not alone, never and won't be alone. Have faith, be strong and courageous. Sending more ❤❤❤ to you all.
This has been a blessing in disguise. Thank you so much for this video❤❤ Trauma sucks!!! I hate that I’m going through this but I’m also grateful that I can now heal from it and become a better version of me finally.
Realising that you have to heal to become is the first and the biggest step. Only after recognising the issues, the process of resolving them can begin.
my life has changed upside down since being diagnosed with a painful nerve disease. I have spent the last year reframing my mind, hanging on, and writing my poetry. "Who feels it knows it," - Bob Marley This quote comes to mind. when I feel helpless in explaining my pain. I've been understanding myself more and believing that this experience happen for a reason.
I want to say thanks for help me to see everything that was holding me from living my present and future life ..i wish there are more people like you in my like Tanx
I have experienced so much discrimination in my life that I feel scared to even bring forth those memories without feeling the hurt again. Analyzing things seem far beyond my capacity so far.
I always loved that quote “The wound is where the light enters you”. We are meant to suffer in order to heal and grow. Thank you for this clarification. We shouldn’t judge based on their pain or problems, because even though we may have obstacles as well, we never walked in their shoes.
“Learning To forgive is Self Love” ~ Lavendaire Love this and I’m really trying to think back and give my time to process on how my childhood and teenage hood was like since I’m 19 now but I don’t really remember what it was like only certain events but I look at how I act as a person and acknowledge the negative traits of myself but I don’t really understand where that comes from. I pray that I heal
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” This quote always gives me strenght. Without rain there would not be any rainbows. Without darkness you can't see the stars. Good things came with darkness. You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
I really loved this video, but the only piece I can’t take whole part of is forgiveness. There are some things that people have done that do not make them worthy of forgiveness. I can still move on with my life and heal, but I do not have to forgive certain people who caused me harm. That’s what my therapist told me anyways! 😅 I just think that that’s something that needs to be said for those who have suffered more severe issues in their lives. You do not have to forgive your abusers! And do not make yourself feel guilty if you can’t.
Thank you for saying this, I feel the EXACT same way. I do not believe in forgiveness, actually. And I spent YEARS feeling like I should forgive the abuse I suffered as a child...and then one day I just decided that that is complete bullshit. I can definitely move on, but I will never ever forgive.
right. I can’t explain how to deal with every type of severe trauma out there, and I understand it’s not always possible to forgive. But something tells me you have to be able to heal from it still, and remove the burden from your heart if that makes sense.
Amber Slemmer well I do believe in forgiveness and understanding for most situations and people. It’s for specific situations, I.e physical/sexual abuse by a family member or trusted friend that are beyond forgiveness or compassion. I also spent a very long time reading through self help books, watching videos, and trying to self heal before I realized that it was just not happening for me. I think if you watch this video and you cannot ever imagine yourself getting past what has happened, it’s a sign that you may want to seek a higher form of help. I know for me getting into therapy changed everything! I’m not fully there yet, but I’m starting to be thankfully. And as Aileen said herself, she’s not a psychotherapist so while it’s helpful, it’s not going to apply to everyone. I think the core idea of what Aileen is trying to say is still true though, if you are carrying so much anger and frustration over what has happened, it really weighs you down. And it’s okay to never forgive them, but releasing that negative emotion and allowing to move on is such a great unburdened feeling (I imagine because I am not fully there yet!) You can ask me again after another 100 therapy sessions 😅
I was thinking about this in relation to rape. I’ve never gone through it, but personally I don’t see how anyone who is a victim of rape could forgive their rapist and be compassionate toward them. That train of thought really confused me.
I am survivor of being in a really abusing relationship where I was raped, and I’ve heal a lot, it’s been a few years, but to this day I still have hate toward him. I know I am not done healing about this, but I can’t really imagine myself being in a place in my life where I would forgiving him.
I had anxiety at past and nowadays i'm in healing process. Some months ago i'm numb, i feel like i wanna cry but it won't allow me. Now i'm loving myself and working on myself emotionally, mentally and pshycially.
i just was panicking and remembered that i should watch this video and the way you talk is really calming me down now i know what i need to forgive who hurts me and move on also i learned a lot about myself from just one video
I never cried after watching any lavendaire videos...this is the most beautiful video i have ever seen....You are making me a better person everytime...healing from a traumatic past wounds is my most evitable mission for me right now....Thank u so much from bottom of my heart❤
You are so young and full of wisdom. Thank you so much for creating a way to share all the things you have learned. You are truly influencing many to live their best lives. I am grateful for you!
this helped me so much. we all DESERVE to be free and to grow and love ourselves. the gods honest truth is that the people who have hurt us, dont even care, dont even remember that they did it. they have moved on. and it is OUR duty to heal ourselves. we cannott let other people push us down. we shouldnt suffer because of someone else's mistakes. we deservee to love ourselves and care for ourselves. lets heal together. we are not alone
Thank you.Truly. I felt like no one was on a higher level of self reflection and knowledge about themselve. I felt like I was lonely not having anyone to guide me through what I’m going through because everyone kept telling me what I already knew. But this, this is truly inspiring and I finally feel like I have someone to look up to in a certain way. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom.
thank you for all of your videos. I've been following you for over a year now, and none of them are useless, they all helped me a lot. Thank you i am extremely grateful to have your videos in my life
I learnt a long time ago to try not to think about my childhood and huge hurts I endured. It helped me enormously to just forget and let it go!! We can not change the past.! Thank you for this class today.. I'm sure you've helped a lot of people with this class ❤️
I'm glad this video exists. I have a lot of traumas. I have been emotionally abused by my parents and sexually abused by a very large number of people. It's going to be hard. I have a hard time even remembering what happened to me and thinking about it makes me dissociate. But I have hope, I can get through it.
I’m an Asian high school junior and I’m already experiencing these traumas of my past anxieties with both my families life and school life. I took some time off social media and just opened up UA-cam and saw this video. Thank you Aileen💕 I think we can relate to each other quite a lot and I hope that one day I’ll live life simply just like you do with that positivity ✨❤️
she's genuinely like the sweetest, most positive and reassuring individual out there. look at her, she emanates such good, calming vibes. Thank you for helping me in my healing journey. Just listening to you talk is so therapeutic ❤️
You are so brave to talking about your trauma. I had similar early childhood trauma and I am 39 I am still carrying on and going through counseling. I realised that the wound has to heal by myself.
I searched your videos knowing I’d hear something that would help me through now (been subscribed for years) and I did. I’ve been very anxious and I feel like I’ve been growing more sensitive to the world.. Things keep happening that make me afraid. Your pace was slow enough for me to think through these feelings and situations even though I didn’t write much.. and oh, powerful perspective is at any moment!!! Thank you for your love!
I wanted to thank you for this video as well as the workbook. I did the exercises and i can tell, I’m free from what happened to me in my childhood. Thank you so much for sharing your story God bless you!
The past haunts me 3 bad relationships pain of poor treatment I let it happen I could have walked away If u could tell my younger self Look into more you than others be strong walk away find new paths looking now my pain is so deep I need to use your skills of learning on past write it down look at lessons move on I put myself in bad situations thanks for insight and helpful tricks get me out of this
i just came across this video and saw how their is 888k views and 888 happens to be my angel number and the number of balance. i always had trouble with balancing my mental health and im so grateful to watch this and taking my first step.
I love that these topics are becoming more relevant! We hide away so many struggles we come up against in life - thank you for helping to guide people to heal these!
lately i’ve been realizing that i haven’t began my healing journey because i’m scared of how dark it may become. i’m scared of the extent of the pain that i’m gonna relive but this fear is a form of self-sabotage so i’m ready to gradually begin healing and get to know the new, more beautifully aware version of myself💓💓
when you started saying "the wound is where the lights enter you" my tears started to fall and then i felt more relieved. thank you so much for the workshop, beautiful soul! :))))
✨ Plan your most intentional & successful year with the 2024 Artist of Life Workbook, a powerful guided journal for achieving your dream life → lavendaire.com/workbook
Last night I prayed for healing, and this morning I get this.
Amazing healing video
Me too
It was the same for me!! I left my journal with....please show me how to heal *this* in my life...literally the next morning I got it! 🥰
Amen same for me I pray we all get a healing that we need so we can just move on
Ahnaliese : an eternal journey... same here, I prayed last night and God sent this video my way - Thank you God & Thank you my friends 🙏🏽
When you said asian parents are terrible in communication, I felt that.
finally, someone said it...
and egyptian parents too
💯
And that's one of the main reasons for my heartbreaks....... 💔💔💔💔.
When will they really start understanding us or atleast listen to us
And carribean too a lot of toxicity
When you’re young, you’re always worrying what other people are thinking about you.
When you reach middle age, you no longer care what other people think of you.
And when you’re old, you realise, everyone was just thinking about themselves all along.
Surprisingly amazing
Exactly
I'm 25 and I've been through all these stages already
I'm young and I'm not worrying what other people are thinking about me
Wow I am 13 years old I do agree with u but I still can’t help but fall into old mindset of thinking everyone is staring at me and thinking bad of me but I’ll try to keep it at this
How to heal: What defines you is what you do with that pain
- awareness: ask yourself: “What childhood tories or traumas stick out in my memory?”, You really have to be honest and vulnerable with yourself. Give yourself space and time. This step is the key of the whole healing process.
- understanding: see the new perspectives, what was true, what were just opinions or just assumptions that you’ve had.
- compassion: start with yourself, you have to be compassionate to yourself. Next, have compassion for all others involved in your story and empathize with them because “hurt people hurt people”
- forgiveness: learning to forgive is a part of self love. Oprah Winfrey: “Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past will be any different.” Be present!
- learning: What has this experience taught you? What have you learned? What have you gained? How are you stronger and better because of this? The more painful and uncomfortable the more it has the power to change you.
- transformation: rewriting your story through the eyes of love. ask yourself: Where is the love in my story? rewrite your limiting beliefs, rewrite a new ending for yourself.
___be present___
Thank you! 💗
I'm 17 and I'm trying to change myself for a better life and now I'm here.I felt lots of depression and stress between my family,friends and for my life.Thank you for this video it really help me.
hey, i'm 17 and in the same situation. I hope you are doing better and have been growing these last few months!
@@karlees6202 Thank You❤️ I'm trying my best but things are not easy. And I wish you the same 😊
18 and graduating this year. I've been focusing on bettering myself my entire senior year then then this came up. I was wondering what was halting my progress, and I believe it may be my issues that I experienced growing up in a toxic household.
same here
Same here .
The Rumi quote reminds me of this Leonard Cohen lyric: "There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."
Exactly what I came here to post.
love that
Love it! Love Rumi :)
so beautiful!!!! 😭
I just thought the same !
I haven’t healed because I didn’t want to admit I was hurt. I’m watching this now, and it has brought me to tears. Thank you.
@marco diaz healing takes time.. and its a process.. what works for me in my healing journey is sharing my story to others...
Being in denial is a normal human reaction towards protecting our feelings and emotions. Healing is a process and it does take alot of hardwork, effort and sincerity . Its a journey that begin with awareness or own up the feeling ....
@@alishagee3450 Well done my dear, being able to talk it out is already a very significant accomplishment. Not many people can delve or talk about their hurts ... its akin a wound that we just want to cover it up with a bandage
me too. I'm crying rn.... Im so grateful that i get to watch this kind of content.
⭐️💝 The heart always gives the right answers, you just have to ask it, and listen, it will always give you the most right answer possible. It will always be a response that will resonate with you. Ask, and listen, you will be surprised at his answers.
⭐️💝 For all those who wish it : Recite as many times as possible (Very effective, miraculous: D) :
• For oneself : « Divine Source heal me. purify me »
• For others : « Divine Source Purifies Heals Totally First name + Last name + Relationship-with-the-person »
• For the universe : « Divine Source Purifies Completely Heals the whole planet Earth, and the whole Universe »
⭐️💝 Save a prayer with a voice recorder and put it in a loop mode, it’s making a constant healing
⭐️💝 Write all the things that you can do for yourself and others, and do it ⭐️💝
I was bullied for years growing up. I was the kid everyone made fun of, and I still don’t really understand why. When you asked “What would you say to your child self,” I burst out in tears. I wish I could tell her “You are beautiful and smart and fun, and no one has any reason to put you down.” I know my self esteem is still damaged from that experience, but I didn’t realize by how much. I guess I have some work to do. ♥️ Thank you for this!
The reason you got bullied is because they had issues, and those issues are their problem, not yours. However, the reason you kept getting bullied over and over is because you let them. You need to learn to stand up for yourself and fight when you have to.
@@danman6612 I feel that your words are kindly meant. My opinion is that kids bully each other no matter what. I did stand up for myself back then, and it only ever made it worse. Once other kids have decided you’re “uncool,” there isn’t much you can do to change their opinion.
7 months after writing my original comment... you’ll be glad to know I have been doing some work and have made considerable progress. I still have work to do, but my self esteem is stronger! :)
@@AnnikaOrne "My opinion is that kids bully each other no matter what."
Based on personal experience, if you hurt someone, people will think twice before messing with you. Bullies tend to go after the easy targets instead of those they think could seriously cause them harm.
"Once other kids have decided you’re “uncool,” there isn’t much you can do to change their opinion."
Correct, and they tend to leave you alone and go after someone else who they consider an easy target.
I'm glad to hear you've been making progress, keep it up! :)
@@danman6612 Please stop trying to “fix” my past. I was a tomboy and literally pushed my bullies to the ground multiple times. I was literally the tallest and strongest kid in my class-I had an early growth spurt and actually won an arm wrestle tournament in 6th grade (boys and girls). Getting physical is not the answer for little girls bullying each other, nor would it have helped in junior high. Not only are girls and boys (usually) VERY different, you really have no idea what you’re talking about in regards to my experience. I attended a private school where anytime I “stood up” for myself I was the one reprimanded. Girls bully with words and then cry to the teacher when you respond. Not only that, but my main bully was a teacher’s daughter.
There are so many factors that played into my experience, it’s a little baffling you’re trying to tell me how I could have avoided it.
Read a little about sociology and you’ll learn it’s actually better for girls when they are late bloomers (short, young looking, underdeveloped). Girls who develop early are almost always bullied.
@@AnnikaOrne I'm not talking about pushing and arm wrestling, I'm talking about causing actual physical pain.
"Please stop trying to “fix” my past."
You can't fix your past, you can only learn from it.
"Getting physical is not the answer for little girls bullying each other"
If the bullying is physical, then the response must be physical.
"you really have no idea what you’re talking about in regards to my experience."
I'm not claiming to know your experience, but I do know how bullies operate.
"Girls bully with words"
Therefore, you respond back with words and laugh at them.
"Read a little about sociology"
I've read plenty, and yet they still haven't solved the bullying problem in schools.
"Girls who develop early are almost always bullied."
And will continue to be until they stand up for themselves.
To anybody reading this, I pray that whatever is hurting you or whatever you are constantly stressing about gets better. May the dark thoughts, the overthinking, and the doubt exit your mind may clarity replace confusion. may peace and calmness fill your life. 🧘♂
Hey,
Here are the parts of the video:
The theory essential part of the video:
- Nobody is perfect, nobody lives a perfect life (1:30)
- Don't judge people for their struggles (3:17)
- Relative pain (4:23)
The 6 practical steps to healing:
1. awareness (5:20)
2. understanding (6:40)
3. compassion (9:03)
4. forgiveness (12:26)
5. learning (14:30)
6. transformation (17:30)
The best quote (in my opinion)
" what defines you is what you do with that pain."
Thank you Lavendaire for this video!
Thanks
Thanks for writing these💜
Thank you :)
Not all heroes wear capes
Pain is a resistance to what is. Acceptance rids pain. Wayyy basic for me.
To the person reading this:
You are who you are.
You are a gorgeous and beautiful creation.
You are a masterpiece.
You are who you are.
You are strong and courageous.
You can absolutely do it.
You are powerful.
Remind yourself that you are who you are.
Move forward with your determination, and conviction.
You can absolutely do it.
Have a great day ahead,
Remember you are who you are.
❤️❤️❤️
Thank-you Olivia
⭐️💝 The heart always gives the right answers, you just have to ask it, and listen, it will always give you the most right answer possible. It will always be a response that will resonate with you. Ask, and listen, you will be surprised at his answers.
⭐️💝 For all those who wish it : Recite as many times as possible (Very effective, miraculous: D) :
• For oneself : « Divine Source heal me. purify me »
• For others : « Divine Source Purifies Heals Totally First name + Last name + Relationship-with-the-person »
• For the universe : « Divine Source Purifies Completely Heals the whole planet Earth, and the whole Universe »
⭐️💝 Save a prayer with a voice recorder and put it in a loop mode, it’s making a constant healing
⭐️💝 Write all the things that you can do for yourself and others, and do it ⭐️💝
I need courage to talk about it, or just let go and not bring it back into.my mind. P
@@solmorales18 ⭐️💚 MIRACULOUS PRAYER : Recite the most time possible this simple prayer, and you will see by yourself, it's very miraculous, healing : 💚 « GOD , JESUS-CHRIST , HEAL ME TOTALLY , PURIFY ME » ⭐️💚 To heal someone : « GOD , JESUS-CHRIST , HEAL TOTALY NAME+LAST-NAME+link with the person (for example my grand mother) » Recite the most time possible this simple prayer, and you will see by yourself, it's very miraculous, healing.
Thank you wonderful soul..❤️❤️❤️
God bless you and your family..
Key points: awareness, understanding, compassion, forgiveness, learning, transformation
„What childhood stories or traumas stick out in your memory?“
„How can you look at the situation from a more logical and unbiased point of view?“
What are some assumptions you might’ve been making this whole time?
What was true and what else were just opinion or assumptions?
„What would you say to your younger self going through those things?“
Have Compassion to everyone part of your story.
Try to let go and forgive. Change your perspective about the past.
„What have these experiences thought you?“ Practice gratitude for what you‘ve been through.
Quote: „ Life is happening for us not to us.“
Rewrite your story.
„Where’s the love in your story?“
Realise that were often focused on the negative aspects of life. Nothing’s perfect. We’re taking a lot of things for granted.
Rewrite your limiting beliefs.
„What limiting beliefs might I have from this experience?“
It’s a matter of understanding why you have certain fears, worries or anxieties.
Take back control over your life/story.
„How do you want to live your life moving forward from here?“
„What good will you take with you and what bad will you leave behind?“
Quote: „Life isn‘t perfect and it’s not meant to be perfect.“
„What defines you is what you do with that pain.“
„How did that pain transform you?“
Thank you Aileen. Feels like I can be my own therapist with this. 😊
Thank
Jessy Mcinly Thank you! 🙏🏾
Thank you 🙏🏾
Jessy thank you so much for taking time to write everything. Lots love 💕
Thank you for this 💞
I’ve actually noticed that the pain I’ve experienced in my life has made me weaker. I used to be a very positive and adaptable child, which came pretty naturally to me. I’ve lost that and now have social anxiety and depression. I don’t know how that really happened, but I will try to apply the points in this video to figure out and deal with what happened and improve myself. Thank you💖
i seen something that said pain and trauma doesn’t make you stronger…it makes you weaker healing from that trauma or pain makes you stronger but not the actual pain n trauma itself
You got this. I believe in you. We are in this together. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm also experiencing weakness I know Its difficult. But I'm learning to communicate with others and getting better I feel like I'm gaining in a good way.
Oh i wish you the best with your healing journey, you deserve to be happy and you seem to be such a nice person
@Dariane Jackson i thought i was the only one who felt this way! i feel like i’m just a soul in a body sometimes and i just feel so sad all the time, unlike how i was before. i used to be so happy and cheerful but now that’s gone and all i want is to have it back. trauma really doesn’t change you :(
I was molested at 7 years old by a family member, this was during the time my parents split and since very young we’d move constantly even within the same town because their relationship was so toxic at that time. I was bullied because of my religion and being skinny and tiny compared to everyone else. I was abused mentally, physically and emotionally by partners and family. I definitely appreciate you and your content, because I have so much anger and pain inside and it destroyed my mental health. I developed severe anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and I finally have reached out for help🙏🏼
Good luck & all the best for you 🙂💪🏻 we are stronger than we think we are!
@Yami Santi Thank you for sharing. In her video, Lavendair says in Understanding that we should look for new perpectives that what we assumed may not have been so. But when one is abused there is no other perspective... or am I missing something? I was also abused as a child.
@@hanifahsoul-afua2987 i am also looking for how to empathise with a child molestor
I was also being molested by a close family member I was 7yrs old I didn't know what was going on until when I became an adult n it started hitting me Soo hard
I also grew up believing am not beautiful n a big percentage of my schooling I used to be body shamed since I was Soo skinny
At the age of 26 I struggle with relationships I lack confidence n I have self esteem issues am also a single mom to a 5yrs old boy .I would love to heal n be free but I do not know where I should start
You’re so strong for going through all that you have been through and that’s you’re still here I’m proud of you ❤️ you got this! Keep going because you’re strength is amazing I’m proud of you
"You need to experience the dark, in order for you to enjoy the light." Love this lines. Keep motivating people. Love you.
Are you sure u ready for the dark? I did it for 30
*"Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past would be different"* Oprah Winfrey-This has touched me and has me in a state of letting go and healing in a way that will make me to never look back and feel a sense of regret but instead I'll look back and feel a sense of gratitude and lesson to have gotten me where I am now...😇😇😇
True✨
Great and all. But how do you forgive someone who has given sexual abuse trauma to kids? That's insane.
@@notavailable708 forgive is about healing yourself, it isnt about the abuser
Thanks 😊
I needed this 😢
The ‘pain tolerance’ tangent kind of hurt to hear. I’ve always had people tell me I’m “strong and I’ll be fine.” But at the end of the day I’m still just a person and I feel pain too, every traumatic event I felt JUST as much as anyone else. Yes, I had a rough start, but just because I got through it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt to go through :/
Cherie Rose 🌹 yes!
That's right! Pain is pain and you should honor it. It's okay💗
The you are so strong kills me too. Because on the inside I am not and I never was. I just don't let it slip out for anyone to see...
I have a great-uncle who fell, hit his head, and drowned in a shallow mud puddle when he was a small child. Just because someone else drowned in a deep pool or the ocean or in an industrial disaster involving a giant pot of oil doesn't make one person more or less drowned.
Your pain is valid, Cherie Rose.
Exactly - I know exactly how you feel. My therapist helped me learn that people invalidate other peoples’ pain out of awkwardness & not knowing what to say, not bc what they say is the right thing to say. But despite knowing that in my head & working so hard on knowing that in my heart, it STILL stings when I’m told things like “You’ll be fine - you’re a smart girl.”
When Aileen mentioned forgiveness, I thought to myself that that’s not hard since I forgive everyone ever since my childhood
But then it hit me that there was one person I forgot to forgive
Myself
Once I realised that I just cried
Take care of yourself, folk.
Love you 💖🌱
yoga w adrienne has a lovely forgiveness video
Maydragon out here speaking my life.. 😢
ua-cam.com/video/heah_Ncqwps/v-deo.html
How you forgive everyone I can't
Oh god I couldn't stop crying the whole video but I'm determined that January 2023 is my healing month and it's time to face my trauma and let go of the limiting beliefs
How are you now? Just wanted to check on u :)
Healing is not only a process but a decision. You can't be forced nor 'made to' heal. It's a decision one makes and decides to embark on the journey, for it is a journey.
My encouragement is to heal when you are ready to, when the time is right, it happens naturally. You just submit to the process naturally.
P. S Don't take too long though ❤️
I cried. I started to think about my mother. How she was burdened by her mistakes...as I struggle with too. I have so much emotional pain that it doesn't allow me to see myself worthy. And now I can see that she dealt with the same inner pain.
moms
all stories begin with moms
⭐️💝 The heart always gives the right answers, you just have to ask it, and listen, it will always give you the most right answer possible. It will always be a response that will resonate with you. Ask, and listen, you will be surprised at his answers.
⭐️💝 For all those who wish it : Recite as many times as possible (Very effective, miraculous: D) :
• For oneself : « Divine Source heal me. purify me »
• For others : « Divine Source Purifies Heals Totally First name + Last name + Relationship-with-the-person »
• For the universe : « Divine Source Purifies Completely Heals the whole planet Earth, and the whole Universe »
⭐️💝 Save a prayer with a voice recorder and put it in a loop mode, it’s making a constant healing
⭐️💝 Write all the things that you can do for yourself and others, and do it ⭐️💝
ua-cam.com/video/heah_Ncqwps/v-deo.html
You need to go to therapy because you can’t continue to live with all that emotional pain. Believe me I’ve had more than my fair share and far less than others but you should address it so you can get past it and have a happy life
@@bethkennedy2191 yea I did end up seeking help. Best decision I ever made.
I pray for healing. 😭 i want to moved on and have a peaceful life. Coz it really hurts and hunts me everyday.
You need to say whatever it is to someone. Don’t keep it in!
Believe in your healing. When you believe you receive
My sister said she hated me…and she acted like she liked me that kinda hurt I have a lot of truma I need help
@@meg-d3024 yes agree with you! actually this was I did!!! my journey of healing from painful past experience is manageable as I was able to share my story to others.
@@femibam agree!! what you believe and think, you will attract it
I was just crying in bed and I came across this video ❤️
We all have these moments and it's great to know you are not alone.
Hey, you're a fighter. Be strong and courageous. 💜
Me too :') I having bad day today
Feel better ❤️
love u 💖
My boyfriend and I after dealing with each other on and off for 4 years broke up yesterday and then your video came along I loved it and it inspired me greatly. Thank you!
This helped me because it made me realize how an event from my childhood made me more withdrawn and unwilling to get close to my friends because I was afraid of being left out and abandoned. But now I know that it doesn't define me and I can change! :)
Life definitely wouldn’t be life without difficult, trying times. Life is challenging for me right now. I can not tell you how much it helps to continue to tell myself “everything will be okay”. Mindset is, without a doubt, a great ASSET.
From a self love content creator to another, this couldn’t have come in a better time. Thank you Aileen. I appreciate you! 💗
I like the positivity but i think you should add some caveats re trauma that is more extreme eg abuse. The last part of your msg about how having gratitude for your pain sits VERY uncomfortable in those situations
True your comment is so positive 🙂🙂
Just subscribed to your channel support me too🙂✨
I agree that mindset is key, but to piggyback off of Aileen’s message about compassion, you might want to tweak your self talk from ‘everything will be okay’, to ‘even if everything is not okay, I will be okay’. Much love and light to you on your journey! ❤️ 💡
@@busymama7903 When I tell myself “everything will be okay”. I know what I am trying to tell myself. Which is that regardless of what happens “I” will be okay. Thank you so much for your kind words. Have a great rest of your week! ❤️
Every day we are blessed with a fresh new start! A clean slate. Every day is a new opportunity to become the greatest version of ourselves. What happened in the past does not define your future, you can create a different story! Just know that every breath you take is meaningful ♡ make each moment count !
Erika K Vanilla Sky is one of my favorite movies and in it Sophia says, “every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around.” That has ALWAYS been my favorite quote and stuck with me when I first saw the movie
@@citygirl713 how beautiful Christina ♡ yes, every day we have a new opportunity to reinvent ourselves and write a new story!
Sending lots of love!!!
@@ErikaK u r everywhere I see thanks for ur uplifting words blessings is coming in ur way .
@@lovegodess6529 aaaw it means a lot Christina!!! Sending you lots of love !!!
Im 31 and still cant forget 2 decades with narcissistic parents and 4 years with a bf.. I don't trust anyone else now but my son. It is not that easy even if you try.
@mara althea im sorry to hear what you have gone through... how are you now?
i hope you find peace and happiness
So you won't try? Keep your negativity away and start trying!
Going through the same x
Yes it's not easy,but it is possible if you decide to not to suffer any more and let go of the toxic baggage of your past that isn't serving for good TODAY and be Determined not to give up!! Lots of love, Positivity and support for the New You 🤗 👍
I didn't loved myself, i didn't care about myself, just cared about pleasing everyone around me, or not doing anything at all, hearing your words is making me cry, hope i can heal. Everything you are saying males sense.. and this is making me cry again and again. I am going to grow from this pain. And i am going to get stronger. Thankyou for this
Let's pray for people to help them to heal emotionally and mentally and physically
We need to be strong ! I'm going to pray tonight 🙏
4 yrs of therapy didn't teach me to do this for myself. Thank you... seriously, thank you.
"Having compassion for others in the story" That's impressive and all, but it's something I know I can't do for everybody, not even with time. At times, there just isn't any good reason why someone does something bad that hurts you. Growing up, I've met many adults like that. They just do it.
Just make sure you are not hurting yourself by retaining or bearing hate for these people - they are not worth it. I prefer to just "nothing" them. And honestly, I feel that's okay too :)
Thanks for sharing this 💞
please yes no one talks about that but its so true
bad people don’t have an excuse to abuse and traumatize others. but you do have to understand that the root of their behaviour is anger and greed that’s accumulated through trauma. every person on this earth goes through trauma. someone gets out of it only hurt, someone else gets out of it being a bad person. that’s why we have to change this generational trauma, so future generations don’t have the burden of trauma copied by their own parents.
we can’t change people, we also don’t have to always be kind to them. sometimes you just have to move on for the sake of our own mental health
This reasonated well. Same I cant be compassionate to those who hurt me, instead of forgiveness I think finding a way to let go n move on will be better
Thank you for this 🥺
Almost 2 years ago, I started my healing process after going through a deep depression. At that moment I decided to do a solo trip to Bali, specifically Ubud. The trip inspired me, energized me, and gave me renewed hope in myself and my life. It is during that trip that I encountered the exact quote from Rumi: "The wound is where the light enters you". And at that point it's exactly the quote that I needed in my life. It's also during those period when I discovered your channel. Fast forward to today, I'm a different person. Yet I am still healing, from old wounds and fresh ones. I'm still figuring out myself and my life, and many times I still feel lost. It's slow but I'm making progress. The point I want to share here is that the journey of healing and finding ourselves is not a one time deal. We need to commit to working on ourselves continuously. And I know it's gonna be worth it.
PS: Aileen, I felt some sort of synchronicity with you multiple times, for instance through this Rumi quote, your Bali solo trip this year that reminds me of mine, and I also found out that we have the same MBTI profile, and many others I can't remember. Somehow I feel like you're my long lost soul sister. Oh I just love you, your energy and your work. I'm glad I found you. Thanks for this and for your light *Hugs*
This has been a tough year, I hope to get over the internal pain and agony I am going through and finally be healed. I hope everyone watching the video does it too ❤
OMG the pain...😢
Nobody and nothing cured me from my past trauma and slowly it turned into my insecurities but today listening to you and filling out your pdf helped me start my healing process...THANK YOU ♥
"everything in life is happening for us, not to us" wow that's the highlight of this video for me. thanks for sharing your knowledge 💕
Yesss. This is sooo true. Pain “let’s the light in”.... Having Cancer and then SURVIVING Cancer turned out to be a big GIFT for me ...has given me such GRATITUDE and I’m trying to continue to GROW every day💝
you’re amazing
"The past doesn't change but the perspective towards the past can" True words
ua-cam.com/video/heah_Ncqwps/v-deo.html
this was the kind of words a good parent should have for their children.
I felt a lost of depressed and lost myself in 14,15,16 yo.But now I am found that how to heal myself with this s*it problems.Thank you for sharing.I love youuu.
"Be vulnerable with yourself.. "
I thought I'm healed already but here I am.. 11 months later... Crying, everything is great now. I just don't know I'm still haunted by the trauma.
I just went through this healing experience by myself but it is exactly as you describe it. It was painful but so worth it. It feels like th constant buzz inside my head yelling my own defects has quieted completely and I am more motivated to look forward to what my life can become. Thank you for sharing this.
amazing 👏🏻👏🏻
How did you start your healing experience ??
@@31oise Hi, I'm terribly sorry I did not answer sooner.
I started journaling whenever I had this feeling of being inadequate. I chased that thought through my writing. I let all my feelings out without restriction and when I finally finished I read it again. That way I discovered the incredibly hateful discourse I had against me. It changed from a stormy cloud to facts and pictures spread in front of me and I could see them for what they were: thoughts.
A lot of them were judgements. I would never have said this about any person I have ever known yet I was saying it to myself.
Some of them were fears, rooted specifically to the fear of failing.
But the ones that I saw as a chance were assumptions. These ones I could do something about. So I started with those.
Thank you for sharing this. I just thought i was lazy because i left work but now i believe i need to work through trauma and pain first before i can move on…
“Everything is happening FOR us, not TO us..” - this is how to not relive past traumas again..
And expressing gratitudes of love, helps create steps of progress..
So beautiful.. Thank you 🙏🏼
❤
"Meant to struggle" I'm so happy you said that. We are meant to struggle and that is how we grow and learn. Thank you for sharing what you've learned from your journey.
ua-cam.com/video/heah_Ncqwps/v-deo.html
“Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past will be any different.” I love that ❤️
This video is sooo underrated! Many don’t understand how much work it really takes to work on yourself and accept everything that’s happened. Thank you for this video ! I’m proud of the work you’ve done for yourself ❤️
Tbh this video is everything I need rn
My father. Left me and my mom for 1 year and after that my family started to have financial problems so we had to move to our village.
I didn't wanted to go to the village BC I was like omg what will others say!?!?
So as a result I was frustrated I was kinda overthinking the situation and
I was soo traumatized by the past and I had this problem of showing my emotion
Basically I couldn't cry
I was holding sooo much
And now 9 months of being a village girl or living in the village I am on a spiritual journey I have grown soo much
I am greatful
Hope this helped you
Enjoy you day and remember:
"If you have a problem you also have the solution "✨
I am an advocate for good mental health management, and a survivor of abuse. This is by far the most practical and realistic video to watch out of thousands of self-help videos I have watched if anyone is ready to heal and progress.
"You learn what you lived,
You re-create what you lived,
You try to change the ending."
- Marisa Peer
When she talked about forgiveness, i remember the quote "Forgive yourself for not knowing" and that I think is beautiful. Base on my personal experience, it's probably easier to forgive those who wronged you first than forgiving yourself first. It's easier to understand them when you shared best moments in life than understanding why you let them hurt you at the first place. Probably that's what love can do, forgive even after all and I need it for myself too.
Yes! you are absolutely right, and just to share something this is a quote that I made or mantra that I say to myself when forgiving somebody that has done some quite unpleasant things “I will forgive the people who hurt me not because they deserve to be forgiven but for the sake of my own self, I will leave my past for it does not serve me in the present, I want to move forward and live the life that I desire”. Hope you have a wonderful day🌷🍄🌈
My last relationship was emotionally abusive. I changed so much during that, that now when it has ended im still left with that old self of mine that i hate the most. Its ruining my present and i just want to bloom once again, be different than who i am right now because of my past
Thank you for this …. I’m 53 and still have pain and struggle from past hurts and trauma. I’ll I’ve ever been able to do is remember them and then I keep replaying them on my head… but never finding a way or knowing how to heal from them. Your video has offered me a place to start the process of healing and hopefully step out of this painful shell I live in.
All I kept thinking during your video was how I am as a mother.
I am a single parent to a 6 year old, I work full time, I'm doing a part time degree and have to run our house too.
I always try to ask about her day, but she also spends alot of time with my parents.
Your mum must have felt as guilty as I do, it is not easy being a single parent.
Mum guilt is real ❤
Im so blessed to hear this at this time Im struggling with a break up of what I thought was a good friendship but then I never realized how one sided relationship until I got so tired of it and he never understood anything
From a friendship breakup too I was loyal tried to make it work from this yr Jan but she doesn't want to fix it &says she doesn't want more friends? Known her for 1yr 11mnths I had my own mistakes which I agreed to all but the person also did & doesn't want to own up to her toxic traits sooner or later she'll see what she lost yours too will. What goes around comes back around but for now I just want to heal,learn,grow &get few new friends at least but not get too attached/expect a lot. Wish you the best too✨✨
Watched this and understand what it likes to feel abandoned, etc. It has been 10 years since my dad took his own life, so I am celebrating a milestone of surviving 10 years. On a spiritual level, I want to accepts God's love and forgiveness through Jesus dying for our sins so I can learn to forgive and be transformed by God's love. Easier said than done, but I always need to remind myself and pray to receive God's love daily.
Sending you so much love 🙏🏾✨
The rules of God are forgiveness first you have to forgive others to be forgiven and if this god is real I'm so sorry but there's no option to ever see your father again I hope you have the strength to give God the endless praise he craves and demands so you can exist in his Kingdom to carry on just endlessly praising him in person if this is truly existence I am so sorry that we have to live under this monster I think this is one of the worst quotes I can find in the Bible that describes God's nature. 1 Samuel 151Samuel said to Saul, "I am the one the LORD sent to anoint you king over his people Israel; so listen now to the message from the LORD.2This is what the LORD Almighty says: `I will punish the Amalekites for what they did to Israel when they waylaid them as they came up from Egypt.3Now go, attack the Amalekites and totally destroy [1] everything that belongs to them. Do not spare them; put to death men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep, camels and donkeys.'"4
I love the compassion part, it's so true. I would add that there's some EMOTIONAL work that needs to be done at some point. It's ok to UNDERSTAND something on a rational level, but if your emotions are not RELEASED, you'll stay stuck with them not flowing out. It's hard to process things solely on a rational level.
I'm being grateful from hearing how your personal issues resonate with my own as well. Growing up having asian parents really got me feeling insecure, unloved, and abandoned as a child till now being an adult, just last night i was struggling over those feelings again and again. Thank you Lavendaire for being honest and try your best at sharing some of your personal issues and share your process and growth with this community. To whoever reading this, You are not alone, never and won't be alone. Have faith, be strong and courageous. Sending more ❤❤❤ to you all.
This has been a blessing in disguise. Thank you so much for this video❤❤ Trauma sucks!!! I hate that I’m going through this but I’m also grateful that I can now heal from it and become a better version of me finally.
Realising that you have to heal to become is the first and the biggest step.
Only after recognising the issues, the process of resolving them can begin.
my life has changed upside down since being diagnosed with a painful nerve disease. I have spent the last year reframing my mind, hanging on, and writing my poetry.
"Who feels it knows it,"
- Bob Marley
This quote comes to mind. when I feel helpless in explaining my pain. I've been understanding myself more and believing that this experience happen for a reason.
Almost at 1 million subscribers! 🌸🌿♥️ So wonderful that the world is truly embracing the importance of self growth and well-being! 😊✨
She's such a great person she's Soo good at healing and recovery .
I want to say thanks for help me to see everything that was holding me from living my present and future life ..i wish there are more people like you in my like Tanx
I have experienced so much discrimination in my life that I feel scared to even bring forth those memories without feeling the hurt again. Analyzing things seem far beyond my capacity so far.
everyone is doing the best they can from their own level of consciousness
Hey your doing a great job by already admitting there is a problem! Give it time baby steps 🙏🏾
You're the best!
She is also very beautiful 😍!
I always loved that quote “The wound is where the light enters you”. We are meant to suffer in order to heal and grow.
Thank you for this clarification. We shouldn’t judge based on their pain or problems, because even though we may have obstacles as well, we never walked in their shoes.
“Learning To forgive is Self Love” ~ Lavendaire
Love this and I’m really trying to think back and give my time to process on how my childhood and teenage hood was like since I’m 19 now but I don’t really remember what it was like only certain events but I look at how I act as a person and acknowledge the negative traits of myself but I don’t really understand where that comes from. I pray that I heal
awhile ago, i was just crying and praying for healing. i went to youtube to look for videos that could help me, i found this. thank you so much.
“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo. “So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” This quote always gives me strenght. Without rain there would not be any rainbows. Without darkness you can't see the stars. Good things came with darkness. You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
I really appreciate that you talk specifically about your trauma ❤️
I really loved this video, but the only piece I can’t take whole part of is forgiveness. There are some things that people have done that do not make them worthy of forgiveness.
I can still move on with my life and heal, but I do not have to forgive certain people who caused me harm. That’s what my therapist told me anyways! 😅
I just think that that’s something that needs to be said for those who have suffered more severe issues in their lives. You do not have to forgive your abusers! And do not make yourself feel guilty if you can’t.
Thank you for saying this, I feel the EXACT same way. I do not believe in forgiveness, actually. And I spent YEARS feeling like I should forgive the abuse I suffered as a child...and then one day I just decided that that is complete bullshit. I can definitely move on, but I will never ever forgive.
right. I can’t explain how to deal with every type of severe trauma out there, and I understand it’s not always possible to forgive. But something tells me you have to be able to heal from it still, and remove the burden from your heart if that makes sense.
Amber Slemmer well I do believe in forgiveness and understanding for most situations and people. It’s for specific situations, I.e physical/sexual abuse by a family member or trusted friend that are beyond forgiveness or compassion.
I also spent a very long time reading through self help books, watching videos, and trying to self heal before I realized that it was just not happening for me. I think if you watch this video and you cannot ever imagine yourself getting past what has happened, it’s a sign that you may want to seek a higher form of help. I know for me getting into therapy changed everything! I’m not fully there yet, but I’m starting to be thankfully. And as Aileen said herself, she’s not a psychotherapist so while it’s helpful, it’s not going to apply to everyone.
I think the core idea of what Aileen is trying to say is still true though, if you are carrying so much anger and frustration over what has happened, it really weighs you down. And it’s okay to never forgive them, but releasing that negative emotion and allowing to move on is such a great unburdened feeling (I imagine because I am not fully there yet!) You can ask me again after another 100 therapy sessions 😅
I was thinking about this in relation to rape. I’ve never gone through it, but personally I don’t see how anyone who is a victim of rape could forgive their rapist and be compassionate toward them.
That train of thought really confused me.
I am survivor of being in a really abusing relationship where I was raped, and I’ve heal a lot, it’s been a few years, but to this day I still have hate toward him. I know I am not done healing about this, but I can’t really imagine myself being in a place in my life where I would forgiving him.
I had anxiety at past and nowadays i'm in healing process. Some months ago i'm numb, i feel like i wanna cry but it won't allow me. Now i'm loving myself and working on myself emotionally, mentally and pshycially.
i just was panicking and remembered that i should watch this video and the way you talk is really calming me down now i know what i need to forgive who hurts me and move on also i learned a lot about myself from just one video
I never cried after watching any lavendaire videos...this is the most beautiful video i have ever seen....You are making me a better person everytime...healing from a traumatic past wounds is my most evitable mission for me right now....Thank u so much from bottom of my heart❤
You look beautiful with that hair color sis❤
ty
Hope this helps. 💖 Download the Healing Workshop Workbook here: lavendaire.com/healingwb
I wish I could interact with you more 😊
This video was really awesome .. You are right when saying that we don't have to judge other people's pain ;) I dowloaded your free book ;)
Dear
Am gonna start this process. Hope this will help with a scar that I got when I was a child. Watching you itself soothes that scar.
The video was really awesome and just what I needed. I went to download the book, but it isn't working.
The link for most of your downloadable resources, including this book, don't seem to be working.
You are so young and full of wisdom. Thank you so much for creating a way to share all the things you have learned. You are truly influencing many to live their best lives. I am grateful for you!
this helped me so much. we all DESERVE to be free and to grow and love ourselves. the gods honest truth is that the people who have hurt us, dont even care, dont even remember that they did it. they have moved on. and it is OUR duty to heal ourselves. we cannott let other people push us down. we shouldnt suffer because of someone else's mistakes. we deservee to love ourselves and care for ourselves. lets heal together. we are not alone
Thank you.Truly.
I felt like no one was on a higher level of self reflection and knowledge about themselve. I felt like I was lonely not having anyone to guide me through what I’m going through because everyone kept telling me what I already knew. But this, this is truly inspiring and I finally feel like I have someone to look up to in a certain way. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and wisdom.
thank you for all of your videos. I've been following you for over a year now, and none of them are useless, they all helped me a lot. Thank you i am extremely grateful to have your videos in my life
I learnt a long time ago to try not to think about my childhood and huge hurts I endured. It helped me enormously to just forget and let it go!! We can not change the past.!
Thank you for this class today.. I'm sure you've helped a lot of people with this class ❤️
I'm glad this video exists. I have a lot of traumas. I have been emotionally abused by my parents and sexually abused by a very large number of people. It's going to be hard. I have a hard time even remembering what happened to me and thinking about it makes me dissociate. But I have hope, I can get through it.
The part about the inner child that needs to be loved and feel important that hit me hard love it
I’m an Asian high school junior and I’m already experiencing these traumas of my past anxieties with both my families life and school life. I took some time off social media and just opened up UA-cam and saw this video. Thank you Aileen💕 I think we can relate to each other quite a lot and I hope that one day I’ll live life simply just like you do with that positivity ✨❤️
"The wound is where the light enters you" is written on my bedroom mirror now. Thanks so much for this video 💜
she's genuinely like the sweetest, most positive and reassuring individual out there. look at her, she emanates such good, calming vibes. Thank you for helping me in my healing journey. Just listening to you talk is so therapeutic ❤️
You are so brave to talking about your trauma. I had similar early childhood trauma and I am 39 I am still carrying on and going through counseling. I realised that the wound has to heal by myself.
I searched your videos knowing I’d hear something that would help me through now (been subscribed for years) and I did. I’ve been very anxious and I feel like I’ve been growing more sensitive to the world.. Things keep happening that make me afraid. Your pace was slow enough for me to think through these feelings and situations even though I didn’t write much.. and oh, powerful perspective is at any moment!!! Thank you for your love!
Excited that she's going to reach 1M soon!!! 🥰
I wanted to thank you for this video as well as the workbook. I did the exercises and i can tell, I’m free from what happened to me in my childhood. Thank you so much for sharing your story God bless you!
The past haunts me 3 bad relationships pain of poor treatment I let it happen
I could have walked away
If u could tell my younger self
Look into more you than others be strong walk away find new paths looking now my pain is so deep I need to use your skills of learning on past write it down look at lessons move on
I put myself in bad situations thanks for insight and helpful tricks get me out of this
i just came across this video and saw how their is 888k views and 888 happens to be my angel number and the number of balance. i always had trouble with balancing my mental health and im so grateful to watch this and taking my first step.
I love that these topics are becoming more relevant! We hide away so many struggles we come up against in life - thank you for helping to guide people to heal these!
lately i’ve been realizing that i haven’t began my healing journey because i’m scared of how dark it may become. i’m scared of the extent of the pain that i’m gonna relive but this fear is a form of self-sabotage so i’m ready to gradually begin healing and get to know the new, more beautifully aware version of myself💓💓
I relate to this on another level, may I ask what you decided to do to heal?
Aileen you have changed my life. Your videos have helped me so much along my healing journey. As always right on time. Thank you !✨🌻❤️
Positive Energie,perfect english pronounciation...best choice of vocabolary....relaxing voice...im going to watch IT again this Video...
when you started saying "the wound is where the lights enter you" my tears started to fall and then i felt more relieved. thank you so much for the workshop, beautiful soul! :))))