5 COUNTERINTUITIVE SIGNS THE INFJ HAS FOUND "THE ONE"
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- Опубліковано 29 жов 2022
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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: INFJs crave deep connections, but they often feel unhappy in relationships. They search for the one who can make them happy and give their whole self to - yet many INFJs don't find what they're looking for because they are not aware of what they need and rather focus on what they think they want. Today we are talking about the 5 counterintuitive signs the INFJ has found "the one".
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What are your experiences with positive relationships as an INFJ?
😁LoL in my case
Counterintuitive sign #1 is actually 💖at 1st sight, then again I rarely fall in 💖and when it does happen I often deny it untill I can't.
With me it was all about finding the most compatible girl, the fact that she was a tomboy who wanted to be as independent as possible made me notice her.
Counterintuitive sign #2
Unfortunately because of my childhood trauma I was unable to find out if she would fit into my life.
And I didn't want to add my problems onto hers.
Counterintuitive sign #3
I made her notice me by making her extremely uncomfortable because I gave her a mixed message on purpose.
I myself focus on body language and generally ignore what a person is saying so I adapted an open body posture, made eye contact, smiled at her and told her that I found her extremely unattractive.
If looks could've killed I would 've ended up as a corpse right then and there. I could see the steam comin' out of her nose & ears when she angrily stormed away from me.
But the next day in the hallway she stopped me, called me a hunk and asked if I would accompany her to class.
Unfortunately I was still struggling with a childhood trauma back then so I froze, and was still standing in the same spot when she eventually left and went to class. I eventually went home called in sick and eventually dropped out of my 3rd year in the university of applied science.
I then signed up for group therapy cauz I finally admitted that I couldn't solve my childhood trauma on my own.
I never saw her again.
Counterintuitive sign #4
I don't think she needed a saviour, which is what made her irresistable to me.
Counterintuitive sign #5
See #3. She passed my test with flying colors.
I'm wondering what it would be like walking into a room with all INFJS. Will we be ok, or start to get on each other's nerves.
I am very busy with myself at the moment, precisely to get a better picture of myself and to start a relationship.
Often your themes are very close to where I am
I did a self-evaluation based on your points, thank you, kind of homework)
I had written a more extensive response on each point, good for myself to see where I stand and what I still need to work on
Thank you for the inspiration to reflect on a few specific points
@@normalcomments2051 I would love to make an experiment like that one day !!
I've been married 9 years now and it's all because date one I let my full "crazy" self shine.
Quick checklist from the video:
1. It's not love at first sight.
2. They actually fit into your life.
3. They are comfortable with you taking a stand for yourself.
4. You are not their saviour.
5. They don't shy away when you go deep.
Thank you so much for this!
Clever user Id lol
@a man You can be friends with this girl for a start. Your intuition tells this is all right or not. A nonbeliever girl and you, may I dare say it won't go well for example. Say her bye.
But if things are compatible you will feel it is OK to go on with this and you may classify her as potential spouse.
thank you very much ❤
Very good! ❤❤
@a man that's why they are counterintuitive! God bless
The issue is that we are aware of these people’s potential. They are not. Work on your self awareness and recognize the possibilities you bring.
…and this is sooo difficult to accept 😩
Good point Aldo !
Wow, this is powerful (and true).
I’ve realized for a while now… that it’s ultimately best to standby my own vision… but never allow anyone or anything else to interrupt that vision. Codependency is one of the most toxic interruptions for us INFJ’s. We don’t crave codependency ourselves… seems we crave it FROM others. We love faith. We love those who maintain the foresight to trust and believe in us and our own vision. But this can also be a HUGE parasite for us. There are boundaries. We need to place ourselves first, and help others when our cup overflows… but don’t take away from our cup. Taking away from our cup… we’ll absolutely lose ourselves within that process. We need someone who has the same drive that we do. Someone who values who we are, and doesn’t just suck us dry or use our vision against us. It’s easy for us to come off as controlling or manipulative. It’s a personal fear and insecurity within us. We have to use it for ourselves. Only for ourselves. The right people will gravitate accordingly.
I’m an abuse survivor and it makes me second guess these first counterintuitive signs. It’s put me in some really toxic relationships. I’m working on making better choices moving forward. Self reflection mode.
Maybe I'll join Bootcamp one day, but for now I want to thank you this way
I think the problem with younger INFJs is that they would feel compelled to look out for someone as their other half to complete them, by doing so, they do what they do best is to try to fill in other people's lives and treat them like a project. This needs to be unlearned and relearned so that INFJs could see what people actually are and why they behave that way. The huge blind spot of us is that we thought we knew people because of our intuition, which is partially true. But we can't fully understand people until we understand ourselves (why we do the things we do, what we actually want, etc.) This might sound counterintuitive but it's proved to be true for me. Until INFJs understand ourselves well enough and love ourselves as much as we love others, it'd be almost impossible to find a fulfilling relationship. But rediscovering ourselves is a huge and tough journey for an INFJ and I can't speak for everyone since we're all different, but this is the master key to fix most of our plights.
I think you're right, we INFJs really need to learn and master ourselves and become the people we truly want and need to become. I already met my inner self, I know the path I must take to become him. I have only begun to become whom I truly am deep down.
Excellent summary, spot on. I've experienced the same. Understanding ourselves is critical to living a life we actually enjoy. If you don't understand yourself then you can't know what fulfills or what fits.
absolutely agree! I think working with our shadow and realizing that despite our best intent, we are still subject to human emotions like greed, pride, jealousy and so on is quite crucial to understand ourselves. Only when you truly understand yourself can you understand where someone else is coming from, the more of you that you integrate, the less of it you project. Understanding becomes devoid of bias and projections.
I am an older INFJ and I agree with you. I depend on my intuition of people and it serves me pretty well until it doesn't. I find I take people as they project themselves to be more than I should. It's the blind spot you mention. Of course after I get to know them I am usually deeply disappointed because they are not what they appear to be. I guess I won the relationship lottery though because I met a woman when I was 24, dated her for 10 months and got married. 31 years later we are still happily married. She turned out to be the kind of partner Wenzes is describing in this video. I think if I hadn't met her I would most likely be living alone.
Found her 48 years ago…She saved my life..She shared our dreams and made the accomplishment of those dreams happen. When I draw my last breath it will be with her by my side….Or at hers….
Even though sometimes what you have to say is difficult to hear, you put out some of the best content for INFJs that want to grow.
Thanks Wenzes !!
The problem I most come across in my life is the guy is often uncomfortable with me standing up for myself. i'm not afraid to stick to my convictions and guys seem to not know what to do about that. I guess I haven't met the right person yet.
The 5 mantras
1) Everyone is meet is not perfect, just because i project my perfection onto them.
2) My life is better than theirs.
3) Everyone wants me to make my life my priority.
4) Join my team if you want to live.
5) Go deep or go home.
😝
I resonate so much. Every time when I go deep, i get ghosted and that made me doubt my worth. So I decided to go deep at the beginning, no masks
What are my experiences with positive relationships as an INFJ? The very few that I had that were good experiences contained kindness from her and I both to one another because we understood each other's needs and such. The way relationships should be. Taking care of one another.
Been following your content since few months and this video is one of your greatest videos. Out of many INFJ sources, I find you to be the most reliable or the one that I could connect the most.
You're always on point and explain everything deeply with logical explanations unlike other sources who just do vague talk by throwing statements. You're doing a great work.
On the other hand, it seems that she treats INFJism as though it were a personality disorder that needs to be corrected.
Well I am fairly new to this about maybe a year and a half of know that I am an INFJ to a T. She is spot on with pretty much everything I have watched and listened to. Along with a.couple others in UA-cam. But I always gravitate to her most. But isn't it a personality trait to an extent? Because it's about how we are, were, and still am because of our surroundings and people we have , and are dealing with on a daily basis who chairs up your personality. All of those and more
That make up what we are. But that's not who we are. I think that's where trying to understand our role as INFJ"a we play in all of it. For me it's always the why why why don't they this don't they that, how come they this , and,why can't I bla bla. So if you smokes cigarettes they call it a disorder everything is a disorder . why can't it be well neither are things I need to look at. Not because its a disorder, but because hey its going to make me a better person for myself and others around me because of my understanding. I only see it as something , a challenge an opportunity to understand the why I am and have been my whole life just knowing there was something different about me than everyone else. How I stood out in good ways and bad ways but to people who didn't understand any of it either
.shit, doing it again lol. Wow could have answered that one.pretty short like yours was
John Storton but I'm working on that too. Hey in here at least I know whoever reads these comments in here that they want to and.will roll the end. I respect that. More than I can say for most who can't waist there time to learn. But I am thankful for her time and y'alls time to write these comments and.her to make these videos
Wow, so insightful 5:38: "You want to have somebody in your life who can actually add to your happiness. They aren't your happiness, they aren't your solution."
Honestly, I don't really have any positive outcomes for relationships as an INFJ... Women are intrigued at first, and then they ghost. Never figured out why... Still have no clue. I'm far from perfect, but I think i'm an alright guy. I need to lose weight, and I'm not the best looking dude on earth, but shit...There has to be SOMEONE out there for me? 🤷🏼🤷🏼🤷🏼
If you look at more of her channel she has videos on infj and ghosting. May be helpful. One of them is titled ‘why infjs are admired and then ghosted.’ Hope that helps.
@@hanhan7395 Thanks, but I’ve been following Wenzes for years, since she only had about 3,000 subs… I’ve watched nearly every video she’s uploaded.
Same here, except I’m super fit and not exactly ugly. Trust me those things makes 0 difference to what others think. Being fit and healthy does however make you feel better about life, do it for yourself not others.
I fell (in more than one sense) for a person who is very different (me an INFJ, to an ISFJ!!). It didn't work out. We spoke different languages. The one thing which brought us together is we both longed to be listened to, and we both listened to each other (at the beginning). Basically, we each fell in love with the need we both shared, which isn't a good thing at all!
I'm very drawn to someone to be their savior, but at the same time I realize this puts us on different levels. To me, that person would not be partner material. This would be the same if I was the needy one and someone else acted like my mentor.
The best thing is, we often do not have a high expectations. What I appreciate the most is authenticity. It saves everyone's time at first and then if people do not need to "play a role" and accept everyone as UNIQUE they can even communicate better and work on relationship. Simply accept the other point of view without judging.
@SilverSerpent64 oh hello.☺ I respect your comment here. But you do not got me well..Hm But I must say that I do not await that they will treat me the same way as I treat them anymore. I am already living in a present moment and take things as they are. I have learned to love unconditionaly. Therefore I am happy as I am :-) I just expressed what is esssential if two person want to have some partnership. Because it requires some work from both sides. Partnership (relationship) is for me some commitment but without conditional attachment...Have a blessed day 😇🙏🫀🧠
@SilverSerpent64 problem is people do not uderstand what that means to love "unconditionaly" this does not mean that you allow yourself to be bullied!
You just accept that fact that they are as they are and move on. You will not stay in a relationship with them. You are no longer attached to them! Do you understand now? 🙏if you accept this fact, you will return your respect to yourself and attract into your life what you value about yourself - for example a healthy partner.
Excuse me now, are you aware who is already projecting in this conversation? Sending you best vibes and wishes 💗from bottom of my heart!
You are absolutely right we do it to ourselves.
Imam Ali a. s. Said :
"Its not people that hurt you but the expectations you have from them".
As an INFJ I finally experience positive relationship with my partner who is also INFJ.
I'm single over decade.. I think I just gave up
Wow, I feel found out😭...but this explains alot. I aimed to please the other person and shape myself into a pretzel...never again! I like the idea of being fully accepted and embraced even if it seems rare. I could touch right beneath the surface and the person runs off. Hence my hiding but I need to be me full wingspan. I aim to join the boot camp this time around!
I'm also an INFJ. I get you 100%! I sometimes look around and think "No one is like me". All this depth and everything you said... I'm in the Philippines right now... And I want to save the whole Phillipines! Yeah, we are different. I'm also a relationships bof. I used to run singles groups. I've read stacks of books on this stuff. What you say is true across the board. These are common relationship pitfalls.
And yeah I still haven't found "the one" 😐.
I can relate so much haha
I’m in the Philippines too. Come on let’s save it together.
It's always nice to have an older infj from whom you can have this kind of advice. I just discovered recently that I always tend to project in romance. Your words are a great help for me at this point in my life. Thank you.
True indeed 🎉✨
Lust and Infatuation at first sight maybe but not love at first sight!
In my pre Myers-Briggs and pre-internet days, I heard a lot of the things you spoke about but not in anything like the systematic and practical way that you explain it in this video. In other words, I was learning it and trying to put it together myself. As I begin to put things in order, I ended up learning a lot of what you said, with similarities and differences in variations in the order of which you explained it, but I ended up learning it nonetheless
Thankfully, this video makes it a lot easier to understand and it sure did explain a lot. (And interestingly enough, even though you aim this at finding a significant other, I found aspects of what you said very helpful to me as a teacher. We learn a lot of things and we "just know" that we can help the kiddos a lot if they will just listen and appreciate what we have to offer ... And guess what. They often don't pay any attention.)
I liked these 5 points and I also appreciated your emphasis that we weren't getting involved with a "project," but rather, a partner. YESSS! Well-said!
Since you value self knowledge,I highly recommend Tim Lahaye Understanding the male temperament ( applies to females inclusive, just that the author is male)and Irini Rockwell The five wisdom temperaments
I believe this is closer to our lowest common denominator and less confusing
Love at first sight usually disaptes as quickly as it appeared.
At 18 l married a Project. At 67 l am enjoying a partner who has outgrown his two narcissistic parents ( overt dad covert mom). We now share the same focus, many interests, and give lots of effort to serve each other daily. And guess what? Its been a difficult but fulfilling ride! We have marriage l wouldn’t trade with anyone! Im the INFJ. My 70 year old silver haired husband is an ISFJ. We are vastly different people. What makes this work is both partners giving 100% to love and serve the other! He deeply loves me, and l respect (and love) him.
I absolutely love your content! SO on track! Thank you! Thank you!
Loved it !
Your explanation here is gold, good video. Thank you!
This is a great topic in the right time 😊🙏🏾💖
Thanks For The Advice & Insight-Your Great-(I will be doing your bootcamp soon)-I'm looking forward to it
I appreciate your channel and off cause YOU so MUCH! Your videos are awesome. Thank you for this!😙
Best video yet!
This was definitely how things went for me, at least in my younger years, but even before I learned about being an infj, I just reshifted my focus to other things and show to the relationship quest far back in my mind, then at some point I realized what I always felt was and it's not crucial to have one, but at the same time humanly we all crave that and need some type of connection on a regular basis. It has been such a great thing to learn of being an infj and understanding that, and continuing learning how to embrace ourselves and to use our unique stack to our full advantage. Great advice and videos always! ✌️🤘
Great advice 💯
Small thank you for your work and service
I love how you guys can go deep. -INTJ
Thank you soooo much for expressing my feelings in words. You bring clarity to my lifr
Thank you for sharing dear...♥️
I met my infp husband when we were 15 and 16, and I knew by the end of the first day that I wanted to marry him, but that I wantet to wait a few years to start dating…😋 it took us 6 years as friends before we were a couple, and another 3 before we were married! Maybe it’s related to some of the things you mention, but I would add that a counterintuitive sign is that both are encouraging the other person to grow and change. 😊 It has been quite a ride, but our 11 years as married only feels like the beginning.
Very wise words
Thank you!
When I first saw my wife. It was not love at first sight. Rather it was a quiosity that overwhelmed me.
Who is that?
How does she have such confidence ?
Where is her strength coming from?
I actually told her first off, do jot tell me that you think you are getting attached. Let me see what I feel first.
20 years later. We were amazing. May she rest in peace.
So I'm starting to watch your channel and subscribe. Had to feel you out, you know lol. I'm a heavily abused INFJ, and I just want to thank you for doing this. You're saving at least one person. And the way you speak, a lot imo. Thank you so fucking much.❤️
Edit: Getting there I'll probably watch almost all your videos by the end of this. :3 did I watch this specific video? No. I just wanted to tell you You're stellar.
I love it because I live it! Give it all to them and don’t change the way we were designed to be. It takes all different folks
unbelievable.. sooo true!!! it seems i am a pro in escaping from my life/myself! thanks for formulating this so clearly!🤗
Wow! The part about projections is so right on.
Thank You 😊🤗❤
Ouch. Some painful home truths here! Thank you so much - I love learning about who I am (and that I am perfect the way I am).
Saving this video to come back to it whenever my empath INFJ side kicks in. Thank you for such a clear and lucid explanation!
Very true, hope young people will listen to and bear in mind these insightful facts when it comes to relationships, especially in intimate romantic relationships so that they have the chance to grow. ❤❤
Thank you for your talk. Did you ever publish a reading list for your favorite sources on personality types?
Holy foozballs ma'am! You know EXACTLY where it hurts 😁👌 in the best way possible! Resonated with all of these and then some.
Hooked and subbed :) thank you so much for your high quality content!!! 🙏💖🔥
Thank you wenzes
Spot on your video was perfect. Unfortunately I’m not on the right side of your list. Exposed! Haha
I need your boot camp so bad, haha. Maybe next month. 🙏
Im dying to know what type my partner is!
Sparring with potential mates is one of my favorite ways of seeing how good a match someone is. How someone fights tells you absolutely everything you need to know about who they are…
Are they able to agree on a truth even if it doesn’t directly serve their argument? Do they fight fair, or do they try to evoke emotions of shame and guilt to serve their purpose (what I call an emotional crotch hit)? Do they respect when they have crossed a limit and retract, or do they continue even when signs are apparent that something has carried too far? Does the fight end when it ends or do they drag things out through gossip, working to undermine you behind the scenes?
My partner and I have actually naturally gravitated to literally growling, pretending we’re rabid animals when we have heated discussions 😆 it breaks the fourth wall and tells us that we know we’re treading in iffy territory and gives us an expression for the aggression so then the actual conversation takes a more diplomatic route… and also does not threaten our closeness within the connection. I don’t know if that’s part of what makes us work but I don’t think any small thing should be discounted either when it comes to successful relationships 😉
It feels as though we become (are) codependent and put our partner first above our own basic needs, it can only work for so long as it exhausts and drains us.
Being manipulated, toyed with hurt & rescue behaviour is emotionally damaging.
We also tend to blame ourselves so get double put down them and our own negative self talk.
If they 'love' us why would they keep beating up on us unless we are doing xyz...
Then you actually wake up to their emotional, psychological & mental abuse.
They want power & complete control over you...
RUN!!!
Better to be alone and heal those inner child deep rooted wounds than to stay with someone eroding you from the inside out.
Yes !!!!,, that’s me !!
That’s my husband and me… we are the wonder team ❤❤
I think we mistake the feeling of wanting to be somebody with wanting to be with them.
The hardest one for me is that lust at first sight doesn’t work ugh
I did not think that there were people organized and ready to identify with, where one finds out their peculiar situation . Please accept my apologies for the gap in knowledge . Amazing!
Infj's aren't looking for "partnership" 50/50 doesn't work for me it's 100/100
Hello wenzes, I always follow you, you're very good.
In Italy, the MBTI system is not valued as it deserves.
In Italy there is only one site that speaks very well of the MBTI system, and the works are really beautiful. They are well done. But they have few views, a bit sorry. The Italian site has few followers.
You are much better, but you also have more motivation. I find the MBTI system beautiful, and then it evolved. Like anything.
People sometimes surprise me, because they make everything a soup, and they say that it is not something reliable, but, honestly. Many reliable things did not understand me,
unreliable things, understood me.
In my opinion, the research underestimates the growth of MBTI.
I'm glad you made all these well-made videos, keep going. 😁😁😁
And then I did the test many times, my result is always Infj 90% of cases, Intj when I'm angry, which means Fe goes down. And it makes sense.
Most of the things you say make sense about me,
I did the test on Italian sites and on English sites, Same result
Now I'm reading a book by a Nobel Prize-winning author, Daniel Kahneman.
It talks about cognitive biases, and I find many similarities with Mbti.
He distinguishes 2 systems, which he calls system one and system2.
These 2 systems, which according to the author determine the functioning of the mind, remind me, are very similar to the dichotomies S / N (system 1), F / T ( system2).
For me, Mbti have big potential.
I haven't met anyone who would be all that, but I've met a few guys who didn't need to be saved and who weren't offended by my deeper opinions and me being me. I realised I feel good with positive people who aren't a burden. Because yes, it's fascinating to be a savior, but let's be honest, it is a burden. I tend to like NT guys - they don't care about me or them being artificially nice. Maybe I will meet the one one day :)
I am also INFJ 22 years old Boy
I know. I like my purpose.
Yeah
Haha, she said I know that feeling by heart.
I am a Heyoka, I don't know why I understand INFJ but I do.
Yes a teammate 😊❤
Would it be possible if a discord server would be created about your channel for those who can't afford your coaching?
I'm in love
These 5 points reversed + many of her great counterpoints = the perfection explanation of how the young INFJ can easily be drawn in by a narcissist 😔.
Sending love to you all!! xx
I made the same conclusions at ... 46 years old ! Took me so long ! One of my younger friends who is ESFP told me : "welcome to FI world" (meaning be who you are, people who like your deep side will stay) ... by the way thank you Wenzes for your precious advice !
We simply must be comfortable ALONE before we find someone to share our time with. And that person must respect our independence.
This is so spot on. Points out many issues I couldn’t quite put my finger on that I’m currently experiencing (but not for much longer 😇)
I feel like I actually look for all of that, and that makes it hard for me to find a partner
Choose wisely ~ choose an apocolypse partner.
I know. It wasn’t love at first sight with INFP.
I like my life.
It is because I am the bad boy. They don’t want to commit.
I’m waiting to find the ‘one’. Soon I‘ll be as rich and relevant as Ryan Reynolds. Kidding. ❤
I feel like I saw people's vision when I was younger but now I am very skeptical and I wait until people prove themselves to me first... But I've had a lot of bad experiences with peopel!
I am INFJ boy 22 years old and I can Prove
I am 4th year DVM student
Sarah Give me a chance to prove me
@@Dr.AhmadRaza251 are you really shooting your shot in a youtube comment? hahaha that's a first!
it's hard for me fall in love with someone if its not love at the first sight.
Not me laughing at myself for definitively projecting on my past relationships. It’s true. Sigh.
💙
Is it possible to reject ‘the one’ (as an INFJ) because they don’t have all those things mentioned (intensity, different life, you’re not their savior etc..)?
Pygmalion & Galatae
Not me. No image for me.
You cant project greg on greg 😁. Youre my twin, was going to remain silent to not confuse you. Then you killed me when you said you drag yourself out of bed in the morning, and, i know why. 🤭❤️
💯✨💫
I don't believe in love at first sight, but o do pay attention to my somatic responses
There's no such thing as the one! Instead find who reflect you based on needs not want... Chemicals affect how you think you feel it's limerence not love. Interesting video...
What’s info?
1. They’re INTJ
Oh my gosh I expected too much from her I almost broke off the solid relationship that's positive and supportive she's a workaholic she's not lazy not them to me it's her and of course I stood up for myself even in front of her she loves me for who I am I'm sure of that she's my hero not I'm hers anymore she's part of my life not my life because I still have my Mom brother and cousins
It's not when an entp finds them and takes them home?
Why don't you create a match making service where you match INFJ's together? Since we find it so difficult to find a suitable partner as we always get the narcs/psychos, you being a trusted source to suss out the genuine INFJ's amongst us would be perfect to play Cupid. Pls consider a free service where we reward you on a donation based scheme for those of us non-workers and also as you are an INFJ, thrives on selfless service. I hope others will come on board with me.
Maybe I was thinking I'm their one
Yeah. Try not to do that next time. All the best to you John.
Do you have infj and spiritual awekening ☺️☺️
This is the Way/Tao :')