Being Seen, a video about being trans & non-binary | Curio
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- Опубліковано 20 вер 2024
- Hi! I'm non-binary. Hi non-binary I'm dad.
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Featuring music by:
Mel Stone - sunro.se
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Left At London - leftatlondon.com/
And inspired in part by Joshua Jennifer Espinoza:
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Really great video, good job! It’s equal parts artistic, expressive and informative. Gender is such a complex and weird concept and it’s so strange how we just take the world of gender for granted.
thank you for making this
Frankly, the question, what queertemporality is, mainly confuses me, but human perception of time is always confusing when one isn't naive enough about it for the fully linear and constant approximation to suffice.
Hunny bun...any mum who loves her kiddo is already "gonna know" when her child comes out to her. 99% of the time we have just been waiting patiently for our little butterflies to come out of their cocoons and dry their wings.
This was a beautiful exploration of the topic. Thank you.
Incidently, this was the first time somebody said: "the easy answer comes from Judith Butler"
I'm studying gender in college, and you're correct
In my opinion, Butler is the simplest option Gender is performance and there is nothing behind the performance... Gender solipsism, social construction. Disregards biology, evolution, psychology, historical cultures.. Is there something im missing?
@@cassied.6731 that was my college thesis oml
@@umwha You are... Pretty much everything, actually. In no way her theory implies there's nothing behind the performance. There's obviously a biological factor to how the construction of gender came to be in the first place and since the current scientific consensus is that sex is a spectrum we can point to evolution as the reason it has been mostly binary: dominant males with few secondary male characteristics, dominant females with less secondary female characteristics and intersex individuals would not integrate very well and reproduce, therefore would not be seen as a default and have been made rare in all animal species in which this applies. (Primitive gender roles are modeled after basic male/female instincts).
Looking at human history you can clearly see gender is performed differently according to circumstances and the idea of constructs is very much related to psychology.
Isn't it way simpler to say you have a "woman's brain" or to just assume you are naturally a gender because of your biology?
@@naoexistimos777
There is not a consensus that biological sex is a spectrum. There is a movement to re-imagine the STEM fields in a way that is palatable to a certain ideological group, that is all.
i realized in grade school when a rude kid said "ew, is that a boy or a girl?"... i got a wonderful feeling about seeming outside the binary. i would later identify it as gender euphoria
my favorite gender is also "ew"
I got the same feeling when my dad joked about me looking like a boy multiple times. He likely would dismiss my identity even though at this point he probably learned that he can't do much to change how my family lives, but he low-key understood what I am going for. I don't like to look either like a girl or a guy, so I was surprised to hear him say that.
That happened to me so much growing up, except I had the opposite reaction. I hated being treated like an other for my androgyny, but now that I've found good friends and support, I can finally see my androgynous body as a blessing rather than a curse!
sometimes in my call center jobs people used to mishear my name and assume I was a man, and it was really exciting. Also, one time on twitter someone assumed I was AMAB/a trans woman and called me "he" and "him," and that was mostly funny and felt good, even though that person sucked, obviously.
I had similar experiences growing up, and I never understood why they bothered me so much, until one day waiting tables at a miserable job that literally made me suicidal, a little girl and her mom walked into the bathroom as I was washing my hands and she asked "Mommy, is that a girl?" not "is that a boy?" not "is that a boy or a girl?" just "is that a girl?"... and I kept trying to explain to my friend why that made me so happy, but the only thing I could come up with was "I just like that she knows it's okay for girls to have short hair" but that didn't feel quite true... I didn't start to question my gender seriously, though, until several years later.
Turns out, I'm non-binary, but the one thing I'm not is a man.
Demi-girl, gender fluid, and bi-gender are all labels that feel accurate to my experience.
It was just so confusing for me to figure out because for the longest time I thought I was just a cis woman who was really gender nonconforming. Years ago, as a teenager, I saw a tumblr masterpost of LGBTQ vocabulary and read the definition for non-binary and thought "YEP, that sounds like me" but then IMMEDIATELY walked it back mentally and probably repressed it both because of those "not queer enough" thoughts and because of the social stigma I knew would be attached to it because of it being related to being trans.
I wasn't familiar with the term "egg" for young pre-out trans folx and now all I can think of is Danny DeVito's "can I offer you an egg in this trying time?" but offering dumb 19 year old me
aSDfghjkl that's hilarious and I relate
you are so lucky to have avoided the egg memes
mood
I would have loved it if Danny Devito offered me an egg but it was just me
its cannon now Danny Devito is the stork delivering babies but for trans eggs
the moment you said “this video is for you, if you want” i knew it was gonna be exactly what i needed to hear. thank you from a nonbinary person who’s too scared to say it anywhere else except a youtube comment section.
Same. Except I was too scared to even make my own comment, only reply to yours. Solidarity. :)
That's a very brave and wonderful step to take from you. I hope it will be the first in many wonderful steps towards becoming the person you truly are. But take them at your own speed, you don't have to rush
UA-cam comment sections and one friend for me hehe
Edit: I’ve come out to all my friends, and they’re super supportive >-
I’d like to add to what others have said - I feel very validated here. I’m increasingly identifying as nonbinary but I don’t feel okay to tell people about it yet - it's hard.
Rel. Just recently started outing myself after a long time and it can be very scary. I feel glad but there is no pressure any you are valid.
"If my gender is performed, then it is art" is a sentence thay makes me feel some kind of way
I never thought of it this way 🤯🤯💚💚
An actual thought I had when I found out about non-binary people: "Wait there were more options than man and women? Shoot, wish I knew I hate being a woman. I'm definitely a woman though. "
Me now: "OH"
I had the thing when my friend came out as a trans man and my intuitive reaction was "why would you want to be a ma... Ohhhh"
@@QuinnArgo That's a pretty good sign! Sometimes it's these moments of clarity that put evberything into perspective.
Omg big same.
I'm a demiboy
Oh big mood
I'm currently questioning my gender identity. I'm not sure if by the end of all this I'd identify as cis or non-binary but I definitely don't identify with the strictly binary male identity. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE GIRLY THINGS. I LOVE PINK I LOVE ROMANCE. There are times where I hate being afab because patriarchy basically. I'm not sure if it's because I'm cis and I need to work through my internalized misogyny or I'm non-binary and I'm just delaying the inevitable because I'm following a very terf-y train of thought.
TLDR: I think being trans and non-binary has nothing to do with just having a complicated relationship with femininity. I know you guys are just having fun sorry for dumping this all on you guys have a great day :).
I’m an old woman, and let me assure you, none of us are “finished”. The process is important. You’re awesome. You do whatever feels right for you, and seeing you do that is going to help others.
@@OrangeCanna9468it’s sad that you’re so judgmental. You probably even mistakenly call yourself Christian, though Jesus warned against judging and very specifically commanded us to love one another. I feel sorry for you.
Biggest Egg Moment(s) of Mine From the Past 6 Years: regularly having 'masc photoshoots' alone in my room solely for my own benefit and learning how to contour my face to look more masculine but firmly not believing I was a trans man
Ooh me too! It is very euphoric to feel in control of my gender experssion
Oh. Man I've done this too. I cosplayed as male characters all the time and I tried to get strangers to think I was a boy and I'd give ambiguous names to people I wasn't gonna talk to again and I'd contour my face in private to present masculine and I'd daydream about binding and getting breast reduction surgery and then top surgery when I heard if it. I love to present feminine too much now to do anything permanent, and I like my body on most days, so I've kinda settled on nonbinary and presenting butch or femme depending on the day lol
... One day I will get a binder that freaking fits me, and then I shall rule the Earth. Sports bras are good friends of mine.
This was extremely moving. As a trans woman who is constantly in fear of how the world is shifting politically, everytime I see someone make a beautiful, personal piece of lgbt self discovery it gives me hope.
*Aggressively validates you*
My partner “came out” to me and told me they were nb. They were so nervous and afraid, and I told them it didn’t matter since I’ll always love and support them lol. A little after that they told me they were actually pansexual and not a lesbian; their explanation being that the way they see and experience gender changed how they experience sexuality. Even though I have no idea what that feels like, I couldn’t help but be so happy for them. It’s made me want to be a better and more learned ally to the trans and non-binary community.
I love you all and hope you are living authentically.
I am a 43 year old... person and I am crying. I am 16 and trying to get my friends to call me a different name. I am 25 and my partner calls me D for the first time and it is the best name. I am 19 and dancing with a beautiful boy on a stage, there is awkwardness and hate from the crowd but only sparkles between us. I am 20 and pretending to be Chloe and Zoe with my "totally straight" friend online. I am 35 and getting married and I'm so in love while wishing I were prettier, my suit is lovely but a skirt and smokey eye would be fabulous. I am 43 and I've been in lockdown forever and I wish I were 10 years younger. I am 43 and think, maybe I don't have to be 10 years younger. I am 10 and I've put on a dress and my grandma's clip on earrings and I feel pretty and alive. I am 43 and thankful for this video.
I absolutely love the Dr. Manhattan-esque “It is (date) and I am (____)” Segment. Queertemporality really reminds me of the way that Dr. Manhattan experiences time because it’s way outside of the normal. Thanks for this video. You’re so gorgeous and as a closeted trans girl with a boatload of depression/anxiety you give me hope. ❤️
Lmao I made this comment before you even mentioned Watchmen. As soon as you did I was grinning like crazy.
Honestly knowing there are other bisexual non binary folks dealing with BPD - v reassuring!!
Count me in
WOOP!
we're all over! You're not alone, there are plenty of us.
Same :)
Fuck, theres a lot of us 💕💕
as a fellow enby it’s always nice to see people who i respect talking openly about their non-binary identity. keep it up, you’re making it a little easier for all of us 😊
"I don't want to die". This hit VERY close to home. I already know who I am, but I don't know what is going to happen to me. I never felt like I fit in. I hope that now that I understand why, things will get easier for me. Nothing is greater than the pain of realising that you've denied yourself of who you were all your life. Learning that the people around you tried everything they could to stop you from finding out, hoping that you could have been "normal" all along. I can never get those years of my life back. But I'm still here, and I realise that there are other people like me who are still here. So maybe it won't be so bad, if we're all in this together.
"I do want a new name, but I want my current name, I want many names..." is a thing I've been struggling to sort through recently and it's really nice to realise I'm not alone in that. (Definitely teared up a bit in this one too which is rare for me 💜) Thank you so much :)
-wren
I started sobbing when they said that because I feel exactly the same.
I have a friend who is genderfluid, he likes to go by his birthname when he is feeling more masculine and "Anita" for when she is feeling more feminine.
Maybe you could try doing something like that with the people you are closer to who supports you and see if you like it
I love my birth name I think it’s really pretty (Isabelle is my birth name) but it really gives others the wrong idea and I also really like the name Jae and I think I may try that out.
I love my birthnames (all 4) and wanted to keep them all, along with 4 new names... but I eventually parted with my three masculine names, and my nonbinary identity, for now, while I keep exploring being a trans woman, with my 3 new names, last name, and stage last name, haha
@@Gaby-wi4bx omg I’m gender fluid and seeing the way you used different pronouns for your friend makes me so happy !!
June 13, 2020.
I've just watched this video. I am shaking with sobs, struggling to breathe. Something fundamental has shifted in me. I have no idea what this will mean going forward and I am terrified. My life flashes before my eyes, a myriad of pieces gently sliding into place. It isn't a surprise, as such, more like an inevitability, the culmination of countless tiny moments. Tear by tear, fear gives way to an incomprehensibly beautiful sense of relief. I know who I am. I've always known. And I am not alone.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for seeing me.
Thats not a youtube comment thats prose.
Hope that you are doing
Okay.
Stop, please, my eyes, they leak.
"You should try to be the person you needed when you were younger"
That is THE best trans life advice I've ever heard. God damn...
This hit me surprisingly hard in a lot of very specific ways. I'm very solid in my gender (enough of a dude that calling myself non-binary feels like misgendering, enough not quite a dude that saying I'm a trans man doesn't feel like the whole story), but I've been having a crisis around my sexuality. I've been thinking I might be a gay man, but I've been afraid to say it for a variety of reasons- some of which are due to the fact that gay male identity is kinda constructed around cis gay men, and as a trans gay man with no interest in being with cis men, I don't feel like I "get" to be a gay man. But part of it is also a fear that maybe I'm wrong and I'll actually fall for a woman in the future, and I'm worried calling myself gay now when I'm not certain what the future holds is a lie. I don't know where I'm at right now, except thinking of all the little Moments in my life.
you don't have to figure everything out today. and as a gay guy, you have my support to also be a gay guy, for however long that label feels appropriate to you, not that i have a vote in your life :)
Bro for real.... i get you. completely. I'm going through this at the moment. I don't think it helps that cis gay men can be so trans exclusionary, and their voices are (unfortunately) some of the loudest in the lgbt community, so sometimes it feels like they have more weight, or something. I've been misgendered by cis gay men, and mocked by them, and. I'm so hesitant to label myself as a gay man because of it. I don't really have any answers for you, i just wanted you to know that I understand you and I heard you
I relate so much to your comment! For me, another reason why I struggle with calling myself a gay guy is that I've not experienced attraction until I started transitioning (when I was around 22) and I still think that I probably fall somewhere on the aroace spectrum. A lot of gay culture (is that the right way to describe what I mean? Idk) seems so focused on sex and sexuality (which you know, makes a lot of sense) that I feel very inadequate (because of my body and my lack of experience and my lack of sexual attraction).
Don't worry so much about labels. So many of the issues you have are things nobody should have to worry about. Trying to name every spot on a 4 dimensional gradient is just a good way to hurt your own brain. And nobody lives in exactly one spot, and even if they do right now, there's no telling how large and chaotic their cloud of sensations will wax and wane over time; between identifying with, and across from, sometimes simultaneously.
It took me a real long time until i was sure i was cishet. But it's not like a pure point, it's more like a blotch in the cishet area with little fingers out to pretty much everywhere. And the more people I meet the more I understand everyone is a bit of a cloudy blotch. Some people take comfort in knowing their location, but it's just a coordinate, it's not who you are, and it's not how you actually relate to your corporeal self, or your intellect, or your the people you interact with.
@@PC012 you can be enby and a lesbian
quarantine...... literally made me realise im trans (nb)?? everything is so new to me. my big sister whos trans, called me an egg. thank you for the tears
Good. Shit. dude. I'm so happy for you. Just remember no one can take this away from you. I'm trans and have BPD and other mental health struggles as well and it was so hard to get anyone to even believe me, even though I knew and actively tried to hide it since middle school. "How long is this gonna go on?", "you're just crazy", "You'll change back you always do", "HRT will ruin your life", "you're manic wait a month", and on and on and on but as hurtful as these comments are, nothing anyone can say makes us less valid. I think you have a bright future. I can't tell you how much your content has helped me. So thank you, and have fun!
@@doctrinedoomsday6953 cringe
I'm also trans with BPD! You're not alone :)
I imagine coming out as trans is that much harder if you've got the fear of abandonment part of BPD following you too?
I'm just curious, do you have Borderline Personality Disorder or Bipolar Disorder? as a person with BPD I don't remember anything about people with BPD being manic (unless you meant they didn't understand that you don't have mania) while people with Bipolar Disorder do have episodes of mania
Either way, I hope you have a great day, I just wanted to know if you were confused or if I was confused.
@@chronic-rose oh I have both actually, i didn't realize I didn't mention that, they can present similarly and are often misdiagnosed for each other but it's not uncommon at all to have comorbid BPD and BD, you're right though mania isn't a feature of BPD, and having type II I don't experience "proper" mania, but hypomania which is less severe but episodes tend to last longer and are more often mixed. I still get all the stereotypical symptoms like pressured speech, flight of ideas, inhibition, euphoria/dysphoria (usually at the same time), hallucinations, etc. but all less severe than someone with type I. It's still landed me in the hospital quite a few times (and BPD too, it's impossible for me to seperate them in terms of specific outcomes), I've rarely thoroughly enjoyed being manic despite the common misconception that it's fun, it can be, but for me usually not for very long.
I can’t wait to see this! Olly’s video about bisexuality changed my perspective on it, so i’m exited to see this too!
oof this aged poorly
What was your perspective before?
@@lydiafayre9806 idk if you're asking this in regards to the comment from @The Reverend Cuck, but their comment is pointing to the fact that the original commenter used PhilosophyTube's dead name. She came out as trans a few months ago, and her name's Abby (Abigail)
As an AMAB enby myself (I'm 20), this video makes me want to cry in the best possible way. I only started seriously considering the idea that I might not be cis within the last six months, and transitioning into a more comfortable presentation and conception of myself has been slow and confusing. Hearing about the experiences of someone similar to me, but further along this journey is reassuring. Thank you.
I'm proud of you
I DIDNT KNOW I COULD COMMENT BEFORE ITS AIRED. premieres confuse me. but i love you!!! i'm a 16 year old trans dude and its always so. amazing seeing the people i look up to find the space and time to come out? excited for the video!
Well, you can. Thank you king
oh, the infinite karma of accidentally outing yourself to friends and loved ones via your twitter... god, is that a Mood
We're just stuck here with this dad joke until the video premieres
Sorry to hear about the terfs
I know I shouldn't laugh but I read this comment like you were talking about some kind of a disease, and I can't stop laughing.
TheAutisticGuitarist given how many of them start throwing lesbians (or even racial minorities) under the bus as soon as they feel emboldened, it is reasonable to think they won’t stop at lgbt persecution when they are done.
TheAutisticGuitarist I mean yeah absolutely, they’re not engaging with or ‘doing’ feminism in any well intentioned or acceptable way, but I do think it’s nice to have a quick way to refer to “hey this person uses labels that generally would make them seem safe to trust and engage with, but they’re actually bigoted and spiteful, and the fact that they can retreat behind those labels and still feel and be seen as progressive and accepting is harmful and insidious to the people they cause very real harm to”, you feel?
Also they HATE being called terfs, which is very funny, I think.
@@voro_738 TERFs are a disease currently afflicting Great Britain
I relate so strongly to that mortal fear of coming out. I'm white, cis and middle-class, statistically speaking I know that I'd probably be absolutely fine going around as the loudest bisexual in town... but there's still that fear there. I've been out online for almost a full year now (I drew the profile pic on this account as my way of announcing it on my art instagram). I've only ever spoken about it in person with my close friends, many of whom are bi themselves. I'm pretty sure all my immediate family knows, they all follow me online and that drawing is pinned above my desk at home, but I've never actually told them directly. I feel like the longer it goes the more likely I am to just never bring it up, but I'm honestly fine with that part. I know my parents wouldn't bat an eye if I brought home a boyfriend one day.
What I hate is that feeling of being only half out. I don't know if I'd present myself much differently if I didn't have this fear holding me back, but I still walk around in public feeling like I'm "acting straight" just to be safe. Acting "normal" to make life easier is something I've dealt with before with my autism, and it's exhausting, but I've never been afraid that I might get beaten up if I act autistic in public.
Recently I've been easing myself into being more openly autistic, letting myself stim, make noises and "be weird". It hasn't been some miraculous transformation, but it's eased the tension slightly. Hopefully I'll also figure out how to open up the bi valve a little more and I'll be a little bit more Gabriel than I was before.
Hello fellow bisexual neuroatypical Gabriel, hope you have a great day.
When I acted like a boy growing up, _they_ called me a girl
When I act like a woman now as an adult, _they_ call me a man
Transphobia isn't the idea people can't pick their own genders
It's the idea that _THEY_ should get to pick peoples gender for them
I've been transitioning since last October. From then to 30 mins ago I've been afraid to try my lipstick. Now wearing my pale rose shade. Thank you for giving me the courage.
this legit made me cry. i only have came out to my mom that im a lesbian. its been... complicated but could totally be worse. ive been wondering for a while now about how im going to come out to her as an enby. she knows i want top surgery and to change my name, but im not sure if she even knows what a nonbinary person is. i might send her this video when i eventually gather enough courage to do so. thank you for sharing your experience in such a beautiful way.
I'm in the same situation right now, we will get throught it : )
I watched this video while it premiered and when it ended I started sobbing. Like, you always get these sorts of experiences so right it makes me so so emotional.
During your bpd video I started sobbing, because the feeling of stigma and fear weighed me down for ages, and seeing someone talk about it was like a reminder I'm not alone in the struggle with that.
And its the same here. I'm nonbinary, i barely see people talk about nonbinary identities like this, havent seen any analysis of the nonbinary experience on UA-cam yet and it hits far too close to home. I always struggled with gender identity, and I'm just really happy to see you talk about it yourself.
Thank you so much, you are great.
I eagerly await this.
I'm binary trans and I struggle with wrapping my head around non-binary identity. I still believe they are valid and I want to understand more, so I know this will give me some more perspective and understanding. ❤
"I want many names for my many ways of being" god i feel that. I thought i was weird for feeling that same way
"hey guys what are we up too?"
perfectly cut moment
This comes out the night before my birthday. Guess crying will be how I enter this one, hey. Can't wait
and the night after mine, too. i have been having some gender... doubts lately so this is sure to be interesting.
This came out on my birthday! Beautiful work Curio
I love this video so much - almost too much. As a 53-year-old cishet male who flirts with femininity a lot (having done drag for two years, wearing traditionally feminine clothes when clubbing, using makeup and nail polish), I wish the enbie option had been available to me 40 or so years ago. Now I'm just male - it's ingrained and I honestly don't mind it. I just mind the strictures it comes with. Had I been aware of the option of a scaling middle ground, I probably would availed myself of it beyond my brief gothy eyeliner phase in the mid-80s. Thank you for this; it really meant a lot to me.
I called myself "trans non-binary" for the first time last night. It's funny: I've been using "non-binary" for months now, but I didn't think it made me trans because I didn't feel as though I had the right to claim that without going through an "official" transition. But, that's just another box created by people who aren't trans isn't it...anyway, I've been stoked for this video since you scheduled it. It was nothing like I expected and everything I hoped for. Thanks for creating.
I'm proud of you!
Ever since I cracked I've felt lost and confused. The days have felt like their on repeat and I could never escape the loop. It was so massive and terrifying and hard to actually grasp and describe. But This feels like the next step. Hearing somebody describe my feelings so well has helped me feel like I can break out of this loop. I just want to be free from this waiting and waiting for something to change and this video has shown me it can be done.
Thank you
I was expecting a "normal" coming out video to watch before bed while I brushed my teeth. I was not expecting to suddenly start crying while looking back over certain events in my life as a trans masculine person. beautiful video by a beautiful person, well done.
I cried so hard watching this. It was so relatable that some of these experiences occurred to me before they were displayed in the video! I've never felt so connected to an exploration of nonbinary gender experiences.
alright, i’m crying. the song matched with the visuals at the end really got me.
I don't believe you.
No way there's a 12 foot crab.
Of course it's fake! Most crabs don't have feet
After the seriousness of the video, you managed to genuinely get me to laugh aloud. Nice one.
@@erikan.n8409 I admit, it cracks me up more than it should
I didn't know this video was going to be for me, but it was. The moment you said "if gender is preformed then it's art, like all human creations." I burst into tears. I'm a bi cis gal, and have deeply loved Butler's philosophies since reading them earlier this year, I wrote a whole essay trying to justify this love in the face of the concepts seeming to invalidate my closest friends trans identities. I've always felt gender as a performance by my rules, to have fun with, the "unfeminine" parts of me are a weapon against those that try to reduce me to just my gender, equally are the parts that are hyper feminine. Describing it as some kind of performance art clicked for me in a way it hadn't before, the tears of I guess joy are only now drying. So thank you.
While we're waiting for the drop, welcome to the family!) So excited for you
Also that croppe shirt is literally the perfect length on you and I'm incredibly envious of your insane amount of flags
this drops the minute i’m done with work. looking forward to it EDIT: i thought it dropped today, now i’m a lil sad ahaha.
Always hype for more enby content creators, can't wait for the premiere!
Oh boy
*deep breaths in enby*
I am feeling many feelings
It’s the 3rd January 2021... There’s the prospect of another full lockdown on the horizon and I have just watched this again for the 3rd time (The 1st time was upon release back in 2020)... I am again left in awe at how beautiful and personal this video is. Thank you x
revolution lover hits harder each time I hear it. This was so lovely
I watch this video at least once a month, whenever I really start to doubt myself and it never ceases to help
I'm so thankful it's here as a resource as it articulates feelings and emotions that swirl around my head
Thanks Sophie
Your a Gem and such a boon for the community 💖
Enby rights! xxx
1:57 this was what really illuminated my gender for me as well. I always questioned myself like "am i REALLY nonbinary? like am i SURE??" but when i simply rephrased the question to ask "am i cis?" the answer was a quick and easy "ABSOLUTELY NOT!!"
Really beautiful video. You say it's for me, if I want? ... I think I'll accept that gift. Thank you.
This video means so much to me. As someone who wants to live out and loud as Trans but is afraid too because of where I live. Thank you dear! I wish I could be as brave as you.
I'm watching this for a second time and realising how much of a journey I've taken in the year since I first watched it.
How can watching the same video twice feel like such a different experience?
I don't know what I'm trying to say. I'm still crying, but stable enough to remember to feed the algorithm.
Damn, "Revolution Lover" at the end made me tear up, ha.
You know, the "egg" moment, I wonder if there's a similar term for when you're not-straight? Because, this weekend I found my old Grammar teacher on Instagram, and I realized than when I was a teenager and thought she was very beautiful and stylish... I thought so in a gay way lol
I genuinely don't know how to type this, but I spent the majority of this video in tears shaking, and I'm wondering if you put a crack in my eggshell, I relate with so much in this video and the emotions I feel are so vivid that I can't put them into words, thank you Sophie
I am so excited to watch this and I’m also so happy you’re able to express yourself. From one Enby to another, I’m proud of you
Thank you so much!!
Nice to meet you, Eric Sophia. I'm sorry my cheeks are wet I didn't want our first meeting to be awkward but I've been having a lot of trouble accepting myself lately and learning your name was so cathartic I had that Good Cry that's been coming to me. I've been struggling with PD and your video about BPD helped me a lot. I'm glad for you.
can i just say, IM SO PROUD OF YOU BABY❤️❤️🥺🥺🥺🥺
I put off watching this video cause I knew it was going to HIT
from your videos in general I guessed that your experience of gender was similar to mine, but I didn't realize how nearly identical our conceptions of gender would be.
Thanks so much for making this. I'm weeping on my lunch break rn. Knowing there's someone out there who can articulate my experience this completely is nothing short of magnificent
Really, thank you
Hey,
thanks for this. Actually crying over here.
I've been to that memorial when I was on a trip to Berlin with my class shortly before graduating from school in 2010, but I thought I was cis and straight back then and beyond the obvious tragedy it didn't mean much to me. Sometime in the past 5 years I've slowly come to the realization that I am bisexual, later updating that to pansexual. In the past year I've slowly come to the conclusion that I am also enby. Now I'm gonna ask my boyfriend and my girlfriend of going there again, together. Like, it's not even that far.
Also I wanted to point out that while YTs age restriction policies suck massively and I am deeply sorry that they're being applied to you, I might've never seen your video if not for Jim Sterling tweeting about the age-restriction. Hopefully there's tons of other people who've seen it for the same reason.
Cheers :)
This is fucking beautiful. I decided to watch this while I put my laundry up. I've been neglecting it for weeks and my shirts are all wrinkled but your words touched me. Your poem was so gorgeous I'm crying. Thank you.
I so identify with your take on going bald. In my case, it relates to having body hair. When I'm alone I have no problem with it or feel ugly or 'too masculine'. It feels natural, like how my body is meant to be. But then I get this anxiety thinking that people I care about will disapprove of it. I guess this is sort of the dilemma of gender expression for many. You feel your best when presenting in a given way, but then what if the world disagrees. Well, we see you as you are, and you are amazing
I watched the whole thing silently agreeing and calmly listening to you speak but as soon as the first note of revolution lover hit so did every single emotion and I cried loud and ugly until the screen went black. Thank you
I thought one more video befor I go to sleep, this one sounds somewhat interesting.
I wasnt expecting much. No I am sitting here, crying so much tears becaus of... everything.
I am non-binary myself, came out a few years ago and I had such a long, beautyful and horrible way in frotn of me and I sure still have. I started taking hormones in january, which was important to me and I learn about myself every day and still I know so little. What you said about the first time wearing clothes and how that changed something, what you told about the name tattoo, the mum-thing, the internalised thoughts...
I am so happy I watched this and so thankful you made this.
I will go to sleep now
feeling seen
this is a year late and youll probably never see this but thank you so much for making this. i started sobbing at 15:14 when you started talking about how you didnt want to let go of the pretense of who you were; i've never seen that feeling articulated so well. thank you from a fifteen year old trans kid who hardly knows who they are yet. thank you so much
Hi this video made me cry in a real and visceral way. as an enby who has been out for a few years, but are just now starting to deeply explore what this means, thank you
When I first saw this video in my recommended, I didn't watch because I thought I knew everything about my transness, my enby-ness(?), my queerness, didn't need to watch anything else about it. But something drew me back here months later and I began tearing up in so many bits that you explained. It was so fucking cathartic hearing your memories; there were so many that just hit me in my core. Thank you for being here and sharing you as you area 💕
I feel seen, I feel so much seen, I came out to myself as non binary just recently and this video just helped me to feel so very seen ever since
I'm at the beginning of my journey as a realized NB. This video has been out for months, as long as I have been watching you, but I had never seen it until today. It feels like one of those many moments.
Thank you, for being seen.
So much of clothes/hair is about what other people think. it’s very strange how that operates
getting married to a man was wwaaayy more straight forward than if i has married a woman. all that disney nonsense was off the table
aggressively gendered office sounds familiar 🤦♀️
Lol you know which one it was
Curio 🙌
Revolution Lover at the end had me in tears. Thank you so much for making this!
Wow. This video is amazing. I, um, may have cried a little bit in the middle there. I am glad I subscribed to your channel. Thank you.
Also, crabs are cool.
I know you probably deleted that BPD video because of gender stuff, but I was really hoping to watch it again. It's only occurred to be recently that I probably related to it so much and cried so hard when I watched it for a reason. I hope you're doing well. The moments in the BPD video that stuck out in my mind were "beepeedeeps" and something about rain. Something beautiful. And a friend of yours (maybe your partner?) hugging you at the end. I wish I could watch it again
Will be watching this several times. Thank you for making this. Means a lot to someone who has gone through many changes in past few years and still figuring out who I am.
i just watched this and it actually made me cry. this video spoke to me on so many levels and really showed me what i am yearning for in my life: to be seen as my authentic self. i am a closeted enby, and i feel like i'm not quite at that stage where i'm ready to come out, but i know i will want to come out eventually. thank you for showing the beauty and the joy of our existence and our experiences, this is something we as enbies don't often get to see so your video feels so important and impactful. thank you.
This is a very relatable video even to someone who isn't LGTB. Its probably not fun to have to explain your exsistence, but a video like this gives a lot of insight to an outsider like me. Hopefully we can get to a point where no one feels like an outsider for simply being born.
thank you so much for this. this is my first of undoubtedly many more viewings to come and this video already means so much to me. throughout the past few years, i've been through many phases of struggling with my gender and trying on different label. your twitter has helped me solidify that i am actually an enby and i'm endlessly thankful to you for that. hearing you talk about your experiences as a child, your memories about the enby in starbucks, your name, it all hit incredibly close to home. this comment isn't really coherent because i'm crying i feel seen and i feel understood and im so proud and happy for you also you look very good
Welp. That cracked my egg. I’m nonbinary. So many egg moments.
I've had a lot of trouble crying for almost a year now, whenever I'd start crying it would instead not come out and stay stuck inside me. I hate that for a lot of reasons, but the reasons why aren't particularly important.
Yesterday, I watched this video again and full-on sobbed. Thank you.
Happy pride, you look great and I can't wait to hear what you have to say about visibility
Happy pride!
I'm breaking my usual rule of not commenting on videos to say thank you. I put off watching this because even though I'm pretty firmly comfortable with my identity, I know your videos usually cut to an emotional core that I need to be ready for when I watch them. I had to stop what I was doing while this was playing and just watch, listen, and absorb what you were saying. And then Revolution Lover started playing and I genuinely had to fight back tears.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I don't know how else to phrase this except thank you.
Hell yes! Nonbinary rights, comrade.
holy fucking shit. thank you? i don't quite understand how or why, but this video had such a very strong effect on me. it's kinda like you put EVERYTHING into words. absolutely everything, concentrated into 22 minutes. i've heard all of this before, i've thought it all through, but not like this. not in this format, not in this context, not all at once. i'm going to have to watch this video many times to process it, i'm not quite sure how exactly i feel, but i know i relate immensely and am just as thankful.
I made a joke comment earlier but honestly thank you so much for making this video, I've been following you for a while and I'm also nonbinary and felt like I didn't see any other nonbinary people on YT or anywhere so thank you this video almost made me cry
Oh my god following you for like 5 months and Finally watched this
This is the second video essay I've seen that uses Revolution Lover as the end credits song, and I think that song is beautiful and should just be the end credits to every video.
Also, this was wonderful.
It's so good!
I needed this Curio, thankyou. I'm so glad the egg chose you!
Hey, I'm also nonbinary and I'm really excited to see this video. Love your videos and I hope everything about coming out and so on does well, be sure to take care of yourself.
I hope so too! haha, thanks though, it means a lot
I've never seen your channel until now but I'm really glad I stumbled across this video
Ah, the egg moment of just caring a lot about trans issues because my friends are trans, I know you well...
When you were talking about accidentally realising your mum had seen your twitter, that she'd read the script through which you accidentally came out as bi to her, that really hit me. I've quietly ID'd myself as enby for a while now, but whenever I see her again I can only ever push the boat out with ifs and vaguely complaining about masculine clothing being bland. I feel that when I come out she'll similarly go "I know", but it's turned into a construct of "technically I've hinted it?" that somehow has made it harder.
Thanks for opening up about your experiences and making it seem just a bit easier to be open about mine :)
I don't usually comment on videos but i started sobbing around the 14 minute mark and haven't stopped since. I'm only really at the start of my journey into realising i'm maybe less cis than previously assumed and hearing your experiences with your gender and hetero temporality have resonated with me far deeper than I expected clicking on this video. I guess I just want to thank you for putting this out there, I understand your fears and your fascinations, and hearing your words has given context to my own experiences and made me feel understood myself. This is getting really mushy but I mean it, thank you so so much, & much love to you and every other non-binary person in this comment section
Happy Pride Month
im still in the process of questioning what gender even means to me and i was absolutely enchanted by this video, so much love to you for making it!
also the ending theme is amazing, revolution lover is a bop!
You look pretty good with the makeup. o:
Ive watched this a few times and still feel emotional after every watch????? This vid is my comfort vid, thank you for this!