My wife left me for her affair partner. The pain of trying to get out of the affair, is the same pain that I felt from being left. Your words are very powerful and healing. Thank you for being transparent and honest.
So…the devastation I felt from my husband’s betrayal is what he’s feeling about having to give up his AP. Well, great. I glad I kicked his to the curb.
I’m curious how your husband handled the affair and how long did he know about it? That’s where I’m at right now my wife is having an affair rejecting me treating me like it’s my fault and I just want my family back to be over.
When you have sex with a person you create a soul tie! That’s why its so hard to seperate …your great advice to never start an affair is the best advice for peace of mind…please be honest and tell the spouse the truth and seperate or divorce! Atleast you are being honest!
@@staceychenevertI agree..I was the victim of an unfaithful husband..I knew that he was depressed and I loved him enough to offer him a divorce so he could go on with someone else. He pleaded with me and said how much he loved me ..meanwhile cheating with paid women the whole time! What a shock and heartbreak!
For the people who cannot forgive God will not forgive them. For the Bible says if you can't forgive someone then God can't forgive you. So in the end according to God who is in a worse situation? The Bible also says if you look at a woman with lust in your heart you have already committed adultery with her in your heart. Check yourself before you label someone else especially one of God's precious children.
@@javelinblue5414 I think you don't know who.Jesus christ is and what forgiveness really is. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God and even adultery is a forgiven sin by God himself. I understand your pain but I don't understand your judgement and you don't represent true Christianity. If you can sit here and judge others then you must make sure you have never lusted after another woman or looked at another women with the desire to ha e sex with them because according to Jesus if you even look and lust then you have committed adultery. I'm tired of people getting hurt and judging others acting like they have never done anything wrong in their life. Sin is sin, yours is no different than mine or your wife's. It's sad how you have let unforgiveness keep you in bondage to pain. But oh did you read what it says about those who don't forgive and hold hatred in their heart, I believe it's the same as the death penalty people still face today in the world. But it's so easy to overlook your own offense and look for punishment for those who did you wrong. 🤔
Well in my case I honestly dont know how it started . I never liked that person, but he was always persuasive and persistent and last year I was at the lowest point in my life My second bf had cheated on me , I was trying to meet new people but they only gave me false hope, my Dad kicked me and mom out of my grandmom’s place and I only got involved with this person because he was clsoe to my Dad and he knew my Dad. He just happend to be there , when it happened for first time I felt so much guilt , I wanted to stop immediately but he would brush it off and ignore me. I also was becoming emotionally reliable on him , so I could not be stern . I blocked him once he started threatening me. I had met him 4 times within a period of 2 months and that too I never went to meet him on purpose he would follow me everywhere I went of course I had a part in it by informing him. But yes I never wanted it , i knew I did not love him. Just that emotional dependency was there , ultimately when his wife found out it ended and Im glad she found out . I had apologized to her. But the consequence for me is guilt shame and trust from my closed ones. And worst was the person I met this year who I thought i was going to marry did not take this well when I told him. He broke up with me after the engagement
I'm so sorry I know how hard this is. An affair can happen quickly. Many of us don't realize when we are vulnerable so we don't protect our heart. It may be hard right now but it will get easier. Hang in there
To me twin flames is the perfect definition of the disfunction of an affair relationship. Meaning we attract someone with the same inner brokenness inside of them as we have. We mirror each other and that is why the connection is so strong durning an affair.
This is serious the level of pain is proportional to the level of treason and that complicates but doesn't eliminate the possibility of saving the marriage. Men we don't go so deep into it. Mostly from the beginning the tempo is set
Soon to be ex wife had an affair with a 20year old boy. Now I’m on the East Coast, she’s on the West Coast, now she’s dating a 52year old “friend “ It’s like when america dropped 2nuclear bombs on Japan I think she just wanted out. Divorce still hasn’t happened.
I still can't understand you wanting someone to grieve the lost of something than has the potential to destroy you ,your AP, your family,and many others connected to your marriage.
It's important for the unfaithful to grieve because if they don't fully heal they won't be able to fully reconcile with their spouse. It's time to stop shaming people for how they feel. Of course the affair is wrong and can cause much pain to many but it doesn't negate the fact that the unfaithful has a broken heart and needs to be mended. Ask yourself this, if you tell a child not to go in the road and they go anyways and cuts their leg. Would you allow them to suffer knowing it was their own fault their leg is bleeding or would you help clean that child up and apply a bandage? Grief after an affair is the same thing. Self inflicted but the wound is still there and needs care.
@@burnsgayle1643 that's right but no one is perfect and we all fall short of the glory of God therefore we cannot judge anyone for their mistakes or decide if they should receive healing and comfort. Jesus never turn away anyone who wants help and healing. His forgiveness is for all. There is no stipulation in the Bible that says adultery can never be forgiven. God actually says your sins are forgiven go and sin no more. Ask yourself is your life perfect? Have you recieved forgiveness from God? Have you ever hurt someone else? Have you ever needed forgiveness from someone you love?
@@TheEyesopened oh my word do you really think Jesus is like that? If so you do not know God or your Bible well. When Jesus came and went to the cross for our sins he started a new covenant. He paid for our sins. We are under the new dispensation of grace. I wish that none would perish but all would come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. It is because of judgmental people like you why many wounded and broken Christians and the loss alike won't come to God for forgiveness and salvation. It is the love of God that leads me to repentance. God read your Bible and stop portraying God as judgmental. That way more people can get saved. SMH
Have you ever been on the recieving of an affair. From what i can tell you cheated on your first husband, married your affair partner, cheated on him for a year but reconciled with your husband when you dealt with your own issues. You talk about forgiveness which is always more for the person who has to forgive anyway but what about the fact that cheating is an action. The cheater chose to do this, the betrayed had this imposed on them. They had nothing to do with the complete destruction of their lives and relationship.
Yes I have been on the recieving end. My first husband cheated on me the whole time we were married. I understand what it feels like to see the destruction caused by someone you love.
@@staceychenevert truly sorry you have had both sides of this terrible coin. Did the pains of each side equate? Did you ever thinks that it drove you to your subsequent actions? My wife of 35 years has had an affair with a coworker (she refuses to admit it) and left the marriage and home. It has had a deep impact on our 3 adult sons and of course on me. I could never envision her making this choice but we have struggled with addictions with one of our sons for years and it appears to have broken her. I will try to forgive her at some point but this is a deal breaker for me and I will never have a friendship or relationship of any kind with her despite being completely devoted to her for most of our adult lives. TBH I don't even recognize the person she has become.
@@paulwilliams7700 I think the pain equates but for different reasons. Honestly, I believe his affairs caused me to want to give up and pay him back for what he did to me but I now know that I had deeper issues that were driving my behavior. I'm sorry to hear about your wife unfortunately its not uncommon to have an affair after experiencing trauma. It's really awful how an affair can turn you into a completely different person. When she wakes up from the fog of it all regret will set in.
I always wonder if guys have affairs because they can or because they get bored and need variety rather than from core wounds. I have never had an affair but that is what they have told me.
It's probably safe to say that if you can put your boredom or thrill of the chase , above a commitment to another's safety , you have core wounds that prevent empathy for another and integrity for self .
So…the devastation I felt from my husband’s betrayal is what he’s feeling about having to give up his AP. Well, great. I glad I kicked his ass to the curb.
My ex sociopathic fiancé cheated on me the wedding is over I will never forgive her I’m moving on with my life nothing to talk about.
My wife left me for her affair partner. The pain of trying to get out of the affair, is the same pain that I felt from being left. Your words are very powerful and healing. Thank you for being transparent and honest.
Welcome
So…the devastation I felt from my husband’s betrayal is what he’s feeling about having to give up his AP. Well, great. I glad I kicked his to the curb.
I’m curious how your husband handled the affair and how long did he know about it? That’s where I’m at right now my wife is having an affair rejecting me treating me like it’s my fault and I just want my family back to be over.
These 7 consequences also sound very much about what the betrayed spouse feels as well.
Who has an affair for 10 years? That's like a poly relationship at that point
The sticky trap is a great analogy. Smh I agree....it is hard to leave.
It's hard to leave but once you get out you realize how what you thought brought freedom actually imprisoned you.
yes it is....i am trying to completely cut it all off and it's so much harder than i ever thought..
I used that exact phrase heart shattered 1000 pieces
Great video!!! I love your honesty ❤
Thank you
God bless you, Stacey.
Thank you
When you have sex with a person you create a soul tie! That’s why its so hard to seperate …your great advice to never start an affair is the best advice for peace of mind…please be honest and tell the spouse the truth and seperate or divorce! Atleast you are being honest!
Yes! This is so true. Unfortunately infidelity is a trap and it enslaves you before you know it.
@@staceychenevertI agree..I was the victim of an unfaithful husband..I knew that he was depressed and I loved him enough to offer him a divorce so he could go on with someone else. He pleaded with me and said how much he loved me ..meanwhile cheating with paid women the whole time! What a shock and heartbreak!
Getting caught being unfaithful makes one look like the biggest POS ever. The Lord will forgive you. Unfortunately many people will not.
For the people who cannot forgive God will not forgive them. For the Bible says if you can't forgive someone then God can't forgive you. So in the end according to God who is in a worse situation? The Bible also says if you look at a woman with lust in your heart you have already committed adultery with her in your heart. Check yourself before you label someone else especially one of God's precious children.
@@staceychenevert I was the unfaithful one.
@@javelinblue5414 I think you don't know who.Jesus christ is and what forgiveness really is. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God and even adultery is a forgiven sin by God himself. I understand your pain but I don't understand your judgement and you don't represent true Christianity. If you can sit here and judge others then you must make sure you have never lusted after another woman or looked at another women with the desire to ha e sex with them because according to Jesus if you even look and lust then you have committed adultery. I'm tired of people getting hurt and judging others acting like they have never done anything wrong in their life. Sin is sin, yours is no different than mine or your wife's. It's sad how you have let unforgiveness keep you in bondage to pain. But oh did you read what it says about those who don't forgive and hold hatred in their heart, I believe it's the same as the death penalty people still face today in the world. But it's so easy to overlook your own offense and look for punishment for those who did you wrong. 🤔
You cheaters have it easy. Mine simply said she cheated due to abuse and everybody turned against me
@@staceychenevert "committed adultery with her in your heart" - Cheaters always like to quote this.
Does this apply to a person who walks away from spouse and children and marries the affair partner who also left their spouse?
Yes
Thank you. I am so ooooo hungry for good advise.
Welcome 💕
There’s a great way to avoid all of this. Don’t have an affair. 😂
So true 👍
Well in my case I honestly dont know how it started . I never liked that person, but he was always persuasive and persistent and last year I was at the lowest point in my life My second bf had cheated on me , I was trying to meet new people but they only gave me false hope, my Dad kicked me and mom out of my grandmom’s place and I only got involved with this person because he was clsoe to my Dad and he knew my Dad. He just happend to be there , when it happened for first time I felt so much guilt , I wanted to stop immediately but he would brush it off and ignore me. I also was becoming emotionally reliable on him , so I could not be stern . I blocked him once he started threatening me. I had met him 4 times within a period of 2 months and that too I never went to meet him on purpose he would follow me everywhere I went of course I had a part in it by informing him. But yes I never wanted it , i knew I did not love him. Just that emotional dependency was there , ultimately when his wife found out it ended and Im glad she found out . I had apologized to her. But the consequence for me is guilt shame and trust from my closed ones. And worst was the person I met this year who I thought i was going to marry did not take this well when I told him. He broke up with me after the engagement
I'm so sorry I know how hard this is. An affair can happen quickly. Many of us don't realize when we are vulnerable so we don't protect our heart. It may be hard right now but it will get easier. Hang in there
Stacey, Do you believe in/ how do you feel about twin flames? ✨💫
To me twin flames is the perfect definition of the disfunction of an affair relationship. Meaning we attract someone with the same inner brokenness inside of them as we have. We mirror each other and that is why the connection is so strong durning an affair.
This is serious the level of pain is proportional to the level of treason and that complicates but doesn't eliminate the possibility of saving the marriage. Men we don't go so deep into it. Mostly from the beginning the tempo is set
Soon to be ex wife had an affair with a 20year old boy.
Now I’m on the East Coast, she’s on the West Coast, now she’s dating a 52year old “friend “
It’s like when america dropped 2nuclear bombs on Japan
I think she just wanted out.
Divorce still hasn’t happened.
I'm so sorry to hear that.
I still can't understand you wanting someone to grieve the lost of something than has the potential to destroy you ,your AP, your family,and many others connected to your marriage.
It's important for the unfaithful to grieve because if they don't fully heal they won't be able to fully reconcile with their spouse. It's time to stop shaming people for how they feel. Of course the affair is wrong and can cause much pain to many but it doesn't negate the fact that the unfaithful has a broken heart and needs to be mended. Ask yourself this, if you tell a child not to go in the road and they go anyways and cuts their leg. Would you allow them to suffer knowing it was their own fault their leg is bleeding or would you help clean that child up and apply a bandage? Grief after an affair is the same thing. Self inflicted but the wound is still there and needs care.
@@staceychenevert Sorry,it's never about shaming anyone. It's the responsible of a grown person to do the right thing that was ordained by God.
@@burnsgayle1643 that's right but no one is perfect and we all fall short of the glory of God therefore we cannot judge anyone for their mistakes or decide if they should receive healing and comfort. Jesus never turn away anyone who wants help and healing. His forgiveness is for all. There is no stipulation in the Bible that says adultery can never be forgiven. God actually says your sins are forgiven go and sin no more. Ask yourself is your life perfect? Have you recieved forgiveness from God? Have you ever hurt someone else? Have you ever needed forgiveness from someone you love?
@@staceychenevert Jesus only said that under one specific occasion. Go to Leviticus to find out what God wants to do with adulterers.
@@TheEyesopened oh my word do you really think Jesus is like that? If so you do not know God or your Bible well. When Jesus came and went to the cross for our sins he started a new covenant. He paid for our sins. We are under the new dispensation of grace.
I wish that none would perish but all would come to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. It is because of judgmental people like you why many wounded and broken Christians and the loss alike won't come to God for forgiveness and salvation.
It is the love of God that leads me to repentance. God read your Bible and stop portraying God as judgmental. That way more people can get saved. SMH
I hope you mum is OK. I'll pray for her
Thank you, she is ok for now.
Have you ever been on the recieving of an affair. From what i can tell you cheated on your first husband, married your affair partner, cheated on him for a year but reconciled with your husband when you dealt with your own issues. You talk about forgiveness which is always more for the person who has to forgive anyway but what about the fact that cheating is an action. The cheater chose to do this, the betrayed had this imposed on them. They had nothing to do with the complete destruction of their lives and relationship.
Yes I have been on the recieving end. My first husband cheated on me the whole time we were married. I understand what it feels like to see the destruction caused by someone you love.
@@staceychenevert truly sorry you have had both sides of this terrible coin. Did the pains of each side equate? Did you ever thinks that it drove you to your subsequent actions? My wife of 35 years has had an affair with a coworker (she refuses to admit it) and left the marriage and home. It has had a deep impact on our 3 adult sons and of course on me. I could never envision her making this choice but we have struggled with addictions with one of our sons for years and it appears to have broken her. I will try to forgive her at some point but this is a deal breaker for me and I will never have a friendship or relationship of any kind with her despite being completely devoted to her for most of our adult lives. TBH I don't even recognize the person she has become.
@@paulwilliams7700 I think the pain equates but for different reasons. Honestly, I believe his affairs caused me to want to give up and pay him back for what he did to me but I now know that I had deeper issues that were driving my behavior. I'm sorry to hear about your wife unfortunately its not uncommon to have an affair after experiencing trauma. It's really awful how an affair can turn you into a completely different person. When she wakes up from the fog of it all regret will set in.
I always wonder if guys have affairs because they can or because they get bored and need variety rather than from core wounds. I have never had an affair but that is what they have told me.
It's probably safe to say that if you can put your boredom or thrill of the chase , above a commitment to another's safety , you have core wounds that prevent empathy for another and integrity for self .
I have rage and paranoia and grief
I don't think it was nightmares seem more like sex dreams
Get on with it and stop dragging it out .
Don't watch if it bothers you
So…the devastation I felt from my husband’s betrayal is what he’s feeling about having to give up his AP. Well, great. I glad I kicked his ass to the curb.
It's unfortunate that the unfaithful grieves the ap but it's apart of the process.
@camillagonzales2409 Amen thank you for your comment.