My Mom Is Boycotting My Rehearsal Dinner!
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My husband's mother came to us days before the wedding and TOLD us, not asked, told us that we were to report to her house at 8AM the morning after our wedding as she would be hosting a breakfast reception for some of the wedding guests which were people in her family or friend circle and that we were expected to show. My MIL had always been one to control and demand and I normally tried to be polite and go with the flow as much as possible as to not cause friction, even when she was treating me downright hatefully, but in this case I told her we would not be attending. She didn't react well and thankfully my husband stepped in. She demanded that at least he be there (without me) because she said so (LOL) and he told her he would not be there, that he would be at our resort in the next town over with me enjoying our wedding night and the next few days that we had booked for a quiet staycation honeymoon. She demanded and demanded until he finally told her to use her imagination as to why we'd be busy that day. That finally threw her over the edge and she refused to speak with us or look at us for the rest of that visit so we left. She was pretty awful throughout our relationship leading up to marriage but when we finally got married, she became 100x worse. Fast forward a decade later, my husband has zero contact with her because she told him that she raised him to be obedient and that ever since we got together, he was no longer obedient and that it was clear that he cannot have both a mother and a wife, and that he would need to decide and that he was no longer her son until he could make the right choice. He said that made something click in his brain and he realized how truly manipulative she is and that he couldn't risk having our marriage exposed to that, and certainly not any future kids. He has not spoken to her since, she hasn't said a word either, and that was 5 years ago. Very sad but that's on her, we have happiness and peace.
Yeah that’s terrible. I’d feel like shit if I didn’t talk to my mom in 5 years! That woman gave me life! Couldn’t imagine. Don’t make that mistake with your kids
@RastaMon95 so glad you don't know what it's like to have such a hateful parent in your life. She was hateful, miserable, and didn't care about anyone but herself, she has broken up several families and thrives on the control of that. She simply did not succeed with us. I'm thankful my husband protected us from this, and he says he regrets not doing it earlier.
Wow. That’s sounds so hard to deal with all that drama
I am a mother to two small boys, and I teach them to be “obedient” to me. But the whole reason is because they are children and I am actively raising them. Once they are grown men, my job is to *back off* and allow them to be the men I raised them to be: independent. I admit, that I read this call very differently. It seems like the mother 8s hurt and embarrassed because her son did agree to allowing her to plan the dinner, then weeks (months?) later, he backed-out. That seems ver6 disrespectful. But who knows.
Your husband did the right thing. Life's too short to be burdened with toxic people, even if they are your mother.
For all the young men out there this is a great call. Please listen to it couple of times. Once you’re out on your own and you become an adult, you stop seeking your parents approval. They already approve of you they raised you. Treat them with respect and kindness but on your major events, you tell them what you’re going to do and hope they’ll participate.good luck
Yeah women still seeking approval. Men don't get married.
@@djpuplex marriage is a horrible mistake for any modern man. This call is valuable because it illustrates clearly how trying to make somebody else. Happy can alter your happiness. Take care.
@@thegenxgamerr Yup. No socially enforced monogamy and society flippant attitudes towards divorce and single mother household pretty much destroyed marriage in the west.
At 18 I left the house! Financially I’ve made many mistakes. But I am proud that I did them myself and my mom wasn’t there to help. I used to be a momma’s boy. My father left! Now at almost 40 I don’t let my mom control me…. only my wife :)
Approval or not, she made plans and he ambushed her with the change. Cletus here is to blame.
My mother is a manipulator too. You can’t control her and she doesn’t get to control you now. Live your own life ❤️❤️
My mom had moved out of state by the time I got married. She wanted to do something special for me, so I okayed her making my wedding dress (she is a seamstress). She took my measurements and we discussed adjustments to the waistline and bodice of the dress. It went south when I brought her the pattern for my dress--she had a floofy 1980s pattern all picked out for me that I did not care for--I told her in advance that I would be choosing a different dress pattern.
Mom made test bodices of both patterns, she made the waistline adjustments to the 1980s pattern and gave me snippy excuses for not making the same adjustments to the pattern I had chosen. The pattern I chose had nicer lines and fit, and mom made the dress for me. It is s lovely dress, however, the price I paid was in the waistline not being cut the way I wanted it.
I was ever so grateful that my parents lived out of state, mom had a lot more planned that distance stopped her from doing.
The Mom is embarrassed. She probably made the dinner about her and her friends, and unfortunately, she needs to get over it or regret it
We got 6 pizzas from Pizza Hut and iced down two cases of beer for my son's wedding rehearsal. We then went to a casino next to the hotel and bet on some horses. Great time. I won $4.
😂😂😂😂 That is awesome! We had a friend's Cuban grandfather offer to dig a pit in the backyard and roast us a pig for our reception. I was never sure if grandpa was serious, and I was all for it (my husband said it would be weird).
Isn’t a rehearsal dinner just for the people who are actually REHEARSING (and their plus 1? If you’re not walking down the aisle (ie: bridesmaids, groomsmen, grandparents…) then they don’t have to be at the rehearsal dinner.
Typically the sons family pays for the rehearsal dinner and it includes the wedding party and their spouses. The brides family traditionally pays for the wedding. If they are wanting to pay for a nice dinner than why take that away from her/his family. The mother may feel embarrassed if the brides family is paying for a large wedding and then his family is only having pizza. She may think it makes his family look cheap. Also,has she already invited people and paid deposits??
Then she should throw her $ toward the wedding, or honeymoon and just say I did what my son and his new bride wanted.
Then she needs to read Mark Manson's "The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck."
I think he said that she was meant to be organising it but as the wedding got close she still hadn’t got it organised.
He said they were willing for mom to host the rehearsal dinner UNTIL mom invited people they "did not want there." It would seem that mom was planning to include guest outside of the wedding party, which makes it about her and NOT about her son and his fianceé.
Under such circumstances (expecting to invite random people not involved with the wedding), mom is being petty. It is one thing to honor his mother by accepting her planning a formal rehearsal dinner for the WEDDING PARTY (instead of respecting her son's and future daughter in law's desire for a more relaxed and casual get together); it is another thing to allow mom to plan a rehearsal dinner that includes guests outside of the wedding party--"people we don't want there" are not people the groom and bride have invited to be part of their wedding party.
That was my take-away. This caller backed-out after weeks (maybe months) of planning done by his mother. That’s potentially a lot of lost time and money, it to mention the hassle of reneging invites. My maternal grandmother was a horrible control-freak, and my mother cut all ties with her when I was 8’ish - so if the mother is truly like that, cut her loose. But I’m not convinced this caller isn’t the childish one.
It is about time someone stood up to her.
He told her that she could arrange the dinner since she was paying for it, she arranged the wedding, invited some of her friends, and at the last minute flipped the switch on her. Now, he expects her to sit around with his loser friends eating pizza in an Air BNB. Sorry, he's in the wrong.
She's paying for it she can invite her friends. If he wanted to pull the plug on it he should have done it well in advance of 3 days prior when people all made plans to be there. It's the son who is the manipulative prick, not the mom. @@thelvadam5269
@@thelvadam5269he should have taken responsibility for his wedding in the first place
@@michaelpalumbo4880Not from his side. It sounds like mom was/is trying to make the rehearsal dinner about her. She was inviting people he and his fianceé "did not want there." The rehearsal dinner is for the WEDDING PARTY, it is not a party for parents to impress people outside of the wedding party.
Had a relative who married into a family with a mom like that. On the wedding day we end ran the mother constant and moved the bride from room to room so she would not have to listen to her mother's constant criticisms and complaints. Mom was allowed to rule the bride after marriage to the extent that the groom once commented "Sometimes I do not think they [his in laws] know we are married." He spends a lot of holidays alone while his wife caters to whatever guilt trip whims his mother in law comes up for her.
Dont ever let your parent dictate your life decisions when you're an adult. You can be respectful but say no. Nothing wrong with making your own decisions!!
My parents did this with our wedding. I’ll pay for it- but you have to invite all these people I want there. In hindsight I would have said no a whole lot more. My mom especially, is the manipulator. And if we push back and want to do our own thing, she calls me ungrateful.
I hate that "ungrateful" card in order to get their way.
When they play that card, it is a sign that their more covert manipulations have not worked, and now they pull out all the stops.
@@davinasquirrel7672 truth.
@@screwdriver_bandit LOL, ask me how I know.... ;)
Sometimes I get sad because I literally don't have a family.... But. This call brings back bad memories of my ex fiance and how medling her mom and family and friends were .. and how I dodged a big mess
Aww... I have a family member who married into a family with a meddling mom. On their wedding day, we end ran the mother and moved the bride from room to room so that the bride could avoid her mother's constant complaints and criticisms. After the wedding, the mom constantly obligated her daughter into "doing for the family." My family member has spent the past four years' holidays on his own while his wife is busy doing for her mother. It is really sad.
IKR? Same here. I don't hardly have any family at all and then sometimes I feel sad about that. Then I see people that I work with and how some of their extended families are and what they deal with and then I realize that even though I don't have much family, I at least have peace and not getting into fights all the time. I guess there are pros and cons to having family and not having family.
Lol...everyone has pre wedding stories. He should have put his foot down from the start and not let his mom plan it. My then fiance and I planned everything ourselves, no parents involved but we also had an issue with my MIL when my husband told her we will not be having an open bar because it was beyond our budget. Granted she doesn't even really drink alcohol but she just felt weddings should be open bar for the guests. She (meaning my FIL) would pay for it but my husband insisted no. If she wanted to help us pay for the wedding we'll take it but with no conditions, otherwise, we won't take the money and we throw a wedding party that was within our budget. My MIL got so upset and threatened not to attend the wedding. My husband told her fine and then told his dad. FIL got mad at her and needless to say, she never interfered again. The wedding went off without a hitch and my FIL covered the reception dinner.
That is very similar to what we did. My mom was surprised when we opted for no booze at the reception. We took donations for decorations and paper goods. When my mom heard that we would be having our wedding at our church and the reception in a friend's huge backyard, her comment was "Well, if it was MY way, you would have your wedding the country club." I reminded her that her dream country club wedding for me would start at around twenty thousand dollars and what we had planned would be more cost effective and intimate.
Our wedding, including the honeymoon my husband planned for us, cost maybe $6,000.00 and much of that was donated. 😊
@@user-mv9tt4st9k Sounds great! No one can fault you for being cost efficient. I think it helps when the couple budget and save up for the wedding themselves. You get more autonomy planning that way.
Son: Mom, plan the rehearsal dinner
Mom plans the rehearsal dinner. Puts down an non refundable deposit. Buys a new dress and shoes.
Mom: Here are the rehearsal dinner plans
Son: No! This is my special day (first time I ever heard that from a man, but ok). Rehearsal dinner is ONLY pizza and beer at a home rental living room where we don’t have parking or chairs for everyone. You have 72 hours to change the plan, and I started counting 48 hours ago!
Mom: if that’s what you want, then you and your friends can sit on the floor and eat pizza and drink beer. No harm, no foul. I will take some wedding guests who traveled in from out of town to a nice dinner to make sure they are all ok and ensure they have all the logistics worked out for attending the wedding
Son: my mom is trying to control my life
Delaney: You need to tell your mom to stop trying to control your life.
Perfect summary.
Thats exactly what i think, they are way prejudiced
"Mom plans the rehearsal dinner, and invites random guests outside of the wedding party that her son and fianceé do not want attending."
Seriously, listen to the call again. Had mom stayed on topic (stuck to a rehearsal dinner for the wedding party), the son would have gone along. It was when mom invited people the son and fianceé did not want attending (outside of the wedding party) that he stopped her plans.
The lesson learned: Be respectful when deviating from someone's wishes, and keep ON TOPIC. It is not about mom.
@@user-mv9tt4st9k , you need to listen again. The caller objected to an actual rehearsal dinner, instead of a pizza party at the Airbnb.
As for who to invite to a rehearsal dinner, :
“The rehearsal dinner guest list includes:
the wedding party;
the attendants' husbands, wives, fiancé(e)s, and live-in companions;
the officiant and his or her spouse or partner;
parents, stepparents (and spouses), and grandparents of the bride and groom;
any other siblings of the couple who are not in the wedding party
the parents of young attendants, such as a ring bearer or flower girl.
When single attendants have been invited to bring a date to the wedding, it's kind to include their dates at the rehearsal dinner. At larger gatherings, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews of the bride and groom are frequently included as well. After that, any number of people may be invited, including out-of-town guests, close friends, and godparents-if you want a larger group at this dinner.”
Now, I don’t think the son acted maturely here by first having mom plan the rehearsal and then nixing the plans, tell his mom what the plan was going to be, then telling her she had 72 hours to straighten the plan out, and then finally pull the plug in mom after 24 hours. I also don’t think the mom acted maturely by saying she would not attend.
I do think Maloney defaults into “ your parent(s) are overly controlling and you need to forcefully establish boundaries “.
Excellent advice. Many years ago when our first kids were very young, my father in law criticized something we did in raising our kids. We admire counsel coming from wiser folks. But in this case it wasn’t counsel, it was criticism. I politely but strongly pushed back, said “I understand your perspective, but that is not the way we are going to raise our kids”. Never had an issue with butting in where inappropriate again… and at least from my perspective, the relationship continued to be fine in the future. Adults have gotta set boundaries, even with other adults.
Can we call this what it is though? It’s emotional manipulation/ emotional withholding. She’s withholding her love and attention from her child in order to get her way. It’s absolutely abusive to him and it doesn’t matter that he’s an adult and not a child.
My mom tried to invite certain relatives to my wedding(that I cut bait on)but I am a man and said no upfront. Cletus let it get too far.
I haven't even listened to the hosts' response yet...but this dinner is HER DINNER. The parents are THE HOSTS. This is THEIR party, not the bride and groom's. Grow up. The mom is being a mom. The groom is being a child.
Rehearsal dinners are supposed to be just the members of the wedding party and the parents on both sides (brides maids, grooms men, parents, and pastor/priest and pastors wife if there is one0 The pastor and wife should be invited out of courtesy, but they usually don't accept. Pizza is really more appropriate for the groom's Stag Party, and/or The Bachelorette Party for the brides maids. Rehearsal Dinners are usually lower key events but not as casual as pizza and beer. Aunts, Uncles and family friends are invited to the Wedding Reception - not the rehearsal dinner. I kind of side with the Mom
Listening to the call, it makes sense why the son and fianceé wanted something more casual. I agree that the rehearsal dinner is for just the members of the wedding party who are actually participating in the wedding (and their +1s).
Mama went off of the rails inviting people to the rehearsal dinner that the son and/or fianceé did not want attending. If mama had respected the spirit of the rehearsal dinner and planned it accordingly (inviting just the members of the wedding party who are participating in the wedding) the son would not have raised an issue with her. Mama tried to make it something else and her son shot her down. There really is no nice way to tell mama she does not get to invite HER guests when the guest list is already defined by the type of dinner (rehearsal dinner, not a wedding shower).
This is one for Reddit. 😂
If the mom is paying for all of it, then I would just go along with it. Otherwise you pay for it yourself
He wants to pay for it himself. It's just not what she wanted because she wanted a big fancy dinner with all of her friends ( which undoubtedly she would hold over their heads like 'I paid for your rehearsal dinner so you owe me'. He even mentioned that she's like that). Big gifts from family often have strings attached that are not worth the headache.
She wants to invite people that he doesn’t want there, it’s a non starter.
Our son and his wife were married in a city where no family from either side resided. A lot of family were coming in for the wedding so my husband and I paid for a nice rehearsal dinner for the wedding party and included the bride and grooms family that had traveled to attend the wedding. It was a lot of fun for both and both families and we all were able to meet and visit with each other and they all appreciated the nice evening. Neither our son nor daughter in law felt we were ruining their rehearsal dinner. I would have been embarrassed to tell everyone from the wedding party and both families that spent money flying in that we were going to “ meet up and have pizza”. That honestly sounds tacky,
I mean… it’s normally hosted by the parents of the groom.. and so normally they choose the setting etc. . Why is he and the bride so demanding that the rehearsal be some set thing? It’s not their day on the rehearsal.. also pizza at a an Airbnb is sort of lame and not the typical thing to have hosted for the people in your wedding who have come a long way to be at your wedding. I think this advice is sub par.
As a guy pizza at Airbnb sounds so awesome 😂 but I understand weddings are a big deal for woman, so he needs to just suck it up and let her plan the dinner and invite whoever.
This caller sounded like a groomzilla.
As a Mom, here is my perspective:
As the chapter of life when parents are no longer going to be parenting their child is coming to a close and a new era is beginning, in America, those parents have been able to expect certain things because they were tradition. Parents of the bride expected to plan and pay for a wedding. Parents of a groom expected to plan and pay for a rehearsal dinner. It's an emotional time of closure and new beginnings, and primarily of celebration. They expect to have family and friends coming together - the people they know who have been part of their child's lifetime sometimes that the children don't even remember well, but who remember their children well. The now-elderly little ladies who taught their Bible classes or hosted their baby showers. The aunt who painstakingly sewed their Halloween costumes. The college friends who were the first people they called (on an analog phone, collect) from the hospital when the child was born The people who felt close to them and invested in the parents as they soldiered through years of joy and hard.
The current 'marrying' generation is upending this tradition in ways that really rob their parents of putting the period on the end of a long journey as they release their child to someone else. They want to *only* have people that they (the bride and groom) know and love at the wedding.
What I've seen parents of grooms do is throw a rehearsal dinner that includes some of these lifelong people as guests that *they* want to have alongside them as they finish this journey. People they didn't get to invite because the guest list just included 12 people. Because it's NOT just about the bride and groom. It's about two families celebrating something big.
To the caller: Let your mom host a party. If you can't find it in your heart to let her to do the big rehearsal dinner and then also eat pizza with your buddies back at your AirBnB at midnight, ask if you can compromise by having her throw an engagement party. It sounds like you weren't enthused but initially said you were fine with the party, so she spent several months looking at Pinterest and making phone calls to caterers and working up a budget, and you've really wounded her.
For the record, my own experience being in this mom's shoes was not like this call, but I've watched several friends' sons really get ugly towards them. There is so much to be said for doing as much as you can to let everyone get their way in *some* way.
If you're going to make a case for " tradition", it's been typically just the bridal party, immediate family, and people actually involved with the rehearsal who are invited to a rehearsal dinner. I've never been to one where it's been anyone more than that. These "special, lifelong" people you refer to are invited to the wedding ceremony and reception, aren't they?
When our son and DIL got married, we asked them what their preferences were for the rehearsal dinner- we paid for it, but we honored their wishes and they made up the guest list, which did not include inviting anyone other the bridal party, immediate families, and the pastor and his wife. When our daughter and SIL got married, they chose to have a wedding that was a simple affair with a small guest list, in an intimate setting and NO rehearsal dinner. Times and traditions change, despite our resistance. We can choose how we react, whether it's with grace, or resentment.
@@ga6589 my point is that the mother's feelings and expectations are important, too, and that she has probably always had the expectation that she would get to enjoy what for her was going to be a party at the end of an era in her own life.
It's typical for today's brides and grooms to want their weddings and associated activites to be all about what *they* want. Customized and without many nods to what anyone else might see as important.
We, too, did our best to have a dinner that our kids wanted. We served their favorite foods and opened the meal up to their family and friends who had traveled to town for the wedding who weren't in the ceremony so they could have some time to visit with each other and with the bride and groom. It was a fun, informal night.
Weddings have changed a lot in the last 10 years, at least where I live. They used to be church ceremonies with cake and punch receptions. Today they are apt to take place in high dollar venues where they have to pay by the chair, and the food is more elaborate. The guest lists are smaller, and moms of grooms who are already supposed to wear beige and keep their mouths shut really don't have a *place*... other than the rehearsal dinner.
I wish they had asked the caller exactly *who* she was inviting that they didn't want there. Are these people enemies of the bride and groom? Or just people they don't know that well?
The caller's mom stepped right into the job she thought was hers, and according to the caller, even though what she envisioned didn't match what he would've done if left to his own devices, he shrugged his shoulders and let her spend months thinking about the details of the event she was going to host... and in the 11th hour he has decided to tell her to cancel everything she has done because he just wants pizza back at the AirBnB.
The hosts - I believe - really jumped to a quick conclusion that the MOTG was selfish and controlling. I think she just started down a path of planning the part of the wedding festivities that traditionally would've been hers. She's hurt and embarrassed and not reacting well. I just hated that the hosts and the caller didn't seem to have any grace for her feelings of disappointment.
@@BrendaSikes-c2o I'm fortunate that I never had any those feelings you describe as the mother of the groom... that I had to wear beige, keep my mouth shut, or didn't have a place. I'm sorry if that was your experience.
Regarding the caller's mother, he said that she has a history of being very controlling and wanting her way. This wasn't her first rodeo in that regard, at least that's what he implied.
@@ga6589 I didn't have a bad experience myself when I was in that role - not at all. We hosted a great rehearsal buffet and I shelled out the big bucks for my DIL's favorite desserts and had friends fix our son's favorite foods. :)
I have strong feelings because I've watched so many mother-of-the-groom friends feel iced out. The bride's families often don't communicate much and assume the groom is relaying things to his family, and often they just don't. The ONE thing the groom's mom gets to feel some ownership of is the rehearsal dinner, and this groom let her plan for months and then karate chopped her heart in the 11th hour. It clearly meant a lot to her to get to do this, and it would be a mere hour and a half of his life. Then he could go off with the buddies and eat pizza all night long.
I felt like the hosts were giving the caller very leading questions. When they prompted him to acknowledge that 'she's done this kind of thing before' he didn't jump right in and say she is a crazy control freak. I think almost every young man would probably be able to pinpoint a time he felt 'controlled' by his mom, but probably mostly the mom was just parenting him.
I suspect that the bride is actually the one who doesn't want the MIL to get to have her moment of joy, and that the groom is helping the bride put his mom in her place.
If the MOM had been the caller, they definitely should've told her to put on her game face and work towards a compromise and to *not* boycott anything, regardless of what happens, if she wants to have a good relationship going forward.
If mom won't show up, that's on her. It's her son's wedding, not her's. Get over it.
So what if she is inviting some friends. She's so proud and happy to celebrate the moments. He should have dealt with this much earlier because she had her heart set on this plan.
It is their wedding event. She should respect their guest list (unless they invite a dangerous person, of course). Many people want a modest rehearsal dinner to honor those directly involved in the wedding.
That said, I wonder what problem he had with the attendees. They might both be hard headed (chip off the old block). Unless their vision was vastly different or the people in question were toxic, why completely change the event last minute?
I am thankful my parents honored our opinions and we honored theirs. It made for a lovely weekend.
@@eurekahope5310He should have dealt with it at the very beginning. He took months to finally put his foot down to make it officially their pizza gig. He strung her along and should have been direct up front. It's his Mom so he should have known better than to just let this run it's course and throw a last minute change on the plan. Just go with it and let everyone enjoy it. Most likely she has spent a lot of time talking this up with her friends about the special night, working on the menu details, the beautiful venue, etc.
Mom is hosting and paying. Hosts dictate the guest list. I don't recall hearing she invited friends, just other people. Perhaps it was family coming from out of town. Also, how much notice did he give mom about switching back to the original plan? Were deposits already paid? I would have been thrilled if my kid said pizza!
@@desertfish6239 I disagree on the guest list. Every shower I had (baby and wedding) was hosted by someone who asked me to select the guest list. I have hosted two showers and the bride/mother-to-be always made the guest list. All our family rehearsal dinners have included guest lists made by the bride and groom.
That said, he should not have cancelled the event days in advance. Either stick with his plan from the beginning or hers.
The rehearsal dinner is for MEMBERS OF THE WEDDING PARTY/people who are actually PARTICIPATING in the wedding. Mom's friends get invited to a wedding shower--the wedding shower is where mom celebrates with her random special people, and she introduces them to her future daughter in law.
Mom's first mistake was not respecting that her son and his fianceé wanted a casual rehearsal dinner. He second mistake was making the rehearsal dinner, reserved for members of the wedding party actually participating in the wedding, about her by inviting her friends that her son did not want attending.
Her response sets the tone for how she will behave in the marriage. This couple might have an uphill battle with "mom."
John is absolutely wrong. The caller told his mother that she could plan the rehearsal dinner. After she had planned it and invited guests, the caller changed his decision, which puts her in a very awkward position. The son is being selfish. Let her host the rehearsal dinner.
Nope. She has no vote and is being childish.
*Sarcasm* 😅
I agree. He should have paid for it himself from the beginning if he wanted to plan it. He caused all of this then calls into a show playing the victim
The rehearsal dinner is for members of the wedding party who are actually participating in the wedding (and their +1s). It is not for mama to invite random people that her son or fianceé do not want there. If mama wanted to make the wedding about her or impress her friends she could have had a separate dinner party or shower. The issue is more that mama did not stay on topic or in her lane: The rehearsal dinner is for the members of the wedding party who are actually participating in the wedding (and their +1s).
Mom needs to grow tf up. She sounds like someone that would be jealous of their son’s new wife.
I dunno, I think mom is more embarrassed and hurt than anything.
If her son previously *agreed* to the dinner *her* way, then bowing out weeks (months?) later - it probably just hurts. I can’t speak about any past behaviors (and neither can any Ramsey Solutions folks), but sometimes people are so hurt they feel stuck, and the longer they are there, the worse it gets.
My Family said they wouldn’t come and they didn’t.
Jade- u give people benefit of doubt and unfortunately not always deserved by these people
It just depends on the kind of people that he is dealing with. Most moms would rather die than to miss their kid's wedding. But as you said, some people really will be childish and vindictive and keep their word about not going. Very sad, but true.
I think the son does need to acknowledge that he went back on his word. If he really didn't want to say yes to this dinner, he should not have, but HE DID, so I think it's on him for that part of the conflict. A man of character keeps his word, and this is not like some outrageously inappropriate thing he agreed to - it's just not his preference. He stated at the beginning that he said yes to her hosting the dinner. When he subsequently hadn't heard any details of a plan, he told her she had a couple days to tell him what the plans were or else he was going to revert back to his plan A. And then before that time he had given her was up, he unilaterally changed the plans to what he wanted in the first place. So he went back on his word over a personal preference. Again, it would be ok to have a personal preference and say no, but if someone persuades you to change your mind, and you say yes to them to appease them, you have now made a commitment. (I am not talking about illegal or immoral acts here, or decisions made under true duress - I am referring to agreeing to a style of rehearsal dinner that is not your first choice, which is ok to do as an act of love to your parents if you want to.) Most of our wedding was what we preferred, but we did make a few choices that our parents requested as a way to honor them, and it was not a big deal. If we didn't want something, we held the "no." If we felt it was more loving to accommodate it, we said "yes." What we didn't do was say yes and then not do it. Going back on his word is not ok in this case, and I think that would actually upset even most non-controlling parents. The part about her inviting people he doesn't want there came out only after John just point blank started fishing for a reason the caller might be right by asking, "Did she invite people you don't want to be there?" Because of that, it didn't come across as the genuine problem. If it was really what was going on, that's a line he can draw. But I didn't get the sense that happened between the day he told her she needed to give him the plans and the deadline he set to receive those plans. It just seemed a little off, like John drew that out of him and he ran with it as his plausible reason. All that said, he describes the silent treatment as a pattern of how his mom responds to any form of disagreement and not getting her way. That's manipulative, and that's on her to work on, even if she is right to be upset in this particular case. When the son stated his preference not to have this kind of dinner, she also could have chosen to respect that up front, and it probably would have been a better course. But the fact remains that she had a discussion with him in which she persuaded him to agree to her preference of a formal dinner, the son agreed to what she wanted, and he is now changing his mind. He can at least acknowledge that misstep on his part. I think he should keep his word, which is the natural consequence to caving to a manipulative parent as a grown man, with the boundary that he approve the guest list (again, I'm not talking about something truly inappropriate or with lasting consequences to his personhood or his marriage). He can chalk this up as a lesson not to say yes when you don't want to and when you don't mean it, even and especially when under pressure from your parents.
Its not her acting like a child. She is still treating him like her child. As a parent, now i know. When you bring a baby into the world you announce that child to the world, and sometimes the world supports you. As a parent, the party invitations are for the people in her life that she want to celebrate her life with the child, in his start of a new life.
This has nothing to do with the bride and groom wishes for sure. If she was a good parent, she shouldve been more acommodating to their decisions.
We ended up at chick fil a for our rehearsal dinner and I just didn’t even care at that point. We were OUT of funds for the wedding and I couldn’t afford to do anything nicer. 2 of my bridesmaids didn’t even come because it wasn’t nice enough 😂. You find out who your friends are, right?
Joking: He should say to his parents 'Come or don't come, your choice. Doesn't matter. '😂😂😂
Do both. Do a dinner the way your mother would like it’s a celebration for her too. And do a dinner the way you would like everybody wins. When you can’t make a decision do both. Your mother wants to honor you. Let her.
The issue is mom inviting people who the son and fianceé do not want attending. He went along with her up to that point. The rehearsal is typically for members of the wedding party who will be participating in the wedding (and +1s). Many parents have a separate party or reserve random special guests for a wedding shower.
Of course, they could do both, however mom's response says that nobody wins unless it is her way. She will likely complain if she has to limit the rehearsal dinner to the actual members of the wedding party participating. It will be her sniping comment every time talk of the wedding comes up. If she follows through with her threat not to attending the rehearsal/wedding/whatever, she will seem very small in her response.
Clearly, mama seems accustomed to having her way. This sets a sorry tone to the beginning of a marriage.
@@user-mv9tt4st9k He said he didn't care that she invited other people.
These people always thinks there's strings attached to everything. They think that someone can just do something nice for them.
Let her do something nice for him. This is hopefully a once in a lifetime to do this for him.
Mom insisted on hosting the rehearsal dinner, despite going against what her son and his fianceé wanted, and he okayed it.
All mom had to do is stay in her lane and plan a rehearsal dinner. That is, a dinner for the members of the wedding party who will be participating in the wedding (and +1s). Mom decided to change lanes and invite people not in the wedding party, and who the son and fianceé did/do not want there. Had mom simply stayed in her lane and planned the rehearsal dinner for the members of the wedding party who are actually participating in the wedding (and +1s), there would be no issue.
I dated a man with a spiteful and judgmental mother. Nice guy, though he would not stand up to mama. 'Not marriage material.
I had this happen to me and I let it go. It’s not that important to me to get my way if it makes them that happy. Sometimes it’s all about picking your battles
That is a good point. However, some of these shenanigans may set the tone for the marriage. With some people it might be best to take these stands before the wedding.
Yes mom is being petty because she's not getting her way but I didn't hear him say that she's boycotting the WEDDING or cutting him out of her life so I think he needs to just back off, let her choose dinner or not, then let go of the annoyance and work at making her feel good about herself and relationship with you in spite of this little tiff. What I would worry about is if my fiance' starts having second thoughts about the marriage at all because this mother-in-law might be a pain forever!
I don't think so. You give in a little to someone like that and they will RUIN your life.
When someone is going to use THEIR OWN MONEY to spend and pay for things.....chances are VERY HIGH that they are going to do percicely what they want to do, because guess what........THEY'RE PAYING FOR IT AND IT'S THEIR MONEY. That is how most people will see it........they're paying for it so they have a say in what their money is spent on and the finincial control that comes with it.
The Bible says the borrower is servant to the lender........so........ if you know you want things done your way....then pay for it yourself instead of depending on soneone else's money......because the moment you do that....they become the one holding all the cards and you literally are at their mercy in telling you what you can and can not have and so on.
If you univite people from the dinner or give then Domino's pizza dont be surprised they are not getting anything of your registry though. I see this trend where people just want to party up with their friends and still get a gift from the people that they disinvited. Your mom friends are not going to buy that $500 rumba for you for nothing ... Also your mom might lose her friends over this, if she was invited to their children wedding she has to reciprocate the invitation. I guess its best to not attend your friends kids wedding so you never have to reciprocate?
It's really sad that when some people become adults that their parents still think that they have control over them forever. Some moms just can't ever let go instead of letting their kids live their lives. She definitely sounds like a narcissistic mom for sure.
Im so happy we just got married and there was no wedding involved. So much cleaner.
That's why when people secretly elope to Vegas, I always find them to be very smart because they have eliminated so much drama that they would have had to deal with leading up to the wedding.
I thought rehearsal dinner is only for family members of both parties and man’s family pays for it,purpose being to get to know each other for better futuristic relationships. If I’m you this would be your last time to give in, hey listen worst comes to worst when you have children you’re going to ask her to babysit your kids, and make a note YOU CANNOT DIVORCE YOUR MOM, HUSBAND AND WIFE THEY DO DIVORCE. JUST SAYING.
What is so sad is this narcissistic mother is trying to spoil a time that should be joyful. Don't give in.
Rich people problems.
Why would you call into a finance show with this?
Because people believe the Ramsey staff know the answer to everything which is crazy
Dr. John Delony is a mental health expert. This episode isnt part of the financial side.
Why? Just get married and be done with it. Odds are...unfortunately...that more than 50% of couples will eventually get divorced anyways
Can you point to the studies that support that?
Not trying to argue but it's mentioned a lot and I've never seen studies or stats supporting it.
You are right. Tens of thousands of dollars get spend on one day. What a waste. You won't be any less married if you just keep it simple. People throw tons of money at what amounts to parties and they dress it up in the sanctity of marriage. And a grown man who is getting married needs to get used to making and financing his own decisions and not taking money from mommy and daddy.
That’s so true
*You can actually create a creative pizza party. Ask everyone to dress up, and have the pizza catered and made into 6 different styles. Just think outside of the box. It can be a win-win and peaceful time. 🙏🏾💜
Control control control
Advice to this guy's fiance: If he doesn't handle this like a man and keep you pain free....RUN!
She'd be - uninvited to my wedding, idgaf who she is to me.
With an attitude like that, the only people showing up at your wedding are divorce lawyers.
So when we include the 6% front load, and consider time value of money how many years does it take for the fund to actually match an index fund?
I got your front load bro...
if your mom or dad is paying say thanks; if parents wish to give
One of my cousins dropped out of our wedding thinking we'd put my sister in but we didn't
I don’t know why she’s so upset, other than she’s a shrew, pizza is much, much cheaper than a formal dinner. For pizza, I’d be willing to take her place.
Get Airbnb in the white mountains and enjoy. Your mother will get over it.
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Can you share some ideas about currency versions? I would love to learn
You're right, but any Investment without a proper guidance and experience is suicidal
Wise words you said. I have always believed in investments and it is working very well.
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is this more about the future son in law or daughter in law?
NH is north of the Your Mama line. Speak freely
you need to "Kill" the image of your parents, they will always be there for your, but you need to make your own life-changing decisions and stop living under their shadow. Also forgiving your parents comes a long way
Why the daddy catch a stray? 😂
I’m not a fan of JD.
JD is literally the best!!!!!
Love Jade ❤
Mom is going to run her son right out of her life
I grew up in a polygamist culture where women like this didn't just control her husband and kids, but the other wives and their kids. I absolutely despise controlling women.
Marriage is not just the 2 of u, its better compromise and make it a good show for your mom and both families, dude she pays anyways so well, its also for every relatives and families that watched u grew
It sounds like this show is taking callers from Maury Povich.
Does this guy have a financial problem or a Mommy issue (I pick the latter)?
How long before Dave and the hosts start opening envelopes and screaming "You are/are not the father!"
John just called that guy Richard, aka Dick.
Consider his name is "John", aka Bathroom/Toilet.
Feeding them pizza?
Pizza is great!! They want a nice relaxed night before the big day. We wanted a carefree night before out wedding day and had a 80's themed grill out in the back yard of them to be husband's home. Very low key and fun. (No one believed we really ment the theme except my fiance, me, my mom and couple other people. But it sure was fun to come out to everyone in full 80s dress for the rehearsal!!)
What is with all these ungratful people.
I would image most parents just want to do something for the kids on that specail once in a life time celebration and actually be included ....how dare they. What a problem 🤯 . What if you had no parents or they passed away when you where very young? Would you be cheering becasue you didn't have to full with them being around? Am almost sick of this show with there modern day therapy crap, sorry! Parents arent perfect and neither are the kids, but alot of your advice seems to cause rips where no rip is needed. I dont understand not loving your parents with all your heart and not wanting to honor them as part of your special day. Be gracious with the dinner and your parents. You can get druck and eat pizza with you friends anytime. What am I missing here.
✝️
Heck I would mom go spend all her dimes on an expensive place.
Yeah... If she is inviting random guests that he or his fianceé do not want there, he likely has a reason. Mom seems to be making the rehearsal dinner less about the members of her son's wedding party who are actually participating in the wedding and more about her need to impress friends/control a situation/whatever her motivation is.
do you want a relationship with your mom or dad?
elope
Nice work having John cover those tattoos when he's on your show! Scribble Skin has no place at work!
Yeah right. Nothing wrong with tattoos.
@@jimmymcgill6778
Move along, scribble skin- go back to your prison gang friends.
Dr. D's worn short sleeves plenty of times. Not in favor of ink myself, but they don't mean anything about a person. I'll take a tatted surgeon who knows their stuff over an un tatted imbecile surgeon, any day. You saying negative things about Dr. D because of his ink says nothing about Dr. D, but it says a lot about you.
@@GardenerEarthGuyThere's absolutely nothing wrong with tattoos. You should judge people by their personality and how they treat others, not on tattoos.
@@GardenerEarthGuy As soon as you go with the name calling, you got not argument about how they are bad.
First
😂😂😂
A woman who says this crap is disgusting. I would honestly dis-invite her to the wedding. Why keep toxic people in your life?? Does she have borderline personality disorder? Your dad is an eDad. Read r/raisedbyborderlines to see how accurate this is.