This is so important to talk about! Toxic positivity is such a big part of the disability movement, and it can really mess people up. I was born with spina bifida and was brought up to be as independent as possible. That in itself isn't a bad thing, but it can turn into internalized ableism when combined with society's ableism. When I realized that was a thing, I became so much more comfortable with myself. Though I might have turned into a proud mutant crip which can be... Interesting. 😂 But yeah, "the only disability is a bad attitude" has really messed up lots of disabled people. I have a custom made shirt that says "my other disability is a bad attitude". 😂
Positivity is fine but we have to measure it with the reality of a situation, and advise in the appropriate proportion. This means listening to what the person is actually saying. Passive comments are very easy to make. This is done not even with good intention I would argue, but that the person has no understanding of the other person's situation.
I absolutely agree. There's a huge difference between toxic positivity and genuine empathy. My response has always been to aim for supportive empathy. because I know how much the words "that must really suck" can actually help. For example, I gave birth to my first child yesterday, 7 weeks early during a pandemic. Which has resulted in him being in the NICU, and due to lockdown procedures my husband can't visit me at all, we can't visit our son together as a family unit, I can't kiss him on the head because I have to wear a mask to visit him and when my husband visits him he can only be there once a day (granted he can stay as long as he wants, but when he leaves he can't come back, and for the duration of his visit I have to sit in my room with nothing to do). I am having a thousand people wish me congratulations, and reach out to ask how I am, but if I'm actually honest about how hard I am finding it I more often then not get the words "I'm sure he'll be home in no time at all! just cherish your time with him." and it's like "I am cherishing my time with him, but it doesn't make all that other stuff any easier..." Sorry for the rant!!! to sum up: I agree.
"I feel like everybody and their mom know someone who was told they would never walk again, and they got a treatment, and now they're fine" - wow, you really should feel left out =) I have a realistic-fatalistic approach to all things in life. I brace for the worst outcome, then naively expect that things don't have another trick up their sleeves... The thing with toxic positivity is not only that it ticks me off, but that it makes me actively mad and angry to have honest concerns / problems / etc. countered with a bland and hollow phrase; and then I start arguing about it with people. "Oh yeah? HOW is it gonna get better? Like, through WHICH deus ex machina device will this work out??" ... Sigh. I wonder why nobody wants to talk to me anymore.
really like your Vrole of your videos Oliver, want to make videos myself but learning how to take and edit clips to fill the video. another great topic, keep them coming.
This is so important to talk about! Toxic positivity is such a big part of the disability movement, and it can really mess people up. I was born with spina bifida and was brought up to be as independent as possible. That in itself isn't a bad thing, but it can turn into internalized ableism when combined with society's ableism. When I realized that was a thing, I became so much more comfortable with myself. Though I might have turned into a proud mutant crip which can be... Interesting. 😂 But yeah, "the only disability is a bad attitude" has really messed up lots of disabled people. I have a custom made shirt that says "my other disability is a bad attitude". 😂
Positivity is fine but we have to measure it with the reality of a situation, and advise in the appropriate proportion. This means listening to what the person is actually saying.
Passive comments are very easy to make. This is done not even with good intention I would argue, but that the person has no understanding of the other person's situation.
I absolutely agree. There's a huge difference between toxic positivity and genuine empathy. My response has always been to aim for supportive empathy. because I know how much the words "that must really suck" can actually help.
For example, I gave birth to my first child yesterday, 7 weeks early during a pandemic. Which has resulted in him being in the NICU, and due to lockdown procedures my husband can't visit me at all, we can't visit our son together as a family unit, I can't kiss him on the head because I have to wear a mask to visit him and when my husband visits him he can only be there once a day (granted he can stay as long as he wants, but when he leaves he can't come back, and for the duration of his visit I have to sit in my room with nothing to do). I am having a thousand people wish me congratulations, and reach out to ask how I am, but if I'm actually honest about how hard I am finding it I more often then not get the words "I'm sure he'll be home in no time at all! just cherish your time with him." and it's like "I am cherishing my time with him, but it doesn't make all that other stuff any easier..."
Sorry for the rant!!! to sum up: I agree.
A very important topic.. thanks for joining your thoughts and experiences with us, explained in a good but also funny way👌🥰
"I feel like everybody and their mom know someone who was told they would never walk again, and they got a treatment, and now they're fine" - wow, you really should feel left out =)
I have a realistic-fatalistic approach to all things in life. I brace for the worst outcome, then naively expect that things don't have another trick up their sleeves...
The thing with toxic positivity is not only that it ticks me off, but that it makes me actively mad and angry to have honest concerns / problems / etc. countered with a bland and hollow phrase; and then I start arguing about it with people. "Oh yeah? HOW is it gonna get better? Like, through WHICH deus ex machina device will this work out??" ... Sigh. I wonder why nobody wants to talk to me anymore.
Really enjoying your videos btw
really like your Vrole of your videos Oliver, want to make videos myself but learning how to take and edit clips to fill the video. another great topic, keep them coming.
Look up law of attraction and your never want to be negative again. Even the bible says to enter the kingdom of heaven is to be like a child again.