Exactly! Anyone can be groomed and anyone can be a groomer. Grooming a specific manipulation tactic used in order to gain trust from someone to prepare them for exploitation. Grooming is very complex and it can take on many forms.
1:47 I always found it odd how some people believe that kids and teens are unable to gr**m or ab*se others within their age range. Considering some kids/teens can become killers it's not that hard to image they could also coerce, exploit, and/or manipulate those younger than themselves
It genuinely infuriates me, as someone who has been gr00med by minors TWICE as a minor. Some teens who are mentally disturbed themselves have the capacity to understand how to coerce and guilt-trip someone, it’s manipulation at its core. I’ve especially noticed that a teen gr00mer’s first thing to guilt-trip someone over is their mental health/dangling su1c1d3 over someone’s head to get something from someone (from experience). I genuinely wish the best for everyone who’s been silenced because people are bloody ignorant.
real. my own best friend was a groomer and tried to dangle his life over so many people's heads just for calling him out for horrible things he's done and even tried to manipulate **me** as well by appealing to so many things he knew i had been going through and had been missing from friendships after i had cut him off for (romantically) going after a 13 year old as a 15 year old and defending it with his life. i desperately wish more people saw "grooming" as something that anyone can do, not just adults.
I was groomed by someone who was 20 when I was 25, because I was very inexperienced with sex and relationships, where they had plenty of experience. I was "graped" by deceit as a result. They held the hope of a relationship over my head when they just wanted to use me for my virginity. Thank you for making this video, I feel so validated in my own experience. 💙
TL;DR: Anyone can be a victim and anyone can be an abuser. Stop assigning specific attributes to who's a victim and who's a perpetrator. It does way, WAY more harm than good and invalidates many victims. Come on people, this is common sense. So why is it so rare to see?
HE WAS ACCUSED OF GROOMING BEFORE TOO it's so ironic that he denied it so hard and used it as a point to sympathize and yet tried to get with synni, had MAJOR history with afab and women in general of being a creep and the exact same behaviors detailed with synni, AND now denies the fact that synni is a groomer. JAR is a weirdo and a horrible groomer in the making.
@@deliasaldana6850 i know, but i'm using it as a point like shister said, groomers pretend to get it and sympathize, groomers have repeated history and often have no clue (or pretend not to) of their behaviors. there are leaked screenshots of his and synnis convos that are very telling considering he was trying to essentially flirt with a mentally ill girl in the middle of an emotionally distressing time. which feels and looks very predatory on his part. which makes the allegations all the more ironic true or not.
What frustrates me is the amount of times I've seen people be falsely accused of grooming. JUST because someone is friends or has a strong bond with someone who is a year or two younger on it's own ISN'T grooming, but a lot of people like to slap the idea that it is onto someone anyway. I just wish people would actually read into what shit actually means before throwing a life-ruining label onto someone. I would know, I have been accused myself just for being friends with someone who was barely a year younger than me.
As someone Who is the older one in my friendships and even my own relationship (I’m 17, they’re 16), thats one of my biggest fears.. Ive been groomed before.. once by a past lover and even a past friend.. i know what it is to be groomed.. and I always make sure my younger friends (were talking 16-14) don’t feel uncomfortable.. Because I don’t want them to hurt like i got hurt.
YES GROOMING CAN BE DONE BY PEOPLE IN YOUR AGE BRACKET. I was about a year older than my first groomer, and everyone else they targeted was their age… second was an adult though
Im so glad this video exists bc i now have more of an idea what grooming is and it helps me figure out if this one situation that happened 2 me is grooming or not. Also, i really like how you talk! Its really nice to listen too:)
I had somebody close to me groom my partner, taking advantage of them sexually and are now twisting the narrative that my partner is the groomer when he isn’t and it’s absolutely tiresome to deal with. It got so bad I had to take a step back from social media in general. They’re now spreading lies about the narrative and it’s pretty annoying to put up with Thankfully I am away from them but my point still stands of the fact that my partner got groomed and then got bashed. We’ve tried to cut them off and thankfully we did
Don't defend a child groomer like JAR or Kumo. Leave minors, animals, and dead people alone. Don't send minors gore or NSFW art either. Don't act or talk inappropriately to a minor.
THANK YOU I remember my own experience and i was younger than the induvisual but they where still a minor Guys i dont think a 13 y/o should teach an 8 y/o abt horrific things while using religion...
Thank you for this video. I've been coming to terms for YEARS with the facts that I was groomed. Both as a child and an adult. The first one was a one-year age gap and was s//ual where an ex-friend from highschool was way too touchy with me (while he had a girlfriend too mind you) and when I cut him off, he stalked me for the rest of the school year. The second was not s//ual but a LOT of manipulation and love bombing. I didn't realize I was being groomed until I started cutting that person out of my friend group when he was defending one of his friends that hurt mine. I do not think the second groomer intended to groom me, but I will not let him back into my life. He's done damage whether intentional or not. Or when speaking to my other friends about it, they're the ones that revealed to me that it was grooming. The fact that a lot of people do not understand that grooming can happen to anyone is super harmful and damaging. Even now while I'm aware that I was groomed in this second situation, the fact that I've had people say that "well, you weren't a kid" still makes me have that feeling in the back of my head that what happened to me is not valid. We just need more people to talk about this.
I hate when peoppe act like they know everything about grooming and victims, perading what is or isnt grooming when they dint know wtf they are talking about, and refuse to listen to actual victims explaining they are wrong. Amazing video actually explaining it very well, keep up the good work.
did i get groomed? we only had a 4 month age gap, but i think the grooming was caused by the fact she was a sociopath she manipulated me by love bombing because she like my reaction when she stopped she said a lot of horrible things to me one day randomly and came up with the excuse that she had a “bad day.” i told her that she was just a terrible person and she said “when have i ever mistreated you?” and this helped me understand how much i have been abused i gave her a list and she just told me to km$ and called me toxic ive been thinking over it wondering if i got abused, groomed, etc
Yeah, I think this would count as grooming, conditioning you to be fine with being treated badly. Obelis art has a lot of comics and the things you mentioned appear in their comics about growing up with narcissist parents and lovers.
Hey, I know it's painful that you have been wrongfully wronged. I don't think you deserve any of that pain either. You are abused, that is a fact. However, please know an abusive 4-month age gap relationship is *not* the same as an adult coming into a developing minors life to psychologically mold the said minor into their harmful selfish needs. Both are manipulation but one is grooming. But please, just because you weren't groomed doesn't mean the pain you feel is any less valid. You still deserve to be treated better. I hope everything goes well for you after that.
Firstly before I say anything, this is an alt account to hide my identity due to this being a very serious and personal topic on my end and I genuinely don't want any harassment towards me. I'm going to say this right off the bat, I unintentionally gr00med/abus3d someone. We had a few months age gap (13) and didn't understand at the time that what I was doing was wrong. I personally love how much this video explains about gr00ming and this misconception about a huge amount of things that I personally struggled with figuring out with my own situation. I'm absolutely sorry for what you went through yourself, and I personally agree with your statements on the fact that sexual gr00ming should never be forgiven, heck I haven't forgiven myself for anything I've done!! I wish there was more accessible ways for people and especially minors who have done this type of stuff to get the help they need in stopping these types of behaviours. It sucks knowing that probably a lot of people who end up like this cant get better due to possibly multiple factors in life like their living situations, or possible judgement of peers and family members. Saying this doesn't mean I feel like they should get off with just a slap on the wrist though, they should definitely face some charges depending on what they've done, minors and adults alike. To whoever read this all, thank you for reading this weird ramble of mine, take care.
@@ponikoTV I'm 14, this happening when i was 13 though. I don't really remember much about it but I was really pushy with them about sexual things before we dated, oversharing things that were personal to me though wasn't my place to talk about with them, and was struggling with a p0rn addiction so I often send them (disgusting) rule34 drawings of mostly pr0ships. This doc made by them goes into detail about what I just talked about. docs.google.com/document/d/1EGA8Id3E4Y-onCoHZGoM4A6fxCB3M23ednNhgRkRmSY/edit
I appreciate this video so much, ive alwayes had some questions about this sort of stùff cuz i always felt like i might have been groomed by an ex bestfreind, this video clears slot of things up, thank you shistter
i MIGHT be dramatic w/ what im gonna say, but TW and basically a vent. i was 11, he was 16. my mom says it wasnt grooming because we were both minors. we tried manipulating me to stay in the relationship, and i even exposed my body to him somewhat. my mom still doesnt say it’s grooming, but ive honestly been kinda left traumatized because of it. and yes, this was online. he’s the reason why i feel uncomfortable in my body. i dont mind if you say your opinion on this, but dont go victim blaming nor bullying me.
THIS IS DEFINITELY GROOMING, the age and maturity gap between 11 and 16 is so large , when i was 16 i could never imagine being sexual with someone even a year younger than me, that is gross and i hope u heal ):
I’m glad that you made this video people needs to know how these things works thanks to you now I understand how these things work!!! remember guys protect yourselves!!
From every phycology article and information I've seen, I've never ever seen the term of accidental grooming being used or even the mention of it, Because with the logic you provided, many people can be a groomer and it is much more likley. if you could please link me to anything that is legitamate information about it then it would help, because there has to be a line somewhere like there is a criteria for grooming that is required for it to be considered as such, it's obviously terrible and something is wrong if a adult "accidentaly" grooms a minor, but if its a child (under 16) then there is someone influencing them for that, im not saying they should be let off the hook, but people need to understand that kids can easily be heavily influenced by people especially when they have a mental illness or disability, because I SEE IT SO MANY TIMES from people who don't even understand what they are doing is wrong at all, there should be discipline, but there should be an understanding that they literally did not know what they were doing was wrong. I do agree that every grooming situation is different, and has different levels of severity. (But, there has to be a criteria, because if there wasnt then that would make more people be considered groomers) I agree that grooming can be emotional, financially, and physical . I also agree that minors can groom others I also want to say that I have been researching on this topic, and a few things I learned is that grooming does not have to have an age gap, it is specifically a power imbalance, age gap can definitely be a power imbalance but there are other ways to do it even when someone is the same age.
haiii when u look at grooming as a form of abuse / manipulation you can read about how abusers usually do not understand that they’re being abusive, so i applied that same logic to grooming to come to my conclusion (: there’s many articles u can read abt it but here’s one www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/invisible-bruises/202210/do-abusers-understand-their-behavior-is-wrong “accidental grooming” doesn’t exist because the actions are intentional, the abuser just might not be aware that they are grooming someone, but it’s not accidental
i think ppl who sexually groom ppl shouldn’t be forgiven due to my own personal beliefs but im “more forgiving” to people who have emotionally groomed someone (example: an adult venting to a child constantly), still i think its wrong though, but not past redemption , its when it crosses into sexual stuff that i can’t forgive someone
i wouldn’t ever be friends with people like this though, i just wouldn’t feel comfortable being friends with anyone who has been an abuser in the past , but yaaa i hope that makes sense yyayy
@@shister06This kinda confuses me. You say accidental grooming isnt a thing but you're implying it is based on what you said because 'they don't realise it', my brain is fried
The issues of why it even happens in the first place is the victim or person doesn't even say "no" or even the perpetrator just is really good at manipulating the victim. It's not about consent, manipulators will do anything in their way to gain your trust.
I’m still a bit confused on how someone can groom another without intention. You said it yourself that grooming is manipulating a venerable person in order to prepare them to do something. But, in order to prepare someone for something wouldn’t that have to be intentional?
Grooming can happen in any direction (as pointed out in the video) and more people seriously need to realize that. Abuse too. Yeah, it is more _likely_ that it will be an older perpetrator and a younger victim, but it is _not_ the only direction abuse or grooming happens in. I speak as someone who has been in a few situations myself and can attest to that fact. And I can 100% agree that it is rarely cut-and-dry as to who is the victim and who is the perpetrator (ESPECIALLY when said perpetrator often displays themself as the "true" victim). Things are rarely ever that black and white. Cases where the grooming or abuse is more emotional than anything else are heavy evidence for that. For example, excessive venting from one person and constant praise/encouragement from the other can be taken either way without other proof. The one venting constantly is "clearly using them to get praise and to appear vulnerable to absolve themself of wrongdoing." Or, the one encouraging them is "obviously trying to make themself feel like a safe space and make the venter dependent on their support." So. Which one is it? They could both be wrong and trying to get something out of it. But this could also be someone who needs a lot of support and a friend who understands that need and is willing to supply it (which itself can become toxic). And this kind of dynamic can happen with just about _any_ age gap, in _either_ direction.
i finished the video. i agree with you (100% i will said lol). so, according to the video, groom isn't what i thought it be (again, due the language difference). good luck with your channel.
As a 18 yo becoming friends with people that are more than a year younger than you is so uncomfortable to be honest To some people the age difference might sound normal bc it's just a number but, it's not only about the number but also the maturity A 15 year old will act mature in a lot more childish way than for example a 17 year old who already has a somewhat well developed brain GROOMING IS GENUINELY SO STUPID LIKE????
More so I just hate when people automatically think someone is grooming someone else just because of the fact they're friends with someone who is a year or two younger. No wonder the definition and what actual grooming looks like gets so scuffed when people pass the word around like a tub of fucking candy.
@be4tpulse and then when someone actually does get groomed there's always gonna be that "well you're 16 so you get part of the blame since you should've known better" Like... wtf? The adult shouldn't be contacting the kid to begin with. It's that simple, none of this "well you're old enough to understand" shit. The victim is the victim groomer is the criminal who gets the blame.
regarding 9:33 , it isn’t a bad thing to want to be a safe space for your friends right??? is there a difference between genuinely outwardly trying to be an understanding and trustworthy friend and using that as a setup to get closer to someone?
That is because it is a manipulation, not a good intention. They don't want a "safe" place, they want to manipulate it in order to abuse the victim later.
I have a question. if you lied about your age to a person and they groomed you is it your fault that happened? i was 10 and he was 13 but i said i was 12. not trying to vent im just confused :(
Even though he had no intention of grooming you and didn't know your age because you lied, I don't think both are his fault even though you lied your age, I also don't think it's your fault because you were a child at the time. But it is better to remember the mistakes and try to improve them you both.
I dont think this is grooming but my friend who was a year and like a lot of months older than me invited me into a gc and it was funny for a while, i was very young at the time and like, was exposed to nsfw content so i was making many jokes, well someone who was like maybe 2 years older than me would say disgusting nsfw "jokes" to me and exposed me to weird content, i was still a kid and would laugh at it, but looking back at it now, i feel disgusted, he has apologized but i just need others opinions??
I like you, this is very true content and you are full on speaking facts. I have to admit something though, and I still feel pretty guilty about... When I saw your video that introduced yourself and stuff, I saw the pronouns and thought to myself "Another annoying creator with their they/them pronouns." But then I started to watch a few more of your videos, and I realized that your chill. Your also speaking out on common misconceptions about stuff and acknowledging that stuff like this or other violence can happen to everyone, no matter who it is. Just know that I am now subscribed to you and I fully support your channel and the things you do. Also your artwork is incredible.
hello, again! lol. so just to know if i understand right. so, a 50 years old can be groomed by a 18 to 20 years old? like, for what i understand in your video, grooming is about manipulative tactics to get sexual stuff from the person. according to that logic, a older person can get groomed by a young adult person? ( i really just trying to understand lolol sorry for my bad grammar XD still learning your language)
can u explain in detail wut u mean by that !!! and preferably in a simplified way im not good with big amounts of text yayayaya also idk i get the impression that u think i support quartelz ): i don’t, after seeing quartelz response video, it really rubbed me the wrong way, i don’t like her even more now, and i didn’t like her to begin with, she comes across as very manipulative but there’s not much proof to suggest grooming , so i didn’t feel comfortable labelling her as one
@@shister06ofc ofc! mostly, its the parts where you mention age gaps in grooming, how grooming is not inherently s3xual & how grooming is first and foremost a manipulation tactic. i tbh cannot give you much more proof because most of it is currently being worked on in a video form by Khai (mel’s underage victim) which will release sometime on the 31st of october! hopefully after the video comes out, things will become a lot more clear. but yes, mel’s video was. not good! we’ll say that! i thought about maybe making my own video to debunk her lies and claims that she makes, but i don’t know if i should and i dont know if i can be bothered 😭 i also thought about making a response video to your section about me, because there were things you didn’t seem to understand or that needed clarification, but it would frankly be a waste of time. (/NOT MAD AT YOU, LOL. I’m just overall pretty annoyed with this situation and want to move on best i can, esp with goatcatto on my ass about it lawl)
it’s ok!! i understand it’s a very stressful situation, i’ll definitely be open to seeing khai’s video, it seems there’s definitely something iffy going on ): i just want to have enough proof before using that label
Ok... i didn´t see the video yet, like, youtube just show me your video and here i am, lol. probably because i'm watching videos about this drama. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut, even thought i didnt seen the video yet, i'm reading the comments sections. Maybe what i going to say sounds weird lol but you going to say adults can be grooming? that´s.... sounds weird for me, like, maybe because the word "groom" doesn´t exist in my native language, so, the only thing i can presume, is the word "groom" means something 'pdf' people do, but i think you will say that adult people can be groomed too (who sounds a little werid for me due my translation for that word) . i'll watch your video, but i hope, that the video isn't a Puritanism about adults or something
I AM SO GLAD someone's talking about this, grooming isn't just done to kids. But adults too.
Exactly! Anyone can be groomed and anyone can be a groomer. Grooming a specific manipulation tactic used in order to gain trust from someone to prepare them for exploitation. Grooming is very complex and it can take on many forms.
You mean spergs and the mentally feeble? Only dumb people get groomed as an adult.
YESSS Exactly!!
I honestly thought it was a only a child thing
1:47 I always found it odd how some people believe that kids and teens are unable to gr**m or ab*se others within their age range. Considering some kids/teens can become killers it's not that hard to image they could also coerce, exploit, and/or manipulate those younger than themselves
Exactly! There's a reason the term COCSA exists...
It genuinely infuriates me, as someone who has been gr00med by minors TWICE as a minor. Some teens who are mentally disturbed themselves have the capacity to understand how to coerce and guilt-trip someone, it’s manipulation at its core. I’ve especially noticed that a teen gr00mer’s first thing to guilt-trip someone over is their mental health/dangling su1c1d3 over someone’s head to get something from someone (from experience). I genuinely wish the best for everyone who’s been silenced because people are bloody ignorant.
real. my own best friend was a groomer and tried to dangle his life over so many people's heads just for calling him out for horrible things he's done and even tried to manipulate **me** as well by appealing to so many things he knew i had been going through and had been missing from friendships after i had cut him off for (romantically) going after a 13 year old as a 15 year old and defending it with his life. i desperately wish more people saw "grooming" as something that anyone can do, not just adults.
EXACTLYYY. SOMEONE THAT I KNOW WAS GR**MED BY SOMEONE WITH THE SAME AGE AS HIM
Thank you! It's a real issue that isn't brought up often
I was groomed by someone who was 20 when I was 25, because I was very inexperienced with sex and relationships, where they had plenty of experience. I was "graped" by deceit as a result. They held the hope of a relationship over my head when they just wanted to use me for my virginity. Thank you for making this video, I feel so validated in my own experience. 💙
Hope u doing better 🫶🫶
@LittleBee17377 I am, thank you. Took me 4 years to realise what it was, so I was only able to start processing it properly last year.
TL;DR:
Anyone can be a victim and anyone can be an abuser.
Stop assigning specific attributes to who's a victim and who's a perpetrator. It does way, WAY more harm than good and invalidates many victims.
Come on people, this is common sense. So why is it so rare to see?
HE WAS ACCUSED OF GROOMING BEFORE TOO
it's so ironic that he denied it so hard and used it as a point to sympathize and yet tried to get with synni, had MAJOR history with afab and women in general of being a creep and the exact same behaviors detailed with synni, AND now denies the fact that synni is a groomer.
JAR is a weirdo and a horrible groomer in the making.
I think it was proven false with his past grooming allegations
@@deliasaldana6850 i know, but i'm using it as a point
like shister said, groomers pretend to get it and sympathize, groomers have repeated history and often have no clue (or pretend not to) of their behaviors. there are leaked screenshots of his and synnis convos that are very telling considering he was trying to essentially flirt with a mentally ill girl in the middle of an emotionally distressing time. which feels and looks very predatory on his part. which makes the allegations all the more ironic true or not.
a groomer in the making is crazy
@@ST4RB0M ah makes sense
What frustrates me is the amount of times I've seen people be falsely accused of grooming. JUST because someone is friends or has a strong bond with someone who is a year or two younger on it's own ISN'T grooming, but a lot of people like to slap the idea that it is onto someone anyway.
I just wish people would actually read into what shit actually means before throwing a life-ruining label onto someone. I would know, I have been accused myself just for being friends with someone who was barely a year younger than me.
Based. I had elderly friends when i was seven and they were NOT groomers
As someone Who is the older one in my friendships and even my own relationship (I’m 17, they’re 16), thats one of my biggest fears.. Ive been groomed before.. once by a past lover and even a past friend.. i know what it is to be groomed.. and I always make sure my younger friends (were talking 16-14) don’t feel uncomfortable.. Because I don’t want them to hurt like i got hurt.
shister i just wanna say i love how well informed you are in general
YAAAYY CORE!!!
The fact Just A Robot defended a groomer despite having a girlfriend speaks volumes on his character
YES GROOMING CAN BE DONE BY PEOPLE IN YOUR AGE BRACKET. I was about a year older than my first groomer, and everyone else they targeted was their age… second was an adult though
Im so glad this video exists bc i now have more of an idea what grooming is and it helps me figure out if this one situation that happened 2 me is grooming or not. Also, i really like how you talk! Its really nice to listen too:)
I had somebody close to me groom my partner, taking advantage of them sexually and are now twisting the narrative that my partner is the groomer when he isn’t and it’s absolutely tiresome to deal with. It got so bad I had to take a step back from social media in general.
They’re now spreading lies about the narrative and it’s pretty annoying to put up with
Thankfully I am away from them but my point still stands of the fact that my partner got groomed and then got bashed. We’ve tried to cut them off and thankfully we did
I been saying for YEARS ,
You don't need to be a minor to be groomed also!!!
Don't defend a child groomer like JAR or Kumo. Leave minors, animals, and dead people alone. Don't send minors gore or NSFW art either. Don't act or talk inappropriately to a minor.
THANK YOU
I remember my own experience and i was younger than the induvisual but they where still a minor
Guys i dont think a 13 y/o should teach an 8 y/o abt horrific things while using religion...
The osc needs to hear this
Thank you for this video. I've been coming to terms for YEARS with the facts that I was groomed. Both as a child and an adult. The first one was a one-year age gap and was s//ual where an ex-friend from highschool was way too touchy with me (while he had a girlfriend too mind you) and when I cut him off, he stalked me for the rest of the school year. The second was not s//ual but a LOT of manipulation and love bombing. I didn't realize I was being groomed until I started cutting that person out of my friend group when he was defending one of his friends that hurt mine. I do not think the second groomer intended to groom me, but I will not let him back into my life. He's done damage whether intentional or not. Or when speaking to my other friends about it, they're the ones that revealed to me that it was grooming. The fact that a lot of people do not understand that grooming can happen to anyone is super harmful and damaging. Even now while I'm aware that I was groomed in this second situation, the fact that I've had people say that "well, you weren't a kid" still makes me have that feeling in the back of my head that what happened to me is not valid. We just need more people to talk about this.
TY FOR SAYING GROOMING ALSO CAN BE DONE BY CHILDREN, I was groomed by a 16 year old back then when I was 14 or 13? But ye ty for saying this tbh
I didn't know adult grooming existed until friends told me
I hate when peoppe act like they know everything about grooming and victims, perading what is or isnt grooming when they dint know wtf they are talking about, and refuse to listen to actual victims explaining they are wrong.
Amazing video actually explaining it very well, keep up the good work.
did i get groomed?
we only had a 4 month age gap, but i think the grooming was caused by the fact she was a sociopath
she manipulated me by love bombing because she like my reaction when she stopped
she said a lot of horrible things to me one day randomly and came up with the excuse that she had a “bad day.” i told her that she was just a terrible person and she said “when have i ever mistreated you?” and this helped me understand how much i have been abused
i gave her a list and she just told me to km$ and called me toxic
ive been thinking over it wondering if i got abused, groomed, etc
Yeah, I think this would count as grooming, conditioning you to be fine with being treated badly. Obelis art has a lot of comics and the things you mentioned appear in their comics about growing up with narcissist parents and lovers.
@@MillyKKittyNo? What the hell? What you described is manipulation, not grooming. Please just look up the actual definition of it.
Hey, I know it's painful that you have been wrongfully wronged. I don't think you deserve any of that pain either. You are abused, that is a fact.
However, please know an abusive 4-month age gap relationship is *not* the same as an adult coming into a developing minors life to psychologically mold the said minor into their harmful selfish needs. Both are manipulation but one is grooming.
But please, just because you weren't groomed doesn't mean the pain you feel is any less valid. You still deserve to be treated better. I hope everything goes well for you after that.
@@aaz.2007 thank you. im still recovering because the events are still recent and she keeps trying to enter my life again
WAKE UP SHISTER JUST POSTED
Firstly before I say anything, this is an alt account to hide my identity due to this being a very serious and personal topic on my end and I genuinely don't want any harassment towards me.
I'm going to say this right off the bat, I unintentionally gr00med/abus3d someone. We had a few months age gap (13) and didn't understand at the time that what I was doing was wrong. I personally love how much this video explains about gr00ming and this misconception about a huge amount of things that I personally struggled with figuring out with my own situation.
I'm absolutely sorry for what you went through yourself, and I personally agree with your statements on the fact that sexual gr00ming should never be forgiven, heck I haven't forgiven myself for anything I've done!!
I wish there was more accessible ways for people and especially minors who have done this type of stuff to get the help they need in stopping these types of behaviours. It sucks knowing that probably a lot of people who end up like this cant get better due to possibly multiple factors in life like their living situations, or possible judgement of peers and family members. Saying this doesn't mean I feel like they should get off with just a slap on the wrist though, they should definitely face some charges depending on what they've done, minors and adults alike.
To whoever read this all, thank you for reading this weird ramble of mine, take care.
Wait what? How old are you and how you groom them? 😥
@@ponikoTV I'm 14, this happening when i was 13 though. I don't really remember much about it but I was really pushy with them about sexual things before we dated, oversharing things that were personal to me though wasn't my place to talk about with them, and was struggling with a p0rn addiction so I often send them (disgusting) rule34 drawings of mostly pr0ships.
This doc made by them goes into detail about what I just talked about.
docs.google.com/document/d/1EGA8Id3E4Y-onCoHZGoM4A6fxCB3M23ednNhgRkRmSY/edit
how do u unintentionally abuse someone?? /nm /gen
i'm here late but i hope you feel better soon!!! don't feel pressured to put out videos, your health comes first
I appreciate this video so much, ive alwayes had some questions about this sort of stùff cuz i always felt like i might have been groomed by an ex bestfreind, this video clears slot of things up, thank you shistter
i MIGHT be dramatic w/ what im gonna say, but TW and basically a vent.
i was 11, he was 16. my mom says it wasnt grooming because we were both minors. we tried manipulating me to stay in the relationship, and i even exposed my body to him somewhat. my mom still doesnt say it’s grooming, but ive honestly been kinda left traumatized because of it. and yes, this was online. he’s the reason why i feel uncomfortable in my body.
i dont mind if you say your opinion on this, but dont go victim blaming nor bullying me.
THIS IS DEFINITELY GROOMING, the age and maturity gap between 11 and 16 is so large , when i was 16 i could never imagine being sexual with someone even a year younger than me, that is gross and i hope u heal ):
@@shister06 thank you, that really means a lot to me
@@its_MYbirthday yayayaya that’s awesome (: im glad ur doing better now
@@shister06 thank you! :3 ur rly kind ^_^
I’m glad that you made this video people needs to know how these things works thanks to you now I understand how these things work!!! remember guys protect yourselves!!
From every phycology article and information I've seen, I've never ever seen the term of accidental grooming being used or even the mention of it, Because with the logic you provided, many people can be a groomer and it is much more likley. if you could please link me to anything that is legitamate information about it then it would help, because there has to be a line somewhere like there is a criteria for grooming that is required for it to be considered as such, it's obviously terrible and something is wrong if a adult "accidentaly" grooms a minor, but if its a child (under 16) then there is someone influencing them for that, im not saying they should be let off the hook, but people need to understand that kids can easily be heavily influenced by people especially when they have a mental illness or disability, because I SEE IT SO MANY TIMES from people who don't even understand what they are doing is wrong at all, there should be discipline, but there should be an understanding that they literally did not know what they were doing was wrong.
I do agree that every grooming situation is different, and has different levels of severity. (But, there has to be a criteria, because if there wasnt then that would make more people be considered groomers)
I agree that grooming can be emotional, financially, and physical .
I also agree that minors can groom others
I also want to say that I have been researching on this topic, and a few things I learned is that grooming does not have to have an age gap, it is specifically a power imbalance, age gap can definitely be a power imbalance but there are other ways to do it even when someone is the same age.
haiii when u look at grooming as a form of abuse / manipulation you can read about how abusers usually do not understand that they’re being abusive, so i applied that same logic to grooming to come to my conclusion (: there’s many articles u can read abt it but here’s one
www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/invisible-bruises/202210/do-abusers-understand-their-behavior-is-wrong
“accidental grooming” doesn’t exist because the actions are intentional, the abuser just might not be aware that they are grooming someone, but it’s not accidental
i think ppl who sexually groom ppl shouldn’t be forgiven due to my own personal beliefs
but im “more forgiving” to people who have emotionally groomed someone (example: an adult venting to a child constantly), still i think its wrong though, but not past redemption , its when it crosses into sexual stuff that i can’t forgive someone
i wouldn’t ever be friends with people like this though, i just wouldn’t feel comfortable being friends with anyone who has been an abuser in the past , but yaaa i hope that makes sense yyayy
@@shister06This kinda confuses me. You say accidental grooming isnt a thing but you're implying it is based on what you said because 'they don't realise it', my brain is fried
The adult and the child venting comment too is confusing. Didn't you say it could happen to anyone? Why specifically an adult to a child?-
Also, please take no as an answer if someone tells you no. Instead of being a creep.
The issues of why it even happens in the first place is the victim or person doesn't even say "no" or even the perpetrator just is really good at manipulating the victim.
It's not about consent, manipulators will do anything in their way to gain your trust.
True. I apologize if I came off on the wrong foot. I know people can either fight, flight, fawn, or freeze in response to a threat towards them.
I’m still a bit confused on how someone can groom another without intention. You said it yourself that grooming is manipulating a venerable person in order to prepare them to do something. But, in order to prepare someone for something wouldn’t that have to be intentional?
Grooming can happen in any direction (as pointed out in the video) and more people seriously need to realize that. Abuse too. Yeah, it is more _likely_ that it will be an older perpetrator and a younger victim, but it is _not_ the only direction abuse or grooming happens in. I speak as someone who has been in a few situations myself and can attest to that fact. And I can 100% agree that it is rarely cut-and-dry as to who is the victim and who is the perpetrator (ESPECIALLY when said perpetrator often displays themself as the "true" victim). Things are rarely ever that black and white. Cases where the grooming or abuse is more emotional than anything else are heavy evidence for that.
For example, excessive venting from one person and constant praise/encouragement from the other can be taken either way without other proof.
The one venting constantly is "clearly using them to get praise and to appear vulnerable to absolve themself of wrongdoing." Or, the one encouraging them is "obviously trying to make themself feel like a safe space and make the venter dependent on their support." So. Which one is it? They could both be wrong and trying to get something out of it. But this could also be someone who needs a lot of support and a friend who understands that need and is willing to supply it (which itself can become toxic). And this kind of dynamic can happen with just about _any_ age gap, in _either_ direction.
i agree with everything said, thanks for actually informing people
i finished the video. i agree with you (100% i will said lol). so, according to the video, groom isn't what i thought it be (again, due the language difference). good luck with your channel.
As a 18 yo becoming friends with people that are more than a year younger than you is so uncomfortable to be honest
To some people the age difference might sound normal bc it's just a number but, it's not only about the number but also the maturity
A 15 year old will act mature in a lot more childish way than for example a 17 year old who already has a somewhat well developed brain
GROOMING IS GENUINELY SO STUPID LIKE????
you could've worded that last sentence WAY better dude
@@UA-camRocks76 I'm having a stroke reading this
More so I just hate when people automatically think someone is grooming someone else just because of the fact they're friends with someone who is a year or two younger. No wonder the definition and what actual grooming looks like gets so scuffed when people pass the word around like a tub of fucking candy.
@be4tpulse and then when someone actually does get groomed there's always gonna be that "well you're 16 so you get part of the blame since you should've known better"
Like... wtf? The adult shouldn't be contacting the kid to begin with. It's that simple, none of this "well you're old enough to understand" shit. The victim is the victim groomer is the criminal who gets the blame.
.... ummm can family members be groomers?
yes!!!!!!! family members are one of the most common perpetrators of abuse / grooming ):
@ oh 😭
regarding 9:33 , it isn’t a bad thing to want to be a safe space for your friends right??? is there a difference between genuinely outwardly trying to be an understanding and trustworthy friend and using that as a setup to get closer to someone?
That is because it is a manipulation, not a good intention. They don't want a "safe" place, they want to manipulate it in order to abuse the victim later.
I have a question. if you lied about your age to a person and they groomed you is it your fault that happened? i was 10 and he was 13 but i said i was 12. not trying to vent im just confused :(
Even though he had no intention of grooming you and didn't know your age because you lied, I don't think both are his fault even though you lied your age, I also don't think it's your fault because you were a child at the time. But it is better to remember the mistakes and try to improve them you both.
Hello Shister
Semi-related, did you see the video quartelz released on their second channel about being a groomer? Would you be interested in covering that?
I dont think this is grooming but my friend who was a year and like a lot of months older than me invited me into a gc and it was funny for a while, i was very young at the time and like, was exposed to nsfw content so i was making many jokes, well someone who was like maybe 2 years older than me would say disgusting nsfw "jokes" to me and exposed me to weird content, i was still a kid and would laugh at it, but looking back at it now, i feel disgusted, he has apologized but i just need others opinions??
How will this affect holdfast servers
I like you, this is very true content and you are full on speaking facts.
I have to admit something though, and I still feel pretty guilty about...
When I saw your video that introduced yourself and stuff, I saw the pronouns and thought to myself "Another annoying creator with their they/them pronouns." But then I started to watch a few more of your videos, and I realized that your chill. Your also speaking out on common misconceptions about stuff and acknowledging that stuff like this or other violence can happen to everyone, no matter who it is. Just know that I am now subscribed to you and I fully support your channel and the things you do. Also your artwork is incredible.
hello, again! lol. so just to know if i understand right. so, a 50 years old can be groomed by a 18 to 20 years old? like, for what i understand in your video, grooming is about manipulative tactics to get sexual stuff from the person. according to that logic, a older person can get groomed by a young adult person? ( i really just trying to understand lolol sorry for my bad grammar XD still learning your language)
its a manipulation tactic in general not JUST sexual so technically yes its possible but its probably really rare
this video is very ironic considering what you said about the quartelz situation- not to be mean or anything, lawl
can u explain in detail wut u mean by that !!! and preferably in a simplified way im not good with big amounts of text yayayaya
also idk i get the impression that u think i support quartelz ): i don’t,
after seeing quartelz response video, it really rubbed me the wrong way, i don’t like her even more now, and i didn’t like her to begin with, she comes across as very manipulative but there’s not much proof to suggest grooming , so i didn’t feel comfortable labelling her as one
@@shister06ofc ofc! mostly, its the parts where you mention age gaps in grooming, how grooming is not inherently s3xual & how grooming is first and foremost a manipulation tactic.
i tbh cannot give you much more proof because most of it is currently being worked on in a video form by Khai (mel’s underage victim) which will release sometime on the 31st of october!
hopefully after the video comes out, things will become a lot more clear.
but yes, mel’s video was. not good! we’ll say that! i thought about maybe making my own video to debunk her lies and claims that she makes, but i don’t know if i should and i dont know if i can be bothered 😭
i also thought about making a response video to your section about me, because there were things you didn’t seem to understand or that needed clarification, but it would frankly be a waste of time. (/NOT MAD AT YOU, LOL. I’m just overall pretty annoyed with this situation and want to move on best i can, esp with goatcatto on my ass about it lawl)
it’s ok!! i understand it’s a very stressful situation, i’ll definitely be open to seeing khai’s video, it seems there’s definitely something iffy going on ): i just want to have enough proof before using that label
Ok... i didn´t see the video yet, like, youtube just show me your video and here i am, lol. probably because i'm watching videos about this drama. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut, even thought i didnt seen the video yet, i'm reading the comments sections. Maybe what i going to say sounds weird lol but you going to say adults can be grooming? that´s.... sounds weird for me, like, maybe because the word "groom" doesn´t exist in my native language, so, the only thing i can presume, is the word "groom" means something 'pdf' people do, but i think you will say that adult people can be groomed too (who sounds a little werid for me due my translation for that word) . i'll watch your video, but i hope, that the video isn't a Puritanism about adults or something
btw, sorry for the long text and my trash english lololol