Arlington's Kim O'Connell Goes Looking For Her Vietnamese Mother's Past -- and Finds Part of Herself
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- Опубліковано 26 вер 2017
- Arlington, Virginia writer Kim O'Connell discusses her unique family history as the daughter of an American serviceman father and a Vietnamese mother. After coming to the United States in the 1970s and settling in Maryland, Kim's mother, Huong, was intent on becoming Americanized and raising her children as Americans. As an adult, Kim has felt a pull to connect with her Vietnamese heritage, but that connection has been elusive.
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Her mom was so pretty when she was younger
Wrong dear, gorgeous
Absolutely gorgeous
Still beautiful.
So beautiful
Ana Matopea You think so? I have a look sort of like that but I look a bit more East Asian. Hey maybe I do not look so bad after all. 🤗
The mother was soooo pretty when she was younger and the daughter doesn't look half and half at all. I cannot imagine how sad and lonely she must have been when she lost custody of her child.
I think the Asian woman was mixed in the first place, perhaps from the French . You can't tell in the black and white photo, but when she's old she looks it. This might explained why her kids look full white.
@Al Person My son is half white half Filipino. He looks like he just stepped of the boat from England. There is no Asian in him what so ever.
A Seeds I do not think the mom is mixed at all. She looks full Asian. I think the dad’s genes were stronger and took over.
She looks 1/2 in her own wedding photo with her dad.
A Seeds - mate sometimes they just turn out to look like one or the other. many mixed asians just look plain asian. but who’s to say they can’t just look plain caucasian? I’m that example, and my mum is not mixed in the slightest. If she is it’s probably a mix of chinese.
I think in my country, cambodia (legit right next door to vietnam, no one really knows it) there’s a lot of mixed kids that turn out like me and her these days. many of them are pale. so vietnam being close, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the same
Ugh imagine growing up eating PB&Js when you could’ve been having those delicious spring rolls 😍😂
Right 😩
😂😂😂😂
Your mother did everything for you not to be rejected by Americans.
Your father should have taken care of her even after divorce
It shows thru their daughter how much respect the dad has for her. Apparently not much if she's clashing with her mother like that. Sad that she had to wait til her dad died to get close to her mother. She still sounds like she has a lot of unsettled underlying bitterness towards her mom.
Great video. Great people despite differences
@@lisajustme2788 /She doesn’t deserves her mother
I agree!
@@Ianbell72 me too!
Wow her mother was stunning in those wedding photos!
I’m glad for your mother. She has a very forgiving heart. She was absolutely selfless and, well, let’s hope after you watch this back and truly listen to your words that you may gain some of her humility and grace. Bless her. Cannot imagine how lonely it would be after moving to a new country and then losing your children. Bless her
your parents’s wedding picture is so beautiful
Surprising it took the death of her dad to realize she needed to amend her relationship with her mom. She should have understand her moms feelings and point of view much sooner
It is what it is. I'm already experiencing it. Life goes on.
The maturity to understand situations that happened to us when we were children often takes time and experience of life . Children see things from their point of view which is of course limited by their immaturity. And unless that point of view gets a good jolt it can sometimes be held on to . Most of us have recognized with regret things we didn’t realize our parents went through , or things we didn’t understand about our behaviour or theirs in our childhood . At that time too , her Mum May have been something of an embarrassment in the emotional chaos following that unpopular war .
agree
The judgement from you when you have a five minute clip is unreal.
@orionh3000 not at all, but I try not to make snap judgments, and I try to look below the surface . Being charitable is helpful when trying to see the facts of the matter , judgement puts a block in front of understanding.
Your mother is such a beautiful person and I think out of respect for your father she tried to assimilate herself and you children because she thought it would make it easier for the family .You are so blessed to still have her with you and her grandchildren can know her as a part of their lives.
Cherish your mother. There's nothing compares to a mother's love.
Not everyone had that kind of motherly love
Glad she has reconnected with her mom, before it was too late. Her mom is a beautiful soul...how she must have felt so alone after the kids decided they didn't want to go see her anymore...how much she must have cried over it. 😢
A mother's love never dies ❤ and it took the father to pass for her to seek her mother. And her mother is still a beautiful lady.
Poor mom. Raised her kids , lost custody of them then estranged by them.
Was thinking that too, why wait til your sad dies to find your mum and roots, "she is the only oarent I have left"
Not quite sure how I feel about the daughters motives, is it love that drove her? I'm not too sure!
@@footballskillstutorial2533 yeah I was kinda like 'huh?"
Poor mom are you serious? This is America women 99% of the time get the children you know this!!! For her to lose her children she either didn’t want the or she was proven unfit . Maybe she couldn’t keep her panties on and got caught. Her children were always fighting her when they were young so yea she wasn’t a great mother that’s a fact
@@robertray4428
She wasn't an American woman tho, she was a Vietnamese woman living in American. I'm not sure what the situation is/was but, in my opinion, something just seemed strange.
Football Skills & tutorial I agree and it felt like she only came back to her mom just because her dad passed away. What if he was still around? Would she ignore her mom?
You don’t explain why your father got custody of you and at such an early age. And not having contact with her after that , she must have really felt alone and sad. And maybe the courts didn’t she her fairly because she was VNese and there weren’t any other VNese to help her navigate the court system.
White vs Asian...
iishyxvietxboyii1 thats just your assumption you have no idea so you just look ignorant saying something like that.
I guarantee he took advantage of her citizenship
This guy was way out of her league. She was beautiful and ended up with some fat American with a double chin. Goes to show desperation for the green card can lead you to bad decisions 😩
Nick Shows Stuff I think that assumptions is quite reasonable when we consider attitudes toward Vietnamese people just after that war .
Her mom is beautiful and so is she...
beautiful story. Her son has a resemblance to his Vietnamese Grandma.
I am amerasian as well my father took us home to the US when I was 2 in 1970 i am so grateful for it as others were not as i have gotten almost 50 i really want to connect and learn everything about my heritage
God Bless You Abundantly
I had a crush on an Amerasian women in highschool and she was so beautiful. Eyes like mine and skin complexion was like an angel.
JoAnn Gray I do hope you get the chance. It’s so rich in history and culture. I am fortunate to have been born in Vietnam but emigrated to the U.S. at the age of 7. Old enough to have lots of memories from the land of my birth yet young enough to be quite impressionable to my new life in America. I’ve manage to keep a lot of our cultures while embracing new ones growing up here for the past 44 years. The deeper you peruse, the more fascinating it gets. Enjoy!
Go watch kyleledotnet UA-cam video. Hope you can find a part of yourself.
I would have never thought she was mixed she looks all white
The look is only part of it. Yes, physically she looks 99% white, but that could also be that her mother could be mixed with something. Vietnam had been under French colonial rule for 100 years before the Americans came. Before the French there were also Portuguese missionaries and traders. Different genes could be floating around. The Vietnamese written language itself was developed in collaboration with Portuguese and French missionaries. That is why it's the only written language using Latin alphabet.
However, the main thing is the culture you grow up in. I'm Vietnamese, and I had a co-worker who at first I thought is black, because there's not too much Asian features in her, but then she speaks Vietnamese just like I do. She's Amerasian but wasn't so lucky to have a father who brought her to the US, so she grew up in Vietnam . And then immediately I didn't see a black person anymore but a Vietnamese woman.
Mines looked white as kids, but as adults look more Viet. Love them either way.
@Lasna34 no he doesnt. Asian genes are usually phenotypically dominant ...just like when people are black and white...black genes are dominant. she is passing
@Lasna34 just love everybody no matter what they look like. We're all made in God's image
@@jonburrows2684 it depends on whether the child takes more genes from the father or mother.
Thank you for shared your story ,
it was touching my heart because of your parents and you and your brother are so lucky to have her now why I said that because some Amerasian babied war, they didn't have any luck like both of you have, because their parents left them behind or lost or abandoned them special American Soldier fathers, why I said because it was truth and because I am in the one of them, my father was an American Army in Longbinh and Bienhoa when he meet my mother she was 19 years old was a mailgirl and I was born in February 14th..... at that time my father left my mother I was 2 months old in Tet in time my mother was too young to raise me so she gave me up to a 25 years old woman who was a Housekeeper in Longbinh, she was raised me and she was changed my identities to Thuy and different birthday.........
In April 30, 1975 the adopted family moved to South Haugiang and I was starting Ist grade of school in 1977, every day the children was laughing at me and I had no friend, because I was looked different than them, my eyes was blue, my hair was curly brown and my skin white..
In 1982 my adopted mother died and I lived with my grandmother at that time I was quick go to school and went to worked at the fillrice and earn money to lived on and took care of my grandmother. .
Two years later in 1984 my grandmother was old and she was very sick in the hospital at time we didn't have enough money to pay the hospital and medical costs to go home so one day the wealthy family saw me very sad and cried in front of the hospital was bugging people for the money to pay grandmother hospital so at that time the wealthy family was paid for the hospital costs for my grandmother and we went home and a week later when I came home from work the fillrice I saw the wealthy family and my grandmother was taking about me have to leave the house and go live with them in Saigon, at that I was cried and I didn't wanted to go but my grandmother made me go because she said we own them a lot of money...
So I have to go to lived with the wealthy family for 4 months and 18 days and my grandmother died.
Day I went to private school for Vietnamese language and night time I was study English really heard but I didn't learned much because the sadness was always in my head it was hurting me
In May, 1998 me and the wealthy family flew the to America because I am an amerasian..........I am greatfull that I am in America now and I am thankful that I did the dnaAncestry. Com and I was found my father, but he death, it was sad that I didn't have a chance to get to know him but I am thankful for that I know my roof of my father's site now I am willing to go back to Vietnam to searching my birth Mother's site when the Covid -19 is over maybe next year or 2 I will ....
I hope you like my story,
Thank you !
By the way my English is not too good like you so if I said something wrong, please forgive me,
Thank you and God bless!
Did you find your mother dear??
@@muarose697 No I didn't, because I didn't have any information of my birth mother, I have been 2 times and my 2 adopted they are death in 1982 and in 1989.
I am un lucky one, but I never given up my pray !!
I remember my 1st adopted mother said, she was adopted me when I about 4 years old by a woman who worked in Long Binh Camp, she couldn't take care of me because she was only 18 years old at that time, ......
Anyway my English is not too good to explain to you but I hope you understand what I was try to said above..
May God bless you and your family, special your mom 👩 . .I also on Facebook name Diemmy Diemmy
if you want ket ban I will be happy to be friend with you,,
Thank you !
AİNDA NÃ0 FİZ C0MENTÁRİ0 da KİM
LEND0 PRİMEİR0 ESTA C0LUNA :
SUA HİSTÓRIA BEM DETALHADA ,
C0M0VEU , T0C0U ME ;
SUA J0RNADA DRAMÁTİCA e HERÓİCA
NESTA S0BREVİVÊNCİA , PENSEİ que ERA
VİVİD0 por ALGUÉM MASCULİN0 ;
P0R SUPERAD0 TANTAs DİFİCULDADEs
SÓ PERCEBİ , APÓS 0LHAR SUAs F0T0s .
SEU İNGLÊS É BEM ESCRİT0 .
NA TRADUÇÃ0 AUT0MÁTİCA ,
APARECE ALGUM ERR0 GRAMATİCAL :
PARA P0RTUGUÊS . EST0U EM BRAZİL
S0U 0RİENTAL de TAİWAN .
@@angelchild9375i cant find your face book account. I tried searched Diemmy Diemmy but its not your..😅
Your mom was such a pretty woman! I am glad that you were able to connect with her again and put bad feelings behind and share new experiences, make her a part of your family and that you embrace her culture as well, since it is your heritage too. Very happy for you!
You so lucky to have your mother, God bless to family !
She gave everything as a mother would.The rewards defy measurement.
Her mom was so happy to be there.
You are so lucky, you have a Wonderful mom!
Wow, what a “good “ daughter!!! It is only when her father passed then she realized she still had another parent!
Her Mother is always beautiful...🦋
That is a great story! She has a lot to be proud of and to be able to close that loop with her mother is precious.
I hope you have visited Vietnam with your mom. Please try if you haven’t, 🤗 🤗
I am a Vietnamese boat refugee. My family came to the US in the late 70's and everyone have become Americanized except for my parents. My dad worked odd jobs for many years and then moved back to Vietnam when he retired. My mom, like many Vietnamese went into the nail business. She was stricken by severe Parkinson when she got older and we weren't sure if it was from Agent Orange or from her years of doing nails. After she passed, I decided to rediscover my roots so I went back to VN to visit after 40+ years away and also to see my dad who I haven't seen for over 15 years. At that point, I told myself, I need to work my butt off for the next 10 years and retire early and move back to VN and travel throughout SE Asia. Hopefully I can make that happen. Now that I'm older, I'm proud of my experiences and roots. It wasn't always that way when I was growing up. Thank you for your story!
You'd better put the adventure on UA-cam
I hope you won’t move back to that trashy communist Viet Nam country. That’s the communist regime that forced you guys left that country yrs shot. A lot of old men returned to VN looking for young chicks to sleep with because easy young girls are everywhere in VN communist country, looking for old guys with some US dollars to support them and their poor family (very sad). I wonder if your dad found some young girl from the internet online and decided to move back left his wife here with you guy to take care. I would have a long talk with him. You had not seen your dad for 15 yrs tells me he must be a very BAD DAD. Divorce him!!!!
Zamri M. S : Yess that would be so interesting!
@@ptiaptia7347 Your comments are disgusting and so disrespectful!
It's actually pretty cheap over there
I like that the two of you have reconnected. It is not only good for both of you but for your children to get to know their grandmother. I agree with Sicilia's earlier comment that your mom was a very pretty when she was younger.
Thank you for being candid and not bringing excuses to the story...it just was what it was. I appreciate those kind of story telling.
You remind me the family that my family met in Reston, Va. back in 1975 when we just came to America. Thanks for posting your family story.
The world is small. I’m part of a couple Asian countries and one of them is Vietnam. Beautiful story. Love to see such great things out of the citizens of my country 🌻
I just feel sorry for your mom that it took your dad's death for you to really try to connect with her. She was incredibly beautiful and at least you're trying to be around her now. Her heart must have broken over not having you and your brother around.
That’s beautiful to your mother with her grandkids and your family,enjoy your Mother every moment
Omg your mom is so beautiful!
That’s why the neighbors were hating!
What a beautiful outcome together.
Beautiful wedding pic of your parent. You mom look amazing and so pretty . Wow
Being mixed myself, International marriages are not easy. Happy to see she now adores her mother. She should of never been abandoned like that. Fathers who marry women from abroad should know better...
Waw, beautiful woman🌺 when she was young and still now!
Love your Mother everyday that you wake up. You will only get that one. I applaud you for reaching out to her and bringing her back into your life. You will be rewarded with nothing but good days. You are doing the right thing. Regret can be a terrible thing to have on your conscious. Doing this you will have no regrets. This is coming from a woman whose Mother died when she was 9 years old. I know the void and the longing for my Mother's love it never goes away. Give her a hug for me. God Bless you and your Mother and may both of your days be long on this earth that our God gives to us.
i know this is late but i listen too a gentleman on a ham radio. he is scanning about 6000 pictures into his laptop. and the biggest regret he says he made is not asking his Mother and Father who the people in the pictures were. and not writing their names on the back. if you have not done that ask you mother who they are and write the names down. and this goes for all people out there who have old photos. you will not regret doing it for future generations. i can not do this now as both my parents are gone.
Your mother is gorgeous. Looked like a movie star!
No matter what is the motivation the daughter has, I am glad to see the conciliation between them now and hope she loves her for real. She shouldn’t distance from her mom at the first place though.
To begin with her father took advantage of her mother. She didn’t insisted on contact with mother. She was left all alone, abandoned in a foreign country. So sad, and still she’s forgiving and trying to connect with her family. You’ve a lot to make up to!
In my personal opinion, you are lucky to have time with your mom. Cherish those moments for they are precious. Thank you for sharing your story.
So so proud of her
so touching.
Very touching, a beautiful story
Beautiful daughter with beautiful heart!!! ❤
I have an egg roll tip for ya. If you want it to stay crispy. You have to stand the egg roll straight up after it is cooked so it won't get soggy. Never lay it flat down.
Great story!
Beautiful story and that food looks soooo good!
Big mistake no speaking your native language to your own kids.. I’m proud and happy that I lauded spoke mine to my daughter, Now she is bilingual and there’s nothing wrong with that ..
Ana Canales yes... I grew up with my grandpa speaking Vietnamese and Chinese to me. I also grew up with my mom speaking Korean to me and my grandma speaks Japanese and Vietnamese to me. I'm happy every time I speak the languages I grew up with 💕 oh and of course English
Unless you are Asian, or that particular family, you have no right to judge. You have no idea how hard it is growing up Asian in the Western society. Either we are not American enough, or not Asian enough... you can never satisfy people. Work on yourself and stop judging others.
Raymond Z Raymond Z darling it doesn’t matter if we are Asian, Africans-Americans or whatever. As immigrants we all have the same issues when we come to live in North America. and please don’t get me wrong because, without judging, my point was mainly to be proud of ourselves, our heritage, our culture, our roots including our language... Because If we don’t show pride, then nobody else will.
Who told you that I don’t know ?🤷🏻♀️ I do know and many times I had to learn the hard way and that’s exactly the reason why I taught my daughter to be proud of her culture and our ancestors because she is part of me and my family - does not matter where she goes or where she lives because she always gonna be part of us..
And believe me, Im not judging. I do respect others as I do respect myself and there’s not half and half! Always Love who you are!
it was a time when America didn't care for Vietnamese tbh we were at war with them so I understand parents that probably wanted to make their children more "Americanized" because they thought that was what was best at that time. They did it only out of care and wanting their children to have more opportunities and less prejudice and yes it's sad but America has been a rough place for certain groups of people in the past (and still is). You are right though it is very important to preserve cultures!
@@OpiumBride that is a really bizarre way to justify judgement of others. but whatever helps you sleep
Love you story and Best wishes for you family , God bless you
Thank u for sharing your story..from cebu, philippines
She only got interested in knowing her mom to fill the gap her father left when he died?🤷🏻♀️
Thats life, making mistakes and learn, I thik She is learning and embracing is heritage.
That's what I said. Ungrateful brat!!
yeah i bet it would have been a hard lesson if it were the other way around.
I can understand teenagers have more interested in friends and other things, not parents !
@@deegrant6426 That is extremely harsh , and unfair . With maturity comes understanding . How many times I have thought of my Mother and our family life back then , realizing how much she did for us , wishing she was here so I could apologize and talk with her . Now I know the depth and breadth of her , but not then .
My mom did the same only spoke English one of the biggest regrets but she held on to the Filipino culture
Beautiful family!!!!!!! And her mom was Beautiful!!!!!!!
The mother is a smart women, she probably went thru a lot coming to America, and always spoke English to her kids. Glad they are all good now
Lovely!
Everyone got a story, enjoyed listening to yours
The mom was so pretty when she was younger!
Your mom so pretty
Hi Kim, did you grow up in Missouri? When I was 12 years old in 1982, my family and I immigrated to the US and settled in Missouri. We got to know a family whose father was a US soldier and the mother was Vietnamese. The daughter was named Kim and and I forgot the little brother's name. I think it was John, may be. My family and I only lived in Missousi for four months and we left for California. Anyway, I hope you are that Kim who lived in Missouri.
Wish u guys reconnected 👍👍👍
Wonderful!
Beautiful story
I would be sooo mad. I would love to speak more than one language
You can always try to learn, I heard Rosetta Stone is good
Those egg rolls look yummy, your journey is special! Your parents are amazing. We can not imagine those times!
Beautiful mother.
What a story. Even with all that happened it's nice to see she had that time to get close to her mom. It would of been a even greater loss if it was the other way around. She had a already great relationship with her dad before he passed and now its nice she had the time to dive into getting to know her mom aya deeper level. Alot of people don't get this chace, I'm glad she got hers......
I love it when people makes backhand comments without realizing it. If someone says "oh your mom looks pretty back then". Is that a compliment? an insult? Or both?
@Tom Evers hey keyboard warrior bozo did i hit a nerve? Sorry(NOT). Tell you what. Tell all the ladies you know and say " you look pretty back then". Let's see if the ladies see it as a compliment.
@@baginehunter4ver645 I take it as both ways.Or it depends on the older person reading it. Someone may not like hearing/reading that while another my not be bothered at all by it. Somwonw who has ahed well may not be fazed, but someone who has lost their looks a lot may be insulted. It's best to say they were beautiful in that picture. Without saying an age.
Lol, v good question. Thanks for asking. I need to know as well.
She was beautiful when she was younger
Well done
God Bless Your Family
This is beautiful xxx
She doesn’t look half Viet at all 🧐
Her dad generic appearance stronger than her mom's
if you look closer yes she look mix Asian.
If you’re used to looking at hapas then you can tell. You get used to looking at them after a while.
Her brother seems to get most of mother’s dna.
Some Vietnamese are mixed during French colony. A lot of Vietnamese do have French ancestry.
Cha mẹ và ông bà là người Pháp. Tôi đoán vậy.
Cute little lady. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
this was nice is kinda made me cry though
Better late than never to get to respect Mum.
Been through Bien hoa many times on the way to Gia an were my sister in law lives . I lived in vietnam for 2 year 6 months .
Sadly cannot return due to the current situation.
Cheers from australia
I'm happy for you too. I'm half American too and I still didn't know where is my parents yet now I feel lot something in my life sad
she is very lucky indeed my mom passed away she is malaysian, I found my family in UK through fb the lost people in UK 7 years ago before my mom died 3 yrs ago
Her mother is a beautiful woman inside and out.
Yes I can see her mom through her she has a lot of happiness about her and so does her mom she's exactly a clone of her mom everyone
Wow she was beautiful!!
Love.
I didnt her blame her mom for americanized her children. Becos all parents wants the best for their children. When grew up lacking parents usually try to make up for it. My mom and her siblings didnt pass down their dialects to us and i kinda regret i don hv it.
The daughter doesn’t have a slightest hint look of half Asian. Love love ❤ the mother wedding dress .. she was sooooooo beautiful
Wow, so cool
my kids are mixed.. Eurasian.. they love eggrolls.. and asian food.. aside from meat and potatoes😂😂. they still want to speak tagalog.. aside. feom english german french.. and austrian dialect... 👍. bless your family
Proud to be human no what ever you both native proud of it the only thing is not treat bad ly in world
Her mum is sooo beautiful!
Many of you are more focused on her looks rather than on her story. Did you not just hear her say in the video how she feels half and half and wanting to feel whole? Do you not understand what she meant by that? Making statements saying she doesn't look this or she looks too much of that is just invalidating part of her identity and it's actually really offensive. It's also quite unnecessary. As a mixed-race person myself, I can relate to that struggle. Think before you want to tell someone they're not enough of this or not enough of that. Statements like that can make someone feel less of who they are and it's not uncommon to go through life hearing different people tell you similar things. It's a complex issue that I'm sure many people with diverse backgrounds face. Anyway, they're beautiful people with a touching story.
Well said, Andrea!
I lived in Bien Hoa too. Between Bien Hoa's airport and LongBinh military camp
her mom reminds me of my grandma shes a filipina, my mom is also half american but on the opposite we were cut off from american side of the family because my grandpa disappeared during the war.
Those spring rolls tho!!!! looks so good!!
Beautiful
Does Grandma speak Vietnamese to the grandchildren? 🤗
Her mother was beautiful when she was younger but a lot of these Vietnamese women were love the video
I'm trying to make sense of what you wrote, but I couldn't make out the 2nd part. Please re-phrase.
Son read my txt again it’s easy to understand
@@laneyspangle4474 "...were love the video": How to understand that ?
Son that's what I'm wondering too... What do you mean by "... We're love the video." Please fix that... I think you need to put a comma between "...were, love the video." But that messes up the first part
The wisdom that comes from life experience adds to the beauty. We just have to look for it.
Yes beautiful Vietnam lady