I appreciate your vulnerability, Steph Anya. In the words of professor, Brene Brown, "Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It's having the courage to show up when you can't control the outcome."
I'm early! Thank you for your content. I suddenly found myself on the receiving end of estrangement due to reasons outside my control back in 2018. It was devastating, but upon reflection I can see the relationship had a lot more issues than I first realized and my role in that. Peace and healing can happen, even when loving people from a distance. I still believe that families can grow and heal through communication of needs and wants with the caveat that both people are capable of changing.
Thank you so much for this video Steph. It's so weird how sometimes when you think you (and your family) are going through such difficult and testing times in your relationship, you are fo caught up in the tension that you don't realise that so many people may be going through the same thing and how having these conversations (especially coming from professionals like you) can really be the key to doing something about it and starting that journey towards healing tension. 🙏🙏
Literally on week one of my second course of Grad school at NCU. My boyfriend stumbled on your page and told me to watch your videos, to grasp what MFT really is before my first course back in June. I admit, I didn't start watching you until two weeks ago . Though after watching one video, I said to myself " heyy this is the lady that babe pulled up in the beginning lol". Anyway, your videos are AWESOME and your transparency in this video is not only appreciated but assures me that I have indeed picked the right degree to pursue my Masters. I am truly excited for my journey to become an MFT and just know you and your videos are extremely inspiring. By the way I got a wonderful A for that first course. Keep these videos coming Queen , and or I won't hesitate to request some down the line when needed❤
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. You are very inspiring - as a therapist, and also as a human being. I have been learning a lot from your videos. I really hope to have the opportunity to apply the knowledge as a therapist (I'm in training, but not having professional experience in the area puts me down). Well done, Steph.
I really appreciate this comment, Cristina. If you find value in this type of content before even seeing clients, I’m pretty sure that you’re in the right field ♥️
I love how subtly you have put these tips together. Silently, as a family, all of us are going through something in silo, and many past hurts are unresolved and with that, today the family connection is getting loose day-by-day. I'm the eldest in my family, and I am willing work this with my family, and truly want to support each other as much as we can, without crossing personal boundaries.
Thank you for the insights not only into your knowledge but also into your private thoughts and feelings. I'm just starting out as a systemic therapist in Germany, working with people (family members, friends, partners) who take care of a loved one with a mental illness. And a lot of this is actually repairing relationships and guiding them to a place where they feel valid and seen again (both sides). So your channel is a great inspiration for my work :)
See I usually use your tip about journaling it’s something a previous therapist of mine had told me to do when I felt triggered by something that caused me to breakdown emotionally. But when it came time to confront my parents due to a situation of circumstance and I read them the journal and the question. Like normal they immediately negate my feelings and make me feel less than and like my feelings are all lies and not something I’m actually feel but rather scenarios I made up in my head dramatized. It’s been like this all my life from a young child so it has been hard for me to learn whether my feelings are real or not or even what I am truly feeling sometimes. I never know how to go about talking with my parents because part of me knows they love me but I almost feel as if it has come to point where the hurt has damaged too much and the relationship can never be fixed. And my parents have even said it as well and they don’t think our relationship can ever be fixed so they’d rather focus fixing things with my younger siblings rather than me.
How I feel right now in my family is that we don’t talk , and everyone is broken and going through there things I just am scared to approach the situation and bring a solution to the whole thing everyone knows the tension and feels it but no one’s doing anything about it, my uncle is doing meth now, my mom is struggling with self discipline, my grandma I have no clue , my dad is addicted to maraijuana I just need help, idk how bad it is by me just avoiding the whole situation at hand and acting like it’s normal when it’s not . Searching for the answer .
What advice or guidance do you have for those estranged from one member of the family? I am estranged from my older sister due to her narcissistic abusive behavior, it makes it difficult to interact with other family members such as my brother or nieces. Due to the estrangement and the control my sister has over everyone, I am shunned by them.
Not until we break up .he said eveyrthing he didn't like or the problems he sees between us in a less harmful , kind and rational way . All these times he was either communicating thru anger (not yelling but blaming ) or pulling long face . When he did it . My ears shuts and only thing I can think of is --- why are u talking to me like that. Why can't u talk to me as it is .. I then shifted and almost ignored what he said base on the way he talked to me or showed me his face. I finally felt I was the selfish one didn't take care of him . And I wondered why I was less willing to go see him and I visit friends . It haunted me Everytime I see picture of my friends show in the "memory of today" I felt I would have the time to be with him but I didn't . I have been feeling very upset . Once this guy really love me . I can feel it with all his heart . The problem we have is I wish he would find a job that he loves then we start making plans . To move to a place . That was the idea in my mind . We were in long distance to relationship. My heart is so broken to know all that stuff he said . And that he didn't feel love I felt I would have done something earlier. So this relationship can be saved .
Salvageable relationships tips: - 1. Write question for x person, do you agree? 2. Become accountable, how have I hurt you, and how can I fix it? 3. Make a list of negative memories that support your feelings? 4. A list of things you appreciate about them
Still dealing with my brother who is a narcissist & has anger issues. He seems to come around sometimes and be reasonable but then goes back to being toxic. It’s a stuff le for real especially since I have a bit heart but I’m thinking the best at this point is distance
What if you've tried to have that conversation in the past but it always goes wrong because the person won't accept criticism or admit they've done anything wrong? I just wrote out my list and it ended up being 2 and a half pages long!
You may have answered this in a previous video but I haven't spotted it so far. How would you suggest bringing up the idea of going to family therapy without coming across as judgemental or mean if others in your family don't feel like it's necessary or don't see a problem?
The idea of having a conversation like this with the person in question is quite scary to me. These kind of conversations are easier for me with people who aren’t family. I’m not sure why
I appreciate your vulnerability, Steph Anya. In the words of professor, Brene Brown, "Vulnerability is not winning or losing. It's having the courage to show up when you can't control the outcome."
Love that quote ♥️ Thank you
Same that my best friend and family hurts my feelings
Yess it’s because With my uncle Victor he must hurt feelings not talking about Enedia like she my best friend like what the fuck is that
Ii hyou Yummyi
Glad that you are able to apply your own advice to clients in your own life. Having tough conversations is not easy. Great video!
Being a therapist has enriched my life in so many ways. Thank you!
I'm early! Thank you for your content. I suddenly found myself on the receiving end of estrangement due to reasons outside my control back in 2018. It was devastating, but upon reflection I can see the relationship had a lot more issues than I first realized and my role in that. Peace and healing can happen, even when loving people from a distance. I still believe that families can grow and heal through communication of needs and wants with the caveat that both people are capable of changing.
Love your willingness to see your role. I agree with you completely.
Something that's really been on my mind lately. Trying to mend and rebuild relationships can be hard and stressful. Thank you for sharing.🙏🏽🙏🏽
Absolutely, and once it’s addressed it can be so rewardingly ♥️
I personally don’t have access to see a therapist but watching your videos really help, thank you!
Thank you so much for this video Steph. It's so weird how sometimes when you think you (and your family) are going through such difficult and testing times in your relationship, you are fo caught up in the tension that you don't realise that so many people may be going through the same thing and how having these conversations (especially coming from professionals like you) can really be the key to doing something about it and starting that journey towards healing tension. 🙏🙏
Yes, it can be so isolating! I’m hoping to use this video to normalize this experience so thanks for this comment ♥️
Literally on week one of my second course of Grad school at NCU. My boyfriend stumbled on your page and told me to watch your videos, to grasp what MFT really is before my first course back in June. I admit, I didn't start watching you until two weeks ago . Though after watching one video, I said to myself " heyy this is the lady that babe pulled up in the beginning lol". Anyway, your videos are AWESOME and your transparency in this video is not only appreciated but assures me that I have indeed picked the right degree to pursue my Masters. I am truly excited for my journey to become an MFT and just know you and your videos are extremely inspiring. By the way I got a wonderful A for that first course. Keep these videos coming Queen , and or I won't hesitate to request some down the line when needed❤
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. You are very inspiring - as a therapist, and also as a human being. I have been learning a lot from your videos. I really hope to have the opportunity to apply the knowledge as a therapist (I'm in training, but not having professional experience in the area puts me down). Well done, Steph.
I really appreciate this comment, Cristina. If you find value in this type of content before even seeing clients, I’m pretty sure that you’re in the right field ♥️
I love how subtly you have put these tips together. Silently, as a family, all of us are going through something in silo, and many past hurts are unresolved and with that, today the family connection is getting loose day-by-day. I'm the eldest in my family, and I am willing work this with my family, and truly want to support each other as much as we can, without crossing personal boundaries.
Thank you for the insights not only into your knowledge but also into your private thoughts and feelings. I'm just starting out as a systemic therapist in Germany, working with people (family members, friends, partners) who take care of a loved one with a mental illness. And a lot of this is actually repairing relationships and guiding them to a place where they feel valid and seen again (both sides). So your channel is a great inspiration for my work :)
See I usually use your tip about journaling it’s something a previous therapist of mine had told me to do when I felt triggered by something that caused me to breakdown emotionally. But when it came time to confront my parents due to a situation of circumstance and I read them the journal and the question. Like normal they immediately negate my feelings and make me feel less than and like my feelings are all lies and not something I’m actually feel but rather scenarios I made up in my head dramatized. It’s been like this all my life from a young child so it has been hard for me to learn whether my feelings are real or not or even what I am truly feeling sometimes. I never know how to go about talking with my parents because part of me knows they love me but I almost feel as if it has come to point where the hurt has damaged too much and the relationship can never be fixed. And my parents have even said it as well and they don’t think our relationship can ever be fixed so they’d rather focus fixing things with my younger siblings rather than me.
I needed this video. Thank you so much!
How I feel right now in my family is that we don’t talk , and everyone is broken and going through there things I just am scared to approach the situation and bring a solution to the whole thing everyone knows the tension and feels it but no one’s doing anything about it, my uncle is doing meth now, my mom is struggling with self discipline, my grandma I have no clue , my dad is addicted to maraijuana I just need help, idk how bad it is by me just avoiding the whole situation at hand and acting like it’s normal when it’s not . Searching for the answer .
I have that same journal... 😳 And this is exactly the thing I have been struggling with. A relationship with lots of love, but hurts...
I just found your channel and I love your intro 😄
Thank you ♥️
Thank you 🙏🏾
Great content.
Hi Doug! Thank you ♥️
What advice or guidance do you have for those estranged from one member of the family? I am estranged from my older sister due to her narcissistic abusive behavior, it makes it difficult to interact with other family members such as my brother or nieces. Due to the estrangement and the control my sister has over everyone, I am shunned by them.
Please make one about in laws
Not until we break up .he said eveyrthing he didn't like or the problems he sees between us in a less harmful , kind and rational way . All these times he was either communicating thru anger (not yelling but blaming ) or pulling long face . When he did it . My ears shuts and only thing I can think of is --- why are u talking to me like that. Why can't u talk to me as it is .. I then shifted and almost ignored what he said base on the way he talked to me or showed me his face. I finally felt I was the selfish one didn't take care of him . And I wondered why I was less willing to go see him and I visit friends . It haunted me Everytime I see picture of my friends show in the "memory of today" I felt I would have the time to be with him but I didn't . I have been feeling very upset . Once this guy really love me . I can feel it with all his heart . The problem we have is I wish he would find a job that he loves then we start making plans . To move to a place . That was the idea in my mind .
We were in long distance to relationship. My heart is so broken to know all that stuff he said . And that he didn't feel love I felt I would have done something earlier. So this relationship can be saved .
Salvageable relationships tips:
-
1. Write question for x person, do you agree?
2. Become accountable, how have I hurt you, and how can I fix it?
3. Make a list of negative memories that support your feelings?
4. A list of things you appreciate about them
I love your videos! I am currently in Grad school. I was wondering if you would make a video about working with Remarriage?
Still dealing with my brother who is a narcissist & has anger issues. He seems to come around sometimes and be reasonable but then goes back to being toxic. It’s a stuff le for real especially since I have a bit heart but I’m thinking the best at this point is distance
What if you've tried to have that conversation in the past but it always goes wrong because the person won't accept criticism or admit they've done anything wrong? I just wrote out my list and it ended up being 2 and a half pages long!
👍🏼❤
That happened to for me with my best friend it’s hurting my feelings
You may have answered this in a previous video but I haven't spotted it so far.
How would you suggest bringing up the idea of going to family therapy without coming across as judgemental or mean if others in your family don't feel like it's necessary or don't see a problem?
I’n an amft too! Any advice how did you learn& grow as a therapist?
Hi I was thinking of pursuing this career but after you get your master's degree and then go on to 2000-3000 hours are you getting paid ?
The idea of having a conversation like this with the person in question is quite scary to me. These kind of conversations are easier for me with people who aren’t family. I’m not sure why