Sorry about the reupload, boys! The original video had a weird exporting error that I did not initially catch! So, it's now been fixed and shouldn't flash bang anyone or accidentally cause a seizure, god forbid!
Ah yes the bisexual to asexuality pipeline. Honestly i really appreciate the way you described everything around asexuality. You described it really well and congratulations on finding a label you connect with. :)
Thank you for re-uploading my friend who has epilepsy who watches your channel semi freaked out about the flashing and thats why I commented haha, thank you
I'm ace, trans-masc, and non-binary. The amount of questions that I've gotten about my personal life and anatomy is really weird. I don't think that some folks understand that we are just people. That said, I genuinely don't mind teaching anyone who is confused about what it means to be queer. A lot of people sincerely want to learn, but the amount of stereotyping and false rhetoric I have to first try to undo is really sad. I've had quite a few older people approach and talk to me, because they were really wanting to understand what any of those aspects of myself are, so that they can be more respectful and welcoming to the queer community. Nearly every one of those people I talked to were afraid to ask anything because they didn't want to upset anyone for "saying the wrong thing." I love it when those people ask because breaking those barriers and communicating makes things more comfortable for them, and safer for people like me. Every one of those people who talks is another little victory. Videos which explains this stuff in easier to grasp terms (love the food analogy) have a lot of potential to help us all understand each other as a societal whole. Thank you for sharing this.
Im asexual, i dont like the idea of ME having sex (it actually makes me really uncomfortable) but others having sex deosnt bother me. And because the idea of being sexual with someone else makes me so uncomfortable i dont mind my partner having other parners that can fill that need for them (im also poly so fun fun). I'm very upfront about this, im confortable enough in myself to let others know and i feel like its important for others that may be interested in me.
Why does this explain my struggle in sexuality so well? I may not be graysexual but I've never felt true sexual attraction before, very least not strongly! I think I'm interested in non-platonic relationships but I think I'm a "flavor" of aroace! I don't care about having romantic attraction either, funny enough Alastor helped me out too!
As a Demi-Sexual person (someone who only experiences sexual attraction after having a deep emotional connection someone) i completely get where you're coming from and how confusing figuring this all out must have been.
Im asexual, bi, and recently found out im fictosexual, which mean Attracted to fictional characters. I also might be on the aro Spectrum but i don't know because of a bad relationship i was in. It's Honestly a Journey to Figure out oneself. Im Glad You found your.
I’m glad you were able to figure it out! I am aroace and I dislike anything to do with real people I do like fictional characters though but I do experience the acesthetic attraction to people I’m still not quite sure what scale of Aro I am I’m still figuring that out but I am glad you are able to find yourself! It’s always nice to be able to! Also can’t forget this 🍎🍴
As a demi-panromantic I'm still trying to figure out my asexuality myself. It's certainly a journey and I'm glad you managed to figure it out! Before I knew I was on the ace spectrum I thought it was a pretty simple, but oh boy when I looked into it there was so much to it. I'm a survivor of SA and am sex-repulsed but I can get aroused by certain kinks and have fantasies. For example I will imagine being dominated and it gets me going but the idea of doing sexual acts with anyone and even to myself is disgusting to me. Also I never looked at a person and thought about sleeping with them unless it's a fictional character and even then the idea of actually doing it is still gross to me, but I can admire a person's beauty. Anyways, happy pride month y'all!
I'm also greysexual. I will experience sexual attraction on very uncommon and specific occasions but most of the time my sexual thoughts are way more about kinks and faceless partners. Being intimate with other people can be fun but I generally need something other than attraction or sensations to get me going I'm also questioning whether I've even really had romantic feelings for past partners or if its more just platonic love combined with them being my favourite person. Like though I enjoy the kisses and romantic conversations it always felt like the way others described romance was different to what I experienced and I've always just kinda went along with what other people wanted
Congrats on finding a label!! Also the art in the bg is absolutely gorgeous, this is such a strange thing to focus on I feel like but the musculature looks so good, especially in the arms, sheeeeesh
omg ive been having a sexuality crisis for months trying to figure out where i am on the ace spectrum and your experiences are almost exactly like mine! ty for sharing this video :3
holy shit this was so relatable to me, I've always been someone who while i dont seek out sexual or romantic relationships i seek out sensual relationships (specifically with adults that are significantly older than me) ever since i was like 9 Ish years old, to the point where by the time i was 12 i had a track record of dating around 8-12 people because of my need to be liked/be close to someone in a way that is sensual. i can't even say im mad at the people who dated me in the past since many of them were my first examples of how affection doesn't have to be violent or invasive compared to how people in my life treated affection.
I really get the "im aroace but h0rny asf", because dude I'm just like that and I tought that was just me (I'm aroace too, I realized like almost a year ago)
the confusion aspect is so real. i knew from my early adolescence that i’m not allosexual and even questioned if i was demisexual (i am)! i also realized i never really cared for romance, especially cishet romance, and deemed myself aroace. however, i felt super unhappy with that. i DO want a romantic relationship and potentially a sexual relationship. it’s just that i NEED a strong, close emotional connection with someone to even experience that in the first place! i’ve also always known i liked girls but it wasn’t until i developed romantic and sexual feelings for my best friend (who identified as a girl at the time) that i liked girls in THAT way. i’d played around with different combinations of aroace and lesbian identities before landing on demiaroace lesbian! i feel that reflects my experience the most accurately and gives me peace of mind that i can respect my aromanticism and asexuality while desiring potential romantic and sexual relationships with other women. sorry for the yap session 😅 i’m just glad more people are talking about aromanticism and asexuality since, like you said, it gets ignored even in queer spaces! i’m happy that you found out you’re aro-greyace and feel more comfortable with yourself now ^_^ !
congrats on figuring your stuff out! ^^ this does actually make me wanna look into greysexual a bit, mainly because i *might* be one of those people that confuses their own libido for sexual attraction? i know the romantic attraction is there, though i don't think i've ever thought that deeply about libido v attraction until now
It was cool to learn about all the different defionitions, especially the difference between libido and s3x*a1 attraction. Thank you for the information and perspective! Also I think your art looks really good, I liked seeing the process on how you did it.
First video! Welcome to the club fello aroace. I figured out I was a romance and sex repulsed aroace a few years ago, and ever since then, its been confirmed time and time again. Like, recently I had romantic attraction described to me and realised I've never felt that and it doesn't appeal to me. I've also noticed having the words for it really boosted my confidence and I'm able to make friends of all genders much easier. As for my gender, I don't have a label for it but I'm somewhere on the gender non-conforming side of things. As for my experience for being aroace, I grew up not really having 'crushes' and never had the desire to look for a relationship. Any time I thought I did, it was just me hyper-fixating on someone but not in a romantic or sexual way. When people did confess or want a relationship, I felt repulsion and dread that made me want to avoid them, even if they were my friend and nothing changed about them. I don't even feel aesthetic attraction or attraction towards fictional characters. To this day, it puzzles me what people find attractive about physical traits. The rabbit hole of research for this term began from a friend joking about their OC DX So yeah, the coolest club of the bunch 😎 plenty of room and plenty of garlic bread
OH MY GOOOOOOOOD. /POS OKAY OKAY. SO THIS VIDEO MADE ME REALISE MY EXPERIENCE IS SOMEWHAT SIMILAR AND I WAS PROBABLY RIGHT ABOUT THINKING I WAS GREYACE. So like. The BPD thing and confusing aesthetic/strong platonic attraction for romantic/sexual attraction. Prior to me dating my girlfriend, everyone I’ve ever dated I became too obsessed with, to the point of limerence, and I just assumed that’s how romantic attraction is. I would do a lot of things just to get their approval because I didn’t want them to leave me, and that included sexual situations I wasn’t comfortable with. When I would try to set boundaries I would find that I would often get pushed and pressured into doing things regardless. I also just dated people I wasn’t attracted to because I was legit in denial about my sexuality. I kinda just dated anyone I really liked even if not feeling attraction for them and usually they liked me back so I was like eh. Why not. Also uh. I’d get confused sexuality wise because I’d consider myself homosexual on top of the greyace part but I have an extremely high libido and also my sexual interests are very specific and range from vanilla to literal freak behaviour. I really like sex but I can go without it if that’s what my girlfriend wants but I’ve never actually clicked with someone romantically and sexually until I met her like and she’s not even my FP and yet I feel both SEXUALLY AND AESTHETICALLY ATTRACTED TO HER. I’m ngl maybe this is mean but I’ve never felt attracted to past partners not even aesthetically. It was really more like having a good friend who I got too attached to and felt like a creep over. Now it’s more like. “I wanna crawl into her skin (with sexual intent)” and not “I wanna craw into her skin (with obsessive and deranged intent)” which is how I felt before I met her. And she’s a lot like me and we have the same specific interests sexually so it tracks.
I already knew I was certainly on the asexual spectrum, but before I transitioned (mtf) my sexual outlets of just... weird fucked up types of porn (deranged, as you elegantly put it) and the idea of looking at scenarios and not people is literally mind blowing for me. Like that's a part of myself that I've purposefully repressed over the years because of a combination of shame at feeling turned on by weird shit and then burying that side of me because it "wasn't normal" and trying to conform to societal ideals of attraction (which I attempted to achieve by entirely stopping my use of porn, which while on one hand does make me feel more intimately aware of my own body, just made it hard to actually feel any sense of pleasure). I'm definitely going to try and embrace my weird fucked up self more because of this illuminating video. Thanks for speaking so honestly on this
i’ve always been confused about my sexuality (or lack there of) and what exactly was up with it. i’ve always felt somewhat of a romantic attraction towards some specific people in my life, but even so with any of them being of a huge attraction to me i was always disgusted at the idea of having any sexual relationship with them. it confused the hell out of me. i’ve been identifying as ace recently, but even so i still get hella confused because im not a cut and dry example of an asexual. i don’t think anybody really is. i fall somewhere between disgust of the idea of it with real people and myself, and being okay with it and somewhat liking it with fictional characters having nothing to do with me. i honestly feel like i’m somewhere in the spectrum of grey sexuality as well, i can’t say for sure since im not well read enough from this video to say so, but im glad that content like this exists and furthermore glad you’re able to talk about it freely. everyone should be able to have access to information that would helps tremendously with finding themselves. i can’t say im done searching, but this video in particular is a nice and well read one. openness is honestly hard to come by on youtube. also love the art! looks super cute and clean
you are the first ever person online who ive seen have the same experiences as me when it comes to being ace, i thought that i must be omni and just very picky when it comes to sex cuz i i always found myself wanting it, but whenever things got serious i would panic and bail. this video makes me super happy to know that im not alone in this
bro same, i'm aegosexual and i thought i was allosexual because i found people aesthetically pleasing or experienced sensual attraction, and i liked the idea of sex if it wasn't me and another person. only recently found out i can't call that sexual attraction.
As someone who mistook sensual attraction for sexual attraction for a long time, I feel called out by 12:21. XD I thought wanting to hug someone was sexual attraction, especially if it were strangers. Turns out they just look nice and pretty so I want to hug them in an innocent manner. XD
I'm demisexual but I feel sort of ashamed considering I barely get romantic crushes and it's overall difficult for me to feel that romantic attraction... I initially though I was demiromantic however I have felt romantic attraction to people outside of having a close emotional bond with them. I think it's due to the environment I grow up in considering everyone here don't have the friendliest personalities (to put it lightly)
I've identified as demisexual and demiromantic for a long time, which are under the greyaro/greyace umbrellas. Being demi means I've never been, and could not imagine myself being, romantically or sexually attracted to anyone I didn't already know for a long time. Previously it took me several months to a year of getting to know someone platonically and gaining strong trust in them before any romantic or sexual feelings could develop, or before I'd even consider the possibility that they could, but recently I started falling for a friend I'd only known for 3 months and as far as i know that's my record. Now that I think about it it might have taken less time when I was a kid like in primary (elementary) school, but that doesnt change the fact that I've consistently only ever considered people that way who I feel like I can trust. And apparently most people can sometimes just. Feel things. For someone they just met????? nah dawg. Anyway I've also experienced squishes which are like the platonic equivalent of a crush. Like when I really enjoy a friend's company more than my other friends and i think about them a lot and get really happy when they talk to me, but without the desire to cuddle and kiss them and stare in their eyes and all that stuff that I feel when I'm romantically attracted to someone. Also I don't agree with the hollywood movie definition of romance. I don't think "grand romantic gestures" and gifts and flowers and stuff should define romance, because I know I feel romantic attraction but if my hypothetical boyfriend gave me flowers or jewellery I would feel hurt. Like that would mean he either doesn't know me well enough or he didn't listen to me or take me seriously when I say I don't like being given such useless things. I'd highly prefer just spending time with him alone together just hanging out and talking and cuddling, or if he insists on a gift, get me some food I've said I like. Flowers are a waste of space and money, but buy me a strawberry pastry from my favourite bakery and I'll actually feel appreciated. But even that gift doesn't feel inherently romantic in nature. I'd feel the same way if a friend or family member bought me that pastry. Just happy, not attached to my attraction or lack thereof to the person. So the hollywood movie romance idea that romance HAS TO involve gifts and a whirlwind of lovebombing is some bullshit that pisses me off for making no sense and often glorifying/romanticising extremely toxic relationships.... I'm not even aro and I think that. Also people talk about "butterflies fluttering in your stomach" and im like ???? I feel something when i think about the person i'm attracted to but it's not that!! it's not fluttering it's like an exciting spark kinda feeling and it's not even in my stomach it's in my chest! I've also heard someone say that butterflies feels like nervousness and again im like no???? like I know the nervous fluttery stomach feeling but I don't feel that about people i'm attracted to 😭 i feel that when i'm terrified to the point of shaking, my dude! y'all are feeling nervous around your crushes?? y'all are having crushes on people you don't trust or feel comfortable around?? y'all's crushes aren't your friends who give you a sense of safety and ease and happiness and the trust that they won't blow up at you over saying something slightly wrong?? sweaty no.... but apparently my demi ass is the odd one out and that makes me concerned for people's safety haha Oh yea and usually the venn diagram of "people im romantically attracted to" and "people im sexually attracted to" is a circle, with the only discrepancy being that the romantic attraction grows in long before the sexual one does. But in recent years I've had weird feelings for at least 2 different people that have felt like "I don't particularly wanna date this person or be emotionally intimate with them but if they wanted to make out I totally would" and this is scary and new for me. In both those cases I wasn't close with the guys but found them attractive in more than just an aesthetic way and felt this weird new feeling of "i would if he offered but im not craving it" that later turned into craving it but still not wanting to be anything committed. Both guys were someone I know I'm incompatible with personality wise, but I still found them hot somehow, which scares me because huh???? this is the closest i've ever come to understanding the feeling of being attracted to someone you don't like as a person. both guys are reasonably likeable, but guy 2 and i had an argument that made me uncomfortable for a while but the feelings I had already developed weren't fully eradicated and gradually came back in full force several weeks later. i know we have very incompatible personalities so i don't really want any romantic relationship with him.... but damn if he isn't hot af (in an unconventional way that basic straight girls would probably laugh at me for ☹). idk whether this change in my attractions is because im just affection starved from not having been in a non-platonic relationship since literally 10 years ago, but yea. that stuff do be fluid sometimes.
After watching this video i have to come to the realization that i am more than likely also greysexual (a lot of what u talked about in this video resonated a lot with me :3 thx for making this)
THANK YOU for explaining it so well!! 🩷🩷 I've been identifying as a greysexual polyromantic for years now and I totally relate that the greysexual umbrella is extremely hard to understand and explain to others. I gave up myself on trying to explain it to others and I just tell them that I'm asexual and that I'm not sexually attracted to others, period. (Even tho I do feel sexual attraction to other people, it's just that it's very infrequent and specific).
This could not have come in my recommended vids at a better time. I literally just ended a relationship I had with a partner because I very well may be on the grayromantic spectrum in some way. I've always had romantic interest, or at least an interest in the idea of a romantic long term relationship. But in practice, in those relationships I've had a lot of difficulty keeping an interest in it, being willing to engage in more intense romantic acts, finding myself eventually somewhat repulsed by words of affection or the idea of saying those words back, etc. I'm honestly still incredibly confused about it, but this video has at least kinda watered the seed that'd already been in the back of my mind that maybe I need to do something about looking into this further. Hope to figure myself out more!
Honestly this is kinda validating to hear. Lately I've been experiencing intense celebrity crushes for the first time and having both sensual and emotional attraction to them while having a high libido made me second guess my Asexual identity for a moment but I never stoped believing I'm asexual because no matter how much I have horny fantasies, I cannot look at someone and feel sexual attraction lol
I figured out gray-aceness sometime in my late 20's, I'm getting close to 40 now. I had to recall "when I did I figure that out" and it was nearly the same story as this video: Thought "I should do dating apps", then found myself getting bored with the process very quickly and bailing, multiple times. When actual situations came up I got flustered and tried to get away from them. Finally I looked online for an answer and immediately learned of asexuality. Then further confirmed by the handful of times when I realized I *did* experience desire and didn't know what to do with that either! But it seems to be mutual with some of the people I feel closest to, it's the "we're too embarrassed to make any progress with this relationship" trope. For a while I would use Io from *Acchi Kochi* as a PFP since the joke is that he's totally oblivious and then says lady-killer romantic things unawares. Ace identities have a fair bit of variation to them but I think the gray/demi zone might actually be one of the most common.
I won't bother sharing my whole story, as I'm just a boring elder millennial who grew up in a family who knew/taught nothing about the LGBTQIA community (other than they were evil sinners) & so I didn't start questioning my "overt shyness" until I was about 20-21, then I just settled on BI (ACE wasn't even a thing at the time, even when I looked online in the early 2000s). I am now almost 40 & have still never had consensual s*x or even a romantic partner, and basically have been ok with being alone. I would love to have someone, anyone, to care about my wellbeing, but from what I've seen, relationships are a mess & I can't trust anybody ever, so... Also, I was into some pretty dirty BDSM slash fanfic from an early age (like 14) when I discovered online fandoms! It's been 20yrs, but I miss that community...
Nooo after a lot of self discovery I finally realized that I am omnisexual but now I’m questioning againnn 😭 I thought I was done with this a couple years ago- I didn’t know that libido and sexual attraction was different… am I just a horny person and I’m not interested in actually having sexual relations with people? Huuuh
HAPPY PRIDE MONTH !!! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ Congrats on finding out who you are !! I also recently found out that I'm on the ace spec (grey ace) !! While I wouldn't mind romantic stuff too much, I don't think I've ever genuinely been sexually attracted to anyone, not even my own ex partners. I've prolly only played along bc my [typically male] ex partners were the one saying the sexual stuff towards me, but I could never think to bring myself to actually engage in those types of things with them or anyone for that matter. I was also in a worse state of mind when I got with them so idek if I was even genuinely ROMANTICALLY attracted them and was just with them bc I wanted to feel less lonely. I'm still currently tryna figure myself out bc I was also sticking to the bi/pan label for a while, but I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere on the ace spec ! (ᵕ-ᴗ-)
Great you made me realise new things about my sexuality again like with every other video of yours like this...thanks for making me realise I never experienced sexual attraction in my life yippe.
Im asexual and i also have absolutely zero libido and i never have. Because of this i feel pretty left out of conversations. I don’t know what it feels like to be sexually attracted to someone nor do I relate to a lot of the experiences people with a libido have. It’s not something im too down about but sometimes it does kinda upset me that ill likely never know what its like to experience things the way an allosexual person with a sex drive would experience I’m also likely aromatic or at least on the aromatic spectrum. I’m unsure though because I have been "in love" with people before and I do desire a romantic relationship but apart of me is unsure if that love was romantic or just platonic love that I felt incredibly strongly
This is 80% me... except I like the concept for romance, but I turn into a deer in headlights when I actually get to be romantic. (Also figuring out the reason you never wanted sex was cause you where ace and not just a anti-social Christian is awkward)
as someonne who ended up iding as demiabrosexual (the demi in that means that your sexuality isnt 100%fluid) with my stable attraction being demisexuality its nice hearing a video like this, im normally in the allo category so it felt so confusing whenever i just. lost it, until i started actually seriously dating and realising that most of my fantasies focused on having sex with someone i was falling in love with when single. and then itd turn back on and id feel confused, the fluxation of prefrence for men/women was less distressing cause that is normal for bisexuals. i kind of opted out of iding my romantic attraction because it just seems so confusing to me, its probably abroromantic somehow but like. tbh the way you describe graysexuality kind of reminds me of how my romantic attraction feels most of the time. maybe thats just what my ro is, or what it mainly is. sorry for the amount of rambling lol
so i've been identifying as lesbian for over a year now, but after watching this video and making sense of your definitions of sexuality and all that... i'm heavily reconsidering my sexuality. XD i'm personally repulsed/grossed out by the idea of having sex with anyone of any gender IRL, but i can easily look at female/female-presenting people as well as fictional characters and say "wow, she's attractive!" (i often find myself feeling much stronger romantic and aesthetic attraction than sexual attraction to women. there's very few fictional characters that i have sexual feelings for, some of which aren't female/female-presenting). for the past few months, i've been thinking that i might be somewhere on the asexual spectrum instead of lesbian but haven't really been bothered to explore it so i've just been sticking to the lesbian label. based on that information, do you think i'm asexual or a similar identity?? i'd really like to know your opinions and thoughts since you seem to be well-versed in identities n' stuff ^_^ also congratulations on finding out who you are!! hope you have a good pride month :) 🏳🌈💖
I can’t say what you are or are not for sure, of course, only you can determine your own sexuality, but a lot of what you’re describing here does apply to the ace spectrum! I’d recommend maybe doing some research into it for yourself to see if it really resonates with you. :] Have a nice pride month as well!
It's always interesting to discover something new about yourself, isn't it? I've known that I'm demirose for quite a few years and have also been questioning which gender(s) I'm attracted to for a long while (being a double demi who mainly experiences aesthetic and emotional attraction doesn't make finding the answer to that question any easier), but some time ago, I've grown very interested in QPR's. And I honestly thought that was finally it. But nope. It was only very recently when I discovered a video here on UA-cam going over different microlabels on the aro and ace spectrum and the girl explained a label I've never heard of before: iamvanosexual, which describes people who like the idea of having intimate acts performed on them but don't like to perform such acts on others, for whatever reasons. I've only heard of the term pillow princess from gay/lesbian couples before, but I had no idea there was an actual microlabel for people who permanently felt that way. That's how I figured out I was iamvanosexual as well. But everyone's journey to self discovery is unique. Some might need ages to finally figure stuff out and others seem to know instantly. Both experiences are completely valid 🤷🏻♀️ In that sense, happy pride month, everyone! 💕🏳️🌈🤍🖤💜💚🩶❤️
You say you're romance repulsed. What would you consider "romance"? I'm trying to find and understand a clear definition of what romance and romantic contact and all that shit is. I'm now worrying I might have conflated emotional attraction to romantic attraction, but I have yet to see a simple definition of what romantic attraction is without saying "the desire for romantic relationships" because I don't know what exactly romantic relationships entail. What makes them so different from every other type of relationship?? As you can tell I'm having an existential crisis rn lol
Heya! I can’t tell you what romance feels like, because I don’t feel, like, the emotion that is associated with it at all. From what I understand, it’s not as simple as emotional attraction, which is just wanting to get to know someone and be friendly with them, but it is instead this feeling that makes you feel as though someone is your other half. You start to prioritise that relationship above all others, you feel pain when the person you love romantically is gone, and want to spend your life with them in this sort of lovey-dovey way. Those generic romance pop songs that talk about bleeding hearts and being in love are like. Somehow real??? The emotion they describe makes no sense to me, and so I can’t really explain it deeper than that. There are certain gestures that are done to express romantic love, such as gifting, cuddling, kissing, holding hands, that kind of thing. I am utterly and intensely disgusted by them. I’m touch-averse in general and do not really experience sensual attraction (the desire to touch people) very often, but those gestures would be fine and cool normally, but when they’re done with romantic intent then they’re disgusting to me. The idea of marrying someone non-platonically squicks me out and also makes me rather uncomfortable.
Yeah, I wouldn't define romanticism by the desire for a relationship--After all, romance-favorable (white) aromantics exist. For me (likely demiromantic and possibly gray), romantic attraction is like this uncontrollable desire to be more intimate with someone, to be more significant to each other, specifically in the context of this magnetic (romantic) feeling that isn't present in friendships. While I don't enjoy the idea of being in a labeled romantic relationship, putting my partner/s above my other relationships, or engaging in a lot of the traditional romantic gestures (kissing, hand-holding, cuddling, etc.), my brain nonetheless instinctually urges me to want that. This can also cause distress because, rationally, I do not want this, but I feel lacking without it. For me, if I develop a crush on a friend, I lose a lot of the comfort I once had around them, suddenly worried about how they perceive me and feeling the need to offer myself as a potential partner. Once-regular situations become awkward as I become more aware of physical proximity and little details about them, like the shape of their face. There's also this sickly jealousy element if they're interested in someone else--even if I don't rationally want to be with them, especially exclusively.
I'm also aroace , tho i didn't know for a while because a lot of it is caused by my autism, until this year and briefly when I was younger then 10(forgot the age) i was like o ya im ace but my mom said that its not real (shes changed tho yay :D) so my little stupid ass just went like "oj okay!" I have been in relationships most of them forced but I'm pretty sure my current one with my bf is actually a romantic attraction i barely ever have crushes and the ones I thought I did had as a kid were actually just hyperfixations I realized when i got diagnosed with autism + actually researched. I've never had sexual attraction but I thought it was? I was just uh going thru troubling times and thought it was that but it was just bad coping mechanisms :') I hate the belief of "you're aroace why are you in a relationship?..." :') that's not how it works.. It is a spectrum I can have crushes it is just very hard plus I find most people unpleasant to look at unless they remind me of something I like. Thank you autism!
I'm still trying to figure out wha I am but I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere on the ace spec rn I'm labeling myself as demi because from what I've heard about it it's like u do feel it sometimes if u know the person really really well and I think that fits me cuz I've never felt that type of attraction to anyone until just recently and it's only for my partner and even at the beginning of our relationship and like a bit into it I never felt that way towards them but now I do so yeah that's something but yeah
I'm not sure how actually relevant it is to the bigger picture but you mentioning how you only had actual interest in fictional characters reminded me of Fictosexuality/Fictoromantism. Again, not sure how relevant it is to the bigger picture; I just thought it was neat
i had a question abt the repulsion stuff, can someone one day stop being repulsed by it?? sorry if this question is weird i’m jst tryna figure out myself on the spectrum yk
I have no idea if people can stop being repulsed by sex or romance if being sex or romance-repulsed is their orientation. I know that I will never stop being disgusted by the idea and the experience of romance and romantic relationships, but I also know that some people have fluctuating orientations and such. It's something you should probably look into on your own time. :]
I'm a sex repulsed ace, and quoiromantic aro basically I don't know what romance is and if I like or experience it, but I think I'm either romance neutral or demiromantic and a lesbian it took me a few years just to fin that out when I was 12 and 13 but now I'm 18 and still don't know for sure if I experience a drop of romantic attraction
Also, this video made me finally understand what sensual attraction is, I could not wrap my head around it for the longest time, thank you for making this video
Sorry about the reupload, boys! The original video had a weird exporting error that I did not initially catch! So, it's now been fixed and shouldn't flash bang anyone or accidentally cause a seizure, god forbid!
Thanks for that. Appreciate that. Seizures aren’t a fun experience.
What app is being used to draw the image in the background?
@@Flexitplayz FireAlpaca. :]
Gotta love that bi/pan to aroace-spec pipeline ‼️
I went from bi to bi ace lol
Jaiden animations:
Literally me
Im 17 and also thought I was only attracted to older people but turns out Im just aroace lol
Ah yes the bisexual to asexuality pipeline.
Honestly i really appreciate the way you described everything around asexuality. You described it really well and congratulations on finding a label you connect with. :)
welcome to the ace-spec
*[once again cuz reupload]*
Thank you for re-uploading my friend who has epilepsy who watches your channel semi freaked out about the flashing and thats why I commented haha, thank you
No problem! I had no idea that it could cause a seizure, thank you very much for letting me know!
Dude you didn't have to crack my ace egg like that
"Y'know when there's just like a polycule, and the guy who's just there", "I'm the guy who's just there" SO FUCKING REAL
My greysexual awakening was the gay, asexual side character in a book about lesbians so I get what you mean about the awakening thing 😂
I'm ace, trans-masc, and non-binary. The amount of questions that I've gotten about my personal life and anatomy is really weird. I don't think that some folks understand that we are just people.
That said, I genuinely don't mind teaching anyone who is confused about what it means to be queer. A lot of people sincerely want to learn, but the amount of stereotyping and false rhetoric I have to first try to undo is really sad.
I've had quite a few older people approach and talk to me, because they were really wanting to understand what any of those aspects of myself are, so that they can be more respectful and welcoming to the queer community. Nearly every one of those people I talked to were afraid to ask anything because they didn't want to upset anyone for "saying the wrong thing." I love it when those people ask because breaking those barriers and communicating makes things more comfortable for them, and safer for people like me. Every one of those people who talks is another little victory.
Videos which explains this stuff in easier to grasp terms (love the food analogy) have a lot of potential to help us all understand each other as a societal whole. Thank you for sharing this.
Im asexual, i dont like the idea of ME having sex (it actually makes me really uncomfortable) but others having sex deosnt bother me. And because the idea of being sexual with someone else makes me so uncomfortable i dont mind my partner having other parners that can fill that need for them (im also poly so fun fun). I'm very upfront about this, im confortable enough in myself to let others know and i feel like its important for others that may be interested in me.
Why does this explain my struggle in sexuality so well? I may not be graysexual but I've never felt true sexual attraction before, very least not strongly! I think I'm interested in non-platonic relationships but I think I'm a "flavor" of aroace! I don't care about having romantic attraction either, funny enough Alastor helped me out too!
1:55 as an italian, i laughed out loud
Welcome to the aroace house, the garlic beard will be ready soon
As a Demi-Sexual person (someone who only experiences sexual attraction after having a deep emotional connection someone) i completely get where you're coming from and how confusing figuring this all out must have been.
Im asexual, bi, and recently found out im fictosexual, which mean Attracted to fictional characters. I also might be on the aro Spectrum but i don't know because of a bad relationship i was in. It's Honestly a Journey to Figure out oneself. Im Glad You found your.
I’m glad you were able to figure it out! I am aroace and I dislike anything to do with real people I do like fictional characters though but I do experience the acesthetic attraction to people I’m still not quite sure what scale of Aro I am I’m still figuring that out but I am glad you are able to find yourself! It’s always nice to be able to!
Also can’t forget this 🍎🍴
As a demi-panromantic I'm still trying to figure out my asexuality myself. It's certainly a journey and I'm glad you managed to figure it out! Before I knew I was on the ace spectrum I thought it was a pretty simple, but oh boy when I looked into it there was so much to it.
I'm a survivor of SA and am sex-repulsed but I can get aroused by certain kinks and have fantasies. For example I will imagine being dominated and it gets me going but the idea of doing sexual acts with anyone and even to myself is disgusting to me. Also I never looked at a person and thought about sleeping with them unless it's a fictional character and even then the idea of actually doing it is still gross to me, but I can admire a person's beauty.
Anyways, happy pride month y'all!
I'm also greysexual. I will experience sexual attraction on very uncommon and specific occasions but most of the time my sexual thoughts are way more about kinks and faceless partners. Being intimate with other people can be fun but I generally need something other than attraction or sensations to get me going
I'm also questioning whether I've even really had romantic feelings for past partners or if its more just platonic love combined with them being my favourite person. Like though I enjoy the kisses and romantic conversations it always felt like the way others described romance was different to what I experienced and I've always just kinda went along with what other people wanted
I also found out recently I’m greysexual! Grey buddies! Fr tho, congrats on figuring yourself out more
i knew i was ace but DAMN i feel called out
I think I'm Greysexual too. Now I knew I was poly, but I didn't even know what greysexual was before this I'm 13😳
Congrats on finding a label!! Also the art in the bg is absolutely gorgeous, this is such a strange thing to focus on I feel like but the musculature looks so good, especially in the arms, sheeeeesh
omg ive been having a sexuality crisis for months trying to figure out where i am on the ace spectrum and your experiences are almost exactly like mine! ty for sharing this video :3
holy shit this was so relatable to me, I've always been someone who while i dont seek out sexual or romantic relationships i seek out sensual relationships (specifically with adults that are significantly older than me) ever since i was like 9 Ish years old, to the point where by the time i was 12 i had a track record of dating around 8-12 people because of my need to be liked/be close to someone in a way that is sensual. i can't even say im mad at the people who dated me in the past since many of them were my first examples of how affection doesn't have to be violent or invasive compared to how people in my life treated affection.
Found out recently that yeah, I am ace like I’m attracted in other ways to people but sexually, just not at all.
I really get the "im aroace but h0rny asf", because dude I'm just like that and I tought that was just me (I'm aroace too, I realized like almost a year ago)
the confusion aspect is so real.
i knew from my early adolescence that i’m not allosexual and even questioned if i was demisexual (i am)!
i also realized i never really cared for romance, especially cishet romance, and deemed myself aroace.
however, i felt super unhappy with that.
i DO want a romantic relationship and potentially a sexual relationship.
it’s just that i NEED a strong, close emotional connection with someone to even experience that in the first place!
i’ve also always known i liked girls but it wasn’t until i developed romantic and sexual feelings for my best friend (who identified as a girl at the time) that i liked girls in THAT way.
i’d played around with different combinations of aroace and lesbian identities before landing on demiaroace lesbian!
i feel that reflects my experience the most accurately and gives me peace of mind that i can respect my aromanticism and asexuality while desiring potential romantic and sexual relationships with other women.
sorry for the yap session 😅
i’m just glad more people are talking about aromanticism and asexuality since, like you said, it gets ignored even in queer spaces!
i’m happy that you found out you’re aro-greyace and feel more comfortable with yourself now ^_^ !
my brain had an entire re-load watching this because I related to it A LOT and I'm pretty sure I'm grey-sexual!
Same
congrats on figuring your stuff out! ^^ this does actually make me wanna look into greysexual a bit, mainly because i *might* be one of those people that confuses their own libido for sexual attraction? i know the romantic attraction is there, though i don't think i've ever thought that deeply about libido v attraction until now
It was cool to learn about all the different defionitions, especially the difference between libido and s3x*a1 attraction. Thank you for the information and perspective! Also I think your art looks really good, I liked seeing the process on how you did it.
First video! Welcome to the club fello aroace. I figured out I was a romance and sex repulsed aroace a few years ago, and ever since then, its been confirmed time and time again. Like, recently I had romantic attraction described to me and realised I've never felt that and it doesn't appeal to me. I've also noticed having the words for it really boosted my confidence and I'm able to make friends of all genders much easier.
As for my gender, I don't have a label for it but I'm somewhere on the gender non-conforming side of things.
As for my experience for being aroace, I grew up not really having 'crushes' and never had the desire to look for a relationship. Any time I thought I did, it was just me hyper-fixating on someone but not in a romantic or sexual way. When people did confess or want a relationship, I felt repulsion and dread that made me want to avoid them, even if they were my friend and nothing changed about them. I don't even feel aesthetic attraction or attraction towards fictional characters. To this day, it puzzles me what people find attractive about physical traits. The rabbit hole of research for this term began from a friend joking about their OC DX
So yeah, the coolest club of the bunch 😎 plenty of room and plenty of garlic bread
my pan to ace line went crazy
Thank you funny man for your insiteful words! Also happy the pride month!🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈!
Me, an abrosexual and abroromantic trans guy who's currently ace: hey nice :)
WELCOME TO THE ACE CLUB
* creates a large purple cake from thin air*
OH MY GOOOOOOOOD. /POS OKAY OKAY. SO THIS VIDEO MADE ME REALISE MY EXPERIENCE IS SOMEWHAT SIMILAR AND I WAS PROBABLY RIGHT ABOUT THINKING I WAS GREYACE.
So like. The BPD thing and confusing aesthetic/strong platonic attraction for romantic/sexual attraction. Prior to me dating my girlfriend, everyone I’ve ever dated I became too obsessed with, to the point of limerence, and I just assumed that’s how romantic attraction is. I would do a lot of things just to get their approval because I didn’t want them to leave me, and that included sexual situations I wasn’t comfortable with. When I would try to set boundaries I would find that I would often get pushed and pressured into doing things regardless. I also just dated people I wasn’t attracted to because I was legit in denial about my sexuality. I kinda just dated anyone I really liked even if not feeling attraction for them and usually they liked me back so I was like eh. Why not. Also uh. I’d get confused sexuality wise because I’d consider myself homosexual on top of the greyace part but I have an extremely high libido and also my sexual interests are very specific and range from vanilla to literal freak behaviour. I really like sex but I can go without it if that’s what my girlfriend wants but I’ve never actually clicked with someone romantically and sexually until I met her like and she’s not even my FP and yet I feel both SEXUALLY AND AESTHETICALLY ATTRACTED TO HER. I’m ngl maybe this is mean but I’ve never felt attracted to past partners not even aesthetically. It was really more like having a good friend who I got too attached to and felt like a creep over. Now it’s more like. “I wanna crawl into her skin (with sexual intent)” and not “I wanna craw into her skin (with obsessive and deranged intent)” which is how I felt before I met her. And she’s a lot like me and we have the same specific interests sexually so it tracks.
welcome to the ace-spec
I already knew I was certainly on the asexual spectrum, but before I transitioned (mtf) my sexual outlets of just... weird fucked up types of porn (deranged, as you elegantly put it) and the idea of looking at scenarios and not people is literally mind blowing for me. Like that's a part of myself that I've purposefully repressed over the years because of a combination of shame at feeling turned on by weird shit and then burying that side of me because it "wasn't normal" and trying to conform to societal ideals of attraction (which I attempted to achieve by entirely stopping my use of porn, which while on one hand does make me feel more intimately aware of my own body, just made it hard to actually feel any sense of pleasure). I'm definitely going to try and embrace my weird fucked up self more because of this illuminating video. Thanks for speaking so honestly on this
A fellow AroAce guy, welcome!
Holy fecking shit this fixed my confusion so well?!?!?!?!?!?!!??! Let's go greysexual?!?!!?!??!!?
i’ve always been confused about my sexuality (or lack there of) and what exactly was up with it. i’ve always felt somewhat of a romantic attraction towards some specific people in my life, but even so with any of them being of a huge attraction to me i was always disgusted at the idea of having any sexual relationship with them. it confused the hell out of me. i’ve been identifying as ace recently, but even so i still get hella confused because im not a cut and dry example of an asexual. i don’t think anybody really is. i fall somewhere between disgust of the idea of it with real people and myself, and being okay with it and somewhat liking it with fictional characters having nothing to do with me.
i honestly feel like i’m somewhere in the spectrum of grey sexuality as well, i can’t say for sure since im not well read enough from this video to say so, but im glad that content like this exists and furthermore glad you’re able to talk about it freely. everyone should be able to have access to information that would helps tremendously with finding themselves. i can’t say im done searching, but this video in particular is a nice and well read one. openness is honestly hard to come by on youtube. also love the art! looks super cute and clean
you are the first ever person online who ive seen have the same experiences as me when it comes to being ace, i thought that i must be omni and just very picky when it comes to sex cuz i i always found myself wanting it, but whenever things got serious i would panic and bail. this video makes me super happy to know that im not alone in this
man...this was way too relatable. I think im going to have a sexuality crisis again lol
I RECENTLY FOUND OUT I WAS GREYSEXUAL TOO!
holy crap no way i just related with everything you said
bro same, i'm aegosexual and i thought i was allosexual because i found people aesthetically pleasing or experienced sensual attraction, and i liked the idea of sex if it wasn't me and another person. only recently found out i can't call that sexual attraction.
As someone who mistook sensual attraction for sexual attraction for a long time, I feel called out by 12:21. XD
I thought wanting to hug someone was sexual attraction, especially if it were strangers. Turns out they just look nice and pretty so I want to hug them in an innocent manner. XD
HELLO FELLO GREYSEXUAL!!!!
(I'm greyromantic and greysexual)
ayyyy whats up greyrose community
STOP F*CKING CRACKING MY EGG😭😭😭😭😭
I'm demisexual but I feel sort of ashamed considering I barely get romantic crushes and it's overall difficult for me to feel that romantic attraction... I initially though I was demiromantic however I have felt romantic attraction to people outside of having a close emotional bond with them. I think it's due to the environment I grow up in considering everyone here don't have the friendliest personalities (to put it lightly)
I've identified as demisexual and demiromantic for a long time, which are under the greyaro/greyace umbrellas. Being demi means I've never been, and could not imagine myself being, romantically or sexually attracted to anyone I didn't already know for a long time. Previously it took me several months to a year of getting to know someone platonically and gaining strong trust in them before any romantic or sexual feelings could develop, or before I'd even consider the possibility that they could, but recently I started falling for a friend I'd only known for 3 months and as far as i know that's my record. Now that I think about it it might have taken less time when I was a kid like in primary (elementary) school, but that doesnt change the fact that I've consistently only ever considered people that way who I feel like I can trust. And apparently most people can sometimes just. Feel things. For someone they just met????? nah dawg.
Anyway I've also experienced squishes which are like the platonic equivalent of a crush. Like when I really enjoy a friend's company more than my other friends and i think about them a lot and get really happy when they talk to me, but without the desire to cuddle and kiss them and stare in their eyes and all that stuff that I feel when I'm romantically attracted to someone.
Also I don't agree with the hollywood movie definition of romance. I don't think "grand romantic gestures" and gifts and flowers and stuff should define romance, because I know I feel romantic attraction but if my hypothetical boyfriend gave me flowers or jewellery I would feel hurt. Like that would mean he either doesn't know me well enough or he didn't listen to me or take me seriously when I say I don't like being given such useless things. I'd highly prefer just spending time with him alone together just hanging out and talking and cuddling, or if he insists on a gift, get me some food I've said I like. Flowers are a waste of space and money, but buy me a strawberry pastry from my favourite bakery and I'll actually feel appreciated. But even that gift doesn't feel inherently romantic in nature. I'd feel the same way if a friend or family member bought me that pastry. Just happy, not attached to my attraction or lack thereof to the person. So the hollywood movie romance idea that romance HAS TO involve gifts and a whirlwind of lovebombing is some bullshit that pisses me off for making no sense and often glorifying/romanticising extremely toxic relationships.... I'm not even aro and I think that.
Also people talk about "butterflies fluttering in your stomach" and im like ???? I feel something when i think about the person i'm attracted to but it's not that!! it's not fluttering it's like an exciting spark kinda feeling and it's not even in my stomach it's in my chest! I've also heard someone say that butterflies feels like nervousness and again im like no???? like I know the nervous fluttery stomach feeling but I don't feel that about people i'm attracted to 😭 i feel that when i'm terrified to the point of shaking, my dude! y'all are feeling nervous around your crushes?? y'all are having crushes on people you don't trust or feel comfortable around?? y'all's crushes aren't your friends who give you a sense of safety and ease and happiness and the trust that they won't blow up at you over saying something slightly wrong?? sweaty no.... but apparently my demi ass is the odd one out and that makes me concerned for people's safety haha
Oh yea and usually the venn diagram of "people im romantically attracted to" and "people im sexually attracted to" is a circle, with the only discrepancy being that the romantic attraction grows in long before the sexual one does. But in recent years I've had weird feelings for at least 2 different people that have felt like "I don't particularly wanna date this person or be emotionally intimate with them but if they wanted to make out I totally would" and this is scary and new for me. In both those cases I wasn't close with the guys but found them attractive in more than just an aesthetic way and felt this weird new feeling of "i would if he offered but im not craving it" that later turned into craving it but still not wanting to be anything committed. Both guys were someone I know I'm incompatible with personality wise, but I still found them hot somehow, which scares me because huh???? this is the closest i've ever come to understanding the feeling of being attracted to someone you don't like as a person. both guys are reasonably likeable, but guy 2 and i had an argument that made me uncomfortable for a while but the feelings I had already developed weren't fully eradicated and gradually came back in full force several weeks later. i know we have very incompatible personalities so i don't really want any romantic relationship with him.... but damn if he isn't hot af (in an unconventional way that basic straight girls would probably laugh at me for ☹). idk whether this change in my attractions is because im just affection starved from not having been in a non-platonic relationship since literally 10 years ago, but yea. that stuff do be fluid sometimes.
After watching this video i have to come to the realization that i am more than likely also greysexual (a lot of what u talked about in this video resonated a lot with me :3 thx for making this)
THANK YOU for explaining it so well!! 🩷🩷 I've been identifying as a greysexual polyromantic for years now and I totally relate that the greysexual umbrella is extremely hard to understand and explain to others. I gave up myself on trying to explain it to others and I just tell them that I'm asexual and that I'm not sexually attracted to others, period. (Even tho I do feel sexual attraction to other people, it's just that it's very infrequent and specific).
OF COURSE IT WAS ALASTOR. alastor also helped me figure out i was aroace 😭
This could not have come in my recommended vids at a better time. I literally just ended a relationship I had with a partner because I very well may be on the grayromantic spectrum in some way. I've always had romantic interest, or at least an interest in the idea of a romantic long term relationship. But in practice, in those relationships I've had a lot of difficulty keeping an interest in it, being willing to engage in more intense romantic acts, finding myself eventually somewhat repulsed by words of affection or the idea of saying those words back, etc. I'm honestly still incredibly confused about it, but this video has at least kinda watered the seed that'd already been in the back of my mind that maybe I need to do something about looking into this further. Hope to figure myself out more!
Honestly this is kinda validating to hear. Lately I've been experiencing intense celebrity crushes for the first time and having both sensual and emotional attraction to them while having a high libido made me second guess my Asexual identity for a moment but I never stoped believing I'm asexual because no matter how much I have horny fantasies, I cannot look at someone and feel sexual attraction lol
I'm bisexual and demisexual. I only just recently found out I'm grey-ace as well.
Im both demi seuxal and romantic and when i found out about libido it really helped me figure out my label on my sexual attraction to others
I figured out gray-aceness sometime in my late 20's, I'm getting close to 40 now. I had to recall "when I did I figure that out" and it was nearly the same story as this video: Thought "I should do dating apps", then found myself getting bored with the process very quickly and bailing, multiple times. When actual situations came up I got flustered and tried to get away from them. Finally I looked online for an answer and immediately learned of asexuality. Then further confirmed by the handful of times when I realized I *did* experience desire and didn't know what to do with that either! But it seems to be mutual with some of the people I feel closest to, it's the "we're too embarrassed to make any progress with this relationship" trope. For a while I would use Io from *Acchi Kochi* as a PFP since the joke is that he's totally oblivious and then says lady-killer romantic things unawares.
Ace identities have a fair bit of variation to them but I think the gray/demi zone might actually be one of the most common.
I won't bother sharing my whole story, as I'm just a boring elder millennial who grew up in a family who knew/taught nothing about the LGBTQIA community (other than they were evil sinners) & so I didn't start questioning my "overt shyness" until I was about 20-21, then I just settled on BI (ACE wasn't even a thing at the time, even when I looked online in the early 2000s). I am now almost 40 & have still never had consensual s*x or even a romantic partner, and basically have been ok with being alone. I would love to have someone, anyone, to care about my wellbeing, but from what I've seen, relationships are a mess & I can't trust anybody ever, so...
Also, I was into some pretty dirty BDSM slash fanfic from an early age (like 14) when I discovered online fandoms! It's been 20yrs, but I miss that community...
Nooo after a lot of self discovery I finally realized that I am omnisexual but now I’m questioning againnn 😭 I thought I was done with this a couple years ago- I didn’t know that libido and sexual attraction was different… am I just a horny person and I’m not interested in actually having sexual relations with people? Huuuh
HAPPY PRIDE MONTH !!! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ Congrats on finding out who you are !!
I also recently found out that I'm on the ace spec (grey ace) !! While I wouldn't mind romantic stuff too much, I don't think I've ever genuinely been sexually attracted to anyone, not even my own ex partners. I've prolly only played along bc my [typically male] ex partners were the one saying the sexual stuff towards me, but I could never think to bring myself to actually engage in those types of things with them or anyone for that matter. I was also in a worse state of mind when I got with them so idek if I was even genuinely ROMANTICALLY attracted them and was just with them bc I wanted to feel less lonely. I'm still currently tryna figure myself out bc I was also sticking to the bi/pan label for a while, but I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere on the ace spec ! (ᵕ-ᴗ-)
Great you made me realise new things about my sexuality again like with every other video of yours like this...thanks for making me realise I never experienced sexual attraction in my life yippe.
I am aromantic graysexual too!(Lesbian. I only feel limited sexual attraction towards women lol)
Im asexual and i also have absolutely zero libido and i never have. Because of this i feel pretty left out of conversations. I don’t know what it feels like to be sexually attracted to someone nor do I relate to a lot of the experiences people with a libido have. It’s not something im too down about but sometimes it does kinda upset me that ill likely never know what its like to experience things the way an allosexual person with a sex drive would experience
I’m also likely aromatic or at least on the aromatic spectrum. I’m unsure though because I have been "in love" with people before and I do desire a romantic relationship but apart of me is unsure if that love was romantic or just platonic love that I felt incredibly strongly
This is 80% me... except I like the concept for romance, but I turn into a deer in headlights when I actually get to be romantic.
(Also figuring out the reason you never wanted sex was cause you where ace and not just a anti-social Christian is awkward)
as someonne who ended up iding as demiabrosexual (the demi in that means that your sexuality isnt 100%fluid) with my stable attraction being demisexuality its nice hearing a video like this, im normally in the allo category so it felt so confusing whenever i just. lost it, until i started actually seriously dating and realising that most of my fantasies focused on having sex with someone i was falling in love with when single. and then itd turn back on and id feel confused, the fluxation of prefrence for men/women was less distressing cause that is normal for bisexuals.
i kind of opted out of iding my romantic attraction because it just seems so confusing to me, its probably abroromantic somehow but like. tbh the way you describe graysexuality kind of reminds me of how my romantic attraction feels most of the time. maybe thats just what my ro is, or what it mainly is.
sorry for the amount of rambling lol
you've changed so much !
so i've been identifying as lesbian for over a year now, but after watching this video and making sense of your definitions of sexuality and all that... i'm heavily reconsidering my sexuality. XD i'm personally repulsed/grossed out by the idea of having sex with anyone of any gender IRL, but i can easily look at female/female-presenting people as well as fictional characters and say "wow, she's attractive!" (i often find myself feeling much stronger romantic and aesthetic attraction than sexual attraction to women. there's very few fictional characters that i have sexual feelings for, some of which aren't female/female-presenting). for the past few months, i've been thinking that i might be somewhere on the asexual spectrum instead of lesbian but haven't really been bothered to explore it so i've just been sticking to the lesbian label. based on that information, do you think i'm asexual or a similar identity?? i'd really like to know your opinions and thoughts since you seem to be well-versed in identities n' stuff ^_^
also congratulations on finding out who you are!! hope you have a good pride month :) 🏳🌈💖
I can’t say what you are or are not for sure, of course, only you can determine your own sexuality, but a lot of what you’re describing here does apply to the ace spectrum! I’d recommend maybe doing some research into it for yourself to see if it really resonates with you. :]
Have a nice pride month as well!
@@rottika thank you so much! I'll definitely look more into it :D
It's always interesting to discover something new about yourself, isn't it?
I've known that I'm demirose for quite a few years and have also been questioning which gender(s) I'm attracted to for a long while (being a double demi who mainly experiences aesthetic and emotional attraction doesn't make finding the answer to that question any easier), but some time ago, I've grown very interested in QPR's. And I honestly thought that was finally it. But nope.
It was only very recently when I discovered a video here on UA-cam going over different microlabels on the aro and ace spectrum and the girl explained a label I've never heard of before: iamvanosexual, which describes people who like the idea of having intimate acts performed on them but don't like to perform such acts on others, for whatever reasons. I've only heard of the term pillow princess from gay/lesbian couples before, but I had no idea there was an actual microlabel for people who permanently felt that way. That's how I figured out I was iamvanosexual as well. But everyone's journey to self discovery is unique. Some might need ages to finally figure stuff out and others seem to know instantly. Both experiences are completely valid 🤷🏻♀️
In that sense, happy pride month, everyone! 💕🏳️🌈🤍🖤💜💚🩶❤️
You genuinely just helped me by sharing that information. Thank you.
You say you're romance repulsed. What would you consider "romance"? I'm trying to find and understand a clear definition of what romance and romantic contact and all that shit is.
I'm now worrying I might have conflated emotional attraction to romantic attraction, but I have yet to see a simple definition of what romantic attraction is without saying "the desire for romantic relationships" because I don't know what exactly romantic relationships entail. What makes them so different from every other type of relationship??
As you can tell I'm having an existential crisis rn lol
Heya! I can’t tell you what romance feels like, because I don’t feel, like, the emotion that is associated with it at all. From what I understand, it’s not as simple as emotional attraction, which is just wanting to get to know someone and be friendly with them, but it is instead this feeling that makes you feel as though someone is your other half. You start to prioritise that relationship above all others, you feel pain when the person you love romantically is gone, and want to spend your life with them in this sort of lovey-dovey way. Those generic romance pop songs that talk about bleeding hearts and being in love are like. Somehow real??? The emotion they describe makes no sense to me, and so I can’t really explain it deeper than that.
There are certain gestures that are done to express romantic love, such as gifting, cuddling, kissing, holding hands, that kind of thing. I am utterly and intensely disgusted by them. I’m touch-averse in general and do not really experience sensual attraction (the desire to touch people) very often, but those gestures would be fine and cool normally, but when they’re done with romantic intent then they’re disgusting to me. The idea of marrying someone non-platonically squicks me out and also makes me rather uncomfortable.
Yeah, I wouldn't define romanticism by the desire for a relationship--After all, romance-favorable (white) aromantics exist.
For me (likely demiromantic and possibly gray), romantic attraction is like this uncontrollable desire to be more intimate with someone, to be more significant to each other, specifically in the context of this magnetic (romantic) feeling that isn't present in friendships. While I don't enjoy the idea of being in a labeled romantic relationship, putting my partner/s above my other relationships, or engaging in a lot of the traditional romantic gestures (kissing, hand-holding, cuddling, etc.), my brain nonetheless instinctually urges me to want that. This can also cause distress because, rationally, I do not want this, but I feel lacking without it.
For me, if I develop a crush on a friend, I lose a lot of the comfort I once had around them, suddenly worried about how they perceive me and feeling the need to offer myself as a potential partner. Once-regular situations become awkward as I become more aware of physical proximity and little details about them, like the shape of their face. There's also this sickly jealousy element if they're interested in someone else--even if I don't rationally want to be with them, especially exclusively.
Being around someone I'm romantically attracted to causes nervousness. I think this is common among alloromantics, as well.
I'm also aroace , tho i didn't know for a while because a lot of it is caused by my autism, until this year and briefly when I was younger then 10(forgot the age) i was like o ya im ace but my mom said that its not real (shes changed tho yay :D) so my little stupid ass just went like "oj okay!"
I have been in relationships most of them forced but I'm pretty sure my current one with my bf is actually a romantic attraction
i barely ever have crushes and the ones I thought I did had as a kid were actually just hyperfixations I realized when i got diagnosed with autism + actually researched.
I've never had sexual attraction but I thought it was? I was just uh going thru troubling times and thought it was that but it was just bad coping mechanisms :')
I hate the belief of "you're aroace why are you in a relationship?..." :') that's not how it works.. It is a spectrum I can have crushes it is just very hard plus I find most people unpleasant to look at unless they remind me of something I like. Thank you autism!
Nice job on finding out what u are:)
I’m graysexual too and I feel like a lot of people are graysexual and just don’t know it
oh hey im also aro and greysexual too!! :D
HHEHE love your videos Rot!
…..i might also be greyace
Whats that a new sexuliity just dropped?
4:38 THESTARFISHFACE STREAM WATCHER???!! OR AM I WRONG
You’re wrong actually, lol. I’ve never watched her streams, only seen like one video by them a couple years ago.
...omg😭I think I'm ace wtf😭😭😭
I'm still trying to figure out wha I am but I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere on the ace spec rn I'm labeling myself as demi because from what I've heard about it it's like u do feel it sometimes if u know the person really really well and I think that fits me cuz I've never felt that type of attraction to anyone until just recently and it's only for my partner and even at the beginning of our relationship and like a bit into it I never felt that way towards them but now I do so yeah that's something but yeah
i love this silly guy
listened to this while drawing my ocs (one of them is aroace).
I'm not sure how actually relevant it is to the bigger picture but you mentioning how you only had actual interest in fictional characters reminded me of Fictosexuality/Fictoromantism. Again, not sure how relevant it is to the bigger picture; I just thought it was neat
I knew I smelled some asexuality in you
Ive actually got no idea what Greysexual is
i lowk dunno if im pan or aroace /gen
Frick dude wait I’ll come back to these comments in a while I have a journey to double check myself with oh balls
Woah
i had a question abt the repulsion stuff, can someone one day stop being repulsed by it?? sorry if this question is weird i’m jst tryna figure out myself on the spectrum yk
I have no idea if people can stop being repulsed by sex or romance if being sex or romance-repulsed is their orientation. I know that I will never stop being disgusted by the idea and the experience of romance and romantic relationships, but I also know that some people have fluctuating orientations and such. It's something you should probably look into on your own time. :]
Dude bro 💚
Same!
Eyyyy, are you also born in Juneeee!!
So you are attracted to the Noire genre?
I'm a sex repulsed ace, and quoiromantic aro basically I don't know what romance is and if I like or experience it, but I think I'm either romance neutral or demiromantic and a lesbian it took me a few years just to fin that out when I was 12 and 13 but now I'm 18 and still don't know for sure if I experience a drop of romantic attraction
Saving 20:10
Will there be any new episodes of oc rundown?
why does this need a video tho
To explain it I guess? since people might not know or to clear up some stuff about them and how he identifys?
Like 666
Also, this video made me finally understand what sensual attraction is, I could not wrap my head around it for the longest time, thank you for making this video