1. Consistent lack of respect 2. Negative effects on mental health 3. Misaligned values 4. Feeling constantly drained 5. Manipulation 6. Lack of trust 7. Abuse of any kind 8. Absence of growth and mutual support 9. Persistent selfish behaviour 10. Destructive communication 11. Disregard for personal needs 12. Absence of mutual accountability
Yes and no. I'm almost 100% in social isolation. It is very very very damaging. We need positive interactions. We need to communicate with others. Alone with friends... Definitely. Alone alone alone... Never.
@@jenniehughes6927 I agree when I had relationships that were not good I felt more lonely than being alone. But now I am having time being alone. I seem to attract people who cannot give back
Last year i walked away from my immediate family and one of my best friends. It took years to get to the point where i realised thst my peace of mind was more important than my misplaced sense of responsibility that kept me bound to these people that didn't have my best interests at heart. My life has gone from strength to strength since doing this. I left them, not intending to hurt them. I told them this.... But to honour my need for peace...they didn't understand this... But my inner peace knows that what I did was something beautiful for myself.
Me too. My granddaughter is the only one I stay in contact with, and she completely understands why I blocked everyone else. They try to drag her into it, but all she tells them is that there's nothing wrong with me not wanting to talk to them and to quit asking her , because it has nothing to do with her.
Ditto. It’s hard when you have strong family values. But when you are constantly disrespected and gaslit and unappreciated then for your own sanity you need to walk. It’s taken me years to work out there was jealousy at the roots of it all. I loved my family. I wish them no harm but love my own sanity more. My best friend was always gloating about her life and achievements and had no interest in mine. I’m better off on my own and sure as hell don’t feel so alone.
Same here. Both parents deceased and I finally realized I was the only one treating siblings like siblings. Constant criticism, lack of regard, and receiving blame when I pointed out unkindness. My mental health is much better. Best wishes to you.
Good, but also extremely sad!! Sure there are good high value persons out there we can be associating with and enjoy more fulfilling lives. Not alone 😊 be out there.
Same here, my 4 children have somehow all turned out to be kind, sensitive people along with their partners, I'm so grateful. I've ghosted everyone I know, some, certainly didn't deserve it, for that they'll understand when we meet on the other side. I'm 64, at 61, I was diagnosed with 'in attentive ADHD", which literally explains my entire existence. A life lived with constant shame is conducive to many bad choices in relationships. Having spent the last few years understanding my history and realizing that I am an intelligent, thoughtful, diligent etc, person, I'm reflecting on relationships and constantly realizing how toxic so many were. My Brother has been out of my life for years and unfortunately my Sister has to go too, her way of treating me was always condescending, so much gaslighting etc. This listen was perfect, it spells out exactly what must be present in every relationship to create your own peace, I feel better than I ever have, lucky and blessed. I want to send that vibe to all ✌️❤️🕉
I also learned much to late in life. I believe it was because it was family and we tend to give much of ourselves up for family at the cost of ourselves. Not anymore.
I actually think it is worse than that. Familiarity breeds contempt, and I have seen it even in the eyes of people I cared about. Way she goes sometimes.
I am extremely privileged to have learned that lesson early. It was still hard and it still hurt, but I got it out of the way, at least. Many blessings to you on your journey to emotional peace!
Not in every case. I know some boisterous people I love very very much and who’ve stood up for me aggressively over the many years I’ve known them. My brother is one.
Dear God, grant me the wisdom to see truth in every situation, the insight to make wise choices, and the understanding to learn from my experiences. Amen.
Bad friends ruin lives. Anyone who introduces you to bad habits believe them. Don’t take them back. Believe their bad actions no matter how they change the next day. They are not to be trusted. They keep coming back cause they have no one. That is why because they are not kind down deep inside and they do not want to see you happy. Do not waste your precious time on these people.
Some people really do act like crabs in a barrel. They do not wish to be alone in their misery and will drag everyone else in their orbit down with them.
I have done this with a toxic narrsacist sister and moved on and no contact, I am amazing now, been four years, no more of these issues from her anymore. Letting go gave me back my mental and physical life and time and money. Best decision ever. Thank you .
Marcus Aurelius was the greatest of the Roman emperors. When a devastating plague hit Rome, he didn't head off to the country villas like so many aristocrats, but stayed in Rome, selling off palace treasures to take care of his subjects, until he eventually caught the plague himself & died. An example to us all of a life well & nobly lived. Everyone should read his short book, 'Meditations'.
Awareness is crucial….we need to forgive ourselves for having been unaware and that should be upon our terms not those of the offenders. VERY difficult. Again, awareness key
Family usually knows when they abuse my problem with my tricky family is they deny my reality they tell me how it really is or how it should be and they don't waver so I showed them I was different and they don't accept it and now I feel scapegoated as well maybe I'm just "too sensitive"
I will have to watch this 100 times. At 70 yrs old I have had to cut off or be cut off from 3 disrespectful daughters. Ages 50, 48 and 42. Everyone we grew up with is shocked by their behavior. Now my 33 yr old son has joined the ranks. If I tell new people I meet about it they automatically judge me as a bad mom which anyone who knows the truth knows that is not the case.
You're delusional. If you prefer to call 4 of your offspring disrespectful rather than looking inward when others also notice you as "a bad mom", then surely, you should be in need of a mirror.
This is happening to me to. A short time ago, my 4 grown children raved about me being a good mom. Even their friends called me mom and would say they wished they had a mom like me. Fast forward about a year, and each one had their own selfish reasons for discarding me. It's been others in their life pulling them away. Mainly toxic,sad partners. The devil seeks to destroy. I have moved on with my life, but I have supportive and genuine love for them. I understand what's happening and will always be here for them. We have to be wise enough to understand what they're doing while dealing with the hurt. It's been hard.
Me, too! I’m 68, 47 yo dtr. She’s just a nasty piece of work sometimes. Not all the time but often enough that I’m really guarded when she’s around. I don’t want to exclude her completely so when things start to go sideways, I suddenly remember a dental appt. I need to go to. No matter the time, I exit stage left. I want to help with my grandkids, so I won’t cut her off completely. It’s tricky. My other dtr is in the same boat so we are a good support team. I take some bad with the good and try to be thankful, but I hear you, sister!❤
@@pimmspimms5462 They have there reasons for sure. Hope you live long enough to interview some who have cut off good parents and some who love and care for parents who were not good parents.
I am called goody two shoes because I don't gossip,lie, butt in their business, don't criticize, and am a Christian, and they are critical. I don't go around my family at all. I can see my brother's house from mine but we haven't spoken in 13 years. I have worked very hard all my life and never asked for anything from them and my life has been good. I have made mistakes but they are mine and I own them. My opinion is that they are jealous of me and what I have achieved on my own.I don't sit around and gossip about them, I have better ways to spend my time. I love them but I don't respect them so I don't go around them. My family are so materialistic and I am not. I prefer to help others when I can. I lead a simple life and I love it. God has been good to me and I try to pass it on!!!
Great comment. They criticise you because you being virtuous and honest highlights back to them that they aren’t behaving well. So, they don’t like you being good as they feel threatened.
Most people today adopt a hedonistic philosophy and practice it without realizing that it doesn't lead to a good life. My family is like yours, but I just quietly live my own way while still maintaining some contact.
My roommate was extremely disrespectful. But I was able to laugh at his ridiculous comments. He is dead now. I cared for him for seven weeks in hospice without resentment. His cruelty made me strong. Nicodemus predicted that the 2020 decade will be the worst that the world has ever known. I pray that I will be strong and make right decisions during this trying time. So far so good.
Those people are in pain and staying away is best. If it’s family taking care of them in last days is a sign of true character and realizing that loyalty is important.
I'm taking care of my crippled mother along with hired help. I do distance myself to maintain some degree of tranquility. If I was consumed in her sterile way of life I would self destruct.
@@Lina-cy2yc Yes, but none are as verbally damaging to normal thinker , as a narcissist. And, Never call a narcissist a narcissistic. Tthat would shift blame to them, and, they can't deal with realiity. They can become dangerous!
I once dated a woman who had a dog named Buck. This woman was always telling Buck what to do and how to do it. When I finally ended our relationship, she couldn’t understand why I was doing so. I told her that she needed a man like Buck and that I wasn’t Buck
Thank you Lord 🙏🏻and stoicism lessons. I am a guy where I failed on plenty from 12 rules of my marriage . If I don't see it for so long never will changed myself . By time I understood where I failed . I love my X and try to talk if is any possibility just to sit and talk . I changed for a reason . Will be an important for both of us if it can be . Thank you and God Bless 🙏🏻
Did she treat u like she treat Buck? If not you're not fair to her in fact u're narcissistic to punish her that way just bcos u like dogs so much and disagreed how she discipline her dog. As long as there's no animal cruelty involved. You didn't explain here how u relate Buck and u got the same treatment from her. Maybe you're not that into her.
I will say every situation is different. My experience has greatly improved after creating distance from my immediate family. It sucks and it looks bad from the outside. If your family uses you as a scapegoat, you need to step away for yourself and the greater good. It is not selfish.
I have a manager with all 12 of these traits. It's bizarre. I had worked there 15 years before he came along. Boundaries are huge, but cutting contact is important, because you can't have a boundary that makes someone else less stupid. You are the combination of the 5 people you spend the most time around, so keep good company and cut all contact with bad company. You are worth it.
I am a big fan of Stoic philosophy and the lessons in stoicism from Seneca have been my guiding light for my whole adult life. Thank you very much for making these lessons available to us.
@@CamStubbs You said avoid anyone with a cell phone. My point is that adults without a cell phone are a rarity in 21st century. Therefore such people are hard to find, let alone avoid . My opinion and my experience . Inattentive attention???
When it comes to those types of people i show my strength by bending them to reality while forbidding reality to bend to them. You can see the pain in their eyes as they try to do harm to others but only end up harming themselves
Thank you for sharing your perspective! It's powerful to see how standing firm in your principles can reveal the true nature of others' actions. We're glad to have you with us on this journey of resilience and inner strength. Keep embodying those Stoic virtues!
I appreciate your videos, and believe this particular platform, specifically UA-cam, is an ideal forum. #1 is so vital and yet, I have witnessed it before, time and time again, with friends who are seeking relationships. I say look at how you are being treated. Have some dignity, some self worth..If and when we ( in general) can learn to value and appreciate Life , without the validation from others, then, half the proverbial 'Battle of Life' has been won.
Allow me the wisdom to let be and create what I need inside me. Like minded people inspire, learning and failing with grace as I learn how to structure boundaries reflecting growth and willingness to work towards balance ⚖️☯️🕊️ Love this 🤍
I’ve always wondered what stoicism would say about the narcissistic individual and this video explains it so well combining the virtues we can focus on in ourselves as we set boundaries with the tools of awareness mentioned here. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! I'm glad the video resonated with you. Stoicism indeed provides valuable insights on how to deal with narcissistic individuals by focusing on our own virtues and setting healthy boundaries. The tools of awareness that Stoicism teaches can really help us maintain our peace and integrity in such situations. Your engagement means a lot, and I'm happy to know that you found the explanation helpful. Thanks again for watching and sharing your thoughts!.
Stoicism always felt like the ultimate cope when I was young. Now, later in life, I've come to realize that less is more, as they say, especially when it comes to other people in your life.
I appreciate this. I really want to mend the relationship I had with an old friend but I see the many ways we struggled in trust and accountability and a little with feeling drained and lack of respect but nothing too serious
12 checkmarks for me... It's not easy to break free from a narcissistic family, when being the black sheep. When I block them on the phone, they start stalking at my front door... I absolute love this house and place where I am, but this doesn't stop. I have everyday tears thinking I need to move to somewhere else....
Stoicism is a philosophy that intrigues me. As I study this philosophy in greater depth, I seek to integrate its principles into my life so that I can continue to grow intellectually, morally and emotionally.
This video offers such profound insights on the importance of relationships! The lesson that our peace of mind is worth protecting by cutting toxic ties is a powerful reminder that self-respect should always come first.
Need to add that if a person is interpreting something as disrespect, they need to discuss that with the person to see if they can clarify. Jumping to conclusions or dealing with people mental illness or personality disorders does not count. This advice should be to rational humans with a sound and rational mind and good communication skills
Criticizes our character when they are uncomfortable but if we finally democratically be “honest” and express ourselves it is met with offense and refute. The expectation that we need to grow while they don’t think they need to address their ways and communications that are far from perfect. Lack of insight is huge! I don’t want to have to point everything out; I review myself all the time and accept my growth moments. I don’t understand their fear to change something that is obviously destructive.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's indeed challenging when others aren't willing to reflect on their actions while expecting us to constantly grow and change. Your self-awareness and commitment to personal growth are commendable. It's important to recognize when certain relationships are no longer healthy and to take steps to protect our well-being.
Thank you for this teaching. It has validated my inclination that when our teenage daughters graduate high school, if nothing changes with the way they interact with us including their disrespect, manipulation, dishonesty, and selfishness, they will need to move out and make a life for themselves. I will tolerate living with children that are dependent on me, but once they are adults and have their high school diploma, I will not live with someone who traits me with disrespect, dishonesty, selfishness, and manipulation. We adopted our daughters when they were 8 and 9 years old and were naive as to how much influence our love could have over them. Thank you for the validation.
Your content is very well presented, and this has been one of the most balanced videos yet. (In that you mention both discernment with self and others, as well as working with situations as they are and knowing when to remove oneself.) Thank you for sharing!
This is why Ive manifested to get away from here even though Im telling people here I like it here (in my hometown) I know God is with me & protecting both me and my daughter!
I watched this video in order to make informed decisions about how to proceed with my alcoholic brother and my parents who have been enabling him for more than twenty years. I believe this video contains everything my whole family and I need to know and-more importantly-act upon indefinitely.
Hi Elizabeth, Thank you so much for watching my video and for your thoughtful comment. I'm really touched to hear that it resonated with you and could help provide some clarity in such a tough situation. Dealing with addiction and enabling in the family is incredibly difficult, and it takes a lot of strength to face these issues head-on. I'm glad you found the information helpful, and I hope it gives you and your family the tools you need to move forward. If you ever need more support or have any questions, don't hesitate to reach out. Wishing you and your family all the best.❤️❤️💕
Social media has ruined relationships because of the weak people on it trying to impress or look for attention on it and telling people their personal problems and the others use there weakness to take advantage of them.....smh...
It’s kind of like sitting outside on a beautiful sunny day when it’s too cold to be sitting outside on a beautiful sunny day. I think I’ll go inside. I am now inside. Snug. Warm. Relaxed. Happy.
This is so beautifully done! tyvm! Points I have been feeling in work relationships that are distanced for various reasons. Everything you wrote is brilliant! Manipulate constant destructive communication! You nail it!!! It’s just very empowering to be armed with peace and clear calm logic
Don't sweat it boy, that's called wrinkles - one day we may all have some, .. or not. Staying chill, one's facial muscles relaxed to the max may prevent such intensely pronounced ones
When someone should feel a sense of reciprocation but instead the entitlement gets bigger and bigger. Including disregarding all that was given and shared at the slightest setting of a boundary.
This video offers deep insights into recognizing when relationships may no longer serve our well-being through a stoic lens. The emphasis on mutual respect, mental health, and aligned values resonated with me. It's a timely reminder to cultivate relationships that uplift and support our growth. For those interested in similar themes, I've discussed related topics in my own videos. Thanks for sharing this valuable content!
@ResilientLifee Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! I'm really glad to hear that the video resonated with you and that the ideas around mutual respect, mental health, and aligned values struck a chord. It's so important to be mindful of the relationships we keep and how they impact our well-being. I'm looking forward to checking out your content as well, and I appreciate you sharing your perspective here!
Thank God for these videos. They should be part of the school system so society’s tyrants can be exposed and dealt with earlier in one’s life. Sadly most times they are your parents. I remain hopeful for our society. The pendulum does swing. Please, you know who they are in your life .Take a stand against their behaviour so it won’t happen to others coming up the line behind you.
I’m currently going through this process. It seems like my list of people is getting shorter. As soon as I spot those flaming hot red flags- that’s when I start to consider the cons over the pros. One recent example is, I normally don’t go and seek out friends online, but I recently became suspicious of someone who I thought was the actual person posting content on their account, but it could have been someone else posing as them the entire time. Talk about getting played. I will never engage with another account like that ever again. It was a very gut wrenching experience. 💔 Especially on the day before my birthday. 😭
Welp he ticked all the boxes glad I left… now left to pick up all the pieces and deal with the gaslighting to validate my actual experience…. Deff take heed of these warning signs or you won’t recognize yourself anymore..
Gratitude rises within me, listening to these 12 lead prinziples, to cocreate a healthy thriveing relationship! And remembering that my first relationship is the one with me on rhe base of my consructive or abusive upbringing in the family, I feel it mandatory to first check what I create as relationship with my self! This seams to be of paramount importance, because this reflects my cocreation in relationships with my surroundings, with mother Earth and her children!🌀♾🙏🐛🦋🕊🌈🎼🎵🎶MarcAntoine
I dislike it when people relentlessly turn up late ⏰ it’s clear they don’t respect your time they think it does not matter. I can’t be asked with these types.
And I hate it when someone just drops by out of the blue . Am I supposed to just drop what I'm doing and entertain them? Hell no ! Let me know when you're coming and I'll be happy to see you...but not if you're hours later than you said you would. If that makes me harsh, then so be it.
All this stoicism reminds me of what i say to the check out ladies when they ask me "How are you Morry" to which i reply "I'm perfect, it's just the rest of the world thats me, me and more me"!
Very good wisdom imparted. However, the backgroud piano playing is unfortunate..sounds like someone plunking on keys, and takes away from listening carefully..
Thank you for your feedback! I appreciate your kind words about the wisdom shared. I'll definitely keep your comment about the background music in mind for future videos.
I know deep down, that these Stoic ways, and the Stoic Principles, are Correct. They Especially Apply, when One is Dealing with the Profuse & Complex ways, of trying be anywhere around People that are a Narcissistic.😢
This is all true, but what if youre being abused, etc. by a daughter and cannot see your beloved grandchildren with whom you have a healthy loving relationship if you distance from the daughter?
Thank you so much. The expression, with such great clarity, of relationship dynamics has helped me tremendously. It comes at a very opportune time in my marriage. 🙏
I actually cut ties with a really close friend recently. I thought we were as close as sisters, and then i didn't even get an invite to her wedding. From expecting to be in the wedding party to not even be invited, broke our relationship to pieces. The reason is that i dont get along with the groom's youngest brother and could start an argument. But, there are members in that family who caused even more disturbances than me, but they're invited. They keep saying family is more than just blood but then do this. I was actually relieved when i cut ties. That really showed just how unequal that relationship was. Oh, I'm sure she's calling me a selfish bitch to everyone right now because i decided to put my well being first.
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. It's incredibly hurtful when someone you consider family doesn't reciprocate that feeling. It sounds like you made a difficult but necessary decision for your well-being. Relationships should be equal and based on mutual respect and understanding. Prioritizing your mental and emotional health is never selfish. Stay strong, and know that sometimes distancing ourselves from toxic situations is the best way to find peace and true happiness. Thank you for sharing your story..
I have just cut contact with my sister, she meets all of the above criteria, we are 55 and 56, she has hurt and upset me all my life, I have tried to set boundaries but she just doesnt get it, she never says anything positive and takes every opportunity to be negative about how I live my life, according to her I should live my life exactly as she does, I have to be the same as her, we are very different people and she doesnt respect that I am an individual, and think and live my life differently to her.I am at a point in life where I do not put up with people like this.The dynamic between us and our mother is also screwed up, I think my mother is a narcissist and has manipulated me and my sister which is part of the problem, I think she is the golden child, its sad but very toxic, subscribed and hoping I can go on a road of recovery with your help
You must walk away. It took me a long time to end my marriage to a man who had zero respect for my feelings. So destructive. Happier now alone. Wishing you the best 😊
1. Consistent lack of respect
2. Negative effects on mental health
3. Misaligned values
4. Feeling constantly drained
5. Manipulation
6. Lack of trust
7. Abuse of any kind
8. Absence of growth and mutual support
9. Persistent selfish behaviour
10. Destructive communication
11. Disregard for personal needs
12. Absence of mutual accountability
thank you
Narcissist people
Thank you!
Thanks!
Thank you
It is better to be alone than to wish you were.
Yes and no. I'm almost 100% in social isolation. It is very very very damaging.
We need positive interactions. We need to communicate with others.
Alone with friends... Definitely.
Alone alone alone... Never.
I completely agree. Being alone with someone you don't want to be with is much worse than being alone, alone.
@@jenniehughes6927 I agree when I had relationships that were not good I felt more lonely than being alone. But now I am having time being alone. I seem to attract people who cannot give back
Damn, I am seeing this line everywhere...
"ISOLATION IS THE GIFT!!" - Charles B
Last year i walked away from my immediate family and one of my best friends. It took years to get to the point where i realised thst my peace of mind was more important than my misplaced sense of responsibility that kept me bound to these people that didn't have my best interests at heart. My life has gone from strength to strength since doing this. I left them, not intending to hurt them. I told them this.... But to honour my need for peace...they didn't understand this... But my inner peace knows that what I did was something beautiful for myself.
Me too. My granddaughter is the only one I stay in contact with, and she completely understands why I blocked everyone else. They try to drag her into it, but all she tells them is that there's nothing wrong with me not wanting to talk to them and to quit asking her , because it has nothing to do with her.
@jenshe sounds really healthy.
niehughes6927
Yes, please. You are so correct. Blessings to you on your journey to a healthier life.
Ditto. It’s hard when you have strong family values. But when you are constantly disrespected and gaslit and unappreciated then for your own sanity you need to walk. It’s taken me years to work out there was jealousy at the roots of it all. I loved my family. I wish them no harm but love my own sanity more. My best friend was always gloating about her life and achievements and had no interest in mine. I’m better off on my own and sure as hell don’t feel so alone.
Same here. Both parents deceased and I finally realized I was the only one treating siblings like siblings. Constant criticism, lack of regard, and receiving blame when I pointed out unkindness. My mental health is much better. Best wishes to you.
Experienced all of the above, I now live alone some peace at last. 🙏😊
Same 🙏
Good, but also extremely sad!! Sure there are good high value persons out there we can be associating with and enjoy more fulfilling lives. Not alone 😊 be out there.
🛐♥️
Same here, my 4 children have somehow all turned out to be kind, sensitive people along with their partners, I'm so grateful. I've ghosted everyone I know, some, certainly didn't deserve it, for that they'll understand when we meet on the other side. I'm 64, at 61, I was diagnosed with 'in attentive ADHD", which literally explains my entire existence. A life lived with constant shame is conducive to many bad choices in relationships. Having spent the last few years understanding my history and realizing that I am an intelligent, thoughtful, diligent etc, person, I'm reflecting on relationships and constantly realizing how toxic so many were. My Brother has been out of my life for years and unfortunately my Sister has to go too, her way of treating me was always condescending, so much gaslighting etc. This listen was perfect, it spells out exactly what must be present in every relationship to create your own peace, I feel better than I ever have, lucky and blessed. I want to send that vibe to all ✌️❤️🕉
Amen
I learned these life lessons, too
Late in life. Best friends turned out to be my worst enemies.
I've been there. It's never too late to learn anything.
I also learned much to late in life. I believe it was because it was family and we tend to give much of ourselves up for family at the cost of ourselves. Not anymore.
I actually think it is worse than that. Familiarity breeds contempt, and I have seen it even in the eyes of people I cared about. Way she goes sometimes.
I am extremely privileged to have learned that lesson early. It was still hard and it still hurt, but I got it out of the way, at least. Many blessings to you on your journey to emotional peace!
"Avoid loud and aggressive persons. They are a vexation to the spirit" -Max Ehrman
Not in every case. I know some boisterous people I love very very much and who’ve stood up for me aggressively over the many years I’ve known them. My brother is one.
6:57 covert Narc the allermat camillion 🦎🦎 you'll won't know untill it almost to late..$$$ the more you play the more you loose ..
What is extremely sad and heart breaking thats you have to stay away from Certain family members because they are enormously disrespectful and evil
Yes yes that’s me I stay far away from my family I don’t consider them family at this point and I’m happier
"Your enemies will be found in your own house." JC
Or they married one
❤❤
There isn't reciprocity !
Because is a family in question !
Keep casual friendships casual.
Never share personal info.
Dear God, grant me the wisdom to see truth in every situation, the insight to make wise choices, and the understanding to learn from my experiences. Amen.
Serenity, rephrased.
I live alone. Never before have I experienced inner peace, tranquility and prosperity as I do now.
Theres a phone and TV and Nature..what more do we need
Amen!!!!
❤❤❤
I moved out and live alone. I no longer have to deal with his disregard for my personal needs.
That’s what I did. Not easy, but sometimes necessary. I wish you all the best.
God grant me the power to get away from these toxic relationships.
Amen. This culture is not your friend. How wrong could this era, get ? (It’s so toxic)
Yes 👏 your so right!
God will do what you ask for! He did for me and others I know.
Amen
@@annachetnik1889we have been asking for food for our kids but nothing
I live my life this way. I am forever protecting my peace. ❤️
Jesus proclaimed, blessed are the peacemakers.. are you following His way of peace, or the world's selfish ways?
Bad friends ruin lives. Anyone who introduces you to bad habits believe them. Don’t take them back. Believe their bad actions no matter how they change the next day. They are not to be trusted. They keep coming back cause they have no one. That is why because they are not kind down deep inside and they do not want to see you happy. Do not waste your precious time on these people.
Some people really do act like crabs in a barrel. They do not wish to be alone in their misery and will drag everyone else in their orbit down with them.
I have done this with a toxic narrsacist sister and moved on and no contact, I
am amazing now, been four years, no more of these issues from her anymore. Letting go gave me back my mental and physical life and time and money. Best decision ever. Thank you .
Marcus Aurelius was the greatest of the Roman emperors. When a devastating plague hit Rome, he didn't head off to the country villas like so many aristocrats, but stayed in Rome, selling off palace treasures to take care of his subjects, until he eventually caught the plague himself & died. An example to us all of a life well & nobly lived. Everyone should read his short book, 'Meditations'.
AMAZING MAN!! ❤👏🙏
It is difficult if not impossible to not react to abuse or gaslighting. It's going against our human nature. Give yourself grace and forgive yourself.
Myself doesn't need forgiveness 🤷🏾♀️
It's easier said than practiced, I find it very difficult
Agreed
Awareness is crucial….we need to forgive ourselves for having been unaware and that should be upon our terms not those of the offenders. VERY difficult. Again, awareness key
Family usually knows when they abuse my problem with my tricky family is they deny my reality they tell me how it really is or how it should be and they don't waver so I showed them I was different and they don't accept it and now I feel scapegoated as well maybe I'm just "too sensitive"
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference
You can say that again, amen 🙏🏼
One Of My Most Favorite Quotes - Ever!
Full Of Wisdom
💐💝!!!
Amen
😇🤲💛
I don’t know how many times I have recited this. Thank you. ❤
How do you know what you can't change?
Always protect your energy 💗
Always!!!
Sometimes you have to just walk away and observe no contact.
I will have to watch this 100 times. At 70 yrs old I have had to cut off or be cut off from 3 disrespectful daughters. Ages 50, 48 and 42. Everyone we grew up with is shocked by their behavior. Now my 33 yr old son has joined the ranks. If I tell new people I meet about it they automatically judge me as a bad mom which anyone who knows the truth knows that is not the case.
You're delusional. If you prefer to call 4 of your offspring disrespectful rather than looking inward when others also notice you as "a bad mom", then surely, you should be in need of a mirror.
Children do not cut off their parents for no reason.
This is happening to me to. A short time ago, my 4 grown children raved about me being a good mom. Even their friends called me mom and would say they wished they had a mom like me. Fast forward about a year, and each one had their own selfish reasons for discarding me. It's been others in their life pulling them away. Mainly toxic,sad partners. The devil seeks to destroy. I have moved on with my life, but I have supportive and genuine love for them. I understand what's happening and will always be here for them. We have to be wise enough to understand what they're doing while dealing with the hurt. It's been hard.
Me, too! I’m 68, 47 yo dtr. She’s just a nasty piece of work sometimes. Not all the time but often enough that I’m really guarded when she’s around. I don’t want to exclude her completely so when things start to go sideways, I suddenly remember a dental appt. I need to go to. No matter the time, I exit stage left. I want to help with my grandkids, so I won’t cut her off completely. It’s tricky. My other dtr is in the same boat so we are a good support team. I take some bad with the good and try to be thankful, but I hear you, sister!❤
@@pimmspimms5462 They have there reasons for sure. Hope you live long enough to interview some who have cut off good parents and some who love and care for parents who were not good parents.
I am called goody two shoes because I don't gossip,lie, butt in their business, don't criticize, and am a Christian, and they are critical. I don't go around my family at all. I can see my brother's house from mine but we haven't spoken in 13 years. I have worked very hard all my life and never asked for anything from them and my life has been good. I have made mistakes but they are mine and I own them. My opinion is that they are jealous of me and what I have achieved on my own.I don't sit around and gossip about them, I have better ways to spend my time. I love them but I don't respect them so I don't go around them. My family are so materialistic and I am not. I prefer to help others when I can. I lead a simple life and I love it. God has been good to me and I try to pass it on!!!
Great comment. They criticise you because you being virtuous and honest highlights back to them that they aren’t behaving well. So, they don’t like you being good as they feel threatened.
Most people today adopt a hedonistic philosophy and practice it without realizing that it doesn't lead to a good life. My family is like yours, but I just quietly live my own way while still maintaining some contact.
Amen o
🙏🏼
Beautifully said !
God, give me the confidence to alter the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and the discernment to see the differences.
nice rethink ...
i always thought to add "the grace to allow myself & others space to grow" ...
Dont go G please. Stay
In a relationship I know I’m a blessing and if they don’t then I’m
Gone!
Good for you! That’s exactly what we do when we know our value.
Thank you. Listening to this made me realize for sure that cutting ties with my sister was the right thing to do.
My roommate was extremely disrespectful. But I was able to laugh at his ridiculous comments. He is dead now. I cared for him for seven weeks in hospice without resentment. His cruelty made me strong. Nicodemus predicted that the 2020 decade will be the worst that the world has ever known. I pray that I will be strong and make right decisions during this trying time. So far so good.
😅✝️
amen
Those people are in pain and staying away is best. If it’s family taking care of them in last days is a sign of true character and realizing that loyalty is important.
I'm taking care of my crippled mother along with hired help. I do distance myself to maintain some degree of tranquility. If I was consumed in her sterile way of life I would self destruct.
You mean Nostradamus ?
So,basically, youre saying stay away from a narcissist.
There are a lot of other types people, who would do bad things.
Not necessarily. Weak family members controlled by an insecure partner and then disrespect you because of selfishness, jealousy, insecurity etc.
Naw just humans. Dogs. Cats. Seagulls. Mushrooms.
@@Lina-cy2yc
Yes, but none are as verbally damaging to normal thinker , as a narcissist. And, Never call a narcissist a narcissistic. Tthat would shift blame to them, and, they can't deal with realiity. They can become dangerous!
Narcissistic.? Very over used term / label.
Yes distance self from the relationship that seems unfair and unbalanced🚨for my mental state of mind
I love the Stoic way, it the only path that leads virtuous. Stoicism!!!!!!
.. It may well do but it's not the only way
I once dated a woman who had a dog named Buck. This woman was always telling Buck what to do and how to do it. When I finally ended our relationship, she couldn’t understand why I was doing so. I told her that she needed a man like Buck and that I wasn’t Buck
Thank you Lord 🙏🏻and stoicism lessons. I am a guy where I failed on plenty from 12 rules of my marriage . If I don't see it for so long never will changed myself . By time I understood where I failed . I love my X and try to talk if is any possibility just to sit and talk . I changed for a reason . Will be an important for both of us if it can be . Thank you and God Bless 🙏🏻
😂😂🎉
This is frickin awesome 😂
Did she treat u like she treat Buck? If not you're not fair to her in fact u're narcissistic to punish her that way just bcos u like dogs so much and disagreed how she discipline her dog. As long as there's no animal cruelty involved. You didn't explain here how u relate Buck and u got the same treatment from her. Maybe you're not that into her.
No such thing as luck.. being blessed with discernment is what it is 😊🔥😊💚
I will say every situation is different. My experience has greatly improved after creating distance from my immediate family. It sucks and it looks bad from the outside. If your family uses you as a scapegoat, you need to step away for yourself and the greater good. It is not selfish.
Turns out i've been doing this since a long time ago without knowing it's actually a thing .. im happier than ever now.!!
These videos are a breath of fresh air ☺️
Life is the best teacher. I am thankful for all my toxic relationships, they taught me all the 12 things mentioned in the video.
I also learned a lot from a toxic relationship!
I have a manager with all 12 of these traits. It's bizarre. I had worked there 15 years before he came along. Boundaries are huge, but cutting contact is important, because you can't have a boundary that makes someone else less stupid. You are the combination of the 5 people you spend the most time around, so keep good company and cut all contact with bad company. You are worth it.
put yourself in the shoes of the hiring manager who hit all those traits. you would hire him ; wouldn't you?
@@ChickenMcThiccken No.
@@jmfs3497 neither would i LOL; but they hire them anyway
I am a big fan of Stoic philosophy and the lessons in stoicism from Seneca have been my guiding light for my whole adult life. Thank you very much for making these lessons available to us.
This is the only way to live a virtuous life..Thank you Lord for embedding this philosophy inside me
Short form; avoid anyone with a cell phone.
how do you avoid yourself?
@@ChickenMcThiccken get rid of the cell phone?
That's like saying avoid anyone with 2 eyes !!😂
@@bl4531 no more like saying avoid anyone that gives inattentive attention, which is just about everyone with 2 eyes it seems
@@CamStubbs You said avoid anyone with a cell phone. My point is that adults without a cell phone are a rarity in 21st century. Therefore such people are hard to find, let alone avoid . My opinion and my experience .
Inattentive attention???
When it comes to those types of people i show my strength by bending them to reality while forbidding reality to bend to them. You can see the pain in their eyes as they try to do harm to others but only end up harming themselves
??
@@carin5767I have no clue as to what this guy is even saying. If you got to read between the lines it’s a good idea to stay away from such a person.
Thank you. I don't know what this person is trying to convey???
Thank you for sharing your perspective! It's powerful to see how standing firm in your principles can reveal the true nature of others' actions. We're glad to have you with us on this journey of resilience and inner strength. Keep embodying those Stoic virtues!
I understand it shtuu. don't worry about the others people.
I appreciate your videos, and believe this particular platform, specifically UA-cam, is an ideal forum. #1 is so vital and yet, I have witnessed it before, time and time again, with friends who are seeking relationships. I say look at how you are being treated. Have some dignity, some self worth..If and when we ( in general) can learn to value and appreciate Life , without the validation from others, then, half the proverbial 'Battle of Life' has been won.
Allow me the wisdom to let be and create what I need inside me.
Like minded people inspire, learning and failing with grace as I learn how to structure boundaries reflecting growth and willingness to work towards balance ⚖️☯️🕊️
Love this 🤍
I had a supervisor like this once. Don’t know how I lasted 18 months. She was truly unhinged.
These lessons provide a fundamental, critical lens to understanding what is otherwise a confusing life. So appreciate this content!
I’ve always wondered what stoicism would say about the narcissistic individual and this video explains it so well combining the virtues we can focus on in ourselves as we set boundaries with the tools of awareness mentioned here. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! I'm glad the video resonated with you. Stoicism indeed provides valuable insights on how to deal with narcissistic individuals by focusing on our own virtues and setting healthy boundaries. The tools of awareness that Stoicism teaches can really help us maintain our peace and integrity in such situations. Your engagement means a lot, and I'm happy to know that you found the explanation helpful. Thanks again for watching and sharing your thoughts!.
Stoicism always felt like the ultimate cope when I was young. Now, later in life, I've come to realize that less is more, as they say, especially when it comes to other people in your life.
I appreciate this. I really want to mend the relationship I had with an old friend but I see the many ways we struggled in trust and accountability and a little with feeling drained and lack of respect but nothing too serious
12 checkmarks for me... It's not easy to break free from a narcissistic family, when being the black sheep. When I block them on the phone, they start stalking at my front door... I absolute love this house and place where I am, but this doesn't stop. I have everyday tears thinking I need to move to somewhere else....
Get a restraining order if they are trespassing when you told them not to come on your property.
God grant me and give me confidence to move on forward from people that doesn't serve my highest good. Bless me strength to move on.
You will come to find that you need to pray for the opposite. Bless the ones who mean you no good with the strength to MOVE ON 🤷🏾♀️
amen
Stoicism is a philosophy that intrigues me. As I study this philosophy in greater depth, I seek to integrate its principles into my life so that I can continue to grow intellectually, morally and emotionally.
This video offers such profound insights on the importance of relationships! The lesson that our peace of mind is worth protecting by cutting toxic ties is a powerful reminder that self-respect should always come first.
This came to me precisely at a time I needed it to.
Need to add that if a person is interpreting something as disrespect, they need to discuss that with the person to see if they can clarify. Jumping to conclusions or dealing with people mental illness or personality disorders does not count. This advice should be to rational humans with a sound and rational mind and good communication skills
Get a lot of such accusations, do you?
Criticizes our character when they are uncomfortable but if we finally democratically be “honest” and express ourselves it is met with offense and refute. The expectation that we need to grow while they don’t think they need to address their ways and communications that are far from perfect. Lack of insight is huge! I don’t want to have to point everything out; I review myself all the time and accept my growth moments. I don’t understand their fear to change something that is obviously destructive.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's indeed challenging when others aren't willing to reflect on their actions while expecting us to constantly grow and change. Your self-awareness and commitment to personal growth are commendable. It's important to recognize when certain relationships are no longer healthy and to take steps to protect our well-being.
Thanks for the video. Helped me disconnect from some disrespectful people ghosting me on Twitch for no apparent reason.
Thank you for this teaching. It has validated my inclination that when our teenage daughters graduate high school, if nothing changes with the way they interact with us including their disrespect, manipulation, dishonesty, and selfishness, they will need to move out and make a life for themselves. I will tolerate living with children that are dependent on me, but once they are adults and have their high school diploma, I will not live with someone who traits me with disrespect, dishonesty, selfishness, and manipulation. We adopted our daughters when they were 8 and 9 years old and were naive as to how much influence our love could have over them. Thank you for the validation.
Thank you for the inner wisdom. Am growing and grateful
Your content is very well presented, and this has been one of the most balanced videos yet. (In that you mention both discernment with self and others, as well as working with situations as they are and knowing when to remove oneself.) Thank you for sharing!
This is the very reason I am where I am.
This is why Ive manifested to get away from here even though Im telling people here I like it here (in my hometown) I know God is with me & protecting both me and my daughter!
Thank you! ❤ wisdom for the ages to implement in our lives!
I watched this video in order to make informed decisions about how to proceed with my alcoholic brother and my parents who have been enabling him for more than twenty years. I believe this video contains everything my whole family and I need to know and-more importantly-act upon indefinitely.
Hi Elizabeth,
Thank you so much for watching my video and for your thoughtful comment. I'm really touched to hear that it resonated with you and could help provide some clarity in such a tough situation. Dealing with addiction and enabling in the family is incredibly difficult, and it takes a lot of strength to face these issues head-on.
I'm glad you found the information helpful, and I hope it gives you and your family the tools you need to move forward. If you ever need more support or have any questions, don't hesitate to reach out. Wishing you and your family all the best.❤️❤️💕
Well said. A great reminder about our protecting our own energy, standards, values and whether they align with others.
Social media has ruined relationships because of the weak people on it trying to impress or look for attention on it and telling people their personal problems and the others use there weakness to take advantage of them.....smh...
It’s kind of like sitting outside on a beautiful sunny day when it’s too cold to be sitting outside on a beautiful sunny day. I think I’ll go inside. I am now inside. Snug. Warm. Relaxed. Happy.
This is so beautifully done! tyvm! Points I have been feeling in work relationships that are distanced for various reasons. Everything you wrote is brilliant! Manipulate constant destructive communication! You nail it!!! It’s just very empowering to be armed with peace and clear calm logic
Wow, this hit close to home. I've been struggling with a friend who exhibits almost all of these signs. Time to make some tough decisions
"The best revenge is not to be like your enemy." - Marcus Aurelius.
respect has to be earned.
No... trust is earned respect is lost you should respect every human being until they show you that you shouldn't .
Very Helpful guidance thanks
I left for seven years, and im about leave again. Home is not home anymore. These videos are saving my life. Thank you
Am I strong enough to be a stoic if I lack 10-pack abs on my forehead?
🤡
😂😂😂
I don’t get it.
Don't sweat it boy, that's called wrinkles - one day we may all have some, .. or not. Staying chill, one's facial muscles relaxed to the max may prevent such intensely pronounced ones
When someone should feel a sense of reciprocation but instead the entitlement gets bigger and bigger. Including disregarding all that was given and shared at the slightest setting of a boundary.
This video offers deep insights into recognizing when relationships may no longer serve our well-being through a stoic lens. The emphasis on mutual respect, mental health, and aligned values resonated with me. It's a timely reminder to cultivate relationships that uplift and support our growth. For those interested in similar themes, I've discussed related topics in my own videos. Thanks for sharing this valuable content!
@ResilientLifee Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! I'm really glad to hear that the video resonated with you and that the ideas around mutual respect, mental health, and aligned values struck a chord. It's so important to be mindful of the relationships we keep and how they impact our well-being. I'm looking forward to checking out your content as well, and I appreciate you sharing your perspective here!
Thank God for these videos. They should be part of the school system so society’s tyrants can be exposed and dealt with earlier in one’s life. Sadly most times they are your parents. I remain hopeful for our society. The pendulum does swing. Please, you know who they are in your life .Take a stand against their behaviour so it won’t happen to others coming up the line behind you.
I’m currently going through this process. It seems like my list of people is getting shorter. As soon as I spot those flaming hot red flags- that’s when I start to consider the cons over the pros.
One recent example is, I normally don’t go and seek out friends online, but I recently became suspicious of someone who I thought was the actual person posting content on their account, but it could have been someone else posing as them the entire time. Talk about getting played. I will never engage with another account like that ever again. It was a very gut wrenching experience. 💔 Especially on the day before my birthday. 😭
Proactively thinking....
Welp he ticked all the boxes glad I left… now left to pick up all the pieces and deal with the gaslighting to validate my actual experience…. Deff take heed of these warning signs or you won’t recognize yourself anymore..
Sto-icism = the natural feeling you have in your sto-mach when something isn't quite right. Gut brain... listen to it well well. 🧠
Gratitude rises within me, listening to these 12 lead prinziples, to cocreate a healthy thriveing relationship! And remembering that my first relationship is the one with me on rhe base of my consructive or abusive upbringing in the family, I feel it mandatory to first check what I create as relationship with my self! This seams to be of paramount importance, because this reflects my cocreation in
relationships with my surroundings, with mother Earth and her children!🌀♾🙏🐛🦋🕊🌈🎼🎵🎶MarcAntoine
Great teachings. Words can really work wonders in one's life. Thank you 😊
That's right! I deleted my phone number and blocked contact with my old boss because of his rudeness. I never want to see him again.
Yes its time to cut some chords once and for all.Its about choosing my future and dreams gowls and loves first....
I dislike it when people relentlessly turn up late ⏰ it’s clear they don’t respect your time they think it does not matter.
I can’t be asked with these types.
And I hate it when someone just drops by out of the blue . Am I supposed to just drop what I'm doing and entertain them? Hell no ! Let me know when you're coming and I'll be happy to see you...but not if you're hours later than you said you would. If that makes me harsh, then so be it.
All this stoicism reminds me of what i say to the check out ladies when they ask me "How are you Morry" to which i reply "I'm perfect, it's just the rest of the world thats me, me and more me"!
Very good wisdom imparted. However, the backgroud piano playing is unfortunate..sounds like someone plunking on keys, and takes away from listening carefully..
Thank you for your feedback! I appreciate your kind words about the wisdom shared. I'll definitely keep your comment about the background music in mind for future videos.
I know deep down, that these Stoic ways, and the Stoic Principles, are Correct. They Especially Apply, when One is Dealing with the Profuse & Complex ways, of trying be anywhere around People that are a Narcissistic.😢
Truly the BEST video of all time on Stoicism😊❤️💕
New to this podcast and absolutely love it!
👏👏👏
Welcome I’m a newcomer also and I’m so happy I found this podcast
Thank you Joanne, I’m so happy too. Good stuff!
This is all true, but what if youre being abused, etc. by a daughter and cannot see your beloved grandchildren with whom you have a healthy loving relationship if you distance from the daughter?
This was very informative to a virtuous life and clear guidance in the jungle of modern life.
Thank you so much. The expression, with such great clarity, of relationship dynamics has helped me tremendously. It comes at a very opportune time in my marriage. 🙏
How do you cut off contact with people you're not in contact with 🤷🏾♀️ what is the fine & sentencing for criminal harassment & illegal surveillance?
I actually cut ties with a really close friend recently. I thought we were as close as sisters, and then i didn't even get an invite to her wedding. From expecting to be in the wedding party to not even be invited, broke our relationship to pieces. The reason is that i dont get along with the groom's youngest brother and could start an argument. But, there are members in that family who caused even more disturbances than me, but they're invited. They keep saying family is more than just blood but then do this. I was actually relieved when i cut ties. That really showed just how unequal that relationship was. Oh, I'm sure she's calling me a selfish bitch to everyone right now because i decided to put my well being first.
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. It's incredibly hurtful when someone you consider family doesn't reciprocate that feeling. It sounds like you made a difficult but necessary decision for your well-being. Relationships should be equal and based on mutual respect and understanding. Prioritizing your mental and emotional health is never selfish. Stay strong, and know that sometimes distancing ourselves from toxic situations is the best way to find peace and true happiness. Thank you for sharing your story..
@@StoicTellMe thank you
@@ToudaHellBe your happiest self.
if you see statues talking to you. Immediately stop drinking.
I have just cut contact with my sister, she meets all of the above criteria, we are 55 and 56, she has hurt and upset me all my life, I have tried to set boundaries but she just doesnt get it, she never says anything positive and takes every opportunity to be negative about how I live my life, according to her I should live my life exactly as she does, I have to be the same as her, we are very different people and she doesnt respect that I am an individual, and think and live my life differently to her.I am at a point in life where I do not put up with people like this.The dynamic between us and our mother is also screwed up, I think my mother is a narcissist and has manipulated me and my sister which is part of the problem, I think she is the golden child, its sad but very toxic, subscribed and hoping I can go on a road of recovery with your help
What happens when you cannot talk to him because he does listen to he put blame and over talk you
LET IT GO!
I think that goes under the manipulation category. See video for advice.
You must walk away. It took me a long time to end my marriage to a man who had zero respect for my feelings. So destructive. Happier now alone. Wishing you the best 😊
Relationships are a give and take. If he is not giving and just taking. . . What are your rewards?
He lived 2000 years ago... Amazing.
Very helpful and informative-thank you so much!
You are so welcome!
This video gave me the actual talking points and correct verbiage to use in a difficult conversation I needed to have with my romantic partner
Thanks. Express my sincere gratitude for the wonderful learning 🙏
Thank you for your kind words, they truly mean a lot to me.