As if he never existed . Actually it's hard to keep mindful so as not to let it happen inadvertently to someone you SHOULDN'T write off , a parent, child etc . I call it "My delete button"
@@elizabethtd1006 I had no clue this ability was related to being an INFJ. I am able to turn my emotions on and off like a switch, using when appropriate. It’s a strange thing. But I typically only use it when I do need to sever a toxic or hurtful relationship. It’s a defense mechanism to ensure I am still able to operate at full capacity, not allowing others influence my day to day feel.
@@JerryGonzalez Good you are in control, with me it happens , but I see it coming. I start screening and denigrating each and every word ,action and memory, until there's nothing left . Deleted. We must be mindful though because as you said, this is a defense mechanism . It may activate where it shouldn't. Think ,for example , how emotionally exhausting adolescence can be , alas if we allow for the child to be written off like that !
@@user-fs6ou3fk9p Good luck to you. I am 57. I would love to move on like you but I have a special needs child now 19. I need to be there for him. He has done nothing to harm me.
I got hired on with a new company, and management was pretty dishonest with me during the hiring process. When I called them out on it (privately first), they seemed to think I'd back down if they threatened me. I didn't. In the end, I took them to court, diposed every single one of them, and won at my state's Supreme Court (creating a new law). I think that surprised them. It definately wasn't a fun time on their side.
They hired me for one job, but then thought I was better suited for another job they couldn't fill. So, they switched my role before I started, without asking and before I quit my other job. It felt like a bait and switch, though that wasn't their view. They assumed I'd be OK with it, but I wasn't. They claimed my state's "right to work" gave them the right to do whatever they wanted. The lower courts thought that company had a point, so it was escalated.
I'm sure you gave them every chance to disengage. I could write a book about situations like this playing out with employers, government officials, bullies, bullies and more bullies. Im glad you took it this far and won.
I think the Brits are confrontation-phobic and rely on passive aggression. They are not able to handle being called out. They ignore quiet assertiveness and keep pushing. I don't enjoy calling people out so if I have to, the relationship is already over.
@user-um3tl2vm8w INFJs think for themselves. They will not appreciate your thinking, creativity, or support either of those! The government job is going to be an Epic Fail. Because in a government job you just have to get it done. To them it doesn't matter how, just get it done. To you it matters how. So there will always be that conflict. Good luck!
If somone hurts me deeply, I detach from them emotionally and am no longer available . Sometimes after arguments, other times, something inside me breaks and I become cold. I've also learned to distance myself from certain kinds of people.
The first time someone told me I was intimidating, I was taken aback. I'm kind, helpful, considerate and fair. I also see through bullshit, don't back down and carry through with my intentions. I have a very "Don't Tread On Me" approach to life. The "herd" mentality is not for me, and that is my superpower.
YES!!!! I never understood why people would say I was intimidating, until I had to take the Bristol Myer Test for a promotion at work. It explained so much!
About ghosting others especially. I do not need a visible excuse to vanish from someone's life entirely. I will play normal one day and just fully disappear the next. That's because I have concluded my research on someone's personality and motives. If someone is shady, they THINK they have me, but I have seen through them like an agent and let them go. In conclusion : I am nice but I have my eye on everyone. Everything is a test and if someone is a bad character... I never existed.
@@brennadickinson2920 I'm too nice and when I get too sick of someone's abuse I turn like terminator and then they try to guilt trip me saying " I didn't know you were like this" meaning "I thought you were weak ". I'm working on setting boundaries before I get too sick about someone's abuse. There are a whole bunch of entittled cover narcissists who turn from Jeckyll to míster Hyde in a hear beat.
@@Lyrielonwind I care about people, but that doesn't mean I'm a doormat. I'm committed to standing up and walking away when I see that they want to subjugate me to their warped reality.
Same started 8 months ago. And it's been enlightening. The way people just gather to me now. But watch out for those narcissist. I just dodged a bullet recently. She got door slammed.
67 year old INFJ-T, 1w2. You are extremely accurate with your explanations. I have seen a lot in my life time and have experienced all of these things. I have helped many and let others fend for themselves. I don't have to get revenge on another because I already know where their life is going. I just sit back and watch them implode.
When I was younger, I was known in my family as being a 'hot head' for my temper and snapping point. Now looking back and knowing what I know about MBTI, I can see why I had so much trouble. I was surrounded by my least compatible personality types. As an INFJ I spent my entire childhood completely confused by the people around me and how they all seemed so out of touch with what I viewed as so important. It was also very lonely for me because none of them ever ventured past the surface in conversation.... their eyes would glaze over if I delved deeper. I've been in such a good place mentally as an adult, thanks to MBTI and learning about who I am and how the people close to me interact with the world. Such a valuable tool for self-growth.
It can be so frustrating being an INFJ! I feel your anger and pain. Its very disillusioning to have those feelings unvalidated. Anger is a red flag that something is wrong, and its good to listen to that anger (symptom) to dig down to the root problem (not ignore the symptom or invalidate it).
My god, this is exactly what I've been feeling recently. in my eyes some people close to me seem to have "wrong" priorities in life and it's made me frustrated lately.
I never thought I am dangerous but in retrospect I guess I can be. I don't like it though. I'd much rather have a peaceful atmosphere, it is so much more productive.
Yes, peace is always best. Knowing our abilities is very important because we can cut them off at the pass if we know about them! Thanks so much for the comment! Jay
It’s true: I always strive to have a certain balance in my environment, for myself and other people. However, if something is not right, I have a strong feeling of correcting it, sometimes in a way to remove what causes the imbalance in such an order that it crushes balance totally first but then has a chance to be rebuilt again. For example: I know a guy steals at my workplace (I work for the court of Justice) and he sells those goods and I can’t stand that injustice. Also, because he treated my colleague badly in the past, but he gets away with his lies and manipulation. So, I am thinking about to expose it to get our working place purified. I could go to the bosses, the police and even the media. It would give an earth quake in our department which would cause problems for a lot of people (including me) but I am sometimes in a state to think it’s necessary for the higher good. I’m that state I don’t care about the hurting in the short term, because on the longer term it will be good. When I’m in that kind of state, I understand what Dynaeris Targaryen did when she gave her dragons permission to burn that city to the ground. I even see what that INFJ dictator was trying to do in Germany a couple of decennia ago. Totally wrong ofcourse, but I do get his intention (without supporting it at all). If we are tired of it and angry, we are dangerous indeed.
It’s true: I always strive to have a certain balance in my environment, for myself and other people. However, if something is not right, I have a strong feeling of correcting it, sometimes in a way to remove what causes the imbalance in such an order that it crushes balance totally first but then has a chance to be rebuilt again. For example: I know a guy steals at my workplace (I work for the court of Justice) and he sells those goods and I can’t stand that injustice. Also, because he treated my colleague badly in the past, but he gets away with his lies and manipulation. So, I am thinking about to expose it to get our working place purified. I could go to the bosses, the police and even the media. It would give an earth quake in our department which would cause problems for a lot of people (including me) but I am sometimes in a state to think it’s necessary for the higher good. I’m that state I don’t care about the hurting in the short term, because on the longer term it will be good. When I’m in that kind of state, I understand what Dynaeris Targaryen did when she gave her dragons permission to burn that city to the ground. I even see what that INFJ dictator was trying to do in Germany a couple of decennia ago. Totally wrong ofcourse, but I do get his intention (without supporting it at all). If we are tired of it and angry, we are dangerous indeed.
@@INFJcircle It’s true: I always strive to have a certain balance in my environment, for myself and other people. However, if something is not right, I have a strong feeling of correcting it, sometimes in a way to remove what causes the imbalance in such an order that it crushes balance totally first but then has a chance to be rebuilt again. For example: I know a guy steals at my workplace (I work for the court of Justice) and he sells those goods and I can’t stand that injustice. Also, because he treated my colleague badly in the past, but he gets away with his lies and manipulation. So, I am thinking about to expose it to get our working place purified. I could go to the bosses, the police and even the media. It would give an earth quake in our department which would cause problems for a lot of people (including me) but I am sometimes in a state to think it’s necessary for the higher good. I’m that state I don’t care about the hurting in the short term, because on the longer term it will be good. When I’m in that kind of state, I understand what Dynaeris Targaryen did when she gave her dragons permission to burn that city to the ground. I even see what that INFJ dictator was trying to do in Germany a couple of decennia ago. Totally wrong ofcourse, but I do get his intention (without supporting it at all). If we are tired of it and angry, we are dangerous indeed.
My preference, too, by a long shot. But people often seem to find brutal and insightful honesty about themselves scarier than just about anything else they could ever conceive of. 🤷♀️
INFJ dismantle opponents: Last year I rented a cottage with a year-long lease. I was never late with rent & I also alerted the landlords to leaking in the laundry room & other issues, most of which they never addressed. After I moved out the landlords refused to give me the deposit back, had the gaul to ask me to pay an additional $1k “to return unit to like condition”. I proceeded to file a claim for return of my deposit. It took 6 months but I never wavered, I compiled so much evidence against the landlords that even the judge commented on my “preponderance of evidence” that I submitted to court, and judge ruled in my favor. That was the best feeling. Those landlords were just digging in the kitty litter, trying to charge me for all kinds of frivolous and dumbfounded wear-and-tear. EDIT: autocorrect errors
Well done you! Omg! This is happening to me now. So upset knew landlord well. Left the place immaculate. So upset such a peacemaker but now that’s it…slam…will not accept lies and injustice for me or anyone else! I object your honour! :)
similar situation. It has devastated my good credit left my daughter and I unable to secure housing and ruined my reputation in county records for future references. All wrongly and the documentation is ironclad. I too have this innate inability to do anything but continue to positively prove my intentions in life of conducting myself honestly and with integrity. And lastly my financial health is critical to me and I deserve my money back and credibility as a consumer which is technically what a tenant is a customer in my opinion.
I did that but didn't have to go to court although I talked to a judge in that state. $1400 deposit and they tried to keep half so I went after the prop management business and sent letters and copies of evidence and pics and ended up getting most of my money back. Their VP was nasty to me and I think they were afraid I'd put them on FB even though I never threatened it
It's our "Hannibal mode" 😁 The first time this happened to me, it was really scary to see how I managed to be so cold-blooded in a moment of extreme stress, when I had to confront an abusive narcissistic relative who had been giving me hell for years and how my words were meticulously chosen to hit the most painful and weakest points of him and after that, he started to be more terrified of me than of death itself and I even presented him with our legendary INFJ door slam and life has been very peaceful since then.
That sounds like an eventful story. I totally understand, when we’re pushed too far bad things happen. I like the Hannibal mode lol. Thanks for the comment and sharing your story. Jay
I always had a feeling that Hannibal could be also an INFJ, because it's so fascinating and scary to see how he can read (and mess with) people's minds and predict their behaviors in that way. Maybe in a day when lack some inspiration for a video, you could analyzing some characters like Hannibal, Sherlock Holmes, etc, that seems to be INFJs.😁 Keep the great job, your videos are amazing!
Hannibal, the guy who crossed the Alpes with elephants to hammer down the Romans? ;-) I am not aware of that other Hannibal, so I would call it the Daenerys Targaryen mode,, just after her friend was killed. She then gave the order to burn down the entire city.
Older INFJ here. I find that I am still vulnerable to hurt by others when I have decided to trust them. I long for inclusion in a group, and when someone in the group publicly disrespects me or otherwise sabotages me, I feel hurt. I try to forgive, but I always end up leaving the group. I suspect that the disrespect was not intentional, but adults in groups need to be careful when they treat other members unfairly. Another hurt is when no one (or only one person) stands up for me. Or when the insulting person doesn't actually apologize, but acts like their behavior was acceptable. ALSO, here's a question. I'm sorry if the answer is obvious to everyone but me. I tend to need explicit facts to understand. Q: How are INFJs created? (I don't think we're born this complicated.) My suspicion is that we're exceptionally bright people who were emotionally abused or neglected as children, told our ideas and feelings don't matter, and gaslighted (the text software doesn't like the word "gaslit") when we got upset. We learn to know that we're most likely correct, despite others discrediting and sabotaging us. That leads us to pattern awareness; love of data; feeling unsure of our ability to be truly seen and loved; self-protective defenses on alert; heightened awareness and hate of injustice; and ongoing desire to be included in groups. What do you all think? Does this ring true for you?
A lot of that sounds familiar but the desire to be in a group definitely does not. As an introvert, I love the IDEA of a group but could never survive the group mindset. That's just the way it is. (I'd love for you to invite me to an event but don't expect me to actually attend the event.) ;D
This is so exactly true! People think I am a sweet little person they can run over (one girl even called me "Bo Peep" as a nickname.). But I have surprised them, and even myself, when I finally am driven to do the door slam. And I didn't even feel bad about it, they were just OUT.
That's kind of how that seems to always be, isn't it? "Suddenly," after a long string of one-more chances. By that point, I seem to have had plenty of time to detach from the other person, and there's just no bringing me back in to care anymore. ❤
I love the natural kindness Infj's have. I find that Infj's don't have to punish because the future is clear to those who are corrupt. Boundaries are important to learn. Givers need their solace too. We are worthy of respect, too. Stay where you are wanted. Leave when the truth is too hard for others. Infj's cannot live in half-truths. It hurts to separate from the reality as we see it. Sometimes we can't bring everybody with us.
Last time was someone forcing an argument with me, I just told her that the point of the argument was of no value worth arguing over, that her empty life with no partner was making her sad and angry, wanting to hit out at someone to relieve the emotions to feel stronger and some control and that she'd chosen me because she didn't expect an argument back.
Abuse is always where it starts for me. The older I get, the better I am at distancing myself earlier from other people's bad behavior and NOT having to get to these moments, but I suppose even with myself, I give too many chances. 😂😢
I've come to deeply appreciate this side of myself. After decades of being bullied and abused, I found my voice. NO ONE treats me badly now, not if they don't want it thrown right back in their faces.
I had a coworker tell me that I (at the time I was in my late fifties) was “too nice and innocent.” I said, “No, I’m medicated. Three days off the PTSD meds, you wouldn’t stay in the same room with me.” I’d rather ghost a person than wind up having to bury them in the park LOL
I had two gf so blalantly cheat that when I caught, showed them on a written timeline complete with dates and times they both cried and tossed their hands up and claimed I was "evil" that I could put all this together like a CIA agent. This was my awakening to being an INFJ and some of its power.
I felt a little guilty thinking that is hilarious until I saw your comment. And Mr. Secret Agent Man, I hope you find some non-cheating, not drama queens. Lol
The INFJ door slam is a real thing in my life. After repeated requests and observations-if the particular issue arises that last time, it truly IS the last time. It’s like a switch shuts down all the lights and I’m out officially. Cold as ice I am able to be so detached it’s stunning. Not rude, juts very matter of fact and “goodbye”. Decision made over a lot of time and contemplation.
I was not believing that I was infj until I read about the door slam and then I had to own it lol there's three or four family members that have not heard from me some of them for a decade
Has any one thought they may have door slammed the human race. I think as I have aged, I stopped trying to make a connection. I have my handful of precious people and am content to keep everyone else at a distance.
I sometimes feel this way too and I don't even have a handful of close friends any more as I have door slammed almost all of them because I realised they were covert narcissists... I tried to socialise more to meet new people and possibly make friends but no luck so far and it's extremely draining.
I keep my heart open but with sure defenses built in. When you don't let others take advantage of you a lot of the people who are abusers fade away, after all, if you won't let them abuse you they have no reason to stick around. I also employ having "friends" that are for specific purposes. So, for example, you could have a "basketball friend", an "arts an crafts friend" ect. I don't put a lot of expectation on each person any more - that perfect "friend" I always imagined just probably isn't in the cards. But I can enjoy some others for what they are. Jay
Yes. It feels hopeless trying to even attempt engaging. I maintain regular contact with few close friends and basically tolerate the rest of humanity as needed.
I’ve turned into my father, LOL. Were it not for my mother and her family, he probably would have lived alone in a cabin somewhere and fished all day. If it weren’t for my wife and her family, I’d be alone in a cabin. Only mine would need a generator. The better to serenade all the woodland creatures with drop-tuned guitars and power chord based doom metal. I don’t know if my dad (RIP🙏🏾) was an INFJ as well but the parallels between his life and mine are astonishing to me.
100% spot on again Jay. Oh, the stories I could tell, one being the day being so stressed with his unfairness, in private in his office, I stood up verbally to our fairly new toweringly tall, intimidating branch manager. All the males in the office were afraid of him, but after my outburst he could not have been nicer to me afterwards 😅 Me only 4’10” too, but this INFJ was beyond breaking point. I guess he had respect for me after that 💪😀
It's so weird to me that that's what people seem to be looking for in management. I can't imagine leading people by scare tactics. It so often works that way, them getting respect for throwing their weight around. They'll never have mine for it, and they seem to realize it by the time I'm about to walk away. 🙄
I'm INFJ and I don't care if people are leaving me for my necessary brutal honesty (I'm done hurting myself just to be what they want from me). 😎🤘 Thank you for sharing Sir.
I seem to have a passion for rooting out corruption and crappy behavior. The system at large benefits from my efforts, but I create life-long enemies in the process. Whistle blowers are very rarely viewed as heroes.
Amen. I once caught an employee committing fraud & embezzlement. Ethics board asked if I was going to persist with “the witch hunt”. Be prepared - we make people face uncomfortable facts & they will not like that one bit.
Listening to you is like taking a warm bath in scented water. Calm, relaxing and enlightening. As a Briton I love listening to your soothing accent and everything you say is so on point. Thank you. I’ve now subscribed to your channel
100% correct. Sadly, they didn’t listen to my advice & haven’t spoken to me since 😢 people rarely do. We’re not psychic. We’re just really good at what’s called pattern recognition & the older we get & the more data we’ve collected the more accurate we become. At my old job I always knew when someone was about to quit. Sometimes to the exact day & if they’d call & when as well as what their excuse would be. Again depending on the amount of data collected over time. I’ve done the door shut & the rage. I’ve learned to be more patient & to take precautions to prevent it. Pattern recognition helps with this. In my teen years when my rage went off, my words were dangerously accurate & painful for that person. 😢 this video is very accurate. Thanks for it.
Pattern recognition is my specialty. Also seeing where there's a break in the pattern/logic flaw. I know people hate it when they're showing off how smart they are and then, with one little observation or question, I deflate them. All I do is point out one little detail they missed, because it is so obvious to me. Lots of times I hold back, for the sake of politeness or friendship ... if someone makes a point of showing off, my pattern senses go on alert, and then the flaw is flashing red in my mind. And then my acute senses of justice and accuracy (yes, data collection!) demand I point it out. Respectfully, but never mind that ...
LOL! So true, all of it! Ex husband no 2 said to me "do you know how hard it is to live with someone who is always right"?...big egos can't handle our attempts to make the lives of others easier ... oh well...life is what it is!
Being INFJ is scary because I'll do everything in my power to help those who need it and create peace. Sometimes you gotta manipulate the bad people to help the good people and sometimes you wait until its the time. Regardless everything you do as an INFJ is intentional and is done with a purpose very rarely is there no purpose behind our actions.
My building owners management group asked a mild mannered young accountant to be on the Committee because he seemed totally undangerous and they just needed someone to make up the numbers. They couldn't have chosen anyone BETTER able to stop their illegal behaviour. INFJ
OK, once again you hit all the characteristics. I have HORRIFIC rage if pushed too far. And yes, I throw all their crap in their faces. It leaves me drained and regretful, but it clearly works for the moment. I don't find revenge very satisfying. I have used it, but my core value of following Karma usually stops me. Interesting analogy from "ghosting" to "door slamming" I do a lot of ghosting, but I find myself still almost "stalking" them to make sure they are OK. I have door slammed, but absolutely the last resort. I must have respect and mutual understanding. Thank you as always!!!
Agree with what you've written here. Revenge is good in the moment, but it's a hollow victory. As we mature (most of us) realize this and move to just letting people go when absolutely necessary. Thanks for the comment! Jay
Hi Jay, What you've said in this video is just so true for me. The INFJ door slam is what I usually use to end a relationship in which I find myself in pain and loss. And once the door is slammed, there is no other chance! I reflect on my behavior, and it is also true that before I cut off the toxic relationship, I actually give more than three chances for that person to make up for what he/she has done wrong to me. However, this is not an easy process at all since I must confess that I'm kind of easy to forgive people who hurt me. That's bad for me then. Before I knew that I am an INFJ, I was miserable when I thought of my solitude from childhood up to the present, but now I know that I'm a rare breed and I have my own power. Solitude is actually good for me since I can cultivate my inner rich life and avoid toxic relationships. I'm grateful for your channel since I am a big fan of it, and it helps me to understand myself more, be happy in solitude, but still feel a sense of belonging. Have a nice day, Jay.
Thank you for the comment. Yes, it can be tough to be in solitude but it’s much better than being with toxic people. There are people out there who will at least treat you decently. There can be friends in many areas, for example, you might have an arts and crafts friend, a work, friend, etc. these people may not be as deep as you like, or provide the richness that you desire, but they can be company, and at least they are not bullies or toxic people. Also, our online communities, like the circle. I also have some other things planned, so stay tuned. Jay
Thank you for your quick reply, Jay! It made my day! I have the same thoughts about your advice. I've made a plan for my new journey into art and psychology, as I feel like I would find my way home with like-minded people in these fields. Another important thing is that I am a lifelong learner, as all INFJs are, so I'm so happy to learn new things every day. And of course, I'm eagerly waiting for the INFJ Circle to become a community that I can belong to. Your work just means so much! Thank you, Jay.@@INFJcircle
When I quit my last job, having known the people for many years prior to working for them, I saw right through the lies, manipulation, gaslighting etc & called it out continuously. HR & the exec team started ghosting me due to my honesty. I quit directly to the CEO, who thought I was kidding & refused to pass on my resignation to HR. I told them all how it was. In my resignation I did 6. CEO tried to Hoover me a month later and I did 1. Best decision of my life to door slam that guy! He’s the most malignant narcissist I’ve ever met.
We simply can’t be around toxic people. It’s like dealing with some kind of waste without gloves (we are very sensitive). It’s not livable for us. You made the right move, better to just get out and find another job. Thanks for sharing! Jay
You know my boss who I had an issue with, I never mistreated him back, I tried to be as calm and diplomatic before my resignation. I didn't even have to submit a survey. After a few months he tried to reach out and probably miss me. Change people with kindness not through justice. This happens to me a lot, I leave without a word or hostility, try to detoxify by myself to gain my good side back. Then my friends, family, and coworkers ask me back. Forgive and you shall be forgiven.
Excellent video, Jay! " Downright creepy" - (in regard to #5)..... that was hilarious! But you're right - no one has ever said " oh thank you for seeing me so clearly and sharing what's ahead - I really appreciate it". 😄 My hot button is disrespect.....just typing the word gets my pulse hopping.
These are so accurate. I'm an INFJ and you are spot on. So happy I found your channel and that there are others like me, not many, but they're out there. Thank you so much for your great information!
Really wish I’d found all this when I was younger, such fantastic advice for our personality type, it’s like finding what you’ve always been looking for. I also love your accent, and calming voice.
This is brilliant. This is me as an INFJ. When I absolutely need to, not because I want to, I will go SCORCHED EARTH on a person and they will walk away (figuratively speaking) with a permanent limp from me.
It is true. That line. Lol It will make you say things no person should probably ever say to anyone. Im not proud of it, but when I was younger, I turned someones past, severe trauma experience on them. Pointing out how it was their own fault. Which was probably harder on them, than the situation itself. After being taken advantage of, lied to for years, it just happened. It was true, and I meant every word of it. Some truths just shouldnt be said though. I actually cried about it later. I have learned to be more conscious of what Im saying in intense situations, as Ive grown older.
"...some truths shouldn't be said though..." Yes, Jesus got into a lot of trouble doing that. He was young, though and didn't know any better. Most people can't be "saved" no matter what you do.
I always say that how I treat you is a reflection. So dealing with the INFJ is like looking in the mirror. You get what you throw at them....either good or bad.
I'll give people chance after chance but once I've been pushed to far or I deem you as a liar, user, manipulative, fake ill door slam. I've always been very independent, and I'm extremely loyal to those I care for, but once I lose respect for you I'm out. Great video. Thank you.
This is so true. I am extremely the most loving person ever but can be very dangerous, VERY!!!!!!! dangerous. I don’t ever want to be that way so I try to stay to myself.
Thanks Jay. Healthy boundaries are so important for figuring out early which relationships aren't good for us, so we can distance ourselves or go no contact before we suffer more harm. Standing up for ourselves can feel like we're being selfish or mean when we're not, especially if we've been taught our whole lives that expressing our needs or feelings is wrong.
When I was about 16, I had a friend who had gone in between living with multiple family members. I had decided to tell my mom that this person needed a stable home and that I thought that she should stay with us. My mom (who is an INFP, and also very empathetic) agreed to this because we had a spare room. Long story short- after they moved in, she started manipulating my parents against me, tried to separate me and my mom, constantly went through my room and my things, tried to convince my friends that I was a bad person, punched me multiple times, said she would give me a haircut and then purposely made me almost bald lol, emotionally manipulated my family into buying her things by saying “if I don’t get this I will do *insert thing that makes said family member disregulated*” along with regular emotional manipulation and degradation. Needless to say, one day she got into a fight and pulled out a knife and it was on school campus so she got arrested immediately. After that my family realized why no one in her family wanted to keep her around…. Fast forward to today- I haven’t talked to her in years and she still talks about me … she is borderline stalker but I don’t care 😂 I have my facts lined up like a true INFJ. She still tries to tell my friends that I am a bad person but how could they believe her because I am kind…. they have never believed her for a second. I could still get a restraining order easily but the only reason I don’t is because she doesn’t have a car nor does she know where I live anymore LOL. Moral of the story is that INFJ’s are kind yes…. But we aren’t stupid…. I know the exact kind of life she will live if she doesn’t change her insane behavior, I can only be so empathetic for so long. INFJs have much patience. But NO patience for straight up cruelty and injustice.
What do you think about "the infj stare"? I have been told mine can speak volumes, in a good or bad way without ever saying a word. It can creep people out I have found.
This is All So true, INFJ in your life.. we can be your greatest blessing or lesson I don’t go out to make enemies but I am more than equip to handle it If the energy field is not polarized because of others insecurity that causes them to Act out of pocket because of psychological false premises, things need to be constructively set right INFJ’s are like Walking Karma honestly
We practice good habits everyday and making them better, we’re never worried about others. If we made some bad habits and get into that then from my experience you’re still practicing how to deal with challenging situations and be more effective in that area. I do know my power but rarely use it. Some truths here and there come out about the other person and I back up right away because I know they have a disadvantage. If anything I just use creativity and humour to bring it back to the person. Mind you it took a few battles to really learn any dance around this and you’re right you really got to cut things short ASAP. I had to ghost some people. We have to be aware of where our attention goes.
i love how this channel advocates for INFJs when we're so commonly misunderstood by many. Every personality has strengths and weaknesses and this guy helps everyone else understand why we think and do the way we do
When the door slam came up, the sentences i said exactly with you at the same time and I've never seen this video before. I already knew i was an an infj.
One of the toughest lessons I've ever had to learn in life was understanding that some things are better left unsaid. It takes a lot to stay graceful while someone is trying to tear you apart from the inside out and you could easily return the favor 10x but it's just not in your heart anymore.
I always knew the reason why my brother always hated me so much. But. I just couldn't turn off the psychic abilities no matter how hard I tried. This is why people suddenly quit talking to me. I guess they just don't want themselves to be exposed. Either way. I guess sometimes I feel like taking a break from this psychic ability in order to lead a rather "social" life; so I don't go insane. But who knew it's somewhat impossible to get rid of this power. The trick I often used as a kid was to play dumb in order to enjoy myself socially. Because no social gathering except a person who is outside the usual norm.
Yes, it can be difficult. Reminds me of Neo before and after he woke to the Matrix. Hard to go back to before we took the red pill - I don't think we ever knew before. Jay
Why shut it off? Yes, we can identify character flaws in other people- but if you take that knowledge and repackage it with encouragement, it can have a profound positive effect. Just because we perceive someone’s deep issue, doesn’t mean we have to call them out directly. (Unless you’re trying to destroy them, of course!) Be positive, powerful, encouraging, genuine, and caring- and never finger-pointing. Ex. Tell a ‘random’ story about someone else that had the same problem, with some wisdom thrown in etc. I am often amazed by how many people come back saying that was “exactly what they needed to hear” and you “changed their life”!
I'm an INFJ and a Scorpio. I have a very long fuse, but I don't suffer fools gladly, and never EVER lie to me - that's a line someone cannot cross, and you only get one strike. Because I'll call it out, look for a time to release my sting and then, when the time is right... RUN!!!
We are unassuming and kind. This is all well said and true. I knew for sure I was an infj when I heard the door slam described in a few videos, I have certainly done this 😂
Definitely channelled the darker sides of this when dealing with certain problematic individuals. Some regret, though mostly it felt necessary for those situations and my life. Without those people around me as influences I am overall better for it. There is also the grief side that isn't often talked about on the topic
Hey there… Happy blessed Sunday to y’all… here as follows is my take on this topic… Dangerousness plays no part in their personality in my opinion… See INFJ’s are as tough as titanium but also as soft as cotton wool… they are mainly misunderstood in a lot of ways I say… INFJs are just truly their authentic selves… ain’t nowt fake about them… they ask for what they want and they say how they feel… they are not passive aggressive nor are they sycophantic… they exist outside of the mainstream and are the typical loner type but once you get to know them and understand their quirky ways you’ll never want for a better friend / partner or anything else… INFJs are the ones with all the energy…. They’re fully in touch with the inner child part of their personality… they are funny light hearted kind and empathetic individuals but they are nobodies fool… serve them a plateful of ignorance… dislike… dis interest just the once and they will not be back for seconds hahahah and disingenuous ppl are a bugbear to them entirely… In a world filled with mostly narcissistic ppl INFJs are refreshing and a joy to be around but only if they want you to be around them… they care not for too much attention / company from others all the time mainly because other ppl and their energy can overwhelm them and this can be very draining especially if its bad odious energy those others are bringing… INFJs are the cool calm collected misfits - the Lone Ranger - the Renegade - the Non conformists…. the nerds of society but they are super intelligent… weirdly interesting… differently different… ultra unique… superbly honest… gloriously happy in their skin kind and humble individuals… albeit massively mysterious and a tad unpredictable at times but this is their true nature… they are that they are hahahah.. and ain’t nothing or no one gonna change them to be anything other than who they naturally are !! Hope all this makes sense to those who’ll read it.. but if it doesn’t then I don’t care to be fair.. because I tried to put this as succinctly as possible… so there !! You’re welcome btw.. Thanks INFJ Circle’ for this insightful insight Bye for now;)
Hmmm…I’ve always been something of a chameleon, rather than such a confident, bold personality you’ve described yourself as here. As he’s describing, I consciously take the path of peaceful doormat, rather than a ferocious lion that wants to annihilate injustice and cruelty, as I would really like to do. It sounds like your life has been more idyllic than mine. What a blessing!
@@user-kn2fi9pr8i uhh uhh my dear I have had a very rough life up to the point where I am now… I used to be meek and mild just like you actually… I came to realise that humankind frowns upon those who are too nice for their own good.. if anyone tells me ‘I am nice’ I take that as an insult actually.. I do not want to be seen as nice’ I am kind yes’ but I am not nice… to me nice means a doormat… I am indifferent to most people but I show compassion always… I ask for what I want and I say how I feel… I do not let others take my kindness as a weakness.. I am not a sycophantic individual so I will always tell you the truth whether it’s popular to do so or not… I’m extremely self assured and self confident and highly assertive… I’m an optimist and I’m gloriously happy and confident in my own skin.. but I’m no one special mind.. I’m just me… and the me that I was always destined to be and for this I shall make no apology… I fully accept who I am and I love the person I’ve become.. flaws and all… I hope you can find peace and solace in yourself someday somewhere along the line… never give up on yourself… learn to love yourself as you are and if you feel you need to do the inner work / self improvement in order to become a stronger more confident person then do so my friend… there are no limits to self improvement… it just takes practice.. dedication and a bit of inward thinking.. get to know yourself properly instead of letting others tell you who you are… boss your own life - make your own decisions and own them whether good or bad… it’s simples really… I wish you the best of luck !! Thanks for your reply.. Bye;)
Thank you for your video 💗 it came into my life at a really important time during the planning of the next steps of my professional life , we as INFJs can feel like outsiders and loners most of the time but i'm happy that my personality is strong enough to show fairness and justice to others 😊
Dude you nailed it. I have been studying about INFJ since I was 18 y.o now im 27. Before that I used to think I had some mental disorder. Btw INFJ rage is like Hulk. I once snapped at my workplace and everyone got to see INFJ Rage, they named me hulk.
I'm always observing and assessing people's behavior, constructing a pattern of who this person is, and consequently deciding for myself if I want to interact with them or have them be close to me. If I see something that I don't like I won't engage with them anymore without an explanation, because that's not necessary. If I am pressed or pushed or see something agregious I will cut them with words containing the document I've kept in mind of the analysis of their behavior.
I have made at least two people cry that I can remember when I calmly told them things about themselves they didn’t want to hear and were true. Do not cross an INFJ.
I used my INFJ #3 trait on my former company when they threw me under the bus. I sent a very polite yet clear letter saying I forgive them, this is what's gonna happen to you if you don't change your patterns, but regardless of what you do...I'm out. Door slam. And a year or so later, SURPRISE, I heard what I warned them about came true. Sad.
Yes, I can see how this could happen. In my own life things like this have come to pass. While it feels good to know that you were right, sometimes you just wish the world would wake up and avoid all this nonsense in the first place. Thank you for your comment! Jay
I snapped at work a couple of months ago. Everyone was shocked that my sweet little self could spew so much rage. The crazy thing is, I was 100% correct in everything I said that day.
I often wish I wasn't an INFJ, actually I'm in the middle of E & I. To just go through life unphased seems so pleasant. My best life is through my art and staying self-employed with a small group of wonderful friends.. to tell someone they've crossed into my boundaries is not something I could do. I'd rather walk away because my brain won't trust that person again... besides, I was already anticipating it.
Our difficulties stem from thinking other people have our skillset....mostly they don't & they don't want our insights either if they don't conform to their narrative. As an INFJ...it does get easier as you get older. We've learnt that if we stop having any expectations of others we are no longer interested in trying to help anyone. We seriously start focusing on our own happiness & our own selves. It's frequently hard won but we were born kind of more spiritually awake ....our inner lives are already interesting. It just gets more so & we become even more aware & protect our energies accordingly. It's all good & we do have the interest of the highest good for all in mind.
I always struggle to know when is the right time to be honest and straightforward, and when to shut up. At work, people sometimes tell me not to say something as it is not something others may be ready to hear. But I worry about not saying it as I can already tell what the consequences of not addressing the issue are. And then for toxic friendships, I instead hold on to it for years and years before finally shutting them out. This makes me anxious - sometimes I need to be more direct, and sometimes I shouldn't, but I can't tell when to do which.
Oh Wow! 100%! All of the above 🙌 All my life i defended others because i cannot stand injustice and i thought it was because I'm a Libra ♎. They do not talk about how important justice is when they describe the INFJ personality. Thank you for this description. I now understand why i lost it so many times, even though peace is so important to me and ghosted so many people during my so far 48 years on earth. 😊
Even a minor change in energy around is sub-consciously detectable...lyk if something horrible is gonna happen we get a really strong gut feeling well in advance.I really don't know how!
Every single comment resonates with me...making me smile and giggle as well... I had a narcarcictic mother. I adored my dad, I'm an only child of immigrants from Switzerland.. Growing up alone, in spite of my mother, was the best for me, but my boundaries have been weak. My empathetic heart left me open to exploitation..I just turned a young 70 in Feb. And Finally got the last useless renter out of my house and am loving my peaceful life and family.. Best of all, my oldest lovely daughter is an INFJ too...!! Its so good to be understood❤ My theory is "children come here to help their parents and further their growth, sadly some parents are poor students..!"..oh I've raged.. Imitated, insulted and brought people to realize themselves.. Teaching is a noble, however at times, draining, calling...!!!
I'm still learning about myself as an INFJ-T . I just thought I was different from everyone else for 50 years. It's nice to know I'm not alone in being an infj 🇬🇧✌️
Funny thing as an infj, my top qualities would've been psychologist or analyst. I listen to multiple conversations at one time, making me like thanos and can destroy people's worlds with the infinity stones i have stored in my mind 🤣
I've felt that too. I did meet an escapee from a mental institute once who had not been outside for years - its sounds like a tall story and i'd normally keep a distance but spent some long time talking to him and i could see that he had 2 problems. 1 being that he was too institutionalised and had no interaction with normal people to get a balanced viewpoint or to have a talk with someone who is not just doing a job. 2 his uncontrolled obsessions about other peoples behaviour and that the drugs he needed and had stopped taking were only suppressing his emotions not dealing with the reasoning. I talked to him about why he felt so strongly things were wrong or right and how he decided what was wrong or right, I asked him what happens if he ignores and lets things go. Would he feel bad, hurt,etc . I'm not saying i did any good therapy but I think he was very glad to have had a deep conversation with someone outside the system without an agenda that he could also rip loose about the institution where he was, and when i left him he was going to let the police find him.
Growing up , the situations weren’t ideal, so I was definitely an unhealthy INFJ when I needed to be. But I wasn’t entirely that, I was the healthy version most of the time but no one knew. Given my situation, no one was there to help me in several situations. I analysed everyone by not letting it slip that I felt wronged. I’m talking about family. I held everything as if it’s a documentary in my head lmao. I started using it to manipulate them to act the way I wanted them to. Although it might seem bad, people pushed me to it. I was a 10 year old with no one to protect me. Well, it worked pretty well. My mom understands it though. She always points out I’m so good at manipulating people when I want to. I tolerated everything, kept close and pretended to be ok and got everything I needed and then turned. I didn’t lash out, I just used it one by one to manipulate them without them realising that I was doing it . The way you mentioned duplicating what they did to do the same to them. That’s exactly what I did. They haven’t even realised it.
So true. I had a door slam with a long time childhood friend. I found out that she talked very badly behind back about me and was so extremely disappointed so that I think she was really scared when I confronted her. Long time we had no contact at all. Today we still don’t really have. If I see her some small talk is ok, but I know it’s a not trustworthy person, so I stay with her on the surface now. Some other situation I remember was helping a good friend against her stalker. She was too kind and friendly and couldn’t stand up against him. So I asked her to give me her phone and confronted this guy like it was needed. After this he gave up 😉.
You can’t suddenly cut out and forget someone you once cared about.
INFJ: silently chuckling
As if he never existed . Actually it's hard to keep mindful so as not to let it happen inadvertently to someone you SHOULDN'T write off , a parent, child etc . I call it "My delete button"
@@elizabethtd1006 I had no clue this ability was related to being an INFJ. I am able to turn my emotions on and off like a switch, using when appropriate. It’s a strange thing. But I typically only use it when I do need to sever a toxic or hurtful relationship. It’s a defense mechanism to ensure I am still able to operate at full capacity, not allowing others influence my day to day feel.
@@JerryGonzalez Good you are in control, with me it happens , but I see it coming. I start screening and denigrating each and every word ,action and memory, until there's nothing left . Deleted. We must be mindful though because as you said, this is a defense mechanism . It may activate where it shouldn't. Think ,for example , how emotionally exhausting adolescence can be , alas if we allow for the child to be written off like that !
We don't like doing it.
Dont mistake our kindness for weakneas. ✔️
Exactly!
Jay
"Weakneas"💀
@@zafrinrahman7005LOL 😂
Erm,what a sigma😈😈😈😈😈😈😈👹👹👹👹😈👹💦😲😲😲😲
Absolutely
it's not the loud individuals you need to watch it's the quiets ones.
We know all of their secrets. Even if they don't know that we know. OH but WE KNOW!
I'm gone. I've been mistreated, and at 64, I no longer care. Good luck to others.
@@user-fs6ou3fk9p
Good luck to you.
I am 57. I would love to move on like you but I have a special needs child now 19. I need to be there for him. He has done nothing to harm me.
My grandma told me this when I was a child, this is so true 😊
💯💯💯
I got hired on with a new company, and management was pretty dishonest with me during the hiring process. When I called them out on it (privately first), they seemed to think I'd back down if they threatened me. I didn't. In the end, I took them to court, diposed every single one of them, and won at my state's Supreme Court (creating a new law). I think that surprised them. It definately wasn't a fun time on their side.
Are you able to say what corruption was exposed or law put into place? That sounds like a win for us INFJs!
That is awesome! Good for you for having the courage to take a stand. Most people are cowards and that just makes their employers behave even worse.
@jovnie I can completely see a new law being passed and NOT being widely discussed. 😂
They hired me for one job, but then thought I was better suited for another job they couldn't fill. So, they switched my role before I started, without asking and before I quit my other job. It felt like a bait and switch, though that wasn't their view. They assumed I'd be OK with it, but I wasn't. They claimed my state's "right to work" gave them the right to do whatever they wanted.
The lower courts thought that company had a point, so it was escalated.
I'm sure you gave them every chance to disengage. I could write a book about situations like this playing out with employers, government officials, bullies, bullies and more bullies. Im glad you took it this far and won.
I had an INFJ rage one time, and I scared myself. Didn’t know I could be that angry and let lose on a bad person. I’m 74 now. Longtime INFJ 😊
I have come accept this ability about myself.... it certainly frightens others and onlookers...
Yeah, it can be really scary. I have done it quite a few times, but not in many years now. Thanks for sharing!
Jay
I think the Brits are confrontation-phobic and rely on passive aggression. They are not able to handle being called out. They ignore quiet assertiveness and keep pushing. I don't enjoy calling people out so if I have to, the relationship is already over.
@user-um3tl2vm8w INFJs think for themselves. They will not appreciate your thinking, creativity, or support either of those! The government job is going to be an Epic Fail. Because in a government job you just have to get it done. To them it doesn't matter how, just get it done. To you it matters how. So there will always be that conflict. Good luck!
As an INFJ , I never get mad in my life before but I’m quite young I’ll enter high school this year😅
If you are truly an infj, just care less and have less of expectations. You will be happier.
Cindy Or give up YOUR personality. lol.
i care so much about what ppl think abt me,
How does one care less as an infj? Only when you've done us so wrong the only way is to rage or ghost.
INFJ will not be INFJ if they do this
If somone hurts me deeply, I detach from them emotionally and am no longer available . Sometimes after arguments, other times, something inside me breaks and I become cold. I've also learned to distance myself from certain kinds of people.
The first time someone told me I was intimidating, I was taken aback. I'm kind, helpful, considerate and fair. I also see through bullshit, don't back down and carry through with my intentions. I have a very "Don't Tread On Me" approach to life. The "herd" mentality is not for me, and that is my superpower.
I get this a lot as well.
YES!!!! I never understood why people would say I was intimidating, until I had to take the Bristol Myer Test for a promotion at work. It explained so much!
Yeah I was floored
Yes! I have been called abrasive.
@@sharontolbert1112 We tell truth and SEE it. Not allowed. lol. QUIET INTROVERT.
About ghosting others especially. I do not need a visible excuse to vanish from someone's life entirely. I will play normal one day and just fully disappear the next. That's because I have concluded my research on someone's personality and motives. If someone is shady, they THINK they have me, but I have seen through them like an agent and let them go. In conclusion : I am nice but I have my eye on everyone. Everything is a test and if someone is a bad character... I never existed.
Holy smokes, I felt this in my bones. 💯 INFJ
I'm not 'nice' but I put real effort into being good.
@@brennadickinson2920
I'm too nice and when I get too sick of someone's abuse I turn like terminator and then they try to guilt trip me saying " I didn't know you were like this" meaning "I thought you were weak ". I'm working on setting boundaries before I get too sick about someone's abuse. There are a whole bunch of entittled cover narcissists who turn from Jeckyll to míster Hyde in a hear beat.
@@Lyrielonwind I care about people, but that doesn't mean I'm a doormat. I'm committed to standing up and walking away when I see that they want to subjugate me to their warped reality.
@@Lyrielonwindstory of my life😂
INFJ and spiritual awaking is dangerous 😳
Oh my gosh, yes!!! Traveling through that now, I almost put that as a comment...thank you for saying it.
Truth 😊.
Yes it is.
FACTS!!!💯💯💯
Same started 8 months ago. And it's been enlightening. The way people just gather to me now. But watch out for those narcissist. I just dodged a bullet recently.
She got door slammed.
67 year old INFJ-T, 1w2. You are extremely accurate with your explanations. I have seen a lot in my life time and have experienced all of these things. I have helped many and let others fend for themselves. I don't have to get revenge on another because I already know where their life is going. I just sit back and watch them implode.
Yes, revenge is a waste of energy. Thank you for the wisdom. I agree.
Jay
Oh wow I’m also an INFJ T 1w2 but 24 years old
Yes I agree with this, no need for revenge. Sometimes it comes to them in other ways. Much easier 😊
@@INFJcircle Revenge requires coming down to their level. So they are dumped out of my life and never get back in.
INFJ 1w2 34-yo female here 🥰
When I was younger, I was known in my family as being a 'hot head' for my temper and snapping point. Now looking back and knowing what I know about MBTI, I can see why I had so much trouble. I was surrounded by my least compatible personality types. As an INFJ I spent my entire childhood completely confused by the people around me and how they all seemed so out of touch with what I viewed as so important. It was also very lonely for me because none of them ever ventured past the surface in conversation.... their eyes would glaze over if I delved deeper. I've been in such a good place mentally as an adult, thanks to MBTI and learning about who I am and how the people close to me interact with the world. Such a valuable tool for self-growth.
It can be so frustrating being an INFJ! I feel your anger and pain. Its very disillusioning to have those feelings unvalidated. Anger is a red flag that something is wrong, and its good to listen to that anger (symptom) to dig down to the root problem (not ignore the symptom or invalidate it).
Same. I am an adult child of an alcoholic father a narcissist mother and sister.
My god, this is exactly what I've been feeling recently. in my eyes some people close to me seem to have "wrong" priorities in life and it's made me frustrated lately.
@@ginaryanbearfighter7065 I think alcoholism and narcissism have immaturity in common.
"Their eyes would glaze over if I delved deeper." That was a good one. 😂
I never thought I am dangerous but in retrospect I guess I can be. I don't like it though. I'd much rather have a peaceful atmosphere, it is so much more productive.
Yes, peace is always best. Knowing our abilities is very important because we can cut them off at the pass if we know about them! Thanks so much for the comment!
Jay
It’s true: I always strive to have a certain balance in my environment, for myself and other people.
However, if something is not right, I have a strong feeling of correcting it, sometimes in a way to remove what causes the imbalance in such an order that it crushes balance totally first but then has a chance to be rebuilt again.
For example: I know a guy steals at my workplace (I work for the court of Justice) and he sells those goods and I can’t stand that injustice. Also, because he treated my colleague badly in the past, but he gets away with his lies and manipulation. So, I am thinking about to expose it to get our working place purified. I could go to the bosses, the police and even the media. It would give an earth quake in our department which would cause problems for a lot of people (including me) but I am sometimes in a state to think it’s necessary for the higher good. I’m that state I don’t care about the hurting in the short term, because on the longer term it will be good.
When I’m in that kind of state, I understand what Dynaeris Targaryen did when she gave her dragons permission to burn that city to the ground. I even see what that INFJ dictator was trying to do in Germany a couple of decennia ago. Totally wrong ofcourse, but I do get his intention (without supporting it at all).
If we are tired of it and angry, we are dangerous indeed.
It’s true: I always strive to have a certain balance in my environment, for myself and other people.
However, if something is not right, I have a strong feeling of correcting it, sometimes in a way to remove what causes the imbalance in such an order that it crushes balance totally first but then has a chance to be rebuilt again.
For example: I know a guy steals at my workplace (I work for the court of Justice) and he sells those goods and I can’t stand that injustice. Also, because he treated my colleague badly in the past, but he gets away with his lies and manipulation. So, I am thinking about to expose it to get our working place purified. I could go to the bosses, the police and even the media. It would give an earth quake in our department which would cause problems for a lot of people (including me) but I am sometimes in a state to think it’s necessary for the higher good. I’m that state I don’t care about the hurting in the short term, because on the longer term it will be good.
When I’m in that kind of state, I understand what Dynaeris Targaryen did when she gave her dragons permission to burn that city to the ground. I even see what that INFJ dictator was trying to do in Germany a couple of decennia ago. Totally wrong ofcourse, but I do get his intention (without supporting it at all).
If we are tired of it and angry, we are dangerous indeed.
@@INFJcircle It’s true: I always strive to have a certain balance in my environment, for myself and other people.
However, if something is not right, I have a strong feeling of correcting it, sometimes in a way to remove what causes the imbalance in such an order that it crushes balance totally first but then has a chance to be rebuilt again.
For example: I know a guy steals at my workplace (I work for the court of Justice) and he sells those goods and I can’t stand that injustice. Also, because he treated my colleague badly in the past, but he gets away with his lies and manipulation. So, I am thinking about to expose it to get our working place purified. I could go to the bosses, the police and even the media. It would give an earth quake in our department which would cause problems for a lot of people (including me) but I am sometimes in a state to think it’s necessary for the higher good. I’m that state I don’t care about the hurting in the short term, because on the longer term it will be good.
When I’m in that kind of state, I understand what Dynaeris Targaryen did when she gave her dragons permission to burn that city to the ground. I even see what that INFJ dictator was trying to do in Germany a couple of decennia ago. Totally wrong ofcourse, but I do get his intention (without supporting it at all).
If we are tired of it and angry, we are dangerous indeed.
My preference, too, by a long shot. But people often seem to find brutal and insightful honesty about themselves scarier than just about anything else they could ever conceive of. 🤷♀️
INFJ dismantle opponents:
Last year I rented a cottage with a year-long lease. I was never late with rent & I also alerted the landlords to leaking in the laundry room & other issues, most of which they never addressed. After I moved out the landlords refused to give me the deposit back, had the gaul to ask me to pay an additional $1k “to return unit to like condition”. I proceeded to file a claim for return of my deposit. It took 6 months but I never wavered, I compiled so much evidence against the landlords that even the judge commented on my “preponderance of evidence” that I submitted to court, and judge ruled in my favor. That was the best feeling. Those landlords were just digging in the kitty litter, trying to charge me for all kinds of frivolous and dumbfounded wear-and-tear.
EDIT: autocorrect errors
Well done you!
Omg! This is happening to me now. So upset knew landlord well. Left the place immaculate. So upset such a peacemaker but now that’s it…slam…will not accept lies and injustice for me or anyone else! I object your honour! :)
similar situation. It has devastated my good credit left my daughter and I unable to secure housing and ruined my reputation in county records for future references. All wrongly and the documentation is ironclad. I too have this innate inability to do anything but continue to positively prove my intentions in life of conducting myself honestly and with integrity.
And lastly my financial health is critical to me and I deserve my money back and credibility as a consumer which is technically what a tenant is a customer in my opinion.
I did that but didn't have to go to court although I talked to a judge in that state. $1400 deposit and they tried to keep half so I went after the prop management business and sent letters and copies of evidence and pics and ended up getting most of my money back. Their VP was nasty to me and I think they were afraid I'd put them on FB even though I never threatened it
. BTW, your story is great.
It's our "Hannibal mode" 😁
The first time this happened to me, it was really scary to see how I managed to be so cold-blooded in a moment of extreme stress, when I had to confront an abusive narcissistic relative who had been giving me hell for years and how my words were meticulously chosen to hit the most painful and weakest points of him and after that, he started to be more terrified of me than of death itself and I even presented him with our legendary INFJ door slam and life has been very peaceful since then.
That sounds like an eventful story. I totally understand, when we’re pushed too far bad things happen. I like the Hannibal mode lol.
Thanks for the comment and sharing your story.
Jay
I always had a feeling that Hannibal could be also an INFJ, because it's so fascinating and scary to see how he can read (and mess with) people's minds and predict their behaviors in that way. Maybe in a day when lack some inspiration for a video, you could analyzing some characters like Hannibal, Sherlock Holmes, etc, that seems to be INFJs.😁
Keep the great job, your videos are amazing!
Hannibal, the guy who crossed the Alpes with elephants to hammer down the Romans? ;-)
I am not aware of that other Hannibal, so I would call it the Daenerys Targaryen mode,, just after her friend was killed. She then gave the order to burn down the entire city.
@@thewatchtower8330Hannibal Lecter, of fava beans and chianti fame. 😂
@@cc1k435 Hehe. Never saw the movies. A gap in my culture, I assume 🙂
Older INFJ here.
I find that I am still vulnerable to hurt by others when I have decided to trust them. I long for inclusion in a group, and when someone in the group publicly disrespects me or otherwise sabotages me, I feel hurt. I try to forgive, but I always end up leaving the group. I suspect that the disrespect was not intentional, but adults in groups need to be careful when they treat other members unfairly. Another hurt is when no one (or only one person) stands up for me. Or when the insulting person doesn't actually apologize, but acts like their behavior was acceptable.
ALSO, here's a question. I'm sorry if the answer is obvious to everyone but me. I tend to need explicit facts to understand.
Q: How are INFJs created? (I don't think we're born this complicated.)
My suspicion is that we're exceptionally bright people who were emotionally abused or neglected as children, told our ideas and feelings don't matter, and gaslighted (the text software doesn't like the word "gaslit") when we got upset. We learn to know that we're most likely correct, despite others discrediting and sabotaging us. That leads us to pattern awareness; love of data; feeling unsure of our ability to be truly seen and loved; self-protective defenses on alert; heightened awareness and hate of injustice; and ongoing desire to be included in groups.
What do you all think? Does this ring true for you?
Spot on. I’m an older INFJ too, & fit with what you wrote about childhood. Longing for inclusion, but seem destined for singularity.
Absolutely without a doubt you hit it
A lot of that sounds familiar but the desire to be in a group definitely does not. As an introvert, I love the IDEA of a group but could never survive the group mindset. That's just the way it is. (I'd love for you to invite me to an event but don't expect me to actually attend the event.) ;D
INFJ here. Idyllic childhood.
It is in your DNA.
PS trust fewer people. Problem solved
@@littledebby365my solution: I organize events and then observe 😝
This is so exactly true! People think I am a sweet little person they can run over (one girl even called me "Bo Peep" as a nickname.). But I have surprised them, and even myself, when I finally am driven to do the door slam. And I didn't even feel bad about it, they were just OUT.
That's kind of how that seems to always be, isn't it? "Suddenly," after a long string of one-more chances. By that point, I seem to have had plenty of time to detach from the other person, and there's just no bringing me back in to care anymore. ❤
OMG I have had the Bo Peep nickname too!!! Or Little Miss Muffett. Lord help us! They have no clue
I’ve been called Pollyanna until that moment I’ve enough.
I love the natural kindness Infj's have. I find that Infj's don't have to punish because the future is clear to those who are corrupt. Boundaries are important to learn. Givers need their solace too. We are worthy of respect, too.
Stay where you are wanted. Leave when the truth is too hard for others. Infj's cannot live in half-truths. It hurts to separate from the reality as we see it. Sometimes we can't bring everybody with us.
I call it..."reading their pedigree"....and I have restrained myself many times.
I've done that too.
Last time was someone forcing an argument with me, I just told her that the point of the argument was of no value worth arguing over, that her empty life with no partner was making her sad and angry, wanting to hit out at someone to relieve the emotions to feel stronger and some control and that she'd chosen me because she didn't expect an argument back.
Now that I think about, I have done all of these, in response to abusive treatment.
Yeah, he’s spot on, isn’t he?! 😅
(At least on this video; I haven’t seen his others to know…yet!)
@@Ann963If not an INFJ already, we'd find it chilling. 😂
Abuse is always where it starts for me. The older I get, the better I am at distancing myself earlier from other people's bad behavior and NOT having to get to these moments, but I suppose even with myself, I give too many chances. 😂😢
I've come to deeply appreciate this side of myself. After decades of being bullied and abused, I found my voice. NO ONE treats me badly now, not if they don't want it thrown right back in their faces.
Yes, you simply must stand up for yourself. And that means strong boundaries. Thanks for watching!
Jay
I had a coworker tell me that I (at the time I was in my late fifties) was “too nice and innocent.” I said, “No, I’m medicated. Three days off the PTSD meds, you wouldn’t stay in the same room with me.”
I’d rather ghost a person than wind up having to bury them in the park LOL
I distill this down to being intimidating to liars. Whether someone is lying to themselves, others or me directly.
And to narcissists, I know from personnel experience! :D
I had two gf so blalantly cheat that when I caught, showed them on a written timeline complete with dates and times they both cried and tossed their hands up and claimed I was "evil" that I could put all this together like a CIA agent.
This was my awakening to being an INFJ and some of its power.
😂 that is hilarious. Love the analytical approach. Something I totally would do.
I felt a little guilty thinking that is hilarious until I saw your comment. And Mr. Secret Agent Man, I hope you find some non-cheating, not drama queens. Lol
Case in point. Statistics. Sorry this happened to you. Hope you are all right, that sounds rough.
Jay
How does a homosexual wimp have girlfriends... Maybe you were the girlfriend sister
The INFJ door slam is a real thing in my life. After repeated requests and observations-if the particular issue arises that last time, it truly IS the last time. It’s like a switch shuts down all the lights and I’m out officially. Cold as ice I am able to be so detached it’s stunning. Not rude, juts very matter of fact and “goodbye”. Decision made over a lot of time and contemplation.
I was not believing that I was infj until I read about the door slam and then I had to own it lol there's three or four family members that have not heard from me some of them for a decade
Has any one thought they may have door slammed the human race. I think as I have aged, I stopped trying to make a connection. I have my handful of precious people and am content to keep everyone else at a distance.
Unfortunately yes. After a intense experience happened in my life, the level of cares has plummented.
I sometimes feel this way too and I don't even have a handful of close friends any more as I have door slammed almost all of them because I realised they were covert narcissists... I tried to socialise more to meet new people and possibly make friends but no luck so far and it's extremely draining.
I keep my heart open but with sure defenses built in. When you don't let others take advantage of you a lot of the people who are abusers fade away, after all, if you won't let them abuse you they have no reason to stick around.
I also employ having "friends" that are for specific purposes. So, for example, you could have a "basketball friend", an "arts an crafts friend" ect.
I don't put a lot of expectation on each person any more - that perfect "friend" I always imagined just probably isn't in the cards. But I can enjoy some others for what they are.
Jay
Yes. It feels hopeless trying to even attempt engaging. I maintain regular contact with few close friends and basically tolerate the rest of humanity as needed.
I’ve turned into my father, LOL. Were it not for my mother and her family, he probably would have lived alone in a cabin somewhere and fished all day.
If it weren’t for my wife and her family, I’d be alone in a cabin. Only mine would need a generator. The better to serenade all the woodland creatures with drop-tuned guitars and power chord based doom metal. I don’t know if my dad (RIP🙏🏾) was an INFJ as well but the parallels between his life and mine are astonishing to me.
100% spot on again Jay. Oh, the stories I could tell, one being the day being so stressed with his unfairness, in private in his office, I stood up verbally to our fairly new toweringly tall, intimidating branch manager. All the males in the office were afraid of him, but after my outburst he could not have been nicer to me afterwards 😅 Me only 4’10” too, but this INFJ was beyond breaking point. I guess he had respect for me after that 💪😀
It's so weird to me that that's what people seem to be looking for in management. I can't imagine leading people by scare tactics. It so often works that way, them getting respect for throwing their weight around. They'll never have mine for it, and they seem to realize it by the time I'm about to walk away. 🙄
I'm INFJ and I don't care if people are leaving me for my necessary brutal honesty (I'm done hurting myself just to be what they want from me). 😎🤘 Thank you for sharing Sir.
Older infj here, you can be completely honest, mixed in with kindness. Always be kind ❤
@@Stumpybear7640 Hi! I'm old too. I'm practicing selective caring. hahaha
I seem to have a passion for rooting out corruption and crappy behavior. The system at large benefits from my efforts, but I create life-long enemies in the process. Whistle blowers are very rarely viewed as heroes.
Amen. I once caught an employee committing fraud & embezzlement. Ethics board asked if I was going to persist with “the witch hunt”.
Be prepared - we make people face uncomfortable facts & they will not like that one bit.
Listening to you is like taking a warm bath in scented water. Calm, relaxing and enlightening. As a Briton I love listening to your soothing accent and everything you say is so on point. Thank you. I’ve now subscribed to your channel
100% correct. Sadly, they didn’t listen to my advice & haven’t spoken to me since 😢 people rarely do. We’re not psychic. We’re just really good at what’s called pattern recognition & the older we get & the more data we’ve collected the more accurate we become. At my old job I always knew when someone was about to quit. Sometimes to the exact day & if they’d call & when as well as what their excuse would be. Again depending on the amount of data collected over time. I’ve done the door shut & the rage. I’ve learned to be more patient & to take precautions to prevent it. Pattern recognition helps with this. In my teen years when my rage went off, my words were dangerously accurate & painful for that person. 😢 this video is very accurate. Thanks for it.
Pattern recognition is my specialty. Also seeing where there's a break in the pattern/logic flaw.
I know people hate it when they're showing off how smart they are and then, with one little observation or question, I deflate them. All I do is point out one little detail they missed, because it is so obvious to me.
Lots of times I hold back, for the sake of politeness or friendship ... if someone makes a point of showing off, my pattern senses go on alert, and then the flaw is flashing red in my mind. And then my acute senses of justice and accuracy (yes, data collection!) demand I point it out. Respectfully, but never mind that ...
I was blown away by this post. It describes me perfectly.
LOL! So true, all of it! Ex husband no 2 said to me "do you know how hard it is to live with someone who is always right"?...big egos can't handle our attempts to make the lives of others easier ... oh well...life is what it is!
yep - big egos, toxic people are not onboard with our natural gifts - they want us to shrink and shut up. Not happening!
My ex bf told me I could predict the future xD
That's co dependence. I don't force improvements on people.
Been there....
Being INFJ is scary because I'll do everything in my power to help those who need it and create peace. Sometimes you gotta manipulate the bad people to help the good people and sometimes you wait until its the time. Regardless everything you do as an INFJ is intentional and is done with a purpose very rarely is there no purpose behind our actions.
I have an entire stack of cards I’m waiting to play, one at a time
My building owners management group asked a mild mannered young accountant to be on the Committee because he seemed totally undangerous and they just needed someone to make up the numbers.
They couldn't have chosen anyone BETTER able to stop their illegal behaviour. INFJ
OK, once again you hit all the characteristics. I have HORRIFIC rage if pushed too far. And yes, I throw all their crap in their faces. It leaves me drained and regretful, but it clearly works for the moment. I don't find revenge very satisfying. I have used it, but my core value of following Karma usually stops me. Interesting analogy from "ghosting" to "door slamming" I do a lot of ghosting, but I find myself still almost "stalking" them to make sure they are OK. I have door slammed, but absolutely the last resort. I must have respect and mutual understanding. Thank you as always!!!
Agree with what you've written here. Revenge is good in the moment, but it's a hollow victory. As we mature (most of us) realize this and move to just letting people go when absolutely necessary. Thanks for the comment!
Jay
Hi Jay, What you've said in this video is just so true for me. The INFJ door slam is what I usually use to end a relationship in which I find myself in pain and loss. And once the door is slammed, there is no other chance! I reflect on my behavior, and it is also true that before I cut off the toxic relationship, I actually give more than three chances for that person to make up for what he/she has done wrong to me. However, this is not an easy process at all since I must confess that I'm kind of easy to forgive people who hurt me. That's bad for me then. Before I knew that I am an INFJ, I was miserable when I thought of my solitude from childhood up to the present, but now I know that I'm a rare breed and I have my own power. Solitude is actually good for me since I can cultivate my inner rich life and avoid toxic relationships. I'm grateful for your channel since I am a big fan of it, and it helps me to understand myself more, be happy in solitude, but still feel a sense of belonging. Have a nice day, Jay.
Thank you for the comment. Yes, it can be tough to be in solitude but it’s much better than being with toxic people. There are people out there who will at least treat you decently. There can be friends in many areas, for example, you might have an arts and crafts friend, a work, friend, etc. these people may not be as deep as you like, or provide the richness that you desire, but they can be company, and at least they are not bullies or toxic people. Also, our online communities, like the circle. I also have some other things planned, so stay tuned.
Jay
Thank you for your quick reply, Jay! It made my day! I have the same thoughts about your advice. I've made a plan for my new journey into art and psychology, as I feel like I would find my way home with like-minded people in these fields. Another important thing is that I am a lifelong learner, as all INFJs are, so I'm so happy to learn new things every day. And of course, I'm eagerly waiting for the INFJ Circle to become a community that I can belong to. Your work just means so much! Thank you, Jay.@@INFJcircle
You are welcome!
Jay
When I quit my last job, having known the people for many years prior to working for them, I saw right through the lies, manipulation, gaslighting etc & called it out continuously. HR & the exec team started ghosting me due to my honesty.
I quit directly to the CEO, who thought I was kidding & refused to pass on my resignation to HR. I told them all how it was. In my resignation I did 6. CEO tried to Hoover me a month later and I did 1. Best decision of my life to door slam that guy! He’s the most malignant narcissist I’ve ever met.
We simply can’t be around toxic people. It’s like dealing with some kind of waste without gloves (we are very sensitive). It’s not livable for us. You made the right move, better to just get out and find another job. Thanks for sharing!
Jay
Experience has taught me that I'm allergic to NPDs and I cut them loose at the first opportunity. They are beyond human help.
You know my boss who I had an issue with, I never mistreated him back, I tried to be as calm and diplomatic before my resignation. I didn't even have to submit a survey. After a few months he tried to reach out and probably miss me. Change people with kindness not through justice.
This happens to me a lot, I leave without a word or hostility, try to detoxify by myself to gain my good side back. Then my friends, family, and coworkers ask me back. Forgive and you shall be forgiven.
Excellent video, Jay! " Downright creepy" - (in regard to #5)..... that was hilarious! But you're right - no one has ever said " oh thank you for seeing me so clearly and sharing what's ahead - I really appreciate it". 😄 My hot button is disrespect.....just typing the word gets my pulse hopping.
Totally! They never seem to appreciate the insight, haha. It creeps them out - but we've seen it all along. Thanks for the comment!
Jay
The worst part about seeing others clearly and telling them about themselves - is I always hurt them without intention!
That duplication is what I call the mirror principle. Give a reflection so those individuals can see their flaws...
This is terrifyingly accurate
These are so accurate. I'm an INFJ and you are spot on. So happy I found your channel and that there are others like me, not many, but they're out there. Thank you so much for your great information!
Welcome!
Jay
Really wish I’d found all this when I was younger, such fantastic advice for our personality type, it’s like finding what you’ve always been looking for. I also love your accent, and calming voice.
This is brilliant. This is me as an INFJ. When I absolutely need to, not because I want to, I will go SCORCHED EARTH on a person and they will walk away (figuratively speaking) with a permanent limp from me.
Because they know you see the real them under their facade. Scares the crap out of people.
I’ve been told I’m intimidating my whole life and never realized why. These videos help me come into my full self without shame. Thank you! 🙏
It is true. That line. Lol It will make you say things no person should probably ever say to anyone. Im not proud of it, but when I was younger, I turned someones past, severe trauma experience on them. Pointing out how it was their own fault. Which was probably harder on them, than the situation itself. After being taken advantage of, lied to for years, it just happened. It was true, and I meant every word of it. Some truths just shouldnt be said though. I actually cried about it later. I have learned to be more conscious of what Im saying in intense situations, as Ive grown older.
"...some truths shouldn't be said though..." Yes, Jesus got into a lot of trouble doing that. He was young, though and didn't know any better. Most people can't be "saved" no matter what you do.
I always say that how I treat you is a reflection. So dealing with the INFJ is like looking in the mirror. You get what you throw at them....either good or bad.
The reason I pause and think deeply before I speak now. Reality is most don’t want the truth. It kills their secret bliss.
I'll give people chance after chance but once I've been pushed to far or I deem you as a liar, user, manipulative, fake ill door slam. I've always been very independent, and I'm extremely loyal to those I care for, but once I lose respect for you I'm out. Great video. Thank you.
Thank you so much for the info you provide - you help put my mind at ease. I now realize I'm not crazy, I'm an INFJ!
This is so true. I am extremely the most loving person ever but can be very dangerous, VERY!!!!!!! dangerous. I don’t ever want to be that way so I try to stay to myself.
Thanks Jay. Healthy boundaries are so important for figuring out early which relationships aren't good for us, so we can distance ourselves or go no contact before we suffer more harm. Standing up for ourselves can feel like we're being selfish or mean when we're not, especially if we've been taught our whole lives that expressing our needs or feelings is wrong.
Exactly, boundaries are SO important. And we must enforce them!
Jay
I didn’t think I was dangerous, but when I watched the video I found myself agreeing to all your points. Very insightful and well put together video.
When I was about 16, I had a friend who had gone in between living with multiple family members. I had decided to tell my mom that this person needed a stable home and that I thought that she should stay with us. My mom (who is an INFP, and also very empathetic) agreed to this because we had a spare room. Long story short- after they moved in, she started manipulating my parents against me, tried to separate me and my mom, constantly went through my room and my things, tried to convince my friends that I was a bad person, punched me multiple times, said she would give me a haircut and then purposely made me almost bald lol, emotionally manipulated my family into buying her things by saying “if I don’t get this I will do *insert thing that makes said family member disregulated*” along with regular emotional manipulation and degradation. Needless to say, one day she got into a fight and pulled out a knife and it was on school campus so she got arrested immediately. After that my family realized why no one in her family wanted to keep her around…. Fast forward to today- I haven’t talked to her in years and she still talks about me … she is borderline stalker but I don’t care 😂 I have my facts lined up like a true INFJ. She still tries to tell my friends that I am a bad person but how could they believe her because I am kind…. they have never believed her for a second. I could still get a restraining order easily but the only reason I don’t is because she doesn’t have a car nor does she know where I live anymore LOL. Moral of the story is that INFJ’s are kind yes…. But we aren’t stupid…. I know the exact kind of life she will live if she doesn’t change her insane behavior, I can only be so empathetic for so long. INFJs have much patience. But NO patience for straight up cruelty and injustice.
What do you think about "the infj stare"? I have been told mine can speak volumes, in a good or bad way without ever saying a word. It can creep people out I have found.
Oh absolutely. I’ve only met one person who was comfortable with my directness and would stare right back. That earned my respect instantly!
Yes, INFJs (many of them) are more comfortable with eye contact than most others. Others sometimes get uncomfortable.
Jay
Twenty years before I found out I was an INFJ, my husband would sometimes say that my gaze seemed like it was piercing right into his soul.
This is All So true,
INFJ in your life.. we can be your greatest blessing or lesson
I don’t go out to make enemies but I am more than equip to handle it
If the energy field is not polarized because of others insecurity that causes them to Act out of pocket because of psychological false premises, things need to be constructively set right
INFJ’s are like Walking Karma honestly
We practice good habits everyday and making them better, we’re never worried about others.
If we made some bad habits and get into that then from my experience you’re still practicing how to deal with challenging situations and be more effective in that area.
I do know my power but rarely use it. Some truths here and there come out about the other person and I back up right away because I know they have a disadvantage.
If anything I just use creativity and humour to bring it back to the person.
Mind you it took a few battles to really learn any dance around this and you’re right you really got to cut things short ASAP.
I had to ghost some people.
We have to be aware of where our attention goes.
I see you and support you.
There is nothing wrong with having this personality type, we are born to be lovers and helpers.
i love how this channel advocates for INFJs when we're so commonly misunderstood by many. Every personality has strengths and weaknesses and this guy helps everyone else understand why we think and do the way we do
When the door slam came up, the sentences i said exactly with you at the same time and I've never seen this video before. I already knew i was an an infj.
Hahaha, yeah, us INFJs certainly think alike!
Jay
It is incredible, how similar our experiences are! So good that you‘ve thought through it and are eloquent enough to deliver your insights!
Life's awesome when you know you're right all the time.
One of the toughest lessons I've ever had to learn in life was understanding that some things are better left unsaid. It takes a lot to stay graceful while someone is trying to tear you apart from the inside out and you could easily return the favor 10x but it's just not in your heart anymore.
I always knew the reason why my brother always hated me so much. But. I just couldn't turn off the psychic abilities no matter how hard I tried. This is why people suddenly quit talking to me. I guess they just don't want themselves to be exposed. Either way. I guess sometimes I feel like taking a break from this psychic ability in order to lead a rather "social" life; so I don't go insane. But who knew it's somewhat impossible to get rid of this power. The trick I often used as a kid was to play dumb in order to enjoy myself socially. Because no social gathering except a person who is outside the usual norm.
Yes, it can be difficult. Reminds me of Neo before and after he woke to the Matrix. Hard to go back to before we took the red pill - I don't think we ever knew before.
Jay
Why shut it off? Yes, we can identify character flaws in other people- but if you take that knowledge and repackage it with encouragement, it can have a profound positive effect. Just because we perceive someone’s deep issue, doesn’t mean we have to call them out directly. (Unless you’re trying to destroy them, of course!) Be positive, powerful, encouraging, genuine, and caring- and never finger-pointing. Ex. Tell a ‘random’ story about someone else that had the same problem, with some wisdom thrown in etc. I am often amazed by how many people come back saying that was “exactly what they needed to hear” and you “changed their life”!
as an infj… the green mile is my favorite movie!!!
Very revealing for us isn’t it?
Jay
Me as well
I'm an INFJ and a Scorpio. I have a very long fuse, but I don't suffer fools gladly, and never EVER lie to me - that's a line someone cannot cross, and you only get one strike. Because I'll call it out, look for a time to release my sting and then, when the time is right... RUN!!!
We are unassuming and kind. This is all well said and true. I knew for sure I was an infj when I heard the door slam described in a few videos, I have certainly done this 😂
Each video of yours I watch I am exclaiming, "Yes! Exactly! I totally do that!". Thanks for sharing- now I know I am not alone.
So much relief finding these videos …
Definitely channelled the darker sides of this when dealing with certain problematic individuals. Some regret, though mostly it felt necessary for those situations and my life. Without those people around me as influences I am overall better for it. There is also the grief side that isn't often talked about on the topic
Yeah we INFJs rock!! SO glad we have people like this in our group🤗
Hey there… Happy blessed Sunday to y’all… here as follows is my take on this topic…
Dangerousness plays no part in their personality in my opinion… See INFJ’s are as tough as titanium but also as soft as cotton wool… they are mainly misunderstood in a lot of ways I say… INFJs are just truly their authentic selves… ain’t nowt fake about them… they ask for what they want and they say how they feel… they are not passive aggressive nor are they sycophantic… they exist outside of the mainstream and are the typical loner type but once you get to know them and understand their quirky ways you’ll never want for a better friend / partner or anything else… INFJs are the ones with all the energy…. They’re fully in touch with the inner child part of their personality… they are funny light hearted kind and empathetic individuals but they are nobodies fool… serve them a plateful of ignorance… dislike… dis interest just the once and they will not be back for seconds hahahah and disingenuous ppl are a bugbear to them entirely… In a world filled with mostly narcissistic ppl INFJs are refreshing and a joy to be around but only if they want you to be around them… they care not for too much attention / company from others all the time mainly because other ppl and their energy can overwhelm them and this can be very draining especially if its bad odious energy those others are bringing… INFJs are the cool calm collected misfits - the Lone Ranger - the Renegade - the Non conformists…. the nerds of society but they are super intelligent… weirdly interesting… differently different… ultra unique… superbly honest… gloriously happy in their skin kind and humble individuals…
albeit massively mysterious and a tad unpredictable at times but this is their true nature… they are that they are hahahah.. and ain’t nothing or no one gonna change them to be anything other than who they naturally are !!
Hope all this makes sense to those who’ll read it.. but if it doesn’t then I don’t care to be fair.. because I tried to put this as succinctly as possible… so there !!
You’re welcome btw..
Thanks INFJ Circle’ for this insightful insight
Bye for now;)
Hmmm…I’ve always been something of a chameleon, rather than such a confident, bold personality you’ve described yourself as here. As he’s describing, I consciously take the path of peaceful doormat, rather than a ferocious lion that wants to annihilate injustice and cruelty, as I would really like to do. It sounds like your life has been more idyllic than mine. What a blessing!
@@user-kn2fi9pr8i uhh uhh my dear I have had a very rough life up to the point where I am now… I used to be meek and mild just like you actually… I came to realise that humankind frowns upon those who are too nice for their own good.. if anyone tells me ‘I am nice’ I take that as an insult actually.. I do not want to be seen as nice’ I am kind yes’ but I am not nice… to me nice means a doormat… I am indifferent to most people but I show compassion always… I ask for what I want and I say how I feel… I do not let others take my kindness as a weakness.. I am not a sycophantic individual so I will always tell you the truth whether it’s popular to do so or not… I’m extremely self assured and self confident and highly assertive… I’m an optimist and I’m gloriously happy and confident in my own skin.. but I’m no one special mind.. I’m just me… and the me that I was always destined to be and for this I shall make no apology… I fully accept who I am and I love the person I’ve become.. flaws and all… I hope you can find peace and solace in yourself someday somewhere along the line… never give up on yourself… learn to love yourself as you are and if you feel you need to do the inner work / self improvement in order to become a stronger more confident person then do so my friend… there are no limits to self improvement… it just takes practice.. dedication and a bit of inward thinking.. get to know yourself properly instead of letting others tell you who you are… boss your own life - make your own decisions and own them whether good or bad… it’s simples really… I wish you the best of luck !!
Thanks for your reply..
Bye;)
Thank you for your video 💗 it came into my life at a really important time during the planning of the next steps of my professional life , we as INFJs can feel like outsiders and loners most of the time but i'm happy that my personality is strong enough to show fairness and justice to others 😊
Yes, it’s definitely strong enough, and we often do that. It’s our nature :)
Jay
Dude you nailed it. I have been studying about INFJ since I was 18 y.o now im 27. Before that I used to think I had some mental disorder.
Btw INFJ rage is like Hulk. I once snapped at my workplace and everyone got to see INFJ Rage, they named me hulk.
I enjoy scrolling through my recommended and seeing videos with titles like this. It's amusing.
The door slam is permanent and there are no feelings on the other side.
I'm always observing and assessing people's behavior, constructing a pattern of who this person is, and consequently deciding for myself if I want to interact with them or have them be close to me.
If I see something that I don't like I won't engage with them anymore without an explanation, because that's not necessary. If I am pressed or pushed or see something agregious I will cut them with words containing the document I've kept in mind of the analysis of their behavior.
As an INFJ going through a divorce right now (i initiated), this is scarily accurate. I have done all of those as our marriage fell apart.
Do you know the type of your partner? There is supposed to be an ideal type for each type but for most types the match will not be the same type.
I have made at least two people cry that I can remember when I calmly told them things about themselves they didn’t want to hear and were true. Do not cross an INFJ.
I used my INFJ #3 trait on my former company when they threw me under the bus. I sent a very polite yet clear letter saying I forgive them, this is what's gonna happen to you if you don't change your patterns, but regardless of what you do...I'm out. Door slam.
And a year or so later, SURPRISE, I heard what I warned them about came true. Sad.
Yes, I can see how this could happen. In my own life things like this have come to pass. While it feels good to know that you were right, sometimes you just wish the world would wake up and avoid all this nonsense in the first place. Thank you for your comment!
Jay
@@INFJcircle so true 😞
You know what, I know other zodiac signs can be INFJ but you are perfectly describing an Aquarius ♒ for certain
I'm an infj aquarius also.
I snapped at work a couple of months ago. Everyone was shocked that my sweet little self could spew so much rage. The crazy thing is, I was 100% correct in everything I said that day.
I often wish I wasn't an INFJ, actually I'm in the middle of E & I. To just go through life unphased seems so pleasant. My best life is through my art and staying self-employed with a small group of wonderful friends.. to tell someone they've crossed into my boundaries is not something I could do. I'd rather walk away because my brain won't trust that person again... besides, I was already anticipating it.
Our difficulties stem from thinking other people have our skillset....mostly they don't & they don't want our insights either if they don't conform to their narrative. As an INFJ...it does get easier as you get older.
We've learnt that if we stop having any expectations of others we are no longer interested in trying to help anyone. We seriously start focusing on our own happiness & our own selves. It's frequently hard won but we were born kind of more spiritually awake ....our inner lives are already interesting.
It just gets more so & we become even more aware & protect our energies accordingly.
It's all good & we do have the interest of the highest good for all in mind.
💯 After a while, you just develop Teflon and let peoples' sh*t just slide on off. Right - no expectations, especially these days.
Thank you for making content, I don't feel alone anymore when I know that there are other people like me and you! Thank you sir :D
You are welcome!🙏
Jay
SO spot on Sir! Yes! Nodded all the way through this. Excellent vid. Sir!
I always struggle to know when is the right time to be honest and straightforward, and when to shut up. At work, people sometimes tell me not to say something as it is not something others may be ready to hear. But I worry about not saying it as I can already tell what the consequences of not addressing the issue are. And then for toxic friendships, I instead hold on to it for years and years before finally shutting them out.
This makes me anxious - sometimes I need to be more direct, and sometimes I shouldn't, but I can't tell when to do which.
Oh Wow! 100%!
All of the above 🙌
All my life i defended others because i cannot stand injustice and i thought it was because I'm a Libra ♎.
They do not talk about how important justice is when they describe the INFJ personality.
Thank you for this description. I now understand why i lost it so many times, even though peace is so important to me and ghosted so many people during my so far 48 years on earth. 😊
Ditto. (Libra rising ; )
@@wheredowelive 😊
You really nailed it! I usually don't subscribe to channels, but I subscribed to yours just after watching only this video of yours. ❤🎉
Thank you. welcome aboard!
As an INFJ I can sometimes relate to psychopaths. And I'm not exaggerating.
don't tell people, its not appreciated
Even a minor change in energy around is sub-consciously detectable...lyk if something horrible is gonna happen we get a really strong gut feeling well in advance.I really don't know how!
Yesterday I got a compliment from someone who must have thought beforehand that I had ill intentions. Took me 6 years to get there. It was worth it.
This is so spot on!!! I like this group- nice to find my people 😊
welcome!
Every single comment resonates with me...making me smile and giggle as well...
I had a narcarcictic mother. I adored my dad, I'm an only child of immigrants from Switzerland..
Growing up alone, in spite of my mother, was the best for me, but my boundaries have been weak. My empathetic heart left me open to exploitation..I just turned a young 70 in Feb. And Finally got the last useless renter out of my house and am loving my peaceful life and family..
Best of all, my oldest lovely daughter is an INFJ too...!!
Its so good to be understood❤
My theory is "children come here to help their parents and further their growth, sadly some parents are poor students..!"..oh I've raged..
Imitated, insulted and brought people to realize themselves..
Teaching is a noble, however at times, draining, calling...!!!
I'm still learning about myself as an INFJ-T . I just thought I was different from everyone else for 50 years. It's nice to know I'm not alone in being an infj 🇬🇧✌️
Are you kidding me? I’m ridiculously proud to be an infj!
The few rages that happened years ago are things I cringe about to this day. I truly feel horrible about it.
Interesting info. My wife talked me into taking the personality test, results came back that I am INFJ-A personality.
Cool, glad you found us here. Welcome!
Funny thing as an infj, my top qualities would've been psychologist or analyst. I listen to multiple conversations at one time, making me like thanos and can destroy people's worlds with the infinity stones i have stored in my mind 🤣
I've felt that too. I did meet an escapee from a mental institute once who had not been outside for years - its sounds like a tall story and i'd normally keep a distance but spent some long time talking to him and i could see that he had 2 problems. 1 being that he was too institutionalised and had no interaction with normal people to get a balanced viewpoint or to have a talk with someone who is not just doing a job. 2 his uncontrolled obsessions about other peoples behaviour and that the drugs he needed and had stopped taking were only suppressing his emotions not dealing with the reasoning. I talked to him about why he felt so strongly things were wrong or right and how he decided what was wrong or right, I asked him what happens if he ignores and lets things go. Would he feel bad, hurt,etc . I'm not saying i did any good therapy but I think he was very glad to have had a deep conversation with someone outside the system without an agenda that he could also rip loose about the institution where he was, and when i left him he was going to let the police find him.
I been currently interested in this Ni and Ti loop
And how the function on the middle can sometimes break this loops when it starts be over use
Growing up , the situations weren’t ideal, so I was definitely an unhealthy INFJ when I needed to be. But I wasn’t entirely that, I was the healthy version most of the time but no one knew. Given my situation, no one was there to help me in several situations. I analysed everyone by not letting it slip that I felt wronged. I’m talking about family. I held everything as if it’s a documentary in my head lmao. I started using it to manipulate them to act the way I wanted them to. Although it might seem bad, people pushed me to it. I was a 10 year old with no one to protect me. Well, it worked pretty well. My mom understands it though. She always points out I’m so good at manipulating people when I want to. I tolerated everything, kept close and pretended to be ok and got everything I needed and then turned. I didn’t lash out, I just used it one by one to manipulate them without them realising that I was doing it . The way you mentioned duplicating what they did to do the same to them. That’s exactly what I did. They haven’t even realised it.
I’m here to add new flavours to my ghosting abilities
hahaha
So true. I had a door slam with a long time childhood friend. I found out that she talked very badly behind back about me and was so extremely disappointed so that I think she was really scared when I confronted her. Long time we had no contact at all. Today we still don’t really have. If I see her some small talk is ok, but I know it’s a not trustworthy person, so I stay with her on the surface now.
Some other situation I remember was helping a good friend against her stalker. She was too kind and friendly and couldn’t stand up against him. So I asked her to give me her phone and confronted this guy like it was needed. After this he gave up 😉.