I think a lot of people don't understand acting vs lying. Being a good actor doesn't make you a good liar. I don't know if Will Smith is lying or not, I don't know him personally. But people saying he's lying because he's a good actor is inaccurate because those things are not the same.
Thank you for this. More people need to see this comment. Just because he is an actor, that doesn’t mean that he’s automatically lying or insincere. They are separate things.
@@SarahJHug a lot of people don't realize how personal lying is. It's not a blanket thing where if somebody does A or B, then they're lying. Everyone's tells are different and you need to know that person and their behaviour well enough to pick out what isn't normal. Which is not really like acting at all.
I love acting, I think I'm good at it. For me, acting is an acknowledgment between me and someone else that I'm playing a different character. Lying is something completely different, an act of deception rather than an agreement. I can't lie unless I feel personally threatened and even then I think I'm a terrible liar.
If someone read his biography, he explicitly says he has always been overprotective with women, cause he saw his mom got beaten up by his dad and as a little kid he was frozen. Since then he has been carrying this guilt. My take is that when Chris made the joke, he went back to that dark place and snapped. It is called trauma. Of course it does not take away his responsibility, but it helps to understand him better and by that, ourselves
@@purplelily2608 I think this laugh was just as automatic reaction, when hear a row of jokes, they can laugh even at a bad one at first. Jada also smiled at first.
@@nita4ka179 I agree, it could have been an automatic response. We've all had that one moment where we do something and go "wtf why am I doing x thing" and really think of what's happening. Did he take it too far? Yes, absolutely. It could have been resolved in private. But, his childhood background does explain *not justify* where his action came from
Okay thats his side. What about chris. Isnt he a survivor of bullying as well. Its not justifiable in any way. Whatever it is , you do mot get up and slap people and get away with the fact that u had a difficult life. Is will the only party involved? Are we forgetting that another life got impacted by it? How fair is it to chris to give will this lane to snake out of when the way he reacted is completely disgusting
@@sibanipanigrahy5509 i hear you completely and I agree. But if you invest so much in your life to do the right thing and once you slip big time, you own it and take responsibility for it, what else can you do?..
I think that you're probably right. As an adult survivor of child abuse, I've had moments where I've lashed out because I was deeply triggered by something. I've worked hard to get past that and have not had an event like that in decades now, but I am aware that if faced with certain triggers, I would have to be incredibly vigilant to stop an instinctive reaction. In that moment, Will was seeing his mother and his father, not Chris and Jada, and I get that. Was it the wrong thing to do? Hell yeah, it was the absolute wrong thing to do. Did he wake up the next day and want to kick his own butt? Very likely. I think he's sincere in his regret. It's not up to me to forgive, I wasn't the one injured, but I do think that everyone deserves to be judged on their continued actions, not one moment in their lives.
The lack of empathy from the Court of Public Opinion is terrible. I generally try to temper my knee jerk reaction with immediately considering how it happened and how they got there. It's a work in progress but it's a good exercise in empathy, imo. Doesn't always work when people I "know" are involved (aka parent, sibling, etc where old assumptions creep in), but I'm trying to get there. Anyhow -- one would think, based on the vehement response, that the Court of Public Opinion is made up entirely of persons who've never had an impulsive reaction 🤣
Because after he did what he did. He was seen laughing and partying. He did not show remorse. While chris was humilated and bearly comforted. Chris even went up to apologise to jada who. Laughing at first. It's only after he realised he isnt a god like he believed. He is trying everything to do damage control. I see through his bs
@@zane___k7333 Perhaps, but in any case, it's none of our business. What remains now is an issue between two grown men that we've never even met. We have our own issues to deal with.
@@XinaTheGM and heres the point. From this response, I'm going to assume you don't fully understand why people are upset, allow me to explain. We as a collective has worked hard to create something called free speech. We create rules to allow such a thing. When he demonstrated was, if someone says something you aren't happy with, it's ok to use Violence. This is why on some level people are upset. I've heard many comedians saying they are now even frightened to make jokes. What about the kids who look up to these men witnessing these things. Children under the age of 5 have difficulty separating right from wrong, he is essentially, suggesting to kids Violence is the a answer. Take a step backwards and separate your emotions and the answer as to why people are reacting how they are, is apparent. Imagine millions of people including children looking at this live. Try understand it from that perspective.
One of my favorite quotes about a proper apology comes from the late, marvelous Randy Pausch: "Proper apologies have three parts: 1) What I did was wrong. 2) I feel badly that I hurt you. 3) How do I make this better?" Will has done the first two parts, the 3rd can happen if Chris decides to sit down and talk to him.
I love this perspective. Will has done everything he can, he has done the only parts of a sincere apology he can when Chris isn’t in a place to complete the process with Will.
As a person who likes to plan put and write down apologies and confrontations, I think it's worth noting that if it is rehearsed, that does not necessarily mean that it is not genuine
One thing I like about Will Smith is that he's not afraid to show himself as a deeply flawed human (as we all are).A few years ago he reconciled with Janet Hubert (OG Aunt Viv) and took his share of responsibility in her firing. Last year he did a great docu-series on his youtube channel just before the release of his autobiography. He was very open about his feelings towards his mother and father, his traumas, and his failures as a father. It would've been so easy for him to film a "look at how great I am" documentary but he really got vulnerable and gritty with it. There is so much nuance in this situation and everyone will read into it differently. In my opinion, it's a sincere apology with a dash of PR for the sake of rebuilding his reputation.
One moment shouldn’t define a person, especially his worst moment. We’re worth more than that. But it seems like these days that’s all we use to judge people. What he did can’t be defended, but that doesn’t mean he can’t apologize, and it doesn’t mean he can’t move forward from here.
It's a not quite true that today we're more judgmental than before. That's not true. Go back in history and moral panics of all kinds happened, and people were hurt and died because of those. Atun-shei Film channel just dropped a video reading of King James I's book Demonologie, a book implicated in the European Witch Trials, a moral panic that killed thousands of women because of a delusion. We notice it more because of social media but human nature hasn't changed. It's just more in our face, and it's just as disturbing to see our weaknesses as a species - our subjectivity, our irrationality, and our cruelty still wreak chaos because we still don't understand ourselves, each other, or the world really well. It's like we're still trying to figure out how to live in a world where we should be able to control it. But how much can we control anything if we don't know ourselves and each other very well? Will Smith is an example of Reality's relentless ability reveal how much what we feel shapes our behaviour over and above rationality or ideals. How pain and trauma still find a way to express themselves, despite many years of surpression, and how they dispel the illusion of self-control, when self-acceptance and self-compassion are absent. And whole societies are built on such fragile foundations. We do not live in a just world, where bad things happen only to bad people. Or where good people with good intentions don't do bad things. It's just that for the sake of simplicity and stability, we pretend such uncertainties don't exist, which is a problem in itself, because Reality doesn't go away when you - or a whole culture - ignores it. This is why in an age where there is just more information about everything, it doesn't mean we are more able to use that information effectively as knowledge, or wisely as wisdom. It doesn't mean we know ourselves, or the world any better, in part because we have taught ourselves to ignore the messiness of humanity, and of ourselves in pursuit of external goals, because its easier to control things that way. But that is an incomplete and misleading picture of reality.
1. That apology scene was potentially set-up, as in that poster being pointed out. I would also like to point out the light positioned behind Smith's head - like a near-halo - was not accidental. Nothing in a production like this is accidental. 2. Smith was recently in an animated film called "Spies in Disguise" where his character learns that situations can be handled in non-violent ways instead of violently striking out. He did not learn from his own performance. 3. Rock's comparison of Pincket to the fierce "G. I. Jane" character was right-on to me. I wish that I could earn such a comparison.
With his white ball cap, the shots with the light right behind his head looked to me like an extension of the bill :) I thought "How unfortunate that his serious video contains a distraction that makes me think of the period when the Fresh Prince wore overalls with one strap unbuckled and a ball cap askew or reversed" instead of paying attention to his words. I'm not disagreeing with your theory, just saying if that was the intention, it went over my head.
I feel that on the other side of accountability there has to be forgiveness, kindness and grace. If we take a person and judge them upon their worst moment and continually judge them upon that moment even though their behavior up to that point and afterward showed this thing was just a blip, then you are teaching people that there is no reason put in the effort to apologize or make amends. I hate the idea that people are so cynical towards people trying to make amends. I've always been taught that you should assume ignorance rather than malice in most things and assume unless proven otherwise that an apology is sincere. This has given me the most personal peace.
Apologizing for our unhealthy reactions to other people’s insults or mistreatment is one of the hardest things to do. We tend to feel a deep need to justify ourselves or point out what the other person did to us at the same time we are apologizing. I believe the apology gets lost with this approach and the problem never ends. I appreciate you sharing this video and your perspective on it because it shows what a healthy apology can look like with the intent to reconcile without shaming oneself. This is something I believe most of us are still trying to learn and it’s not easy. I don’t care if Will is being fake or authentic, I only care that with this video I can learn something on what a true apology looks like. It also shows something that all of us have in common which is our humanity. Famous or not, we have all made fool of ourselves trying to stand up for something or someone we love and value. It takes an incredible amount of humility to apologize without mentioning how he was hurt by Chris’ tasteful comment. Or how it hurt his wife. I personally struggle with this the most. Apologizing without mentioning how the other person hurt me is something that is very difficult because my pain is real too and I do believe it’s important to hold both people accountable, so finding that balance is what I personally need the most. Will’s approach is focusing only on his behavior and while he did mentioned that what happened could be addressed at a later time, he’s doing what he can to make amends which is honorable. I’d love to see more videos focused on healthy ways to apologize, holding people accountable, and healthy conflict resolution. What are your thoughts as a therapist? When we are apologizing to someone for our reactions, when is it ok to bring up how we were hurt by their behavior?
@@MossyMozart it’s ok if you disagree and I respect you for holding your own opinion and sharing it. I see it differently though. What matters is how did Will and Will’s wife feel? It doesn’t matter how you or I feel about it, but how did they feel? Their experience is real. Most importantly we need to learn to respect and validate how they felt with such comment without us turning into shaming, blaming, or belittling them simply because we hold a different opinion of how they “should” handle a situation. It’s easy to have an opinion on someone else’s experience on how they “should” or “shouldn’t” act instead of trying to do our best to understand the why behind it. If you see Chris’s comment as a compliment, that’s your experience and it’s ok, people are different. But neither Will nor his wife took it as a compliment. It is not our place to tell them how to feel but to respect their individuality. Differentiation is something I value quiet a lot because it allows people the God given right to their own experience and shows a clear line where one person ends and the other begins but this is a boundary many of us cross by telling others how they should behave, feel, or think.
This is a very kind and compassionate way of looking at this. Thank you Jonathan, watching your videos encouraged me to seek therapy after leaving a 14 year highly psychologically abusive relationship with an OCPD narcissist that got much worse during COVID. I didn’t think therapy would help, as many therapists I’ve had in the past have just been passive listeners with nothing to contribute. I recently found a great therapist, and it has been life-changing. I’m now getting ready for a cross country move and starting my life over in my 40s with my 2 dogs. I am going back to school, I have my whole life ahead of me and I’m excited to start over and pursue my dreams without being yelled at every day and called names. He has a sound phobia and he would make me check my decibel app on my Apple Watch because of a dropped spoon on the floor or some other everyday household noise. I had to prove I didn’t cause him “permanent hearing damage” and even though the decibel levels were always below 90, it was never enough proof. There was lots of gaslighting and editing of history on his part. It has been 18 months since I left him and I still sometimes find myself apologizing for laughing too loudly or coughing, but I am getting better. Lol! Progress not perfection. It’s just hard to deal with the injustice of him never seeing any legal or social consequences for what he did to me and never acknowledging he even said a cross word to me. Even in 2022, the courts don’t see verbal or psychological abuse as real abuse. They just wanted to settle the estate and didn’t want to hear what he put me through. My psychologist has been helping me to move on from that. I believe my best way of getting revenge will be to live a happy and successful life. Therapy works, thank you for the encouragement of your channel. 😊
I appreciate that he did make his apology public, but in the end the apology is between him and Chris Rock; at this point I believe people should leave both of them the Hell alone.
yes and no, because he is a public personnality and what he did, was as public as can be, if he did just apologize to Chris Rock, just between them without involving the public, people would have continued bulliying him online for not saying anything (especially with the refusal of mr Rock of speaking to him) he would be pressured to report to the public... (I totally agree with you thatit is a thing between them and he should not have had to do a public video otherwise)
I agree with you. I wasn't physically abused as a child, but know plenty of people who were. Trauma shows its ugly head at the most inopportune time. I am one of those people who tries to stay positive no matter what. I recognize there is bs, but I can't allow myself to be consumed by it. I've gotten really good at making that lemonade of life.
I love that you used the term "naively optimistic" because that's what I also hear when I try to be empathetic toward people others consider "bad". But I believe that everyone who's willing to put in the work deserves kindness.
I personally completely agree with your interpretation Jona, and I really appreciate how you expressed your thoughts about the different parts and aspects of the interview. I also think there is genuine reflection and remorse from Will Smith's end, and the nuances you brought to it being public without discrediting possible sincerity were appreciated. Thank you for your thoughts and for posting this, I hope it can inspire more compassion and understanding amongst the online community, and if not, well... in any case, it was nice to hear kindness expressed amongst much hatred and accusations buzzing around this topic. Like you seemed to be saying, it's not like hatred and arguing that he doesn't mean it serves any of us.
I'm so grateful Will took the time to own up to this mistake publicly. As a public figure, as a someone many people look up to, no matter his sincerity, he has given the world a beautiful example of making amends. Like you said, we ALL make mistakes, so this whole event has made Will honestly, more relatable and more human, and more of an example and champion of kindness. As an advocate of kindness myself it hurts to think of all the times I've ever been unkind to anyone, but Will has given a blueprint for what to do in those situations. We only become hypocrites when we do something against what we stand for and then don't try our best to make amends.
Chris Rock didn’t just make a “tasteless” joke. He made an ableist ‘joke’ about a woman he has publicly made fun of before. CR should have apologised to Jada. Where’s the pressure on CR to make that right? CR mocked Asian people at the Oscars and he got invited back to present an award. Where he also ignored the South Asian person who won alongside Questlove. IMO, Will Smith did the right thing the wrong way. More folks should stop people when they are being harmful or discriminatory. But the response should be proportionate. Did WS need to slap CR in that moment? No. He made a mistake. But let’s not forget that, as far as the industry is concerned, his biggest sin was publicly embarrassing them. WS slapping a guy insulting his wife is nowhere near the worst thing the industry tolerates. It gives standing ovations to child abusers! We also shouldn’t ignore the racist element to *some* people’s outsized reactions. Many POC know all to well the penalty for ‘stepping out of line’ - regardless of whether our behaviour is objectively reasonable or not. You fail for a second to play your expected role and the punishment will be more severe.
I feel like I'm not a good person, because WS's action was at least honest. He slapped a dude. Not good, but not on the same level as MANY of the genuine tragedies the Academy & Hollywood have tolerated. Will messed up and acted badly. He's done what he can to make it right- just like any of us. Pearl clutchers need to move on. And I 10000% agree that we should be screaming for CR's apology for his bullying a woman of color over her appearance after he'd been TOLD REPEATEDLY that it was wrong and hurtful. He should be held accountable for the harm he perpetrated on Jada that provoked Will's bad action. Chris is not a victim. He reaped what he sowed. Played stupid games and got slapped in the mouth for it. I don't have an ounce of pity for him. 🤷
@@theopkingdom3433 There’s a Sondheim lyric from Into the Woods: Nice is different than good. I saw that in action in an old workplace that was full of bullies and ‘nice’ people who did nothing to fix it even after they were told. From your comment, you sound like someone concerned about equity and justice. That sounds like a good person to me. 🙂
If every comedian had to apologize for every joke, no one would be game to be funny anymore and we wouldn’t have laughter. Going after Chris for a joke is cancel culture. Also, although it is not my thing, Americans love to roast each other. Will smith literally laughed at that joke. It Jada hadn’t taken offense, no one would have thought anything about it. They have been doing that sort of stuff for years at that award show.
@@HaddyAppleAday Is it cancel culture, or is it just polite to not joke about certain topics? If she had cancer, would that be an ok joke to make? Cancer patients lose their hair too. There are some ethics to comedy, and making a joke of someone's medical condition that is also tied up in their expected gender presentation (women should have hair, and if you don't you are less-than) is kind of a dick move. He didn't deserve to get slapped over it, but it can still be viewed as tasteless and/or low effort comedy.
This is the first thing I’ve seen about his apology but I fully believe he is being genuine and I honestly didn’t feel like I was going to believe him when I clicked on this video but I was wrong and I’m so glad I was, he sounds like he has been doing the work and not just sulking around his mansion feeling sorry for himself, I don’t sense a modicum of bullsh*t from him in his apology he is being sincere.
Being defined by your mistakes is a huge thing. People put celebrities on a pedestal and expect them to be good and perfect all the time, but easily forget that everyone is human and no celebrity is an exception.
As someone struggling to find a voice and the strength to stand up for myself when people try to tear me down, I see where Will Smith is coming from. I see where Chris Rock is coming from. Good people have bad moments. This is one for Will. A very public one. I do feel like he's being sincere and that he regrets the choice he made. That being said, there are some things you just don't joke about. Health and mental health being high on that list.
I think actions speak louder than words when it comes to if an apology is real. By this I mean if you do something wrong apologize and continue to do versions of that wrong thing over and over again you're not really sorry. If you do something wrong apologize or not and correct your behavior moving forward you are truly sorry. I do respect people who say they're sorry or they're wrong when they make a mistake to me it shows a great amount of strength to admit you're wrong.
When I was in 5th grade I had a bit of free time and I went to the 3rd grade to see my sister during recess. I used to play with the littles because I was bullied in my own grade. This day I saw from afar what seemed to me my sister being pushed around by the biggest girl in her classroom. I flew into a rage, ran and pushed her away. Suddenly all third graders were yelling at me. It had been a tickle fight. No malice until I introduced violence to the mix. She was fine. I was fine. Just a little scare all around. But the kids were never again quite at ease around me. Ruining your reputation is real easy.
I really appreciate this video because it explores the reality of public perception to public figures. We forget celebrities are people too. I do not condone at all what Will did, but I also appreciate that he recognizes what he did was an inappropriate way to handle something that he personally felt was threatening or traumatic. A lot of his past could have a lot to do with his response that night. Since the incident, he has never made excuses for himself (thanks for pointing it out), he doesn’t get defensive. His response is mature and it doesn’t overstay it’s welcome. It’s fair and I appreciate it, even if he is trying to save face, it’s understandable. And most importantly it feels genuine. People should curb their cynicism toward others, especially public features. They are not always deserving of it.
I don't think it could have been articulated better than how Jono put it. Because he's a public figure, his goodness is made public but at the same time, his mistakes are also out in the open. Jono, your interpretation is so 'fair' to Will and also the skeptical audience.
I'm not a crazy, huge Will Smith fan, I like his work and appreciate him as an actor. I don't bare him any illwill for what he did, for many reasons but, mostly just because he is a human. We make bad decisions and stupid mistakes. And the important thing is that he's making an effort to right his wrongs. It's a long, hard trail, but he's walking it.
I 100% agree with you. when I saw the apology, I believed it not just because I wanted to but because it was a good apology. he admitted that what he did was wrong, he acknowledged that he hurt Chris Rock and everyone else that was affected, and he talked about working on himself to prevent something like that from happening again. there's really not much else that needed to be said. thank you for making this video and I hope that others can just see and understand that Will Smith is a human being who made a mistake, but that shouldn't define who he is. ❤
I agree with you. I've worked in Hollywood and I know a lot of people in the industry, including celebrities. It's easy to put them on a pedestal and expect them to be icons and for the most part a lot of them take their positions as role models seriously. I think Will Smith is one of those people. The one thing I learned in meeting celebrities is that they're just people. They're human. They make mistakes. They fuck up. They can be wonderful human beings and they can do things that are not so wonderful and it all comes down to being human. We don't expect as much from ourselves as we expect from people who are just like us, and that's not fair. I honestly think Will was being sincere. I also believe (unpopular opinion warning) that Chris Rock was wrong too. He knew about Jada's condition and how she felt about it and he himself has done bits about black people's hair and he knew better. No, Will's response was not right, but Chris has to own some of the responsibility too.
How many of us have managed to get to this point in our lives without making mistakes that we deeply regret? I know I've made mistakes. Some of them big. I'm grateful that I'm not in the public eye to have those mistakes held against me in perpetuity.
He doesnt have to, everyone else is doing that for him. All this understanding, justifying and compassion for Will and his "issues", meanwhile Chris is the one that got assaulted on stage and the logic is that Chris must somehow deserve it instead of acknowledging how totally messed up it is to go up on stage & hit someone like that. Such twisted logic. "Victim blaming" at its finest. Ps. It was not even remotely a "terrible joke" and even if it had been it's still NOT OK TO HIT SOMEONE because you don't like what they're saying
@@tonyabrookes9931 you may not think it was a "terrible joke" if you don't suffer from alopecia. It's easy to assume something is fine without being in a position to (I do it too with other things). But I have severe alopecia that is currently relapsing and the "joke" was very hurtful and played into all the insecurities and trauma that come along with the condition daily. I believe both parties were at fault and need to own their mistakes and work at changing.
I think this whole thing is stupid. Will Smith had a clean record prior to this, and now he’s banned from the Oscars for ten years and HE has to apologize for standing up to someone who made an ableist, racist, misogynistic joke to his wife?? Where’s Chris Rock’s apology to Jada? This is a classic case of “person gets in trouble for standing up to a bully while bully gets off scot free.” Also if it was a white man who had done this, there would be a very different reaction. Don’t believe me? Look up the 1973 Oscars when Sacheen Littlefeather made a speech about the mistreatment of Native American actors. People were booing her, people were mocking her and imitating Native American war cries and John Wayne tried to get onstage to physically attack her and he was threatening to beat her up. And later that night Clint Eastwood mocked her in his acceptance speech. No one stood up for Sacheen then. John Wayne didn’t get banned from the Oscars after that. Guess who suffered the most from that incident? Sacheen Littlefeather!!! She received death threats and got blacklisted from Hollywood after that. So the fact that a single slap (that frankly was well deserved) from a black man who had never been involved in a controversy before is enough for everyone to clutch their pearls and act all high and mighty when much worse has happened at the oscars is just ridiculous. And it’s really rich of the oscars to claim not to condone violence of any kind when clearly they’ve tolerated it from white actors in the past. Where was their outrage at John Wayne? Why didn’t they ban him from the Oscars? This is a rhetorical question I think you can all guess the answer. In conclusion, Chris Rock is the one who needs to apologize. And maybe he’ll think next time before making fun of people’s medical conditions
As far as the trauma and outlook side of things, as a kid when i recognized that what was happening to me was wrong and trying to figure out what i could to do make it stop and get me to a safer place. I quickly acknowledged that responding with the same energy would be returning pain for pain and just repeating cycles of abuse. I chose a lot of hard roads that lead to healthier places and one of them is to repond first with compassion. If nothing else, allowing space for people to heal so I'm at least not leaving the world a worse place than I found it.
I am glad that not only has Will reached out to Chris, but has accepted that Chris is not ready for him yet, that he's there waiting for Chris, and not "I apologized, my part is done", but that he is taking responsibility for his actions. In Judaism, it's up to the person who did the wrong to go to the person wronged and ask for forgiveness. If the wronged person is not ready, or does not forgive, the person who did the wrong has to try 2 more times (for a total of 3 times) for forgiveness. If, after the 3 times of sincere apology, then it's on the wronged person. Then, in the future, if you happen to be in a similar situation, you are to make a better choice, it is at that point that you have repented and atoned. We do not have to forgive either.
This is interesting, Rebecca! Does Judaism have any distinction for if the action was truly horrific? For example, if someone threatens my son, apologizes 3 times, and I refuse to allow them back into my life, would this tradition say that I'm in the wrong? Hoping you can clarify as this is an interesting concept! Thanks.
@@sorshae.elsbernd6132 Not from the perspective of Judaism, but from Christianity, not to answer in stead, but next to it, because multiple perspectives are sometimes quite wonderful to be compared and thought over. I think there is a massive difference between forgiving and forgetting. Forgiveness is taking the poison out of the wound, not pretending it never happened. To protect your family it is more than natural to still keep the person out of your life, but to protect your own heart it is important to forgive. Prolonged anger and a long held grudge will in the end harm you; it will fester and grow until only bitterness can sprout from it. In the Bible one is never asked to ignore reality, but only to forgive wrongdoings as we have been forgiven. Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness. If someone is capable of threatening a child I believe there is a lot more at work than just one simple threat. I would personally be willing to help this person heal, or at least open a conversation about it if they are willing to, because that is the kindness God has shown us too, but I do not believe you would be in the wrong for not wanting to talk to this person anymore. If you strive to live in holiness and respect of other people and God who has forgiven us and taken us in like His own children, I suppose it would be the most God honouring to try and help the person if they are willing, but I am not called to judge the people who do not live by the same rules and guidelines as I do. This is of course my own perspective on things, I'm interested to hear what others think! (Apologies for any grammatical issues, I'm Dutch and also very, very tired)
@@ellinorvandentop, wow, I'd never heard that particular quote from the bible. It made me laugh cause it is true...why do dogs DO that? As for my situation, it's tricky. During the height of covid, I was scheduled to visit my brother in a state with mask mandates. My state didn't have mask mandates, and my son has sensory issues. He was 7 at the time, and I hadn't put him in a mask as our schools were shut down, and other than playing outside, we were isolating. My brother said he would consider it "self-defense" to bear spray my family if we visited him and weren't wearing masks. I consistently mentally choose to actively forgive my brother for this threat, but I can't have him back in my life as a result of that threat. I can't risk allowing him to be near my children, husband, or myself. I know covid/masks was seriously controversial, so suspect some people would agree with my brother and think he was justified. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I hope you get some good sleep and feel better.
@@sorshae.elsbernd6132 Proverbs is full of brilliant gems! It really is rather amusing to read through a few chapters sometime. Dogs tend to do it because, if there are no foul ingredients in the mix, it is seen as an offering of food to a higher standing pack member, but I doubt this little tidbit was known then. Why they eat their /own/ vomit though... And that entire situation sounds terrifying. I am not a mother, so I probably won't be able to deeply understand the fear and terror you felt, but it already sounds horrible to me. As for sensory issues and masks, I as an autistic young lady who had to wear them to school thank you on behalf of your son. Torture. In my opinion necessary, but utter torture (especially paired with glasses and a chronic illness, but alas, it was for the greater good). As for not wanting contact with your brother again, I can completely imagine. If a political issue can lead someone to such anger and hatred, there, as earlier mentioned, is probably more going on than just that isolated incident. An apology, however sincere, is not changed behaviour. 1 Timothy 5:8 comes to mind But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Members of your own household are more important to provide for than relatives who are not part of your household. As a parent it is part of your duty to provide safety for your children. A few other verses that have come to mind now Luke 6:37 Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Ephesians 4:31-32 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Proverbs 17:9 Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Proverbs 22:24-25 24 Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, 25 lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. Thank you! Lots of love to you and your son and husband🖤
You made a lot of well-reasoned points. And as far as celebrity apologies go, this one was good. I still think a 10 year ban from attending the Oscar's is a little-- well, Hollywood. On the other hand, if Mr. Smith is trying to repair the damage he did and pass on a legacy of admitting mistakes (regardless of the antecedents), apologizing for those mistakes, and waiting for forgiveness from those you have wronged... I can get behind that. I feel like society is missing those skills for the most part. So, good for him, whether he was acting or not.
As a future LMFT (in school now), I really appreciate you breaking this down for me to gain insight into how to spot true apologies and how to help my clients hold themselves and others accountable. This was very insightful and made complete sense. Thank you so much for all you do on here and CinemaTherapy. You make thee concepts accessible to the lay person and bring insight we all can benefit from. Keep it up!
I don’t like the accusation that Jada made him do that. There’s a bad history of blaming women for the actions of their husbands like when people blamed Hilary Clinton for Bill Clinton having an affair. Will is an adult. He made his choice.
I'll try to explain why I hate it when the public gets involved in conflict between others. Imagine a man walks up behind a woman at the bar and pinches her butt. She turns around and slaps him. Perhaps you feel it's justified. Her boyfriend comes over and punches him in the face. Is it justified? All the people in the bar are also angry, so they take turns walking over to punch him once. After dozens of blows, he collapses and ends up in the hospital, beaten into critical condition. Is that fair for a butt pinch? Each person feels justified because they were upset by what happened. Each of them gave what they felt was a fair response, yet in total it was completely monstrous. That's how I see social media justice. It's just a pretty name for an angry mob.
People like you helps me feel safe in this world, because I want to be optimistic (but I came from being really scared and angry against people). So I’m grateful that I have my friends and my chosen family near me and also… thank you for your work and thank you for sharing your thoughts and expertise. Keep shining cause we need your light !
Ya know I actually really liked his apology. I've had several moments where I make a mistake and believe that's it my life should genuinely end. I should not exist with all this self hatred and shame after such an action. Him mentioning how an apology feels like its not enough is always what I think for myself. The way people bring cynicism to his apology is just kind of like our own internal cynicism is just constantly lingering. 😭 my bad if that sounds bad
I completely identify with what you've said. I also really appreciated Jonathan's point about engaging in remorse, rather than shame. I think a lot of what we're experiencing with "cancelling" people has to do with humans suddenly dealing with parasocial relationships on an unprecedented level, and the permanence/shareability of expressed thoughts (due to the internet). I think it's led to us expecting everyone around us, and ourselves, to be perfect - and I think that we're going to have to relearn allowing people to "exist" again, after they've made a mistake. It's understandable and fair if the wronged party doesn't forgive the other individual, but at the same time, if the wrongdoer has apologized, been held accountable, and corrected their behaviour, what more can they do? On another note, I just want to say I've been exactly where you are, and it gets better. You're more than your worst moment, and you're not a monster. (Also, therapy REALLY helped me - I put it off for a long time because I was terrified about being judged, or being thought of as a bad person. It ended up making me feel so much better. If that shame ever feels like it's weighing you down, therapy can really help). :) Above all, just wanted to send you virtual hugs, and wish you happiness.
I think your take on the apology video is very beautiful. I agree that it doesn't matter if the apology is real or not, did he prepare it or not, etc. All I see through Will's apology is a person who is owning up to their mistake and sincerely apologizing for it even understanding when it's not repairable. This is one quality I have almost never seen in my environment. I'm not a big fan of either will smith or chris rock (they're alright imo), but I do hope this conflict can be resolved the best way possible.
@@RedRoseSeptember22 Or maybe you're naive by not showing compassion. There's two ways to live life. Assuming the best people, or assuming the worst. You don't know Will Smith personally, so what do you gain by having this negative assumption?
As someone with a history of anger management issues, I have found my heart going out to Will Smith from the instant I heard about the slap. So maybe I am projecting. Maybe I want to believe that Will Smith is the genuinely good guy who learns from his mistakes and takes accountability for his misdeeds that I thought he was when I saw him apologizing and giving a public podium to Janet Hubert. (And maybe I have been naïve since the beginning and things like the conversation with Janet Hubert have never been anything more than a PR sideshow; I have to acknowledge that he has a strong history of self-promotion.) Maybe, when I think I am being empathetic to a person dealing with demons similar to my own, I am pulling the proverbial wool over my own eyes. I know that I have a bias due to my own history; I find it hard to correct the kneejerk reflex to retract a measure of my sympathy for their part in the situation when it comes to Jada Pinkett's Red Table Talk that deflected the issue and to reports about Chris Rock joking about "Suge Smith" and "everybody claims to be a victim, then nobody will hear the real victims" in his act after this apology broke. I respect Will Smith for at least seeming to confront the issue, and his responsibility for it, head-on. His experience rings true to me. I derailed my livelihood in a moment of seeing red, and I want him to be able to do his job again. I am cynical of anyone who acts like their hands and reputation are squeaky clean (especially in the entertainment industry), and I believe that Will Smith should at least get a shot at working for redemption like Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, and Robert Downey Jr have. I believe Will Smith. I believe that his apology is genuine. I believe that he is honestly remorseful. I believe that he is, and has been, working on himself. I believe that it honestly hurts him that he betrayed his fans and the position as role model he used to have. I believe that he is taking public accountability, not just posting an empty apology for sympathy. And, at the end of the day, I want him to okay. I want us all to be okay at the end of the day.
I agree 100%. I think one mistake people make in their criticism of celebrities is that being an actor and being sincere IRL are mutually exclusive, and that’s nonsense. I teach comm studies, including interpersonal communication, and one thing we cover is when you commit a relational transgression publicly, whether it’s in front of friends, family, whoever-you apologize publicly in front and to those people, as well. So, I loved this video! It’s got a lot of really important lessons! Thanks!
I think that there's an excellent chance I'm in a camp by myself on this one. I don't think that violence should be anyone's first choice to settle a dispute or an insult. I sure as hell don't believe that domestic assault is ever justifiable. But I DO think that you can look at a situation in its fullness and recognize that it is perfectly possible for someone to be provoked past their breaking point. That's not me saying that Will was justified in the slap, and it's not me saying that Will is not responsible for his actions. It is me saying that I understand that sometimes people are confronted with things that upset them, and they make impulsive choices. (I've also said elsewhere that there is indisputably a cultural component to this that isn't getting due consideration, but that's beside my point here). The other thing that has bothered me about all this is that there are a LOT of voices out there equating what Will did to domestic assault, and either insinuating or explicitly declaring that Will probably is abusive in his daily life. That doesn't sit well with me because it rejects the possibility that a person can make a single, incidental bad choice in a moment of high stress, without it being an action that defines their whole personality. Yes, a man CAN hit a woman - or vice versa - and it's NOT a pattern of abuse. It's possible for a person to lose control and physically hurt someone, and be so horrified by their own actions that they immediately take accountability and work to make sure it never happens again. So I find it harmful and abhorrent that people who cannot possibly know, are declaring that Will Smith is just an abuser, and that's the end of the story, all anyone needs to know. More to the point, though, is that I don't understand what exactly it is that anyone wants: If you have concluded that Will was completely out of line and no context matters, then...fine. He HAS paid for it. He HAS suffered consequences. He publicly humiliated himself, he tarnished his own historic Oscars moment, he embarrassed his family and permanently damaged or even ended relationships, he was barred FROM the Oscars for a decade, and he tarnished his reputation both within his peers and colleagues in Hollywood AND among his fans. Isn't there a point where we should be able to look at that and conclude that he has been served consequences sufficiently proportionate to the transgression? ESPECIALLY in light of the fact that he DID issue an apology?
Thank you for this. As you said, it doesn't serve us to be jaded and suspicious of everyone in the world. I choose to take people at their word unless and until they prove otherwise. I choose to give people the benefit of the doubt. We have a role in helping people to change; and the way we do that is by believing it is possible. It has surprised me how harshly people reacted to Will's behavior, while continuing to think that insults and psychological blows are completely acceptable from comedians. As Will said, his way of handling the situation was wrong. When he figures out the right way to call out disrespect and hurtful words, we will all benefit, because that needs to be done as well. If Will and Jada could have said, "You've touched on a hurtful subject for us, and your joke doesn't feel funny to us--it hurts," that would be a place to start.
There are many things from my past that I would hate to define me. I appreciate that Will is going public about his experience, his journey. We need to have good examples of people falling down, getting back up and succeeding. Listening to him, it does feel like he’s still struggling mentally or emotionally. I hope he finds peace.
From the apology he made on Instagram to this one I believe he is sincere in his apology. Part of my feeling on that it is that he is not playing the victim that "Chris Rock won't forgive me" and as he said, he's trying to stay away from "I'm the worst person in the world.' While I would love to see an eventual reconcilation between Chris and him, I know that Chris may not be up to that, and that's Chris's right. If it happens it will be on Chris's time, and Will seems to realize that. Will seems to realize the ripple affect this has had, and is not couching any of it "if I hurt you/offended you" as he goes onto Chris's parents, the other nominees etc. He's owning it, and not excusing it. He has accepted the reprecussions, the Acadamy's ban, and criticism since after that night without fighting them, and even acknowledged that they are because of his actions. I hope that as long as Will continues on this path first of all he finds some healing and other ways to cope and if so that his career does rebound. If he is acting here, well, he deserves another Oscar. But I don't think he is.
I think that was a well thought out apology in the sense that he spoke from the heart and was accountable for his actions w/out excuses. That is the best example of a good apology. Hitting those markers (sincerity, accountability & no excuses) is so important when apologizing b/c, as Johnathan said, he's giving the apologies to those who deserve them in a public way to do the work that needs to be done.
Sadly, I think a lot of people who say it's not a good apology think that because he is "trying to be remorseful without being ashamed". That is the healthiest approach, but some people want others to feel ashamed when they've done wrong, like somehow if your guilt isn't destroying you, you must not be sorry enough.
Far out. See that only makes all the other systemic stuff dumped on men all that much worse. The expectations, already ludicrous, pushed on men. Be the stronger man, be the better man, be the one in control. What? What is he supposed to do? Tell him how he's supposed to act, then just to cap it all off, accuse him of acting. I wish I had a cure for the internet. And the stupid populist magazines that preceeded it.
5:57 you are SO SO SO right about this! That I believe she has tormented her husband, ridiculed and walked all over his boundaries with example starting a LIVE SOCIAL MEDIA VIDEO RECORDING when they are in the middle of a private argument and you can SEE just how deeply hurt and frustrated and sad about her blasé “see what I have to deal with {name of shrink}” she has been horrible to him for years and to then see - granted make his worst mistake - and then ppl don’t even show an ounce of understanding?!? That’s gotta be rough. Thank you for bringing up good points and seeing but not judging 👌✨👍
I’m really glad you made this video and really touched on the content of a good apology. After I lost most of my friends and my girlfriend about a year and a half ago, I’ve really been analyzing every detail of what happened. And I genuinely feel I was not a good friend and I lacked the emotional maturity in my relationship. I find myself apologizing and always having a “I’m sorry I know that was wrong, but you upset me”. And I never understood why it wasn’t ever received well, and I understand after thinking about it I was deflecting the blame.
The one thing I really appreciate about Will is that I think he takes the time to really reflect and consider the impacts of actions. I honestly believe he is truly sincere in his apologies, all of them. He's doing the work on himself and showing the world he's considered the impacts and wants to answer their questions. No person on earth is the embodiment of one single bad action or moment. If Will was going around beating people all the time, I'd say no, this isn't a sincere apology. One bad moment doesn't make someone a bad person. The people against his apology are likely going to look for reasons to do so rather than trying to find forgiveness and empathy.
There's no shame in looking inside yourself and honestly saying "I didn't think to apologize at the moment, because I was too numb from shock or anger to feel apologetic yet." Everyone's gotten their last statement out, not listened to the other person, and stomped off for a while. What matters is that you come back and remember to be responsible for yourself.
YESSSS I LOVE ITTTT!!! You really have a gift with words. An ability to explain your views reasonably and understandably, while also making clear your understanding that many people will think differently to you. You also have a gift in understanding people's perspectives which has really inspired and impacted me throughout watching many of your videos. I can tell the journeys and experiences you would have had to go through throughout your life to get to this level of wisdom. Your channels are what I spend most of my time on when I am on UA-cam, and it has brought an evident change in my life and perspective of the world. This isn't necessarily about this video perse, I just thought you should hear this :) I hope you see this comment bc you deserve to understand what a gift you've been blessed with, and how much you have changed a stranger's life.
I think that he really should have let it be known how he felt about the several insults and different takes about jada's health and appearance before hand I think he wouldn't be in this situation. But he did it so can't really say "ifs" and all that. I think his apology is defined sincere and is what we random strangers or fans of his needed to hear. I think he gave Chris rock an actual separate personal apology that hopefully we don't pry about.
I, too, have been accused of being overly optimistic/positive to the point of stupidity (wording varying on the individual’s overall opinion of me), but I believe this is sincere. Will Smith has gone out if his way to be a positive force in this world, and your trauma can come back and bite you when it’s least convenient. It’s a terrible headspace to be stuck in, and I feel for him. I hope he can clear his head and move on from this. The best of luck to him.
For me, I think the problem is, I really want to believe what you believe in. I think its beautiful and ultimately the most optimal approach to life. The problem for me personally, I have been hurt and manipulated too many times. Its hard for me believe in the best in others because when I have, a part of me died in consequence. Now, truly is that part dead, no. But its hard to get in touch with that side of me because of the pain I have experienced, even now. Its hard to show compassion when it sometimes feels like the world cannot or will not show compassion towards me. Its hard to feel safe when I don't even feel safe in my own skin. So to answer your question, I would really love to see the world like you.... frankly I was just like that as a kid. I just can't now. When I look at someone like Will Smith, it is really hard for me to trust this is more than what a good actor would be capable of. His apology was better than most you see publicly. He does seem to have remorse. I am not just not sure what he is doing for himself to not engage in something like this again. True, what can even be said in this situation that would acknowledge that? But still, its really hard for me to believe people's apologies without changed behavior. Its hard with him, because we do not actually know him. So yeah... alas the difficulty in parasocial relationships. Either way, I want to believe him, but for me personally, I feel like something was missing.
Your comment reminds me of the phrase “Once bitten, Twice shy”. It also reminds me about how the brain responds to pain in a way, like when a person touches a hot stove and are burned. Then the person’s brain registers “Ow, that hot stove hurts”. The next thought is “if it hurts, I shouldn’t touch it.” Fun Fact: Most brains are wired like this to help keep us away from things that could severely impede us from living. From my understanding and personal experience,it also happens when people are emotionally and verbally abused, manipulated, or hurt/disrespected. Your wariness to the apology is very much valid and I wish you wellness and happiness.
Getting personal here, I want to say that as a woman who has been publicly harmed many times and who has never been publicly defended by a partner, ever, I appreciate both the defense of Jada and the apology. Sure the assault was wrong, but for a moment there I just loved that he publicly defended someone who was publicly harmed. He’s doing the right thing now, and I will most likely love him forever for all of this.
The term "Acting" is used in different forms: 1. Acting can be used as a form of entertainment or to tell a story and 2. Acting can be used as a suggestive form of lying. 3. Acting and Lying are some times merged as being similar in almost every way. Smith; as I see is being genuine and I agree with Therapist.
To my surprise, I felt an uptick in hope for humanity (and America in particular) at the part where Will said that NO part of him was convinced that his assault was correct.
My apologies are never good enough for my husband. He will tell me, “You don’t mean it. Apologize when you mean it.” How am I supposed to deal with someone who ‘grades’ my apology? For now, I have just stopped apologizing. There’s no point in it.
A sincere apology tends to be a) apologizing then b) acknowledging what you did wrong and c) correcting the behavior; however if you apologies aren’t enough for your husband or if you feel like you have to apologize for everything then maybe going to couples’ therapy might help provide clarification on any underlying issues. (Edit) I don’t know anything else about your situation and I only recommend this if this is a feasible option for you. Wishing you the best.
U r right. I have learned through ny own trauma and therapy that we r not defined by our mistakes. But how we choose to resolve them and do the work. He is clearly sorry and has been since he made that mistake. Will has never shown himself to be anything but kind and loving and hardworking
Yeah! I honestly find it difficult to believe that he would have went through all of this and not learnt from it. It's literally turned his life upside down and no doubt caused him a heapppp of pain and hardship. Personally, I believe his apology is sincere, I really do. Or even if it isn't, I know for a fact that his hurt is real, and that enough just makes me wanna scoop him up in a big bear hug and make everyone shut their mouths.
I used to believe what I was told. Then one day I realized that technically there is not a single person in my life who doesn't take advantage of me in some way or form. Now I'm bitter and desperate - and I hate it - and yet I am unable to heal it. But despite my bitterness I do my best not to judge people and I try to forgive them. Does this make any sense?...
If he had an altercation with Chris in private, then they should have resolved it in private. But the public nature of the incident requires public redress. Edit: lol you said the same thing
I don't know I still think Chriss is the one who should apologize first. I most likely wouldn't slap someone if I were in Will's situation but if I were slapped for making such joke I'd consider it well deserved.
When someone has really done me wrong and I feel it on a really personal level, honestly how I deal is telling myself that person isn’t necessarily wrong or right and neither am I, but the experiences that have shaped us into who we are today just clashed. And I remove myself from the situation and try my absolute best not to give it further thought, though I’m human and one with OCD at that so it can be hard not to get into thought spirals. But that’s what I really try and do.
Thank you for analyzing this video. I needed this perspective. I too recognize that this is a good apology. I tend to try to understand where people are coming from rather than making their actions about me. It helps me to remember that we all have bad moments and deserve to have a chance to do penance (former catholic) for our trespasses. I hope Will let’s this end here, though. Now he has to find a way to make it up to Chris Rock. Privately.
We say all the time that it's your actions and their impact on others that matter, not what you deeply think. And I fully agree with that, which is why I don't care if Will means it or not. The words he says, the reaching out, matter. The exemple he is giving to younger people, of a successful rich and powerful man taking responsability for his actions, matters. Hearing a public figure saying the words "I apologize" will make it easier for others to say it when it's their turn. Actions matter, results matter. In this case the real motive doesn't interest me.
I believed for decades that I was solely the victim in many negative experiences in my relationships. It was only fairly recently that I came around and discovered my responsibility in those situations. I don't fault Will for taking time to reflect on his actions. Some people never get it. It's great that he is coming around. Side note: I can't stand how Jada low-key manipulates Will. She definitely gave him that look to send the message "if you let me look bad, there will be consequences".
100% This our society is so critical now especially online now. It didn't happen overnight and it won't stop overnight either. It will only change individually
He made a mistake. He is paying the price. I believe we should forgive him and move on. Attacking him, criticizing him, cancelling him, etc, will do nothing for healing and restitution.
Time Stamp starting at 14:58 "Trying to be remorseful WITHOUT being ashamed of myself" - This is Distancing Language. SHAME is EXACTLY the Appropriate thing to be feeling, and purposely avoiding it almost negates Everything Else He Says Here. "Shame can be defined as a feeling of embarrassment or humiliation that arises in relation to the perception of having done something dishonorable, immoral, or improper. While shame is a negative emotion, its origins play a part in our survival as a species." May 27, 2021 Society has lost any sense of shame once held. That's a Huge Problem. He's moving in the right direction for sure, but the road ahead will be long. All the best in his journey, and especially to the Rock family.
If there is anything I’ve learned from Mended Light and Cinema Therapy, it is that Jono is a big advocate for self kindness. Especially if someone has been through traumatic experiences and/or has a verbally abusive inner voice/thoughts. Also wasn’t public humiliation and shaming other students proven to not be effective at all?
I have no doubt Will is sincere. I think he needs to step away from the spotlight for a few years to make sure he is really connected to who he is rather than always eroding himself a bit to be “on”. He grew up in the spotlight and I doubt he ever really knew who he was under the performance. So now he should take the time to dig in, deal with the trauma, and really connect to himself and come back stronger when the time is right. he won’t heal in a few weeks.
I may be ingenuous, but I also choose to believe. It's kind of like the story of the Lady and the Tiger -- we bring to that story's conclusion what we are as people. I feel the same about what people bring to Will. Two thoughts: 1. Am I ingenuous in thinking Chris will not accept Will's apology because he might then have to address his joke? 2. What in the world are we spending so much media time/effort on this for? What else was happening in the world at this time: a. Congress was set to defund school lunches. b. North Korea was testing ICBMs. c. Russia was waging war in the Ukraine. Aren't these things a little more worthy of our time/concern?
I agree with you. We have so many people want to believe this man can't be sorry 😐 for what he did. I hated what he did to Mr. Chris but as long as him and Chris make up I'm happy for them both. Let's forgive him and move on. You are the second video review on this, show any compassion for this human. Thanks for sharing and thumbs up for your review on this video Will Smith. 👍
Am I the only person who love Will Smith more because he stood up and defend his wife against cruel joke that pained his wife’s deep vulnerability. I felt her pain. I think freedom of speech needs a re-evaluation. Hurtful jokes just isn’t ok. There needs to be an accountability for hurtful language.
I'm glad Smith apologized because physical violence is unacceptable. But Chris Rock's "joke" was also an attack, yet he hasn't apologized and hasn't been held accountable. Words hurt; words can be deeply abusive and have serious impact, and CR just showed the world that it's okay to make fun of someone's medical condition. It's not just about Jada either; it's other people with alopecia as well who are affected. Not okay.
@@violax3735 as someone currently suffering from a horrific alopecia relapse, thank you for acknowledging this aspect of this situation. Both parties were entirely in the wrong here. Will missed an opportunity to educate on why it wasn't ok in his acceptance speech. Chris needs to admit that what he said was hurtful and out of line.
I can’t judge this apology. For one thing, like you said, he’s not apologizing to me. Also, I don’t know how to tell when someone is sincere. People have too many different ways of acting and too many ways that they show emotion that vary from person to person and feeling to feeling and are altered by situation… I don’t know why anyone presumes to be able to classify human behavior, really.
When he said we would be friends eventually again, I was like, yeah. It will take a while. I walked away from the apology hurt, but willing to let him try again.
this is not related to the video: what I love about this channel and cinema therapy is it teaches you first and foremost, compassion and understanding. Since I started watching this channel, I become less judgemental and more empathetic, not only to the characters in the movies but to actual people as well. I am not saying that I was judgmental before this, but as a person, I have my own biases (conscious and subconscious) along with my own beliefs and opinions.. so there are times where in I would judge people harshly, just because I think I would do better or choose better if thrown in the same scenario as theirs.. so watching this channel helped me be more understanding and considerate of where other people are coming from..
I loved hearing your breakdown of this apology. I do still think this reaction to one grown man slapping another one time was outsized and 99% based in racism. It had far more to do with white Americans' and the predominantly white Academy's desire to clutch pearls and see a Black man punished and "taken down a peg" in a way that gives us all deniability than any sort of real desire for accountability, growth, or resolution. How do I know? Because dozens of white men in Hollywood have done far, far worse, habitually, for years, and many of them still have careers and industry-wide respect, with no apologies required of them and tons of actors and fans defending them. Case in point? Woody Allen.
Facts. Can't help but wonder if this was a white actor slapping a white comedian that the backlash would not have been severe because historically, people of color could not act out in ANY way and get away with it and sadly, harkens back to systemic issues that were predatory against people of color
I think you are partly right, but I also think a lot of this has to do with the fact that it happened at a live broadcasted event, and the “victim” was another famous person. What Woody Allen did is 100% more horrendous, but there isn’t footage of it happening and so much of the conversation becomes about proving whether or not he actually did it and we aren’t left with an image of him assaulting his daughter the way we are left with an image of Will slapping Chris. I think a lot of it just comes down to what makes stories stick in people’s brains.
@@ainilome not all that surprising. So many don't like talking about the impact of racism. Can't work it out if it's not discussed which is part of why it still remains
I think one problem people may be having is that for all of his 3 months of thinking about this he still knows very little. He wasn't ready to reach out and apologize because he wasn't ready to talk about what happened or why, and it was way too soon for him to make a play for sympathy himself. The event he was talking about was not the event we saw. In Will's version of the story his family were innocent victims of his selfishness, but in reality we all saw that he was laughing at the joke until he saw Jada's eye roll and that was what prompted him to assault Chris, and his kid was so traumatized that within minutes he was on social media proudly saying "That's how we do it." My feeling is that Will wants everyone to move on and forget all about it without him even getting real about why this happened and what it was all about, and I think that is magical thinking, somewhat narcissistic and certainly entitled. We love a redemption story, but for that to work he has to be honest, and he has to learn something and be changed by the experience., He has to at least admit what we all saw. We all saw him laugh at the joke, we all saw Jada's eye roll, and we all saw Will assault Chris and then yell at him from his seat. I think Chris got caught in the crossfire of something that had nothing to do with him. I think the truth would actually set both of these men free. Jada has definitely triggered Will's childhood trauma and I think the response would have been a lot better if Will talked about that, and where it came from. He could have shared about being haunted by memories of not being able to protect his mom when he was a kid, and when he saw that Jada was upset he had a visceral reaction that was not him as, Will Smith the grown man and actor and it was that scared kid he used to be and that man wasn't Chris Rock, but the man who abused his mom. If he had done that it would have won our compassion especially if he said he was working through his trauma. His apology wasn't nearly personal enough. He needed to address it to Chris and to the rest of us it could be much simpler. In both cases I think taking full responsibility for his actions and being honest would have been the best approach. In my opinion, Will still really lacks self awareness and of course, he doesn't realize it.
He's an actor, not a YT'er; he ain't in that watered down space. All that gaff you just said isn't the defining issue; that's why he didn't bring it up. He's literally put it out in this video that what he did was indefensible. His 'act' right now is very clearly playing the role model. He's being the very best human that he can be. You will not see this man do any public 'back-pedalling', nor will you see him playing for any sympathy cards. Years later after wounds are healed, he might share some of that gaff you mentioned, but it won't be in a way that might benefit himself personally.
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I think a lot of people don't understand acting vs lying. Being a good actor doesn't make you a good liar. I don't know if Will Smith is lying or not, I don't know him personally. But people saying he's lying because he's a good actor is inaccurate because those things are not the same.
Thank you for this. More people need to see this comment. Just because he is an actor, that doesn’t mean that he’s automatically lying or insincere. They are separate things.
@@SarahJHug a lot of people don't realize how personal lying is. It's not a blanket thing where if somebody does A or B, then they're lying. Everyone's tells are different and you need to know that person and their behaviour well enough to pick out what isn't normal. Which is not really like acting at all.
Extremely true!
I've narrated audiobooks and acted in college. But I can't lie to save my life.
I love acting, I think I'm good at it. For me, acting is an acknowledgment between me and someone else that I'm playing a different character. Lying is something completely different, an act of deception rather than an agreement. I can't lie unless I feel personally threatened and even then I think I'm a terrible liar.
If someone read his biography, he explicitly says he has always been overprotective with women, cause he saw his mom got beaten up by his dad and as a little kid he was frozen. Since then he has been carrying this guilt. My take is that when Chris made the joke, he went back to that dark place and snapped. It is called trauma. Of course it does not take away his responsibility, but it helps to understand him better and by that, ourselves
I dunno...In the clip it looked like he laughed at the joke at first before going up there to slap him
@@purplelily2608 I think this laugh was just as automatic reaction, when hear a row of jokes, they can laugh even at a bad one at first. Jada also smiled at first.
@@nita4ka179 I agree, it could have been an automatic response. We've all had that one moment where we do something and go "wtf why am I doing x thing" and really think of what's happening. Did he take it too far? Yes, absolutely. It could have been resolved in private. But, his childhood background does explain *not justify* where his action came from
Okay thats his side. What about chris. Isnt he a survivor of bullying as well. Its not justifiable in any way. Whatever it is , you do mot get up and slap people and get away with the fact that u had a difficult life. Is will the only party involved? Are we forgetting that another life got impacted by it? How fair is it to chris to give will this lane to snake out of when the way he reacted is completely disgusting
@@sibanipanigrahy5509 i hear you completely and I agree. But if you invest so much in your life to do the right thing and once you slip big time, you own it and take responsibility for it, what else can you do?..
I think that you're probably right. As an adult survivor of child abuse, I've had moments where I've lashed out because I was deeply triggered by something. I've worked hard to get past that and have not had an event like that in decades now, but I am aware that if faced with certain triggers, I would have to be incredibly vigilant to stop an instinctive reaction. In that moment, Will was seeing his mother and his father, not Chris and Jada, and I get that. Was it the wrong thing to do? Hell yeah, it was the absolute wrong thing to do. Did he wake up the next day and want to kick his own butt? Very likely. I think he's sincere in his regret. It's not up to me to forgive, I wasn't the one injured, but I do think that everyone deserves to be judged on their continued actions, not one moment in their lives.
The lack of empathy from the Court of Public Opinion is terrible. I generally try to temper my knee jerk reaction with immediately considering how it happened and how they got there. It's a work in progress but it's a good exercise in empathy, imo. Doesn't always work when people I "know" are involved (aka parent, sibling, etc where old assumptions creep in), but I'm trying to get there.
Anyhow -- one would think, based on the vehement response, that the Court of Public Opinion is made up entirely of persons who've never had an impulsive reaction 🤣
Because after he did what he did. He was seen laughing and partying. He did not show remorse. While chris was humilated and bearly comforted. Chris even went up to apologise to jada who. Laughing at first. It's only after he realised he isnt a god like he believed. He is trying everything to do damage control. I see through his bs
@@zane___k7333 yeah doing damage control after 4 months when most people don’t even care anymore.
@@zane___k7333 Perhaps, but in any case, it's none of our business. What remains now is an issue between two grown men that we've never even met. We have our own issues to deal with.
@@XinaTheGM and heres the point. From this response, I'm going to assume you don't fully understand why people are upset, allow me to explain. We as a collective has worked hard to create something called free speech. We create rules to allow such a thing. When he demonstrated was, if someone says something you aren't happy with, it's ok to use Violence. This is why on some level people are upset. I've heard many comedians saying they are now even frightened to make jokes. What about the kids who look up to these men witnessing these things. Children under the age of 5 have difficulty separating right from wrong, he is essentially, suggesting to kids Violence is the a answer. Take a step backwards and separate your emotions and the answer as to why people are reacting how they are, is apparent. Imagine millions of people including children looking at this live. Try understand it from that perspective.
One of my favorite quotes about a proper apology comes from the late, marvelous Randy Pausch:
"Proper apologies have three parts: 1) What I did was wrong. 2) I feel badly that I hurt you. 3) How do I make this better?"
Will has done the first two parts, the 3rd can happen if Chris decides to sit down and talk to him.
I love this perspective. Will has done everything he can, he has done the only parts of a sincere apology he can when Chris isn’t in a place to complete the process with Will.
As a person who likes to plan put and write down apologies and confrontations, I think it's worth noting that if it is rehearsed, that does not necessarily mean that it is not genuine
One thing I like about Will Smith is that he's not afraid to show himself as a deeply flawed human (as we all are).A few years ago he reconciled with Janet Hubert (OG Aunt Viv) and took his share of responsibility in her firing. Last year he did a great docu-series on his youtube channel just before the release of his autobiography. He was very open about his feelings towards his mother and father, his traumas, and his failures as a father. It would've been so easy for him to film a "look at how great I am" documentary but he really got vulnerable and gritty with it. There is so much nuance in this situation and everyone will read into it differently. In my opinion, it's a sincere apology with a dash of PR for the sake of rebuilding his reputation.
One moment shouldn’t define a person, especially his worst moment. We’re worth more than that. But it seems like these days that’s all we use to judge people. What he did can’t be defended, but that doesn’t mean he can’t apologize, and it doesn’t mean he can’t move forward from here.
It's a not quite true that today we're more judgmental than before. That's not true. Go back in history and moral panics of all kinds happened, and people were hurt and died because of those. Atun-shei Film channel just dropped a video reading of King James I's book Demonologie, a book implicated in the European Witch Trials, a moral panic that killed thousands of women because of a delusion. We notice it more because of social media but human nature hasn't changed. It's just more in our face, and it's just as disturbing to see our weaknesses as a species - our subjectivity, our irrationality, and our cruelty still wreak chaos because we still don't understand ourselves, each other, or the world really well. It's like we're still trying to figure out how to live in a world where we should be able to control it. But how much can we control anything if we don't know ourselves and each other very well? Will Smith is an example of Reality's relentless ability reveal how much what we feel shapes our behaviour over and above rationality or ideals. How pain and trauma still find a way to express themselves, despite many years of surpression, and how they dispel the illusion of self-control, when self-acceptance and self-compassion are absent. And whole societies are built on such fragile foundations. We do not live in a just world, where bad things happen only to bad people. Or where good people with good intentions don't do bad things. It's just that for the sake of simplicity and stability, we pretend such uncertainties don't exist, which is a problem in itself, because Reality doesn't go away when you - or a whole culture - ignores it. This is why in an age where there is just more information about everything, it doesn't mean we are more able to use that information effectively as knowledge, or wisely as wisdom. It doesn't mean we know ourselves, or the world any better, in part because we have taught ourselves to ignore the messiness of humanity, and of ourselves in pursuit of external goals, because its easier to control things that way. But that is an incomplete and misleading picture of reality.
1. That apology scene was potentially set-up, as in that poster being pointed out. I would also like to point out the light positioned behind Smith's head - like a near-halo - was not accidental. Nothing in a production like this is accidental.
2. Smith was recently in an animated film called "Spies in Disguise" where his character learns that situations can be handled in non-violent ways instead of violently striking out. He did not learn from his own performance.
3. Rock's comparison of Pincket to the fierce "G. I. Jane" character was right-on to me. I wish that I could earn such a comparison.
With his white ball cap, the shots with the light right behind his head looked to me like an extension of the bill :) I thought "How unfortunate that his serious video contains a distraction that makes me think of the period when the Fresh Prince wore overalls with one strap unbuckled and a ball cap askew or reversed" instead of paying attention to his words. I'm not disagreeing with your theory, just saying if that was the intention, it went over my head.
I feel that on the other side of accountability there has to be forgiveness, kindness and grace. If we take a person and judge them upon their worst moment and continually judge them upon that moment even though their behavior up to that point and afterward showed this thing was just a blip, then you are teaching people that there is no reason put in the effort to apologize or make amends. I hate the idea that people are so cynical towards people trying to make amends. I've always been taught that you should assume ignorance rather than malice in most things and assume unless proven otherwise that an apology is sincere. This has given me the most personal peace.
Apologizing for our unhealthy reactions to other people’s insults or mistreatment is one of the hardest things to do. We tend to feel a deep need to justify ourselves or point out what the other person did to us at the same time we are apologizing. I believe the apology gets lost with this approach and the problem never ends.
I appreciate you sharing this video and your perspective on it because it shows what a healthy apology can look like with the intent to reconcile without shaming oneself. This is something I believe most of us are still trying to learn and it’s not easy.
I don’t care if Will is being fake or authentic, I only care that with this video I can learn something on what a true apology looks like. It also shows something that all of us have in common which is our humanity. Famous or not, we have all made fool of ourselves trying to stand up for something or someone we love and value.
It takes an incredible amount of humility to apologize without mentioning how he was hurt by Chris’ tasteful comment. Or how it hurt his wife.
I personally struggle with this the most. Apologizing without mentioning how the other person hurt me is something that is very difficult because my pain is real too and I do believe it’s important to hold both people accountable, so finding that balance is what I personally need the most.
Will’s approach is focusing only on his behavior and while he did mentioned that what happened could be addressed at a later time, he’s doing what he can to make amends which is honorable.
I’d love to see more videos focused on healthy ways to apologize, holding people accountable, and healthy conflict resolution. What are your thoughts as a therapist? When we are apologizing to someone for our reactions, when is it ok to bring up how we were hurt by their behavior?
I meant to say tasteless instead of tasteful. Chris’ comment was really tasteless.
@@elianaconnelly6896 - I disagree. He made a comparison of Pinket to a very fierce "G. I. Jane" character. It seemed very complimentary to me.
@@MossyMozart it’s ok if you disagree and I respect you for holding your own opinion and sharing it. I see it differently though. What matters is how did Will and Will’s wife feel? It doesn’t matter how you or I feel about it, but how did they feel? Their experience is real.
Most importantly we need to learn to respect and validate how they felt with such comment without us turning into shaming, blaming, or belittling them simply because we hold a different opinion of how they “should” handle a situation. It’s easy to have an opinion on someone else’s experience on how they “should” or “shouldn’t” act instead of trying to do our best to understand the why behind it.
If you see Chris’s comment as a compliment, that’s your experience and it’s ok, people are different. But neither Will nor his wife took it as a compliment. It is not our place to tell them how to feel but to respect their individuality.
Differentiation is something I value quiet a lot because it allows people the God given right to their own experience and shows a clear line where one person ends and the other begins but this is a boundary many of us cross by telling others how they should behave, feel, or think.
This is a very kind and compassionate way of looking at this. Thank you Jonathan, watching your videos encouraged me to seek therapy after leaving a 14 year highly psychologically abusive relationship with an OCPD narcissist that got much worse during COVID. I didn’t think therapy would help, as many therapists I’ve had in the past have just been passive listeners with nothing to contribute.
I recently found a great therapist, and it has been life-changing. I’m now getting ready for a cross country move and starting my life over in my 40s with my 2 dogs. I am going back to school, I have my whole life ahead of me and I’m excited to start over and pursue my dreams without being yelled at every day and called names. He has a sound phobia and he would make me check my decibel app on my Apple Watch because of a dropped spoon on the floor or some other everyday household noise. I had to prove I didn’t cause him “permanent hearing damage” and even though the decibel levels were always below 90, it was never enough proof. There was lots of gaslighting and editing of history on his part.
It has been 18 months since I left him and I still sometimes find myself apologizing for laughing too loudly or coughing, but I am getting better. Lol! Progress not perfection. It’s just hard to deal with the injustice of him never seeing any legal or social consequences for what he did to me and never acknowledging he even said a cross word to me. Even in 2022, the courts don’t see verbal or psychological abuse as real abuse. They just wanted to settle the estate and didn’t want to hear what he put me through. My psychologist has been helping me to move on from that. I believe my best way of getting revenge will be to live a happy and successful life.
Therapy works, thank you for the encouragement of your channel. 😊
I appreciate that he did make his apology public, but in the end the apology is between him and Chris Rock; at this point I believe people should leave both of them the Hell alone.
yes and no, because he is a public personnality and what he did, was as public as can be, if he did just apologize to Chris Rock, just between them without involving the public, people would have continued bulliying him online for not saying anything (especially with the refusal of mr Rock of speaking to him) he would be pressured to report to the public...
(I totally agree with you thatit is a thing between them and he should not have had to do a public video otherwise)
I agree with you. I wasn't physically abused as a child, but know plenty of people who were. Trauma shows its ugly head at the most inopportune time. I am one of those people who tries to stay positive no matter what. I recognize there is bs, but I can't allow myself to be consumed by it. I've gotten really good at making that lemonade of life.
I love that you used the term "naively optimistic" because that's what I also hear when I try to be empathetic toward people others consider "bad". But I believe that everyone who's willing to put in the work deserves kindness.
I personally completely agree with your interpretation Jona, and I really appreciate how you expressed your thoughts about the different parts and aspects of the interview. I also think there is genuine reflection and remorse from Will Smith's end, and the nuances you brought to it being public without discrediting possible sincerity were appreciated.
Thank you for your thoughts and for posting this, I hope it can inspire more compassion and understanding amongst the online community, and if not, well... in any case, it was nice to hear kindness expressed amongst much hatred and accusations buzzing around this topic.
Like you seemed to be saying, it's not like hatred and arguing that he doesn't mean it serves any of us.
I'm so grateful Will took the time to own up to this mistake publicly. As a public figure, as a someone many people look up to, no matter his sincerity, he has given the world a beautiful example of making amends. Like you said, we ALL make mistakes, so this whole event has made Will honestly, more relatable and more human, and more of an example and champion of kindness.
As an advocate of kindness myself it hurts to think of all the times I've ever been unkind to anyone, but Will has given a blueprint for what to do in those situations.
We only become hypocrites when we do something against what we stand for and then don't try our best to make amends.
Chris Rock didn’t just make a “tasteless” joke. He made an ableist ‘joke’ about a woman he has publicly made fun of before.
CR should have apologised to Jada. Where’s the pressure on CR to make that right? CR mocked Asian people at the Oscars and he got invited back to present an award. Where he also ignored the South Asian person who won alongside Questlove.
IMO, Will Smith did the right thing the wrong way. More folks should stop people when they are being harmful or discriminatory. But the response should be proportionate. Did WS need to slap CR in that moment? No. He made a mistake. But let’s not forget that, as far as the industry is concerned, his biggest sin was publicly embarrassing them. WS slapping a guy insulting his wife is nowhere near the worst thing the industry tolerates. It gives standing ovations to child abusers!
We also shouldn’t ignore the racist element to *some* people’s outsized reactions. Many POC know all to well the penalty for ‘stepping out of line’ - regardless of whether our behaviour is objectively reasonable or not. You fail for a second to play your expected role and the punishment will be more severe.
I feel like I'm not a good person, because WS's action was at least honest. He slapped a dude. Not good, but not on the same level as MANY of the genuine tragedies the Academy & Hollywood have tolerated. Will messed up and acted badly. He's done what he can to make it right- just like any of us. Pearl clutchers need to move on.
And I 10000% agree that we should be screaming for CR's apology for his bullying a woman of color over her appearance after he'd been TOLD REPEATEDLY that it was wrong and hurtful. He should be held accountable for the harm he perpetrated on Jada that provoked Will's bad action. Chris is not a victim. He reaped what he sowed. Played stupid games and got slapped in the mouth for it. I don't have an ounce of pity for him. 🤷
@@theopkingdom3433 There’s a Sondheim lyric from Into the Woods: Nice is different than good. I saw that in action in an old workplace that was full of bullies and ‘nice’ people who did nothing to fix it even after they were told. From your comment, you sound like someone concerned about equity and justice. That sounds like a good person to me. 🙂
That part
If every comedian had to apologize for every joke, no one would be game to be funny anymore and we wouldn’t have laughter. Going after Chris for a joke is cancel culture. Also, although it is not my thing, Americans love to roast each other. Will smith literally laughed at that joke. It Jada hadn’t taken offense, no one would have thought anything about it. They have been doing that sort of stuff for years at that award show.
@@HaddyAppleAday Is it cancel culture, or is it just polite to not joke about certain topics? If she had cancer, would that be an ok joke to make? Cancer patients lose their hair too. There are some ethics to comedy, and making a joke of someone's medical condition that is also tied up in their expected gender presentation (women should have hair, and if you don't you are less-than) is kind of a dick move. He didn't deserve to get slapped over it, but it can still be viewed as tasteless and/or low effort comedy.
This is the first thing I’ve seen about his apology but I fully believe he is being genuine and I honestly didn’t feel like I was going to believe him when I clicked on this video but I was wrong and I’m so glad I was, he sounds like he has been doing the work and not just sulking around his mansion feeling sorry for himself, I don’t sense a modicum of bullsh*t from him in his apology he is being sincere.
Being defined by your mistakes is a huge thing. People put celebrities on a pedestal and expect them to be good and perfect all the time, but easily forget that everyone is human and no celebrity is an exception.
As someone struggling to find a voice and the strength to stand up for myself when people try to tear me down, I see where Will Smith is coming from. I see where Chris Rock is coming from. Good people have bad moments. This is one for Will. A very public one. I do feel like he's being sincere and that he regrets the choice he made. That being said, there are some things you just don't joke about. Health and mental health being high on that list.
I think actions speak louder than words when it comes to if an apology is real. By this I mean if you do something wrong apologize and continue to do versions of that wrong thing over and over again you're not really sorry. If you do something wrong apologize or not and correct your behavior moving forward you are truly sorry. I do respect people who say they're sorry or they're wrong when they make a mistake to me it shows a great amount of strength to admit you're wrong.
When I was in 5th grade I had a bit of free time and I went to the 3rd grade to see my sister during recess. I used to play with the littles because I was bullied in my own grade.
This day I saw from afar what seemed to me my sister being pushed around by the biggest girl in her classroom. I flew into a rage, ran and pushed her away. Suddenly all third graders were yelling at me.
It had been a tickle fight. No malice until I introduced violence to the mix.
She was fine. I was fine. Just a little scare all around.
But the kids were never again quite at ease around me.
Ruining your reputation is real easy.
I really appreciate this video because it explores the reality of public perception to public figures. We forget celebrities are people too. I do not condone at all what Will did, but I also appreciate that he recognizes what he did was an inappropriate way to handle something that he personally felt was threatening or traumatic. A lot of his past could have a lot to do with his response that night. Since the incident, he has never made excuses for himself (thanks for pointing it out), he doesn’t get defensive. His response is mature and it doesn’t overstay it’s welcome. It’s fair and I appreciate it, even if he is trying to save face, it’s understandable. And most importantly it feels genuine. People should curb their cynicism toward others, especially public features. They are not always deserving of it.
Amen!
I don't think it could have been articulated better than how Jono put it. Because he's a public figure, his goodness is made public but at the same time, his mistakes are also out in the open. Jono, your interpretation is so 'fair' to Will and also the skeptical audience.
I'm not a crazy, huge Will Smith fan, I like his work and appreciate him as an actor. I don't bare him any illwill for what he did, for many reasons but, mostly just because he is a human. We make bad decisions and stupid mistakes. And the important thing is that he's making an effort to right his wrongs. It's a long, hard trail, but he's walking it.
I 100% agree with you. when I saw the apology, I believed it not just because I wanted to but because it was a good apology. he admitted that what he did was wrong, he acknowledged that he hurt Chris Rock and everyone else that was affected, and he talked about working on himself to prevent something like that from happening again. there's really not much else that needed to be said. thank you for making this video and I hope that others can just see and understand that Will Smith is a human being who made a mistake, but that shouldn't define who he is. ❤
I agree with you. I've worked in Hollywood and I know a lot of people in the industry, including celebrities. It's easy to put them on a pedestal and expect them to be icons and for the most part a lot of them take their positions as role models seriously. I think Will Smith is one of those people.
The one thing I learned in meeting celebrities is that they're just people. They're human. They make mistakes. They fuck up. They can be wonderful human beings and they can do things that are not so wonderful and it all comes down to being human. We don't expect as much from ourselves as we expect from people who are just like us, and that's not fair.
I honestly think Will was being sincere. I also believe (unpopular opinion warning) that Chris Rock was wrong too. He knew about Jada's condition and how she felt about it and he himself has done bits about black people's hair and he knew better. No, Will's response was not right, but Chris has to own some of the responsibility too.
100% Agree with you
How many of us have managed to get to this point in our lives without making mistakes that we deeply regret? I know I've made mistakes. Some of them big. I'm grateful that I'm not in the public eye to have those mistakes held against me in perpetuity.
I also think it was good that he never tried to push the blame back onto Chris by saying, well he made the terrible joke. He just owned it.
He doesnt have to, everyone else is doing that for him. All this understanding, justifying and compassion for Will and his "issues", meanwhile Chris is the one that got assaulted on stage and the logic is that Chris must somehow deserve it instead of acknowledging how totally messed up it is to go up on stage & hit someone like that.
Such twisted logic. "Victim blaming" at its finest.
Ps. It was not even remotely a "terrible joke" and even if it had been it's still NOT OK TO HIT SOMEONE because you don't like what they're saying
@@tonyabrookes9931 you may not think it was a "terrible joke" if you don't suffer from alopecia. It's easy to assume something is fine without being in a position to (I do it too with other things). But I have severe alopecia that is currently relapsing and the "joke" was very hurtful and played into all the insecurities and trauma that come along with the condition daily. I believe both parties were at fault and need to own their mistakes and work at changing.
I think this whole thing is stupid. Will Smith had a clean record prior to this, and now he’s banned from the Oscars for ten years and HE has to apologize for standing up to someone who made an ableist, racist, misogynistic joke to his wife?? Where’s Chris Rock’s apology to Jada? This is a classic case of “person gets in trouble for standing up to a bully while bully gets off scot free.” Also if it was a white man who had done this, there would be a very different reaction. Don’t believe me? Look up the 1973 Oscars when Sacheen Littlefeather made a speech about the mistreatment of Native American actors. People were booing her, people were mocking her and imitating Native American war cries and John Wayne tried to get onstage to physically attack her and he was threatening to beat her up. And later that night Clint Eastwood mocked her in his acceptance speech. No one stood up for Sacheen then. John Wayne didn’t get banned from the Oscars after that. Guess who suffered the most from that incident? Sacheen Littlefeather!!! She received death threats and got blacklisted from Hollywood after that. So the fact that a single slap (that frankly was well deserved) from a black man who had never been involved in a controversy before is enough for everyone to clutch their pearls and act all high and mighty when much worse has happened at the oscars is just ridiculous. And it’s really rich of the oscars to claim not to condone violence of any kind when clearly they’ve tolerated it from white actors in the past. Where was their outrage at John Wayne? Why didn’t they ban him from the Oscars? This is a rhetorical question I think you can all guess the answer.
In conclusion, Chris Rock is the one who needs to apologize. And maybe he’ll think next time before making fun of people’s medical conditions
As far as the trauma and outlook side of things, as a kid when i recognized that what was happening to me was wrong and trying to figure out what i could to do make it stop and get me to a safer place. I quickly acknowledged that responding with the same energy would be returning pain for pain and just repeating cycles of abuse. I chose a lot of hard roads that lead to healthier places and one of them is to repond first with compassion. If nothing else, allowing space for people to heal so I'm at least not leaving the world a worse place than I found it.
I am glad that not only has Will reached out to Chris, but has accepted that Chris is not ready for him yet, that he's there waiting for Chris, and not "I apologized, my part is done", but that he is taking responsibility for his actions. In Judaism, it's up to the person who did the wrong to go to the person wronged and ask for forgiveness. If the wronged person is not ready, or does not forgive, the person who did the wrong has to try 2 more times (for a total of 3 times) for forgiveness. If, after the 3 times of sincere apology, then it's on the wronged person. Then, in the future, if you happen to be in a similar situation, you are to make a better choice, it is at that point that you have repented and atoned. We do not have to forgive either.
This is interesting, Rebecca! Does Judaism have any distinction for if the action was truly horrific? For example, if someone threatens my son, apologizes 3 times, and I refuse to allow them back into my life, would this tradition say that I'm in the wrong? Hoping you can clarify as this is an interesting concept! Thanks.
@@sorshae.elsbernd6132
Not from the perspective of Judaism, but from Christianity, not to answer in stead, but next to it, because multiple perspectives are sometimes quite wonderful to be compared and thought over.
I think there is a massive difference between forgiving and forgetting. Forgiveness is taking the poison out of the wound, not pretending it never happened.
To protect your family it is more than natural to still keep the person out of your life, but to protect your own heart it is important to forgive. Prolonged anger and a long held grudge will in the end harm you; it will fester and grow until only bitterness can sprout from it.
In the Bible one is never asked to ignore reality, but only to forgive wrongdoings as we have been forgiven.
Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness.
If someone is capable of threatening a child I believe there is a lot more at work than just one simple threat. I would personally be willing to help this person heal, or at least open a conversation about it if they are willing to, because that is the kindness God has shown us too, but I do not believe you would be in the wrong for not wanting to talk to this person anymore. If you strive to live in holiness and respect of other people and God who has forgiven us and taken us in like His own children, I suppose it would be the most God honouring to try and help the person if they are willing, but I am not called to judge the people who do not live by the same rules and guidelines as I do.
This is of course my own perspective on things, I'm interested to hear what others think!
(Apologies for any grammatical issues, I'm Dutch and also very, very tired)
@@ellinorvandentop, wow, I'd never heard that particular quote from the bible. It made me laugh cause it is true...why do dogs DO that?
As for my situation, it's tricky. During the height of covid, I was scheduled to visit my brother in a state with mask mandates. My state didn't have mask mandates, and my son has sensory issues. He was 7 at the time, and I hadn't put him in a mask as our schools were shut down, and other than playing outside, we were isolating. My brother said he would consider it "self-defense" to bear spray my family if we visited him and weren't wearing masks.
I consistently mentally choose to actively forgive my brother for this threat, but I can't have him back in my life as a result of that threat. I can't risk allowing him to be near my children, husband, or myself.
I know covid/masks was seriously controversial, so suspect some people would agree with my brother and think he was justified.
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I hope you get some good sleep and feel better.
@@sorshae.elsbernd6132 Proverbs is full of brilliant gems! It really is rather amusing to read through a few chapters sometime. Dogs tend to do it because, if there are no foul ingredients in the mix, it is seen as an offering of food to a higher standing pack member, but I doubt this little tidbit was known then. Why they eat their /own/ vomit though...
And that entire situation sounds terrifying. I am not a mother, so I probably won't be able to deeply understand the fear and terror you felt, but it already sounds horrible to me. As for sensory issues and masks, I as an autistic young lady who had to wear them to school thank you on behalf of your son. Torture. In my opinion necessary, but utter torture (especially paired with glasses and a chronic illness, but alas, it was for the greater good).
As for not wanting contact with your brother again, I can completely imagine. If a political issue can lead someone to such anger and hatred, there, as earlier mentioned, is probably more going on than just that isolated incident. An apology, however sincere, is not changed behaviour.
1 Timothy 5:8 comes to mind
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Members of your own household are more important to provide for than relatives who are not part of your household. As a parent it is part of your duty to provide safety for your children.
A few other verses that have come to mind now
Luke 6:37 Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.
Ephesians 4:31-32
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Proverbs 17:9 Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
Proverbs 22:24-25
24 Make no friendship with a man given to anger,
nor go with a wrathful man,
25 lest you learn his ways
and entangle yourself in a snare.
Thank you! Lots of love to you and your son and husband🖤
@@ellinorvandentop so kind of you. Thank you!
You made a lot of well-reasoned points. And as far as celebrity apologies go, this one was good. I still think a 10 year ban from attending the Oscar's is a little-- well, Hollywood. On the other hand, if Mr. Smith is trying to repair the damage he did and pass on a legacy of admitting mistakes (regardless of the antecedents), apologizing for those mistakes, and waiting for forgiveness from those you have wronged... I can get behind that. I feel like society is missing those skills for the most part. So, good for him, whether he was acting or not.
As a future LMFT (in school now), I really appreciate you breaking this down for me to gain insight into how to spot true apologies and how to help my clients hold themselves and others accountable. This was very insightful and made complete sense. Thank you so much for all you do on here and CinemaTherapy. You make thee concepts accessible to the lay person and bring insight we all can benefit from. Keep it up!
I don’t like the accusation that Jada made him do that. There’s a bad history of blaming women for the actions of their husbands like when people blamed Hilary Clinton for Bill Clinton having an affair. Will is an adult. He made his choice.
I agree. I think the whole thing of people digging into their marriage over this incident to blame Jada was not okay.
She did!!!
I'll try to explain why I hate it when the public gets involved in conflict between others.
Imagine a man walks up behind a woman at the bar and pinches her butt.
She turns around and slaps him. Perhaps you feel it's justified.
Her boyfriend comes over and punches him in the face. Is it justified?
All the people in the bar are also angry, so they take turns walking over to punch him once.
After dozens of blows, he collapses and ends up in the hospital, beaten into critical condition.
Is that fair for a butt pinch?
Each person feels justified because they were upset by what happened. Each of them gave what they felt was a fair response, yet in total it was completely monstrous. That's how I see social media justice. It's just a pretty name for an angry mob.
People like you helps me feel safe in this world, because I want to be optimistic (but I came from being really scared and angry against people). So I’m grateful that I have my friends and my chosen family near me and also… thank you for your work and thank you for sharing your thoughts and expertise. Keep shining cause we need your light !
The whole "public apologizes are just for PR" thing is a huge catch 22 for public firuges.
Norrington : One good deed is not enough to redeem a man of a lifetime of wickedness. Jack Sparrow : Though it seems enough to condemn him.
A good apology is heart felt for the wrong doing, not for the fall out of the wrong doing.
Ya know I actually really liked his apology. I've had several moments where I make a mistake and believe that's it my life should genuinely end. I should not exist with all this self hatred and shame after such an action. Him mentioning how an apology feels like its not enough is always what I think for myself. The way people bring cynicism to his apology is just kind of like our own internal cynicism is just constantly lingering. 😭 my bad if that sounds bad
I completely identify with what you've said. I also really appreciated Jonathan's point about engaging in remorse, rather than shame. I think a lot of what we're experiencing with "cancelling" people has to do with humans suddenly dealing with parasocial relationships on an unprecedented level, and the permanence/shareability of expressed thoughts (due to the internet). I think it's led to us expecting everyone around us, and ourselves, to be perfect - and I think that we're going to have to relearn allowing people to "exist" again, after they've made a mistake. It's understandable and fair if the wronged party doesn't forgive the other individual, but at the same time, if the wrongdoer has apologized, been held accountable, and corrected their behaviour, what more can they do?
On another note, I just want to say I've been exactly where you are, and it gets better. You're more than your worst moment, and you're not a monster. (Also, therapy REALLY helped me - I put it off for a long time because I was terrified about being judged, or being thought of as a bad person. It ended up making me feel so much better. If that shame ever feels like it's weighing you down, therapy can really help). :)
Above all, just wanted to send you virtual hugs, and wish you happiness.
I think your take on the apology video is very beautiful. I agree that it doesn't matter if the apology is real or not, did he prepare it or not, etc. All I see through Will's apology is a person who is owning up to their mistake and sincerely apologizing for it even understanding when it's not repairable. This is one quality I have almost never seen in my environment. I'm not a big fan of either will smith or chris rock (they're alright imo), but I do hope this conflict can be resolved the best way possible.
LMFAO! You're naive if you think for a second he owned up to anything.
@@RedRoseSeptember22 Or maybe you're naive by not showing compassion. There's two ways to live life. Assuming the best people, or assuming the worst. You don't know Will Smith personally, so what do you gain by having this negative assumption?
As someone with a history of anger management issues, I have found my heart going out to Will Smith from the instant I heard about the slap. So maybe I am projecting. Maybe I want to believe that Will Smith is the genuinely good guy who learns from his mistakes and takes accountability for his misdeeds that I thought he was when I saw him apologizing and giving a public podium to Janet Hubert. (And maybe I have been naïve since the beginning and things like the conversation with Janet Hubert have never been anything more than a PR sideshow; I have to acknowledge that he has a strong history of self-promotion.) Maybe, when I think I am being empathetic to a person dealing with demons similar to my own, I am pulling the proverbial wool over my own eyes. I know that I have a bias due to my own history; I find it hard to correct the kneejerk reflex to retract a measure of my sympathy for their part in the situation when it comes to Jada Pinkett's Red Table Talk that deflected the issue and to reports about Chris Rock joking about "Suge Smith" and "everybody claims to be a victim, then nobody will hear the real victims" in his act after this apology broke. I respect Will Smith for at least seeming to confront the issue, and his responsibility for it, head-on. His experience rings true to me. I derailed my livelihood in a moment of seeing red, and I want him to be able to do his job again. I am cynical of anyone who acts like their hands and reputation are squeaky clean (especially in the entertainment industry), and I believe that Will Smith should at least get a shot at working for redemption like Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, and Robert Downey Jr have. I believe Will Smith. I believe that his apology is genuine. I believe that he is honestly remorseful. I believe that he is, and has been, working on himself. I believe that it honestly hurts him that he betrayed his fans and the position as role model he used to have. I believe that he is taking public accountability, not just posting an empty apology for sympathy. And, at the end of the day, I want him to okay. I want us all to be okay at the end of the day.
I agree 100%. I think one mistake people make in their criticism of celebrities is that being an actor and being sincere IRL are mutually exclusive, and that’s nonsense.
I teach comm studies, including interpersonal communication, and one thing we cover is when you commit a relational transgression publicly, whether it’s in front of friends, family, whoever-you apologize publicly in front and to those people, as well.
So, I loved this video! It’s got a lot of really important lessons! Thanks!
the thing I find weird about this apology is the product placement of his sons water brand perfectly placed in the wide shots
Jonathan makes a good point about self shame vs remorse. I'd like to learn more about that.
I’m kind of glad to read through some of these comments because I thought I was the only one mad at Chris Rock after this situation.
I think that there's an excellent chance I'm in a camp by myself on this one. I don't think that violence should be anyone's first choice to settle a dispute or an insult. I sure as hell don't believe that domestic assault is ever justifiable. But I DO think that you can look at a situation in its fullness and recognize that it is perfectly possible for someone to be provoked past their breaking point. That's not me saying that Will was justified in the slap, and it's not me saying that Will is not responsible for his actions. It is me saying that I understand that sometimes people are confronted with things that upset them, and they make impulsive choices. (I've also said elsewhere that there is indisputably a cultural component to this that isn't getting due consideration, but that's beside my point here).
The other thing that has bothered me about all this is that there are a LOT of voices out there equating what Will did to domestic assault, and either insinuating or explicitly declaring that Will probably is abusive in his daily life. That doesn't sit well with me because it rejects the possibility that a person can make a single, incidental bad choice in a moment of high stress, without it being an action that defines their whole personality. Yes, a man CAN hit a woman - or vice versa - and it's NOT a pattern of abuse. It's possible for a person to lose control and physically hurt someone, and be so horrified by their own actions that they immediately take accountability and work to make sure it never happens again. So I find it harmful and abhorrent that people who cannot possibly know, are declaring that Will Smith is just an abuser, and that's the end of the story, all anyone needs to know. More to the point, though, is that I don't understand what exactly it is that anyone wants: If you have concluded that Will was completely out of line and no context matters, then...fine. He HAS paid for it. He HAS suffered consequences. He publicly humiliated himself, he tarnished his own historic Oscars moment, he embarrassed his family and permanently damaged or even ended relationships, he was barred FROM the Oscars for a decade, and he tarnished his reputation both within his peers and colleagues in Hollywood AND among his fans.
Isn't there a point where we should be able to look at that and conclude that he has been served consequences sufficiently proportionate to the transgression? ESPECIALLY in light of the fact that he DID issue an apology?
I completely agree with you and hope many many people see your commentary on this. Thank you
Thank you for this. As you said, it doesn't serve us to be jaded and suspicious of everyone in the world. I choose to take people at their word unless and until they prove otherwise. I choose to give people the benefit of the doubt. We have a role in helping people to change; and the way we do that is by believing it is possible. It has surprised me how harshly people reacted to Will's behavior, while continuing to think that insults and psychological blows are completely acceptable from comedians. As Will said, his way of handling the situation was wrong. When he figures out the right way to call out disrespect and hurtful words, we will all benefit, because that needs to be done as well. If Will and Jada could have said, "You've touched on a hurtful subject for us, and your joke doesn't feel funny to us--it hurts," that would be a place to start.
Everything Everywhere All at Once is my fav movie of the year. Glad you enjoyed it too, Jon.
There are many things from my past that I would hate to define me. I appreciate that Will is going public about his experience, his journey. We need to have good examples of people falling down, getting back up and succeeding. Listening to him, it does feel like he’s still struggling mentally or emotionally. I hope he finds peace.
From the apology he made on Instagram to this one I believe he is sincere in his apology. Part of my feeling on that it is that he is not playing the victim that "Chris Rock won't forgive me" and as he said, he's trying to stay away from "I'm the worst person in the world.' While I would love to see an eventual reconcilation between Chris and him, I know that Chris may not be up to that, and that's Chris's right. If it happens it will be on Chris's time, and Will seems to realize that. Will seems to realize the ripple affect this has had, and is not couching any of it "if I hurt you/offended you" as he goes onto Chris's parents, the other nominees etc. He's owning it, and not excusing it. He has accepted the reprecussions, the Acadamy's ban, and criticism since after that night without fighting them, and even acknowledged that they are because of his actions. I hope that as long as Will continues on this path first of all he finds some healing and other ways to cope and if so that his career does rebound. If he is acting here, well, he deserves another Oscar. But I don't think he is.
I just love your commitment to spreading compassion ❤
I think that was a well thought out apology in the sense that he spoke from the heart and was accountable for his actions w/out excuses.
That is the best example of a good apology. Hitting those markers (sincerity, accountability & no excuses) is so important when apologizing b/c, as Johnathan said, he's giving the apologies to those who deserve them in a public way to do the work that needs to be done.
Sadly, I think a lot of people who say it's not a good apology think that because he is "trying to be remorseful without being ashamed". That is the healthiest approach, but some people want others to feel ashamed when they've done wrong, like somehow if your guilt isn't destroying you, you must not be sorry enough.
Far out. See that only makes all the other systemic stuff dumped on men all that much worse. The expectations, already ludicrous, pushed on men. Be the stronger man, be the better man, be the one in control. What? What is he supposed to do? Tell him how he's supposed to act, then just to cap it all off, accuse him of acting. I wish I had a cure for the internet. And the stupid populist magazines that preceeded it.
5:57 you are SO SO SO right about this! That I believe she has tormented her husband, ridiculed and walked all over his boundaries with example starting a LIVE SOCIAL MEDIA VIDEO RECORDING when they are in the middle of a private argument and you can SEE just how deeply hurt and frustrated and sad about her blasé “see what I have to deal with {name of shrink}” she has been horrible to him for years and to then see - granted make his worst mistake - and then ppl don’t even show an ounce of understanding?!? That’s gotta be rough.
Thank you for bringing up good points and seeing but not judging 👌✨👍
I’m really glad you made this video and really touched on the content of a good apology. After I lost most of my friends and my girlfriend about a year and a half ago, I’ve really been analyzing every detail of what happened. And I genuinely feel I was not a good friend and I lacked the emotional maturity in my relationship. I find myself apologizing and always having a “I’m sorry I know that was wrong, but you upset me”. And I never understood why it wasn’t ever received well, and I understand after thinking about it I was deflecting the blame.
The one thing I really appreciate about Will is that I think he takes the time to really reflect and consider the impacts of actions. I honestly believe he is truly sincere in his apologies, all of them. He's doing the work on himself and showing the world he's considered the impacts and wants to answer their questions. No person on earth is the embodiment of one single bad action or moment. If Will was going around beating people all the time, I'd say no, this isn't a sincere apology. One bad moment doesn't make someone a bad person. The people against his apology are likely going to look for reasons to do so rather than trying to find forgiveness and empathy.
There's no shame in looking inside yourself and honestly saying "I didn't think to apologize at the moment, because I was too numb from shock or anger to feel apologetic yet."
Everyone's gotten their last statement out, not listened to the other person, and stomped off for a while. What matters is that you come back and remember to be responsible for yourself.
Calling his action "horrific" is overstating it. If slapping Chris Rock is the worst thing he ever does, he's lived a pretty good life.
YESSSS I LOVE ITTTT!!! You really have a gift with words. An ability to explain your views reasonably and understandably, while also making clear your understanding that many people will think differently to you. You also have a gift in understanding people's perspectives which has really inspired and impacted me throughout watching many of your videos. I can tell the journeys and experiences you would have had to go through throughout your life to get to this level of wisdom.
Your channels are what I spend most of my time on when I am on UA-cam, and it has brought an evident change in my life and perspective of the world.
This isn't necessarily about this video perse, I just thought you should hear this :) I hope you see this comment bc you deserve to understand what a gift you've been blessed with, and how much you have changed a stranger's life.
I think that he really should have let it be known how he felt about the several insults and different takes about jada's health and appearance before hand I think he wouldn't be in this situation. But he did it so can't really say "ifs" and all that. I think his apology is defined sincere and is what we random strangers or fans of his needed to hear. I think he gave Chris rock an actual separate personal apology that hopefully we don't pry about.
My first thought is that, what does it cost us to give him the benefit of a doubt? Wouldn't we want that for ourselves if we did something similar?
I, too, have been accused of being overly optimistic/positive to the point of stupidity (wording varying on the individual’s overall opinion of me), but I believe this is sincere. Will Smith has gone out if his way to be a positive force in this world, and your trauma can come back and bite you when it’s least convenient. It’s a terrible headspace to be stuck in, and I feel for him. I hope he can clear his head and move on from this. The best of luck to him.
For me, I think the problem is, I really want to believe what you believe in. I think its beautiful and ultimately the most optimal approach to life. The problem for me personally, I have been hurt and manipulated too many times. Its hard for me believe in the best in others because when I have, a part of me died in consequence. Now, truly is that part dead, no. But its hard to get in touch with that side of me because of the pain I have experienced, even now. Its hard to show compassion when it sometimes feels like the world cannot or will not show compassion towards me. Its hard to feel safe when I don't even feel safe in my own skin. So to answer your question, I would really love to see the world like you.... frankly I was just like that as a kid. I just can't now. When I look at someone like Will Smith, it is really hard for me to trust this is more than what a good actor would be capable of. His apology was better than most you see publicly. He does seem to have remorse. I am not just not sure what he is doing for himself to not engage in something like this again. True, what can even be said in this situation that would acknowledge that? But still, its really hard for me to believe people's apologies without changed behavior. Its hard with him, because we do not actually know him. So yeah... alas the difficulty in parasocial relationships. Either way, I want to believe him, but for me personally, I feel like something was missing.
Your comment reminds me of the phrase “Once bitten, Twice shy”. It also reminds me about how the brain responds to pain in a way, like when a person touches a hot stove and are burned. Then the person’s brain registers “Ow, that hot stove hurts”. The next thought is “if it hurts, I shouldn’t touch it.” Fun Fact: Most brains are wired like this to help keep us away from things that could severely impede us from living. From my understanding and personal experience,it also happens when people are emotionally and verbally abused, manipulated, or hurt/disrespected. Your wariness to the apology is very much valid and I wish you wellness and happiness.
Minor fix: Tony is his brother. Chris’s father died when he was younger.
Getting personal here, I want to say that as a woman who has been publicly harmed many times and who has never been publicly defended by a partner, ever, I appreciate both the defense of Jada and the apology. Sure the assault was wrong, but for a moment there I just loved that he publicly defended someone who was publicly harmed. He’s doing the right thing now, and I will most likely love him forever for all of this.
Just saying, you're supporting Will's emotional vampire...
The term "Acting" is used in different forms: 1. Acting can be used as a form of entertainment or to tell a story and 2. Acting can be used as a suggestive form of lying. 3. Acting and Lying are some times merged as being similar in almost every way. Smith; as I see is being genuine and I agree with Therapist.
Thank you for making this video! Taught me a lot
To my surprise, I felt an uptick in hope for humanity (and America in particular) at the part where Will said that NO part of him was convinced that his assault was correct.
You said everything right. It truly doesn't serve anyone any good to attack Will. It just brings yourself down too
My apologies are never good enough for my husband. He will tell me, “You don’t mean it. Apologize when you mean it.” How am I supposed to deal with someone who ‘grades’ my apology? For now, I have just stopped apologizing. There’s no point in it.
A sincere apology tends to be a) apologizing then b) acknowledging what you did wrong and c) correcting the behavior; however if you apologies aren’t enough for your husband or if you feel like you have to apologize for everything then maybe going to couples’ therapy might help provide clarification on any underlying issues. (Edit) I don’t know anything else about your situation and I only recommend this if this is a feasible option for you. Wishing you the best.
U r right. I have learned through ny own trauma and therapy that we r not defined by our mistakes. But how we choose to resolve them and do the work. He is clearly sorry and has been since he made that mistake. Will has never shown himself to be anything but kind and loving and hardworking
What you see in Will Smith's apology is insight. A lot of it. Hope that it is in fact an apology and he has suffered as well as learned from it.
Yeah! I honestly find it difficult to believe that he would have went through all of this and not learnt from it. It's literally turned his life upside down and no doubt caused him a heapppp of pain and hardship. Personally, I believe his apology is sincere, I really do. Or even if it isn't, I know for a fact that his hurt is real, and that enough just makes me wanna scoop him up in a big bear hug and make everyone shut their mouths.
I used to believe what I was told. Then one day I realized that technically there is not a single person in my life who doesn't take advantage of me in some way or form. Now I'm bitter and desperate - and I hate it - and yet I am unable to heal it. But despite my bitterness I do my best not to judge people and I try to forgive them. Does this make any sense?...
”Chris I’m sorry! What can I do to ease the pain I caused you and your family?”
If he had an altercation with Chris in private, then they should have resolved it in private. But the public nature of the incident requires public redress.
Edit: lol you said the same thing
great minds think alike, i guess :)
I think we all need mercy sometime in our life, don't atack the broken one, be generous and kind as we would like people be to us
15:07 thank you. I needed that today. I wish I could have a good, educated therapist, like you. All the one's I've been to so far were ... 😒
I don't know I still think Chriss is the one who should apologize first. I most likely wouldn't slap someone if I were in Will's situation but if I were slapped for making such joke I'd consider it well deserved.
When someone has really done me wrong and I feel it on a really personal level, honestly how I deal is telling myself that person isn’t necessarily wrong or right and neither am I, but the experiences that have shaped us into who we are today just clashed. And I remove myself from the situation and try my absolute best not to give it further thought, though I’m human and one with OCD at that so it can be hard not to get into thought spirals. But that’s what I really try and do.
Great video! FYI: Tony Rock is Chris' brother - who is also a comedian.
Thank you for analyzing this video. I needed this perspective. I too recognize that this is a good apology. I tend to try to understand where people are coming from rather than making their actions about me. It helps me to remember that we all have bad moments and deserve to have a chance to do penance (former catholic) for our trespasses. I hope Will let’s this end here, though. Now he has to find a way to make it up to Chris Rock. Privately.
We say all the time that it's your actions and their impact on others that matter, not what you deeply think. And I fully agree with that, which is why I don't care if Will means it or not. The words he says, the reaching out, matter. The exemple he is giving to younger people, of a successful rich and powerful man taking responsability for his actions, matters. Hearing a public figure saying the words "I apologize" will make it easier for others to say it when it's their turn.
Actions matter, results matter. In this case the real motive doesn't interest me.
I believed for decades that I was solely the victim in many negative experiences in my relationships. It was only fairly recently that I came around and discovered my responsibility in those situations. I don't fault Will for taking time to reflect on his actions. Some people never get it. It's great that he is coming around.
Side note: I can't stand how Jada low-key manipulates Will. She definitely gave him that look to send the message "if you let me look bad, there will be consequences".
It's interesting watching an analyses from a therapist versus body language experts.
100% This our society is so critical now especially online now. It didn't happen overnight and it won't stop overnight either. It will only change individually
He made a mistake. He is paying the price. I believe we should forgive him and move on. Attacking him, criticizing him, cancelling him, etc, will do nothing for healing and restitution.
Time Stamp starting at 14:58 "Trying to be remorseful WITHOUT being ashamed of myself" - This is Distancing Language. SHAME is EXACTLY the Appropriate thing to be feeling, and purposely avoiding it almost negates Everything Else He Says Here.
"Shame can be defined as a feeling of embarrassment or humiliation that arises in relation to the perception of having done something dishonorable, immoral, or improper. While shame is a negative emotion, its origins play a part in our survival as a species." May 27, 2021
Society has lost any sense of shame once held. That's a Huge Problem.
He's moving in the right direction for sure, but the road ahead will be long. All the best in his journey, and especially to the Rock family.
If there is anything I’ve learned from Mended Light and Cinema Therapy, it is that Jono is a big advocate for self kindness. Especially if someone has been through traumatic experiences and/or has a verbally abusive inner voice/thoughts. Also wasn’t public humiliation and shaming other students proven to not be effective at all?
I have no doubt Will is sincere. I think he needs to step away from the spotlight for a few years to make sure he is really connected to who he is rather than always eroding himself a bit to be “on”. He grew up in the spotlight and I doubt he ever really knew who he was under the performance. So now he should take the time to dig in, deal with the trauma, and really connect to himself and come back stronger when the time is right. he won’t heal in a few weeks.
I may be ingenuous, but I also choose to believe. It's kind of like the story of the Lady and the Tiger -- we bring to that story's conclusion what we are as people. I feel the same about what people bring to Will.
Two thoughts:
1. Am I ingenuous in thinking Chris will not accept Will's apology because he might then have to address his joke?
2. What in the world are we spending so much media time/effort on this for? What else was happening in the world at this time:
a. Congress was set to defund school lunches.
b. North Korea was testing ICBMs.
c. Russia was waging war in the Ukraine.
Aren't these things a little more worthy of our time/concern?
I agree with you. We have so many people want to believe this man can't be sorry 😐 for what he did. I hated what he did to Mr. Chris but as long as him and Chris make up I'm happy for them both. Let's forgive him and move on. You are the second video review on this, show any compassion for this human. Thanks for sharing and thumbs up for your review on this video Will Smith. 👍
Am I the only person who love Will Smith more because he stood up and defend his wife against cruel joke that pained his wife’s deep vulnerability.
I felt her pain.
I think freedom of speech needs a re-evaluation. Hurtful jokes just isn’t ok. There needs to be an accountability for hurtful language.
I'm glad Smith apologized because physical violence is unacceptable.
But Chris Rock's "joke" was also an attack, yet he hasn't apologized and hasn't been held accountable. Words hurt; words can be deeply abusive and have serious impact, and CR just showed the world that it's okay to make fun of someone's medical condition. It's not just about Jada either; it's other people with alopecia as well who are affected. Not okay.
@@violax3735 as someone currently suffering from a horrific alopecia relapse, thank you for acknowledging this aspect of this situation. Both parties were entirely in the wrong here. Will missed an opportunity to educate on why it wasn't ok in his acceptance speech. Chris needs to admit that what he said was hurtful and out of line.
I can’t judge this apology. For one thing, like you said, he’s not apologizing to me. Also, I don’t know how to tell when someone is sincere. People have too many different ways of acting and too many ways that they show emotion that vary from person to person and feeling to feeling and are altered by situation… I don’t know why anyone presumes to be able to classify human behavior, really.
When he said we would be friends eventually again, I was like, yeah. It will take a while. I walked away from the apology hurt, but willing to let him try again.
Shouldn't Chris apologize to Jada too?
He should, but I doubt he ever will. Ableism unfortunately isn’t taken very seriously.
this is not related to the video:
what I love about this channel and cinema therapy is it teaches you first and foremost, compassion and understanding. Since I started watching this channel, I become less judgemental and more empathetic, not only to the characters in the movies but to actual people as well. I am not saying that I was judgmental before this, but as a person, I have my own biases (conscious and subconscious) along with my own beliefs and opinions.. so there are times where in I would judge people harshly, just because I think I would do better or choose better if thrown in the same scenario as theirs.. so watching this channel helped me be more understanding and considerate of where other people are coming from..
I loved hearing your breakdown of this apology. I do still think this reaction to one grown man slapping another one time was outsized and 99% based in racism. It had far more to do with white Americans' and the predominantly white Academy's desire to clutch pearls and see a Black man punished and "taken down a peg" in a way that gives us all deniability than any sort of real desire for accountability, growth, or resolution.
How do I know? Because dozens of white men in Hollywood have done far, far worse, habitually, for years, and many of them still have careers and industry-wide respect, with no apologies required of them and tons of actors and fans defending them. Case in point? Woody Allen.
Facts. Can't help but wonder if this was a white actor slapping a white comedian that the backlash would not have been severe because historically, people of color could not act out in ANY way and get away with it and sadly, harkens back to systemic issues that were predatory against people of color
I'm really surprised that this isn't pointed out more often.
I think you are partly right, but I also think a lot of this has to do with the fact that it happened at a live broadcasted event, and the “victim” was another famous person. What Woody Allen did is 100% more horrendous, but there isn’t footage of it happening and so much of the conversation becomes about proving whether or not he actually did it and we aren’t left with an image of him assaulting his daughter the way we are left with an image of Will slapping Chris. I think a lot of it just comes down to what makes stories stick in people’s brains.
@@ainilome not all that surprising. So many don't like talking about the impact of racism. Can't work it out if it's not discussed which is part of why it still remains
Woody only hurt women/girls and not men. If he had gone after men there would have been a much bigger reaction.
I think one problem people may be having is that for all of his 3 months of thinking about this he still knows very little. He wasn't ready to reach out and apologize because he wasn't ready to talk about what happened or why, and it was way too soon for him to make a play for sympathy himself. The event he was talking about was not the event we saw. In Will's version of the story his family were innocent victims of his selfishness, but in reality we all saw that he was laughing at the joke until he saw Jada's eye roll and that was what prompted him to assault Chris, and his kid was so traumatized that within minutes he was on social media proudly saying "That's how we do it." My feeling is that Will wants everyone to move on and forget all about it without him even getting real about why this happened and what it was all about, and I think that is magical thinking, somewhat narcissistic and certainly entitled. We love a redemption story, but for that to work he has to be honest, and he has to learn something and be changed by the experience., He has to at least admit what we all saw. We all saw him laugh at the joke, we all saw Jada's eye roll, and we all saw Will assault Chris and then yell at him from his seat. I think Chris got caught in the crossfire of something that had nothing to do with him. I think the truth would actually set both of these men free. Jada has definitely triggered Will's childhood trauma and I think the response would have been a lot better if Will talked about that, and where it came from. He could have shared about being haunted by memories of not being able to protect his mom when he was a kid, and when he saw that Jada was upset he had a visceral reaction that was not him as, Will Smith the grown man and actor and it was that scared kid he used to be and that man wasn't Chris Rock, but the man who abused his mom. If he had done that it would have won our compassion especially if he said he was working through his trauma. His apology wasn't nearly personal enough. He needed to address it to Chris and to the rest of us it could be much simpler. In both cases I think taking full responsibility for his actions and being honest would have been the best approach. In my opinion, Will still really lacks self awareness and of course, he doesn't realize it.
He's an actor, not a YT'er; he ain't in that watered down space. All that gaff you just said isn't the defining issue; that's why he didn't bring it up. He's literally put it out in this video that what he did was indefensible. His 'act' right now is very clearly playing the role model. He's being the very best human that he can be. You will not see this man do any public 'back-pedalling', nor will you see him playing for any sympathy cards. Years later after wounds are healed, he might share some of that gaff you mentioned, but it won't be in a way that might benefit himself personally.