I was abused in my last relationship, but as a man and knowing the person that my partner was, I could not do anything to retaliate. In fear of what she might have done to either herself or me had I ever done anything to defend myself. Even now 2 years later, I can't help but physically shake when she is brought up specifically or I think she is around. Don't ignore the red flags in your relationships, people. And never be afraid of reaching out for help/advice. Your true friends or family won't think less of you. Therapists won't either. You don't have to continue to suffer.
Glad to hear you got away. I know the physical shaking you're talking about. I encourage people to talk to friends early on when they see red flags, and things not sitting right in a relationship, and not be afraid to walk away.
Not everyone is dealt a good hand in life with family and friends, and those ones who don’t have good support system will turn to other things. When you all u know is toxic advice, family, etc you just either commit suicide or live a very traumatic life.
Just to fact check: Johnny was never married to Vanessa Paradis; they were together for fourteen years and had two children together but were never married and Johnny Depp did not get a divorce from her to marry Amber Heard. Amber was married to Tasya Van Ree when she met Johnny. I've seen a lot of people getting these details confused.
I can't speak for her but it must be quite painful and frustrating never being proposed to over 14years of relationship and seeing your ex get married just one year after he met the new one.
Indeed. I do not understand so many random people on the internet, including celebrities, being so confident that one side is completely in the right and the other completely in the wrong. The truth is we don't know, and it's probably way more complicated. Like John said, it's not cut and dry.
This is so true. I tried to go neutral into this topic. I'm also not a fan of Johnny, I watched like two movies of his and that's it. But Amber seems so unlikable in court and more like the oppressor. I remember a video years ago where Johnny was on a red carpet or something with her and he looked so out of it, reserved and kind of on edge around her. It was really uncomfortable to watch. Yeah, he's had issues with drugs but so does Amber from what I know. I read somewhere that her parents or one of them were drug users. I had a conversation on Twitter saying that I personally believe Johnny's side more but I understand that both of them are not innocent and I'm sure if Johnny is provoked and under drugs he might've freaked out or something (that video in the bar with the cabinets where he threw stuff around) but it was also never shown that he actually hit her. Anyway, I said that both are not the best kind of people and the Amber Heard defenders went crazy ofc and said that Amber is innocent lol I replied this under a thread where tiktokers made fun of her allegedly rape story and I also said that fake or not fake, it's not okay to joke about this.
@GoldVesp you say the amount of hatred discussions it generated is insane, but ppl pointing out how AH is such a liar and how obvious it is not hatred, and that’s the main theme of most of the comments. This has turned out to be a opportunity for many of us to push back on being lied to, because we don’t like being lied to in our own lives.
I really don't like the argument that they're both not innocent, because it says to me that it means people deserve abuse and false allegations. everyone has accepted that Johnny had problems with his mental health and addictions, so it makes no sense to me how people are remaining sympathetic or neutral when this woman abuses him physically and emotionally, and then uses his reactive emotions (whether that be him kicking the cabinets, which is the only evidence we have, not the thousands of bruises she claimed to have and then cover with foundation, concealer, then A BRUISE KIT...) as a means to flip the script and accuse him of being a rapist and abuser. it speaks volumes to me when people are so quick, and rightfully so, to defend women when they come forward about their abuse, even if they did resort to violence to get away from their abuser - but when Johnny came forward, people decided that his unstable state of mind may mean Amber was justified in her abuse. sorry I ranted, I just get passionate :/
@@bleurrgh6897 Totally agree. I just had a row with my sister-in-law earlier today who tried to say that “they both did drugs and abused each other and both are at fault” and that “the patriarchy is controlling the narrative” .. she also admitted she’s not even watching this case. Seems Amber’s supporters aren’t even watching this trial. If they were, they wouldn’t be able to remain in her camp. There’s just too many lies.
I love the discussion about the "innocent until proven guilty", because as much as people use it as a kneejerk reaction to things, it is always a lot more complicated than that. And as you said it is important to consider the honesty of people too. Their situation certainly introduces some nuance, although it seems that they definitely both had issues with this relationship. It's for the best they are no longer together because it could have ended extremely badly from the sounds of it.
I view "innocent till proven guilty" as a delaying judgement until you know the facts. You are right that reality isn't black and white. When someone comes forth with an accusation, you support them. They might need emotional support. As for pursuing justice, some survivors will never be ready for that. The process is often re-traumatising, lacking empathy and will dismiss, victim blame and demonise the survivor. What I don't support is the toxic court of opinion which harasses both accusers and the accused alike with death threats and vitriol. They don't stop there, they attack friends, family and anyone associated with both the accused and accuser.
Right. If the person accused of abuse is considered innocent until proven guilty then wouldn't the same logic say that the accuser is also innocent of lying until proven guilty? It can be very difficult to treat both people as innocent until proven guilty at the same time. Also, we don't seem to take innocent until proven guilty nearly as seriously with crimes that aren't abuse. For example, if someone reports their car stolen and the cops find the car and the guy that allegedly stole the car, he can't just say "She said I could borrow the car." with absolutely no evidence and not get arrested. The cops would probably laugh in his face. Yet when it's sexual abuse the accused can say "No, it was consensual." or even "That didn't happen." with absolutely no evidence and that's often enough to stop them from being arrested and the alleged victim has to prove otherwise.
@@jessicacharlton7347 let's pursuit that analogy you made with the alledged car thief. Evidence is as much considered in that case. If you report a car stolen it needs to be established that you own a car. Someone driving your car is evidence (not proof) they stole it. So they get arrested. They can then give evidence they had permission etcetera. If you report domestic abuse it is a bit harder. It is much easier to establish you own a car
As usual, there seem to be a lot of comments claiming that this was "mutual abuse". So here you go: The definition of “mutual abuse” is exactly what you think it is-when two partners are mutually abusive toward each other. Survivors who have ever acted in self-defense may have wondered if they are in a mutually abusive relationship, or they may have been made to feel that way by their partner, family and friends, or law enforcement. But the truth is, true mutual abuse is extremely rare-many experts don’t even believe it exists. And perpetuating the myth of mutual abuse is at best irresponsible and at worst dangerous. To say partners are mutually abusive or equal in abuse puts undue blame on the survivor. When a survivor hears that he or she is mutually abusive, what’s heard is that he or she is to blame, and that reinforces what the batterer has been saying all along-that the abuse is the survivor’s fault. The myth of mutual abuse also reinforces the behavior of the batterer-that his or her actions were justified. Acting in self-defense is sometimes mistaken for mutual abuse by outsiders, including law enforcement who have to act on limited information and are under mandatory arrest laws. “It can be hard for [law enforcement] to sort out the chain of events,” says Sherry Hamby, Ph.D., editor of Psychology of Violence, the scientific journal of the American Psychological Association. “What sometimes ends up happening is that they might arrest both parties even though one party was acting entirely in self-defense. This unfortunately makes some victims hesitant to call the police.” As awareness of domestic violence continues to grow, the myth of mutual abuse hopefully will be perpetuated less and less. “As it stands now, if someone reports ‘I hit my partner 20 times’ and the other said ‘I hit him once,’ it is likely to get reported as mutual violence even though it’s still very one-sided,” Hamby says. But in true domestic violence situations, there is always a primary aggressor-someone who controls the relationship, makes the most serious threats and causes the most injury. “Fortunately, there are some new measures of domestic violence that are coming out that will better reflect actual violence rates,” she says. New measures are being designed that apply weight to each act of violence. In other words, the number of instances of violence and the severity of acts will be weighted so it will be easier to determine who the aggressor is in a relationship.
Thanks you for this! Abusers are often very good at convincing others that they are a victim, and they often use it to their advantage when people don't want to choose sides in fear of being wrong. While I believe we should always stay open minded and listen to all parties, it's also important to properly call out abusers, if only to make it harder for them to get more victims.
Abuse is related to power imbalances . Mutual abuse implies that the two fought without power imbalances. I personally don't think that should be called abuse. That's called fighting. Calling it mutual abuse puts manipulation tools into the hands of abusers
Yes! This need more likes. These are the mechanisms of ”domestic voilence”. And btw, personality disorder is not a vaccine against violence. You can have BPD and be abused at the same time. And it’s likely the abuser will target just that, by for example oh I don’t know, drag you to court and display it for the world and encourage them to join in the abuse. She might be crazy but she’s not gaining anything from this.
Yeah, this is the one that I don't know what to say cause the mutual abuse feels weird for me. If you retaliate, you may not know how to do it best but it's not like you instigate it, you are trying to protect yourself. There is self-defense mechanism and to put it into the same as abuse feels like you punch the victim twice. But then the instigator/aggressor can also use this as "I keep doing that because you keep retaliate" but the retaliation may not have the same intensity and probably happen at the last minute. It gives the idea that you can't retaliate if you want to be taken seriously.
This is so incredibly interesting to me, thanks for the information, I also know where to read more about. I have BPD and I feel so intrigued by the acts of violence in relationships that it carries around and how it becomes abuse.
It really appears that this relationship wasn't good for either of them. Regardless of who actually did what to whom, I hope they both get the help they need.
True. But people aren’t making memes about Johnny or UA-cam hate videos about him. Oddly they’re all aimed at Amber. I’m sure that’s just a coincidence and not dudes jumping on this to delegitimize #believewomen. That last sentence was sarcasm haha
@@Prof_Tickles92 They’re making memes about her because her lawyers suck and her case is a joke. Say what you want about Depp but at the end of the day he’s not a d/mestic ab/ser and amber is.
@@Prof_Tickles92 As a woman the hate for Amber was justified. Sure, there are dudes online that will deligitimize believe all women, but that doesn't erase the things she did in order to harm Johnny. So yeah, fuck Amber.
@@Prof_Tickles92 maybe because Johnny wasn't overacting during his testimony or spreading lies? Also, it's not only dudes. It's women too, but that wouldn't fit your narrative.
S*xual assault and domestic abuse of men needs to be its own discussion. I had a teacher in high-school that told the boys never to hit a woman even in self-defense and I don't think that's right. Anyone should be able to defend themselves. This is part of why equality is so important.
If the man is bigger and stronger than the woman, that is certainly true. The same if a child hits you, and hits you. You should not haul off and slug them.
I am working as a teacher (not USA) and I am trying to teach the kids that it is NEVER ok to hit someone regardless of gender or previous events. If someone else is hitting you or saying mean things to you, you should walk away. Even though I can understand the urge to stand up for your self it's way more productive, an frankly stronger, to just leave the situation. Hopefully you can talk with the other person about it at a later time, maybe with a teacher, a counslor or a therapist present. NOTHING gets resolved by violent actions or words. There are of course instances when your life might be in danger but I think that's a very small percentage of all fights happening and that walking away at an early point actually make those instances less likely to happen. Furthermore we should all try to help our kids to feel good about themselves, within themselves, so they grow up to be people strong enough to not be abusive or stand up to themselves by leaving abusive people instead of hanging on to them. This trial and relationship is a heart breaking situation with two very insecure people with issues since childhood. I agree that JD seems to be trying to leave violent situations and conflicts and have endured a lot in this relationship. He should have left for good long before he did but couldn't or wouldn't. I hope they both get the help they need.
@@lindaeklund4582 WOW! You didn't watch the trial, which is what do believe most people are doing, -commenting without even watching the trial. The reason Depp was leaving was that he was going to get drunk, and she didn't' want him drinking and drugging and then coming back a violent mess. I am also a teacher, and I teach my students to stand up to bullies. A bully needs to be put in their place. Teaching children to put up with bullying.... Disgusting. Teach them to stand up for themselves, if they are going to be raped, or killed, tell them to fight like hell.
@@lindaspiess3545 I watched it all and I stand by my oppinion but it's ok if you see something different in the evidence. I Still think you can stand up to bullies in more than one way and to walk away with your head held high is from my experience much more impactful than continued violence.
Few things to note here tho, and I'm gonna tell them cuz you said you haven't followed the case: - Johnny has testified to leaving the fights when they escalate, and several witnesses say they witnessed him "fleeing" scenes of fights, either in other rooms or completely different houses. Other witnesses say they saw Amber chasing him and as we hear in the recordings, she treats him as a coward and "not a man" for "running away" from their fights - They had a couple therapist, who was called as a witness, and said she barely interracted with Johnny Depp because during their joined sessions he couldn't speak, because Amber Heard had this "agressive way" of talking over him. - Johnny actually asked for the divorce first, but he did so before leaving for a tour with his music group, and she used that occasion to contact a lawyer and file for divorce first. He's said several times in their text messages showed to court (and to other people, witnesses on the stand) that he did want to leave her. - He was not married to Vanessa Paradis, and actually today, Johnny's own therapist testified that he didn't want to marry Amber Heard either, which coincides with several of his witnesses testifying that Amber "fought" to get married, and fought not to sign a pre(post)-nup for their wedding. Now of course, what isn't mentioned here is that Johnny's therapist also diagnosed him with addictions and depression. He had anxiety and was treated for said anxiety. Yes, I think Amber's team proved that Johnny was unstable during their marriage, he was obviously relying on drugs and alcohol to deal with every day life (but that raises the question as to WHY he'd do that, after 14 long years of being mostly sober, at least on the drugs part, since he said several times through the years, that he's been sober since Vanessa got pregnant with their daughter). Thing is, Johnny never hid it, in the trial itself, he doesn't present himself as an innocent party, he does testify to having used drugs/alcohol in his life and during his marriage to Amber Heard. He also explained why - to him - he was an addict. But we've been teased for years with her lawyers saying 'this is the strongest case of domestic violence we've ever had' and on the stand, it turns out they have nothing, except shitty text messages, that weren't sent to Amber herself (so can't be even seen as emotional abuse since she didn't even see them during their relationship and had no idea they existed until they provided their evidences for the trial). I have believed Amber Heard, for like two years, I remained on her side. But as you said yourself, then Johnny started fighting back, and that's how he turned the tables to me, because I watched the court files, I watched the evidences in it, the differences in her testimonies and her witnesses testimonies. I'll always believe a victim coming forward about something they went through, but Amber Heard has been proven a liar - to me; I'm not including anyone but myself here. Thing is, had her defense team gone with the aim of pointing out that this relationship was toxic and that they were both at least emotionally/verbally abusive, unhealthy to each other and she expressed this in her own way in the op-ed, then it would have worked. But she went with the defense of being an innocent lamb ("I hit him only once to save my baby sister" even tho there are several audios of her taking about hitting him, or "I never did drugs" while even her own witnesses testify different) and accusing him of horrible things she'd need to go to the hospital for, that it's just... no. Just listening to the audio files of her constantly belittling him, mocking him, and him taking it, trying to argue with her but her just laughing at him, berating him even more... I know we have to remain neutral and it's none of our business but come on. Six years is way too long for this hoax to hold on. It doesn't stick now that it's out there to be seen as objectively as possible by the public eye. And yes, lots of people jumped on the bandwagon, are doing tons of videos just for clout, because "it's the trendy subject" right now, and they forget that this case is actually about domestic abuse. But hey, to me, on that one, it's to each their own, "everyone is responsible for their own behavior" as you say. I have chosen since the beginning of this trial to separate myself from "the memers" on the subject, the ones making funny memey videos about the subject. No it's not the place. No it'll never be funny either way. I've decided to get engaged in this "cause" because I formed my own opinion with nothing but the court files themselves, years ago, and while I can't pretend I'm not happy to see karma catching up on her, I also chose to stay in my corner of the internet and express MY informed opinion respectfully. And yes, innocent until proven guilty should have stand for Johnny Depp too. That wasn't the case back then, tho. It's a really hard balance, to believe the victim and yet trust the "innocent until proven guilty". I guess that's what happens when "a victim" (and I use "[these]" because it's Amber Heard here and I do not believe she's a victim) chooses to talk to the press and paparazzi rather than lawyers and courts (since she tried to have the case dismissed 5 times now).
to be honest, I find the 'memers' entertaining, and I'm pretty sure the creators of those memes will agree with me that the humour isn't in the subject matter at all. catharsis of laughing at something that is actually quite serious and traumatic is something that humans have done since civilisations began, and so our generation mocking a woman who has herself mocked domestic violence victims is quite fitting, and the best punishment for her is the humiliation of realising that she didn't convince the public (at least most of us). especially since a significant portion of people who find humour in the memes are actually survivors themselves, it provides some feeling of retribution that other people are also not equating her to dv survivors. at least, that's my opinion.
@@bleurrgh6897 I’m sorry you’ve went through your own traumas too I’ve gotten enough poop memes from a friend with CPTSD. 😩 Highly doubt there’s deeper meaning to those memes other than “haha poo poo”
@@DeepSeaLugia Honestly those memes make me chuckle a lot, it's just so ridiculous and disgusting what she did. and ofc her 'my dog stepped on a bee' while trying to cry... like honey, how is that relevant at all 😭
First of all I love the way you worded this is feels like all of my thoughts combo'ed into one concise statement. But the one thing that I'll fight you on is this case being about DV or IPV. This case is about defamation. This is about Heard constantly lying and how those lies hurt Johnny's career. Overall I agree with you but the case they are fighting about now is not about IPV or DV.
I so appreciate the release of videos like this that encourage people to think of things like this in a more balanced, mature, and empathetic way and highlights valuable lessons.
"If _this person_ is innocent until proven guilty...then _this person_ is also _honest, until proven otherwise.'_ _Thank you!_ So many people repeating 'innocent until proven guilty, innocent until proven guilty,' fail to realize this also means _the plaintiff is not automatically guilty of defamation or fraud!_ And people who fail to realize that have harassed _me,_ have harassed _my friends,_ have harassed _so many other DV survivors_ and thought that made them heroes of 'due process' while lashing out at innocent, traumatized people. I see so much of that in the rabid fandom war that this _domestic violence case_ has turned into, and I'm so glad you didn't give into that. I'm sure that's a professional standard as a therapist, but I still think it's worth highlighting and appreciating.
It wasn’t Amber Heard’s therapist who diagnosed her with BPD, it was a forensic psychologist hired by Johnny Depp. She also said there was no sign of PTSD. A forensic psychologist hired by Amber Heard said that she didn’t see signs of BPD, but diagnosed her with PTSD. 🤷♀️
BPD has become synonym with "that person is bad" and PTSD with "that person is a victim" at this point, which is fucked up. It just shows how much of an impact a name can have. Imagine if we called it "prolonged abuse reaction" instead of borderline personality disorder, or post traumatic stress reaction instead of post traumatic stress disorder.
From what I've experienced firsthand from people I know with BPD, I definitely think from what's come out during the trial that it's very likely she has it
Came to explain exactly this. It was also mentioned multiple times that Heard's personal therapist "doesn't believe in diagnosing.". So we don't have anything from them.
@@carr0760 Heard’s personal therapist also doesn’t believe that men can be abused unless they are male children or in a mlm relationship. Men cannot be abused by women in her therapist’s perspective. An objectively false notion. This is important to address
Well, LATER the psychologist determined there was no sign of PTSD, but initially the problem was that Heard had TOO MANY signs of PTSD. Heard claimed to have had 19/20 of the core symptoms, which the psychologist explained was not typical even in severe PTSD.
My ex-wife was legitimately abusive, to the extent of threatening me and calling me worthless in front of our son. I never said anything to anyone because I didn't feel safe doing so and she had me convinced I somehow deserved it. Folks, value yourselves. You deserve that.
I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that sort of treatment and I hope you got away from her. Modeling a good relationship for your son and helping him with his trauma is also something to consider. I hope that you are both in therapy now and doing well.
"Honest until proven otherwise", sure. That's why people are mad over Amber lying about the donation and changing stories to make up excuses, because it's proven she hasn't donated. I'd agree that when Amber accused Johnny of DV the first time and people called her a liar, that's terrible. I was the one who believed her at the time though. It wasn't even this big. I watched movies from both. But it became different when recordings and tapes were leaking. Suddenly, there's this possibility of a victim still being abused by being falsely accused, mocked globally as a wife beater by media, and having his career ruined. Suddenly, there's this possibility of an abuser held high on a pedestal and has her career moving up so smoothly by stepping on the victim. I think this started to go wrong when the cancel culture got into this and the movie producers cut the contract with Johnny without being proven guilty. Because the court of public opinion punished Johnny, it's now working on Amber, too.
@@MyObessiveDirector As much as I feel sorry for her for that, again, this has already gotten too far since the media and cancel culture got into their supposedly private life, including MeToo movement. It's the public now who wants justice and revenge because they feel sorry for Johnny. There's a possibility that Johnny was the victim, and even though ppl were not memeing him, he's called and labeled a wife beater for years. Is that how ppl should treat him just because "honest until proven otherwise"? No. Not saying what's happening now is any better. It's just the same. I'm just saying the possible cause and effect.
@@MyObessiveDirector Oh, and I think many memes are more about her testimony that people find to be weird, not mocking the assault itself. I mean, the bee memes are popular and it's not about her assault at all.
I believe from a Sociology perspective, this trial is very important because our society on the large scale so far is failing in believing males being victims of domestic abuse and AH saying this to him is even more scary. Another thing is important, that manipulative people do exist and again, our society is quick to blame victims for being manipulated and failing to punish the manipulator in court. Validity scales are so important, checking evidence and testimonies. How many times have been people lying on stand and not being convicted...
Absolutely. It puts out in the public what men knew (and why they are refusing to marry or in many cases, even date.) I have a male friend who used to be bruised on the arms frequently because his wife punched him when she drank. He could literally do nothing. It took her cheating on him in a verifiable way on social media for him to get out of that relationship safely.
I've mostly been around women, so abusive women are things I've absolutely seen - but I also had this idea in my mind that I'd never date anyone who I didn't believe I could fight off. I was also raised that if anyone ever hit me I needed to fight back. I absolutely believe that if I'd ended up with anyone but my husband that I might have been dangerous to my partner. (My husband does something I call argument-fu - you can't argue with him - he always leads a potential argument into a discussion)
@@vanessac8193 unfortunately for her, she lied about and conflated so many things, that if something had happened, very few would believe her. They both need help, I hope they both get it.
@@yiotatort Maybe Amber still has a chance of improving with help. She's still young, has money, has friends. My impression of Depp is that he won't. People were still willing to hire and work with him even after his issues on the Pirates set (show up late, drunk). He got the Harry Potter role. But then he was super thin skinned about something written in The Sun (a British tabloid) and sued them and Amber Heard was forced to come and testify. The judge believed in 12/14 specific instances that she was abused and Depp lost the case. He not only lost the case, but after airing the couple's dirty laundry he was fired from Harry Potter. I have less faith in Depp getting help. He's 58 years old with a lifelong pattern of drinking and destruction and none of his people were able to stop him from suing The Sun. He could have let this go, waited for the public to forget, gone and done acting roles in smaller films, shown up on time and not drunk, and been his iconic, clever self, but after setting himself on fire in the previous lawsuit, he seems intent on making sure that his ex suffers publicly more than he did. The trial with The Sun wasn't televised. I don't think Depp cares about the legal merits of his case (from Legal Eagle, his case is harder to prove in the US than in Britain) near as much as he does about tearing his ex down. Between two choices of what to sue her for he chose the one that would allow him to talk about the events of their relationship much more broadly and in much greater detail and he chose to do it televised. This does feel like control/abuse to me.
And you are completely right, we are all responsible for our own behavior. I have a mother with narcissistic traits and even though I am an extremely calm, phlegmatic person, she knows what my buttons are and how long to push them so that I lose my composure. I usually removed myself from the situation. Whenever I left, she kept going after me and continued pushing my buttons. My understanding is, JD did the same thing. Tried to remove himself but she always tried to stop him. Can't imagine any victim asking their abuser to stay and continue with the abuse.
I'm not debating your understanding of the situation (I don't actively follow it tbh) but victim asking their abuser to stay is called _trauma bond_ , and it happens a lot in toxic relationships.
@@kaworunagisa4009 That's a great comment, thank you! I have no experience with trauma bonding (though I do have a mother who is prone to behavior that people around her consider abusive, and I do excuse her behavior so maybe I have but am not aware of it, who knows...). Anyway, do victims who experience trauma bonding behave in an arrogant, aggressive way, belittling, verbally bashing and intentionally angering their abuser?
@@liamhain2155 Not because of the trauma bond itself, but people who are prone to that kind of behaviour aren't immune to trauma bonding. That is to say, if someone can be abusive outside of a trauma bonded relationship, they are likely to still be abusive in it, which would likely make the situation even worse. Then again, things like CPTSD can bring out the worst in people, and sometimes defending yourself somehow morphs into outright abuse of the other person, but most likely when the person with CPTSD was dysregulated in the first place and likely had an abusive role model in their childhood.
This is called "reactive abuse" in narcissist vs. empath (codependent) dynamic. The victim's negative emotions may errupt as vulcano after long period of emotional and psychological abuse and this is exactly what narrcissist waiting for - to call you the "crazy one". I was there, now on a healing journey but it had very damaging impact on my nervous system, now dealing with neurological issues.
@@kaworunagisa4009 What she was doing was not trauma bonding. She was literally attacking him and following him around the house demanding he stay and continue fighting with her. She has abandonment issues. Not trauma bonding. He removes his elf because he said she keeps getting physical and she gaslighted him everytime because she simply didn't want him to leave. These were not cases of trauma bonding.
I just wanted to ask you about a remark you made, about how they should have been trying to walk away from their arguments but they kept arguing. There's no acknowledgement about how JD was constantly trying to de-escalate by leaving the argument to try creating cool down periods, but that she wouldn't allow it. He has recorded proof and she has admitted that he would go from room to room, house to house if he had to, but that she would get more aggressive at these attempts. If should could block the doors, lock the elevators, or follow him in hysterics to alternate places, she did. I know you aren't trying to take sides, but it seems strange to blame them both as ignoring deescalation techniques. What should someone do when deescalating only makes it worse?
I can speak to this. I was married to a woman who at the slightest provocation would run from an argument and lock herself in the bathroom or her bedroom only to come out 30 minutes later and pretend like nothing ever happened. It was the worst form of conflict avoidance i have ever seen. In one of the tapes, Depp is talking about it being like a boxing match and that he needs a break. Amber says that he needs a break at like the 3 minute mark. Obviously we aren't in the room with them, but if she's being honest (and really...that's a stretch based on some testimony) and Depp runs off as soon as the argument begins, that is insanely frustrating. Especially if he never addresses what the issues are. From my own experience, after 7 years of this, i finally had enough of my wife running off to the bathroom as soon as an argument began and I broke down the bathroom door to actually address our problems. That was the beginning of the end of the marriage as she then started accusing me of violent outbursts and abuse. So while I hear what you are hearing on these tapes, just know that there is another side to that as well.
@@brandonbuchner1771 I appreciate the honest and different point of view, I hadn't considered that possibility. You have to admit, it's a fairly rare response (unless she was abused previously and refuses to face any conflict, in which case, I hope she eventually got some therapy, but yes, I can't imagine a marriage surviving that coping mechanism without a lot of counseling). Respectfully, I don't think it quite fits the situation I asked about, though. As you said, it's not likely the man took off 3 minutes into every argument. Amber's own testimony is wildly conflicting on this--he took off immediately as soon as an argument started to avoid conflict because he's cowardly, but he also stayed to beat her up as violently as possible because he's incredibly aggressive. Even if you say his personality changes because he's a mean drunk/user, her own testimony is that he didn't have to be to start a conflict because he was irrationally jealous (about the various people spending the night in his house when he's not there)... Sigh, there's just not many ways to get her testimony to make sense. There are, however, multiple testimonies that say he left when things started getting violent or aggressive, so I think we can go with that example. If a person is trying to de-escalate by leaving the situation and the aggressor won't let them do that...what are you supposed to do? I know the ideal answer is to leave, but not everyone has that option, especially not right away. I've lost family members to this kind of toxicity and while I'm not in the situation myself, I've known people who didn't have the right answer. I guess I just didn't want to see it dismissed that he was trying to do what his therapist was had worked out with him to make the situation less volatile. Placating your abuser eventually becomes impossible, esp if they're already being violent. Maybe the sad truth is just that there isn't a right answer.
She also accused him for not being a man because he couldn't take a punch and because he tried to diffuse. He DID try to talk to her and they went to marriage counselling, where she consistently talked over him and wouldn't let him talk. Sources: recordings by Heard/Depp, deposition via video of their therapist/counsellor.
I believe he left because Amber likes to get physical. He said it on a tape. When angry, she likes to throw things. I’m not a man but I don’t think a man has to stand around while his wife punches him and throws things at him. I’m not saying you’re saying he should have stood around for that, but he’s human. Eventually, he’s gonna want to strike back so he leaves. Plus, she sounds hella annoying in the audios. I wouldn’t want to stand around and endlessly argue with her either.
except that according to Amber he was walking away whenever she suspected that he wanna get high and she was figthing about it and he wanted to leave in order to get high...
"Both of them needed to walk away." One of them tried to. Repeatedly. As far as my opinion, as someone who is writing a story that involves someone with BPD, I've been watching Amber Heard quite closely through the trial. Her tendency to appear as though her emotions turn on and off and flip on a dime, her apparent need to be in control, her tendency to embellish her accounting of events, all of these seem to match up with someone with such a diagnosis. One thing that's been fascinating is the fact that those in the legal profession have mentioned that they're surprised that her legal team is coming off as unprofessional as they are, stating that their firm is usually quite strong. And I realized that it's very likely that she's been lying to them, as well. There was the debacle when they called the police to the stand to get testimony over her injuries only for the police witness to declare that there was no statement because she had no injuries, forcing her legal team to pivot to somehow discrediting the officers for failing to notice that she had been hurt. Then there was the incident where her own legal counsel snapped at her to "do it yourself." If she's treating them in the same manner that she can be heard treating JD in some of the recordings, then it's likely that she's dictating their moves and that is interfering with their ability to provide competent counsel. I know that she's acting in ways that are counter to their instructions, such as bringing up Wynona Rider, which would give JD's team the opportunity to bring her in as a witness after they had been barred from doing so previously. All in all, she appears to exhibit quite a few of both the abusive and self-destructive traits common to those who have BPD.
I agree that it is entirely possible she has been lying to her own legal team. When I helped someone through the process of getting a restraining order against someone who had been stalking her and filing false missing persons reports on her, stalker's lawyer was by all appearances completely blindsided by the simple fact that we'd walked into court with a stack of evidence of his behavior. Some key legal basics, in case you find yourself in a position where they're relevant: 1. Don't tell the cops anything you aren't legally required to tell them. And similarly, don't consent to them searching anything. 2. Don't lie to your lawyer. All that does is leaves your lawyer flat-footed in court.
I've been following the case live when I've been able to on Legal Bytes since I wanted input from layers on this while it was ongoing. And from what I've seen Johnny and Amber were really bad for each other in that Johnny, with his background with childhood abuse, and being an introvert really don't like when a conflict get out of hand (screaming, etc.) while Amber is so afraid to be abandoned and painted in a bad light that she would do anything to keep him. It was him leaving to take a break from an argument and her following and calling him names while doing so over and over again. The Behaviour Panel, that have some of the best body language experts on the world, said it was "the story of the narcissist and the introvert" after watching and going through both of their testimonies.
the archetypes is that of the narcissist and the empath. they subsist off each other's insecurities because neither of them can derive validation from themselves. and so they just leech off each other, destroying themselves in the process. also known as co-dependency. this is just a more extreme example because celebrity lifestyle is generally more extreme. but it's actually a very common relationship dynamic.
Thank you for addressing this. It brings out so much conflict in the public because they are frightened about how cases will be effected in the future, and perhaps, rightfully so.
Thanks for being the internet's therapist. I've been avoiding all the Depp/Heard stuff, but it still pops up everywhere. It's nice to have a voice of reason talking through what it means for society and for me. I needed this.
I love this video. My Ex abused me for 3 years. And I'm so glad finally someone is discussing this. I was never physically abused by my ex but still other abuse forms are still harmful. Safety is a huge aspect for me. Thank you for discussing this!
"honest until proven otherwise" this is so well put. I see so many people on the right be like "Oh innocent until proven guilty which means we can shame victims!" like no.... that's not how it works.... I always have the thought at the back of my mind that Amber might be telling the truth but all the evidence against her at the moment is proving her to be dishonest and I feel like we have to have that doubt against a "victim" when their story falls short of the evidence. And having doubt doesn't mean you will discredit them completely, but like it or not, there will always be someone out there who wants to accuse someone falsely for self gain.
This comment is right on the money. I've had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that, even though the evidence paints Heard as the primary antagonist, does that mean she's lying about 100% of her experiences? Not necessarily. I keep stopping short anytime the issue of substance abuse comes up. I've lived with a partner who did a myriad of drugs, and he was a different person based on the substance. So when she says, "that was opiate Johnny," I'm inclined to believe that she dealt with a volatile man when he used something else, and he only time she felt safe enough to get evidence of his drug use was when he was unconscious or mellowed out. I've lived that. But do I believe she's been exaggerating the level of violence Depp committed against her? Because there's evidence of her in public right after some of these alleged beatings, absolutely, yes.
@@woodswitchprints I think the problem I have with believing he was violent when on substances is the fact that like... surely she would have taken pictures of the damage he did after, and not him passed out? Taken pictures of her own supposedly broken body? When she talks about "opiate Johnny" she doesn't seem afraid, like recalling something scary, she seems disgusted. My experience with someone I was friends with doing drugs was that he wasn't volatile in the slightest. Easily annoyed maybe, but never violent. Johnny laying down in random places doesn't prove he was violent when drugged up, and that's the "proof" she provides. When she was asked today if she was afraid of sending pictures of "the monster", of "opiate Johnny" to her best friend, Amber asked "why would I?" She records so much of their exchanges. She takes pictures of all kinds of things. But she doesn't record him drugged out even though she has many secret recordings. She doesn't take pictures of her injuries except one teeny bruise that could be from her walking into a shelf. She doesn't take pictures of the damage he did. But she does take pictures that appear to be staged. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe a woman would never lie about her abuse. I wanted to believe a famous woman would never lie about abuse and risk destroying the credibility for any and all women who come forth about abuse. I wanted to believe that this woman was telling the truth. I believed her at first. I wanted to believe her, I really did. But I can't. I really can't believe her. She hasn't proved anything, except what a bad person SHE is. It's also worth mentioning that none of his other partners have said he abused them, and he was certainly doing drugs while he was with them. But he never hurt them. But Amber has abused partners before. I really wanted to believe her. But I just can't. I think a really big thing getting in the way is "Believe Women". People believe Amber for that reason, but it's such a blind belief when it comes to her. I challenge you to switch the roles. How easy would it be for people to think Johnny is lying as he says all the things Amber is currently saying? How easy would it be for people to dismiss the photos? Like if he showed a picture of Amber passed out with ice cream in her lap and said "that was opioid amber" I truly believe people would think he staged it to humiliate her, especially if he texted it to his best friend and said "see what I have to deal with?" or "this is what I have to deal with". If their situations were reversed, there would be no question at all for people. And that's what gets me. If the roles were reversed, absolutely nobody would doubt who "the monster" is.
@@aromaladyellie I agree with your statement overall the more I watch of the trial. I don't think Johnny was ever physically violent, but I suspect that it's possible he was verbally violent and Amber grossly exaggerated his behavior. But, like I said, the more I'm watching, the more it seems like he was continuously hounded down or speaking in anger in the midst of a mutual argument, and not so much in an abuser manner. It's a gray area for me because I'm a survivor of IPV and my abuser had a substance addiction issue to a myriad of different things, so I'm biased and can't dismiss those specific allegations as easily.
Good lies have elements of the truth in them, that’s what makes them believable. But you have to have things to back them up. She unfortunately fails in this. I’m neither team, I’m team evidence. Since almost day one, evidence didn’t match what she said. It sounded more and more like what he was doing was reactive abuse. So do i believe he did some of the the less egregious things? Probably. Otherwise she wouldn’t feel so confident + superior in her lies. That’s generally (in my experience) how that works. But when she says things that would have left her half dead or needing extensive surgery or a stay in hospital, with nothing to back it up, then we have a problem. Because she now has set the precedent of her need to exaggerate or lie, which removes her ability to be a credible witness. Just like some of her own witnesses who have shown bias when it’s not appropriate or unprofessional behavior, which again removes credibility from them. It’s a mess, and not one that will likely get better anytime soon.
@@woodswitchprints from the audio recordings I've heard it sounds like Amber really tries to trigger and rile Johnny up so that he lashes out and she can go like "see, I have proof!" There is a big possibility that Johnny had been triggered into bad behaviour by Amber, not many people are capable of not snapping under pressure when pushed and prodded like that for hours on end
"Honest until proven otherwise..." I can appreciate the sentiment, but sometimes, it's too late after the truth comes to light. Johnny lost Pirates, Fantastic Beasts, and a ton of money, jobs, and reputation, for years. My ex thought it would be "funny" (his words) to accuse me of domestic violence. He'd broken a spring on his mattress, and had a cut on the back of his leg. A cop saw, and asked if he was being abused and needed help. My ex replied, "Yeah my wife did it." The cop was ready to go arrest me before the cashier intervened: The cop, and my ex, were at my work, the cashier and the cop both knew me (I wasn't there at the time). I honestly don't know if my ex would have let it go that far, because he was abusive in other ways as well (he's an ex for a reason). I prefer "Trust, but verify." "Believe all women" is (part of) what got Amber this far.
The problem with "trust but verify" is that so many of these situations can come down to "he said-she said", i.e. it can be extremely difficult to actually prove anything in cases of domestic violence (particularly rape)
@@NeoLithiumCat There's more than one way to verify, I'm not talking about always collecting DNA evidence. For instance, I had a friend who liked to...embellish...the truth, and change her stories. Guess who I had a habit of taking what she said with a grain of salt? Or someone who has always been honest with me, even when it didn't look good on them, I tend to believe them without having to fact-check. In the case of the trial, however, luckily we DO have actual evidence: she recorded herself and others, and the so-called pictures she submitted were often found to have been edited. The ones that weren't, she told on herself and called her makeup kit a "bruise kit," which is a theater kit to MAKE bruises, not cover them up. Which, as an *actress,* she very well knows. But yes, I am all-to-aware that sometimes it comes down to he-said-she-said, and victims have a hard time even with proof or witnesses. Unfortunately, people like her make it harder.
In some of the recordings, Amber mentions that Johnny leaves in the middle of an argument and goes to another room and she gets very upset about that and would follow him to continue the argument. I find that very odd personally since my dad had an explosive temper and he rarely left, but if he would, we were relieved and wouldn't want to follow him. I'm not saying he was never abusive towards her, but I certainly find that odd that she would follow him.
Idk for John and Amber but abusers in relationships maintain their control with the fear of their victim, but it isn't just the fear of being hit, it is the fear of the abuser leaving because they make them believe they are worthless. "(Victim) diserve this, (victim) is lucky to have (abuser) : (abuser) knows (victim) but stays either way, (victim) should be grateful for that !" And when in an argument the victims begins to stand up for themselves, the abuser just go and aaall the insicurities come rushing back and they run to their abuser.
@@arona6692 My mom was my abuser and I ran from her my whole childhood. At no point was I ever trying to run to her while she was being abusive. Your understanding of the dynamics is flawed. Abuse victims are afraid of their abuser and may appease them with shows of affection or submission, but that is purely a way to get the abuse to stop and to soothe the abuser into a better mood in order to protect themselves from further abuse. If a victim remains in a relationship for a long time, they've been beaten down and left hopeless, afraid to leave because of fear of further violence and afraid to stay for the same reason. When a victim stands up to an abuser, the abuser doesn't leave the room, they double down or turn to gaslighting and manipulation. The one fleeing is the victim.
This hurts me because of the culture of “believe ALL women” and how damaging that can be for men who are actually abused and afraid to say anything. I understand and as a women why it’s important to believe women BUT, DV no matter what gender is NOT ok. So I really appreciate all the points you made and I feel you called out a LOT of important things. And like you said the recordings are so damning pointing to so much evidence. Idk I’m an empath so it breaks my heart this whole thing and how it’s exploiting ppls lives and publicly. And there’s been a lot of DV victims coming out saying how much they feel for Johnny and how much Amber is triggering them as an abuser and I find that very telling and very heartbreaking and upsetting. And many of the victims I’ve seen speak up online are women and they fear how this will affect women in the future.
There certainly does need to be nuance to “believe women.” Our tendency as a culture to over correct is definitely an issue. The problem before was that we didn’t believe women at all, especially when men were in a position of power (I.e. Bill Cosby or Harvey Weinstein). Even in the case of a co-Ed getting attacked at a party the questions of “what were you wearing” “how much did you have to drink” “why did you set your drink down?” etc would be asked. I don’t think it’s right for anyone to make a snap decision about any allegation, and it’s certainly difficult for those situations that become a “he said/she said” scenario. I hate that Heard is now a poster child for “see what happens when we believe all women?” It really does set the cause back.
@@dacutsy 💯 agree. I don’t like the “well you shouldn’t have done this and this and this” I don’t believe that’s the case here and that’s what’s really upsetting. Like almost ALL the audios about their relationship are on UA-cam and if you listen to them it’s really heartbreaking the crap she’s pulling in court and the lies she spread.
@@_aly_cat oh, absolutely, there is no doubt in my mind that at the very least she is exaggerating what had happened on his end and under reporting and minimizing her actions in the relationship.
I think one of the reasons this has blown up so big is the fact that Johnny was accused of DV and basically immediately kicked but then Amber was accused and the only backlash seemed to be from fans.
Thank you for your calm in this. My mother (and grandmother, step-mothers, step grandmother...) all have BPD and I can't watch Amber Heard without being overwhelmed with flashbacks. What you described was exactly right. Thank you
I have been that person, convinced I was unloveable, who felt oddly vindicated when people who loved me left because of my behaviour. I had a good councillor for 3 solid years of therapy and I am a lot better. Recovery is forever - I will never automatically, naturally love myself the way healthy people do. But I am so. much. better.
“Both of them needed to walk away” - and JD *did* try to walk away, over and over again. It’s on audiotape with her saying “don’t walk away from me,” and “you are avoiding the solution” [by walking away]. There is no longer any doubt in my mind which one of them was the aggressor and the initiator of abuse. It’s her, not him. Yes, he has had substance use issues. Yes, at a moment of deep pain - with his mother dying and having found out that he’d been betrayed and lost millions of dollars - he kicked some cupboards. He is not perfect and he owns that. She, on the other hand, has lied on the stand, given wildly inconsistent testimony, fabricated stories that don’t hold up to the slightest scrutiny*, and been recorded - sometimes in her OWN recordings - screaming at Johnny, taunting him, belittling him, and very clearly telling him that she “didn’t punch” him, instead she was “just hitting” him. So although I appreciate your perspective on relationships in general, and I agree that “just walk away” is excellent advice in most cases in tension-filled relationships, I feel like you’ve missed the mark in this particular instance by not acknowledging that *in this case* that walking away wasn’t sufficient to deal with the issues. It’s not enough to “believe all women”, because men also are victims of IPV. There is a point where even we as therapists can no longer “remain neutral.” If Amber were screaming like that at a child, you would have been required to call Child Protective Services (or whatever they call it in your state.) But because he is an adult male, there was no one to call. And even so, he never hit back. He didn’t even say anything about the abuse until SHE put out the op ed, in clear violation (IMO; IANAL) of their divorce settlement. He TRIED TO WALK AWAY, and she wouldn’t let him. *For an example of this, I recommend going over to the channel Law & Lumber to view the analysis by a person who is both a lawyer and a woodworker as to her assertion that Johnny assaulted her and somehow managed to “break the bed” while doing so. Long story short: that didn’t happen, and she (or someone in her crew) had to have jammed something sharp in the bed to damage it the way it was shown. And oh by the way, there’s a pen knife in the picture on the bed. #JusticeForJohnnyDepp
One of the things she said that stuck out to me was that she would blame him for her behavior. She said he would make things worse by walking away from her physical fights. She blamed him for becoming violent because he would rather leave the fight than to stick around and fight with her. And she dumped the blame of her actions on him. My mother would do similar things like this. I never gave her a reaction when I knew she was looking for a fight and that would anger her more and she’d hit me. But I was trying not to make it worse. But to her I was triggering her anger by not returning the aggressive energy. It took me cutting her off to finally feel peace.
I forgot to add that one time she was hitting me and I raised my arms to shield myself and she went insane yelling that I tried to hit her. I knew then that I had to cut her out.
This is the first of your videos I have seen on this channel after being an avid watcher of Cinema Therapy for a long time and I just have to say that you are so soft spoken and caring.
It's sad that the "innocent until proven guilty" statement wasn't in Depp's favor at all. This whole trial has so much attention since a female abuser isn't just being brushed under the rug like it is in most cases. I work with domestic abusers for a living and the amount of classes we have for female abusers is about 1 female class to 10 male classes. Domestic violence is a gender neutral issue, but sadly the courts have a strong bias. Family court is the worst. Hopefully this event starts a cultural shift for the legal system to pay better attention to the details.
I have watched the trial, and I believe she was verbally, physically, mentally spiritually, and sexually abused by Depp. He is a great actor. Narcissists are so skilled. But, if you live where movies are made, like I do, you will know his reputation precedes relationship with Amber. Volatile and violent and drugged up, everyone has to sign they will be nowhere near him in order to work on the set. It is disturbing when I hear therapists fall for the narcissist, but the reality is, they often believe them, and will gaslight the victim further. So, pick your therapist carefully, they can do SO much damage to an abused person.
You working with them is scary considering you don’t know what’s actually going on. Men are favored more by every court but ESPECIALLY family court. Men who want custody of their kids are more likely to get it, especially if the other parent claims abuse. And Johnny was proven guilty of abuse in a court of law in the UK
@@kyratisdale713 No...no..If you did research of false accusations against men or know that awful stereotype that men can't be abused. The legal system screwed men over, I have helped and care for men who were physically, sexually and emotionally abused by women. It is devastating how much men lose to their perpetrators, I've known men who were abused by women. Some female perpetrators would threaten to the call the police if the man tried to leave them, saying "They abused her". In cases I've read, men could be bleeding, bruised up, broken noise and have scratches all over them. The police shows up, the woman has no signs of physical harm and can have a record of being vicious. But the man would be the one taken away by the police, while the woman is kept safe. I have looked in the eyes of male survivors and what you said isn't true in majority of all cases. I'm not attacking you, but please do more research.
@@Maddie-qu3kp It is neutral, 40% of statistics (right now and more likely more) are made up of male dv survivors. Society treats male victims like dirt and I've witnessed at first hand.
Thank you so much for addressing this from the standpoint of, "We need to be having these conversations, but this is NOT the way that is optimal to do so.
Everyone IS responsible for their own behavior... AND... our society needs to do a much better job of teaching everyone the knowledge and skills they need to take responsibility for their behavior in a healthy and sustainable way. Access to and funding for health care in general and mental health care in specific is definitely not adequate and is a privilege where it should be a right. Our PK-12 curriculum desperately needs to have emotional and social education (inclusive of neurodivergence, different cultural influences, and communication cultures). Our society needs a strong social safety net so that people who find themselves in toxic situations (even -- perhaps espeically -- where they are the toxic influence) have the security and safety to do the work of healing they need and to learn and practice new behavior patterns, instead of being caught by social and/or economic pressures or fear of reprisal or uncertainty and allowing the situation to continue to escalate.
When i started seeing all the buzz about the Depp/Heard trial, i thought "ugghhh, celebrity drama.....", and i saw little snippets out of context, and people in comments making claims about things they couldn't possible know. So after seeing so much wild speculation and clear bias from people on social media, i eventually decided I'm not going to make a judgement about who is an abuser or not without all the information. So i committed to watching un edited testimonies, and x exams from both sides. In fact, i think I've watched more than 20 hours of testimonies from the trial at this point, as I've become enthralled with it. After seeing all the information presented, i feel confident in saying that johnny was the victim in this relationship. I could be wrong, but i believe that if he did ever hit her, it was in self defense. The the things he said, that were presented in court, were mild compared to the things ive said or thought about my abuser, after i had realized i was being abused. It really upsets me when people make up their mind about this case without ever watching the trial, and proudly stating that they wont watch it. I believe johnny wanted it televised so that the whole world could see exactly what the jury saw, and have all the information. And at this point the jury has found in favor of johnny depp. Anyone who believes the jury was wrong, or johnny depp is a horrible monster, PLEASE watch the trial. The information is there, all you have to do is look at it, rather than assuming what most people assumed when news of abuse was released to the media. Watch the trial before you make up your mind, or dont talk about it.
I'm glad to finally hear a nuanced perspective on the situation. I feel like something that was barely touched on in this video (regarding the popularity of the case) is how misogynists have taken the opportunity to scapegoat Heard and worship Depp as the be-all, end-all counterexample to the stereotype of men abusing women. I'm not talking about men who have been abused and see themselves in the case; I'm talking about men who may or may not have been abused, but regardless, never cared about and refused to legitimize women's stories of abuse, and frankly never cared about stopping the abuse of men either (which, I must point out, is most often *at the hands of other men*). Suddenly, these guys act like they care what happens to Johnny Depp, but all that really matters to them is that there is suddenly a woman it is socially acceptable to hate. She's become a lightning rod for them. I don't want to absolve her of all guilt, but nobody has the right to cheer for somebody else's destruction. It's inhumane and just plain immoral. The worst anybody wants for Depp is for him to lose his job, which he has. The worst they want for Heard is outright unspeakable.
I have spent 8 months in a domestic violence shelter while I was getting on my feet. Male survivors were not as common there as female survivors. Some of them were heterosexual, thier abusers were women. I think that domestic violence against men is under reported. I used to have symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. My father taught me that I was unlovable and loving me was a burden to anyone who cared for me. My mother told me that she'd had an abortion shortly before she got pregnant with me. She told me that I was born so premature that she didn't think that I going to survive and that if I couldn't breastfeed, she wasn't going to try to save me. I was a home birth and she didn't have prenatal care, so she could have let me die with out any consequences. That made me feel so worthless. In my first marriage, I was extremely toxic. I don't think that my husband was ready to be a partner, but he didn't deserve the having verbal abuse screamed at him, which happened regularly. I'm certain that him and his mother have PTSD from my marriage with him. I don't think that I intentionally pushed people away, but I had a hard time believing that they were present. I did expect anyone who I loved to reject me. My father used rejection as a way to manipulate me and hurt me. Being raised by him mirrored the cycle of domestic violence in some ways. The honeymoon period was compromised of him not invalidating me and telling me that he loved me. If he was particularly tolerant of me, he might take me out to lunch or offer to make me a grilled cheese or eggs, but that was as good as it ever got and it was uncommon. When he rejected me, he would tell me that he was sorry that I was his child and that he regretted ever doing anything nice for me. I think that my symptoms of BPD were complex PTSD. My mother didn't ever I tried so hard to be healthy, but I couldn't get better until I cut off contact with my parents and the family who enabled them. From some of the
Some DV shelters actually exclude male victims, and some DV assistance organizations refuse to help men. Which indeed makes it worse for male victims, in addition to the very real possibility that a man calling the police for help as a victim of DV will end up being arrested himself because some police departments are still stuck in the "men abuse women" way of thinking.
@@neurodivergentnetizen4535 It is extremely hard for me to admit to myself that I caused that much pain to a person and thier family. At the time, I didn't understand that I was being toxic. I thought that if I was angry at someone that they had earned it, they deserve better than me making excuses. Even though they are never going to read this. They deserve to have the person who hurt them take responsibility.
Normally I would never watch a court case closely, but I happened to watch a video with audio of Amber and Johnny arguing, and I recognized pretty quickly that Amber had the same personality disorder as someone I used to know. It is really something you have to see in person to believe.
I love that you said that you don't use any substances and why you don't. It is exactly the same for me. But I usually don't feel understood when I explain that I want to keep a clear head and to stay in control. So, so nice to hear from a like-minded person!
If you listened to the tapes, you would know he tried to walk away when it was volatile. She wouldn’t let him. There’s is a recording of her yelling at him for hours because he wants to see his daughter for a couple hours.
You are such a great voice for the best of humanity. I hope your voice can reach the millions and millions of people that need to hear a voice like yours.
1. If she has bpd and/or Hpd, it really doesn't matter. You are still responsible for your own actions. My partner as BPD and they are the most loving human I know. And I know for a fact that they have worked very hard to understand themselves and others. I hope if AH does have it, she needs to look inward and hopefully fight the right help she needs. Until then I think she's perpetuating the stigma around BPD. 2. Love you and your therapeutic advice. But I have to mention that all of the recordings and even through his own statements (and others) Johnny had tried multiple times to walk away from the fight. His sister had to book separate hotel rooms. One incident he tried to get away by going into five bedrooms two bathrooms and she still persist. Ect. So I wouldn't really necessarily think they both have issues in a sense like that. From my understanding Johnny knew what most people that have been abused might know, to "walk away" before things get bad. 3. Love the concept of innocent until proven guilty and I hope people rely on that more.
@@lindaspiess3545 The only one that might have PTSD is Johnny. The actual one that got abused. Sorry can’t be the abuser if they are the ones trying to get away from someone. Oh and if someone chops off your finger I’m pretty sure that gives you ptsd. Do better and do more research.
@@HunterAshe Johnny is a druggie, and a wife beater. He has a reputation on the movie sets. Check his reputation on the sets before you give him a free pass.
I'd love to see you react to an episode of Bluey please. It's an Australian cartoon for kids, but similar to my neighbour Totoro, it's a beautiful parenting manual for adults. Try the episode called Bike or Burger shop. They're all pretty short but such an amazing positive example of parenting. It's like a hug for my parenting soul
On the last da of trial this week, Johnnys psiquiatrist was called by video depo and it has heart breaking to hear him talk about everything he went through and you could tell he was uncomfortable
I was super surprised to see this in my recommended(I normally go for CT), but you handled the subject so well, and I really appreciate that you can empathize with Amber and Johnny and still hold them accountable. Thanks for being fair in such a controversial case.
I feel like many ppl haven't taken into consideration that JD is an addict. AH following him into rooms and him retreating sounds like the partner of the addict hqving tried everything to get the addict to stop using. Pleaded, been nice, bargained, and eventually grown bitter. I recognize it from my friend and her alcoholic husband. But I never see anyone actually mention this. Also makes sense when JD says she has control issues, when she says that she hates it when he disappears etc. He was pissed that someone was trying to control his drinking when he had no intention of stopping, even when he was becoming violent.
And he has a history of public violence, complete with bragging how much he enjoys it: docs.google.com/document/d/1AkfBOHxwxh0VTLdZ1iOPjGlKlrodllT8xbCMJHqY_RU/mobilebasic
Man you really ringed a bell in my head when you said that we go into relationships because the world is cruel and we want someone who loves us and is on our side... I never thought I would live violence in a relationship until I had one, it looked so far away and one of those things that happen to other people, to “bad” people who date bad men but no... I didn’t see it coming, the Deepp-Heard trial made me remember so many details of “red flags” I should have seen with my ex until it was too late and he got violent with me... DV is a real problem and this trial helped to make the public opinion now it, that’s at least the good side of all of this.
That whole thing about believing women really hits different for me. Every woman in my immediate family has been r*ped early in childhood, but it didn't happen to me until I was already 18 (at least not all the way), so when I came to my mom about it I was grilled with a million questions that all ended up with my mom and sister telling me I'm just a slut and I wanted it, and the only reason I'm upset about it now is because I regretted it after the fact. I've slept with a lot of people I regretted, but I don't call that r*pe, I call it a mistake and move on with my life. But in this case, I'd been friends with this guy for four years. We met through a friend of a friend and had only spoken online or over the phone until I turned 18 because he lived far away and my parents didn't allow me to leave the house with anyone until I was an adult, but we were incredibly close friends, so we planned to meet in person for the first time on my 18th birthday. We planned this meeting months in advance and we had both agreed that nothing sexual would be happening, this was just friends hanging out and that was all. He promised me he wouldn't do anything to me that I didn't want. I went in an outfit that covered absolutely everything so I wouldn't risk even tempting him. Long sleeve top, full length pants, it was spring in Alabama and it was HOT but I was content with overheating if it meant not looking the slightest bit suggestive. We went to chuck e cheese of all places, just to have some innocent fun. I won't tell all the details, but the day ended with us hanging out at a park, and I just wanted to lay down in the grass and look at the stars like they do in the movies, but he had other things on his mind. He didn't care how many times I pushed his hand away and told him no, he was getting what he wanted. When I needed to go to the bathroom (because he started tickling me after I pulled away from him) he decided that was his chance. He was gonna have his way right then and there, in a nasty public restroom at the park. My mom tried to make up so many things I should've done. I should've fought him off, called the cops, called my parents, or ran away. As if an out of shape little white girl can outrun a taller, skinnier black man? He had already proven that he was stronger than me so overpowering him was out of the question. He had been my best friend for the past 4 years, so even though he was doing things to me that I didn't want, I didn't want to call the cops on him, especially in Alabama of all places. You think I want to call the cops on a black man in Alabama? I'm not trying to get him shot for this. I didn't even know where we were, so what would I have even said? We're in a park. I don't know which one, but it's definitely a park. I know it was stupid of me to allow myself to be put in a position where I don't know where I am, but we were in a public place, we had already seen families around so we weren't exactly alone, and I wasn't expecting him to do anything he did, especially in public. But because I "didn't fight back hard enough" my whole family accused me of lying for attention. Me saying no should've been enough. Me pushing his hand away shouldn't have even been necessary, but I did it and that should've been enough. I shouldn't have had to fight him or run away or call the cops to be taken seriously. My pain should've been enough to be taken seriously, and not being believed really hurt me, and because I'd had it drilled into my head so much that it was my fault, I forgave him and gave him another chance, and a bunch more chances because every time he hurt me I was led to believe it was my fault and I was the one that was overreacting and he didn't do anything wrong so every time he came back, I put all the pressure on myself to not let it happen rather than on him to not do it in the first place, and that's what fed the cycle. He was never going to stop taking advantage of me because I was never strong enough to enforce my own boundaries, and he knew that. When I ended up in a mental hospital, I took the time to reflect on my past and realized I needed to start being accountable for my own actions, and a part of doing that meant holding other people accountable for their actions. I blocked him and cut off all the people in my life that have proven that they're not going to respect my boundaries, and now the only people in my life are the ones that genuinely care and respect my wishes. Things aren't perfect now, but I'm in a much better situation now than I was back then. I've never wanted to press charges on any of the people that have done something like that to me because they were all people I had grown close to and I trusted. They weren't strangers that I just ran into, they were people I cared about and that I didn't want to see any harm come to, and that was what made it so much harder to be taken seriously. When it's someone you know and trust, when you know the good side of them, their goals and ambitions, you've seen them suffer and you've seen them thrive, it's a lot harder to want to see them punished. I might not want them in my life but I don't want to ruin their life, even if they hurt me. I don't want them to hurt me and I don't even want them around me anymore, but I don't want to make them suffer more because of me. The guy that hurt me back then told me he regretted it deeply, he hated himself for what he did, and he even claimed to go to therapy to be a better person. How could I want to punish him more than he's already punishing himself? I know I've done things I regret, I've repeated mistakes that I swore I would never make again, I've hurt people I cared about that I never wanted to hurt, and I never meant to hurt anyone, but I made mistakes because I was hurting. I'm a very forgiving person and I tend to not wish harm on people that have harmed me, and because of that I feel like nobody takes me seriously, as if my claims can only be serious if I want to take action against them. I don't want them to be punished, and I don't want to make other people think less of them, but I would like for the people close to me to believe me when I say I'm hurting and be there to support me, not to accuse me of lying and making me feel worse about the situation. Situations like this are a lot more complicated than people seem to think. There are so many conflicting emotions, so many small details, and there's such a rich history that it's hard to judge from the outside what is true or not. I think when it comes to a courtroom it's important to distinguish truth from lies, but when a survivor opens up about their experience just looking for support, not to bring harm to the other person but just to cope with their feelings around it, there's never a good reason to accuse them of lying. All you'll do is invalidate them and hurt them more in the long run
I'm sorry you had to go through such hell. It's crushing that you'd have to worry about anyone or anything other than yourself in such situations. That's how bad misogyny has worn us down and deprived us. That, is part of the abuse we suffer daily. It's not your fault. A simple no should have been more tha plenty enough. He didn't earn your kindness in the least. Yet, you for sure are more social and stronger than anyone around you. Please cut yourself some slack. All the more after even speaking up for the cause and calling attention to the needless hurt people all around cause. Take good care of yourself. You've been way too strong. And life better see to it that you're surrounded by helpful people in future. Because you deserve no less!
One survivor to another, I am so sorry you went through that. I hope you’re getting help and finding peace. Nothing you said or did or didn’t say or didn’t do makes their choice okay. Personally, my belief is every accusation should be taken seriously. That isn’t the same as automatically being believed though. Because just like there are men who lie and say they didn’t touch us, there are women who lie and say they did when they didn’t. Good and bad comes in both genders.
Thanks for sharing. And I'm glad you're so open about this. Not wanting someone to be punished is not the same as seeking justice and wanting the support of your loved ones and having your feelings validated. You didn't have any. I am sorry that the women in your family were raped during childhood, and sometimes we think that shared experiences can make people be more sensitive, well not in this case. People can be very judgmental too especially if they have not been in a circumstance, child or adult. Freezing and trying not to upset the attacker further because you don't know what they'll do next or how much more they will hurt you is quite a common response from many victims, so people shaming you for behaving in a way where you were doing your best to protect yourself is on them, not you. One of the hardest things after experiencing trauma and being re-traumatized by insensitive loved ones when you tell them what happened to you and they don't take you seriously, is coming out of living in survival mode and actually thriving - learning to trust people but doing it in baby steps - and you deserve every bit of it, so thrive, my love.
I'm totally with you on the substances thing! When people ask if I party, I've found that answering with a joke keeps others from feeling judged so I say, "nah, I don't drink/party because I'm barely in control of my brain as it is!" People laugh and feel relaxed about me being sober.
Yeah, I’m on pain meds for a chronic illness so when ppl ask me to drink wine etc with them and I refuse, they first look at me like “you think you are better than me” but as soon as I joke with “yeah, with my brain already fuzzy from the pain meds, me with alcohol as well and you’ll see me dancing in the tables like a drunken grandma” they find that particularly funny to imagine and then the mood is light and nice again.
Btw a fantastic reply as is. Well thought over and doesn’t put them down. They perhaps think/know they are a little worse for wear when “partaking” and you are the sober reminder of how “better” they could be, hence it’s better if we are all a little bad “so plz drink/other with us”. It’s very kind of you to say something that won’t make them feel worse but still be kind to yourself as well and protect you from potential group pressures (ofc I have no idea what age group or what type of friends you surround yourself with 😅🤷♀️ but I’m sure you get the gist of my meaning) ☺️👌 well done you ✨☺️
i have cptsd, from my whole 40yrs of abuse, i am finding some of this trial good at opening up my old unhealed wonds, so i can clean them up ejecting the poison and then heal them properly i am reciving theripy at the moment, so the timing for me is good
I feel like, at least in my social circles, the issue that is dragging this whole case to the public is that fear of many that "feminism will be abused by some people to hurt innocent men" and I think it's very sad cuz it will set a precedent of not really solving anything in that discussion. People who support Amber will support her no matter the outcome, same for Jhonny.
Feminism is why female victims of domestic violence are finally being taken seriously. Now we are recognizing that men can be victims too. Whilst not related to domestic violence, the Me Too movement was not just about female victims/survivors, male victims/survivors came forward too.
@@The482075 I agree with you, but many people don't and I had... some sort of hope that this trial could help put some peoples minds at ease or maybe set a good precedent for these situations, and I just think it's not looking like going into those waters any time soon. I didn't finish law school but the whole thing has been... a little absurd to take seriously, but maybe it is just the memes, I don't know, not feeling hopeful that's all
@@The482075 I’m sorry I respectfully disagree. That movement swung the pendulum too far to the other side. We went from not taking any claims seriously to claims don’t even have to be investigated or proven in order to be believed. That IS dangerous! Abuse comes from both genders but just look at the difference between the response to Amber’s claims versus the response to Johnny’s. And the sickening thing is Amber recognized and used that by her own admission.
@@The482075 As a society or as individuals? Because the sad truth is only one of those is within our sphere of control. My personal take on the subject has always been to reserve judgment until the evidence is presented, do my own research, and decide for myself what I believe. When the story of Amber’s allegations first broke, I didn’t assume she was a liar, but I also didn’t assume Johnny was guilty. I waited and watched and I read and I listened. I will admit I was also skeptical because these are professional actors we are talking about. Neither one is above playing a role convincingly. For me, what spoke volumes was former lovers of Johnny coming forward and saying “he has faults but he’s not violent,” whereas when the script was flipped, Amber has a history of violence throughout her relationship history. Ultimately it was the recordings that sealed it for me. Hearing her say, yes I hit you, but no one is going to side with you because you’re a man and I’m a woman, that really confirmed my concerns about the “me too” movement which I’ve had since the beginning. First and foremost, “me too” wasn’t actually about accountability or cleaning up Hollywood. Weinstein was the worst kept secret in town. They sacrificed a few big names who no one would be surprised by because it was good PR and public activism is trendy right now. Secondly, while I am grateful for first and second wave feminism, the “sexual revolution” statistically speaking did more harm than good, and the movement has shifted from we want equal rights to we want better rights. There is a war of the sexes and as a woman, it’s not hard to see that despite our claims of victimhood, it is men who are currently drawing the short end of the stick. Men are being vilified simply for being men and that plays into how our society responds to these type of claims when they are made. Because the underlying assumption is men are violent. Men are bad. Men are exploitative. So they are NATURALLY guilty. But toxic femininity is very real in this world and very under acknowledged within our society. And Ms. Heard is a prime example of what that looks like. But because society sees women as victims already, it’s hard for them to accept the idea that women can be and are just as “bad” as men. Or rather some are. Because these behaviors are not gender specific. The sad truth is, I don’t think we can fix it. We can influence the culture surrounding the topic. We can socially encourage and discourage behavior so that there are acceptable behaviors and unacceptable ones, but the kind of people who do this know it’s wrong and don’t care. They feel completely justified in the harm they cause. There is no legislation that can change a person’s heart. And there are going to be people who make assumptions prematurely and with bias, on either side. Amber knew she didn’t have to *prove* her claims about Johnny in a court of law for him to be found guilty in the eyes of public opinion and she used that to her advantage. Until it becomes us versus the problem rather than us versus one another nothing is going to get better.
thank you for your level headed and professional opinion. its definitely a breath of fresh air to not hear so called "professionals" berating and demeaning these actors personal lives. thank you.
"If this person is innocent until proven guilty, then this person is honest until proven otherwise." So essentially: "Trust but verify." Society works because we put our trust in others, but to keep that trust requires that the people we give it to remain trustworthy.
the only thing I've been diagnosed with is depression but some of those borderline personality apply to me. I sure wish I could experience love but at the same time I feel like I can't. Either because I just can't get very attached to people or because I feel I'm not good enough and don't deserve it. However, instead of testing I just push the person away. I've now been single for about 5 years and there are many reasons for this. One of which is the inability to trust, especially after my last relationship with a narcissist. On top of that add a couple of years of terrible dating experiences and you'd may be able to understand why I feel a lot happier having made peace with the idea of just being single rather than chasing a relationship status.
I know Borderline Personality Disorder affects people very differently... however, I was diagnosed with it as a teenager and still have difficulty with it sometimes. However I've never done the 'splitting' or 'black and white' things. I've definitely never been abusive. People had been starting to accept that people diagnosed with it are not evil, manipulative, abusive people. Now people who just don't know better assume everyone diagnosed are like Amber. Its bloody hard.
May it not be possible that Depp's team diagnosed Amber with BPD because they knew that this is a diagnosis many still believe to mean that someone is evil, manipulative and abusive and therefore not trustworthy?
I like that you’re addressing this as an overview and how it can effect society and people’s thoughts. I’m personally interested in this trial because I have mental health issues and a major fear of how that could effect me in a intimate relationship and so watching this play out, seeing both sides, I find it very sad but also fascinating and I can only hope that this can spark more interest and research into mental health problems and that more people can come forward about domestic violence and get the help and support they need
At least in criminal prosecution, the suspect/defendant tends to have way more rights over a victim. The person has a right to their discovery, which can contain sensitive material that can re-victimize their victim. They have the right to a trial, where their victim will have to testify and recount the event to a panel of strangers, judging them based on their own unconscious biases. I remember a story my mother told me when she was still on patrol: A husband and wife were in a verbal argument that turned physical. He had tried to separate himself from the situation by going outside this action caused her to escalate. She began beating on him; police (my mother, a rookie at the time, and her trainer) rolled up and, in plain view, could see her hitting him, and the husband finally put his hands out to push her away from him. The training officer immediately cuffed him for the DV. It took my mom twenty minutes to explain to HER trainer that the husband should not be in custody but the wife for DV- Assault. Just because men are less likely to report it doesn't mean there are fewer numbers of domestic violence victims who are male. The same can be said for crimes that involve sexual assault. It happens more than people think because men are less likely to report it. In my opinion, so many men were raised where their example of what it was to be a man was men don't cry, they don't show emotion, and they don't admit feelings- men have to be "manly"- emotions are for the women. Sorry, I went off on a little rant, but I'm still going to comment because I took so much time to write it I don't want to delete it.
I think almost everyone should watch 'Men Don't Tell'. It is a tv movie with the actress, Judith Light. Before I watched the movie, I thought that women could physically hurt their husbands. I started remembering the times when my own mother would physically hurt my father while he backed away from her but would verbally defend his opinion.
When we first became parents, the baby's nurse told us everyone should see a relationship therapist every couple of years, even when there are no actual problems. Some things that need to be resolved are always there and it’s best to resolve them before they become a problem.
That's a fascinating concept about people not wanting to believe a victim initially because they like to believe people are good, that it would make the world seem unsafe and scarier if what happened to this person was true. Makes a bit of sense really. In an awful way.
The just world phenomenon. Totally fascinating, if somewhat depressing. This is why basic social psychology should be taught more widely- it affects all aspects of our life!
Thank you. That was both enriching and uncomfortable. Right in the sweet spot. But also the tone of the editing matched the video really well. And also I appreciate you being yourself in front of the whole internet.
Grew up with an abusive mother, both physical and emotional / verbal abuse. Then ended up in a relationship with someone similar. Not gonna lie the trial has been a bit triggering. My abuser also falsely accused me, and I spent 3 months in jail (couldn't afford bail) until I could go to trial and prove my innocense. Even though I was found innocent with multiple witnesses including the cops I still had lost my home and my job because I was gone for 3 months. I even did the same thing as Johnny hiding in the bathroom.
Many survivers, myself included, are invested in this. Also, there are many recordings of Johnny literally trying to get away and Amber not letting that happen.
I am glad you decide to put so less what they show on that trial and stay neutral bc you are not their therapist yet give your thoughts regardless. Very professional. I wish people look whats going on how you did and not believing media gossips.
I'm really bothered by the cameras in the courtroom too. Edit: I never asked for your opinions about the cameras, and I don't care to hear your opinions on the case or hear your opinions about my opinion. Go watch another Mended Light episode 🤷🏻♀️ Like the "sh!t therapist say: forgive and forget" episode. Lots of good nuggets in there, my husband and I enjoyed watching that one. Not everyone has to have the same opinion as you and not everyone has to believe the same things as you do. And it's not your job to facilitate other people's opinions.
Here court proceedings are public unless there is a good reason to keep the court closed, like juvenile cases. There was so much interest in this one the judge decided, rather than having hoards of people standing around outside trying to get in, they would televise it. There are generally reporters that specialize in covering court cases and they are reported on in print and on the news channels. Also, in the US, the parties have a right to a jury trial (part of our responsibility of citizenship is being available to serve as a juror), rather than the case being decided by a judge alone...though they can opt for a judge only, if they wish. Prior to the trial (and, apparently right up until a verdict is read) the parties can also 'settle out of court'. I've been watching the trial and noticed the difference between what I was seeing for myself, and what was being reported in the news.
@@acvines court cases are generally a matter of public concern. That's why there is a gallery. So community members can hold the judicial system accountable I think. Broadcasting a case should not be an issue unless the parties insist on privacy. This alleged defamation offense was committed in the public eye, not just in their private homes The judicial process therefore should be public I think.
The "innocent until proven guilty" was never applied back in 2016 because the world was already wired to believe the "victim" and we knew nothing about the insides of their private life. It's all fine and good because victims need to be protected. But we also need due process to avoid having lives destroyed at a single finger-pointing. I'm really happy for all those women who have such good will as to think that we all women are good and pure of heart. They should count themselves lucky for not suffering any physical harm at the hands of another woman, then lies, manipulation and turning everyone against you and that, surprisingly, the "believe women" never applies to you. I've seen women on gay relationships having their lives completely destroyed after thier wives accused them of DV, going so far as to having to move out of the country all because of false allegations. A very famous case in my country: girl gets murdered, girl's mom accuses her own partner, case blows on the media, girl's mom uses tv to drag her now ex-partner through the mud. Ex-partner gets declared non-guilty, but the hunting keeps going on until she has to move out of the country. Years go by, and it turns out that the girl's murderer was a serial s*xual offender from England who was hiding in the area.
I know a man who was abused by his wife. She even called the cops to accuse him of abuse. They have since, fortunately, divorced and he is married to a woman as kind and gentle as he is, but he could have easily lost the right to see his children ever again. As it is, I don't believe he got primary custody. I always want to believe people who say they've been abused, but when abusers sometimes use abuse allegations as a weapon against their victim, it isn't always easy to tell what is really going on.
My mom did this to my dad as well. I saw so much of my dad and my own story in Johnny Depp and so much of my awful abusive mother in Amber Heard. At first I'd believed Amber Heard but when I watched clips of the trial I quickly realized I was wrong.
"If this person is innocent until proven guilty, then this person is honest until proven otherwise" Yes, and she has been proven a liar on every turn, so we will see how the verdict falls. If the roles were reversed, this would never even happen because Johnny would be seen as guilty immidietly with no need for evidence, how do i know this? Because that is exactly what happened. That is also part of why people are so pissed, they trusted Amber, they #believeAllWomen and condemned JD for what AH said he did. And now that evidence is coming out showing she is a liar and a massive grifter people are pissed that she used a good movement to abuse her husband and to blackmail him into staying silent.
I was hoping you'd touch on the instances when he would barricade himself into rooms and she would chase him and harass him because he refused to engage in fighting with her. You just kind of played the "they were both wrong" card (which is basically the "all lives matter" card) when there's been overwhelming evidence that he DID try to get away from her and she wouldn't let him.
You're always so calm and wise, and the things you say are not only healing, they give me a lot to think about. Thank you for that. I grew up in an environment with one family member who was later diagnosed with ALL the Cluster B personality disorders and fetal alcohol syndrome with a huge rage element (and who then went on to develop major substance abuse problems), and another with BPD. Even though I've been bipolar since my tween years, I was the stable one in the family and ended up being whaled on, while also becoming a parentified child and was the mediator, peacemaker and caregiver for everyone. This trial had big elements of "it's like a train wreck, yet I can't look away," though I probably should have because the while thing got pretty triggery. I was definitely reminded of that first family member, who'd be physically abusive yet clingy at the same time, superficially charming up until the point that she didn't get what she wanted (or was just in a bad mood), and who would put on the tearless sad face while making up terrible stories about things that never happened. As I said, triggery.
The thing is, she, Amber, was arrested for Domestic Violence against her girlfriend and the cops were called against her to another girlfriend, so SHE, herself, beats women. He was not an angel, what do I think he suddenly got violent at the age of 50 when he never was before? No
Didn't her ex come out and say that it wasn't abuse but instead an issue with homophobic police officers misinterpreting something? I think they even released her right away and the charges were dropped.
This was proven to be false. How do people continue to believe false information? Her ex is actually on Amber’s witness list. I hope they call her to the stand so people could stop believing all this false information online.
@@rottworks This is correct. She came out and said Amber was a wonderful woman and stands by her side despite their split. She is on Amber’s witness list and hopefully will be testifying! I hope they call her to the stand.
Amazing video!! Super spot on as usual... People are interested in seeing justice, whichever side they stand. So, this case has exploded to unbelievable proportions and it's a bit sad because people let themselves be taken away by their bias and their emotional responses instead of having productive conversations about the relevant topics that this has brought up. Therefore, thank you Jonathan for this very thoughtful video!
You mention that neither of these two are really taking accountability but are blaming the other, and that strikes me as either incomplete or disingenuous. From day one we’ve watched JD accept responsibility for substance abuse, alcohol abuse, smoking, being late on sets, and much more, after also being extremely candid about childhood abuse that he explained led to him using substances long before AH was around. However, AH barely talked about her abusive childhood, has completely downplayed or utterly rejected the notion of her own substance using, refused to admit what we hear her saying on tape, and constantly denied ever being the initial aggressor, among many other things. When one person acknowledges many wrongdoings but the other refuses actual accountability, that’s a huge red flag, and I hesitate to call that both of them blaming the other and not taking responsibility. That’s my two cents. Ps- it was a clinical psychologist expert witness hired by JDs team who diagnosed AH with BPD and Histrionic personality disorders. Her own expert witness, who made very clear her bias that men aren’t abused, said no no no she just has ptsd. Based on the tapes and her behavior on the stand, it’s pretty obvious whose diagnosis makes actual sense. JDs actual psychologist/psychiatrist from the time was put on the stand to speak to his mental health and you’re right, it did not seem to be something he wanted to do.
@Blogger gonna call bullsh*t on that sentiment. A relationship can become toxic with just one toxic participant, happens every day. Being in a toxic relationship doesn’t automatically make YOU toxic any more than working in a toxic work environment guarantees YOU are toxic. Sometimes toxic people create toxic situations wherever they go, and not every person who walks into that life or gets sucked into toxic drama is toxic themselves, and that’s just as ignorant or toxic an idea as “only men can abuse.” The idea you propose is just as bad as telling a child THEY are toxic because their parent is toxic and the relationship dynamic is toxic so then the child MUST be toxic. And I’ve watched this trial from the start and listened to Johnny Depp take responsibility over and over, on recordings and in the trial itself. And a thorough understanding of narcissistic abuse would make the dynamic much clearer. But best of luck to you.
Old comment, but I’m home sick watching old videos. I believe JD is narcissistic. He didn’t deserve what happened to him, but a person like him is always going to leave a relationship/ situation when things get difficult. They just can’t tolerate anything negative. My ex was the same way. You can’t communicate with these people. They will sit there in agreement, tell you what you want to hear so they don’t have to take accountability, or will do things like stonewall, ghost you, lie to you and so on. There’s nothing you could do or say that would make a difference. They might have good moments, but they aren’t going to last long, because the emotional maturity is lacking. I fully understand a person’s need/right to leave a violent situation. I think the minute things get physical it’s done. The couple needs to separate for a time, get counseling or end the relationship altogether. Neither one could end it right away because they were trauma bonded to each other. Trauma bonding doesn’t occur in a relationship where at least one person isn’t disordered. If that person was healthy, they would recognize the red flags and get out immediately or not have entered into it in the first place. All that to say, I don’t think it would’ve worked out anyway, even if AH had not ABed him or started fights. That certainly triggered him and put the demise of the union on the fast track, but he would’ve found another reason to leave eventually.
Thanks for sharing. In terms of substances, I have to abstain from caffeine. In terms of relationships, I struggle with aggression from PTSD caused by one relationship.
hey man, i know this isn’t related (and for the record of this case, i think we should not be idolising either one of them and it’s dumb for being publicised) but you’ve went quite viral on tiktok! just wondering if you know but your analysis of maddy and nate’s relationship really blew up and has almost hit 1 million likes and has gained over 4.3 million views. happy for you!! also love all your analysis videos, i wonder what you’d think of some clips from OITNB - specifically what they show of the psych ward. have a great day :)
For me, this case is an extreme cautionary tale. If you encounter a person like AH, run. You can't fix them, it will not get better if you marry them. If they don't want to get better, they won't. I really hope she gets the help she needs though, she's destroying not only her own life but the lives of the people around her. She lost any credibility she had left when she testified on the stand.
I totally agree! I have experience with a person like her and she almost completely destroyed me. And I only lived with her for a few months and worked for about an year. After that short period of time I was absolutely without any energy, I couldn´t feel any joy. I was really just thinking about her yelling at me day prior, or trying to avoid her yelling at me in the future. She was bombing me with calls and messages all the time, and she was literally forsing me into arguments, even when I told her so many times, that I hate conflicts. It felt, like I could´t take a deep breath. I was in a terrible state, when I finaly got the courage to completely block her out of my life. I just relized one day, that life is too short for me to suffer like that, when I DON´T HAVE TO. It´s been few years and she is still trying to contact me now and then, but I just don´t respond anymore. People like that really can do number on you. Doesn´t matter how peacefull or non conlicting you are. they will drive you into a corner, and will frustrate you (on purpose) to no end. And they will use every piece of sensitive or painful secret that you ever told them, to do so. Seriously. Doesn´t matter, what kind of relationship it is. When you meet person like that and imidietly feel your energy go low in masive speed, RUN and do not turn around!
Depp's team asked for and was granted sending AH to get a psychological evaluation (or maybe she voluntarily did it). The person who diagnosed AH with borderline & histrionic spent 20 hours evaluating her, looked through 4 years of therapy notes, talked to their relationship therapist, and knew from the get-go that she would be testifying about her findings.
here is what I'd like you to speak on if possible: What, if any, merit is there and following this and other such cases? I find myself sucked in and intrigued by it all, but I also feels very voyeuristic. does following this and other similar types of stories do harm to us as individuals? how about what it does to us as a society?
That is a very interesting question, and one I've been pondering for a long time, but did not have the eloquence to put it in so many words. So, thank you. 😊
Some people like learning about the criminal justice system, so watching these videos (and watching lawyers go through it) learn a lot. You can also learn about how society views these issues, individuals, etc. Which is interesting from a sociological perspective.
@@SK98765 This isn’t a criminal case, it’s a civil defamation case. I would also argue it’s less an example of the justice system and more of a trial by social media with the amount of publicity … normal trials don’t go this way
It gives us something to ponder over. Every discussion brings something new to the table. For example, many women don't believe men can be victims. Heck, some countries are still not categorising marital rape as criminal (i may or may not agree with that). Let's say, with this case, more people get to know that individuals in a relationship can still have dignity, and self respect, and can be violated or abused. Like, this video resulted because of the whole case. If it was depp/heard case, it would have been another. But it forces us to make a choice on what is right as a human, as a society. It's important. But then again, we shouldn't be obsessing over it so much it hinders other functioning. Other than that, i feel it's okay to learn and follow progress if they've gone and done this publicly anyway. We'll learn quite a bit
I watch a lot of true crime, and in my more emotionally immature years, I absolutely consumed it as entertainment without regard to the impact of victims and survivors. This was often because (aside from my own macabre interest that I'm responsible for) ~90% of true crime content/legal media focuses heavily on the attributes and characteristics of the perpetrator and not the impact of the perpetrator's actions, aside from the kind of voyeuristic violence that catches people's attention (aka, "drama"). Now, however, I've realized that there's incredible merit in consuming true crime content that's centered around victims and survivors, because there's almost always something you learn, either about red flags in relationships that you never would have considered, or warning signs in the abused that are often overlooked. You also learn about the depths of bias in the justice system and come out with a better development of critical thinking. There's also a major benefit in raising awareness in cases that the mass media don't pick up, especially in cases of missing persons. The more public pressure that's put on the justice system to pursue a case they may not be investing their time in, the likelihood a person will be found is increased. There are also often charity organizations that help victims and survivors pay for legal fees that are funded by consumers of true crime content. I say all of that to make this point: the publicity of this specific defamation case is a reflection of the ~90% and its a behavior/consumption that we've been taught is normal and acceptable.
thank you thank you thank you. I have seen so many therapist and body language specialist post videos on the case but you are my favorite therapist, again thank you
I've been following this case, because some of my clients have suffered domestic abuse and because I think the issue of gender stereotypes creating a blind spot when it comes to male victims at the hands of a female has not sufficiently been addressed by us specialists. I very much liked your ideas on behalf of this trial and can agree to everything you said, just on one point I disagree: when people don't seek help I think it's not pride, it's fear. Fear that someone can see all the things they themselves don't like about themselves and being judged and maybe also being abandoned by the people we love if the specialist helps them see who we really are. Whoever enters my office in my eyes is a brave person and I find it extremely important not to judge my clients, but to be open to show them love when they themselves hate themselves. As to the trial, from the evidence I've seen until now I got the impression that those two people were a horrible match, because they thought they could understand and support each other, having had similar experiences growing up. But they have developed very different coping strategies towards conflict. While Mr Depp seems to cope with negative emotions and conflict by trying to get out of the situation and using drugs to numb his emotions, Miss Heard seems to seek an open conflict in which she articulates her needs and tries to convince the other person to give her what she needs in that moment, retaining the other person responsible for her negative emotions and hence responsible for making them go away. So they got into a vicious cycle in which both did exactly what the other one feared most in a relationship. Must have been a horror trip for both of them. While I feel sympathy for Miss Heard as I understand that she never could develop the coping strategies to deal with strong emotions in a mature way, I'm shocked how her lawyers have exposed her so badly in public. It's obvious she has no proof for most of the heavy accusations she made and her testimony doesn't seem coherent. So I have somehow the impression she's being exploited by her lawyers.
"If this person is innocent until proven guilty, then this person is honest until proven otherwise."
Droppin truth again, Jono. Bravo.
💗💓💞💕❣️❣️
+++
I prefer, "Trust but verify"
Err, no. She has proven to be lying and dramaticizing shit for quite some time.
Pledged until proven donated
I was abused in my last relationship, but as a man and knowing the person that my partner was, I could not do anything to retaliate.
In fear of what she might have done to either herself or me had I ever done anything to defend myself.
Even now 2 years later, I can't help but physically shake when she is brought up specifically or I think she is around.
Don't ignore the red flags in your relationships, people. And never be afraid of reaching out for help/advice. Your true friends or family won't think less of you.
Therapists won't either.
You don't have to continue to suffer.
Glad to hear you got away. I know the physical shaking you're talking about. I encourage people to talk to friends early on when they see red flags, and things not sitting right in a relationship, and not be afraid to walk away.
Thank you for the warning. I hope others heed your warning, and I hope you are in a safe place.
I agree completely. Hoping you will heal.
God bless you.. glad to know you got away
Not everyone is dealt a good hand in life with family and friends, and those ones who don’t have good support system will turn to other things.
When you all u know is toxic advice, family, etc you just either commit suicide or live a very traumatic life.
Just to fact check: Johnny was never married to Vanessa Paradis; they were together for fourteen years and had two children together but were never married and Johnny Depp did not get a divorce from her to marry Amber Heard. Amber was married to Tasya Van Ree when she met Johnny. I've seen a lot of people getting these details confused.
Yes it's annoying me too! He had already split from Vanessa when he met Amber but she was still married
This needs to get pinned.
THANK YOU! I'm here to make this point also.
I can't speak for her but it must be quite painful and frustrating never being proposed to over 14years of relationship and seeing your ex get married just one year after he met the new one.
@@WeirdSnakeGal Oh, actually she was the one who didn't want to get married. I think they were asked about it some time ago.
You were the most reasonable person commenting on this case. The amount of hatred discussions it generated is insane. I agree with you 100%
Indeed. I do not understand so many random people on the internet, including celebrities, being so confident that one side is completely in the right and the other completely in the wrong. The truth is we don't know, and it's probably way more complicated. Like John said, it's not cut and dry.
This is so true. I tried to go neutral into this topic. I'm also not a fan of Johnny, I watched like two movies of his and that's it. But Amber seems so unlikable in court and more like the oppressor. I remember a video years ago where Johnny was on a red carpet or something with her and he looked so out of it, reserved and kind of on edge around her. It was really uncomfortable to watch. Yeah, he's had issues with drugs but so does Amber from what I know. I read somewhere that her parents or one of them were drug users.
I had a conversation on Twitter saying that I personally believe Johnny's side more but I understand that both of them are not innocent and I'm sure if Johnny is provoked and under drugs he might've freaked out or something (that video in the bar with the cabinets where he threw stuff around) but it was also never shown that he actually hit her. Anyway, I said that both are not the best kind of people and the Amber Heard defenders went crazy ofc and said that Amber is innocent lol
I replied this under a thread where tiktokers made fun of her allegedly rape story and I also said that fake or not fake, it's not okay to joke about this.
@GoldVesp you say the amount of hatred discussions it generated is insane, but ppl pointing out how AH is such a liar and how obvious it is not hatred, and that’s the main theme of most of the comments.
This has turned out to be a opportunity for many of us to push back on being lied to, because we don’t like being lied to in our own lives.
I really don't like the argument that they're both not innocent, because it says to me that it means people deserve abuse and false allegations. everyone has accepted that Johnny had problems with his mental health and addictions, so it makes no sense to me how people are remaining sympathetic or neutral when this woman abuses him physically and emotionally, and then uses his reactive emotions (whether that be him kicking the cabinets, which is the only evidence we have, not the thousands of bruises she claimed to have and then cover with foundation, concealer, then A BRUISE KIT...) as a means to flip the script and accuse him of being a rapist and abuser. it speaks volumes to me when people are so quick, and rightfully so, to defend women when they come forward about their abuse, even if they did resort to violence to get away from their abuser - but when Johnny came forward, people decided that his unstable state of mind may mean Amber was justified in her abuse. sorry I ranted, I just get passionate :/
@@bleurrgh6897 Totally agree. I just had a row with my sister-in-law earlier today who tried to say that “they both did drugs and abused each other and both are at fault” and that “the patriarchy is controlling the narrative” .. she also admitted she’s not even watching this case. Seems Amber’s supporters aren’t even watching this trial. If they were, they wouldn’t be able to remain in her camp. There’s just too many lies.
I love the discussion about the "innocent until proven guilty", because as much as people use it as a kneejerk reaction to things, it is always a lot more complicated than that. And as you said it is important to consider the honesty of people too. Their situation certainly introduces some nuance, although it seems that they definitely both had issues with this relationship. It's for the best they are no longer together because it could have ended extremely badly from the sounds of it.
I view "innocent till proven guilty" as a delaying judgement until you know the facts. You are right that reality isn't black and white.
When someone comes forth with an accusation, you support them. They might need emotional support. As for pursuing justice, some survivors will never be ready for that. The process is often re-traumatising, lacking empathy and will dismiss, victim blame and demonise the survivor.
What I don't support is the toxic court of opinion which harasses both accusers and the accused alike with death threats and vitriol. They don't stop there, they attack friends, family and anyone associated with both the accused and accuser.
Johnny had the tip of his finger severed... it ended badly
Right. If the person accused of abuse is considered innocent until proven guilty then wouldn't the same logic say that the accuser is also innocent of lying until proven guilty? It can be very difficult to treat both people as innocent until proven guilty at the same time. Also, we don't seem to take innocent until proven guilty nearly as seriously with crimes that aren't abuse. For example, if someone reports their car stolen and the cops find the car and the guy that allegedly stole the car, he can't just say "She said I could borrow the car." with absolutely no evidence and not get arrested. The cops would probably laugh in his face. Yet when it's sexual abuse the accused can say "No, it was consensual." or even "That didn't happen." with absolutely no evidence and that's often enough to stop them from being arrested and the alleged victim has to prove otherwise.
There cannot be a real "discussion" about innocent until proven guilty for anyone who wants to live in a democracy.
@@jessicacharlton7347 let's pursuit that analogy you made with the alledged car thief. Evidence is as much considered in that case. If you report a car stolen it needs to be established that you own a car. Someone driving your car is evidence (not proof) they stole it. So they get arrested. They can then give evidence they had permission etcetera. If you report domestic abuse it is a bit harder. It is much easier to establish you own a car
As usual, there seem to be a lot of comments claiming that this was "mutual abuse". So here you go:
The definition of “mutual abuse” is exactly what you think it is-when two partners are mutually abusive toward each other. Survivors who have ever acted in self-defense may have wondered if they are in a mutually abusive relationship, or they may have been made to feel that way by their partner, family and friends, or law enforcement. But the truth is, true mutual abuse is extremely rare-many experts don’t even believe it exists. And perpetuating the myth of mutual abuse is at best irresponsible and at worst dangerous.
To say partners are mutually abusive or equal in abuse puts undue blame on the survivor. When a survivor hears that he or she is mutually abusive, what’s heard is that he or she is to blame, and that reinforces what the batterer has been saying all along-that the abuse is the survivor’s fault. The myth of mutual abuse also reinforces the behavior of the batterer-that his or her actions were justified.
Acting in self-defense is sometimes mistaken for mutual abuse by outsiders, including law enforcement who have to act on limited information and are under mandatory arrest laws.
“It can be hard for [law enforcement] to sort out the chain of events,” says Sherry Hamby, Ph.D., editor of Psychology of Violence, the scientific journal of the American Psychological Association. “What sometimes ends up happening is that they might arrest both parties even though one party was acting entirely in self-defense. This unfortunately makes some victims hesitant to call the police.”
As awareness of domestic violence continues to grow, the myth of mutual abuse hopefully will be perpetuated less and less.
“As it stands now, if someone reports ‘I hit my partner 20 times’ and the other said ‘I hit him once,’ it is likely to get reported as mutual violence even though it’s still very one-sided,” Hamby says. But in true domestic violence situations, there is always a primary aggressor-someone who controls the relationship, makes the most serious threats and causes the most injury.
“Fortunately, there are some new measures of domestic violence that are coming out that will better reflect actual violence rates,” she says. New measures are being designed that apply weight to each act of violence. In other words, the number of instances of violence and the severity of acts will be weighted so it will be easier to determine who the aggressor is in a relationship.
Thanks you for this! Abusers are often very good at convincing others that they are a victim, and they often use it to their advantage when people don't want to choose sides in fear of being wrong. While I believe we should always stay open minded and listen to all parties, it's also important to properly call out abusers, if only to make it harder for them to get more victims.
Abuse is related to power imbalances
. Mutual abuse implies that the two fought without power imbalances. I personally don't think that should be called abuse. That's called fighting.
Calling it mutual abuse puts manipulation tools into the hands of abusers
Yes! This need more likes. These are the mechanisms of ”domestic voilence”. And btw, personality disorder is not a vaccine against violence. You can have BPD and be abused at the same time. And it’s likely the abuser will target just that, by for example oh I don’t know, drag you to court and display it for the world and encourage them to join in the abuse. She might be crazy but she’s not gaining anything from this.
Yeah, this is the one that I don't know what to say cause the mutual abuse feels weird for me.
If you retaliate, you may not know how to do it best but it's not like you instigate it, you are trying to protect yourself.
There is self-defense mechanism and to put it into the same as abuse feels like you punch the victim twice.
But then the instigator/aggressor can also use this as "I keep doing that because you keep retaliate" but the retaliation may not have the same intensity and probably happen at the last minute. It gives the idea that you can't retaliate if you want to be taken seriously.
This is so incredibly interesting to me, thanks for the information, I also know where to read more about. I have BPD and I feel so intrigued by the acts of violence in relationships that it carries around and how it becomes abuse.
You remind me of my therapist. He's one of the best people in my life ❤ I'm glad people like you are out there helping people like me.
Thank you! Tell your therapist hello for me :)
I need someone like him in my life, altough lucky not as much as before. But my dad still does not respect my boundries.
It really appears that this relationship wasn't good for either of them.
Regardless of who actually did what to whom, I hope they both get the help they need.
True. But people aren’t making memes about Johnny or UA-cam hate videos about him. Oddly they’re all aimed at Amber. I’m sure that’s just a coincidence and not dudes jumping on this to delegitimize #believewomen.
That last sentence was sarcasm haha
@@Prof_Tickles92 They’re making memes about her because her lawyers suck and her case is a joke. Say what you want about Depp but at the end of the day he’s not a d/mestic ab/ser and amber is.
Agreed. Sounds like it was an unhealthy and damaging relationship for both of them and I’ve been so sad that they both went through this.
@@Prof_Tickles92 As a woman the hate for Amber was justified. Sure, there are dudes online that will deligitimize believe all women, but that doesn't erase the things she did in order to harm Johnny. So yeah, fuck Amber.
@@Prof_Tickles92 maybe because Johnny wasn't overacting during his testimony or spreading lies?
Also, it's not only dudes. It's women too, but that wouldn't fit your narrative.
S*xual assault and domestic abuse of men needs to be its own discussion. I had a teacher in high-school that told the boys never to hit a woman even in self-defense and I don't think that's right. Anyone should be able to defend themselves. This is part of why equality is so important.
There needs be shelters that men can go to (besides jail) when they are being falsely accused.
If the man is bigger and stronger than the woman, that is certainly true. The same if a child hits you, and hits you. You should not haul off and slug them.
I am working as a teacher (not USA) and I am trying to teach the kids that it is NEVER ok to hit someone regardless of gender or previous events. If someone else is hitting you or saying mean things to you, you should walk away. Even though I can understand the urge to stand up for your self it's way more productive, an frankly stronger, to just leave the situation. Hopefully you can talk with the other person about it at a later time, maybe with a teacher, a counslor or a therapist present. NOTHING gets resolved by violent actions or words. There are of course instances when your life might be in danger but I think that's a very small percentage of all fights happening and that walking away at an early point actually make those instances less likely to happen. Furthermore we should all try to help our kids to feel good about themselves, within themselves, so they grow up to be people strong enough to not be abusive or stand up to themselves by leaving abusive people instead of hanging on to them. This trial and relationship is a heart breaking situation with two very insecure people with issues since childhood. I agree that JD seems to be trying to leave violent situations and conflicts and have endured a lot in this relationship. He should have left for good long before he did but couldn't or wouldn't. I hope they both get the help they need.
@@lindaeklund4582 WOW! You didn't watch the trial, which is what do believe most people are doing, -commenting without even watching the trial. The reason Depp was leaving was that he was going to get drunk, and she didn't' want him drinking and drugging and then coming back a violent mess. I am also a teacher, and I teach my students to stand up to bullies. A bully needs to be put in their place. Teaching children to put up with bullying.... Disgusting. Teach them to stand up for themselves, if they are going to be raped, or killed, tell them to fight like hell.
@@lindaspiess3545 I watched it all and I stand by my oppinion but it's ok if you see something different in the evidence. I Still think you can stand up to bullies in more than one way and to walk away with your head held high is from my experience much more impactful than continued violence.
Few things to note here tho, and I'm gonna tell them cuz you said you haven't followed the case:
- Johnny has testified to leaving the fights when they escalate, and several witnesses say they witnessed him "fleeing" scenes of fights, either in other rooms or completely different houses. Other witnesses say they saw Amber chasing him and as we hear in the recordings, she treats him as a coward and "not a man" for "running away" from their fights
- They had a couple therapist, who was called as a witness, and said she barely interracted with Johnny Depp because during their joined sessions he couldn't speak, because Amber Heard had this "agressive way" of talking over him.
- Johnny actually asked for the divorce first, but he did so before leaving for a tour with his music group, and she used that occasion to contact a lawyer and file for divorce first. He's said several times in their text messages showed to court (and to other people, witnesses on the stand) that he did want to leave her.
- He was not married to Vanessa Paradis, and actually today, Johnny's own therapist testified that he didn't want to marry Amber Heard either, which coincides with several of his witnesses testifying that Amber "fought" to get married, and fought not to sign a pre(post)-nup for their wedding.
Now of course, what isn't mentioned here is that Johnny's therapist also diagnosed him with addictions and depression. He had anxiety and was treated for said anxiety.
Yes, I think Amber's team proved that Johnny was unstable during their marriage, he was obviously relying on drugs and alcohol to deal with every day life (but that raises the question as to WHY he'd do that, after 14 long years of being mostly sober, at least on the drugs part, since he said several times through the years, that he's been sober since Vanessa got pregnant with their daughter). Thing is, Johnny never hid it, in the trial itself, he doesn't present himself as an innocent party, he does testify to having used drugs/alcohol in his life and during his marriage to Amber Heard. He also explained why - to him - he was an addict. But we've been teased for years with her lawyers saying 'this is the strongest case of domestic violence we've ever had' and on the stand, it turns out they have nothing, except shitty text messages, that weren't sent to Amber herself (so can't be even seen as emotional abuse since she didn't even see them during their relationship and had no idea they existed until they provided their evidences for the trial).
I have believed Amber Heard, for like two years, I remained on her side. But as you said yourself, then Johnny started fighting back, and that's how he turned the tables to me, because I watched the court files, I watched the evidences in it, the differences in her testimonies and her witnesses testimonies. I'll always believe a victim coming forward about something they went through, but Amber Heard has been proven a liar - to me; I'm not including anyone but myself here. Thing is, had her defense team gone with the aim of pointing out that this relationship was toxic and that they were both at least emotionally/verbally abusive, unhealthy to each other and she expressed this in her own way in the op-ed, then it would have worked. But she went with the defense of being an innocent lamb ("I hit him only once to save my baby sister" even tho there are several audios of her taking about hitting him, or "I never did drugs" while even her own witnesses testify different) and accusing him of horrible things she'd need to go to the hospital for, that it's just... no. Just listening to the audio files of her constantly belittling him, mocking him, and him taking it, trying to argue with her but her just laughing at him, berating him even more... I know we have to remain neutral and it's none of our business but come on. Six years is way too long for this hoax to hold on. It doesn't stick now that it's out there to be seen as objectively as possible by the public eye. And yes, lots of people jumped on the bandwagon, are doing tons of videos just for clout, because "it's the trendy subject" right now, and they forget that this case is actually about domestic abuse. But hey, to me, on that one, it's to each their own, "everyone is responsible for their own behavior" as you say. I have chosen since the beginning of this trial to separate myself from "the memers" on the subject, the ones making funny memey videos about the subject. No it's not the place. No it'll never be funny either way. I've decided to get engaged in this "cause" because I formed my own opinion with nothing but the court files themselves, years ago, and while I can't pretend I'm not happy to see karma catching up on her, I also chose to stay in my corner of the internet and express MY informed opinion respectfully. And yes, innocent until proven guilty should have stand for Johnny Depp too. That wasn't the case back then, tho. It's a really hard balance, to believe the victim and yet trust the "innocent until proven guilty". I guess that's what happens when "a victim" (and I use "[these]" because it's Amber Heard here and I do not believe she's a victim) chooses to talk to the press and paparazzi rather than lawyers and courts (since she tried to have the case dismissed 5 times now).
Thank you for this comment 😌
to be honest, I find the 'memers' entertaining, and I'm pretty sure the creators of those memes will agree with me that the humour isn't in the subject matter at all. catharsis of laughing at something that is actually quite serious and traumatic is something that humans have done since civilisations began, and so our generation mocking a woman who has herself mocked domestic violence victims is quite fitting, and the best punishment for her is the humiliation of realising that she didn't convince the public (at least most of us). especially since a significant portion of people who find humour in the memes are actually survivors themselves, it provides some feeling of retribution that other people are also not equating her to dv survivors. at least, that's my opinion.
@@bleurrgh6897 I’m sorry you’ve went through your own traumas too
I’ve gotten enough poop memes from a friend with CPTSD. 😩 Highly doubt there’s deeper meaning to those memes other than “haha poo poo”
@@DeepSeaLugia Honestly those memes make me chuckle a lot, it's just so ridiculous and disgusting what she did. and ofc her 'my dog stepped on a bee' while trying to cry... like honey, how is that relevant at all 😭
First of all I love the way you worded this is feels like all of my thoughts combo'ed into one concise statement. But the one thing that I'll fight you on is this case being about DV or IPV. This case is about defamation. This is about Heard constantly lying and how those lies hurt Johnny's career. Overall I agree with you but the case they are fighting about now is not about IPV or DV.
I so appreciate the release of videos like this that encourage people to think of things like this in a more balanced, mature, and empathetic way and highlights valuable lessons.
"If _this person_ is innocent until proven guilty...then _this person_ is also _honest, until proven otherwise.'_
_Thank you!_ So many people repeating 'innocent until proven guilty, innocent until proven guilty,' fail to realize this also means _the plaintiff is not automatically guilty of defamation or fraud!_ And people who fail to realize that have harassed _me,_ have harassed _my friends,_ have harassed _so many other DV survivors_ and thought that made them heroes of 'due process' while lashing out at innocent, traumatized people.
I see so much of that in the rabid fandom war that this _domestic violence case_ has turned into, and I'm so glad you didn't give into that. I'm sure that's a professional standard as a therapist, but I still think it's worth highlighting and appreciating.
It wasn’t Amber Heard’s therapist who diagnosed her with BPD, it was a forensic psychologist hired by Johnny Depp. She also said there was no sign of PTSD. A forensic psychologist hired by Amber Heard said that she didn’t see signs of BPD, but diagnosed her with PTSD. 🤷♀️
BPD has become synonym with "that person is bad" and PTSD with "that person is a victim" at this point, which is fucked up. It just shows how much of an impact a name can have. Imagine if we called it "prolonged abuse reaction" instead of borderline personality disorder, or post traumatic stress reaction instead of post traumatic stress disorder.
From what I've experienced firsthand from people I know with BPD, I definitely think from what's come out during the trial that it's very likely she has it
Came to explain exactly this.
It was also mentioned multiple times that Heard's personal therapist "doesn't believe in diagnosing.". So we don't have anything from them.
@@carr0760 Heard’s personal therapist also doesn’t believe that men can be abused unless they are male children or in a mlm relationship. Men cannot be abused by women in her therapist’s perspective. An objectively false notion. This is important to address
Well, LATER the psychologist determined there was no sign of PTSD, but initially the problem was that Heard had TOO MANY signs of PTSD. Heard claimed to have had 19/20 of the core symptoms, which the psychologist explained was not typical even in severe PTSD.
My ex-wife was legitimately abusive, to the extent of threatening me and calling me worthless in front of our son. I never said anything to anyone because I didn't feel safe doing so and she had me convinced I somehow deserved it. Folks, value yourselves. You deserve that.
I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that sort of treatment and I hope you got away from her. Modeling a good relationship for your son and helping him with his trauma is also something to consider. I hope that you are both in therapy now and doing well.
Agreed, I hope you are okay now.
You are just a feminine weak man.
"Honest until proven otherwise", sure. That's why people are mad over Amber lying about the donation and changing stories to make up excuses, because it's proven she hasn't donated. I'd agree that when Amber accused Johnny of DV the first time and people called her a liar, that's terrible. I was the one who believed her at the time though. It wasn't even this big. I watched movies from both. But it became different when recordings and tapes were leaking. Suddenly, there's this possibility of a victim still being abused by being falsely accused, mocked globally as a wife beater by media, and having his career ruined. Suddenly, there's this possibility of an abuser held high on a pedestal and has her career moving up so smoothly by stepping on the victim. I think this started to go wrong when the cancel culture got into this and the movie producers cut the contract with Johnny without being proven guilty. Because the court of public opinion punished Johnny, it's now working on Amber, too.
Bro there's literally people meming her testimony about her assault
@@MyObessiveDirector As much as I feel sorry for her for that, again, this has already gotten too far since the media and cancel culture got into their supposedly private life, including MeToo movement. It's the public now who wants justice and revenge because they feel sorry for Johnny. There's a possibility that Johnny was the victim, and even though ppl were not memeing him, he's called and labeled a wife beater for years. Is that how ppl should treat him just because "honest until proven otherwise"? No. Not saying what's happening now is any better. It's just the same. I'm just saying the possible cause and effect.
@@MyObessiveDirector Oh, and I think many memes are more about her testimony that people find to be weird, not mocking the assault itself. I mean, the bee memes are popular and it's not about her assault at all.
@@MyObessiveDirector what assault?
@@MyObessiveDirector People are meming her lying.
I believe from a Sociology perspective, this trial is very important because our society on the large scale so far is failing in believing males being victims of domestic abuse and AH saying this to him is even more scary. Another thing is important, that manipulative people do exist and again, our society is quick to blame victims for being manipulated and failing to punish the manipulator in court. Validity scales are so important, checking evidence and testimonies. How many times have been people lying on stand and not being convicted...
Absolutely. It puts out in the public what men knew (and why they are refusing to marry or in many cases, even date.) I have a male friend who used to be bruised on the arms frequently because his wife punched him when she drank. He could literally do nothing. It took her cheating on him in a verifiable way on social media for him to get out of that relationship safely.
I've mostly been around women, so abusive women are things I've absolutely seen - but I also had this idea in my mind that I'd never date anyone who I didn't believe I could fight off. I was also raised that if anyone ever hit me I needed to fight back. I absolutely believe that if I'd ended up with anyone but my husband that I might have been dangerous to my partner. (My husband does something I call argument-fu - you can't argue with him - he always leads a potential argument into a discussion)
I believe both of them. They were both terrible to each other.
@@vanessac8193 unfortunately for her, she lied about and conflated so many things, that if something had happened, very few would believe her. They both need help, I hope they both get it.
@@yiotatort Maybe Amber still has a chance of improving with help. She's still young, has money, has friends.
My impression of Depp is that he won't. People were still willing to hire and work with him even after his issues on the Pirates set (show up late, drunk). He got the Harry Potter role. But then he was super thin skinned about something written in The Sun (a British tabloid) and sued them and Amber Heard was forced to come and testify. The judge believed in 12/14 specific instances that she was abused and Depp lost the case.
He not only lost the case, but after airing the couple's dirty laundry he was fired from Harry Potter.
I have less faith in Depp getting help. He's 58 years old with a lifelong pattern of drinking and destruction and none of his people were able to stop him from suing The Sun. He could have let this go, waited for the public to forget, gone and done acting roles in smaller films, shown up on time and not drunk, and been his iconic, clever self, but after setting himself on fire in the previous lawsuit, he seems intent on making sure that his ex suffers publicly more than he did. The trial with The Sun wasn't televised. I don't think Depp cares about the legal merits of his case (from Legal Eagle, his case is harder to prove in the US than in Britain) near as much as he does about tearing his ex down. Between two choices of what to sue her for he chose the one that would allow him to talk about the events of their relationship much more broadly and in much greater detail and he chose to do it televised. This does feel like control/abuse to me.
And you are completely right, we are all responsible for our own behavior. I have a mother with narcissistic traits and even though I am an extremely calm, phlegmatic person, she knows what my buttons are and how long to push them so that I lose my composure. I usually removed myself from the situation. Whenever I left, she kept going after me and continued pushing my buttons. My understanding is, JD did the same thing. Tried to remove himself but she always tried to stop him. Can't imagine any victim asking their abuser to stay and continue with the abuse.
I'm not debating your understanding of the situation (I don't actively follow it tbh) but victim asking their abuser to stay is called _trauma bond_ , and it happens a lot in toxic relationships.
@@kaworunagisa4009 That's a great comment, thank you! I have no experience with trauma bonding (though I do have a mother who is prone to behavior that people around her consider abusive, and I do excuse her behavior so maybe I have but am not aware of it, who knows...). Anyway, do victims who experience trauma bonding behave in an arrogant, aggressive way, belittling, verbally bashing and intentionally angering their abuser?
@@liamhain2155 Not because of the trauma bond itself, but people who are prone to that kind of behaviour aren't immune to trauma bonding. That is to say, if someone can be abusive outside of a trauma bonded relationship, they are likely to still be abusive in it, which would likely make the situation even worse. Then again, things like CPTSD can bring out the worst in people, and sometimes defending yourself somehow morphs into outright abuse of the other person, but most likely when the person with CPTSD was dysregulated in the first place and likely had an abusive role model in their childhood.
This is called "reactive abuse" in narcissist vs. empath (codependent) dynamic. The victim's negative emotions may errupt as vulcano after long period of emotional and psychological abuse and this is exactly what narrcissist waiting for - to call you the "crazy one". I was there, now on a healing journey but it had very damaging impact on my nervous system, now dealing with neurological issues.
@@kaworunagisa4009 What she was doing was not trauma bonding. She was literally attacking him and following him around the house demanding he stay and continue fighting with her. She has abandonment issues. Not trauma bonding. He removes his elf because he said she keeps getting physical and she gaslighted him everytime because she simply didn't want him to leave. These were not cases of trauma bonding.
I just wanted to ask you about a remark you made, about how they should have been trying to walk away from their arguments but they kept arguing. There's no acknowledgement about how JD was constantly trying to de-escalate by leaving the argument to try creating cool down periods, but that she wouldn't allow it. He has recorded proof and she has admitted that he would go from room to room, house to house if he had to, but that she would get more aggressive at these attempts. If should could block the doors, lock the elevators, or follow him in hysterics to alternate places, she did. I know you aren't trying to take sides, but it seems strange to blame them both as ignoring deescalation techniques. What should someone do when deescalating only makes it worse?
I can speak to this. I was married to a woman who at the slightest provocation would run from an argument and lock herself in the bathroom or her bedroom only to come out 30 minutes later and pretend like nothing ever happened. It was the worst form of conflict avoidance i have ever seen. In one of the tapes, Depp is talking about it being like a boxing match and that he needs a break. Amber says that he needs a break at like the 3 minute mark. Obviously we aren't in the room with them, but if she's being honest (and really...that's a stretch based on some testimony) and Depp runs off as soon as the argument begins, that is insanely frustrating. Especially if he never addresses what the issues are. From my own experience, after 7 years of this, i finally had enough of my wife running off to the bathroom as soon as an argument began and I broke down the bathroom door to actually address our problems. That was the beginning of the end of the marriage as she then started accusing me of violent outbursts and abuse. So while I hear what you are hearing on these tapes, just know that there is another side to that as well.
@@brandonbuchner1771 I appreciate the honest and different point of view, I hadn't considered that possibility. You have to admit, it's a fairly rare response (unless she was abused previously and refuses to face any conflict, in which case, I hope she eventually got some therapy, but yes, I can't imagine a marriage surviving that coping mechanism without a lot of counseling). Respectfully, I don't think it quite fits the situation I asked about, though.
As you said, it's not likely the man took off 3 minutes into every argument. Amber's own testimony is wildly conflicting on this--he took off immediately as soon as an argument started to avoid conflict because he's cowardly, but he also stayed to beat her up as violently as possible because he's incredibly aggressive. Even if you say his personality changes because he's a mean drunk/user, her own testimony is that he didn't have to be to start a conflict because he was irrationally jealous (about the various people spending the night in his house when he's not there)... Sigh, there's just not many ways to get her testimony to make sense. There are, however, multiple testimonies that say he left when things started getting violent or aggressive, so I think we can go with that example.
If a person is trying to de-escalate by leaving the situation and the aggressor won't let them do that...what are you supposed to do? I know the ideal answer is to leave, but not everyone has that option, especially not right away. I've lost family members to this kind of toxicity and while I'm not in the situation myself, I've known people who didn't have the right answer.
I guess I just didn't want to see it dismissed that he was trying to do what his therapist was had worked out with him to make the situation less volatile. Placating your abuser eventually becomes impossible, esp if they're already being violent. Maybe the sad truth is just that there isn't a right answer.
@Captain Mercurian oh yeah... I'm well aware.
She also accused him for not being a man because he couldn't take a punch and because he tried to diffuse. He DID try to talk to her and they went to marriage counselling, where she consistently talked over him and wouldn't let him talk. Sources: recordings by Heard/Depp, deposition via video of their therapist/counsellor.
I believe he left because Amber likes to get physical. He said it on a tape. When angry, she likes to throw things. I’m not a man but I don’t think a man has to stand around while his wife punches him and throws things at him. I’m not saying you’re saying he should have stood around for that, but he’s human. Eventually, he’s gonna want to strike back so he leaves. Plus, she sounds hella annoying in the audios. I wouldn’t want to stand around and endlessly argue with her either.
Both of them needed to walk away. One of them continously tried to. The other tried to prevent him from getting some distance.
That says a lot.
except that according to Amber he was walking away whenever she suspected that he wanna get high and she was figthing about it and he wanted to leave in order to get high...
"Both of them needed to walk away."
One of them tried to. Repeatedly.
As far as my opinion, as someone who is writing a story that involves someone with BPD, I've been watching Amber Heard quite closely through the trial. Her tendency to appear as though her emotions turn on and off and flip on a dime, her apparent need to be in control, her tendency to embellish her accounting of events, all of these seem to match up with someone with such a diagnosis.
One thing that's been fascinating is the fact that those in the legal profession have mentioned that they're surprised that her legal team is coming off as unprofessional as they are, stating that their firm is usually quite strong. And I realized that it's very likely that she's been lying to them, as well. There was the debacle when they called the police to the stand to get testimony over her injuries only for the police witness to declare that there was no statement because she had no injuries, forcing her legal team to pivot to somehow discrediting the officers for failing to notice that she had been hurt. Then there was the incident where her own legal counsel snapped at her to "do it yourself." If she's treating them in the same manner that she can be heard treating JD in some of the recordings, then it's likely that she's dictating their moves and that is interfering with their ability to provide competent counsel. I know that she's acting in ways that are counter to their instructions, such as bringing up Wynona Rider, which would give JD's team the opportunity to bring her in as a witness after they had been barred from doing so previously.
All in all, she appears to exhibit quite a few of both the abusive and self-destructive traits common to those who have BPD.
I agree that it is entirely possible she has been lying to her own legal team. When I helped someone through the process of getting a restraining order against someone who had been stalking her and filing false missing persons reports on her, stalker's lawyer was by all appearances completely blindsided by the simple fact that we'd walked into court with a stack of evidence of his behavior.
Some key legal basics, in case you find yourself in a position where they're relevant:
1. Don't tell the cops anything you aren't legally required to tell them. And similarly, don't consent to them searching anything.
2. Don't lie to your lawyer. All that does is leaves your lawyer flat-footed in court.
I've been following the case live when I've been able to on Legal Bytes since I wanted input from layers on this while it was ongoing. And from what I've seen Johnny and Amber were really bad for each other in that Johnny, with his background with childhood abuse, and being an introvert really don't like when a conflict get out of hand (screaming, etc.) while Amber is so afraid to be abandoned and painted in a bad light that she would do anything to keep him. It was him leaving to take a break from an argument and her following and calling him names while doing so over and over again. The Behaviour Panel, that have some of the best body language experts on the world, said it was "the story of the narcissist and the introvert" after watching and going through both of their testimonies.
Being an intorvert and running away from abuse is not 'bad for each other'. One person was bad for both of them, the other person tried to escape it.
the archetypes is that of the narcissist and the empath. they subsist off each other's insecurities because neither of them can derive validation from themselves. and so they just leech off each other, destroying themselves in the process. also known as co-dependency.
this is just a more extreme example because celebrity lifestyle is generally more extreme. but it's actually a very common relationship dynamic.
@Blogger certainly bad for her HR wasn't he ?
Thank you for addressing this. It brings out so much conflict in the public because they are frightened about how cases will be effected in the future, and perhaps, rightfully so.
Thanks for being the internet's therapist. I've been avoiding all the Depp/Heard stuff, but it still pops up everywhere. It's nice to have a voice of reason talking through what it means for society and for me. I needed this.
I love this video. My Ex abused me for 3 years. And I'm so glad finally someone is discussing this. I was never physically abused by my ex but still other abuse forms are still harmful. Safety is a huge aspect for me. Thank you for discussing this!
"honest until proven otherwise" this is so well put. I see so many people on the right be like "Oh innocent until proven guilty which means we can shame victims!" like no.... that's not how it works.... I always have the thought at the back of my mind that Amber might be telling the truth but all the evidence against her at the moment is proving her to be dishonest and I feel like we have to have that doubt against a "victim" when their story falls short of the evidence. And having doubt doesn't mean you will discredit them completely, but like it or not, there will always be someone out there who wants to accuse someone falsely for self gain.
This comment is right on the money. I've had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that, even though the evidence paints Heard as the primary antagonist, does that mean she's lying about 100% of her experiences? Not necessarily. I keep stopping short anytime the issue of substance abuse comes up. I've lived with a partner who did a myriad of drugs, and he was a different person based on the substance. So when she says, "that was opiate Johnny," I'm inclined to believe that she dealt with a volatile man when he used something else, and he only time she felt safe enough to get evidence of his drug use was when he was unconscious or mellowed out. I've lived that. But do I believe she's been exaggerating the level of violence Depp committed against her? Because there's evidence of her in public right after some of these alleged beatings, absolutely, yes.
@@woodswitchprints I think the problem I have with believing he was violent when on substances is the fact that like... surely she would have taken pictures of the damage he did after, and not him passed out? Taken pictures of her own supposedly broken body? When she talks about "opiate Johnny" she doesn't seem afraid, like recalling something scary, she seems disgusted. My experience with someone I was friends with doing drugs was that he wasn't volatile in the slightest. Easily annoyed maybe, but never violent. Johnny laying down in random places doesn't prove he was violent when drugged up, and that's the "proof" she provides. When she was asked today if she was afraid of sending pictures of "the monster", of "opiate Johnny" to her best friend, Amber asked "why would I?" She records so much of their exchanges. She takes pictures of all kinds of things. But she doesn't record him drugged out even though she has many secret recordings. She doesn't take pictures of her injuries except one teeny bruise that could be from her walking into a shelf. She doesn't take pictures of the damage he did.
But she does take pictures that appear to be staged.
I wanted to believe her. I wanted to believe a woman would never lie about her abuse. I wanted to believe a famous woman would never lie about abuse and risk destroying the credibility for any and all women who come forth about abuse. I wanted to believe that this woman was telling the truth. I believed her at first. I wanted to believe her, I really did. But I can't. I really can't believe her. She hasn't proved anything, except what a bad person SHE is.
It's also worth mentioning that none of his other partners have said he abused them, and he was certainly doing drugs while he was with them. But he never hurt them.
But Amber has abused partners before.
I really wanted to believe her. But I just can't.
I think a really big thing getting in the way is "Believe Women". People believe Amber for that reason, but it's such a blind belief when it comes to her. I challenge you to switch the roles. How easy would it be for people to think Johnny is lying as he says all the things Amber is currently saying? How easy would it be for people to dismiss the photos? Like if he showed a picture of Amber passed out with ice cream in her lap and said "that was opioid amber" I truly believe people would think he staged it to humiliate her, especially if he texted it to his best friend and said "see what I have to deal with?" or "this is what I have to deal with". If their situations were reversed, there would be no question at all for people. And that's what gets me. If the roles were reversed, absolutely nobody would doubt who "the monster" is.
@@aromaladyellie I agree with your statement overall the more I watch of the trial. I don't think Johnny was ever physically violent, but I suspect that it's possible he was verbally violent and Amber grossly exaggerated his behavior. But, like I said, the more I'm watching, the more it seems like he was continuously hounded down or speaking in anger in the midst of a mutual argument, and not so much in an abuser manner. It's a gray area for me because I'm a survivor of IPV and my abuser had a substance addiction issue to a myriad of different things, so I'm biased and can't dismiss those specific allegations as easily.
Good lies have elements of the truth in them, that’s what makes them believable. But you have to have things to back them up. She unfortunately fails in this. I’m neither team, I’m team evidence. Since almost day one, evidence didn’t match what she said. It sounded more and more like what he was doing was reactive abuse. So do i believe he did some of the the less egregious things? Probably. Otherwise she wouldn’t feel so confident + superior in her lies. That’s generally (in my experience) how that works. But when she says things that would have left her half dead or needing extensive surgery or a stay in hospital, with nothing to back it up, then we have a problem. Because she now has set the precedent of her need to exaggerate or lie, which removes her ability to be a credible witness. Just like some of her own witnesses who have shown bias when it’s not appropriate or unprofessional behavior, which again removes credibility from them. It’s a mess, and not one that will likely get better anytime soon.
@@woodswitchprints from the audio recordings I've heard it sounds like Amber really tries to trigger and rile Johnny up so that he lashes out and she can go like "see, I have proof!"
There is a big possibility that Johnny had been triggered into bad behaviour by Amber, not many people are capable of not snapping under pressure when pushed and prodded like that for hours on end
"Honest until proven otherwise..." I can appreciate the sentiment, but sometimes, it's too late after the truth comes to light. Johnny lost Pirates, Fantastic Beasts, and a ton of money, jobs, and reputation, for years.
My ex thought it would be "funny" (his words) to accuse me of domestic violence. He'd broken a spring on his mattress, and had a cut on the back of his leg. A cop saw, and asked if he was being abused and needed help. My ex replied, "Yeah my wife did it." The cop was ready to go arrest me before the cashier intervened: The cop, and my ex, were at my work, the cashier and the cop both knew me (I wasn't there at the time). I honestly don't know if my ex would have let it go that far, because he was abusive in other ways as well (he's an ex for a reason).
I prefer "Trust, but verify." "Believe all women" is (part of) what got Amber this far.
“Trust, but verify.” I like that a lot!
The problem with "trust but verify" is that so many of these situations can come down to "he said-she said", i.e. it can be extremely difficult to actually prove anything in cases of domestic violence (particularly rape)
@@NeoLithiumCat There's more than one way to verify, I'm not talking about always collecting DNA evidence. For instance, I had a friend who liked to...embellish...the truth, and change her stories. Guess who I had a habit of taking what she said with a grain of salt? Or someone who has always been honest with me, even when it didn't look good on them, I tend to believe them without having to fact-check.
In the case of the trial, however, luckily we DO have actual evidence: she recorded herself and others, and the so-called pictures she submitted were often found to have been edited. The ones that weren't, she told on herself and called her makeup kit a "bruise kit," which is a theater kit to MAKE bruises, not cover them up. Which, as an *actress,* she very well knows.
But yes, I am all-to-aware that sometimes it comes down to he-said-she-said, and victims have a hard time even with proof or witnesses. Unfortunately, people like her make it harder.
In some of the recordings, Amber mentions that Johnny leaves in the middle of an argument and goes to another room and she gets very upset about that and would follow him to continue the argument. I find that very odd personally since my dad had an explosive temper and he rarely left, but if he would, we were relieved and wouldn't want to follow him. I'm not saying he was never abusive towards her, but I certainly find that odd that she would follow him.
Idk for John and Amber but abusers in relationships maintain their control with the fear of their victim, but it isn't just the fear of being hit, it is the fear of the abuser leaving because they make them believe they are worthless. "(Victim) diserve this, (victim) is lucky to have (abuser) : (abuser) knows (victim) but stays either way, (victim) should be grateful for that !"
And when in an argument the victims begins to stand up for themselves, the abuser just go and aaall the insicurities come rushing back and they run to their abuser.
My father was extremely verbally abusive if he left the way JD left. I’d be so relieved & hopeful he doesn’t come back and continue his bullsh!+ rants
@@arona6692 My mom was my abuser and I ran from her my whole childhood. At no point was I ever trying to run to her while she was being abusive. Your understanding of the dynamics is flawed. Abuse victims are afraid of their abuser and may appease them with shows of affection or submission, but that is purely a way to get the abuse to stop and to soothe the abuser into a better mood in order to protect themselves from further abuse. If a victim remains in a relationship for a long time, they've been beaten down and left hopeless, afraid to leave because of fear of further violence and afraid to stay for the same reason. When a victim stands up to an abuser, the abuser doesn't leave the room, they double down or turn to gaslighting and manipulation. The one fleeing is the victim.
Thank you for covering this!
This hurts me because of the culture of “believe ALL women” and how damaging that can be for men who are actually abused and afraid to say anything. I understand and as a women why it’s important to believe women BUT, DV no matter what gender is NOT ok. So I really appreciate all the points you made and I feel you called out a LOT of important things. And like you said the recordings are so damning pointing to so much evidence. Idk I’m an empath so it breaks my heart this whole thing and how it’s exploiting ppls lives and publicly. And there’s been a lot of DV victims coming out saying how much they feel for Johnny and how much Amber is triggering them as an abuser and I find that very telling and very heartbreaking and upsetting. And many of the victims I’ve seen speak up online are women and they fear how this will affect women in the future.
There certainly does need to be nuance to “believe women.” Our tendency as a culture to over correct is definitely an issue. The problem before was that we didn’t believe women at all, especially when men were in a position of power (I.e. Bill Cosby or Harvey Weinstein). Even in the case of a co-Ed getting attacked at a party the questions of “what were you wearing” “how much did you have to drink” “why did you set your drink down?” etc would be asked. I don’t think it’s right for anyone to make a snap decision about any allegation, and it’s certainly difficult for those situations that become a “he said/she said” scenario. I hate that Heard is now a poster child for “see what happens when we believe all women?” It really does set the cause back.
@@dacutsy 💯 agree. I don’t like the “well you shouldn’t have done this and this and this” I don’t believe that’s the case here and that’s what’s really upsetting. Like almost ALL the audios about their relationship are on UA-cam and if you listen to them it’s really heartbreaking the crap she’s pulling in court and the lies she spread.
@@_aly_cat oh, absolutely, there is no doubt in my mind that at the very least she is exaggerating what had happened on his end and under reporting and minimizing her actions in the relationship.
Well I’m in a support group and we never say believe all women, we say believe all victims. I’ve never seen anyone who is a victim use it otherwise
@@Saardiinka I understand. I was saying more the general public and social media.
I think one of the reasons this has blown up so big is the fact that Johnny was accused of DV and basically immediately kicked but then Amber was accused and the only backlash seemed to be from fans.
Thank you for your calm in this. My mother (and grandmother, step-mothers, step grandmother...) all have BPD and I can't watch Amber Heard without being overwhelmed with flashbacks. What you described was exactly right. Thank you
I have been that person, convinced I was unloveable, who felt oddly vindicated when people who loved me left because of my behaviour. I had a good councillor for 3 solid years of therapy and I am a lot better. Recovery is forever - I will never automatically, naturally love myself the way healthy people do. But I am so. much. better.
"Both of them needed to walk away."
That's literally what Johnny Depp tried to do. Amber yelled at him FOR running away.
“Both of them needed to walk away” - and JD *did* try to walk away, over and over again. It’s on audiotape with her saying “don’t walk away from me,” and “you are avoiding the solution” [by walking away].
There is no longer any doubt in my mind which one of them was the aggressor and the initiator of abuse. It’s her, not him. Yes, he has had substance use issues. Yes, at a moment of deep pain - with his mother dying and having found out that he’d been betrayed and lost millions of dollars - he kicked some cupboards. He is not perfect and he owns that.
She, on the other hand, has lied on the stand, given wildly inconsistent testimony, fabricated stories that don’t hold up to the slightest scrutiny*, and been recorded - sometimes in her OWN recordings - screaming at Johnny, taunting him, belittling him, and very clearly telling him that she “didn’t punch” him, instead she was “just hitting” him.
So although I appreciate your perspective on relationships in general, and I agree that “just walk away” is excellent advice in most cases in tension-filled relationships, I feel like you’ve missed the mark in this particular instance by not acknowledging that *in this case* that walking away wasn’t sufficient to deal with the issues. It’s not enough to “believe all women”, because men also are victims of IPV. There is a point where even we as therapists can no longer “remain neutral.” If Amber were screaming like that at a child, you would have been required to call Child Protective Services (or whatever they call it in your state.) But because he is an adult male, there was no one to call. And even so, he never hit back. He didn’t even say anything about the abuse until SHE put out the op ed, in clear violation (IMO; IANAL) of their divorce settlement. He TRIED TO WALK AWAY, and she wouldn’t let him.
*For an example of this,
I recommend going over to the channel Law & Lumber to view the analysis by a person who is both a lawyer and a woodworker as to her assertion that Johnny assaulted her and somehow managed to “break the bed” while doing so. Long story short: that didn’t happen, and she (or someone in her crew) had to have jammed something sharp in the bed to damage it the way it was shown. And oh by the way, there’s a pen knife in the picture on the bed.
#JusticeForJohnnyDepp
One of the things she said that stuck out to me was that she would blame him for her behavior. She said he would make things worse by walking away from her physical fights. She blamed him for becoming violent because he would rather leave the fight than to stick around and fight with her. And she dumped the blame of her actions on him. My mother would do similar things like this. I never gave her a reaction when I knew she was looking for a fight and that would anger her more and she’d hit me. But I was trying not to make it worse. But to her I was triggering her anger by not returning the aggressive energy. It took me cutting her off to finally feel peace.
I forgot to add that one time she was hitting me and I raised my arms to shield myself and she went insane yelling that I tried to hit her. I knew then that I had to cut her out.
This is the first of your videos I have seen on this channel after being an avid watcher of Cinema Therapy for a long time and I just have to say that you are so soft spoken and caring.
It's sad that the "innocent until proven guilty" statement wasn't in Depp's favor at all. This whole trial has so much attention since a female abuser isn't just being brushed under the rug like it is in most cases. I work with domestic abusers for a living and the amount of classes we have for female abusers is about 1 female class to 10 male classes. Domestic violence is a gender neutral issue, but sadly the courts have a strong bias. Family court is the worst. Hopefully this event starts a cultural shift for the legal system to pay better attention to the details.
I have watched the trial, and I believe she was verbally, physically, mentally spiritually, and sexually abused by Depp. He is a great actor. Narcissists are so skilled. But, if you live where movies are made, like I do, you will know his reputation precedes relationship with Amber. Volatile and violent and drugged up, everyone has to sign they will be nowhere near him in order to work on the set. It is disturbing when I hear therapists fall for the narcissist, but the reality is, they often believe them, and will gaslight the victim further. So, pick your therapist carefully, they can do SO much damage to an abused person.
You working with them is scary considering you don’t know what’s actually going on. Men are favored more by every court but ESPECIALLY family court. Men who want custody of their kids are more likely to get it, especially if the other parent claims abuse. And Johnny was proven guilty of abuse in a court of law in the UK
I wouldn't say dv is a gender neutral issue...
@@kyratisdale713 No...no..If you did research of false accusations against men or know that awful stereotype that men can't be abused. The legal system screwed men over, I have helped and care for men who were physically, sexually and emotionally abused by women. It is devastating how much men lose to their perpetrators, I've known men who were abused by women. Some female perpetrators would threaten to the call the police if the man tried to leave them, saying "They abused her". In cases I've read, men could be bleeding, bruised up, broken noise and have scratches all over them. The police shows up, the woman has no signs of physical harm and can have a record of being vicious. But the man would be the one taken away by the police, while the woman is kept safe. I have looked in the eyes of male survivors and what you said isn't true in majority of all cases. I'm not attacking you, but please do more research.
@@Maddie-qu3kp It is neutral, 40% of statistics (right now and more likely more) are made up of male dv survivors. Society treats male victims like dirt and I've witnessed at first hand.
Thank you so much for addressing this from the standpoint of, "We need to be having these conversations, but this is NOT the way that is optimal to do so.
Everyone IS responsible for their own behavior... AND... our society needs to do a much better job of teaching everyone the knowledge and skills they need to take responsibility for their behavior in a healthy and sustainable way. Access to and funding for health care in general and mental health care in specific is definitely not adequate and is a privilege where it should be a right. Our PK-12 curriculum desperately needs to have emotional and social education (inclusive of neurodivergence, different cultural influences, and communication cultures). Our society needs a strong social safety net so that people who find themselves in toxic situations (even -- perhaps espeically -- where they are the toxic influence) have the security and safety to do the work of healing they need and to learn and practice new behavior patterns, instead of being caught by social and/or economic pressures or fear of reprisal or uncertainty and allowing the situation to continue to escalate.
When i started seeing all the buzz about the Depp/Heard trial, i thought "ugghhh, celebrity drama.....", and i saw little snippets out of context, and people in comments making claims about things they couldn't possible know. So after seeing so much wild speculation and clear bias from people on social media, i eventually decided I'm not going to make a judgement about who is an abuser or not without all the information. So i committed to watching un edited testimonies, and x exams from both sides. In fact, i think I've watched more than 20 hours of testimonies from the trial at this point, as I've become enthralled with it.
After seeing all the information presented, i feel confident in saying that johnny was the victim in this relationship. I could be wrong, but i believe that if he did ever hit her, it was in self defense. The the things he said, that were presented in court, were mild compared to the things ive said or thought about my abuser, after i had realized i was being abused.
It really upsets me when people make up their mind about this case without ever watching the trial, and proudly stating that they wont watch it. I believe johnny wanted it televised so that the whole world could see exactly what the jury saw, and have all the information. And at this point the jury has found in favor of johnny depp.
Anyone who believes the jury was wrong, or johnny depp is a horrible monster, PLEASE watch the trial. The information is there, all you have to do is look at it, rather than assuming what most people assumed when news of abuse was released to the media. Watch the trial before you make up your mind, or dont talk about it.
"When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags."
I'm glad to finally hear a nuanced perspective on the situation. I feel like something that was barely touched on in this video (regarding the popularity of the case) is how misogynists have taken the opportunity to scapegoat Heard and worship Depp as the be-all, end-all counterexample to the stereotype of men abusing women. I'm not talking about men who have been abused and see themselves in the case; I'm talking about men who may or may not have been abused, but regardless, never cared about and refused to legitimize women's stories of abuse, and frankly never cared about stopping the abuse of men either (which, I must point out, is most often *at the hands of other men*). Suddenly, these guys act like they care what happens to Johnny Depp, but all that really matters to them is that there is suddenly a woman it is socially acceptable to hate. She's become a lightning rod for them. I don't want to absolve her of all guilt, but nobody has the right to cheer for somebody else's destruction. It's inhumane and just plain immoral. The worst anybody wants for Depp is for him to lose his job, which he has. The worst they want for Heard is outright unspeakable.
I have spent 8 months in a domestic violence shelter while I was getting on my feet. Male survivors were not as common there as female survivors. Some of them were heterosexual, thier abusers were women. I think that domestic violence against men is under reported.
I used to have symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. My father taught me that I was unlovable and loving me was a burden to anyone who cared for me. My mother told me that she'd had an abortion shortly before she got pregnant with me. She told me that I was born so premature that she didn't think that I going to survive and that if I couldn't breastfeed, she wasn't going to try to save me. I was a home birth and she didn't have prenatal care, so she could have let me die with out any consequences. That made me feel so worthless.
In my first marriage, I was extremely toxic. I don't think that my husband was ready to be a partner, but he didn't deserve the having verbal abuse screamed at him, which happened regularly. I'm certain that him and his mother have PTSD from my marriage with him. I don't think that I intentionally pushed people away, but I had a hard time believing that they were present. I did expect anyone who I loved to reject me. My father used rejection as a way to manipulate me and hurt me. Being raised by him mirrored the cycle of domestic violence in some ways. The honeymoon period was compromised of him not invalidating me and telling me that he loved me. If he was particularly tolerant of me, he might take me out to lunch or offer to make me a grilled cheese or eggs, but that was as good as it ever got and it was uncommon. When he rejected me, he would tell me that he was sorry that I was his child and that he regretted ever doing anything nice for me.
I think that my symptoms of BPD were complex PTSD.
My mother didn't ever
I tried so hard to be healthy, but I couldn't get better until I cut off contact with my parents and the family who enabled them.
From some of the
Okay, that comment took guts. Thanks.
I'm so sorry for all your pain. I pray you get the help you need.🙏💞
Some DV shelters actually exclude male victims, and some DV assistance organizations refuse to help men. Which indeed makes it worse for male victims, in addition to the very real possibility that a man calling the police for help as a victim of DV will end up being arrested himself because some police departments are still stuck in the "men abuse women" way of thinking.
@@thexalon I'm lucky in that the DV organization in my area *will* help men. Men are even luckier, of course.
@@neurodivergentnetizen4535 It is extremely hard for me to admit to myself that I caused that much pain to a person and thier family. At the time, I didn't understand that I was being toxic. I thought that if I was angry at someone that they had earned it, they deserve better than me making excuses. Even though they are never going to read this. They deserve to have the person who hurt them take responsibility.
Normally I would never watch a court case closely, but I happened to watch a video with audio of Amber and Johnny arguing, and I recognized pretty quickly that Amber had the same personality disorder as someone I used to know. It is really something you have to see in person to believe.
I love that you said that you don't use any substances and why you don't. It is exactly the same for me. But I usually don't feel understood when I explain that I want to keep a clear head and to stay in control. So, so nice to hear from a like-minded person!
Great video and wise words, congratulations for the channel you and your wife have developed to make this World a better place
If you listened to the tapes, you would know he tried to walk away when it was volatile. She wouldn’t let him. There’s is a recording of her yelling at him for hours because he wants to see his daughter for a couple hours.
You are such a great voice for the best of humanity. I hope your voice can reach the millions and millions of people that need to hear a voice like yours.
"everyone's responsible for their own behavior."
All 👏 of 👏 this 👏
Say it louder for the people in back! 📣
1. If she has bpd and/or Hpd, it really doesn't matter. You are still responsible for your own actions. My partner as BPD and they are the most loving human I know. And I know for a fact that they have worked very hard to understand themselves and others. I hope if AH does have it, she needs to look inward and hopefully fight the right help she needs. Until then I think she's perpetuating the stigma around BPD.
2. Love you and your therapeutic advice. But I have to mention that all of the recordings and even through his own statements (and others) Johnny had tried multiple times to walk away from the fight. His sister had to book separate hotel rooms. One incident he tried to get away by going into five bedrooms two bathrooms and she still persist. Ect. So I wouldn't really necessarily think they both have issues in a sense like that. From my understanding Johnny knew what most people that have been abused might know, to "walk away" before things get bad.
3. Love the concept of innocent until proven guilty and I hope people rely on that more.
She doesn't have BPD. She has PTSD from being abused in a relationship. Watch wide Sargasso Sea. It happens.
@@lindaspiess3545 The only one that might have PTSD is Johnny. The actual one that got abused. Sorry can’t be the abuser if they are the ones trying to get away from someone. Oh and if someone chops off your finger I’m pretty sure that gives you ptsd. Do better and do more research.
@@HunterAshe Johnny is a druggie, and a wife beater. He has a reputation on the movie sets. Check his reputation on the sets before you give him a free pass.
I'd love to see you react to an episode of Bluey please. It's an Australian cartoon for kids, but similar to my neighbour Totoro, it's a beautiful parenting manual for adults. Try the episode called Bike or Burger shop. They're all pretty short but such an amazing positive example of parenting. It's like a hug for my parenting soul
This is THE BEST explanation I've seen for victim blaming culture. Thank you for the non-sensationalized, mature, informed and rational take on this.
On the last da of trial this week, Johnnys psiquiatrist was called by video depo and it has heart breaking to hear him talk about everything he went through and you could tell he was uncomfortable
I was super surprised to see this in my recommended(I normally go for CT), but you handled the subject so well, and I really appreciate that you can empathize with Amber and Johnny and still hold them accountable. Thanks for being fair in such a controversial case.
I feel like many ppl haven't taken into consideration that JD is an addict. AH following him into rooms and him retreating sounds like the partner of the addict hqving tried everything to get the addict to stop using. Pleaded, been nice, bargained, and eventually grown bitter. I recognize it from my friend and her alcoholic husband. But I never see anyone actually mention this.
Also makes sense when JD says she has control issues, when she says that she hates it when he disappears etc. He was pissed that someone was trying to control his drinking when he had no intention of stopping, even when he was becoming violent.
And he has a history of public violence, complete with bragging how much he enjoys it:
docs.google.com/document/d/1AkfBOHxwxh0VTLdZ1iOPjGlKlrodllT8xbCMJHqY_RU/mobilebasic
Man you really ringed a bell in my head when you said that we go into relationships because the world is cruel and we want someone who loves us and is on our side... I never thought I would live violence in a relationship until I had one, it looked so far away and one of those things that happen to other people, to “bad” people who date bad men but no... I didn’t see it coming, the Deepp-Heard trial made me remember so many details of “red flags” I should have seen with my ex until it was too late and he got violent with me... DV is a real problem and this trial helped to make the public opinion now it, that’s at least the good side of all of this.
That whole thing about believing women really hits different for me. Every woman in my immediate family has been r*ped early in childhood, but it didn't happen to me until I was already 18 (at least not all the way), so when I came to my mom about it I was grilled with a million questions that all ended up with my mom and sister telling me I'm just a slut and I wanted it, and the only reason I'm upset about it now is because I regretted it after the fact. I've slept with a lot of people I regretted, but I don't call that r*pe, I call it a mistake and move on with my life. But in this case, I'd been friends with this guy for four years. We met through a friend of a friend and had only spoken online or over the phone until I turned 18 because he lived far away and my parents didn't allow me to leave the house with anyone until I was an adult, but we were incredibly close friends, so we planned to meet in person for the first time on my 18th birthday. We planned this meeting months in advance and we had both agreed that nothing sexual would be happening, this was just friends hanging out and that was all. He promised me he wouldn't do anything to me that I didn't want. I went in an outfit that covered absolutely everything so I wouldn't risk even tempting him. Long sleeve top, full length pants, it was spring in Alabama and it was HOT but I was content with overheating if it meant not looking the slightest bit suggestive. We went to chuck e cheese of all places, just to have some innocent fun. I won't tell all the details, but the day ended with us hanging out at a park, and I just wanted to lay down in the grass and look at the stars like they do in the movies, but he had other things on his mind. He didn't care how many times I pushed his hand away and told him no, he was getting what he wanted. When I needed to go to the bathroom (because he started tickling me after I pulled away from him) he decided that was his chance. He was gonna have his way right then and there, in a nasty public restroom at the park.
My mom tried to make up so many things I should've done. I should've fought him off, called the cops, called my parents, or ran away. As if an out of shape little white girl can outrun a taller, skinnier black man? He had already proven that he was stronger than me so overpowering him was out of the question. He had been my best friend for the past 4 years, so even though he was doing things to me that I didn't want, I didn't want to call the cops on him, especially in Alabama of all places. You think I want to call the cops on a black man in Alabama? I'm not trying to get him shot for this. I didn't even know where we were, so what would I have even said? We're in a park. I don't know which one, but it's definitely a park.
I know it was stupid of me to allow myself to be put in a position where I don't know where I am, but we were in a public place, we had already seen families around so we weren't exactly alone, and I wasn't expecting him to do anything he did, especially in public. But because I "didn't fight back hard enough" my whole family accused me of lying for attention. Me saying no should've been enough. Me pushing his hand away shouldn't have even been necessary, but I did it and that should've been enough. I shouldn't have had to fight him or run away or call the cops to be taken seriously. My pain should've been enough to be taken seriously, and not being believed really hurt me, and because I'd had it drilled into my head so much that it was my fault, I forgave him and gave him another chance, and a bunch more chances because every time he hurt me I was led to believe it was my fault and I was the one that was overreacting and he didn't do anything wrong so every time he came back, I put all the pressure on myself to not let it happen rather than on him to not do it in the first place, and that's what fed the cycle. He was never going to stop taking advantage of me because I was never strong enough to enforce my own boundaries, and he knew that. When I ended up in a mental hospital, I took the time to reflect on my past and realized I needed to start being accountable for my own actions, and a part of doing that meant holding other people accountable for their actions. I blocked him and cut off all the people in my life that have proven that they're not going to respect my boundaries, and now the only people in my life are the ones that genuinely care and respect my wishes. Things aren't perfect now, but I'm in a much better situation now than I was back then.
I've never wanted to press charges on any of the people that have done something like that to me because they were all people I had grown close to and I trusted. They weren't strangers that I just ran into, they were people I cared about and that I didn't want to see any harm come to, and that was what made it so much harder to be taken seriously. When it's someone you know and trust, when you know the good side of them, their goals and ambitions, you've seen them suffer and you've seen them thrive, it's a lot harder to want to see them punished. I might not want them in my life but I don't want to ruin their life, even if they hurt me. I don't want them to hurt me and I don't even want them around me anymore, but I don't want to make them suffer more because of me. The guy that hurt me back then told me he regretted it deeply, he hated himself for what he did, and he even claimed to go to therapy to be a better person. How could I want to punish him more than he's already punishing himself? I know I've done things I regret, I've repeated mistakes that I swore I would never make again, I've hurt people I cared about that I never wanted to hurt, and I never meant to hurt anyone, but I made mistakes because I was hurting. I'm a very forgiving person and I tend to not wish harm on people that have harmed me, and because of that I feel like nobody takes me seriously, as if my claims can only be serious if I want to take action against them. I don't want them to be punished, and I don't want to make other people think less of them, but I would like for the people close to me to believe me when I say I'm hurting and be there to support me, not to accuse me of lying and making me feel worse about the situation.
Situations like this are a lot more complicated than people seem to think. There are so many conflicting emotions, so many small details, and there's such a rich history that it's hard to judge from the outside what is true or not. I think when it comes to a courtroom it's important to distinguish truth from lies, but when a survivor opens up about their experience just looking for support, not to bring harm to the other person but just to cope with their feelings around it, there's never a good reason to accuse them of lying. All you'll do is invalidate them and hurt them more in the long run
It's not your fault. I hope you find more supportive friends and family.
@@autumnatic Thank you. That means so much to me
I'm sorry you had to go through such hell. It's crushing that you'd have to worry about anyone or anything other than yourself in such situations. That's how bad misogyny has worn us down and deprived us. That, is part of the abuse we suffer daily. It's not your fault. A simple no should have been more tha plenty enough. He didn't earn your kindness in the least. Yet, you for sure are more social and stronger than anyone around you.
Please cut yourself some slack. All the more after even speaking up for the cause and calling attention to the needless hurt people all around cause. Take good care of yourself. You've been way too strong. And life better see to it that you're surrounded by helpful people in future. Because you deserve no less!
One survivor to another, I am so sorry you went through that. I hope you’re getting help and finding peace. Nothing you said or did or didn’t say or didn’t do makes their choice okay.
Personally, my belief is every accusation should be taken seriously. That isn’t the same as automatically being believed though. Because just like there are men who lie and say they didn’t touch us, there are women who lie and say they did when they didn’t. Good and bad comes in both genders.
Thanks for sharing. And I'm glad you're so open about this. Not wanting someone to be punished is not the same as seeking justice and wanting the support of your loved ones and having your feelings validated. You didn't have any. I am sorry that the women in your family were raped during childhood, and sometimes we think that shared experiences can make people be more sensitive, well not in this case. People can be very judgmental too especially if they have not been in a circumstance, child or adult.
Freezing and trying not to upset the attacker further because you don't know what they'll do next or how much more they will hurt you is quite a common response from many victims, so people shaming you for behaving in a way where you were doing your best to protect yourself is on them, not you.
One of the hardest things after experiencing trauma and being re-traumatized by insensitive loved ones when you tell them what happened to you and they don't take you seriously, is coming out of living in survival mode and actually thriving - learning to trust people but doing it in baby steps - and you deserve every bit of it, so thrive, my love.
I'm totally with you on the substances thing! When people ask if I party, I've found that answering with a joke keeps others from feeling judged so I say, "nah, I don't drink/party because I'm barely in control of my brain as it is!" People laugh and feel relaxed about me being sober.
Yeah, I’m on pain meds for a chronic illness so when ppl ask me to drink wine etc with them and I refuse, they first look at me like “you think you are better than me” but as soon as I joke with “yeah, with my brain already fuzzy from the pain meds, me with alcohol as well and you’ll see me dancing in the tables like a drunken grandma” they find that particularly funny to imagine and then the mood is light and nice again.
Btw a fantastic reply as is. Well thought over and doesn’t put them down. They perhaps think/know they are a little worse for wear when “partaking” and you are the sober reminder of how “better” they could be, hence it’s better if we are all a little bad “so plz drink/other with us”. It’s very kind of you to say something that won’t make them feel worse but still be kind to yourself as well and protect you from potential group pressures (ofc I have no idea what age group or what type of friends you surround yourself with 😅🤷♀️ but I’m sure you get the gist of my meaning) ☺️👌 well done you ✨☺️
Hi there! Thanks for all the thoughtful input you give here and on Cinema Therapy. I would love to see you react to Crazy Ex Girlfriend.
i have cptsd, from my whole 40yrs of abuse, i am finding some of this trial good at opening up my old unhealed wonds, so i can clean them up ejecting the poison and then heal them properly i am reciving theripy at the moment, so the timing for me is good
I feel like, at least in my social circles, the issue that is dragging this whole case to the public is that fear of many that "feminism will be abused by some people to hurt innocent men" and I think it's very sad cuz it will set a precedent of not really solving anything in that discussion. People who support Amber will support her no matter the outcome, same for Jhonny.
Feminism is why female victims of domestic violence are finally being taken seriously. Now we are recognizing that men can be victims too.
Whilst not related to domestic violence, the Me Too movement was not just about female victims/survivors, male victims/survivors came forward too.
@@The482075 I agree with you, but many people don't and I had... some sort of hope that this trial could help put some peoples minds at ease or maybe set a good precedent for these situations, and I just think it's not looking like going into those waters any time soon. I didn't finish law school but the whole thing has been... a little absurd to take seriously, but maybe it is just the memes, I don't know, not feeling hopeful that's all
@@The482075 I’m sorry I respectfully disagree. That movement swung the pendulum too far to the other side. We went from not taking any claims seriously to claims don’t even have to be investigated or proven in order to be believed. That IS dangerous! Abuse comes from both genders but just look at the difference between the response to Amber’s claims versus the response to Johnny’s. And the sickening thing is Amber recognized and used that by her own admission.
@@Book_Dragon2562 I'm listening. How do we address the balance?
@@The482075 As a society or as individuals? Because the sad truth is only one of those is within our sphere of control. My personal take on the subject has always been to reserve judgment until the evidence is presented, do my own research, and decide for myself what I believe. When the story of Amber’s allegations first broke, I didn’t assume she was a liar, but I also didn’t assume Johnny was guilty. I waited and watched and I read and I listened. I will admit I was also skeptical because these are professional actors we are talking about. Neither one is above playing a role convincingly. For me, what spoke volumes was former lovers of Johnny coming forward and saying “he has faults but he’s not violent,” whereas when the script was flipped, Amber has a history of violence throughout her relationship history. Ultimately it was the recordings that sealed it for me. Hearing her say, yes I hit you, but no one is going to side with you because you’re a man and I’m a woman, that really confirmed my concerns about the “me too” movement which I’ve had since the beginning.
First and foremost, “me too” wasn’t actually about accountability or cleaning up Hollywood. Weinstein was the worst kept secret in town. They sacrificed a few big names who no one would be surprised by because it was good PR and public activism is trendy right now.
Secondly, while I am grateful for first and second wave feminism, the “sexual revolution” statistically speaking did more harm than good, and the movement has shifted from we want equal rights to we want better rights. There is a war of the sexes and as a woman, it’s not hard to see that despite our claims of victimhood, it is men who are currently drawing the short end of the stick. Men are being vilified simply for being men and that plays into how our society responds to these type of claims when they are made. Because the underlying assumption is men are violent. Men are bad. Men are exploitative. So they are NATURALLY guilty.
But toxic femininity is very real in this world and very under acknowledged within our society. And Ms. Heard is a prime example of what that looks like. But because society sees women as victims already, it’s hard for them to accept the idea that women can be and are just as “bad” as men. Or rather some are. Because these behaviors are not gender specific.
The sad truth is, I don’t think we can fix it. We can influence the culture surrounding the topic. We can socially encourage and discourage behavior so that there are acceptable behaviors and unacceptable ones, but the kind of people who do this know it’s wrong and don’t care. They feel completely justified in the harm they cause. There is no legislation that can change a person’s heart. And there are going to be people who make assumptions prematurely and with bias, on either side. Amber knew she didn’t have to *prove* her claims about Johnny in a court of law for him to be found guilty in the eyes of public opinion and she used that to her advantage. Until it becomes us versus the problem rather than us versus one another nothing is going to get better.
Great message in the video. I feel for his family during the trial. My family went through something similar a while ago, and its super sad
I love how what this man says is interesting
thank you for your level headed and professional opinion.
its definitely a breath of fresh air to not hear so called "professionals" berating and demeaning these actors personal lives.
thank you.
"If this person is innocent until proven guilty, then this person is honest until proven otherwise."
So essentially: "Trust but verify."
Society works because we put our trust in others, but to keep that trust requires that the people we give it to remain trustworthy.
the only thing I've been diagnosed with is depression but some of those borderline personality apply to me. I sure wish I could experience love but at the same time I feel like I can't. Either because I just can't get very attached to people or because I feel I'm not good enough and don't deserve it. However, instead of testing I just push the person away. I've now been single for about 5 years and there are many reasons for this. One of which is the inability to trust, especially after my last relationship with a narcissist. On top of that add a couple of years of terrible dating experiences and you'd may be able to understand why I feel a lot happier having made peace with the idea of just being single rather than chasing a relationship status.
I know Borderline Personality Disorder affects people very differently... however, I was diagnosed with it as a teenager and still have difficulty with it sometimes. However I've never done the 'splitting' or 'black and white' things. I've definitely never been abusive. People had been starting to accept that people diagnosed with it are not evil, manipulative, abusive people. Now people who just don't know better assume everyone diagnosed are like Amber.
Its bloody hard.
May it not be possible that Depp's team diagnosed Amber with BPD because they knew that this is a diagnosis many still believe to mean that someone is evil, manipulative and abusive and therefore not trustworthy?
I like that you’re addressing this as an overview and how it can effect society and people’s thoughts. I’m personally interested in this trial because I have mental health issues and a major fear of how that could effect me in a intimate relationship and so watching this play out, seeing both sides, I find it very sad but also fascinating and I can only hope that this can spark more interest and research into mental health problems and that more people can come forward about domestic violence and get the help and support they need
At least in criminal prosecution, the suspect/defendant tends to have way more rights over a victim. The person has a right to their discovery, which can contain sensitive material that can re-victimize their victim. They have the right to a trial, where their victim will have to testify and recount the event to a panel of strangers, judging them based on their own unconscious biases.
I remember a story my mother told me when she was still on patrol:
A husband and wife were in a verbal argument that turned physical. He had tried to separate himself from the situation by going outside this action caused her to escalate. She began beating on him; police (my mother, a rookie at the time, and her trainer) rolled up and, in plain view, could see her hitting him, and the husband finally put his hands out to push her away from him. The training officer immediately cuffed him for the DV. It took my mom twenty minutes to explain to HER trainer that the husband should not be in custody but the wife for DV- Assault. Just because men are less likely to report it doesn't mean there are fewer numbers of domestic violence victims who are male. The same can be said for crimes that involve sexual assault. It happens more than people think because men are less likely to report it. In my opinion, so many men were raised where their example of what it was to be a man was men don't cry, they don't show emotion, and they don't admit feelings- men have to be "manly"- emotions are for the women.
Sorry, I went off on a little rant, but I'm still going to comment because I took so much time to write it I don't want to delete it.
I think almost everyone should watch 'Men Don't Tell'. It is a tv movie with the actress, Judith Light.
Before I watched the movie, I thought that women could physically hurt their husbands.
I started remembering the times when my own mother would physically hurt my father while he backed away from her but would verbally defend his opinion.
Same thing happened with my dad. He was running out of places to get away from that crazy bitch
I've been waiting for this!! So glad you're covering it now ♥
When we first became parents, the baby's nurse told us everyone should see a relationship therapist every couple of years, even when there are no actual problems. Some things that need to be resolved are always there and it’s best to resolve them before they become a problem.
I would like to use this opportunity to give Jono a hug because I feel that he needs it 🤗
this is the best take about the case I've seen so far
That's a fascinating concept about people not wanting to believe a victim initially because they like to believe people are good, that it would make the world seem unsafe and scarier if what happened to this person was true. Makes a bit of sense really. In an awful way.
The just world phenomenon. Totally fascinating, if somewhat depressing. This is why basic social psychology should be taught more widely- it affects all aspects of our life!
Thank you. That was both enriching and uncomfortable. Right in the sweet spot.
But also the tone of the editing matched the video really well.
And also I appreciate you being yourself in front of the whole internet.
Grew up with an abusive mother, both physical and emotional / verbal abuse. Then ended up in a relationship with someone similar. Not gonna lie the trial has been a bit triggering. My abuser also falsely accused me, and I spent 3 months in jail (couldn't afford bail) until I could go to trial and prove my innocense. Even though I was found innocent with multiple witnesses including the cops I still had lost my home and my job because I was gone for 3 months. I even did the same thing as Johnny hiding in the bathroom.
Thank you for your comments. Exactly what I was thinking also
Many survivers, myself included, are invested in this. Also, there are many recordings of Johnny literally trying to get away and Amber not letting that happen.
I am glad you decide to put so less what they show on that trial and stay neutral bc you are not their therapist yet give your thoughts regardless. Very professional. I wish people look whats going on how you did and not believing media gossips.
I am glad that cameras are forbidden in courts in Germany and in every other country with a descent understanding of privacy...
I'm really bothered by the cameras in the courtroom too.
Edit: I never asked for your opinions about the cameras, and I don't care to hear your opinions on the case or hear your opinions about my opinion. Go watch another Mended Light episode 🤷🏻♀️ Like the "sh!t therapist say: forgive and forget" episode. Lots of good nuggets in there, my husband and I enjoyed watching that one.
Not everyone has to have the same opinion as you and not everyone has to believe the same things as you do. And it's not your job to facilitate other people's opinions.
Here court proceedings are public unless there is a good reason to keep the court closed, like juvenile cases. There was so much interest in this one the judge decided, rather than having hoards of people standing around outside trying to get in, they would televise it. There are generally reporters that specialize in covering court cases and they are reported on in print and on the news channels. Also, in the US, the parties have a right to a jury trial (part of our responsibility of citizenship is being available to serve as a juror), rather than the case being decided by a judge alone...though they can opt for a judge only, if they wish. Prior to the trial (and, apparently right up until a verdict is read) the parties can also 'settle out of court'. I've been watching the trial and noticed the difference between what I was seeing for myself, and what was being reported in the news.
You realize without the cameras, Johnny Depp would still be screwed?
@@acvines court cases are generally a matter of public concern. That's why there is a gallery. So community members can hold the judicial system accountable I think.
Broadcasting a case should not be an issue unless the parties insist on privacy.
This alleged defamation offense was committed in the public eye, not just in their private homes The judicial process therefore should be public I think.
Johnny requested the cameras so that he could get his side out in the public since Amber made the accusations in public.
The "innocent until proven guilty" was never applied back in 2016 because the world was already wired to believe the "victim" and we knew nothing about the insides of their private life. It's all fine and good because victims need to be protected. But we also need due process to avoid having lives destroyed at a single finger-pointing.
I'm really happy for all those women who have such good will as to think that we all women are good and pure of heart. They should count themselves lucky for not suffering any physical harm at the hands of another woman, then lies, manipulation and turning everyone against you and that, surprisingly, the "believe women" never applies to you. I've seen women on gay relationships having their lives completely destroyed after thier wives accused them of DV, going so far as to having to move out of the country all because of false allegations. A very famous case in my country: girl gets murdered, girl's mom accuses her own partner, case blows on the media, girl's mom uses tv to drag her now ex-partner through the mud. Ex-partner gets declared non-guilty, but the hunting keeps going on until she has to move out of the country. Years go by, and it turns out that the girl's murderer was a serial s*xual offender from England who was hiding in the area.
I know a man who was abused by his wife. She even called the cops to accuse him of abuse. They have since, fortunately, divorced and he is married to a woman as kind and gentle as he is, but he could have easily lost the right to see his children ever again. As it is, I don't believe he got primary custody.
I always want to believe people who say they've been abused, but when abusers sometimes use abuse allegations as a weapon against their victim, it isn't always easy to tell what is really going on.
Very true. We have to make space for both as the truth is worked out.
My mom did this to my dad as well. I saw so much of my dad and my own story in Johnny Depp and so much of my awful abusive mother in Amber Heard. At first I'd believed Amber Heard but when I watched clips of the trial I quickly realized I was wrong.
"we all want to feel safe, respected and loved" ......... so very important and often many people we deal with fall very short ...
"If this person is innocent until proven guilty, then this person is honest until proven otherwise"
Yes, and she has been proven a liar on every turn, so we will see how the verdict falls.
If the roles were reversed, this would never even happen because Johnny would be seen as guilty immidietly with no need for evidence, how do i know this? Because that is exactly what happened.
That is also part of why people are so pissed, they trusted Amber, they #believeAllWomen and condemned JD for what AH said he did. And now that evidence is coming out showing she is a liar and a massive grifter people are pissed that she used a good movement to abuse her husband and to blackmail him into staying silent.
Dr. Curry is a forensic psychiatrist and used the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory-2.
I was hoping you'd touch on the instances when he would barricade himself into rooms and she would chase him and harass him because he refused to engage in fighting with her. You just kind of played the "they were both wrong" card (which is basically the "all lives matter" card) when there's been overwhelming evidence that he DID try to get away from her and she wouldn't let him.
She literally chased him to different houses.
You're always so calm and wise, and the things you say are not only healing, they give me a lot to think about. Thank you for that.
I grew up in an environment with one family member who was later diagnosed with ALL the Cluster B personality disorders and fetal alcohol syndrome with a huge rage element (and who then went on to develop major substance abuse problems), and another with BPD. Even though I've been bipolar since my tween years, I was the stable one in the family and ended up being whaled on, while also becoming a parentified child and was the mediator, peacemaker and caregiver for everyone. This trial had big elements of "it's like a train wreck, yet I can't look away," though I probably should have because the while thing got pretty triggery. I was definitely reminded of that first family member, who'd be physically abusive yet clingy at the same time, superficially charming up until the point that she didn't get what she wanted (or was just in a bad mood), and who would put on the tearless sad face while making up terrible stories about things that never happened. As I said, triggery.
The thing is, she, Amber, was arrested for Domestic Violence against her girlfriend and the cops were called against her to another girlfriend, so SHE, herself, beats women.
He was not an angel, what do I think he suddenly got violent at the age of 50 when he never was before? No
Didn't her ex come out and say that it wasn't abuse but instead an issue with homophobic police officers misinterpreting something? I think they even released her right away and the charges were dropped.
@@rottworks no, her ex simply dropped the charges, but she never retracted her statement
This was proven to be false. How do people continue to believe false information? Her ex is actually on Amber’s witness list. I hope they call her to the stand so people could stop believing all this false information online.
@@rottworks This is correct. She came out and said Amber was a wonderful woman and stands by her side despite their split. She is on Amber’s witness list and hopefully will be testifying! I hope they call her to the stand.
You, as always, are a voice of reason in a world of madness! Thanks for this!
He said he’d smack her around before he let her in a text. There’s audio of him admitting to head butting her.
Amazing video!! Super spot on as usual... People are interested in seeing justice, whichever side they stand. So, this case has exploded to unbelievable proportions and it's a bit sad because people let themselves be taken away by their bias and their emotional responses instead of having productive conversations about the relevant topics that this has brought up. Therefore, thank you Jonathan for this very thoughtful video!
You mention that neither of these two are really taking accountability but are blaming the other, and that strikes me as either incomplete or disingenuous. From day one we’ve watched JD accept responsibility for substance abuse, alcohol abuse, smoking, being late on sets, and much more, after also being extremely candid about childhood abuse that he explained led to him using substances long before AH was around.
However, AH barely talked about her abusive childhood, has completely downplayed or utterly rejected the notion of her own substance using, refused to admit what we hear her saying on tape, and constantly denied ever being the initial aggressor, among many other things.
When one person acknowledges many wrongdoings but the other refuses actual accountability, that’s a huge red flag, and I hesitate to call that both of them blaming the other and not taking responsibility.
That’s my two cents.
Ps- it was a clinical psychologist expert witness hired by JDs team who diagnosed AH with BPD and Histrionic personality disorders. Her own expert witness, who made very clear her bias that men aren’t abused, said no no no she just has ptsd. Based on the tapes and her behavior on the stand, it’s pretty obvious whose diagnosis makes actual sense. JDs actual psychologist/psychiatrist from the time was put on the stand to speak to his mental health and you’re right, it did not seem to be something he wanted to do.
@Blogger gonna call bullsh*t on that sentiment. A relationship can become toxic with just one toxic participant, happens every day. Being in a toxic relationship doesn’t automatically make YOU toxic any more than working in a toxic work environment guarantees YOU are toxic. Sometimes toxic people create toxic situations wherever they go, and not every person who walks into that life or gets sucked into toxic drama is toxic themselves, and that’s just as ignorant or toxic an idea as “only men can abuse.” The idea you propose is just as bad as telling a child THEY are toxic because their parent is toxic and the relationship dynamic is toxic so then the child MUST be toxic.
And I’ve watched this trial from the start and listened to Johnny Depp take responsibility over and over, on recordings and in the trial itself. And a thorough understanding of narcissistic abuse would make the dynamic much clearer.
But best of luck to you.
Old comment, but I’m home sick watching old videos. I believe JD is narcissistic. He didn’t deserve what happened to him, but a person like him is always going to leave a relationship/ situation when things get difficult. They just can’t tolerate anything negative. My ex was the same way. You can’t communicate with these people. They will sit there in agreement, tell you what you want to hear so they don’t have to take accountability, or will do things like stonewall, ghost you, lie to you and so on. There’s nothing you could do or say that would make a difference. They might have good moments, but they aren’t going to last long, because the emotional maturity is lacking. I fully understand a person’s need/right to leave a violent situation. I think the minute things get physical it’s done. The couple needs to separate for a time, get counseling or end the relationship altogether. Neither one could end it right away because they were trauma bonded to each other. Trauma bonding doesn’t occur in a relationship where at least one person isn’t disordered. If that person was healthy, they would recognize the red flags and get out immediately or not have entered into it in the first place. All that to say, I don’t think it would’ve worked out anyway, even if AH had not ABed him or started fights. That certainly triggered him and put the demise of the union on the fast track, but he would’ve found another reason to leave eventually.
Thanks for sharing. In terms of substances, I have to abstain from caffeine. In terms of relationships, I struggle with aggression from PTSD caused by one relationship.
hey man, i know this isn’t related (and for the record of this case, i think we should not be idolising either one of them and it’s dumb for being publicised) but you’ve went quite viral on tiktok! just wondering if you know but your analysis of maddy and nate’s relationship really blew up and has almost hit 1 million likes and has gained over 4.3 million views. happy for you!! also love all your analysis videos, i wonder what you’d think of some clips from OITNB - specifically what they show of the psych ward. have a great day :)
Depp specifically made it public for “total global humiliation”
This is actually the only video I watched considering this drama case of these two. On purpuse. Thank you very much. :)
For me, this case is an extreme cautionary tale. If you encounter a person like AH, run. You can't fix them, it will not get better if you marry them. If they don't want to get better, they won't. I really hope she gets the help she needs though, she's destroying not only her own life but the lives of the people around her. She lost any credibility she had left when she testified on the stand.
I agree. The sad part is she needs help and I hope she gets it.
I totally agree!
I have experience with a person like her and she almost completely destroyed me. And I only lived with her for a few months and worked for about an year. After that short period of time I was absolutely without any energy, I couldn´t feel any joy. I was really just thinking about her yelling at me day prior, or trying to avoid her yelling at me in the future. She was bombing me with calls and messages all the time, and she was literally forsing me into arguments, even when I told her so many times, that I hate conflicts. It felt, like I could´t take a deep breath.
I was in a terrible state, when I finaly got the courage to completely block her out of my life. I just relized one day, that life is too short for me to suffer like that, when I DON´T HAVE TO.
It´s been few years and she is still trying to contact me now and then, but I just don´t respond anymore.
People like that really can do number on you. Doesn´t matter how peacefull or non conlicting you are. they will drive you into a corner, and will frustrate you (on purpose) to no end. And they will use every piece of sensitive or painful secret that you ever told them, to do so.
Seriously. Doesn´t matter, what kind of relationship it is. When you meet person like that and imidietly feel your energy go low in masive speed, RUN and do not turn around!
Depp's team asked for and was granted sending AH to get a psychological evaluation (or maybe she voluntarily did it). The person who diagnosed AH with borderline & histrionic spent 20 hours evaluating her, looked through 4 years of therapy notes, talked to their relationship therapist, and knew from the get-go that she would be testifying about her findings.
here is what I'd like you to speak on if possible: What, if any, merit is there and following this and other such cases? I find myself sucked in and intrigued by it all, but I also feels very voyeuristic. does following this and other similar types of stories do harm to us as individuals? how about what it does to us as a society?
That is a very interesting question, and one I've been pondering for a long time, but did not have the eloquence to put it in so many words. So, thank you. 😊
Some people like learning about the criminal justice system, so watching these videos (and watching lawyers go through it) learn a lot.
You can also learn about how society views these issues, individuals, etc. Which is interesting from a sociological perspective.
@@SK98765 This isn’t a criminal case, it’s a civil defamation case. I would also argue it’s less an example of the justice system and more of a trial by social media with the amount of publicity … normal trials don’t go this way
It gives us something to ponder over. Every discussion brings something new to the table. For example, many women don't believe men can be victims. Heck, some countries are still not categorising marital rape as criminal (i may or may not agree with that). Let's say, with this case, more people get to know that individuals in a relationship can still have dignity, and self respect, and can be violated or abused.
Like, this video resulted because of the whole case. If it was depp/heard case, it would have been another. But it forces us to make a choice on what is right as a human, as a society. It's important.
But then again, we shouldn't be obsessing over it so much it hinders other functioning. Other than that, i feel it's okay to learn and follow progress if they've gone and done this publicly anyway. We'll learn quite a bit
I watch a lot of true crime, and in my more emotionally immature years, I absolutely consumed it as entertainment without regard to the impact of victims and survivors. This was often because (aside from my own macabre interest that I'm responsible for) ~90% of true crime content/legal media focuses heavily on the attributes and characteristics of the perpetrator and not the impact of the perpetrator's actions, aside from the kind of voyeuristic violence that catches people's attention (aka, "drama"). Now, however, I've realized that there's incredible merit in consuming true crime content that's centered around victims and survivors, because there's almost always something you learn, either about red flags in relationships that you never would have considered, or warning signs in the abused that are often overlooked. You also learn about the depths of bias in the justice system and come out with a better development of critical thinking. There's also a major benefit in raising awareness in cases that the mass media don't pick up, especially in cases of missing persons. The more public pressure that's put on the justice system to pursue a case they may not be investing their time in, the likelihood a person will be found is increased. There are also often charity organizations that help victims and survivors pay for legal fees that are funded by consumers of true crime content. I say all of that to make this point: the publicity of this specific defamation case is a reflection of the ~90% and its a behavior/consumption that we've been taught is normal and acceptable.
thank you thank you thank you. I have seen so many therapist and body language specialist post videos on the case but you are my favorite therapist, again thank you
I've been following this case, because some of my clients have suffered domestic abuse and because I think the issue of gender stereotypes creating a blind spot when it comes to male victims at the hands of a female has not sufficiently been addressed by us specialists.
I very much liked your ideas on behalf of this trial and can agree to everything you said, just on one point I disagree: when people don't seek help I think it's not pride, it's fear. Fear that someone can see all the things they themselves don't like about themselves and being judged and maybe also being abandoned by the people we love if the specialist helps them see who we really are. Whoever enters my office in my eyes is a brave person and I find it extremely important not to judge my clients, but to be open to show them love when they themselves hate themselves.
As to the trial, from the evidence I've seen until now I got the impression that those two people were a horrible match, because they thought they could understand and support each other, having had similar experiences growing up. But they have developed very different coping strategies towards conflict. While Mr Depp seems to cope with negative emotions and conflict by trying to get out of the situation and using drugs to numb his emotions, Miss Heard seems to seek an open conflict in which she articulates her needs and tries to convince the other person to give her what she needs in that moment, retaining the other person responsible for her negative emotions and hence responsible for making them go away. So they got into a vicious cycle in which both did exactly what the other one feared most in a relationship. Must have been a horror trip for both of them.
While I feel sympathy for Miss Heard as I understand that she never could develop the coping strategies to deal with strong emotions in a mature way, I'm shocked how her lawyers have exposed her so badly in public. It's obvious she has no proof for most of the heavy accusations she made and her testimony doesn't seem coherent. So I have somehow the impression she's being exploited by her lawyers.