I’m so grateful for your work! I’m a new homeschool mom in China, and my son was almost 7 and my girl almost 2. For the last half year I was trying hard learn about curriculum and watch reviews or comparing different curriculum, and at the same time homeschool the big one and care for the little one. I recently made the decision of choosing SCM and I’m really excited about it. I cancel subscription of several UA-cam channel for curriculum comparison or suggestion. I am watching more of your videos and try to furnish myself up. There is just one thing，I feel it takes quite a lot of time and a bit difficult for me to pick all the books that was recommended in the lesson plan. As a new homeschool mom with little ones can barely have enough time. I would suggest that on your website, please provide one option that we can click and get them all.
Hi Jane. We are excited for you on your home education journey! We would love to have book bundles available in the future now that we have our own warehouse. It will be a while before that dream/goal of ours comes to fruition.
My 5 year old daughter has recently taken up to talking back and repeating what I say to her in a sassy manner when she's not happy with my instructions. I try to be as respectful as possible, but I can see that she feels powerful when she talks back. I'm trying to figure out what the opposite of talking back would be - talking politely? I'm a little lost on how I could encourage that, considering that I'm trying my best to model that in my own interactions with her. I would really appreciate a bit of guidance on this matter here. Thank you!
Hello! You are correct-- you would want to pursue a habit of kind, polite words. You could look up the chapters on having a sweet, even temper in Laying Down the Rails. Sit down with your daughter and tell her how you expect her to respond. It could be a "Yes, Ma'am" or "yes, mom." And then practice when you are not in the heat of the moment. When a situation arises and she is talking back-- gently ask her how she should respond. Look for the polite response and then expect her to follow through. You may find the following podcasts helpful in having a sweet temper and thinking through consequences: simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-and-a-parents-character-maintaining-a-sweet-even-temper/ simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-amp-a-consequences/
Hi, Great question! Here are a few helpful blogposts that give you some practice ideas for these habits. 3 Ways to Work on the Habit of Truthfulness simplycharlottemason.com/blog/3-ways-to-work-on-the-habit-of-truthfulness/ 3 Ways to Work on the Habit of Attention simplycharlottemason.com/blog/3-ways-to-work-on-the-habit-of-attention/ SCM has a resource for habit training that is intended for use directly with the student in grades 1-12 that includes living examples as well as practice ideas for all of the target habits listed in this book. Here is a link where you can learn more about this resource if you are interested. simplycharlottemason.com/store/laying-down-the-rails-for-children-a-habit-training-companion/
Is it possible to use this advice for a non-moral bad habit? I’m asking because my 8 year old son has recently been constantly putting his fingers in his mouth…and it’s resulting in getting sick more frequently! Can anyone offer any advice for a positive good habit to replace this?
Is there something bothering him or life change that is causing him to use it to self soothe? My 12 year old daughter for the past 7 months has started to rub one part of her hair line to the point that its balding and growing new baby hair. It all started with multiplication. She struggles with it a lot and causes her stress.
Putting his fingers in his mouth is not what is making him sick but not having clean hands and then putting them into his mouth; at 8-years-old that seems an odd habit for him to pick up all of a sudden. Have you spoken to him about why he is doing this? Does it bring him comfort? Is he just sucking on his fingers at odd moments, at meal times? What is the purpose of this action? Without knowing such things and having a conversation about it, it would be impossible to give a "good" route to take. If you are just irritated in general about him putting his fingers in his mouth, as that is quite odd at his age to develop such a habit, find why he is doing it and find a suitable replacement. If it is just that he is getting sick, tell him he must wash his hands well before putting his fingers in his mouth and he also must not do it where a place to wash his hands are not readily available. If he does not listen, the consequence would depend on the maturity of the child and also your prior forms of discipline. If he is getting sick, he is already dealing with the consequences of his foolish actions but also is the household. When he is sick, I would quarantine him in a room all alone (if possible) with him not being able to come out except with masks to go to the bathroom, have meals brought to him by leaving them at his door and you could use an alternative cell phone or house phone and give it to him in case he needs to communicate with you. If he has consequences to being sick other than just the sickness with your wisdom of why being given to him at these times than perhaps he will decide to change his behavior altogether.
Also if it is a form of comfort, then he is not being comforted enough by you. Is he very talkative?? He may need for you to be more physically affectionate take a bigger interests in his interests, and listening to him more and giving him a chance to voice how he feels. I know a child relative who developed this habit and as he got more siblings and more stress was put on him as the oldest and this child felt very stifled and not listened to. Children are not much different than adults except they are still forming and their tender hearts are still soft and malleable. Whereas an adult not given much affection learns to hate affection and also becomes quite cold, a child is learning to cope with this lack of affection or lack of respect and lack of proper attention by various means; if symptoms are happening, there's a reason that leads back to what is happening in the relationships and responsibilities in his life and the environment of his home. So if it is comfort he is looking for, he is not getting it from somewhere. I myself sucked my thumb from infanthood to 17 or 18, rarely ever got sick. My parents didn't care. I chose to train myself to stop by abstaining. I am sure in my past my mom weaned me, probably due to pregnancy as my sister and I are exactly one year apart and I picked it up as an infant to comfort myself. I have weaned all of my children, yet the only finger sucker I have just turned two yesterday and he was bottlefed pumped breastmilk for over a year. He also used to pull out his hair and since it has gotten cut, he puts his hands in my hair and sucks on one finger (it used to be two, but one got cut so he couldn't suck that finger so learned to stop due to discipline because his bandages couldn't get wet). He has major coping issues, and it's no coincidence, he was bottlefed and I was pumping for over an hour every few hours or so, and I had four other children at that point, and though I spend time with him, he does not get the discpline and undivided attention my other kids get as I have since become highly distracted so I know it is my fault and I must do something different in my behavior before he feels comfortable enough to change his.
Absolutely! These principles will work with any habit. As mentioned in the video and as others have pointed out, you do want to first identify that "bad habit's" root. Why is my child doing this? and then proceed from there!
What if a child (mine) refuses to share her name in public situations? And if for some distraction I share to someone she doesn't know, she gets mad! Is very embarrassing. I'm realising now that for sure we should practice the habit of courtesy, right?...
Depending on the age of your child, you may want to sit down with her and ask her why she does not share her name when asked. There could be many reasons and if we seek to understand her reason it may help us in how to proceed. The habit of courtesy would be a great one to practice to target introductions and being polite to others. You can target this habit on your own or you can consider the use of "Laying Down the Rails for Children" which we recommend for children six years old and up for habit training. This resource has pre-planned lessons that you can use directly with your child to help them learn new habits. Here is a link where you can learn more about this resource. Laying Down the Rails for Children: simplycharlottemason.com/store/laying-down-the-rails-for-children-a-habit-training-companion/
Thank you for the reply 🙏 I already asked her some times why she doesn't want to share her name but she doesn't tell anything... I think I will order that book 🙏
My 6yo daughter sinnce she is toddler has this bad habit (our fault!) of undoing something me or dad do because she wants to do her way, in a very meticulous and perfectionist way. For example, I give her the pijama to dress up to sleep and she picks it up, go put it back in the wardrobe, take it from there again herself, fold it in a meticulous way perfectionist way, and then yes, she is satisfied and she can dress up the pijama... Sometimes this happens in a kind of ok mode and other in a crazy tantrum mode. And in different situations. Is quite annoying that she often wants to undo what we do. The root of the bad habit could be a desire for perfectionism and detail ? A new habit could be engaging her with handy activities, where there is the need to be meticulous, like dough, crochet, jewellery, sew...? Or the root could be lack of trust, desire of control? Thank you in advance !
Hi, Thank you for reaching out with your questions! Without knowing your daughter personally, the root of the habit could be any of the things that you mentioned. It may be helpful to let her be independent in those tasks that you as her parents are ok with her having that control and ownership over. Ultimately, this can also be a great way to target other habits with her such as obedience and regularity of the routine where you give her the guidance of what needs to happen and as long as she is following the routine, she can do it how she wants to. For example if you tell her to get dressed in her pajamas and brush her teeth it would be great if she initiated that routine on her own and went and chose the pajamas to get the routine going. Engaging her in some meticulous handicrafts could be wonderful in feeding her desire to create something that requires attention to detail, this is certainly worth exploring with her! Additionally, it may benefit her to target the habit of "best effort" and help her reframe some of her thinking about how the end product must look. Here is a helpful blogpost on the habit of best effort. simplycharlottemason.com/blog/3-ways-to-work-on-the-habit-of-best-effort/
Hi Katrina! Screen time and screen addiction is an important topic. We talk about screens more in depth on the following podcasts: simplycharlottemason.com/blog/screen-time/ simplycharlottemason.com/blog/your-questions-answered-when-school-seems-pointless/ In addition, Sonya and our team recommend the books: Screen Kids: 5 Relational Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World a.co/d/gy4I5xR Glow Kids: How Screen Addiction Is Hijacking Our Kids - and How to Break the Trance a.co/d/d16e8xF We hope these resources will be of use to you as you navigate this topic for your family!
As far as what to replace screen time with, look at our recommendations for how to have productive afternoons: simplycharlottemason.com/blog/productive-afternoons-in-charlotte-mason-homeschooling/ And our free ebook: simplycharlottemason.com/store/productive-afternoons/
Thank you for the wonderful information. Actually I felt very convicted by this information. I guess I should work on myself first.
I’m definitely needing to apply this to some areas in my life.
Ditto! ❤️
You're very welcome, so glad you found this episode helpful!
I love watching your podcast Sonya! It's very informative and relevant to our daily lives. Thank you!
You're very welcome!
I‘m also very grateful that there is mostly ebook version, which is very friendly to overseas homeschoolers.
Thank you for sharing your feedback!
"Remember...you move toward what you focus on." So good to remember. Thank you!
You're very welcome!
I’m so grateful for your work! I’m a new homeschool mom in China, and my son was almost 7 and my girl almost 2. For the last half year I was trying hard learn about curriculum and watch reviews or comparing different curriculum, and at the same time homeschool the big one and care for the little one. I recently made the decision of choosing SCM and I’m really excited about it. I cancel subscription of several UA-cam channel for curriculum comparison or suggestion. I am watching more of your videos and try to furnish myself up. There is just one thing，I feel it takes quite a lot of time and a bit difficult for me to pick all the books that was recommended in the lesson plan. As a new homeschool mom with little ones can barely have enough time. I would suggest that on your website, please provide one option that we can click and get them all.
Hi Jane. We are excited for you on your home education journey! We would love to have book bundles available in the future now that we have our own warehouse. It will be a while before that dream/goal of ours comes to fruition.
Thanks for such a great information. God bless you.
You're very welcome!
Wonderful advice! Thank you!
You're very welcome!
My 5 year old daughter has recently taken up to talking back and repeating what I say to her in a sassy manner when she's not happy with my instructions. I try to be as respectful as possible, but I can see that she feels powerful when she talks back. I'm trying to figure out what the opposite of talking back would be - talking politely? I'm a little lost on how I could encourage that, considering that I'm trying my best to model that in my own interactions with her. I would really appreciate a bit of guidance on this matter here. Thank you!
Hello!
You are correct-- you would want to pursue a habit of kind, polite words. You could look up the chapters on having a sweet, even temper in Laying Down the Rails.
Sit down with your daughter and tell her how you expect her to respond. It could be a "Yes, Ma'am" or "yes, mom." And then practice when you are not in the heat of the moment.
When a situation arises and she is talking back-- gently ask her how she should respond. Look for the polite response and then expect her to follow through.
You may find the following podcasts helpful in having a sweet temper and thinking through consequences:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-and-a-parents-character-maintaining-a-sweet-even-temper/
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/habits-q-amp-a-consequences/
Using the examples used in the video, what could be then the practice for the positive habit of 1.truthfulness and 2.attention?
Thank you in advance
Hi, Great question! Here are a few helpful blogposts that give you some practice ideas for these habits.
3 Ways to Work on the Habit of Truthfulness
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/3-ways-to-work-on-the-habit-of-truthfulness/
3 Ways to Work on the Habit of Attention
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/3-ways-to-work-on-the-habit-of-attention/
SCM has a resource for habit training that is intended for use directly with the student in grades 1-12 that includes living examples as well as practice ideas for all of the target habits listed in this book. Here is a link where you can learn more about this resource if you are interested.
simplycharlottemason.com/store/laying-down-the-rails-for-children-a-habit-training-companion/
Is it possible to use this advice for a non-moral bad habit? I’m asking because my 8 year old son has recently been constantly putting his fingers in his mouth…and it’s resulting in getting sick more frequently!
Can anyone offer any advice for a positive good habit to replace this?
Is there something bothering him or life change that is causing him to use it to self soothe? My 12 year old daughter for the past 7 months has started to rub one part of her hair line to the point that its balding and growing new baby hair. It all started with multiplication. She struggles with it a lot and causes her stress.
Maybe chewelry can help replace the fingers. My 8 yr old used to do it and she still does it every now and then to soothe.
Putting his fingers in his mouth is not what is making him sick but not having clean hands and then putting them into his mouth; at 8-years-old that seems an odd habit for him to pick up all of a sudden. Have you spoken to him about why he is doing this? Does it bring him comfort? Is he just sucking on his fingers at odd moments, at meal times? What is the purpose of this action? Without knowing such things and having a conversation about it, it would be impossible to give a "good" route to take. If you are just irritated in general about him putting his fingers in his mouth, as that is quite odd at his age to develop such a habit, find why he is doing it and find a suitable replacement. If it is just that he is getting sick, tell him he must wash his hands well before putting his fingers in his mouth and he also must not do it where a place to wash his hands are not readily available. If he does not listen, the consequence would depend on the maturity of the child and also your prior forms of discipline. If he is getting sick, he is already dealing with the consequences of his foolish actions but also is the household. When he is sick, I would quarantine him in a room all alone (if possible) with him not being able to come out except with masks to go to the bathroom, have meals brought to him by leaving them at his door and you could use an alternative cell phone or house phone and give it to him in case he needs to communicate with you. If he has consequences to being sick other than just the sickness with your wisdom of why being given to him at these times than perhaps he will decide to change his behavior altogether.
Also if it is a form of comfort, then he is not being comforted enough by you. Is he very talkative?? He may need for you to be more physically affectionate take a bigger interests in his interests, and listening to him more and giving him a chance to voice how he feels. I know a child relative who developed this habit and as he got more siblings and more stress was put on him as the oldest and this child felt very stifled and not listened to. Children are not much different than adults except they are still forming and their tender hearts are still soft and malleable. Whereas an adult not given much affection learns to hate affection and also becomes quite cold, a child is learning to cope with this lack of affection or lack of respect and lack of proper attention by various means; if symptoms are happening, there's a reason that leads back to what is happening in the relationships and responsibilities in his life and the environment of his home. So if it is comfort he is looking for, he is not getting it from somewhere. I myself sucked my thumb from infanthood to 17 or 18, rarely ever got sick. My parents didn't care. I chose to train myself to stop by abstaining. I am sure in my past my mom weaned me, probably due to pregnancy as my sister and I are exactly one year apart and I picked it up as an infant to comfort myself. I have weaned all of my children, yet the only finger sucker I have just turned two yesterday and he was bottlefed pumped breastmilk for over a year. He also used to pull out his hair and since it has gotten cut, he puts his hands in my hair and sucks on one finger (it used to be two, but one got cut so he couldn't suck that finger so learned to stop due to discipline because his bandages couldn't get wet). He has major coping issues, and it's no coincidence, he was bottlefed and I was pumping for over an hour every few hours or so, and I had four other children at that point, and though I spend time with him, he does not get the discpline and undivided attention my other kids get as I have since become highly distracted so I know it is my fault and I must do something different in my behavior before he feels comfortable enough to change his.
Absolutely! These principles will work with any habit. As mentioned in the video and as others have pointed out, you do want to first identify that "bad habit's" root. Why is my child doing this? and then proceed from there!
What if a child (mine) refuses to share her name in public situations? And if for some distraction I share to someone she doesn't know, she gets mad! Is very embarrassing. I'm realising now that for sure we should practice the habit of courtesy, right?...
Depending on the age of your child, you may want to sit down with her and ask her why she does not share her name when asked. There could be many reasons and if we seek to understand her reason it may help us in how to proceed. The habit of courtesy would be a great one to practice to target introductions and being polite to others. You can target this habit on your own or you can consider the use of "Laying Down the Rails for Children" which we recommend for children six years old and up for habit training. This resource has pre-planned lessons that you can use directly with your child to help them learn new habits. Here is a link where you can learn more about this resource.
Laying Down the Rails for Children:
simplycharlottemason.com/store/laying-down-the-rails-for-children-a-habit-training-companion/
Thank you for the reply 🙏
I already asked her some times why she doesn't want to share her name but she doesn't tell anything...
I think I will order that book 🙏
My 6yo daughter sinnce she is toddler has this bad habit (our fault!) of undoing something me or dad do because she wants to do her way, in a very meticulous and perfectionist way. For example, I give her the pijama to dress up to sleep and she picks it up, go put it back in the wardrobe, take it from there again herself, fold it in a meticulous way perfectionist way, and then yes, she is satisfied and she can dress up the pijama...
Sometimes this happens in a kind of ok mode and other in a crazy tantrum mode. And in different situations. Is quite annoying that she often wants to undo what we do.
The root of the bad habit could be a desire for perfectionism and detail ?
A new habit could be engaging her with handy activities, where there is the need to be meticulous, like dough, crochet, jewellery, sew...?
Or the root could be lack of trust, desire of control?
Thank you in advance !
Hi, Thank you for reaching out with your questions! Without knowing your daughter personally, the root of the habit could be any of the things that you mentioned. It may be helpful to let her be independent in those tasks that you as her parents are ok with her having that control and ownership over. Ultimately, this can also be a great way to target other habits with her such as obedience and regularity of the routine where you give her the guidance of what needs to happen and as long as she is following the routine, she can do it how she wants to. For example if you tell her to get dressed in her pajamas and brush her teeth it would be great if she initiated that routine on her own and went and chose the pajamas to get the routine going. Engaging her in some meticulous handicrafts could be wonderful in feeding her desire to create something that requires attention to detail, this is certainly worth exploring with her! Additionally, it may benefit her to target the habit of "best effort" and help her reframe some of her thinking about how the end product must look. Here is a helpful blogpost on the habit of best effort.
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/3-ways-to-work-on-the-habit-of-best-effort/
What would you say is the core issue with a screen addiction? And what recommendations do you have to replace it with?
Hi Katrina!
Screen time and screen addiction is an important topic. We talk about screens more in depth on the following podcasts:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/screen-time/
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/your-questions-answered-when-school-seems-pointless/
In addition, Sonya and our team recommend the books:
Screen Kids: 5 Relational Skills Every Child Needs in a Tech-Driven World a.co/d/gy4I5xR
Glow Kids: How Screen Addiction Is Hijacking Our Kids - and How to Break the Trance a.co/d/d16e8xF
We hope these resources will be of use to you as you navigate this topic for your family!
As far as what to replace screen time with, look at our recommendations for how to have productive afternoons:
simplycharlottemason.com/blog/productive-afternoons-in-charlotte-mason-homeschooling/
And our free ebook:
simplycharlottemason.com/store/productive-afternoons/
@@SimplyCharlotteMason thank you! I will get started on your recommendations. They are much appreciated!