I can relate being homeless for a bit in the early 2000s and then in the military for five years! I’m still rediscovering books and media from the 2000s.
While you make outstanding points about work-life balance, I must confess the "Britney Spears" anecdote had me rolling! Be well and all the best, Tim! Thank you for sharing.
Hey Tim, a few words. I've noticed you've been mentioning your "lost decade" for a few videos now. And I got to say that even if you understandably feel that you "lost" a decade, you gained something that most won't ever have: you added beloved creations to the colective conciousness of the western world, and, most importantly, you made and still make millions of people happy. As one can gather from your daily videos, your workaholism was integral to that result. Who knows how history would've looked at those legendary IPs if not for that? And maybe it wasn't the best lifestyle, but you live and learn, nobody is born knowing really how to live, and I might even say that is because of what we lived that we tend to do the things we do. So long story short, to many of us your lost decade gave us joy, like an indirect sacrifice if you will. So if you ask if it was worth it, maybe to you it wasn't, only you know what you transpired, but for the rest of us, oh boy, it was. And all the good that came from your sacrifice is never going away. So all in all, you have my wholeheartedly thanks for that.
That's an extremely selfish take. "Sure, you lost an extremely large amount of time from your life that you will never get back, but you had an impact in gaming!"
@@daytonode No, it's just gratitude for what he's done. Incidentally, this degree of commitment isn't out of the ordinary for "greats" in various fields of human endeavour. Van Gogh starved and drove himself to a psychotic break. At least Tim still has both ears.
This was difficult, but valuable, to watch. You see, I too lost time - half a decade, in my case - but rather than being to overwork, it was to poverty. I'd skip out on movie nights with my friends because I couldn't afford the ticket; I'd avoid having friends over because my house was a den of broke misery. In the end, this left me losing friendships I should've kept - and the cultural moments they should have provided. So I too, have the disconnect... it's gotten better over time (and now I have a job, so there's that), but there's still a notable hole where a whole lot of cultural connection 'should' have been. It's tough. I feel ya.
@@burgundian-peanuts Ow, it was a deliberate joke. Haha. It is even more funny now because I make jokes like that all the time and back in the day we did mix Christina and Britney up. (Some of us did.) I feel so stupid right now.. Haha. Thanks for pointing it out.
I am glad you are talking about this. I too had a lost decade, though it was in business software rather than games. Worked 60-80 hours a week for that decade. I had no hobbies, I didn't associate with any other people, similarly have no memory of movies or music, and I ruined my body by forcing myself to stay awake with energy drinks and soda. The effects of that on my body and my life were permanent. I never realized that I was ruining myself until after it was too late, after the damage had already been done. That's why I am so glad when I see young people come to our company rather than another software company. We try to not let people do that to themselves, and it is easy when you are passionate about what you do to fall into that, and you dont know how much harm you have done to yourself until years later.
Your point about ruining your body by pushing it too hard is definitely a good one, I'm glad your current company is cognisant of the dangers inherent in working too much to the detriment of your health!
That's a great thing to do for your younger employees. I have no idea how you managed to do 60-80 for 10 years. (Some) Work culture has a lot to answer for. My sanity took severe strain during the few months I worked 100+ hour weeks doing games QA just to afford rent - I picked up every single shift I could get, including overnight ones. It took many years for my brain to recover, along with my poor eating habits to sustain that amount of uptime. It ultimately put my body out of whack (and then my mind) so much that I lost the past 9 or so years of my life from health issues. Even now I'm finding it really tough to pick up the pieces after physical -- but not entirely mental, and certainly not career -- recovery.
@@atheosmachina yeah, it really messed me up bad. Got type 2 diabetes from the decade of eating shitty food so I could get right back to work and energy drinks/sodas to stay awake. Got chronic back problems. Lost lots of relationships including my first marriage. Bad times, but I hope young folks can learn from it. Times are better now but only because I got over my work addiction, and I feel like I only did because it was either that or an early grave. Particularly once I got that diabetes diagnosis.
@@EdgarVerona Glad you've turned things around at least. There's something to be said for work in general. As humans, many/most of us like to keep busy, but we've been sucked into a false sense of value in 20th/21st century life in my opinion.
This resonates with me. It strongly brings to mind the years I did long haul trucking. Lived in the cab, got home for the weekend and played some videogames, then off again for another week. I still do long haul occasionally, but having a mostly reliable internet connection everywhere is an absolute game changer.
Exactly. He actually accomplished something with his talent and made a lot of people happy. The FO franchise has its own tv-show now. I get what he's saying here, but from our perspective it was more than worth it. He kind of reached celebrity status.
I guess this is the difference between the US and EU. In Europe, we don't see this as romantic or idealistic, in fact quite the opposite, we see it as dystopian. It's great to have passion, it's also great to work beyond the 9 to 5, but if you're ever in circumstances where you have to work like this (even if it's self-imposed), something's not quite right.
@@lrinfiI don’t know. There is a huge hustle/grind culture in the U.S. Some people cite Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography as being the first instance of a self made man mythology. It definitely had a lasting effect on the U.S
My issue is not with losing whatever the cultural zeitgeist is "now". My issue is with stress and lack of rest. I already have problems with depression and anxiety. Stress and not getting enough rest massively compound them. I respect people who can work in such conditions without becoming suicidal, but I'm not one of them.
And for every success story in this kind of a work environment, there are dozens of people who come out of it much worse off, where it was unambiguously bad in all aspects in retrospect.
@@JustGrowingUp84 yeah, agreed that in general that's a good thing to have. But you can also get that without having to risk your long term well being - it's tough because in the moment it is almost an addiction. I was totally there. My job was business software, but I had a lot of leeway and ownership over what I made and why. That ownership itself in some ways pushed me even harder, it became an issue of personal pride. And pride in your work is also good - just as long as you aren't destroying yourself for it.
Wow. Completely relatable. I’m in my early 40s, but I’ve had some lost years spread out in my life instead of a 10 year stretch. Like 3 lost years playing EQ 16 hours a day (no regrets at all), couple years during covid do a big web migration and some other web projects. I am happy being a complete shut in if I can get lost in a game/project. Meeting my now wife really keeps me grounded in reality. Similar story to your dating and travel story. She loves to travel and I used to be really nervous about traveling, but we go to all these places now and it’s constantly pushing me out of my comfort zone and I’m loving it. Anyway thanks for sharing your story!
I'm glad you have reconciled with your lost decade. Everyone is different and will have their own perspective. Speaking for myself, I could never accept such a lopsided work/life balance but coming from Europe with a healthy work/life balance that is enforced by EU laws naturally Europeans are inclined to think and live differently. I've also never been as passionate about any job as you are with making videogames so it's difficult for me and I'm sure many others to see it the way you do. Thanks for sharing!
Some year ago I was listening to a "best songs of the last 10 years" list on youtube when I realized I didn't know the last 5 years artists. A weird feeling of being left behind. After high school this happens so easely while you focus on college/work/family.
I had a similar experience, having to learn things in my early adulthood that other people took for granted knowing. It can be a strugle, but looking back, you just had other experiences that "normal" people didnt have. You created a very significant piece of culture that have had an effect on many peoples lives. So im glad you dont regret those years! It meant a lot to me at least. Greetings from Norway by the way 👋
To think you hardly experienced it, but helped make one of the best period pieces of that time (VTM:B) is awesome. Love your work dude, you've given me thousands of hours of entertainment.
Funny, because I feel like my whole life I was trying to chase something to grind, since guitar was my first passion and it taught be how driven life can be if you find that one thing. For a long time since then, I've been trying to find it and obviously societal milestones are expected to be fulfilled, so I just did them because that was what was expected of me. So I went to parties, got a retail job, killed whole days with friends going from place to place, vacations, fancy restaurants, college, clubs, extracurriculars, an internship, couple girls were interested in me, grinded academics etc. The only thing I felt was worth it was learning that I don't value those things as much as other people - there are other things, but that was the main thing. I envy people like you who found their grind, at my age that obstacle is already past them and they're fulfilling much further milestones by now while I haven't even gotten anything off the ground.
It might be difficult to judge if it was all worth it, but because of your commitment we got to play your awesome games, that can easily be called masterpieces. Are they perfect? No. But they made an enourmous impact on the industry. You guys were shaping history, I am extremely grateful for what you have done.
First time I relate so much to somebody in this kind of topic. I am 31, started working at 24 in a lab. Since then, I feel I've dedicated my life to work and has stopped doing other things. I love my job, but people say I need to go out more and I think they are right. 😅 thanks for this video, it really made me think about my current work-life balance.. situation! 😊
Of all videos you've made Tim, this one hits hard I won't get into details why but let me just say... I'm a concept artist working in game dev for the past 10 years... I haven't been on ANY holidays/vacations etc. in all those years... Anyway - Thx for all the content
Please take the time for yourself. For every story of someone who made Fallout in their lost decade there are dozens of people who - instead of seeing a huge payout from it - just get permanent harm to their relationships and their personal health. I promise you, the work will still be there if you also take time for yourself. There has to be a balance. Take it from me, a 40 year old who ruined myself with a similar "lost decade" in my 20's. I didn't learn the harm I did until I was in my 30's, when it was too late to undo. Don't end up in the same place, claim your time back.
"Hit me with a genie bottle" "Baby One More Time" was released on October 23, 1998. (Bspears) "Genie in a bottle" the song was released on 22 June 1999 I love when you put two things together. My favorite is "We will burn that bridge when we get to it"
You should still consider yourself lucky to have done all that work on something you were passionate about. During a period of my life I had to work 12hs a day weekends included, we only got 5 days a month off and we had to take them all together, so that meant it could be an entire month without a single day off, and on top of that rotating schedules, and it was doing something I hated. So if you ask me what I'd prefer, yeah, I'd totally prefer to have no life doing something I'm passionate about rather than the same but with something I hate. So yeah, even your lost decade makes me envious XD
Where I live it's in our constitution as one of the guidelines that work hours should leave the worker enough time for his self improvement, his family, his society and politics. This video specifically shows how important that is.
I get it completely. Im currently in my lost decades. In my late 20s I got a job as a steel worker. 16 hour days 6 days a week for 8 years until the day the plant closed its doors. I got a job at a convience store imediately afterwards where I worked 12-16 hours a day 6-7 days a week for 12 years. I finally left that job as I was extremely miserable there to work with/for my brother at another business where Ive spent the past year again living at my job. Working there Ive met a lot of the people in my subdivision which had no idea who I was or that Ive been living in this house for 22 years. I dont have a tv, never owned a cell phone, and I have no idea what people are talking about half the time. My only outlet all these years has been video games. When I get home from work I have a drink play a game for about 2 hours, get something to eat, and then watch youtube videos that are related the the games Im playing until I cant keep my eyes open anymore. Which usually results in 5 or less hours of sleep a day. Im at a point where Im just completely miserable with work. I no longer enjoy what I do, I cant stand the company I work for, and I cant stand the clientele. However leaving means being out of work for an extended period of time(the economy is very bad where I am) and when I do get something else Id be making roughly half of what I do now, which is already a financial struggle.
Thanks for another cool story. I also had lost years here and there. They add up to a decade. One time I cancelled a family event because I was busy at work. I pretty much lived in the office. Sometimes I left hours after midnight. I saved a LOT of multi-million $ contracts for the company. A few days later I got a call from my mother. I was in the office, working. She was crying - her mother died. Well, that family event I cancelled due to work could have been the last time I saw my grandma. Who knows, if I'm there maybe she could have lived longer. Her last words were asking where I am. Many years later I still have sleepless nights about it and sometimes cry for having been a shitty grandson to a grandmother who loved me dearly. Anyways, don't be married to your work. Oh, the company I worked for back then? I found out leadership was stealing a lot of money. I mean, amounts most people would kill for. They realized I might know about their shady shit. They fired me. I was never compensated for my work properly. I was never valued properly. In fact I was treated like a criminal during the exit procedures.
I can relate to being buried in work for a time and coming out of it feeling like the world has changed. I still find myself getting acquainted with tv shows and movies my friends quote that I have never seen. Thank you for sharing these videos and for all the time you spent creating games. I am glad you are still doing that. Games are the foundation of culture for many guys these days. People like you and the Bioware doctors did/do work that matters more than you know.
You are loved and respected by many people because of your "lost decade".😉 Btw, I will turn 40 in a few months and I lost two decades of my life.. not because of work, but other things. Going forward I'm determined not to lose a single day.
Thanks for posting this one. And you don't realize it until after the project is over. It's hard to imagine games getting made in just 40 hours work a week once you understand the productivity of the 'all-in' mentality.
This sums up my experience at Illinois Institute of Art when it comes to not recommending it but not regretting attending. I still look at my severely outdated student work and yet it still fascinates me that I created it. Working with programs such as Maya, Photoshop, and After Effects to create images and edit them was a whole new world that opened for me. Noone can take the history you created Tim regardless of the sacrifice.
its crazy to think how much we lose to fulfill the requirement to make the things we care. As long as you don't regret losing that time I think its worth it
What an amazing story, thanks for sharing! It makes me think of my own experience, I'm not in the gaming industry but I'm coming up on a decade working in IT, I've had a few seasons in my life with the same work life balance pace you describe. Now I have a better balance, but I'm starting to feel tired and that it's time to move on, or at least work on a more meaningful project, so I can feel like I'm not wasting another decade.
You are a huge inspiration tim! i grew up playing your games and i learned a good amount of english from your games, i feel bad for what you went through but know that you achieved A LOT from that decade and you have left your mark on the industry. Im really happy to see that you made this channel and i hope you continue making these videos!
I just came out of the exact same thing. For the last ten years all I've done is code for school/work and play video games. Had a mental breakdown after 10 years of that (triggered by watching Highlander of all things) then ended up getting diagnosed with OCD, getting medicated and now its like my brain has turned on for a second time.
Yea it's hard to really come to terms with lost time. I had to deal with cancer and an "unsuccessful" college experience that cost me nearly a decade of professional progress in my 20s. But even though I lost time I could've spent on game development, I can't fully say I regret it, since I was able to take more time to think and refine my designs and design philosophy. If I had made a game back then, it would've probably been shit, so I understand a bit why you might not regret how things went. However life goes, there's always ups and downs to it.
I can somewhat relate, if only from the media aspect. I haven't watched tv for over three decades now, so doing the TV Guide crossword puzzles is no longer a thing, nor do I get many memes involving movies from the early-90s 'til now. But, I am a retiree so I have lots of time to see enough memes to get the gist of it all. I did watch the first two seasons of Stranger Things. Someday I might go watch the rest.
This actually resonates a lot with the experience of the 'rona happenings sweeping the world during your college years. Kinda reminds us how it's just generally important to remember that commonalities can be shared between such discretely specific circumstances.
I’m going to ask on a few of your videos. Hopefully you will see this if it becomes annoying please let me know. I would love to hear you speak on Todd, Howard, as well as other game developers like Michael Kirkbride You have already made it clear you don’t review things. But if you could just talk about how they work compared to you. Or ideas they have that you really love as a developer. I would be so happy! It would be especially great if you could get Todd or someone like that on a video call you’ve had your other friends here and they are just swell. I love them and their work. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for you and all the people you worked with.
Just wanted to personally mention that I too relate. I don't want to go into any details, but my retrospect is that I needed that to be where I am today. I wouldn't be as successful, nor as happy. One thing always leads to another. The butterfly effect. However, while I'm reaping the benefits today, in a sense I never really stopped. Just started to prioritize other things as highly. Things like family, friends, hobbies etc. At least that's how I choose to see it. I don't know if this made any sense, but can't be more specific without mentioning details.
I think the question you have to ask is whether your games would have been worse if they had been allowed to take longer, so that the people working on them didn't have to choose between either making a great game or sacrificing their health. If it truly is an either/or situation (and I don't think it necessarily has to be), I choose health. Have games take longer and cost more to make, if that's what it takes to develop them sustainably and ethically.
Agreed, having been someone who had a very similar "lost decade" but ended up with type 2 diabetes and chronic back problems from the lack of care I took for myself during that decade. And many friendships as well as my first marriage that fell apart because I was just plain never there. If folks make the choice to devote themselves to something they are making in this way, they need to understand that the health risks they are taking may be undetected until it is too late to reverse them. And similarly with their relationships. For every story of someone who made great art by sacrificing some portion of their life and came out ahead in the end, there are dozens of people who made a similar sacrifice and only ended up with permanent harm from the attempt. And that is the real reason why we need our passion to be contained in an 8 hour a day window whenever possible. Those risks are real and the success stories are few but glamorous compared to the larger pool of people who end up hurt by it.
Not that I am upset with Tim for his perspective. I am glad it worked out for him in the long run! But I don't want young people to walk away with the impression that this sort of thing is what leads to success. It often doesn't, and success doesn't have to come from such a risky road. We can and must find ways to have a balance, to avoid the "all in" lost decade.
Thank you for these insightful videos and your hard work and dedication to your craft, all the above is greatly appreciated by many many folk (myself included if that’s not clear)
It’s not lost one bit! Your legacy will persevere. You’ve changed the world for better or worse. Most people’s lifetimes combined wouldn’t dream to achieve such a feat while it took you only a decade.
Workaholics fascinate me. I simply can’t function that way, I get depressed and burn out quickly. I’m envious of those that are passionate to the point of obsession, and I have those tendencies, but I need more than that to feel at all fulfilled.
I mean, there are always "lost decades" in a person's life. I consider my lost decade from 28 to not 38. I conentrated to finish my degree and started as an programmer. I have done things according to plan, but haven't achieved a lot just experienced this massive social isolation. Of course I tried to actively change it, but it wouldn't work out. My social circle would have "wise lines" how to change things, but were vanishing in the background themselves. So, you can not control life. Your lost decade though is one of conscious action and "agency" (if I may use your game design terms Tim :-) ) and from that also came legendary titles. You now know better how to organize your life. But for some people life has a "hidden decade" around which is not by chosen workoholism and even if wouldn't yield anything worthwhile :-) But you did say that worklife balance and workoholism is a fine balance with no clear answer to whether it's worth it.
It was not lost, it was recharging. I can relate since I spent all my 20s trying to recover from early trauma. And now I'm more motivated than ever to pursue my passion! No regrets! Thank you for sharing your story!
These kinds of stories frighten me, but I'm glad you shared it, and I have to admit I feel a similar workaholic urge. I wonder whether you would regret it had your creations not been successful/well-received? I'm just thinking about all the game devs and other creators who spent years toiling away, and when they finally released their work to the public it just did not land. Would love to hear your perspective on this.
I can totally relate, though I usually do it for months to a couple years at a time. Sometimes though I even stayed at work for months sleeping on the floor using a sleeping bag (they had a bathroom with a shower). A lot of top performe4s spend at least some time working insane amounts.
Wow you are amazing Tim. I feel a little sad to learn that one of my favorite RPGs of all time (Arcanum) was made under such intense work conditions for you (this seems beyond regular crunch). I'm glad you don't regret this lost decade. Did you get a chance to play Morrowind and/or Neverwinter nights at the time? If so what did you think of them?
Between your lost decade and recent video where you say sometimes you gotta sacrifice your life for work (but never mention sacrificing work for life), I have to ask a question. What did you retire/semi-retire to? It's something many approaching retirement or recently retired deal with. So many make work the focus of their life, they retire from something (work) but don't retire to something. Their entire adult life has been defined by their work and when asked who they are, they answer by what they do for work. Then when they retire, they are lost. Work was who and what they were, and they find retirement difficult because they have no identity outside of their job. I'd rather be remembered as a good man/person/friend that what I produced at work.
Hey man, a fan of your games. I catch myself thinking the same thoughts. I'm an indie developer from Russia and I work seven days a week. Yes, I’m doing what I love, and it’s not physically hard work, but there’s no life, and sometimes I wonder…
Would you still have something good to look back on if you did not lose that decade? We grow in other ways when we completely devote ourselves. Whether it’s learning a skill, becoming an expert in your field, etc. Life gives and takes at the same time.
God I relate to this. I'm 33. If it wasn't for my wife, I'd just work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. She drags my arse out of my cave a few times a month so I don't become a complete hermit lol. Never had a holiday since university, just been working nonstop. I think for some of us, we're just naturally obsessive about the things we care about. It's in our NATURE to feel comfortable being all-consumed. It feels authentic. Like I said, I'm happy I have my wife to save my from my own nature.
1:47 From 1993 to 2003 was the time, when Star Trek 🖖 had 4 TV-Shows running. Star Trek TNG, Star Trek DS9, Star Trek Voyager and Star Trek ENT. Stargate SG-1 was also running. If you like science fiction, did you watch them later? Or how did you solve that? 7:45 This sounds very familiar to me. 🙂
I watched all of those shows later. I might have caught one when it aired if I was lucky, but mostly I watched them in syndication or on streaming services.
@@CainOnGames Thank you for your quick response. If you compare Star Trek TNG with Star Trek VOY, I think it was a big jump. In TNG, the spaceship battles were very spartan due to the costs of real models, while in Star Trek VOY, CGI was used. In Stargate SG-1 starting with season 3 or 4, the CGI models were able to follow real sets. This was particularly noticeable when the replicators were shown.
Yeah, you've definitely earned yourself a retirement after a career like this. Much sacrifice was made, but you churned out some great classic games that brightened the world just a bit for a lot of people. There's good in that.
"Britney Spears? Is that a new weapon in the game?" lmao! I can't!
In that time, the world also went from fully-formed sentences to "I can't" ;)
@@paulie-g 😂
I can relate being homeless for a bit in the early 2000s and then in the military for five years! I’m still rediscovering books and media from the 2000s.
Holy shit, that sure is extreme. Hope all is well now!
I'll need honest, your thing sounds worse.
"He wandered out of the Wasteland, it was here, in this blighted place, that he learned to live again."
While you make outstanding points about work-life balance, I must confess the "Britney Spears" anecdote had me rolling! Be well and all the best, Tim! Thank you for sharing.
I named my spear in Fallout 76 Spear-o Agnew but I might have to change it now
@@rrrrthats4rs Ha ha.
Tbf, missing out on trash pop culture is a bonus.
Hey Tim, a few words. I've noticed you've been mentioning your "lost decade" for a few videos now. And I got to say that even if you understandably feel that you "lost" a decade, you gained something that most won't ever have: you added beloved creations to the colective conciousness of the western world, and, most importantly, you made and still make millions of people happy.
As one can gather from your daily videos, your workaholism was integral to that result. Who knows how history would've looked at those legendary IPs if not for that? And maybe it wasn't the best lifestyle, but you live and learn, nobody is born knowing really how to live, and I might even say that is because of what we lived that we tend to do the things we do.
So long story short, to many of us your lost decade gave us joy, like an indirect sacrifice if you will. So if you ask if it was worth it, maybe to you it wasn't, only you know what you transpired, but for the rest of us, oh boy, it was. And all the good that came from your sacrifice is never going away. So all in all, you have my wholeheartedly thanks for that.
That's an extremely selfish take. "Sure, you lost an extremely large amount of time from your life that you will never get back, but you had an impact in gaming!"
@@daytonode ok
Hey man, workahol is no joke
@@gallow_ That is true
@@daytonode No, it's just gratitude for what he's done. Incidentally, this degree of commitment isn't out of the ordinary for "greats" in various fields of human endeavour. Van Gogh starved and drove himself to a psychotic break. At least Tim still has both ears.
This was difficult, but valuable, to watch. You see, I too lost time - half a decade, in my case - but rather than being to overwork, it was to poverty. I'd skip out on movie nights with my friends because I couldn't afford the ticket; I'd avoid having friends over because my house was a den of broke misery.
In the end, this left me losing friendships I should've kept - and the cultural moments they should have provided. So I too, have the disconnect... it's gotten better over time (and now I have a job, so there's that), but there's still a notable hole where a whole lot of cultural connection 'should' have been. It's tough. I feel ya.
Britney's Spear hits one more time and also does 'toxic' damage.
Haha.
And 'Genie in a bottle' is Christine Aguilera. 3:33 "Hit me with your genie bottle." LMAO
Yes, but anyway, Oasis casts Wonderwall to protect against the next attack or criticism.
@@Nobody-df4isit's like a 90s music version of that meme of how to piss off three types of fantasy fans at once.
@@Nobody-df4is "Hit me with your genie's bottle" is a reference to the TV show "Community," where Brita also messes up that reference.
@@burgundian-peanuts Ow, it was a deliberate joke. Haha. It is even more funny now because I make jokes like that all the time and back in the day we did mix Christina and Britney up. (Some of us did.) I feel so stupid right now.. Haha. Thanks for pointing it out.
I am glad you are talking about this. I too had a lost decade, though it was in business software rather than games.
Worked 60-80 hours a week for that decade. I had no hobbies, I didn't associate with any other people, similarly have no memory of movies or music, and I ruined my body by forcing myself to stay awake with energy drinks and soda.
The effects of that on my body and my life were permanent. I never realized that I was ruining myself until after it was too late, after the damage had already been done.
That's why I am so glad when I see young people come to our company rather than another software company. We try to not let people do that to themselves, and it is easy when you are passionate about what you do to fall into that, and you dont know how much harm you have done to yourself until years later.
Your point about ruining your body by pushing it too hard is definitely a good one, I'm glad your current company is cognisant of the dangers inherent in working too much to the detriment of your health!
That's a great thing to do for your younger employees. I have no idea how you managed to do 60-80 for 10 years. (Some) Work culture has a lot to answer for. My sanity took severe strain during the few months I worked 100+ hour weeks doing games QA just to afford rent - I picked up every single shift I could get, including overnight ones. It took many years for my brain to recover, along with my poor eating habits to sustain that amount of uptime. It ultimately put my body out of whack (and then my mind) so much that I lost the past 9 or so years of my life from health issues. Even now I'm finding it really tough to pick up the pieces after physical -- but not entirely mental, and certainly not career -- recovery.
@@atheosmachina yeah, it really messed me up bad. Got type 2 diabetes from the decade of eating shitty food so I could get right back to work and energy drinks/sodas to stay awake. Got chronic back problems. Lost lots of relationships including my first marriage. Bad times, but I hope young folks can learn from it. Times are better now but only because I got over my work addiction, and I feel like I only did because it was either that or an early grave. Particularly once I got that diabetes diagnosis.
@@EdgarVerona Glad you've turned things around at least. There's something to be said for work in general. As humans, many/most of us like to keep busy, but we've been sucked into a false sense of value in 20th/21st century life in my opinion.
I probably also lost a decade.... playing the awesome games you made :D
This resonates with me. It strongly brings to mind the years I did long haul trucking. Lived in the cab, got home for the weekend and played some videogames, then off again for another week.
I still do long haul occasionally, but having a mostly reliable internet connection everywhere is an absolute game changer.
My childhood would not be the same without Fallout. So for each day that you lost, millions fondly remember days your games enriched their lives.
Exactly. He actually accomplished something with his talent and made a lot of people happy. The FO franchise has its own tv-show now.
I get what he's saying here, but from our perspective it was more than worth it. He kind of reached celebrity status.
I guess this is the difference between the US and EU. In Europe, we don't see this as romantic or idealistic, in fact quite the opposite, we see it as dystopian. It's great to have passion, it's also great to work beyond the 9 to 5, but if you're ever in circumstances where you have to work like this (even if it's self-imposed), something's not quite right.
@@lrinfiI don’t know. There is a huge hustle/grind culture in the U.S. Some people cite Benjamin Franklin’s autobiography as being the first instance of a self made man mythology. It definitely had a lasting effect on the U.S
You may feel you have lost a decade, but you have given thousands years of happiness to others. It's the opposite of losing time.
My issue is not with losing whatever the cultural zeitgeist is "now".
My issue is with stress and lack of rest.
I already have problems with depression and anxiety.
Stress and not getting enough rest massively compound them.
I respect people who can work in such conditions without becoming suicidal, but I'm not one of them.
And for every success story in this kind of a work environment, there are dozens of people who come out of it much worse off, where it was unambiguously bad in all aspects in retrospect.
@@EdgarVerona Yeah, at least Tim got to work on his own projects, without a lot of interference from the higher-ups.
@@JustGrowingUp84 yeah, agreed that in general that's a good thing to have. But you can also get that without having to risk your long term well being - it's tough because in the moment it is almost an addiction. I was totally there. My job was business software, but I had a lot of leeway and ownership over what I made and why. That ownership itself in some ways pushed me even harder, it became an issue of personal pride.
And pride in your work is also good - just as long as you aren't destroying yourself for it.
@@EdgarVerona Yeah, I know what you mean.
And "almost addiction" is a good description.
You feel the need to work, even if you don't have to.
Wow. Completely relatable. I’m in my early 40s, but I’ve had some lost years spread out in my life instead of a 10 year stretch. Like 3 lost years playing EQ 16 hours a day (no regrets at all), couple years during covid do a big web migration and some other web projects. I am happy being a complete shut in if I can get lost in a game/project.
Meeting my now wife really keeps me grounded in reality. Similar story to your dating and travel story. She loves to travel and I used to be really nervous about traveling, but we go to all these places now and it’s constantly pushing me out of my comfort zone and I’m loving it.
Anyway thanks for sharing your story!
I'm glad you have reconciled with your lost decade. Everyone is different and will have their own perspective. Speaking for myself, I could never accept such a lopsided work/life balance but coming from Europe with a healthy work/life balance that is enforced by EU laws naturally Europeans are inclined to think and live differently. I've also never been as passionate about any job as you are with making videogames so it's difficult for me and I'm sure many others to see it the way you do. Thanks for sharing!
Some year ago I was listening to a "best songs of the last 10 years" list on youtube when I realized I didn't know the last 5 years artists. A weird feeling of being left behind. After high school this happens so easely while you focus on college/work/family.
I had a similar experience, having to learn things in my early adulthood that other people took for granted knowing. It can be a strugle, but looking back, you just had other experiences that "normal" people didnt have. You created a very significant piece of culture that have had an effect on many peoples lives. So im glad you dont regret those years! It meant a lot to me at least. Greetings from Norway by the way 👋
To think you hardly experienced it, but helped make one of the best period pieces of that time (VTM:B) is awesome. Love your work dude, you've given me thousands of hours of entertainment.
It's particularly soul crushing when you live like that but the project is a failure and you have nothing to show for it but personal experience.
Funny, because I feel like my whole life I was trying to chase something to grind, since guitar was my first passion and it taught be how driven life can be if you find that one thing. For a long time since then, I've been trying to find it and obviously societal milestones are expected to be fulfilled, so I just did them because that was what was expected of me. So I went to parties, got a retail job, killed whole days with friends going from place to place, vacations, fancy restaurants, college, clubs, extracurriculars, an internship, couple girls were interested in me, grinded academics etc. The only thing I felt was worth it was learning that I don't value those things as much as other people - there are other things, but that was the main thing.
I envy people like you who found their grind, at my age that obstacle is already past them and they're fulfilling much further milestones by now while I haven't even gotten anything off the ground.
I wouldn't have mental energy to play games after work. You must be gifted with lots
He's like a gynecologist who still attracted to his wife...
He was still pretty young as well.
It might be difficult to judge if it was all worth it, but because of your commitment we got to play your awesome games, that can easily be called masterpieces. Are they perfect? No. But they made an enourmous impact on the industry. You guys were shaping history, I am extremely grateful for what you have done.
Man that decade has probably the most influential entertainment of my entire life. Big thanks for the contribution!
First time I relate so much to somebody in this kind of topic. I am 31, started working at 24 in a lab. Since then, I feel I've dedicated my life to work and has stopped doing other things. I love my job, but people say I need to go out more and I think they are right. 😅 thanks for this video, it really made me think about my current work-life balance.. situation! 😊
Of all videos you've made Tim, this one hits hard
I won't get into details why but let me just say... I'm a concept artist working in game dev for the past 10 years... I haven't been on ANY holidays/vacations etc. in all those years...
Anyway - Thx for all the content
Please take the time for yourself. For every story of someone who made Fallout in their lost decade there are dozens of people who - instead of seeing a huge payout from it - just get permanent harm to their relationships and their personal health.
I promise you, the work will still be there if you also take time for yourself. There has to be a balance. Take it from me, a 40 year old who ruined myself with a similar "lost decade" in my 20's. I didn't learn the harm I did until I was in my 30's, when it was too late to undo. Don't end up in the same place, claim your time back.
So glad you got your life back in the end Tim.
That final expression is priceless!!
We thank you for your sacrifice!
"Hit me with a genie bottle"
"Baby One More Time" was released on October 23, 1998. (Bspears)
"Genie in a bottle" the song was released on 22 June 1999
I love when you put two things together. My favorite is "We will burn that bridge when we get to it"
You should still consider yourself lucky to have done all that work on something you were passionate about. During a period of my life I had to work 12hs a day weekends included, we only got 5 days a month off and we had to take them all together, so that meant it could be an entire month without a single day off, and on top of that rotating schedules, and it was doing something I hated. So if you ask me what I'd prefer, yeah, I'd totally prefer to have no life doing something I'm passionate about rather than the same but with something I hate. So yeah, even your lost decade makes me envious XD
As a 20 year old this is incredibly valuable wisdom, thank you for sharing it.
Where I live it's in our constitution as one of the guidelines that work hours should leave the worker enough time for his self improvement, his family, his society and politics. This video specifically shows how important that is.
As a Canadian, I am incredibly honoured to hear that you all watched a lot of ReBoot.
This channel is amazing, cant stop watching
I get it completely. Im currently in my lost decades. In my late 20s I got a job as a steel worker. 16 hour days 6 days a week for 8 years until the day the plant closed its doors. I got a job at a convience store imediately afterwards where I worked 12-16 hours a day 6-7 days a week for 12 years. I finally left that job as I was extremely miserable there to work with/for my brother at another business where Ive spent the past year again living at my job. Working there Ive met a lot of the people in my subdivision which had no idea who I was or that Ive been living in this house for 22 years. I dont have a tv, never owned a cell phone, and I have no idea what people are talking about half the time. My only outlet all these years has been video games. When I get home from work I have a drink play a game for about 2 hours, get something to eat, and then watch youtube videos that are related the the games Im playing until I cant keep my eyes open anymore. Which usually results in 5 or less hours of sleep a day. Im at a point where Im just completely miserable with work. I no longer enjoy what I do, I cant stand the company I work for, and I cant stand the clientele. However leaving means being out of work for an extended period of time(the economy is very bad where I am) and when I do get something else Id be making roughly half of what I do now, which is already a financial struggle.
OMG mate, I've been watching Community a lot lately and I just paused my binge to watch this video and have you reference Community. Amazing.
Thanks for another cool story.
I also had lost years here and there. They add up to a decade. One time I cancelled a family event because I was busy at work. I pretty much lived in the office. Sometimes I left hours after midnight. I saved a LOT of multi-million $ contracts for the company. A few days later I got a call from my mother. I was in the office, working. She was crying - her mother died. Well, that family event I cancelled due to work could have been the last time I saw my grandma. Who knows, if I'm there maybe she could have lived longer. Her last words were asking where I am. Many years later I still have sleepless nights about it and sometimes cry for having been a shitty grandson to a grandmother who loved me dearly.
Anyways, don't be married to your work. Oh, the company I worked for back then? I found out leadership was stealing a lot of money. I mean, amounts most people would kill for. They realized I might know about their shady shit. They fired me. I was never compensated for my work properly. I was never valued properly. In fact I was treated like a criminal during the exit procedures.
OMG Chips challenge! Thank you so much for bringing that up you just unlocked a buried memory. Time to play that game again.
Watching this video as I get home from work, throw clothes in the wash, make food, and then watch tv....
The dream is alive
I love seeing Tims shirts every video
I love so much that you make Community references from time to time 😁
That Community reference! Yet another reason you're the best!
Thank you for sharing this Tim. I can imagine how hard it must have been to literally just live for your work.
I can relate to being buried in work for a time and coming out of it feeling like the world has changed. I still find myself getting acquainted with tv shows and movies my friends quote that I have never seen. Thank you for sharing these videos and for all the time you spent creating games. I am glad you are still doing that. Games are the foundation of culture for many guys these days. People like you and the Bioware doctors did/do work that matters more than you know.
in all fairness, Spears was in fact the newest weapon in the game at that time
You are loved and respected by many people because of your "lost decade".😉 Btw, I will turn 40 in a few months and I lost two decades of my life.. not because of work, but other things. Going forward I'm determined not to lose a single day.
Thanks for posting this one. And you don't realize it until after the project is over. It's hard to imagine games getting made in just 40 hours work a week once you understand the productivity of the 'all-in' mentality.
This sums up my experience at Illinois Institute of Art when it comes to not recommending it but not regretting attending. I still look at my severely outdated student work and yet it still fascinates me that I created it. Working with programs such as Maya, Photoshop, and After Effects to create images and edit them was a whole new world that opened for me. Noone can take the history you created Tim regardless of the sacrifice.
its crazy to think how much we lose to fulfill the requirement to make the things we care. As long as you don't regret losing that time I think its worth it
What an amazing story, thanks for sharing! It makes me think of my own experience, I'm not in the gaming industry but I'm coming up on a decade working in IT, I've had a few seasons in my life with the same work life balance pace you describe. Now I have a better balance, but I'm starting to feel tired and that it's time to move on, or at least work on a more meaningful project, so I can feel like I'm not wasting another decade.
That Britney Spears one killed me. I have nothing more to say, I'm dead. ...
This video is so important. Thanks.
You are a huge inspiration tim! i grew up playing your games and i learned a good amount of english from your games, i feel bad for what you went through but know that you achieved A LOT from that decade and you have left your mark on the industry. Im really happy to see that you made this channel and i hope you continue making these videos!
I just came out of the exact same thing. For the last ten years all I've done is code for school/work and play video games. Had a mental breakdown after 10 years of that (triggered by watching Highlander of all things) then ended up getting diagnosed with OCD, getting medicated and now its like my brain has turned on for a second time.
Yea it's hard to really come to terms with lost time. I had to deal with cancer and an "unsuccessful" college experience that cost me nearly a decade of professional progress in my 20s.
But even though I lost time I could've spent on game development, I can't fully say I regret it, since I was able to take more time to think and refine my designs and design philosophy.
If I had made a game back then, it would've probably been shit, so I understand a bit why you might not regret how things went. However life goes, there's always ups and downs to it.
Chip's Challenge mentioned!! The first computer game I remember playing
I can somewhat relate, if only from the media aspect. I haven't watched tv for over three decades now, so doing the TV Guide crossword puzzles is no longer a thing, nor do I get many memes involving movies from the early-90s 'til now. But, I am a retiree so I have lots of time to see enough memes to get the gist of it all. I did watch the first two seasons of Stranger Things. Someday I might go watch the rest.
This is much relatable.
Community is a great show!
This actually resonates a lot with the experience of the 'rona happenings sweeping the world during your college years.
Kinda reminds us how it's just generally important to remember that commonalities can be shared between such discretely specific circumstances.
Good morning Tim, 안녕 from South Korea!😉The Land of Morning Calm
Playing fallout, listening to you, and damn, so glad you also love Community! You rock, Tim
I’m going to ask on a few of your videos. Hopefully you will see this if it becomes annoying please let me know.
I would love to hear you speak on Todd, Howard, as well as other game developers like Michael Kirkbride You have already made it clear you don’t review things. But if you could just talk about how they work compared to you. Or ideas they have that you really love as a developer. I would be so happy!
It would be especially great if you could get Todd or someone like that on a video call you’ve had your other friends here and they are just swell. I love them and their work. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for you and all the people you worked with.
Lost 2, coming up on 3 decades now. And I couldn't be happier.
There are some virtues to living like a monk.
The story was so interesting that I put aside my notebook in which I wrote plans for the day and began to listen carefully.
wild story!
but, thank you for your work!
Just wanted to personally mention that I too relate. I don't want to go into any details, but my retrospect is that I needed that to be where I am today. I wouldn't be as successful, nor as happy. One thing always leads to another. The butterfly effect.
However, while I'm reaping the benefits today, in a sense I never really stopped. Just started to prioritize other things as highly. Things like family, friends, hobbies etc. At least that's how I choose to see it.
I don't know if this made any sense, but can't be more specific without mentioning details.
Britney Spears definitely needs to be a weapon in a game!
I think the question you have to ask is whether your games would have been worse if they had been allowed to take longer, so that the people working on them didn't have to choose between either making a great game or sacrificing their health. If it truly is an either/or situation (and I don't think it necessarily has to be), I choose health. Have games take longer and cost more to make, if that's what it takes to develop them sustainably and ethically.
Agreed, having been someone who had a very similar "lost decade" but ended up with type 2 diabetes and chronic back problems from the lack of care I took for myself during that decade. And many friendships as well as my first marriage that fell apart because I was just plain never there.
If folks make the choice to devote themselves to something they are making in this way, they need to understand that the health risks they are taking may be undetected until it is too late to reverse them. And similarly with their relationships.
For every story of someone who made great art by sacrificing some portion of their life and came out ahead in the end, there are dozens of people who made a similar sacrifice and only ended up with permanent harm from the attempt. And that is the real reason why we need our passion to be contained in an 8 hour a day window whenever possible. Those risks are real and the success stories are few but glamorous compared to the larger pool of people who end up hurt by it.
Not that I am upset with Tim for his perspective. I am glad it worked out for him in the long run! But I don't want young people to walk away with the impression that this sort of thing is what leads to success. It often doesn't, and success doesn't have to come from such a risky road. We can and must find ways to have a balance, to avoid the "all in" lost decade.
> i dont regret it
> i also refer to it as my lost decade
Thank you for these insightful videos and your hard work and dedication to your craft, all the above is greatly appreciated by many many folk (myself included if that’s not clear)
the crunch talk hits home
Thanks for the insights, and the video Tim.
It’s not lost one bit! Your legacy will persevere. You’ve changed the world for better or worse. Most people’s lifetimes combined wouldn’t dream to achieve such a feat while it took you only a decade.
Chips Challenge!!! I thought I dreamed that up! I miss that game!
You might have "lost" a decade in terms of pop culture consumption but on the other hand you created lots of things that people enjoyed.
Workaholics fascinate me. I simply can’t function that way, I get depressed and burn out quickly.
I’m envious of those that are passionate to the point of obsession, and I have those tendencies, but I need more than that to feel at all fulfilled.
I mean, there are always "lost decades" in a person's life. I consider my lost decade from 28 to not 38. I conentrated to finish my degree and started as an programmer. I have done things according to plan, but haven't achieved a lot just experienced this massive social isolation. Of course I tried to actively change it, but it wouldn't work out. My social circle would have "wise lines" how to change things, but were vanishing in the background themselves. So, you can not control life. Your lost decade though is one of conscious action and "agency" (if I may use your game design terms Tim :-) ) and from that also came legendary titles. You now know better how to organize your life. But for some people life has a "hidden decade" around which is not by chosen workoholism and even if wouldn't yield anything worthwhile :-) But you did say that worklife balance and workoholism is a fine balance with no clear answer to whether it's worth it.
It was not lost, it was recharging.
I can relate since I spent all my 20s trying to recover from early trauma. And now I'm more motivated than ever to pursue my passion! No regrets!
Thank you for sharing your story!
I don't think I've ever heard anyone else talk about playing chip's challenge. That game was my childhood.
I relate to this too much.
These kinds of stories frighten me, but I'm glad you shared it, and I have to admit I feel a similar workaholic urge. I wonder whether you would regret it had your creations not been successful/well-received? I'm just thinking about all the game devs and other creators who spent years toiling away, and when they finally released their work to the public it just did not land. Would love to hear your perspective on this.
It’s a good way to land yourself in an existential crisis, even if you do succeed.
Okay, I'm absolutely dying at "hit me with your genie bottle"
🎵Hit me with your genie bottle 🎶
it wasnt quite a full decade, but due to mental illness i went through a time in my life just like this.
I can totally relate, though I usually do it for months to a couple years at a time. Sometimes though I even stayed at work for months sleeping on the floor using a sleeping bag (they had a bathroom with a shower). A lot of top performe4s spend at least some time working insane amounts.
Wow you are amazing Tim. I feel a little sad to learn that one of my favorite RPGs of all time (Arcanum) was made under such intense work conditions for you (this seems beyond regular crunch).
I'm glad you don't regret this lost decade. Did you get a chance to play Morrowind and/or Neverwinter nights at the time? If so what did you think of them?
I also wonder this about those two specific games
Britney Spears joke almost killed me..gud one Tim
Between your lost decade and recent video where you say sometimes you gotta sacrifice your life for work (but never mention sacrificing work for life), I have to ask a question. What did you retire/semi-retire to? It's something many approaching retirement or recently retired deal with. So many make work the focus of their life, they retire from something (work) but don't retire to something. Their entire adult life has been defined by their work and when asked who they are, they answer by what they do for work. Then when they retire, they are lost. Work was who and what they were, and they find retirement difficult because they have no identity outside of their job. I'd rather be remembered as a good man/person/friend that what I produced at work.
Hey man, a fan of your games.
I catch myself thinking the same thoughts. I'm an indie developer from Russia and I work seven days a week. Yes, I’m doing what I love, and it’s not physically hard work, but there’s no life, and sometimes I wonder…
Would you still have something good to look back on if you did not lose that decade? We grow in other ways when we completely devote ourselves. Whether it’s learning a skill, becoming an expert in your field, etc. Life gives and takes at the same time.
I did that schedule for 2 months and it wrecked me
10 years 😣
Feeling a bit like this stuck working from home since the pandemic.
The games you've made in this time always make the extra final few steps. Many other games stop at the doorstep of greatness, you have achieved it.
God I relate to this.
I'm 33. If it wasn't for my wife, I'd just work 12 hours a day, 7 days a week. She drags my arse out of my cave a few times a month so I don't become a complete hermit lol. Never had a holiday since university, just been working nonstop.
I think for some of us, we're just naturally obsessive about the things we care about. It's in our NATURE to feel comfortable being all-consumed. It feels authentic. Like I said, I'm happy I have my wife to save my from my own nature.
1:47 From 1993 to 2003 was the time, when Star Trek 🖖 had 4 TV-Shows running. Star Trek TNG, Star Trek DS9, Star Trek Voyager and Star Trek ENT. Stargate SG-1 was also running. If you like science fiction, did you watch them later? Or how did you solve that?
7:45 This sounds very familiar to me. 🙂
I watched all of those shows later. I might have caught one when it aired if I was lucky, but mostly I watched them in syndication or on streaming services.
@@CainOnGames Thank you for your quick response.
If you compare Star Trek TNG with Star Trek VOY, I think it was a big jump. In TNG, the spaceship battles were very spartan due to the costs of real models, while in Star Trek VOY, CGI was used.
In Stargate SG-1 starting with season 3 or 4, the CGI models were able to follow real sets. This was particularly noticeable when the replicators were shown.
Yeah, you've definitely earned yourself a retirement after a career like this. Much sacrifice was made, but you churned out some great classic games that brightened the world just a bit for a lot of people. There's good in that.
Nothing has changed, he confused Brittney Spears and Christina Aguilera and still didn't know.