Why you're confident one day, then awkward the next
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- Опубліковано 29 тра 2024
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#selfimprovement #socialanxiety #socialskills
Timestamps:
The Problem: 0:00
Keep The Wheels Greased: 1:16
The Energy You're Giving Off: 2:02
Magical: 3:11
The Energy Of Others: 4:35
What If You're The Awkward One?: 6:18
The Solution: 9:29
Step 1: Identify The Triggers: 9:52
Step 2: Accept The Feelings: 10:50
Step 3: Work Through The Emotions: 11:25
A Reminder: 12:53
How To Meet Like-Minded People: 13:31
Topics: how to stop being socially awkward and shy, social anxiety treatment, how to be confident around people, social skills
Ugh yeah that's how my social anxiety feels. One day I feel super confident and outgoing, then the next, I'm more withdrawn and I have a stress headache while interacting with others and feel that I'm too boring.
Same here, I'm still struggling to understand why it's happening. My social skills did improve compare to the last couple of years and I am less anxious in public now. But there are times that it's like I'm back to zero.
Hopefully the video helps
Tbh, I can't explain why that is either, but I think the answer is quite simple. Social media changed everything.
@@ljaythewaffle It makes me wonder if its the amount of sleep I've had. Or maybe how much self worth you feel that day.
@@RutabegaFarmer yeah, mine is probably because of my mindset
It's mostly your mood sometimes. I've noticed when I'm in a good mod, I'm Hella confident, but when Im in a bad or neutral mood, I am not confident.
Correct
Same here
Basically you have to make a choice everyday to take care of your body so your mood doesn’t take a hit
Recently i started doing pushups and my confidence is now as high as on the internet
thats legit one of the best pieces pf advice, even if it may seem superficial. working out also releases important hormones for well-being. when watching this video, i actually realized that the confident state of mind is much easier for me to tap into when i exercise, because i strive for something that is solely for me, but also creating a more safe experience because i feel more powerful within myself. hope that makes sense.
Working out never helped for me. Instead I did crystal mrth 😃
Me too brother! One week in and I’m feeling so good
Me 3 my confidence has never been better @@G59forlife.
I love Cole's videos as he actually explains the problem in an easy to understand way and shows the possible solutions instead of acting like cold showers will fix everything
Probably the best UA-camr on UA-cam
I’ve had to reinvent my social life all over since 2020. A lot of my old ‘friends’ turned on me that year and my life changed in the blink of an eye and I’ve had to bounce back ever since. Yeah social anxiety and uncertainty does afflict me sometimes just because when you go out in public it doesn’t seem like most people are that friendly or engaging with others.
1:06 you didn’t even allow the kid finish his words 😭😂🤲
I used to be the party guy. I used to do drugs that made me more confident and lively. I think the absence of that creates anxiety. Eventually I was able to be social again without drugs or alcohol but I definitely had frequent anxiety before that.
Caffeine, diet, exercise, weather, and seed release have a much more severe hormonal impact that people realize
Sometimes all these things are only in the person’s mind too !
And he or she interprets it that way ! From what is called « overthinking » or fear of the judgments of others.
Just ignore (absolutely don’t care) ! Your life : you do it for you but not having or demanding an external validation by asking the question whether I am awkward or not in front of others . . .
Your videos are really detailed, and every single video has new and fresh information. Most of the "self-improvement" UA-camrs provide the same info differently. Your videos are excellent, you're very underrated. keep up the good work!
OK, This video could not have come at a more perfect time. I’ve been talking to this one girl and I felt so confident the first couple days, everything felt so natural and easy. And then for some reason my confidence dropped and I lost all my momentum. Now I’m seeing this in my feed. You’ve got some crazy good timing with these
Thanks Cole! Have a great day😊
You as well
it's weird that your content is so relatable
I’ve been needing this video
Very great and insightful video Cole!!!! Thank you brother!!
Man it’s so weird going from insanely talkative and manic with people you actually have chemistry with, to feeling insanely awkward in other environments. Had a job interview the other day and there was like 6 people there, half seemed a little more serious and the others were a lot more laid back. You can tell who was amused by some of my banter 😂 and the more serious people were clearly more interested in me explaining my skills/strengths (it’s a job interview so duh) but I realized in that moment that you really do have to flip flop between different modes with certain people, work related or not.
Great video and so true! Sometimes I’m viewed as witty and funny and the center and other times I’m viewed as insignificant and scared and just a nobody. It’s the energy and the perspective of others but also my reaction to what’s being played out. I’ve been looking for a way to be me always but also understanding that we need to be flexible with the circumstances.
this is something i’ve always struggled with! love the video idea 🩷
This is exactly how I feel all the time. Slowly been trying to change it, been socializing a lot more at work but it’s not easy to change. I will be fine one day, but then not able to talk the next. Thank you for putting this video together, it really helps me understand my mind and I will definitely put the advice to use!
Well look, I don't think there is any shame in that, but if you think certain people are not going to disappoint you, then think again, you are probably setting yourself up for feeling let down. However, I wish you the best of luck, and don't take this personally, as I've experienced similar situations. I'm only trying to help and just would hate to leave you in the dust. But take my sentiment however you choose, and I would hope it's with a grain of salt.
thank you cole, needed this
needed this video, thanks!
9:23 omg this explains a lot!!
So my junior year I moved to GA and attended a new school, promising myself to be myself. And it proved really easy because, like you said, the environment was different. However I really wanted to be back where I grew up, so for my senior year I switched schools again. Now I’m socially awkward and afraid of what people will think of me, because they’re very similar to people at my middle school who were very judgy and not nice to me in the slightest, though back then I was pretty oblivious to me. Now every time I try to bring up what I’m interested in, I immediately fear that I’m gonna get the judgy looks up and down.
Now I know why this happens. Thanks cole!
I'm feeling confident 90/10, I have confident and not confident days and I tell you for me it has nothing to do with encounters, but with sleep and energy drained by people. Today I slept so bad due to energy vampires yesterday (my family), I couldn't even look a single person in the eyes today and my day was full of doom, I'm pretty sure everything will me different tomorrow since I plan to have a excellent portion of nice sleep this night. Take in mind these are big factors.
Wow thank you!!!
Very teaching and valuable video, thank you❤
Huge value. Keep it up man🔥
This is just the video I needed! And it really depends on your outfit or who you are with.
Another W video thanks Cole
Not through the video but I needed this man, went to a bar a few nights ago I dont usually I felt so awkward in such a loud enviroment after having not socialized for so long
Crazy video thank you very much cole, I haven't seen your videos in a while but this has helped me reanalize my social skills and the social situations I live and how I act there.
It has lately heppened to me that I've pressured myself to be an extrovert when I'm not sure if I am, if I were to tell you right now I feel more extroverted than introverted, but I'm slowly realizing that it is not about being introverted or extroverted it's about being yourself and taking care of yourself, because of this pressure to be an extrovert, I've forced myself to be socializing all the time even with people I don't enjoy being around that much, I've pressured myself to open up about everything in every situation, but I'll be more careful in picking who do I want to open up to and develop a deep connection with, If I truly wanna open up I'll do, but if the person I'm opening up to represents a logical threat to me, like they're gonna judge me or treat me wrong, I'll stay away and find someone else. I have this friend with whom I'm not sure if I wanna keep him near me, but I'll have to explore that, but there's definitely people that I don't enjoy being around that much.
What I do with some of my clients who have social anxiety, is just to go step by step. First, get out of your home. When you feel comfortable with that, start looking people in their eyes. When you are comfortable with that, start smiling to the people who are looking back on you. Then just say hi. Then say hi and make a copliment. Then continue with a small talk about something your observed about them. Then share something small about you (that connects with the small talk you started). And then continue the conversation. Every step must feel at least some what comfortable before your move to the next step. Then, it's a matter of weeks to make new friends, from when you started this process, until you got to the last step! 🔥
Literally spoke to someone and they blushed like crazy!
This video was very valuable. I'm glad that you actually went into the science behind how the brain works and the root of feeling socially anxious. As other 'guru's' will just tell people to "meditate more" or maybe: "just stop caring what people think of you" Lol. Great video!
I would have never thought that could be other people's problem too
For me looks matters as well, days when I have good hair and good shape makes my confidence go high. I know true confidence comes from the mindset but yeah still..
Agreed
This NEEDED this video!!!😎👏🏾👏🏾🥹🥹
This needed this video
Really want to see that review of the adaptation of Dune 2 😆
I would love to see more of your videos related to movies / art
Cole, can you do a video about laughing easily and what does it mean about your personality?
This is so accurate
IM NOT EVEN KIDDING
im this wxact same rut
RIGHT NOW
THANKS COLE SO MUCH
Most of what you said I can relate to fr
I always thought that Im socially awkward, but then when I speak to people who dont behave like NPCs or speak in a language I can understand (they dont mumble) suddenly we talk like normal people. I found that I cant really comperheand these situations that are "unusual" where people just behave weird. So I come off as socially awkward. If they dont want to talk, it really becomes THE situation where I want to leave but I cant.
For me this happens with people around my age 22, but even with teenagers as well, because back in high school I was always laughed at because of my body and well, even though I've changed a lot, I still feel it could happen again.
your guides are awesome but long some times. but still usefull. actually always useful. thank you
No problem. Why do they feel long to you?
@@ColeHastingsit’s not a TikTok with subway surfer at the bottom
@@ColeHastings i almost get the points before half of the video
@@samankhalilvand gotcha, i'll try to work on that, although i really like emphasizing the points through detailed explanation so they stick in your head
@@ColeHastings i appreciate that. sure
I was literally thinking about this right now
Good timing
Hay Cole thanks for the video again. Is there a way you can make a video on how avoiding accountability is a rising issue? And how we as human beings have an issue of disconnecting from things the moment or two that something goes wrong.? Even though this has been a problem that’s been going on for years it just been more intense for these past few years.
I never have an issue interacting with people one on one. Sometimes even 2. Due to the fact that I drove for Uber, it almost forces you to have interactions with passengers. So it comes off as second nature. However, on group settings, especially on the table, my social anxiety won't allow me to speak up, at least not without some resistance. I think your explanation nailed it well..
Great video Cole - if you ask me, the best way to increase your confidence is to put yourself in situations where you’re NOT confident. Embrace the feelings that come with it and push yourself to act in spite of them. Then confidence will come.
I think that’s the key for most people. For others, more treatment is needed (especially for those with severe anxiety)
@@ColeHastings good point - there are always special cases! And, sometimes, we all just need a little therapy🙏🏽
Wayyy easier said than done, but we know at the end of the day nobody is going to play by the rules of society, and while this isn't a cheap shot at Cole or anyone else, people need to stop seeking validation and stop being gullible and just accept there are always going to be robotic and selfish people out there, and as much as that really pisses me the f*** off, it's the stone cold truth. And why that is ... well, idk ... but I don't wanna hear this crap 'well you're the victim, and you're just being negative'. Um...no...do your f***ing research and don't fall for scams or malignant narcissistic personalities trying to consume you, or your identity. Feel free to disagree with me, but I'm just spitting the brutally honest truth. And if that's not good enough, then I really don't know what is. Maybe I'm the stupid one here ... but I think as a human species, we've always been naturally stupid.
@@EmbraceTheStruggle24 you’re not wrong, it’s definitely easier said than done but who said it was supposed to be easy? 🤷🏽♂️ Life is tough man - we’re all just doing our best out here and trynna to share from our experience! Sounds like you’re doing the same, which I can respect!🙌🏽
@@EdgarDiazSpeaks I appreciate your understanding and I'm glad there are others out there who have similar perspectives :)
Dude, you made me remember my name was Cole. Thanks!
the relevancy of cole hastings topics is spot on !! but why is it so ????
I had the hat man put neuralink into the brains of all my subscribers so I always know what they’re thinking
@@ColeHastings
Haha, speaking of which, have you come across Jiddu Krishnamurti? Sometimes your content reminds me of his insights, albeit with your own distinct style, tailored perfectly to your audience.
@@rushipatel7786 I have not
This hits hard
This is how I often feel too, I'm a shy young man who opens in general to people who I think there have a good personality. I naturally stress a lot by meeting new people or speaking infront of them. But sometimes this good energy aura is a trap.
When I went to the first year to university, I met a narcissistic friend, our first months of friendship were really good and she was very nice, but then she changed, she became jealous when I had a success in life, she humilate me when I doing something wrong in class, she commented everything in class, a real smartass, always want to be the center if attention and nobody likes her attitude.
Then I isolated myself again and told this narcissist the truthafter a few month i was so in anger, but it was so liberating. These are the examples that you should always be aware that people have sometimes a good aura, but than a dark interior and don't let these people destroy you, you can leave them since a narcissist will never change.
Quite the stretch to get to your sponsored segment there😂
very common problem, imo. Not a stretch at all
I guess this happens with most of us but more with so-called "introverts". Like at times I am as charismatic and charming as Russel brand or Chris Hemsworth and on other occasions that dialogue kicks in , " Why are we still here ? Just to suffer." I'll try my best to apply these tips , thanks a lot Cole.
You know me so well 🦧
Yo thats what i was thinking bout the last coupple a days. UA-cam reads my mind
Amirite!!!
if i'm not safe, that's all the more i have to shine, must embrace what i can't deny, i shall fail and i shall die, but until then ima try to be brave, because i have more power than all the greatest people in history combined, because they're dead, and i'm not yet. i know exactly what's at stake, the entire future, and i know the ante, my life, so i simply won't accept the option of never showing my face again. if i'm awkward, so be it, if i'm hated and attacked, i'll have certainly gotten in people's heads. they can hurt me, destroy me, but living in fear and inaction will do the job slower and with more suffering, so...
yup, got here too. good show
the part you missed with being awkward in social settings is everyone spends most of their time talking through a screen so we're loosing the ability to read body language and facial expressions. we're missing out on how to read the social cues that we need to develop when having interactions with others. also, focusing on how you think others see you, will give you anxiety. try focusing on the people in the room, instead of working about what others are thinking about you.
My interactions and experiences with people have not made me reflect on my approach to them. Conceptually, it made me question life and the characters that can exist. What am I going to do with me and this human existence? Anyway. People will never be the way I want them to be, I will always approach them with disappointment, and one day I hope that I will have relationships that I can really build like the relationship I have with myself.
This is my literal life honestly
Because of weather
Wonderful video I needed this I am noticing it happens when I talk to cashiers
bro deserves 1 million subscribers
Soon 🙏
I’ll never forget, I was literally the man at my graduation party, and when I went to my orientation I got humbled lmao
door to door sales pushes me so far out of my comfort zone to the point nothing makes me uncomfortable anymore i can take on any challenge bro social anxiety is 0 My gf is socially awkward ill go out with her and have some weird interaction like holding a door open for someone whos far af or making a joke with a cashier speaking my mind unfiltered and she just feels awkward and embarrassed socially anxious whole time im js chillin unfaced😂
I just realized that at 10:34, it triggers me.. but I didn’t know if it’s because of some bullying in elementary school I had because I wasn’t feeling terrible, but it might’ve left a scar on me. That short clip made me feel angry.
Thanks for the video. I gained so much insight
Don’t be triggered, be empowered
@@Detroit_Smash 👍💪
The coding sequence is so extra, I love it. 😂
Common Cole W
Common Adrian W
You can’t be perfect forever
Hey I think the editing in your videos are great, what editing software do you use
Thanks, my editor edited this one. He uses premiere pro and after effects
Okay, thanks so much for responding and responding so quickly, have a an awesome week
Just called being human, folks
If there's a good day the universe says I'm going to change a bunch of stuff in your life tomarrow so you have stress again.
*Because you're human* 😊
I'm mostly socially anxious because i have a speech impediment and cognitive problems like focus, being slow to process things, and this is due to my psychiatric medication.
The side effects are fucking hell. So its not really a fear of "i will make a fool out of myself because im anxious" rather "i will make a fool out of myself because im stupid"
Hi Cole 😘
being awkward is supes relatable, therefore disarming
being genuine is something people can sense
4:00 😂
I find the part of being comfortable with being uncomfortable quite hard to overcome because it’s quite scary so it’s best be done in a quiet environment.
Hopefully putting ourselves in this enough times becomes is less scary and also understanding not everyone will like me
The group of people that make me feel like I don’t want to be there are a lot of my coworkers and it’s mostly because it’s a bad vibe over all sometimes but I have no other choice because it’s a teamwork type job
totally understand that. When i worked in the service industry i felt the same. Unfortunately there's no real solution there other than to look for a better job
for me its when i have a good time with a night out maybe do a few silly things but the next day im just like (oh god no one likes me)
I had social anxiety yesterday 😅😢
This title is crazy
“The adaptation of Dune pt. II is not nearly as good as the book” is already a super awkward conversation starter 😅
8:00 🤯🤯🤯
edit: 10:56 🤯🤯🤯
thank you, but I was already diagnosed with bipolar, so I know why
It all suck ppl give up, its always gonna be shit
How to follow you on Instagram?
Istg I’ve been going through this for the past few months, this mf is watching me in the shadows
I’m in your walls
@@ColeHastings AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
12:18
Me who's never even confident in the first place, Wait this feels illegal.
❤❤
I feel seen with this vid lol
😂
Damm! I thought it was only my problem😅
This is a universal problem.
Guess what else? Most of your other problems are too, people just don't show it ;)
Yo
Yo
Vape-Id lol my brother it’s pronounced va-pid (the a is like ahhh like you’re scared running away from someone)
I’m cooked
Hey Cole , very good video . I can do better editing in your videos which can help you to get more engagement in your videos . Pls lmk what do you think ?
I know a great way to overcome social anxiety , but i m too lazy to write it bye deal with it
Do it
Stop tapping into my deepest insecurities, bro!
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