AITA for telling my estranged parents to never contact me again after they reached out to apologize?
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- Опубліковано 18 тра 2024
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Story Name: AITA for telling my estranged parents to never contact me again after they reached out to apologize?
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If she’s so family oriented why isn’t she upset at the fact that they literally dumped him to start new lives?
Because it only counts when it's convenient for them didn't you know?
Most of these “family oriented” people focus more on keeping the peace and good face in society rather than family values of support ,love and empathy
Exactly! Why is she so hell bent on getting him back together with his abusers?
Hell or the fact that op was the only one to attend his grandmothers funeral? Wouldn’t a family oriented person be weary about someone who couldn’t be arsed to show up to his own mother’s funeral?
@@XYandZ17THIS.
The gf definitely gave them your credentials esp your name change!
Yeah she's not trust worthy
NTA AND I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO TELL YOU FIANCEE THAT YOU DONT LIKE LIER AND BETRAYAL FORMING A FAMILY THAT WHY IF TELL THE TRUT ARE YOU THE ONE WHO TOLD MY PARENT MY NOMBER OR ARE YOU MEET UP BOTH OF THEM SECRETLY BEHIND MY BACK AND LIED TO ME THEN IF YES LETS BREAK UP YOU F@CKING LIER
@@rayananita8434Id be very careful if I was op, I've got a feeling the fiancee might invite them to the wedding without telling op. I suggest op warn her if she invites them the wedding is off.
Ten bucks says they were trying to see if she left him with cash and ultimate motive was to mooch then leave
5 bucks says the fiancée gave them his email
id make it 20 for yes
I’m making it 50 for yes
Make it 100
I love how We already agreed that she had already given the contact.
Like he already changed his last name. It's already difficult to find him.
I say this but 500x this answer to be the answer.
So, after watching the full story, not the asshole and dump the fiancee. She doesn't care about the fact that they abandoned you for their spouses. Besides, it sounds like they need OP for something.
Even if your fiancé isn’t involved with your parents her opinion really doesn’t matter because she doesn’t understand what you went through. If she came from a big tight knit family then she really doesn’t have the understanding to tell you to get back with your family that practically abandoned you. If anything she should be on your side because she should understand how family should actually treat each other.
So op was 13 when he was kicked out to live with his grandmother, and he is 29 years old.... so his parents had SIXTEEN YEARS to make things right. Think about it, why are his parents suddenly expressing such a strong desire to reconnect if they had almost two decades to do just that?? Calling and texting couldnt have been too difficult at the very least. I'm not buying it, i think the parents just need a kidney. I am also suspicious of the fiance, if every one of ops friends is on his side, then the fiance is definitely the one who gave the parents ops name change and personal email. Who knows, maybe she has been messaging them behind his back and the parents have been feeding her lies. Put the wedding on hold until she tells you the truth.
If fiance is not supporting him on this small but very important issue and I should not get married.
Straight up ask her if she contacted them or gave them your email. If she did, then tell her that it's over. Tell her that you can't be with someone who would choose to betray you like that and someone who would blatantly stomp all over your boundaries and feelings.
Prediction: nta
I was right yay
🎉
I agree she know becouse she gave hem numbers and secretly meeting both of the family 😃 behind your back
its always so mind boggeling seeing how condecending people who never expierenced abuse like this can be towards people who did. maybe in her defense she didnt get the full story from either op (which I get) and definetly not the parents (because, duh) still no valid excuse. you've set your boundaries now, if she doesnt respect them she's just as toxic for your life as them. trat carefully my dude, trat carefully, before it gets way more complicated to cut your ties with her.
"Trat?" Do you mean "tread"? 🤔
(I 100% agree by the way.)
@@natk1105 ....yeah....thx......😅
If your spouse can’t respect your boundaries then you need to drop them immediately. You were abandoned by those people and she wants you to suck it up for what? Drop the dead weight.
get rid of this woman. your fiance is toxic. this is a very red flag
Fuck "forgive and forget"
Especially when it comes to family.
Ten bucks says that the girlfriend did gave the dad the contact info.
My guess is there's a combination of the parents lying to the girlfriend, the girlfriend refusing to understand that you don't have to forgive someone just because they're family, the parents getting too many uncomfortable questions about what happened to their first kid and the parents thinking that the upcoming wedding is going to make OP easier to manipulate. OP should put a hold on doing the wedding till he can get to the bottom of what's going on.
I come from a big and pretty happy family. The situation OP grew up in sounds like the Twilight zone to me. But when someone tells me they've been hurt REPEATEDLY and CONSISTENTLY I listen. Fiance needs to adjust or leave.
I'll never encourage stewing in anger and resentment. It only hurts your own soul. But a forgiveness mentality doesn't mean exposing yourself to your abusers. OP did the right thing.
NTA. I think you’re right, she told them. She doesn’t have your life experience and thinks everything with families is fine if you apologise.
Your experience with the rubbish parents you have tells you that family let you down, kick you out ignore their feelings and the death of their mother
It’s definitely a red flag about the fiancée that she’s not interested in letting your experience with your parents be what informs the decisions about whether they deserve a second chance. She should be letting you decide and it’s sounds like instead she did what SHE thought was best
Never forgive or forget if they aren't worth it.
If it happened to me, i can’t say I would be “less than civil” but I would hope I would have the presence of mind to reply with “I have forgotten about you, just like how you taught me to forget the ones that were supposed to be loved.” It’s a show of this is no contact from here on out and you brought it yourselves.
I would have her do a thought exercise consisting of asking her how would she feel going through all the things you had from your point of you. Every event and needed detail. And finish it off with ‘would you still want a second chance with them?’
Maybe she would. Plenty of pathetic spineless cowards in this world who'd tolerate anything for a bit of validation.
Your fiance is in on it. Your estranged parents wouldn't been able to contact you or find your contact otherwise it it wasn't for your fiance. I have a hunch she's secretly in contact with them and wanted to see what you'd say first before reacting in the opposite way than what you'd expect her to
'Fiance; if you are speaking to my worthless parents who abandoned me, and do not tell me right now; i will leave you right now. I will never speak to you again and you'll lose any right to speak to me. I will tell everyone you were going behind my back. Betrayers do not get second chances.
Parents; I am going to speak to a lawyer, I will get back child support from both of you and speak to your bosses of both you and your partners unless you leave me and my partner alone. I do not have siblings. I do not have parents. My only parent is dead. You both abandoned me when i was a child for any reason you could find. And I have zero reason not to destroy your lives. Do not push me any further. So either send me a legal disownment, or I will make sure both of you end up in jail for criminal abandonment.'
For those who finished the short 0:56 for overlap 0:59 no overlap
Fiance sounds like the type to invite op parents to their wedding with out talking to him first
Seen too many fiancés invite the spouses no contact family and the relationship goes up in flames.
I would leave the fiancée for being a traitor. If she truly loved op then she would respect his decisions. OP needs to see this as a big red flag and needs to get out.
I would rethink on the wedding and relationship since the fiancee isnt thinking about OP and how OP feels about his family since his family abandoned him for 16 years
NTA.ITS EASY FOR SOMEONE WHO WAS LOVED BY A BIG FAMILY TO CLING TO THE BELIEF OF THAT BOND BUT THOSE THAT HAVE HAD THAT BOND BETRAYED DO NOT WANT TO BE OPEN TO THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH PAIN AGAIN..TELL YOUR FIANCÉ TO WORRY ABOUT HOW TO TREAT HER OWN FAMILY AND YOU WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOURS
NTA! Also just because they apologize does not mean you are under any obligation to accept it whatsoever. Your parents abandoned you and they think that they can walk in and act like nothing happened and giving one half assed apology will fix it..HELL NO. You were way nicer than I would have been. I’d also inform them that they are not welcomed to any part of my life including my wedding and any chances of getting to know their grandchildren in the future they can forget about it. I’d also let them know that them not being in my life was the best thing that ever happened to me and the only way it could get even better would the obituaries announcing their deaths. I’d also be having a chat with the fiancée. If she can’t support your decision especially knowing how they treated you then she might not be the right one. You did absolutely nothing wrong.
Break off the engagement
I say meet them for closure and decide from there. Also, NTA
The fiancé should watch her own family
Sounds like he needs a loving and supportive fiancée. This one has decided his feelings don’t have value.
If your fiancé is involved with them behind your back, after you told her what you’ve been through, leave her and cancel the wedding
Most likely, OP's Fiancee has _already_ invited them to OP's wedding, and the parents at least had the modicum of sense to attempt to check with OP first instead of being surprise visitors.
How would they know she was the gf? How would she know who to contact if OP didn't?
Parents have had years to make it right. Up to at least 4 years ago. They still had no desire to reconcile.
You can always forgive. But nothing says you have to forget. I forgave my abusers. My main one is no longer in my life. She is forgiven but that doesn't mean i have to let her abuse me. I don't need someone around that will only cause problems.
With that said, i gave her 10years of second chances before i said no more.
Hear them out. Be nice and cordial. Remind them they took xx years to destroy your relationship. It's going to take years to repair it. They can't just pop out when its convenient for them expecting like you're best pals. Tell them that you are not ready to forgive, but if they actually put forth some effort it will need to be on your terms.
Family is important but you also choose your family too. Your family is who stuck around with you so your friends and grandparents. Your fiance needs to grow up. I've got a tight knit family but I know that my friends don't have the same luxury and that its not my place to get in arguments about them not forgiving and forgetting. They have reasons to not forgive them and thats their business.
Yes family is important.
But they clearly didn’t see OP as family back then, so why should OP see them as family now?
Do the parents still not know the grandmother passed away?
Also, gf is AH. She doesn’t understand that child abandonment stays with well into adulthood.
Update:
It was the girlfriend who gave the parents the email. She was working with one of OP's half sister. The parents confronted OP at his home. OP ended up calling the cops and broke things off with his girlfriend. I made all this up for dramatic effect
Ditch her she’s going behind your back and butting her nose in without even talking to you. She’s not going to support your decision to have no contact with the people who abandoned nor the fact that the only true family you had was your grandmother
Tell her to respect your boundaries or you won’t marry.
I mean the half siblings need you to tell them why you don't want to play happy family with them
NTA they abandoned you, neglected you and never cared about you!! Now the fiance should have known what you went through and left it alone. And that forgive and forget tells me that she's a princess and you need to run
Pregnant woman wants a “calm house”? Does she not know how babies work?
Nta. Talk again to your gf and hold on the wedding. Explain her again what they did to you and your grand ma. And if she is family oriented, she should be the one calling them and tell them not to bother you.
Tell her it is traumatic and you need help to think. Go talk with a therap to better navigate through what you feel and analyse how toxic they were and if there is any benefit for you and your new family.
1/You can not see them again.
Or 2/see them only for closure and telling your truth.
Or 3/ see them from time to time
But whatever your decisionis, explain to your wife she has to respect it or it is done between you as a couple and the wedding is canceled. Her family is not your family. She has to support you not play for her or your family. If family is important, she should be the 1st to recognize it was wrong and protect you from them.
Based on OP GF's behaviour it sounds like she's the reason why they are reaching out. OP should confront the GF
dump the fiance immediately because she contacted your parents and updated them with your name change etc......do not marry her
The problem here that his fiancée looks on this situation from here family dynamics, without realizing that all families are different.
OP is NTA and should rethink if he wants to marry his gf. I bet she was the one who went behind his back and gave his father contact info.
And the audacity of OP's father! He abandoned OP, yet he dared to think that he had any right to be disappointed that OP changed his last name
Your parents threw you away, and your gf has no right to tell you how to feel about them. But...blessings to the incredible g ma you had.❤️
Absolutely NTA. Fiancée is wrong.
set hard boundaries with known consequences for fiance, mom and dad.
don't bend those boundaries in the slightest unless they earn it
Nta they dumped you on your gram and couldn't be bothered to attend her funeral your gf sent them your info and is wrong
She have a hand in this 100%
The OP's fiance needs to understand that his own parents abandoned him to sent him to live with his paternal grandmother who took care of him before she passed away and that spoke volume in more ways than one plus none of them attended her own funeral which is an inhumane form of total disrespect down the line, and in my opinion though to forgive and forget is not that simple and straightforward to do at this time plus he should forgive them but never forget plus let his fiance know what happened to him with his parents and also let her know that she needs to respect him and his decision to not have any contact with them and if it has to be done it should be on his terms and no one else's big time.
Nah she's compromised she needs to go asap
Your gf doesn't respect you or she'd see your respective and respect you but she's trying to force you so she's not what girls call wife matterial💅
Sounds like the wedding should be off and for the good of the children the father should have full custody.
I also come from a big family and family is extremely important to me and my parents pretty royalty fucked up when I was a kid but they have spent every day for the past 10 years trying to make up for it and I've given my siblings a much better life and because they've apologized and because they've actually worked to make it up to me we have a very good relationship now it seems like his parents want to give a quick I'm sorry and then act like nothing ever happened which is pretty unacceptable my wife on the other hand is completely no contact with her father and I am completely understanding of that because while I am very family-oriented is your family isn't worth shit to walk on then there's no point in them being in your life
Yeah the fiance is the reason why the parents are back in your life that à big red flag
Both your parents died the day your grandmother died.😔
forgive and forget. .right. .forgive 'em, then forget 'em. .they forgot about you until, for whatever reason, it became convenient for them to re-admit you to the family album. .forgive 'em and forget 'em. . no need to let them complicate your life.
Sounds like fiance has a hero complex
Naw she did it she’s not the one for you if she doesn’t understand your hurt and boundaries because my dad is a son of a mm and I have cut contact with him and his family because he is married and cares more about the kids he has with his wife as well thin his first born and third born yea he was still sleeping with my mom after his wife had her first born and got them both pregnant one more time after my half brother was born but I was the child that was never really accepted because his was going to his family saying I didn’t look like him so I wasn’t his even tho my mom got a paternity test but just recently we found that he had another daughter and she just graduated and expected us be happy even though he didn’t invite us and gave her a better graduation that he did me and my sister by fiancé understands and that I want no contact with them like he with his and would never go against me in that matter
maybe forgive but never forget
Watch gf, cuz she is going to bring theme to the wedding. You need to leave it clear that she is not to get involved with those people, and IF she does and brings theme to the wedding or near you you will will get up and leave cuz its over.
No they did that to you because they wanted a different life they didn’t want a child from their past lives. That’s why they got rid of you and your dumbass fiancé can’t see that because “they’re family. They’re your parents.” then you need to get rid of her. It doesn’t matter if they’re your parents or they’re your family if they hurt you they hurt you and no matter who it is. You are not obligated to stay around someone who hurts you just because their family.
*aita for telling my estranged parents to never contact me agai-
NO
Those aren’t parents they are both biological donors. 🙄 Your actions are justified and “family” doesn’t do things like that.
Nta
Dump the gf
Nta. However you should forgive them for your sake. You can hear them out then walk away. The goal is to forgive but it is a long process and can’t be rushed. The fiancé is trying to force it and that’s not going to work.