Straight women obviously have it easier because men are actively after them. Women are usually passive and hardly make the first step or even the second or third, therefore lesbian dating is as awkward as it can be -provided it even gets started! Add to this the fact that women tend to discover/accept/explore their homosexuality later than men, and that they are often financially struggling, shy, or insecure, and the picture isn't pretty. It gets worse if one isn't into masculine types or mature ladies, and worse still if one is asexual. Sometimes a pessimist is an optimist with experience.
I would say that straight women have it harder because men are actively after them. Straight women are hunted on dating apps and I really wouldn't want to be hunted. Almost all of the men are trying to match with as many women as possible and many of them are willing to seriously misrepresent themselves or actively lie to get women (saying they want serious relationship when they only want to hook up, pretending they're 25, when they're 50, so they can match with 20 year olds, being super sweet and kind on the app but when it comes to the actual date only or mainly wanting sex...). From my experience women on dating apps are honest at the latest in the chatting phase. When we find out we're not compatable, we just move on or decide to continue talking as friends instead of pretending to be someone we're not.
I agree with a lot of what you have said but for some perspective: I’ve always dated men and only recently have accepted my interest in women and started to pursue dating women. That said, trust when I tell you straight women don’t have guys knocking down the door actively pursuing them either. And if they ARE doing that, my experience has been that it’s mostly either love bombing or someone who gets angry and stalker-y when you aren’t into them. I get that the pool feels smaller, esp those of us outside major cities, but believe me when I say it’s not a better experience if you date men.
That sounds frustrating. I remember going months and months using the apps without a date during certain periods. Maybe try swiping while you're in a bigger city? Or maybe try having some of your friends take a look at your profile to make sure there isn't anything that might inadvertently give people the wrong idea about you. And also maybe try swiping yes on more people, to avoid being overly picky and eliminating good matches before they can meet you. Also maybe try expanding your settings, in case you overly narrowed who the app shows you. And also maybe consider signing up for more apps. (Hinge, Bumble + HER, plus any others that your friends are using).
I was on the app (bumble) for a month, had 2 separate dates but didn't find any of the women attractive emotionally or physically. Then I had a massive crush with a girl and after a month I faced the truth: she was never available and just wanted some attention. Is that better than having no date in 2 years? Lol. I gave up online dating, I will have my first speed dating tonight. I'm looking for geniune connections, nothing less. Good luck on your side 🍀
The prob that I experience is I matched with women who are not interested in chatting. They just want to swipe right random people. People like playing dating apps to see how many matches they can get. I remember being in Betterhelp group session, the room is about dating. I encountered someone admitted doing this game. And people do this game to feel validated. Match count is like getting likes on social media now. It's so different compared when I started way back 2013.
Yes, it's true that some women only want attention. But not all women behave that way. The dating apps are where all women go, searching for love. Sometimes you'll match with women who are not interested in chatting, but just ignore them and focus on the women who are there for real connection.
I'm here because I just realized at being 61 next month that I am lesbian. I'm brand new to the scene learning what I can. Maybe I'll meet that woman I need to be with some day.
Hellow Melissa I'm also new to the group. All I can say I come from a country that talking about being lesbian is a crime but I really wanna find a person I can share this with. Can we be friends
Good message, Michelle. I recently opened a Hinge profile and I think it aligns with the advice you gave. I'm working on the attitude part LOL. Sometimes it can be frustrating to match with so many women and go on dates yet, the right match hasn't arrived.
I totally understand. I met my love on Hinge. But I was on the apps for a year and a half before I found her. I think the key is to have patience and keep trusting deeply that it's all going to work out. And it will! 💃🏻
I started realizing the apps are a waste of my time especially when guys started showing up on bbee after you specified you're looking for another woman and then realizing they want money for everything
Thank you for your RAW and real evaluation of online dating. Jordana, thank you for sharing honesty about apps. I am not currently on apps, but I appreciate your perspective. I am a social work student and realize that the last "partner" I had was the exact 1 who taught me exactly what I will no longer tolerate in my life. If she's not out and totally puts everyone else above me, she's not for me. Thank you for the highlight on the positives. I may/not subscribe to a dating app as I am overloaded with work/interning/school, but damn, I look forward to finding the love of my lfie one of these days. You are such a blessing to the community!!!! BTW - Happy National Coming OUT Day to everyone who enjoys your wisdom!!!
Thank you for this comment. It's very good to learn from past relationships. And when you are really ready for a relationship, definitely try the apps. They are a great resource for finding love. Good luck with the rest of your studies!!
Don't give up hope! Keep believing in love and keep putting yourself out there. I'm glad my videos were able to help. The right someone is out there looking for you, just as eagerly as you're looking for them ⚡️💥⚡️
I was with a Pakistani American lesbian when I was an older teenager (17-18)… I am not with her rn bc she broke up with me… I want to try online dating
I feel like i can never quite find the right "type" of girl. Were either too similar, too different, just friends or something else gets in the way. For some reason a lot of the girls i tend to fall for are always into mascs and im not masc, im a very shy androgenous/stem kinda girl. Add to that being autistic in the mix and online dating can feel downright impossible. Im starting to think i should give it a rest and actually commit to going to irl events and make mutual friends with similar hobbies etc. At least then if dont find someone it wont be a complete waste of time. Not looking forward to being the only single cousin at Croatian Christmas this year ❤❤😂😂
It's always a great idea to go to IRL events and make friends and participate in things that you genuinely enjoy. Those things will benefit your life no matter what, and they'll make you more attractive to the people you connect with (whether it's online or in person).
Dating apps are a nightmare, actually. I deleted some of them, had very bad experiences and emotional stress. But I think a lesbian can't allow herself to do without, for many reasons, for example living in a small city (despite in those areas wlw apps are not much downloaded or used, or used almost only by a certain categories, let's say, very young women). I won't uninstall them, but had to learn to give them less importance and less time. Frankly it really is not easy, and it seems to get worse every day. I think we all dream about meeting the right woman in real life: that would be the best. Even if no less difficult, on the contrary more difficult, at least feels human, feels like you can better guard your integrity. So I share with you as a possible suggestion my willing to put some effort in making myself more visible in real life, as a lesbian, and not in the old way of trying to look masc while I am not, or following the fashion lesbian trends (really, I can't, if I don't like them, I can't breath if I'm not myself). But, you know, something like some small significant tattoos, some obvious t-shirt and so on; and not least being open with people about my orientation. It takes to overcome fears, shyness, but somehow feels better then the apps game.
This was a helpful video!…only thing I Totally disagree with is detailing the things you don’t want! If you don’t want Thai se specific things in your life then it’s better to get it outta the way first.
@@serenataserenata2631 The problem could be she doesn't feel comfortable in a romantic committed relationship with them, but only with a lesbian. Same here. It's very simple.
@serenataserenata2631 Thanks for your question. But I think no one owe an explanation of their own preferences and the psychological basis on which they stand. If it wasn't this way, would be right to ask women who like women why are they this way, just like heterosexual people feel entitled to do. What's important, I mean, it's respecting others boundaries, despite of understanding or sharing them. Don't you think? Are you going to explain me why you are at ease dating every kind of women? It's not like this is the right thing by default, isn't it? Just your personality. And I guess it depends also on what sexual orientation you have.
Straight women obviously have it easier because men are actively after them. Women are usually passive and hardly make the first step or even the second or third, therefore lesbian dating is as awkward as it can be -provided it even gets started! Add to this the fact that women tend to discover/accept/explore their homosexuality later than men, and that they are often financially struggling, shy, or insecure, and the picture isn't pretty. It gets worse if one isn't into masculine types or mature ladies, and worse still if one is asexual. Sometimes a pessimist is an optimist with experience.
I would say that straight women have it harder because men are actively after them. Straight women are hunted on dating apps and I really wouldn't want to be hunted. Almost all of the men are trying to match with as many women as possible and many of them are willing to seriously misrepresent themselves or actively lie to get women (saying they want serious relationship when they only want to hook up, pretending they're 25, when they're 50, so they can match with 20 year olds, being super sweet and kind on the app but when it comes to the actual date only or mainly wanting sex...). From my experience women on dating apps are honest at the latest in the chatting phase. When we find out we're not compatable, we just move on or decide to continue talking as friends instead of pretending to be someone we're not.
I agree with a lot of what you have said but for some perspective: I’ve always dated men and only recently have accepted my interest in women and started to pursue dating women. That said, trust when I tell you straight women don’t have guys knocking down the door actively pursuing them either. And if they ARE doing that, my experience has been that it’s mostly either love bombing or someone who gets angry and stalker-y when you aren’t into them.
I get that the pool feels smaller, esp those of us outside major cities, but believe me when I say it’s not a better experience if you date men.
@@candacechavigne5560 Well men are assholes so I bet dating sucks with them too. But with women it's just nearly impossible.
Cry me a river, young lady. Wait until you become a "mature lady" and see how much easier it gets!
I like androgyny not masculinity per se. Those women that have just a little something different about them. Do i like them...oh yeah 😂😂😂
Who else is here after being on apps and everything for almost two years and not getting a single date 😭
That sounds frustrating. I remember going months and months using the apps without a date during certain periods. Maybe try swiping while you're in a bigger city? Or maybe try having some of your friends take a look at your profile to make sure there isn't anything that might inadvertently give people the wrong idea about you. And also maybe try swiping yes on more people, to avoid being overly picky and eliminating good matches before they can meet you. Also maybe try expanding your settings, in case you overly narrowed who the app shows you. And also maybe consider signing up for more apps. (Hinge, Bumble + HER, plus any others that your friends are using).
I was on the app (bumble) for a month, had 2 separate dates but didn't find any of the women attractive emotionally or physically. Then I had a massive crush with a girl and after a month I faced the truth: she was never available and just wanted some attention. Is that better than having no date in 2 years? Lol. I gave up online dating, I will have my first speed dating tonight. I'm looking for geniune connections, nothing less. Good luck on your side 🍀
I get dates with women which already is difficult. But idk how to make a movr
The prob that I experience is I matched with women who are not interested in chatting. They just want to swipe right random people. People like playing dating apps to see how many matches they can get. I remember being in Betterhelp group session, the room is about dating. I encountered someone admitted doing this game. And people do this game to feel validated. Match count is like getting likes on social media now. It's so different compared when I started way back 2013.
Yes, it's true that some women only want attention. But not all women behave that way. The dating apps are where all women go, searching for love. Sometimes you'll match with women who are not interested in chatting, but just ignore them and focus on the women who are there for real connection.
I avoid the apps
@@JanetMiller-t1k where do you look for a date?
I'm here because I just realized at being 61 next month that I am lesbian. I'm brand new to the scene learning what I can. Maybe I'll meet that woman I need to be with some day.
Welcome to the community 🌈 🙌 🌈 It's never too late. There are so many amazing women out there longing to connect in the same way you are.
Hellow Melissa I'm also new to the group. All I can say I come from a country that talking about being lesbian is a crime but I really wanna find a person I can share this with. Can we be friends
Good message, Michelle. I recently opened a Hinge profile and I think it aligns with the advice you gave. I'm working on the attitude part LOL. Sometimes it can be frustrating to match with so many women and go on dates yet, the right match hasn't arrived.
I totally understand. I met my love on Hinge. But I was on the apps for a year and a half before I found her. I think the key is to have patience and keep trusting deeply that it's all going to work out. And it will! 💃🏻
I started realizing the apps are a waste of my time especially when guys started showing up on bbee after you specified you're looking for another woman and then realizing they want money for everything
I've also tried apps omg they will drain your energy
Thank you for your RAW and real evaluation of online dating. Jordana, thank you for sharing honesty about apps. I am not currently on apps, but I appreciate your perspective. I am a social work student and realize that the last "partner" I had was the exact 1 who taught me exactly what I will no longer tolerate in my life. If she's not out and totally puts everyone else above me, she's not for me. Thank you for the highlight on the positives. I may/not subscribe to a dating app as I am overloaded with work/interning/school, but damn, I look forward to finding the love of my lfie one of these days. You are such a blessing to the community!!!! BTW - Happy National Coming OUT Day to everyone who enjoys your wisdom!!!
Thank you for this comment. It's very good to learn from past relationships. And when you are really ready for a relationship, definitely try the apps. They are a great resource for finding love. Good luck with the rest of your studies!!
As a Pakistani-American lesbian, thank you for being a coach. Seriously, I needed your advice as currently I’m dating online & had lost hope.
Don't give up hope! Keep believing in love and keep putting yourself out there. I'm glad my videos were able to help. The right someone is out there looking for you, just as eagerly as you're looking for them ⚡️💥⚡️
@@jordanamichellegutman Thank you so much for your kind words 🙏
I was with a Pakistani American lesbian when I was an older teenager (17-18)… I am not with her rn bc she broke up with me… I want to try online dating
@@avagreene-taub9710I’m sorry that you had to go through such a difficult time.
I’m glad you have recovered & have decided to move in right direction.
I feel like i can never quite find the right "type" of girl. Were either too similar, too different, just friends or something else gets in the way.
For some reason a lot of the girls i tend to fall for are always into mascs and im not masc, im a very shy androgenous/stem kinda girl. Add to that being autistic in the mix and online dating can feel downright impossible.
Im starting to think i should give it a rest and actually commit to going to irl events and make mutual friends with similar hobbies etc. At least then if dont find someone it wont be a complete waste of time.
Not looking forward to being the only single cousin at Croatian Christmas this year ❤❤😂😂
It's always a great idea to go to IRL events and make friends and participate in things that you genuinely enjoy. Those things will benefit your life no matter what, and they'll make you more attractive to the people you connect with (whether it's online or in person).
I'm so glad I found you today. This is pure gold. Thank you!!
Thank you!!! 🙌🌈🙌
Dating apps are a nightmare, actually. I deleted some of them, had very bad experiences and emotional stress. But I think a lesbian can't allow herself to do without, for many reasons, for example living in a small city (despite in those areas wlw apps are not much downloaded or used, or used almost only by a certain categories, let's say, very young women). I won't uninstall them, but had to learn to give them less importance and less time. Frankly it really is not easy, and it seems to get worse every day. I think we all dream about meeting the right woman in real life: that would be the best. Even if no less difficult, on the contrary more difficult, at least feels human, feels like you can better guard your integrity. So I share with you as a possible suggestion my willing to put some effort in making myself more visible in real life, as a lesbian, and not in the old way of trying to look masc while I am not, or following the fashion lesbian trends (really, I can't, if I don't like them, I can't breath if I'm not myself). But, you know, something like some small significant tattoos, some obvious t-shirt and so on; and not least being open with people about my orientation. It takes to overcome fears, shyness, but somehow feels better then the apps game.
This was a helpful video!…only thing I Totally disagree with is detailing the things you don’t want! If you don’t want Thai se specific things in your life then it’s better to get it outta the way first.
THANK YOU! Genius advice
single even tried out dating apps 😂
Yes, keep trying with the dating apps! 🙌🏻
Dating apps are a waste of time
Loll i disagree that pessimism is a turn off i love it in women 😭
1:25
Thank you so much, this was a great video!
Thank you!!! 🙏🏼🌈🙏🏼
You have nice hands. 😂
😂 thank you!!
Leabian and queer isnt the same
Any one availble
No...the dating apps are filled full of pan, bi, and game playing women.
And what's the prob with bi and pan's?
@@serenataserenata2631 The problem could be she doesn't feel comfortable in a romantic committed relationship with them, but only with a lesbian. Same here. It's very simple.
@@jennygnan418 Can I ask why?
@serenataserenata2631 Thanks for your question. But I think no one owe an explanation of their own preferences and the psychological basis on which they stand. If it wasn't this way, would be right to ask women who like women why are they this way, just like heterosexual people feel entitled to do. What's important, I mean, it's respecting others boundaries, despite of understanding or sharing them. Don't you think? Are you going to explain me why you are at ease dating every kind of women? It's not like this is the right thing by default, isn't it? Just your personality. And I guess it depends also on what sexual orientation you have.
@@serenataserenata2631its their loss. Im pan and Im loyal; interesting and sexy 😂