UPDATED Found Video Of My Prudish Wife Doing "Degrading Acts" as She Calls It w/ Multiple Men...
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
- I met my wife 7 years ago; she was extremely picky when it came to s--x. She told me she only has been with 1 other guy before. She would never give a bl-- job, only would do certain positions and found almost every s--x act degrading. I was frustrated by this, but I really liked her and hoped over the years she would open up s-xually. Over the years, it never got any better but I learned to get over it.
Well, I ended up finding an old video from her college days of her engaging in group s--x with 6 other people 5 guys 1 girl. In the video she has an--l s--x, oral s--x, gets double teamed, and yells multiple times in the video she is a “I am a filthy wh--re.”
Story:
[Update] Found my wife's old s--x tape. Now our marriage is on the rocks if you have any advice please share.
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Him:“How many other guys”
Her:”what does it matter”
That tells him everything he needs to know
It isn't any of his business.
But why does it matter?
Why do you think that?
"That tells him everything"
What does that mean=
@@deathbycheese850 they're married. Yes it is.
@@Færie-l3i not for you to ask.
I passed through the same. The videos that I found were of her with two guys same time. Sckin', an.al, cream on face, all the game, but with me wasn't. When I discussed with her, she told me she was a slu.t in college but now no, she wanted to be with someone like me, someone who truly and really loves her. The thing is, when she said that, she was already on the same track as when she was in college and I found the videos and pics she sent to the other guys. One year doing it, so, I did all my research about the guys, the where and when to confirm everything, save some money to be prepared, grab my shi.t wish her the best of luck, love and happiness and I left,
That sucks but only proves that it's pointless to be the Husband bcuz the way they see it(marriage, family, purity) means he loses out on her BEST EXPERIENCES bcuz SHE already did that and now it's out her system and she can be boring or regular!! Not REALIZING men marry bcuz we want ALL THAT ish you was doing x10 for that man who has chosen to DIE FOR YOU!!! So backwards how they see it
@@miyagifatghost2684 Yeah! We always have to add "with me" when they say "I don't do that", "I don't want to do that". The "with me" must be in every man's mind when choosing a woman and that is pointless to sacrifice everything for them. At the end of the story a prostitute is cheaper than having a wife or girlfriend, less headache and less from your pocket.
Almost as if when you keep doing the same thing, it’s hard to stop since your brain associates the pattern as normalcy and remembers it. Fucking idiots (Men and women) who want to nock their rocks off and then get serious and don’t even do a fraction of the stuff they used to do in college to their SO.
How can you do so much to random strangers but not to someone you “supposedly” love? So god damn dumb
I agree with him 1000 percent, when a woman says "why does it matter?" she knows it matters and simply doesn't want to tell you. Im glad he knows about the lies and secrets. Women pretend like sexual liberation is alright, but deep down they know that men will not view it the same. So often times they let me wild out on them, then. marry some poor guy and not give him half of the things she gave to random men for free. While her husband works for her affection and get nothing ...in his case, lazy intimacy
An open marriage is going to upset you. It upset you from college!
I absolutely understand OP for wanting to open the marriage or divorce.. I couldn't stay with someone that did this at all.. So she thought to just do missionary only just because she is married? That's just flat out ridiculous.. Almost a decade I been with my husband and that's WHEN I went buck wild! Let's try this.. Ooh, let's try that! I feel safe with him that's why.. Naah, I couldn't do it...
this is.... weird? I mean.... Truthfully I don't think this has anything to do with OP, and for me, it also doesn't have to do with the wife not loving him. I mean... the wife is an asshole for lying, that is 100% true, and kept pilling up asshole points for not getting over her own insecurities about not being her own expectation of what a "wife" should be... but I don't see how it "has to do with the husband" (sorry, I don't know how to express that idea better)? Is more of an internal problem that got out of control because she was insecure, immature, and probably emotionally inexperienced. Are these grounds for divorce? sure, if OP feels that way, it IS a breach of trust, but I don't think "he" was the problem, or that "he" wasn't enough. I don't think it was about other guys or people either, not even about attraction. She had an idea of who she should be to be a "good wife" and lied her way to become that, even at the signs that she could actually dip into other desires. Her original lie got out of control and because it was an inorganic progression, she didn't know how to appropriately evolve it through the years.
As I said, the lies, the deceiving, the original manipulation to "get a husband-material-guy", THAT is grounds for divorce... but it has to do more with how dishonest she is as a person, and not with sex or her headcount. This is an issue about personal value, personal prejudices, and personal dishonesty, but is not about sex or attraction.
The question that I think is being buried is could it lead to something worse. Say she really enjoys letting that carnal side of her out every so often, but she's been keeping it under a lid the whole time, likely as not that underlying hunger is slowly growing. If it gets close to a breaking point and she comes across a guy she's more attracted to than her husband, does she act on it with the guy? What if they recently had an argument and she's angry with her husband, does she get with the guy then? Leaving that instinctual part just unresolved can play a large part in larger issues appearing later.
dbstewart86 I agree, totally. She needs therapy, not to save her marriage, but to save herself
Even if she tried to save herself. The man need to save himself also, give him freedom and pleasure. I can see how you look at it. But also i can see how he see it, for a guy it feels terrible knowing the woman you loved lied and manupilated you. Saying how she liked it, its diffrent from him and knowing she did with 5 guys at one time. I would leave, like dont deal with lying and not giving me the best of you. But only saying she need to save herself its like saying ohh he doesnt have pain of feel terrible. You look at the female side and i look at the guy side. He need to leave and find a good woman who he can have good and amazing sex with and who is honest and she needs therapy.
@@pravinrajar8410 I agree he should leave regardless of the point of view. As a woman, I also can't condone lying to your partner, even if it was for your own prejudices
Her problem as you mentioned before, is ultimately that she put her perception of what a good little perfectly respectable wife appears to be above the reality of her husband. For some reason she was so dedicated to that ideal that she'd rather be neglectful than not worship it. Whether it's truly as simple as that, or if she wasn't as attracted to the husband as she was the other guys is actually anyone's guess, though I suspect he hit upon that unfortunate truth. I think everyone has been in at least one relationship where the attraction was so strong you wanted to rip clothes off each other and just do whatever in bed and the fact that she apparently didn't feel that at all with the husband, over several years, is telling. I'm not a fan of open relationships, at all, but I think the husband keenly saw that and offered the only solution where they could stay together, and maybe in the future it would grow into more passion for each other from sharing their exploits, but absolutely if she started doing things with him in the wake of his discovery, all it would lead to would be resentment.
Hopefully he just divorced her.
Op is 100% right, even though open marriages are always a bad idea. He just needs to get a divorce or stay separated for a while to see if he even wants to start over. She's capable of liking all he wants to do and much more and still lied to him for years and let him find out on his own. And even worse still wont give him the full story. I 100% understand how he feels and he just needs to leave. And he's 100% correct in thinking she doesn't desire him because he actions and constant lies. Nothing she can do can save their marriage, unfortunately it's all up to him to compromise again with a lying woman
I went onto Reddit and found the post 😂.
Lots of women triggered he wasn’t letting it go.
Gaslighting the man for being insecure
So let me get this straight ...
The OP's wife was wild during her college days and even did Adult movies before moving on and acted like a total frigid prude of a housewife, had a child with him to secure OP for his Finances, career, and living situation with no attraction whatsoever...
As soon as OP discovered her true past in the attic in the form of Adult videos featuring her doing things she told him was distasteful (Note: There were the Trophies of her glory days as a freak and would probably watch them when OP was gone. ), OP watches them and confronts her about it only to get gaslight and attempt to reverse it so it seems like he put the marriage in jeopardy and only offers to do those things she used to do to prevent her from losing her current lifestyle out of fear instead saving it out of love...
Sorry, but the actions of OP's wife have spoken louder than her words and only is now scrambling to save the marrage meaning that is only a financial nest egg for her that was built on a seven-year deception of a loveless marriage with a child that no farce of marriage counseling will fix. I would also see about filing for divorce with OP getting full custody of the daughter and make sure she personal counseling to make sure her mother and grandmother don't poison her with their ideas of what a relationship is supposed to be or attempts of parental alienation in the Ex-Wife's favor.
Three things OP should always keep in mind...
1. Don't fall for the compromise of marriage counseling because, in the end, all that that counselor is only looking to do is get paid.
2. During the separation period keep in mind If the wife is given the "contact you through your lawyer number" speech to work things out expect her friends or family to either play peacemaker to speak without lawyers for reconciliation talks or to straight up play the OP's fears using manipulations using phrases like "She's not herself" or "she attempting to harming herself" to make him run to her aid during the separation period...
Never fall for it call your lawyer and have them call the police to perform a wellness check, and thought said lawyer remind them to do contact through them only,
3. Always listen to your lawyer's counsel.
5 guys at once???
Run for the hills dude!!!
This story made me sick. Intrestingly most comments under this video are made by men and not many women agree with them.
I think that OP is just using the fact that his wife didn't tell him about her past and lied about it as an excuse to divorce her and find a better woman that will fulfill his desires. Instead of being honest and just admitting he got tired of her. He sounds manipulative. He didn't want to try to save his marriage. He just wanted to justify his actions. He didn't want any advice from reddit. He wanted people to agree that he should divorce his wife.
The reason he wanted an open marriage was to fool around without having to hide it and find a woman willing to do those things his wife didn't want to do then as soon as possible he would get a divorce. He just wanted to wait with the divorce untill then because that's more convenient.
Manipulative in what way? He said he didn't want the sexual favors from her just to keep her from leaving. He also said she could have sex with men that she found more attractive that him. He wasn't restricting her in any way. How can you be sure she was attracted to him at all and not just wanting a good provider?
i get the not wanting to do stuff anymore if it feels like it was degrading, but lying about the number of partners is lying. who gives a shit about the number if she's happy with him. finding out you have been lied to stings. no matter like this or the other way round. especially when he directly asked her and she lied to his face again. that brakes any potential trust.
"But I liked her and really hoped over the years she would open up"........ Never, NEVER go into a marriage with this expectation.
I had the same thought when I read that line.
Wife gives him nothing in the bedroom then he sees a video of her being spit roasted and shared by 6 guys while calling out that she's a dirty wh**e. The pain that guy must of felt after watching that, it must of made him physically sick. Divorce is the only option mate and don't look back.
And she kept the tape and made sure it made it through every residence change from college to married woman.
Oh and he updated. They got back together because his brother talked him into experimenting sexually and seeing if that fixes things.
@@mikeb3717 really? That sucks hard! What a doormat. In fact, he should have doormat tattooed on his forehead.
Looking at the updates, he jumped into it with both feet. Though, some of it reads like complete BS. That said, if it is real, dude basically has a FwB relationship with his wife more then a marriage. Dude thinks highly of sex, it's a motivator for him, and he is motivated like never before.
Anyone have an line for the updates?
"why does that matter, I can do them for you too"
Ohh I didn't know it was supposed to be a reward for finding out😂😂
As if he leveled up: now that I'm exposed, you are worthy of being loved the way you wanted. Back to the streets.
@@truthbetold...5595 true asf bro
Bread crumbs my guy
I get the guy's point totally . 7 year's of asking , probably begging really , and coming across that tape probably killed everything . Me personally would not want anything "special" from her at this point , let alone just doing it with me on top or her riding on top .
It's like going to school and knowing your lunch your mom made you is just baloney sandwich , the same sandwich you've gotten forever for lunch . And you know what happens to that lunch at the first trashcan .
@@truthbetold...5595 SHE BELOONNG TO THE STREEEEETS S/O Future
She kept a tape of all these acts she finds disgusting?
She doesn't find them disgysting, she loved it, she just didn't want him to see her that way because she has issues with her personal image of what a 'wife' should be. At the end of the day the OP could work it out later if he got personal counseling, but he doesn't want to do that.
@@JerodimusPrime it's pretty simple, imagine if your dad always played with other kids and but when you want to play with him he doesn't have time
It doesn't say where he found the tape, just that he found it.
@@1Outis1 He told us she says she thought she lost it. It was in a box in the attic [edit: 18:37 ] .... why would you keep that if you were ashamed of it? Lied for 7 years about your "Ashamed" past but kept a video of it. When he says porn I assume like a production, she was paid for her time and the words were scripted. But if this was just a video of her gangbang then this is WAY worse for OP, she said those things freely AND lied about it for 7 years. Unacceptable
JerodimusPrime agree
I think all the reasons you gave for having an open marriage are really reasons for getting a divorce.
Yeah. An open marriage to get validation from people who aren't your partner isn't it. Especially when you wish your partner would with you but can't trust it.
Opening a closed marriage is always an idiotic idea.
@@TenebrusI07 Depends on why.
@@squirrel670 no matter the "why", result is the same - Divorce.
@@WackRusDud if it's what they are both looking for, why divorce? It's not crazy that thats the kind of relationship some people want out of life.
My wife cheated on me while I was deployed. She told me a few months after I got back. I divorced her immediately and now she’s homeless lmaooooo hahah
Man that was always my nightmare. 21 years in the Navy I never had a girlfriend that I let myself care about... I saw what happened to you happen to too many others around me.
@@StevenPLegere a lot of women have no idea of the concept of loyalty
@@StevenPLegere for them you guys are meal ticket and privilege that's it.
My friend’s wife became dirt poor and lives in a homeless tent in LA. Cheating is never worth it
I adore a short story with a happy ending.
But I hope you are recovering well, my man.
'I've had my fun and now its time to settle down and get married'
Is literally a case (from any mans POV) that giving a woman more (relationship wise) has an inverse result on what she gives in return (sexually speaking)
The random encounter guy gets the most, the husband gets the least... like getting your paycheck cut because you put in overtime...what an astoundingly bizarre world we live in these days..
Underrated comment.
Well when I’m in a new relationship honestly I make sure to set the tone early on and show her I’m in control, and this won’t be the way it is. Also make the start of the relationship more sexual even if you have romantic feelings. Honestly I’ve met this new girl that I really like but this is how I’m playing it, especially since I suspect she may have had a wild past. That way I hope I’ll be able to get more out of her, not less, than she gave to random men.
Ur....free sex culture is biting u guys in the arse....
And then they wonder why more and more men today are less interested in marriage or commitment.
Right on
So basically she used to be a freak but decided to be a prude once she met her husband? Marriage is forever and the best time to really let your freak flag show. It'll keeps things spicy and interesting. And of all people, why not do that with your spouse because you should be comfortable with them?
she didnt wanna do those things with him specifically she wasn't attracted to him that way he was just wallet and security blanket to her
It also makes him question if she is attracted to him .
Agree with you 100%
He even said he wanted to do all those things with her and she said no like wtf
Exactly
"I can give you anything you can get from those women". Then why didn't you give it for 7 YEARS when he was asking? Why only after he had to drag the answers out does he finally get the chance to get something more? Hopefully this man finds his love and affection elsewhere because girls like this are what destroy compassionate men.
Yeah the sheer disrespect alone. It is transparent all she saw now was her easy meal ticket and health benefits evaporating.
Don't forget when he confronted her and asked if there's anything she would like to confess, then he made his case and she accused him of being high on something! She doubled down on the lie, which made her ultimate admission even more damaging! Fool me once, shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you. I'm noticing a trend in real life stories where the deceitful spouse lies convincingly! Once busted, they claim they will "be good" and "do better", etc. which are all hollow, meaningless, empty promises that will never be kept. Some who believed the lies end up divorcing after being cheated upon yet again, serial cheaters. Best to move on, it's hard, but necessary.
@@UncleEarl97 The saying is: Fool me once, shame on you (for doing a naughty thing), fool me twice, shame on me (for being stupid enough to fall for it again).
In all fairness the stories told from his perspective and the video was of before they were married like quite a while before from what it sounds and in my mind she could have just gotten old and boring! Some People Change dude some people become boring...🤷..also kinks change. That being said she should have been able to speak to her and some negotiations should have been made somewhere... I mean it is a marriage he should have been able to at least have I don't know something crazy on his birthday even if it wasn't her thing as long as he reciprocates in some manner.
@@ashleyburbank3129 yeah probably, she change, mature with age and learn about what kind of guy that best to be a father for her kids, and that what she did, she choose OP because he is a good guy, that will be a good father, she choose OP only because of that, even though he didn't turn her on like other guys in her past
She kept the tape for a reason....plain and simple truth.
Yes, but the reason could be that doing those things turned her on, she wanted to do them with her husband, but couldn't overcome the shame she felt. I mean, it doesn't fit the popular narrative but that doesn't affect its likelihood.
@@whackly plus it doesn’t make sense.
@@whackly There was a video by Alexander Grace (street interviews) woemn were asked different questions, like:
If you were doing some sexual acts with previous partners but aren't willing with current, is it bad?
And if you partner gave some gifts/romantic gestures to previous partners but not you, is it bad?
Overwhelmingly the answers were no, yes. He is fully justified to ditch her.
@@abrvalg321 ah. Rationality is certainly making leaps and bounds now that street interview questions devoid of nuance or context have replaced peer reviewed psychological study. Thanks, internet!
@@whackly You can thank libtards (psychologists, sorry) who have filled their papers with nuanced bias.
'She just thought guys looking to marry want a 'lady in the bed'.'
And then she flatly rejects attempts that disprove that with hubby. BS meter is clicking here. I mean, come on, that's the last place to be a 'lady'.
Oddly enough, there are quite a few women who truly believe that and as a result when they are with a man they really love they become sexually repressed. It is like they believe their husband deserves a virgin bride so that is what they try to give them. Additionally, there are some men who have a similar idea and try to not frighten their wives so will always act as a gentleman. Now, most men do enjoy the virgin bride thing and most women do enjoy the gentleman lover, BUT NOT 100% OF THE FREAKING TIME. Most men also enjoy an occasional visit of a screaming succubus from Hell there to eat his soul and most women enjoy the occasion visit of a ravening werewolf, but not all the time as that would be exhausting. Most of the time it is best if both the husband and wife are somewhere between their two extremes, but once in a blue moon the succubus meets the werewolf and well, WOW, just WOW.
@Rick O'Shay Yeah, what goes on in the human subconscious can be surprising.
If you live you life under the assumption that people are batshit crazy, you will find that nobody will disappoint you.
Wtf lol lady in the street and a freak in the bed did she not hear any 2000's music
Karl Perra Precisely, her lack of judgement shows a dishonest deceit or an incompetence and immaturity to be in a marriage
@@ashleyburbank3129 excuses excuses, the fact is that this woman had the entitled attitude that give the rest of us straight especially millennial men off. Don’t give me that. If she wasn’t mature enough to give her husband, yes her husband, not a friend boyfriend or partner, but husband, reciprocity in the respect any spouse owes another, as he literally did with her (didn’t resort to pressure, blackmail, ultimatums or cheating, actually expressed communicated and patiently worked with her) than she has no business being with anyone because of either that selfish deceitful thinking or out of sheer incompetence
My ex g was like : "i don't kiss on the first date, i don't have sex during the first 3 months ", "i have been with 7 guys", after a few months into the relationship i found out , 7 were actually 35, she also had a foursome with 4 ugly strangers in her past and a threesome with 2 guys in Brazil(she had a picture with the 2 guys still), she also had HPV....i tried to overcome all of this, i could not, never trusted her again, run away and save your energy and time. I know exactly how u feel, every time u will have sex u will remember that video.
That’s terrible and she was using you.
That's fucking disgusting.
Don’t stay for the child, you will only show her what a toxic relationship looks like and she will emulate this in her future relationships.
If anything, divorce would be a good lesson to the daughter not to start a relationship based on a lie, that supposedly you have to "keep". Hell she could have slowly opened it up throughout the marriage if she really did love him. I don't think she ever truly loved him. Her "ideals" of what she thought she was supposed to be overrode the love she had for her husband. She sounds like she was in love with the idea of being the ideal wife.
@@hengineer true
They need to divorce. No way they can get past this.
As a child of separated parents, I approve of this. This is exactly why you shouldn't stay for the kids. If anything, staying will only build up more resentment on all sides.
Yes she did live but she didn't cheat I feel like they could have worked this out that's just me personally and I know it's a lot of other factors that goes into it not bringing it up like women tend to do that to be honest with you get married not to the extent she does but yeah
She never stopped being a freak. He was just never the guy she really wanted.
It's worse when she's willing to do with strangers and anyone BUT op. That says a lot
@@SpaghettiBelly I totally agree! she didn't sk his dk or do a or anything but the most vanilla positions for YEARS! That's too extreme for her to claim it was only because she wanted him to "respect her". Clearly she isn't attracted to him at all and is probably repulsed by him because of how much of a prude she was with him. the fact she KEPT the tape proves she enjoys doing those actions with literally anyone except him. she kept it because it turned her on and he didn't. that's literally the only reason I can think of. she wasn't attracted to him, she was NEVER attracted to him. she should NEVER have lied to him about this and she should NEVER have gotten into a relationship with someone she wasn't attracted to. attraction is a huge part of a relationship. your partner needs to feel like you are attracted to them. and he DESERVES to be with someone who is really attracted to him. she's done permanent damage to his self-esteem and my heart really goes out to him. I hope he recovers from this and moves on.
She settled for him. He was the "safe" choice.
@@WhitneyDahlin everything you said was so so true.
I would like to know about his economic and social situation. Maybe that explain why she married him and settled with him on the first place.
Worse thing is if she did all these things in her past. There is definitely someone in her past whom she really desires and wished she could do those things with, not him.
@Whitney so true. Honestly body count matters so much to me and should to many others. Girls at 14-17 getting railed through these days. Dark world we live in
I did not enjoy this video. It was very sad all the way through from beginning to end. I think the best solution would have been to divorce. There are so very many issues in this marriage that it cannot be fixed in any way. Just divorce, ffs.
These type of women absolutely scares me .
@Delta sad.
Delta, I don't think they did. If they did, where is the update?
Unfortunately, I agree. This dude is nuts, just not as crazy as his wife.
@Delta he would be a sucker to patch up with her just focus on her daughter to teach the excuse of a wife mother a lesson
"I didnt want you to think I'm a sl*t" (I am a sl*t but that's beside the point)
"but now that you know you can do whatever you want"
@@stevesmith662 dang bro I never realized this xdd was too busy contemplating how bizzare the situation was getting xdd
Very epik comment made me laugh, thanks bro have a great day ahead :)
It's a reasonable reaction.
@@spacebar9733 nah
@@Aden_III yah
I feel your suffering. But opening a marriage is: 1. A monumental idiocy. 2. Leads only to more complications and suffering.
He just wants to live with his wife as a "Room mate" pop out another kid (Maybe) and still be completely in his child/future child's life without split custody.
The video he found basically sexually destroyed him so it's no wonder he doesn't want to be with her anymore.
Definitely would cause some serious complications and a lot of resentment.
He should just get a divorce and then focus on getting the coparenting to work, staying for the kids is usually a bad idea.
Seem like he wants all these fantasies without trying to compromise. After he gets all those fantasies fulfilled, he will want his old life back. Yeah, she lied and seem she had the worst idea of what a house wife should want sexually but the dude doesn't want marriage counseling? Come on. It personally helped my marriage and opened our eyes to the root issues in our marriage but I guess it works when you are putting effort into fixing it. He really doesn't seem like he wants to.
@@bellanoche4945 what compromise? He's been compromising for 7 years. Like op said she did all these things for a bunch of guys who don't care about her but not for her husband? The fact that she's dependent only lends to the idea that she's there for security and not genuine love.
@@sinisterxburn then he should just divorce her and move on. Not sure why he is even considering an open marriage. If he can't trust her, he should remove the bandaid fast but he doesn't do that. Wants an open relationship that in his mind will fix the marriage but no marriage counseling? Just cut it off and fulfill his fantasies with 100 women like she did.
An open marriage is basically one partner wanting to cheat while keeping the security of sham marriage but convincing their partner it's the best decision.
There are couples that are very happy in open marriages. Not our place to judge them.
@@mochabearry it is everyone's place to judge, we all judge even without meaning to and without judgement we could not determine what works and what does not.
Open marriages are unstable, you are mixing outside emotions and people onto a closed system and the blame is ultimately upon both partners when one finds romantic love in the arms of another permanently and leaves the other.
@@xytanvadumee4795 from what I've observed, open marriages are most successful when it's only open on the husband's end as this doesn't lead to paternity fraud, and if the wife is okay with this. This has been the setup for most relationships throughout human history except the men typically had multiple wives and the resources to provide for them all. It ends up being a tradeoff against societal progression overall because the vast majority of the women end up sharing the top minority of men, so most men in the population end up sexless and often violent as a result. Less children end up in stable nuclear families this way. However, the tradeoff with monogamous societies is that less women can act on their natural evolved desires to pursue (and even share) the minority of men who reside on the top of the societal hierarchy, so they're forced to settle with men they inherently deem either sexually or provisionally unsatisfying if they hope to have a family.
But anyway, open relationships seem to work most effectively for wealthier men, and since they have the leverage (there are less wealthy men than there are beautiful, submissive women) they decide if the wife is allowed other sexual partners. Usually they're not unless it's with other women and the husband is involved, and they're often okay with this because they and the children are completely provided for. But again, it is an incredibly small minority of men who can pull this off.
Almost forgot to add... another reason why this is so one sided is because most women inherently can't respect a man who would let another man enter his wife no matter how much she loves him. But women can still respect a man who is able to acquire sexual partners because it signals that he's closer to the top of the social hierarchy if many women want him, like a form of social proof. Men don't generally have this same perspective on women because sexual access for women is inherently easy.
Like Politicians?
@@xytanvadumee4795 I can tell u been watching fresh and fit bro 😂 u spot on with the explanation tho
"Open marriage" is an oxymoron/contradiction in terms, which is why it generally doesn't work to fix anything. Either reconcile or divorce.
TechnoMageB5 exactly, I’m pretty sure this is how that awful Sister Wives show got started!
Yep. Marriage vows are not to be taken lightly. If he wants to break them and not get counseling, divorce is the only option.
James Olelo I think you’re giving him way too much credit, he wants to “even he score” not fix his marriage. If he really can’t get over what she did in her college days (which I agree he is justified in feeling mad about) then he needs to divorce her. Remember an “open marriage” cuts both ways, she could easily meet a new man and realise she doesn’t have to stay and put up with this treatment ... plus there’s the whole “STDs and bringing nutcases into the marriage thing” ... no, bringing in a new mommy is an ass move.
@James Olelo all we hear is his side. There are two sides to the story
Agreed, it's too messy at this point.
At the very least a trial separation needs to happen. The whole open marriage argument sounds like a crack fueled recipe for disaster.
She was playing an act for 7 years....looked at him in the eyes, smiled, then lied to his face
You can't have any kind of relationship with someone you don't trust
So... no relation with women, get it
You said it all and succinctly. Well said.
They were married 7 years. It doesn't say how long they met. Regardless it has to be longer.
Yes. They say marriage is built on trust, but this is not true. It is built on trust. Love is secondary. Once trust is broken, it cannot be mended. Until the trust is broken you have reasons to be in that marriage. After that you look for reasons not to walk away from it.
She neglected to mention having a sexual encounter from BEFORE THEY MET.
And what "act" was she playing? Those sex acts did, in fact make her feel degraded....because they reminded her of an incident she was clearly ashamed of.
(Probably just scared her husband would start to view her like a piece of meat the same way those other guys did [if she ever did the same things with him])
I can't believe you all are so rigid about this.
This whole thing was just his insecurities making him think that she didn't like him, when the truth is basically the opposite.
How do none of you see that?
....That girl would have never cheated on him if she hadn't already. He made a huge mistake and I'm sad for his daughter, him, and his wife.
He could have simply helped her thru the obvious old emotional trauma and made it work so easily....she was loyal to him in every way that really counts.
....literally, the problem is all in his head.
...and how many of you don't have at least one thing that you'd be hesitant to share with a future lover? I mean, this is crazy you guys.
I just love how she lies for seven years, and when she gets found out with hard evidence she continues to lie until she's slinging insults "What are you, on drugs?" How can this man POSSIBLY trust a word this woman says?
At that point the guy did not tell her what he know it was only after the insult did he say
he seen the tape.
How did she lie for seven years? Where do you get that? I hope this story is fake because this guy is a childish moron.
He should be asking himself why she felt she had to lie to him. If he had been a better husband, she would have felt safe enough to be honest with him.
@@tardislady9546 don't put that on him. She was a freak in the past and used this guy as a security blanket once she was done. She was never attracted to him. That's the whole point.
That's why she kept those tapes.
@@ArcherMVMaster Had he been a better husband, and made her feel safe, she would have felt able to be honest with him. Had he treated her better, pulled his weight with housework and childcare, been truly romantic, not just 'shut her up' ;gestures', like flowers. Had he listened to her, took her seriously, and supported her dreams and ambitions, she would have found him more attractive. He did nothing. He intimidated her, pestered her for pervy sex for years, did nothing to make sex good for her, then blamed her for being too scared to tell him. No man who behaves that can ever be attractive. However, Redditors think that men have no responsibilities, and need make no effort, in relationships. Cue the usual, boring, misogynist abuse, pathetic name calling, and pathetic mocking, because, shock horror, a non-American, and a woman, dared to comment.
I can understand OP's reaction. Men deserve to feel loved and desirable by their partners and probably finding out his wife's past through a video was probably a big sting.
You have no clue
The real issue is that she cheated him out of the sex life he always desired for her. Typical stuff men usually deal with growing up, sad he had to deal with this from a woman that seemingly committed.
I agree. I do believe no one is entitled to see or any sexual acts. But how someone literally be the nastiest for a guy she wouldn't even think of marrying or having a commited Relationship with. But wont give that to a man that she claims to love. Doing nasty stuff doesn't make anyone a hoe. People enjoy sex and certain positions give you diffrent sensations in different areas. Literally everyone does it. But to lie and keep a fake imagine towards her husband is wrong. Especially when he offered to do stuff with her she claimed to love and wanted to do but won't do that for him. Let me add (im 19) so i can speak.
She didn't want to do them because she isn't attracted to him as much as she was attracted to the other guys. Maybe the guys were built, toned, and have huge penises and he was complete opposite or didn't have all the qualities to turn her on in physical appearance. I don't body shame. I think it's the teq. But everyone is diffrent. I think a open marriage would work so she could be satisfied and he could as well. She used self harm as manipulation to make him come back so he didn't divorce her. Lying is a choice.
"Oh my husband wants a freak in the bed but I'll hold sexual intamicy until he asks for a open marriage then refuse the open marriage so I don't look like a slut"
@@SnowWhite-tc5vr lol your the only one on here telling the truth
@@realamericannegro977 I mean the man married her, so their sex life wasn't terrible. That tape could have been porn, and a lot of girls do that nowadays to fund college and university.
I can understand not wanting to tell anybody about it. And the things in the video being things you wouldn't want to do in bed with loved ones. Most porn is exaggerated sex from a guy point of view.
If she said she changed and was open about her past. That would be one thing, but this... How do you even come back from that?
By looking forward
@@CupcakeFairy777 Yep by leaving the wife and looking forward to the rest of his life with a better woman
The reason why she didn’t tell him is probably because he would have hounded her about wanting her to do that for him. She put that behind her and he’s the one making life hell. He knew what life was going to be like before they married, because she had already put that lifestyle behind her. He should have either dumped her to find the freak he wanted, rather than expecting her to become the one he wanted. Guys bitch about their women trying to change them, but then expect to force their wives to do the same. It’s a ridiculous double standard. He shouldn’t have been nosing in her stuff from college. He just needs to move on and be a good dad.
@@karacarden4299 or maybe she should have been honest with him from the get go and told him the truth. You the truth something apparently most women try to avoid. She should have said I was a freak but I won’t be that way with you thus allowing him to make an informed choice. He put away his freak side because he loved he only to find out that she just did not want to do that with him. If she had been honest then this would have been avoided. I can’t understand why so many women think it’s ok to lie but hate it when men do that. It’s a ridiculous double standard and need to go away.
Johnny Gonzales it wasn’t a lie. And she doesn’t have to disclose everything about her past. Guys never disclose if they’ve cheated in the past or how many notches in their belts. It was none of his business what she did. The only concern he should have, which anyone should have, is if the person has an STD or STI. Women are not sex dolls and do have preferences that change over time. He knew what he was getting when they met. She didn’t have to say that she didn’t intend to change. It would be the same if the roles were reversed and he was the freak early on but became a prude. He alienated his wife by going through her things that were before they ever got together. I’m sure he would have been pissed if she had found “incriminating” evidence about his past that changed her view of his sexuality. On top of all that he did, he continued to badger her, as if he that would make her want to pursue him with gusto. He should have sought a freak before choosing marriage. It’s his own fault.
If you were willing and excited to do with with randoms but not your spouse, wth are you doing marrying them? The random gets to treat you like street meat and throw you away after but your spouse who wants to explore with someone they love gets shut out? I'll never understand the logic of women...
Means she REALLY WENT HARD those years and she's cleaning it up from all angles for the "just in case" someone blast her from them days!!
Different people act differently when married.
@@kbanghart Don't hold back from your spouse what you were willing to do with anyone else. I don't count abuse in that statement but you willingly did things and were happy to do them before and you turn down your spouse and they find out how you were in the past, tell me what you would think if they did that to you?
@@kevin3818 not really sure. Hold back what?
@@kbanghart If they were so open sexually with other people, people they didn't know to experiment or do what ever but will not with their spouse why? That is holding themselves back from their spouse and in many ways lying about their past to their spouse.
I don't do that, I don't like it. Husband see's the video of them doing it and begging for more... BS she can now gtfo!
As a woman only advice I can tell is move on, your soul was crushed and don’t think your marriage will ever recover from that
She literally never told him why she never wanted to do it with him.
she's not attracted to him. Guy is right on the money. End of story
Because she was insecure about her image and wanted him to think she was a classy lady, dumb yes, but op also said he absolutely refuses to believe anything she says and walks out on her when she try’s to explain. How can anyone come to a resolution when one party absolutely refuses to listen to anything you try to say. Also sex doesn’t equate love¿ I don’t understand how someone can say that love revolves purely around sex as if everything she does for him in his daily life, which must be a lot since he stayed with her for 7 years, doesn’t mean anything.
@@jasmine12440 Because your thoughts are one sided. Lets say you met a guy who said he didnt believe in marriage and didnt want kids and you adjusted your life to be with him and accommodated that even tho you want kids and want to be a wife. So after 7 years of a relationship you find out from a person who worked with him that "SURPRISE!!" He has an ex wife and two kids that he just doesn't deal with. He didnt tell you about it cause he has an agreement that he doesnt have to pay child support nor see the kids as long as he gave his ex wife the house and half his net worth at the time. He didnt tell you cause he knew it sounded bad and dint want you to judge him. What would you do about it.
I don’t feel like what I said is one sided. I don’t believe the amount of sex you have and how you have it is the deciding factor on love. Op said himself he thinks she doesn’t love him because of her bedroom choices and he refuses to believe anything else, I think that is one sided. As for your example, I thinks it’s incomparable. That’s hiding a whole life, not once being freaky and then deciding that’s not the kind of woman you want to be anymore.
@@jasmine12440 and love doesnt revolve purely around sex. But it is a big part of martial love. As men we have needs. Sexual needs. It is not something we can turn off. It is not something we can shut out but we can with effort and self discipline willingly dedicate that sexual drive to a single woman who we then take on as our wife. You have periods we have a burning lust. Its just how our body works. And his problem was she lied. He wanted to have passionate wild or even just a little bit of adventure in bed with his wife. She refused claiming that it was demeaning and he excepted that. He then find out she did it all willingly on a video that she kept in their home. So when confronted she didnt say 'Doing those things made me feel like a slut and i regretted them. Even thinking about doing those things again make me feel disgusting and unclean. I am sorry i didnt tell you about the video but it was the worst mistake of my life and i never want to try that again.' Nope instead she said she didnt want to be seen as a whore. Thats all she kept repeating. And then she agreed to do those things with him. So she was wiling to do them. She just didnt feel the need to (From a partners perspective at least). And yes its possible that she regretted doing that video and never wanted to do thise things again but A) she kept it and B) the total shut down and lack of flexibility in the bedroom was uncalled for. She should get help if the choices she made cause a trauma that deep. Its more likely she just didnt like what she associated the acts with. But that wasnt his problem. She should have sought help for that before entering a relationship. It would have been unfair to her if because his ex took his dog he refused to let a pet in the home and wouldn't tell her why. It just wouldn't be nearly as devastating.
I was in his shoes! My ex turned into superfreek when she left me. Its hard to accept the person you love to death hates the sight of you! Shit hurts!!
Idk. As a girl my mom told me guys screw around but then want some virgin to marry pretty much. Hope you're all good now though
@@squirrel670 Not really.
Rule number one: experience in bed = quality sex
Virgins are only good if you want to wank your own ego by being "the first", which I don't.
My fiancée and I are both freaks in bed and that's what keeps the pyre burning.
@@TsukihimebrBlogspotAstralSword I know that's not true, it's very dumb but that's why i said people might act like that from stupid ideas like that. Doesn't mean she didn't tell it to me 50 times and if she did im sure im not the only one. Hear it on the radio, hear it on tv, see it in peoples attitudes. Guys need the experience but if a girl is a ho she's no good or used goods like women are some type of product with a seal and expiration date. Hell thats what i got taught in sex education.
Me and my boyfriend were virgins no first kiss really or anything but we do everything together. I just wanted to wait for the right person and wanted someone who did the same but it wasn't end all be all. Doesn't mean we don't do a fair share of freaky.
Experience doesn't mean quality if you don't do anything with it really. The hehe first and pure vag nonsense makes me sick.
@@squirrel670 I respect your beliefs, but it's naive to think that someone that actually knows what needs to be done in bed will have the same quality as a first timer.
I always preferred women that knew what they liked, so I could check her preferences and let her know mine.
No blind sex will top that.
Of course, you have all the right in the world to simply choose what you believe is best.
@@TsukihimebrBlogspotAstralSword Don't get me wrong, I don't think that a first time will have the same quality as someone "who knows what to be done", 1000% no lol.
I mean that some people are better learners than others and the attitude about it does affect the quality. Just because someone had sex once before or experienced it more times doesn't make them inherently better if they don't care to check preference or put effort, or they could prioritize what they want over the other person. Then there's also sexual experience in general.
If two people put the same effort then the one with more experience will most likely do better. Their partner's could also make the difference in experience. Just like not all "blind sex" is the same level of good, not all people who had sex the same amount of times were having quality sex.
Imagine this scenario. Guy gets in a relationship gets married for ten years and only buys here used second rate stuff at best. Than the wife finds out all his previous lovers got brand new best of the best stuff. She cries foul and then he says well I just did that because I didn't want you to think I was trying to buy you like a prostitute. I only did that with them because I really didn't care about them. That is why I got them the mercedez benz, Gucci bags, and premium Jewelry. Trust me I don't love you any less, but now that you have found out I will get you the best of the best. This is gonna go over great. Lol. And they live happily ever after.
😂💯🎯🎯
Great summarization
In her face, you are the man, what a brilliant example.
Dam thats 💯
I feel like there's a Chris Rock routine with a similar analogy.
I sympathize with the man. Marriage was built on lies. But opening marriage is not the answer. Cut the tumor before it gets malignant for the kid.
I disagree. He needs to get his mojo back and the only way he knows she WANTS to do those things with him is if her jealousy is shown when he does them with others. He doesn’t believe a word she says about wanting to now. If she doesn’t want to go through it, then she can leave and he’ll still be on the prowl for someone with better sexual compatibility.
@@AK-df3lh hi there.i disagree with your point of view.she can't give him his mojo back even if she wants to bcoz he'll think its out of pity or jealousy and not love.
Open marriage can give him his mojo back. but might as well get divorced before searching for validation/mojo.
Opening marriage is only for tormenting her for the deception.
Yeah if he will never trust her ever again he should just end it tbh instead of just sleeping with other women. As the wife isn't on board with open marriage it will just make it worse
@@Dauerglotzer123 of course she’s not on board with it, but if she wants to be with him she’ll have to make sacrifices. They still love each other and want to find a way, and this is his way. He should TOTALLY have control of the situation as he’s the one who is being emasculated by the situation.
@@AK-df3lh of course I just meant opening the marriage will only make it 100x worse and thats not fair on him or the kids when he could just end it
From what I can read on the updates that aren’t deleted, he moved back in and they are trying to work things out. He told his brother and the wife met the both of them so OP wouldn’t say anything hurtful to his wife. She convinces him that she always wanted to do the things he described, but since he stopped asking for it, she was afraid to initiate because she thought he would think less of her if she did. Ultimately, they are together and are intimate again. The thread is 6+ years old.
All I saw is when his Brother had him agree to try it. Didn't see if it worked or not long term. Considering what he originally said, I kind of doubt it.
If that’s true than he is an ultimate sucker and examples like this are a discredit to men in our society trying to take back respect for our gender as a whole.
The lesson will never be learned and men will still not be given even the most basic of reciprocal respect after being shamed and browbeaten into blindly respecting their counterparts
Don't weep for the stupid,
You'd be crying all day............
@@lorddrakkon9562 Well said. All we can do is learn what not to do.
@@brutustantheiii8477 I guess that back door she opened for him pursuaded him back
Why doesn’t anyone ever POST THE LINK
Yes please
www.reddit.com/u/vidthroweawaya21?
It was 6 yrs ago
@Iori Van Hail dunno lack of information
I want the x video link.
Divorce time. Body count matters.
I understand how he feels sex is very important to me as well, just the feeling that someone loves and desires you to the point they will do certain things to please you is a amazing feeling
@Kendl what’s perverted about wanting different positions?
@Kendl It's not about the sex. It's about the desire. She's doing something for my express pleasure = she loves me
@@dexterbarnes5249 What are YOU willing to do for HER pleasure? Nothing? Thought as much.
@@tardislady9546 Lol. I love it when people ask a question and then answer for you. That makes sense...
But, if reaaallly want an answer to your question: listen to her bs problems, take on adventures, protect her from danger, etc., etc., a whole lot more things than simply screwing her in the bedroom.
@@dexterbarnes5249 , she is a angry woman no doubt . Probably pissed she never had the big "O" !
They want to be one person with their partner and someone else with random men. They don't know how to be whoever they want to be with the same person. This is their nature. It doesn't work with the modern expectations of romance and marriage.
It was when she was younger... not the same time... people change... especially as they get older. Things we do as teens/ young adults are sometimes the things we look back at with regrets.
@@avinashjagdeo There is a difference. First, there is a difference between doing something to experiment when you are ''young & crazy'' and doing something for the rest of your life...which she ''would have to'' do if she were to start smth. with the husband, she couldn't just leave, if she did smth. once there would be pressure, at least talks to do it again and unless she has a really bad time, she would feel like she would have to.
Then, people do change...when you are young you are driven by different things and hormones and entourage and insecurities and maybe even intoxicants etc and they can make you do things that you feel you have to or that ''everybody does it'', ''it'll be cool'' and you might enjoy it in the moment, but later you can find that it leaves you with bad feelings, lonely b/c it wasn't with somebody special, used, disturbed that you enjoyed that, ashamed, ppl maybe badmouthing you etc etc., so even if it was fun in the moment the whole experience wasn't good and you decide you don't want to do it...especially for the rest of your life b/c it might bring back those feelings.
I'm not saying that what she did was right, but I see why she might have done it.
She could have told her husband that she tried those things and it left her feeling bad, so she feels weird about doing those things with him...they could have tried to see how she feels or agree to do it on his birthday or smth. to make sure she is not overwhelmed that there are expectations to do it often...a middle ground that would have been better than lying about everything.
@@violeta585 I understand your position, it's quite commonly used as a possible explanation, but it is incorrect. Will explain. You're confusing two things. 1. The ability to experience and enjoy erotic sex and 2. Bad experiences that may have resulted from having irresponsible sexual behavior in the past. It is possible that this wife may have had bad experiences or regretted some of her past actions, but that is not because the sex was bad. If she's regretting her past it was because she had really great sex under bad conditions or great sex with the wrong people. And there's no evidence that she regretted anything, in fact, she said she was suddenly willing to do those things with him now that he saw her video. She didn't respond to say she regrets doing those acts.
I'll give you some examples to illustrate what I'm saying. There are millions of people who cheat on their spouse. They love their partner. Their partner gives them intimacy, security, comfort, and love but they still seek erotic sex with strangers that is mostly physical and full of unstable emotions, risk and excitement. They do things with AP's that they would never consider doing with their marriage partners. Another example. Woman dates guy, he's got a huge dick, amazing body, fucks her like the worst kind of whore, and she loves it. She can't make it work with him long term because she can't form an emotional bond with him even though the sex is amazing. He's too unpredictable and cheats a lot. Two months later she's dating a great guy who is completely the opposite. Emotionally available, very caring loving and attentive. He makes her feel safe and promises a future with her. She gets very close to him and has good normal sex. She doesn't let him do anything 'dirty' with her, says she's not that kind of girl. Only two months ago she was doing handstands with her ex's dick in her ass, and I can guarantee you she does not regret the sex. At the very most she's sorry she can't be with the ex just for the sex.
I'm not saying this is wrong. This is apparently how it is. The erotic and the intimate do not go together. Feeling one for a person does not necessarily mean you feel the other also. The problem with relationships is that we have the expectation that people will feel both for you, and not just that, feel them for no other. It is possible to feel your strongest intimate connection to one person but it almost never happens that one feels erotic desire for only one person. That is because these two emotional states are opposing states. One is based on security and comfort and the other on uncertainty and risk. They push each other out of the way. People cannot usually feel both for the same person. Relationships can be manipulated so that both can be experienced with the same person but it doesn't happen naturally. If people have this expectation of their partner and their sense of self as an intimate partner is tied together with their sense of self as a sexual partner, then when you learn that you are not your partner's greatest sexual desire, it could invalidate your entire relationship emotionally. This is especially true for men who discover their wife's greatest sexual and erotic experiences have nothing to do with them and they are unable to feel that same sexual intensity with their husband.
@@avinashjagdeo may i interpret it with the short sentence "alpha ducks beta bugs" ?
This is why man should never commit 100% to a women who will never commit 100% of her to him
@@violeta585
there is no such thing as experimental doing it with 5 other persons at the same time.
The only solution I see is divorce. OP was lied to and was deceived by her for seven years. The trust is irreparably broken. While she didn't cheat from what I saw in the story, she did break that trust with her lies. OP was seriously hurt. Had she come clean when they first met, he could have chose to either stay with her or leave. OP could pursue individual counseling to overcome the hurt and pain she caused him. OP, I feel your pain. Good luck.
The problem is that it’s fifty fifty as to a guy his going a be cool with a chick with promiscuous past verse call her a slut and just move on. And some guys say they’d be cool with it but over time it gnaws at them and stop being cool with it.
@@beejcarson I would forgive her, but there would be NO chance of reconciliation. I would cut my losses and move on. I would pursue individual counseling to overcome the inevitable trust issues I would have.
@@jonrobles1468 Not ONE of you lot on here would ever judge a MAN for having been promiscuous. You are such hypocrites.
@@invisible123-l9dI'm not judging the promiscuity. I'm judging her lies over those past seven years. If she was promiscuous, that's fine. She should have told OP right off the bat and let him decide if he wanted to stay with her or not. If you had read my third sentence, her lies irreparably broke the trust they had with each other. Without trust, a relationship eventually ends. I would judge a man IF he did the same thing this woman did: not tell his partner about his promiscuous past and lied by omission. This woman portrayed herself as someone she was not: a woman who had only been involved with a couple of men in relationships when in fact she was a serious carousel rider.
@@invisible123-l9d bull crap I would judge any dude that is having threesomes recording it keeping files on a computer it’s not that she had a promiscuous pass. It’s that she was not honest about and she kept telling him I’m not that type of person and then he goes to do something nice for her and find a bunch of college videos of herb doing lots of things I would freak out to.
What the girl did is kind of shitty, but we dont know wether she's actually lying or not, nor why she trully hasnt done those things with him, also I think if she didnt like him, she wouldnt have wanted to have 3 kids and broke down just knowing he didnt want to get 'em, and if it was all an attraction thing I dont think she would have said no to the whole open relation ship thing.. Also he was kind of being shitty, the whole idea of an open relation ship literally went against his own idea of the intimate sex thing and was prolly only doing it to shame or guilt her, I understand why he's mad and hurt, cuz shit like that's happened to me, but idk... but he doesnt seem to actually care about why she hasnt done or doesnt want to do those things with him, clearly she put the whoring in the past and there was prolly a reason for it, but he just wont listen..
It kills me that she didn't understand what he was saying. She was willing to do all this stuff with everyone else but then when she had a relationship with him it was the exact opposite. Which means he was probably the safe bet the one to build a nice safe life with but doesn't get all the fun cuz she's probably not as attracted to him
It all boils down to trust being broken. Just as he said, will always question whether the wife actually wanted to do things with him or just fulfilling obligation or feeling guilty. Also his self confidence is totally crushed, it's always a question of what's lacking from me? What did they have that you found so sexually attractive? It will always be at the back of his mind.
Fun thing is... it could have just been talked about. Like, why do you not find me attractive? What can I improve? Do you want me to be more aggressive? Or muscular?
Then you try to fulfill that desire somehow. Go on a diet, work out, ravage her like a beast. If she's into that, try to fulfil it. It's up to her to communicate it. Lust is a fickle thing. We get turned on by things that are in our head and in our head only.
The problem is when it turns into a lose-lose situation. Maybe she wants an aggressive, douchey guy to feel horny but she can't tell her husband because that would ruin "the illusion". In that case nothing he could do would work out. Sad stuff.
@@ExceedProduction Even if she LEGITIMATELY wanted to completely distance and alienate herself from her past, it's a lose lose situation here. I do think it's a bit logically unreasonable that he believes that the only possible reason (or sole reason) is that he's unattractive, but he is emotionally reasonable that he can't control how he feels and how he can't trust her. He is definitely in the wrong though, saying that an open marriage fixes the situation. If he had self esteem issues prior to meeting her, then it gets a bit murky but regardless of the truth, eh... there's no trust here.
@@ExceedProduction Hew refused to listen to her, and condemned her. MEN need to be willing to LISTEN, and stop focusing solely ion themselves sexually.
Damn... I dont get why she wouldn't let loose with the one she loves. Him asking her and her saying no just doesn't add up.
Simple: him(good provider)+her(not attracted)=her(minimum effort in bed)
@@alielgabi5018 good point
@@alielgabi5018
Rules for the Beta
No rules for the Alpha
Beta buck alpha Fu€ks
She doesn’t love him obviously. She was never really attracted to him.
I had a similar experience, not revolving sex, but other thing.
Luckily, we were not married, nor with kids, just on the verge of living together.
I can totally relate to OP, once the trust is over, is over.
That and one thing a lot of girls don’t realize is that is a man finds out you give your best to another man sexually rather it’s an ex or affair partner that’s the kind of stuff that would make him want to instantly leave
This is why you should be honest about your past and number of partners before a relationship starts getting serious. You can say the past is the past and it doesn't matter BUT IT DOES MATTER. Just like your past taken into account with your credit history, or your past employment when interviewing for a job, or past criminal history when trying to get certain jobs, the past will always be a reflection on your prior judgement calls and who you are today.
Agree with you 100%
Not always. Sometimes people can change. Your past doesn’t define you. Let’s say you use to pick your nose as a child, would that still be relevant? Or would you still label yourself as a nose picker because of something you did in your youth? Sure, somethings are important to know, but only if it affects the health of the relationships you have.
@@casperthenotsofriendlyghos8968 you seriously that’s not fair to your partner. You would be robbing them of a chance to make an informed decision if they want to be with you or not. The past matters it absolutely matters, honest matters if your doing something your ashamed of them finding out then you shouldn’t be doing it. Plus many guys once they find out you lied they will have no problems leaving you or divorcing you even if there are kids involved. Honesty is always the best policy.
@@casperthenotsofriendlyghos8968 and yes your past DOES define you. We are all the sum of our experiences and many guys do not want a promiscuous girl and that’s their choice. And eventually the truth will come out and most likely the worst possible time. Be honest
@@johnnygonzales428 agree to disagree. The only important thing he has a right to know is if she has an sti or infections and I s doing something that could put them both in danger. You’re only thinking of it in one perspective. He wants to divorce because he feels inadequate. And yes that’s sad, but that’s something that he needs to work on. What matters most is the person who you choose to be right now in your present life time and to be kind to those around you. His wife didn’t cheat or do any wrong in their relationship. He wants to ruin a good thing because he keeps comparing himself to others who don’t matter and are not involved.
I learned long ago there are two foundational building blocks in relationships that support all other building blocks built upon them. Namely, Respect and Communication. She gave him neither. If you have both foundational building blocks then your personal or business relationship will likely succeed. If only one is present, you might succeed but less likely. Respect implies you'll communicate, and communication shows respect for your partner. She failed to communicate about her past, she didn't respect him enough to even try. But when he pressed her, she accused him of being high! She doubled down on her hidden past, came clean when it was too late, and then lied about wanting those things with him. Too late.
FACTS. HE gave her BOTH. And got nothing in return. Why should we straight modern men bother settling down in sacrifice. When we can’t even get that
@@brutustantheiii8477 She no longer wanted to degrade herself. She wanted to leave her wild past in the past. Instead of respecting that, he abused her, humiliated her, and threatened to abandon her with nothing, to care for HIS child alone. He wanted to force her to degrade herself, all because of his bruised ego.
@ Tardus Lady You really don't know how you sound do you? I do agree with that she was ashamed of the things she did. She probably had, and most likely still has, low self-esteem. The degrading acts she committed were examples of her need to use sex for validation. What she should've done is go to therapy and address those issues instead of lie to her husband repeatedly about the things she likes and dislikes in bed. Her husband wanted a hot sex life with his life partner. He's completely in the right to have a hope and expectation like those. She should've been honest about it. Instead, because she's so ashamed and terrified of dealing with her past, she robbed him of the opportunity to find a wife who would be up for that kind of sexual connection as well as emotional. That's the issue here.
Then you go and say he's selfish and he only thought of himself. You know this how? He probably did a lot to spice up the marriage so that maybe they could experiment with each other. The fact of the matter is some women, like some men, severely separate love and sex. Some partners are only for sex. Committed relationships are about love. They include sex, but not the wild sex that they have with people with whom they're not committed. These people have an issue. His wife was the one with the issue. You have an issue (probably several).
What the guy can do is leave her or work with her to have a great sex life now that he knows about her past (her fear of it being found out is no longer relevant). My suggestion is the first. Find someone with who you can build the best connection emotionally, in values, and sexually.
@@tardislady9546 why did she kept the tape then?
Guarantee you there will be people out there saying, "her past doesn't matter" and "don't s**t shame her!" Yeah, this sort of thing does matter to most guys, no matter how you desperately try to believe otherwise. And act like a w**re? You're going to be seen as a w**re. That's the price of riding the Carousel.
you find these normies on reddit say that all the time in the relationship type subs
This is so gross.
Prior actions have consequences.
i like this story it shows how past can ruin anything and todays youth have "No Regrets" tattooed on they're forehead
The youth really doesn't do that. I think the lies is something that not matter how long ago can ruin a relationship. Foundations of lies are terrible especially when they keep lying right to your face.
STORY 1: *Had a similar situation with a girlfriend(ex).* Basically I knew she had done freaky things before, but doesn't want to do shit with me. I would always get a BS excuse of why them, and not me. I got a closed-off version of something she was just handing out freely to others not long before. I'm not a judgmental person by any chance so don't know why. Funny thing is she was very outgoing and let people know exactly what she was into, but I got the a Stale Bagel because I was "different" her words. Made me feel as though I was "less than".
*I don't exactly know how to describe the feeling. It's a different form of betrayal? Disrespect? Jealousy? Trust problems? I don't know...* 6 FREAKIN YEARS!!!! Nothing but Vanilla-ish stuff.
When we broke up she went right back to doing the same freaky things onward. I feel OP. If you're willing to do such things to a total stranger, why not the one you say you "want a future with"? *S3x really is the validation of Love in my opinion. Knowing that you're holding back on 90% of your desires for years speaks wonders in my eyes.*
Because the sex wasn't exciting. There are men that take control and don't have to ask because it's like they know exactly what your body want without you telling him. Sorry but you were maybe such a boyfriend material that you fulfilled the emotional part pretty well, however, you might need to work on your bedroom skills to create a balanced relationship
@@nikandra76 WOAH WOAH WOAH!!!! Bedroom skills are fine & I was hoping to do plenty lmao. She said it was BECAUSE of the emotional fulfillment that she didn't want to do more. *I don't get it but she kept using that excuse.* If anything, she thought it was romantic.....😑
What many are missing. This woman married a guy as a sensible choice, good provider, good father, but not a man she desires. Ie, she married for practical reasons, but not love or lust. This is devastating for a man to find out, that you are not loved. In a sense, he was hired for the job of husband. I don't think any marriage could survive this. A man marrying a woman who he only desires for her money,the woman would feel the same thing if she found out.
@@nikandra76 "don't have to ask" & that's why MeToo movement. Also all the men that Kno "how to take control" is a small % of men & they're 99% gonna cheat. So ladies which one do you want. Somebody that takes control & is gonna cheat or somebody who doesn't but is faithful ? Can't have it all
This is a red flag. If she's a prude with you but wasn't in past....just leave.
I noticed guys in this situation apologize a lot. Screw her. Do your own thing. Ignore the haters.
I found myself in that situation when i was married. Only difference i knew about her past. I talked and talked about till i was blue in the face. Be patient let her move at her own pace. But yet want to play dumb when it was time for sex. She gave all the excuses in the world. Then i cheated an eventually left on my own terms. Guess what she met another guy an have all kinds of sex in cars and doing all kinds of shit for him to keep him around even though they aren't married. Had i stayed i would still be in that situation. I took that L once i realized i wasn't gone ever get my way.
@@retiredsnowbunnyhunterx5106
Very sorry you got in that situation I hope you find someone who is willing to give their best to you
@@retiredsnowbunnyhunterx5106 Damn she was getting freaky deeky in the cars? Yea you couldn't unlock the freak in her but she was just using you so glad you picked up and adjusted
@@retiredsnowbunnyhunterx5106 Holy fucking shit, my heart breaks for you. I usually hate cheaters, no, I despise them, but in your case it was justified.
Glad you're out of that.
I'm just going to offer a different perspective on this.
It seems to me that the wife didn't want to do these things with her husband because she actually cares about him. She did those things in the past with men she didn't care or feel anything for, and consequently didn't care how she felt about them. Then she started seeking partners that she did care about and became more reserved and had no desire to perform "degenerate" acts. So when she met her husband, she didn't want to do those things with him because "degenerates do those things and my husband is not a degenerate." This woman clearly sees herself (or at least her past self) as a degenerate and a slut, and her views on both her past and present sex lives are very unhealthy.
Sex means very different things to both of them, so honestly, without counseling (which he's refusing), this relationship was doomed from the start. I'm sad to hear about how this marriage fell apart, and though the husband is being frustratingly bullheaded, it all comes down to the wife's deception. You cannot build a foundation for a loving, trusting marriage with secrets and lies, and you CERTAINLY should not enter a relationship, long or short term, without disclosing your sexual history honestly. She didn't even have to go into detail, she could have just said "I've had several sexual partners in the past," but by saying she had only had one, she not only started the relationship off with a lie, she put her husband at risk for STI's that she might not even know she has.
All in all, I think the best takeaways from this story are: don't lie to your partner about your past, sex is not something to be ashamed of, and communicate with your partner about what your desires/boundaries are and why.
Exactly
This guy is being selfish
@@manwithnoname691 She lies to no end, and not only that but has *porn* tapes out there for everyone to see while telling her husband nothing so people he knows can laugh at him behind his back, and *he* has to pay money to sit in some therapist chair where he does not want to sit (effectively punishing him for her lies), and he is bullheaded and selfish?
Trying to keep up the charade and selfishly manipulating him so she can come off as a goody 2 shoes. Yeah, totally _his_ fault. She is just a saint.
Im calling bullshit on that. She wasnt attracted to him she settled for him because she was done making laps around the block and no one else wanted sloppy 20th's. He was a runner up not the prize. Bother should cut the cord and move on. He deserves someone that actually wants him 100% not just comfortable with him because hes useful for the moment.
@@manwithnoname691 they're both just idiots and they both need therapy
Different perspective here:
Maybe, just maybe, she had all her fun in her earlier years and she is no longer interested in that lifestyle. And so, she wanted to start anew. Yes, lying was wrong but I get her point. If she would have told her husband about her past and agreed to what he wanted (which she no longer wanted at that point) then she would feel trapped into being something and someone that she no longer wanted to be bc now her husband is aware of her past and it becomes an expectation for her to continue doing the things that she no longer deems appropriate. Which isn't fair for her, nor him. But I understand his point also. Counseling would work but he's against so.....marriage over
Starting afresh doesn't realign your sexual preferences. Its not "lifestyle" . you are making too many assumptions on her behalf. She said she was never forced or coerced to do those things. And if a simple blowjob becomes a regular expectation you can talk it out as a couple as its not porn and you aren't bound to perform the scene
There are way too many red flags. And though people like to soothe the burn the truth is men judge women on their past. Him finding that tape burned the image of his wife getting a train through her by 5 dudes. No amount of counseling, or trust will get rid of that.
1: Does matter, he wanted to do that and she never agreed to it, she disrespected what he wanted while she did it for other guys, if she loved him she would be willing to do anything for him.
2: She disrespected, emasculated him by not doing it with him but was willingly open to do it with other men and call herself "their whore", how would you feel if a significant other of yours had said that to someone you met and found out she wouldn't say that for it. You feel emasculated by the other men.
3: The most important thing for men is truth, dignity, respect and loyalty. Lying breaks truth, his dignity as a man was attacked by her rejected to do that with him but not with a bunch of others. The respect was lost when she refused the idea, but not with him. The ones you are loyal to is the ones you are willing to lay everything for, all truth, all weaknesses, all strengths, wants and needs.
4: His mistake was not dumping her when she rejected those ideas. No matter the shame, embarrassment, having those feeling being open to another is more important than guilt which can turn into resentment, bitterness, envy and anger. His test bet is to find someone else to do those things and separate their relationship and keep it as parent partner but nothing else.
5: In the end all that embarrassment and shame she had of not wanting to be seen as a "wh**e / sl*t" made her one, people use words like that when they know but are in denial, it is a denial mechanism to deflect responsibility and accountability, his marriage had no credibility. Past came back to haunt her, well let's say it's well deserved, karma got her as long as he doesn't get mentally and psychologically run down by her.
If she wanted to leave those things in the past, she should have told OP that instead of saying that she can do them with him now. The big problem is that OP/we don't know if she is just trying to save their marriage or truly wants it.
@@lightzpy8049 she did it in her past... she didn't do it when they were together. Not the same thing. I used to like to drink alcohol in my 20's but now that I'm in my 30's I don't like the feeling of being drunk... does that mean that I should get drunk with my husband because I used to like getting drunk with my past boyfriends?
typical modern women in america 'explore themslef' get ran throught during 20's with nice looking guys, bad boys ect and settle with the nice guys in her 30's or late 20's and end up 80% of divorce + take half of the shiit of the dude. American men you guys need to stop being played like that and find a good young traditional wife oversea
When everything you know about women comes from red pill podcasts:
1st story: This is one of the worst feelings a man can experience. Knowing the woman whom you treasure and love, this woman whom you would willingly lay down your life for would never give you your deepest desires and pleasure.
Imagine knowing she gave her best years, her youth to guys who meant nothing to her. She gave them everything you could ever desire.
And she acted like a prude to you when you asked for simple things like oral. Jesus. This is a huge issue for every man who has had to confront this reality.
You love her but she doesn't desire you. This marriage is over. Rip off the band aid rather than try to do things slowly.
1st story? There’s only 1. lol
@@Harmonic14 thank you for pointing that out.
Oral isn't simple. Nor should it be expected. No one is entitled to a sex act of any kind from there partner.
@Rain Dolz I feel sorry for your partner.
@@DarkBirgon agreed. And no one is owed fidelity under such circumstances nor access to their partners resources yet these two are still expected.
How is it a person can deny their partner sex throughout their marriage but demand financial upkeep to maintain a lifestyle they were afforded by that same partner after the marriage has failed?
It was not a one time thing she did back in college. She kept lying to her husband through the years.
Yeah but he's not even focused on that bit he just keeps talking about how she wouldn't do those things for him but did them in the past. The facts are he's salty because she doesn't want to do it with him
@@judithmurray8220 As he should be . She acted like a total prude with him despite him asking for those things and him trying to get her to open up only to be shot down for 7 years, yet then he discovers she was willing to do those same exact things he asked for with multiple men. Heck yeah he should be salty that his WIFE could put out like a wild woman for other guys yet to her own husband won't even give a portion of that . It's like a guy being a unromantic cheap tightwad to his wife and he won't change his behavior even though she expresses her need for him to be more affectionate and for romance . Then she discovers he was so romantic with previous lovers that he even took them on fabulous vacations and bought them expensive gifts. Wouldn't she be right to feel incredibly slighted and second place. She would rightly feel that he lavished more and gave his best to other women and doesn't think of her as worthy of equal or better treatment.
@@cisio64123 agree with you
@@judithmurray8220 imagine your boyfriend doesn't do certain things with you/for you (make you coffee, compliment your looks, listen to how was your day going or what's on your mind, go out to movies... You know, the usual) and just pretends to be a bookworm who hangs out in the libraries and likes to just walk in the park.
But he did all that (and even more) with someone else before you and wasn't really a bookworm, but quite an active individual.
Would you bothered to ask yourself "wtf is the problem" in such scenario and why are you stuck with him in the library instead of hanging out someplace else?
His reaction was completely normal - such things makes people question some topics, related to the situation.
@@WackRusDud How about someone leaving their partner if they don't fullfill their needs. If the husband wanted a freak he shouldn't have married her in the first place and looked out to someone willing to satisfy him from the start. Can't have a healthy relationship if you want to change your partner. Simple as that
This is a really sad story if the wife is telling the truth. But I can understand OP for not trusting her after not opening up after 7 years.
@Micheal Mouse I can't tell whether you are joking to prove a non obvious point, but after SEVEN Years she's still sore?
I don't think she was really telling the truth. She may have "thought" she was telling the truth, but she seems like she was more in love with the "idea" of being the ideal wife, not actually in love with her husband.
I think she was drunk or high in college or got manipulated into it and then when she was sober and more mature she was horrified and ashamed and really needs therapy because she really confused herself about sex marriage.
@@karencarpenter5845 well, you didn't read everything, there is an update that says she was naver forced, that she did everything willingly, so... The only thing that justify her side is if she regret that side of her past and wanted to be a new woman after marriage, but is easier for us to think about this, she didn't lie to us for 7 years.
@@karencarpenter5845Then why would she have a copy of the tape? Someone made a copy and gave it to her and she kept it. Maybe she used to watch it all the time? She never bothered to find it and destroy it. Each of the men probably has a copy and shows their friends.
Set rules for the beta. Break rules for the alpha. Always remember that!!@
He stated that he tried to get her do do other things all through their relation ship. So yes he did want to do other stuff from the start. Its stated that she was promiscus in high school and college. Promescuity is not experimentation. All she had to do was tell the truth and say she didn't want to do stuff like that any more. Its the lying for 7 years that is the ultimate problem here. He doesn't feel able to trust her any longer and I don't blame him. I have to wonder how she would react if she found a tape of him in bed with 4 or 5 girls from his college days.
The real question is, who put the idea that her husband would want a 'lady in bed, despite the fact that he asked for other things. There is more to this story, especially the wife's side, that she either didn't tell OP, or he didn't say.
@Jonny Does it? Some religions tell you to be prude, even in need. I believe it's something to the effect of "sex is only to make babies". No, it didn't make them fit well if he wants more acts. No, she didn't owe him positions or acts in bed.
The thing that should upset the OP is the lying. Acting like she should be doing certain acts is not okay.
@Jonny well then I guess s lot of people would be single then
@Jonny Absolutely not. She owes him nothing. That's rather foolish of you to think. She doesn't owe him any sexual acts, just because they married. Marriage is more of a financial contract. Notice that if you ever get married, or are, there's nothing in say, the marriage license that says they both need to do sexual acts that are asked for. Not even in the vows.
You clearly have a skewed view on this. Did you not notice that it was tagged to something else? I'm not advocating for it, I'm trying to show you that there are other ideas out there.
No, you don't marry for sex. Why? Because eventually, in most marriages, the sexual attraction falls off. You may have to be able to live with the person without having sex. So why marry just for sex?
The issue here isn't the sex or the acts she may have preformed previously. The real issue is that she lied. She lied about something easy to say "I may have slept with more than one guy, or did these other acts. but I don't want to do them anymore."
Would the marriage have lasted? Don't know. Did he like her for anything other than sex? If he married her just to have sex, then that was a foolish viewpoint.
Get over this weird viewpoint. A wife doesn't owe her husband sexual acts. Your analogy is off base. Paying a bill, something that can affect you for the rest of your life. or not getting a sexual act (something that doesn't carry the same consequence) are not the same.
@Jonny You're not even reading, and seem to think men are entitled to things. One, you are plain wrong- no person owes the other sex of any kind that they don't want to give or receive. Plain and simple.
Two, sex is not a requirement to make a relationship work. Your head is very far into the clouds, and you sound very young. Like in your teens. That's how this reads.
Three, if you want a woman that just submits and does whatever you say, go ahead. Don't blame me if she gets boring and you find the relationship lacks because you just wanted a doormat.
Marriage isn't about sex or kids. You should marry for love, sure, but remember that eventually, that honeymoon stage will go away. If your top concern is sex, and you are committed to marriage, then here's some solid advice:
Talk to your partner (girlfriend in this case) and be clear about what you want, including the sex acts you want.
Your thinking is just so wrong. It's a partnership, not one-sided. A wife does not owe her husband sex, and especially sexual acts that she doesn't want to give.
If you then go outside your marriage, its your fault for not communicating to your partner ahead of time.
Seriously, you need to go and talk to a therapist if you think the wife owes everything. The husband could not be the bread winner, too, you know? You don't really seem to understand that communication is key. That includes before you marry and during the marriage.
That is something really disturbing to hear and read.
The wife doesn't want to do more than one or two sex positions yet she had done multiple positions with other men in her past. That would make any guy feel like crap.
Plus, she lied about doing those positions and states that she doesn't want to do them with her husband.
She now wants to do those things with him but the trust between them is gone.
I only see divorce for this guy because everytime he would have sex with her, he would feel like she doesn't care about him and she would be doing it out of obligation.
If she would have opened up more in bed, then it would have been fine. The fact that she wanted to make herself look good and pure was totally wrong.
@Scott Graff There was no other girl. The video was HER and six men.
@Brutus Tan the II But OP clearly stated it was two women in the video.
Jean Carbonneau so she has to perform like a sex doll? People change. He married her for who she presented during their courtship. He is not entitled to demand she perform like a porn actress as she did before him. He had no business watching the video he found that was in a box up in their attic. He brought all that pain on himself. If he was so bothered by her sexual behavior during their marriage, he should have divorced her before they reached the 7 year mark and he found that tape. The fact she was mature enough to suggest counseling shows she is more willing to fight for their marriage. But since he doesn’t want to, it’s on him.
Mike Scott people change and Bfd she kept the tape. Guys keep videos from earlier “conquests”. It’s no different. Guess it’s different because she’s a woman.
@@karacarden4299 If she kept the tape she shouldn't be suprised if someone finds it.
Also it's not really about husbands sexual desires but about lies and broken trust. He stayed with her for seven years out of love and hope that things would be better. But it didn't. Sex tape was the last straw. He immidiately realised that his wife doesn't find him attractive, lied about her past and maried him out of calculation and had enough of it. To keep good mariage both sides have to put in ,but one side cleary hasn't
I would be more upset about the lying than the past behavior. How can you thrust her?
Well i guess he can’t, that’s sort of the problem😏He can’t trust her either...
Sorry, couldn’t help it
You can’t which is precisely the REAL problem not the past acts partners or even tape. Not even reciprocity for the respect he showed her in expressing his needs.
Edit: can’t
"thrust her," hahaha.
I think when it comes to marriage, us husbands are the guys our wives "settled for". They loved the other partners they had that would not commit. but they realize they are not going to get any better, so they marry us, then forever we are the ones that "they sacrificed everything for".
I'm sure that's true for many marriages...smh.
Idk. Im told i could get "better" all the time even by my partners. I don't care.
No no no, our hubbies should always be The One and Only, my best friend and soulmate that God loved me enough to bless me with. It's all about mindset. Shame on any woman who gets lazy, complacent, and ungrateful
@@wolfwhistlewoowoo6297 Are you actually a woman, saying all that?
I want to see paternity test results
Dudes delusional smh just move on from her 😑
We’ve all been there...being in love is dangerous...blinds us
@@JoJo-vz5yh Nah hahhaa WE have not all been there.
She can do that for 6 guys, but when she is lucky enough to be accepted by a man, she acting saint? Damn this street cat is funny as hell.
The guy did the right thing. He understands she was not fired up for him. So sad. Some hurt cannot be recovered from.
@Pumpum Pum FYI he left her and she lied to him for 7 years, of course he won’t believe anything she had to say, he even states it MULTIPLE times. I hope he found the woman he deserves because the lying trash was not worth his 7 years, what a waste for the guy (she even says she does want it and will do all positions with him, whether a lie or not she only wants to do that stuff AFTER he finds out? Trash)
@Pumpum Pum your simp readings are off the charts
@Pumpum Pum absolutely nothing is true about what you said. It was HER JOB to actually express why to the man that is HER HUSBAND. Not some boyfriend or regular hookup.
He on one hand had been nothing, truly nothing but respectful in a way a wife should be treated. He did not resort to cheating, blackmail, threatening or coercion but rather he openly expressed and communicated (as what a lot of people including many women have said is the key apparently to a good relationship ) and was patient and encouraging. She couldn’t give him the basic minimal decency and reciprocity to him in return. Nothing but deceitful disrespect or childish incompetence and unintelligent invalid arguments, she had. Either way, she’s proven she doesn’t deserve a marriage from a good man.
And your blanket condoning and vulgarity just ensures a lack of accountability that will just mean less and less trust from us men.
@Pumpum Pum again no one, least of all him, is judging her for it, nor even saying she had to indulge him, but to be this disrespectful. No man can be loved without respect
@Pumpum Pum He was the only one in this marriage who cared about their spouse's feelings. She didn't give a rat's arse about how he felt.
It’s same old story. Women goes around sleeping in their teens and 20’s being the town bicycle. once they feel like they have had enough of hoe phase likely because of getting older and not looking young anymore. They want to settle for a Beta guy who can be a safety net. This story is classic example of that. She doesn’t want to satisfy OP because she was never attracted to him and looks at him as a ATM. OP is simp, past matters because it is good indicator of future.
I love how the ad that is on the upper right of this video is about fixing your marriage..ironic rofl
"She honestly thought men wanted a lady in the bed."
Suuuuure she did, buddy. Sure she did.
Yup. Lies.
It's literally a lyric "We want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed."
Given how MEN judge, and condemn, women who dare to say they like sex, and label women as 'sluts' if they dare to do more than peck a man on the cheek, it's easy to see how she came to that conclusion. You lot are such hypocrites.
@user-hk2fc4jv2g a Lotta strawman but hey if you want to equate having 50 bodies by the time you're 20 to "a peck on the cheek," that says a whole lot more about you than it does about us.
@@Sakyosha And you have all been chaste virgins? Dream on. MEN sleep around, all the time.
Let it be an example for all the rest, do not pay for what others get for free... If it gets too difficult, walk away, she just settled for you. No guy wants that!
A few questions:
1. Why did the wife keep a video of her past sexual exploits, if she found those acts so degrading?
2. Why did she never disclose this side of herself?
3. OP needs a paternity test for his kid ASAP
NTA
I disclosed my freaky side to my now SO after our relationship started to get serious, but I grew up reading Savage Love (advice column in The Onion), who said that partners such be GGG (Savage coined "GGG", "good, giving, and game", and it means one should strive to be good in bed, giving "equal time and equal pleasure" to one's partner, and game "for anything - within reason")
It seems that OP's wife "sowed her wild oats" in college and settled for OP. Security and stability over passion and love.
Bc it’s not a real story
I can answer Number 1. Some women like to be degraded, they're just afraid how others will react to it. Kinda nasty.
@@ragingsaviorkami9862 there are kink positive therapist now days who could have helped with that, but its something she should have disclosed before marriage at least then she would have known not to marry the OP. Instead she kept the evidence in the house thinking that he would never find it?
Feel bad for the guy but he went 7 years without basic things like head and according to him she found sex degrading why the hell would u stay with a woman like that
Because she comvinced him she didnt like doing that, and every time he tried to experiment, or do something different, gaslit him to make him feel he was a sex addict or sex obsessed. So transferred the blame to him.
There is a thing called a rhetorical question
philwill0123 you do realize people do change over time? She’s not a blow up doll nor a flesh light. He surely didn’t mention if he went down on his wife. I doubt he did and I’m sure if she agreed to do most of what she did during her younger years, he would flip his shit if she enjoyed being fucked by another guy while he watched or participated as well. He should have sown his wild oats while he was younger and accepted his wife for who she presented as. If she presented as a Madonna figure during their courting, he should have expected as such. He cannot expect her to act like a whore just because he says so. She’s not a blow up doll, but has her own sexual preferences that may have changed over the years. He should have married a whore instead.
@Kara. The base issue is not the husband wanting a sex doll or that preferences can’t be changed. It’s the personal dishonesty used to manipulate the husband into marriage and then continually clinging/acting as the perceived ideal of a housewife the wife thought he wanted instead of seeing the real husband’s needs for seven years.
She is clearly not the woman she was presenting herself as. Be very careful around her.
Sadly the only lesson she might get from this is that she should have done a better job of hiding her past. She's not sorry for her actions in depriving you of pleasure during 7 years of marriage. She's sorry you found out the truth. They should just divorce. The open marriage thing is just a dig to make her hurt as much as he's hurting.
From what i can gather i could be wrong but i think she
became disgusted of her own past according to her she didn’t know she had the tape
there’s multiple sides to every story in this case we only get to see one side and unfortunately
we will never know the full story.
@@darth3911 not only did she keep the tape. She stayed in contact with the men in the tape. She wasn’t ashamed of it.
fact is she lied about her past big time. and a life with your partner based on lies is no life at all.
Reading this it sounds like my marriage exactly. When the truth came out, it was impossible to fix. The Genie is out of the bottle. Eventually, her true feelings for me came to the surface and it wasn't good. Our relationship was a lie, marriage too. All she needed was someone to pay her bills. This story sounds just like mine. The husband is fair to believe that his wife did not love or desire him. Her mellow-drama is her trying to keep the lie going. Wow, sounds just like my former marriage.
Yup, she married John for safety, but she went to Chad and Tyrone to get her freak on.
Holy fucking shit - Are you okay? I've been single for 4 years now after being cheated on, but I'm honestly afraid to even get into anything with any woman I met - no kisses, no hugs, nothing. Because I'm so afraid that I'll one day find myself in a similar, or worse situation. With a town bicycle that lied and deceived me, when all I wanted was a soulmate to live with and die with together. Just the two of us.
How are you getting through? How does one recover from that?
@op life isn't fair brother. The New feminism chops it up to "thats the past" so get over it. It's not the future. Bullshit. Marriage counseling doesn't work either. You'll never forget what you've seen. Get divorced and take care of your daughter. Be a good father! You will not overcome the intimacy issues. Once the damage is done it's done my friend.
"she starts crying"
don't they all. wow.
it's just blackmail. "oh no, I'm about to be held accountable for my actions"
so if the person doesn’t cries? is a better reaction?
@@amandaconstanza if people only do it after being confronted, then it's definitely not sincere.
This is delusional. The reason I hate how women treat history as it doesn't matter. Choices have consequences, and if she is responsible, she wouldn't do those degrading things. I'm tired of this stupid things. I'm tired of this stupid things. Just like a criminal is judge by how many people they killed, it's the same on a women who let themselves be abused by men and used as trash. I'm tired of this.
Seven years of frustration. And he stuck around. What a schmuck.
Some people are taught to put up with bs because they are told "never give up, work things out. Get marriage counseling and etc."
@@realamericannegro977 Exactly and that old adage has just been shattered.
@@mrsniffwell5367 yep. This is the end times. The world has always turned off of the efforts of men like slaves operating a ship. Society will eventually collapse due to that sooner or later.
@@realamericannegro977 oh its you again, he didn't do any of that. He Denys couples counselling. He also didn't communicate his desires to his wife during his 7 year marriage. The man married her knowing how she has sex and he stayed there because his own fears and insecurities.
1) The “open relationship“ idea is ill-advised. I have been in one, with my (now ex) wife. It won’t ease your pain a bit. You will always be worried about your wife. Plus, you are bringing others into your life. That girl you will bang has feelings too.
2) Your wife lied. My ex lied so much she could not keep her lies straight. That is no way for you to live. I would divorce her for the lies alone.
3) Be sure to read the fine print on your insurance policy. My ex wanted me to keep her on my policy. I would have had to lie to the insurance company for her to remain covered. If I had done that (I did not do it), and I filed a claim for myself, and the insurance company had discovered the deception, it could have canceled my policy and denied my claim.
4) You are both messes. You sound far more interested in an open relationship than you do in developing a better relationship with your wife. That’s weird.
5) Fix this the right way. Get divorced. Move on with your lives. Get yourselves straightened out.
I agree with almost all the points you made.
The love was still in the marriage but the respect was gone. I believe that love and respect are two separate things, but you need both in a marriage. That man will never respect his wife ever again if they stayed together, especially if they opened up the marriage.
Her attempts at reconciliation were about proving her love to him. Her love was never in question. The second he saw the tape he felt disrespected in exponential proportions. He, that moment forward, knew he would never respect her ever again.
Precisely true, but it’s actually worse. Because what you said is true of women.
Men need respect as a mandatory prerequisite for any love. There is no love without respect.
@Rigma Roll You have a great point, however I actually meant by there is no love without respect, it is that for men to feel loved by their women she has to respect him first, then out of that stage 1 prerequisite every other love can grow (for women respect is an important but just one of many adjacent parts needed for love). By this disrespect shown by the wife, he knows she can not love him in a way a man should. Even I would hesitate at judging her too harshly for a woman who ‘sold herself out like that’ not because I somewhat still agree with you, but rather it would be framed by incorrigible women defenders as just oppression of women’s sexuality, which is besides the point considering (as long as) it really was before him
HE showed her no respect. He judged, and condemned her. HE made her feel that she could not tell him, that is HIS fault, not hers. HE is the one who needs to change. He is a self obsessed hypocrite. He was not a saint in his past. He made her too scared to tell him. He was a bully. He sulked in his account, saying that he would not listen to anyone who condemned him for his vile behaviour towards her.
@@tardislady9546 He didn't care about her past though...? Only that she was dishonest about it and clearly didn't desire him on an intimate level- that she clearly could for someone else. She had 7 years to tell the truth or to open up sexually. She didn't want to and that's fine. The consequences are just how they are.
Only thing the man did wrong was suggesting an Open Marriage.
It's not what you did in college. It's what you're not doing in our martial bed room.
She didn't want her husband to view her the same way as those guys did, so she was afraid to do those same things with him.
He handled this badly. This came from her own insecurities, but he's assuming the worst of her.
I'd forgive her in a second, give her the assurances she always needed, and enjoy the improved sex life basically.
Edit: wait she said she'd only been with one person? That's worse than stolen valor. No wonder everyone's pissed.
I guess he'll have to punish her extra hard
....and she was never dishonest with him about why she didn't want to do thosr things either. ...she said they'd make her feel degraded--and I can see why. It makes sense. His insecurities are preventing him from seeing that!
(While she did lie about how ,any partners she had before they met, but man, that's not a big deal-she o
Clearly only told that little white lie to protect her self esteem, not for any malicious reason.
He needs to get it together for the sake of his little girl!
FACTS
@@ChadDidNothingWrong not thanks on that attitude not all of us are white Knight suckers
@@ChadDidNothingWrong That's still a lie. If she was honest with him he'd have the right to decide to marry her or not. He might not want to marry a full grown Skeezer. Marriage is about honesty. Obviously she was able to do what he wants after the fact of being busted. If she would've done some of the things that he wanted the video wouldn't have been a problem! !
Women that get offended and say "what does it matter" to the question "how many guys?" should know that is how a man feels when a women asks how much he makes.
I am just waiting for the "I found my partners old only fans account," reddit threads in the future
She did the video stuff for Chad's attention. He gave her attention without the need for nasty stuff. She want him to put her on a pedestal so she lied.
He found out the hardest way possible his wife isn’t attracted to him. He had to leave.
Sounds like she's just one of those women who desperately wanted to get married. But she didnt even really do it out of true love. Did she just want the comforts of having a home, husband, children, and a stable life? It's sad that she used him like that
Wife clearly is in the wrong and ruined this marriage but holy shit OP was insanely in the wrong for how he approached the idea of an open marriage. He tried to force it on her and said that SHE doesn’t give him the validation so clearly he needs to find other people who will but still stay with her? Just fucking divorce her then like what was he even thinking
Story 1 - There is no reconciling a relationship, where the person you are with, has lied and manipulated you, the entire time. Especially, since it involves sex. Your STBXW chose you for your stability and ability to support her, not because she loved you. Your were the safe option. You’re smart to divorce her.