Rewriting Suicide Squad
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- Опубліковано 21 вер 2024
- I rewrote this scene, in a day, for free. David Ayer got paid to write and direct a multi-million dollar film. So the next time you see a movie, and you think, this is stupid, this isn’t working, this isn’t funny, or what the hell was that? Trust that feeling, because it can be better.
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MUSIC USED:
The Unfallen Kingdom - Grammatik
Spirit In The Sky - Norman Greenbaum
1940 - Amplive Remix
I Want To Assemble A Task Force - Steven Price
Heathens (Instrumental) - Twenty-One Pilots
Dozo - Puscifer
The rewritten scene isn't perfect, but man I love that fist bump, it really makes katana a cool character and establishes a friendly bond with Rick Flag
Does she really have to speak tho? The ''I was busy'' line bugs me, it feels unnecessary unless she was doing something that will be important later in the movie. I feel like she could be a cool silent ninja like Snake Eyes in G. I. Joe, maybe when they are giving up at the bar she finally reveals she can speak and gives a pep talk that motivates them to finish the mission
that's actually my one nitpick--I don't think Katana strikes me as a fist bump kind of person. Her and Flag seem to have a professional relationship that doesn't veer into friendly/informal territory (as that'd be unprofessional in their minds and kind of relates to Katana and her back story and whatnot).
I feel like he'd mention her being late. She'd say she was busy then we'd have a beat (to indicate that Flag gets what she means/why she was late--maybe have him give a very small smirk) and then maybe a head nod.
We'd see the mutual respect (something he doesn't have for the others) but we'd also see that these characters aren't really friends--they're peers/coworkers who are there to get the job done in a professional manner (which further sets up for why they don't like the squad because they are unprofessional 'bad guys'). They like each other but part of that is that they both have the same outlook on getting things done in a professional way without getting personal/familiar.
I'd argue a better rewrite would be dropping this entire section entirely. Katana's sword stealing the souls of its victims is completely irrelevant to the rest of the movie. They should have just had Katana there with Flagg from the beginning of the film and never even bothered having a scene where they mention the soul stealing sword that doesn't matter at any point in the rest of the film.
The whole scene is trash and no rewrite really fixes it because there's no reason Katana had to be introduced that late into the film and there's no reason any of the information conveyed in the scene had to even be conveyed since none of it impacts anything else in the entire movie. Have Katana there from the beginning and get rid of the whole sequence and the film would flow better.
I think DC is desperately attempting to make characters last more than one film with the hopes of people caring about them enough to learn more about them. In their inept way, I think they were trying to make the viewers want to see Katana in an "The outsiders" spinoff or something.
@@ShinkaTV I don't think so. That would require they actually give character traits for fans to become attached to. Katana has almost nothing to sepereate her from any other side character. I think DC struggles with adapting material. They see a comic with 7 characters and think "If we don't have those 7 characters, it won't be accurate" instead of breaking down the comic to its core elements that would work in a film. That would explain why they have Katana and the Joker in this film, despite them adding little to nothing to the plot (although it isn't as black and white because I know this film went through a lot of reworking so the characters might have functioned differently in the original script).
@@Zuri_SM I agree, taking the core elements of a character (eg Batman being against guns & murder) seems to be a challenge of DC movies in general.
Superman standing for hope, Batman standing for justice... Look, behind you! An awful CGI villain!
You are right. I don't know why they bothered making Katana a named character instead of a background character. No aspect of her or her arc has any payoff in the movie.
Better rewrite would be removing the movie entirely. There is no reason for this movie to exist.
The part about second person setting up the punchline for the first, thats a good observation. I never thought about it that way
I like your thoughts on this. Harley and Katana had a lot of potential for a tumultuous relationship, even if it was only subtle barbs back and forth.
My biggest issue with the movie was the Katana didn’t even get to use her own sword, honestly.
Interestingly enough I actually got the opportunity to meet Karen Fukuhara who plays Katana at a convention in 2016. The extended edition hadn't come out yet and she hasn't seen it, and we were discussing what some of the scenes might be. She told me that Katana actually had a ton more fight and dialogue scenes that they had already filmed, and that she hoped they included them because she felt that in the first cut audiences didn't get to see her full character and she seemed quite disappointed by that.
Damn, there's so much more to writing than I thought, I really underestimated to work that goes into that. Good video!
The dialogue at the end still sounds a bit weird to be honest, especially that "so what" and then nothing more from Harley sounds like a child arguing but it's definitely better than the original dialogue.
"Damn, there's so much more to writing than I thought, I really underestimated the work that goes into that."
- Zach Snyder
@@hellstromarcus Why Zack* Snyder? Did he fuck up some writers? Because he doesn't write a lot, he more directs (and nothing from Suicide Squad)
@@talic-os5899 Zach Snyder writes loads of comics tho
@@TheDwarvenPeople You're talking about Scott Snyder (I switch their names all the time, totally fair mistake). Scott Snyder is actually (in my opinion) a really great comic book writer. Wrote one of the best runs on Batman ever.
Personally I'd swap Rick's last two lines
"Woah, you don't want to piss her off"
A scoff from Harley and a why not is the perfect set up for the line:
"because her sword traps the soul of its victims."
This leads into a nice little money shot of Katana shooting a glare at Harley (maybe as she's getting ready for take off) and cut to the choppers entering the city.
Rabid Romantic Much better.
Doesn't sound like something harley would say
10:01 That's exactly what I've been saying about crazy people for years! Hollywood never get's it right! You nailed it perfectly!
If you're going to call out Hollywood for it's depiction of the mentally ill then maybe it's not good idea that we use the word "crazy" as we to describe them.
@@neosoontoretro I wasn't trying to be rude, HE was using the term crazy person. I meant no offence. I worked at a mental health facility for 3 months back 2011 and it was an eye-opening experience. It gave me a whole new perspective on the mentally ill. I was just agreeing with his statement.
@@rossapolis Sorry, I didn't mean to be overly PC. I just found it odd to what better representation of the mentally ill but both the author of video refers to them as "crazy". It's just a pet peeve, didn't mean to suggest bad intentions on your part.
I was so upset at the cringe that is Harley Quinn's character portrayal
I cried. I literally cried in the Cinema. Someone besides me who was enjoying asked me if I was OK. I told her "Fuck off PLEB".
OK, well no one cared but tears were she'd.
@Pareidolia Kinda wanted her to be shorter and more like the girl from the good place. Margot is too sexy for Harley.
@@mason9914 Which one? I'm talking about her in the Dark Knight animated series. She wasn't sexy. She was pretty and cute. Margot Robbie was way too hot.
@@mason9914 Well then as a fan of the original I'm just being faithful to the most authentic Harley Quinn
I think she's improved in The Suicide Squad. The costume got better too
whats funny is will smith be in there like no headset so I DOUBT he could even hear what joel is saying.
"don't let her kill you" sounds like something Rick would say to warn them from the enchantress. It's helpful but it's making him side with them more than Katana like if they ever get in a fight it shouldn't end with their death but rather hers. I literally don't know anything about writing but a better approach would be intimidating while simultaneously helpful.. don't let her kill you is a warning and it works but (in my personal opinion) a better replacement would be "Don't fuck with her" it uses the one F bomb allowed to get a PG-13 rating and it does so for a good reason. The word indicates how serious he is and at the same time shows a past that strengthens their friendship. He saw her use her sword before and he saw how it traps the soul of its victims.
Holy shit a youtuber that criticizes film and is actually a competent storyboard artist and writer him self! Seriously, I really loved the rewritten storyboard, good shit.
I think that if you really wanted to make the movie better, you’d better just take Katana out entirely.
I like your tips and ideas! I will apply them to my own writing. If I’d written the scene it would go:
Harley leans over: You smell funny! *laughs* Like murdered people, or something.
Katana gets angry, Rick intervienes: Piss her off, and she will not only kill you, her sword will trap your soul forever.
Harley seems scared, then grins again, looks at Deadshot: Cool! Still better than hell! Or some shit like that. I’d like then show Harley on a darker tone. After all, it was implied that it was her who killed Robin.
Aw, I liked the version of the soul-stealing line where he says, "A little advice, . . ."
I'll meet you halfway.
[grabs Katana's arm]
"A little advice: . . .
Don't piss her off."
[dull flash of red light from the blade as Katana slowly sheathes it]
"Her sword steals the souls of its victims."
I like this version best, especially with the visual que to make the threat feel legitimate to the audience.
I'd buy tickets to watch your work more than any DC or marvel flick
I do you one better:
Rick Flag: "She can cut all of you in half with one sword stroke."
Harley: "I guess I won't need a haircut today..."
YOU'RE WELCOME!
I like it!
I'll do you one better (including with grammar):
WHY IS KATANA?
My personal suggestion for the "I would advice not getting killed by her, her sword traps the souls of her victims."
Instead of downright saying "don't let her kill you," make it more subtle.
"Try not to get on her bad side. That sword holds the souls of her victims."
"like the oscar winner of best makeup and styling" *shots fired*
Instead of “...don’t let katana kill you...” i would have used “...don’t make katana kill you...” because IMO it would show more that katana is a good guy, fierce and she’s too good for them all in terms of skill. Allowing her to kill you just sounds off to me make sounds like more of a rick flag thing to say IMO
I seriously thought you had more than 100k subscribers until I looked at the number just now! they will come eventually, your content is amazing!
Are you a prophet?
Have one of the other suicide squad members challenge his authority, and Katana is then shown with her sword at the uppity characters throat.
"Katana" *Gesturing for her to back off* As the 2 characters back off "I wouldn't wanna die by her sword, it'll take your soul"
Wouldn't that take a fraction of the time, show the group disfunction, and get across the soul stealing.
The only thing I disagree with in your edit scene is that katana seems to have a ridiculously short fuse. (To be fair I didn't see suicide squad so I don't know the other characters and their dynamics, what had been introduced, etc, but your videos are damn nice so I figured I would give it a shot)
This deserves so many more views.
I just discovered your channel
You are amazing
I thought maybe instead of Katana saying "im busy", we could have seen a flashback of her doing something. Whether she was doing something funny like her make-up or she was busy on another mission, the clip must be shorter and no or much less talking. Maybe she is forcing a picture of her husband in his sight.
In the mission for example: they could have showed of her skills or her souls sucking sword and we could have questioned what it was, it adds mystery and a peaked interest in her sword. Afterwards instead of a fistbump maybe, she could have sat next to Rick and he could have said something like "I'm glad your here" Or "thanks for coming" and he could have introduced Katana with "she keeps me safe"
Harley could then make a joke about Rick needing protection like a mom joke or a baby joke. Or Harley could joke about Katana maybe biting her thumb to draw a cirkel of blood on her forehead, maybe even making her eyes smaller (Asian impersonation).
Katana's reaction could be negative like, wishing upon Harley's death maybe Rick telling Katana it's not their job to kill the Suicide Squad (but for the other bad guys)
Or
Katana's reaction could be positive like, not hearing her because Rick was talking to her, or Katana could make a joke back in a language Harley can't understand and Harley get's upset for not understanding (maybe because the some of there others can understand that language)
Or
Katana does make a funny joke about Harley and Harley does like the joke and respond to Rick or the Rest with "I like her"
It's 1am I went on a bit of an adventure was fun brainstorming, never even thought of writing something like this. But this movie had a lot of potential sadly it missed the mark. I hope the second one will be better. Otherwise very cool video. Can't wait for more!
I like your thoughts on this. Harley and Katana had a lot of potential for a tumultuous relationship, even if it was only subtle barbs back and forth.
Cinema Sins would fight you for leaving in the “you’re late” line
This is quite informative and perceptive. Subscribed.
love that delivery you did. that scene needed it.
Wow! What a video. Great job! You're really gonna go places, man.
This is entertaining and informative, you’re gonna blow up.
Wow. He put more though into this then David Ayers.
The fact that only 26 people have seen this highlights everything that is wrong with the world.
37.8k now
we live in a society
I just dicovered your channel, and man, this video is pure gold. I want to improve my writing and I think all the tips you give here are really usefull. Amazing video.
It's amazing your version was better then the one in the million dollar movie! I love the cut my bangs comments.
Your welcome.
I always liked Katana anyways. She's one of the more interesting characters out of the others in Suicide Squad. I wish she got more screen time.
The fact that the writers even felt the need to explain that the character named KATANA is good at using her SWORD is asinine.
Harley: "What's with the machete? Are you planning on cutting my bangs?"
Katana pulls out sword and says in Japanese, "I'd be happy to do it".
Rick: "Easy there Harley. You don't want to mess with this one. Not unless you want your soul tormented for all eternity."
Suicide squad look at Rick with confusion.
Rick: "Her sword... it will slice through you all as if you were made of butter, and your souls will be trapped forever inside of it."
Katana's sword begins to glow.
Harley moves aways quickly, "Here Katana, take my seat."
Wow, you actually made it better. Please remake the movie, haha
Really cool video, I really appreaciate the way you deconstructed and analysed all of the problem of the scene !
Your version is so much better! Although I must admit the fist bump moment feels out of place for both of them. In my opinion it would be more appropriate if after Katana finishes saying “I was busy” Rick then stands up, she responds by stepping up to him to initiate the two staring each other over with disdainful looking expressions, just briefly pausing for added suspense, before he finally puts his hand on her shoulder and says something like “good to see you” or “glad you made it” all only slightly prior to Harley’s lines. Of course I still adore this whole video just as I have deeply enjoyed every other video I’ve watched on this channel!!
I think he should’ve been more direct in that line saying, “her sword will trap YOUR soul!” Just feels more natural.
To be fair, David Ayer had only six weeks to complete the screenplay. In fact, the entire movie's production was incredibly rushed, and that's not getting into the forced re-shoots. The fact that the movie didn't turn out completely incomprehensible is a miracle.
8:15 reminds me
“He told me enough; he told me you killed him.”
“No, I am your father”
i just keep coming back to your videos. watch them agin and again. it really gives some insparation. ty man. i love u for that. looking forward to the next vid whenever it happens if ever. man i cant belive it has been almost a year since the house series. life goes fast as u get older. surprise surprise.
I wasn't really expecting the rewrite to be all that good but it actually is a lot better than the movie scene.
I feel like with ensemble films, then introducing a character, it's best to tell, and then show. I believe Kill Bill I and II does this at times, introducing a character through Uma Thurman's dialogue and then following up with a visual of what happens. It would be good to visually see a soul leaving a body after they die to her sword, and going into the sword. This could shock and intrigue the audience, before rick flag or some other character's voice over tells us what just happened(that sword traps the souls of its victims).
But ultimately introducing a key element to an ensemble cast 40 minutes in with no pre-requisite to who they actually are is generally a bad idea unless they are there as filler behind the more important members of the cast (think Spider-Man Noire, Spider pig and SP//DR in Spiderverse).
THIS IS KATANAAAA!!! SHE'S GOT MY BACK!!! SHE CAN CUT ALL OF YOU IN HALF WITH ONE SWORD STROKE, JUST LIKE MOWING THE LAWN. I WOULD ADVICE NOT GETTING KILLED BY HER. HER SWORD TRAPS THE SOOOULS OF ITS VICTIMS!!!
One of the few things I dislike about this is the fist bump. Katana is a very serious assassin who doesn't play games. She takes what she does very seriously. A fist bump shows more of a friendly kind of bond which is not what katana would do. What she would do would be more like a nod towards him Rather then a fist bump.
You need more subscribers & views. Excellent video!
Thank you!! I never had the words to articulate what I found so off-putting about Suicide Squad, nor how it could be improved. You taught me a lot just from this short video! :)
That was so much better. I find it remarkable that so much lazy, hack bullshit writing makes it all the way through production and into the theatre. They seriously couldn't come up with something better? It's just pathetic. I'm glad there are people like you around to at least attempt to raise the bar!
You *could* use the original line from Harley as a bounce off to Rick Flag.
Harley
"Nice perfume, what is it, the stench of Death?"
Flag
"Well, her sword does trap the souls of her victims..."
Harley
"Okaaaaay..."
*Katana walks away*
Harley
"She seems nice." :^)
I think this could work too, but as previously mentioned the movie was random lol xd.
I think the fire joke actually works a lot better then pretty much joke in the movie.
Funny thing is, they set up the sword much better in the original script. After the leak we learned that in the script, as the Chopper crashes Slipknot tries to escape the helicopter and Katana goes after him, causing Flag to warn Slipknot of the Soultaker.
We're just gonna ignore that "I would advise not getting killed by her" is the dumbest statement ever? Like no shit, I try not to get killed by anybody.
Also, Katana singlehandedly confirms the existence of the soul I guess.
You deserve so many more subscribers, amazing channel, keep up the good work!
With the scene of her in the rain, that should of been Katana introduction
The team are on the Heli,
Deadshot asked are they on their way to rescue Waller, with Flag saying we are making a stop first
CUT TO
Katana kicking ass and showing us how she is good with her sword
The plan then lanes and she runs up to Flag and the team...just as Harley is being Harley Katana slices one of the bad guys sneaking up with the sword taking the soul
I remember when I saw it for the first time, I was very disappointed. I waited and was so excited to watch it. But I was very disappointed.
I like how you gave Katana a more proper role for your rewrite. I do like Katana!
0:30
11:23
i want to know who those two people off to the side are doing
arguing
looking at each other angrily, arguing,
they look like the are about to kiss
Sequel Material
You've changed the whole fuckin movie for me bro.
When you talk in real life, you're not thinking about this bullshit. Therefore, his line delivery feels natural and not like a pre-written script. That's why it's great.
“ the editing has ADHD “
Hate to break it to you chief but the revised dialogue still sounds horrible
-"Late again, Katana" Flag
-*grunt* Katana
-"Harley Quinn, Pleased to meet ya! Oooh cool Sword"
Harley tries to go for the Sword. Katana takes it out and stops near Harley's cheek. We hear screams coming out of the sword.
-"KATANA! HARLEY! She could've had you in one clean cut. Now, you might not be afraid of death. But, that thing...is fate worse than it. If she sliced thru you. Your soul would be trapped....for eternity".
-*Katana stares at Harley as she puts her screaming sword away*
-Harley still has a wide eyed look on her face "Noted"
If more writers knew the difference between an actual “crazy” person and the cookie cutter crazy chap that’s been floated around for decades now, we’d have more movies like The Shining and less Jared Leto Jokers.
The best part about understanding or even portraying a “crazy” person is that they don’t KNOW they’re crazy according to the viewers standards. They function on a set of beliefs that is unique to their dysfunction and that’s precisely what makes them “crazy”. They’re not, what we call ‘self-aware’ by any means. To have both those elements in someone would result in a cringe worthy disaster that is Harley Quinn in this movie.
That is also the key difference between Ledger’s or Phoenix’s Joker and Suicide Squad characters.
That’s genuinely so much better
It's almost like instead of talent and virtue, people are chosen to do things because of arbitrary bullshit and corporate nepotism.
I always feel like movies explain too much, too much talking not enough DOING, or showing. I prefer less words and more subtlety. Reward those who try to follow along or watch the second time, rather then a "shut up and watch" nature nowadays.
I've got a beef with Strunk and White and their weird hate-boner for the passive voice, but goddamn could these writers have used them.
i'm sorry i fucking lost it at "the humor seems random" *cut to* "oooOOOoOoOoOo"
Love this!
Good stuff!
A lot of this comes down to character, in a lot of ways neither scrips are that good. Rick Flag shouldn't care about the squad, so it would make sense for him to not care about getting hurt. Finding a way to mention it while antagonizing. If he could find a way to make her his sort of back up and have her sit down. Then say something along the lines of "This is my backup, I wouldn't advise messing with her. Her sword devours souls" Then, insert the flashback or even just leave it at that. I like the idea of something prompting this, words and the such, but I would say that an awkward silence and some stares could prompt this. Though, the whole idea of her entrance is kinda weird to me.
The Harley Quinn dialogue is some of the worst dialogue I have ever heard. Including everything from the room. It is just so forced. Unneeded or it needs reworked entirely. A lot of the is just in the attitude of Harley, but the script is just as bad imo
Wanna know something funny:
I haven't seen a suicide squad rewrite worse than the actual murder
(im gonna be that person, amazing videos btw!)
THIS IS KATANA
SHE'S GOT MY BACK
SHE CAN CUT ALL OF YOU IN HALF WITH ONE SWORD STROKE, JUST LIKE MOWING THE LAWN.
I WOULD ADVISE NOT GETTING KILLED BY HER
HER SWORD TRAPS THE SOULS OF ITS VICTIMS
This was actually a really well made video and I like your scene much better you should write a movie or show
Here's my rewrite for Katana's introduction.
Flagg says to Katana she's late, she replies she were busy.
Than Deadshot asks Flagg "And she is?"
Flagg replies with "Her sword traps the souls of its victims. That's all you need to know."
Katana asks Flagg if she needs to kill them, he nods his head to the sides in reply.
Harley Quinn reaches out her hand to introduce herself, as the original script did.
Katana just glances at her and replies with "Katana", than heads to her seat on the plain.
Tell me what you think...
surprising they used passive voice (at least by the stormtroopers test).
I just realised katana is the same actor as “the female” from the boys
wow u deserve millions
Better than the entire movie
That line is the best thing of the movies, tho xDDDDDDDDDD
THEY NAMED HER KATANA. THATS HER FUCKING NAME.
I think the 'stench of death' and 'she seems nice' go well together. I'm not exactly sure of the timeline in this movie, but HQ characters typically see lots of violence. I could easily see her respecting a killer.
The Katana scene, but it was written by marvel.
Think of the Suicide Squad writers and directors watching this video!
What scene is the bow and arrow to the neck from? Lol hilarious
i guess im one of the few that actually liked jared let's joker portrayal
I dig your approach food job
James Gunn is giving justice in the real SS. James Gunn is. James gun has written this. Yeah, bout some hopes for some DCEU fans (lowkey including me)
Another thing is the scene doesn't have the comedic effect like it did in the movie, Harley gets a crappy line in and then Rick flags response is kinda caring (which he doesn't do towards the suicide squad till the end of movie) and kind of dry. It would have worked more if katana walked on the plane, Rick flag says you're late, katana says she was busy, then have a small pause. After Harley would break the akward silence by saying her perfume line, katana slightly unsheathing her sword, and Rick flag kinda chuckling, I would watch what you say to her ...her sword possesses the souls of the people she's killed with it, then katana would resheath her sword with a close up on it and when the sword gets sheathed, it would act like a transition for the next scene
the problem: to fix 15 seconds of movie you had to work like a lot of hours. thats a lot of money. WAAAH SHITTY STUDIOS
wow i wanna animate it
wpw that amazing how you fixed that scene so well. May i ask where did you learn to do that?
By the way she isn't descending she is ascending.
6:18 a fist bump? xD
It doesn't seem like having a entire plane full of crazies would lend itself to an exchange between 2 regular people and an insane girl. They all would benefit from actions or comments/exchanges that would help define or purposely obscure their views towards the strange sword chick who could supposedly kill them all.
Everything was better except for the fist bump. That just felt awkward and forced. They don't seem like they'd be friends in the slightest.