Hi Vaughn! I like it when you do the "recap" part in your videos. Since this one doesn't have it, I'll post it here, ok? - Origin 1: Fear of not doing sth the most "optimal" way or fear of failure (most common between intelligent people because they always look for the most efficient way to do sth). Months go by without you doing anything, lost in the futile search of the "perfect plan". - Origin 2: Need to uphold a certain standard set by others (like a hypercritical family or judgmental ppl around you). You feel you need to do things better than everyone else, that you can't screw it up, or else you'll disappoint them all. - Solution 1: Understand that there's no such thing as a "correct" way to learn or build sth. There's all kinds of ways to reach a goal, but no plan is better than the other, so just find sth and go wit the concept. There are "optimal" concepts (ways to frame things) that are related to your individual goals, so one person's optimal plan maybe totally different from someone else's. E.g., sb that's trying to learn a language in order to become a translator vs. sb who just wants to have deep conversations with native speakers. - Solution 2: Keep in mind that you have nothing to prove to anyone else, you only owe it to yourself. Only pay attention to the ppl around you that support you. - Preparation Step 1: Write down a list with everything that can go wrong (it frees up a lot of mental space). - Preparation Step 2: Based on the list of Step 1, make another one including everything that can be a benefit if it turns out bad. - Preparation Step 3: Make a list with the things that can go right (aka positive outcomes). - Actionable Steps for Learning a Skill: 1. Give yourself a deadline for the research phase of material like courses, videos, books, etc. 2. Give yourself a deadline for the acquisition phase of the material in Step 1. 3. Set up a System (aka practice time & study time per day) and don't get obsessed about reaching "x" goals; if you follow your system, they'll inevitably come. Short daily sessions with 1 day off a week are best. Focus on making really small improvements each day. 4. Try to produce sth externally: Range (aka deadline or scope) & Checkpoints (aka item or piece of material or video). This is good if you struggle with perfectionism, because there's never a "finish line", the range is endless. - Ending Concepts: 1. Skills need time to develop, so build up slowly your discipline or ability to take action. 2. Forgive yourself every single day, and do not overcompensate for the days that you missed or didn't perform at 100%. Thanks for the video!! 😊
This brings to mind advice I heard about reframing "a fear of" something as "a pull toward" whatever is on the flip side of that thing. For example, a fear of people not liking your music can be framed as a pull toward your music being heard. Asking why you want it to be heard and getting really excited about that feels way better than trying to talk yourself into accepting rejection. Plus it makes "music is heard" the objective and the indicator of success.
21:10 is no joke. I started off way to strong trying to learn Japanese. I learned so much in the first 4 months of study. I studied 5-8 hours a day everyday and loved it, until I didn't. I burned myself out and have had no motivation to stick to a steady study schedule for the following 3ish years. I now live in Japan and have been here for almost a year. And my frustration with not being able to fully communicate even at this point now has been a source of a lot of stress. However, your videos have really sparked that fire back in me to steadily study, be consistent, but to not go full throttle and beat myself up about it. Thanks for your calm demeanor and simple explanations. Your friends were right to tell you to start a channel! Lol
It's really never to late to pick back up on things as long we we keep the right mindset to it. And yeah me too Lol. it's turning out to be something I really enjoy.
@@vaughngene I think that's the hardest thing to accept and move on from; that it is never to late. It's hard to not focus on the wasted time. But like you said, tomorrow is a new day, just accept that and move on. Glad to hear it and I look forward to your next upload!
You are pure gold❤ I generally don't watch videos like this because they tend to be very fluff and feel good rather than practical and grounded. Much love to and for you as a person and your success.🤗
Love your thoughts on this. I've watched many other videos and read many threads on perfectionism since it's something I grapple with in regards to my work (design, engineering, etc.) as well as hobbies (learning language, playing tennis, etc.). What you said about how "who cares" resonated well with me. I think for me a lot of my perfectionism gets twisted around how others will perceive the quality or skill level of my work or hobbies. But as you said, nobody is really keeping track of you, evaluating your every move with a rubric and clipboard in hand. It just gets easy to get caught up in that unless you bring yourself back to what really matters - doing what you love to do.
I have been working, learning and getting better since, at least, my 14 years old in many fields (martial arts, music, academy, my jobs, etc.). It has been a very hard and exhausting journey, now I consider myself good enough, but still having a lot to improve, of course (perfection doesn't exist). I want to thank you man, because I have been feeling tired and exhausted these last 2 years (I am 31 now) and your videos helped me to renew my prisma and perspective about my lifestyle and how to keep abording this many fields of my life.
The origin of the 1st problem, the fear of failure, is that it is attached to identity. If someone's whole identity is "I am the smart one" then failure is like no longer existing. I've noticed that the type of "intelligent person" who have no problems with failing are never the ones who bring up subtly or overtly their intelligence (IQ, GPA, school they went). Those who bring up their "smartness" really get defensive and insecure when their abilities get challenged. TLDR: Don't make being smart your whole personality.
I read it, but indeed, I agree. I think putting too much of your confidence in anything that is subject to change or can be misinterpreted is a recipe for disaster.
I just recently stumbled across your channel. And wow. Its so unique and so helpful! Thank you so much for making these videos! And your music is beautiful!!
Hello Vaughn, I will watch this later. Right now, I need to know if there is a video on eating for MAX performance. I need to incorporate a simple diet into my life, one that will support greater energy, building strength, and productivity. Thank you.
Work with it, I think some people are more doomed than others. I battle this everyday actually. Especially with my music. I think a lot of it is trash the very next day Lol. But I just deal with it.
Hi Vaughn! I like it when you do the "recap" part in your videos. Since this one doesn't have it, I'll post it here, ok?
- Origin 1: Fear of not doing sth the most "optimal" way or fear of failure (most common between intelligent people because they always look for the most efficient way to do sth). Months go by without you doing anything, lost in the futile search of the "perfect plan".
- Origin 2: Need to uphold a certain standard set by others (like a hypercritical family or judgmental ppl around you). You feel you need to do things better than everyone else, that you can't screw it up, or else you'll disappoint them all.
- Solution 1: Understand that there's no such thing as a "correct" way to learn or build sth. There's all kinds of ways to reach a goal, but no plan is better than the other, so just find sth and go wit the concept.
There are "optimal" concepts (ways to frame things) that are related to your individual goals, so one person's optimal plan maybe totally different from someone else's. E.g., sb that's trying to learn a language in order to become a translator vs. sb who just wants to have deep conversations with native speakers.
- Solution 2: Keep in mind that you have nothing to prove to anyone else, you only owe it to yourself. Only pay attention to the ppl around you that support you.
- Preparation Step 1: Write down a list with everything that can go wrong (it frees up a lot of mental space).
- Preparation Step 2: Based on the list of Step 1, make another one including everything that can be a benefit if it turns out bad.
- Preparation Step 3: Make a list with the things that can go right (aka positive outcomes).
- Actionable Steps for Learning a Skill:
1. Give yourself a deadline for the research phase of material like courses, videos, books, etc.
2. Give yourself a deadline for the acquisition phase of the material in Step 1.
3. Set up a System (aka practice time & study time per day) and don't get obsessed about reaching "x" goals; if you follow
your system, they'll inevitably come.
Short daily sessions with 1 day off a week are best.
Focus on making really small improvements each day.
4. Try to produce sth externally: Range (aka deadline or scope) & Checkpoints (aka item or piece of material or video).
This is good if you struggle with perfectionism, because there's never a "finish line", the range is endless.
- Ending Concepts:
1. Skills need time to develop, so build up slowly your discipline or ability to take action.
2. Forgive yourself every single day, and do not overcompensate for the days that you missed or didn't perform at 100%.
Thanks for the video!! 😊
Thank you! 🙏 I’ll pin this for others as well!
21:11 this part really reminds me of proverbs 13:11
“Weath gained hastily will dwindle, but whoever gathers little by little will increase it.” -ESV
Good catch! I think people can learn a lot from Proverbs. Whether they believe in God or not.
bro hacked my mind under 1min. "Fear of not doing it optimally" That's where my inaction/laziness starts
I'll probably repeat this in several videos because that trap is so strong these days.
This was really helpful, thank you. Love the checkpoint system and excited to implement it
Glad I could help!
It’s certainly been a big factor in my life so hopefully it will for you.
This brings to mind advice I heard about reframing "a fear of" something as "a pull toward" whatever is on the flip side of that thing. For example, a fear of people not liking your music can be framed as a pull toward your music being heard. Asking why you want it to be heard and getting really excited about that feels way better than trying to talk yourself into accepting rejection. Plus it makes "music is heard" the objective and the indicator of success.
Good point! 👌
21:10 is no joke. I started off way to strong trying to learn Japanese. I learned so much in the first 4 months of study. I studied 5-8 hours a day everyday and loved it, until I didn't. I burned myself out and have had no motivation to stick to a steady study schedule for the following 3ish years. I now live in Japan and have been here for almost a year. And my frustration with not being able to fully communicate even at this point now has been a source of a lot of stress. However, your videos have really sparked that fire back in me to steadily study, be consistent, but to not go full throttle and beat myself up about it. Thanks for your calm demeanor and simple explanations. Your friends were right to tell you to start a channel! Lol
It's really never to late to pick back up on things as long we we keep the right mindset to it.
And yeah me too Lol. it's turning out to be something I really enjoy.
@@vaughngene I think that's the hardest thing to accept and move on from; that it is never to late. It's hard to not focus on the wasted time. But like you said, tomorrow is a new day, just accept that and move on.
Glad to hear it and I look forward to your next upload!
You are pure gold❤ I generally don't watch videos like this because they tend to be very fluff and feel good rather than practical and grounded. Much love to and for you as a person and your success.🤗
Thank you! yeah I try to keep it normal and to the point so you can get off the computer and live your life Lol. And same to you.
genuinely love the calm undertone of all your videos
Thank you! It’s exactly how I am in real life, so I try to keep it the same for the camera.
Love your thoughts on this. I've watched many other videos and read many threads on perfectionism since it's something I grapple with in regards to my work (design, engineering, etc.) as well as hobbies (learning language, playing tennis, etc.). What you said about how "who cares" resonated well with me. I think for me a lot of my perfectionism gets twisted around how others will perceive the quality or skill level of my work or hobbies. But as you said, nobody is really keeping track of you, evaluating your every move with a rubric and clipboard in hand. It just gets easy to get caught up in that unless you bring yourself back to what really matters - doing what you love to do.
Indeed, also anyone who is secure and may have more exp than you will just support you anyways.
I have been working, learning and getting better since, at least, my 14 years old in many fields (martial arts, music, academy, my jobs, etc.). It has been a very hard and exhausting journey, now I consider myself good enough, but still having a lot to improve, of course (perfection doesn't exist). I want to thank you man, because I have been feeling tired and exhausted these last 2 years (I am 31 now) and your videos helped me to renew my prisma and perspective about my lifestyle and how to keep abording this many fields of my life.
Nice keep it up! And really glad my channel can help with that!
Love the concept of checkpoints and ranges! Satisfies the desire to keep refining the project without letting yourself continue on forever.
Glad it helps! It’s especially good for the overthinking types (like myself Lol).
The origin of the 1st problem, the fear of failure, is that it is attached to identity. If someone's whole identity is "I am the smart one" then failure is like no longer existing. I've noticed that the type of "intelligent person" who have no problems with failing are never the ones who bring up subtly or overtly their intelligence (IQ, GPA, school they went). Those who bring up their "smartness" really get defensive and insecure when their abilities get challenged.
TLDR: Don't make being smart your whole personality.
I read it, but indeed, I agree. I think putting too much of your confidence in anything that is subject to change or can be misinterpreted is a recipe for disaster.
I just recently stumbled across your channel. And wow. Its so unique and so helpful! Thank you so much for making these videos! And your music is beautiful!!
Hey glad you find it helpful, and thank you! 🙏
Just discovered this channel, one of the greatest things I've ever seen, wonderful layout and facts you say, already recommended it to many friends.
Hey Thank you! I just try to do what feels natural and let the rest happen, so thanks!
Deeply worthwhile and immediately applicable, for me.
Thank you, Vaughn Gene.
Anytime! 💪
Thanks for your video. Love your helpful solution.
No problem, and glad they help. It’s good people can relate to my “non-science” approach.
I find it has worked well for me.
Love this. Thank you
No problem!
My man thanks
🙌
Love your videos
Thank you 🙌
Hello Vaughn, I will watch this later. Right now, I need to know if there is a video on eating for MAX performance. I need to incorporate a simple diet into my life, one that will support greater energy, building strength, and productivity. Thank you.
I'll talk about this soon yeah. I think nutrition is really important for being productive in general.
İ recommend ikigai also
23:52
What do i do with a judmental mind 😅
Work with it, I think some people are more doomed than others. I battle this everyday actually. Especially with my music. I think a lot of it is trash the very next day Lol. But I just deal with it.
i thought i’ll lose my mind by the end of the video because of this piano melody
Idk if that’s a good or bad thing,
but just go take action once your mind is back.
I have a judgemental self 😎🥲
One day at a time!