The ISTP Child

Check out my one of a kind Child Inner Drive Assessment at WendyGossett.com or buy my book Your Child's Inner Drive: Parenting by Personality from Toddlers to Teens. You can find it on my website or on Amazon.
According to Parents Magazine the number one way to prevent at-risk behavior in your children is CONNECTION. One way to stay connected to your child is to UNDERSTAND them! Through temperament you can understand how your child's brain works, you can know what to expect from them through all stages of life. It is a necessary tool for your parenting tool kit! My daughter and I are complete opposites. I am an ENFJ and she is an ISTP. Your relationship was really struggling until I learned all about how to parent her based on her temperament!
I use Myers Briggs, Carl Jung, Keirsey, Montgomery and eeg mapping research. By using many respected methods, the results become more objective and accurate. I work with families and only charge $249 for a two hour virtual session that will map the entire family and help them understand how to grow.
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"Wendy Gossett has completely changed my life and my relationship with my sons! I had no idea I wasn’t allowing them to be their true selves and wasn’t understanding them or relating to them in the way they needed. I can’t thank her enough!" Natalie Gold, parent
"This knowledge takes the guesswork out of parenting and will give you and your kids the freedom to be who you were designed to be. Wendy’s Temperament Testing and Family Mapping can open up the world of understanding for all the people in your life!" Ryan and Laura Dobson, Hosts of REBEL Parenting
I have used a number of specialists in my 17 years of practice and there is no specialist I hold in higher esteem than Wendy Gossett. The feedback I receive from my patients is almost unbelievable. She is a proven resource and when I refer a family for a Temperament Mapping Session I often end up with a tearful parent thanking me for the referral! Dr. Brandon Davison Tracy, Pediatrician

[@AV-tm5zf]

ISTP are thinkers. They plan. I was like this as a child and now an adult. We like rules actually.
We tend to have several task going on at the same time. NO adhd or add here, just strategic. We can actually get two task done at the same time while flip floppin between the two. Because repetition is mundane. We aren't aloof. We know what's going on and the predictability of things. Because as you said we are logical. We aren't impulsive and think things through. ARE we BRAVE. Absolutely. We arent going to sit around and write a book and study psychology because we figure out the real world.
Let your children be themselves. People judge children way too harshly. They are developing their skills. NOT what you think they "should be." ISTP are surgeons, engineers, mechanics.... they like to figure things out. Let them figure it out; its their strongest function. 🌼
Im almost taken back by your rebellion comment. My parents like most disciplined yet they didn't make me fit in a mold.
If your an ENFJ you definitely bump heads with your daughter. ISTP have stronger thinking. You "may" view this as a temperament problem, its not.

[@wendygossett5319]

Yes, your driving preference is judging, and thinking. ISTP's as a rule will stand up for their convictions, regardless of what other's think...that is what I mean by not following the rules. ISTP's care more about THEIR convictions, value systems and beliefs (introverted thinking), than they do about what others think. Self contained is how I would describe ISTP's and empathy doesn't come naturally since it is an ISTP's infant function. Everyone is different and raised by different parenting styles that influence the overall type. ISTP's are especially complicated because you are like 3 different types. You are a dominant thinker so you look like an NT, your dominant function is a judging function, so you can look like an SJ (rule follower as you said, but it' all tied up in this brave, free, self expressive package...SP. It is one of the hardest types to "type" because of these reasons..so you must be very self-aware to have scored as an ISTP.

[@wendygossett5319]

Are you taken aback by the rebellion comment because you were a rule follower? From what I have seen in my practice, if an ISTP or any SP is not given freedom to discover their identity, they will at some point break away (rebel) to find it. I hope I made it clear in this video that I ADMIRE my daughter's thinking function and tell her all the time it's my inferior function. Just the other day I was being my Fe passive aggressive self. Trying to please on the outside, even though I wasn't happy, then acting unhappy even though I agreed. My daughter on the other hand simply disagreed i a polite manner. She says what she means which is a great quality!

[@CuddleClaw.]

Im also HSP and empathic. As a child I had social anxiety and was a people pleaser, usually “teacher’s pet.” I followed the rules because I didn’t want to get into trouble. I had difficulty making female friends because I found most of them boring, I usually played sports with the boys during recess. I was often lonely and became chronically depressed. I knew I was different and I thought I was defective, I hated myself for a very long time. I’ve always thought things through, but can act impulsively (in the future) after I’ve thought about consequences. I am very brave. I had a very bad temper as a child. And still am emotional as an adult, but I keep my cool in public, I usually save my emotional outbursts for a more convenient time. I’m easily annoyed with people. I value fairness, freedom, and truth. My mother is an INFJ and did not give me the freedom I needed to develop properly. I ran to my ENFJ subconscious and developed my inferior function Fe (it took several years of studying psychology, practicing social skills, and on the job training). Now in my late 30’s I’ve finally transitioned back into my ISTP Ego and have gained a better understanding of the 4 sides of my mind and why I am the way that I am.

[@wendygossett5319]

Wow Genesis! Thanks for taking the time to share all of this! SInce your brain is wired for systems, I can totally see why you would resonate with temperament psychology as a way to understand yourself and others. I already shared your response with an ISTP adolescent I have been working with because I think it will validate the way she is feeling and help her to know she is not alone. ISTPs feel very confident in their own skin and love being independent, but then can get depressed when they want to share their grand ideas and no one is there for support. It is important for them to build their support system and nurture it, even though they are far more comfortable being alone. An ISTP's identity matters greatly to them, but they get extremely uncomfortable putting that identity out into the world. I would love to hear more details about how you tapped into your ENFJ subconscious...I am ENFJ and often ISTP's end up with ENFJs.

[@CuddleClaw.]

Thank you for your reply. Before running to my ENFJ subconscious, I was in my ESTJ unconscious, trying to be punctual and rigid, I decided it was too stressful to worry about such things and besides other people were often not on time either, so screw it.
You mentioned validation. In 10th grade I learned in Health class about depression and that is when I was able to name what was going on with me. When I told my mother, she freaked out and threatened to talk to my teacher about it (which would have been humiliating). So I began hiding it. Of course, it got worse.
11th grade is when I started working on developing my inferior Fe. I observed how other’s interacted socially and mimicked them. I had a ten year relationship/marriage with an INTJ, he took care of me in all ways. I was very insecure at the time and when he deployed (military), it was so painful because he was my world, we spent all our free time together, so when he left, my whole world left with him. In the end, I ended up having an emotional affair which lead to a physical affair. I felt trapped in the marriage and I could not grow in that relationship. I told him what I did, he wanted to work on the marriage, but I didn’t love him anymore and left.
I soon found out just how awful people can be. I’ve dated numerous manipulative/abusive types. Pretty sure I’ve “trauma bonded” with a few of them. My first “narcissist” set into motion my journey of personal growth. Because of him, I learned how to love myself and several other lessons, but that was the most important one. I think that experience also strengthened my empathy and made me wise... although, setting boundaries still remains a huge struggle for me, I think it always will be.
I think that I ran to my ENFJ subconscious because I couldn’t cope in my Ego or unconscious. I had to decide whether I want to go full Super Ego Demon mode or to continue trying to be a good person. I chose goodness. After earning a BA degree in psych, I worked for ten years as a “child care worker” with foster teens. I also experienced my first panic attack my first week on the job, fortunately I was alone at the time. NFJs are an acceptable way for a female to be. So, I worked on being that. All the social skills and conflict resolution skills I learned on the job have helped me to increase my emotional intelligence. I think that I successfully turned my Inferior Fe into an “aspirational” function. I thought I was an INFJ for the last 18 months. I relate to that type very much. But, after a personal coaching session with CSJ, he helped me see that I’m actually an ISTP with an ENFJ focus.
My goal is self actualization. I’ve been practicing using each side of my mind to my advantage, through the “gateways.” I’m not sure if I answered your question. Oh, I’m also an enneagram 4w5. That may add more insight as well. I’m both a thinker and a feeler. I feel deeply, intensely, and a wide range.
I now work as a hospice nurse (2.5 years), and I train jiu jitsu, both have helped me grow. I used to hate when people touch me, or having to touch other people. I still get panic attacks, but I don’t let it stop me. I fight through it. That’s another thing I did since I was a kid, I faced my fears until they got smaller.
I’m glad your ISTP client has you to help guide her/him. Hopefully she can understand and learn quicker than I did and skip a lot of the pain.