How my ADHD hides my autism
Вставка
- Опубліковано 20 жов 2023
- Being an autistic ADHDer (or "AuDHDer") has it's upsides and downsides, but in this video I want to talk about the ways that my ADHD traits hide my autistic traits.
LINKS ✨
Subscribe to my mailing list: subscribepage.io/YoSamdySam2
Check out the new merch store: samantha-stein-shop.fourthwal...
Buy my Autistic Traits Workbook: mybook.to/thinkyoureautistic
Portuguese edition: loja.uiclap.com/titulo/ua32020/
Tip/crowdfund my next project: ko-fi.com/yosamdysam/
Watch next: How my Autism hides my ADHD ua-cam.com/video/nJ8fAfVevL8/v-deo.html
After that, may I suggest a song that shows the intersection ASD & ADHD? I suggest Bo Burnham's, "Left Brain, Right Brain" where the left brain bits are essentially ASD and the right brain bits are essentially ADHD? He got there before the DSM did.
Here's a link with lyrics - ua-cam.com/video/edmIy21ds2c/v-deo.html
I've not been officially diagnosed with either yet. I have thought I have ADHD for a long time and, in fact, have been tested. However, I was tested about 25 years ago when the diagnostic tools were based on adolescent boys. I was around 20, at the time and that also played into the lack of diagnosis... Especially since I had a dr who wanted to prescribe Ritalin for me when I was in elementary school. As for Autism, there are things that make me think I might also have that. Most of my life I have been treated with clinical depression, which I won't argue with, but the inability to do the things I REALLY want to do (not to mention the things I don't really want to do), doesn't help. I was SUPER hyper up until I was about 10 and went through a lot of stuff which resulted in severe depression and a total lack of caring about school. I had a hard time at school too because of my sleeping patterns, already. In 5th grade I had a teacher with an obsession for making his students cry, once they did, he left them alone. I was so incredibly self conscious, but also extra sensitive to criticism so I, literally, feel like my brain broke. I believe I have the RSD that comes with ADHD but, possibly the over self awareness of autism that resulted in me not crying. IDK, it makes sense in my head... Anyways, I am in my 40s now and I look back and just wish my mom would have allowed my dr to put me on the Ritalin, while it would probably not have helped with the teacher situation, it might have made some other stuff easier. I feel like I could have done so much with my life and accomplished so much more if I had been able to focus and maybe without the focusing issue, my depression would not have gotten so out of control.
I have 3 kids and it kills me because I see a lot of the issues I have struggled so hard with, in them.. And because I have never been diagnosed or treated, their childhoods were not what they should have been. So then there is the guilt that adds to everything too.
LOL.. on the talking thing.. I had a keychain when I was younger that said, "those who don't know me, think I'm quiet. Those who do know me, wish I was".. I can relate to the over talking once you get to feeling comfortable with someone.
Agonizing over tiny decisions but making impulsive huge life decisions is ME. I chose my degrees on a whim, I chose to move schools on an impulse…yet I spent five hours deciding what concealer I should buy. Thank you for this!
Yes but I thought agonising over tiny decisions was ADHD... I'm confused.
Oh NOOOOO. This is me! I will cry if I get the wrong soap, but don’t even blink randomly choosing where to live/what to study for school. Big life decisions are no big deal but the small things, the small things break my world.
I'm crying... me, too 😢
Im viewing myself
Holy crap! I literally walked out of a job I had for 3 years and changed career paths on a whim. But deciding what I want to wear at a party has me stressed to no end! Why brain 🧠?
The more I associated with ADHD and learned about the traits that I identify with, the more I realized that many of my traits that seemed almost opposite of ADHD were actually autistic traits. I also struggle with the whole "am I extrovert or introvert?" question. I often have to tell people that I'm really quiet but once I get comfortable, I never shut up.
Same. but I kind of put myself in the introvert group because of the many times that I need to be by myself to recharge or "reset"
your comment describes me as well
So much same!!! Diagnosed with ADHD as a kid (boy) I am more recently discovering my autistic side since I stopped drinking to mask my symptoms
I'm definitely introverted because that's when I recharge my energy, and I don't really have any problems with being on my own, but many people probably see me as an extrovert because I talk a lot when I'm among people I know.
Same here!!!
Loved this video. Today is my birthday, I’m 85 years old today 😢. It’s taken me 17 years to self diagnose, what a journey. Thanks so much for this. It makes me angry to realize how little help I’ve had😮
Happy late birthday!
I am in my 50s and female and I have gotten really nothing over the years. Self diagnosed and if my mom was still alive, she would be in her 90s. I know people of your generation really had no help at all. I’m sure it has been quite a journey. I’ve always struggled so much with depression and anxiety. And I have tried to mask from a very young age not even knowing what I was doing or exactly why.
I hope you had a great birthday.🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
👏👏👏👏Much love to you and happy birthday to youuu💋(🍰🎂💐a bit late hahaha😂I just read you) It's never too late for us💪💜, society taught us more&more( my 2nd diagnosis after ADHD, :aspergers so autism was also around an important period in my life, like you:xmas. Haha. And I'm also an adult(37) .. So I feel a bit like you. Better late than never, and I wish you were my grandma you seem very interesting&kind☺️❤) wish you the best life now that you know
Happy belated birthday, grandma! (In my culture, we call Elders grandma/grandpa (translated to English) out of respect and care. I just saw your comment, and culturally and personally, definitely want to show you appreciation for your knowledge, experience, and hard work. My tunkšilsa (grandfather - toonk - she - la) who raised me was 88 when he passed when I was 15, (Almost 10 years ago) is someone who I love and respect with all of my being, and who gave me a very special appreciation for Elders, especially as my culture does.
Of course, us being First Nations people, our experiences vastly differ. (what we Native people call ourselves, also Indigenous - many of us very much dislike being called "Native American" as we are not american and never will be) A great example is that it was illegal to leave the Rez until the late 70s. You would literally be arrested if you left the Reservation.
Having been raised by an Elder has affected everything I do, and I'm so grateful for the life experience that has given me. I share this so you understand that people from other cultures and Nations see you and grieve with you for your pain, though we have very different experiences.
I know (as much as I can) that you've gone through an incredible amount of grief and pain, and this should have never happened. I'm so sorry for the things you've gone through. It's hard enough having these conditions now, I can only imagine how much more difficult it's been for you. It's important to me personally, and to my People, for you to know that you're loved, seen, and appreciated for who you are, what you've gone through, and all you've accomplished.
I hope this message finds you well, and I wish the best for you and yours. I'm proud of you, grandma. Thank you for all you've done for everyone in this lifetime. You are loved, seen, and appreciated. I hope you had a wonderful birthday, and I wish you peace and happiness.
Merry Met and Blessed Be 🧙🏽
Much love from the Lakȟóta O'yaté ✊🏽 🧡
(O'yaté - Nation (in Lakȟótiyapi, my first and ancestral language))
Mitáku'ye o'yásíŋ 🧡 (we are all related/we are all one)
@@traditionalnative cooool. Nice message&it's interesting!maybe Asian world🤔... Or what is your culture if is okay to ask..?
Happy (very belated!) Birthday! What a journey you have been on. I was late diagnosed (48, now 55) ADHD, but almost certainly have autism as well, so I can somewhat relate to you. I don't know much about you, but I know you are a strong person for what you have gone through. I bet you have a wealth of knowledge you can share in this forum to help others. I wish the help had been there for you sooner, and I grieve with you in that. I saw a series about ADHD years ago that talked about elderly people in nursing homes and how many, many of them diagnosed with dementia actually have undiagnosed ADHD. So utterly sad that they had been mentally beaten down by a society that refused to understand their weaknesses and allow their strengths to flourish. 😢 I hope we can create change for future neurodiverse people so this will stop happening. Take care. 🙏
I just got diagnosed with ADHD at the end of 2023 at 33 years of age. Before that, I was just considered an “overly sensitive worry wart” with severe anxiety and depression (and also two bouts of PPD). Adderall has totally changed my life and I feel like my brain is quiet for the first time in my existence. It’s been a grieving process to look back over my life and seeing all the places that I struggled and suffered without knowing what was wrong with me. I’ve always felt different. I’ve always felt like I have this “internal world” that is rich and full and complex that no one else can see or understand. I’m very good at mimicry, and I’ve always watched people closely. I’ve honed therapeutic communication to a T, and I’ve crafted myself into a generally likable person. Over the past year or so, I’ve been trying to figure myself out. What parts of me are ME, and what parts are a mask I’ve created to cover parts I’m embarrassed about? I think I mask far more than I ever realized and that makes me feel both proud of myself and sad at this disingenuous approach to life. The ADHD diagnoses has been immeasurably helpful in understanding myself, and I’m trying to give myself permission to explore and name the things I struggle with instead of saying “oh that doesn’t bother me,” or “I can do that.” I’m quite sure I’ve also got high-masking autism. I’d like to get evaluated if I can figure out a place.
Did anyone else not really notice their adhd/tism until after having children? When I had my first nearly 5 years ago, I felt my brain and body screech to a stop with a thud and a bang. It’s like the exhaustion of motherhood broke my brain and it never really recovered. Meds and therapy help a lot, but I’d love to hear if anyone else really noticed their struggle after kids.
Thank you for reading my novel lol
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can relate to so much of this. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was a child, but feel like I might be closer to AuDHD. My family has noticed an overlap in traits between the two, even though I’ve never had an autism diagnosis.
Yes, when my son was being considered for an ADHD Dx I realized that was me too. What's really weird is that I was able to get that additional Dx of Autism while it took me several years to find a professional who'd Dx my son with autism. I found a great psychologist who didn't take long at all to Dx him with autism too.
This video, and your comment in particular have been a revelation to me. I have been struggling ever since I had my daughter. My 'baby brain' never went away....she's 15 now! I'm so grateful to you for sharing this.
I am diagnosed as autistic but I'm pretty sure I also have ADHD. I would describe this AuDHD experience as having a 1000 tabs open in your mind, of which 50% are dedicated to manually processing every social detail.
I think I am the same. I was diagnosed with autism in my 20’s but I suspect I have ADHD. Especially since the adult version is different than as children. Trying to seek an ADHD diagnosis.
You have precisely described my experience. I'm the opposite; ADHD-I diagnosis, no autism diagnosis, but I'm pretty sure I have it.
I was diagnosed with ADHD and am not quite unsure that I'm not also autistic :D
And one of them is playing really annoying music but you can't figure out which! 🙈
I literally have a bunch of open tabs on my Google Chrome and also in my brain and I'm an AuDHD myself 😂
I think you've hit the nail on the head with this one. My autism hides my ADHD and my ADHD hides my autism. Which is why when I warch videos of people with one or the other diagnosis, I only partly relate but if I watch any videos of people with both, it's like watching a carbon copy of me. I can be intense and spontaneous and jump around from obsession to obsession. But I have a big, big need to know what is happening next and when in as much advance as possible so that I can adjust myself to the idea beforehand. Unless it was something I came up with then it xan be somewhat spontaneous. I thrive on routines but I have to have some measured level of variety because I will get bored easily. It feels like one side of my brain is like "You should totally be a famous Broadway star or sing Opera or something" and the other is like "No, nope. Stay in the house where you can keep everything just how you like it and never have to talk to strangers." The ADHD side wants attention and drama and excitement. The autism side wants a cozy house with quiet and simple routines. It's like the two are at war. All. The. Time.
The second half of this comment describes me in a nutshell. Want to achieve and do big things, live a vibrant city and globetrotting life, try everything, craving attention etc. but the other half just wants to mong out at home with a cat, listen to rain and nature sounds in a house somewhere quiet and rural, do my own thing for hours at a time everyday and never have to worry about being overwhelmed or stressed out.
I have scarcely related to anything more in my life....
Ik I'm adhd, never really considered autism. Figured I'm just an introvert, a fairly social introvert, but when I'm done I'm done. Back to the birds nest lol.... but I'm absolutely a creature of habit in so many ways, and I crave solitude and softness... and very sensitive sensory wise.
But then I get bored.... need physical, mental and emotional stimulation simultaneously in big doses.
It's difficult for sure... but looking at it objectively it's cool to be so diverse... if only the world was ok with me shifting from loud af to mute at the drop of a dime. Or if I couldn't feel the way they look at me, all would be fine. 😅
Yep can switch from party animal to hermit like stepping into a parallel universe. Totally confusing everyone, they can almost feel ghosted, because I can fall into mutism not able to communicate when I've burned the social oil. I feel guilty because I turn from fun and funny friend to silent monk. Nowadays I try to inform people almost up front so they hopefully don't take it personally because it is really not their fault. But most people are still hurt. And that pains me.
@@Pouquiloury during those party/adventurous/high energy states, I tend to attract and befriend a lot of people who are permanently in that state, so when I go into a social burnout/recovery phase, they just can’t understand so take it personally and get offended :(
I’ve noticed that going to sleep earlier (almost impossible in early 20s in 24/7 always on the go city life), eating more protein and taking high dose amino acids help me recover faster/prolong the high energy phase. It seems like my mind and body needs more energy and fuel to life that kind of lifestyle compared to my peers, as I seem to burn through my reserves faster.
Oh, yes! Need to know in advance so I can plan and adjust - CHECK. Unless it's something I came up with myself - CHECK. Thrive on routines but get bored easily - CHECK.
It’s the dopamine hit that drives our impulsivity.. so exciting to do big things but boring and exhausting for small things 😂
I think having both makes it so hard to get a diagnosis for either because they can compliment eachother. You learn how to use to "positive" of each side in the correct situation, so you're able to manage in society, but the struggle is always still there, yet so hard to diagnose 😞
As I've found with other people with the dual diagnosis, listening to this is like hearing from a "brain twin". I mean to like 95% similarity. It could almost be a description of me. I was unsure about my ADHD diagnosis until I came across other AuDHD people. I'm going to suggest this video to people who I think need to know how my brain works!
"Brain twin" Word win!
Yeah, I've found every experience shared in this video *extremely* relatable.
Totally helping me understand my situation. Thanks, Sam!
YES, same, well put!!
absolutely. Well said.
The start described my childhood and adolescence perfectly.
Please do an Autism hides ADHD one too!
Yes please do the other video also.
@@WilliamFontaineJrI second this!
I would love to see this too. I definitely feel it much more that Autism is hiding my ADHD, rather than the other way round, so it would be interesting to see Samdy Sam's take on this.
I've definitely noticed that the balance of my traits has changed over time, and I was a lot more outwardly ADHD in my behaviors in my teens and 20s, and as the years and decades have gone on, it feels like the Autism has become more dominant.
I started a thread about this elsewhere on social media and many people seemed to agree that the dominance of the traits can shift a lot over time, both over the long term and short term. It's a very interesting, but complicated and confusing subject to try and make sense of from the inside. This is why channels such as this are so helpful.
Yo Samdy Sam's being one of the most helpful ones I have found to date.
Yeah, the dominance of the traits does shift over time both quickly and slowly.
There are many good neurodivergent youtubers, but I find Sam the most relatable. She's so much like me!
100 % me..
and my son
On how autism hides ADHD...I recently went to a panel on ADHD where all members had ADHD and it was predictably raucous and completely disorganized, which to my autistic side was a lot to take in, but when I listened to the CONTENT of what the ADHD folks said in describing their inner experiences it was totally relatable! The outward presentation of people who only have ADHD is pretty alien to me but the inner experiences are really very very similar! (I recognize that the ADHD traits at the panel were probably exaggerated because of performance anxiety and the excitement of getting together with a bunch of other ADHD folks). Anyhow that was my recent revelation of how autism masks ADHD in audhders!
wow, nicely said, that is exactly how i feel reading these comments, i relate, but.. ............nicely said
Very relatable. I've felt and have long described myself/personality as "a series of contradictions". Before I started considering that I may have both, I'd watch ADHD stuff and kinda relate, then autism stuff and kinda relate, but when I found out about "AuDHD" my mind was blown. I'm in my 30s and undiagnosed, I've just been information binging about both. I've felt different from others from a young age, I may have found my answer as to why.
Thank you and other autistic/ADHD people for putting this out there. *If* I'm correct and I have both, it would make a lot of sense of many things for me and I believe they mask each other, particularly when I was a kid.
I started writing a comment here at least half a dozen times.. but honestly I relate to absolutely everything you are talking about, the non-stop brain train, the adhd masking the autism, the enormous amount of effort, the originally extremely quiet person to now the never shut up person, the stimming/fidgeting that absolutely brings comfort more than focus... these 2 conditions constantly pull against each other and never really know which one will be more difficult on a particular day/time
I have heard others say that they pull against each other, but I find that they actually are a perfect combination for me. FOR ME! You are right, that I have two modes, silent or talking too much! 🙄 That said, since getting my ASD diagnosis, while trying to get treatment for my ADHD which I was diagnosed with in 1994 ish, and got no treatment and have never known exactly what it was doing to my life till now. I have been in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy and it has helped me a 1000% percent. I commented above on how the two benefit me.
Only dx'd ASD last year and self dx ADHD. For some years though whenever I've tried to explain my struggles to MH professionals, I've said two sides to my brain and a constant battle going on. 😮
@@lemonladyYT ive just been saying that my duel diagnosis make me a paradox.
I know that no 2 asder look the same but most dont even see my asd as my adhd is much more dominant from the outside looking in .
Personally i lean on my adhd alot to cope with issue that arise thats purely asd .
The superpower that sux .. lol
Or as Henry Rollans say , the why not factor, just do it because you can .
Thats why he is constantly to war torn countrys on humanitarian missions to meet the real people and try to be part of a solution... purely driven by his adhd impulsivity...
Yeah. And when people ask me to tell about myself, I can't really say anything. I'm not really shy, but I'm not an extrovert. I'm enjoying social interaction, yet I hate it. Pretty much nothing about me is clearly defined, other than having a strong sense fairness. Everything else depends on the time of day, and my brain refuses to give me the schedule. It's so frustrating.
I am adhd and autistic. I got the adhd diagnosis at age 7 and started taking meds for it. Eventually around age 13 (puberty), my autism started to show and I got the diagnosis at 15. My mother kept saying “she is on a high dose of meds and there is still something else going on” and that’s what brought on the second diagnosis. When I take my adhd meds my autism shines through. However when I’m off my meds, the adhd covers up everything. It’s very interesting
I am the same way when I take my meds!! However, I was diagnosed with ADHD at 10, and autism just this year at 23 :).
literally same. a few years ago i started a new adhd med that was not stimulant, and suddenly my autistic traits hit me like a bus. my adhd was accomodated for, I wasn't as impulsive, unconcentrated (which i personally think i never really was, lots of adhd traits literally just aren't accurate for me even though i got the diagnosis at 9) etc. and i became really sensory sensitive, introverted (i always was but my adhd impulsivity and hyperactivity masked it), etc
I couldn't handle any of the stims or nonstims so they switched me to Effexor and I am like "Help me with my ADHD, please!!" I think I liked it better when my autism came through :/
@@dean1111- I recently saw a video, where a Dr. Daniel Amen talks about seven (7) types of ADD, and how he would treat them. This is based on thousands of brain scans 😮
That IS interesting!
Yes! The ADHD novelty seeking put you in a broader range of situations which allowed you to mask more convincingly in a broader range of situations and be more adaptable; I've never heard AuDHD expressed in such a neat, concise way - thank you!
That is the best I've ever heard that described. Others don't see the internal struggle, they just see a tired person. You described that part so perfectly
This is interesting. My ADHD presents itself in a much more disorganized, internalized way. I have some impulsivity, but most of my more "problematic" issues that I associate with my ADHD are related to disorganization, executive functioning, problems with memory, etc, not so much impulsivity. I'm not loud and chatty and novelty seeking. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 16 and autism at age 35. I do find that a part of me loves lists and structure, but another part of me gets very bored and distracted very quickly with the routine, which is where the ADHD comes into play.
oh, you have my brain, or I have your brain
I relate so much to this.
ME
I very much relate to this.
With compensatory strategies for memory problems I barely relate to any of the social media content about ADHD, which is also why I didn't even consider AuDHD until 10 years after I found out about autism.
But my disorganization and executive functioning (less distraction, more just ... not doing it) is severe. And like I said, memory is just compensated but it's not enough for a job and household chores at the same time.
My personal AuDHD theory is that, with small decisions, it seems like there is a right/rational option and a wrong/irrational one. I often get stuck on whether I have considered all the relevant criteria to make my decision regarding towels, wall decorations etc. Whereas with big life-altering choices, I realise there's no way to know beforehand if you're choosing wisely. That, combined with a love of novelty or sense of urgency (now-or-never-type situation) compels me decide on the big things in the moment.
oh yeah, that totally makes sense to me!
Both my husband and daughter have ASD and ADHD. My husband was diagnosed in his 40s after my daughter, due to recognition of her being a mini me to him. I think your video is spot on, that the two conditions together appear to work to bring the extremes of ASD & ADHD traits more into the centre. I totally get your point about the ADHD & ASD sides can be in conflict within a person. It makes my daughter very complex and not easy to understand. It makes my husband interesting still even after 30 yrs together. Thanks for the video.
Cool story❤❤very interesting👍
It is true sometimes it's crazy how it "runs in the family"... Thanks to your daughter's diagnosis, your hubby could see it.. Wow😮
This is me as well! My 6 year old daughter was just diagnosis AuDHD and my husband is in the process of getting formally diagnosised but we are pretty sure it's AuDHD because she is his mini me. I would love to find videos on how to support my husband and daughter because being NT all of it is so confusing and chaotic to me and I feel like I'm never doing the right thing to help because my husband will even tell me he doesn't even know what he needs from me. 😂 can someone write an instruction manual please
Timestamps
0:00 - Intro
2:06 - Talkativeness
6:51 - Nonstop brain train
9:23 - Impulsivity
Novelty seeking and Stimming
Lost her after 5 min😬🤦♀️
Bless you
I've been through super talkative phases at times and points where I practically hide away. I also can 100 percent relate to being able to talk someones ear off if I really enjoy being around /with them but go nearly mute around some people who make me very uncomfortable or I get bad vibes from/ don't know. The worst at times is when my Autism and ADHD are in sync to make things far far worse. It's like a doubled up Debuff in a video game or something
For me, RSD is often the switch between them. Even someone politely asking me to be less loud or to give them some space can just send me from excitable and Social to an instant reclusive shutdown. I'll stick around but be usable to talk to people for more than a few seconds at a time
@annabellefawn4171 yeah I've had experiences where someone thought a joke was funny and was just having fun with me make me feel horrible, then I have a shutdown entirely. That's a a rough one
The doubled up debuff is such an excellent way to put it 😭
@LunarWind99 yeah unfortunately I have a lot experience in that. Best I can do is make a joke about it😅
This describes me down to every detail. I've never heard anyone talk about this kind of overlap before. Especially when you said things like not being able to discern between being introverted and extroverted, needing both novelty and routine simultaneously, and feeling like I don't relate to either ADHD or autism specifically and it feels like I'm neither. I think I want to make my own channel now and talk about this
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporessss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporessss
Your descriptions match what I go through perfectly. I’m a 60 year old woman and have not been diagnosed yet, but since I found out more about ADHD these last few years and also autism in women from your channel , I strongly feel I’m AuDHD. Thank you for doing what you’re doing ❤
Edit: I’m that person who went skydiving and have done other risky things but can cancel going out to a party last minute 😂
Wow, I'm 49 and have yet to get a diagnosis, but I relate so much to all of this. I've been researching the past few years, been TRYING to get a diagnosis. This video makes it all make sense now. I'm too "normal" to be ADHD/autistic.
But if they could see my brain, live my life....
I too have gone skydiving 😜
❤ I am 62 and undiagnosed. Both of my adult sons (29 and 28) live with me, as does my 4 year old granddaughter. As best as I can see, we are alll autistic, running with high speed processors. I'm also ADHD, my eldest child has super social anxiety issues, my youngest could very well be narcissistic and my granddaughter will certainly get her pilots licence before her mom learns to drive.
As you can probably imagine, our < 900 sq ft home is a hot mess physically & emotionally, with a constant power struggle factor. I don't even know who to ask for advice or help. Very often I've disclosed our situation and my life history and folks just don't believe me. I'm exhausted unless I'm running in all directions with my latest grand scheme for how to organize us all.
I'm autistic (no ADHD diagnosis), but a lot of this resonated with me. Especially the decision making/impulsivity. I've described my big life decisions as like earthquakes before. It's like pressure gradually builds up, and then there's a massive shift. I'm vaguely dissatisfied for a year and then I'm suddenly saying "I'm moving to a new city and leaving my job". Got to say, my drastic changes have all been good for me so far - no regrets.
I do that also. I learned way back in my 20s to just "ride with it" - which, for me, means accepting that I need to be really certain that something needs to change before I take action but at the same time trusting that I've been processing things enough subconsciously so that I'm really ready for the change.
relatable! (ADHD-diagnosed, about to seek evaluation for autism as well.)
...This... this is a mental disorder thing... OH MY GOSH. I uh... might need an Autism evaluation. I'm notorious for making HUGE life decisions seemingly out of nowhere, when in reality I've been thinking of it for months. This happened when I broke up with my ex. I had been talking about it and pondering leaving the relationship behind the scenes for like two months. Naturally I talked to him about what was wrong and what I needed until one day the pondering and wondering spilled over and I actually did it.
@@flutenanyidk1806not "a mental disorder thing" it's specifically one person's experience of being Autistic but the impulsivity of moving to a new place & quitting their job sounds like an ADHD thing. This isn't an attack or anything so I hope you don't take it that way. It's just me specifying things as a means to prevent any misinformation being spread (an Autistic trait-the need for accurate information).
@@flutenanyidk1806 I can relate to this. I’d been looking, for about a year or two, for a flat to get a mortgage on (limited budget) so I could move out of my mum’s.
My counsellor suggested that I buy a boat - I dismissed the idea for quite a while, thinking it seemed crazy, but in the end I did buy one, and it happened so fast! She sent me info on a boat that I couldn’t find when I went to look it up, but I went to see a different one a few days later and virtually bought it on the spot. Most of my life savings, 20 miles away, on the edge of two towns I low key hated and swore I’d never move to. I definitely should have held back and taken more time looking at different boats, but overall it has worked out in terms of getting independence and some distance from an unhealthy situation.
Thank you - at nearly 34 it's a big relief to finally be able to join the dots. I'm recently diagnosed AuDHD and have often been called fickle/contrary/that I'm making mountains out of mole hills; I've also struggled to identify my 'true' personality my whole life. This is why.
Wow, I can relate. I was incredibly impulsive in my 20's and 30's. It was only after 40 or so that I got a grip on this, and started thinking things through.
This describes a lot of my experience, and is i think why it took me years to go from "maybe??" To how i feel today. Especially the novelty seeking-autism dichotomy: I called it playing my anxiety against my depression at the time
Would love to see the other direction, too!
As someone who didn't get given a definitive diagnosis (despite ticking EVERY box) thanks to my traumas, anxiety and depression... Wow. Thank you for not making me feel so alone 💗 That see-saw (or USA teeter-totter) between the 2 exactly sums up my whole life too!!
I think my autism smokescreens my adhd quite nicely. I mean, i WOULD have a lot more visible executive dysfunction if i hadn't developed a helpful dose of OCD so i finish tasks now...immediately....yesterday!
That could definitely come in handy haha
Mmhmm. It's a flawless system. Apart from the fear and anxiety but y'know, technicalities.
Personally my GAD does a good job of masking my executive dysfunction. Nothing like anxiety to make the brain hyperfocus.
Now when I have medication for my anxiety my executive dysfunction is making life…interesting.
This why I wish I were more autistic hahaha because my adhd takes over everything. My executive function is non existent. I wish my autism came strong and said “shut up adhd, we need to finish this now, stop seeking dopamine, let’s do the boring thing because it’s still fun” lol my adhd always wins in this aspect 😢
Also in terrified of having OCD again so I’ve forced myself to not drift into routines because that’s when the anxiety takes over and start feeling the compulsion… so maybe my ocd makes compulsively avoid routines because of fear of ocd, allowing my adhd to thrive 🤔
The section about masking and the non-stop brain train "problem solving" social situations resonated with me so deeply. Thanks for making me feel seen
This is my exact experience! I was late dx'ed at 42 as ADHD but the last year I've done enough research to self-dx as autistic as well. There was always something missing from my ADHD dx that didn't cover the 'philosophical' rigidity and social cue confusion that has led me to mask so intensely most my life that I became so burned out I could barely function. Then I found out about autistic burnout and masking fatigue and it floored me, it was exactly what I was going through! Skill regression and self isolating after years of forced overfunctioning and not knowing my support needs, it's no wonder I can't do what I used to.
It's so validating to hear others discovering their dual diagnoses and how they conflict and overlap. The conflicting aspects are the bane of my existence--my autistic side wants order and routine and my ADHD wants novelty and autonomy, which often leads to overwhelm paralysis.
My anxiety chained up my ADHD neurotype for most of my life. I craved new experiences, like travel, but rarely was able to break out of my routine. Once my anxiety was finally under control, I was able to express both my Autistic and ADHD neurotypes fully.
Even before I knew I was also an ADHDer, it was like I could speak the same language as both my fellow Autistics and ADHDers. The head start I got on exploring my Autistic identity makes me feel more at home in Autistic spaces, but I’m working to explore my ADHD identity, as well, and infect my fellow ADHDers with the neurodiversity bug.
Thank you for making this content, BTW. You were one of the first neurodivergent content creators I started following when I finally cast aside my internalized ableism and started exploring my Autistic identity in earnest. I consider you one of my neuroliberators.
I just want to note that I love the terms "little fidget energy" and "big fidget energy".
For the big impulsive decisions, I've always felt like there's more emotion involved _because_ there's so much more weight to them. Unlike a small purchase, I have very strong and obvious feelings about the options in one direction. I'll still nail down all the details, but it'll be in an excited hyperfixation with the decision already made because I already had a strong preference.
With small decisions it's "I know I want this thing, so lets research everything to find the perfect option". The strong feeling is that I want this thing, not specifically which one to choose. I need to decide that logically, so I need all the facts first.
For a big life decision, I know what I'm feeling, I know what I want to choose, so that's the decision made. Guess I'll work out the logistics later!
Wow Sam, thank you. That helps explain so much. I was recently diagnosed as an AuDHDer at the age of 56. The way you describe the shy child blossoming into a chatterbox was exactly my experience. I think the chatting is a form of stimming too. I relate to so much of what you say. Once again you have eloquently put into words some of the concepts that buzz around in my brain which I can’t quite manage to sort into a suitable explanation. You are brilliant at expressing the experience. 😊
Wow. I'm 59. Same exact description. I'm blown away! 😢
My son is autistic and ADHD. I got diagnosed autistic 2 years ago and have wondered if I am an AuDHDer myself. Thank you for sharing your experiences! 💞
Wishing you the best on your journey the fact you know about your son's Autism and ADHD should help a lot. Bless
It is unfortunate how many psychologists and even worse psychiatrists have no training or not enough in ASD and ADHD. I recommend going online and finding someone who is a psychologist with preferably a PhD in my opinion and specializes in both ASD and ADHD and getting assessed. You know you can do some online assessments and take them to your psychologist and show them if you are ADHD.
@@RiverWoods111 Which isn't terribly surprising, given that the "higher functioning" forms of autism were effectively kicked off the spectrum because there were too many diagnoses being handed out and there was some inconsistency about who would and wouldn't get diagnosed. It seems to me that a better approach would have been to just education the professionals doing the diagnosing, as many of the folks that were kicked off the spectrum were too high of support needs to adequately participate in the debate about redefining the diagnoses.
Then there's the folks at the other end, where the symptoms aren't as readily visible from the outside. When all they were considering were infants and people that didn't have enough ability to participate in the evaluation process, that made some sense, but I don't see any good reason to say that this person organizes physical things so that counts, but this person just likes to take things apart and organizes intellectual things, so not autistic.
@SmallSpoonBrigade If you’re talking about defunct labels, like “Asperger’s” or “PDD-NOS,” good riddance. They were deeply ableist, hierarchical and reductive labels that caused extreme harm. Current ASD diagnostic standards are much more inclusive and don’t portray some Autistics as superior to others.
Just who do you think lost their diagnosis or became harder to diagnose because of the switch? If you’re talking about Rett syndrome, who cares that it’s no longer technically considered part of the autistic spectrum?
@@GhostIntoTheFog: I know the negative connotation around Aspergers' but I feel the Aspie people are my tribe. It was in their video's that I recognised my autistic part. Feeling strongly that my ADHD diagnose didn't cover all the struggles I encountered. I got diagnosed at 44/45 yo and am now 58. My GP didn't think me ADHD, but the psych tests proved him wrong (as I had expected). Until recent years the professionals were of opinion that adhd and asd excluded eachother. When I mentioned my autisticness I was not taken seriously, because Rainman and Big Bang characters. As a female I presented quite differently and the masking, suppressed stimming and well hidden meltdowns and shutdowns did hide a lot to the outside world. But it twisted my gut and mind that although talented and highly intelligent I couldn't excell in life and could/can barely cope with every day life.
I have fluctuated between thinking I am extrovert, then introvert- now I have found in audhd. I am now developing routines - (because of burnout) worried I need them but will get bored! I am deeply interested in death & dying. My ache covered me understanding what suits me and held me regulate . My brain aches quite a lot these days - with all the thinking
Adhd not ache!
Recently diagnosed Audhd’er here, I have come to think about my dual diagnoses as “compensating” for one another. My autism helps me clean, organize, plan, and get important things done because those are “the rules” or things that must be done. My adhd keeps me adventurous (and/or impulsive), able to let loose, wanting to learn and be curious to try new things, and start new hobbies…to then lose interest in shortly thereafter 😅. One gives my mind structure, in a sense, while the other allows me to keep that from constantly restricting the things I’m able to do, thus allowing me to seem…well, odd at times, but able to pass as neurotypical, for better or worse.
YES! That is something I've felt as well, and you describe it perfectly. As a kid, I was very rules-oriented, but I believe my ADHD helped push me just enough to keep from getting "stuck".
👍👍 literally everything you said here is extremely relatable for me!
I keep calling my own busy brain my "mind like a merry-go-round"
I’m a longtime ADHDer with a very recent autism diagnosis. I think the ADHD hid the autism because my most obvious personality trait was novelty seeking, as I was deeply into extreme sports, extreme music, and the hard partying that accompanies both.
ADHD and autism seem to work together to alienate me from people. The autistic side is wary of people, whilst the ADHDer simply gets bored with them quickly haha.
Part 2 please!
It’s so good listening to AuDHDers talk about their experience. When I first started learning about autism I felt like a window was open and I was able to see inside a world so similar to mine. When I deep dived into ADHD I felt like I got another window into the next slightly overlapping world. But when it’s someone talking about AuDHD it’s like the AuDHDer is speaking my experience, they are opening up my mind and explaining the two sides of every bit of me.
Thank you for coming back to YT. I’m so excited for more.
My Dear God, it's like I'm hearing someone talking about my own brain...! That's... a weird feeling. But comforting. Makes me feel relieved.
I am on the autism spectrum. This video was engaging, informative and interesting to watch. Thank you for making it.
I'm undiagnosed ADHD, but I think the non stop analyzing/problem solving comes from my autism. Some of my ADHD traits are strong, but some are cancelled out entirely by autism. The rest fight with each other a lot. Like you, I've done such a good job of masking both, that I've had way less help than I needed all my life. Including now. I've never had imposter syndrome because I've always felt so inadequate. When I got my autism diagnosis I found out why. It was like I could breathe uninhibited at last because my life made sense.
I remember telling my doctor when I was in my early 20s that I felt like I had two different internal drives/personalities (or something like that) and asked if this could be due to something like schizophrenia. He assured me I did not have schizophrenia but was not able to provide anything much further.
At this point in my life I'm fairly certain what I was struggling with was my ADHD conflicting with ASD.
You have depicted my life more accurately than I could have myself.
I’m diagnosed ADHD, autism and gifted, and I relate to 100% to what you’ve described. Interestingly, it’s the autistic part I still feel like an imposter about, even giftedness was easier to accept, and that is because of my ADHD which makes me “too much” 😔
The only thing keeping me from seeking diagnosis for this thruple is the dramatically low odds that I could have all three... to the point where I'm tentative to seek any kind of diagnosis before doing proper research on these different hybrid conditions.
Are you creative?
About chattyness. I am the opposite. It's easier to talk in a setting where the topic is known such as work meetings or in a class room. Normal chit chatting with collegues or acquaintances feels much more challenging. (I suspect that I might have asd).
I am autistic. I discovered it through your videos, and got my diagnosis a few years later. Soon I will be assessed for adhd. Thank you for the videos that helped me to get help.
Dx ADHD at age 30 and am 42 now. Past 2-3 years I e been understanding more and more I am definitely Autistic too. Thank you for sharing!!!
"Thoroughly review all options before buying a heated drying rack"
So relatable!
Sam, thank you so much for this ❤ in regal terms, autism is the vulnerable princess whom you instinctively adore and ADHD is the rebellious son who seeks to dethrone you. Thanks again 😊
I see my Autistic neurotype like Peridot and my ADHD neurotype like Lapis from Steven Universe.
Excellent. Yes.
I got diagnosed with autism in my 30s but I'm convinced I have adhd as well. I think my traits do mask each other (I resonate so much with the sensory/novelty seeking vs needing routine, also impusivity vs caution). It took me so long to get diagnosed because I don't fully relate to either profile, but I'm definitely not neurotypical. Also when the conflicting traits are in a stalemate (like when I'm understimulated by a special interest that I rely on to destress) it can be very agitating and exhausting on the inside, but on the outside it doesn't look like anything is happening at all.
Same story here 😅
I just got diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago. I've known for ages though. What surprised me was my diagnosis of having hyperactivity presenting. I never thought I was. But I'm also very certain I'm autistic and it's masking a lot of that hyperactivity. I was relating so hard to this video too. I feel you when you talked about talkative or chatiness, and the impulsive behaviors versus routines. I'm very impulsive, but I have the same route to and from work and the few shops I go to, to the extent that if I get in the car, muscle memory takes over and I'll end up accidentally driving to work. 😅
Genuinely brought to tears by how a stranger on the internet can explain parts of myself so well that I’m only just coming to terms with. I never felt like I needed to be “seen or fixed” as I’ve been coping well like yourself, but now so much more of my life makes sense. I can’t wait to look at life through this lens now (and get diagnosed)
I relate!! I was diagnosed with ADHD as a teen and it was very important to me bc I thought I finally had an explanation for Why I Am Like That. Except the older I got the more I realized there's still things about me that don't feel "normal", that make my life harder but can't be explained by ADHD. So in my early 20ies I finally got diagnosed with autism. So then I hyperfixated on that and was like omg yes this is finally the answer! And I started doubting if maybe the ADHD had been a misdiagnosis. It's been a few years since the autism diagnosis now in which I've had some strong imposter syndrome moments bc while researching and watching content by autistic creators I've realized that ... shit, I actually DON'T relate to all of that. Cue more doubts about myself and all the diagnosis and what if I'm faking all of it somehow. Well I'm finally at a point where I've realized (accepted?) I indeed have both, sometimes they cancel each other out (but not really) and also maybe I'm a bit stupid bc I remember complaining to every therapist I've ever had that I always feel so conflicted and that whenever I seem to settle on an assessment about myself like "yeah I'm generally a thoughtful and rational person" I can think of a million situations where I was the exact opposite. It's almost as if I need to think about things before going into them or else I'll be horribly stressed and confused but also I'm impulsive af. What do you mean I have AuDHD? Who could've ever known?
And yes I can also usually distinguish my traits as either autistic or ADHD. Sometimes I'm stimming, sometimes it's fidgeting. Sometimes I'm impatient bc things need to be faster and more interesting and sometimes I'm impatient bc the person is not making sense and I don't want to be here and the lights are too loud. I often feel like my ADHD and autism are constantly bickering, except when they're having loud makeup sex which is when the executive dysfunction really hits. That's a group project they both pour their heart into lol
you said it
@skittymiggy I got an email notification about your comment but for some reason I can't see it here. Idk if you deleted it or if my youtube is having a spiteful day or sth but I'm gonna reply anyway? I totally get your frustration and doubt. What I've learned is that usually people who are fine (as in don't qualify for any of the mentioned diagnoses) don't go "looking for excuses" the way we feel we do. If you feel like there is something consistently "wrong" with you, you're probably right (neurodivergence isn't being wrong or broken yaddayadda but you know what I mean). If you have the resources I think it's well worth looking into autism and maybe switching your therapist if you can. Even if you find out you're not autistic, you might learn something else about yourself that helps you explain your struggles.
It took a whole new therapist for me to look into autism - I was in therapy for a totally different reason but at some point she carefully asked me if I'd ever thought about maybe having autism lol. And I was like YES ACTUALLY HOLY SHIT but since no one else had ever seen it in me or mentioned it I kind of never pursued it and thought I was just "looking for something else wrong with me". But again most people aren't really trying to collect diagnoses so why would you or I without reason? (and don't say it's because you're a particularly horrible person or whatever, that's the self-doubt talking and almost certainly not true :P) Wishing you all the best!
Sorry for writing a useless comment but I love your backdrop 🤭🤷🏼♀️ Cheers, Anna x
helpful feedback, not useless comment 😜
I concur, excellent background. So shiny and pretty ❤😂
@@SammiJN1991 @YoSamdySam I find it very relaxing and it actually helps me focus more on the video 😁 Shiny! Pretty! Sparkly! With mermaid colours 🤩
I've always loved Sam's sparkly backgrounds! 💖💖💖
Magpie probably AuDHD brain definitely finds sparkle sheet is just the right amount of visual stimmy to help my focus on the video
I cannot express how grateful I am for you sharing this information! I am autistic with ADHD, and I have been searching high and low to better understand how they interact with, and affect each other. The way you describe yourself totally describes me. My husband is ADHD like your husband, and we have done some really impulsive things together as well. 😂 thank you so, so much!
I love how I will blurt out something because I feel like I need to, then instantly regret talking.
Resonates with me, my ADHD is stamping on the accelerator whilst my autism wants to stamp on the brake. I've been kangerrooing through life as a result
Your videos have really helped me understand my brain better.
When I was 11, my doctor (who I had known my whole life) diagnosed me with ADHD. At 16, a psychiatrist (who I had known for only the 2 hours of the assessment) diagnosed me with Autism. Years later, the diagnostic manual was updated to say that you could have both, but no one thought it was necessary to start the diagnosis process over.
I think the AuDHD definitely hid different parts of itself depending on who I was talking to, and I'm also dealing with not getting nearly enough help because people just don't know what to do with me. It's exhausting.
I also feel like people don’t know what to do with me because all my diagnoses make me so different than someone with just ADHD or just Autism… so I’ve given up on therapy but I desperately need help but not sure who to get it from. And on another note, I was also in the situation where I wasn’t given the autism diagnosis as a kid because the DSM said you can’t have both. So I was just given 5 other diagnoses instead 😂
I relate to your video so much. I feel like I have a constant push and pull going on internally. I want my life to be organized and I need routine but my ADHD does not allow me to naturally be that way. I find myself getting frustrated easily by this internal struggle. I also spend a ton of time on and am very cautious with making small decisions but jump in impulsively on big decisions. I learned to mask very well in all sorts of situations because I was always seeking new experiences. I would almost morph into the group I became part of but I always felt different than everyone else. Now that I am older I am not worried about appearing different than others. In turn, I notice people often chuckle at my reactions, the way I say things or my mannerisms. It doesn’t bother me, I have learned to accept myself for who I am. 😊
I was diagnosed with adhd as a teenager, now im in my early 30s realizing im also autistic and life makes so much more sense now.
I'm autistic and ADHD as well. I'm 58 and diagnosed just about a year ago. The autism diagnosis was first. The conflict between the 2 has come at a great cost to my mental health. Some of what you say resonates. I can be a Chatty Cathy under the right circumstances and I have done a lot of varying things. I don't need to go into detail. The big problem I have is that my autistic brain craves routine and some kind of activity or hobby or something that it can really hang on to. My ADHD brain won't let that happen. My ADHD brain shuts down the interest before I get too far. I never want to see, talk or think about it again. My autistic brain cries out in agony. It is left without purpose. I didn't realize this before, but it has landed me in the psych hospital multiple times. Coming to terms with this is really, really difficult. My brain is going all over the place with all kinds of things I know I will never finish. It is a struggle to calculate how all this is worth it.
"The big life decisions are the ones that are very often impulsive and the smaller decisions are the ones that I can really sit there and agonize about" I had to pause and laugh and cry a bit about this 😂 This is exactly how I work and I'm also AuDHD (don't have a formal diagnosis for the ADHD yet but it's on it's way, combined form.) For me, the autism also hides the ADHD so I would be interested to see that part 2 video! One way my autism hides my ADHD is by causing me to be very much on time, to do what I say I'll do and giving me more trouble with not finishing projects than with finishing them. I mean, I will be totally exhausted half-way through because I've started 3 things parallelly and greatly underestimated how long everything's going to take, but I will finish it or die trying 💪☠ So basically my ADHD is like a child who takes out all their toys to play with and my autism is the parent that gets to clean it all up afterwards. But in social situations the roles are reversed, there my autism is the small, shy child that's totally overwhelmed with the big world filled with people and sounds, and my ADHD is like "just relax, I've got this" and starts going round the party for example, feeling the energy of all the people there and grooving with it, talking, gesturing, enjoying the dynamic energy flowing. I feel that they sometimes go very well with each other if I can find the balance and play into each's strengths which I'm working on doing better. Most often it's just inner war. Would be cool with a video about this as well, finding the balance to satisfy each side of you when you have AuDHD!
This is so relatable
I’m also AuDHD and have the problem where I’ll make major life altering decisions on the most random, impulsive whims possible. But if it’s a small, inconsequential issue, I’ll obsess for days or weeks.
My personal theory is that the big issues are the ones that have quietly stewed in my subconscious for long periods because I was too chicken or overly stressed to spend the necessary brain power on them. This results in things like hating a job for years and then randomly quitting with no backup plan because I had a meltdown and couldn’t help myself.
The small issues are easier to chew on. They bring much less stress (comparatively) and I feel super accomplished when I come up with a good solution. Thankfully I found a way to be self-employed, but I still do the same thing in other aspects of my life. Especially relationships.
Thank you for another fantastic video.
The title says it all-the restlessness and novelty-seeking of ADHD does everything for me to cover up my human yick autism feels
Yes, also an AuDHDer and I think this is probably why we get overlooked or misdiagnosed then correctly diagnosed later in life 😅 especially as women/AFAB. Would defo appreciate a part 2 video ❤xx
I relate hard to this one. Definitely would like to see the second one! I was riding the ADHD tiger until I got autistic burnout. I am now learning how to create routines and it also helps that I got diagnosed and have meds. I am often thinking about how the ADHD and ASD influence each other.
WOW, just WOW. Thank you so much for sharing this. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was about 8 years old and now that I am 42, I was just recently diagnosed with Autism. This video really hit home and helped connect so many dots. My Dr. and I both believe that since I have only recently started to correctly treat my ADHD, is why the Autism is becoming far more noticeable. Figuring out how to properly care for my Autism after 40 years of hiding it, is truely a struggle. Thank you again.
I identify with this so much. I was diagnosed with ADHD this year at 40 but I’m not diagnosed with autistic.
When I’ve looked at tests because I strongly identify with some aspects - there are other aspects I don’t identify with.
It’s very difficult to pick apart whether I have ADHD and just have the overlapping traits between the two or if I have ADHD and highly masked autism.
The reason I’m leaning towards the latter is that, like you, when I was younger I was extremely socially awkward but then became the opposite in my 20s but only in *some* situations and now I’m 40 can deal with any situation normally but I also have a very problem-solving fast running brain.
It’s no wonder I feel exhausted 24/7…
I am nearly 30 and recently diagnosed AuDHD. The impostor syndrome comes up a lot for me. I never quite relate to the ADHD experience or the Autism experience. There are parts of both that I see in myself but I think my experience has been similar to yours. Thank you for sharing your experience. Your channel has been helpful for me these past several months both pre and post diagnosis.
Yes, please, to the part two! I have not been officially dianosed for either but am very sure that I have both. And I would say that not only does the ADHD side hide some of the autistic traits and vice versa, I think it is the mixture that helped me cope as well as I could. But then it also often feels like I have opposing needs inside of me. Still figuring this out and so videos like this are so helpful. Just to help understand and then get the brain train moving on it. ;)
I relate to this really strongly. It would explain why it took so long for me to figure out that I had ADHD, because autistic traits could be “balancing me out,” so to speak. I definitely relate to having opposing needs. I feel like I struggle a lot but it never LOOKS like I’m struggling, because I’ve adapted in so many little ways to compensate.
@@myconfusedmerriment I know exactly what you mean by tiny little adaptations. Make the struggles almost invisible but very much there still.
Thank you!
I was recently diagnosed as ADHD, well, technically this year this this is when I finally received my report, but last November!
The person who did my assessment, for whatever reason, made it a point to say she didn't believe I was autistic. Which, albeit I was new to my adhd self research as well as exploring the possibility, it caught me off guard.
Out of curiosity, I asked her why.
She stated these following reasons:
1) I was good at making eye contact. (As if EVERY autistic person struggles with making eye contact). Which, funnily enough, I actually wasn't. Most of the time I was looking at her screen when she was going over graphs and statistics, but when I was looking at her in conversation, I've mastered the ways of faking it by looking at the bridge of a person's nose.
But in all honesty, 90% of our conversation involved her talking to me whilst looking at her computer and me looking at the window.
2) I was too good at back-and-forth conversation. (Again, another generalization). I'd only worked in retail settings up to that point, so I was somewhat good at making small conversation. And it's SIGNIFICANTLY easier for me to do so when I'm the subject of conversation. And I don't mean that in a "I love talking about myself!" sort of way.. but that it's a safe topic? I guess? Like, I know myself. So I will less likely make a fool of myself /talking/ about myself. And I love the feeling of being able to explain myself. Exhibit this comment.
3) I was comfortable sharing my information. See the above comment. But also, I knew I was playing the role of "patient in clinic". Nothing about what I was saying, why I was saying it, or to whom I was saying it to felt genuine. I didn't lie about a single thing I said, but I knew being in that setting, these were the kinds of things I was /suppose/ to talk about.
4) I wasn't stimming. First of all, girl- bye. Second of all, I was. LITERALLY the entire time. I was skin picking my fingers. But I kept my hands leveled on my lap, so she couldn't see.
Anyways. All of this to say, whilst I understand there is still a chance that I'm NOT on the spectrum, your video really helped me to see how some of my more prominent ADHD symptoms might overshadow the symptoms should I be. I'll never truly know, I suppose, until I go to get thoroughly assessed by someone who specializes, but for now I think I'll keep caring for myself as if I am.
If one day I'm proven not to be, then I'll still take the tips and advice I've learned through my self exploration because it's obvious I resonate with a lot of the symptoms and consequences, and it will still be beneficial to my well being.
I haven't been diagnosed with either (haven't sought it), but I relate to pretty much everything you've said. Thank you for such a thorough and helpful explanation.
Before I became aware of my autism, I knew I had ADHD after going into recovery in 98. There is a little committee in my head that does not get along most of the time. I was relating how my brain works to what you were saying. Good talk. 😊 Thank you. ❤
This is so interesting! I'm also an AuDHDer (as is my kid) and can relate to so much. And I do feel like there are different sides to my brain. But when I had my kid, I feel like I lost any ability to establish a routine; I was always just reacting to everything that was happening, until they were 6 or 7, and then we fell into more of a routine together. To be honest, I look back on their early childhood as a bit of a nightmare. We didn't learn we were AuDHDers until they were 14 and I was 54, and it would have been so helpful to know earlier. And yes! to the big life decisions being more impulsive. For instance, we moved from San Diego, California to Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia, because I got an email one day.
Oh goodness. I spent DAYS figuring out which vacuum cleaner to buy, read reviews, made a spreadsheet (which is why I lauged out loud in the part about the heated towel rack). And then later I decided basically during a phone call to move to Canada for a year. And some years after that decided pretty much as quickly to move to Italy for a year.
Edit: Perhaps I just figured out why. Think of the impulses as like explosions in the "ADHD brain" and autism being the barrier. The smaller explosions are basically blocked by the autism barrier, while the bigger ones simply blast through it. For that reason, small impulses present basically through the autism, and bigger impulses present through ADHD.
I've got an ADHD diagnosis, and a strong suspicion I may be autistic as well. A lot of what you said resonates strongly with me. The novelty seeking winning out over some of the sensory issues (how I got over a ton of the pervasive developmental delays I experienced as a kid), the getting to the "why" behind my actions and feelings, and the constant brain-train running along, thinking about why something is happening or what is going on behind the scenes. I'm a bit more on the hesitant-analysis side than the novelty-seeking side, however. Also totally living with a parent while working the same first "adult" job out of college and trying to grow out of that... 😅
I edited this post like 5 times, then deleted it. AutiHDer PDA, this is so relatable to me. I'm sorry for your struggles. It feels bad to know there's so many people struggling inside and masking, but it also feels good to know we make sense, in a way that others do to. Perfect ending to your video. :)
You're in good company. My text was so long and so many variants, I dumped it all to a text file, to post as an article somewhere.
@@user-kb2wo4tx6bwow. You do that too? Cool
Me too. I should write a book. No one wants that in the comments. Was it Mark Twain who said- if I had more time I could have written a shorter answer - ? Ppl would rather read short comments. So I’ll be quiet now.
When I take my meds it looks like I get more autistic, but I don't know if it really affects autism or if it's just the ADHD getting suppressed.
This is really interesting, as for me it was the other way around!
I’ve been wondering about this, myself. I seem to be getting more blunt and less people-pleasing at work while I'm feeling the effects of my ADHD meds.
I can focus better while on the meds, but still get frantic and overwhelmed sometimes with all the demands and chaos (some internal, some external), but I’m more straight forwardly cranky too, and less happy-presenting. And also desperately seeking order and routine while admin throws another log on the fire. So I think the meds are a win against the AdHD, but the Au side gets very cranky and overloaded and prompts some shutdowns.
I was diagnosed with autism with a provisional adhd diagnosis tacked on. I am becoming more convinced that the psychiatrist got it right. Thank you for this
“I’m not in that part of my brain when I’m in the talking part” is something I’ve said too many times in my life. Thank you for saying that bit about compartments
This ALL describes me so well. Point by point. Having 2 young kids (i did fine with one) threw it all in my face that I was ALWAYS finding “solutions” to basic life and life task. Then with 2 kids my “solutions” don’t work anymore or just aren’t viable. This was very validating to see another mom my age have these very similar issues through life.
I originally began to figure out that I am AuDHD after watching an older video of yours “5 signs that it’s both”
,so I 110% identify with this video as well. I really appreciate this one, it just makes me feel like someone else understands my own internal struggles. Thank you!
I have been in a rollercoaster ride of "do I have ADHD? Do I have ASD? It's it both? Is it neither!?" And this video has seriously helped me understand what's going on in my own head. Thank you.
I recently got my autism diagnosis. Yay! And the assessors said I also display ADHD traits (not a surprise) but I've not been assessed yet. But I have had this realisation too. I agree they don't cancel each other out, it's actually double the struggle internally. BUT - I think it can present this way because I probably seem too cautious, stubborn and rigid to be obviously ADHD, and too chaotic, disorganised, random and oversharing etc to be autistic. But they are also more than the sum of their parts and I believe AuDHD is a third, distinct thing. Sometimes they can work well together and create flow and harmony and sometimes it can be an internal battle. I identify with the way you have explained it very much, but for me, it can also take the form of having a chaotic routine that appears very disorganised (but there is an internal order to it that makes sense to me and accommodates and compensates for my contradictions), but its still a routine that I cling to and it creates a sense of safety that the autistic part of my brain stubbornly clings to, and makes constructive change really difficult. Throw in some PDA and a resistance to taking advice from others because it feels like a demand (and can also feel invalidating and dismissive of your brain differences) into the mix and it can make every day life almost impossible.
Your AuDHD experience sounds so much like mine!
I am in my 50s and was encouraged about 20 years ago to get an ADHD evaluation. For a lot of reasons I didn't and now I am really feeling like I should pursue it. I see some autistic tendencies in me and wondered if it could be both, could one really compensate for or camouflage the other? This video came out at just the right time so TY! One example: I have a very specific rituals around certain things, like making coffee, and I can stick to that routine very well until something interrupts the pattern. Then rather than a meltdown, it is like the Autism gives up and ADHD takes over and I end up all over the place until I somehow strike upon another routine or ritual that takes hold for a while. It could take days or longer to adjust to something like my regular smoothie mix is out of stock and now i have to pick another, so I have to do research ... ...
The agonizing over small decisions while making big ones was so familiar! You are definitely not alone.
This is something that has been a huge issue with my mental health. I felt like that I was two people stuck in one body. A walking contradiction. Then one day, I had what could only be described as an autistic meltdown and it started to come together.
I did the mad partying and going travelling alone in my "youth" too. Mad impulsivity. Now I barely leave the house (I'm in a bad burnout phase).
I heard AuDHD described brilliantly somewhere, like you've got two operating systems fighting for control in your brain, Android -v- Apple, and the rest of the world works on Windows. So there's THREE operating systems contantly yelling, "THIS WAY!!!" at us at all times. The battle in my brain just shatters me sometimes.
I related to this so much. I only started looking into autism as a possible explanation for struggles I was dealing with in my mid 30s because I started taking a new prescription for my ADHD. Apparently my ADHD had been masking my autism for years and only when some of my ADHD issues are dealt with from my new medication did I see where my autistic brain had been expressing itself in my life the whole time.
💖 Thank you for another wonderful video! I would love a Part 2 about Autism hiding ADHD, because I think that may be more true for me in my life.
The sensory overwhelm and burnout totally covered up the brain fog.... The need for things to be "right" meant that I was overly organised and hid my ADHD disorganisation. The slow audio processing meant that I've never been very chatty because I can't keep up with my own thoughts, let alone conversations! And not being very self aware meant that I didn't notice all of this until I started unmasking my autism and recovering from burnout.... Then I was like "uh oh! There's still something else going on!" Haha
I stumbled across this video, and it's like a psychological tetris went off and I feel understood on a level I'm not sure I've experienced before. Thank you.
The things you describe sound exactly like me. My ability to focus on things has only been affected this last couple of weeks, but I've had plenty of other symptoms like you're describing my entire life.
I highly suspect I am also AuDHD ( I most definitely have ADHD) I really identify with this ! Thank you for sharing! Would love a second part about how your Autism masks your ADHD.
So good to see you back at it ❤.
I am 46 and not diagnosed with either but now it feels totally obvious I am likely both. I waffle back and forth between self diagnosing as asd and adhd, but neither singularly has ever matched all of my symptoms. The two together though, that certainly feels familiar. I need to seek diagnosis! I am not at all getting the support I need, I have three big kids and a 4 year old, I struggle so much and constantly suffer from cycles of meltdown and burnout. There is so much shame and has been all my life for not being able to just handle everything. The older I get the worse everything gets. Thank you for this video.
I'm going on 49, and you are speaking my language!
I only have an ADHD diagnosis but this sounds a lot like me. I can be overly sensitive and awkward, and struggle in social situations, have odd and intense special interests. Yet, I've impulsively moved to foreign countries three different times in my life, places where I didn't even speak the language. I don't regret it though! It's how I met my beautiful, Egyptian husband ☺️♥️
6:55 Definitely feeling that in my guts.
Thanks for the video. I'm diagnosed ADHD and I'm recognising a lot of traits from autism the more I learn about it. But I struggle with all that because they kinda seem contradicting each other in theory and in daily life too. And your video kinda sum it up. Thanks for the help!