Personally, I don’t attach pronouns to gender, so I think it’s totally chill how ever someone identifies and how ever they want to be referred to. As long as someone is comfortable, then I don’t care or question why they would be chill with me referring to them in a certain way. My story is that I used to get very giddy whenever someone referred to me as they/them, even though I’d been totally comfortable identifying as female my whole life. I’ve been questioning for a long time where I stand in terms of labels, but I’ve just decided to stick with non-binary and I know that I am somewhere in the gender spectrum. Some days I think I’m crazy and that I’m absolutely cis female, and then others I feel a lot more masculine and prefer to be referred to as they/them. And since I’m just a confused mess in terms of gender due to this, I don’t ever question anyone’s preferred pronouns or identity because we’re just all confused, and questioning that probably won’t help. So that’s my take on that, hope it helps!
@@ferninthehouse I’m sorry but He/Him lesbians really bothers me, if they have any other pronouns other than he then it’s alright but just he/him bothers me
that’s so well-put! i totally agree❤️ i think a lot of other people have similar stories to you, too! as long as someone feels comfortable in their pronouns, we shouldn’t need to question it. thanks for your lovely, open opinion and i’m so grateful to have you here 🥺🥺❤️❤️
Keara, using "they/them" doesn't mean necessarily being non-binary. It can be, for example, a way of saying "I'm a person, my gender doesn't have to be explicitly stated every time someone refers to me". So yes, it's ok for a cisgender person to use they/them pronouns, and you shouldn't assume (in case you do) that "they/them=somewhere under the non-binary umbrella".
That’s true with titles as well. I know a cis woman who uses Mx because she doesn’t think her gender is anyone else’s business unless there is some direct relevance in the interaction or transaction.
@@RadioJunkie04 I love that, I've always hated the Miss/Mrs/Ms title and usually leave that option blank on forms or whatever (and honestly would really prefer that people just refer to my by my first name regardless of the situation anyway) but if need be I might start using Mx as well!
As a cis gender woman (I'm chill with my gender btw), being honest if someone asks me my pronouns I tell them that I don't really mind as long as its respectful. For me I see pronouns as a way of shortly referring to me and if it's not offensive I don't mind whether someone refers to me as she/her, they/them, he/him, etc.
I have a theory that once ppl r comfy in their gender pronouns don't matter obvs I'm not trying to speak for u or anyone else but it seems to me that once ppl are comfy after transitioning or coming out even as a sexuality and not a gender they use more pronouns. I could be completely wrong! It would be great to hear more experiences and I guess cis ppl r always like this or once they accept their gender (not be toxically masculine etc) they can be comfy with any pronouns too. (This is all an extension of the pronouns don't equal gender idea)
@@poppy7884 i think you may be onto something! i know a few people (and i’m even getting to that point) where they’re completely comfortable in who they are that they don’t mind people using varied pronouns to refer to them because it doesn’t change anything about their gender identity. however, i know that some people feel really secure & validated in one set of pronouns only and that’s perfectly okay! all depends on the person!
@@p0rnany0ne maybe that's similar to how sexuality is innate, and people like me have fought for that for many years yet we're now told that gender, gender identity is whatever someone says it is. That at least makes me wonder if there are other agendas in play.
We don't have a gender less soul, we *are* soul and gender and soul are not compatible as one is physical and the other spiritual. Also, gender is not a social construct, gender (as in male/female) is a designation given to separate one sex from the other, it's like a person and his/her name. And before you say a name is a social construct (it is, since it's a _title_ given by your parents), it's not the same as, contrary to gender/sex, is not tied to biology (the idea of name and not boy/girl names). As such, sex and gender are exactly the same thing (the former being more used for sexual organs or sexual interaction). Gender didn't change it's designation because some people want it to. One of the reason dumb people have against non-binary is that is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. _Gender_ (as it's put in this thematic) is a personal stance, so, i don't find a need to scream from the rooftops and use pronouns and whatnot. If one feels more masculine or more feminine is a personal thing and it's fine, but the moment you use a term to describe it (once again, irrelevant), it becomes more than that and many people don't like it. For example, i like chocolate (who doesn't), i'm not going around saying i'm a _chocophile_ as it's something personal. Hope you didn't felt this as a hateful comment, it wasn't that, it was a different and respectful take on it. Hope you like to be challenge on your views and not just like yes-men.
@K B Ok, sorry for the confusion. Let me try this again... > The all "soul and gender are incompatible", what i was trying to say is they don't belong. It's like saying that a bicycle doesn't have a motor....of course it doesn't, it is a bicycle. So, souls don't have a gender...of course not, it's soul. But i do get what you were saying with the all "souls are gender-less" so i give that to bring this up was irrelevant of me. > What is a name? A name is a denomination used to address you. It's something given by your parents (let's say Mary) and as such is a social construct since you could have 101 different names if not Mary. But the proposition of _name_, is not, since it's a designation, a title that is given at birth and as such is tied to the person, to being born and existing. Now, what is gender? Gender is a designation used to differentiate on set of human traits from the other. As such, gender is tied to biology. The only thing you can call as a social construct is the title given to each (male/female), but that doesn't change anything as you could call them _blip_ and _blop_ and they still have the same value, to differentiate on set of human traits from the other. > To end this up, my _chocophile_ analogy. Of course is not the same thing, but the point stands as it's a personal stance. No one goes around saying their likes and dislike when introducing themselves, so, i don't get the all pronouns thing since it's irrelevant to anyone but yourself. For example, a person that presents themselves as "i'm Mary and my pronouns are she/her"...who the hell presents themselves like that? No one cares besides yourself what your pronouns are. But the moment you do that, you have a bunch of people calling you this and that, because you made it a thing by going about what your pronouns are. What i don't understand in your reply is you saying that gender is physical and that is irrelevant if i want to be called white or not (i am white) because it is the race i was born as. I totally agree, this is my all point, that facts matter and they are not changeable because some people want them to be.
"Floating in the gendersphere" is just such a cool phrase. I love that you talk about this stuff and answer questions while also explaining how it is for you personally and it may be different for others. Thank you for making these videos! (Your eyeliner looks so perfect, goodness I envy people who are so good with makeup!)
Yeah, this content resonates with me. I'm still in a figuring things out mode, and refiguring things I thought I already knew. Spent years in the nonbinary label, just conceptualizing myself as some nebulous separate gender that wasn't male or female. Then I slowly started noticing these moments of "wait, maybe I'm kind of boyish today" or "am I sure I'm not just a girl?" Recently I experienced an intense fluidity spike into the female part of the spectrum, accompanied by equally intense anxiety about not being able to make my presentation line up with what I felt inside, and that's when I finally started to accept that genderfluid is a label that's applicable to me. I still mainly occupy that nebulous "something, but not either one of those" space, but I also drift into agender, demiboy, and demigirl spaces. It's a comfort to see content like this and feel a little less alone in these feelings.
💛I’m also gender fluid I think and the most difficult part literally is that you don’t feel valid or right a lot of the time . Cause sometimes you feel “too” cis but sometimes also really trans . And my friends never get how I have to think about it everyday again 😄💛
for the cis person who wants to use she/they, I think it's important for us to remember that pronouns ≠ gender. maybe this person is female but presents in a more masculine or androgynous way, and wants to use pronouns that match their presentation. or maybe she just doesn't mind they/them because it's neutral and can be used for anyone. maybe they just like the way the pronouns sound. my point is that there are many factors that go into someone deciding to use certain pronouns, and it doesn't really matter if we understand why they use the ones they do as long as we're respectful and refer to people in ways that they're comfortable with.
This was so validating to watch/hear! I identify as genderfluid and it is lonely because it’s hard to find good genderfluid representation/community. Seeing questions from other people who feel a similar way to me makes me feel less alone so thank you for making this video!
Thank u so much for saying there doesn't have to be childhood signs! I knew there was some when I came out as lesbian, but as genderfluid there was really only offhand remarks my ex-wife noticed after high school so I was confused for a while. I've since accepted my new identity and even bought some clothing for more masc days~ I love all ur videos Keara, ur eyeliner is SICK today~ Love you Quing 💛
Things my gender fluidity teached to me (I know it mays seems stupîd but ok, it is my experience): 1- Not everything in life is black or white; it may be a middle point or an alternative option. 2- Things are not always exact; most of the time they are approximate or subjective. 3- Everything is temporary, nothing is forever. 4- We can't control how life works, but we can adaptate to it. 5- Not everything in life is something you can choose, control, change or avoid. 6- We are not a single mind or a single person; we have many sides or 'faces', as we have our good days, bad days, skills, strength, debilities and scares. 7- We all feel and ser the same sense of everything, it just depends on the direction we see. 8- We shouldn't always rate things fully because sometimes some things can't be rateable. 9- We shouldn't be accustomed to the same things because they can change at any moment. 10- You don't need to and you can't to complace everyone; At least someone will disagree with you. 11- The changes are not always repentines, most of the time they are progresive and slow. 12- We don't need to and we can't predict everything. Things are suppressive and unpredictable. 13- Not always things are better or worse; sometimes they can be only different. 14- People change, and you can't avoid it, as you can't change people. 15- We shouldn't take permanent choices for temporary problems, wishes or feelings. 16- Many things are not biological, but social and cultural constructions. 17- Limits are not always repentines or literal, most of them are approximated or around. 18- There are no good or bad things, we just rate them as them. 19- There are not 'toxic' or 'non-toxic' things; everything is toxic in big amounts and safe in small amounts, however, most of time we don't know what is the limit. 20- We should judge people for their acts, not for who they are.
There were two questions that were like “yes! That’s exactly me!” The first one being about being born AFAB, not wanting to transition but still wishing I’d been born AMAB. It’s so confusing! I’m just really attracted to people like Jonathan Van Ness. Love the total confidence, the femininity and the campness and I want it for myself. The second question was about wondering if my gender can change without any childhood signs. I haven’t seen anyone experience this anywhere either. Seeing you read these questions aloud and provide your insights was incredibly validating. So I just wanted to say thank you ☺️
@@KearaGraves you may find it worth using a transcription service, if you aren’t already, and then you can just upload the script to UA-cam, make any necessary tweaks to the timing and it’s done. My company does this for all our UA-cam videos and once done on UA-cam, you can export an srt file to upload the captions on other platforms. Ain’t technology wonderful? It certainly is for your Deaf audience and anyone else who experiences hearing loss and watches your vids! Thanks for being inclusive of disabled folks xx
thank you so so much for this video, you were able to help me with my question. it made me feel super valid to hear that genderfluid doesn't have to equal presenting physically a certain way, which is kind of how media represents it from what i've seen so its been really hard to understand how i've been feeling. thank you so much and i love these advice videos please keep them up!!
with being an actor, it’s cool to be able to know that with me just existing on screen, it can provide representation for nonbinary people in ways that are different from what we’ve seen thus far on television. hopefully i’m able to play some nonbinary characters and shed light that it doesn’t have to look “one way”!
In terms of cisgendered people using they/them pronouns, my long answer turned short for this question would be that anyone can use any set of pronoun(s) regardless of how they identify. Your gender does not equal what pronouns you prefer to use. I’m not too sure if that made sense, so if anyone could add on to it, that would be great
I'm relieved that I'm a cisgender lesbian. I imagine that adding gender fluidity to the mix would add a whole other level of complication to my life that I'm really glad I don't have to deal with. Sometimes, I find living an authentic life can be difficult as it is without any added complications.
I could not agree with you more. I’m the same way. From birth I’ve been she/her, I love being a woman (I love being 31 and female as and I love women and only women. I like to keep it simple. Hard enough to keep guys at bay when alone, just saying “sorry, I’m a lesbian” is enough. 🏳️⚧️
I am so glad there are people like you out there who accept that - HEY you really can feel both masculine and feminine and still be a woman and that doesn’t fucking change your gender But these snowflakes women really do want to feel special, don’t they? I used to love her, but she lost all respect in my eyes now
it sure is another realm of self-discovery (ON TOP of sexuality) that doesn’t always feel comfortable. however, it’s not something i can just ignore and i’m happy there’s a community out here that supports & validates gender creatives!
@@czerkitka141 yeah, I used to love her too when I was a trying to come with term with my sexuality (lesbian, meaning I like vaginas) but now she's so weak with her talk and so unoriginal in the whole gender thing that she's just boring and has no personality left. hm, I guess it's from being too much time on twitter.
@@czerkitka141 Stupid logoc though because there IS usually a correlation. If you feel masc, it's a sign that you may have maleness to your gender. If you feel feminine, you might be of female gender if you feel europhia from these feelings or expressions. Euphoria, is a SIGN you may be one with that gender. Not always, it may just be fem or masc feelings, but if you think you're of a gender identity or choose to feel that way that is YOUR choice.
My take on the cis + they/them pronouns is that she/her doesn’t equate to “woman” to me. For me it’s just feminine and not female. So a cis woman might be comfortable in their gender but not want to be perceived as overtly feminine for whatever reason. That’s just one example I could come up with but I’m sure there’s more, but short answer I do personally believe cis individuals can use they/them pronouns.
I have always felt comfortable with she/her pronouns but the word “woman” is something I feel doesn’t match to me either for some reason. Maybe it’s because I feel detached from many of the societal expectations of what a woman “should” be as a non-straight feminine person 🤷♀️
@@J17891 That's because you're paying way too much attention to what you think others expect from you as a woman, and probably in general, instead of being yourself. If people are truly being themselves, they don't get all confused about their gender because they don't need to worry about what others think.
@@johnc3525 I don't completely disagree, however, I do think it's important to mention that when it comes to gender (and also many other things), it's super hard to "just not care" because the concepts are really forced on you. You're not separate from society. You experience the pressures and influences from your respective society almost every single day, and that does affect you. Especially when you're younger. So yes, if there wasn't a concept of gender, and both sexes plus all variants would be treated 100% the same, you'd only have at most some people wanting to change parts about their bodies, but otherwise everyone who now says "I'm nonbinary/trans" or whatever, but is fine with their body, wouldn't question anything.
I'm binge watching your videos right now and it's so comforting and informative I love it so much. It's been a while since I've actively engaged in the comment section. I just wanted to say that I'm always here and love when I have more than one video to watch. happy 2022 beautiful people
I recently got my haircut really short and it enables me to be more comfortable with feminine clothing also lots of euphoria. I'm also genderfluid, it was definitely the right decision
Ahhhh! I LOVE Your eyeliner, you hair, your everything💞 and Thankyou for being vulnerable about this subject and your own journey, and I hope everyone around you is doing well & staying healthy❤❤❤ Sending love all around you wonderful human!
I really like your accent 'cause, as a non-english people, it could be sometimes complicated to understand all english words, but in your videos I rarely have this issue, and that's very, very cool ✨
Thank you thank you thank you! I needed all these questions, this was very affirming for me! You sharing your journey has sparked the same for me and it is a blessing to have you and Dutchy lightning and the way! 🌈💞
I think it’s very possible to have gender envy as a cis woman living in a highly patriarchal society! If you reject a female gender role you may be someone who doesn’t identify as female, or you might just be gender non-conforming. If by gender envy a person means that they resent the restrictions they experience because they are perceived as female, that’s a different thing and could be true for anyone, including cis women. I actually think a failure to understand this distinction is at the root of a lot of the gross TERF nonsense. These so-called feminists think that all people who experience gender envy are also cis and therefore there are a subsection of those cis women who transition but were never trans and shouldn’t have been allowed to transition. They are unwilling to accept that some people who experience gender envy are actually trans! On another topic, and forgive me if I’ve said this before on one of Keara’s videos, but I do want to mention the intersection of gender and autism. There are a lot of autistic folks, me included, who struggle to identify with the whole concept of gender. Someone called this ‘autigender’. It’s not a gender identity but a particularly autistic experience of gender. So, for me, I really just don’t relate to any other genders but it isn’t that I am agender, I’m just ‘me’ gender. And I know I have a female body and physiology and I’m fine with that but at the same time I don’t identify with other women just because my body is similar to theirs. I don’t identify with men either. I do identify with non-binary experiences, for sure, so that’s probably the bit of the spectrum I would fall in, if indeed I even lie anywhere on that spectrum. Sometimes I say “I’m a woman, I’m just not THAT woman”. A trans friend told me he thinks of my gender as “squiggly” because that’s how I occur to him, and I’m okay with that. As for pronouns, I’ll answer to any and accept however I occur to someone is how I occur to them (I’m often read as male or non-binary). I’ve been trying out telling people that I’m gender fluid because it’s true I have days where I feel more masc and days when I feel more femme. And very occasionally I have that experience Keara describes of waking up and finding that I’m not feeling great about looking at all feminine and I will wear a binder for some of the day (I have to be really careful with binding too as am hypermobile and already prone to costochondritis and have torn my intercostal muscles in my sleep a few times). Maybe one day we’ll just forget gender all together and people will just be people with people parts and people souls. That’d be nice, wouldn’t it?
Keara, your videos are ALWAYS both so informative and comforting, either I am directly concerned by the subject or not, thank you so much for existing and for you work 🖤
Thank you so much for answering my question 💛💛💛 I was worried, that it would drown in the wave of comments you must've gotten... I'm really glad to hear someone other than myself validate my feelings tho! And thanks to this, I have come to the conclusion that I'm very likely genderfluid :3 I especially get the whole putting on a top and instantly needing to take it off cause it's just so... agh... nope... wrong wrong wrong. nope, can't do this
thank you for sharing your journey and advice with us keara! it honestly helps me so much to see someone talking about the struggles that I'm going through too. love you 💕💕
1. I love your outfit and makeup and just overall vibe in this video like it’s great 2. I’m on the part where you’re talking about labels (but I’m questioning sexuality) and not having to share them and personally, I’m probably ace but I don’t feel comfortable labeling myself, so I don’t… Sometimes friends get confused when I’m very open about not being straight but also the fact that I’m questioning and even though I know one thing that I’m not, I still don’t know what I am, and maybe I’ll never be sure. Because of this, I’ve found a few ways to deal with peoples confusion and just move on with my life. For example, my friend and I were talking about sexuality because she was saying that she looks gay but isn’t (???) so then I asked if I looked straight and she said no and I was like good and then she was like “but what’s your sexuality” and I responded in some cryptic way and she was like “but I wanna knowwww” and so I said “I do toooo” and she just went “oh” it was so funny but I’m still uncomfortable with the fact that she was being kinda pushy for a label but wtv I let it go I just wanted to share my funny experience lolz 3. Happy thanksgiving everyone I hope you are doing well
Figuring out that I'm genderfluid and not having anybody around me who identifies with or understands non-binary gender identities has been quite difficult and tiring but your videos about genderfluidity are making me feel seen and valid! thank you so much, please keep making them! love from london
If the binder you’re wearing is making you have difficulties breathing, try getting a size up! I highly recommend the brand GC2B and use it myself. Their customer service is also super helpful w finding the right size :))
All my life I’ve felt like a cis male, but recently every once in a while I’ll have an urge to paint my nails, put on a skirt or other traditionally feminine clothes and just in general look pretty instead of handsome if that makes any sense. I don’t know if this is a sign that maybe I’m genderfluid or something like that but I’m really confused and I don’t really know what I should do to test it.
guyyysss lol there was an ad that popped up with this app where you get a person to talk to and they go through "gayness" with a person and are like hey "I am not this illness" lol so fun
Pronouns don’t equal gender identity, so you can 100% use she/they pronouns while feeling cisgender. If it makes you feel more comfortable it’s completely ok!
Keats you are so so honest with us and open as well, enjoyed all your advice you gave and loved this video a lot. Thank you so much for this great video
I feel like a genderless soul too... and i think that souls doesn't have a gender, but maybe gender is something we feel here on earth, I don't know how to explain it, still not sure about the second part... i don't like he/him pronouns but i don't know how i feel about they/them pronoun since we don't have it in my mother tongue, thankfully i don't mind she/her - i'm afb... of course this is not the whole thing for me. thank you for your content 💟💗💓💜💐 lots of love
This video was so helpful! I've been using the genderfluid label for a few months now and this video made me feel really validated and more open to new pronouns and gender expression possibilities. Thank you!
I have recently had a shockpoint in my life that makes a lot of my past make sense in the context of being around people in situations where it becomes more familiar and becomes a problem. My core is definitely gender-neutral, in my formative years that is what describes me. I have even always related to other people at face value beyond gender, and more as beings. I see this now as my magical wonderchild that lives in an expanded sort of realm where and when I feel safe, almost always when alone and surrounded by my animals, and have always tried to conceal this part of me since people dont know what they are looking at and therefore want to crush it. After the age of reason I developed genderfluidity to fit in and to protect my core. I present female in an earthy warrior woman sort of way lol, as I have always been aware that I have this pronounced masculine side that comes out. Its like I have a female/ male/ child dichotomies that I slide around on and no one really knows me unless I can be all of this in their presence.
Hello, I really enjoyed watching your video ^w^. I've been strugling with my gender lately, questioning it an all, because I'm afab and I was raised in a pretty free stereotypical way (at home, even though I had some influence on some things by my mother, which is normal), so I always felt like the weird child that's just not like other girls but sometimes is. I know that gender expression is just how you present to others and mannerisms and gender identity is how you feel, but I don't know if my brain is making up all of these feelings of switching between, girl, non-binary, agender, bigender and demi-boy; I even doubt about my dyshphoria, because sometimes I love my curves and other times I don't and I wish to have broader shoulders or a bigger waist, this happens with my hair too, I either want to have it extremely long or extremely short, so it's a struggle. I know I have gender envy of boys sometimes or people who present more androgynous. I've tried they/them and he/him pronouns and they feel good most of the time, I feel really happy when someone uses them to refer to me, so maybe it's gender euphoria? And I've panicked a few times about people mistaking me for a girl, because I was more "feminine looking" that day, when just a few seconds earlier I was fine with that. So I really don't know whether I'm genderfluid or not, does someone relate to this?
I feel you and I am just as confused as you. I could relate to many things you described. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I have been having very similar, even if not completely identical struggles with gender and also considering if I might be genderfluid something else, or just gnc woman. Doubting if my discomfort is dysphoria or something else. Wondering if I want to present masc sometimes because I like the look and feel like doing it, or because I feel I am actually a man that day. I've always loved skirts but recently I have been having days, weeks when I don't want to wear them specifically because they are traditionally considered very feminine and I didn't want to be perceived that way? The same goes for my curves, most of the time they are fine, but then I have days when I really want to hide them. idk what all of this is, but I just hope it would clear with time.
thank so you for making this video and as for the persons question stating “ I feel great with identifying as a female, but prefer using she/they pronouns. is that okay.” my answer to this is YES. pronouns and gender identity are two different things but definitely go hand in hand, although it is perfectly fine to identify as a female/male and still go by the pronouns your most comfortable and confident in. if those pronouns are she/they he/they they/them etc that’s perfectly fine. pronouns don’t equal gender so if thats how you feel that’s perfectly okay. they’re also demi gender’s which is something you can look into if that’s something you want to do. an example of this can be a demigirl meaning a part of your gender identity identifies as female and the other as nonbinary. this concludes that your not just solely a female and solely nonbinary you can be both. i really hope this helped. :]
Sorry, ik this is an old video, but wanted to throw in my 2 cents ab the hybrid pronoun/cisgender combo. As a they/she enby, I first identified as a she/they cis woman. It was helpful to try out they/them pronouns and see if I felt they fit before “committing” to them. And for me, how I felt being referred to that way was an important part of figuring out how I identified. I still think it would have been okay if I’d decided I wasn’t nonbinary but I liked those pronouns. I also believe that a set of pronouns is like gender presentation in the sense that it usually aligns with gender identity but doesn’t have to. Final point is that I think they/them is a wonderful neutral way to address people. It’s how I try to address all strangers until I know for sure what they go by.
i like to use the label genderqueer because i don’t believe my identity can be defined by cisgender heteronormative ideals. but most of the time i don’t really label my gender. after months of questioning and feeling uncomfortable labelling myself nonbinary, but also not feeling quite comfortable identifying fully as cis - because it feels restrictive, even though i identity with it to some degree i feel like i am more than that (for example when i identify with my gender assigned at birth it’s in a queer way not a cis way). i’m everything, i’m nothing, it’s fluid and hard to understand. but for now, simply labelling myself as queer fits best as it encompasses both my sexuality and my gender identity in a way that allows me to just exist. thank you for this, i really appreciate these videos as they give me more to think about and a chance to see if anything new resonates 💛
hi keara!! i’m non-binary and use they/she pronouns. i’m studying sociology and womens/gender/sexuality studies at university. from my understanding, i think queer theory could apply to the topic of cis people using different pronouns. queer theory aims to analyze the world around us and how binaries and inequalities are perpetuated, and fights against social hierarchies and the disparate treatment of marginalized groups. when learning about this topic, we discussed “queering” binaries. this could mean a lot of things, but what it boils down to is people challenging social norms. this could be done actively or passively-for example, someone choosing not to get married before having kids may actively choose to do so because they want to challenge the current social structure, or they may choose this path simply because it is the right one for them at the time. how this applies is i think that it’s okay for cis people to use any pronouns-by doing so, they are challenging current beliefs about gender (whether or not that is their intention) which works towards the goal of a more equal society. i hope this made sense, let me know if you have any questions!
Hey. My name is Eve and I am 26. I'm bisexual, following you for some time now. I wanted to say that thanks to you, Keara - I finally came out as genderfluid a few days ago. On a daily basis, I function as a woman as that's my gender given by birth and I feel totally okay with it, but when I feel masculine I experience strong gender dysphoria and insanely wish I had a flat chest. While feeling masculine I use the name, Alex, make my hair short and wear loose clothes, mainly wide t-shirts, trousers, and flannel shirts. I really want to buy a binder to make my chest look flat and feel comfortable with my masculine self. Coming out as genderfluid ( but only to my brother, partner, and best friends as the rest of my family, unfortunately, is homophobic) was a great relief to me as there was a time I felt like I was transgender but it was never an answer because I never wanted transition I just felt okay with both genders depending on how I felt at a particular moment - I hated being female for one hundred percent of the time, I was sure I need to be both so my pronouns are she/ her and he/him but sometimes I feel I can also use they/them when I feel like I don't want to define myself in a certain way. I feel so happy knowing there's a specific term for what I've been feeling for the last 9 years ( but I already had secret signs when I was a kid, for example during playing with others I asked about male roles and giving myself masculine names, also enjoying to have a short haircut and sharing clothes with my older brother). My people turned out to be extremely supportive so I absolutely don't regret the decision about coming out 🙂 I'm finally feeling free, thank you so much 🙂 Have a good day, love you ❤
I know this was a while ago but adding to the question at 13:27, there is a microlabel for one’s gender being fluid between non-binary genders and never feeling fully male or female: genderflor. Although of course you don’t have to use a microlabel, you can still just identify as genderfluid💛
I personally don’t think a cisgender woman or someone 100% identifying as a woman and wanting to use she/they is weird. There could be many reasons, such as being a girl but not always wanting to be labeled or just really enjoying being called they/them. I’m genderfluid and it’s quite rare that I’m 100% male or 100% female, but when I am feeling more male or more female I still love they/them.
I'm cis and feel v comfortable using she/they pronouns - I don't identity as non-binary and I don't think gender identity and expression are one and the same, so while I'm comfortable with being a woman, that doesn't mean I'm always feminine and don't like gender-neutral pronouns
I came out to my Mum as demifluid (they/she) two weeks ago. And I've brung gender up to her before as some of my friends aren't cis. The hard thing is, is that since I'm demifluid only a part of my gender is actually fluid. So demigirl is my static part and then I go to agender, demiboy to feeling like a girl. So when I told my mum she was fine with it, shes bi and polyamorous and shes a very accepting person, but now I think she forgot about it and she has been only using she/her and now I don't know what to say. And It's worst since demifluid is not well know at all, so i don't know what to do.
13:50 that sounds a lot like demifluid to me (if i remember it correctly), that‘s basically what is described in the text, one‘s gender being fluid but never „fully“ woman/man (i think that nonbinary flux means something similar) and i‘d say that this experience can also fall under the term genderfluid depending on the definition (i‘d say genderfluid is when your gender is fluid, but it doesn‘t matter between which genders it fluctuates) in the end, just go with the label that you feel most comfortable with or without any label if that‘s what makes you the most comfortable
When it comes to pronouns I am using she/they. I have used or felt the use for a few years. I still identify as cis at this point. But outwardly I have always presented more masc. I am just an enigma…short, short hair, but I carry a purse, my nails are painted, I wear super andro clothing. So I feel that using they is generally more appropriate based on presentation.
Idea for name/pronoun changes: a pronoun pin that says “Hello! My Name Is:” and the white part is a whiteboard. Then you can write your name and/or pronouns. I think it’s cute. I feel horrible for having changing names. I think I might “grow out of it” when it comes to changing names. I love my birth name as well as my ‘God given name’ (my mom felt like God told her to name me Story, but my dad didn’t like it; now I feel connected to it cause it’s neutral). I think it’s just that I am still needing to hide who I am until it is safe, which causes me to feel like I am stuck in an in between my old name and my new name until I can fully be myself. I was Chloe, and Chloe is still a part of me. I am becoming Story, who is equally a part of who I am. But I am stuck here in the in between, not Chloe nor Story because I am neither who u was or who I am going to be. I think I will be more confident and comfortable being Story once I am in a safe and accepting environment that allows me to be who I am becoming.
how i like to think about gender-fluidity as a genderfluid person, is that no matter what, youre always confused. For example, late last year in December i went an entire day of not knowing who tf i was, I didnt know what do dress myself in; and as a was falling asleep that night "gender" decided to slap me across the face and suddenly felt dysphoric towards my chest and i cried.
I kinda thinkt that it is ok for this person to want to be call by the pronouns she/they cause some people refer to people they don't know or don't know the gender as they/them
So, I am recently questioning my gender identity, and kind of feel like a different person everyday. Like, yesterday, I wore I tighter v-neck shirt, but most days I just wanna wear sweats and and an oversized tee. I don’t really know what I am, but my partner is enby and she tells me a lot that I sound like I’m just genderqueer. I think they’re right! Anybody like me just wanting to exist without having to be anything for society? 💛
I’m so thrilled to have found you’re channel. Makes me feel so much better accepting my gender-fluid…ness lol I’m definitely gonna look for some binders Might help Love you’re quirkiness 😊 I think hardest thing I’m facing is I’m also bi/pansexual ANNND I’m married to a cis man or straight I’m still learning everything. It’s hard cause I feels like I have to explain it all the time and never know when to correct someone to use my pronouns either
Basically pronouns ≠ gender, because you could be 100% a boy maybe, but still be okay with someone calling you “she”. Even if im having a feminine girly day, if someone uses he/him on me ill be happy. Its more of a “i like how that sounds” rather than feelings for some people
i'm pretty confused about gender fluidity...i don't want to be invalidating in any way, i just want to understand....wouldn't that reinforce stereotypes that we know are social constructs? clothes don't have a gender so, i don't really understand what "feeling feminine" or "feeling masculine" really is about. can someone explain it to me?
I relate so much to your experience of gender fluidity! I keep questioning myself since there are days where I am perfectly happy with being afab, days I want to be completely genderless (for example yesterday my husband called me his wife and I felt extremely uncomfortable with that so I asked if he could use a gender neutral term like spouse). And then there are days when I feel really masculine. It's just confusing all the time 😂
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Personally, I don’t attach pronouns to gender, so I think it’s totally chill how ever someone identifies and how ever they want to be referred to. As long as someone is comfortable, then I don’t care or question why they would be chill with me referring to them in a certain way. My story is that I used to get very giddy whenever someone referred to me as they/them, even though I’d been totally comfortable identifying as female my whole life. I’ve been questioning for a long time where I stand in terms of labels, but I’ve just decided to stick with non-binary and I know that I am somewhere in the gender spectrum. Some days I think I’m crazy and that I’m absolutely cis female, and then others I feel a lot more masculine and prefer to be referred to as they/them. And since I’m just a confused mess in terms of gender due to this, I don’t ever question anyone’s preferred pronouns or identity because we’re just all confused, and questioning that probably won’t help. So that’s my take on that, hope it helps!
yeah kinda like with he/him lesbians, i know someoen who identifies that way and it used to bother me but not anymore
u jus described exactly how i feel loool
@@ferninthehouse I’m sorry but He/Him lesbians really bothers me, if they have any other pronouns other than he then it’s alright but just he/him bothers me
@@speabi7203 I don’t get it either but I try to use their pronouns
that’s so well-put! i totally agree❤️ i think a lot of other people have similar stories to you, too! as long as someone feels comfortable in their pronouns, we shouldn’t need to question it. thanks for your lovely, open opinion and i’m so grateful to have you here 🥺🥺❤️❤️
Keara, using "they/them" doesn't mean necessarily being non-binary. It can be, for example, a way of saying "I'm a person, my gender doesn't have to be explicitly stated every time someone refers to me".
So yes, it's ok for a cisgender person to use they/them pronouns, and you shouldn't assume (in case you do) that "they/them=somewhere under the non-binary umbrella".
That’s true with titles as well. I know a cis woman who uses Mx because she doesn’t think her gender is anyone else’s business unless there is some direct relevance in the interaction or transaction.
@@RadioJunkie04 I love this!!!!
@@RadioJunkie04 I love that, I've always hated the Miss/Mrs/Ms title and usually leave that option blank on forms or whatever (and honestly would really prefer that people just refer to my by my first name regardless of the situation anyway) but if need be I might start using Mx as well!
Yeah pronouns doesn't equal to gender identity
I agree with this. A female can certainly feel gender fluidity and those feelings should be honored in whatever way she/they wants/want.
As a cis gender woman (I'm chill with my gender btw), being honest if someone asks me my pronouns I tell them that I don't really mind as long as its respectful. For me I see pronouns as a way of shortly referring to me and if it's not offensive I don't mind whether someone refers to me as she/her, they/them, he/him, etc.
I have a theory that once ppl r comfy in their gender pronouns don't matter obvs I'm not trying to speak for u or anyone else but it seems to me that once ppl are comfy after transitioning or coming out even as a sexuality and not a gender they use more pronouns. I could be completely wrong! It would be great to hear more experiences and I guess cis ppl r always like this or once they accept their gender (not be toxically masculine etc) they can be comfy with any pronouns too.
(This is all an extension of the pronouns don't equal gender idea)
@@poppy7884 i think you may be onto something! i know a few people (and i’m even getting to that point) where they’re completely comfortable in who they are that they don’t mind people using varied pronouns to refer to them because it doesn’t change anything about their gender identity. however, i know that some people feel really secure & validated in one set of pronouns only and that’s perfectly okay! all depends on the person!
I also do that because gender is dumb and I don’t give a heck about it
There is no such thing as cis gender women. You are a women. Stop confirming with this agenda
It's okay, your eyeliner is giving HELLA strong enby vibes.
thats what i was going to say. the eyeliner is not ruining the masc vibe in this video.
If gender is a social construct, aren’t we all technically gender less and have gender less souls? This is the part I struggle with.
My thoughts exactly
Sure
But I have a question
If gender is a social construct
But gender identity is innate…
How does that work?
@@p0rnany0ne maybe that's similar to how sexuality is innate, and people like me have fought for that for many years yet we're now told that gender, gender identity is whatever someone says it is. That at least makes me wonder if there are other agendas in play.
We don't have a gender less soul, we *are* soul and gender and soul are not compatible as one is physical and the other spiritual.
Also, gender is not a social construct, gender (as in male/female) is a designation given to separate one sex from the other, it's like a person and his/her name. And before you say a name is a social construct (it is, since it's a _title_ given by your parents), it's not the same as, contrary to gender/sex, is not tied to biology (the idea of name and not boy/girl names). As such, sex and gender are exactly the same thing (the former being more used for sexual organs or sexual interaction). Gender didn't change it's designation because some people want it to.
One of the reason dumb people have against non-binary is that is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. _Gender_ (as it's put in this thematic) is a personal stance, so, i don't find a need to scream from the rooftops and use pronouns and whatnot. If one feels more masculine or more feminine is a personal thing and it's fine, but the moment you use a term to describe it (once again, irrelevant), it becomes more than that and many people don't like it. For example, i like chocolate (who doesn't), i'm not going around saying i'm a _chocophile_ as it's something personal.
Hope you didn't felt this as a hateful comment, it wasn't that, it was a different and respectful take on it. Hope you like to be challenge on your views and not just like yes-men.
@K B Ok, sorry for the confusion. Let me try this again...
> The all "soul and gender are incompatible", what i was trying to say is they don't belong. It's like saying that a bicycle doesn't have a motor....of course it doesn't, it is a bicycle. So, souls don't have a gender...of course not, it's soul. But i do get what you were saying with the all "souls are gender-less" so i give that to bring this up was irrelevant of me.
> What is a name? A name is a denomination used to address you. It's something given by your parents (let's say Mary) and as such is a social construct since you could have 101 different names if not Mary. But the proposition of _name_, is not, since it's a designation, a title that is given at birth and as such is tied to the person, to being born and existing.
Now, what is gender? Gender is a designation used to differentiate on set of human traits from the other. As such, gender is tied to biology. The only thing you can call as a social construct is the title given to each (male/female), but that doesn't change anything as you could call them _blip_ and _blop_ and they still have the same value, to differentiate on set of human traits from the other.
> To end this up, my _chocophile_ analogy. Of course is not the same thing, but the point stands as it's a personal stance. No one goes around saying their likes and dislike when introducing themselves, so, i don't get the all pronouns thing since it's irrelevant to anyone but yourself. For example, a person that presents themselves as "i'm Mary and my pronouns are she/her"...who the hell presents themselves like that? No one cares besides yourself what your pronouns are. But the moment you do that, you have a bunch of people calling you this and that, because you made it a thing by going about what your pronouns are.
What i don't understand in your reply is you saying that gender is physical and that is irrelevant if i want to be called white or not (i am white) because it is the race i was born as.
I totally agree, this is my all point, that facts matter and they are not changeable because some people want them to be.
"Floating in the gendersphere" is just such a cool phrase. I love that you talk about this stuff and answer questions while also explaining how it is for you personally and it may be different for others. Thank you for making these videos! (Your eyeliner looks so perfect, goodness I envy people who are so good with makeup!)
thank you for being here❤️🌈🥺 lots of love !!!
It's a made up phrase that has no meaning other than to demonstrate narcissism.
totally off topic here but, their eyeline looks AMAZING
I liked the wing, but didn't care so much for the "fox eye" liner
@kedii 100% true!
Yeah, this content resonates with me.
I'm still in a figuring things out mode, and refiguring things I thought I already knew. Spent years in the nonbinary label, just conceptualizing myself as some nebulous separate gender that wasn't male or female. Then I slowly started noticing these moments of "wait, maybe I'm kind of boyish today" or "am I sure I'm not just a girl?" Recently I experienced an intense fluidity spike into the female part of the spectrum, accompanied by equally intense anxiety about not being able to make my presentation line up with what I felt inside, and that's when I finally started to accept that genderfluid is a label that's applicable to me. I still mainly occupy that nebulous "something, but not either one of those" space, but I also drift into agender, demiboy, and demigirl spaces.
It's a comfort to see content like this and feel a little less alone in these feelings.
💛I’m also gender fluid I think and the most difficult part literally is that you don’t feel valid or right a lot of the time . Cause sometimes you feel “too” cis but sometimes also really trans . And my friends never get how I have to think about it everyday again 😄💛
for the cis person who wants to use she/they, I think it's important for us to remember that pronouns ≠ gender. maybe this person is female but presents in a more masculine or androgynous way, and wants to use pronouns that match their presentation. or maybe she just doesn't mind they/them because it's neutral and can be used for anyone. maybe they just like the way the pronouns sound. my point is that there are many factors that go into someone deciding to use certain pronouns, and it doesn't really matter if we understand why they use the ones they do as long as we're respectful and refer to people in ways that they're comfortable with.
This was so validating to watch/hear! I identify as genderfluid and it is lonely because it’s hard to find good genderfluid representation/community. Seeing questions from other people who feel a similar way to me makes me feel less alone so thank you for making this video!
Thank u so much for saying there doesn't have to be childhood signs! I knew there was some when I came out as lesbian, but as genderfluid there was really only offhand remarks my ex-wife noticed after high school so I was confused for a while. I've since accepted my new identity and even bought some clothing for more masc days~ I love all ur videos Keara, ur eyeliner is SICK today~ Love you Quing 💛
Things my gender fluidity teached to me (I know it mays seems stupîd but ok, it is my experience):
1- Not everything in life is black or white; it may be a middle point or an alternative option.
2- Things are not always exact; most of the time they are approximate or subjective.
3- Everything is temporary, nothing is forever.
4- We can't control how life works, but we can adaptate to it.
5- Not everything in life is something you can choose, control, change or avoid.
6- We are not a single mind or a single person; we have many sides or 'faces', as we have our good days, bad days, skills, strength, debilities and scares.
7- We all feel and ser the same sense of everything, it just depends on the direction we see.
8- We shouldn't always rate things fully because sometimes some things can't be rateable.
9- We shouldn't be accustomed to the same things because they can change at any moment.
10- You don't need to and you can't to complace everyone; At least someone will disagree with you.
11- The changes are not always repentines, most of the time they are progresive and slow.
12- We don't need to and we can't predict everything. Things are suppressive and unpredictable.
13- Not always things are better or worse; sometimes they can be only different.
14- People change, and you can't avoid it, as you can't change people.
15- We shouldn't take permanent choices for temporary problems, wishes or feelings.
16- Many things are not biological, but social and cultural constructions.
17- Limits are not always repentines or literal, most of them are approximated or around.
18- There are no good or bad things, we just rate them as them.
19- There are not 'toxic' or 'non-toxic' things; everything is toxic in big amounts and safe in small amounts, however, most of time we don't know what is the limit.
20- We should judge people for their acts, not for who they are.
There were two questions that were like “yes! That’s exactly me!” The first one being about being born AFAB, not wanting to transition but still wishing I’d been born AMAB. It’s so confusing! I’m just really attracted to people like Jonathan Van Ness. Love the total confidence, the femininity and the campness and I want it for myself.
The second question was about wondering if my gender can change without any childhood signs. I haven’t seen anyone experience this anywhere either.
Seeing you read these questions aloud and provide your insights was incredibly validating. So I just wanted to say thank you ☺️
thank you so much for this Keara, you answered a lot of my questions
omg keara your eyeliner looks amazing ✨
If you could put closed captions when you can that would be wonderful! Love your vids Keara! ☺️
ahhh yes! i have CC's on some of my videos, but not all of them because it takes so dang long-- but I'll add them on this one right now :) xxx
UPDATE: CC's are UP!
I initially read "closeted captions" *facepalm* *_lol_*
@@KearaGraves you may find it worth using a transcription service, if you aren’t already, and then you can just upload the script to UA-cam, make any necessary tweaks to the timing and it’s done. My company does this for all our UA-cam videos and once done on UA-cam, you can export an srt file to upload the captions on other platforms. Ain’t technology wonderful? It certainly is for your Deaf audience and anyone else who experiences hearing loss and watches your vids! Thanks for being inclusive of disabled folks xx
thank you so so much for this video, you were able to help me with my question. it made me feel super valid to hear that genderfluid doesn't have to equal presenting physically a certain way, which is kind of how media represents it from what i've seen so its been really hard to understand how i've been feeling. thank you so much and i love these advice videos please keep them up!!
with being an actor, it’s cool to be able to know that with me just existing on screen, it can provide representation for nonbinary people in ways that are different from what we’ve seen thus far on television. hopefully i’m able to play some nonbinary characters and shed light that it doesn’t have to look “one way”!
honestly i think it’s ok to use they them even if you feel comfortable in your sex assigned at birth because pronouns don’t equal gender💛
In terms of cisgendered people using they/them pronouns, my long answer turned short for this question would be that anyone can use any set of pronoun(s) regardless of how they identify. Your gender does not equal what pronouns you prefer to use. I’m not too sure if that made sense, so if anyone could add on to it, that would be great
it makes sense. 100% agree!
In lala land, sure. In real life, he = male/man, she = female/woman, they = multiple people.
Your makeup is ON FLEEK today! Also, thanks you sooo much for this video, I just realized that Im genderfluid and this really helps 💛
I'm relieved that I'm a cisgender lesbian. I imagine that adding gender fluidity to the mix would add a whole other level of complication to my life that I'm really glad I don't have to deal with. Sometimes, I find living an authentic life can be difficult as it is without any added complications.
I could not agree with you more. I’m the same way. From birth I’ve been she/her, I love being a woman (I love being 31 and female as and I love women and only women. I like to keep it simple. Hard enough to keep guys at bay when alone, just saying “sorry, I’m a lesbian” is enough. 🏳️⚧️
I am so glad there are people like you out there who accept that - HEY you really can feel both masculine and feminine and still be a woman and that doesn’t fucking change your gender
But these snowflakes women really do want to feel special, don’t they?
I used to love her, but she lost all respect in my eyes now
it sure is another realm of self-discovery (ON TOP of sexuality) that doesn’t always feel comfortable. however, it’s not something i can just ignore and i’m happy there’s a community out here that supports & validates gender creatives!
@@czerkitka141 yeah, I used to love her too when I was a trying to come with term with my sexuality (lesbian, meaning I like vaginas) but now she's so weak with her talk and so unoriginal in the whole gender thing that she's just boring and has no personality left. hm, I guess it's from being too much time on twitter.
@@czerkitka141 Stupid logoc though because there IS usually a correlation. If you feel masc, it's a sign that you may have maleness to your gender. If you feel feminine, you might be of female gender if you feel europhia from these feelings or expressions. Euphoria, is a SIGN you may be one with that gender. Not always, it may just be fem or masc feelings, but if you think you're of a gender identity or choose to feel that way that is YOUR choice.
My take on the cis + they/them pronouns is that she/her doesn’t equate to “woman” to me. For me it’s just feminine and not female. So a cis woman might be comfortable in their gender but not want to be perceived as overtly feminine for whatever reason. That’s just one example I could come up with but I’m sure there’s more, but short answer I do personally believe cis individuals can use they/them pronouns.
I have always felt comfortable with she/her pronouns but the word “woman” is something I feel doesn’t match to me either for some reason. Maybe it’s because I feel detached from many of the societal expectations of what a woman “should” be as a non-straight feminine person 🤷♀️
@@J17891 That's because you're paying way too much attention to what you think others expect from you as a woman, and probably in general, instead of being yourself. If people are truly being themselves, they don't get all confused about their gender because they don't need to worry about what others think.
@@johnc3525 I don't completely disagree, however, I do think it's important to mention that when it comes to gender (and also many other things), it's super hard to "just not care" because the concepts are really forced on you. You're not separate from society. You experience the pressures and influences from your respective society almost every single day, and that does affect you. Especially when you're younger. So yes, if there wasn't a concept of gender, and both sexes plus all variants would be treated 100% the same, you'd only have at most some people wanting to change parts about their bodies, but otherwise everyone who now says "I'm nonbinary/trans" or whatever, but is fine with their body, wouldn't question anything.
I'm binge watching your videos right now and it's so comforting and informative I love it so much. It's been a while since I've actively engaged in the comment section. I just wanted to say that I'm always here and love when I have more than one video to watch. happy 2022 beautiful people
For binders: gc2b is said to be the safest one!!! A bit on the pricey side, yes, BUT it's money well invested (speaking from experience)
thanks for your input! i’ve heard they’re great 😊
I recently got my haircut really short and it enables me to be more comfortable with feminine clothing also lots of euphoria.
I'm also genderfluid, it was definitely the right decision
Ahhhh! I LOVE Your eyeliner, you hair, your everything💞 and Thankyou for being vulnerable about this subject and your own journey, and I hope everyone around you is doing well & staying healthy❤❤❤ Sending love all around you wonderful human!
I love that ive seen you grow in the person you are now. Also never thought you would help me navigate my genderidentity process
this video is really needed for me thank you Keira so much
💛 As a Genderfluid person I felt so accepted during this video and thank you for this!!!!
Man I love Keara so much😭
I really like your accent 'cause, as a non-english people, it could be sometimes complicated to understand all english words, but in your videos I rarely have this issue, and that's very, very cool ✨
Thank the Canadian accent :)
@@annadevries910 Pretty clear accent, thx 😊✨
i’m glad my accent and pronunciation is clear!!! you can definitely thank Canada for that LOL
@@KearaGraves It is 🥰 Thanks to the Canada 🇨🇦😂
Thank you thank you thank you! I needed all these questions, this was very affirming for me! You sharing your journey has sparked the same for me and it is a blessing to have you and Dutchy lightning and the way! 🌈💞
I am an amab non-binary person- I have mostly androgynous days, but sometimes feminine or masculine days as well. 💛
I think it’s very possible to have gender envy as a cis woman living in a highly patriarchal society! If you reject a female gender role you may be someone who doesn’t identify as female, or you might just be gender non-conforming. If by gender envy a person means that they resent the restrictions they experience because they are perceived as female, that’s a different thing and could be true for anyone, including cis women. I actually think a failure to understand this distinction is at the root of a lot of the gross TERF nonsense. These so-called feminists think that all people who experience gender envy are also cis and therefore there are a subsection of those cis women who transition but were never trans and shouldn’t have been allowed to transition. They are unwilling to accept that some people who experience gender envy are actually trans!
On another topic, and forgive me if I’ve said this before on one of Keara’s videos, but I do want to mention the intersection of gender and autism. There are a lot of autistic folks, me included, who struggle to identify with the whole concept of gender. Someone called this ‘autigender’. It’s not a gender identity but a particularly autistic experience of gender. So, for me, I really just don’t relate to any other genders but it isn’t that I am agender, I’m just ‘me’ gender. And I know I have a female body and physiology and I’m fine with that but at the same time I don’t identify with other women just because my body is similar to theirs. I don’t identify with men either. I do identify with non-binary experiences, for sure, so that’s probably the bit of the spectrum I would fall in, if indeed I even lie anywhere on that spectrum. Sometimes I say “I’m a woman, I’m just not THAT woman”. A trans friend told me he thinks of my gender as “squiggly” because that’s how I occur to him, and I’m okay with that. As for pronouns, I’ll answer to any and accept however I occur to someone is how I occur to them (I’m often read as male or non-binary). I’ve been trying out telling people that I’m gender fluid because it’s true I have days where I feel more masc and days when I feel more femme. And very occasionally I have that experience Keara describes of waking up and finding that I’m not feeling great about looking at all feminine and I will wear a binder for some of the day (I have to be really careful with binding too as am hypermobile and already prone to costochondritis and have torn my intercostal muscles in my sleep a few times).
Maybe one day we’ll just forget gender all together and people will just be people with people parts and people souls. That’d be nice, wouldn’t it?
Gender doesn't exist.
the hair! the eyeliner! the nails! 😍
Keara, your videos are ALWAYS both so informative and comforting, either I am directly concerned by the subject or not, thank you so much for existing and for you work 🖤
your eyeliner looks amazing! also i just ordered my first binder and i'm so excited
Thank you so much for answering my question 💛💛💛 I was worried, that it would drown in the wave of comments you must've gotten... I'm really glad to hear someone other than myself validate my feelings tho! And thanks to this, I have come to the conclusion that I'm very likely genderfluid :3 I especially get the whole putting on a top and instantly needing to take it off cause it's just so... agh... nope... wrong wrong wrong. nope, can't do this
thank you for sharing your journey and advice with us keara! it honestly helps me so much to see someone talking about the struggles that I'm going through too. love you 💕💕
1. I love your outfit and makeup and just overall vibe in this video like it’s great
2. I’m on the part where you’re talking about labels (but I’m questioning sexuality) and not having to share them and personally, I’m probably ace but I don’t feel comfortable labeling myself, so I don’t…
Sometimes friends get confused when I’m very open about not being straight but also the fact that I’m questioning and even though I know one thing that I’m not, I still don’t know what I am, and maybe I’ll never be sure. Because of this, I’ve found a few ways to deal with peoples confusion and just move on with my life. For example, my friend and I were talking about sexuality because she was saying that she looks gay but isn’t (???) so then I asked if I looked straight and she said no and I was like good and then she was like “but what’s your sexuality” and I responded in some cryptic way and she was like “but I wanna knowwww” and so I said “I do toooo” and she just went “oh” it was so funny but I’m still uncomfortable with the fact that she was being kinda pushy for a label but wtv I let it go I just wanted to share my funny experience lolz
3. Happy thanksgiving everyone I hope you are doing well
Figuring out that I'm genderfluid and not having anybody around me who identifies with or understands non-binary gender identities has been quite difficult and tiring but your videos about genderfluidity are making me feel seen and valid! thank you so much, please keep making them! love from london
Your videos about genderfluidity are very helpful💛
If the binder you’re wearing is making you have difficulties breathing, try getting a size up! I highly recommend the brand GC2B and use it myself. Their customer service is also super helpful w finding the right size :))
thank you🙏🏼❤️
All my life I’ve felt like a cis male, but recently every once in a while I’ll have an urge to paint my nails, put on a skirt or other traditionally feminine clothes and just in general look pretty instead of handsome if that makes any sense. I don’t know if this is a sign that maybe I’m genderfluid or something like that but I’m really confused and I don’t really know what I should do to test it.
I can see that this is an ancient comment bit I'm wondering how the situation has developed since - how are you doing?
i found keara when i was watching gay short films.
and i have loved them since day one
I really needed this because I was so confused about my gender:((
Thank you Keara and love your vids💛
guyyysss lol there was an ad that popped up with this app where you get a person to talk to and they go through "gayness" with a person and are like hey "I am not this illness" lol so fun
8:12 im a cis woman and i feel this too...some days i feel more fem and others more masc...that doesnt make me feel less of a woman.
💛💛 great video this is really good! Thank you for always sharing your experience and knowledge! Hope you’re having a good day!
Pronouns don’t equal gender identity, so you can 100% use she/they pronouns while feeling cisgender. If it makes you feel more comfortable it’s completely ok!
Keats you are so so honest with us and open as well, enjoyed all your advice you gave and loved this video a lot. Thank you so much for this great video
I feel like a genderless soul too... and i think that souls doesn't have a gender, but maybe gender is something we feel here on earth, I don't know how to explain it, still not sure about the second part... i don't like he/him pronouns but i don't know how i feel about they/them pronoun since we don't have it in my mother tongue, thankfully i don't mind she/her - i'm afb... of course this is not the whole thing for me. thank you for your content 💟💗💓💜💐 lots of love
Thank you for sharing this, as someone who recently went through their own somewhat recent gender questioning and has had similar queeries.
This video was so helpful! I've been using the genderfluid label for a few months now and this video made me feel really validated and more open to new pronouns and gender expression possibilities. Thank you!
I have recently had a shockpoint in my life that makes a lot of my past make sense in the context of being around people in situations where it becomes more familiar and becomes a problem. My core is definitely gender-neutral, in my formative years that is what describes me. I have even always related to other people at face value beyond gender, and more as beings. I see this now as my magical wonderchild that lives in an expanded sort of realm where and when I feel safe, almost always when alone and surrounded by my animals, and have always tried to conceal this part of me since people dont know what they are looking at and therefore want to crush it. After the age of reason I developed genderfluidity to fit in and to protect my core. I present female in an earthy warrior woman sort of way lol, as I have always been aware that I have this pronounced masculine side that comes out. Its like I have a female/ male/ child dichotomies that I slide around on and no one really knows me unless I can be all of this in their presence.
Hello, I really enjoyed watching your video ^w^. I've been strugling with my gender lately, questioning it an all, because I'm afab and I was raised in a pretty free stereotypical way (at home, even though I had some influence on some things by my mother, which is normal), so I always felt like the weird child that's just not like other girls but sometimes is.
I know that gender expression is just how you present to others and mannerisms and gender identity is how you feel, but I don't know if my brain is making up all of these feelings of switching between, girl, non-binary, agender, bigender and demi-boy; I even doubt about my dyshphoria, because sometimes I love my curves and other times I don't and I wish to have broader shoulders or a bigger waist, this happens with my hair too, I either want to have it extremely long or extremely short, so it's a struggle.
I know I have gender envy of boys sometimes or people who present more androgynous. I've tried they/them and he/him pronouns and they feel good most of the time, I feel really happy when someone uses them to refer to me, so maybe it's gender euphoria? And I've panicked a few times about people mistaking me for a girl, because I was more "feminine looking" that day, when just a few seconds earlier I was fine with that. So I really don't know whether I'm genderfluid or not, does someone relate to this?
I feel you and I am just as confused as you. I could relate to many things you described. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I have been having very similar, even if not completely identical struggles with gender and also considering if I might be genderfluid something else, or just gnc woman. Doubting if my discomfort is dysphoria or something else. Wondering if I want to present masc sometimes because I like the look and feel like doing it, or because I feel I am actually a man that day. I've always loved skirts but recently I have been having days, weeks when I don't want to wear them specifically because they are traditionally considered very feminine and I didn't want to be perceived that way? The same goes for my curves, most of the time they are fine, but then I have days when I really want to hide them. idk what all of this is, but I just hope it would clear with time.
thank so you for making this video and as for the persons question stating “ I feel great with identifying as a female, but prefer using she/they pronouns. is that okay.” my answer to this is YES. pronouns and gender identity are two different things but definitely go hand in hand, although it is perfectly fine to identify as a female/male and still go by the pronouns your most comfortable and confident in. if those pronouns are she/they he/they they/them etc that’s perfectly fine. pronouns don’t equal gender so if thats how you feel that’s perfectly okay. they’re also demi gender’s which is something you can look into if that’s something you want to do. an example of this can be a demigirl meaning a part of your gender identity identifies as female and the other as nonbinary. this concludes that your not just solely a female and solely nonbinary you can be both. i really hope this helped. :]
Genderfluid Content, i needed it so much.
💛 also yes you can use any pronouns you want regardless of gender :)
I just love watching keara she/they makes me feel so happy and less lonely as a hetero aromantic and asexual💜
"Just vibin"
Stealing that!!!
If you are based in the UK, Spectrum Outfitters make binders
Sorry, ik this is an old video, but wanted to throw in my 2 cents ab the hybrid pronoun/cisgender combo.
As a they/she enby, I first identified as a she/they cis woman. It was helpful to try out they/them pronouns and see if I felt they fit before “committing” to them.
And for me, how I felt being referred to that way was an important part of figuring out how I identified. I still think it would have been okay if I’d decided I wasn’t nonbinary but I liked those pronouns.
I also believe that a set of pronouns is like gender presentation in the sense that it usually aligns with gender identity but doesn’t have to.
Final point is that I think they/them is a wonderful neutral way to address people. It’s how I try to address all strangers until I know for sure what they go by.
i like to use the label genderqueer because i don’t believe my identity can be defined by cisgender heteronormative ideals. but most of the time i don’t really label my gender. after months of questioning and feeling uncomfortable labelling myself nonbinary, but also not feeling quite comfortable identifying fully as cis - because it feels restrictive, even though i identity with it to some degree i feel like i am more than that (for example when i identify with my gender assigned at birth it’s in a queer way not a cis way). i’m everything, i’m nothing, it’s fluid and hard to understand. but for now, simply labelling myself as queer fits best as it encompasses both my sexuality and my gender identity in a way that allows me to just exist.
thank you for this, i really appreciate these videos as they give me more to think about and a chance to see if anything new resonates 💛
hi keara!! i’m non-binary and use they/she pronouns. i’m studying sociology and womens/gender/sexuality studies at university. from my understanding, i think queer theory could apply to the topic of cis people using different pronouns. queer theory aims to analyze the world around us and how binaries and inequalities are perpetuated, and fights against social hierarchies and the disparate treatment of marginalized groups. when learning about this topic, we discussed “queering” binaries. this could mean a lot of things, but what it boils down to is people challenging social norms. this could be done actively or passively-for example, someone choosing not to get married before having kids may actively choose to do so because they want to challenge the current social structure, or they may choose this path simply because it is the right one for them at the time. how this applies is i think that it’s okay for cis people to use any pronouns-by doing so, they are challenging current beliefs about gender (whether or not that is their intention) which works towards the goal of a more equal society. i hope this made sense, let me know if you have any questions!
Hey. My name is Eve and I am 26. I'm bisexual, following you for some time now. I wanted to say that thanks to you, Keara - I finally came out as genderfluid a few days ago. On a daily basis, I function as a woman as that's my gender given by birth and I feel totally okay with it, but when I feel masculine I experience strong gender dysphoria and insanely wish I had a flat chest. While feeling masculine I use the name, Alex, make my hair short and wear loose clothes, mainly wide t-shirts, trousers, and flannel shirts. I really want to buy a binder to make my chest look flat and feel comfortable with my masculine self. Coming out as genderfluid ( but only to my brother, partner, and best friends as the rest of my family, unfortunately, is homophobic) was a great relief to me as there was a time I felt like I was transgender but it was never an answer because I never wanted transition I just felt okay with both genders depending on how I felt at a particular moment - I hated being female for one hundred percent of the time, I was sure I need to be both so my pronouns are she/ her and he/him but sometimes I feel I can also use they/them when I feel like I don't want to define myself in a certain way. I feel so happy knowing there's a specific term for what I've been feeling for the last 9 years ( but I already had secret signs when I was a kid, for example during playing with others I asked about male roles and giving myself masculine names, also enjoying to have a short haircut and sharing clothes with my older brother). My people turned out to be extremely supportive so I absolutely don't regret the decision about coming out 🙂 I'm finally feeling free, thank you so much 🙂 Have a good day, love you ❤
I know this was a while ago but adding to the question at 13:27, there is a microlabel for one’s gender being fluid between non-binary genders and never feeling fully male or female: genderflor. Although of course you don’t have to use a microlabel, you can still just identify as genderfluid💛
You be looking cute af 🥺✨
I personally don’t think a cisgender woman or someone 100% identifying as a woman and wanting to use she/they is weird. There could be many reasons, such as being a girl but not always wanting to be labeled or just really enjoying being called they/them. I’m genderfluid and it’s quite rare that I’m 100% male or 100% female, but when I am feeling more male or more female I still love they/them.
I'm cis and feel v comfortable using she/they pronouns - I don't identity as non-binary and I don't think gender identity and expression are one and the same, so while I'm comfortable with being a woman, that doesn't mean I'm always feminine and don't like gender-neutral pronouns
They don't deserve hate :)))
Thank you soooo much for this video. I feel I like I’m non binary and bisexual. It feel rights to me and right to me. ❤️❤️❤️❤️🌈🌈🌈🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
💛 Love you Keara! Never forget you're an amazing person! 💛
That hair suits them so well!! xx
💛💛💛💛💛 SO MUCH LOVE TO U KEARA
this was an amazing video. thank you keara *yellow heart
I came out to my Mum as demifluid (they/she) two weeks ago. And I've brung gender up to her before as some of my friends aren't cis. The hard thing is, is that since I'm demifluid only a part of my gender is actually fluid. So demigirl is my static part and then I go to agender, demiboy to feeling like a girl. So when I told my mum she was fine with it, shes bi and polyamorous and shes a very accepting person, but now I think she forgot about it and she has been only using she/her and now I don't know what to say. And It's worst since demifluid is not well know at all, so i don't know what to do.
This video realy helped me understand the way I was feeling about my gender, and made me feal more valid! Thank you so much!💛💛💛
13:50 that sounds a lot like demifluid to me (if i remember it correctly), that‘s basically what is described in the text, one‘s gender being fluid but never „fully“ woman/man (i think that nonbinary flux means something similar)
and i‘d say that this experience can also fall under the term genderfluid depending on the definition (i‘d say genderfluid is when your gender is fluid, but it doesn‘t matter between which genders it fluctuates)
in the end, just go with the label that you feel most comfortable with or without any label if that‘s what makes you the most comfortable
Hi there! I just wanted to say thank you so so much for this, it really answered a lot of my questions and helped me figure out who I am. Thank you!
their make up and hair looked amazing today
8:35 "u could be floating in space" 👆😔 hell yeah
When it comes to pronouns I am using she/they. I have used or felt the use for a few years. I still identify as cis at this point. But outwardly I have always presented more masc. I am just an enigma…short, short hair, but I carry a purse, my nails are painted, I wear super andro clothing. So I feel that using they is generally more appropriate based on presentation.
I just found out Lost & Found is being removed from Netflix. I’m devastated.
I just came out to my mom as gender-fluid and I will definitely send this to her thanks
Idea for name/pronoun changes: a pronoun pin that says “Hello! My Name Is:” and the white part is a whiteboard.
Then you can write your name and/or pronouns. I think it’s cute.
I feel horrible for having changing names. I think I might “grow out of it” when it comes to changing names. I love my birth name as well as my ‘God given name’ (my mom felt like God told her to name me Story, but my dad didn’t like it; now I feel connected to it cause it’s neutral). I think it’s just that I am still needing to hide who I am until it is safe, which causes me to feel like I am stuck in an in between my old name and my new name until I can fully be myself.
I was Chloe, and Chloe is still a part of me. I am becoming Story, who is equally a part of who I am. But I am stuck here in the in between, not Chloe nor Story because I am neither who u was or who I am going to be. I think I will be more confident and comfortable being Story once I am in a safe and accepting environment that allows me to be who I am becoming.
how i like to think about gender-fluidity as a genderfluid person, is that no matter what, youre always confused. For example, late last year in December i went an entire day of not knowing who tf i was, I didnt know what do dress myself in; and as a was falling asleep that night "gender" decided to slap me across the face and suddenly felt dysphoric towards my chest and i cried.
My binder is from Spectrum, it's my first one I've had but it's brilliant and genuine and all that good stuff :)
I kinda thinkt that it is ok for this person to want to be call by the pronouns she/they cause some people refer to people they don't know or don't know the gender as they/them
So, I am recently questioning my gender identity, and kind of feel like a different person everyday. Like, yesterday, I wore I tighter v-neck shirt, but most days I just wanna wear sweats and and an oversized tee. I don’t really know what I am, but my partner is enby and she tells me a lot that I sound like I’m just genderqueer. I think they’re right! Anybody like me just wanting to exist without having to be anything for society? 💛
I’m so thrilled to have found you’re channel.
Makes me feel so much better accepting my gender-fluid…ness lol
I’m definitely gonna look for some binders
Might help
Love you’re quirkiness 😊
I think hardest thing I’m facing is I’m also bi/pansexual ANNND I’m married to a cis man or straight
I’m still learning everything.
It’s hard cause I feels like I have to explain it all the time and never know when to correct someone to use my pronouns either
This was really helpful.
Yay, fellow genderfluid person! 💛
7:22 I know I’m like 4 months late but I relate to this so much but I’m amab SOMEOEN HELP
4:50 OMG KEARA DONT INVALIDATE YOURSELF! Dysphoria can vary in intensity. The fact that one day its less painful does not mean you dont have it.
Basically pronouns ≠ gender, because you could be 100% a boy maybe, but still be okay with someone calling you “she”. Even if im having a feminine girly day, if someone uses he/him on me ill be happy. Its more of a “i like how that sounds” rather than feelings for some people
and thanks for this video! it helps a lot
i'm pretty confused about gender fluidity...i don't want to be invalidating in any way, i just want to understand....wouldn't that reinforce stereotypes that we know are social constructs? clothes don't have a gender so, i don't really understand what "feeling feminine" or "feeling masculine" really is about. can someone explain it to me?
I am 100% with you two people^^^
it's really just about reinforcing sexist stereotypes. don't even force yourself to conform to this.
I relate so much to your experience of gender fluidity! I keep questioning myself since there are days where I am perfectly happy with being afab, days I want to be completely genderless (for example yesterday my husband called me his wife and I felt extremely uncomfortable with that so I asked if he could use a gender neutral term like spouse). And then there are days when I feel really masculine. It's just confusing all the time 😂
💛 Thankyou so much for helping me ily