The Deep Shadow (Trigger Warning!) I'm Not Kidding, Don't Say I Didn't Warn You ;)
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- Опубліковано 25 сер 2023
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About my videos: These videos are a resource for anyone wishing to wake up from the dream of separation. Awakening, enlightenment, and liberation are becoming far more mainstream possibilities than they once were. There are many good teachers out there, and if you resonate with the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, Rupert Spira, or Sadhguru, you might find resources here that address these deeper promptings to investigate your true nature.
Disclaimer: The information presented in these videos is not meant to diagnose or treat any psychiatric or medical illness. The inquiries presented herein are potent and can have powerful effects on the way you experience yourself and reality. If you feel you are at risk of harming yourself or others, these videos and practices may not be the best thing for you at the moment. Seek help wherever necessary which might include a hospital emergency department, a suicide helpline etc. - Розваги
![Existential Terror and Loss of Self [Trigger Warning!!]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/OD_bBy0nxLI/mqdefault.jpg)
![Existential Terror and Loss of Self [Trigger Warning!!]](/img/tr.png)
I wonder if the worst human evils ultimately arise out of the impulse to never experience this deepest of shadows--to avoid it at any cost.
I would say that is accurate
That line "Abandon all hope ye who enter here" is from Dante's Inferno. It's what's written above the gates of Hell.
I just watched this twice. I have been there before. As I’ve mentioned in the comments before, I lost my 28 yr old son last year in August. It was extremely tragic, unnecessary, and sudden. He left behind my daughter in law and my 2 grandsons. I was in a state beyond agony for about 6 months and it was a darkness like I’ve never experienced prior. I had a realization this past January and various amounts of insight sprinkled here and there since it happened. The months leading up to the realization were extremely difficult but I think that was grace. It was a ‘blessing in disguise’ and I’m grateful for it. It’s all just a thought now, anyway. I got through it and I’m still working on some things but life is actually pretty great. It’s a whole 180° away from what it was for months. I just watch everything unfold and it flows like water.
🤗
Thank you for sharing, bless you x
@@mirandasohn9366 😊❤️
Can you share the realization? So many people I know are just stuck in grief from losing someone they love. For good or bad, I have been able to move through the grieving process without needing to hold on to the grief. I don't know how to help these people, especially those who have lost children, move through their grief. If it is personal to you and you would rather not share, I understand. I applaud your progress and wish you all the best that life can bring you in the future❤❤❤
🙏❤️
I dipped my toes into this black space a few times. A feeling of overwhelming terror when realising that existence is forever. Like a prison with no hope of ever escaping. Far worse than the fear of death.
Good thing you have no way of knowing any of that.
I completely get this feeling, in fact just last week I wrote something about it. It has helped me get back in line so I will share it here:
"Mysterious though it is, seemingly infinite, an ungraspable concept and reality - mysterious though it is, the idea that there is nothing beyond this seems torturing. That there is no choice but to be/not be. That things cannot be other than they are. That eternal life or eternal oblivion, or the nullity of both, is simply how things are and cannot be otherwise. Like a dream from which you cannot wake up. You know you are dreaming, but that doesn't help; the urge to get out of the dream increases, but there is no body for consciousness to wake up to.
This mental model of things as they are turns a dome of beauty into a birdcage. Why adopt such a belief?
Although, even if I don't believe in it, contemplating such a notion leaves me with a heavy weight in the gut.
There is no choice in all of this?! If we are just billiard balls set in motion by the One White Ball, what is the point of the awareness of this fact?
There is no use in concerning ourselves with things way beyond our scale. To contemplate the political games inside a termite colony, or the intricacies of bacterial life - or the movements of galaxies… Our senses grasp what is immediately important, the limitations we are faced with are the speck of order we are given in life. We hear the sounds that are relevant to hear. Life takes care of itself. But the mind tries to go beyond the scope of the senses - having our basic needs met, we have time to spare to contemplate, suppose, consider; time enough for the mind to begin generating problems that aren't there.
Regardless, I can't help but feel something strange when I really look at things. When the sense of familiarity gets suspended, even for a second, the things which surround me seem uncanny. That's similar to the feeling I referred to - "things cannot be otherwise." The shapes, colors, sounds, textures, are simply the way they are."
That's it. Things are the way they are. What puts judgment on this is the mind, trying to figure out if things-as-they-are is a good thing, a bad thing, a source of joy, a source of depression. What of when we suspend judgment?
And "forever" is just a thought after all :)
@@hear-and-know That is really beautifully written! You put it into words so well, I can 100% relate. And you are right of course, all the uncomfortable notions is just the mind making a story out of things as they are (or at least seem). I guess it all comes down to blind trust and acceptance. Letting things flow. They are beyond any grasping after all. Thank you for sharing 🙏
@@subject_5056h you are too kind :) I'm glad it resonates! And I think you're right on the money with "blind trust and acceptance". We doubt ourselves in ways that are not fruitful oftentimes. But experientially we know what to do, where to go, what is true and what is false, without any such distinction.
When I'm really seeing, I feel giddy, joyful, ecstatic, laughter just comes naturally - the miracle of life goes unfiltered to the eyes, and what a splendour it is! It feels so much like lucid dream. The mind is not active in those moments, there is no second-guessing. But then this high "wears off", and the mind either chases it again, or begins to reason about "existence" being a certain way, or, or... In short, it makes opinions. As Sengtsan said, "much talk and much cogitation estranges you from [the way] even more: stop talking and cogitating, and you penetrate everywhere"
Very precise description. A lot of people may think they know what that is about but they may actually not. Once this happen, it can never be unseen. It has a terrible feeling of finality and eternity to it.
Happened to me twice on low doses of acid and alone. But the first time of this eternal loneliness was irredeemably worst. I also felt like I was the only one who has ever seen this, like winning the anti-lotery of the whole universe, but later I discoveted trip reports that described this perfectly, and there in the comments were so much people who described it just as perfectly in their own way and I knew that they had experienced EXACTLY the same dread. There is always a vague obscurity to our seemingly subjective experiences, but this, being the worst feeling Ive ever experienced, ironically seems to be the most relatable experience I know of, when people describe it in text, I can tell if they've been "there"
You are talking about Liberation. I sat more than once, as long as needed with this dark pain without hope, utterly alone. That is when I felt completion with suffering and the end of seeking. Nothing nothing nothing could disturb the peace of being after having met that fully with all the fibres in the physical body feeling the depth of despair. While I listen to this video all I feel is love, peace, and how beautiful this is. When you can be fully intimate with the depth of despair, that is freedom itself. The loss of hope is the loss of hopelessness, that is how it felt here. Thank you for bringing this into the conversation, especially when in the role of supporting self-realisation or when in the midst of being there. It feels like after having been intimate with that, the heart finally stays open without closing fully “after that”.
How long did this feeling last for you? I've experienced this for the second time today I believe. The first time it felt as if I would fall into a deep dark hole with no chance of ever escaping it. It only lasted maybe a minute at its peak but it felt like a few seconds longer and I would have ended it as it was unbearable. Then I kept going deeper into the shadow for a few months (with the usual emotions coming up that I'm already used to) and today it came back, lasted a bit longer, but was more bearable. My question essentially is, can it be that it comes up briefly but very violently or it's not the deep shadow if it doesn't stay for a longer period?
@@cavallopazzo340 If you are asking me, I had to unravel it more than once, the depth came after dealing with surface stuff, sadness, anger, and despair and then it literally felt like there was nothing left and only fear was, it took a period of 2 years to get to the “bottom layer of fear” and about 6 months really being with it when it was appearing anytime I wanted to “be myself and fully trust life”. I really allowed love to embrace it all. The identity we adopt is to feel safe. When fear is allowed to arise as long as needed it feels like passing through the fire to realise it does not exist or does not burn after all. But I do not know how long it has to “last” or how many times it has to be fully met, I feel it depends on the “person” or body/mind. Growing out of enslavement to the mind, in myself, it feels lighter now but I still feel taking a step outside of imagined limitations there is a process of meeting fear more subtly. After a while, when I was finally fully open to meeting it all without any resistance, I felt an assertiveness come up in my energy body and a clear boundary to the “mind” inside and outside was recognised. I have no other words to express it, the end of being a slave to the mind. Good luck, I feel that the more trust you have in the “process” if we can call it that, the smoother the ride to being established in being effortlessly.
@@juliecloutierchannel Thank you for sharing. 🙏🏼
I've been there. I was kicked into the darkest place I've ever been, triggered by Ayauascha. It took me about one year to go trough it. I didn't know such darkness existed. But I needed to go through it. It was necessary not only for me but also to end ancient generational trauma.
Thx for sharing
The timing is perfect. ❤
@@supeshalawithinwithoutPerfection appearing as time & space 😃
Hi!
Exactly the same happened to me in the same circumstance! Took me 9 months to get over it. In a way, I believe I had to experience this in my lifetime. What a lesson !
same here but with golden teachers that i did not weigh because the scale is broken so i did it by eye. big mistake. i think i did 7 grams and it was my first time on golden teacher. hopelessness is the exact feeling. it was also last year around this month so i think i passed the anniversary of the incident but im still processing it.
I’ve been here on and off over the years. I’m a recovering addict with PTSD and have been doing trauma therapy for two years now.I work hard at recovery but it all seems like a band aid now.I has a gun in my mouth two years ago and I was about to do it when I had the very strong feeling that this would not solve anything. That in some way I would have to go through this pain in another life or in some other form. I’m at a loss for words but I put the gun away and called my best friend. It’s not gotten much better since.I share where I’m at with my therapist and friends in recovery but it all seems like band aids. I have jumped from non dual teacher to non dual teacher these last 6 years since I had an unsolicited awakening/experience. I’ve had amazing insights and real moments of piece but always end up back in the same numb space.I think it was Beckett that said “I can’t go on, I’ll go on”.
That’s what it’s like.I wish everyone the best of luck on their path.God Bless. Thanks for reading.
I just wanted to share I know exactly what you have felt when you say you know you'll just have to feel it in another life if you ended this one. I have felt exactly the same. I wish you peace and hope things are good for you now, and if not, then I wish you continued strength and peace and I'm sorry you've been through what you've been through.
That sounds incredibly hard. It's really inspiring that you're hanging on and continuing to work through it. I hope you can find some kindness for yourself as you go forward. 🫂
Yes I'm there that's for sure! Complete loss of meaning, a chair is not even a chair anymore. Identification is dropping away more and more. Entertaining thoughts or beliefs is seen through and then it's back to nothingness again. There's nowhere to turn! Nothing to hold onto because there's nobody to do it. Grieving the loss of someone who never even existed (myself). I cry at times but there's no meaning behind the crying. It just happens. There's nothing to heal. Tons of rage and hate coming up and it is like suffering to the max. Then back to nothingness again.
It’s interesting that no one really talks about this. You’re the only person I’ve heard this from. I appreciate it. It’s good to take off the rose colored glasses of beliefs about awakening and enlightenment and get down to the real. Thanks. 👍
there are som who call it dark night of the soul....
Yes, as it has already been mentioned, the ‘dark of the night of the soul’ is often used as a pointer. But to be fair, it’s rare anyone ever delves into it but nobody really wants this so it makes sense that it wouldn’t be talked about much.
@@highvibefreqzshow5967….if we have no control…how would it be avoided?
This is one of my most favorite videos you’ve made so far. I have been in this deep shadow space for about two years. Hearing someone say that everything you came to learn to heal or cope doesn’t work here, is something I needed to be shown. I’ve been frustrated at my mortal capacity for understanding and doing. This deep shadow, is an arbitrary space, where complete comprehension that your experiences are all created by the natural existence and occurrence of you, in space time. “We will never know the source.” It is a deep philosophical problem, “Why is there something, and not nothing?” Deep shadow, is a space where pain and pleasure are nothing more than objects of experience created by the natural organization of matter and happenstance. The existential terror, itself is comprehended as an object that must be created by something you didn’t ask to start existing. There is no doing, or healing needed. Existing just is what it is, and the despair and deep terror of that objective fact of witnessing one’s own existence, creates for itself the most profound grief possible for our mortal physiology to create… and so on, and so on. What comes out of this, at least a good hypothesis, is that this could be a natural by-product of our physiology giving emergence to sentient awareness. (Center of the hub of awareness, Dan Siegel) “Awareness, aware of itself, being aware.”
There's no way out, but through...
Oh man. I fell into that abyss about 13 years ago and everything you said is so on target. Total black void, shattered, naked terror beyond anything I could have imagined. My psyche exploded, yet some vast "I" was watching it all happen (which amplified the terror). It took over a year before I could be around or speak to anyone other than my dear wife. My life completely changed afterwards, by degree, letting go of nearly everything I believed or thought. I still have great trouble in supermarkets or crowds because of the intense sensory overload. But that's a positive side effect. ;) Although I would have loved to have had you as a resource back then, you are so right about having to go through it entirely alone. But I love watching and hearing you now, a true beacon. Thank you, Angelo.
Wish I had heard this years ago after my first brush with death (due to a genetic condition I have almost died three times…taught me a LOT). I was still struggling with the fact of my mortality in a very visceral way. I awoke one morning in this place you describe and nearly sent myself off to the emergency room because it affected me physically. ALL color had gone from my vision. Everything was literally the most depressing shade of gray you could possibly imagine. Even my thoughts were not the same in ways I cannot describe. It’s true there was no hope there…but the mercy was I didn’t even know hope was possible. As you stated, hopelessness would even be a place to land, but I had no clue that hopelessness was a possiblity either. I was just THERE…all day. Like a walking zombie. It was devastating. I would just stare off into nothingness. In a very short period I understood completely and utterly how it was possible to kill oneself and why one would decide to do so…and I had never had a suicidal thought in my existence. I had lost my partner of 21 years to cancer 4 years prior to this experience…and he suffered from depression…which I never truly understood. He attempted many times to try and explain some of his experiences of it…and I literally never truly understood even if I intellectually grasped his concepts. I had asked in my mind many times to be able to understand his experiences…to no avail. So…in some way, perhaps this was given to me to open my eyes so to speak. I was in this space all day…and I would not wish this place on my worst enemy. I cannot tell you how I got out of this space as my perception was that there was no way out…again, it was not a possiblity, just like hope and hopelessness were not a possiblity. So…perhaps grace pulled me out…I just don’t know. I woke up in the space and at a moment nearing the end of the day I was just no longer in the space. Color returned to my vision and things returned to normal. It took me quite some time to process it (and until now I have never even told anyone)…but I think now (and this will sound strange and harsh) that it was some kind of “gift”…something I had asked to experience…or something I was meant to experience so I could keep going. You know those synchronicities? The day after, one of the church groups had left a postcard on my doorknob. I opened the door to get it off and it fell on the ground on the back side where, against a white background in bold black text the only writing was Don’t Give Up. It was as if the Universe left me a personal message. I was blown away in the moment…and there were tears. Even this memory makes me tear up. Now, whenever any of those “negative” emotions well up, I just stop, sit with them and love them. Just be with them. Be in allowance. Over the years they have lessened more and more…and I haven’t experienced sheer rage in quite a few years. Anger will come up…or other triggered emotions…but I will just be with them. Their impact on me is nowhere near what it once was. Apologies for the crazy long post. Thank you and much love to you Angelo.
Beautiful thank you for sharing ❤
Thank you for sharing. What a ride this all is!
Thanks for sharing your story!
Thank you... it helped to hear this. I’ve always “seen” too much and have bern hysterically pointing for most of my 65 years... it’s like I’ve lived in this rage my whole life, and wanting everyone to stop so I could! OMG. What an intense thing it is, and only recently have I found the DIRECT direct pointers... my husband and I have been on this path together for all of our 17 years - we were deep in it when we met, but didn’t fully realize how far we still had to go, until this year... and now we see that everything we have done together, has been to bring us here. And now, we go it alone. No one can do it for me, or with me, once I’ve got to this, I see... and I’m not in this deepest shadow, yet, but I’m looking at it. I actually came to this channel to see if there’s anything about this, and Angelo popped up with this warning... gives me a trust in the process I really need right now. Thank you, for sharing your Journey - it helps. 🙏🏻
I went to a Talk by Joseph Alexander, Holocaust survivor. His beautiful and simple message is, “Never give up.”
Thank you for your writing here and this same message, which touched my heart deeply. 🙏❤️
I remember this feeling. 23 years ago.
No emotion no feelings just nothing. It took a while to get back to normal. It was just nothingness. No hope no anything. I had friends pull me out of it, I am so grateful for them.
I’ve been here for over two years now. When I first found myself here I almost lost my sanity. I think of the children’s book Harold And The Purple Crayon because I have felt so utterly alone with no where, no one, nothing to grab onto (not even a purple crayon to draw myself some comfort of some sort). Yet somehow I picked up all of the windfall from an apple tree and brought it to the deer who live in the field behind my house, somehow I go to work and am approaching it with more compassion and understanding, it feels like pouring from the emptiest cup imaginable. The tears keep coming as I write this with so much gratitude, thank you Angelo.
"it feels like pouring from the emptiest cup imaginable." - Blessings to you sister. From the bottom of empty well. .
After describing infinite and eternal hell, he says, "That might sound terrible in one way. ."
😂😂💥
😆😆
Lmao😂
For two days now, after many days of traveling around without resistance, I had the impression that I was sinking once I was back in my familiar surroundings. It felt dark, gray and desolate. And kept thinking: Then sink. Nevertheless: I wanted to retain this golden effect, to continue to experience it. But the depth stayed with me. And now I see: It's just as golden. The deepest blackness. Just as alive. And I've known this for so long. And wanted to fix/change it...
Thank you, Angelo...
You're Welcome
I’m in it, full fire. I was just thinking, this current is massive and it’s taking me down, no point in resistance/control, absolutely none. It’s primordial and it will pulverize me. Open, relax, allow everything, it’s the only way, more of a way-less way, an undoing/unraveling, eviscerating.
Yes just full on experience with no escape. Can always watch for interpretations sneaking in tho, just go right to the primal void
Primordial void ❤ pure power source
I’m here right now. Just a dark filled sense of rage, hatred, disgust without any ability to apply a coping mechanism. Thank you…maybe
I felt so close, yet I contacted so much resistance. Felt like I was escaping reopening some deep wounds, acknowledging hard hard facts. But being here is actually worse! I have spent the last three years here, slowly prying open the tensions. Now gradually I feel ready to move on. Going on an intensive soon. Wish me luck.
Human existence is a black hole of uncertainty. it's why we need each other. Love. Living in the present moment, empowering myself with stoic affirmations, helps bring out the light. We are all really stronger than we think. Humans can withstand so much inner suffering in any given climate.
😂
@@TheArmkill whats funny?
Thank you for this video! I've been there - I call it "The Black Abyss" - like a black hole for the soul. It totally stripped away the previous story of my life up until that time. That was my 'gift' anyway....
I experience this not as a deep well, but as being totally helpless, formless-an aspect of the fabric or scaffolding of reality being forced to witness all the evils that have happened and are happening on the stage of life. Rage, hatred and total resistance are very present. What the hell is this energy!? It sure doesn’t feel ok!!
Absolutely! It takes EVERYTHING! Awaking is truth aligning with truth for truths sake. Nothing in it for anyone.
Thank you SO MUCH for this video! I’m in this and have been for a while now not understanding what the hell was happening. Believing I had peeled back all the layers of the onion so to speak, (years of trauma therapy) this came as quite a shock. The anger, rage, terror, hopelessness is unbearable and the fact that none of the coping mechanisms or distractions work anymore makes it even more terrifying. There’s no where and no one to turn to. Complete aloneness, utter chaos, no breathing room. I too understand now why people want to and have taken their own lives. This “space” takes every ounce of the sense of safety and security and destroys it unapologetically. Love appears to be void here 😢. Thank you again for sharing this. There’s peace in knowing this is “part of the process”.
🙏🏻❤️
I was an emotional wreck while watching this video. The timing of this is truly...no words. Thank you! ❤🙏🏻
It’s been about a decade of recognition of this space, much longer in its experience without a way of describing it. Your description is solid to my experience. Complete desertion of hope, staying there without reacting to it, just observing it. Knowing, not everyone makes it through and many react to it and act it out. What happens if you just stay and submit? What happens if you give up entirely without moving? A true meathook moment.
I think I’ve encountered this. I’ve experienced hatred for existence and the desire to hurts others which my mind expresses in a very hyperbolic way. Leo Guras video on the radical implications of oneness opened me to this place
I'd stay away from Leo's videos if I were you. Teachers that encourage dangerous amounts of 5-meo-dmt are not good spiritual teachers.
@@festral7509 I don't do psychedelics. My head has been fucked by his teachings, a friend ghosting me died 3 years later. Too scared to smoke weed never mind anything else
aka Hell.
Primitive instincts, the cesspit of emotions. Im over a year into it, an endless despair
I think this is where I am .. but I’m not sure. I just don’t know anything anymore. Being forced, by life, to just be here, totally unmoving. I have not been given anything I want by life for ages now. I keep getting what I don’t want, more and more just falls away. Its totally broken me apart. All hope is dead here. There is no where to move to, or hide. Because I’m powerless against this life that is forcing me to be utterly still and unmoving in this place where it feels like I’m dying, this utter despair of hopelessness. such a deep resistance within the body which fights because it knows that it’s ultimately dying a very painful death. I’ve touched this place many times in my life, but there was always the resistance there, and the hope, fighting for a better day. But they don’t work anymore
I resonate me too🙏just wouldn't have been able to put words to it
I couldn't have said it better myself
Nothing to hold.on to. Nothing to rest on. Nothing to "enjoy." No more interest in any worldly pursuit and yet for some reason could not stay present. A lot of pain, fear, suffering. Even external circumstances seem to conspire to make things very, very difficult. Not more illusions about a path, some way out. No way to go. No escape. Constantly falling in the darkness. Not sure if this is the same.
Yes, that’s it.
we can't know ourselves entirely
without knowing this
That’s right
“You are the rest of mankind” - J Krishnamurti
All that repressed energy, it’s all YOU.
perfect timing. i listened to this twice so far (on Spotify), and will listen again. thanks for the poem, as well.
Thank you, Angelo. Sometimes there's big grief, sometimes just this, sometimes disgust with spirituality, sometimes lightness, sometimes exhaustion...no energy seems to be there for resistance...
Thank you for putting these feelings and emotions into words, you helped me reframing🙏
I had a scary experience with Ayahuasca in March this year. This space where there is a fine line between sanity and insanity. I feel that I only touched the surface of this fear. I am still processing, trying to understand, it’s a journey, hearing this helped. Glad to know that I am not alone 🙏🏽
☺️
I think I had a kind of existential terror, as you call it. One night, I was fallen asleep watching one of your videos on self enquiry. Then I don't remember what happened exactly, I just saw myself sitting in bed and shouting, full of terror!
I don't know if it's the same as existential terror or it's common in this process, but to me, it was definitely a different form of fear. Felt like I was dying, a deep free fall or feeling really paralyzed and unable to control...
I experienced a mental breakdown mid-july and it was like I had reached the end of the road, there was nowhere left to go with my old patterns, I had exhausted all options of what is possible to do to escape my truth. It was either fall off the cliff or sit on the edge of it and accept the current emptiness.
A couple of weeks later, I did a shamanic ceremony under a light dose of mushrooms and my guide took me to the basement of my soul, She called it "where the shame and guilt live", where there's no one to blame, not even myself, because everything is intricate and is a repercussion of something else, so I can either play the blame game to infinity, or just take it for what it is, an inventory, as if I had moved into that house on that same day and I was the only person left on earth, so what's there to do other than bring light to the basement and clean it?
Is that shadow or deep shadow?
Thank you and blessings 🙏🏼
It’s a theme this week!! I love you Angelo! Your incredible insights, timing and sharing. I was asked about dark energy and how I handled it. Then the very next day I experienced it. It has deeply impacted me for a week. As I was listening to you I saw everything flying through space. The deep, dark, and raw intensity of the situation ripped apart from me. Can we ever really understand light if we don’t experience the dark? Can up be better than down? In better than out? The opposites…does one have more power or significance than the other?
This turned out to be a joyous ride for me. So clearly indicated there was no me to suffer and die. Seems to have given me more strength to deal with everyday issues. I will listen to this again and explore other info on the shadow. Seems a great way to further deconstruct. Thank you.
Oh swear. This is right on time. Thank you.
one night, unable to bear my torment with myself anymore, I "pushed" "that thing" out of myself with all my might. It turned out that what I pushed out was myself. I was flying away from a round, bright, lifelike being, into death. I can't describe it any other way, it was total death, no life there, total stop, the most terrifying place I've ever experienced. I howled to this entity, this source of sorts, for help, that I'm sorry, and then I went back to it, but the same way as before, with all the resistance... Should I have "died" then?
Thank you so very much❣️I had asked you about this experience & this video helps so much…💖🙏🙏🙏
The timing is perfect ❤
Well that explains the rage and profound sorrow I’ve been feeling.
Chills watching this. Had an intense experience on LSA in 2018 where this primal shadow space was undeniable. Threw me through the ringer and only just now am I starting to somewhat understand this experience.
Awakening came only just last year, and it really put things into perspective. I was on a nihilistic path that in hindsight would've been dangerous to continue down without further study or context. I'm reminded of The Doors song The End. The moth becoming the flame. I think its important that you state it's okay, because it is. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you Angelo. I've been here for a while now and your videos are helping as a guidepost. I loved that sign on the Pirates ride. Even as a kid. ❤
Me too
If memory serves, I believe it was Cerberus, a great mythical dog (?), who guarded the gates of Hell?
As usual, you’re not guarding anything; rather, inviting us in.
Such a beautiful tone, honest and gentle, including everything, including this.
🙏🔥💜
Every fiber of my being is terrified in just hearing about it.
Ayahuasca open a door, although it wasn’t dark, when there was nothing for me to hold onto. Most terrifying experience of my life. My bird squawked from the other room as I screamed in terror looking for something, anything familiar, even tho I was in my bedroom of several years.
Had it not been my tiny capacity to focus on him I might be sitting in a mental hospital permanently.
This stuff is not for the faint of heart. This video in particular makes me want to stop trying at all.
The unity and oneness and butterflies moments are extraordinary and beautiful but I think something like your describing might send me over farther than I feel like I already am.
I may have to reconsider this awakening pursuit, although I’ve given up several times along the way the last few years especially, only to be back at it doing self inquiry practices and consuming content either hours later or the next day.
The fear is palpable in just hearing about it.
Sigh. I’ve invested more in this than anything in my 53 years but after this I’m seriously reconsidering. 🥺
I’ve never put as much time and effort into anything. There’s a deep sense of sadness here at the idea of calling it quits.
I’m scared enough most of the time lol. More unquenchable fear and despair doesn’t sound enticing no matter what’s on the other side.
Damn.
If you can keep attention in the sensation field of the body, all of this will stop being a problem for you. Death is a thought, birth is a thought. Form is a thought, formlessness is a thought. Just the bird, squack squack squack! That is more than enough ❤
Yes. People call this panic attacks. I remember having a few in my early 20s, no context, nothing and no one to turn to. I am happy to be there for anyone who goes through it now, you are not alone
what i'm referring to here is not panic attacks. Tho panic attacks can be very intense/distressing. This is something quite different, and it only occurs in later stages of awakening generally speaking.
@@SimplyAlwaysAwakeoh right, yeah I probably haven’t had one of those, just a glimpse….😳
The presentation here makes me think of Luke telling Yoda, "Im not afraid" and Yoda replies, "You will be...you will be" 🖤
no offense to the pirates of the Caribbean, but the quote "abandon hope all ye who enter here" comes from Dante's divine comedy
Thanks, seems that you made this for me. Suffered from OCD before this recognition, and this darkness inside of me is soooo dark. Like I could hardly function for a few weeks, and it's been a while already going through the process. Have to trust it though, even if it just feels like it's the darkest darkness I've ever experienced.
“We must learn to penetrate things and find God there” - Meister Eckhart
For those going through the dark night of the soul, hang in there and remember that without the low points in your life you will not know, have or apreciate the high points, the bliss that comes along with Enlightenment and reaching Nirvana. If you make it to the other side remember that it is essential to Awakening if you make it out of the pit. Sending love and encouragement to all ❤❤❤.
Thanks for talking about this
Content like this can save lives.
There is something called existential dread. It is not limited to awakening, but also seems to affect creative inquiring minds that question the 'why am I here', etc. Is this the same thing? I was surprised to see so much about it on the internet.
It is shockingly ineffable, though you've pointed succinctly to it. Bless.❤🔥
🌬️ thank you 😊 🌬️
Perfect timing.
My oldest kid (3 years old) just started to his new daycare. And they gave us a sheet Q/A to know better Damian. One the questions was "what does your kid fear?". As a joke, I wrote "The crumble of the inner logic witnessing the horizon of the ego". My wife didn't find it funny at all.
😂💥😂
That space is something else for sure, there's definitely a quality of deep grace of a certain kind in there, a grace that unburdens you from keeping the pressure within, the pressure of witholding the pain that needs to be dealt with, of struggling, I found it just pouring through me, it was very instinctual to not even try and resist, that would be futile - you can sense that very clearly... it simply welcomes itself in without any warning or permission. But it is utterly beautiful in it's own way, so deep and intimate, little no no other experience can even compare.
"abandon all hope ye who enter here" is from Dante's Inferno originally, not Pirates of the Caribbean.
Thank You Angelo ❤
Welcome!
When I was 16 I tasted this experience. It was my first experience, at least after the development of the full ego, where I fully tasted non-duality, both of subject-object, but also of experience/time. Fathomless horror is a pretty good descriptor. I sometimes wonder if thats why, over the subsequent following decades of despair, I never gave up.
Why did I get to drink from this pool while some of my best friends drowned in it?
Thanks 💙
Thank you 🙏
This is where I am and it's intense but also just what's happening .
I’m 👏🏼 Ready 👏🏼 Let’s GO 🚀
Love it!
Theoretically it is the memory of the apparent separation from God that never really happened.
Exactly! We are still 'in' God as He is in us. Panentheism 101.
TY🔥 I’m beginning to think this is a deep place to rid of flesh ego, emotions & senses before Yahweh merge and HIS singleness of heart and HIS WILL♥️🩸💯
thank you 🤗
Wow man, yeah I did that. Took a long time but it was necessary to level up and finally shed this old skin. Scary to think I may only have just begun and that there are deeper darker levels but, after my last brutal dive, colors are brighter now, life is better than ever. If what it takes to feel this way is to go down so far, than so be it I will go down again if I must.
The way you describe the shadow place reminds me of my job 🤠
😂
Same
I’ve been there, more than once.
The insane and toxic times we’ve all been living through these past three years seem to be a catalyst for triggering this type of experience in anyone with a bit of awareness and sensitivity.
Sometimes I've found my back against the door.The last few years showed me its always against the door
angelo, i feel like laughing. recently i had a spontaneous daydream of a conversation with you where I transmitted how black holes are a theme in consciousness and you had spontaneously talked in cosmic terms before and then i asked about the metaphorical meaning of spaghettification because it's staring me in the face. your video is literally here the next time i look at youtube. thanks for responding lmao
😊
Glad to know others experience this. :)
Right on time.Of course.
Thanks!
Welcome!
Definitely here. It's like shadow round 2 "ding ding". But like you said, you know it was coming... So to use the phrase of the summer "let's go!" Ready for the next fetter to fall. It's like being close to the end, and a new beginning at the same time
I think this was the door way for me. When you realize it's all love something shifts... Allow the pain to feel good because it is good. All emotions are love at the core
Hearing this reading, the comments makes me not want to go down this path anymore. I just don’t know how to deal with that for a long period of time and still be functional and here for my family and my job. I don’t want to live in some awful terrorizing depressed state for a year or however, long some people said it took down. Hmm..
Everyone’s experience is different. I’ve never experienced anything like this for anything close to a year. In deeper stages of realization things tend to come and go pretty quickly, but when this devours you there’s no solace in that resistive time. 😊
Thank you brother.
Edit...Wow. I was dragged into the shadows when I was about 13yrs old by David Attembourgh telling me over the TV that if we want a natural world to live in then we must all become guardians and protectors. Otherwise Mother Nature will die.
I accepted my place in the shadows when I was about 21 when I gave up on all aspects of my life to commit to my crusade for Mother Nature.
I hit some deep shadow states during the following 28yrs where all hope seemed lost. But as I was fueled by love for all life I kept on fighting.
It wasn't until about 3 weeks ago where I found myself in a constant deep shadow state. Since then I have tried to focus on literally nothing other than my own being.
I can feel the weight of the world being lifted from my soul. Even though the guilt of no longer being in the shadows doing my work to protect Mother Nature can still torment my spirit a wee bit.
But you brother sum it all up for me. Thank you.
And now I will put on some music, cook some dinner, have a easy workout to get back into a healthier state, go allotment to pick my marrows, tomatoes, onions and garlic to cook down and Jar Jar up for the winter.
I think I’m have been avoiding and fighting that place for a VERY long time. Watching this AGAIN and what you say is resonating with me so much I think I am ready to stop avoiding. But what do I do next. I am ready but I am scared
Sounds like Violet's video about uncaused grief. Btw, "Abandon all hope ye who enters here" is at the gates of Hell from Dante's the Divine Comedy. That's one I remember reading in college.
When 1 finally realizes that experience is why we r here then everything has value and altho its hard when in the cross hairs that simple knowledge itself makes it somehow a tad more bearable...
Yes!
Thank you for sharing this ‘abandon hope all you who enter here’ uncomfortable possibility;
Years ago blackness seemed simply amazing, the teacher said I would know what it meant later. Your bleak description is a different frequency evidently, hopefully not triggered by signals.
A woman who survived whistleblowing talked to me at a non duality event then said quick come outside look at the sky explaining how a distant harp place had shifted cloud patterns to modify weather. I then avoided her as it was well out of my comfort zone, yet one of the two Zen lady Abbotts you interviewed said her teacher said all thoughts were permissible. present with life 🕊
A bed made of roses is a thorny bed
@SimplyAlwaysAwake There is a way to understand all this which I've found through deep meditation, and I've been looking to share these insights with people but it's so hard to find anyone who's even open to it.
So first let me just say thank you! Thank you for having the courage to not only realize this difficult truth but to share it with everyone. It's not easy.
The reason this happens is because it's SOUL KNOWLEDGE. Whenever things are hard we always try to justify why it's hard and then make ourselves feel better. That may be just fine for our minds, but for our SOULS that actually prevents it from learning. The soul learns through direct conscious experience. In order for the soul to truly understand that this reality is no longer acceptable, it needs to learn that lesson through directly perceiving it. Which can feel painful. And any attempt to reduce the pain would just be to hide the truth from your soul.
It's like a growing pain. We are basically like children outgrowing our reality. Growing up isn't always easy. There are times when you simply have to see the ugliness on a deep level, without sweeping it away through mental "justifications" or any quick fix method to feel better, but to just sit with the pain (the truth).
The reason it's a good thing is because when your soul finally accepts that things need to change without anything getting in the way (no excuses, no justification, no relief, just seeing the ugly truth for what it is... ugliness) then your soul will have no other recourse but to find a NEW path away from this way of life. Which is ascension.
That quote about abandoning hope actually comes from The Inferno, part of Dante’s long poem called The Divine Comedy. It was over the gate of hell. Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch’entrate.
It's as if a beloved orchestral piece (an incredibly great life situation) is broken off. And you live on in this interruption.
I can't even differentiate whether this hopelessness is only the beginning of my shadow work or the end of it. Sometimes there is so much to unpack from past trauma (I'm in awe of all that is repressed) and other times there's only this.This liminal space between seemingly two worlds is an existential horror of its own. Does a devotional path lessen this existential horror or it's the same?
Even typing these words on my phone was not really experienced, let alone rehearsed 😂
Don't try to lessen this - it will just negate its purpose. Let it happen, and don't believe ANY thoughts about it. You won't die, you won't go nuts... You'll finally be left with your Pure Self.
Great video Angelo. Do you think having done therapy in the years previous should lessen the severity of this stage you speak of. I feel like I have been here but it has been less intense than you describe.
Angelo, do you have any diet/exercise recommendations as one goes through this process? It has been very hard on the body… maybe it’s a good video opportunity :) thank you!
There's something about going through deep shadow , afterwards your feet are so firmly planted on the earth , its hard to shake you , you've already experienced the worst its possible to experience,
I am starting to eat and sleep again so I think I'm coming out? There particular moments where I'm granted In infathomable intelligence, Intuition, creativity and then back to the darkness . Its like each moment birthed then turned to shreds rapid pace inside a blackmore event horizon white hole birth of a new universe.
I even questioned if I ever began awakening at all did I just delude myself when the darkness hit its strong point .
Yes....
The hard thing is almost all people out of my life now
Grasping happens on its own but I'm not resisting it .