A Wife Finally Finds Her Voice in Her Toxic Marriage | Iyanla: Fix My Life | Oprah Winfrey Network

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  • Опубліковано 1 жов 2024
  • After Lamar announces that he's leaving the set without finishing the process of healing his toxic marriage, his wife, Vakhara, makes a decision of her own. For more on #FIXMYLIFE, visit WatchOWN.tv/Iyanla
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    About Iyanla: Fix My Life:
    In the popular self-help series, “Iyanla: Fix My Life”, bestselling author, spiritual life coach and television host Iyanla Vanzant goes behind closed doors to help people whose relationships and lives have broken down.
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    A Wife Finally Finds Her Voice in Her Toxic Marriage | Iyanla: Fix My Life | Oprah Winfrey Network
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 1,5 тис.

  • @Acvasq
    @Acvasq 7 років тому +7940

    The amount of strength it took that woman to say those words out of her mouth!

    • @carladw3380
      @carladw3380 7 років тому +219

      Andrew She spoke so eloquently. It was heartbreaking, yet empowering. And I would feel the same if the roles were reversed because it's about self worth.

    • @kitsontuli2713
      @kitsontuli2713 7 років тому +123

      I know right. You can tell she's been holding it in

    • @Beanieboom
      @Beanieboom 7 років тому +48

      Right. I got chills

    • @loridori
      @loridori 7 років тому +62

      It only took that much strength because she doesn't know her worth. A virtuous woman wouldn't have to say a thing. She would let her actions speak for her instead. It's called leave. These type of women are rare. If you find one, you better not lose her.

    • @virgosb2784
      @virgosb2784 6 років тому +48

      I felt bad about how he acted like those words meant nothing to him, though. What a senseless douche!

  • @TreavorUnion
    @TreavorUnion 6 років тому +4999

    When he said, "Time to go", I heard "I can't manipulate this one anymore so I'm off."

  • @amakalorraine6213
    @amakalorraine6213 7 років тому +4161

    Wow his god complex has lost him a good woman

    • @IAmNextUp
      @IAmNextUp 7 років тому +8

      She is not a GOOD woman

    • @Prettyscorp80
      @Prettyscorp80 7 років тому +62

      Shasmeen Muhammad I️ have a feeling she’s not actually “leaving”.

    • @leraezulueta6998
      @leraezulueta6998 6 років тому +1

      To

    • @mariabrown6926
      @mariabrown6926 6 років тому +37

      Walter James she's better than him

    • @IAmNextUp
      @IAmNextUp 6 років тому +4

      maria brown LIKE attracts LIKE

  • @veliciahiley7652
    @veliciahiley7652 6 років тому +4295

    Nothing like a made up mind. 🙌🏼🙌🏼

    • @lucynthiaharris4827
      @lucynthiaharris4827 6 років тому +6

      DreamAngel123 PFW Investments 👏👏👏👏❗

    • @reddchyna7838
      @reddchyna7838 6 років тому +2

      Roger day!!!

    • @kayallen9288
      @kayallen9288 6 років тому +8

      DreamAngel123 PFW Yes Lord!!! You said a mouth full then...

    • @PSALMSOFSONGS
      @PSALMSOFSONGS 6 років тому +19

      You ain't neva lied!!!!!!! It feels good!

    • @motasralucamaria
      @motasralucamaria 6 років тому

      hi everyone ,if anyone else wants to learn about how to save your marriage try Secret fixer blueprint (do a search on google ) ? Ive heard some amazing things about it and my m8 got cool success with it.

  • @TASconfidential
    @TASconfidential 5 років тому +2733

    Ladies,
    This is what happens when the man in the relationship thinks HE is the “prize”.

    • @imperallady
      @imperallady 4 роки тому +56

      In my opinion I believe the man is the prize as well the problem is in this case he didn't just see himself as the prize he thought he was the only one worth value period.

    • @reggiebcampin6543
      @reggiebcampin6543 4 роки тому +8

      TASconfidential the man is the prize .no offense at all but women get up 5 to 6 options a week. So we u finally choose won he should feel like he’s WON

    • @trulybless4766
      @trulybless4766 4 роки тому +17

      Hallulejah, Im in a toxicrelationship and he sees no wrong in his eyes.Finger always pointing at me but 7 years disrespect and criticism, but i may an choice I'm done......

    • @VirgoGoddessXxo
      @VirgoGoddessXxo 4 роки тому +5

      TASconfidential yup, that’s exactly what I thought when I watched them smh

    • @VirgoGoddessXxo
      @VirgoGoddessXxo 4 роки тому +41

      TASconfidential a lot of these men have that mentality, and they will try to convince weak women to believe that nonsense.

  • @aliciaw3347
    @aliciaw3347 7 років тому +4454

    A man like him, she HAS to see this divorce through. Public rejection like this will fuel his vindictive nature. If she stays he will make her "pay" for this perceived embarrassment for the rest of her life. He has such a coldness in his eyes, I don't think anyone but himself and whatever higher being he prays to can fix him. He's only partially physically present and completely absent emotionally.

    • @traciebrown8455
      @traciebrown8455 7 років тому +169

      MajPsch83 Whitfield what you've described is Narcissistic personality disorder and she is suffering from the abuses

    • @aliciaw3347
      @aliciaw3347 7 років тому +22

      Tracie Brown I totally agree!!!!

    • @ChiChiKeiannaJ
      @ChiChiKeiannaJ 6 років тому +1

      MajPsch83 Whitfield You are so right. Interesting.

    • @Nicki1969able
      @Nicki1969able 6 років тому +8

      MajPsch83 Whitfield Agreed 100%... I noticed his absence in the room. We need a follow up episode.

    • @jjlovesgreentea
      @jjlovesgreentea 6 років тому

      MajPsch83 Whitfield amen

  • @LerouxLeroux
    @LerouxLeroux 6 років тому +2789

    That man was weak

    • @SnowFoxParty
      @SnowFoxParty 6 років тому +38

      Leroux Leroux boy not man lol. Men are stronger than boys

    • @stroNg2thaBoNe2thaMax
      @stroNg2thaBoNe2thaMax 6 років тому +39

      He's a narcissist. They are weak individuals who always have to feel like they have control over someone.

    • @THEMANCURTIS
      @THEMANCURTIS 6 років тому +4

      Sure is

    • @guydrekusmorris134
      @guydrekusmorris134 6 років тому +1

      Since we boys y'all girls.

    • @kiayama1
      @kiayama1 5 років тому +1

      Leroux Leroux weal asl

  • @michellehubbard8865
    @michellehubbard8865 6 років тому +1220

    A little concerned for her safety...

    • @rybonm2343
      @rybonm2343 3 роки тому +12

      Are they still married

    • @rosemaryoneale6694
      @rosemaryoneale6694 3 роки тому +21

      Me too...Let’s pray for her..

    • @ejenkins6071
      @ejenkins6071 3 роки тому +64

      No not a little....im overwhelmed with concerns...the looks he gives her speaks "wait til we get home" and she looks terrified as hell

    • @k-p1425
      @k-p1425 3 роки тому +10

      @@ejenkins6071 i thought it was just me omg

    • @candy4428
      @candy4428 3 роки тому +7

      Buy a gun soon ...real soon ..

  • @MegaZedlav
    @MegaZedlav 7 років тому +1098

    This brotha has never loved that woman. He is not ignorant or confused just a narcissist!

    • @pthesmith
      @pthesmith 5 років тому +23

      He's in the closet! Keeping up the facade is making him crazy.

    • @Beebeechannel2
      @Beebeechannel2 4 роки тому +4

      Yup

    • @rosequarrz8829
      @rosequarrz8829 4 роки тому +11

      He absolutely is gay.

    • @trulybless4766
      @trulybless4766 4 роки тому +12

      He love his self and the things she did for him.He dont care about no one else but self and how he used others for his needs.

    • @MegaZedlav
      @MegaZedlav 4 роки тому +1

      @@AkireMaru Oh okay we have different views, just an opinion.

  • @asiakiara2959
    @asiakiara2959 7 років тому +2304

    She deserves better. He needs to get himself together

    • @lbrown1192
      @lbrown1192 6 років тому +4

      Shesaid it26 lol black don't crack

    • @pettyprincess4328
      @pettyprincess4328 6 років тому +7

      Layman’s Society Three Three she may feel the same about you tubby 😋

    • @djsmove2389
      @djsmove2389 6 років тому +8

      Layman’s Society Three Three and she looks beautiful! You probably couldn’t get her if you tried

    • @alexlevingston
      @alexlevingston 6 років тому +5

      He needs to go.

    • @ninaedwards345
      @ninaedwards345 6 років тому

      Layman’s Society Three Three trash

  • @TheZogie
    @TheZogie 7 років тому +1436

    "the devil is a lie" = I think I've lost control of her.. he probably was thinking "we gotta get outta here before she thinks Iyanal is her new God". We really need role models, healthy examples of relationships.

    • @4315am
      @4315am 7 років тому +35

      TheZogie you hit that nail on the head

    • @loveme7693
      @loveme7693 7 років тому +28

      You sum it up so beautiful especially with the opening lines

    • @stephe.8818
      @stephe.8818 7 років тому +29

      TheZogie Your comment was like a dictionary😂

    • @fayetaylor1998
      @fayetaylor1998 7 років тому +11

      YES!

    • @lbrown1192
      @lbrown1192 6 років тому +33

      Narcissistics don't like getting exposed

  • @elegantnoir6999
    @elegantnoir6999 7 років тому +2560

    When people wonder why black women seem so angry or untrusting. When men want to know why black women sometimes put up walls or do not walk through the world light & airy with very open hearts I hope that someone points them to these episodes.
    MANY (black) women have lived through this EXACT SAME thing where a black man will literally refuse to communicate and will simply walk out of a woman's life as if she means nothing. Lamar walked away from his wife like she was nothing more than a blind date. He didn't even want to fight for his marriage. I could feel her pain through her dignified stance. So sad.

    • @suesheification
      @suesheification 7 років тому +84

      Chrissy G i assure you white women go through it too

    • @elegantnoir6999
      @elegantnoir6999 7 років тому +198

      sue she Sorry but "your blues ain't like mine."

    • @CallmeQuayZ
      @CallmeQuayZ 7 років тому +2

      💔💔

    • @terriesmith8219
      @terriesmith8219 7 років тому +113

      Chrissy G~ I understand where you're coming from but keep in mind, as a woman, you are responsible for yourself, for your own decision to remain in an unhappy relationship. Unless a gun is pointed at your head, you can choose to leave at anytime. Easier said then done, yes, that is true, but nothing worth having comes easy.
      Do what's hard and your life will be easy. Do what's easy and your life will be hard.
      Women needs to learn to accept responsibility for themselves. At a certain age, women have to stop blaming their parents, childhood, or their partners. Take some self responsibility.
      You choose the man. You choose to stay. Accept that fact. Blaming other people gets you nowhere in life. Once your relationship no longer serves you or both of you, that's when you make the difficult decision to leave. If you continue to stay, then there is no point in complaining about it when you're not going to do anything change it.
      Certain men aren't capable of love. Point black period. No amount of love, patience or understanding on your part is going to fix that. That's when you gotta let him go. Learn to choose your future partner more wisely.
      Some men are good at hiding their true colors, yes, that's true, but once they've shown you their true colors, why'd you continue to stay?? Hence, be accountable for your own choices. You play a part in the relationship. You choose to remain. Take ownership of that. I noticed alot of women (not all) fail to grasp this fact.

    • @TheGhanees
      @TheGhanees 7 років тому +102

      We are talking about black women, not white

  • @bc1248
    @bc1248 6 років тому +2423

    19 years of her life she spent with a man who can’t face any unsavory truth about himself and can only accept flattery about himself. Which is commonplace across the planet. So women have to learn to see when a man can’t face truth about himself from the very beginning to avoid getting involved. Because when a man is living in denial of the fact that he has no capacity for a relationship with a good mature woman, no amount of love and support from such a woman will change it.
    If Iyanla wasn’t there taping the session, he probably would have exploded in fierce fury at the statements she made, but since the situation didn’t allow for that he automatically walked away. Completely unwilling to face himself, which is how he was the day she met him. So ladies, you got to learn to recognize that from the jump because the years down the road that you suffer will change nothing until it you brake it off and leave him. You never should have been with him first place, but it took you how ever long that it did for you face that.
    Always remember, that truth is the glue that holds anything real together, and anytime a person is in denial of truth, you don’t want to get involved with because are immature. A child.

  • @marytaite3109
    @marytaite3109 4 роки тому +129

    You know your ready to move on when you can verbalize your feelings calmly, eloquently, and without hesitation. It was time to set herself free.

  • @SunFlowur
    @SunFlowur 5 років тому +282

    He literally walked out while she was speaking to him, proving her EXACT point

    • @asafaust6774
      @asafaust6774 4 роки тому +6

      It won't take him long to realize he made a mistake. He probably will apologize and ask to reconcile. If she takes him back, he might cheat on her to pay her back, and he will get an ago boost by keeping it from her. No way will he tell on himself.

    • @sibusisombatha1846
      @sibusisombatha1846 Рік тому +4

      Let him go. He will never change so don't waste your time on him

  • @kitsontuli2713
    @kitsontuli2713 7 років тому +583

    Selfish, Narcissist, Ego Maniac. Let this boy go!

  • @empress157
    @empress157 6 років тому +131

    His response makes me believe he feels like he's lost control and he wants to get her home away from people who give her that power. He wants to keep her weak. He seems like he hits hee

  • @AjaArrow
    @AjaArrow 6 років тому +128

    He never grew up and became a man. He talks and acts like he's 17.

    • @michaeltownsendjr.8780
      @michaeltownsendjr.8780 5 років тому +5

      Aja Arrow
      For realllll, the way he moves, speaks, everything reminds me of a teenage boy!!!!

    • @redbone9321
      @redbone9321 3 роки тому

      He never learned how.

    • @juliemorris2569
      @juliemorris2569 3 роки тому +1

      More like 10 years old! He's underdeveloped emotionally, cognitively, and never, like most AA men, learned how to care for others except their own complex! EGO she was only a supply!

  • @xxfaithyxx1
    @xxfaithyxx1 6 років тому +163

    The crazy thing about this, is that there a man walking around just like Lamar every day. Many of them in relationships. The next woman he dates or cheats with, will have no clue of his past or narcissistic tendencies. Be careful of who you date people. Who you date, is who you marry!

    • @jahawhitaker1016
      @jahawhitaker1016 5 років тому +3

      Your right it happened to me and been in it for 4yrs and I'm trying to find myself now I didn't know what this disorder was until I met him but boy do I regret it

    • @Gemisnotmyname
      @Gemisnotmyname 2 роки тому

      Giirl you said it! And many of them put on the charm first..until they get u hooked

  • @mathisbailey794
    @mathisbailey794 7 років тому +339

    He looks like a big kid being chastised for the first time.....standing there with his red shoes and head phones. I don't understand why he's so upset. Not once he kissed or hugged her... or showed any remorse .

    • @jusme671
      @jusme671 7 років тому +30

      MattsBooks &Bites see that's the thing-he shows no remorse no emotions no love, he probably never loved her, she's just his meal ticket, probably don't even have a job, he just seems like a user

    • @lbrown1192
      @lbrown1192 6 років тому +23

      MattsBooks &Bites Narcissistics know nothing about remorse and if they do apologize most of the time it's not sincere bc they do not change

    • @mynaphsha4255
      @mynaphsha4255 5 років тому

      What does he need to show remorse for exactly?

    • @misshoneynevercame4832
      @misshoneynevercame4832 5 років тому +11

      He did not fight for her. You only fight for something worth it. He does not find her worth his time.

  • @jennifergraham5106
    @jennifergraham5106 4 роки тому +31

    She ended the marriage so elegantly. He realized she took back her control button, and he walked away like a coward. She still keeps her crown.

  • @jacpppp
    @jacpppp 7 років тому +42

    The devil is a lie??? Not you cheating on her for twenty years? Black people lovessss to blame the devil for bad behaviour. The devil isn't that busy.

    • @valley44horton73
      @valley44horton73 7 років тому +1

      The devil is busy all day !

    • @PeaceBeStill-
      @PeaceBeStill- 7 років тому +13

      He is, but you don't have to buy what he's selling.

    • @novinawright1228
      @novinawright1228 7 років тому +2

      jacpppp sorry mis but he is more busy than u can understand even while everyone literally sleeps he is watching u to see how to keep breaking u down and away from God

    • @kbm3840
      @kbm3840 7 років тому

      amen

    • @brookeh21
      @brookeh21 7 років тому +1

      Kéle H. Thank you

  • @goldzesm814
    @goldzesm814 6 років тому +72

    "When a woman's fed up.. there ain't nothing you can do about it"

    • @ruthtyus7137
      @ruthtyus7137 6 років тому +4

      Goldz ESM aint that the truth !!!

    • @goldzesm814
      @goldzesm814 6 років тому +5

      Ruth Tyus yes mam

    • @shamonshontay5644
      @shamonshontay5644 3 роки тому

      Not a Damn Thing.

    • @Vell.E
      @Vell.E 3 роки тому

      R. Kelly said it best!!!!! Love that song....it speaks volumes!

  • @Geena1999
    @Geena1999 7 років тому +100

    I'm thinking this man cannot take rejection. I'm not sure he truly loves her, but just likes the idea of her. Maybe she's something like a security blanket for him. A narcissist can't take rejection and/or not being wanted. He didn't flinch when she said she didn't like the way he was treating her; but he couldn't handle her saying she didn't want to be with him anymore.

    • @frenchvanilla7109
      @frenchvanilla7109 7 років тому +18

      k Smith Narcissist do not love! They are incapable of love! They use, manipulate, calculate, pretend, and abuse! He will only miss the control he had over her. Narcissist don't even love their own children.

  • @Ateyaaa
    @Ateyaaa 4 роки тому +132

    When your mind is made up!!! OMG!

  • @Nessurrz
    @Nessurrz 7 років тому +408

    Wow. He’s in his own way of happiness. Something is fundamentally in disarray within him. He has to face himself. He needs to heal. Whatever it is, is eating at him from within. It’s become septic. She can’t help him. Only he can help himself, perhaps with the guide of Iyanla in privacy. The camera in his face is not gonna work for him. He wouldn’t be vulnerable in front of the camera. The Ego is weak. His ego is broken, he feels naked. He’s not comfortable in his nakedness.

    • @novinawright1228
      @novinawright1228 7 років тому +22

      Vanessa U. he seems to has sexuality problems he doesn't look at her like a man who knows his wife. He looks at her as though sje doesnt exist and is in his way

    • @zenaparker1786
      @zenaparker1786 7 років тому +21

      +Novina Wright
      Finally someone said it. Something is definitely off with him. At least the other couples are connecting. Lamar acts like his wife is a roommate!

    • @luciadozier1267
      @luciadozier1267 7 років тому +14

      Vanessa U. Because he's a narcissist, Sociopath and psychopath!

    • @chachaassatadeveraux
      @chachaassatadeveraux 7 років тому +7

      Vanessa U. GIRL IF YOU DON'T PREACH!!!!

    • @gapeach14
      @gapeach14 6 років тому +9

      I think he's gay and on the DL.....my gay radar is going bananas...... His wife isn't crazy he just confused about his sexuality and probably feels trapped abd doesn't know what to do.

  • @raeskrilla2085
    @raeskrilla2085 6 років тому +22

    Moral of the story: Ladies, it doesn’t matter how good of a woman you are. A man will not change unless he wants to for himself.
    A lot of ladies make the same mistake, allowing your man to disrespect and degrade you again and again. Don’t think he will change for you. You are not God, so what makes you think he will actually change for you? Run, sis..RUN!!

  • @dawnd.6361
    @dawnd.6361 6 років тому +63

    The use of silence to control and manipulate = failure.

  • @reginaj1428
    @reginaj1428 7 років тому +67

    He was so use to having his cake and eating it and took advantage of her for so long. The look in his eyes said a lot. GOD bless you sweetheart, you deserve better.

    • @beautifullove2394
      @beautifullove2394 7 років тому +9

      Regina Jackson Yes I said the same thing. The look in his eyes say girl your not going anywhere you are not strong enough.

    • @SpiritualLifeCoach43
      @SpiritualLifeCoach43 4 роки тому +3

      Cold, dead, disgusting eyes. Marriage, women, life dont mean nothing to him. He needs to desperately go to God.

  • @mermaidtingzzz
    @mermaidtingzzz 5 років тому +36

    0:37-0:41 is a beautiful moment of a person being afraid and still deciding to stand up for themselves. I pray I'm that brave in a moment as intense as this!

  • @jojomakes
    @jojomakes 4 роки тому +23

    She’s been with this man since she was 17 years old old. It’s hard to leave a man no matter how horrible he is to you if you don’t know any better.

    • @autumnskai6383
      @autumnskai6383 Рік тому +1

      I can't comprehend staying with someone that says and does things that demolishes your self worth.
      I've been there, and I'm out quick... U can't touch me, or anything after u deeply betray or hurt me

  • @hilbertsandifer1998
    @hilbertsandifer1998 6 років тому +89

    I didn’t like this dirt bag from the start of the show. She must accept some responsibility for allowing him to go this long. You haven’t lost anything sister because it was a total lost when you met him. Ppl give you warning signs open your eyes and pay attention

    • @FairyDragon9
      @FairyDragon9 4 роки тому +4

      Exactly

    • @valerieriggins3184
      @valerieriggins3184 4 роки тому +5

      His Face n Actions Tell It ALL! EXACTLY 💯 She Must Accept Her Part...To Heal ...FACTS Sets U Free. If Not It's Going To Happen Over n OVER......

  • @BecomingB
    @BecomingB 7 років тому +245

    She needs to run! This type of ego can not accept rejection, admit defeat or lose control especially this publicly. Where he goes when he shuts down or walk off is a dark place wher he needs to fester his thoughts and manipulate to regain power. He can't respond when impulse or on instinct confronts him because he's not prepared, not in control and he feels weak he has to go restore before he responds or reacts.

    • @sharonhubert1961
      @sharonhubert1961 5 років тому +10

      And if they were home he may have hit her in retaliation from her speaking up

    • @SweetBlackSistah
      @SweetBlackSistah 5 років тому +9

      He cant respond on camera because his narcissistic mask will slip. A hint of it did already.

    • @INFORMATIVESITUATIONS
      @INFORMATIVESITUATIONS 5 років тому +1

      @ Bronica R- AGREE 💯

  • @beverlycrittendon4495
    @beverlycrittendon4495 7 років тому +85

    This guy hates himself and takung it out on this precious women.

  • @peanut8272
    @peanut8272 7 років тому +215

    He's a BS Artist... Selfish, Silly & Insecure... I pray she divorces his butt... & clears the way 4 the right man... This is a boy in a man's body... So SAD!!!!

  • @PrettybuoyJones1992
    @PrettybuoyJones1992 3 роки тому +5

    He might be battling who he really is inside,if you know what i mean...

  • @Vonmoney995
    @Vonmoney995 7 років тому +204

    My exhusband! Was just like this man! She needs to let him go! Only for him to find himself! Because the more she mommys him! He will not become man! 🙄

    • @frenchvanilla7109
      @frenchvanilla7109 7 років тому +13

      Delvonna Dailey It's not about him finding "himself or becoming a man" He is a Narcissist these people are EVIL and NO they do not change!!! Do not make any excuses for these cruel monsters wearing human form. He is cold emotionally absent and it is exactly how he feels. He is a grown man who is EVIL. Narcissist are sociopathic, they thrive on hurting people mainly thru domestic relationships. Emotional/Mental torture is what anyone will receive if they are not aware of this type of person. These people do not wake up one day and see the light, become saved or mature. This is a Vile personality type. Classic NPD!

    • @sharjjahnaziz4122
      @sharjjahnaziz4122 7 років тому +4

      Delvonna Dailey I would bounce also. But it is not fair to her. Some men like him are not meant to be in marriage. He has a lot of muturing up to do. He juzt aint ready.

    • @frenchvanilla7109
      @frenchvanilla7109 7 років тому +8

      Whodrankmyapplejuice? They can Not be helped they pretend in therapy so they manipulate people into thinking they changed. They are pure Evil. You have no idea hun! Everything with them is a plot twist! They are all sociopaths.

    • @Vonmoney995
      @Vonmoney995 7 років тому +4

      I am sorry! If i tried to express myself of what i went through as the same as this women! Trust me! I lived 14 yrs like this! I carried that weight! Is it fair! No! I just wanted to express that she's not going though this alone ! There are some women going through this! I am one of them! I didnt want to start drama! I was just saying! I suffered like her! She is not alone! I agree! I was in a toxic marriage! For 14 yrs! Until june 2017! It was time to depart ways! I am hurt! My family saw that! Please! Dont attack me! I am not perfect! Thank you

    • @lbrown1192
      @lbrown1192 6 років тому +6

      Whodrankmyapplejuice? Narcissistics can't be helped smdh they can't even truly see how their toxic behavior affects other in order to to heal and be cleanse you have to admit there's a problem

  • @bajamanuela9705
    @bajamanuela9705 7 років тому +72

    He is crazy as hell.

  • @MyLifeDIVAA
    @MyLifeDIVAA 7 років тому +28

    This guy seems like the guy a lot of women wanted and then he chose her in the midst of knowing about all these women who wanted him. So in his mind, she's supposed to be eternally grateful& accept whatever crumbs he hands her…& maybe that's part of her struggle in just letting him go. Her payoff might be "he chose me" & what's her ego going to do without that payoff? Mh mh mh, Lord let my smack at his face reach over this screen!

    • @ambermay6884
      @ambermay6884 3 роки тому +1

      Girl u are so right!!! And the pain this causes us hit different.

  • @kjdnyhmghfvb
    @kjdnyhmghfvb 7 років тому +87

    He's doing it again, someone is speaking to him, and he is zoning out, what is that, where does he go? You're Lady is speaking to you, trying to have a meaningful conversation, and you can't even focus. I don't get that.

  • @amberbamber8509
    @amberbamber8509 4 роки тому +9

    This is how my baby's father was. Disrespected me , verbally, mentally , physically abusive. And when I left , he made it seem like I was the problem

  • @MilkyWhite1
    @MilkyWhite1 3 роки тому +16

    You can tell he abused her throughout their relationship. She seems broken and afraid. Hopefully she truly has dropped him and found someone worthy.

  • @mariehill6427
    @mariehill6427 4 роки тому +14

    Baby I know the feeling ! I wasted 17 year's of my life & brought 4 children into a very toxic marriage ! Self love is the best Love

  • @cocochanel1945
    @cocochanel1945 7 років тому +60

    The devil is a lie....ummm and he is using you brotha.God wants peace and prosperity in a person's life .And he will send signs if the relationship isn't ordained by him.He gives and takes away so be careful trying to use spirituality to hold a person.

  • @ghostie7790
    @ghostie7790 5 років тому +15

    I just HATE when the black community uses “the devil!” As an excuse for everything. In situations like this it’s so disrespectful and just a scapegoat for not facing facts. 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

  • @JRenee-Sings
    @JRenee-Sings 4 роки тому +42

    I wonder if he was saying, "the devil is a lie" when he was treating her wrong. SMH !!!
    Too many boys and not enough Men

  • @NolaPie
    @NolaPie 4 роки тому +7

    I would love an update on her. I really hope she was able to stay away.

  • @sebrinaclark4512
    @sebrinaclark4512 7 років тому +61

    Something is seriously wrong this person who actually thinks he is superior. Girl run for your life.

  • @mbm9907
    @mbm9907 7 років тому +106

    Yes girl! Know your worth & scream it.

  • @ThePammi25
    @ThePammi25 6 років тому +29

    Black men first reaction RUN smh

  • @terriesmith8219
    @terriesmith8219 7 років тому +46

    Hopfully she keeps her word and follow through. She has a history of taking him back.
    He's selfish. He doesn't know how to love. He's emotionally damage. No one can fix him. Not even her. Only he can fix himself.
    If she keeps taking him back, then it's hard to feel sorry for her. She has to realise that a man like that can't be changed. Unless he choose to change for himself.

    • @freelikeyve
      @freelikeyve 3 роки тому +1

      That’s all I saw in this clip. A weak woman frontin for the camera. She showed zero confidence to speak up to him. Like she didn’t mean what she was saying. Then she literally watched him leave hoping he would turn back. She isn’t goin anywhere

  • @MyAssortedViews
    @MyAssortedViews 6 років тому +22

    He's a narcissist. There's absolutely no hope for her. Run. Don't look back girl.

  • @dierra91wildone
    @dierra91wildone 6 років тому +39

    I still can't believe he said I'm her pastor

    • @peachesmonty1506
      @peachesmonty1506 5 років тому +12

      HE MEANT "I'M HER GOD"! BCUZ THAT'S HOW NARCISSIST THINK

  • @laneesha1000
    @laneesha1000 6 років тому +27

    I pray for her🙏🏾this man is the master manipulator💯

  • @OnlyRealsht
    @OnlyRealsht 6 років тому +20

    And this is exactly why looks isn't everything. Smh go for the person's heart

  • @nishaperez690
    @nishaperez690 7 років тому +31

    Act like a boy, get treated like a boy. In the famous words of K Michelle, " You can't raise a man". So relevant for these grown boys that act arrogant and childish. With a strong woman behind her, Vakhara received the support she needed to find her confidence and confront the problem head on. As women, we need to do this for one another when we see our fellow sister in a toxic relationship with someone. Support and remind her of her inner light!

    • @stephanies9071
      @stephanies9071 6 років тому

      Nisha Perez she has to want to see the mess she is in too, otherwise they'll turn on you for trying to help.

  • @oakiediaries9907
    @oakiediaries9907 6 років тому +30

    "The devil is a lie" LOL that made me laugh. This man cannot be accountable or responsible for his own actions. wow

  • @nakiaedmond101
    @nakiaedmond101 7 років тому +58

    Thank you. GET👏🏽A👏🏽DIVORCE👏🏽

  • @bxgirl2930
    @bxgirl2930 5 років тому +10

    Iyanla said you can't change how someone loves you but you can control if you will except it or not!

  • @ToyaRR
    @ToyaRR 7 років тому +66

    I have a feeling that she will have a hard time getting rid of this man. He does not plan to "let" her leave him. I can really see him turning physically violent toward her too. She needs a restraining order right quick. He is too unpredictable. Actually he is not unpredictable at all. He is doing all the things and can do the other things that match up with his personality disorder - narcissistic personality disorder.

    • @denysedenyse4070
      @denysedenyse4070 6 років тому +6

      ToyaRR
      I was thinking the same thing. If she does go through with what she says about the divorce then seems as though he will make it very difficult. He gives off a "you AREN'T gonna get ME" or "you are NOT gonna try me" vibe. I will have the last laugh.

    • @valerieriggins3184
      @valerieriggins3184 4 роки тому

      Need A DANG....GUN! If She Said That Private...Whoa!

  • @frieda842
    @frieda842 7 років тому +19

    If she live... she'll be 80 years old still waiting on him to change and being disrespected if she stay! Every marriage (God didn't join nor put together), forgive yourself and move on, and don't look back sister! It's very obvious he's not welcoming Iyanla's coaching help. I can imagine the distasteful, nasty words he'd like to say to I.V., especially after saying he don't want to be there.
    I truly hope his negative response and reaction towards his wife is her ultimate wakeup call to LEAVE this joker! --He's waisting your precious time and valuable life! I hope you can find COURAGE to leave and start your life fresh and new without him. Simply put, he's full of himself on the deep!! *creepy.

  • @ItsBrittanyLajoyce
    @ItsBrittanyLajoyce 7 років тому +100

    He must be scared at this point to see that she really is leaving him I hope she gets a restraining order because she just killed his ego and he may turn crazy either way it's sad how this whole thing has gone all three couples are getting unmarried and that's a shame

    • @carladw3380
      @carladw3380 7 років тому +4

      Brittany Blessed Your comment is real talk. I hope the show thought about this crucial point. Is it the best or safest way to tell your spouse the marriage is over in front of TV cameras rolling?

    • @cutiepie8030
      @cutiepie8030 7 років тому +6

      At the end of the episode we found out that she's the only one who plans to go through with the divorce. The other couples are trying to work it out.

    • @carladw3380
      @carladw3380 7 років тому +7

      @cutiepie8030 Her husband has been so disrespectful towards her, I can see why she's ready to release him and their marriage. Look how disrespectful he was on the show. Imagine how poorly he treated her during the marriage.

    • @deespeaks._6315
      @deespeaks._6315 7 років тому

      Brittany ok

    • @brycembryce3202
      @brycembryce3202 6 років тому +1

      He's not about that life!

  • @LG-bx3wl
    @LG-bx3wl 6 років тому +10

    Watching this gave me chills. I’m SO grateful to be free from this. Never will I return to this type hell again. I’d rather die single, free and happy.

  • @ascott2168
    @ascott2168 6 років тому +9

    That guy must have had a horrible childhood to act in such a way !! That's( or isn't now) your wife man, treat her with respect and kindness. She isn't a damn object you own. If you're unhappy with her, get a damn divorce. I hope she's followed through with a divorce.

  • @tyrellanderson4722
    @tyrellanderson4722 5 років тому +21

    That girl is so pretty. Ahhh, the guys some women choose. 🤦🏾‍♂️

    • @queenc8280
      @queenc8280 3 роки тому +1

      Very true Tyrell....to both your statements...especially the 2nd one.

    • @queenc8280
      @queenc8280 3 роки тому +1

      @trinityc1970 some women aren't at all, but just sweet souls that get sucked in by wicked men. Trust me!

  • @Lovesabigaili
    @Lovesabigaili 3 роки тому +17

    She’s so precious. I wish her the very best.

  • @Mmmkay10
    @Mmmkay10 6 років тому +8

    She'll go back! There was no conviction in what she said - only the crutch of Iyanla being there. Sad but I truly believe that she'll go back!

  • @kiradavis9156
    @kiradavis9156 7 років тому +44

    he always got that dum look on his face

  • @yumiko0017
    @yumiko0017 3 роки тому +8

    It seems like he is already plotting revenge on her...I’m glad this woman is finding peace for herself, her sanity, and overall health.

  • @anewloveofficial9137
    @anewloveofficial9137 6 років тому +11

    It's true, you don't need to force yourself just make your partner stay with you. If he/she gives you a sign that's hes not interested anymore then let them go. They're not worthy enough to be in our life.

  • @fefe9545
    @fefe9545 5 років тому +6

    Wooh!! This is so uncomfortable for me too watch. I’ve been in a relationship before with a man like that and as much as it hurt me I’m so happy I let that go!

  • @raymundofantastico
    @raymundofantastico 6 років тому +11

    Sad that, in this world and in various societies, there are men emulating his behaviour and women condoning men wishing to be their "pastors". Mr. Lamar may have been heavily influenced by a group of individuals supporting his behaviour and so that's how he thinks he should progress in the marriage. (How societies produce psychopaths). He's definitely not the worst and, even though he might not be, he has abandoned a wonderful and compassionate spouse...

  • @luckylu9780
    @luckylu9780 7 років тому +45

    He got someone else he wants. He wants her to be the one to say it's over so he can feel better about being with someone else . He doesn't want her any moore. He's not attracted to her for whatever reason anymore.

    • @motherlove3838
      @motherlove3838 7 років тому +9

      My opinion I think Lamar is Confused wit his Sexuality, Thas jus my opinion ok

    • @valerieriggins3184
      @valerieriggins3184 4 роки тому

      Sweet Azz Ought to Know....A Wannabe Jealous...Lady Hater.

  • @louisejacobs
    @louisejacobs 6 років тому +14

    What a weakling. Too much ego without reason

  • @ninawebber-towels4019
    @ninawebber-towels4019 6 років тому +11

    He doesn't have control of his wife's words actions of decisions as he does at home. He's fleeing!!

  • @19832006
    @19832006 6 років тому +24

    Glad I'm single

  • @AuspiciousScorpio
    @AuspiciousScorpio 4 роки тому +2

    The bible says “he who findeth a wife findeth a good thing” a lot of these guys are little boys nowadays. He comfortable living that way manipulating her. I’m picking up narcissistic qualities.

  • @tranquility9325
    @tranquility9325 4 роки тому +4

    I can guarantee yall that in his mind he's thinking, I can't believe this b embarrassed me on national tv. Typical narc response how dare you do this to ME😡

  • @ChiChiKeiannaJ
    @ChiChiKeiannaJ 6 років тому +10

    WOW! How can someone be so religious yet so disconnected? Interesting. I really hope she left him and not put on a good face foe tv

  • @earthsky2336
    @earthsky2336 5 років тому +5

    So proud of her though .. me and my bf just broke up because it got toxic and when that happens sometimes leaving is best

  • @supaspydamn
    @supaspydamn 6 років тому +9

    Childish men can't handle rejection!

  • @siritaanderson3759
    @siritaanderson3759 7 років тому +31

    Nah and I don't feel sorry for him at all!! hell no

  • @ukbusiness8811
    @ukbusiness8811 5 років тому +4

    What a weak whimp only got strength to bully his wife at home. Whoosh be gone ➡

  • @InnaDeep
    @InnaDeep 5 років тому +8

    He is completely detached from loving her the way she needs to be loved. I hope he has changed, but if not, I hope she has found peace.

  • @reikiwarrior8888
    @reikiwarrior8888 5 років тому +5

    this man talks in riddles and then doesn't explain he is a nar coz he used word salad to get u tripping
    i also think he is gay
    what is that whit mark on the lady face

  • @estheronala
    @estheronala 7 років тому +32

    Woow no emotion whatsoever he urks my soul she definately deserves way better 👏

    • @PSALMSOFSONGS
      @PSALMSOFSONGS 6 років тому

      Esther Onala Girl, I'm just watching clips and i can't stand him lol.

  • @fayetaylor1998
    @fayetaylor1998 6 років тому +10

    "The Devil is a Lie, that's all I got to say"??? ha Wow! Ladies we got's to be more careful!

  • @blacknight5107
    @blacknight5107 7 років тому +30

    why fight for someone who has stop fighting for you. why keep giving your all. when your all is not good enough. why keep believing you can't do any better than the person you are trying to hold on too. why do you keep thinking you could never love again . if someone can walk out of your life let them walk. it's not that their a bad person , it's just that you too fail to become one and that's ok. it's funny how the person you are giving so much love to can turn their back on you and give their love to someone else, that's life so you got to make peace with it and move on. love is too beautiful, to keep crying over it. so go in peace , go to the one that makes you happy . go to the one that makes you want to give your all to . go to the one that makes you say please stay a little longer. love is too beautiful to keep crying over it so please just go. I'll be ok I just need to rest a little, this journey with you left me emotionally and financially depleted. I am healing.

  • @Lovesabigaili
    @Lovesabigaili 6 років тому +10

    She’s beautiful on the inside and out ... she’s not weak but she loves him so he knows he can control her. I’ve been there and I know what it feels like... I pray only Gods best for this woman and her family.

    • @freelikeyve
      @freelikeyve 3 роки тому +2

      She’s weak. She’s not stupid. She’s not naive. She knows how he is. She knows the right decisions, but she DOESNT WANT TO take them. Her choice. That’s called weakness. It’s called stubbornness.

  • @Mosiah1667
    @Mosiah1667 6 років тому +7

    He slow asf,selfish n self center.

  • @dineomokgosi411
    @dineomokgosi411 6 років тому +3

    What a narcissistic self-centered sociopath!

  • @loridori
    @loridori 7 років тому +5

    I fault women for men like this. You have so much influence but you give your power away to men because of your fragile egos and insecurities. You need to learn to really lean and depend on God for real. Not just a cliche', actually live it

    • @terriesmith8219
      @terriesmith8219 6 років тому +1

      D Goshay~It takes two to tango. The blame is on both parties. She allowed him to disrespect her for 19 years with zero consequences and is just now fed up with his disrespectful behavior and expects him to change. Why would a man like him change when a woman like her keeps taking him back, time after time?
      He's also to blame because he's a disrespectful coward and he dishonored himself by cheating on her again and again. His actions shows he's not a man of his words, he can't keep his vows.
      He's also very emotionally damaged. Probably from childhood experiences, how he was raised. No matter how tragic his childhoods were, it's still not an excuse to behave so poorly. Others have worst childhoods but grow up a great person. So no excuses.
      No amount of love or patience on her part is going to fix him. He needs to do the work to fix himself.
      As women, we need to learn to choose our partners more wisely. This decision is the most important decision women can make in their life. A bad partner will make your life miserable, especially when kids are involved. A good partner will enhance your life and your happiness. So ladies, choose wisely. In life, we don't get what we deserve, we get what we are willing to tolerate.

    • @loridori
      @loridori 6 років тому

      Exactly the point I was trying to make. I don't think women realize how much power they have in their relationships. Men were created to need the woman. We settle and men give what we tolerate..constantly taking him back is only reinforcing negative behavior on his part, and for that you are accountable for what you allow him to do to you. It's self destructive to keep letting others disrespect you. I think women are afraid of being alone and think that they need to be in a relationship to be important. This is the furthest from the truth. I've learned to be single and celibate for over 4 years and it's the best decision I could have ever made in my life. Doors opened when I removed everything that disturbed my peace. It brought me so much joy, and I think the reason why women continue to settle is because they have not had enough pain and suffering from these men so they wait for potential that may never come. .Eventually you will have to leave, because he is going to drive you out of his life someway somehow because men need challenge, not an easy ride. Why stay?,It's only going to get worse; and the longer you stay the harder it gets to leave him. It took swallowing my pride and ego to be where I am, and once you do it you will realize it's not so bad after all, and that it actually makes you stronger. I think it's instinctive for us to want to please a man, but we must grow up and realize that only a grown man and not a grown boy deserves satisfaction from a woman.

  • @muccavanessa4750
    @muccavanessa4750 5 років тому +1

    😂 She didn't even look him in his eyes when she said that lat sentence 😳😶😏 She don't even believe herself 😔 He didn't hear nothing she said until the last sentence 😕 Those words cut his throat 😶 He had to shuffle out the room because his knees was to weK to walk, he had to play it off 😭 Looking around the room, for what? For who? 😭😭😭 We need an update!!! I hope she really got the Mental and Physical Courage to Divorce him and Leave!!!

  • @s.a9662
    @s.a9662 5 років тому +2

    I'm proud of you! I truly am very proud of this woman! 👸This video was recommended to me the guy looks a lot like my ex and the video was released on my birthday! My ex is reappearing in my life, Oh boy does this video speak to me.. literally!

  • @iciss1
    @iciss1 5 років тому +3

    Lol it means he wasn’t listening to her smfh

  • @keithbell6929
    @keithbell6929 5 років тому +1

    He is an egomaniac. Thinks he’s so good looking that he can treat her any way he pleases. I hope she followed through and left him.

  • @oceaniamonarch5404
    @oceaniamonarch5404 6 років тому +7

    This ni**ga is crazy

  • @dahna4822
    @dahna4822 5 років тому +2

    PERFECT LOVE CAST OUT FEAR~ That’s WHY he had to GO, he Chose NOT To STAND in TRUTH.
    KUDOS, To the Young Lady- ABUNDANT LIFE awaits her😇👍🏽

  • @Divine_dialogues2
    @Divine_dialogues2 5 років тому +6

    When a women says “period” they’re FOR REAL! Period 😂 I’m glad she ended that relationship

  • @glowingmyway
    @glowingmyway 5 років тому +2

    When a woman’s HAD ENOUGH OF THE BS!!!👋🏾😌📦