Baseball's Greatest Player Never Actually Played Baseball
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- Опубліковано 3 тра 2024
- Creator: Mike
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Sid Finch and I went to different schools together
Harrr!! That used to be my pickup line. The only thing I picked up with that was the trash.
Tom Perkins guess that’s why it was your pickup line
@@brrrrr7630 And, too late smart...
Sid is fake
We know aiden
This guy could have been a millionaire playing baseball but chose not to exist... respect
He’s fictional
@@ogslim5380 he chose to be fictional, we know
@@ogslim5380 wow
@@ogslim5380 You must be fun at parties
8
I'm old enough to remember when the article on Sid came out in the American Medical Journal. Apparently both his elbow and shoulder in both arms and been dislocated due to the training for years at the monastery while the surrounding cartilage was extremely strong. This allowed him to throw a baseball with his right arm essentially unattached in two places creating a type of human whip while the strong cartilage kept his arm from flying apart. At least that was the theory. Its a shame he gave up baseball to go back to meditation. We'll never know what career he would have had as a pitcher.
lol this is probably going to get every person who doesnt watch the full video.
"Living a humble life and letting others with less talent than you have their spot is it's own reward." Sidd
still skeptical. It's not about just the cartilage holding up at that speed, but human bones will split themselves in half with that much centrifugal force. sounds like meditation mythos to me
"oh my bad guys... the radar gun was set to KM/H"
Sidd Finch once threw a baseball so hard, he struck a guy out with one pitch
One pitch man.
Yeah and he got a concussion
He threw so hard he managed to not exist
CAP
Damn
I use to go hunting with my friend, I brought my gun, he brought a baseball.
Haha
Haha
Haha
Haha
Lol
The minute I knew this was a hoax was when they said Sidd was from England
Yes. This is cap because if someone could throw 168 they would just kill their arm and never be able to throw a baseball again. And the fastest ball ever thrown was 105 mph by Aroldis Chapman
@@jaibains3657 really? It just went right over your head...
@@n.d.miller1543 yo chill man. I was just saying something geez
@@jaibains3657 100.9 by Nolan Ryan.
@@jaibains3657 I think Jordan Hicks has the record for fastest pitch in an MLB game at 105.something
Bruh my history teacher loved Sidd Finch, he would hype him up all the time in class. He didn't know Sidd's secret either, which was the best part, the passion in this dudes eyes talking about this legend made it even more hilarious after all was said and done lmao.
are we just going to forget the fact that the nationals were beating the mets 25 to 1
Matt Barton I was at that game and it was crazy.
mans is a mets fan and he still put that game in there.
Bruh i was watching that game and i just went to tue park with my brother to play baseball
Matt Barton bruh
Yes
In the middle of the video, my dad walked in the room.
"What are ya watchin'?"
"The Greatest baseball player of all time never played baseball."
"And who's that?"
"Sidd Finch"
"Who?"
" *e x a c t l y* "
@Bryan Bradley damn, NHL doesn’t exist?
@@Stxrrzy Lol
Are ya winning son?
Who's on 1st,
No, what's on 1st, who..?
What, what..? No who...
@@Stxrrzy Not too much time for ice hockey when they don’t let you have the skates
Sid Finch. Wow. My grandpa had watched him in Spring Training camp at the gates and he was absolutely amazing. What an icon.
I actually believed this for like 5 minutes. Wow. Now I feel like an idiot 😂
So anyway, I have this bridge for sale...
Thats seven minutes and thirteen seconds I’ll never get back.
yup
Ray Lewis Thanks! You just saved me six minutes of my life.
Thank you for this comment
7:12
@Quinten Summers it's actually 13
Sidd Finch. What an icon. Gave it all up to play French Horn. Randy Johnson said he envied Finch’s courage to do what he loved without caring about the money. “I loved the xylophone, but gave it up. Finch is the man”, said Johnson.
I gave up my baseball career for the accordion. I love dancing to polka's as well.
yo james, i think you should read david’s comment
Finch was a phony conman who never revealed it was a prank so he's not a joker
Jesus loves you alot trust in His death 4 salvation and be saved from eternal hell
Sid played in the same league as me. He was clearly known before I faced him. I started my swing and the ball was already there and hit the butt of my bat so hard, if it had stayed fair it would have been a home run.
Thank you for this. I remember the SI article and it making me crazy excited to see what he could do!
“Don’t go to the com..”
*reading comments
MrTikie9405 lol what I’m doing
Same
MrTikie9405 exactly what I did
Sorry
I made the likes to 666
I went to that car dealer with the guy that threw 180 mph. I tested if he could actually throw a ball 180mph and he threw it straight up my ass and I had to get surgery to remove it.
Edit: Lol I commented this in my school bathroom in 8th grade. Crazy how many likes and comments it has now.
wiam smit where did they find the ball
Damn thats crazy, some people lie on youtube but i believe you 🤣🤣
Better idea was to say you went to a Lamborghini dealer & bet the car salesman you could outrun his fastball when you test drove the Diablo model.
You won the bet 😂
@Savannah Rey 😂😂😂
Shocking Isn't It? ,
Guy was a marvel. I saw him play once. It was unbelievable. Literally unbelievable
I’m sure you did!
😆
underated
Life time Astros fan here. Astros were really interested due to having the claim of the fastest pitcher, the great Nolan Ryan. I remember when this came out. The Mets even had a batting cage with holes because he threw it so hard that it busted the fence.
Lol.
I heard Darrel Strawberry once hit a 700ft HR in spring training off of Finch. He closed his eyes and swung. Made good contact.
That’s a lie
@@ashleykastner3707 obviously he was joking
*hit
Bugs bunny hit a home run that went all the way around the earth
I seen it
If he threw into one of those carnival fast pitch nets I'm sure it wouldnt clock past 70.
Don’t believe everything that’s correct!! ESPECIALLY THE MSM!! The MSM SUCKS!!!
70?! Try 58
Isnt it just guess ur speed after u throw one so it doesnt really matter if the gun is slower or maybe im rememberin it wrong
Casey Michel i hit 58 lmao
I tried that once , I hit 55 mph and that was about 20 years ago, I doubt I could hit 50 now. Some teenage girl went after me and hit 65 mph, I certainly hope she was a softball pitcher if she could throw that hard.
Graduated in 1985. Best friend was an avid sports fan: baseball, basketball, football, boxing, wrestling, track and field, tennis - you name it, Carl loved it. He also subscribed to two magazines: Sports Illustrated and Ring Magazine. Forgot about ol' Sid. Thanks for the memories.
I remember reading the SI article and being floored by this guy’s story. Still love it.
Finch once struck out the side on just THREE PITCHES.
The batters told the ump: "the other two pitches won't do them any good". True story.
Only Bugs Bunny has ever struck out the side with one pitch, a extremely slow off speed pitch.
I thought rabbit pitches were illegal?
Corona BeerVirus h
That is actually possible. There is a rule that allows strikes to be called without a pitch if the batter leaves the box and won't return in a timely manner. Hasn't happened in the majors but a player in one of the lower leagues struck out on one pitch after getting upset on a strike call on the first pitch and staying out of the box to bicker about it.
@@ozymandias9375 you mean "rabbit punches"
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger.
Then it hit me.
Shut up.. Lol
😂
Lol
I shouldn't be laughing this hard at this
Stop
This is a truly amazing place. Thanks for sharing
I played little league with Sid Finch. He pitched 86mph when we were 8 years old.
Dang I can’t believe he throws that hard
It's fake
Daniel Monreal r/wooooosh
@@frosty8756 shut up u meme legend keyboard warrior
I make baseball videos on my channel and it would mean a lot if you could support me
Reactive-_-YT r/woooooooooosh
A SI reader from Ohio wrote in saying he knew the story couldn't be real, because the only way to get a player like that is to have the Indians trade him away.
Hahaha! Thank you for a good laugh!! I needed one!
That’s funnier than the video
And now I'm here after the lindor trade 😂
"I thought we didn't have any high priced talent."
"I forgot about Dorn because he's only high priced."
Or Cubs
0:30 There was a guy in a college sports forum that had this Sid Finch picture as his avatar. I always wondered what that was. Thanks for explaining.
i love how he said they had good pitching but one game they were losing to the nationals 24-1, but they still have really good pitching
His curveball was clocked at 168. His fastball was clocked at 198. It is said that a sonic boom was heard every time He threw the fastball thus letting hitters know what pitch was coming.
Sonic boom? Only at 198 mph?
Mmmmmm..... checks out 🤣
@@kinocorner976 also a sonic boom lags behind a supersonic projectile so even if a ball was going supersonic, the hitter wouldn't hear it at all until it passed him
@@werk62 I mean, considering supersonic is around 750mph
I’m sure the batter has much more to worry about 🤣
Like that time Wade Boggs drank 200 kegs of beer of a flight before a game and hit 37 home runs that day.
@@abrahamlincoln9758 i was at that game...Boggs didn't look good but his bat was lightening.
I remember this whole story. There was a large tent put up in Shea Stadium and they had a pitching machine in there shooting balls against something so it sounded like Sid was warming up, but no one ever saw him. One of the backup catchers, I don’t remember who, said he had to have a specially made glove to catch Sidd’s pitches.
omg XD Can't imagine the reaction on people faces with this
Saw the title and wondered if it was the Sidd Finch item. I had read the original article when it came out but was remembering the last name as Fish. Remember the "I have learned the art of the pitch" line.
Glad my memory still has some items intact.🤔😎
Sidd Finch was my favorite when I was a kid! I read the book about him when I was in middle school.
Could you make an episode on my RTTS character? He’s hitting .500 with 88 HRs.
LaFlame _ my guy hit .640 with 159 HRs
Mine hits .690 with 420 hrs
Stop playing RTTS on Rookie with the sliders slide all the way to the right. Play it on hall of fame an get realistic stats
MNGBs DoloPikassoMNGheadHancho who would do that lmaoooo nah but chill it’s a joke
@@landon03335 i know just stating the obvious so many ppl brag about their RTTS but play on Rookie. Idk i like to get a realistic experience its not fun doubling the HR record everyyear, hitting 150 bombs a year
When I was young, I could throw over three hundred miles an hour.
Of course it took an entire at bat
Yo u got my whole name kid. Like literally
First and last
CAP
Stop capping
For everyone saying cap it’s a joke
I met Sid Fitch one time in the “back rooms” when I was looking to buy a can of blinker fluid for my 2003 Samsung Silverado F750. She was a really great guy. And she really helped me get through a really tough smell in my life. Good times
Gotta say, really impressed with you asking us not to comment, regardless of the scenario. So refreshing, because you guys usually beg for like, comments, subscribers, bells, yada yada, like we don't already know how to show appreciation or help your channel grow. We know, I assure you and the rest, and no amount of clever segways is going to make it less annoying when you guys ask for us to click buttons for you, stop begging, do good work, don't suck, and viola, you'll get where you need to be, promise. Thanks again, quality stuff here 👍
I think that radar gun was in kilometers per hour not miles per hour.
I think you didn’t watch the whole video
@@bigjjohnson21 op could be talking about the anecdote the youtuber made about going to a spring training game where the radar read 180
111mph is still REALLY fast
@@purplegill10 ikr this mans a tard
Freedom- thats funny considering hes a fictional character. Why lie?
Bro it would be so funny if someone said "Omg I know all about him hes my cousin" or whatever and they didnt untill they saw the end lol🤣🤣
ha so funny ha ha ha ha ha ha.......
sike that shit was so wack
Thanks I skipped to the end, ruined the whole video before I even watched the intro.
F u u ruined it
He is my cousin! 😂
I do know him. I just saw him Saturday 7/17/2021 in Dekalb, Illinois. A great friend to my family. Love his wife Gloria. We call him Joe. 😁
My dad was visiting New York in '85. He saw Finch getting on a plane to London. He asked him if he was, in fact, Sidd. He didn't answer, just smiled and winked. He said there was an aura to Sidd, he knew he was meant for more than just baseball.
I faced Sidd Finch in a sand lot league in 1982. As good as a pitcher as he was he was an even better French horn player. He was so humble he never even told those SI writers that he once was recognized by the Green Bean Casserole Association as having the best green bean casserole in recorded history & was recognized with the Golden Bean, basically the Cy Young of the green bean casserole world, 3 years in a row. Would've won it every year but retired the recipe to give others a chance. He was a true golden hearted, Renaissance man.
For those who don’t want to watch the whole video, Sidd Finch had an abnormality in his elbow, letting him snap the balls at amazing speed.
Unfortunately he was suffering from colon cancer, and ended up passing 8 months after his name went public. That’s why the Mets didn’t take him.
There you go, you’re welcome.
that sucks
it was a notorious April Fools' Day hoax article "The Curious Case of Sidd Finch" first published in 1987
LMAO
Thank you so much
this aint true trust me
I remember reading, "The Curious case of Sidd Finch", when it first came out. It fooled pretty much everyone.
My History teacher went nuts over him, the way he told the story to the class was amazing lol, was so sad when we googled him and what day his story came out... lol.
I got the book---love it!!!
That sucked me in! I read it and went to my law firm the next morning and told the guys about Sydd Finch who could throw 160 mph .
Then another guy walked in and said “ Oh, do you mean the SI April Fool’s Article?”
I just walked to my office and shut the door.
I remember sitting in my living room reading this sports illustrated article. One of the all-time great april fools pranks. Article was written by George Plimpton who was a real character of a journalist. He tried out with the Detroit Lions and played in an NHL game as a goalie just to be able to write about it.
Plimpto also wrote about boxing Archie Moore and playing tennis against Pancho Gonzalez.
He was wearing one boot to make it feel like he was actually going downhill on a pitchers mound
@@zeromii3234 yea
Man was an absolute monster. Darryl Strawberry somehow connected with one of his pitches during a practice and the ball took out the floodlights.
The only thing Darryl Strawberry could take out was a pound of coke before a game...
Yep, my dad and I read that SI article when it came out. My dad then smiled and showed me the date on the cover. Good fun.
I was going to say this sounds like an anime, guy finds mentor, trains, then returns to society to be the best
Fax
I enjoyed the cod zombies references. That mystery box music in the background did not go unnoticed 😂
This is hysterical. I'm a die hard Mets fan and Ive never knew the full story. Now I want a throw back Jersey with Finch on the back. This is definitely something Mets would do. Great video thanks.
Lmfao. I forgot about this until you showed the pic of him. Great video.
Good video tho, made it to the end, kkeo up the good work mate)))
I used to play some basketball with Sidd Finch; he was great at that too. He said the monks had taught him that "inner strength will lead to great awareness of the joy of the shot". He never missed, never. He was Stephon Curry before Stephon Curry; he was Larry Bird in a meditative state. We just played that one time.
“The Mets weren’t very good in 1985.” Who would have guessed
Fishy Hayden true
He said the Mets weren't very good "in the early '80s". In 1985 the Mets contended for the division title, winning 98 games and finishing 3 behind the Cardinals.
It only took 6 years for the pirates to claim their division title.
@Fishy Hayden only because of bill buckner couldn't field a little league grounder.
@@chrisj6773 I blame Calvin Shiraldi and Bob Stanley more. They both couldn't get the last out and the game was already tied when the ball went through Buckner's legs.
The man threw so hard that when i finally made contact it flew off the bat and broke part of the ceiling out of the astrodome . That is why they were never able to repair it and had to build another stadium in houston...
1985 was a hard year but 1986 was an amazing year for me. I finally got introduced to something I'd been dreaming of for years. It changed my life and was almost wrecked by it, to be honest.
I remember that article in SI. Thought it was the most clever thing ever. Thanks for sharing this. It brought back great memories.
It reminds me of a story the BBC ran on the same date in 1957 about that year's harvest of spaghetti from the spaghetti trees in southern Switzerland and northern Italy
that was one of the greatest videos I have seen in a while.... great job guys
Thanks so much 😊
Epic tale! That ranks up there with Doc Ellis throwing a no hitter while on lsd lol. I really like baseball.
4:30- The description of the story- the first letter of the words reads "happy april fools day". I read that story when it came out and was shocked. Once I learned the secret and saw the hidden message, I never forgot. This was an all-time classic.
Syd Finch wasn’t played by an actor, it was Joe Burton, a middle school art teacher in Oak Park IL. I know because I was in his class when all this happened! SI did a follow up story later in which they took a picture of Mr. Burton with some of his students (my friends)-I will always regret that I wasn’t home when he called to ask if I wanted to be in the photo. I missed my only chance to be in SI! By the way, Mr. Burton was a great teacher!
But he acted as a baseball player... therefore he was an ACTOR
I had literally heard of this before and still fell for it 😂
well it was a long time ago . I remember hearing they had him pitch behind a tarp that had holes punched in it from the balls .
This man is a true legend of sports.
Well done, though I've no real interest in sports, I do like a good story. Your updated version is extremly well done.
My grandma used to tell us this story of Sid everytime we go to visit her during summer. She's in Nepal. 🙏👍
So she'd tell you about a completely made up person... in America no less?
yeah, that makes sense.... *cough* BS!
I heard Sid likes to chill with the Yeti...
Robert Johnson R/WOOOOSH
Why does this cumment section have to be so un YT like? I mean like legit I haven’t even seen a single woooosh cumment (it’s not just that, but rather everything). It’s as if it’s just random people who aren’t used to how YT cumment section language is are cumment. It just seems that it’s very little of an actual internetish feeling if you get what I mean or sm Idefk how to explain it well.
Like who says BS anymore? More like that’s so sus, I can smell the cap from a mile away, or just something:
Wed/06/02/2021 at 23:22 EDT2
Never heard of "Sidd Finch" or believed the headline, but I DO love a good story... true or not.
This is the best ever!!! I remembered this story.
Date line San Diego 1974: I had a neighbor who was a best friend at the time, dude could throw Rock's, no end,..we live in a somewhat undeveloped part of the east county Santee,...we would ride dirt bikes and this dude could throw a rock like a bullet, back in the day there were these toy balls called "Clackers"..2 solid plastic balls on a rope string, this dude, could get those clackers going like King David and his sling, and let loose, ole Damon killed coyote's, rabbit's snakes and skunks dead in their tracks...he could throw a rock or golfball, so hard?.it would go thru garage walls, even brick walls..the dude carried rocks and golf balls, in his pockets, like Billy the Kid 6 shooter, ...I truly believe he could throw a 175 mph rock,or golfball easy...he hated Baseball though?....
I remember reading this story in sports illustrated in the 80s and was excited AF. Then got to the end and I wanted to hunt them all down and get my revenge.
I remember this happening, but did not know the Mets had gone along with the prank, until now. Thanks for telling the whole story.
I was scratching my head for a minute, because I started collecting sports cards around that time, and I ain't never herd of him, lol. But of course back then my guy pitching was Nolan Ryan and Phil Neikro
This is not a joke prank or tall tale. 17 year old highschool baseball player at a home game came off the bench a relief pitcher could throw a 112 mph fastball. Never went to college never played pro ball. He loved the game but he would tell you himself. He just wanted to be who he was and not some fluke that he was afraid that people would call him. I won't say his name or say what school he went to. He is 21 now and living a great life being who he wanted to be. True story I knew the young man watched him play in couraged him to play college baseball that he would be famous but no he knew what he wanted and I still want to kick his butt for not trying.
Doesn't hold a candle to NHL's would be GOAT named Taro Tsujimoto.
Tsujimoto was a young prospect however and Finch came around in his prime. Imagine if Finch had the longevity that Tsujimoto got to enjoy.
Can we talk about his foot
Off-limits, sorry
Thank you
Tugboatpb I am so sad no ones doing it
fucking finally somebody said it, it's like a goddamn paddle
I remember how reading this story in SI "shook" the sports world back when I was in high school!
>Tries out for the Mets
>Throws 170 mph fastball
>Refuses to elaborate further
>Ceases to exist
“Don’t skip to the comments section”. Well played...😡
I read it when it first came out on April 1st. Said Finch, "I have learned the art of pitch." I wonder what other works of genius George Plimpton may have produced had he not died of a heart attack in 2003.
I was in college. I had a subscription to SI. I got this issue. I completely fell for it, hook, line, and sinker pitch.
I never heard the story before. I was just thinking I have the whole 1985 set, 1986 set and I don't remember seeing a sid finch. Lol great prank.
That’s priceless! I have a new found respect for the mets
Not really a big baseball fan but this was an entertaining vid bro you got a new sub bro
Thanks!
Joe Berton (Finch) was a friend of the Sports Illustrated writer. He was also a wood shop teacher at my junior high school.
If you look it up, 105 mph is the limit for a pitcher as determined by physics and mechanics.
I am a HUGE Mets fan so it makes me happy to see this
I have LITERALLY HEARD THIS BEFORE, FORGOT, AND THEN JUST GOT DUPED GOSH DARNIT
I went to school with Sid Finch. He used to knock down snipes from 100 feet at the river. OGs Slim used to practice with him.
I remember this. It was my junior year and so many announcers and conspiracy theorist had a time with this!
It’s a shame what happened to Finch’s arm. He had such a bright future.
Ok. Just do exactly what he said NOT to do
DONT GIVE IT AWAY
HAHAHAHAHAHA
He also played the French horn 😂 😂 😂 had me cracking up
I remember the article...not his name... I believe I remember hearing that it was an April fool's joke... But it was still fun to hear you fill in a bunch of details that I did not remember.... We need more April fools!!
Still one of my all time favorite stories in sports. I love everything about it.
Kevin Maryles I make baseball videos on my channel and it would mean a lot if you could support me
Legend has it that Sidd married a red hot supermodel who love him for his personality 😂😂
Jason Jackson it was Tom Brady
Thought she loved him for his feet
When I was 7, I was at a baseball game and my dad took me an area where you get to see how hard you can through. I was so inaccurate that I hit the side of the machine and knocked it over. I don’t remember the exact number it read but it was around 800.
nice
I'm not saying this video is wrong, just that it's missing context. Finch was actually "discovered" much earlier than that. In fact, it was my great uncle who discovered him!
My Great Uncle Chad (my mom's father's brother) used to run with a gang in his elementary school days. "The He-Man Woman-Haters Club" he would say, "Me and those boys were joined at the hip." I can still hear his voice as he recounted tales of those years. The way he told it, those were the best days of his life.
Anyway, Great Uncle Chad would go on to tell me probably every exploit he and the He-Man Woman-Hater's Club ever engaged in. Their antics and hijinks kept me entertained for hours whenever I got to visit him in the rest home. I got to know to know the whole gang: Root, V, Pointdexter, Little Moe with the Gimpy Leg (that's what they called him), and a couple others that would sometimes join in. One of those kids was Sidd Finch.
Now Great Uncle Chad didn't talk about Sidd very much but when he did, it was short and to the point. I also noted on several occasions the far-away look in his eye when Sidd came up in a story. Most of the time when the subject came up, Great Uncle Chad would say, "Sidd Finch was there too." although when Sidd was more integral to the story, his part was more matter-of-fact than any other. No embellishment, no details, just broad facts, like talking about him brought up some goulish creature from the depths of his mind to haunt his waking hours. It wasn't as though there was any animosity in his voice, in fact, Uncle always talked about him as a great friend, maybe even a best friend. The exceedingly few times Great Uncle Chad had said more than a few words about him, it always seemed as though there was a kind of reverence in the way he spoke but certainly, he was holding something back. Great Uncle Chad always had a manner of joviality about him, always inviting and comfortable, but on those few occasions when the subject of Sidd came up, his voice was almost...cold.
"Cold." Great Uncle Chad had said that night. My parents had dropped me off for a couple of hours to go do whatever it is that adults do when children aren't around and I felt, finally, that this was my chance. "Great Uncle Chad," I said, "Tell me a good story just about Sidd Finch." Uncle's eyes immediately went unfocused and raised a bit, breaking our stare. A long moment passed and I thought that perhaps I had asked too personal a question but just as my mouth opened to apologize or change the subject or anything to break the grave silence, Great Uncle Chad replied, "I...have a story about Sidd. I have a story about Sidd but I want to tell you all of the other stories about him before you hear that story because I want you to know that Sidd Finch was a good boy. A very good friend..."
As he trailed off, I felt a tiny seed of excitement grow in my heart. This was the most Great Uncle Chad had ever talked about Sidd Finch at once. I cut in, "I know, Great Uncle Chad! I can tell he was the greatest, a true He-Man Woman-Hater!" Uncle's voice didn't break but if his face was any indication, it should have. "That's right, he was a great boy, better than the rest of us even. A boy scout among cretins." Great Uncle Chad paused for a long moment, face to the ceiling, eyes closed. "Open my top dresser drawer and bring me the box you find under my underwear."
"Gross! Great Uncle Chad, I'm not touching your underwear!" I'm sure my face contorted like Calvin choking down his mom's dinner. "They're clean, don't be a sissy! You don't get a story if I don't get my box." Uncle Chad was using his 'gentle serious' voice; there was no refusing him.
The clothes didn't smell like I suspected old-man clothes would smell. There was a mild odor stirred up as I rifled through the drawer and I recognized that the odor use to linger on Uncle before the nursing home. When I located and removed the small box, I realized that it was this container that smelled. Several objects seemed to roll around in the box as I turned and brought it to Great Uncle Chad.
Setting the box on his stomach where I couldn't see the contents, he removed the lid and slowly reached in. His fingers tarried in the box for a moment and then another, before slowly removing a finger-length (his finger, not mine) object. It was dark and bent in two places, like the fingers in which he held it. A flame suddenly lit the room along with the whoosh of a stricken match and I realized what the mystery item was.
"Uncle! You can't do that in here!" I exclaimed as the sorry-looking cigar went up to his lips for a draw. "It's a free country, kid." Smoke began to curl around his head and spreading with the smoke, a bright, sincere, halcyon smile rolled across his face. After a quiet moment like that with an old friend, Uncle said, "He was the leader of the gang, if there was one. Got us into and out of more scrapes than a boy could count." Great Uncle Chad took a great puff of his stogie and coughed up a bit of smoke with a laugh.
"There was this one time when Sidd got into the Maxwell's kitchen during Darla Maxwell's birthday party! He replaced the candles on the cake with fire crackers and slipped back out the screen door before anybody had noticed him! 'Happy birthday to you,'" Uncle began singing quietly. "'happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Dar'-BOOM!" The whole gang was in on it and we laughed, oh we laughed as we scurried to avoid the adults' ear pinches and words we didn't yet know! We could hear Darla bawling and kicking and throwing one the famous tantrums that were the reason for our sworn enmity and Mrs. Maxwell chased us out of her yard with a rolling pin, wiping frosting and tears off her face!"
Uncle himself seemed to be wiping tears off his face but in the dim light, it was hard to tell. And it would have been hard to tell anyway considering I had nothing with which to compare Uncle crying. He continued merrily: "We all ran to our soapbox racers and kicked off down the hill, Mrs. and daughter Maxwells screaming like banshees as we pulled further and further away." Great Uncle Chad was choking out smoke between laughs now. After the fit subsided, he wheezed out, "Unfortunately for us, Officer Wendle was already waiting at the bottom of the hill. He even had the presence of forethought to stand in the exact spot where our carts had come to rest so many times, arms crossed and that not entirely intimidating look of disapproval on his face. My, I got a whoopin' that night."
Eyes wide and mind on fire with adventure, I said, "That is a good story!" The whimsical smile left his face nearly completely as he tilted his head down to me. "That's not the story." His still jubilant eyes danced with tears now, I could see them as plainly as I could smell the smoke slithering off the end of his cigar. "Cold." He said.
"It was bitter cold the day we had our last adventure. We were all bundled up except for Sidd. He wore only jeans and a sweater; never was one to scare easy from the snow. Me and V and Pointer and the others followed him out into the tundra that morning, our neighborhood transformed into frigid wastes by the storm. Drifts eight feet high, they must have been, snuggled up to every house on the block like frost giants taking refuge from the howling wind. But you know well that boys must brave the wildest danger in order to drink the royal jelly of adventure."
Great Uncle Chad was serious but I always thought he sounded weird when he started getting introspective about his childhood. Another deep drag of his cigar, which he held in for a moment this time, seeming to remember now how to smoke one. "You know, every once in a while, Sidd was able to swipe a couple of cigars from his old man's humidor. We boys would keep them under our caps to avoid detection and from time to time, we tried, with great travail, to try to smoke them. On the day of our last adventure, Sidd Finch broke one in half and put one half under my cap. 'Chad,' he said, 'promise me you'll only tell what happened today when you're on your last leg, a deathbed confession.'"
At this, a tear that I didn't know I had in my eye dropped down and splatted on my pants. It's the tears you don't want anyone to see that always land the hardest, telling the world you're a sissy. I knew I was supposed to be strong but I blurted out in a too-loud voice, "You're not on your deathbed, Uncle!" There was no answer, just the slowly rising smoke filling the top of the room. For a moment that lasted far too long, there was silence before Great Uncle Chad spoke again.
*****
Continued below.
Continued from above.
*****
"'Blizzard of the decade', they called it. The snow came in from the side and stung our eyes, wind whipped at our ears and turned them red. I guess we all figured that tears were okay if everybody had them. We trudged on and on, out of town and into the woods, Sidd in the lead. My toes got so cold, I considered taking of my boots because I couldn't imagine the snow was any colder than my feet. Nobody said a word until we reached Fort Washington."
"Fort Washinton was where we fought the Red Coats or Confederates during the summer. It was a tree house like you've never seen, with a trap door entrance and a crow's nest up top for spotting Nazis when we were playing Allies. Root's cousin said he painted a fence for a guy who claimed it was built by a boy and his dad who seemed to have left town years ago but it was our sanctuary now. We climbed the trunk up to the trap door and one by one, rolled out on the floor, rubbing our hands and moaning from the cold. 'We made it!' Sidd said, cupping his hands and breathing into them."
Great Uncle Chad shifted in his bed a bit. He spoke haltingly, the next few sentences, like he was reconsidering telling me the full story. I grabbed his hand part way through and held on tight. "We all warmed up a bit, sharing a couple of moth-eaten, spidery blankets that we had stashed up there...After probably twenty minutes, we heard a voice from outside." More shifting and Great Uncle Chad began chewing on the cigar between his lips. I could feel that this was all very uncomfortable and lost my nerve to bear the silence. "Who was it, Great Uncle Chad?"
"Louie Pendergrass. We opened the window shutters and looked down to see a boy, several years older than any of us, bundled up in a parka and army boots staring up at us. 'Get out of the tree house!' He yelled over the wind. We all have him a one finger salute and closed the shutters."
"Louie was the kind of boy your parents told you never to associate with. He wore his hair long and didn't change his clothes often enough. A local grocer had called for his arrest several times due to his theft and vandalism and our neighbor even claimed she saw him strangle a stray cat once. He drank and smoked and swore and now he was yelling threats at me and the gang. Whatever the case, we weren't getting out of the tree house."
"That is until we heard a whack and felt a shudder run through the tree. It came a second and third time before Sidd opened the trap door to look down and see Louie swing a hatchet against the tree again. 'What are you doing?! You'll kill us!' Screamed Sidd. Louie didn't respond vocally but he did take another swing at the trunk." I squeezed Uncle's hand and asked urgently, "Was he really trying to kill you?"
"We were twenty feet up in the tree and he was chopping it down, you tell me." I looked down momentarily as Great Uncle Chad went on. "Three more whacks and V started crying, not from the wind this time but from fear. He mumbled something about his mom through the blubbering and Sidd looked up at me with a look of determination I wouldn't see again till Korea. Without a word, he swung open the shutters and crawled out the window, letting himself down until he was hanging by his fingers off the sill. I yelled for him but it was too late, he let go and fell to the snow below.
We could all hear the bone snap and a muffled cry from below as Sidd Finch hit the ground. I rushed to the window and threw my head out to see Sidd lying there in the snow. He was weeping openly and snot was pouring out of his nose, doing little to hide the tears on his face. 'Siiidd!' I yelled down to him but got no response. The chopping continued and Sidd lay there whimpering for what seemed like an eternity." Great Uncle Chad stopped for a moment and coughed a little, maybe to obscure the catch in his choice. He resumed quickly though, and with a voice full of memories and heart full of secrets.
"After a minute," Uncle continued, "I heard a loud groan and saw Sidd fumbling around with something under the snow. When his hands emerged, they were bright red and clenching a baseball we used as grenades when the Lobster Backs were attacking the base. Sidd's groan grew sharper and louder as he lifted himself up to one knee, his other leg askew at some unnatural angle. Clawing his way a few feet back to a young fir half buried in snow, he grabbed a hold of it and with some great difficulty, pulled himself up and braced against it. I couldn't speak for the pain on his face, I could only watch as Sidd Finch struggled upright and yelled at the top of his lungs.
'Drop the axe!' Sidd's voice wasn't as intimidating as he was trying to make it, not through the tears and gasping. He was a pitiful sight with his busted leg, leaning back into a tree, tears and snot running down his face, cheeks red as apples. He swallowed as I watched and yelled again, 'Your dad went to prison so he wouldn't have to look at your ugly face!' For some reason, the wind died down at this point, amplifying his voice. He suddenly sounded like the archangel Gabriel, barking out orders to his troops.
The chopping stopped and Louie's voice came from below the tree house, 'What did you say about my dad?!' I didn't even know that Louie had a dad, much less that he was in prison. As I looked down from the window, the other kids sniffing and whimpering behind me, Root, who'd been peeking through the slot around the trap door whispered harshly that Louie was headed for Sidd with the hatchet. 'He's going to kill Sidd!' Root yelled."
I could feel my whole body tense up. My ears tingled and my throat was dry. I could feel that I was clenching Uncle's hand too hard but he didn't seem to mind, maybe he didn't even know I was still there. He looked for all the world like he was reliving every detail of that day for the first time in years. His face was grim and wrinkled and he winced as he continued. "That's when Sidd Finch threw the baseball. I didn't know he could throw a baseball, he always played catcher on the diamond. He screamed in pain and dropped to the ground as he threw it but I heard the impact. That ball found its mark."
"To this day, I've never seen a ball thrown so flawlessly. Even with a ruined leg, he still managed to follow through with the pitch and send a blazing fastball directly underneath my window where it disappeared out of view beneath Fort Washington. I whirled around to see Root's face, eyes wide as saucers, as his lip trembled a bit and tears started to form. I rushed forward and pushed the other boys aside, flung open the trap door and saw Louie lying face down on the ground, a hatchet-shaped hole in the snow nearby.
As I climbed down the trunk to the ground, Sidd hobbled his way over and dropped down gingerly beside Louie. I ran over to Sidd Finch and embarrassed us both with a hug. As the other boys made their way down to us, Sidd and I rolled Louie over. We stayed in those woods till dusk but never got a response from Louie Pendergrass." The stump of Great Uncle Chad's cigar was glowing faintly now and I realized that my hand had slipped out of his at some point. There was another long moment of silence but this time, I didn't want to talk. Finally, he continued.
"I don't know if anybody ever found that tree house. I imagine if they had, we might have seen it in the paper. Then again, it wasn't inconceivable that an orphan boy would go missing from town without much of a fuss. The He-Man Woman-Haters Club ceased to be after that day. We would still see each other at school, soccer games, and church on Easter, but I don't believe any of us spoke a word to each other after that. Eventually, we all moved out of that town, Sidd before the rest of us. Only a month after that incident at Fort Washington, like he blamed himself for it. 'Promise me you'll only tell what happened today when you're on your last leg.' Uncle sniffed and wiped his nose. 'A deathbed confession.'"
"On the way back to town that night, Sidd Finch broke this cigar in half and we each kept them as a pact. I've kept this half a cigar he gave me all these years as my promise to him that I would never speak of it until now." As he shifted in bed again, something rolled and knocked into an inside wall of the box on his stomach. He looked down at it and slowly brought his hand up to touch the thing that had rolled. His fingers lingered there on the object for a long time as tears dropped from his chin. Tears dropped from my chin too.
"...could have sworn I smelled..." A voice from the hallway grew louder and footsteps sounded outside the door for a brief moment before a nurse barged into the dark room, uninvited. Her face showed surprise and then abject annoyance as she said in a chiding tone, "Now Mr. Johnson, what on earth are you doing with a cigar in here, and with your little nephew too?! What about his little lungs?"
"Confound it! One half a cigar's smoke isn't going to kill him!" She shook her head disapproving as he hacked a bit and sheepishly caught her gaze again. "Well his parents are at the front counter and it's time for your treatment so we're going to let your nephew go and see if we can't improve your disposition." Great Uncle Chad put the lid back on the box and leaned down to give me a hug. With a freedom I'd never heard in his voice, he whispered in my ear, "Ms. Gestapo is going to be the death of my if the chemo doesn't take me first." I laughed and cried at the same time as I embraced my Great Uncle.
“He played the French Horn” I like this guy