For some reason my dialogue options won't show up, so I'm always stuck awkwardly staring at her until her AI resets and she leaves. Anyone else got this problem?
@@ragnarok223344 As Outershell874 mentioned above you need a speech skill of at least 75 to prompt the dialogue options perhaps that is what's causing your issues
Josh is correct. When you don’t feel the need to impress everyone around you and are comfortable with who you are, it’s a great feeling and very liberating.
Another great feeling is to get rid of the weight of the social preasure when you realize that 90% of people you meet or see dont care about how you look or what you do because they have their own issues at hand. The ones that do are people that you meet daily and they either care about your well being or hate your ass. And you can easily know which one to listen to.
@@phyrexian_dude4645I can't relate to any of this so I'll just ask for advice here. How do you respond to something, be 'more human' from girls. I'm always myself and Blunt (not that type of way of being a creep). I'm not good looking [Pretty ugly, one eye gone haywire and built like a stick]. Am I just a bad person?
@@Dead8Head You aint bad. Its just that you sound like the kind of person that doesnt need or care about a context backstory to do any kind of task. Aka, the "just get to the point" kind of person. Im kinda like that and i have found out that the best way to counteract the bluntness is to have a comeback punch line with you as the butt of the joke. It might come out on a deadpan humor but it atleast makes them know that you are aware of your bluntness issue and at the same time that your words dont come out of malice.
@@phyrexian_dude4645 I'm not a very emotional guy, I barely emit anything empathetic or heartening. I'm the guy with a bitch face and enjoy being that person who plays the role of the cynical edge. My best and only friend is a black classmate of mine and our relationship is that of the 2000s dynamic in movies and tv shows. Just more equal in screen time and we both are the protagonist. When girls try to get close to me, I can't help but feel skeptical you know. Not that type of way of being hurt or anything like that, but in a way that the relationship between me and others (Exclude the best friend) is not gonna work long term cause I was made in a way that fit a niche in friendship dynamics [Who better fits with who and such]. Now I'm trying to broaden the possible scope of relationship with different people without changing the person that I am. At my very core, I lack general ethics and morals and basically kind of selfish. I like playing devils advocate alot better than siding with the obvious white side, not that I am a bad boy. Cause when I peer into the darkness, I find myself fascinated by the things that obviously repulses people. I can see benefits, such prostitution for example. Why don't government allow prostitution even there's consent given in the deal, first cause it will be difficult to track those didn't display the deal in good faith and also it would be damning to the country and or city. Cause cities need people and there alot of religious groups that detest those acts and people will leave or not visit and that will cause the economy to suffer. When I interact I try not judge a book by its cover but that is difficult cause we have signals in our brain that determine one by looks to help our approach and locate possible dangers... Sorry for the long rant
As a girl gamer, I've had SO many experiences with guys talking to me normally and me liking them and enjoying chatting, until my mic goes on then they start being wierd or awkward and either toxic or forced nice. Just imagine you're still talking to another gamer dude, trust me, it works better lol
@@johnlinks not just typing. When I noticed this phenomenon I tested it out with me typing and other people talking. Not for everyone, but a lot of people still changed attitude when my mic went on the next raid or dungeon or chat.
Josh is the kind of man that I wish I could be... Kind of man that I want my daughter to meet when she's grown up. I'm glad that I live in a time where more men are becoming like this.
@@LalaDepala00 "Just know that she is feeling the same way" only if the girl also likes the guy, which is probably not the case for people who are facing the issue in this video. It's really a matchmaking issue.
Basically that. It's weird 'cause I'm always talking perfectly with a girl until I feel even a hint of attraction and then suddenly my ability to speak fails. A lot of girls find me funny and charismatic, but if you ask the ones I like I bet the most of them will say the complete opposite and I don't blame them for it. My mind just gets into panic mode once feelings are caught.
@@jordanetherington1922 honestly, not really. All wingmen I've had tried to set me up as a big deal and make them build expectations for me and then I knew I wasn't that and so it just made me more nervous. My only solution is self-improvement, working on my confidence and all that. Besides, through hyperbole I made it look like I'm super socially awkward, but I can handle myself even against my social anxiety, I just ain't the best when it comes to romance.
"that aint gonna work, and if it does it's not gonne be the kind of person you would want to hang out with anyway" this is so real. Took me so many years to realize that simple fact. Most people won't like you for the things other people love you for, keep that in mind. You can't like everybody and not everybody is gonna like you, that's just how it is. I think i truly realized that last year when i changed my work company and they (my team) made some giftcards where you could write one thing they like about me and one thing they think i could improve. 5 people wrote they liked me for my open and direct communication style. The other 5 people wrote that i should change that and not be so direct to be more approachable. So you see, i could either change for the last couple people or stay with the things the first 5 appreciated about me. Either way, you won't be able to please everybody. So just be you.
Biggest problem for guys who "don't know how to talk to girls" is that every time they talk to a girl they treat it as potential girlfiend/sex time, and the whole interaction becomes the gf/sex time hinges on you not saying anything stupid, so you don't and then you become boring to every girl you talk to.
went on a date with my now wife and learned later that she told her mom I was boring. fast forward to a later time when I knew she didn't like me so I just acted like myself and very quickly she started to like me
That's perfectly fine though. If someone is looking for a gf, they should very much pursue that objective instead of changing it to some nebulous "talk to girls in general".
what is also a problem is guys who don't want to be friends with women. Then they are only going after someone for their attractiveness. Go after someone who's personality you like who is also attractive. If you don't work out you should still want to be friends with them in the first place. Otherwise your relationship is just based on attraction, and unless you just plan on being casual hookups, your relationship is doomed to fail.
@@dojimaryotaro6563 They can still have that end goal, but there's guys in their 20s and even 30s who are still in a "don't know how to talk to girls(women at that point)" phase because of what I'm talking about. All I'm saying is that mindset and strategy didn't get them anywhere, so they should change it up. A detour that will ultimately lead to the destination they want.
@@dojimaryotaro6563 There's a difference between "the end goal of every interaction is sex" and "I'd like to be something more, but cool if not". Nobody wants to feel like a sex object and starting every interaction as "I have to perform the right inputs to get what I want" should be obviously gross and manipulative. If you want to date or fool around with someone, you should be honest about that goal; but I also think it's healthier to only want to sleep with people you'd want to be friends with anyway. The question "how to talk to girls" almost always has the connotation that intimacy is some end-goal point and they don't think past that. If they get in bed with someone they've "won" and then that person stops having meaning to them. I think the question should be more focused on "how do I make more friends and have greater self confidence", intimacy is just a part of relationships, not the finish line.
one of my favorite things about growing older (im 37) is that you become more and more comfortable with the person that you are, and less and less need validation or care if you are perceived in a certain way (as cool or hot or dangerous or whatever). it is quite liberating its not to say that there arent insecurities that I still work through, but overall yeah, there are less expectations that you feel you need to live up to, expectations that you put on yourself going through school and adolescence to fit in and be cool no longer mean anything to you. also helps to eat a lot of mushrooms and find yourself a bit
Yep. In my early 20s I was utterly useless with women. Then I got into a long term relationship and never had to think about it, but finding myself single again in my early 30s, I realised I was now finding it so, so much easier with the opposite sex. The reason was simply that I'd grown much more relaxed in my own skin. People think "confidence is attractive" means making bold moves on people you're attracted to. It actually just means being at ease with yourself, which means you'll naturally be funnier, warmer and more engaging to be around than someone who is tensed up and neurotic about how they're perceived. If you have chemistry with someone and you "click", that's when they start finding you attractive. And in my case it was ecstasy, but mushrooms will certainly do the job!
@@ravecrab "people think confidence means making bold moves" is so spot on. People think confidence is like swagger and acting like Brad Pitt in Oceans 11 or something and being Mr. Cool. maybe that is how confidence manifests itself for other people (like brad pitt), but more often than not that "confidence" that swagger is put on..its just part and parcel "being cool" and trying to live how you want to be perceived REAL confidence is being present with people, being honest with yourself and others. real confidence is sharing your passions with a full heart and clear eyes, even if others think its dumb or nerdy (or whatever). real confidence is showing people who you actually are, not the paradigm that you have curated for yourself over the years..but your actual self but..its hard to get to the actual self, the goddamn ego always gets in the way. i guess thats where the mushies (or xtc) comes in, the ego demolisher
@@dakineprotoss This is just how confidence appears to the other, someone that feels good in their own skin and is at ease with themselves, while maybe not obvious internally to them, will appear cool confident and much more attractive. And you can't really force that. I'm talking to a guy who I found to be really cool and I'm attracted to his confidence but he has no idea, keeps telling me it's just him being himself, which really shows how much of it is just two people interpreting things about each other. Can't force that.
Im 23 and already starting to think like that. Had this issues for my whole school period and now that im able to see beyond that, I realize the deal I was making up in my head wasnt worth at all
I’m the opposite. As a teenager, I was filled to the brim with confidence. 29 now and my confidence has been shot since 25. It’s getting a bit better now but holy hell did I go through some years. I don’t belive I’ll ever again be as confident as I was as a kid.
I struggle with this myself. And it's not exactly the need to impress the other person, but more like a need to entertain them? To engage with them? Whenever a long enough gap in conversation comes up my brain hits me with a "See? You're boring. She has nothing to talk to you about. And you have nothing of interest to bring up."
Same, but this applies to men too. Always feel like every interaction I have relies entirely on me and if I don't entertain, they'll never want to talk to me again. I thought this kind of shit was supposed to stop when you became an adult, but I'm even worse with it at 23 than I was at 13.
31-yo married gamer lady here. It's okay if there's a pause or a lull. Be comfortable. Enjoy the moment and don't feel the need to fill it with something inane. You can enjoy the company of the person you're talking to without endless babble. It's okay if there's quiet. Small talk is sometimes more of a turn-off than occasional silence. If your brain hits you with "See? You're boring," punch it right back with "Chill the heck out and relax."
Quiet is ok, maybe that's me but when that happens with a guy while it can -appear- awkward it's usually not and surely not because he's boring. It's just how things go sometime. I agree with the person above, usually going "Chill the heck out and relax" is really the best way to go ^^
If she thinks you're boring at the first 'pause', or when the convo slows down, then she isn't worth it homie. Don't undervalue yourself and your time.
Josh is so handsome he doesn't even care that his green screen makes him look like he's balding. I wish I had that confidence but alas, I'm just balding.
I took the question to mean "how do I express interest in a dating relationship with someone in a respectful way"... but I have a lot of baggage around sexual shame and fear of causing discomfort, so that doesn't help.
Two things that massively helped me after getting out of a really bad relationship. 1. You don't need to be in a relationship or have a label to be close with someone And 2. If you have a person that you like and you trust them. Tell them about how you feel. Very simple outcomes either they are understanding and possibly reciprocate. Win because you either gain a relationship or deepen your friendship. Or they react badly and you see the real them and don't need to be friends with them anymore. Because someone who dismisses your struggles doesn't deserve you.
@@brook_angel Hmm. I guess I'm just terrified of making them uncomfortable when they inevitably realize that I see them in a sexual way? I mean, it seems cruel to dismiss them for reacting badly to that, or even to cause them to go through that discomfort in the first place. In general I agree though.
@@myboatforacar I mean. You don't need to lead with your sexual fantasies about them. A guy did that to me onece Immediate block. It's just inappropriate. (yes we knew each other, but he never even mentioned that he liked me and just send me a 2 page essay about how he he's wet dreams about me while also being transphobic) Anyway. A relationship isn't just about sex so leading with that might give the other person the wrong idea.
@@brook_angel I'm not talking about leading with it, I'm talking about when they eventually realize. As a neurodivergent person, I don't understand why the second is any better than the first. That kind of discomfort is something that I genuinely can't comprehend feeling, so I'm working completely in the dark here, which is highly unusual for me. Transphobia sucks though, with you on that.
@@myboatforacar I'm also neurodeivergent :D And like. When they eventually realize usually that's at the moment when they also have those feelings for you? That's why I said to no lead with them. As long as it's mutual and consentual it should be pretty chill.
*Proceeds to order Henry Cavill from wish* Seriously: Everybody wants to hang out on the sofa, playing couch coop with Josh. Everybody needs a Josh as their buddy.
Josh is totally right. Personally speaking, I feel very fortunate to have grown up in an environment where my personality was allowed to develop without a ton of outside influence and I was encouraged to be myself. It helped make me resilient, and when you start concerning yourself with your own priorities and values, rather than the image society might have of you, it’s way easier to talk to and impress people on your own terms, because you’re a fully developed, three-dimensional person and therefore likely to surround yourself with other fully-developed people who are great to be around. You don’t have to try so hard around each other and can be a lot more open and honest, should the opportunity arise.
the how do you talk to girls/impress girls/etc question has in it the assumption that you are not enough. the real answer to the question is to learn to like yourself enough that you dont feel like someone has to be tricked into liking you. whether thats finding new interests and living more, or just doing a load of introspection or therapy.
Im only 24, but i can say confidentlu that thebmain problem that men face in dating is what youve described. Ive never had problems dating or being just friends with women. That's because I'm (mostly) asexual. Its crazy how vastly different the mentality to approaching the task of dating is, and how clearly one wins. I've hit "out of my league" (I hate that term, i think its reductive to the value people can have) very easily while I see guys do the same robotic strategies you were mentioning and get no results. You really hit the nail on the head with this one.
Honestly I think the idea of the "friend zone" has ruined a lot social engagement when it comes to men and women talking. I look at my parents and they aren't just husband and wife, they are friends as well. They enjoy just sitting around having a drink or two and shooting the shit just as much as they do love going on dates and being all romantic. I look at the women I have dated and more often than not, we were friends first before we even ever thought about each other in a romantic light. Be yourself and don't try to hard, you'll find way more success than failures.
Yeah except your parents knew even subconsciously they were attracted to each other upon first meeting. They were "friends" not friends. They then became and stayed friends after while still being "friends". Its not the same as the friend zone. And those people you said you dated were "friends" before friends otherwise you wouldn't have dated them. You don't date people you don't find attractive.
Honestly, learning that was one of my first and biggest steps I've had when it comes to dating. I still couldn't flirt if my life depended on it, but that's allowed me not to feel miserable when I fail and keep those girls as friends pretty much for life. It's funny to see how most of my best friends are either exes of mine or people who've rejected me in the past. I assure you, no amount of romantic love could replace all of those friends.
I don't know if I was given this advice or if I just picked it up, but a conversation is not meant to have a specified conclusion. Games tell us that dialogues have a purpose, and even have the name social encounter... something you can win or lose. Real conversation literally has no purpose. You don't have to get to a certain outcime from it. The same thing really applies to talking to women. You may go in to the dialogue thinking the goal is to get contact details or a date... no. The goal is basically to make noise at each other. If a date happens at the end then great. If not, make more noise.
Hello stranger and a one in a million chance josh. Had a bad day. Mother with mostly incurable cancer and a bad day with her chemotherapy. My crushing guilt because I am single and have no children in my mid thirties to show her. Somehow this made me feel better...I don't even know why. So a genuine thank you Josh.
When I hit my 30s, the realisation that I didn't have to "try" anymore was such a relief. Now I'm just annoyed that I spent so much time trying to be palatable for other people, when I could have just been me the whole time.
If you lack the confidence (or are suffering from crippling social anxiety like me), just pretend that you're confident. I'm not even joking. People can't tell the difference.
big true. Was super shy back in the day, but the more I realized I could just "main character" a lot of things (everyone else being an idiot, forcing me to take charge helped), the more confident I got.
So many guys are broken by media on this topic. With the the teen protag guy "not knowing how to talk to girls" The secret, as Josh said, is to just talk to them like a guy you want to be friends with, because... human beings... The real question, that is different in very small ways, is "how to flirt", and the answer is that girls can like you without you ever flirting if youre treating them like a person, plus your problem likely isn't that your flirting is bad, because most people is kinda cringe. It's that you don't know when to do it, and the answer to that is very context specific. But one thing that isn't, is that they need to be interested or like you before you flirt, otherwise how could it come off any way but weird and gross. Attractiveness can be a privilege with this at times, but that is all it is, its a crutch to make you not have to be a decent person.
if youre treating them like a person, - worked in asia, dont work in west and east now xDDDD they dont care. They can masturbate on their cute boy from BTS and sc*m some ugly guys for money, they dont care about you at all. hate me as you want, i am telling harsh truth.
First rule of talking to girls, or anybody in general, just be yourself. Don't force your personality, just be you. If you find yourself struggling to talk initiate conversation with people, start by raising your confidence. The best way to raise your confidence is to look good. This could be wearing your favorite clothes, or just wearing clothes your comfortable with. You have to feel good about yourself. What do you do when you don't feel good about yourself? Go to the gym! Terrified of going to the gym because you're afraid people are laughing you? Don't worry about that. Just put on some headphones, and workout the best way you can. You're not there for anyone else, you're there for you. Once you feel good about yourself, then you'll find talking to other people is a lot simpler. Never stop being yourself though. Don't try to be someone you're not, just always be true to yourself.
I have always been myself around people. Yet I'm the exact opposite of charming. Being "yourself" only works if you are holding yourself back for fear of being improper.
This is so true! Literally just treat us girls like you would anyone else. We love to feel included as if we're one of the guys, it helps us get to know you and your interests, which forms the basis of a friendship that then has the potential to turn into something more. Don't treat every female interaction like a romancing opportunity, because life doesn't work like dating sims.
As someone who really wants a gf as getting older in mid 30s.I really start needing to try to meet and talk to women. Man gaming addiction all in my 20s was not good in the long run
I talk to women all the time in my job. I have lovely conversations all the time. However i have yet to meet a woman since i left highschool who wanted anything more from me. Im 34 now. Since i was 18 ive had 0 women interested in having a relationship with me. I have lots of friends. And a healthy social life. We meet up weekly for game night and to hangout. But ive still been alone for the last 13 years.
As someone who used to overvalue sex and romance, let me tell you something. Go in with the mentality that whatever happens, happens. Are you gonna be lovers? Friends? More like siblings? Who knows, who cares. Worst case, you get a valuable experience out of it and move on with your life. Best case, you have formed a bond with a great person, whatever that might be. Just be yourself. Sure, keep the walls around your heart well guarded, but also add a gate or two, ya know?
I have a personal policy that I can find youtubers, streamers and such entertaining, so I'll watch them occasionally, give em a like, but I never go for the good old follow/subscribe until I get a sense of how good a person they are (or at least try to be). This is the video that got my subscription. That kind of "no bullshit kindness" is exactly my approach to life. You want to make good friends? Meet a romantic partner? It all *at least starts* with just being nice. And in many cases, being (*genuinely*) nice is really all you need.
People may not like hearing this, but it's okay to be in the "friend zone". Not every women has to be a potential partner or person to have sex with. Learn to be a person women can feel safe around with and talk to comfortably. There's a reason why women put up walls around men so much, so do not be upset when they do not reciprocate immediately. Women really appreciate men who just genuinely wants to be their friends.
And no one wants to date a guy who doesn't appreciate friendship anyway. If someone dismisses friendship they aren't worth a relationship. Speaks of (well against) their character.
!!!! Exactly. It's gotten easier when I got married and now I just say my husband in the first part of the Convo. There's been so many times when I was a guys friend, he could be himself, I didn't judge him for having feelings and struggles and they would ALWAYS get feelings for me and I....Didn't. I just wanna have some guy friends to talk to about games, Warhammer, etc.
the friend zone doesn't exist. this is a toxic concept that got popular because of a 90s tv show. if there was such a zone that would mean you're not friends. did you ever think why the word boyfriend/girlfriend has the word friend in there? no you didn't. you have to be friends first. but you would disagree because there's more concepts you picked up on tv and the internet that brainwashed you.
@@eotikurac yesn't? I think the concept of a friendzone has a right to exist, just the negative connotation is wrong. Getting friendzoned can suck, because it means the feelings aren't mutual, but staying friends shouldn't be seen as a bad thing in that case. It's just a different way of saying rejection since that word can mean that you are rejected completely not just as a partner, but as a friend in general. So I think "friendzone" can be a useful word on it's own. Even if it's origin is a little meh'.
Josh's advice is good. Especially for anyone who would ask the question like that. However, if you're not flirting with anyone that does make finding a partner harder. And being at least a little flirty comes naturally to most people. But for those to whom it doesn't, there's sense in talking differently to those you're interested in romantically. That is, actively being more flirty.
Talk to yourself and articulate opinions well on things that interest you. Then simply do that with others. Then do that with someone you are emotionally invested in. Now do that with someone you are attracted to.
For me, who was single for a long time.... just... take a step back, look at yourself, realize what flaws you have. And just try. I was surprised as anyone when it finally worked. You just gotta try, alot of women don't wanna have conversations, that's fine. But they're just as awkward as us.
When I was in middle school I liked the idea of a fedora, then I tried one on in a department store. I'm just gonna say that you need the right outfit for it to work.
I never understood that question. I see guys doing an amazing job at alienating women, depicting us as something from a different species, often refer to us as "females" again, like they're talking about something not human and honestly the way these guys ask "how do I talk to girls" is the exact same as people asking questions "how do I take care of a baby giraffe" or "how do I speedrun this game to get the rewards faster". Then I spent some time on discord servers and observed how these guys talk to each other. They almost never talk to girls and spend their time talking to other men who won't call them out on sexualizing and objectifying women and will actually normalize and reinforce it. They use insults as humour and will talk in a way that would make a lot of women uncomfortable, especially within the first encounters. There's a lot of "wahmen bad" jokes that other guys will reinforce as well. There is little to no empathy for female issues and no desire to learn and relate (or at least empathise). Then whenever they have an opportunity to actually interact with a woman (either online or irl) they try to bring all that out and into a conversation with a woman. And it's bad, it's honestly really bad. Even as someone very forgiving and patient, I just had a bad time interacting with these guys. They were treating me as if I owed them validation if they were just nice to me, they expected me to be okay with objectification and to agree that "wahmen are indeed bad" and some of them would become openly hostile if I set boundaries. There were some girls on the servers but they either left or never participated in chats. These guys don't understand what the problem is and don't want to hear it. So my advice is before you try to learn how to minmax talking to women, try working on your perception of women. And definitely first try making female friends and put in effort.
I have a thought on this subject. Everything josh says i can relate to, i was a weird kid and played to my strenghts of being witty and funny and now im doing great. Im sure the majority of people from our generation came into themselves in some way after adolencence. Heres the thing though, we did not have the red pill and incel forums and other toxic shit to tell us we arent the problem so we were forced to face reality and develop. Sometimes it makes me things these young guys and girls now are so bombarded with easy answers from the internet that they really dont stand a chance. Especially considering that young minds are very impressionable and not equiped to see through the bullshit. I wonder what you all think of this. Cheers
i honestly think you are onto something here, let me think a little more about it and come back to you... and if i dont i forgot :P but either way, have a nice one ;)
That's the problem, I don't really talk to random people other than superficial stuff like the weather and things like that. It feels really forced and artificial to start a conversation to me
Most conversations with strangers start off generic, but I find the best way to make them interesting is to listen carefully to the other person's responses to generic questions and then ask them more details about what they say. Generally they'll start to open up, and then you can relate what they say back to an experience of your own. Takes practice, but it works!
it's a skill like any other, the more you do it the more comfortable it becomes, you can view this even from streamers/YT creators, early videos are less confident/etc. same thing IRL too, you get more comfortable speaking with and being outgoing with people (it's also completely separate from intro/extraversion)
When I started talking to women the same way I talk to men, with a little less potty humor obviously, I suddenly got a ton of attention back from them. It really is that easy.
This. Trying to impress someone comes across as ingenuine and off-putting. It's like that Shania Twain song "That don't impress me much" That's all I remember of that song though... so it could be a terrible example. 🤣
There should be a class for young people in which they use this video to teach young people how to talk to someone they might be interested in getting to know better.
Back when I was in school, one of the teachers decided to set up an etiquette lessons for us, that would encompass day to day interactions, ranging from behavior to speech, and then some. Back then we were, like, 14, maybe 15. And from today's me perspective, it was a splendid idea. Problem is, we were too young and too dumb to appreciate the gift that was offered to us. She didn't have to do any of it, and yet she still decided to go for it. Never in my life have I felt this ungrateful, than realizing what I've been offered and what I refused. I guess that's the thing, really, about young people, whatever is given to them freely is never appreciated. In my eyes, the only valid method to teach them something, is to just beat the knowledge into their heads and hope that some of it sticks.
Took me years to be able to approach women and even now I struggle. Just practice. I talk to women I find attractive now and will break into a sweat lol 😅
what helped me was forcing myself into a hospitality job like working at cafes. Genuinely if you work at a busy one its essentially grinding your social skills. You will meet hundreds of people in a week only about 20 or so are regulars. So much time to fail in a repeatable but measurable way. That is, you can learn from your behaviour's and adjust with little internal social shame/consequence
What interests do you have in common? Did you see or hear something interesting the other day and think they'd be interested in hearing it? If you both like video games, you could play different video games in the same room and talk?
I don't have a problem talking to women, they have a problem talking to _me_ . Jokes aside, there's something to be said about the opposite, a lot of women might be more defensive around men because they've been taught that men are to be feared.
2:02 I do that every day. If I don’t talk to her she stops talking to me. If I talk to her she only MIGHT stop talking to me. It’s really easy too to just ask about someone and genuinely care. Remember things.
And that's a big problem... Because they're machines where you put kindness coins into but sex is actually not in the machine so it will never fall out as it's reserved for assholes.
Tl:dr Ask more about them, don't talk about yourself for the most part. Ask question about something you're interested and see their reaction. Often it's about sharing feelings/emotion about the particular topic not just being logical.
Being yourself only works if you are already the best version of yourself, so work on that first. Second of all, stop approaching people just to date them, work on building a friendship first and see where things organically go from there. Who knows, YOU might not actually be interested in that person and save yourself the trouble and heartache of being with someone you are actually incompatible with.
What's up with the first part? This is why people never get a move on with their life. No is is the best version, don't say things like this because everyone is flawed and 70% of dating just comes down to personal preference. Jesus why are we still here
Haha. "Don't approach to people you are interested in and be glad to be a side thing while they look for an actual partner that doesn't need to pretend to want to be just friends." Because that's what you want to say right there. Also, it's NORMAL to not want to be friends with the opposite sex since the opposite sex is the one you are supposed to be with romantically. Having more than one or two is ABNORMAL and usually is some shit narcissist that wants to keep options around and has no self-awareness. With this, I can confidently state that Modernity was a mistake.
Josh is sitting in his computer chair playing PoE in a smart vest and collared shirt, while talking about people wearing professional clothes at odd times. Nice.
The thing is, you don't HAVE to be the one to initiate a conversation. I met some very nice women just by sitting in a bar, enjoying the music, either with friends or by myself, after they either came up to talk to me or I got a drink delivered to me from the lady. The thing is, no matter if you talk to them or just wait for them to talk to you, just act normal, relaxed, and not like a creepy desperate guy. Everyone is different and seeking different things. Be patient long enough, and you'll find what you are looking for even when you least expect to.
might just be me as a psych major, but we manipulate each other everyday, you kind of do need to manipulate someone to like you. You don't want to act however you feel like in the moment , you kind of always have to think, the moment that happened, you've already started to manipulate a social situation into something that you think you'll benefit from
The statement about women not being machines you put kindness coins into until sex falls out is a quote from a relationship counselor who had a blog on Kotaku back when Kotaku was a good site (so... a decade ago?). I forget the source, but his advice was as good then as it is now, and I'm glad that you could bring that very poignant insight to your audience.
Just talk to them like you'd talk to any other person. Seriously. Also stop trying to date every girl you talk to, that's weird. Also, when you're friends with girls they might try to present you some of their friends and you'll have a much better chance of succeeding if you already have a girl's approval. It's that simple, really. Don't be a weirdo.
It's easy!. You simply walk up to the girl you wish to talk to and then you press "A" or "X" depending on your controller
and you should at least have your Speech at 75 to get past most persuasion checks. hope this helps.
Also, make sure the interact icon pops up first, so you don't accidentally jump at them.
For some reason my dialogue options won't show up, so I'm always stuck awkwardly staring at her until her AI resets and she leaves. Anyone else got this problem?
@@ragnarok223344 that's a bug you need to reroll your Windows Updates to Win7
@@ragnarok223344 As Outershell874 mentioned above you need a speech skill of at least 75 to prompt the dialogue options perhaps that is what's causing your issues
Josh is correct. When you don’t feel the need to impress everyone around you and are comfortable with who you are, it’s a great feeling and very liberating.
Another great feeling is to get rid of the weight of the social preasure when you realize that 90% of people you meet or see dont care about how you look or what you do because they have their own issues at hand. The ones that do are people that you meet daily and they either care about your well being or hate your ass. And you can easily know which one to listen to.
its almost like a super power. Genuine confidence is great to have.
@@phyrexian_dude4645I can't relate to any of this so I'll just ask for advice here. How do you respond to something, be 'more human' from girls. I'm always myself and Blunt (not that type of way of being a creep). I'm not good looking [Pretty ugly, one eye gone haywire and built like a stick]. Am I just a bad person?
@@Dead8Head You aint bad. Its just that you sound like the kind of person that doesnt need or care about a context backstory to do any kind of task. Aka, the "just get to the point" kind of person.
Im kinda like that and i have found out that the best way to counteract the bluntness is to have a comeback punch line with you as the butt of the joke. It might come out on a deadpan humor but it atleast makes them know that you are aware of your bluntness issue and at the same time that your words dont come out of malice.
@@phyrexian_dude4645 I'm not a very emotional guy, I barely emit anything empathetic or heartening. I'm the guy with a bitch face and enjoy being that person who plays the role of the cynical edge.
My best and only friend is a black classmate of mine and our relationship is that of the 2000s dynamic in movies and tv shows. Just more equal in screen time and we both are the protagonist.
When girls try to get close to me, I can't help but feel skeptical you know. Not that type of way of being hurt or anything like that, but in a way that the relationship between me and others (Exclude the best friend) is not gonna work long term cause I was made in a way that fit a niche in friendship dynamics [Who better fits with who and such]. Now I'm trying to broaden the possible scope of relationship with different people without changing the person that I am. At my very core, I lack general ethics and morals and basically kind of selfish. I like playing devils advocate alot better than siding with the obvious white side, not that I am a bad boy. Cause when I peer into the darkness, I find myself fascinated by the things that obviously repulses people. I can see benefits, such prostitution for example. Why don't government allow prostitution even there's consent given in the deal, first cause it will be difficult to track those didn't display the deal in good faith and also it would be damning to the country and or city. Cause cities need people and there alot of religious groups that detest those acts and people will leave or not visit and that will cause the economy to suffer.
When I interact I try not judge a book by its cover but that is difficult cause we have signals in our brain that determine one by looks to help our approach and locate possible dangers... Sorry for the long rant
1:55 The cut from selecting 'kill oak' straight to being surrounded by bodies, all while giving good advice is hilarious
As a girl gamer, I've had SO many experiences with guys talking to me normally and me liking them and enjoying chatting, until my mic goes on then they start being wierd or awkward and either toxic or forced nice. Just imagine you're still talking to another gamer dude, trust me, it works better lol
I guess for some people out there. Typing is easier than speaking
It works
That's how I got to know my boyfriend
We literally discussing Elden Ring and Bloodborne lore
Ah another speedrunner I see.
@@johnlinks not just typing. When I noticed this phenomenon I tested it out with me typing and other people talking. Not for everyone, but a lot of people still changed attitude when my mic went on the next raid or dungeon or chat.
[x] doubt
It's common knowledge, there are no girls on the internet. Only G.I.R.L.s
"Is it fair? No. Am I going to exploit it? Yes."
He's speaking the language of the gods.
Even funnier cause he's playing PoE while saying it; exploit early, exploit often is what people often say about rewarding bugs in PoE.
I'm gonna show these videos to my children. Josh is the role model young people need and deserve.
Josh is the kind of man that I wish I could be... Kind of man that I want my daughter to meet when she's grown up.
I'm glad that I live in a time where more men are becoming like this.
I said as much on Twitter not long ago. He actually saw it and was happy to be considered that way. 😁
Absolutely, wouldn't want your kids growing up not having watched bible black.
As a parent, why arent you?
Better to be the role model to your children. There are great people on the internet but it's best to be your children's hero
It's not that girls are weird or abnormal or strange, it's that my mind becomes weird/abnormal/strange when I'm around a girl I like.
@@LalaDepala00 "Just know that she is feeling the same way" only if the girl also likes the guy, which is probably not the case for people who are facing the issue in this video. It's really a matchmaking issue.
Basically that. It's weird 'cause I'm always talking perfectly with a girl until I feel even a hint of attraction and then suddenly my ability to speak fails. A lot of girls find me funny and charismatic, but if you ask the ones I like I bet the most of them will say the complete opposite and I don't blame them for it. My mind just gets into panic mode once feelings are caught.
@@heyfell4301 well that sounds like a pretty sympathetic issue. I wonder, would it be easier if you had a wingman (or woman) with you?
@@jordanetherington1922 honestly, not really. All wingmen I've had tried to set me up as a big deal and make them build expectations for me and then I knew I wasn't that and so it just made me more nervous.
My only solution is self-improvement, working on my confidence and all that. Besides, through hyperbole I made it look like I'm super socially awkward, but I can handle myself even against my social anxiety, I just ain't the best when it comes to romance.
"that aint gonna work, and if it does it's not gonne be the kind of person you would want to hang out with anyway" this is so real.
Took me so many years to realize that simple fact. Most people won't like you for the things other people love you for, keep that in mind. You can't like everybody and not everybody is gonna like you, that's just how it is. I think i truly realized that last year when i changed my work company and they (my team) made some giftcards where you could write one thing they like about me and one thing they think i could improve. 5 people wrote they liked me for my open and direct communication style.
The other 5 people wrote that i should change that and not be so direct to be more approachable. So you see, i could either change for the last couple people or stay with the things the first 5 appreciated about me.
Either way, you won't be able to please everybody. So just be you.
That's really interesting example! Unexpected plot twist :)
Biggest problem for guys who "don't know how to talk to girls" is that every time they talk to a girl they treat it as potential girlfiend/sex time, and the whole interaction becomes the gf/sex time hinges on you not saying anything stupid, so you don't and then you become boring to every girl you talk to.
went on a date with my now wife and learned later that she told her mom I was boring. fast forward to a later time when I knew she didn't like me so I just acted like myself and very quickly she started to like me
That's perfectly fine though. If someone is looking for a gf, they should very much pursue that objective instead of changing it to some nebulous "talk to girls in general".
what is also a problem is guys who don't want to be friends with women. Then they are only going after someone for their attractiveness. Go after someone who's personality you like who is also attractive. If you don't work out you should still want to be friends with them in the first place. Otherwise your relationship is just based on attraction, and unless you just plan on being casual hookups, your relationship is doomed to fail.
@@dojimaryotaro6563 They can still have that end goal, but there's guys in their 20s and even 30s who are still in a "don't know how to talk to girls(women at that point)" phase because of what I'm talking about.
All I'm saying is that mindset and strategy didn't get them anywhere, so they should change it up. A detour that will ultimately lead to the destination they want.
@@dojimaryotaro6563 There's a difference between "the end goal of every interaction is sex" and "I'd like to be something more, but cool if not". Nobody wants to feel like a sex object and starting every interaction as "I have to perform the right inputs to get what I want" should be obviously gross and manipulative.
If you want to date or fool around with someone, you should be honest about that goal; but I also think it's healthier to only want to sleep with people you'd want to be friends with anyway.
The question "how to talk to girls" almost always has the connotation that intimacy is some end-goal point and they don't think past that. If they get in bed with someone they've "won" and then that person stops having meaning to them. I think the question should be more focused on "how do I make more friends and have greater self confidence", intimacy is just a part of relationships, not the finish line.
Easy: You walk up behind the woman and politely ask her to move so you can talk to the hot guy in front of her.
Ummm based? 😂
The absolute BEST way to deal with it. You are a genius and I'll apply your technique the next time I try that.
Actually might worl a little. Hilarious.
Her: But I am standing in front of a mirror
Guy: I know
@@confusedashell020 Based AF
Josh being one of those dorky kids in high school that bloomed late explains so much why this attractive British man is an MMO nerd.
one of my favorite things about growing older (im 37) is that you become more and more comfortable with the person that you are, and less and less need validation or care if you are perceived in a certain way (as cool or hot or dangerous or whatever).
it is quite liberating
its not to say that there arent insecurities that I still work through, but overall yeah, there are less expectations that you feel you need to live up to, expectations that you put on yourself going through school and adolescence to fit in and be cool no longer mean anything to you.
also helps to eat a lot of mushrooms and find yourself a bit
Yep. In my early 20s I was utterly useless with women. Then I got into a long term relationship and never had to think about it, but finding myself single again in my early 30s, I realised I was now finding it so, so much easier with the opposite sex. The reason was simply that I'd grown much more relaxed in my own skin. People think "confidence is attractive" means making bold moves on people you're attracted to. It actually just means being at ease with yourself, which means you'll naturally be funnier, warmer and more engaging to be around than someone who is tensed up and neurotic about how they're perceived. If you have chemistry with someone and you "click", that's when they start finding you attractive.
And in my case it was ecstasy, but mushrooms will certainly do the job!
@@ravecrab "people think confidence means making bold moves" is so spot on. People think confidence is like swagger and acting like Brad Pitt in Oceans 11 or something and being Mr. Cool.
maybe that is how confidence manifests itself for other people (like brad pitt), but more often than not that "confidence" that swagger is put on..its just part and parcel "being cool" and trying to live how you want to be perceived
REAL confidence is being present with people, being honest with yourself and others. real confidence is sharing your passions with a full heart and clear eyes, even if others think its dumb or nerdy (or whatever). real confidence is showing people who you actually are, not the paradigm that you have curated for yourself over the years..but your actual self
but..its hard to get to the actual self, the goddamn ego always gets in the way. i guess thats where the mushies (or xtc) comes in, the ego demolisher
@@dakineprotoss This is just how confidence appears to the other, someone that feels good in their own skin and is at ease with themselves, while maybe not obvious internally to them, will appear cool confident and much more attractive.
And you can't really force that.
I'm talking to a guy who I found to be really cool and I'm attracted to his confidence but he has no idea, keeps telling me it's just him being himself, which really shows how much of it is just two people interpreting things about each other.
Can't force that.
Im 23 and already starting to think like that. Had this issues for my whole school period and now that im able to see beyond that, I realize the deal I was making up in my head wasnt worth at all
I’m the opposite. As a teenager, I was filled to the brim with confidence. 29 now and my confidence has been shot since 25. It’s getting a bit better now but holy hell did I go through some years. I don’t belive I’ll ever again be as confident as I was as a kid.
I struggle with this myself. And it's not exactly the need to impress the other person, but more like a need to entertain them? To engage with them? Whenever a long enough gap in conversation comes up my brain hits me with a "See? You're boring. She has nothing to talk to you about. And you have nothing of interest to bring up."
Same, but this applies to men too. Always feel like every interaction I have relies entirely on me and if I don't entertain, they'll never want to talk to me again. I thought this kind of shit was supposed to stop when you became an adult, but I'm even worse with it at 23 than I was at 13.
31-yo married gamer lady here. It's okay if there's a pause or a lull. Be comfortable. Enjoy the moment and don't feel the need to fill it with something inane. You can enjoy the company of the person you're talking to without endless babble. It's okay if there's quiet. Small talk is sometimes more of a turn-off than occasional silence. If your brain hits you with "See? You're boring," punch it right back with "Chill the heck out and relax."
Quiet is ok, maybe that's me but when that happens with a guy while it can -appear- awkward it's usually not and surely not because he's boring. It's just how things go sometime. I agree with the person above, usually going "Chill the heck out and relax" is really the best way to go ^^
If she thinks you're boring at the first 'pause', or when the convo slows down, then she isn't worth it homie.
Don't undervalue yourself and your time.
3:12 Talking to dolphins is easy! Seaquest DSV taught me that.
Josh is so handsome he doesn't even care that his green screen makes him look like he's balding. I wish I had that confidence but alas, I'm just balding.
I took the question to mean "how do I express interest in a dating relationship with someone in a respectful way"... but I have a lot of baggage around sexual shame and fear of causing discomfort, so that doesn't help.
Two things that massively helped me after getting out of a really bad relationship.
1. You don't need to be in a relationship or have a label to be close with someone
And
2. If you have a person that you like and you trust them. Tell them about how you feel. Very simple outcomes either they are understanding and possibly reciprocate. Win because you either gain a relationship or deepen your friendship. Or they react badly and you see the real them and don't need to be friends with them anymore. Because someone who dismisses your struggles doesn't deserve you.
@@brook_angel Hmm. I guess I'm just terrified of making them uncomfortable when they inevitably realize that I see them in a sexual way? I mean, it seems cruel to dismiss them for reacting badly to that, or even to cause them to go through that discomfort in the first place. In general I agree though.
@@myboatforacar I mean. You don't need to lead with your sexual fantasies about them.
A guy did that to me onece
Immediate block. It's just inappropriate. (yes we knew each other, but he never even mentioned that he liked me and just send me a 2 page essay about how he he's wet dreams about me while also being transphobic)
Anyway. A relationship isn't just about sex so leading with that might give the other person the wrong idea.
@@brook_angel I'm not talking about leading with it, I'm talking about when they eventually realize. As a neurodivergent person, I don't understand why the second is any better than the first. That kind of discomfort is something that I genuinely can't comprehend feeling, so I'm working completely in the dark here, which is highly unusual for me.
Transphobia sucks though, with you on that.
@@myboatforacar I'm also neurodeivergent :D
And like. When they eventually realize usually that's at the moment when they also have those feelings for you?
That's why I said to no lead with them. As long as it's mutual and consentual it should be pretty chill.
*Proceeds to order Henry Cavill from wish* Seriously: Everybody wants to hang out on the sofa, playing couch coop with Josh. Everybody needs a Josh as their buddy.
Josh is totally right. Personally speaking, I feel very fortunate to have grown up in an environment where my personality was allowed to develop without a ton of outside influence and I was encouraged to be myself. It helped make me resilient, and when you start concerning yourself with your own priorities and values, rather than the image society might have of you, it’s way easier to talk to and impress people on your own terms, because you’re a fully developed, three-dimensional person and therefore likely to surround yourself with other fully-developed people who are great to be around. You don’t have to try so hard around each other and can be a lot more open and honest, should the opportunity arise.
“Girls are not machines you put kindness coins into until sex falls out” should be in textbooks
To many ppl do that. It's sad tbh
Boys are not wallets, you put your sexual appeling coins into untill money and items falls out. Should be in textbooks.
@@BloodyArchangelusdon't forget emotional labor, they always dump on boys
Indeed, they're machines you put chad abuse coins into and sex starts falling out.
the how do you talk to girls/impress girls/etc question has in it the assumption that you are not enough. the real answer to the question is to learn to like yourself enough that you dont feel like someone has to be tricked into liking you. whether thats finding new interests and living more, or just doing a load of introspection or therapy.
Trying to impress someone often comes across as not being genuine which is off-putting.
Glad that was in the first 15 seconds.
Im only 24, but i can say confidentlu that thebmain problem that men face in dating is what youve described. Ive never had problems dating or being just friends with women. That's because I'm (mostly) asexual. Its crazy how vastly different the mentality to approaching the task of dating is, and how clearly one wins. I've hit "out of my league" (I hate that term, i think its reductive to the value people can have) very easily while I see guys do the same robotic strategies you were mentioning and get no results. You really hit the nail on the head with this one.
Honestly I think the idea of the "friend zone" has ruined a lot social engagement when it comes to men and women talking. I look at my parents and they aren't just husband and wife, they are friends as well. They enjoy just sitting around having a drink or two and shooting the shit just as much as they do love going on dates and being all romantic. I look at the women I have dated and more often than not, we were friends first before we even ever thought about each other in a romantic light. Be yourself and don't try to hard, you'll find way more success than failures.
ghosted
you should date someone you want to be friends with who you just so happen to be attracted too. Recipe for a much healthier relationship.
Yeah except your parents knew even subconsciously they were attracted to each other upon first meeting. They were "friends" not friends. They then became and stayed friends after while still being "friends". Its not the same as the friend zone. And those people you said you dated were "friends" before friends otherwise you wouldn't have dated them. You don't date people you don't find attractive.
@@nuke2099thats bs. All of my long term partners were repulsive to me at first and pityfcks at best. Keywords: oxitocine. And clean flat.
Honestly, learning that was one of my first and biggest steps I've had when it comes to dating. I still couldn't flirt if my life depended on it, but that's allowed me not to feel miserable when I fail and keep those girls as friends pretty much for life. It's funny to see how most of my best friends are either exes of mine or people who've rejected me in the past. I assure you, no amount of romantic love could replace all of those friends.
I don't know if I was given this advice or if I just picked it up, but a conversation is not meant to have a specified conclusion. Games tell us that dialogues have a purpose, and even have the name social encounter... something you can win or lose.
Real conversation literally has no purpose. You don't have to get to a certain outcime from it.
The same thing really applies to talking to women. You may go in to the dialogue thinking the goal is to get contact details or a date... no. The goal is basically to make noise at each other. If a date happens at the end then great. If not, make more noise.
You've a good point.
😂 As someone who isn't fond of noise, thanks for describing hell.
Hello stranger and a one in a million chance josh.
Had a bad day. Mother with mostly incurable cancer and a bad day with her chemotherapy.
My crushing guilt because I am single and have no children in my mid thirties to show her.
Somehow this made me feel better...I don't even know why.
So a genuine thank you Josh.
why would you feel guilty because your mother is selfish? f her and her opinions.
Not giving a shit anymore is very powerful
How to approach people
LP LP → LK HP
Mesatsu!
how do i talk to people?
I feel like this video will irremediably taint my Recommended feed forever.
Old guy here. This advice checks out.
When I hit my 30s, the realisation that I didn't have to "try" anymore was such a relief. Now I'm just annoyed that I spent so much time trying to be palatable for other people, when I could have just been me the whole time.
"there is a time and a place to wear a suit, it's not all the time" reviewbrah is somewhere out there at his disappointment is immeasurable
If you lack the confidence (or are suffering from crippling social anxiety like me), just pretend that you're confident. I'm not even joking. People can't tell the difference.
Fake it til you make it works for nearly every aspect of life.
Yea it's very true
big true. Was super shy back in the day, but the more I realized I could just "main character" a lot of things (everyone else being an idiot, forcing me to take charge helped), the more confident I got.
100% true.
@@TheVenhammer Don't want you as a firefighter 😨
jk =)
Meanwhile, Josh is a machine that I feed second monitor space until funny words fall out.
The right question would rather be; How do I disregard my own thoughts, preconceptions and self consciousness when conversing.
That requires training and exposure unfortunately, thats something youll never get by listening or reading advices. Start small, be friends
@@sleepycowboy18 being friends doesn't work if you want to be married, idiot, stop giving this retarded non-advice.
Really good advice, right on.
I've never seen this guy before but he just gave so much great advice in this one clip that I instantly subscribed.
So many guys are broken by media on this topic. With the the teen protag guy "not knowing how to talk to girls"
The secret, as Josh said, is to just talk to them like a guy you want to be friends with, because... human beings...
The real question, that is different in very small ways, is "how to flirt", and the answer is that girls can like you without you ever flirting if youre treating them like a person, plus your problem likely isn't that your flirting is bad, because most people is kinda cringe. It's that you don't know when to do it, and the answer to that is very context specific.
But one thing that isn't, is that they need to be interested or like you before you flirt, otherwise how could it come off any way but weird and gross. Attractiveness can be a privilege with this at times, but that is all it is, its a crutch to make you not have to be a decent person.
if youre treating them like a person, - worked in asia, dont work in west and east now xDDDD they dont care. They can masturbate on their cute boy from BTS and sc*m some ugly guys for money, they dont care about you at all.
hate me as you want, i am telling harsh truth.
First rule of talking to girls, or anybody in general, just be yourself. Don't force your personality, just be you. If you find yourself struggling to talk initiate conversation with people, start by raising your confidence. The best way to raise your confidence is to look good. This could be wearing your favorite clothes, or just wearing clothes your comfortable with. You have to feel good about yourself. What do you do when you don't feel good about yourself? Go to the gym! Terrified of going to the gym because you're afraid people are laughing you? Don't worry about that. Just put on some headphones, and workout the best way you can. You're not there for anyone else, you're there for you. Once you feel good about yourself, then you'll find talking to other people is a lot simpler. Never stop being yourself though. Don't try to be someone you're not, just always be true to yourself.
Its hard bro, ty tho
Hopefully your comfortable clothes aren't a wife beater, sweats, and a bathrobe. Luckily for me I grew into this outfit after I got married.
It works until the people in question have their true self as a PoS and or innately annoying.
Bro if I just act like myself I won't be talking to strangers lol
I have always been myself around people. Yet I'm the exact opposite of charming.
Being "yourself" only works if you are holding yourself back for fear of being improper.
“How do you talk to people?”
I have been trying to figure that out for 21 years, still haven’t got it.
I still have to put a 'front' to actually invite people in my space.
Still have introverted and "people pleasing" tendencies that have not gone.
This is so true! Literally just treat us girls like you would anyone else. We love to feel included as if we're one of the guys, it helps us get to know you and your interests, which forms the basis of a friendship that then has the potential to turn into something more.
Don't treat every female interaction like a romancing opportunity, because life doesn't work like dating sims.
Middle bit reminds me of the Geezer paradox: the older you get, the less you care about being cool, which in and of itself is the essence of cool.
As someone who really wants a gf as getting older in mid 30s.I really start needing to try to meet and talk to women.
Man gaming addiction all in my 20s was not good in the long run
Idk, 20s was overrated, I think. Especially early 20s. Try joining groups for hobbies you're into. Good luck!
The only way to talk to a girl is by clicking the beeper on your lambo and letting her hear the ring.
I vote that every time someone says anything remotely manosphere adjacent, we just play them a video of Josh being the role model this world needs.
I did not expect Josh to give me a therapy session right while I'm going to my actual appointment.
I talk to women all the time in my job. I have lovely conversations all the time. However i have yet to meet a woman since i left highschool who wanted anything more from me. Im 34 now. Since i was 18 ive had 0 women interested in having a relationship with me. I have lots of friends. And a healthy social life. We meet up weekly for game night and to hangout. But ive still been alone for the last 13 years.
As someone who used to overvalue sex and romance, let me tell you something.
Go in with the mentality that whatever happens, happens. Are you gonna be lovers? Friends? More like siblings? Who knows, who cares. Worst case, you get a valuable experience out of it and move on with your life. Best case, you have formed a bond with a great person, whatever that might be.
Just be yourself. Sure, keep the walls around your heart well guarded, but also add a gate or two, ya know?
One of the best ways to be interesting to a person, is to be genuinly interested in that person.
I have a personal policy that I can find youtubers, streamers and such entertaining, so I'll watch them occasionally, give em a like, but I never go for the good old follow/subscribe until I get a sense of how good a person they are (or at least try to be). This is the video that got my subscription. That kind of "no bullshit kindness" is exactly my approach to life. You want to make good friends? Meet a romantic partner? It all *at least starts* with just being nice. And in many cases, being (*genuinely*) nice is really all you need.
People may not like hearing this, but it's okay to be in the "friend zone". Not every women has to be a potential partner or person to have sex with. Learn to be a person women can feel safe around with and talk to comfortably.
There's a reason why women put up walls around men so much, so do not be upset when they do not reciprocate immediately. Women really appreciate men who just genuinely wants to be their friends.
And no one wants to date a guy who doesn't appreciate friendship anyway.
If someone dismisses friendship they aren't worth a relationship. Speaks of (well against) their character.
!!!! Exactly. It's gotten easier when I got married and now I just say my husband in the first part of the Convo. There's been so many times when I was a guys friend, he could be himself, I didn't judge him for having feelings and struggles and they would ALWAYS get feelings for me and I....Didn't. I just wanna have some guy friends to talk to about games, Warhammer, etc.
the friend zone doesn't exist. this is a toxic concept that got popular because of a 90s tv show.
if there was such a zone that would mean you're not friends.
did you ever think why the word boyfriend/girlfriend has the word friend in there? no you didn't.
you have to be friends first. but you would disagree because there's more concepts you picked up on tv and the internet that brainwashed you.
@@eotikurac yesn't? I think the concept of a friendzone has a right to exist, just the negative connotation is wrong.
Getting friendzoned can suck, because it means the feelings aren't mutual, but staying friends shouldn't be seen as a bad thing in that case.
It's just a different way of saying rejection since that word can mean that you are rejected completely not just as a partner, but as a friend in general. So I think "friendzone" can be a useful word on it's own.
Even if it's origin is a little meh'.
I tried this once and felt like shit.
I just take off my glasses, then I can't tell whether I'm talking to a girl or a boy
Josh's advice is good. Especially for anyone who would ask the question like that.
However, if you're not flirting with anyone that does make finding a partner harder. And being at least a little flirty comes naturally to most people. But for those to whom it doesn't, there's sense in talking differently to those you're interested in romantically. That is, actively being more flirty.
Talk to yourself and articulate opinions well on things that interest you. Then simply do that with others. Then do that with someone you are emotionally invested in. Now do that with someone you are attracted to.
Perhaps this does not directly answer the how do talks girls/boys/them question but... the best chat up line in ever is to shut the hell up and listen
people will call you weird, boring or swedish
Not all silence is bad either. You don't need to constantly talk and fill every gap in a conversation.
Step one: look like josh.
Step two:...
Step three: profit.
Immediately after graduating school, Josh got enough experience points and evolved like a pokemon.
Thanks josh now i can finally talk to my wife
I've come to enjoy your videos Josh, but this one earned you a subscription! Thank you for giving excellent advice to your gaming bothers and sisters.
For me, who was single for a long time.... just... take a step back, look at yourself, realize what flaws you have. And just try. I was surprised as anyone when it finally worked. You just gotta try, alot of women don't wanna have conversations, that's fine. But they're just as awkward as us.
When I was in middle school I liked the idea of a fedora, then I tried one on in a department store.
I'm just gonna say that you need the right outfit for it to work.
Fedoras never work. Never. Just say no.
I used to like fedoras, but people ruin everything. 😮💨
I never understood that question. I see guys doing an amazing job at alienating women, depicting us as something from a different species, often refer to us as "females" again, like they're talking about something not human and honestly the way these guys ask "how do I talk to girls" is the exact same as people asking questions "how do I take care of a baby giraffe" or "how do I speedrun this game to get the rewards faster".
Then I spent some time on discord servers and observed how these guys talk to each other. They almost never talk to girls and spend their time talking to other men who won't call them out on sexualizing and objectifying women and will actually normalize and reinforce it. They use insults as humour and will talk in a way that would make a lot of women uncomfortable, especially within the first encounters. There's a lot of "wahmen bad" jokes that other guys will reinforce as well. There is little to no empathy for female issues and no desire to learn and relate (or at least empathise). Then whenever they have an opportunity to actually interact with a woman (either online or irl) they try to bring all that out and into a conversation with a woman. And it's bad, it's honestly really bad. Even as someone very forgiving and patient, I just had a bad time interacting with these guys. They were treating me as if I owed them validation if they were just nice to me, they expected me to be okay with objectification and to agree that "wahmen are indeed bad" and some of them would become openly hostile if I set boundaries.
There were some girls on the servers but they either left or never participated in chats.
These guys don't understand what the problem is and don't want to hear it. So my advice is before you try to learn how to minmax talking to women, try working on your perception of women. And definitely first try making female friends and put in effort.
I have a thought on this subject. Everything josh says i can relate to, i was a weird kid and played to my strenghts of being witty and funny and now im doing great. Im sure the majority of people from our generation came into themselves in some way after adolencence. Heres the thing though, we did not have the red pill and incel forums and other toxic shit to tell us we arent the problem so we were forced to face reality and develop. Sometimes it makes me things these young guys and girls now are so bombarded with easy answers from the internet that they really dont stand a chance. Especially considering that young minds are very impressionable and not equiped to see through the bullshit. I wonder what you all think of this. Cheers
i honestly think you are onto something here, let me think a little more about it and come back to you... and if i dont i forgot :P
but either way, have a nice one ;)
Make em laugh was my one secret weapon growing up.
ok, so how do I tickle them as a stranger?
That's the problem, I don't really talk to random people other than superficial stuff like the weather and things like that. It feels really forced and artificial to start a conversation to me
Most conversations with strangers start off generic, but I find the best way to make them interesting is to listen carefully to the other person's responses to generic questions and then ask them more details about what they say. Generally they'll start to open up, and then you can relate what they say back to an experience of your own. Takes practice, but it works!
it's a skill like any other, the more you do it the more comfortable it becomes, you can view this even from streamers/YT creators, early videos are less confident/etc. same thing IRL too, you get more comfortable speaking with and being outgoing with people (it's also completely separate from intro/extraversion)
When I started talking to women the same way I talk to men, with a little less potty humor obviously, I suddenly got a ton of attention back from them. It really is that easy.
This. Trying to impress someone comes across as ingenuine and off-putting. It's like that Shania Twain song "That don't impress me much" That's all I remember of that song though... so it could be a terrible example. 🤣
What's funny is I'm pretty sure the Henry Cavill from Wish joke was made by a viewer and Josh just embraced it.
7:48 best wish version ever
There should be a class for young people in which they use this video to teach young people how to talk to someone they might be interested in getting to know better.
That's what pickup artists and self-help stuff are advertising themselves as.
You mean like in school? Sounds kind of unnecessary. There's enough time wasting subjects in school already
Back when I was in school, one of the teachers decided to set up an etiquette lessons for us, that would encompass day to day interactions, ranging from behavior to speech, and then some. Back then we were, like, 14, maybe 15. And from today's me perspective, it was a splendid idea. Problem is, we were too young and too dumb to appreciate the gift that was offered to us. She didn't have to do any of it, and yet she still decided to go for it. Never in my life have I felt this ungrateful, than realizing what I've been offered and what I refused.
I guess that's the thing, really, about young people, whatever is given to them freely is never appreciated. In my eyes, the only valid method to teach them something, is to just beat the knowledge into their heads and hope that some of it sticks.
Took me years to be able to approach women and even now I struggle. Just practice.
I talk to women I find attractive now and will break into a sweat lol 😅
Okay, but how do I talk to people? It's so awkward when we're just sat there and I have no idea what to say.
Even when it's a longtime friend.
what helped me was forcing myself into a hospitality job like working at cafes.
Genuinely if you work at a busy one its essentially grinding your social skills.
You will meet hundreds of people in a week only about 20 or so are regulars. So much time to fail in a repeatable but measurable way. That is, you can learn from your behaviour's and adjust with little internal social shame/consequence
What interests do you have in common? Did you see or hear something interesting the other day and think they'd be interested in hearing it? If you both like video games, you could play different video games in the same room and talk?
he would know, he has like 3 girlfriends
I don't have a problem talking to women, they have a problem talking to _me_ .
Jokes aside, there's something to be said about the opposite, a lot of women might be more defensive around men because they've been taught that men are to be feared.
That "I'm Henry Cavill light" made my day. I'm far from even that but I'm confortable enough
2:02 I do that every day. If I don’t talk to her she stops talking to me. If I talk to her she only MIGHT stop talking to me. It’s really easy too to just ask about someone and genuinely care. Remember things.
"Girls are not machines you put kindness coins into until sex falls out."
...
Thank you, sir.
And that's a big problem...
Because they're machines where you put kindness coins into but sex is actually not in the machine so it will never fall out as it's reserved for assholes.
I usually wear a trench coat and cargo pants. No fedora though, just a beanie hat... beyond saving :D
What colour are the cargo pants and trench coat? 😢
Just be classically good looking like Josh.
He's speaking the language of the gods.
7:50 and when you want to watch Eternals, you're there too, playing as the evil flying character! 🙃
Tl:dr
Ask more about them, don't talk about yourself for the most part. Ask question about something you're interested and see their reaction. Often it's about sharing feelings/emotion about the particular topic not just being logical.
Being yourself only works if you are already the best version of yourself, so work on that first.
Second of all, stop approaching people just to date them, work on building a friendship first and see where things organically go from there. Who knows, YOU might not actually be interested in that person and save yourself the trouble and heartache of being with someone you are actually incompatible with.
What's up with the first part? This is why people never get a move on with their life. No is is the best version, don't say things like this because everyone is flawed and 70% of dating just comes down to personal preference. Jesus why are we still here
Haha. "Don't approach to people you are interested in and be glad to be a side thing while they look for an actual partner that doesn't need to pretend to want to be just friends."
Because that's what you want to say right there.
Also, it's NORMAL to not want to be friends with the opposite sex since the opposite sex is the one you are supposed to be with romantically. Having more than one or two is ABNORMAL and usually is some shit narcissist that wants to keep options around and has no self-awareness.
With this, I can confidently state that Modernity was a mistake.
Yeah, now I understand my issue, I just don't know how to talk at all
See now Josh needs to make a video about how to tell if a person male and female both is actually interested in you.
Josh is sitting in his computer chair playing PoE in a smart vest and collared shirt, while talking about people wearing professional clothes at odd times. Nice.
The thing is, you don't HAVE to be the one to initiate a conversation. I met some very nice women just by sitting in a bar, enjoying the music, either with friends or by myself, after they either came up to talk to me or I got a drink delivered to me from the lady.
The thing is, no matter if you talk to them or just wait for them to talk to you, just act normal, relaxed, and not like a creepy desperate guy.
Everyone is different and seeking different things. Be patient long enough, and you'll find what you are looking for even when you least expect to.
7:28 Thank you!
British Vinesauce has words of wisdom
might just be me as a psych major, but we manipulate each other everyday, you kind of do need to manipulate someone to like you. You don't want to act however you feel like in the moment , you kind of always have to think, the moment that happened, you've already started to manipulate a social situation into something that you think you'll benefit from
The statement about women not being machines you put kindness coins into until sex falls out is a quote from a relationship counselor who had a blog on Kotaku back when Kotaku was a good site (so... a decade ago?). I forget the source, but his advice was as good then as it is now, and I'm glad that you could bring that very poignant insight to your audience.
some people wear a waistcoat while not wearing a tie or even closing their shirt
So I clicked to check whether I would continue watching you. You passed the vibe check
1:56 why is that cut so funny to me
>Approach female
>Introduce yourself
>Tell her you are first monitor content
>????
>Marry
Well listening never was the issue. The issue is when it's my time to say something.
MUUUUUM, Josh strife dropped another life teachings video
Just follow whatever Carl Brutananadilewski says in Larry Miller Hair System
0:39 so don’t because to have a conversation both people have to want to talk
Just talk to them like you'd talk to any other person. Seriously. Also stop trying to date every girl you talk to, that's weird. Also, when you're friends with girls they might try to present you some of their friends and you'll have a much better chance of succeeding if you already have a girl's approval. It's that simple, really. Don't be a weirdo.
This "If you are friends with a girl they''ll present you to other girls" thing that everyone says is the biggest scam ever
have money. Have a rich family. Be ready to buy gifts. AND MAYBE MAYBE. you would be accepted without chemistry bomb. so naive. hah