Procrastination and Low Self Esteem Explained | Viewer Question Response
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- Опубліковано 5 жов 2024
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Question:
"I am a chronic procrastinator. I graduated from med school in 2018 and my goal is to practice medicine in the United States. For that I have to take 3 exams. I was supposed to be studying for the first hardest and hardest one in September (approximately 7 months ago). But I started procrastinating after 2 months (November) and for the last 5 have done nothing! Every day I wake up and automatically sit on my desk and open my books. I then start surfing social media or reading about procrastination and jumping from one article to another! I stay I this pattern until I go to sleep. It’s a cycle!! From November till now I have studied only 10 pages!! I can’t control myself. I am so desperate! - Fatima
The root cause of this is self-punishment caused by low self-esteem.
Realize you are USING study for a purpose!
This is hard to accept. Unconsciously we use it to undermine ourselves.
Your biggest fear is not failing! It’s not being good enough to do what’s required.
The feelings of anxiety are alleviated by saying: “I’ll do it later” or “I need to get motivated”.
Pick your start time mindfully. Give yourself plenty of rest and relaxation time. I call this being kind but conscious.
Only commit to a small amount of work each session. Or, limit the amount of time you allow yourself to stay with the work. This makes your nervous system relax and not feel overwhelmed.
Simply start to watch whether you show up or procrastinate.
Implement a consequence every time to procrastinate. This, I usually tell people, should be to not allow yourself to work later in that same day.
This trains your mind to accept that later is not an option. It needs to start responding to your will and your desire to make progress.
Self-talk is a HUGE part of this. Watch any ‘have to’ or ‘need to’ type phrases and replace them with language that reinforces a sense of choice: ‘want to’ or ‘choose to’ work much better.
Thanks for watching. If you enjoy my content, remember to like and subscribe for more.
Dr. David Maloney is a Psychologist and therapist. His has trained in a variety of techniques (person-centered, Gestalt, ACIM, psychodynamic) and works with people on a wide variety of issues. His main areas of expertise are in self-esteem, motivation, and relationships.
This video deserves millions of views.. all those motivational videos really are superficial, and yeh, they may work for the moment- but you need to get to the root CAUSE of procrastination, if you really wanna hit the nail on the head. I know for a fact- from an objective point of view- and not just because of my own experience, but many others as well.. whether they, themselves are aware of it, or not- that it all comes down to self esteem and self worth. From there, you can really build on discipline, and all of the other qualities you need, in order to succeed.
Sarah, thanks for your thoughtful comment. Completely agree, it's all about self esteem ultimately. When we address this, all the behavioral symptoms handle themselves as a result. And there are ways to build healthy self-esteem :)
@@drdavidmaloneypsychotherapy what are the ways?
Inquiry and healthy boundaries
you are an angel sent by Source to save my life
thank you so much, I’ve been periodically procrastinating for a long time and can never bring myself to study until a few hours before the test due to low self esteem and indecisiveness
I’m going to implement these strategies.
Once again thank you very much!
This was incredibly helpful for me… I was in a very toxic relationship about a year and four months ago. This relationship lasted over two years and was damaging to me in ways I cant even begin to explain. After working with a mentor/coach, I was able to see how my past played a role in my choosing this person ... and also staying with this person longer than anyone healthy would have. It brought every single wound to the service… things that I needed to deal with. After healing a good amount, I found the last thing I was left with was the depression and procrastination still lingering. Your video helped me in so many ways. Thank you for giving information that I could actually apply. I’m going to try all this and hopefully it will work!
God bless you!
Great to hear Ann. Best of luck as you continue to grow and heal 🙏
Even these tips are great: a schedule can be soothing in a way to-do lists never are. Challenging tasks can never be placed on a "to-do" list, because their accomplishment is not guaranteed. How to train yourself to do those sorts of things is not obvious. Our first jobs are never challenging, and they train us to do what we do because we have to, and because they pay us.
Bonjour. Quand je vous ai écoutée, je le suis enfant puis ado, ou je ressentais un éternel How dare u"quand je demandais quelque chose a ma mère. A chaque fois elle l'insultait et me disait : " c'esi pas pour toi" avec beaucoup d'ironie. Je me suis toujours sentie écrasée par ces paroles, mais le"comment tu oses" que je sentais dans son attitude venait de ce que mon visage lui montrait" je n'étais pas d'accord avec elle, et pas contente. Je lui montrais que je remettais son jugement en cause, et en plus que je la jugeais, et elle ne supportait la ¢a,même si je n'avais pas le droit de parles:elle le frappait l'insultait et criait toile temps. J'ai 76 ans et je n'arrive toujours pas a m'en sortir. Merci d'avoir fait émerger ce how dare u de mon inconscient. Merci.
Do you struggle with Procrastination? If so, do you feel that working on your self-esteem has been helpful or something you want to start working on? Thanks for watching. I reply to all comments so feel free to share your experiences here.
Thank you so much dr.David! 🌷
Great approach and tips
I appreciate your time and efforts!🙏🏻
Keep me posted Fatima. You can do it!
Thanks for putting these pieces of the puzzle together. It all makes sense now why I keep punishing myself for nothing.
Glad to help!
This is so underrated. Amazing! Thank you very much.
New subscriber here after just finding you/this video. I’ve watched many a self help/procrastination video, and never ever heard that strategy about making a consequence (ie no more work allowed for the day, if you’ve not started working at the time you planned). The idea of removing the indecision is so incredibly helpful and insightful, I’m so grateful for you sharing your time and knowledge here. Thank you!
Very welcome. Try this technique for a month. I have found it to be extremely effective.
Useful advice, thanks.
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you so much
Thank you Ananya 🙏
Actually caught myself doing some of this semi consciously or rather became aware of it, and the anxiety/ resentment that was bringing the behavior about. Or at least, inability to catch myself/lack of willpower support when behaviors / thoughts emerged out of the unconscious, just dissociated some to observe.
This is a bit of a non-sequitor but CBT could actually make this worse if you are constantly focused on changing thoughts or patterns.
Good to see psychoanalytic training is paying off. A year plus of motivational content has only made things worse or at least wasn't helpful.
I feel this switch of saying I want to do this I’m on an adventure will be what moves me. I need to do videos for my company and my thing is what do I say I’ll sound like an idiot I stumble I can’t even introduce myself etc. plus I have chronic pain so the whole showering do hair and makeup just to sit and fail at the computer thing. It’s heavy. But I’m going to try this new self talk. Ok keep you updated. Thank you 🙏
Please do Rene. I'm rooting for you 🙏
thank you super man
Welcome 👍
very well said 🌍🌎🌏
thank you Mr Maloney
Thank you Marta.
Great stuff!
I feel the same!!!!!!! Hope the guy saw this, studied and went to the US.
Do you have other suggestions/tips if someone like me procrastinates, has low self esteem and, plus, ADHD? 😂😂
great
content
thank
you
man
root is low Este
punish self
overwh
build Este
small st
be kind
Thanks so much!
I used to procrastinate but now, um, I'm not so sure.
:)
Great video!
Thank you!
👍👍👍
How dare u : je me sentais constemment rabaissée et diminuée ,et j'ai toujours tache de me cacher ces sentiment ts-sensationd physiques. Beaucoup de honte et bien sur aucune estime de moi mais c'était inconscient.
How can I know if i require therapy.Im extremely low on self esteem and it literally affects my day day to day life.
Best thing is not to make any long term commitment. Just try it and see how you feel. Intuitively you'll know if it is helpful to you personally. I have found it can be very helpful and is something you should allow yourself to try if you're at all curious.
Hi David very good video.i need to ask (it’s late for me I know)how can I overcome my porn addiction.though I m married but it’s not going away.please help me out.its ruining my life on daily basis inside my head.
Thanks Rahul. If you'd like to flesh out your question in more detail, email: david@drdavidmaloney.com
Hi Rahul,
I think the first step, begins by loving yourself unconditionally. That you will only engage in acts that's beneficial to your wellbeing, and reject those that dose not left your spirit at the end and make you feel guilty.
Self-love, gives you utmost ability to sefl-control and emotions mastering.
The power to do and not to do anything is in your hands, so anytime you feel the impulse for porn, within that 3 seconds, change the thought to something better or walk a way. Try this consistently, you will mastery your mind and become more self-discipline.
having a websiteto go with u tube channel is extremely out dated and useless
imho