Discussing Discipline in the Heat of the Moment

When children are out of control, there are some immediate actions parents can take to help defuse the situation and promote self-regulation (theirs and their children's).
1. Pause and reflect - Taking a moment can give parents the pause they need to respond to their child in a thoughtful and controlled manner instead of a reactive or impulsive one. In doing so, the parent is co-regulating with a dysregulated child and modeling their own self-regulation.
2. Connect - When parents are attuned to their child's emotional state and make them feel seen, safe and supported, they are better able to defuse big feelings. Connecting doesn't mean that parents are giving in to the child, just that they can weather the child's emotional storm.
3. Label emotions - Helping children to name their emotions is the first step in understanding them. For example, parents can say, "It's frustrating when you can't have what you want," or, "I know it makes you feel sad when I have to go."
4. Redirect - For children under 2, it is often easier to move their attention from the source of their distress to another object of attention than to address or resolve the distress more directly.
5. Ask for the desired behavior - Every negative behavior has a positive opposite - an alternative and positive behavior. For example, instead of saying, "don't jump on the couch," a parent can say "please jump on the floor."
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