Know the facts and stay informed on breaking news by subscribing through my link ground.news/nowwhat to get 50% off their unlimited access Vantage plan this month. If you’re new here and wondering why I have boxes behind me, my landlord unfortunately wanted his property back and I had to move. We’ve had no luck with furniture deliveries with things taking ages to arrive and then arriving broken. But…preview of the somewhat-complete new setup in the ad segment of this video! 😁 If you missed my video reacting to Jubilee’s ‘Test your Autism Radar’ video, here it is: ua-cam.com/video/mG6SevNjlJM/v-deo.html Jubilee has been putting out some questionable content recently, but this one was quite fun! Do you think you’re good at spotting autism? Thank you so much for watching! I hope this was helpful/interesting 💛
That's so real, I've been really struggling with my diagnosis of autism. I was diagnosed with adhd when I was 6 so I never even really thought about it, but with my autism it was only a year ago that I was diagnosed, and I have such bad imposter syndrome
My little brother has no interest in trains Seems to pick up on these imaginary things called "social cues" that he swears enables him to read social situations for some reason He seems to have a deficit in stimming Has no need for a routine I'm starting to worry
Oh boy the time blindness thing. I constantly think "I'm so close to done with this, it'll probably take me 15 more minutes" and then five hours later....
This is exactly why I'm always late. Or almost always. It's not because of my makeup. I can be late for any reason that includes overestimating time. Oh yes sewing that will take me 30 minutes. And an hour and a half later without breaks I'm still going strong on there. Or I can surely go to the mall in 2,5 hours but no! It's not my fault it's the guys fault for asking things at the person there and not me first who had a dumb question! At least that's what I told my mom and brother. They were not impressed with me.
its so hard to think abt people who are neurotypical because the majority of people in my life are neurodivergent or highly suspect they are if undiagnosed
3:27 you can regulate emotions well 9:28 you havent had mental health issues 11:43 you have good executive functioning 17:15 you dont have a spiky profile 20:43 you dont feel like your sensory experiences holds you back 24:47 you have never felt like an alien 27:05 making and maintaining friendships is easy 29:20 you managed to get through education without major struggles 32:14 interests are not very intense / obsessive 35:19 your periods dont have a big impact on mood
Still have no idea. I don’t think I’ll ever know if I am or not. I’ve been through too much abuse. I have mental health issues. I don’t think I am autistic. My therapist has a theory that everyone with complex trauma is autistic that’s why I’m researching. I don’t have $4000 to get tested, and the ways around it she suggested don’t seem realistic.
just started the video and i am so confused what “spiky profile” means here lol. guess i’ll have to learn in this because it sounds so odd, it makes me think of a side profile photo of someone with big spiky hair and punk vibes
Hearing “there are no neurotypical people” feels the same as when someone says “everyone is a little ADHD” or “everyone is a little autistic.” I AM NOT OKAY. I am not functional enough to meet expectations and when I do find a way to meet expectations, it’s not sustainable. My struggles stand out at work and in my social/home life. If my diagnosis aren’t the problem, I am. But I’m trying my best and my best isn’t enough. I do all the things I’m supposed to do in order to address my conditions and mental illnesses but it’s never enough. If it’s not the system’s fault for not being built for neurodivergent people, it’s my fault for being human garbage.
That's the way I've been looking at things for a while. But I've been trying to adopt the mindset that I don't need anyone to believe that I'm autistic in order for my struggles to be real. Or for me to, if not necessarily love myself, at least respect myself. Because that's the thing, there's only so much we can do to control how other people perceive us. But what I've found is that sometimes there can be a lot of power within us to shape how _we_ perceive ourselves. Self-hatred tends to start with how others treat us. But it ends with how we treat ourselves.
I think something super hard is knowing in the back of your mind that you’re neurodivergent but not being able to get a formal diagnosis (especially in areas where health care isn’t free) and then feeling bad for self diagnosing because you don’t know for sure, no matter how much research you’ve done.
If you're talking about in a US context, it may actually be a good thing to be undiagnosed, given some of the (objectively incorrect) things certain members of the incoming administration have said about neurodivergence both in the past and recently.
Do you think that a professional’s opinion means you “know for sure”? Because I personally don’t. I think I can be surer with my own honest and thoughtful assessment than another person can be from the outside.
i’m in a similar situation. i’ve done my research and can be fairly certain with my self diagnosis, but i still feel bad with labeling because i don’t have a professional diagnosis. i refuse to get a diagnosis in the us because of the current legislatures. i want to be a lawyer, but i worry there will be restrictions put in place to prevent neurodivergent people from practicing. my therapist told me i can tell people that i have symptoms that align with autism, instead of telling them i straight up have autism since i don’t know for sure. hope that helps!
"im disappointed in how school manages to teach you that learning is bad" ~ my physics professor i love learning, but not school, theres a huge difference i hate how i had to drop out of college at 15. i felt so stupid... still do
I can relate. I was bright and am detail focused, but my public school career was a disaster. Dropped out twice and never got a high school diploma. I was in maybe 11th grade when I realized that “smart” and “good at academics” were not the same thing. The only thing my academic credentials were ever good for was supporting the ADHD part of my diagnosis.
If youre american: college at 15 is effing amazing, you're basically a genius even if you had to drop out. If not american and college means something different than university/higher education: schooling is not for everyone. Any age can learn any skill. If you have an affinity for learning, go for it. If there's a replacement for that degree of graduation, go for it. You're free now, more time to get skills under your belt. School is fine if you like it, but life is more than studying and responsibility and exams. Its experiences, skills, relationships, emotions. Live life fully.
@@jimwilliams3816 same! i was in 6th or 7th grade when i realized that and it genuinely made me depressed. also never helped that my parents were only interested in grades and if i tried to do any extracurricular learning or excitedly talk about what i learnt in school they wanted me to shut up. asking questions was only for stupid students who didn't get the explanation the first time so i developed a complex around asking for help with things because i didn't want to be seen as stupid. it ruined my entire life. if people had been more supportive back then i would have been a happier person but everyone just wanted me to keep my head down and get good grades. some adults see a bright eyed curious child and start to strategize about how they can crush their soul.
One of my main problem with school subjects was that I understood things and could explain and talk about them in my own words - but I still got bad grades because I didn't exactly recite them how they were written in our school books. One of my teachers even said that - she sees I understand the topic and what I said is completely correct, but she can't give me a good grade because it's not what the school system requires me to answer. The school system doesn't care if you actually understand what you're talking about, just as long as you can regurgitate everything you're told like a Furby.
Trying to prove I was still ‘exceptional’ as a disabled/ND person by trying to be okay in college when what I wanted to do was learn, discuss, lecture, and write essays to share not for a grade, destroyed my mental health 😂 still dealing with it. I love learning again but I wish I had my reading stamina back. I do this thing now where I can read a book- but only if I get to transcribe it by hand into a different blank book at the same time. I have little idea what this is about but it has something to do with time and access and loss. Sigh
I had half a century of assuming everyone experienced things pretty much the same as me and so I just put up with being exhausted / anxious / overwhelmed to the point that it's just a normal part of life. Since I found out that I'm autistic I'm realising why most other people seem to be able to get through the things I struggle with and it's not because they're *better* or *stronger* than me.
@ some people (lots of people!) don’t get that sometimes you struggle because you struggle, not because you aren’t “trying hard enough” or haven’t “learned to toughen up”. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to be tougher and stronger and it mostly made me depressed and distant and didn’t change how I actually felt about things. I’m trying to get back to showing the more sensitive and vulnerable person that I was a long time ago, I think it’s healthier for me.
@dimitrisskar4174 I think I know what it means to them, but they are misapplying a principal. Humans have some capacity to strengthen themselves through “exercise,” *but only to a degree, and it’s specific to the individual.* An athlete might be able to improve their stamina through cardio exercise, but the same level of exertion might trigger a fatal heart attack in a person with heart trouble. And even athletes can end up with a blown out joint or a torn rotater cuff if they overdo it, or work out the wrong way. It’s the same thing with cognitive function, even though people imagine otherwise. I know. I took a stressful job in my 50s, and went on high pressure trips. I was frankly impressed with myself, because I didn’t think I was able to do such things. But after a while, I started saying “I like this job and I’m good at it, but I can feel it changing me in bad ways.” I did not understand why, but I had the vague sense that continuing might cost me my mental health and my marriage. Which it did. After I crashed and burned, I ended up with multiple diagnoses, AuDHD, GAD, more. I eventually realized that I had been leaning into adrenaline, which helped my ADHD focus but further pushed up my standing stress hormones. The increased dysregulation fueled a massive downward spiral similar to what Meg described in college. But I never pulled back and I bottomed our. I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover. My neurodivergence made me more vulnerable to the stress and shaped my responses, but anyone can overdo it, and plenty do. I actually think one reason the US has gone off the rails as much as it has is that we mythologize hard work to an unhealthy extent. It’s not true that “what does not kill you makes you stronger.” Maybe it does sometimes, but sometimes it leaves you permanently damaged instead. I offer myself as exhibit A. So set boundaries, recognize your limits, and MAYBE push yourself a little from time to time - but only in moderation and in ways that feel right. Nobody has an unending supply of spoons, not even those mythical neurotypicals. There’s no shame in understanding our limits, even if some people can’t see that. End rant.
My offspring (second child n.b.) has Irlen’s syndrome, visual processing disorder (the one thing we have had diagnosed) and the teachers would ‘attempt’ to be understanding and often fail miserably. She wanted to drop one a-level so badly as that particular teacher just could not accept how her lessons could not be learned in an hour at the incredible pace she set with her micromanaging organising skills ensuring everyone had cookie cutter folders of identical information. Fortunately she held on (she would have had to drop out of the school all together) and she did not fail the subject as that teacher predicted either.
Her video on monotropism (hope I’m spelling that right lol) is the reason I’m as sure as I am that I’m most likely on the spectrum. She’s great at explaining things in a way I can easily understand.
@@austinmartin6918 I know right? I had the suspicion before already, but was like "nah.. can't be, right??" and then I watch things on monotropism, signs of being autistic, shared autistic experiences and I start questioning my life xD
@ClockBoyy the really weird part for me was my initial suspicion came from me stumbling upon a Reddit post from r/autismmemes that had made it to the popular thread. I didn’t notice the subreddit it was from, but I really related to it. I scrolled past, but ended up going back to see what sub it was, and I was like “heh, that’s kinda weird,” and just went on about my day. I became increasingly curious about whether I’d relate as much to other posts on there, and so I decided to check, and yep! Most of the memes were quite relatable. Just one of those happy accidents, I guess lol
At the 12 min mark you’re talking about how your husband just knows how long things will take. Reminds me of a story. Once at a job I was told I wasn’t doing tasks quickly enough. I asked if my manager could tell me how long they needed it to take, and they told me that was an unreasonable expectation when my manager was already so busy 😞
Oh that thing with the manager drives me nuts. They reprimand you for doing things wrong, but refuse to tell you how to do things right! The unfairness puts me over the edge.
@@luna-pI had that with school writing. Professors would say I write terribly but had all the correct information then not be able to tell me what I was doing wrong or how to improve. It has been so frustrating.
I appear NT but I’m not. If I’m put in a social situation the autism in me comes out I love being alone. But I wasn’t diagnosed until 33 because I am so good at masking. However I have been savagely bullied and I have video games as my special interest. And my impulse control is lousy
@@criticalinspiration2442 My problem is anger. I am like a kettle with the lid welded shut sometimes when I’m alone it comes out. I’m afraid to lose my temper because I’m a big guy I’m 6 foot 6.
Fellow former playground circler here... Love how much the content on this channel has helped me contextualize my lived experience! I grew up in the woods (distant enough there were plenty of days it'd be snowing at home but just raining at school), and had always assumed the kids "in town" had gotten the secret training to make socializing fun. Guess the social anhedonia kicked in early 🤷♂
21:43 actually, when I thought about buying my headphones, I tested my bro's. I almost cried. It redused noises so great. Ofc I bought my pair next week
I can relate to this! Ramble time so bare with me: During my diagnosis the specialist recomended me to get them and while I had known of them, I had not considered for some reason using it myself 😅 which is quite silly given how much sensory processing issues impacts me. But anyways, a bit later I was made aware of a sale and figured I might give them a try. I had been wanting to I just didn’t actually understand until I experienced it. Gosh. I could not describe how much it has changed my life. The sheer amount of meltdowns avoided alone because of these guys. I’m literally wearing them right now! They stay on almost all the time and I love them. I literally went around the house yapping to anyone who would listen about how cool they were and no one understood it lol. Actually my brother hated it which is so funny to me. But I can definitely relate to like basically feeling like you might cry. Because I felt so much weight lifted off my shoulders. I remember that feeling the first time so well. In a kitchen, two fans going, everyone going about their pre-dinner routine and sticking the setting on for the first time. It was like the saturation on life was turned down just a bit for the first time. Its like going a busy club to a silent street. It’s so indescribable to allistic people (like my brother) how it felt and still feels especially using them in overwhelming scenarios and that’s the closest I ever got to it. I have no idea how I managed public transport without them! Or any scenario like that! Poorly is the answer lol. But this is why accommodations and awareness is so important! I could not imagine if he(the specialist) had not directly suggested that to me, I may have never given them a chance! I went to my first concert post owning these not too long ago, and I actually managed to sit through a line and do a meet and greet! Never in my life would I have before!! It’s the little things, simple accommodations (like the venue allowing me in with my headphones) that made such a difference to me. And I have an awesome picture and tshirt to prove how basic understanding, diagnosis, and accommodations can change lives : )
I ordered some just yesterday. I'm a bit nervous how they work for me tbh since I've got severe tinnitus and can't stand absolute silence (bc... I don't have it EVER), but I think if I put on nice music, they'll do the trick
i go through phases of having different interests but they don’t fully go away, they just get stored away in filing cabinets in my brain that can be opened up again at any time. some cabinets are much bigger than others.
one thing I think doesn’t get addressed enough is informal supports. Specifically supports that act as expressions of often more toxic cultural values, that can hide the fact that legitimate support is needed. I struggle with finding my independence now since I took for granted being enmeshed with a parent and all the things they helped me out with (since they weren’t the things everyone else needed help with), but that support was not offered to me in a healthy way.
The first thing I realized was a abnormal sensory experience was getting your hair washed at the hair salon. I’ve always had struggles with anyone tugging my hair or touching my scalp. I wouldn’t brush my hair for many days as a kid. I also thought others were lying when they said getting your hair washed and scalp massages was relaxing because it had always been a painful experience. I was taught at a young age that my pain was my fault and I shouldn’t be mad at people for hurting me because my mom didn’t understand how much pain I experienced. That’s why I’m incapable of telling a hair stylist they’re hurting me, so I tend to avoid going.
I'm pretty sure my mom was one of the most neurotypical people. However, my brother, dad, and I were her daily projects to ensure we function in the world. She'd get so frustrated. Yet,, she was so loving and patient. She was a darling woman, and I miss her so much.
"Feeling like an alien" always hits so hard because I have a clear memory of being a kid hitting it off initially with the girls at a new summer camp and thinking "It'll be about 2 days before they realize I'm not like them" and that's exactly what happened. Dunno what it is but it happened enough to have a thought like that. 👽🖖 beep bop boop, I guess
Yep, it becomes predictable at a certain point. Once that initial meeting phase ends, where people are still feeling each other out behaviorally and emotionally, that's when the disparities become apparent. And then you're weird and there's nothing you can really do to change it.
Thank you! This is a brilliant way to help us neurotypicals increase empathy for neurodivergents. We try to imagine ourselves in your shoes, but we can only see the outside of the shoes. Knowing about the inside of the shoes helps so much. I was making assumptions I didn't even realize I was making
If someone says I have 5 minutes, I'm simply not going. I need to be ready at least 3 hours, or in the LEAST 2 hours ahead of when I need to leave. That way everything is done and out of the way, packed, dressed, and I can get on with my regular routine and relax before leaving. Even an hour isn't enough time. Whenever I leave late or in a rush = day ruined.
lol, my husband is like @mollycave to the point where I literally feel I am being rushed and so as I’m more like @luna-p, thinking I have all the time in the world or unable to get anything done as there is too much to do, I get super annoyed at him, dig my heels in and ultimately when he does get me out the door, I have left something I needed/wanted behind.
Literally my best friend rn. If any teacher tries to move her, she will argue continuously until they give up and let her keep her seat. She has a specific seat that is hers in every room
Watching this with my headphones, in my room, and a white noise machine on. Thanks to a broken fire alarm that’s been beeping every few minutes since last night. It’s out of my reach of course. I’m always amazed by people who can just ignore things like this and go about their day. I compared myself with others and felt like a failure. I internalized for years, would just grin and bared it, as I was told so often. Or I’d be accused of being “too sensitive”, “dramatic”, etc. After diagnosis now I know why it affects my brain and how best to deal with it. Without it completely draining me, still learning but at least it’s easier now.
I was born with a traumatic brain injury due to medical negligence during my birth so I come across as autistic and adhd I’m definitely neurodivergent Once people find out my diagnosis they start bullying me or worse (they accuse me of lying because I seem too functional to them)😢
I never felt like I was actually an alien but I felt like nearly everyone else got a handbook and I was skipped or was just on a different wavelength. A phenomenon that keeps happening to me is people feel safe to tell me things that are personal, that they never told anyone else, even if they just met me. I have heard the phrase "I don't know what it is, I just really trust you with that secret/ information." I am pretty good at keeping secrets.
Huh......yeah, I've had that experience too. And I'm also good at keeping secrets - but have talked people's ears off since I was 2.....slightly less talkative now - depends on who I'm with and what the topic is.
That can be a form of manipulation to gain your trust and make you more invested in them. There really are some people out there who just lie to others that way. I read that and thought "That's a red flag."
@JuliaMurphy2013 it could be but doesn't have to. One of my special interests is s e x education. Even though I never bring it up, people of different ages and from different countries have asked me questions about it. I seem to give off the vibe that I am trustworthy, open to talking about it and know stuff 😅
I LOVE learning so that part of school has always been something i like. I liked it enough to go to grad school. Everything ELSE about school has been a total nightmare and makes me forget dropping out of my PhD program, despite loving my research topic and my cohort
10:44 I cannot tell you how much this hits home. I have extreme anxiety because of the benefits system here in the UK and it makes it so hard to get on with my life without worrying when the big intimidating government comes at me with their confusing forms and interviews.
Thanks for making these videos and spreading awareness. I stumbled across them a few years ago and it has answered so many questions Ive had about myself my whole life. I am 21 and currently in the process of getting a diagnosis.
Thanks so much for your videos. Very recently, I found out I had a diagnosis at around age 9 that my parents withheld from me. I'm 59 now and I found myself relating to your videos after starting a new job that overwhelmed me so much I started to wonder if there was something other than a known LD going on. Learning I'm autistic has explained SO MUCH about me that I never understood before, especially the part about how do other people do things easily and I can't? So frustrating! Thankfully, my job has a strong support network, and hopefully I can get this old diagnosis confirmed and find some outside support.
I didn't get diagnosed until 56 when I hit a career wall and I couldn't figure out why until I got my diagnosis and realized I wasn't an idiot-just unable to do some things necessary for holding an exec position.
I have what I call “profound time blindness” and have to account for it by putting everything in my phone calendar. I don’t think in a linear fashion when I’m recalling things in my life. If someone asks me what year I did something (like graduated uni) I cannot recall the year and have to count backwards from the current year to figure it out. I remember things in terms of what was going on at the time and how I felt about it. I also have aphantasia and can’t really picture things so my memory is mostly based on my other senses. For example, I can tell you what kind of music I was listening to at the time. I can’t picture someone’s face even if I see them every day but I remember the lyrics to every song I have ever liked. The brain is wild
29:57 I have adhd and dyscalcula, and in between being burnt out I really enjoyed school. In high school specifically, I was diagnosed. I was able to use my intense interests as a dopamine battery for the things I hated, and got myself a pair of earplugs. I also joined clubs where I knew the neurodiverse might congregate, and allowed myself to stim in school subtly as much as I needed. If I was truly too upset, many days I just went home.
couldn't be me. one of my favourite examples of "bending time to our will" is me having had a friend over and after the late night "what do you mean you don't know that series?" just swapping DVDs for four or five hours until my friend remarked he should really get home to catch the required minimum of sleep xD
oof that reminds me of when I was younger and visiting my best friend at the time. She expressed interest in watching Sailor Moon with me. So I brought over multiple vhs copies recorded from the tv and we spent majority of the time watching through the episodes. I was disappointed how little we got through not realizing that there were at least 5 hours on each tape lol
I feel like as a neurodivergent person, I am always being overestimated. It is so frustrating when people think you aren't trying or that you are just being too negative when you are really struggling. I need a lot of help but I have a bit of a spiky profile and seem like I am "capable"
I definitely have time blindness. I never know how early I should get up and ready before an appointment, especially if I didn't sleep well. Awhile back, I started trying to combat this problem by setting my alarm for at least 2 hours before I need to get somewhere. This helps some, but if I don't sleep well, I might wake up just enough to decided that I have plenty of time, so I can sleep a little more, and then reset the alarm gor way too late. I never figure the time right if I'm sleepy. I have to allow a huge amount if time to do something like going to an appointment, and I am still late a lot of the time. I have started putting appointments in my calendar for varied amounts of time before the actual appointment time. It might be as little as 10 minutes or as long as 45 minutes, but on the day, I never remember what my lead time is, so I have to aim for the shortest time. This has really helped me get to my destination on time a lot more often, but it doesn't always work. If I get an appointment reminder text, they remind what the actual appointment time is, so that's what gets into my head, and it can make my system fail.
I guess I'm typical in number 10. I can have my period and go about my day as usual, but the other 9... Thought I might be misdiagnosed because it can't be that bad, right? People tend to blame all of my brain stuff on me being blind, so I always felt like an impostor. This video was really validating!
I’ve been of the opinion that I never had clinical dyspraxia (spikey skill set, maybe), but when Meg did her video, she showed a movie of her trying to skip rope but never being able to time it so that her legs cleared the rope - and I suddenly remembered I was like that. Hula hoops also ended up on the ground before the end of their first revolution.
Yes to what you said around minute 16:00 !! I was trying to explain my difficulties with executive functioning to my tutor, and at a later date, I gather he was trying to show some empathy and/or understanding, but he said something to the effect of "I know you process slowly" It showed me that despite my efforts to try and convey my experience in the classroom, he didn't have the right impression, most likely because it's hard to understand an experience that you don't have.
For point 4, I always thought I couldn't be autistic because I am the opposite. xD I NEVER skip a shower or brushing my teeth or other self-care things almost religiously because I get sensory overload if I do! On the other hand, I've never been super smart in any area so I was like "Oh, must be normal!" lololol
I think either extreme can be pretty autistic. I have to set reminders on reminders to do some basic needs, but my husband is fixed on the routine. Both of us are autistic and completely different in most ways. We kinda balance each other out in support ways.
I feel filthy if I don’t brush my teeth but frequently still don’t. It’s a war between tolerating discomfort and motivating myself, and I guess I’m better at tolerating discomfort. 🤢
the moment she mentioned not being able to unlock her own door I felt like I was personally being attacked💀 I've been given the keys so many times to open the front door and no joke it takes me like 6 whole minutes trying to figure out how to put it in and take it out.
I am so not neurotypical 😊 this was a well made video. Also interesting that you ended with PMDD which is my diagnosis. It pretty much controls my life.
Apologies if you have already talked about this and I just missed it, but since it came up earlier in the video: another autistic creator I really love, Ember Green, did a big video essay on Aspie Supremacy a couple months ago that covers a LOT of stuff, but specifically touches on problems that arise from regarding allistic and "neurotypical" folks as monolithic, and also as less-than-human in certain ways (e.g. "sheep", "NPCs"). May not be your thing, maybe you've already seen it, etc. and it is pretty heavy, but I found it enriching and thoughtful.
🎉I am interested in this topic. I will check it out. I do think autistic people are superior and always felt superior to others even before I was diagnosed autistic
@@hedwigwendell-crumb91 To be clear, it is a video CRITICAL of aspie/autistic supremacy and the ways it gets casually invoked in some autistic spaces. she focuses a lot on how aspie/autistic supremacy ultimately reflects and serves dominant systems (e.g. politics/programs of eugenics) that at best see autistics as a conveniently exploitable resource and at worst an impurity to be weeded out. I made a slight edit to my original post to clarify this. but, yes, here is a link, it is very well done in my opinion, and i do encourage a watch even if (maybe especially because) it may be at odds with your current disposition on the subject: ua-cam.com/video/ui2h_pHDDmk/v-deo.html
16:00 I’m so glad that for my job (aircraft maintenance), most of the tasks I have to do have written instructions I have to follow. I’d probably take a lot longer to do things if I didn’t have that to keep me on track.
I was quite lucky in my school experience even though I was undiagnosed ADHDer, but I was diagnosed with dyslexia and received special ed and accommodations that did help with my ADHD symptoms too. I was also super interested in most subjects, which made me able to absorb very well what was taught to me and put effort into school (though never in a very consistent way), so the teachers were usually lenient when I wasn't a "good student" (forgot the right supplies and books, forgot homework, arrived late, doodled through every class). The other kids were also mostly chill and some of them are my best friends to this day, so even though I was sometimes mocked and excluded, I still had friends in my corner so it was never that bad socially either. So all things considered I did have as good of an experience in school as one might, as a teenager of course it wasn't always fun, but that's expected. Up until university really. The lack of external structure there and the added adult responsibilities really fucked me up and I'm still deep in ADHD burnout.
I'm autistic and I'm outwardly emotionally stable. I don't really experience extremes of emotion and I have a flat affect. ButI also struggle to know what I'm feeling, and probably internalise it. It usually takes a long time for whatever I'm feeling to hit me.
I relate to the flat affect too - a lot of my masking is trying to seem more animated because my default is often pretty low energy. Strangely talking on camera doesn’t feel draining though! It’s like a completely different thing somehow!
Saying no one is neurotypical is saying that the experience of being neurodivergent is less valid and different. It is true that everyone is different and lots of people who are not neurodivergent have traits associated with being neurodivergent but that isn't the same.
What you said about the squares in your math book and patterns with lines/geometric patterns is so real. I regularly work with image editing software like photoshop and gimp, and I really can't stand the gray grid pattern those programs use to indicate transparent parts of the image.
On my emotions I have learned to hold them back as much as I can till I know what is going on fully, and if I find myself slipping I try my best to get away to where I can let it out or coupe till I can go back and figure out what is wrong, unless I'm yelled at first then I just pop my mouth off so not perfect but has helped me not explode so much on people anymore
i have adhd, not sure abt autism, its a good change i do have it (my mom and sister both have it and i have very very similar traits as them, ) so idk now im questioning my self and am like "maybe im just neurotypical oh no im wrong"
I watched it. First of all, thanks, your videos are delightful and helped me with my ND jorney. Second, I left my free french fries on table, on my job; everyday attraction, I might say
ill never get over thanksgiving last year, my brother said he was almost here and I (AuDHD) started panicking. Basically said he would be there in 15 and didn't have a lot of time to stay. I put my whole foot in the mac n cheese cause i really wanted him to try it and had it ready bout time he got there. half way in, I realized, he couldn't of been 15 minutes away as id been cooking for an hour. I will never be out-bigbrained again
I was only officially diagnosed as autistic at age 49. I'm 51 now. The doctor thought I was practically a textbook case for an autistic male. I've not had any mental health issues and don't think I have meltdowns. I could just never tell you what exactly my emotional state is at any given moment and find it weird others can. As a kid, I admired Spock on Star Trek and tried to be like him.I gained a reputation for being very laid back, unusually so.
i struggle with locking doors with keys so bad. There's a scene in Squid Game where the guy fumbles with the key for like 1 second and gets a suspicious glance. My partner said that if I ever was able to lock the door on the first try that's when they'd be suspicious.
My daughter (23) hasn't been officially diagnosed ASD, but has been learning a lot about herself since discovering your channel. It has been quite the learning curve this past year, but the answers to so many questions have been found right here. I just wanted to send a hearty THANK YOU for all you do!
The little imposter in my brain was like, what if I tick all the boxes in this video. turns out, I have not - I started laughing at myself (in a friendly way) as the first trait appeared on the screen cause nope, definitely not able to regulate or notice my emotions.
Comes out, I planned in 10 mins to watch this video…….. and realised I am really neurodivergent and my medical diagnosis are valid, lol. I ticked none of the boxes! Or all if you count it reversed.
PMDD is the worst…I’m 40 and only finally got it managed last year. My biggest issue is mood. For anyone unsure if you have PMDD or typical PMS, your PMS shouldn’t make you want to cancel your life subscription every month 🙃
I use the alien thing when describing my experience and have even worked it into the "lore" in my music. I feel like I've been receiving radio and tv signals faaaar across outer space for years and only know how to be an earthling from movies and tv shows/radio. And even at middle age, I'm still figuring things out.
Male and likely undiagnosed autistic here. For me I relate to the majority of these with the exception of struggling making friends. I grew up with very social parents (I believe my mom is autistic. Because of this I grew up being very social to the point I often "weirded out" a lot of people but am generally liked (as I perceive it) by most I interact with. I believe people and socializing are a special interest of mine as in highschool I watched a lot of videos about body language, socializing in general. Life is interesting lol
the time blindness one is so real. yesterday it was 30 minutes past midnight and i wanted to go to sleep by 1 am so i opened my laptop settled into bed and decided that i would watch a 45 minute episode of television and then sleep. by 1 am??? obviously that didn't happen. i was dimly aware of the time problem while deciding this too but it just didn't register in my brain that i can't watch something thats 45 minutes long in 30 minutes.
Your channel is one of the greatest net-positives on this app. (Mostly) so many women will have and will continue to benefit from your content. I know it has unequivocally changed my life for the better. So validating and so respectful
"a person could be a nuclear physicist and still struggle to remember to brush their teeth" THISSSS my biggest problem that I've identified and been working on in therapy (with very little success) is feeling like a failure or lazy or an imposter because i struggle so badly with such basic things like feeding, cleaning, and clothing myself without either my home beginning a literal biohazard from growing mold or attracting insects or having completely apart in my professional life, where I'm a PhD student who had always been near the tops of my classes and extracurriculars. But now, i have to choose: do i take care of my health, or my job/schooling, or my household/executive functioning tasks. I can only do one of the three well at any given time and if i push i can scrape by in a second, but at least one of the three is always a complete failure. I just end up in a constant cycle between the three, even with help. I punish myself so much for "failing" to do what I see as the "bare minimum" for being an adult, and it doesn't help when that shame gets reinforced by someone seeing through the facade, such as my mom visiting and being shocked by the state of my apartment when she just helped me get it deep cleaned a couple months ago, or my phd advisor having no idea how to help when she sees that I've made literally zero progress in the last three months on research I'm already 2 years behind on, despite checking in weekly and giving as much help as she can. And i don't know what to tell them bc I've tried everything and just can't manage without my body literally giving out on me (since we got that ADHD/ASD/EDS triple threat). But i have to constantly remind myself the only reason i had done so well up until now is because 1) i have always lived with other people who helped split the mental and physical load of taking care of our living space, whether that was my family when i was a kid or my roommates as an undergrad, 2) as a kid, my mom basically acted as my external executive function system, making meals, telling me what chores to do when, making doctors appointments, making sure we got ready for things and left on time, finding the things i lost, and going on my behalf to my teachers or doctors or whatever when something did fall through the cracks, 3) as a kid, my mom also unknowingly accommodated my sensory issues and other support needs (bc they were the same as hers) and coached me through my emotional regulation issues, RSD, and social deficits (such as pointing out when i was being taken advantage of, when i had made a faux pa and telling me how to fix it, when my facial expression or tone was communicating something socially inappropriate, when my emotional response was illogical or disproportionate, etc) and while her teaching me to mask had some bad long term effects, it was probably the only reason i had friends (and therefore a support system beyond her) precollege, 3) school and my jobs were literally easier and less demanding on my time before, 4) since my EDS is defensive, i was also physically healthier when i was younger, with most of my physical symptoms not existing prior to puberty, and 5) i actually WASN'T OKAY when i was younger. I was a complete emotional mess who thought i didn't deserve basic human kindness bc i was secretly a terrible person and an idiot who had just convinced everyone i was kind and smart by *check notes* treating people with kindness despite my intrusive thoughts/jealousy and doing well in school by working myself to the bone. I've had issues with low self-worth, anxiety, imposter syndrome, emotional regulation, and executive functioning issues for as long as i can remember bc half of those things are parts of my ADHD and ASD that are genetic and hardwired into my brain, and the rest emerged as toxic coping mechanisms for my undiagnosed ND symptoms. I didn't understand why i could be so "smart" in school or so good at reading and writing (all things i have always loved) but then constantly struggle with easy things like forgetting to fill out it get my reading log signed for the week despite reading ten times my weekly goal on a daily basis, or forgetting a sweetheart long project until the night before and not understanding why it was taking all night to do, or shutting down completely when i hit a bath problem i couldn't immediately solve because I had no idea how to look for an answer or extrapolate from similar questions (novel problem solving skills who?) despite having absolutely no problems once I'd been shown how to do something similar. How could i remember exactly which part of a book i had only read once a year ago a specific fun fact was from, but i couldn't remember where i had set my glasses down 10 minutes ago or whether i had eaten breakfast that morning. Clearly, I was told by well-meaning teachers and parents (and then I hardcore internalized and took to the extremes) i just didn't care about the other things enough, i wasn't trying hard enough, i could do so much better and was just letting myself down by failing to live up to my potential. No, i didn't need to be evaluated for a developmental or mental health disorder like ADHD or anxiety. That would just get me labeled and discriminated against or drugged into sedation or mania, bc I was fine, i got good grades. School obviously came easy to me because i had straight As and no we don't need to listen to the child in question when she says that it does NOT come easy, that she's been up till 3 am every night for the last month despite being having a cough and fever she just can't shake bc that's what it took to get this essay done on time to the standards we've come to expect her to meet, and what do you mean she has walking pneumonia now? Wow, to do this well even when that sick It MuSt ReAlLy CoMe EaSy tO HeR I was never more capable than i an now. I never had more potential that i met then and don't know. I wasn't doing well before, it just looked like i was because I'd internalized so much self-hatred and shame from always hearing how my struggles were some kind of moral failure and never having any other narrative or explanation (such as the various diagnoses that i should have been given if the people around me were more open minded or had just LISTENED to what i was saying rather than TELLING me what my problems were) to combat it. I had a white-knuckle grip on those grades and the appearance of perfection because any time i slipped or asked for help, i was either shamed/guilt tripped for not trying hard enough or not being grateful for my talents and opportunities or wanting to take resources from kids who had Real problems, or else i was just given empty reassurances that Everything is Just Fine Actually and i just needed to have more faith in myself, or think positively, or push past the anxiety and "disproportionate" emotional distress that made me breakdown or lash out (read: have an autistic meltdown and/or panic attack) bc it was just in my head. So i just pushed and pushed and pushed myself to achieve until I had a complete emotional and physical breakdown from burnout that i am still not fully recovered from four years later, and may never fully recover from due to the degenerative nature of EDS. I'm struggling so much more with the basics now bc I lost every bit of scaffolding that had gotten me this far, because there is quantifiably more being demanded of me in every aspect of my life than ever before, and because i am still paying for an the damage i did to my physical and emotional health with my toxic coping mechanisms until this point.
I want you to know that you are not alone. Your story sounds similar to mine, including feeling burnt out. There's no need to drain yourself in order to achieve some milestone in your career. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you have to. It's okay to prioritise yourself and healing. It's hard to predict the future, but I know that there are good things out there waiting for you 🤗
Neurotypicals exist because society caters to one neurotype above all others, and have done so since the Industrial Revolution. However, we currently don't have a specific name for that neurotype. It's a blank space in research, precisely because previous researchers have relegated it as "normal."
@dmperri Thank you. I think more conversations about how the IR and similiar technological advances forced the different neurodivergent communities to become more visible? Would be helpful. Because the changes and added pressures of these revolutions, it meant our ancestors couldn't fly under the radar anymore. And those who could stomach the new artificial lighting, work schedules, and proceeded foods were held up as the pinnacle of "healthy."
Actually, autistic people can also have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria... I'm autistic, no ADHD in sight, and I have RSD that's actually pretty extreme and gets triggered at the seemingly SMALLEST things...I don't want to go into it because just thinking about the things that trigger it and many of my reactions due to it stresses me out but just trust me, it's BAD, I hate it. Meanwhile, my brothers who DO have ADHD, do not experience RSD...go figure. 😅
I didn't have problems with #8...until I did. Getting good grades was a special interest. I got straight A's until I hit a practicum course in college which required me to interact with others. I shut down and dropped out despite a 4.0 gpa. Essentially, my autism was missed because I was extremely good at taking written exams. My parents thought I was the model child. Meanwhile my brother had bad grades and got a diagnosis. He is now far more well adjusted than I in adult life.
Hey guys, I'm neurotypical, but I've really struggling with time blindness and time management for my whole life, and you guys seem like you might be able to help! So usually it goes something like: I need to do school work and it's only like 3 paragraphs or something, so I set aside 15-20 minutes to do it (because that's the time my friends got it done in). Cut to an hour later and I've only done one paragraph, even though I think I've been working pretty efficiently and it's just like huh???? (Also, what would I look like when I was doing it? Was I like that sloth guy from Zootopia or something to everyone else???) This frequently frustrates me and I know it's not normal because all my friends can do this fine. Please tell me you guys have a magical cure, I hate this😭😭
Still on my journey to find out if I am or not but this resonated so much with me. I had to stop everything for the PMDD stuff especially because that has been a big issue for me and has caused so many problems in my life. Thank you for bringing it up so I can research it more.
Thanks for the the terms ‘anhedonia’ and ‘spiky profile’. Helps me improve my vocabulary, especially when it comes to vocabulary I can use to describe myself and, I suppose, ‘explain myself’ when I have to. Especially the spiky profile. I am a klutz at a lot of supposedly simple things, but I’m really good at a lot of other things. Even though I like who I am, it does suck that most of my weaknesses are things society necessitates or values, whereas my strengths are often overlooked and undervalued. It makes it hard to feel like I can truly make an impact sometimes, in my own way.
i ignored all my sensory issues as a kid up until after high school. and id go home everyday and have a 1-2 hour crying session. once i stopped ignoring that i stopped having a meltdown every night, didnt even connect the dots until years later
For me I just didn't have the conceptual framework to link the things I was struggling with with the notion that I was struggling with them and that there were direct consequences for that. Like, there are certain "wrong smells" that I can't abide. But when nobody around you has any clue what the problem is nor has had any kind of similar response as you, you're kinda stuck interpreting your own experience in a vacuum.
1:42 im not diagnosed with autism (i probably have it but the wait for the test is like a year long) but i now know that i am definitely neurodivergent anyway 😌(i have misophonia, didnt know it was considered neurodivergence loll)
Am i the only one struggling with the little white speckle that is sitting in her hair? i just cant unsee it. I am not diagnosed or anything like that but i genuinely enjoy your content and how you present yourself too. Fun timez!
Know the facts and stay informed on breaking news by subscribing through my link ground.news/nowwhat to get 50% off their unlimited access Vantage plan this month.
If you’re new here and wondering why I have boxes behind me, my landlord unfortunately wanted his property back and I had to move. We’ve had no luck with furniture deliveries with things taking ages to arrive and then arriving broken. But…preview of the somewhat-complete new setup in the ad segment of this video! 😁
If you missed my video reacting to Jubilee’s ‘Test your Autism Radar’ video, here it is: ua-cam.com/video/mG6SevNjlJM/v-deo.html
Jubilee has been putting out some questionable content recently, but this one was quite fun! Do you think you’re good at spotting autism?
Thank you so much for watching! I hope this was helpful/interesting 💛
Please add time stamps to your vids
Me as a professionally diagnosed but imposter-syndrome riddled autistic person watching this with intense focus
too real 😵💫😵💫
Same! I've been diagnosed a few months ago and I'm still struggling a lot with imposter syndrome.
That's so real, I've been really struggling with my diagnosis of autism. I was diagnosed with adhd when I was 6 so I never even really thought about it, but with my autism it was only a year ago that I was diagnosed, and I have such bad imposter syndrome
you guys have diagnosis that's amazing i could never-
I like to personify my imposter syndrome, and when I find a reason why I'm autistic, I'd laugh at their face (bc they’re a meanie >:[)
My little brother has no interest in trains
Seems to pick up on these imaginary things called "social cues" that he swears enables him to read social situations for some reason
He seems to have a deficit in stimming
Has no need for a routine
I'm starting to worry
It sounds like he might have that disorder called "Nerotypical-ism" it sounds like he has it pretty bad
The ability to pick up imaginary social cues sounds like a super power lol
@@mister-canada367 It is, he insists on maintaining eye contact to harness these powers. I'm very worried about him
If autistic people are supposed to be interested in trains and dinosaurs, does that make Dinosaur Train the ultimate autistic show?
your brother may be a neurptypical. try to talk him into getting diagnosed.
Oh boy the time blindness thing. I constantly think "I'm so close to done with this, it'll probably take me 15 more minutes" and then five hours later....
Same!!
TBH, I'm not so much time blind as I operate in more dimensions than usual, so, the flow can be kind of loopy.
or like my bus is in 20 mins qhen i can gwt there in under 5 and im like "man i gtf now the bus is almost here"
and i spend forever just waiting there
Exactly!
This is exactly why I'm always late. Or almost always. It's not because of my makeup. I can be late for any reason that includes overestimating time. Oh yes sewing that will take me 30 minutes. And an hour and a half later without breaks I'm still going strong on there. Or I can surely go to the mall in 2,5 hours but no! It's not my fault it's the guys fault for asking things at the person there and not me first who had a dumb question! At least that's what I told my mom and brother. They were not impressed with me.
its so hard to think abt people who are neurotypical because the majority of people in my life are neurodivergent or highly suspect they are if undiagnosed
YES OMG
Yess, a lot of neurodivergent people are surrounded by neurodivergent friends and family because we all tend to flock together 😂
Yes same here. Most of my family is neurodivergent or at least suspecting they are. 😂
Everyone is in their own bubble so to speak
@@imautisticnowwhatThe double empathy theory is behind that.
3:27 you can regulate emotions well
9:28 you havent had mental health issues
11:43 you have good executive functioning
17:15 you dont have a spiky profile
20:43 you dont feel like your sensory experiences holds you back
24:47 you have never felt like an alien
27:05 making and maintaining friendships is easy
29:20 you managed to get through education without major struggles
32:14 interests are not very intense / obsessive
35:19 your periods dont have a big impact on mood
Thank you, internet person. These lists help me out a lot.
This is awesome, cured my impostor syndrome for 20 minutes. If it cones back I'll finish the video.
So helpful, and yes, still autistic 😂
Still have no idea. I don’t think I’ll ever know if I am or not. I’ve been through too much abuse. I have mental health issues. I don’t think I am autistic. My therapist has a theory that everyone with complex trauma is autistic that’s why I’m researching. I don’t have $4000 to get tested, and the ways around it she suggested don’t seem realistic.
just started the video and i am so confused what “spiky profile” means here lol. guess i’ll have to learn in this because it sounds so odd, it makes me think of a side profile photo of someone with big spiky hair and punk vibes
"You might forget to eat"
Me: *suddenly notices I'm hungry because I haven't eaten in 12 hours*
Oh no! Hope you get some food 💛
Maybe you just woke up? 😅
Same, 11hrs here, and I'd been wondering why I was feeling dizzy-
Hearing “there are no neurotypical people” feels the same as when someone says “everyone is a little ADHD” or “everyone is a little autistic.”
I AM NOT OKAY. I am not functional enough to meet expectations and when I do find a way to meet expectations, it’s not sustainable. My struggles stand out at work and in my social/home life. If my diagnosis aren’t the problem, I am.
But I’m trying my best and my best isn’t enough. I do all the things I’m supposed to do in order to address my conditions and mental illnesses but it’s never enough. If it’s not the system’s fault for not being built for neurodivergent people, it’s my fault for being human garbage.
Real
That's the way I've been looking at things for a while. But I've been trying to adopt the mindset that I don't need anyone to believe that I'm autistic in order for my struggles to be real. Or for me to, if not necessarily love myself, at least respect myself. Because that's the thing, there's only so much we can do to control how other people perceive us. But what I've found is that sometimes there can be a lot of power within us to shape how _we_ perceive ourselves.
Self-hatred tends to start with how others treat us. But it ends with how we treat ourselves.
I think something super hard is knowing in the back of your mind that you’re neurodivergent but not being able to get a formal diagnosis (especially in areas where health care isn’t free) and then feeling bad for self diagnosing because you don’t know for sure, no matter how much research you’ve done.
If you're talking about in a US context, it may actually be a good thing to be undiagnosed, given some of the (objectively incorrect) things certain members of the incoming administration have said about neurodivergence both in the past and recently.
@ that is very fair. Although, it would be mainly to validate myself. I definitely wouldn’t go around telling everyone about my diagnosis.
Do you think that a professional’s opinion means you “know for sure”? Because I personally don’t. I think I can be surer with my own honest and thoughtful assessment than another person can be from the outside.
i’m in a similar situation. i’ve done my research and can be fairly certain with my self diagnosis, but i still feel bad with labeling because i don’t have a professional diagnosis. i refuse to get a diagnosis in the us because of the current legislatures. i want to be a lawyer, but i worry there will be restrictions put in place to prevent neurodivergent people from practicing. my therapist told me i can tell people that i have symptoms that align with autism, instead of telling them i straight up have autism since i don’t know for sure. hope that helps!
@@RilsssART Well that's kinda the problem. Even if you tell nobody that you know, it's still on your medical records.
"im disappointed in how school manages to teach you that learning is bad" ~ my physics professor
i love learning, but not school, theres a huge difference
i hate how i had to drop out of college at 15. i felt so stupid... still do
I can relate. I was bright and am detail focused, but my public school career was a disaster. Dropped out twice and never got a high school diploma. I was in maybe 11th grade when I realized that “smart” and “good at academics” were not the same thing.
The only thing my academic credentials were ever good for was supporting the ADHD part of my diagnosis.
If youre american: college at 15 is effing amazing, you're basically a genius even if you had to drop out.
If not american and college means something different than university/higher education: schooling is not for everyone. Any age can learn any skill. If you have an affinity for learning, go for it. If there's a replacement for that degree of graduation, go for it. You're free now, more time to get skills under your belt. School is fine if you like it, but life is more than studying and responsibility and exams. Its experiences, skills, relationships, emotions. Live life fully.
@@jimwilliams3816 same! i was in 6th or 7th grade when i realized that and it genuinely made me depressed. also never helped that my parents were only interested in grades and if i tried to do any extracurricular learning or excitedly talk about what i learnt in school they wanted me to shut up. asking questions was only for stupid students who didn't get the explanation the first time so i developed a complex around asking for help with things because i didn't want to be seen as stupid. it ruined my entire life. if people had been more supportive back then i would have been a happier person but everyone just wanted me to keep my head down and get good grades. some adults see a bright eyed curious child and start to strategize about how they can crush their soul.
One of my main problem with school subjects was that I understood things and could explain and talk about them in my own words - but I still got bad grades because I didn't exactly recite them how they were written in our school books. One of my teachers even said that - she sees I understand the topic and what I said is completely correct, but she can't give me a good grade because it's not what the school system requires me to answer. The school system doesn't care if you actually understand what you're talking about, just as long as you can regurgitate everything you're told like a Furby.
Trying to prove I was still ‘exceptional’ as a disabled/ND person by trying to be okay in college when what I wanted to do was learn, discuss, lecture, and write essays to share not for a grade, destroyed my mental health 😂 still dealing with it. I love learning again but I wish I had my reading stamina back.
I do this thing now where I can read a book- but only if I get to transcribe it by hand into a different blank book at the same time. I have little idea what this is about but it has something to do with time and access and loss. Sigh
I had half a century of assuming everyone experienced things pretty much the same as me and so I just put up with being exhausted / anxious / overwhelmed to the point that it's just a normal part of life. Since I found out that I'm autistic I'm realising why most other people seem to be able to get through the things I struggle with and it's not because they're *better* or *stronger* than me.
when i tell ppl how hard some things are for me they just tell me ur gonna get stronger. omg what does that even mean 😭
@ some people (lots of people!) don’t get that sometimes you struggle because you struggle, not because you aren’t “trying hard enough” or haven’t “learned to toughen up”. I’ve spent so much of my life trying to be tougher and stronger and it mostly made me depressed and distant and didn’t change how I actually felt about things. I’m trying to get back to showing the more sensitive and vulnerable person that I was a long time ago, I think it’s healthier for me.
This one.
@dimitrisskar4174 I think I know what it means to them, but they are misapplying a principal. Humans have some capacity to strengthen themselves through “exercise,” *but only to a degree, and it’s specific to the individual.* An athlete might be able to improve their stamina through cardio exercise, but the same level of exertion might trigger a fatal heart attack in a person with heart trouble. And even athletes can end up with a blown out joint or a torn rotater cuff if they overdo it, or work out the wrong way. It’s the same thing with cognitive function, even though people imagine otherwise.
I know. I took a stressful job in my 50s, and went on high pressure trips. I was frankly impressed with myself, because I didn’t think I was able to do such things. But after a while, I started saying “I like this job and I’m good at it, but I can feel it changing me in bad ways.” I did not understand why, but I had the vague sense that continuing might cost me my mental health and my marriage. Which it did.
After I crashed and burned, I ended up with multiple diagnoses, AuDHD, GAD, more. I eventually realized that I had been leaning into adrenaline, which helped my ADHD focus but further pushed up my standing stress hormones. The increased dysregulation fueled a massive downward spiral similar to what Meg described in college. But I never pulled back and I bottomed our. I don’t think I’ll ever fully recover.
My neurodivergence made me more vulnerable to the stress and shaped my responses, but anyone can overdo it, and plenty do. I actually think one reason the US has gone off the rails as much as it has is that we mythologize hard work to an unhealthy extent. It’s not true that “what does not kill you makes you stronger.” Maybe it does sometimes, but sometimes it leaves you permanently damaged instead. I offer myself as exhibit A.
So set boundaries, recognize your limits, and MAYBE push yourself a little from time to time - but only in moderation and in ways that feel right. Nobody has an unending supply of spoons, not even those mythical neurotypicals. There’s no shame in understanding our limits, even if some people can’t see that.
End rant.
9:53 “it’s like your hobbies and all the things you love don't work anymore” I love that description!
Ikr! That's the literal perfect description!
My offspring (second child n.b.) has Irlen’s syndrome, visual processing disorder (the one thing we have had diagnosed) and the teachers would ‘attempt’ to be understanding and often fail miserably. She wanted to drop one a-level so badly as that particular teacher just could not accept how her lessons could not be learned in an hour at the incredible pace she set with her micromanaging organising skills ensuring everyone had cookie cutter folders of identical information. Fortunately she held on (she would have had to drop out of the school all together) and she did not fail the subject as that teacher predicted either.
it is going to take five minutes to watch a 30 mins video IS SO REAL
x6 speed for UA-cam, when? 😅
Yes! And then it takes 45 minutes cause I keep rewinding, getting up for food and getting distracted, lol
Your videos so often have me like "wait.. that's not 'normal'??"... guess i might look into autism
Her video on monotropism (hope I’m spelling that right lol) is the reason I’m as sure as I am that I’m most likely on the spectrum. She’s great at explaining things in a way I can easily understand.
Same here
@@austinmartin6918 I know right? I had the suspicion before already, but was like "nah.. can't be, right??" and then I watch things on monotropism, signs of being autistic, shared autistic experiences and I start questioning my life xD
@ClockBoyy the really weird part for me was my initial suspicion came from me stumbling upon a Reddit post from r/autismmemes that had made it to the popular thread. I didn’t notice the subreddit it was from, but I really related to it. I scrolled past, but ended up going back to see what sub it was, and I was like “heh, that’s kinda weird,” and just went on about my day. I became increasingly curious about whether I’d relate as much to other posts on there, and so I decided to check, and yep! Most of the memes were quite relatable. Just one of those happy accidents, I guess lol
@@austinmartin6918 its always the weirdest ways you stumble upon this sort of stuff lmao
At the 12 min mark you’re talking about how your husband just knows how long things will take.
Reminds me of a story. Once at a job I was told I wasn’t doing tasks quickly enough. I asked if my manager could tell me how long they needed it to take, and they told me that was an unreasonable expectation when my manager was already so busy 😞
Oh that thing with the manager drives me nuts. They reprimand you for doing things wrong, but refuse to tell you how to do things right! The unfairness puts me over the edge.
@@luna-pI had that with school writing. Professors would say I write terribly but had all the correct information then not be able to tell me what I was doing wrong or how to improve. It has been so frustrating.
I think that they just wanted you to work faster or appear to work faster.
But I really don’t understand managers nor management.
I appear NT but I’m not. If I’m put in a social situation the autism in me comes out I love being alone. But I wasn’t diagnosed until 33 because I am so good at masking. However I have been savagely bullied and I have video games as my special interest. And my impulse control is lousy
My impulse control is so bad. I'm so bad with money haha
@@criticalinspiration2442 My problem is anger. I am like a kettle with the lid welded shut sometimes when I’m alone it comes out. I’m afraid to lose my temper because I’m a big guy I’m 6 foot 6.
@@criticalinspiration2442 I also get very angry if I get rejected or ignored by people and when I say angry I mean really angry
but there's a limit to the masking before the 'tism leaks. be sure to add that detail. I have about a 3 yr countdown.
Fellow former playground circler here... Love how much the content on this channel has helped me contextualize my lived experience! I grew up in the woods (distant enough there were plenty of days it'd be snowing at home but just raining at school), and had always assumed the kids "in town" had gotten the secret training to make socializing fun. Guess the social anhedonia kicked in early 🤷♂
21:43 actually, when I thought about buying my headphones, I tested my bro's. I almost cried. It redused noises so great. Ofc I bought my pair next week
I can relate to this!
Ramble time so bare with me: During my diagnosis the specialist recomended me to get them and while I had known of them, I had not considered for some reason using it myself 😅 which is quite silly given how much sensory processing issues impacts me. But anyways, a bit later I was made aware of a sale and figured I might give them a try. I had been wanting to I just didn’t actually understand until I experienced it. Gosh. I could not describe how much it has changed my life. The sheer amount of meltdowns avoided alone because of these guys. I’m literally wearing them right now! They stay on almost all the time and I love them. I literally went around the house yapping to anyone who would listen about how cool they were and no one understood it lol. Actually my brother hated it which is so funny to me. But I can definitely relate to like basically feeling like you might cry. Because I felt so much weight lifted off my shoulders. I remember that feeling the first time so well. In a kitchen, two fans going, everyone going about their pre-dinner routine and sticking the setting on for the first time. It was like the saturation on life was turned down just a bit for the first time. Its like going a busy club to a silent street. It’s so indescribable to allistic people (like my brother) how it felt and still feels especially using them in overwhelming scenarios and that’s the closest I ever got to it.
I have no idea how I managed public transport without them! Or any scenario like that! Poorly is the answer lol. But this is why accommodations and awareness is so important! I could not imagine if he(the specialist) had not directly suggested that to me, I may have never given them a chance! I went to my first concert post owning these not too long ago, and I actually managed to sit through a line and do a meet and greet! Never in my life would I have before!! It’s the little things, simple accommodations (like the venue allowing me in with my headphones) that made such a difference to me. And I have an awesome picture and tshirt to prove how basic understanding, diagnosis, and accommodations can change lives : )
Which ones?
I ordered some just yesterday. I'm a bit nervous how they work for me tbh since I've got severe tinnitus and can't stand absolute silence (bc... I don't have it EVER), but I think if I put on nice music, they'll do the trick
i go through phases of having different interests but they don’t fully go away, they just get stored away in filing cabinets in my brain that can be opened up again at any time. some cabinets are much bigger than others.
Yes this is literally me!
one thing I think doesn’t get addressed enough is informal supports. Specifically supports that act as expressions of often more toxic cultural values, that can hide the fact that legitimate support is needed. I struggle with finding my independence now since I took for granted being enmeshed with a parent and all the things they helped me out with (since they weren’t the things everyone else needed help with), but that support was not offered to me in a healthy way.
The first thing I realized was a abnormal sensory experience was getting your hair washed at the hair salon. I’ve always had struggles with anyone tugging my hair or touching my scalp. I wouldn’t brush my hair for many days as a kid. I also thought others were lying when they said getting your hair washed and scalp massages was relaxing because it had always been a painful experience. I was taught at a young age that my pain was my fault and I shouldn’t be mad at people for hurting me because my mom didn’t understand how much pain I experienced. That’s why I’m incapable of telling a hair stylist they’re hurting me, so I tend to avoid going.
I'm pretty sure my mom was one of the most neurotypical people. However, my brother, dad, and I were her daily projects to ensure we function in the world. She'd get so frustrated. Yet,, she was so loving and patient. She was a darling woman, and I miss her so much.
"Feeling like an alien" always hits so hard because I have a clear memory of being a kid hitting it off initially with the girls at a new summer camp and thinking "It'll be about 2 days before they realize I'm not like them" and that's exactly what happened. Dunno what it is but it happened enough to have a thought like that. 👽🖖 beep bop boop, I guess
Yep, it becomes predictable at a certain point. Once that initial meeting phase ends, where people are still feeling each other out behaviorally and emotionally, that's when the disparities become apparent. And then you're weird and there's nothing you can really do to change it.
We're getting diagnosed with neurotypicality with this one 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥
Doubling down on my Autism diagnosis with this one 🗣️ 🗣️ 🗣️🔥🔥🔥/silly
Thank you! This is a brilliant way to help us neurotypicals increase empathy for neurodivergents. We try to imagine ourselves in your shoes, but we can only see the outside of the shoes. Knowing about the inside of the shoes helps so much. I was making assumptions I didn't even realize I was making
If someone says I have 5 minutes, I'm simply not going. I need to be ready at least 3 hours, or in the LEAST 2 hours ahead of when I need to leave. That way everything is done and out of the way, packed, dressed, and I can get on with my regular routine and relax before leaving. Even an hour isn't enough time. Whenever I leave late or in a rush = day ruined.
I could just stand and stare for an hour, thinking about what I have to do, but unable to get anything done
lol, my husband is like @mollycave to the point where I literally feel I am being rushed and so as I’m more like @luna-p, thinking I have all the time in the world or unable to get anything done as there is too much to do, I get super annoyed at him, dig my heels in and ultimately when he does get me out the door, I have left something I needed/wanted behind.
On the emotional regulation side, I used to cry (and still can get very upset) when my teachers changed seating charts-
Literally my best friend rn. If any teacher tries to move her, she will argue continuously until they give up and let her keep her seat. She has a specific seat that is hers in every room
Awww
Watching this with my headphones, in my room, and a white noise machine on.
Thanks to a broken fire alarm that’s been beeping every few minutes since last night. It’s out of my reach of course.
I’m always amazed by people who can just ignore things like this and go about their day. I compared myself with others and felt like a failure.
I internalized for years, would just grin and bared it, as I was told so often. Or I’d be accused of being “too sensitive”, “dramatic”, etc.
After diagnosis now I know why it affects my brain and how best to deal with it. Without it completely draining me, still learning but at least it’s easier now.
23:51 - the squares in the maths book - yes me too!
0:14 that’s exactly why I can’t stand that lady you talked about before, she seems like she’ll cause a lot of damage to a lot of communities.
I was born with a traumatic brain injury due to medical negligence during my birth so I come across as autistic and adhd I’m definitely neurodivergent
Once people find out my diagnosis they start bullying me or worse (they accuse me of lying because I seem too functional to them)😢
I never felt like I was actually an alien but I felt like nearly everyone else got a handbook and I was skipped or was just on a different wavelength.
A phenomenon that keeps happening to me is people feel safe to tell me things that are personal, that they never told anyone else, even if they just met me. I have heard the phrase "I don't know what it is, I just really trust you with that secret/ information."
I am pretty good at keeping secrets.
It's probably because you don't talk very much. I get the same thing and I don't identify as neuroatypical at all.
Huh......yeah, I've had that experience too. And I'm also good at keeping secrets - but have talked people's ears off since I was 2.....slightly less talkative now - depends on who I'm with and what the topic is.
That can be a form of manipulation to gain your trust and make you more invested in them. There really are some people out there who just lie to others that way. I read that and thought "That's a red flag."
@JuliaMurphy2013 it could be but doesn't have to. One of my special interests is s e x education. Even though I never bring it up, people of different ages and from different countries have asked me questions about it. I seem to give off the vibe that I am trustworthy, open to talking about it and know stuff 😅
I LOVE learning so that part of school has always been something i like. I liked it enough to go to grad school.
Everything ELSE about school has been a total nightmare and makes me forget dropping out of my PhD program, despite loving my research topic and my cohort
Completely relate!!
Only a minute in, but I have to stop and give a thumbs up to the NT Loch Ness Monster. Made me LOL.
10:44 I cannot tell you how much this hits home. I have extreme anxiety because of the benefits system here in the UK and it makes it so hard to get on with my life without worrying when the big intimidating government comes at me with their confusing forms and interviews.
Thanks for making these videos and spreading awareness. I stumbled across them a few years ago and it has answered so many questions Ive had about myself my whole life. I am 21 and currently in the process of getting a diagnosis.
I'm sooo glad I could help a little 💛 I hope your appointment is a positive experience!
Thanks so much for your videos. Very recently, I found out I had a diagnosis at around age 9 that my parents withheld from me. I'm 59 now and I found myself relating to your videos after starting a new job that overwhelmed me so much I started to wonder if there was something other than a known LD going on. Learning I'm autistic has explained SO MUCH about me that I never understood before, especially the part about how do other people do things easily and I can't? So frustrating!
Thankfully, my job has a strong support network, and hopefully I can get this old diagnosis confirmed and find some outside support.
I didn't get diagnosed until 56 when I hit a career wall and I couldn't figure out why until I got my diagnosis and realized I wasn't an idiot-just unable to do some things necessary for holding an exec position.
I have what I call “profound time blindness” and have to account for it by putting everything in my phone calendar. I don’t think in a linear fashion when I’m recalling things in my life. If someone asks me what year I did something (like graduated uni) I cannot recall the year and have to count backwards from the current year to figure it out. I remember things in terms of what was going on at the time and how I felt about it. I also have aphantasia and can’t really picture things so my memory is mostly based on my other senses. For example, I can tell you what kind of music I was listening to at the time. I can’t picture someone’s face even if I see them every day but I remember the lyrics to every song I have ever liked. The brain is wild
29:57 I have adhd and dyscalcula, and in between being burnt out I really enjoyed school. In high school specifically, I was diagnosed. I was able to use my intense interests as a dopamine battery for the things I hated, and got myself a pair of earplugs. I also joined clubs where I knew the neurodiverse might congregate, and allowed myself to stim in school subtly as much as I needed. If I was truly too upset, many days I just went home.
couldn't be me. one of my favourite examples of "bending time to our will" is me having had a friend over and after the late night "what do you mean you don't know that series?" just swapping DVDs for four or five hours until my friend remarked he should really get home to catch the required minimum of sleep xD
oof that reminds me of when I was younger and visiting my best friend at the time. She expressed interest in watching Sailor Moon with me. So I brought over multiple vhs copies recorded from the tv and we spent majority of the time watching through the episodes. I was disappointed how little we got through not realizing that there were at least 5 hours on each tape lol
I feel like as a neurodivergent person, I am always being overestimated. It is so frustrating when people think you aren't trying or that you are just being too negative when you are really struggling. I need a lot of help but I have a bit of a spiky profile and seem like I am "capable"
I definitely have time blindness. I never know how early I should get up and ready before an appointment, especially if I didn't sleep well. Awhile back, I started trying to combat this problem by setting my alarm for at least 2 hours before I need to get somewhere. This helps some, but if I don't sleep well, I might wake up just enough to decided that I have plenty of time, so I can sleep a little more, and then reset the alarm gor way too late. I never figure the time right if I'm sleepy.
I have to allow a huge amount if time to do something like going to an appointment, and I am still late a lot of the time. I have started putting appointments in my calendar for varied amounts of time before the actual appointment time. It might be as little as 10 minutes or as long as 45 minutes, but on the day, I never remember what my lead time is, so I have to aim for the shortest time. This has really helped me get to my destination on time a lot more often, but it doesn't always work. If I get an appointment reminder text, they remind what the actual appointment time is, so that's what gets into my head, and it can make my system fail.
I would like to thank you for making me realise... I am so much more autistic than I thought as none of these is true for me lol
Apart from number 10 (which is inapplicable), none of them are true for me. I've been diagnosed with ASD and OCD, so I'm not surprised.
I guess I'm typical in number 10. I can have my period and go about my day as usual, but the other 9... Thought I might be misdiagnosed because it can't be that bad, right? People tend to blame all of my brain stuff on me being blind, so I always felt like an impostor. This video was really validating!
I'd appreciate it if you could add sections, because it's a bit overwhelming to watch the whole video.
I did not know about dyspraxia!!! My childhood makes so much more sense now!!!
I remember when I was at uni and heard of it for the first time, thinking that's me 😅
I’ve been of the opinion that I never had clinical dyspraxia (spikey skill set, maybe), but when Meg did her video, she showed a movie of her trying to skip rope but never being able to time it so that her legs cleared the rope - and I suddenly remembered I was like that. Hula hoops also ended up on the ground before the end of their first revolution.
Yes to what you said around minute 16:00 !!
I was trying to explain my difficulties with executive functioning to my tutor, and at a later date, I gather he was trying to show some empathy and/or understanding, but he said something to the effect of "I know you process slowly"
It showed me that despite my efforts to try and convey my experience in the classroom, he didn't have the right impression, most likely because it's hard to understand an experience that you don't have.
For point 4, I always thought I couldn't be autistic because I am the opposite. xD I NEVER skip a shower or brushing my teeth or other self-care things almost religiously because I get sensory overload if I do! On the other hand, I've never been super smart in any area so I was like "Oh, must be normal!" lololol
Same, I feel filthy if I don’t brush my teeth - though I do forget to shower sometimes (I do still feel dirty but not as much for some reason).
I think either extreme can be pretty autistic.
I have to set reminders on reminders to do some basic needs, but my husband is fixed on the routine. Both of us are autistic and completely different in most ways. We kinda balance each other out in support ways.
@@ZhovtoBlakytniy that's gotta be nice sometimes! :)
@@vondalironfist5753 I get that. xD when I was younger it was much easier to skip showers (dang puberty lol)
I feel filthy if I don’t brush my teeth but frequently still don’t. It’s a war between tolerating discomfort and motivating myself, and I guess I’m better at tolerating discomfort. 🤢
This video made me feel less alone. Thank you for the informative insights
the moment she mentioned not being able to unlock her own door I felt like I was personally being attacked💀
I've been given the keys so many times to open the front door and no joke it takes me like 6 whole minutes trying to figure out how to put it in and take it out.
Wait. Some people find getting your hair washed at the hair salon relaxing?
Yes 😭😭
mm well sounds like I failed with flying colours as a neurotypical
I am so not neurotypical 😊 this was a well made video. Also interesting that you ended with PMDD which is my diagnosis. It pretty much controls my life.
Apologies if you have already talked about this and I just missed it, but since it came up earlier in the video: another autistic creator I really love, Ember Green, did a big video essay on Aspie Supremacy a couple months ago that covers a LOT of stuff, but specifically touches on problems that arise from regarding allistic and "neurotypical" folks as monolithic, and also as less-than-human in certain ways (e.g. "sheep", "NPCs").
May not be your thing, maybe you've already seen it, etc. and it is pretty heavy, but I found it enriching and thoughtful.
🎉I am interested in this topic. I will check it out. I do think autistic people are superior and always felt superior to others even before I was diagnosed autistic
@@hedwigwendell-crumb91 To be clear, it is a video CRITICAL of aspie/autistic supremacy and the ways it gets casually invoked in some autistic spaces. she focuses a lot on how aspie/autistic supremacy ultimately reflects and serves dominant systems (e.g. politics/programs of eugenics) that at best see autistics as a conveniently exploitable resource and at worst an impurity to be weeded out. I made a slight edit to my original post to clarify this.
but, yes, here is a link, it is very well done in my opinion, and i do encourage a watch even if (maybe especially because) it may be at odds with your current disposition on the subject: ua-cam.com/video/ui2h_pHDDmk/v-deo.html
i’m autistic and i liked school until i got to junior year of high school and i ended up dropping out after 3 semesters of college
I’m so excited to see all that you have to say and show in this video! This is a big topic I’ve been interested in
Hope you enjoy! 💛
Never been so early! Thanks for your work Meg, it's meant a lot to me as I piece through my own brain and as a parent.
Aww, I'm so glad I could help a little! Thank you for being here 💛
16:00 I’m so glad that for my job (aircraft maintenance), most of the tasks I have to do have written instructions I have to follow. I’d probably take a lot longer to do things if I didn’t have that to keep me on track.
welp as it turns out I'm even less neurotypical than I thought lmao
I was quite lucky in my school experience even though I was undiagnosed ADHDer, but I was diagnosed with dyslexia and received special ed and accommodations that did help with my ADHD symptoms too. I was also super interested in most subjects, which made me able to absorb very well what was taught to me and put effort into school (though never in a very consistent way), so the teachers were usually lenient when I wasn't a "good student" (forgot the right supplies and books, forgot homework, arrived late, doodled through every class). The other kids were also mostly chill and some of them are my best friends to this day, so even though I was sometimes mocked and excluded, I still had friends in my corner so it was never that bad socially either. So all things considered I did have as good of an experience in school as one might, as a teenager of course it wasn't always fun, but that's expected. Up until university really. The lack of external structure there and the added adult responsibilities really fucked me up and I'm still deep in ADHD burnout.
I'm autistic and I'm outwardly emotionally stable. I don't really experience extremes of emotion and I have a flat affect. ButI also struggle to know what I'm feeling, and probably internalise it. It usually takes a long time for whatever I'm feeling to hit me.
I relate to the flat affect too - a lot of my masking is trying to seem more animated because my default is often pretty low energy. Strangely talking on camera doesn’t feel draining though! It’s like a completely different thing somehow!
Saying no one is neurotypical is saying that the experience of being neurodivergent is less valid and different. It is true that everyone is different and lots of people who are not neurodivergent have traits associated with being neurodivergent but that isn't the same.
What you said about the squares in your math book and patterns with lines/geometric patterns is so real. I regularly work with image editing software like photoshop and gimp, and I really can't stand the gray grid pattern those programs use to indicate transparent parts of the image.
If Autism is a spectrum then it's reasonable that NT is also a spectrum.
But it's not clinically meaningful.
sure, but it’s just as unreasonable to expect NT’s to all be the same.
@@longestbeannbecause neurotypicals pathologised neurodivergent behaviour.
Ahhh so excited for the vid, I’ve had a bad day and as soon as I saw the notification I was cheered up! ❤
On my emotions I have learned to hold them back as much as I can till I know what is going on fully, and if I find myself slipping I try my best to get away to where I can let it out or coupe till I can go back and figure out what is wrong, unless I'm yelled at first then I just pop my mouth off so not perfect but has helped me not explode so much on people anymore
i have adhd, not sure abt autism, its a good change i do have it (my mom and sister both have it and i have very very similar traits as them, ) so idk now im questioning my self and am like "maybe im just neurotypical oh no im wrong"
I watched it. First of all, thanks, your videos are delightful and helped me with my ND jorney. Second, I left my free french fries on table, on my job; everyday attraction, I might say
I've been doubting myself lately and this was super validating!
ill never get over thanksgiving last year, my brother said he was almost here and I (AuDHD) started panicking. Basically said he would be there in 15 and didn't have a lot of time to stay. I put my whole foot in the mac n cheese cause i really wanted him to try it and had it ready bout time he got there. half way in, I realized, he couldn't of been 15 minutes away as id been cooking for an hour.
I will never be out-bigbrained again
I was only officially diagnosed as autistic at age 49. I'm 51 now. The doctor thought I was practically a textbook case for an autistic male. I've not had any mental health issues and don't think I have meltdowns. I could just never tell you what exactly my emotional state is at any given moment and find it weird others can. As a kid, I admired Spock on Star Trek and tried to be like him.I gained a reputation for being very laid back, unusually so.
i struggle with locking doors with keys so bad. There's a scene in Squid Game where the guy fumbles with the key for like 1 second and gets a suspicious glance. My partner said that if I ever was able to lock the door on the first try that's when they'd be suspicious.
My partner always teases me about this 😅 I suck at locking/unlocking the door and he grunts and teases me every time LOL 😆
My daughter (23) hasn't been officially diagnosed ASD, but has been learning a lot about herself since discovering your channel.
It has been quite the learning curve this past year, but the answers to so many questions have been found right here. I just wanted to send a hearty THANK YOU for all you do!
The little imposter in my brain was like, what if I tick all the boxes in this video. turns out, I have not - I started laughing at myself (in a friendly way) as the first trait appeared on the screen cause nope, definitely not able to regulate or notice my emotions.
Comes out, I planned in 10 mins to watch this video…….. and realised I am really neurodivergent and my medical diagnosis are valid, lol. I ticked none of the boxes! Or all if you count it reversed.
PMDD is the worst…I’m 40 and only finally got it managed last year. My biggest issue is mood. For anyone unsure if you have PMDD or typical PMS, your PMS shouldn’t make you want to cancel your life subscription every month 🙃
I was literally just staring at your guitar earing the whole video :,]
(I LOVE EM'!! >:3)
The LED Christmas candles on the boxes is a nice touch Meg!
I use the alien thing when describing my experience and have even worked it into the "lore" in my music. I feel like I've been receiving radio and tv signals faaaar across outer space for years and only know how to be an earthling from movies and tv shows/radio. And even at middle age, I'm still figuring things out.
Male and likely undiagnosed autistic here. For me I relate to the majority of these with the exception of struggling making friends. I grew up with very social parents (I believe my mom is autistic. Because of this I grew up being very social to the point I often "weirded out" a lot of people but am generally liked (as I perceive it) by most I interact with. I believe people and socializing are a special interest of mine as in highschool I watched a lot of videos about body language, socializing in general. Life is interesting lol
the time blindness one is so real. yesterday it was 30 minutes past midnight and i wanted to go to sleep by 1 am so i opened my laptop settled into bed and decided that i would watch a 45 minute episode of television and then sleep. by 1 am??? obviously that didn't happen. i was dimly aware of the time problem while deciding this too but it just didn't register in my brain that i can't watch something thats 45 minutes long in 30 minutes.
Your channel is one of the greatest net-positives on this app. (Mostly) so many women will have and will continue to benefit from your content. I know it has unequivocally changed my life for the better. So validating and so respectful
"a person could be a nuclear physicist and still struggle to remember to brush their teeth"
THISSSS my biggest problem that I've identified and been working on in therapy (with very little success) is feeling like a failure or lazy or an imposter because i struggle so badly with such basic things like feeding, cleaning, and clothing myself without either my home beginning a literal biohazard from growing mold or attracting insects or having completely apart in my professional life, where I'm a PhD student who had always been near the tops of my classes and extracurriculars. But now, i have to choose: do i take care of my health, or my job/schooling, or my household/executive functioning tasks. I can only do one of the three well at any given time and if i push i can scrape by in a second, but at least one of the three is always a complete failure. I just end up in a constant cycle between the three, even with help.
I punish myself so much for "failing" to do what I see as the "bare minimum" for being an adult, and it doesn't help when that shame gets reinforced by someone seeing through the facade, such as my mom visiting and being shocked by the state of my apartment when she just helped me get it deep cleaned a couple months ago, or my phd advisor having no idea how to help when she sees that I've made literally zero progress in the last three months on research I'm already 2 years behind on, despite checking in weekly and giving as much help as she can. And i don't know what to tell them bc I've tried everything and just can't manage without my body literally giving out on me (since we got that ADHD/ASD/EDS triple threat).
But i have to constantly remind myself the only reason i had done so well up until now is because 1) i have always lived with other people who helped split the mental and physical load of taking care of our living space, whether that was my family when i was a kid or my roommates as an undergrad, 2) as a kid, my mom basically acted as my external executive function system, making meals, telling me what chores to do when, making doctors appointments, making sure we got ready for things and left on time, finding the things i lost, and going on my behalf to my teachers or doctors or whatever when something did fall through the cracks, 3) as a kid, my mom also unknowingly accommodated my sensory issues and other support needs (bc they were the same as hers) and coached me through my emotional regulation issues, RSD, and social deficits (such as pointing out when i was being taken advantage of, when i had made a faux pa and telling me how to fix it, when my facial expression or tone was communicating something socially inappropriate, when my emotional response was illogical or disproportionate, etc) and while her teaching me to mask had some bad long term effects, it was probably the only reason i had friends (and therefore a support system beyond her) precollege, 3) school and my jobs were literally easier and less demanding on my time before, 4) since my EDS is defensive, i was also physically healthier when i was younger, with most of my physical symptoms not existing prior to puberty, and 5) i actually WASN'T OKAY when i was younger.
I was a complete emotional mess who thought i didn't deserve basic human kindness bc i was secretly a terrible person and an idiot who had just convinced everyone i was kind and smart by *check notes* treating people with kindness despite my intrusive thoughts/jealousy and doing well in school by working myself to the bone. I've had issues with low self-worth, anxiety, imposter syndrome, emotional regulation, and executive functioning issues for as long as i can remember bc half of those things are parts of my ADHD and ASD that are genetic and hardwired into my brain, and the rest emerged as toxic coping mechanisms for my undiagnosed ND symptoms. I didn't understand why i could be so "smart" in school or so good at reading and writing (all things i have always loved) but then constantly struggle with easy things like forgetting to fill out it get my reading log signed for the week despite reading ten times my weekly goal on a daily basis, or forgetting a sweetheart long project until the night before and not understanding why it was taking all night to do, or shutting down completely when i hit a bath problem i couldn't immediately solve because I had no idea how to look for an answer or extrapolate from similar questions (novel problem solving skills who?) despite having absolutely no problems once I'd been shown how to do something similar. How could i remember exactly which part of a book i had only read once a year ago a specific fun fact was from, but i couldn't remember where i had set my glasses down 10 minutes ago or whether i had eaten breakfast that morning. Clearly, I was told by well-meaning teachers and parents (and then I hardcore internalized and took to the extremes) i just didn't care about the other things enough, i wasn't trying hard enough, i could do so much better and was just letting myself down by failing to live up to my potential. No, i didn't need to be evaluated for a developmental or mental health disorder like ADHD or anxiety. That would just get me labeled and discriminated against or drugged into sedation or mania, bc I was fine, i got good grades. School obviously came easy to me because i had straight As and no we don't need to listen to the child in question when she says that it does NOT come easy, that she's been up till 3 am every night for the last month despite being having a cough and fever she just can't shake bc that's what it took to get this essay done on time to the standards we've come to expect her to meet, and what do you mean she has walking pneumonia now? Wow, to do this well even when that sick It MuSt ReAlLy CoMe EaSy tO HeR
I was never more capable than i an now. I never had more potential that i met then and don't know. I wasn't doing well before, it just looked like i was because I'd internalized so much self-hatred and shame from always hearing how my struggles were some kind of moral failure and never having any other narrative or explanation (such as the various diagnoses that i should have been given if the people around me were more open minded or had just LISTENED to what i was saying rather than TELLING me what my problems were) to combat it. I had a white-knuckle grip on those grades and the appearance of perfection because any time i slipped or asked for help, i was either shamed/guilt tripped for not trying hard enough or not being grateful for my talents and opportunities or wanting to take resources from kids who had Real problems, or else i was just given empty reassurances that Everything is Just Fine Actually and i just needed to have more faith in myself, or think positively, or push past the anxiety and "disproportionate" emotional distress that made me breakdown or lash out (read: have an autistic meltdown and/or panic attack) bc it was just in my head. So i just pushed and pushed and pushed myself to achieve until I had a complete emotional and physical breakdown from burnout that i am still not fully recovered from four years later, and may never fully recover from due to the degenerative nature of EDS.
I'm struggling so much more with the basics now bc I lost every bit of scaffolding that had gotten me this far, because there is quantifiably more being demanded of me in every aspect of my life than ever before, and because i am still paying for an the damage i did to my physical and emotional health with my toxic coping mechanisms until this point.
I want you to know that you are not alone. Your story sounds similar to mine, including feeling burnt out. There's no need to drain yourself in order to achieve some milestone in your career. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you have to. It's okay to prioritise yourself and healing. It's hard to predict the future, but I know that there are good things out there waiting for you 🤗
I love watching your videos!! I saw you on my reccomended last week and decided to click on the video, one of the best decisions I've ever made!
That's so lovely! Thank you - I'm glad you're enjoying 💛
Neurotypicals exist because society caters to one neurotype above all others, and have done so since the Industrial Revolution.
However, we currently don't have a specific name for that neurotype. It's a blank space in research, precisely because previous researchers have relegated it as "normal."
this right here
@dmperri Thank you.
I think more conversations about how the IR and similiar technological advances forced the different neurodivergent communities to become more visible? Would be helpful.
Because the changes and added pressures of these revolutions, it meant our ancestors couldn't fly under the radar anymore.
And those who could stomach the new artificial lighting, work schedules, and proceeded foods were held up as the pinnacle of "healthy."
Actually, autistic people can also have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria... I'm autistic, no ADHD in sight, and I have RSD that's actually pretty extreme and gets triggered at the seemingly SMALLEST things...I don't want to go into it because just thinking about the things that trigger it and many of my reactions due to it stresses me out but just trust me, it's BAD, I hate it.
Meanwhile, my brothers who DO have ADHD, do not experience RSD...go figure. 😅
Watching this mid mental breakdown is probably not what i need, but I'm gonna do it anyways
hope it helped.
I didn't have problems with #8...until I did. Getting good grades was a special interest. I got straight A's until I hit a practicum course in college which required me to interact with others. I shut down and dropped out despite a 4.0 gpa. Essentially, my autism was missed because I was extremely good at taking written exams. My parents thought I was the model child. Meanwhile my brother had bad grades and got a diagnosis. He is now far more well adjusted than I in adult life.
Hey guys, I'm neurotypical, but I've really struggling with time blindness and time management for my whole life, and you guys seem like you might be able to help!
So usually it goes something like:
I need to do school work and it's only like 3 paragraphs or something, so I set aside 15-20 minutes to do it (because that's the time my friends got it done in). Cut to an hour later and I've only done one paragraph, even though I think I've been working pretty efficiently and it's just like huh???? (Also, what would I look like when I was doing it? Was I like that sloth guy from Zootopia or something to everyone else???)
This frequently frustrates me and I know it's not normal because all my friends can do this fine.
Please tell me you guys have a magical cure, I hate this😭😭
Thanks for sharing and wishing you all the best
Honestly, you should be given an honorary Pysch Bachelors for all your work on this channel. Super informative - thank you again!!
This Title sounds an old Jeff Foxworth joke just kidding! Megan by the I love your Guitar earrings.
Yes! 😂
Still on my journey to find out if I am or not but this resonated so much with me. I had to stop everything for the PMDD stuff especially because that has been a big issue for me and has caused so many problems in my life. Thank you for bringing it up so I can research it more.
watching this and taking notes
Thanks for the the terms ‘anhedonia’ and ‘spiky profile’. Helps me improve my vocabulary, especially when it comes to vocabulary I can use to describe myself and, I suppose, ‘explain myself’ when I have to. Especially the spiky profile. I am a klutz at a lot of supposedly simple things, but I’m really good at a lot of other things. Even though I like who I am, it does suck that most of my weaknesses are things society necessitates or values, whereas my strengths are often overlooked and undervalued. It makes it hard to feel like I can truly make an impact sometimes, in my own way.
i ignored all my sensory issues as a kid up until after high school. and id go home everyday and have a 1-2 hour crying session. once i stopped ignoring that i stopped having a meltdown every night, didnt even connect the dots until years later
For me I just didn't have the conceptual framework to link the things I was struggling with with the notion that I was struggling with them and that there were direct consequences for that. Like, there are certain "wrong smells" that I can't abide. But when nobody around you has any clue what the problem is nor has had any kind of similar response as you, you're kinda stuck interpreting your own experience in a vacuum.
5:39 When it cut to this older clip, at first I thought it was a cosplay of Meryl from METAL GEAR SOLID 😅
1:42 im not diagnosed with autism (i probably have it but the wait for the test is like a year long) but i now know that i am definitely neurodivergent anyway 😌(i have misophonia, didnt know it was considered neurodivergence loll)
Am i the only one struggling with the little white speckle that is sitting in her hair? i just cant unsee it. I am not diagnosed or anything like that but i genuinely enjoy your content and how you present yourself too. Fun timez!
Another great video, thank you Meg. The music at then I love it so much and it always guarantees that I watch right to the very end!
This video is so fundamentally not applicable to me, but Im popping in to give you a like. Thanks for doing what you do!
Matthew Perry called his company Anhedonia Productions... Which pretty sad in retrospect.