Letting Go Of Someone You Love (Autism and Broken Relationships) | Patrons Choice
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
- Letting go of someone you love is a painful process. We'd love to know how to fix broken relationships, but sometimes the only thing left to do is to let go. It's a challenging time for anyone, but personal growth after breakup is possible.
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// WELCOME TO ASPERGERS FROM THE INSIDE!!
My name is Paul and I discovered I have Aspergers at age 30.
If you're new you can check out a playlist of some of my most popular videos here: / aspergersfromtheinside
Yes, I know, I don't look autistic. That's exactly why I started this blog, because if I didn't show you, you would never know.
As the name suggests, this channel is devoted to giving you insight into the world of Aspergers.
This blog started off being just my story, but I've learned SO MUCH about my own condition
from meeting others on the Autism Spectrum that now I make sure to feature their stories as well.
I've come a long way in my own personal journey.
Now I'm sharing what I've found so you don't have to learn it the hard way too.
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// WHAT TO EXPECT FROM THIS BLOG
You can expect me to get to the point with concise useful information.
I focus on what is most important and don't shy away from difficult topics.
The best way to learn about Autism is to see it in real life ( i.e. via the stories of many, many people on the spectrum).
In this channel I endeavour to show you what Autism and Aspergers look like in real people and to also give you some insight as to what's happening on the inside.
I upload a new video every weekend with some bonus content thrown in mid-week too.
There's always new stuff coming through so be sure to check back and see what you've missed. (Is this where I'm supposed to tell you to hit that subscribe button?)
Topics Include:
What is Aspergers/Autism?
Aspie Tips, coping strategies, and advice on common issues
Learning Emotional Intelligence (this is my special interest!)
Autism in real life: stories from special guests
Everything I do is and endeavour to go deeper and take you 'behind the scenes' to understand what may, at first glance, seem 'odd'.
oh, and I love busting stereotypes and turning preconceptions upsidedown :)
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// ABOUT ME
I discovered I have aspergers at the age of thrity.
It has been my life's mission to understand these funny creatures we call humans.
My special interest is a combination of emotional intelligence, psychology, neuroscience, thinking styles, behaviour, and motivation. (I.e. what makes people tick)
My background is in engineering and I see the world in systems to be analysed.
My passion is for taking the incredibly complex, deciphering the pattern, and explaining it very simply.
My philosophy is that blogging is an adventure best shared.
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// EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TRAINING
I also run autism friendly online emotional intelligence training. So if you like my direct, systematic style, and would like to improve your own emotional intelligence skills, check it out here:
emotionsexplain...
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// CONTACT
Blogging is an adventure best shared which means I'd love to hear from you!
Feel free to leave me a comment or send me and email at any time and I'll do my best to respond promptly.
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Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy this channel!
I look forward to hearing from you!
Peace,
~Paul
The thought that keeps lingering that I can't shift is: if I can't really understand the what and why of how it went wrong before, how can I ever hope to avoid the exact same result? Rationally, I'm aware that's not how things work. But it's really, really hard to not get trapped in that mode of thinking and it's definitely impeding my ability to reach out to people now (on top of the awkwardness and/or social blindness).
At some point we all have to reach a point where we accept ourselves with all our flaws/shortcomings/whatever. Life is too short to try to keep pleasing others that you can't please. Maybe its best to put some effort out but don't run yourself down. Do what you can and let the rest go. Radical acceptance. I'm trying to learn that.
@@jenmorricone4014 I don't disagree with any of that - it's just much harder to practice than preach when it comes time to doing it myself.
I feel this way too
I hope for you to never meet a narc and fall in love with that person. Because you will never ever understand what went wrong. The narc will always blame all on you. This can make you get crazy.
Exactly man
As a high functioning autistic guy I go through this constantly, what hurts the most is never knowing why they left me as it was always a wonderful experience for me until they suddenly leave. Can't see why I wasn't for them
Have you asked them? They never told you why they left you? Hopefully you'll meet someone better soon!
I'm in a facebook group of women in relationships with autistic men and I think most if not all of them have the main complain about the lack of emotional connection, I think if those men want to keep those relationships, they should read about that and learn how to make the emotional connection with their partners, another one is the lack of empathy. I also experience this with my bf
@@peke1822 He told me pretty much everything I did annoyed him. Neurotypicals find that awfully insulting. I can handle blunt. I am blunt. But to me if someone tells me that, it's pretty much over. Plus, the emotional stuff. I was made to fell more like he was in it for the physical than actually getting to know me or caring about me.
I can relate! @Mortimer I'm left going, wtf???
@GrossstadtAlien exactly!
Just wait until you find yourself closing in on 60 and still trying to puzzle your way out of the loneliness. It is good though coming to know that the condition that's vexed me throughout my life has a name and that there are others struggling with the identical problems I thought I was so alone with. I still want to believe something might change for me someday and that I'll find that special someone I can open my heart to. Time is getting shorter.
Sending love, brother. 💓
@Sun Flower Can I suggest you use paragraphs to make your diatribe more readable.
❤️🙏🏾
I’m 53 and feel exactly the same way :(
I’m in my late teenage. Does not seem I’ll make it out, every single day I try to gather guts to end my life but never seem to be courageous enough.
Seeing people in their 60s and 50s and still keeping on hope, gives me a sense of relief. More because I already have a term to label myself with. Really hope you find your special someone really soon.
Broken relationships tend to accumulate in drawers like Rubik's cubes that you'll never be able to solve- you know it doesn't matter but it drives you nuts anyway.
I lost a whole group of close friends a couple of years ago because they mistook my undiagnosed autism for me being a creep. I struggle to understand body/facial language and don't always recognise when I'm too close to someone's personal space, I need it pointed out to me. It's something I've always known about myself but I never considered I might be autistic until a couple of years ago. I'm now diagnosed autistic and ADHD but back then they basically got me cancelled in our online community for being some sort of creep rather than thinking "hey maybe there's some underlying thing with our friend and we should gently suggest he seek further help". The thing that really baffles me now with hindsight is that we were such a supportive, understanding and diverse group. Like they were the type of people to rally round if one of us was down or if something was wrong. But with me they instantly jumped to hitting the cancel button and assuming the worst rather than thinking "hmm maybe our friend is neurodivergent and doesn't understand this or that". And what hurts most is I still miss them and want nothing more than to be part of that group again. It's been 2 years and I'm just now starting to get over it. I spent months having dreams where we made up and I was accepted back and it's haunted me.
This makes me feel so seen because it exactly what happened to me
Don’t numb or avoid your emotions. You need to feel to heal!
One of the co-morbid traits that ASD frequently goes with is difficulty understanding what we're feeling. If I'm calm or centred, I am very good at understanding my emotional reactions to things - but it doesn't take very much disturbance for me to experience alexithymia and be completely incapable of processing what I'm feeling even though, physically, I'm still reacting (and the people around me can see my physical reactions to my emotions). "Are you okay?" is a question that always takes me time to answer cos I have to spend time comparing my experience now to what I know those feelings felt like before. Unless I'm angry. Then it's easy, but I'm probably shouting at someone or doing my best not to be an anti-social nuisance. Which sucks, I don't like that I do it.
When she is gone, you hear her voice in every room, breathe her perfume along the hallway from when she smiled and said goodbye, and your sadness as you remember the morning you watched her apply mascara and smiled in wonder.
You see her face in every crowd, on walls, the floor and across the sky, you write songs for the love you made and long to sing them to the world.
Your very soul feels great wrenching longing for the day she said "I Love You" and held your hand.
You see couples walking in the park in Autumn and see her kicking leaves while you take pictures of a day you will remember forever.
And you pray you never meet that someone who will make you forget her.
(Yes, I have a talent for romantic fiction ha ha).
Beautiful poetry. I'm a poet too. I almost cried reading it, keep writing. I know for myself it's a great way to express those emotions.
I cried at that. Cried and cried out her name. It's been 2 years yet may just as well have been yesterday. Damn this condition. Ordinary people will never understand being ecstatically happy whilst being deeply depressed.
@@cycleSCUBA what do you mean bud 🙏🏻 are you an Aspie?
This is an amazing poem
this is everything i'm going through with the one i just lost. every hobby. every game. every joy. every feeling. going outside. breathing. eating. sleeping. i can't delete her from my brain. like trying to delete files from a hardrive, only to find copies in their exact location every time. she's become an undeleteable malware in my mind and I can't let go or delete her even though she shattered me in the end. she was everything i wanted and needed, once.
I've found that doing this has been very helpful for me to grow as a person. It's so extremely hard and it's hard to know if it's the right decision to make, but ultimately I think... if someone doesn't treat you right, and you've tried to explain so many times over and over that how they treat you is hurtful, and they don't change their behavior, you just have to let go of them.
I have realized that as well.
I hate to say it, but dating Aspies is both the best and the worst. They should date each other and stop tormenting people who adore them.
@@ziggypip2938 i'm autistic and i have no idea what you mean.
@@ziggypip2938 omg you are so right. I'm neurotypical and I've been tormented and messed around for 2 years by an aspie man I adored (and am still in love with).
Aspies should not attempt to date non autistic people because it leads to heartbreak for both parties.
@@Dizzy.Brunette what a nasty attitude to spew on a channel by an autistic man for autistics. As if we don’t feel bad enough trying to fit in society already
I’m dealing with something like this now, it’s really difficult to let go of emotion, but this helps. Thank you
Me too. ❤️you’re not alone
Go for a run, if it wasn't meant to be don't force it. You will hurt yourself, please take care. Not everything we want must be our.
Maybe without it, you will have the space to get something much much more.
I as well.
What’s the girls name on Big Bang that said...
“2 days to cry and 5 days to hit the gym” lol, also helps. Thanks for the awesome insight and videos!
We're more sensitive than a lot of people can imagine.
I concluded I was unlovable after losing three relationships for which the guys said the same thing. I was not adequately empathetic, more or less. So at 43 years of age I decided never to try again, I am unlovable for some unknown reason. I now am 68. I discovered I have Asperger's when I was 66. Wish I could have known earlier.
Sounds familiar...I'm the same way...late 60s, discovered last year I'm probably on the spectrum...I generally don't get along with other people, not that I don't try...I don't get them and they don't get me....
Hope things are well with you...
Me too, I got diagnosed at age 62 and up to that point my life was an endless car crash and I too gave up on relationships. I’m aged 65 and unlovable apart from that is to my dog.
@@gooderspitman8052 You are not unlovable. Maybe it just feels that way, and maybe there is a beautiful freedom in solitude (I was just told by the woman I cared for too much that what I felt for her and even just writing to her was overwhelming her and that i should stop and needed to. So I did. Now I'm feeling unlovable!) But the truth is... we're humans, and humans are lovable. Therefore we too are lovable given the right conditions and pacing...
At least you do have your dog ^_^ good luck you awesome person you.
@Navid Haider ah, thanks and ditto.
You guys probably aren't unlovable but if you're an aspie you're going to have to work real hard at it it won't come natural to you to have a relationship with a woman you would have to do everything that Mark Hutton that psychologist tells you to do he's good at counseling couples very knowledgeable it's devastating to a neuro typical woman to be with a man like that.
I think a big part of black and white thinking, apart from it being common in the community, is that our experiences in life tend to reinforce it when it comes to relationships - romantic or otherwise. The "I'll never find someone who understands me, not even a friend" spiral comes so naturally because friendships just don't last. They haven't in my case at least.
Exactly. We don't simply think about things in such a black and white way for no reason. We think about things in this way because they have been demonstrated and proven to us to be true countless times over.
Everything in this video is exactly how I've felt throughout all the relationships in my life.. I have no close relationships in my life. I've had a few (about 3) close relationships, but they've never lasted for very long. I can't seem to meet anyone who cares about me the way I care about them. I always seem to be the person more invested, more willing to put in the effort, more willing to try to understand their needs and want they want, both with romantic relationships and friendships. And this feeling of like I'm never going to find someone who does that for me is so strong. I definitely feel that "grieving for the future." I just sort of accepted that I would never connect with anyone because I felt so fundamentally broken.
I have tried so hard to make friendships. I finally have a friend now after 2 years of being entirely alone. We're not very close but it's something. And I'm currently trying to make another friend. I didn't realize why friendship was so hard for me until I figured out I was autistic about six months ago. I thought I was just unlovable or wrong. I felt like I was the most common factor in all of those situations - like it was my fault that I can't seem to connect to anyone. It's something I'm more capable of working on now because I know why I struggle, and I also feel relieved in a way - knowing that it isn't entirely all on me, and that I'm not fundamentally broken or unlovable, but that I'm autistic and that's why I have such a hard time.
I find that over the course of my life I'm either entirely on or entirely off with someone. I'm never lukewarm unless I have to be, such as in work relationships or peers in school. I don't make acquaintances very easily and I'm entirely disinterested in making them anyway. I guess this comes off as too intense, but it's also gotten me in hot shit because when a relationship finally needs to end, I no longer want to be a part of that person's life. If they don't want to be with me, I'm not going to be with them in any capacity and that's just how I am. I don't understand the concept of being friends with your exes because we're exes for a reason. What happened during our time together proved to me that you don't deserve to be in my life anymore. And maybe that's just because I've had such nuclear break-ups, but I suppose that's just what happens when you dump all your energy into one person and it backfires.
Anyway, I just recently had a breakup and this video came at a really good time. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to the seminar. I've already signed up!
It sounds like you actually have been on a date or two so that’s cool! “Best friends” don’t always end up being humans. I’m not friends with my ex’s but I’m “friendly” to them if I run into them. Organized group activities help, know its hard with Covid. Keep your head up Sam.
@@pepperp9529 I've actually only been on one date and it was an awkward one a friend of a friend set up in college. It went awfully and ironically I'm no longer friends with that person who was my link. The only relationships I've had have been online through special interest communities. As cringy as it is lol, my first girlfriend I met through Homestuck, and then later I met someone through Overwatch. I think meeting people through your interests is much easier and less anxiety-inducing than going on dates. Though keeping the relationships after the fact of making them is something I still haven't quite figured out. At the moment, I'm keeping my distance from the few friends I've made recently because it seems every time I try to get closer, it blows up. I guess it's a matter of waiting for the right people to open up with, though my judge of character may not be the best, and desperation for connection has gotten the better of me in the past. Either way, I think keeping a healthy distance from people is necessitated by my eccentricities. I try not to be dissuaded from life even in the face of such stark isolation. Got to remain hopeful, I suppose. What's the point of living if not for love?
“Single” people are happy people too! Find acceptance and love for yourself and everything else follows. If it gets bad though there are people and doctors out there that can help.
...you quite literally sound like me. I could have written all that. Every single word you wrote here sounds like something *very exact* I've experienced or what I'm feeling, it's a little eerie. I feel so much less lonely right now.
I've met a bunch of people in my life to who I've tried to explain my emotions like this and they said "same, I understand" but I just knew they didn't. But if you said that to me, I'd 100% believe you. You understand me. I have never agreed so fully with anything else.
I wish you to find all the luck and love in life.
Thank you for sharing your post. Totally relatable!
For me, this is the best video you’ve ever done. I think the format and the content remind me of my men’s group where our unofficial motto is: “Feel the fuck out of it!” The more official motto is “Feelings: I will own them and show them”.
And I really like the concept of Clean Discomfort, or perhaps Pure Discomfort.
Brilliant advice
Remember - it’s a warning sign if you’re doing all the work to create the experience of relationship ..
no bueno’ ...
No bueno is at like no diggity no dog you are so right. But then every now and then he does something right? Then what do you do? I hate to say this I'm being glib on purpose but it's too bad they are not as easy to train as dogs if you give a dog a treat man they learn real fast they'll do it every time men not so much. They like food and they like sex but not so much that they will do it every time for it especially if they are an aspie.
I've had to let go of friendships, and accept the fact that those people weren't meant to be my friends to begin with.
The problem right now with this pandemic is that we’re all more isolated than usual and the idea of literally never finding someone again seems very real.
Yes indeed. I've been struggling with this too. Without the pandemic things can already be isolated enough. The pandemic makes everything even harder.
I'll have better luck online 😅
its a plandemic
Yes, I sit here with my high functioning aspergers absolutely struggling because I’m so confused. I made some mistakes, apologised and did my absolute best. In the end she just left and couldn’t do it. I can’t even sleep at night and I have panic attacks because she was my absolute best friend for years and it hurts. I do feel that ‘I’ll never meet someone else’ and at the end of that sentence comes ‘that special’ or ‘that I love that much’. It’s so difficult and I know it sounds a bit silly but most of the day I can’t function.
Give yourself time… breakups never feel good… but healing will eventually come to your heart. Moving on is healthy
Bless this man and his extremely helpful videos
Ah ye.. I needed this video 2 years ago.. Took me so long to get over stuff, and I was very toxic after the breakup..
well said Paul, i recognised many patterns from my past too. I used to put all my energy into one relationship. Managing many relationships, friends, family etc. was very hard work. That has changed a lot in the last 10 years, Im more capable now of managing it and I appreciate the resilience and also the resources that come with maintaining many friends.
Thankyou.
I find this advice is applicable to neurotypicals too. However I think it's harder for an autistic because of the difficulties with emotional processing linking to other aspects of cognition.
I can't count the times I've had and lost epiphanies in a cyclical fashion. Like I will forget the sense of relief I've had after going through an emotion and only remember that I've processed it before after I've processed it again.
I've never been in a romantic relationship (I'm aromantic and asexual) however this still resonates with me towards friendships. I had a friend I felt close to but she treated me like crap towards the end, like it felt like I was walking in a land mine field covered with glass and it got to the point where I just had to stop talking to her altogether; At first it was hard, really hard, like *I* put all the work in our friendship and I was too stubborn to give it up (especially because she said her longest friendship/relationship was 7 years and remembering my mom say "once you make a friend in Steph you make a friend for life" and I just don't fully know HOW to make friends, it just kinda happens with me) but I realized I'm better off without her.
You're so accurate it hurts.
Dude, your videos have changed my life! I am forever in debt to you. I was raised alone with a Narcissist mother, that developed Munchausen by proxy (got hooked on the sympathy she got, from telling people how crazy I was). I was only just diagnosed at 36, thanks to your videos. I found out the reason I was always so exhausted and unmotivated, was that I'd been masking it my whole life, for the benefit of my mother. Well, yesterday I won my freedom from it, because I was finally able to shut her down, for the first time in 36 years! Thank you soooooo much!
Really good video. Just few weeks back I ended up ending my 16+ year lasting relationship after realizing we both were suffering about the situation more than getting out of it, but both were also scared shitless to actually do anything about it. Hands down, the hardest decision in my life, but both of us agreed it was necessary to do. Took months to really accept those feelings I had before the break up. Tried pushing them to where they came from, but it just got worse and worse. There was a lot fear too since I had also made that mistake of not maintaining my own social life and was just focused on living in the middle of the woods with my gf. Without being social for about 10 years.
What it basically felt was like jumping from the edge of the cliff. All my existing reality did change, except what came to my working place. First time living alone in my life, first time even living outside my home town. I did fear a bit how things would start to roll. Could I even decorate my own home to something which resembles actual home? Would I remember to eat regularly enough (I did not, when I was younger)? The very basics of life.
Now, after living couple weeks alone it does feel I made a right choise. Most of the fears were without reason and things just started to take their own place. Even without actually focusing or thinking them too much. There's a lot to learn, but everything seems much simplier than expected. Actually, not a single subject I was so worried about has caused issues so far.
And the best thing to realize was that even if I had near-forsaken my best friends a decade ago, after break up I got immediately contacted from their side and felt I was welcomed back arms open. Almost like I would have never been away. And that's something to be extremely grateful about. It also gives a lot hope for the future to come.
Thank you. My task is letting go of feelings of guilt because I already broke up.
I was trying so hard and finally was just exhausted and anxious to make mistakes so the time came I was just constantly in stress and had multiple emotional meltdowns. I came to the point where I didn't see any way out of my negative emotion cycles and trying harder would only make it worse. So I broke up.
The problem was partly... She never was sure if I was "the right person" for her. She always had her doubts and shared them with me. I took every critique deeply to my heart and wanted to change for her. Becoming more "manly". That didn't work out and in the process of trying so hard I also lost the feelings that made our relationship precious. My love wasn't pure any more, I became dependent.
After the breakup she talked me into trying again - with very short runtime and more meltdowns. Now she always tells me how I gave up on her and how sad she is about it and that she would never give up so easily. I was and still am overflowing with feelings of guilt, although I still think the decision to end the relationship was the best for us both. And I became calm again. But letting go of the guilt is the most difficult for me.
Is this book you mention also partly about this guilt and trying to be someone else?
I have ovaries, so I can get away with saying this, but did her doubts come before her period? My partner is always the first to bare the brunt of my unhappiness. He is the most important thing and it I'm unhappy it feels like it must be because of him.
If you feel like this is happening with your next partner, try to be aware of whether there's a cycle to her doubts. If there is, try to take solace in knowing she's going through a bit of hormonal madness and it has nothing to do with you.
I have ovaries too and it sounds like someone is trying to make you feel bad about the breakup but won't own their share of the problem. Time to take the trash out by going off on them with a good curse out! It takes two to tango and there is plenty of blame to go around!
@@mlwilliams7959 Yes that's exactly what I thought. They lure you back to hurt you.
That exact thing happened to me after I tried to break up with my ex.
People are a match or they are not. There are no perfect people, therefore there are no perfect relationships but remember, love conquers and covers all. Love is not an emotion.
So many people on here just generalizing autistic people making us feel like crap like usual. Literally WTF is it about autism specifically that makes people SO UNEMPATHETIC
I let someone go because it felt very lonely in a relationship when I’m better off alone and happy. I really liked my aspergers love interest-but it felt like I did all the work. I tried so hard but it felt like I was alone to maintain it.
I have done the same thing with my Aspie girlfriend, she's a lovely soul but after 6 years of no connection or empathy or affection etc I couldn't take anymore. I never knew she was Aspie while I was with her (I suspected but if I attempted to say anything it was met a shutdown or anger) I have since discovered so much more about Asperger's and also the psychological effect it has on NT's post break up that I am now 95% certain she has it..... I now feel so remorseful and guilty that all of the stuff she was doing (or not doing) was never meant to hurt me, she simple just don't know how to do it 😢 if I had known this at the time things could have possible been so much better. I feel so guilty about leaving now that's it's killing me😢 what do you do to help you get over the relationship? Thank you 🙂❤️🙏🏻
I'm an autistic person who is very devoted & a hopeless romantic.. we're not all the same..
Posting comments like this are nothing but harmful.. we aren't all the same but we ALL feel terrible already without your input 😒
@@Feminazi1dc I somewhat agree with you. BUT, imagine being NT and being held back to "baby" an aspie through life... It is heartbreaking to think about from the aspie side though..
@@JChurchua WTF does that mean? You know that most the things which facilitate your daily existence were created by the aspies you have to "baby through life." Must be great having your levels of confidence.
I try to grow past broken friendships and relationships. But it keeps happening over and over, back to back. It's hard to handle when it keeps happening again, and again and again. When I keep being told that the future will be different, and that love will come. Every. Single. Time. And every time I'm just asked "How old are you?" I keep trying to have hope. But I really have a hard time seeing a future with friends.
I'd like to know how people in relationships cope with a lack of solitude. I share a tiny apartment with my partner who has lost his work due to the virus and is home all the time and I'm losing my mind to the point that I feel like I want out of the relationship entirely. I am in a state of perpetual burnout and have frequent meltdowns and no time to myself to decompress and recharge. I used to use alcohol to cope but gave up my crutch a few years ago and I can't go back.
May I suggest a prayer to The Lord our God for relief and assistance? The Lord helps those who ask Him. Don’t be afraid. Ask Him.
@@punkynoodle9370 Thank you. I asked for help and found a place to move into at the end of next month. 🙏
@@punkynoodle9370 Once my hair started falling out, I asked Lord for help. He didn't listen. Turns our Lord is a jackass!
@trickortreat 3.5 years of living with a guy who screamed at me often, didn't let me sleep at night, was always angry and paranoid...going for walks didn't scratch the surface of the kind of solitude I needed. And if he was paranoid about what I was doing when I went out on my own, then he'd scream at me about it when I got home. The only answer to what to do when you're in a toxic, abusive relationship is "Get out!!" Thank God I did. 2 years of solitude, and I have yet to recover. I can tell I was in denial of how bad the situation was. I had to pretend it was OK just to survive. What a nightmare!
I broke up with someone a year ago and lost many "acquaintances". I don't care if I don't have someone, I am slowly learning that my best friend in life is myself. I need myself to make me feel happy! It's a lifelong lesson but I am slowly learning.
Very helpful stuff, thanks
I never want to be in another romantic relationship again they are too hard, alone is easier, freedom to choose what I want to do for me... a romantic relationship does not solve the lonely issue it can just make it worse...
A group of friends.
What's that?
1:26 This is the hardest bit with a lot of my friends and family. I put in a lot of energy, time into relationships, push myself out of comfort zones, accommodate other people's wants and needs at the expense of my own. I think everything is going great, but then they dump me, or it becomes bleedingly obvious that while they are my priority, I am their last resort. (If that). I'm left bewildered and burntout and they go on their happy way.
The Book of Psalms from the Bible tells us how those people who shut you down and go their happy way will be punished and destroyed, and the downtrodden will have a bonanza
Psalm 37:9-14
Thats the reason relationships are about both people getting their needs met it's a balance not one sided . When you put all of your needs aside to please another that is reffered to as codependency , you are trying to hard and it can be overwhelming to the other person . You are trying to hard to get them to like you and all you have to do is be present . If you are masking it is going to be hard I understand its exhausting. Empathy is the ability to see things from anothers perspective to understand them which includes understanding how they feel . People split with people with ND because they seem emotionally unavailable .
@@Unicysisthat's shocking using that as a threat against someone that feels they can't be in a relationship with you , you are clearly insane ,
Wow, this couldn’t have come at a better time. I opened myself to some friend I love(d), after weeks of trying my best to save the relationship, and he just didn’t care.
I think loneliness will be with me until I finally drop into the grave.
Update he cares but doesn’t show his feeling that much. I guess I have to el arm that other people have other ways of showing care. Now we have been a little closer than before so I think the relationship will be saved eventually. I guess this interpersonal relationships subject will never cease to amaze me.
Read the title and looking forward to this : )
If it doesn't get covered in this one, could you please do one that addresses the loss/the death of a loved one?
I don't cover death directly, but it's actually a very similar process. I'm curious to hear what you think of the video.
@@autismfromtheInside A breakup of a relationship, or even a loss of a friendship, feels like a death to me. I seem to have a stronger reaction to losing relationships than NTs. I tend to go into a heavy mourning period over the loss of a relationship. Why is that? Is there something wrong with me?
@@hisnewlife3543 I think it's just hard to deal with the loss of a relationship as an autistic because we just don't understand why these things happen. In order to fully process something, you have to understand it. Nothing is wrong with you, just try not to compare yourself to NT's as hard as it seems.
Yea I really need one about death... :( because it's coming soon (grandparents & my cat which is my best friend) and I feel like it's the end of my world. I don't know how to deal with this and I wanted to get ahead of things so the only solution I saw was to die before they did... But I survived and now I'm holding on and trying to stay strong and hoping to find a way to deal with this when they die.
@Sun Flower The person may not provide a satisfactory answer. Relationships are complicated and it requires a lot of understanding outside of relationships to piece things together
The opposite of clean emotions is catastrophizing.
This stuff is so interesting and relatable. The black and white thinking in relationships as far as “I’ll never have this ever again if I lose it now,” and whatnot. That’s exactly the way I felt.
This is really helping me today. Thank you.
I struggle with what's a proper intensity of holding on to a relationship. I get easily attached to people (even if I'm not very much into socializing such as smalltalk), and so I tend to consider the majority of people I meet more than once or twice at least good acquintances. When I was younger, I realized looking back, that I was "too eager" or "too familiar" too quickly. Since I realized that, I started to act more distance, to give people more space. But now I'm at a point I can't hold a friendship because people feel like I don't participate enough or I'm too distant. It's just so difficult to know what works, since different thing works for different people.
I think we all now need a video in how to manage emotions and live happily on our own!
It's the possibility of the future that really causes me to suffer. Usually I startle the person with honesty and vulnerability. It makes me sad.
Thank you so much - I'm an autistic guy dealing with the end of a 7-year relationship just over 2 months ago - and this video is by far the most helpful thing that I've heard during this entire time. Not only that - but I've realized that those two-odd months were so necessary for me to actually be ready for this video's message, and that's one of the few times since the breakup that I felt like there's been value and learning in that otherwise awful and painful period of my life.
That's a feeling I definitely want to sit with for a bit now - again, thank you very much for the thoughts!
My high school sweetheart left me a few weeks ago. I relate this this. He actually said to me that he felt I knew the relationship wasn’t working but I would rather stay in it because I didn’t want to change. Wise words. He realised it before I did.
The extreme black and white thinking does not occur out of nowhere or for no good reason. It originates from the countless times one has experienced similar negative outcomes from similar circumstances in the past - and has not much at all to do with a focus on the future, in my experience. All too often, we LEARN that the same things have happened to us again and will continue to happen to us for as long as autism remains as misunderstood and discriminated against in society at the same high levels.
Also, the concept of "Sitting with" and "allowing an emotion to move through you" is a decidedly more effective Neurotypical approach to dealing with such things, and will likely be very ineffective and of little benefit when it comes to most people with autism, in my view. "Adding a layer of thoughts" to emotions is something autistic people do 24/7, in all circumstances just to get us by. Asking us to suddenly switch that layer of thought off because we've experienced a breakup is completely unrealistic to us.. Lastly, in relation to a support network - it is asking far too much of one autistic person, who has likely experienced a lifetime of trauma, mind you... to expect them to be able to build a support network from scratch if they currently do not have one. Most of these concepts, while good in theory - have no applicable basis in reality for the average autistic person.
Thank you for doing the video and posting it. You have an admirable self awareness and your style is so fresh and genuine. You're not only helping aspies, your content is really worth for neurotypical as well 😅 attachment and love are really universal complicated topics in a way. I came here because of some people I know might be aspies, so trying to understand them better and I finish with really good stuff to work on myself!
this is one of the toughest things ive ever had to deal with as i dont make friends easy and partners even harder and i get very very very emotionaly attached and due to my wiring i tend to get overly frustrated all the time and that causes too much friction and my communication breaks down and then i go into overly anxious attachment mode and make matters worse and a vicious cycle of self deprecation ensues and oooohh boy its just one giant bloody mess inside me and im actually discussing these topics with my therapist in a few hours. thanks for sharing your insights and thoughts with all of us. you are such a wonderful support pillar to our community!
same problem here
This was so helpful to listen to from another autistic person. I get so stuck in the sunk-cost fallacy that I stay in relationships past their viable time.
I am so horrific at processing romantic relationships. I have the same issue as most where i quite literally cannot see the issue and so i dont know how to 'fix' it. I dont understand what i have done wrong unless the other person is direct enough to tell me, so most of it is confusing. Then letting go, its not so much the emotions of that, its the loss of routine. I know that might sound mean, but i struggle the most with processing the change.
Same for not knowing when to let go. Intuitively on some level i do know, but i feel like im failing if i quit so i tend to do everything i can first before leaving.
I think that we take a lot of blame onto ourselves when usually our intentions are pure and we love authentically. Cause we cant see the other person's intentions i think we take onto ourselves a level of control that we do not have.
We have to remind ourselves that one person is one person. Yes we have learned that person and now the routine has changed but on the flip side you now get to put all of your energy into you instead of being drained over someone who does not understand you. In the future you will find someone, even if it does not feel like you will. This time, youll have new skills, new coping mechanisms and new ways of maintaining yourself so that this time it might go better and if not you can say 'i really did try, i dont have control over the rest'.
The ONLY way i can somehow process romantic relationships is that they are learning curves. Good or bad. For us, they are deep interactive learning experiences. We are able to learn so much from each experience and remember it and apply it. Relationships are a 2 way street, you are not entirely to blame for one ending. What one person saw as a flaw, another will see as beautiful. Carry what you learn about yourself in relationships with you.
I really struggle, but i can honestly say that i really have learned a lot and about life through both good and bad romantic relationships. Even if its draining at the time!
I am starting to believe that I should stop relationships. All of them end up the same - I am avoidant, not wanting to commit fully. I'd rather die alone, than listen to those constant complaints. I don't even know if those complaints are true and I don't want to figure them out any more. I got tired.
You've just wrote nonsense , your avoidant but think you have been in a relationship
I’m totally good with clean discomfort. It’s when it’s complicated & messy, it prolongs & becomes horrible. That when the thoughts & worries of the future creep in.
Couldn't agree more with you. I wish I found your video back in November/December. The traits with emotion as you describe is really close to the bone and true. I had tried to move on numerous times within myself, but at times find myself thinking back to that relationship. One thing I found which helped a little was having a verbal confirmation that there was nothing further to progress within that relationship. Purely because I knew the break up was coming, but I had to lead the conversation for it to end. Saving her having to do it. I never wanted to break up but we both knew that the relationship came to its 'natural' end.
Did you love each other or did you use more logic in your relationship?
Sorry for being noisy, don’t answer if you don’t want, but what made you think that your relationship is coming to the end?
Would like to think that we did love each other. But I felt that she was withholding from me alot. So in the end logic came into it, by putting the signs/indications together for breaking up. She never seemed happy enough to be with me😔. But happier when with other people she preferred.
@@mightybooya That's sad if you had to break up real feelings, but it seems that you two just did not talk about it to each other. My friend was in similar situation, when her man did not let her to be too close to him. Well, he did say that he loves her, she means a lot to him and he will do anything for her, but he even did not want to provide her a shelter for one night, when she was abused by father of her daughter and she did not have anybody else who can help her.
Hope you're surrounded by caring family and friends, who helped you get thought that break up..
@@mightybooya You should know if you loved her or not mate, you can't mix up this feeling with anything else. People don't meet soulmates very often.
I read the title and though it could help me to do the letting go, to break up with a friend. The relationship is not working and it's exhausting me. But like you said, I lost many friends before, some ghosted me. So I clung to this friendship even though it doesn't bring any good for me. Now I don't want to do the ghosting, but it's so hard. Every sentence I think off sounds rude or heartless...
Thank you for this! The analogy of feelings passing through, so they can leave really makes sense in many situations. I've been in the process of letting go of someone, but it has taken me way longer than anyone else before (2 years :O) because this person was manipulative and narcissistic and it has been also a process of forgiving myself for allowing to be deceived, and discovering myself in the spectrum. Everyday everything makes more sense and your videos have been of great help :)
I have the opposite problem; people get mad at me for not staying in touch.
Could you please explain to me why is it that you don´t keep in touch?
How did you know i needed this though.... boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me yesterday in a really mean way. I really do hope someone someday will love me for all of me.
Similar situation to you. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me on the 13th. I found the first 2 weeks really hard but I’m able to manage my emotions without support from my parents now. So you will heal too ❤️
@@aristar9902 I dont have anyone :( my parents are manipulative and mean and i have pretty much no friends. this sucks. also he broke up with me because of my meltdowns and he refused to believe my autism could cause them :(( but yes. i will heal
Onwards and upwards. How are you doing now?
@@InshasChoice i found a new guy who loves me for me :) and he has adhd
@@BeautyByJuliette14 yaay, see everything works out for the best. Many blessings your way 💞
I try not to get to used or attached to people or things, they'll fail eventually, the main problem for aspies it's that they trust 100% when regular people never give their 100%, I learned the hard way...now like investment I do a previous research but still I don't trust no one, I flip the switch to "emotionless enabled"
When I found your channel I feel as though I found myself. And now my bf is avoiding me and I think that I might need this.
i feel the same way about my gf.
I'm sorry, but your relationship is over already and you shouldn't be looking for anyone's charity. You should be trying to cut the losses and keeping on with your life, without that bf. He won't miss you. Sorry.
Why is he avoiding you? Think he would want to walk this journey with you instead! (Just remember if we stay with the wrong man then the universe can’t give us the right one😉).
The reason we are so attached to that one person is because it is so difficult for an Aspie to have intimate relationships. Who are we deceiving? This is pretty obvious mainly to that one person. However, as we age this is no longer important. When you don't need people anymore they will always be knocking on your door. It only remains to be seen whether we still want them in our life. I kinda use them like they use me and that's ok. I saw my last love on the beach yesterday and felt nothing. Neither heart bumping, nor butterflies. Nothing. This is my bitter sweet new reality.
Lucky for you that you felt nothing after seeing your "love". For the rest of us it's a gut wrenching feeling. Like being disemboweled while still alive.
My ex was never diagnosed but she, along with family suspect that she is on the spectrum. She always told me that it wasn’t about missing the person, but about breaking away from the routine of building her life around them. She was struggling with her sexual orientation when we got together & I found out later on she had a boyfriend the whole time. She always told me that I’m the one she loves, the one she wants, but she has this “weird bond” with him that she’s having trouble breaking away from. She told me it took her about a year to adjust to the fact that he moved in with her. So in summary it wasn’t about missing him, but about breaking down the routine of having her life surrounded by him. Hope that made sense.
Had my diagnosis assessment on 6/24 now anxiously awaiting my results 😣
Yeah I would be anxious too, your about to join the nuero-diverse cool kids club. I’m just going to congratulate and welcome you now. ☺️
I rent a warehouse at the local small airport and find a lot of the engineers, mechanics, and pilots very similar to me spectrum wise. I would of never guessed before I moved in there.
let us know your results :p
@@russellfultz9771 thank you! :)
@@beatsbywonkaofficial I will update with results!
“This is all I can stand
Ought to be
This is all I have love
And it’s nothing more
I keep waiting patiently
For you to understand
For you to see
This is all I can stand
Ought to be
This is all I have love
And it’s not enough
I keep waiting patiently
For you to understand
For you to see”
The Slow Show “Eye to Eye”
Christina, Very beautiful
Be brave my earthed Dove,
Stow away for another day.
Strength in solace my love,
Burrow your heart and pray.
Be free my sprouted Dove,
Soar away into another day.
Sound for serenity my love,
Forge your wings and stray
Be Brave my Dove
otto bee thank you, beautiful
Paul after 3 minutes: it’s gonna be rough, messy and hard but we’ll get to the end of the video
Me, an intellectual: skips to the end of the video 👌
This totally resonates with me right now. I was dumped by an amazing person, though, and I can't even be mad at for a single thing. That's certainly a first in my track record of failed relationships. We're still on good terms, so seeing him in passing at work is a complicated rush of happy and sad. My heart just wasn't done when his was. The pandemic was the final blow. A problem I face is that it's hard to make and keep good (non-romantic) relationships as a support network. That may be a common problem here.
You have amazing insight into how my brain works. I feel like I’ve tried to apply the scientific method to relationships and of course it doesn’t work, so I’ve given up.
Painful..the hole lingers. I stay with cats...I expect betrayal from ppl, so am done with relationships...especially when friendships end in the person twisting a dagger in u. With humans, it's not worth getting into them to begin with .
I sincerely ask, how do we let go of the bitterness left behind? That almost searing desire to shut ppl out for good?
You hit the truth on how I'm feeling now, I don't know if I m autistic but I know I'm a very introverted woman... Thanks for these type of topics.
This is such, a difficult thing for me. Im going through this right now.
Ive ended up falling in love with someone, and they don't feel the same way back. They just want to be friends and I want that, but at the same time I'm caught in a tangle of my own emotions.
I know that I should pull back, and that is where I'm coming undone. They care about me and trust me, and I can't hurt someone, even when I'm not feeling this way.
It doesn't help that I know things can change in time, and there's something in me that just won't quit.
I was 32 when I was diagnosed. I think its that connection alot of us with autism value above all else, and I dont want to lose that, no matter the cost.
Damn it, even when I broke up with my ex, I still loved her all the way through that, and its taken me 3 years to recover, im alot stronger now, and know my own mind.
At things stand at the moment, this person is aware of how I feel and how much it hurts, at first I fought against my emotions, but it came out of me just today. I'd never try to change someone's mind on how they feel, that can never be forced, but I keep getting that small voice telling me to give it time, cause times the greatest tell on anything. This is leading me to start burning out, which I have to avoid as I have a 3 year old daughter.
Logically, I know if I relax, and just be that friend, then if anything changes, id find out, as it takes people to realise things. Im being naive I think but that hope just won't quit.
Love your videos their amazing! This is something I needed to hear. Struggling to let go of someone who is not good for me. X
It's been nearly a year and I can't stop thinking of her.
I hear you
I've been trying to let go of my ex for 3 years. Doesn't help that we still live together. All of this hits too close to home.
I have been trying to build out my support network, but with everything in my life, I am constantly out of energy and have none to put towards building new connections and make a support network. I feel trapped
Never let go of someone you love
For a neurotypical the relationship with a neurodivergent person is very toxic and traumatic. This is the reality.
I totally relate to so much of what you said. I'm trying to decide if I should break up with someone. I know it's not a good situation for me, but there's this persistent thought in my head. "What if breaking up is a huge mistake? What if I'm leaving a good person? Am I being selfish or unreasonable?" My mind has been going in circles for months. It needs to end. I feel exhausted.
I feel like if you KNOW with 100% certainty that the situation is not good for you, then it would make sense to end it. I'm not sure what makes you believe that the situation is bad for you though, so just take my advice with a grain of salt.
I think you had it right by saying "when" the relationship breaks down. A breakup is inevitable when trying to have a lifelong relationship with an NT. For me life is more enjoyable when I cherish relationships while they are going well, but I do not expect them to last forever. So when the break down comes, I try not to dwell on it and move on to new things. The pain of failed relationships is mostly due to believing that the fairy tale was possible.
I disagree. It’s mostly due to Aspie’s not being willing to compromise or show compassion for their partner. ASD is not an excuse to treat people who love you like 💩
I think that can be reasonable.. but it can also be unhealthy. If you stay in the moment.. that's fine. If you plan for failure however.. it's not ever going to work.
Aspies can have great relationships with an NT that can last a lifetime, but the NT needs to know how to accommodate and sacrifice their original idea of what their relationship would be like, and the Aspie needs to stop blaming Aspergers for all their problems and actually learn how to be a better person.
Sorry but it's not completely the NT's fault. I agree with the reply. Autism is never an excuse to neglect and treat people horribly for long periods of time just because you're different to one another. If you love someone and your NT partner wants you to show it then you should show it not make excuses.
I just feel empty... and it’s so difficult to make friends and found someone when you are on the spectrum...
Hope we could chat.
This video is amazing I cannot describe it in words! Thank you thank you and a million times thank you for this. Something that has been driving me insane for so long and finally I been, trying to at least, embracing everything that comes. I hope all is well and we all have our battles. Just let it happen people :)
I hope this helps someone out there, but having autistic trauma can create CPTSD brain patterns
A life changing book for me has been "CPTSD From striving to thriving" By Pete Walker
It's a difficult journey, but know it isn't helpless... you aren't ever going to fit in just like everyone else, but with the effort when you find those that do care... you'll find that you don't need or what what everyone else has
Good luck, it is possible to finally be okay with it. It's never perfect, but to expect such a thing from life is just kinda ludicrous anyways, good luck! ♡♡
Support networks: yes, they should be as varied and broad as possible.
Family members and friends. People you live with and don't live with. Colleagues. Paid support. Unpaid support. Professional or volunteer helpers like your GP/doctor, dentist, optician, mental health worker, counsellor etc...Have as broad a network as you can.
Then when your support of choice isn't available, you have other support. You can decide how much contact you have, but you will need it, because you're human after all. ❤️
I'm sad because my 20year relationship is pretty much more a "flat mate" relationship now....I really want them to find someone else and be happy
I really want my partner to be happy...I,m hold em him back, I know it...
Really interesting, thanks for posting. I've never really broken things down enough to consider how important it is to go through a painful experience rather than try to work around it. Great food for thought.
Hi I'm Anthony and the girl i was dating doesn't know i have autism and I'm in a discomforting pain of a Sence of trouble. As if i owed a homework assignment and i would get in trouble. And i reassess the situation over and over in my head hoping to conclude with a solution yet I just keep on creating more of a loop with new scenarios on how to approach it... or put it to peace/acknowledge that the relationship has come to a conclusion.
This hits too close to home too.
I was in a relationship with the love of my life but it became overwhelming for me and I shutdown and withdrew. I had to break it off as I felt as if there was a huge weight of expectations upon me as I already had social awkwardness.
It broke their heart too that I put the breaks on. I told them how much I loved them and how they were the best thing that had ever happened to me.
The only good news is that we moved on but remained friends. I haven't told them of my suspected ASD diagnosis this late in life but it explains everything as if from a text book.
I don't keep a candle burning for them, we still keep in touch, but I can't bring myself to make any attempt to rekindle the relationship out of respect for their new partner.
Hindsight is 20/20 but now knowing what may explain my awkwardness, I'm much more at ease with myself now. But in middle age, my expectations of meeting someone like that who swept me off my feet is non-existent.
Yeah I agree, if they break up then 💯 contact them after a short while. I'd my ex contacted me now saying she has been told she has Aspergers I'd be so fucking pleased for her, for me and hopefully we could sort things out ❤️
"I was in a relationship with the love of my life but it became overwhelming for me and I shutdown and withdrew. I had to break it off as I felt as if there was a huge weight of expectations upon me as I already had social awkwardness. It broke their heart too that I put the breaks on. I told them how much I loved them and how they were the best thing that had ever happened to me."
I'm very confused by this. You broke off a relationship where you both loved each other very much...because you couldn't handle being loved???
@@jliller I’m not the OP but why is that so hard to understand? I’m just about to break up with my partner because of the same reasons. If you’re not autistic, how can you expect to understand an autistic perspective? And if you are actually autistic, how can you not understand this? 🤪
Oops 1 year ago..
@@jliller It was too much too fast. It actually caused anxiety. I didn’t know how to sort out the rush of feelings and the potential long-term implications. It was my mind overthinking the situation. As usual.
Thank you Paul, so many times I’ve been asked’why don’t you just end it’ I cant and will also turn myself inside out to try and improve the relationship
My Aspie girlfriend whom I loved so much dumped me, totally cut me off, blocked me out, right out of the blue.
It's killing me the emotions, even after five weeks. I didn't realise the girl I loved could be so hurtful to me.
Hope you are doing better :)
@@hgzmatt 7 months on, I had to move on, I will never find out what happened. Its sad, but reality , not a word just complete silence and no contact.
@@freelyfarmexploits8854 I understand. It's torture to leave someone hanging like that. :/ I've had it happen to me last year. Still.. it gets better! Took me a long time though.
Thank you, I'm having a really hard time today and this was very helpful. Thank you.
I try to journal those emotions, which are mostly, I feel, unwanted or met with utter indifference if not annoyance on everyone else's part lol. But I journal, write them down, cry my heart out. Write down all those OCD-ridden scenarios in my head. Write down those horrible, horrible discomforting futures with all the horrible, horrible inevitibilities, so that they stay on the page and HOPEFULLY stay there and doesn't seep out into reality.
Like one thing I feels with breakups and separation (anxieties, if we get into attachment theory and detaching from an avoidant partner), whether that's a relationship, a friendship or a relationship that had grown out of a friendship (so sucks double that you lose your bestie in the process) is this overwhelmingly sad moment where you have no one to talk to and no one who'll listen and those who did tell you that you don't listen back (my problem). Well so now I journal. At least no one is going to get hurt that way.
It's all incoherent. But it's also very true. And that's what matters the most i think.
I found this very helpful, thankyou. Emotions keep knocking at the door, either deal with them, feel them, let them give you important message and then let them pass through. Or try to block them, they won't go away so one uses more energy trying to ignore th knocking. Clean Emotions: dealing with present emotions rather than overcomplicating.
How long does the shutdown typically last? I haven’t seen mine in two weeks over the most minor fight. 😞
I'm autistic and i can't really relate to much of this.
I got a hard time maintaining a relationship and often find myself breaking up, cus of the inefficiencies and incompabilities. But then we get together again cus life sucks even more alone. So that's on repeat...
And when i foster my bad emotions during a breakup, i sink really deep, isolating and losing myself. What i'd rather need is to focus on other things and stay active, otherwise i will drown. I really need to fight to stay on the surface and remain functional in society, especially in hard times.
So the points in the video, "doing anything to maintain a relationship," and "ride the bad emotions through" doesn't really speak to me.
That sounds great to diversify, but who has the energy to deal with multiple people who all need attention, a new person you have to learn and figure out 😑??? Where I live there are no support groups for Aspi , there is like 5 for kids and teens it’s like ppl think you grow out of autism GOD I wish ? I’m 45 I’ve been in the late diagnosis group and was successful until I it all came crashing down around me, my dad died of cancer, I got cancer for 2 yrs, I couldn’t work, my best friend passed my dog, COVID-19 hit and my house was in foreclosure, the peaple I had loved and support all left me to deal with it my self, the love of my life left thy couldn’t deal with my inability to function... I’m rambling sorry , diversifying not as easy as it sounds 😞
It sounds like if I want to breakup with my autistic boyfriend it would be kinder not to stay friends. Am I reading you right? I love so many things about him and enjoy being with him but I am not physically enjoying that part of the relationship. I don't know if I am reading too much between the lines or if you believe it would be cruel to remain in a friendship .
This makes so much sense. Now I know why all my life I have evaporated relationships. I’ve always done too much. My mind set was if I show that I’m reliable then it will one day be returned to me but it never works out that way. I can’t believe I’m on a spectrum.
This really hits home. I've been through all of it
Me and my autistic ex broke up a few months ago, she says it “clicked” in her that she doesn’t love me anymore, but still posts about me has said she loves me (but isn’t in love), and misses me. What does this mean? We still talk every single day but she refuses to fix anything between us
My girlfriend broke up with me last week and now she's trying to drop off my stuff she said I left their which I had not. So Idk why she's coming to see me today
Hi friend, I call you friend because in the late times of truggling with an unexpected diagnosis and the end of a relationship I found in you someone who thought me a lot and brought me knowledge and comfort. I was wondering.. I struggled too with tgis idea of putting all my eggs in one only basket.. I am afraid that perhabs assuming that we need to invest in more people at once because peple are human and can leave can actually not hurt us, in a sense of making trust even less in people, or expect even less in having love again.. being always expeting the worst it that makes sense. sorry english isnt my first language thanaks a lot and again: thank you forthe strenght you gave me in these difficult times
I find I have a horrible time because I have a hard time understanding the change. I mean I loved them once and they loved me why has that actually changed? Part of me can know things like people change, they grow at different paces or something it was never really right. But still there is some part of me that always seem to be in a state of confusion and my might constantly replays everything over and over and over.