This is the most common toxic trait of a Filipino family
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- Опубліковано 21 жов 2024
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I am married to a filipina, she is a good woman but her family and friends just think I am a walking ATM. I will never go back to the Philippines because everyone expects me to pay. My wallet is now closed to people from the Philippines
Gaslighting is another trait along with crab mentality as a Canadian married to a Filipina we have both helped out my wife’s sisters children with education and coming to Canada , When her sister came here she tried to take control of everything putting tonic situations in our relationship telling lies ,she won’t let her five year granddaughter feed her self , And not let her play with her friends any more , make her go up to the bedroom and stay there , the first thing she said o her granddaughter was are you naughty ? She is always telling her she is disrespectful, putting her down , one time the granddaughter talked to her friends out of the kitchen window the grandmother closed the window and said she doesn’t need to talk to these people
No worries.., large porcentage of households were disfunctional in the 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's, and after that, 90's and over it got worst with the forceable involvement of "Big Brother", that took away parents controls.
Really love your attitude about yourself and raising your daughter Maya. Wonderful. Thanks for sharing.
Fine mind, strong heart, great match for Gio. My best wishes to you both.
Very nice. Your daughter is so lucky. Loved your story!
Maya, you were so brave talking about your childhood and the neglectful way you were brought up. It seems even today some parents should never be parents in the first place!
I wonder how you think it effected you as an adult? Did it make relationships difficult? Did you. Have confidence issues later in life etc. I would like to know how and if you managed to overcome those negative influences in your life.
Thank you again for such an insightful video that so many of us can relate to.
Hi, Maya, you are a hell of a woman the one who is going to marry you would be a lucky guy . Gideon
My wife is from Trinidad bohol Philippines 🇵🇭 and she's from a province with strong parents and I never had any problems with her or her family.
Same here in Subic Zambales.
I grew up the same way. My mom , a widow at 32 with 11 kids 7 from Dad’s previous wife. My mom was tough and trained us to be tough. Priorities has to be on survival needs. Emotional bonding is quite not in the equation. Now that she’s at her 80’s, we know it’s our responsibility to take care of her but a deeper connection with her is quite shallow.
Great attitude...and way to go to not fall into the trap of repeating our parents shortfalls which many of us do or did. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to share your childhood experience.
I can relate to you upbringing. My society is bit different in terms that it is not the daughter but the son who assumes responsibility of the family. As a child not only I had to put up with all the capital punishment and bought up with this constant reminder that looking after family will be my responsibility. Attitude of my parents changed completely when I got my first job.
I took upon myself to do part time University studies to get degree qualified and in short time became quite successful. But I did notice that not only I was supporting my parents but my sisters and their families were freeloading on me. When I pointed that out, I was emotionally blackmailed as someone who did not care.
Life was tough.
You are an amazing, young lady.
There is a big difference from helping and requiring. People should ask themselves what would I do if a foreigner wasn't here. And do that
Thank you for sharing your story Maya.. You touched my heart with your honesty
You have a good outlook. You and Gio have good channels 👍
Insightful commentary, thank you, Maya. All be well, be safe, God Bless. 🙏☕😎
Thanks for sharing. So sad your family made you feel like a burden. I see you learned from it. Your daughter will require discipline, but not beatings. You got this Maya!
I was born in the mid 1950’s and my parents didn’t know how to raise kids. Both of my parents were uneducated and just…. clueless. Both had different ideas on how we should be raised and educated, end result was my sibling and myself got a bu** s**t public school, baby sitting service education. Each generation of parents anywhere in the world wants a better life for their children…… for various reasons. Being strict and be abusive are two different things , but MAYBE meant to achieve the same goal. But on the note of your Chinese parent case, I saw something the other day on how in the USA a young adult in her mid 20’s is suing her parents for not letting her live with them and providing financial support……. There is plenty of societal sickness from both, children and parents that stretches through time and cultures….. There is a song you should listen to by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young called “ Teach Your Children “. The words encompass the entire meaning of your UA-cam video today……. PS. I think you are a very insightful young lady to be able to question certain human conditioning……. You, Nora and the Gio have a great day today…..
Many people in the US treat their kids how they wished they'd had been treated as kids.
Trouble is the parent's job is suppose to be to teach their kids how to be successful adults. That doesn't always mean being their friend. Each generation has been a little bit more spoiled, entitled and unhappy because they were never taught to be a successful adult.
Great parent first, good friend second.
Wonderful video. Thank you.
From everything I've seen you are a wonderful Mother and a thoughtful person. I'm older than you and how parents took care of children in the past especially when there were large families seems almost criminal today. Somehow we still all made it without too much psychological damage 🤪. I've come to the point that I think my parents did the best they could with the tools they had. Thanks for the honest discussion.
This is one of your best videos. Much more interesting and thought provoking than watching you make coffee, clean the house or go shopping. Great job.
Yay! Thank you! :)
What an amazing choice you have made. If you really think about it, you will someday leave this world with a positive legacy that will affect your child and all future generations. The generational abuse will end with you, because you made the conscious choice to do so. That is truly a wonderful gift and sacrifice.
Yes my daughters say the same thing about my ex from Lapu Lapu-the 🇺🇸 is different than the old school in 🇵🇭
I'm just now learning this.
It's ok to make sure you are doing well before you try to help others.
Before I thought I was being noble and self sacrificing to put others before myself but I now realize if I don't take care of myself first most people are not as generous and I could have been told why didn't u save for rainy day rather than always running to help others.
It was hard to do at first.
But now I have a sense of freedom and that saving before giving to others is wisdom not selfish.
Thank u for this video.
U have beautiful family.
Praying for you guys.
Thanks again for sharing wisdom and personal insight.
God bless your family.
Thank you for sharing Maya well said Good Vibes
thanks for sharing your story.
Hello Maya and fellow viewers........ I can relate.......As Jamaican born....... We would get similar punishments growing up in the 1960s onward........ Having experienced certain "punishments" ...... I decide to use corrective measures raising my children. ..... I used rewards & punishments (non-violent).....also tone of voice, but mostly the "look" that told them to straighten up and fly right. All my kids are grown and successful......but I am most proud that they are even tempered.
Wow. I'm sorry for that.
You are the best Maya my dear friend.🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂
Always take care of yourself first, then help others. Take care Maya.
Great video, very informative. To me, it would be humiliating to have to ask my children for financial help. After all, I’ve had my whole life to prepare for my old age.
Very nice thank you
Insightful.
Your ending was "that's it all I wanted to share". What an understatement Maya!!! This was a very deep thought provoking video.
Transitioning from old Filipino culture (children burdened to support parents) into modern times for many Filipinos a huge change. My wife (Filipina) and I deal with this too.
Instilling discipline to children is critical to their success later in life. This can be done as you said in a positive and loving manor. As an old guy I was beat when I did wrong that was the norm then. However corporal punishment is counterproductive, unnecessary and damaging to children.
Maya... Perhaps you could share your thoughts how Western culture and Filipino culture differ in regards to raising children? And how to best work as a team as Filipina-Westerner parents? Generally not specific to you and Gio. My wife and I struggled with this somewhat but were successful over time and our boys are wonderful young men.
This is a very thought provoking topic..The Philippines is so different from the States..There is no social security in the Philippines so that is why the parents need help from their children when they grow older..I feel that "Family" means more to families in the Philippines than in the West..When parents get old and cannot work anymore how will they survive without social security in Philippines if their children don't help them?? This is why your filapina is trying so hard to get us to help their families..
Hi Maya,
OMG, I, and I know Gio, are so proud of you, for having the courage, to share your childhood upbringing.
It’s so sad, that so many parents in the Philippines, have it backwards. 😔😔. From the day we bring our children into the world, it is “WE” who owe our lives to “them”, to do our best, to provide them with every opportunity we can, that we didn’t have.
Maya, I wish & hope many more Filipinas can come forward, to break this 😔SAD CYCLE😔. Keep the great blogs coming, 😎🙏🏼👍🏼.
Interesting topic, not sure I've heard it discussed before. Great perspective on your part.
Thanks for listening :)
Remember this Luv. If you raise your kids, you'll be able to spoil your grand kids. If you spoil your kids, you will be raising your grandkids.
Heeling and growth can change your world let not your pass put tomorrow in peril. Hold on to your dreams and never fear what tomorrow will bring.😊
You're a strong woman Maya.
I agreed with the things you said in your video.i think it's okay to give to your family when they are in need. But you can only give if you have. I have seen Filipinos in my Country make themselves sick by working too many hours and even go into debt giving money to their families. I believe you have to look after your health and finances.
"You can't fill a cup with an empty cup" absolutely well said. My ex is Filipino, moved to states when he was 5, he's now 41. His mother is manipulative, controlling and didn't like me bc once we were married and I was pregnant, she thought she was the boss of me. A 37 year old woman when this started. His brother and mother attacked our marriage and he was raised that mom comes first. Six years into the marriage I left. I am still bitter with him about it bc we had a friendship for 10 years before dating. I didn't want our son growing up in a home with such resentment and toxic behavior. I feel bad for my ex bc now he's alone. We live separate for 16 months and I'm happy.
How's his level of virility? Is he manly?
Thanks for sharing
Thanks for watching! :)
@@MayaLifeInThePhilippines you’re welcome ☺️. Keep up the good work
Maya its not only in the Filipino families. I used to get the switch, belt , sandal from my mother. She was really aggressive with me . I am the only child and my mother just turned 88 and I take care of her. We used to get popped on the behind by the teachers if we acted up in class. I don't know what really happened to you because I was not there, but look at what is happening in the United States because of some kids taking advantage of the child abuse laws. Parents cant even correct them without being threatened with a call to the law. I'm 51 now and I think my mother did a good job. I'm not dead or in prison. A few of my friends fell through the cracks because of the lack of their parents correcting their action. Those few either in prison or dead. You might have had harder than me so I hope all turns out good for you. I did come from a poor family so I was not born into middle or upper class. My mother had a struggle, she worked long hrs. trying to make ends meet. I had to stay home alone at night in our 1 bedroom apt. When I was in third grade I picked up a job working for the Houston post to try and help. I remember standing at a street corner selling the Sat and Sunday paper on weekends.
Ouch 🤕 I'm sorry Maya families should support and love each other no matter what. Take care 👍 I'm sure you'll make a great mother someday
I wish you well Maya ❤️
How much is a good donation to a Filipino family if you are with their daughter? will $100 bucks a month be ok? will they leave you alone with that? what's the average donation? I get they could use help, I have no issues with that, they gotta eat too and the girl will appreciate it but how much is adequate, lets say you are living on $1000 or $1500 dollars a month living in the Philippines, how much is it ok to give them? how far will $100 bucks go in the Philippines to help support a family? thanks, good videos
Oo, utang loob 😂 that will drain your wallet faster than a pickpocket 😂😂 charr. Good dialogue. 😊
My heart hurts hearing your story, I only hope the hurtful memories fade with time. I am sorry.
Just like on an airplane when there is an emergency: put your mask on first before you help others
That was very interesting to know about the generational differences in parenting and living. Maybe you could, if you haven't already, do a vlog where you let us know "Does my Filipina like me? How do you know when Filipina likes you or wants you or claims you as hers, say after 2 or 3 dates. Is she all touchy touchy? Does she climb all over you in affection? Does she show you off in public? If so what does that look like? Or do modern Filipinas just txt ya crazy or tell you, "Yo! You mine now. Come love me!" 🤣 Will they get offended if I don't wanna spend 24 hours with them for days on end even after being intimate? What if she makes me pancakes and I'm like..where's the syrup? Ugh, so many possibilities. But it all starts with day #1 and day #2 .. maybe you could gather some of your friends or ask strangers (that's always fun to watch) and ask how they made sure their mans knew they were theirs. Is it as simple as deciding to be intimate? 🤔
Good video. I notice a lot of the discussion here is on the form of punishment and the psychology of it but you cannot compare today's psychology to the pasts form of punishment. As Maya stated the psychology of punishment today has changed and so the punishments changed and if you go outside the new change you can get in trouble for it, that's the evolution of it and that's normal. I grew up in the 60s and 70s and I got the belt, the hickory switch, or the extension cord based on whether I was being punished for something that was found out or if it was instant punishment where the closest thing at hand would work. Punishment is punishment based on the time you grew up and to me the relevant issue is were you punished for wrong you did or where you just punished because the parent was taking out anger over something else. Myself I was never punished for something I did not do and whoopin severity was based on the severity of my wrong doing. I was never punished for no reason.
But I think the discussion should be whether a child takes care of their parent in their time of need when they are elderly and find themselves in a position to not be able to take care of themselves. I say yes because that parent took care of you for usually the first 18 years of your life. Whether it looked like it or not they did everything they could to feed, cloth, and educate you and yes punish you in an attempt to teach you right from wrong so that you could survive life on your own. Now near the end of their life you want to deny them the same because you were punished as a child? You think that denying them the same is equal to being punished as a child? I took some severe beatings from my Mom and half sister who were my primary caregivers as a child and I loved them both more than anything and took care of them both until the ends of their life, my sister just a month ago, and did so never once thinking that either of them had beaten me for wrongs I did as a child. Sadly I am now the last of my parents and 4 siblings. To me it's nothing more than the evolution of life, they do everything for you as a child to keep you alive and have some kind of life and in the end you do everything for them to give them some kind of life. To me if you can't do that then it says more about you as a person than it does them and clearly shows they were a failure at raising a decent child.
I guess you didn't watch the video or maybe you did but didn't understand the whole point. Helping family, no problem. Do it if you have the means to do so. But if you are struggling too, just like the Chinese girl in the article I shared in this video. She is still a student and is forced to help with finances with the money she doesn't have. The whole point is to help yourself first so that you can help your family.
A empty cup can not fill an empty cup ,,,Brilliant
I am jealous of the man that gets to cuddle with you!!!
You were born in the 90's? Maybe 1999. You look maybe 20 or 22 years old.
🤎 🌺 💕
I am of British decent but grew up in Canada and the leather belt was how we were disciplined.
Is such an expectation from a foreigner perhaps the biggest 'scam' of all? Or perhaps a term of endearment? It's a shame that any family would make a child 'prostitute' themselves, in the form of milking a foreign husband and/or indentured servitude of sending them away as an OFW. Don't get me wrong. It's okay to help on occasion for emergency situations (as you can afford), but not as a lifelong obligation, for the support of otherwise able-bodied adults, which is simply parasitic, and a form of extortion.