I agree! And I would add, that it’s equally unfair to the man if I’m simply not attracted to him at all and-as you put it, if I’m like, “Wow this is a struggle for me.” Personally, since I'm a bit older and have gotten to know quite a number of high quality Christian men, I've found that if I'm not attracted to a man - however sweet and godly - it just does *not* change for me. I've dated awesome, godly men I kept hoping I'd "suddenly" be attracted to one day - but it never happened. I don't expect (or even want) to be with a model - just someone that I personally find attractive. And, from very early on, I usually know if there's any physical attraction. Or not. By being honest with my own heart, I'm honoring **both** of us.
@@Mel-so4ou I am a little bit older too -- well, older than the target demographic here, anyway. I have found the same thing. It just doesn't change for me. Or at least it hasn't yet. And I think that if it were going to happen for me, it would have by this point in my life.
@@Mel-so4ou and thank you! Cos I usually feel guilt that I'm not attracted to a good guy cos of physical attraction. And same as you, I don't need model, just someone I'm personally attracted to.
That is literally what is happening with me right now. My brother's girlfriend saw a pic of the guy and went, "I wouldn't have pictured him as your type." But he is so gentle, so kind, humble, honest, devoted to God and prayer, puts me first and pushes me forward. How can I not?
Ok let me know if any of you ladies are like this but for me, if I'm talking to a guy who isn't "traditionally" attractive for some reason for me, once I get to know them and their heart I think they are the most beautiful person in the world lol
Agree, and conversely, a physically attractive person sometimes seems less attractive if I realize they have an unattractive heart/personality. Experience with them makes all the difference!
You can’t force attraction if you genuinely feel nothing from the beginning. I’ve tried, and it absolutely doesn’t work. Don’t settle!!!!! God will bring you someone good.
Thank you for this. I thought my husband was attractive when we first met, yes. But his attractiveness increased tenfold when he showed me his gentleness and Godliness as a man. The night we met, I told him about the abuse that I had endured (which I tried to never bring up in the first few dates but somehow it came up) and he didnt run away like a lot of guys would. And he's still as gentle and Godly today, if not more so. You can be attracted to someone physically of course, but you can absolutely be attracted to someone's heart too.
Last year I met a man and we spent our first date talking for hours, laughing and having fun. The only "issue" was that he was just a little bit taller than me. I wasn't sure what to do with it - I've always imagined myself with a man much taller than me but on the other hand I felt that I've never met anyone like him. All of the sudden I started to see a lot of happy couples with little or no height difference around me - so I took it as a God's sign that I should give it a chance. And it was the best decision ever! We're together for almost a year and he's the most caring and loving person I've ever met and I'm extremely grateful that I decided to trust God and know this man better 😊
I totally understand what you're saying. I also think this kind of mindset can lead to women going on pity dates with men they know they're not attracted to and prolonging a situation that will not end up working out. One hundred percent yes, be open to men different from your "type!" Heart will always be the most overwhelmingly attractive thing about someone. At the same time, if you already know them a little and there isn't any chemistry for you, it's probably not going to show up even if you do grow to admire their heart. You can admire and get along super well with someone and still not have feelings for them. Saying yes if you're not genuinely interested just doesn't seem worthwhile for either person.
I wasn't physically attracted to my husband at first but when he approached me cuz he was interested in me, I didn't completely write him off. Something inside me told me to be open and give him a chance. I got to know him and I saw his heart. Alot of girls looked passed him because he wasn't "model looking" To me his heart speaks VOLUMES more than how he looks. I married him
Corretta Scott King thought Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was short when she first saw him, but as she began to listen to him speak and hear his thoughts and ideas he became taller. (paraphrased from "My Life With Martin Luther King Jr." by Mrs. Corretta Scott King.
Perfect timing for me...I went on a date with a man a couple weeks ago and shamefully, I let it go too far sexually. I started to get upset and I told him I was still a virgin waiting for marriage and he apologized and said he would still like to see me and get to know me. We went on a second date last week and it went well but at the end he was pressuring me to go back to his apartment and made it clear that he wanted it to go in a sexual direction. I told him no and seemed very annoyed. I got home and sent him a goodbye text and he apologized again but said a sexual relationship is something he needs. I just didn't respond. He was EXTREMELY attractive and exactly my physical type. I feel like Satan is always trying to attack me in this area but by Gods grace he always fails. I feel shallow at times because physical attraction is very important to me and I find it hard to be open..
May God protect your journey, keep you close to His heart, and show the way. There is nothing wrong with physical attraction being important to you, but any guy who is exhibiting ANY sort of pressure about ANYTHING on the second date is NOT the guy for you!
I feel this a lot too... I wish physical attraction was not so important to me, but my eyes fail me. I never though the handsome guy could be a sort of temptation so thank you for the insight!
@@maryspica Some of the best looking people, and I say some not all, unfortunately, don't have much to offer because they bank everything on the fact that the person won't resist them simply because of their physical appearance. That's exactly what I ran into a couple weeks ago and it's ashame because even in that short time I saw a few characteristics in him that seemed actually very good, but all he cared about was the physical.
@@luuvvvu4ever692 I have noticed it too, it is such a shame... however, I think sometimes I would probably do the same if I were them. Sometimes I think and I see that on their story/ past relationships might have had a big impact on how they see themselves (also I have two brothers). For instance, when they have been used by some women they might have discovered that they have something unique and special that women like and that maybe if they settle to that thing (the physical) it's enough. This unfortunately is not false (sometimes). I feel a great responsibility as I'm trying not to use them or make them feel like things..and I also see my faults and how bad I can deal with my inner thoughts and desires. This responsibility seems such an honour and such a burden
Before I met my boyfriend, I used to be super shallow (“requiring “ 6’3” and blue eyes). However, God did a work in me and in my boyfriend, I saw his heart and his unwavering devotion first to God. And THAT was all I needed. We are going six months strong today and I’ve never been happier :)
Also, physical appearance can change so much throughout life! Different seasons in life, medical conditions, habits, tastes (in clothing for ex) can affect a lot the way you see the other person. Somebody might be young and toned and beautiful one day and not be in a couple of years. If you love them for who they are, you will find beauty in all their different external changes. And a guy that maybe doesn't stand out bc of his appearance might start to exersice, change some habits, dress differently or whatever and suddendly become gorgeous to you. (this change may or may not come to pass bc he started dating you 😉) So looks are not a reliable thing to look for in a future husband, as opposed to character, values, personality, interests
So true! You get more wise when you reach your thirties. And if you have a problem with something such as height, then you don't really love the person. Someone who questions "why would God do this" over something so unimportant such as height should reanalyze her/his heart and ask themselves why am I dating
@@Chydova Yeah, it really seems like something said by a very young person. Everybody is allowed to have preferences of course, but if it's really a deal breaker, just stop dating him. Let him find someone else.
This made me realize something that I’ve been struggling with lately... If you ever feel like a guy (or guys in general) won’t ever like you because of your physical appearance or aspects of it, first of all, you ARE beautiful, in a unique way. And secondly, if marriage isn’t just about physical attraction, why would we worry that we won’t get married only because of something as superficial as physical attraction? Ladies, that will not last forever. Pray that God will give you a man who sees past your physical appearance and really sees your heart. Stop worrying and stressing so much about changing how you look, and instead focus on how you can improve your character and do acts of kindness towards people. Not only will it benefit your future relationship, but it will help this world.
Wow I love this video. I've always struggled with this concept, and had trouble deciding on where to apply the level physical attraction and how to react when the level I expected wasn't there. Thank you so much for this advice!! I wrote off my best friend from high school because I didn't like him "that way". But once I realized that I actually was attracted to him as a person, it was too late. Don't be afraid to be honest when you don't see a future, but always give it a shot! ❤️
Physical attraction matters to me, but I pay more attention to how a man carries himself, how he chooses to dress, what his world view is, who he hangs out with, and who he avoids. I’ve noticed that I naturally tend to look for those things first, and if I find what I’m looking for, I find that more attractive than physical appearance.
I agree! Especially if you are online dating. It’s unfair to base someone on their pictures. Seeing someone in person can be totally different than how photogenic they are or how good of a picture they take. Chemistry can’t be felt through a picture. If the conversation is good, take the risk and meet him. You have nothing to lose.
Exactly Instagram ruined our lives... it's mostly vice versa too. Where you constantly have to prove and prove yourself on apps ..and end up being compared anyways.
Yeah, I have seen a few people I know on dating apps, and their pictures don’t show how pretty they are in person. It most likely works vice versa too.
Actually, I wanted to post this question: what is it, that so many Christian guys seem they could care less if they put a nice photo on a dating site? I'm not talking about what they look like, I'm talking about the quality of the photo... so many times just your everyday selfie from an unflattering angle... How am I supposed to like it 🙈 writing from Europe, not sure what it's like in the USA
Petra, it's a real problem! I have considered offering a service where I'd help men who wanted help to choose the best few photos of them or even take a good, quality one for their profile picture!
This was ... AMAZING!!! My mom always thinks that your future husband has to be a good person, but he can’t be ugly as well. I say I don’t care how he looks , if he makes the rest of my life awesome, then I’m marrying him.
Thank you Emily! I started dating my boyfriend about three months ago, and since I’ve known him for about 3-4 years before that. A year ago I wasn’t physically attracted to him but as I got to know him more I was attracted to his kindness and thoughtfulness to me and to others. His outward appearance became more attractive as I got to know his inward appearance.
This could not have come at a more perfect time! I have been talking to this man I met online for the last 2 months. We have talked throughout the week with phone calls that last hours. Seems to be a very Holy and God fearing man. I am not attractive to his pictures or when we zoomed. However I do not wish to be shallow and I want to stay open for a true connection. And not a connection based on the outside. Thank you for this video! We are meeting for the first time tomorrow and this gave me much needed encouragement! God Bless ❤
Good luck. I had same relationship. It didn´t work out. It didn´t have the spark. But I tried for couple of months. We were young (16,17). But good luck with your man :)
I like the suggestion about potentially just becoming friends naturally and see what happens. Whatever leads to holiness/fulfillment is the end goal 🙏🏼💵💯
I'm going to keep commenting here. For me, physical attraction is important. It just is. Having said that, I have been physically attracted to a lot of different 'types'. Seriously though. If the idea of having to have sex with him for the next 40 years makes you want to cry, don't marry him. I would give it about three dates.
i agree with you on this. you're not just marrying a personality, you're marrying a whole person. if you don't want to be intimate with them physically, that's not fair to him. imagine if you're dating/married to a man and he says "i love you but don't really want to have sex with you"...that would hurt! but writing off someone cause they're not super tall or conventionally attractive i think isn't right. i've had to learn this the hard way over the years
And I agree with you :) Should I have also made the disclaimer...I am not encouraging you to marry a man with whom the thought of a sexual marital relationship makes you cry...:) I said in the video that it is important, yes, and I am saying give it the opportunity to grow.
This doesn't sit right with me. You can find a man that has heart, character, ambition aNd is attractive to you. Yes physical appearance shouldn't be at the top of your list, and yes you shouldn't have specific physical attributes on that list, but God gave us that attraction to people precisely for marital compatibility. I agree that if you don't find yourself attracted to someone right away that you should still be friends and remain open minded to that changing in the future, but if I went on several dates with a guy just for him to break it off with me and say he was never attracted to me and was just hoping to be, I would be very hurt.
AMEN! 🙏 I’ve been watching your videos for a couple years and you have helped revive my Catholic faith as a high school senior/incoming college student. Thank you!!! God bless 💕
First, I want to say that I believe the best way to find a mate is allowing God to select a mate for you. He knows you better than you know yourself - who best to find a mate for you? This can be though dating, courting, or sometimes God can and does miraculously bring someone in your life to be with. That being said, when we allow God to choose a mate for us, He does consider our preferences for physical attraction. They may not be a Mr. or Ms. Supermodel; but God would choose a mate for you that you personally find attractive. You don't have to force yourself to date someone who you find to be physically unattractive if you don't want to. Also, it doesn't matter whether or not someone else finds them attractive. Don't worry about whether your friends find him attractive. As long as they are attractive to _you_ , it doesn't matter if someone else finds them attractive or not. I have met many couples where people opted out of dating and prayed to God, surrendering a selection of a mate to Him, and He chose the person who was right for them. In Every. Single. Scenario where God selected a mate for the couples in question, God took their preferences for physical attractiveness into consideration. Sure, their mate wasn't attractive to _me_ , but that's fine. It doesn't matter whether or not _I_ find them attractive. It only matters that _they_ find their husband (or wife) attractive. In physical attractiveness, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not everyone has to think your spouse is hot stuff. If _you_ do, who cares what anyone else thinks? You shouldn't. At the end of the day, though, I do believe there's more to a person than the way they look. Just cause someone looks good on the outside doesn't mean they look good on the inside. What's in the person's heart and mind still matters most. While some believers may think God doesn't care about our personal preferences for physical attractiveness, that's simply untrue. Just make sure you're motives for liking someone are NOT just because you find them physically attractive. I also want to say that, I 100% agree that physical attractiveness isn't everything because, as you said, it's important to consider the life within marriage as a whole - as a lifespan. And you want someone who is compatible with you for that lifelong journey. That, I 100% agree with. That being said, physical attractiveness does matter because you will be engaging in sexual activity with this person. Granted, there is more to marriage than the sexual aspect of it, absolutely. Still, because sexual intimacy plays _any_ part of marriage, physical attractiveness and preferences does matter to some degree. Not saying they have to be a Ms. or Mr. Supermodel, or that looks are everything. Another edit, I want to add that I agree with you, though, that someone could look more attractive to you once you get to know them for who they are. I agree that attractiveness could come in forms in addition to physical attractiveness.
Thank you Emily, there's SO much wisdom in your words. I'm not married yet but I can confirm: When I first met my boyfriend, I wasn't physically attracted to him at all. I just thought "oh he's a very nice guy, but absolutely not my type". That didn't change for the first few dates and I was even thinking about ending our dating. We talked about it and decided to take it slowly, get to know each other without pressure and just see what we end up with and what is God's plan for us. And I'm so glad to have had this time to really get to know the man inside him, his motives and his passion for Jesus and all of his character. And somehow along with that attraction, the physical attraction arose, and know I'm crazy about him..😉🤗
Exactly so. I met my husband at work, collaborating on a work matter. Sparks? No siree. Not a one. We were coworkers first, then friends, then.....the sparks came. And now, many, many years later, my hair is gray and his hair is mostly gone. We have lost three of our parents, my husband's best friend, and one of my best friends. We have seen each other through surgeries and injuries. And now we are getting through quarantine together. When I was young I thought I wanted a tall-dark-and-handsome type who'd read poetry to me (as I said...I was young). Somewhere along the line, I figured out what mattered.
Yes! Totally agree! A girl I was good friends with in college became good friends with a guy who was her neighbor. He was all in, ready to pursue a relationship with her. She knew he had a beautiful heart but she didn’t find him physically attractive at first. The more they got to know each other, the more she found him attractive. I just think their relationship goes to show that attraction can definitely grow with time, because now they’re married!
I’ve always wondered who the man I will marry will physically look like, but there are some people who aren’t attracted to someone and end up loving them because of how they treat them.
I really liked this video and while the guy I'm currently good friends with is attractive, I know that I do not look like who he normally dates and he told me the type of woman he dated or pursued in the past. Thankfully, I'd learned just how spirit filled and servant hearted he is BEFORE he said that or I might have just said ok and passed. I spent a year just saying things about how I love my job as a teacher and doing ministry work at church and often being able to give someone a ride to church or participate in a baptism. Last fall, he asked me to play piano for a baptism (he is mission leader and in charge of organizing baptisms) after I had played and was getting ready for my second mission that of driving him and others home, he walked over to me and just said 'Beautiful' and looked at me. I was blown away. For all that I physically don't match what he was attracted to, it seems that who I am has gotten his attention. I'm thankful that I did talk often about my life and who I am. This does work and that is right. I prayed that who God would call me to marry would be a man with a servants heart. Who loves others as he loves the Lord. Looks never were something that I worried about because looks will not be there always. I'm 55 and he is older than me. We will age but it is who we are that endures and that is what is important. My mother commented that he is an attractive man and while I know this, his looks have less to do with what attracted me to him. It is the character and that I can see Jesus Christ in his countanace and see evidence of the Lord in his life that are much more attractive to me.
I'm going to be really open and vulnerable... I'm dating someone and he's honestly just such an amazing guy. He has such a beautiful heart and I know this full well. He's not someone that has the "look" I'm usually attracted to but just like you've said in this video, I know that's not what is the key to a relationship or the important thing. I also know that when you love someone's personality and see who they are, it truly makes them more physically attractive. I have experienced this both ways (where someone became more attractive to me because they were great or less attractive because he's not a good person). I actually even experienced this with my boyfriend! He became much more attractive for me so I got to know him. But lately I haven't been feeling this way... I don't want to be shallow or anything but I also want to feel that physical attraction to him. If anyone has any advice, I'm open.. I know that I need to focus more on who he is, and I am trying to do that. If anyone would pray that I would see the beauty in him as a person and that would help me be more physically attracted to him, I'd appreciate it.
I think you need to end it. If you guys are boyfriend and girlfriend that means you’ve spent enough time with him. You gave him a chance, and you’re still not physically attracted to him. Don’t keep leading him on in hopes that one day you’ll maybe find him sightly. It’s not fair to him or to you. Edit: He can love his personality, but that doesn’t mean he’s the one God has for you.
Another great video, thank you for covering this! Also your C4C talk “He’s Not Finished With You Yet” really spoke to my heart and I want to thank you for that as well.
maybe God deliberately sends us guys that wouldn't catch our eye (initially) so we don't act like total bafoons. I know for me, if God sent me the supa fine man of my dreams my heart (hate to admit it) falls into a posture of "worship" of him. But someone you grow in love with over time tends to last longer. Jesus wants us to fall first for their holiness before their hotness. Or something like that :)
The only reason why people are single is not because they are shallow, there are many reasons. Plus some people need to love themselves and be alone to be loved.
Emily, I agree with everything you said in this video. I just wanted to add a reminder to anyone who needs it: Just because a guy is not conventionally attractive, that does not necessarily mean he's a good person. I've known many non-good-looking guys who were just plain awful people. You might think they'd realize their personality is the only thing they have left to work with, but that's not always the case, lol.
Love this Emily!! I had a friend in high school who wasn't at all attracted to this guy that liked her, but she gave him a chance. They ended up dating for years, and she was super physically attracted to him after she got to know him.
I was just talking to my aunt about this last night and she was telling me more or less the same things you've mentioned in this video. You're magic, Emily!
Idk who suggested this but thank you and thank you Emily for talking about this. I'm really grateful that even as a mom, you are very open to talking about single girl struggles or in a relationship realities. God bless you and your family 💕
I am that person. When I saw him for the first time I didn’t feel anything. There was other guy in my mind at the time and I felt nothing interesting romantically speaking. And then we started talking... and, well, to sum up we got married 3 years later and now we are expecting our firstborn 😂
This video is such a blessing, this is a topic that I've been wrestling with this week and your advice is such a comfort and a light - thank you Emily ♥
Oh Emily thank you so much for this!!! I always love watching your videos. Thank you for your words of wisdom and truth!!! You are such an amazing role model to me! 😊💕
Emily!!! Your videos have done so much for me. I walked in to high school with very shaky boundaries and I had such a skewed perception of dating, guys, and my relationship with Christ. Watching some of your videos just reassured my doubts. It seemed impossible to stay a virgin for marriage and I felt like there was just no hope for finding a good Christian guy” anymore. After seeing these videos it made me feel less alone and like I wasn’t the only person in this world trying to set standards for myself. You made purity and abstinence looks so beautiful and appealing and it’s exactly what I needed. Watching you and your husband literally makes me giggle and it gives me hope for my future!!
Fabulousss Emily!! I have a feeling I will definitely run into this one day... and until then, gaining wisdom to share to friends and family is something I am so grateful for. All thanks to you! Praying that the holy spirit continues to speak to you & through you❤️❤️
This video was so helpful and I completely agree with everything you said! You are truly a gift from God and have guided me through tough decisions and life in general. God is using you to change lives and I am one of those lives that is being changed. I can't say thank you enough!
Thanks for the video! For the first time in my short time on earth, I started liking this guy for how kind he is. Even if nothing happens, which I’d be surprised if it did, it’s nice to see a quality in a guy I never thought of (but would obviously want/need) played out before my eyes.
It’s crazy the timing of this. My friend and I were just discussing this yesterday and I was still trying to articulate my feelings on it! You said everything I was trying to say and more! LOVE! I definitely struggle with height difference and I’m not even tall. Lol I know I’m not alone in that and I know when the one comes, I will be full in regardless of his height. Attraction is important but it is not always initial like you said. Love ❤️
I always was attracted to tall slim guys. I am now dating a good hearted man who is 5'5 and husky looking. When I was considering dating him I wasn't even worried about his looks...more conscious about mine to be honest. But...The whole time during my deciding process I was considering none other than his morals, goals and heart. I now think he is really handsome even though in the beginning he just looked like a guy to me. They become attractive sometimes when you get to know them.
I always love Emily's advice for time to time. I always watch her videos and it feels like she is talking to me and God is showing through her. Thank you Emily for your amazing advice and I'm excited for the new pregnancy!!!
I’m waking into a new period of singleness. While God doesn’t have me ready right now to get back into dating, this video encouraged me to be open and looking at a man’s heart rather than his looks
Emily you are like the older sister I never had!! I fully accepted Jesus into my life at the start of my freshman year of college (August 2019). Im almost 20 and God has been putting marriage on my heart and I’ve been trying to prepare the best I can in my season of singleness! You are seriously so helpful in guiding me through all the questions I have!
Hi Emily! I am not attracted to guys who are fat/chubby/overweight. Its not only a healthy hazard to not take care of yourself, but its a complete turn off to me. And its also a standard i have that i dont want to lower or else i would be lying to myself. I feel saying yes to a guy like this when i am not attracted to him would be leading him on. In that sense i would be pretending the entire time to him that i was attracted which wouldn’t be fair to me or him. I feel like pretending and leading him on would be far crueler than just accepting the truth that you arent attracted to him because hes overweight. Thoughts?
This is so good!! I love the way you presented this. Some people get really argumentative with this subject. Like I've seen some people get kinda obsessed about looks and only focus on that and then I've seen other people say looks don't matter at all. I think if looks didn't matter then God wouldn't make physical attraction possible, so it is important and there should be a physical attraction there but ultimately if you're gonna spend your whole life with them, they're not gonna look the same and neither will you because we all get old! I think its good too to not be overly picky with looks. Like I'm a small girl so yes I usually like guys who are skinny but I'm not overly picky. Some people have told me to pray about looks when it comes to my future husband, and I know some people do and that's a matter of preference but I literally like every race and eye color and all that stuff so I leave those things to God 😂 But yes their spirituality and personality and the way they treat you and deal with people is so important!! I've seen average guys be more attractive based on who they are and I've seen guys who I consider super hot become unattractive to me. So in the end we really need Gods help with this so we don't get caught up on the wrong things and miss what he has for us!! Great video as always Emily!! God bless you! ❤❤❤
I think attraction can develop a lot more in the context of frequent interaction but it's tricky if you are surfing online dating. If there's little or no attraction, I find it really difficult to keep conversations going as I'm not interacting with them in real life. This becomes more apparent if you're exploring LDR's.
Preach it! I would definitely agree in your advice. It happened to me: I first fell for my boyfirends heart and all the beauty it showed and then he turned out to be the most attractive guy in the whole world to me
The Lord does have a sense of humor. A year ago I wrote a list of physical attributes I want in a man...well the guy I think God is calling me to is none of the things on the list. 😂 I didn’t fall for this guy because of his physical features . I fell for him because of his heart for God and for people. When someone shows me their pure GOOD godly heart the attraction follows. I’m not saying he is absolutely not attractive at all and man it’s taking a lot in me to try and look past how un-attracted am..that’s not it at all. It’s simply that he wasn’t the type I was looking for, but God has an extremely good sense of humor and the man who was “blocking my view” from finding my cookie-cutter man was actually the man God wants in my life. Don’t narrow your view to what you think you want because likely God has something 10x better that looks nothing like what you wanted but what you truly needed.
Looks really won't get you very far in a relationship. I've met a lot of really attractive guys that were far from boyfriend material. If a relationship is part of God's plan, the attraction will come. Great video ❣️
So appreciate this video and have seen it play out the opposite way- someone that is attractive on the outside but the internal character or compatability isn’t there. I think sometimes we (male or female) will be more likely to overlook incompatibility or issues based on the external, or won’t get to know the inside of that person. And it’s important also to remember that none of us are solely external beings- whatever we look like God has made us as souls and our shell is very temporary.
This was such an insightful video. Looks change as time goes on and having a spouse that you enjoy spending time with becomes more important after several years of being married. I’m a psychology major and I learned in my classes that physical attraction has more of a role in the beginning of a relationship, but enjoying the time you spend with your s/o becomes a lot more important than physical attraction as a relationship goes on. I initially pay more attention to a guy’s looks than to their personality because it’s the first thing I notice. However, there have been times when a guy I was not initially attracted to became more attractive to me as I talked to him.
This is crazy that I'm seeing this now. Yesterday, the same day you posted this, I was sitting and thinking about the aspect of whether God would have us marry someone we aren't physically attracted to. Thanks for posting!
I was just reflecting on this subject. I thought dating should be about “romance and attraction” but when I started my boyfriend looks wasn’t driving my attraction how he mad me feel around him attracted me to him. It totally revolutionized how I felt about dating. I wish I could have figured it out a long time ago.
If a man finds me totally unattractive, as in "wow this is a struggle for me", then I would really really prefer him not to ask me out
I agree! And I would add, that it’s equally unfair to the man if I’m simply not attracted to him at all and-as you put it, if I’m like, “Wow this is a struggle for me.” Personally, since I'm a bit older and have gotten to know quite a number of high quality Christian men, I've found that if I'm not attracted to a man - however sweet and godly - it just does *not* change for me. I've dated awesome, godly men I kept hoping I'd "suddenly" be attracted to one day - but it never happened. I don't expect (or even want) to be with a model - just someone that I personally find attractive. And, from very early on, I usually know if there's any physical attraction. Or not. By being honest with my own heart, I'm honoring **both** of us.
@@Mel-so4ou I am a little bit older too -- well, older than the target demographic here, anyway. I have found the same thing. It just doesn't change for me. Or at least it hasn't yet. And I think that if it were going to happen for me, it would have by this point in my life.
That is how I feel.
@@Mel-so4ou wow, my feelings exactly!!
@@Mel-so4ou and thank you! Cos I usually feel guilt that I'm not attracted to a good guy cos of physical attraction. And same as you, I don't need model, just someone I'm personally attracted to.
My mom has always told me that she was not attracted to my dad at first....but then his kindness took over, and she fell head over heels.
Love that!
That is literally what is happening with me right now. My brother's girlfriend saw a pic of the guy and went, "I wouldn't have pictured him as your type." But he is so gentle, so kind, humble, honest, devoted to God and prayer, puts me first and pushes me forward. How can I not?
Ok let me know if any of you ladies are like this but for me, if I'm talking to a guy who isn't "traditionally" attractive for some reason for me, once I get to know them and their heart I think they are the most beautiful person in the world lol
Makes a big difference, doesn't it?
Yes! I know a guy who may not be what the world thinks is attractive, but his heart is beautiful, and that's what I love about him.
Agree, and conversely, a physically attractive person sometimes seems less attractive if I realize they have an unattractive heart/personality. Experience with them makes all the difference!
Attractive or not, if they’re a man of faith and they can make me laugh, they’ve won half the battle 😂
Good qualities to have for sure!
You can’t force attraction if you genuinely feel nothing from the beginning. I’ve tried, and it absolutely doesn’t work. Don’t settle!!!!! God will bring you someone good.
The perfect timing of this is insane! My jaw dropped when I saw the title because it was like an answer from God, haha 😊
Omg meet too 😂😅
Glad it was helpful!
This topic was going through my mind too!
Same... and you spell your name like I do lol
Same!!!
Thank you for this. I thought my husband was attractive when we first met, yes. But his attractiveness increased tenfold when he showed me his gentleness and Godliness as a man. The night we met, I told him about the abuse that I had endured (which I tried to never bring up in the first few dates but somehow it came up) and he didnt run away like a lot of guys would. And he's still as gentle and Godly today, if not more so. You can be attracted to someone physically of course, but you can absolutely be attracted to someone's heart too.
Love that. a beautiful example.
Last year I met a man and we spent our first date talking for hours, laughing and having fun. The only "issue" was that he was just a little bit taller than me. I wasn't sure what to do with it - I've always imagined myself with a man much taller than me but on the other hand I felt that I've never met anyone like him. All of the sudden I started to see a lot of happy couples with little or no height difference around me - so I took it as a God's sign that I should give it a chance.
And it was the best decision ever! We're together for almost a year and he's the most caring and loving person I've ever met and I'm extremely grateful that I decided to trust God and know this man better 😊
I totally understand what you're saying. I also think this kind of mindset can lead to women going on pity dates with men they know they're not attracted to and prolonging a situation that will not end up working out. One hundred percent yes, be open to men different from your "type!" Heart will always be the most overwhelmingly attractive thing about someone. At the same time, if you already know them a little and there isn't any chemistry for you, it's probably not going to show up even if you do grow to admire their heart. You can admire and get along super well with someone and still not have feelings for them. Saying yes if you're not genuinely interested just doesn't seem worthwhile for either person.
I wasn't physically attracted to my husband at first but when he approached me cuz he was interested in me, I didn't completely write him off. Something inside me told me to be open and give him a chance. I got to know him and I saw his heart. Alot of girls looked passed him because he wasn't "model looking" To me his heart speaks VOLUMES more than how he looks. I married him
Corretta Scott King thought Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was short when she first saw him, but as she began to listen to him speak and hear his thoughts and ideas he became taller. (paraphrased from "My Life With Martin Luther King Jr." by Mrs. Corretta Scott King.
Perfect timing for me...I went on a date with a man a couple weeks ago and shamefully, I let it go too far sexually. I started to get upset and I told him I was still a virgin waiting for marriage and he apologized and said he would still like to see me and get to know me. We went on a second date last week and it went well but at the end he was pressuring me to go back to his apartment and made it clear that he wanted it to go in a sexual direction. I told him no and seemed very annoyed. I got home and sent him a goodbye text and he apologized again but said a sexual relationship is something he needs. I just didn't respond. He was EXTREMELY attractive and exactly my physical type. I feel like Satan is always trying to attack me in this area but by Gods grace he always fails. I feel shallow at times because physical attraction is very important to me and I find it hard to be open..
May God protect your journey, keep you close to His heart, and show the way. There is nothing wrong with physical attraction being important to you, but any guy who is exhibiting ANY sort of pressure about ANYTHING on the second date is NOT the guy for you!
@@emwilss Thank you ❤
I feel this a lot too... I wish physical attraction was not so important to me, but my eyes fail me. I never though the handsome guy could be a sort of temptation so thank you for the insight!
@@maryspica Some of the best looking people, and I say some not all, unfortunately, don't have much to offer because they bank everything on the fact that the person won't resist them simply because of their physical appearance. That's exactly what I ran into a couple weeks ago and it's ashame because even in that short time I saw a few characteristics in him that seemed actually very good, but all he cared about was the physical.
@@luuvvvu4ever692 I have noticed it too, it is such a shame... however, I think sometimes I would probably do the same if I were them. Sometimes I think and I see that on their story/ past relationships might have had a big impact on how they see themselves (also I have two brothers). For instance, when they have been used by some women they might have discovered that they have something unique and special that women like and that maybe if they settle to that thing (the physical) it's enough. This unfortunately is not false (sometimes). I feel a great responsibility as I'm trying not to use them or make them feel like things..and I also see my faults and how bad I can deal with my inner thoughts and desires. This responsibility seems such an honour and such a burden
Before I met my boyfriend, I used to be super shallow (“requiring “ 6’3” and blue eyes). However, God did a work in me and in my boyfriend, I saw his heart and his unwavering devotion first to God. And THAT was all I needed. We are going six months strong today and I’ve never been happier :)
Also, physical appearance can change so much throughout life! Different seasons in life, medical conditions, habits, tastes (in clothing for ex) can affect a lot the way you see the other person. Somebody might be young and toned and beautiful one day and not be in a couple of years. If you love them for who they are, you will find beauty in all their different external changes. And a guy that maybe doesn't stand out bc of his appearance might start to exersice, change some habits, dress differently or whatever and suddendly become gorgeous to you. (this change may or may not come to pass bc he started dating you 😉)
So looks are not a reliable thing to look for in a future husband, as opposed to character, values, personality, interests
A lot of this is a "growing up" issue too. I'm 5'8". Dating a guy shorter than me doesn't bother me now at age 30, but it might have at 23.
A good point!
So true! You get more wise when you reach your thirties. And if you have a problem with something such as height, then you don't really love the person. Someone who questions "why would God do this" over something so unimportant such as height should reanalyze her/his heart and ask themselves why am I dating
@@Chydova Yeah, it really seems like something said by a very young person. Everybody is allowed to have preferences of course, but if it's really a deal breaker, just stop dating him. Let him find someone else.
@@Chydova i know many women taller than thier husbands not giving a good guy a chance because he not 6ft tall or taller than you isn't smart
I was about to type "easy for you to say, your husband is handsome" until you said the exact same thing. Keep calling me out sis! Hahaha
This made me realize something that I’ve been struggling with lately... If you ever feel like a guy (or guys in general) won’t ever like you because of your physical appearance or aspects of it, first of all, you ARE beautiful, in a unique way. And secondly, if marriage isn’t just about physical attraction, why would we worry that we won’t get married only because of something as superficial as physical attraction? Ladies, that will not last forever. Pray that God will give you a man who sees past your physical appearance and really sees your heart. Stop worrying and stressing so much about changing how you look, and instead focus on how you can improve your character and do acts of kindness towards people. Not only will it benefit your future relationship, but it will help this world.
When you started talking about the hard times and his commitment, I got a little teary. So true! What a beautiful vision for a relationship.
TAHNK YOU EMILY!!! Prayers for a healthy pregnancy!
Thanks Emily :)
Thank you for this Emily. I needed to hear it. God has a way of using you to deliver truth. Thank you for letting Him.
A very sweet comment. Thank you so much.
Wow I love this video. I've always struggled with this concept, and had trouble deciding on where to apply the level physical attraction and how to react when the level I expected wasn't there. Thank you so much for this advice!!
I wrote off my best friend from high school because I didn't like him "that way". But once I realized that I actually was attracted to him as a person, it was too late. Don't be afraid to be honest when you don't see a future, but always give it a shot! ❤️
Thank you for sharing. A very, very good point.
Physical attraction matters to me, but I pay more attention to how a man carries himself, how he chooses to dress, what his world view is, who he hangs out with, and who he avoids. I’ve noticed that I naturally tend to look for those things first, and if I find what I’m looking for, I find that more attractive than physical appearance.
I agree! Especially if you are online dating. It’s unfair to base someone on their pictures. Seeing someone in person can be totally different than how photogenic they are or how good of a picture they take. Chemistry can’t be felt through a picture. If the conversation is good, take the risk and meet him. You have nothing to lose.
YEP YEP YEP! I always tell me friends...you cannot be attracted to a photo!!!!
Exactly Instagram ruined our lives... it's mostly vice versa too. Where you constantly have to prove and prove yourself on apps ..and end up being compared anyways.
Yeah, I have seen a few people I know on dating apps, and their pictures don’t show how pretty they are in person. It most likely works vice versa too.
Actually, I wanted to post this question: what is it, that so many Christian guys seem they could care less if they put a nice photo on a dating site? I'm not talking about what they look like, I'm talking about the quality of the photo... so many times just your everyday selfie from an unflattering angle... How am I supposed to like it 🙈 writing from Europe, not sure what it's like in the USA
Petra, it's a real problem! I have considered offering a service where I'd help men who wanted help to choose the best few photos of them or even take a good, quality one for their profile picture!
This was ... AMAZING!!! My mom always thinks that your future husband has to be a good person, but he can’t be ugly as well. I say I don’t care how he looks , if he makes the rest of my life awesome, then I’m marrying him.
Thank you Emily! I started dating my boyfriend about three months ago, and since I’ve known him for about 3-4 years before that. A year ago I wasn’t physically attracted to him but as I got to know him more I was attracted to his kindness and thoughtfulness to me and to others. His outward appearance became more attractive as I got to know his inward appearance.
This could not have come at a more perfect time! I have been talking to this man I met online for the last 2 months. We have talked throughout the week with phone calls that last hours. Seems to be a very Holy and God fearing man. I am not attractive to his pictures or when we zoomed. However I do not wish to be shallow and I want to stay open for a true connection. And not a connection based on the outside. Thank you for this video! We are meeting for the first time tomorrow and this gave me much needed encouragement! God Bless ❤
Good luck. I had same relationship. It didn´t work out. It didn´t have the spark. But I tried for couple of months. We were young (16,17). But good luck with your man :)
I like the suggestion about potentially just becoming friends naturally and see what happens. Whatever leads to holiness/fulfillment is the end goal 🙏🏼💵💯
That last sentence is on point!
I'm going to keep commenting here. For me, physical attraction is important. It just is. Having said that, I have been physically attracted to a lot of different 'types'. Seriously though. If the idea of having to have sex with him for the next 40 years makes you want to cry, don't marry him. I would give it about three dates.
Good advice!!
i agree with you on this. you're not just marrying a personality, you're marrying a whole person. if you don't want to be intimate with them physically, that's not fair to him. imagine if you're dating/married to a man and he says "i love you but don't really want to have sex with you"...that would hurt! but writing off someone cause they're not super tall or conventionally attractive i think isn't right. i've had to learn this the hard way over the years
I feel ya
I think three dates is fair, that’s what I feel like too!
And I agree with you :) Should I have also made the disclaimer...I am not encouraging you to marry a man with whom the thought of a sexual marital relationship makes you cry...:) I said in the video that it is important, yes, and I am saying give it the opportunity to grow.
This doesn't sit right with me. You can find a man that has heart, character, ambition aNd is attractive to you. Yes physical appearance shouldn't be at the top of your list, and yes you shouldn't have specific physical attributes on that list, but God gave us that attraction to people precisely for marital compatibility. I agree that if you don't find yourself attracted to someone right away that you should still be friends and remain open minded to that changing in the future, but if I went on several dates with a guy just for him to break it off with me and say he was never attracted to me and was just hoping to be, I would be very hurt.
So much truth! Thank you for being a big sister to so many of us!
Absolutely!! So glad you're here :)
AMEN! 🙏 I’ve been watching your videos for a couple years and you have helped revive my Catholic faith as a high school senior/incoming college student. Thank you!!! God bless 💕
Makes me so happy to hear. Thank you Tara!!!!
important topic! many people don’t get it because of the influence of the unrealistic beauty ideals in films and instagram🥴🥺
First, I want to say that I believe the best way to find a mate is allowing God to select a mate for you. He knows you better than you know yourself - who best to find a mate for you? This can be though dating, courting, or sometimes God can and does miraculously bring someone in your life to be with.
That being said, when we allow God to choose a mate for us, He does consider our preferences for physical attraction. They may not be a Mr. or Ms. Supermodel; but God would choose a mate for you that you personally find attractive. You don't have to force yourself to date someone who you find to be physically unattractive if you don't want to.
Also, it doesn't matter whether or not someone else finds them attractive. Don't worry about whether your friends find him attractive. As long as they are attractive to _you_ , it doesn't matter if someone else finds them attractive or not.
I have met many couples where people opted out of dating and prayed to God, surrendering a selection of a mate to Him, and He chose the person who was right for them. In Every. Single. Scenario where God selected a mate for the couples in question, God took their preferences for physical attractiveness into consideration. Sure, their mate wasn't attractive to _me_ , but that's fine. It doesn't matter whether or not _I_ find them attractive. It only matters that _they_ find their husband (or wife) attractive. In physical attractiveness, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Not everyone has to think your spouse is hot stuff. If _you_ do, who cares what anyone else thinks? You shouldn't.
At the end of the day, though, I do believe there's more to a person than the way they look. Just cause someone looks good on the outside doesn't mean they look good on the inside. What's in the person's heart and mind still matters most. While some believers may think God doesn't care about our personal preferences for physical attractiveness, that's simply untrue. Just make sure you're motives for liking someone are NOT just because you find them physically attractive.
I also want to say that, I 100% agree that physical attractiveness isn't everything because, as you said, it's important to consider the life within marriage as a whole - as a lifespan. And you want someone who is compatible with you for that lifelong journey. That, I 100% agree with. That being said, physical attractiveness does matter because you will be engaging in sexual activity with this person. Granted, there is more to marriage than the sexual aspect of it, absolutely. Still, because sexual intimacy plays _any_ part of marriage, physical attractiveness and preferences does matter to some degree. Not saying they have to be a Ms. or Mr. Supermodel, or that looks are everything.
Another edit, I want to add that I agree with you, though, that someone could look more attractive to you once you get to know them for who they are. I agree that attractiveness could come in forms in addition to physical attractiveness.
Thank you Emily, there's SO much wisdom in your words. I'm not married yet but I can confirm: When I first met my boyfriend, I wasn't physically attracted to him at all. I just thought "oh he's a very nice guy, but absolutely not my type". That didn't change for the first few dates and I was even thinking about ending our dating. We talked about it and decided to take it slowly, get to know each other without pressure and just see what we end up with and what is God's plan for us. And I'm so glad to have had this time to really get to know the man inside him, his motives and his passion for Jesus and all of his character. And somehow along with that attraction, the physical attraction arose, and know I'm crazy about him..😉🤗
Exactly so. I met my husband at work, collaborating on a work matter. Sparks? No siree. Not a one. We were coworkers first, then friends, then.....the sparks came. And now, many, many years later, my hair is gray and his hair is mostly gone. We have lost three of our parents, my husband's best friend, and one of my best friends. We have seen each other through surgeries and injuries. And now we are getting through quarantine together. When I was young I thought I wanted a tall-dark-and-handsome type who'd read poetry to me (as I said...I was young). Somewhere along the line, I figured out what mattered.
Men everywhere are going to be so grateful to Emily for this one! 😂 Another great video, once again.
Yes! Totally agree! A girl I was good friends with in college became good friends with a guy who was her neighbor. He was all in, ready to pursue a relationship with her. She knew he had a beautiful heart but she didn’t find him physically attractive at first. The more they got to know each other, the more she found him attractive. I just think their relationship goes to show that attraction can definitely grow with time, because now they’re married!
I’ve always wondered who the man I will marry will physically look like, but there are some people who aren’t attracted to someone and end up loving them because of how they treat them.
I really liked this video and while the guy I'm currently good friends with is attractive, I know that I do not look like who he normally dates and he told me the type of woman he dated or pursued in the past. Thankfully, I'd learned just how spirit filled and servant hearted he is BEFORE he said that or I might have just said ok and passed. I spent a year just saying things about how I love my job as a teacher and doing ministry work at church and often being able to give someone a ride to church or participate in a baptism. Last fall, he asked me to play piano for a baptism (he is mission leader and in charge of organizing baptisms) after I had played and was getting ready for my second mission that of driving him and others home, he walked over to me and just said 'Beautiful' and looked at me. I was blown away. For all that I physically don't match what he was attracted to, it seems that who I am has gotten his attention. I'm thankful that I did talk often about my life and who I am. This does work and that is right. I prayed that who God would call me to marry would be a man with a servants heart. Who loves others as he loves the Lord. Looks never were something that I worried about because looks will not be there always. I'm 55 and he is older than me. We will age but it is who we are that endures and that is what is important. My mother commented that he is an attractive man and while I know this, his looks have less to do with what attracted me to him. It is the character and that I can see Jesus Christ in his countanace and see evidence of the Lord in his life that are much more attractive to me.
I'm going to be really open and vulnerable...
I'm dating someone and he's honestly just such an amazing guy. He has such a beautiful heart and I know this full well. He's not someone that has the "look" I'm usually attracted to but just like you've said in this video, I know that's not what is the key to a relationship or the important thing. I also know that when you love someone's personality and see who they are, it truly makes them more physically attractive. I have experienced this both ways (where someone became more attractive to me because they were great or less attractive because he's not a good person). I actually even experienced this with my boyfriend! He became much more attractive for me so I got to know him.
But lately I haven't been feeling this way... I don't want to be shallow or anything but I also want to feel that physical attraction to him. If anyone has any advice, I'm open.. I know that I need to focus more on who he is, and I am trying to do that. If anyone would pray that I would see the beauty in him as a person and that would help me be more physically attracted to him, I'd appreciate it.
I think you need to end it. If you guys are boyfriend and girlfriend that means you’ve spent enough time with him. You gave him a chance, and you’re still not physically attracted to him. Don’t keep leading him on in hopes that one day you’ll maybe find him sightly. It’s not fair to him or to you.
Edit: He can love his personality, but that doesn’t mean he’s the one God has for you.
Another great video, thank you for covering this! Also your C4C talk “He’s Not Finished With You Yet” really spoke to my heart and I want to thank you for that as well.
maybe God deliberately sends us guys that wouldn't catch our eye (initially) so we don't act like total bafoons. I know for me, if God sent me the supa fine man of my dreams my heart (hate to admit it) falls into a posture of "worship" of him. But someone you grow in love with over time tends to last longer. Jesus wants us to fall first for their holiness before their hotness. Or something like that :)
Love this! I think what makes me attracted to a guy is his personality and how he treats me and others! Love that when life gives you lemons quote! 🙌
Thanks Maddy :)
YES MADDY!! 👏🏻
Totally needed this!!!! Thank you so much Emily! Holy Spirit’s timing is ON POINT🙌🏼🙌🏼
You're so welcome! Love to you, my sister!
The only reason why people are single is not because they are shallow, there are many reasons. Plus some people need to love themselves and be alone to be loved.
Emily, I agree with everything you said in this video. I just wanted to add a reminder to anyone who needs it:
Just because a guy is not conventionally attractive, that does not necessarily mean he's a good person. I've known many non-good-looking guys who were just plain awful people. You might think they'd realize their personality is the only thing they have left to work with, but that's not always the case, lol.
Definitely a puppies and bunnies situation :)
Love this Emily!! I had a friend in high school who wasn't at all attracted to this guy that liked her, but she gave him a chance. They ended up dating for years, and she was super physically attracted to him after she got to know him.
SO SO good!! Thank you Emily, keep doing your videos, it really helps.
I was just talking to my aunt about this last night and she was telling me more or less the same things you've mentioned in this video. You're magic, Emily!
i really needed to hear this emily :’) thank you so much. this video is so apt.
Idk who suggested this but thank you and thank you Emily for talking about this. I'm really grateful that even as a mom, you are very open to talking about single girl struggles or in a relationship realities. God bless you and your family 💕
I am that person. When I saw him for the first time I didn’t feel anything. There was other guy in my mind at the time and I felt nothing interesting romantically speaking. And then we started talking... and, well, to sum up we got married 3 years later and now we are expecting our firstborn 😂
This video is such a blessing, this is a topic that I've been wrestling with this week and your advice is such a comfort and a light - thank you Emily ♥
This is so timely in my life, thank you Emily!
Oh Emily thank you so much for this!!! I always love watching your videos. Thank you for your words of wisdom and truth!!! You are such an amazing role model to me! 😊💕
Emily!!! Your videos have done so much for me. I walked in to high school with very shaky boundaries and I had such a skewed perception of dating, guys, and my relationship with Christ. Watching some of your videos just reassured my doubts. It seemed impossible to stay a virgin for marriage and I felt like there was just no hope for finding a good Christian guy” anymore. After seeing these videos it made me feel less alone and like I wasn’t the only person in this world trying to set standards for myself. You made purity and abstinence looks so beautiful and appealing and it’s exactly what I needed. Watching you and your husband literally makes me giggle and it gives me hope for my future!!
Just what I needed to hear. Thanks for this!♥️
Fabulousss Emily!!
I have a feeling I will definitely run into this one day... and until then, gaining wisdom to share to friends and family is something I am so grateful for. All thanks to you! Praying that the holy spirit continues to speak to you & through you❤️❤️
As always, perfect timing for this video in my season of life!
I am so glad! Thank you for telling me!
This video was so helpful and I completely agree with everything you said! You are truly a gift from God and have guided me through tough decisions and life in general. God is using you to change lives and I am one of those lives that is being changed. I can't say thank you enough!
Thank you so much for this video❤ Just prefect timings for me!! I needed this🥰 God bless you... Your literally opening our eyes and saving lifes😘
Your videos make me so happy! Thanks, Emily! ❤️
Thank YOU Jewel!
Thank you for this video! Such an important topic and is very encouraging 💓
Thanks for the video! For the first time in my short time on earth, I started liking this guy for how kind he is. Even if nothing happens, which I’d be surprised if it did, it’s nice to see a quality in a guy I never thought of (but would obviously want/need) played out before my eyes.
It’s crazy the timing of this. My friend and I were just discussing this yesterday and I was still trying to articulate my feelings on it! You said everything I was trying to say and more! LOVE! I definitely struggle with height difference and I’m not even tall. Lol I know I’m not alone in that and I know when the one comes, I will be full in regardless of his height. Attraction is important but it is not always initial like you said. Love ❤️
Wow, thank you so much for this! 💗🙌🏼
You're so welcome!
Thank you! I am a volunteer matchmaker for my community and this is something I try to get across. So useful!
I always was attracted to tall slim guys. I am now dating a good hearted man who is 5'5 and husky looking. When I was considering dating him I wasn't even worried about his looks...more conscious about mine to be honest. But...The whole time during my deciding process I was considering none other than his morals, goals and heart. I now think he is really handsome even though in the beginning he just looked like a guy to me. They become attractive sometimes when you get to know them.
You are such a sweet woman, you always approach these topics with so much empathy and kindness :)
I always love Emily's advice for time to time. I always watch her videos and it feels like she is talking to me and God is showing through her. Thank you Emily for your amazing advice and I'm excited for the new pregnancy!!!
I’m waking into a new period of singleness. While God doesn’t have me ready right now to get back into dating, this video encouraged me to be open and looking at a man’s heart rather than his looks
Emily you are like the older sister I never had!! I fully accepted Jesus into my life at the start of my freshman year of college (August 2019). Im almost 20 and God has been putting marriage on my heart and I’ve been trying to prepare the best I can in my season of singleness! You are seriously so helpful in guiding me through all the questions I have!
So well articulated and expressed
I was talking about this with a friend, literally 2 days ago
Thank you for this video Emily 🙏🏼
Thank you for your videos that always share beautiful truth! You encourage me so often as I seek to be a woman of virtue.
I'm so glad! Thank you!
Hi Emily! I am not attracted to guys who are fat/chubby/overweight. Its not only a healthy hazard to not take care of yourself, but its a complete turn off to me. And its also a standard i have that i dont want to lower or else i would be lying to myself. I feel saying yes to a guy like this when i am not attracted to him would be leading him on. In that sense i would be pretending the entire time to him that i was attracted which wouldn’t be fair to me or him. I feel like pretending and leading him on would be far crueler than just accepting the truth that you arent attracted to him because hes overweight. Thoughts?
This is so good!! I love the way you presented this. Some people get really argumentative with this subject. Like I've seen some people get kinda obsessed about looks and only focus on that and then I've seen other people say looks don't matter at all. I think if looks didn't matter then God wouldn't make physical attraction possible, so it is important and there should be a physical attraction there but ultimately if you're gonna spend your whole life with them, they're not gonna look the same and neither will you because we all get old!
I think its good too to not be overly picky with looks. Like I'm a small girl so yes I usually like guys who are skinny but I'm not overly picky. Some people have told me to pray about looks when it comes to my future husband, and I know some people do and that's a matter of preference but I literally like every race and eye color and all that stuff so I leave those things to God 😂
But yes their spirituality and personality and the way they treat you and deal with people is so important!! I've seen average guys be more attractive based on who they are and I've seen guys who I consider super hot become unattractive to me.
So in the end we really need Gods help with this so we don't get caught up on the wrong things and miss what he has for us!!
Great video as always Emily!! God bless you! ❤❤❤
I think attraction can develop a lot more in the context of frequent interaction but it's tricky if you are surfing online dating. If there's little or no attraction, I find it really difficult to keep conversations going as I'm not interacting with them in real life. This becomes more apparent if you're exploring LDR's.
Thank you for sharing Sister, Emily great content God bless you have a blessed day!!
Thank you Thank You Emily! This has given me peace :)!
you deserve so much more clout!!!!
Preach it! I would definitely agree in your advice. It happened to me: I first fell for my boyfirends heart and all the beauty it showed and then he turned out to be the most attractive guy in the whole world to me
Great video! I struggled with this topic myself. It’s good to remember that looks fade!
Glad it was helpful!
This was beautiful Emily!!!
Thank you :)
The Lord does have a sense of humor. A year ago I wrote a list of physical attributes I want in a man...well the guy I think God is calling me to is none of the things on the list. 😂 I didn’t fall for this guy because of his physical features . I fell for him because of his heart for God and for people. When someone shows me their pure GOOD godly heart the attraction follows. I’m not saying he is absolutely not attractive at all and man it’s taking a lot in me to try and look past how un-attracted am..that’s not it at all. It’s simply that he wasn’t the type I was looking for, but God has an extremely good sense of humor and the man who was “blocking my view” from finding my cookie-cutter man was actually the man God wants in my life. Don’t narrow your view to what you think you want because likely God has something 10x better that looks nothing like what you wanted but what you truly needed.
Looks really won't get you very far in a relationship. I've met a lot of really attractive guys that were far from boyfriend material. If a relationship is part of God's plan, the attraction will come. Great video ❣️
Very true! Thank you for your input!
Thank you Emily that was really helpful and encouraging! (:
So appreciate this video and have seen it play out the opposite way- someone that is attractive on the outside but the internal character or compatability isn’t there. I think sometimes we (male or female) will be more likely to overlook incompatibility or issues based on the external, or won’t get to know the inside of that person. And it’s important also to remember that none of us are solely external beings- whatever we look like God has made us as souls and our shell is very temporary.
Wow! This is amazing and so true!
Wow you opened my eyes when you talked about the real situations that could happen in marriage 😲 thanks sis 🙏🏼
This was such an insightful video. Looks change as time goes on and having a spouse that you enjoy spending time with becomes more important after several years of being married.
I’m a psychology major and I learned in my classes that physical attraction has more of a role in the beginning of a relationship, but enjoying the time you spend with your s/o becomes a lot more important than physical attraction as a relationship goes on.
I initially pay more attention to a guy’s looks than to their personality because it’s the first thing I notice. However, there have been times when a guy I was not initially attracted to became more attractive to me as I talked to him.
Love your videos!
Amazing wisdom. Thanks Emily.
The timing of this video is insane! Thank you Jesus ❤️
Lot's of love from Singapore Emily, I love your videos and hope to meet you one day!! God bless you and your family
I'm in this situation now and i'm soooo thankful for this video ❤
If I had known this when I was younger, I think id be married by now lol...Thank you for sharing Emily!
This is crazy that I'm seeing this now. Yesterday, the same day you posted this, I was sitting and thinking about the aspect of whether God would have us marry someone we aren't physically attracted to. Thanks for posting!
I don’t always agree with all of your videos, but this was great!
I was just reflecting on this subject. I thought dating should be about “romance and attraction” but when I started my boyfriend looks wasn’t driving my attraction how he mad me feel around him attracted me to him. It totally revolutionized how I felt about dating. I wish I could have figured it out a long time ago.
A great insight. Thanks for sharing, Mary :)
@@emwilss Thanks Emily! Great video as always.