Drugs and Sobriety
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- Опубліковано 20 вер 2024
- Patreon: / leadheadyt
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Second Channel: / porkbrain
Twitter: / leadheadyt
I promise the next vid will be less depressing!
The music in this video is from the OSTs of Ico and The Last Guardian, as well as "Solace" by Earl Sweatshirt
This is why Disco Elysium is probably my favourite game ever made and I've played every game considered a classic. I've replayed it 7 times, the themes of addiction and psychological trauma and being genuinely relatable to the player is something I've never seen in a roleplaying RPG
It's nice being able to take Harry, (a genuinely broken man at the start of the game) and make something out of him, to carve out a playstyle using whatever clusterfuck of stats he has. It's a human simulator, it's effectively what we all had to do to ourselves, so it captures a really personal and human element that makes it special compared to other games.
We literally get to sober up a guy and piece his life back together, hopefully ending up better than we started, and I can't help but adore it for that.
Plus.. the VIBES. MY GOD THE VIBES!!
Disco, forever and ever baby!
///////
Hope you keep doing well Lead! I seem to have a lot of self control over addictions like alchohol and drugs and aren't in many of those spheres (i was the quiet kid in the OTHER way) so thankfully I don't think that's an issue at least for myself. But ill watch out for those around me if I can. My aim is to help others and enjoy life as much as I can so being able to save someone like that person did to you would be the highest honour I could attain. I can't wait for your next video, whatever it is!
if you haven't played LISA: The Painful you probably should.
its not on the level of DE but it deals with those themes heavily
cw for domestic violence tho
About 7 years ago my liver failed and I spent a little more than a month in the hospital. I neatly died and subsequently stopped drinking.
When I played DE, I got Harry sober. I cried when I finally achieved it and read the description. It went something like "You did it! Welcome to sobriety! Don't expect any more praise or adulation though, normal people are like this all the time."
It immediately let me know the guy who wrote that line had gotten sober. He knew the thing no one ever talks about. The thing so many realize and relapse.
Quitting doesn't make you special. It makes you more normal. It's a return to normalcy if you will.
Ah yes, Disco Elysium. The alcohol abuse boomer simulator lol I'm replaying it again at the moment, too
shoutout lil ugly mane
Glad you are sober. I have 16 years sober and the same clean. I drank all my life held back in second grade because of my drinking and there was a picture of me carrying a can of beer in my diaper as a toddler. I'm 68 transfem lived as a man until I was 67 when I came out and started HRT. I used alcohol to deal with wanting to be a woman. In my era, there was no information on gender dysphoria and trans was something that didn't exist. Wishing you all the best.
THE SECOND GRADE?!?
That part about getting blackout drunk helping you compartmentalize and stop being overwhelmed by a hundred different things really hit home for me. When I was in doing my Bachelor's I was so much more productive and less overwhelmed, all while getting shitfaced with friends or at parties weekly. I still drink and smoke weed sometimes, but not nearly as much or as frequently, but I feel like there's something I lost when I stopped getting wasted regularly that I haven't really been able to replace, and I'm just constantly freaking out over all the work I have to do and lacking the motivation to do it. I really hope I figure it out eventually, cause I'm a lot happier now but I still need to get my shit together.
Keep at it. I believe you’re on the other side of the pendulum where you’re falling back from negative coping behaviors but still learning that you can master healthier coping mechanisms. I’m hopefully doing the same!
In case you haven't already tried
Maybe you could replace with a time for yourself. With a hobby you love, reading or meeting someone at a specific time
Cheers bro, I’ll drink to that
Three years sober and the term "raw dogging reality" has really stuck with me
Stay strong.
That's a good one, I dont think i ever heard it before 😂
I feel like ADHD has had a strange effect on any possible addictions that could cross my path. With drinking I’ll be craving a drink after a really long day or something and then I’ll be setting up my little bar cart to make something which just leads me to looking at my plants and wanting to take care of them and then after that I switch tracks onto another task. After all this hours have passed and then I suddenly don’t want a drink anymore. I’m too distracted to get addicted lol.
Relatable, but for executive dysfunction. I want to get a drink, but that would require me to get up, put on a shirt for my roommate's sake, walk to the kitchen, find the bottle, find the bottle opener, open the bottle, put away the bottle opener, and walk back. And fuuuuck that.
I find the opposite to be the case for me funny enough, I’ve become pretty impulsive because I never learned healthy coping mechanisms when I was young so if I feel like I need a drink it latches onto my psyche to the point that even hours later, I can’t remember why I wanted it but it’s just an itch in my brain, even though I haven’t drank for months
Thankfully alcohol just makes me feel worse so it's not addictive, but still - caffeine is very addictive despite barely working on me, I don't even have any noticeable withdrawal effects.
apparently too distracted to write a comment that makes sense as well lmao
I also have adhd but sadly this is not how it goes for me...
Just saw that you used "Solace" by Earl Sweatshirt as music in this. Got to be one of the most underrated pieces of music of all time, alongside it being so representational of mental illness. Really appreciate this little detail, as it's a song which has helped me so much. I haven't watched the video yet, but just from seeing this in the description I'm sure it'll be great :)
you already had that as your profile pic right? 😄
@@mellow-mike yeah, i just love that it’s a reference for the people who know - plus it’s quite minimal
@@ben-qk2iz it’s not at all underrated in online music communities
@@blazing910 oh yeah, but for people just getting into his / that kind of music it can go overlooked for a while
@@ben-qk2iz What's the reference behind your profile pic
i think its good that you are the few youtubers that love to talk about your personal experiences and problems you faced in your life and using videogames as something that we can relate, most people here never felt this type of problems but we can at least try to understand with use of videogames
i hope you have a great day greetings from brazil
I'm only about a minute in so far but as a film nerd I wanted to say that I love the shot at the beginning of you driving around. Really appreciate the extra effort being put in for the cinematography there.
True. It looked great.
Very faked seeing as this man never did shit before and literally just smoked. Faking taking drugs while recovering addicts as me and my family are ignore is annoying as hell.
i obviously haven't watched the whole video yet, but i'm excited to hear more of your views on this!
edits as i go, because my brain really wants me to, my insights might not mean much to anyone, but if even one person is helped by my ramblings then i'm happy!
16 is about the time a lot of people fall into nihilism, the school system's major flaws play a huge part in that, it pushes you to a breaking point. Some recognize that early, others are unlucky enough to be successfully taught not to notice it until it breaks you. I know that feeling.
I solidly believe that psychoactive chemicals have a benefit to us as a species, but the way society is set up pushes so many stresses on us that any nice thing that makes us feel better is naturally abused. We treat it as a personal flaw, but it's a flaw of the world we're in.
"getting high with your homies," as you say, *is* healthy, it greatly helps many people, including you it sounds like!
The mindset of being "your own best friend" is so important! But not everyone is ready for it, the journey gets you to the destination, there's no way to just be at the start, then the finish just because someone described the finish, y'know? if you're at street 1, and i tell you to get to where you wanna go you need to turn left at road 37 when you're on road 36, that doesn't really help until you're at road 36.
I have dissociative identity disorder (diagnosed, before people try to claim i'm "acting for attention," that bullshit is another topic for another day though.) and it actually raises some interesting things related to the whole "blackout drunk" phenomena, for a lot of my life i've been missing huge chunks of time like that, long before I ever had a sip of booze or a puff of a joint, and it is definitely distressing when you start realizing that's not normal, so i guess i can understand how rough it must feel in hindsight to do that to yourself voluntarily, though i've never technically done it.
mental illness is, put bluntly, a bitch. Drugs definitely help many people with some of that, but you definitely have to be very careful with that, so complete sobriety is definitely an option, but a difficult one. I believe that sobriety, like any drug, is a tool. If your leg is broken, a crutch is important, but if you can manage to walk without it? that's either gonna make the situation much better or much worse.
Final thoughts? sure, why not.
Not all crutches are inherently bad, but learning to not need them in a healthy way is almost always a good thing! Everything in life is a balance, so you need to find your spot where you'll always keep growing and getting better! None of us understand life, not really, we're all pretending we've learnt it all already, but no matter what keeping on learning is the most important thing!
This video was amazing, really got me thinking (as you can probably tell!) so thank you, for this and every video you've made! Here's to keeping on growing *raises a glass of water
I one hundred percent spend the majority of my time worrying about being productive than being productive.
The way you described being blackout drunk, and feeling like someone else was enjoying your life while you were asleep sounded like a really good idea for a video game.
At the age you found drugs to help you cope, I found you. You helped keep me from drugs. Our stories are alarmingly similar, but I got lucky because I found things like your channel and other things to keep me from drugs. If not for you and some others. I'd probably be a pill head by now.
I was drinking and abusing drugs for 4 years of my life. Went from weed and sleep meds to popping Xanax and codine with a liter of popov. Now 2 years sober now life is more meaningful than it ever was.
Good for u it must have been difficult
but what do u mean by life bieng meaningful?
@@Libyan_anti_genocidele Under the influence, life doesn’t mean much besides waking up the next day and getting drunk/high again and not caring about anything else in your life. From my experiences.
@@AnaKatbg oh. ok but what have u found that's more meaningful
than drugs and alcohol?
Thank you for making this vid. As someone who's struggled with sobriety a lot you were one of the people who I looked up to for being sober. It's really helpful to have someone like me share their story with those struggles. Also I'm very happy to be clean as well now, thanks girl
There still male. And frankly its sad they had to fake a story or a few of the use of drugs when clearly they didn’t. I knew this guy and he though lt being trans would make his life better. News flash it didn’t.
Today - April 8th, 2023 - is my 8 year anniversary of sobriety. Major congrats to you for your success, and respect to you for sharing your personal story so publicly.
To those of you out there who might still be struggling: you will never believe how much better your life can possible be - I promise.
Congratulations
I’m 35 and am a non-binary trans woman.
I was a late bloomer with drugs and alcohol but once it began it really took hold. From 20-33 I drank to excess daily.
You name a drug I’ve probably tried it besides a heroin and fentanyl (unless the coke I’ve done has been tainted). I was beginning to get into meth, orally, but I saw myself getting hooked fast. In 2022 I said to myself I can have my gender or the drugs. Not both.
Today I’m 82 days on HRT. Been off all drugs for months and haven’t had a drink since 2020.
Thank you for making this. I suffered for far too long because I couldn’t face who I really was. All of that drinking and drugging did me no good. I’m amazed I built a career and have a wife despite all of it.
All I want is for the next generation of trans folks to not have to suffer the way I did in fear of a world that makes being yourself terrifying.
Accepting being trans and starting HRT gave me my will to live back. I’ve been battling depression since I was a teen but nothing has made me feel more at peace in my body than estrogen has.
Late bloomers with drugs UNITE! Same here, CIS male, finally gonna graduate college, doing Graphic Design and creating anything out of nothing is what keeps me going!
a drink every 2 months compared to a bottle every day like i used to do from 20 to 27 years old is a big step!
Stopped smoking weed for over 2 years now too! I went through every excuse to keep smoking, it never got better.
Keep going
Provide a tldr if you want people to care
bait reply above, ignore
“non-binary trans woman” is a contradiction in terms because “non-binary” is defined as “not identifying as either man or woman”. Also, “trans” is not necessary here, as every non-binary person is by definition trans. Let’s avoid making this stuff more confusing than it already is.
@@onndoff i prefer they/she pronouns. I’m transitioning mtf medically, but are the gender binary as arbitrary. Is there a better term to describe how I am?
I don’t have pronoun dysphoria or it’s not a major issue for me. I prefer to be gendered neutrally followed and she if we must use a binary pronoun, but am male at birth and am at peace with that too.
I’m early in transition so maybe I’m confused. What would you call someone that uses They/She. I’m not Afab, I’m amab and taking hormones to transition mtf… so what am I then?
Not trying to argue I’m genuinely curious.
Not gonna lie, i only joined this channel for the early videogame essays, and this kind of content is not really my thing but, this was a beautiful story and i want to wish you best of luck with your journey, your sobriety and your channel, you have a lot more potential and a lot of people need to hear a voice like yours at some point in their lives. Keep it up!
Oh no there's bots here too
This video put into words the exact feeling I have about being drunk - stopping being myself for a while. Struggling with ADHD, depression and dysphoria too is making me want to fast forward 5 years once i have those issues sorted out and letting alcohol slow my thoughts down to near halt is the closest i got to that. In the back of my head I have a thought that I should go to therapy, but my ADHD in its current state makes it near impossible for me to actually get it, so the next best option seems like grabbing a bottle. It feels nice to feel something inbetween all the emotional void, but it feels incomparably more crushing to know how unsustainable and destructive substances are. I still haven't reached the bottom I think i could reach, but with each day that I can't get over my inaction gets me closer to that and it's absolutely demoralizing. Combining the effects of my ADHD and lacking motivation or any way to find it makes for a combination of regret, guilt and disappointment that makes forgetting every evening seem like the preferable option, even though I'm not there yet.
I was in this exact same place and im telling you right now what you need to do is put absolutely all the energy you can muster into getting a prescription for stimulants, it will do 3 important things for you
Immediately lift your mood, take it outside, look at some trees or snow, turn on some music (Happy music, dont kill your own vibe) the feeling of contentment ends up changing your perspective because when your stuck in the rut for years (or in my case, my entire life) being able to just be happy in the moment really lets you see the world and yourself in a new way. Really helps sociability too
two, it provides a shield, you have the emotional equivalent of a bullet resistant vest in a convenient blue or orange tablet use that to detangle and come to terms with trauma and regret, its alot easier to detangle things that torment you when it doesn't immediately become to painful to manage and you suppress on reflex. It will still hurt sure, but it will be manageable, like the emotional equivalent of stitches, not comfortable but a vital step in healing the injurty.
Three, the problems in your life get a new perspective, they are no longer insurmountable walls, they are boxes on a checklist. It lets you switch from thinking about things as "How can I" to "Whats the next step"
Again i was in exactly that situation and after getting stimulants 9 months ago my life is finally starting to get going for once. Its not a cure, it wont fix everything overnight and you will need to learn management strategies to best use the tool that is stimulants, but you cant start doing any of that until you can get your head in order.
Oh boy a new leadhead video!
Edit: finished watching, Penelope is such a badass ngl
LETSGOOO
THANK you for putting Solace in the video. This song means a lot to me, and a perfect choice for the video.i also want to congratulate you on your amazing transition!! You're a great Tuber
this one really hit me. i love all of your videos, and your guide was pretty much a lifesaver, but i think this one takes the cake. all of the times i’ve almost died, all of the horrible things that have happened to me, those especially. a grim reminder, but well spoken as always. thank you for your videos, even the ones you make for yourself mean the world to us
oh no, i’m oversharing in the youtube comment section again
For someone that claims to have been emotionally "disconnected" , you communicate your feeling and thoughts very clearly and waaay better than i can , and i believe myself to be "normal" (whatever that means) in that department . I also struggle with drug abuse and you really put to words things i never could . If you ever were apathetic and emotionally "dry" before you started youtube , well i cant see that person now . Thank you for this video , it really made me want to try sobriety for the first time in years . I wish you the best
Stay strong, never give up on your journey to sobriety
I've always tried to stay away from alcohol. Weed has been something Ive experimented with and it opened me up in a similar way. I didn't realize people were supposed to have so much fun when listening to music, talking to people, being around family. I didn't know that everything was so dull until it wasn't. It's so terrifying to know that I struggle to experience the range of emotions that most people feel. It feels like I'm watching my life happen in front of me, rather than me being the person I'm watching. It's hard to take control of my life and push myself into the world I've been watching idly. Tho I feel more capable now than I ever have because of art and people, and people like you! Working hard to embody yourself. It's beautiful.
So thank you for everything you've shared. It helps so much
drugs and alcohol have big withdrew effects
i don't know how people can get over them but i am also glad that you are sober
I heard the intro to Solace playing the moment the video started and you flawlessly set the tone for what heroin withdrawal and suicidal ideation feels like. Ready to sulk and watch.
This was beautiful, thank you
Gosh, how I love your content
I needed this video and it hit hard.
I'm not on the best place and pretty lost but your video got me.
Not sure if I'll pull through, but this old little shit heart of mine still beats.
I wish you all the good things in life. 🖤
Rock on!
You doin any better now?
I actually find you and your story somewhat inspiring, great video
your videos are so perfect thank you for being yourself and sharing monologues like this online for the world to witness
thank you so much for this video
Thank you so much for this. I love how much of yourself you put into these videos and how real your content is.
I relate to your story so hard, I’m caught up in a bad cycle of pot and alcohol dependency and literally everyone I know is there with me rn. Thanks for this, I’m gonna get better 🙏
Have a really close friend in a similar situation. They’re seriously incredible: one of the most determined and brave and compassionate people I’ve ever known. I really look up to them.
I also really only hear from them every few months, and it seems like every time I do hear from them some new horrifically traumatic thing has happened to them. They’ve developed similar substance abuse issues in response, alcoholism and compulsive weed use, told me they feel like one day their life is gonna end by their own hand. I was scared out of my goddamn mind when I heard that. I worry about them everyday.
I didn’t really give an answer I was happy with, last I spoke to them. I was panicking, didn’t know what to say. Now I feel like I might, next I see them. There will be a next time.
Thank you for making this video.
0:38 love the earl in the background. Good music choice leadhead
This video kicks ass. Can relate.
ur such a smart and amazong person, omfg. What a beautiful and soulful video, its truely left me in awe. Keep evolving, ur proof that we can climb through those impossible barriers we establish for ourselves.
Interesting perspective. I like how you didn’t just resign to explaining the typical relationship with drugs and alcohol, but trying to actually look at your own real, complex relationship with them
I think one theme that I struggle to believe tho, is that you actually achieved sustainable meaning and worthwhileness of life, after struggling with it for so long. I just don’t know how that’s possible...
Thank you for a video to this important theme, mixed with your personal experience! Love every single video of you
Been sober from weed and tobacco 29 days, can't say it's the end for me and I can't say things have really improved at all yet but your video has been good and inspirational. Regaining the ambition has really been the hardest part of things for me, being able to get my mind into that state of creation rather than observation. It is incredibly hard, I think I get the most joy in life from creating things for other people to enjoy and the mental state required to do so seems like something that only briefly comes nowadays. A state of apathy towards everything unfortunately has been the overwhelming emotion in my life for the last few years whilst sober, on top of just feeling incredibly tired all the time. Being unable to connect with others in conversation especially when you care about the people and/or what they're talking about also hurts quite a lot, knowing that another version of yourself would be perfectly capable of engaging and contributing. Anyway this is the youtube comments section not my diary but thanks for the video.
I often found myself turning to booze/weed for 2 reasons: either I was bored, or my mind was moving too fast and in too many directions, and I needed something to force it to slow down. I recently rediscovered the joy of reading after simply thinking it wasn't for me (turns out I just needed to discover Stephen King), and I've found myself practising moderation far more often because I can't properly comprehend or enjoy the book I'm reading if I'm too far gone. Having something that brings joy purely by itself (like you mentioned appreciating the little things, going for walks etc) is really fulfilling!
bro you gotta read the game of thrones books they're so cool I haven't read of my own accord since like the 8th grade but these books have gotten me back into it last year and I really like it turns out haha
it's really good to hear your decision to go sober was so gratifying early on, even through your depression, although it sound like life was pushing you towards it for a while. I have fairly addictive tenancies but so far in my 21 years of life I've managed to control my drinking to a good extent, and I never got into drugs. Good luck to you and anyone else on this road.
And the pivot towards philosophy tube begins. Hopeful
God hopefully not
leadhead kinda always has sometimes done these kinds of videos in between regular scheduled programming
I don't often comment, but it has been an amazing experience watching you grow all these years, and also always bringing us engaging and amazing content. Keep it up!
here's hoping i find that level of clarity and mental health. ive spent the last year of my life high damn near as much as possible, and was doing weed before then. at this point im a few days clean of weed partly because ive run out of money and partly because i intend to start antidepressants soon (and im terrified of serotonin syndrome) and so far the only thing ive found is all the things that drove me into it in the first place. poverty and unemployment may just be better for me in this one case.
I have never done drugs but the part about depression from gender dysphoria just making your emotions more dull is very relatable
maybe ill stop all the drinking and drugs. its difficult though. im trying.
You can do it!
I started watching a bunch of your videos again after a long time of not really following your youtube content and i really just want to say I honestly think this video hit me at a time in my life that was the most important it could have been, over the last few months I have almost ended my life multiple times, been harassed for coming out, emotionally abused, and have been looking for a way out and a way to get drugs without trying to go back to the people i cared about that have stolen from me and told me to kill myself, but watching this video made me reconsider a lot of things and just, thank you, honestly I have been feeling like there isn't a way out at all and your videos and especially this one have made me realize that there is, and thank you
Leadhead is probably the only UA-camr I trust not to lie to me
Thank you for this video.
Oh hell yeah I love drugs and have struggled with addiction. Can't wait to listen
drugs 😃😃😊
6:50 my brother passed away in similar way, no one noticed.
God damn… never thought that random person who made a little video on the underrated story of that amnesia sequel would end up making me think about my life
Thank you for making this, it's an inspiration
This video hits hard for me at this point in my life at the moment. Currently going through learning how to control my emotions and how much I use. Had a lot of terrible things happen in succession and it pushed me to confide in the only thing that forced me to be happier at that moment and now weed is just part of everyday life when I used to have so much self control before.
That was really big of you to talk about. I truly have always appreciated your candor and willingness to relate your experiences. Throughout my time being a subscriber, I can’t help but feel a slight kinship. Through the past little while I’ve been experiencing a deal of growth and increased self awareness and compassion to my own being. I can easily say, watching your videos has aided me in my own journey. While you relates your experience in sobriety and gained clarity in this decision, I felt a welling of pride and “good on her”. It’s nice to see people prosper. Truly, your videos are always looked forward to. I truly appreciate your content and what you have to say. Thanks for everything and congrats on your time in sobriety, that is something you can pride yourself on
This exactly matches my experiences with high school and most of my 20's as well. Spent a solid decade reliant on alcohol and drugs just to live and I've since moved on very much like you. Thanks for sharing, always good to know others have felt the same. Great job on improving!
Your videos might have finally taught me what loving yourself means.
Thank you So much
The summer of 2021 I ended up getting a really bad drinking problem that I can firmly say has probably costed me my future, all of my friends, and rather similarly has almost taken my life countless times.
I knew a guy at the time who is probably the only reason I still live and breathe today, that; because of everything that was me at the time, wasted my chances with. I ended up getting a really serious stalking problem (probably fueled by my untreated manic depression). The kind of stuff that I could never be forgiven for, no matter how hard I try. I can tell that the mess I've made for myself isn't over and that I'm on the quarter end of it, but the end still feels far away.
At the end of the day though it's just bad luck, sure I would like to go back and stop myself from doing a lot of things, meeting certain people, even if I could just flip one lie I'd be happy, but as I know it, this is the hand I've been dealt and even if I don't want to I still have to play it.
it's been a while since I've seen you in my recommended! I had no clue you transitioned tbh, and im so happy you can be yourself now ❤.
So I'm drunk right now and it's wearing off. That's ok. I'm just happy you made this video. I look forward to reaching the place where you are. I just get drunk to disrupt my negative stream of consciousness, which i won't always have to do and don't do too often but it's nice once every like maybe 2 weeks. I'm a transwoman in florida. Just existing is a statement i feel. Doing my best. Thank you for your content. I will be rewatching this video often and have rewatched it often. You help me while i try to navigate my road to getting hrt when i have to do it the hyper legit way. Informed consent hrt access is a dream right now and will stay that way till i leave this crap state.
This is the reassurance I didn’t know I needed this evening, but I appreciate this more than you’ll ever know.
While my story is really different, the similarities and your way of describing all of them really helped me understanding my relationship to my newfound sobriety better. Motivating to keep on. Thanks for that.
u told my story almost to a T. Obviously my story is very different in the specifics but u were able to capture the emotional state of addiction. I love this video so much and it makes me so happy that u were able to escape those toxic patterns. U r worthy of love and u r worthy of a life worth living. Thank u for this video and thank u for telling ur story.❤
Still one of my favorite youtubers
I kinda fell off from your content but I just happened to come across this and it really connected with me thank you for making this and I'm glad you're doing well
@Leadhead, done feel bad about not liking the system.
I have a Masters in Education, and it's well and truly a horror show. Everyone is convinced they alone have the answers and "think" they have it all together, when in reality, no one does.
Institutions thrive on the illusion of competency, not competency itself. It's enough to make anyone depressed.
And I say this as someone with ASD.
For the record, I do think this video was indeed worth making. Not in the ego-trip way you jokingly alude to, but as a testimony of your own story, hardships and feelings. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am very thankful for those particularly personal videos. 🙏
thank you for openning up and being actually sincere
Thank you so much for this video. It spoke to me on a level I was not prepared for.
this video feels like a bit of a wakeup call for me,,, thank you penelope :) youve really helped me with some of your videos n its nice to just,,, hear that my experiences are shared :)
What a great video! I'm really enlightened by your takes on things, especially if they're outside of videogames. Thanks for being a very vulnerable and open youtuber about this stuff!
Thanks for sharing this with us.
Proud of you, keep it up. Stay safe
I'm at a place in my life where things are shit, my college life is crumbling, I'm dealing with dysphoria, an absolutely crushing system above me and I can't even deal with doing chores most of the time. It takes me months to do stuff I should do weekly or daily. The nights when I have a slower time and drink with friends are nice, but they're not enough it feels like, and my constant running away from problems is getting really, really rough and difficult to deal with. Sometime I'll have to get over it. Having ADHD doesn't help, but I don't really know to what extent it affects me either. Life is pretty brutal, and even though I don't do drugs with any regularity, and not anything else than alcohol, sometimes I wonder if it could help in some way. I feel stuck.
Wonderful video. I'm in the same situation right now. You're braver and smarter than I am, and I'm the bravest and smartest person I've ever met.
Hey I quit all my drug use. Idk if anyone cares or if it matters, but I’m happier and I just wanted to share
good job C: ik noone else will probably see this but im proud of you, random stranger
@@weaponized_toaster Thanks!
That's incredible! Great work, keep on it
God damn this video cut deep and during a really needed time. Great work!
I've been struggling with wanting to quit and pick myself up for awhile. This video is motivating. Thanks for sharing your story
Hey, you're an inspiration to me. I love you, and I look up to you. Thank you for being who you are.
Drug addiction is weird as hell bc at the same time i basically identified with being a benzo pillhead but also constantly convinced myself that i didn't have a problem, even though my dosage saw a steady rise and i had basically multiple near death experiences a month!! Also what's weird is that i continued experimentation afterwards however, i could never get back into drug usage of any kind post professional recovery. Nothing is as good as benzos, i can't get back into them, and besides them, i kinda prefer full on sober thinking to any other drug. I tried codeine for example and really, really didn't like it. Alcohol makes me vomit after like a few glasses. I just seem to not like highs anymore, benzos are THE drug for me and i clearly am incapable of doing them in moderation, so i just live sober now.
And it is pretty boring! The biggest issue in recovery is that you realise that you've had your fun basically. Nothing will be as good as YOUR drug. Life is stable and objectively better, but god it feels so boring. It's definitely not easy to convince yourself not to go back to taking a bunch of pills and waking up in a different city.
Congratulations on your sobriety, Penelope. Experiences like yours are so important for people to hear about. I drink moderately and smoke occasionally but am fiercely protective of my friends who don’t.
Glad you made it out
was already thinking about it, but rewatching this has confirmed my decision. i’m done with this shit for good i think. having my last smoke now, and then doing as you did, giving my friend what i had left. not your intention with the video maybe, but thanks again leadhead o7
This video confirms for me how lucky I am to have atypical taste in drugs the way I do. I don't like alcohol and THC, so I don't have to worry about becoming an addict no matter how badly my life falls apart. I sometimes have mixed feelings about getting left out of social activities, but being safe from alcoholism is worth a lot more than I give it credit for.
Looking good homie
woah hit immediately with that earl solace🤧 love this video man
As a wise man once said: "Stay safe friend; don't you dare go hollow"
goat game
thank you for making this! its hard to wrods why i appreciate it
Living with your parents is hella underrated. I had a to get out a shitty living situation about a year ago and my mom let me live with her for a while and it was one of the most beneficial things that happened to me in a while. I was 29 at the time so when I had to call her and ask if I could stay with her I felt like a complete failure of a person, but in hindsight it was exactly what needed to happen. I was able to save up a ton of money paying her only $100 a month for rent and got back in my own apartment within a year!
Can't be overstated how relatable that intro is. Some real shit
The best experience I’ve ever had taking drugs was taking a small amount of shrooms and smoking hash with my best friend. I remember laughing so hard at Rick and Morty that my friend thought I was faking it (he didn’t do the shrooms).
your videos like this always cause a lot of introspection in me so, thank u lol
I understand it's hard to talk about deeply personal, often sad topics like this, but it is so extremely nice to have a channel that touches on the down and gritty. Sometimes it's hard to relate, especially to other transfems, because so often we only ever see the sunshine and green hills of life, never the mud and bramble path it takes to get there. Thank you for what you do.
OMG the part around 19:03 I Really Really fucking feel your argument i have spent so many thoughts on the same idea. But yeah thanks. Really nice and relatable video, which really helps me having a new View on how to start Sobriety!
I can't say that I approve of your previous lifestyle. However I will say good on you for finding your own way out, and maybe this is just what someone else needed to hear to help find their way.
i started smoking in highschool. everyone else was vaping, but i didn't even try that until college when i couldn't get cigarettes anymore
I can strongly relate, as an adhd-diagnosed ex-addict teetotaler.
Thanks for putting my view in words so elegantly!
I'm struggling with addiction right now and am on the path to sobriety, thank you for sharing, also loved the earl sweatshirt samples
Hey, I know I'm a stranger on the internet, but I really hope you've made some real progress these last 3 months , and if you didn't, and you still haven't given up hope. You're awesome, it's always going to be worth trying
@@annaheritage931 thank you for your kindness 💌 you literally made my day and this was sent to me in the perfect time, endless thanks 🗽
@@princepeachfuzzhey are you doing alright
Great words. I learned to not hate myself and found passion to life. Some drugs really help with depression when applied correctly and in my experience psychedelics cures it.
Sure drugs are slippery slope to misery and insanity.
It is up to You to do it right and keep You in line.
The downfall spiral starts the moment you start lying to yourself and breaking your own principles.👀