Adam had a camera of some sort in the apartment. He’s been watching her. She wasn’t even supposed to be home at that time, but he said he specifically came to the apartment to speak to her about not leaving. And he came running in just a few minutes after David showed up. I’m glad she left.
And the fact that he walked away with no resistance at all Really tells me he has the place tapped Dude’s a stalker I won’t even be surprised if he continues to stalk OP till he find his next victim
This reminds me of the guy who burned a candle OP had made with her dead sister because he liked her better when she was depressed so he could feel like he was saving her.
I thought of this story too, the same feeling of needing to be needed. This guy seems dumber as he's oblivious to the FA community that OP could have started to take part in if she wanted to.
He thought he was taking advantage of a young woman who was insecure about her weight. In reality, he was taking advantage of a young woman who was missing her brother and felt that his relationship with his sibling/her friend was an emotional substitution.
Dude in the first story is SO jealous and even more controlling than I thought. "Just make food that I want to eat instead of making two!" Like everything HAS to be about him.
OP, get a new SIM card for your phone. It's weird that he knew exactly where you'd be and when. I would be worried he has some kind of tracking enabled.
*"sometimes I wish you were still big so no one else would want you"* Ah i see. An insecure people will always put you down so you don’t feel good about yourself and leave.
She litreally said that she got hit on when at a bigger size so that's not the point lol. She had options, but she wanted Adam. Adam didn't understand why she had to go out and better herself and get healthier while HE wants to stay bigger/an average dude with his fat depressed GF with lower confidence. It was when he saw that she wanted to better herself that he started to feel lesser/or small compared to her imo. He's complaining about her wanting to dress up/ wear make up ectblablabla on some nights out but what about him? Why can't he try the same? Better yourself and try other things. You might surprise yourself. Op was happy with adam, got her confidence back, at the same time found herself structure and discipline. Except what did he do? Wanted to stay mediocre and drag her down with him. Actually thought that she only lost weight to be "hotter".. What a piece of work.. But work he gotta do himself. Glad Op left.
@@Somebody9666 Yes, she had other options and still wanted Adam. But she also said he was upset that men tried to talk to her when she was fit, but he was surprised when she told him men talked to her at her larger size as well. He didn't THINK she would have other options as long as she was heavier, and he wanted her to have no other options.
Story one: if the words “so no one else would want you” or any variants of that come out of your partners mouth is the day they stop being your partner. Do not stay with someone that insecure and controlling
Here's something no one has mentioned. When you are 18 you are still developing. Still learning about yourself, things you like and dislike, things you'd like to do. I certainly am not the same person I was at that age. She's learning to respect her body, herself, she's doing some pampering which is totally okay. That bozo boyfriend wants the same unformed teenager she was forever so he can feel in control and good about himself. I am so glad she dumped him. A seven year age gap isn't a big a big deal when one is 28 and the other 35, but 18 and 25? No, that's borderline creepy. She's better off without him. Date for awhile honey and don't think about getting serious for a few more years until you are fully formed.
Yes, OP should never have to make two meals. Cook for yourself, boyfriend. Or move out. After update: Wow, he even wants to control how they separate. You definitely want to keep this winner. /s
From the title alone: Run Forrest run! Pity OP didn't flip the script and demand to go through Adam's phone, but doesn't matter. He was a walking red-flag, good riddance to him.
Oh Adam is Jealous! He should be proud of her, but maybe he wasn't as confident as he led her to believe in the first place and this is how he is expressing it
4:37 - I TOLD MY GIRLS that when they were that age - what man in his middle and late 20's is so immature and threatened by ladies his own age that he wants YOU, my lovely but very inexperienced (because young and still in high school) daughters. It's unequal power, and it's risky for the less dominant one and unhealthy.
Notice that he never tried to holler at OP, until AFTER her brother had died, she’d gotten depressed and gained all that weight. Remember, he was a friend of her brothers but strangely, he never tried to talk to her when her brother was alive and she was smaller. Run OP, RUN! 😩
She says they met after she turned 18. You're welcome to speculate, given that he was the brother of a friend the whole time, but according to her, it was legally above-board the whole time they actually knew each other.
I don't think he actually knew the brother at all. If you read what OP actually wrote she says 'he was my friend's older brother' as in the older brother of her unrelated friend, not a friend of her late older brother. I'm not surprised people are stumbling over that one though. The way she wrote it you do just naturally expect it to say 'my brother's friend'. I had to read it twice to be sure what it said myself.
I had two husbands that did everything they could to sabotage me any time I tried to loose weight or study or get a better job. These are men that want to keep there partners insecure and isolated. These are the same men that know they themselves would leave or cheat if others wanted them.
Surely a guy who started dating an 18 year old in his late 20s and makes up fake emergencies to not feel the shame of being that creepy old guy around teenagers would NEVER turn out to be a loser, right?
yes on a more specific level. He choose an 18, since that is the transition age between teen and adulthood. Nobody would point him as predator because that. YET!! there is something that people doesn't think and is "Emotional manipulation predator". For that one it doesn't mind the age, only if the person is weak to their will and control, and OP's ex shows that signs. $10 that his ex left him because he was a controlling PoS with her. It happen to my sister with her ex she dump in 2019. They been together for 4 years, since she was 16 and he was 19. Call it whatever you want, but we were sure nothing shady was behind it. Of course the 1st red flag we heard was from his own brother who told my sister to beware with his attitude, more when he had a retrain order by his 1st ex he was pressure to marry even when they were the same age (thou that was more because of the parents). HECK! Even his own mother was telling my sister if she was sure. He turn out to be a control freak jerk in the end. My sister had enough in 2019 when he literally spy her through her PC. Luckly .... he though i was just an idiot and lazy bum ... when i was the one bankrolling my sister's career with my job. And she told not once but twice that if he speak ill of me, she will be the one punching him, kicking him in the balls and throwing him out. So i literally bought her a new PC when i thought she will give it to him back, but after she keep it and never came to pick it up, i told her to let me do some swap to the hard drive and clean the other and put it on the new one while that gamer one she had would have a new one better. And all of the control was because my sister is gorgeous, a lot of guys pursue her, even older dudes, and most of them are lawyers and prosecutors (since she study for commercial and companies lawyer. And want to get a title in economy later for make the Corporation Lawyer licence too, one of the most well paid ones).
Main story: Ok. I'm going to jump on the Reddit "dump him train" just from the title alone. OP1 SHOULD DUMP HIM. She is not overreacting at all. She's letting the sunk-cost fallacy cloud things. Also, I agree! The creepazoid probably has a camera. Moodbooster: LOL
Okay so Adam is an insecure abuser that can't get someone his own age because he hasn't grown up at all, so he picked an even more insecure teenager so he could get someone that cooks for him and does teenager things with him, when OP matured Adam wanted her to get thrown back into his same spiral. He also definitely had cameras that OP didn't know about, I'm glad he's alone now, he had too much control over OP and it's scary.
Can't stand these predators. They can't get someone their own age, so they have to prey on children and vulnerable teens. He should be in jail or therapy, not making OP's life even more miserable.
I disagree, since 18 isn't a teen at all, since by that point you're legally abide by laws to certain extends, and fully abide after 21, so is your choice by that point. I only agree that 7 years difference on that specific range (since 18 is fresh going into adulthood, while at 25 you had to already figured out things by that point) is that predatory on an emotionally manipulative level because that person is looking to someone to manipulate going into early adulthood. Of course it depends on the person too. What? I'm a predator because I'm 7 years older than my gf? (m36 and f29), and more when we only start to date almost 2 years go (1 year and 9 months). We should stop to treat the range between 18 and 21 as "still children" but when it comes to move out and independency to calling it out at convenience as "grown up". 18 to 21 is early stage to fresh transition between Teen and adult, 21 is legally abide adult by laws, and 25 is full established adulthood in all senses of physically and mentally as well. What i say is, in this case, it would be predatory on every sense of the word if she was 17 instead. But at 18 is more to what is the situation, because in this case, is more at the emotional manipulation level to take more in account than that. The situation would have been the same if OP would had been 20, 22 or even the same age. As long as he play the insecurity and emotional manipulation game, since in this case he did all of that, both with her emotions (She said she was depressed and her body reflected that) and her physical appearance too. And then finding a way to control her. It also boils down to control issues too. As is not wonder why his ex probably left him if his 1st reaction to his insecurities is to point out OP's body who he clearly knows was a sore spot for her.
S1: She is growing and maturing and Adam hates that for her, and it's disgusting. Nobody is the same as they were at 18 at 21, 30, 40 etc. People learn and grow wanted someone to saty the same for your own selfish reasons is not fair to them. Couples/ relationships will change and evolve over time, she needs to dump this loser as he will only hinder any further improvement, what happens when she really get a career going? What happens if they have kids? etc... she needs to get rid of him and get everything checked for trackers
Adamn wants her frumpy. Which is ok if she wants to be frumpy. But if that is something she doesn't want then they are not compatible. But he does think she looks better when she lost weight because he thinks others will want her more. He's possessive. (edit: ok the end of the story solidified everything)
S1: He was 25 when he groomed an 18 yrs old girl grieving her loss of her loved one. He basically took advantage of the situation, into coercing her to fall for him. He broke up a 5 yr relationship, wonder why, because I am not surprised based on his character. An 18 yr old, grieving her brother, is pretty much easy to be groomed or manipulated.
Story 1: It does seem like Adam was eavesdropping or monitoring OP, or how could he have known she'd be at home with another man, at that time, on a day when she usually works. Adam may have seemed at ease with his own large size, but clearly he's insecure - very. And sitting in front of screens all day during your free time is unhealthy (even though way too many of us do exactly that). He blew it completely, and let his insecurities get the better of him. He could have been proud, or at least sometimes gone out for walks with OP. He let his own habits and inertia get the better of him and destroy the relationship. Clearly he was threatened that OP put energy into her appearance. And yes, the difference between 18 and 25 is a big one when you're young. Maybe at 80 and 87, it's not such a big deal : )
He needs to get therapy as his insecure. Sorry to hear this. I lost 50kgs (110ibs about). My husband didn't change. He didn't care if others noticed me more. He also didn't care when I regained weight after being pregnant, had a crohns flare and put on meds (that increased my weight more). Then I lost it agian. At no time did he mention anything about my weight. Nor did his drive increase/decrease. He never askede to gain or lose weight. When I asked he just joked "His in love with my cooking" 😂😂 But he told he fell in love with my personality.
S1: I’ve heard of this happening so many times and it never fails to shock me. Like… fat girls get dates too! I never had a problem at my heaviest landing a date. It’s just so funny that it’s a bizarre security blanket for some people.
Haven’t watched the final update for story one but I’m OPs age. The immediate red flag to me was the fact he was sniffing around his friend’s grief stricken sister while he was in mid 20s and she was 18. I got family who’s 18 and the maturity gap even between 21 and 18 can feel huge.
One thing I’m not going to do is badger an adult to get them to open up and tell me how they feel. They can rot in their unspoken feelings until they’re mature enough to have an adult conversation. Also, male partners who are jealous of you are dangerous. Be wise.
1. This is why relationships with an age gap don't work. OP started dating this guy when she was only 18. None of us have fully matured yet, so of course we are going to change in the next few years. I know I sure did. He's just an insecure little weenie is all.
OP didn't ruin this relationship. She outgrew it. She was with her BF for a long time and it was good and what she needed at the time. However, not every relationship is meant to last and this one has apparently run it's course. She's growing up and maturing. Part of her maturation has included taking better care of her body and looking to occupy her free time with other things that don't interest her bf and that's fine. The problem is that OP and BF haven't yet accepted that it's time to accept the end of this relationship and find a way to break it off gracefully and move on without behaving like immature children. I'm not yet finished with this story. (about ready to hear the first round of opinions before the first update) but I truly hope this ends well instead of things blowing up in some spectacularly stupid way. It would be nice if they could remain friends after everything is over.
Story 1 - That was a very unhealthy relationship. OP found herself and BF was not pleased. Glad she had the intelligence to get away from the guy. He wanted to stay in his box and not face the real world...just my opinion. OP opened a new, healthy reality that BF couldn't handle. Sad for him, happy for her.
I truly hope the girl in the main story is ok. It is obvious her boyfriend was up to no good. He either was there thinking she was at work so he could install cameras to spy on her, or he knew she was there because he was tracking her or already had cameras installed. She needs to check her car, her phone, her purse, her keys, and basically everything to make sure there are no trackers or cameras. Anything she finds needs to be turned over to the police or a lawyer to help her get a restraining order.
you know, i spent pretty much all day every day playing video games and watching videos on my computer. why? because i've been in this FUCKING major depressive episode for at least two years now! i used to do a lot more things! like work for a living! i had hobbies that involved interacting with other people! what little energy i have now is spent trying to nail down medical providers for further treatment. and fighting insurance companies...
I think OP was just young and now she's growing into the woman that she wants to be. Adam seems like he's not okay with that. Growing apart happens. Moving on is for the best.
When you say something that trips somebody's wire, you don't tell them they're over-reacting, you apologize profusely. In addition to the fact it's the right thing to do, if you don't, it looks like you did it on purpose.
#1-OP, you did the Right thing…Way Past Due ‼️ You’ll be soooo Much Happier ‼️ Be happy now…life is too short to have a weight hanging around your neck ‼️ Take a breath & Go Forward ‼️
1) This needs to read X boyfriend, no OP NTA. A partner should want what is best for OP's health and wellbeing, not so insecure and jealous that they rather have OP be fat, depressed, and unhealthy just because he sees other guys find her attractive. His presumption that nobody could have wanted her before and that is why he wanted her is warped. He wanted someone he could get and control. After update: He really does not want to improve his lifestyle or physique and does not OP to make changes to make herself look and feel better. Yup, she is not the girl she was, and it's ok she has grown and changed. They are not suited to each other anymore and she shouldn't cling to this relationship. I hope OP will recognize that. After next update: Good for OP to recognize it was time to end things with someone who wanted everything to suit himself and not consider what OP likes, wants, and needs and was so mistrusting. Good grief, she is best rid of him. I'm glad she told him to F off and then blocked him. 2) Good grief, too bad people can't just be reasonable, respectful, cooperative and get along. Good for OP's boss for finding a way for parking to be enforced. I like big rocks, they do the job and look good. Serves the neighbor business right for creating a problem for himself because of not being considerate, and his family member getting fined by the parking company.
I cant believe that narcissist really said basically :" why do u need to better urself?" 🥴🤯 she s growing up. He groomed a kid and was hoping she wld stay this way. And the :" we cant see other ppl". What a despicable controlling narcissist.
Misery loves company and he is upset that he has lost control over the OP. In terms of Maslow hierachy of Needs the OP has chosen to raise herself up from survival level into self actualisation and Adam is not willing to help himself and to rause himself up out of self pity. The OO is now on a dufferent and more positive life path. Good on OP for not allowing this man to cut her down
OP should not feel bad that she's changed since she started dating him. She was 18 at the start of their relationship. You're SUPPOSED to change from the person you were when you were 18. If he wanted to date a woman who was more settled into her personality and interests, he should have tried dating a woman wasn't fresh out of high school.
OP, you can do better. Don't dull your own shine just to prop up your insesure boyfriend's fragile ego. Let him lose weight, too, or find a new girlfriend the same size as himself.
Well, Adam is delusional...like, people change anyways, even if she had been a gym rat and videogame lover before, she might decide she wants to read more and go to see opera and ballet instead of playing games, the point is not the weight loss is that people change, it's inevitable and if you don't want to compromise by letting them change and finding new things to do together, it's better to split because no one stays the same forever! He'll probably change in a few years too and then what? if she stayed the same he would have expected her to change for him or he simply would have changed girlfriend since she didn't fit the picture anymore? Also, he had a camera for sure, how did he know they were there if not thanks to a camera?!?!? She dodged a bullet
On one hand, there's: Why is my partner suddenly losing weight/getting into shape, dressing well, getting hair and nails done, etc. Then there's: nobody stays in their late teens/early 20s forever, and if they do then it's quite patheti and they need to mature. But yeah this guy just seems impressionable to inexperienced girls.
That comment mentioning how big of a gap it is when you're that age is very correct. I was approached by a 22-year-old last year when I just turned 29, it was like looking at a child. They look so much younger than the people you see in your everyday life because they aren't in there, but in school. Every now and then a young person joins, but I remember when I was that person that everyone would remark on my age for two years because I looked that much younger and people didn't know me.
Adam is incredibly insecure and controlling. People change a lot between the ages of 18 snd 21. And all of the things he said are a big red flag. I'm glad she broke it off. Update: Wow! Bullet dodged. 😱
I'm not really sure what goes on in a woman's only strip club, but I can see why that might bother a guy if his girlfriend mentions it. Because to me that either means A) there are only women in the club, which may imply the girlfriend's interest in other women, or B) it's only FOR women, so there are guys, but they're all staff, which may imply an interest in other men. And sure, it's possible to go to a club and not cheat. But as it's not an overweight only club, I can see why this heavy guy with control issues and a newly slimmer girlfriend is insecure. But that's on him. And I wonder if the family emergency is due to someone else being overweight.
One thing I don’t like about first story . Op thought it’s great idea to go to strip club in monogamous relationship that’s not ok unless you discuss it before hand . If role was reversed and you want to go to strip club with boys and girl got insecure over it ppl of redit would scream how abusive bf is
Story 1 I feel like so many reddit stories are just gossipy, massive overreactions. He wishes she didn't get hit on and expressed that in an insensitive way. Big deal. It's just an excuse to get validation from strangers. "You deserve so much better! He hates you! You should dump him! His loss!" They responses may as well be copy pasted at this point
Story one okay? There's no denying that the boyfriend is an absolute unrepentant asshole. In this particular story there is no arguing that he's horrible, but there's a point that no one seems to be bringing up. I don't know why op is being given a special pass here. Is it because she asked permission to go to a strip club and he said no and she didn't do it. When you're in a relationship, you never ever go to a strip club. If you have even the tiniest bit of respect for your boyfriend or girlfriend, it's a absolute no-brainer no-go so either she is fundamentally stupid or she's horrible now. Please don't get me wrong. He's more horrible. It's like he's the Mount Everest of assholes and she's Mount Rainier of assholes.
To be fair, if it was about moving furniture like bedframes and such, I'd not ask a female coworker either, especially not if I knew that the male coworker worked for a moving company and is willing to do the job for cheap, has the tools AND the vehicle for it.
Adam had a camera of some sort in the apartment. He’s been watching her. She wasn’t even supposed to be home at that time, but he said he specifically came to the apartment to speak to her about not leaving. And he came running in just a few minutes after David showed up. I’m glad she left.
Good attention to detail
I agree...she dodged a serious bullet
And the fact that he walked away with no resistance at all
Really tells me he has the place tapped
Dude’s a stalker
I won’t even be surprised if he continues to stalk OP till he find his next victim
I wondered if he had a tracker on her car, too.
DId OP have the location switched on on her phone?
S1- I really hope someone tells OP that Adam has her tagged some sort of way. She hasn't dodged that bullet yet!
I'd be looking at getting a new phone and switching off "Location" for a while and switching up my routine as much as possible.
This reminds me of the guy who burned a candle OP had made with her dead sister because he liked her better when she was depressed so he could feel like he was saving her.
Ugh, I remember that story.
I thought of this story too, the same feeling of needing to be needed. This guy seems dumber as he's oblivious to the FA community that OP could have started to take part in if she wanted to.
same here. I remember that one.
That is some psychotic bull shit omg! Never heard the story tho
Thanks for bringing back THAT disgusting and creepy story.
He thought he was taking advantage of a young woman who was insecure about her weight. In reality, he was taking advantage of a young woman who was missing her brother and felt that his relationship with his sibling/her friend was an emotional substitution.
Dude in the first story is SO jealous and even more controlling than I thought. "Just make food that I want to eat instead of making two!" Like everything HAS to be about him.
His food, his hobbies, his preferences about the OP's nails...
OP, get a new SIM card for your phone. It's weird that he knew exactly where you'd be and when. I would be worried he has some kind of tracking enabled.
If have an apple watch ditch it. Those things can be used to track you from another apple phone
*"sometimes I wish you were still big so no one else would want you"*
Ah i see. An insecure people will always put you down so you don’t feel good about yourself and leave.
Controlling and ab*sive people also do that, but certainly, OP's ex can be all insecure on top of all that.
"sometimes I wish you were still big so no one else would want you" Doesn't this guy know about the FA community?
He wasn't as 'comfortable in his skin' as she thought. He wants a slow, sedentary life and needed a girl who had no other options.
She litreally said that she got hit on when at a bigger size so that's not the point lol. She had options, but she wanted Adam.
Adam didn't understand why she had to go out and better herself and get healthier while HE wants to stay bigger/an average dude with his fat depressed GF with lower confidence.
It was when he saw that she wanted to better herself that he started to feel lesser/or small compared to her imo.
He's complaining about her wanting to dress up/ wear make up ectblablabla on some nights out but what about him? Why can't he try the same? Better yourself and try other things. You might surprise yourself.
Op was happy with adam, got her confidence back, at the same time found herself structure and discipline.
Except what did he do? Wanted to stay mediocre and drag her down with him. Actually thought that she only lost weight to be "hotter".. What a piece of work.. But work he gotta do himself.
Glad Op left.
@@Somebody9666 Yes, she had other options and still wanted Adam. But she also said he was upset that men tried to talk to her when she was fit, but he was surprised when she told him men talked to her at her larger size as well. He didn't THINK she would have other options as long as she was heavier, and he wanted her to have no other options.
@@jasonbungard7484 "she had other options and still wanted Adam" first loves cut the deepest
Story one: if the words “so no one else would want you” or any variants of that come out of your partners mouth is the day they stop being your partner. Do not stay with someone that insecure and controlling
And it can't be followed by a "I misspoke" they mean it 💯
@@robinkholmes7127 for real, he only said that because he realized he exposed himself and op was upset. So, he tried to backtrack.
Here's something no one has mentioned. When you are 18 you are still developing. Still learning about yourself, things you like and dislike, things you'd like to do. I certainly am not the same person I was at that age. She's learning to respect her body, herself, she's doing some pampering which is totally okay. That bozo boyfriend wants the same unformed teenager she was forever so he can feel in control and good about himself. I am so glad she dumped him. A seven year age gap isn't a big a big deal when one is 28 and the other 35, but 18 and 25? No, that's borderline creepy. She's better off without him. Date for awhile honey and don't think about getting serious for a few more years until you are fully formed.
I totally agree. Age gaps over 4 years only appropriate if both parties meet after 25.
Honestly, if a 26 year old is getting together with a 33 year old, I would still consider that a red flag.
Simple: op and adam are in a different trajectory. Adam finished "growing up" at 25 and OP hadn't. It's quite normal.
💯👍🏿
Yes, OP should never have to make two meals. Cook for yourself, boyfriend. Or move out. After update: Wow, he even wants to control how they separate. You definitely want to keep this winner. /s
From the title alone: Run Forrest run! Pity OP didn't flip the script and demand to go through Adam's phone, but doesn't matter. He was a walking red-flag, good riddance to him.
I thought he was cheating too, that "family emergency"🤔
Oh Adam is Jealous! He should be proud of her, but maybe he wasn't as confident as he led her to believe in the first place and this is how he is expressing it
4:37 - I TOLD MY GIRLS that when they were that age - what man in his middle and late 20's is so immature and threatened by ladies his own age that he wants YOU, my lovely but very inexperienced (because young and still in high school) daughters. It's unequal power, and it's risky for the less dominant one and unhealthy.
Notice that he never tried to holler at OP, until AFTER her brother had died, she’d gotten depressed and gained all that weight. Remember, he was a friend of her brothers but strangely, he never tried to talk to her when her brother was alive and she was smaller. Run OP, RUN! 😩
I mean... she was 15 when her brother died.
he was waiting until she was legal.
She says they met after she turned 18. You're welcome to speculate, given that he was the brother of a friend the whole time, but according to her, it was legally above-board the whole time they actually knew each other.
I don't think he actually knew the brother at all. If you read what OP actually wrote she says 'he was my friend's older brother' as in the older brother of her unrelated friend, not a friend of her late older brother.
I'm not surprised people are stumbling over that one though. The way she wrote it you do just naturally expect it to say 'my brother's friend'. I had to read it twice to be sure what it said myself.
I had two husbands that did everything they could to sabotage me any time I tried to loose weight or study or get a better job. These are men that want to keep there partners insecure and isolated. These are the same men that know they themselves would leave or cheat if others wanted them.
Surely a guy who started dating an 18 year old in his late 20s and makes up fake emergencies to not feel the shame of being that creepy old guy around teenagers would NEVER turn out to be a loser, right?
💯👍🏿
yes on a more specific level. He choose an 18, since that is the transition age between teen and adulthood. Nobody would point him as predator because that. YET!! there is something that people doesn't think and is "Emotional manipulation predator". For that one it doesn't mind the age, only if the person is weak to their will and control, and OP's ex shows that signs. $10 that his ex left him because he was a controlling PoS with her.
It happen to my sister with her ex she dump in 2019. They been together for 4 years, since she was 16 and he was 19. Call it whatever you want, but we were sure nothing shady was behind it. Of course the 1st red flag we heard was from his own brother who told my sister to beware with his attitude, more when he had a retrain order by his 1st ex he was pressure to marry even when they were the same age (thou that was more because of the parents). HECK! Even his own mother was telling my sister if she was sure. He turn out to be a control freak jerk in the end. My sister had enough in 2019 when he literally spy her through her PC. Luckly .... he though i was just an idiot and lazy bum ... when i was the one bankrolling my sister's career with my job. And she told not once but twice that if he speak ill of me, she will be the one punching him, kicking him in the balls and throwing him out. So i literally bought her a new PC when i thought she will give it to him back, but after she keep it and never came to pick it up, i told her to let me do some swap to the hard drive and clean the other and put it on the new one while that gamer one she had would have a new one better. And all of the control was because my sister is gorgeous, a lot of guys pursue her, even older dudes, and most of them are lawyers and prosecutors (since she study for commercial and companies lawyer. And want to get a title in economy later for make the Corporation Lawyer licence too, one of the most well paid ones).
Main story: Ok. I'm going to jump on the Reddit "dump him train" just from the title alone. OP1 SHOULD DUMP HIM. She is not overreacting at all. She's letting the sunk-cost fallacy cloud things.
Also, I agree! The creepazoid probably has a camera.
Moodbooster: LOL
Okay so Adam is an insecure abuser that can't get someone his own age because he hasn't grown up at all, so he picked an even more insecure teenager so he could get someone that cooks for him and does teenager things with him, when OP matured Adam wanted her to get thrown back into his same spiral. He also definitely had cameras that OP didn't know about, I'm glad he's alone now, he had too much control over OP and it's scary.
Can't stand these predators. They can't get someone their own age, so they have to prey on children and vulnerable teens. He should be in jail or therapy, not making OP's life even more miserable.
18 are not a teenager though.
@@Somebody9666 .......8......teen.
I disagree, since 18 isn't a teen at all, since by that point you're legally abide by laws to certain extends, and fully abide after 21, so is your choice by that point. I only agree that 7 years difference on that specific range (since 18 is fresh going into adulthood, while at 25 you had to already figured out things by that point) is that predatory on an emotionally manipulative level because that person is looking to someone to manipulate going into early adulthood. Of course it depends on the person too.
What? I'm a predator because I'm 7 years older than my gf? (m36 and f29), and more when we only start to date almost 2 years go (1 year and 9 months). We should stop to treat the range between 18 and 21 as "still children" but when it comes to move out and independency to calling it out at convenience as "grown up". 18 to 21 is early stage to fresh transition between Teen and adult, 21 is legally abide adult by laws, and 25 is full established adulthood in all senses of physically and mentally as well.
What i say is, in this case, it would be predatory on every sense of the word if she was 17 instead. But at 18 is more to what is the situation, because in this case, is more at the emotional manipulation level to take more in account than that. The situation would have been the same if OP would had been 20, 22 or even the same age. As long as he play the insecurity and emotional manipulation game, since in this case he did all of that, both with her emotions (She said she was depressed and her body reflected that) and her physical appearance too. And then finding a way to control her. It also boils down to control issues too. As is not wonder why his ex probably left him if his 1st reaction to his insecurities is to point out OP's body who he clearly knows was a sore spot for her.
@@Somebody9666Technically, she IS a teen, since "teen" is in the word eighteen. She is still very young and naive. He took advantage of her.
@@SenseiRaisen18 is not a teen? Say 18 out loud. Here; I’ll help you. Eight-Teen. Eighteen. TEEN. 18 is Highschool senior/freshman in college.
S1: She is growing and maturing and Adam hates that for her, and it's disgusting. Nobody is the same as they were at 18 at 21, 30, 40 etc. People learn and grow wanted someone to saty the same for your own selfish reasons is not fair to them. Couples/ relationships will change and evolve over time, she needs to dump this loser as he will only hinder any further improvement, what happens when she really get a career going? What happens if they have kids? etc... she needs to get rid of him and get everything checked for trackers
First story - Adam finally having the "Oh crap, I just proved how controlling I am to the point where SHE RESPONDED. OH SHIT!"
Adamn wants her frumpy. Which is ok if she wants to be frumpy. But if that is something she doesn't want then they are not compatible. But he does think she looks better when she lost weight because he thinks others will want her more. He's possessive. (edit: ok the end of the story solidified everything)
S1: He was 25 when he groomed an 18 yrs old girl grieving her loss of her loved one. He basically took advantage of the situation, into coercing her to fall for him. He broke up a 5 yr relationship, wonder why, because I am not surprised based on his character. An 18 yr old, grieving her brother, is pretty much easy to be groomed or manipulated.
Story 1: It does seem like Adam was eavesdropping or monitoring OP, or how could he have known she'd be at home with another man, at that time, on a day when she usually works. Adam may have seemed at ease with his own large size, but clearly he's insecure - very. And sitting in front of screens all day during your free time is unhealthy (even though way too many of us do exactly that).
He blew it completely, and let his insecurities get the better of him. He could have been proud, or at least sometimes gone out for walks with OP. He let his own habits and inertia get the better of him and destroy the relationship. Clearly he was threatened that OP put energy into her appearance.
And yes, the difference between 18 and 25 is a big one when you're young. Maybe at 80 and 87, it's not such a big deal : )
He needs to get therapy as his insecure. Sorry to hear this.
I lost 50kgs (110ibs about).
My husband didn't change. He didn't care if others noticed me more. He also didn't care when I regained weight after being pregnant, had a crohns flare and put on meds (that increased my weight more).
Then I lost it agian.
At no time did he mention anything about my weight. Nor did his drive increase/decrease. He never askede to gain or lose weight.
When I asked he just joked "His in love with my cooking" 😂😂
But he told he fell in love with my personality.
S1: I’ve heard of this happening so many times and it never fails to shock me. Like… fat girls get dates too! I never had a problem at my heaviest landing a date. It’s just so funny that it’s a bizarre security blanket for some people.
Haven’t watched the final update for story one but I’m OPs age. The immediate red flag to me was the fact he was sniffing around his friend’s grief stricken sister while he was in mid 20s and she was 18. I got family who’s 18 and the maturity gap even between 21 and 18 can feel huge.
18 & 25 says everything.
OP dropping a subject so she doesn't ~add to his stress~ sure sounds like he uses his own issues against her already.
"I know rationally, this is a situation I should I leave, but I want at least to try and see if it works"😶
He didn't want a girlfriend, he wanted a girl- friend. A bro and mirror image to himself. And I think David is looking for more than a lunch.
Right off the bat, 21 and 28 but been together nearly 3 years??? 💀💀💀 21 and 28 is bad enough but 18 and 25…. omg bro sounds like a creep already
She was barely out of high school and this guy probably already had a full career and diploma 😧
Imagine complaining because your girlfriend got too hot. 🤦🏽♀️
One thing I’m not going to do is badger an adult to get them to open up and tell me how they feel. They can rot in their unspoken feelings until they’re mature enough to have an adult conversation.
Also, male partners who are jealous of you are dangerous. Be wise.
💯👍🏿
Correction, any partners (male or female) who are jealous can be dangerous. Be wise.
@@toportime Correct your mother, I’m fine. I said exactly what I said and I meant it.
1. This is why relationships with an age gap don't work. OP started dating this guy when she was only 18. None of us have fully matured yet, so of course we are going to change in the next few years. I know I sure did. He's just an insecure little weenie is all.
OP didn't ruin this relationship. She outgrew it. She was with her BF for a long time and it was good and what she needed at the time. However, not every relationship is meant to last and this one has apparently run it's course. She's growing up and maturing. Part of her maturation has included taking better care of her body and looking to occupy her free time with other things that don't interest her bf and that's fine. The problem is that OP and BF haven't yet accepted that it's time to accept the end of this relationship and find a way to break it off gracefully and move on without behaving like immature children. I'm not yet finished with this story. (about ready to hear the first round of opinions before the first update) but I truly hope this ends well instead of things blowing up in some spectacularly stupid way. It would be nice if they could remain friends after everything is over.
Story 1 - That was a very unhealthy relationship. OP found herself and BF was not pleased. Glad she had the intelligence to get away from the guy. He wanted to stay in his box and not face the real world...just my opinion. OP opened a new, healthy reality that BF couldn't handle. Sad for him, happy for her.
Loved the 2nd story.
I truly hope the girl in the main story is ok. It is obvious her boyfriend was up to no good. He either was there thinking she was at work so he could install cameras to spy on her, or he knew she was there because he was tracking her or already had cameras installed. She needs to check her car, her phone, her purse, her keys, and basically everything to make sure there are no trackers or cameras. Anything she finds needs to be turned over to the police or a lawyer to help her get a restraining order.
you know, i spent pretty much all day every day playing video games and watching videos on my computer. why? because i've been in this FUCKING major depressive episode for at least two years now! i used to do a lot more things! like work for a living! i had hobbies that involved interacting with other people!
what little energy i have now is spent trying to nail down medical providers for further treatment. and fighting insurance companies...
Same.
I just 'won' the fight with insurance and retirement offices a few years ago, and now it's down to basic survival every day.
I think OP was just young and now she's growing into the woman that she wants to be. Adam seems like he's not okay with that. Growing apart happens. Moving on is for the best.
When you say something that trips somebody's wire, you don't tell them they're over-reacting, you apologize profusely. In addition to the fact it's the right thing to do, if you don't, it looks like you did it on purpose.
#1-OP, you did the Right thing…Way Past Due ‼️ You’ll be soooo Much Happier ‼️ Be happy now…life is too short to have a weight hanging around your neck ‼️ Take a breath & Go Forward ‼️
Story 1: “At 25, my bf got with me at 18”
Ya that’s all i needed to realize this guy was
gunna be a total creep…
1) This needs to read X boyfriend, no OP NTA. A partner should want what is best for OP's health and wellbeing, not so insecure and jealous that they rather have OP be fat, depressed, and unhealthy just because he sees other guys find her attractive. His presumption that nobody could have wanted her before and that is why he wanted her is warped. He wanted someone he could get and control.
After update: He really does not want to improve his lifestyle or physique and does not OP to make changes to make herself look and feel better. Yup, she is not the girl she was, and it's ok she has grown and changed. They are not suited to each other anymore and she shouldn't cling to this relationship. I hope OP will recognize that.
After next update: Good for OP to recognize it was time to end things with someone who wanted everything to suit himself and not consider what OP likes, wants, and needs and was so mistrusting. Good grief, she is best rid of him. I'm glad she told him to F off and then blocked him.
2) Good grief, too bad people can't just be reasonable, respectful, cooperative and get along. Good for OP's boss for finding a way for parking to be enforced. I like big rocks, they do the job and look good. Serves the neighbor business right for creating a problem for himself because of not being considerate, and his family member getting fined by the parking company.
I cant believe that narcissist really said basically :" why do u need to better urself?" 🥴🤯 she s growing up. He groomed a kid and was hoping she wld stay this way. And the :" we cant see other ppl". What a despicable controlling narcissist.
Misery loves company and he is upset that he has lost control over the OP. In terms of Maslow hierachy of Needs the OP has chosen to raise herself up from survival level into self actualisation and Adam is not willing to help himself and to rause himself up out of self pity. The OO is now on a dufferent and more positive life path. Good on OP for not allowing this man to cut her down
I love it when how you feel becomes your partners problem without any conversation or past behaviours.
I hope she manages to tell her friends what actually happened before he can twist things
OP should not feel bad that she's changed since she started dating him. She was 18 at the start of their relationship. You're SUPPOSED to change from the person you were when you were 18. If he wanted to date a woman who was more settled into her personality and interests, he should have tried dating a woman wasn't fresh out of high school.
OP, you can do better. Don't dull your own shine just to prop up your insesure boyfriend's fragile ego. Let him lose weight, too, or find a new girlfriend the same size as himself.
❤🎉 good morning(ish) LG. Have a wonderful day today!!
Listening to you with my coffee and getting ready to go to a Christmas Village!
12:41 call 911 immediately!!!
Well, Adam is delusional...like, people change anyways, even if she had been a gym rat and videogame lover before, she might decide she wants to read more and go to see opera and ballet instead of playing games, the point is not the weight loss is that people change, it's inevitable and if you don't want to compromise by letting them change and finding new things to do together, it's better to split because no one stays the same forever! He'll probably change in a few years too and then what? if she stayed the same he would have expected her to change for him or he simply would have changed girlfriend since she didn't fit the picture anymore?
Also, he had a camera for sure, how did he know they were there if not thanks to a camera?!?!? She dodged a bullet
On one hand, there's: Why is my partner suddenly losing weight/getting into shape, dressing well, getting hair and nails done, etc.
Then there's: nobody stays in their late teens/early 20s forever, and if they do then it's quite patheti and they need to mature.
But yeah this guy just seems impressionable to inexperienced girls.
I had a girlfriend do this. She attempted to fatten me up for that reason. Nipped that & dodged a bullet.
That comment mentioning how big of a gap it is when you're that age is very correct. I was approached by a 22-year-old last year when I just turned 29, it was like looking at a child. They look so much younger than the people you see in your everyday life because they aren't in there, but in school. Every now and then a young person joins, but I remember when I was that person that everyone would remark on my age for two years because I looked that much younger and people didn't know me.
Dude, I'm 20. My 18 year old juniors in college literally look like toddlers.
0:27 Nope!
S2: Truck around and fine out!
It sounds like she's growing up and her bf can't handle it 🙄
Adam is incredibly insecure and controlling. People change a lot between the ages of 18 snd 21. And all of the things he said are a big red flag. I'm glad she broke it off.
Update: Wow! Bullet dodged. 😱
I'm not really sure what goes on in a woman's only strip club, but I can see why that might bother a guy if his girlfriend mentions it. Because to me that either means A) there are only women in the club, which may imply the girlfriend's interest in other women, or B) it's only FOR women, so there are guys, but they're all staff, which may imply an interest in other men. And sure, it's possible to go to a club and not cheat. But as it's not an overweight only club, I can see why this heavy guy with control issues and a newly slimmer girlfriend is insecure. But that's on him. And I wonder if the family emergency is due to someone else being overweight.
Last one is funny. Parking faf
O
This is a Covid thing! You guys had that time together and now it's not there anymore! That's the issue
One thing I don’t like about first story . Op thought it’s great idea to go to strip club in monogamous relationship that’s not ok unless you discuss it before hand . If role was reversed and you want to go to strip club with boys and girl got insecure over it ppl of redit would scream how abusive bf is
Not even a minute in. Age gap.
Good
Women mostly leave men for someone better
Hello 👋🏾
Adam is no good for you. Move on.
❤❤
People are idiots whining about age gaps, that aren’t issues especially when there are healthy relationships with age gaps
😇😇😇😇
Sssniper wolf dropping the lore
Story 1
I feel like so many reddit stories are just gossipy, massive overreactions. He wishes she didn't get hit on and expressed that in an insensitive way. Big deal. It's just an excuse to get validation from strangers.
"You deserve so much better! He hates you! You should dump him! His loss!"
They responses may as well be copy pasted at this point
Story 1: the boyfriend is trash, but OP isn’t slick. She had the next guy lined up.
Story one okay? There's no denying that the boyfriend is an absolute unrepentant asshole. In this particular story there is no arguing that he's horrible, but there's a point that no one seems to be bringing up. I don't know why op is being given a special pass here. Is it because she asked permission to go to a strip club and he said no and she didn't do it. When you're in a relationship, you never ever go to a strip club. If you have even the tiniest bit of respect for your boyfriend or girlfriend, it's a absolute no-brainer no-go so either she is fundamentally stupid or she's horrible now. Please don't get me wrong. He's more horrible. It's like he's the Mount Everest of assholes and she's Mount Rainier of assholes.
Gee how did I know the “coworker” was a guy? 😂😂😂
To be fair, if it was about moving furniture like bedframes and such, I'd not ask a female coworker either, especially not if I knew that the male coworker worked for a moving company and is willing to do the job for cheap, has the tools AND the vehicle for it.
S1: you build up your partner. Not tear them down jfc...