The TRUTH Why SWEDES Don't Feed Guests
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Or maybe they were having surströmming for dinner and wanted to spare their guest
Valid point.
What a hospitality they have!
I was thinking the same
But the guest would've known
As a swede visiting I always got the question "Äter du här/hemma"(Are you eating here/at home?) or "Vill du äta här?"(Do you want to eat here?). I usually responded "Jag äter när jag kommer hem"(I'll eat when I'm home). The whole thing is a bit weird but I do love the jokes and memes that have come from this.
That sounds sane.
Well in my case it was ,you have to go home we are gona eat now.
As a Brazilian, sometimes forced to eat against my will, I understand now and even agree with some of the reasons. But it's yet, indeed, a cultural clash. I think I would sit in the middle, to offer but not make a big deal of it, if the guest refuses (here, some people can take a refuse as a personal offense, so it can be kinda hard for an introvert person). And, Brazil was discovered by and a part of the Portuguese Empire and later mainly colonized by people form Mediterranean Europe, along with the slave trade from Africa, so you can see where this is coming from. I also have seen another take on this, that the relationship with food is different, regarding waste, from countries with harsh winters and one crop a year to countries with mild winters and two crops a a year. Anyway, that helped a lot to understand. Tack för din videor!
That's is also true, we don't have a tradition of sharing food at all. Your crop was your problem. We barely have villages because the farms were split up. Everyone lived and worked alone.
@@sayitinswedish Thats true, but for 100 years ago swedes gave a lot of foods and things to other people especially elder or disabled people living in small cottages. but for now and the wellfare system being friendly is not giving food. Giving dinner could be seen as an offence to the parents who is waiting for the child to come home and eat their food. A kids parents probably wants its kids to eat at home for many reasons. Sweden is still an large aid contributor to the poor in the world.
The proper thing to do if there is a guest in your home is to at least offer. If your guest declines, then that is that.
Which many people do, but only if the person is staying longer and is a close friend.
In Southern Italy, you will not only get offered, you’ll get really stuffed. Whether it is a neighbor, cousin, or a friend you child just made, they’re invited.
@@George7763 exactly. You're in my home, you'll eat all you like. Welcome with open arms always
I'm kinda glad I missed this and got to hear it from somebody who researched and thought it all out first.
This doesn't seem too strange, I grew up in California and remember similar situations as a kid- usually it was about permission from parents, and not wanting to interfere with plans.
Bottom line is that, if you grew up in Sweden, you probably know what to expect from one another and if you moved in later, you don't and you have to learn it. That's all there is to it.
I grew up in New Jersey in the 1960s. Generally, we were expected to be home for dinner. When it was dinner time, I’d head home. I rarely ate anything other than maybe a snack on rare occasions at my friend’s or neighbor’s houses. I never experienced waiting in another room while the family ate though.
I’m wondering… why not tell the child guest to go home and come back after dinner? Or have him call his parents to confirm if he can stay at your house for dinner? Cell phones may not have existed 30 yes ago but land lines yes.
When my kids were little and had friends coming to our house to play, I always announced « Time to go home now, we’re having dinner soon. » That was normal for most families. Once in a while I asked the little guest if he/she wanted to stay with us for dinner, in which case, I made him call his parents to ask permission to stay. Just a phone call makes the difference between: he stays home unfed -vs - he stays home and eating with us. I’m from Canada.
You're missing the point. I said the reasons are different for each case. The situations you list also exist. Only reasons people stayed in the room were that their dinner time was later and they were allowed to stay until after. Of course some parents offered or called the friend's parents. Etc. Etc.
Point is that no one in Sweden expects another family to feed someone out of the blue. It's about expectations.
Man, if only I had Twitter to be able to take part in this rich and fruitful sociocultural discussion. I guess I'll just have to miss out on all these great ideas coming out of there.
You're good man 😂
In germany this stereotype exists as well. In Fact although you hear it alot, i always invited my guests to stay for dinner and where always invited as well. It is just a myth made up by randoms. For the argument with money, a guests more costs about 3€ when we feed him. That should be affordable in any case (children even less since they dont eat that much).
When I was a child, at our home dinner was almost a formal affair. Whereas we ate breakfast and lunch in the kitchen, we ate dinner in the dining room, on the long table, sometimes with candles, and always with our second best china. Our very best China and silverware was saved for when we had guests. One of us would say, "Dinner's ready!", the playmate would leave and the family would have dinner, discussing events of the day, catching up with what everyone was doing, etc. It certainly would never occur to us or to the playmate that he or she should stay for dinner! Never!
För att ni är skitstövlar.
I just want to say I deeply appreciate this video. People who are not of Northern European or Scandinavian heritage are immensely quick to judge us by THEIR standards and not appreciate that we aren't like them. I have never lived in Sweden, but as a descendant of Swedes this hit home. The concept of "taking care of your own, not being a burden to others, and not taking a debt on to yourself that you can't bear" is not just cultural, it is genetic.
So you mean not to give food to a kid,or maybe not to buy a drink to a friend in the bar?
Of course you can, but the point is that it's not assumed, from neither side, in Sweden. People who blow this up are those who didn't grew up in Sweden.
@@swecollector8576 Children within the last 20-30 years have been raised with an inappropriate sense of entitlement in my opinion. It was not always like that. Of course you can give, buy or provide food for anyone, but it is rude to expect it from others just automatically.
My mom, who grew up in Southern USA in the 1940's says that when she was a young child playing at a neighbor's house, her friend would be called to dinner, and my mom not wanting to go home as long as possible waited until she finished so they could keep playing and she thought nothing of it. My mom didn't carry any feelings of being "slighted" or offended.
I remember being a child (about 6 years old) at my friends' house and being offered food by their mom and it felt very uncomfortable to me personally. I felt put on the spot, and also felt like I had no choice to refuse or they would accuse me of being rude. So I ate it, but I never wanted to go back there again.
Nah.. If this is a common tradition... That's pure selfishness
I sometimes ate dinner at home and at a friends house as well, when i got older i prefered to eat at home, my friend lived very close. As a swede it feels a bit strange with all criticism of swedish culture in the media lately
It's the same in Norway and Finland. But of course, Sweden gets the punch.
3:22 Ladies and Gentlemen, in films you simply call these lame excuses a "Plot Convenience" 🤣🤣🤣
Let's call the reasons you do something in your culture lame, that everyone from that culture is in on and understands!
@@sayitinswedish nah man, I doubt it, IF this is part of our culture, would call it out, not defend it lol
@@dalandan1992 no you wouldn't call it out, because it would be normal to you and everyone else
@@sayitinswedish bruh, just fyi, I'm a muslim, I call out muslim masculinity of the islam faith on a daily basis, so back to my comment, I DOUBT.
As a child I also went through this to sit and wait for my Swedish friend who was eating in another room. thought it was just as disgusting as now. the sad thing is that how you try to make it sound like stories, they are not stories but something most immigrants have experienced and for some strange reason you try to make it sound like a lie's. I know you yourselves think it's disgusting because otherwise you wouldn't have spent so much time saying it's a lie.
Sweden is a racist country, look at the comments on social media and you will see how racist the Swedish people really think. that they have voted racists into the government only strengthens that picture.
I, like many other immigrants, am now looking for another place to migrate to because no one wants to live in a society where they charge such high taxes as then this money goes to him who ate food alone with his family in secret.
I experienced it myself and I'm as Swedish as one can be. It's not about racism and it's not a "lie". Good job wasting your time with a video without listening to its content, just so that you can write an uneducated comment. Bravo :)
@@sayitinswedish I'll probably just go to Ireland, and I watched the whole video XD
dude wtf then leave Sweden and dont ever come back and don't ever mention that you lived in Sweden? Are you hurt that you had to leave your country and now blaming the people you seeked help from? Like jesus
Tack ! For the comments. Yes, I think it certainly is a cultural thing, in Latin American countries the fact of not offering to share the lunch or dinner with guests are terrible manners and a mean/ selfish behaviour. Moreover, there is a popular idiom: 'it is better to arrive on time than to be invited' , when someone arrives at dinner time and he/ she was not expected. The guest can say 'no, thank you' but in general, you are expected to join the family at the table if you are there at dinner time.
Polar opposites. That's the problem with people calling Swedes rude without understanding the reasons behind it. To us, it's rude to force yourself on someone and put them in a spot.
I don’t know about sweden, but in holland when i was a young kids were supposed to finish their plate. And always be home by 18.00.
When you came home with a full stomach, your parents would be angry that you accepted someone else’s food, bc the polite thing was to decline…
Nowadays it’s a subject you can talk about. I would ask my kid’s friends: do you want to stay for dinner? Then i will call your parents to ask if it’s ok.
That sounds like a sane thing to do.
The thing is ...
Usually we ( every country else ) dont ask if our guest will stay and eat with us. We just share our food. Obviously you dont get it.
@@youngminyi8071 if i do that the parents will worry bc the kid isn’t home at dinner time. And the mother will be angry when she cooked food for a kid that just didn’t show up. Why would i want to get the kid in trouble with his parents?
But if it’s my friends instead of my kid’s friend than yeah ofc i make something for everyone. It’s just not very common to not discuss it. I have to know how much food to cook bc we don’t want to throw any food away or come up short with five pieces of meat for eight ppl…
Reading you comment reminds me that my mom wouldn't like me to have dinner at my friend's house, I can't remember why, but it seems to me it was both from politeness and she making us dinner that I eventually wouldn't eat. Even if in Brazil that's the norm (to offer food), I have similar memories. The thing is, Brazil is large and multicultural, the south is very different from the north (actually each of the 5 regions are different culturally). But my mom grew up in the south, and beyond Portugueses, there migration was most from Italians, Germans, Poles and Ukrainians. As opposed to the north, with much more Portuguese, Spanish and Africans.
@@LambertTech09 i get that, with more immigrants from colder countries, the frugality and thrift that comes from food scarcity, but is often falsely interpreted as skimpy and unhospitable,is still recognisable in the south of brazil, where you are from. It’s funny how some cultural habits persist long after the necessity is gone.
According to the video, in Sweden "Everyone provide for themselves", so there is something I don't understand. Why do the Swedes like to pay one of the highest taxes in the world so that unknown people can go to university and have free medicine (which is a good thing and I'm not criticizing), yet they can't give food to the neighbor they have known for years
Well, maybe it's partially because society supports everyone through generous welfare system, so even the poorest people have means of taking care of all their needs, and therefore it's expected from people to be able to take care of such things.
From my experience it's more efficient when people take care of their meals, don't exchange expensive gifts and so on. In regard of food it also solves various issues of habit differences. For example, what people use to wash their plates and how they do it, how cooking is performed (some people find it ok to stir food with a spoon that they had used to try what they are cooking while others consider any kind of trying before serving inappropriate) e.t.c.
Also I suppose proximity has something to do with it. If you are 20 minutes away on foot from home, it's one thing; if you need to drive for 2 hours to get home, it's a different matter. I don't know what kind of behavior is expected in Sweden in such situation, but in case it's similar (giving food is not expected by default), then I might speculate that it has something to do with overall high quality of life and having enough wealth to not starve away from home. For example, being able to afford a meal at a cafe, if one can't get home fast enough. That's just a speculation. I've been to Sweden only once (or twice, if you count going to Norway and back to Sweden as 2), in 2004, so I have no idea how much things actually cost.
as a child I also went through this to sit and wait for my Swedish friend who was eating in another room. thought it was just as disgusting as now. the sad thing is that how you try to make it sound like stories, they are not stories but something many immigrants have experienced and for some strange reason you try to make it sound like a lie. I know you yourselves think it's disgusting because otherwise you wouldn't have spent so much time saying it's a lie.
Sweden is a racist country, look at the comments on social media and you will see how racist the Swedish people really think. that they have voted racists into the government only strengthens that picture.
I, like many other immigrants, am now looking for another place to migrate to because no one wants to live in a society where they charge such high taxes as then this money goes to him who ate food alone with his family in secret
how is anyone bringing up #swedengate when they're still walking into my house without taking off their shoes #howdareyou #thisisanasianhousehold #heressomeindoorsandals
The internet likes to disregard white majority countries as having cultures, but be quick to say that things from other places are cultural. I'm not white btw, nor from or in Sweden (I wish), so I don't have an agenda to push here. I'm just sad that people don't like realizing western countries aren't all on culture and that they need to viewed from the same lens of respect given to non-western countries. As someone living in the US right now, Sweden is FAR different culturally and it would be incorrect to try and view a situation through American cultural lense.
It's just sad that people will start yelling racism just because of something that is ingrained in our culture, and applies to EVERYONE. It's about expectations, and when I'm in another country, I don't expect everyone to change to please me. Even though I might feel uncomfortable, I understand that they don't have the same background as I have.
God bless you.
All of these things happened to me as a kid. I am from Canada by the way, 1. Seen as rude to eat with the family. 2. Did not prepare enough for guests. 3. Ruin child’s planned dinner. 4. Assumed already eaten.
White Canadians yes. Canadians of other backgrounds are more hospitable.
@@s_fashionlover Well, it depends on the heritage culture for example my background is most Italian, Ukrainian, and Polish we always shared but one of my friends houses his family was mostly English and Irish so, it was a different story.
In Saudi Arabia we have a common problem of some people having financial troubles for being too generous. Talk about polar opposites
Swedes can be generous in the right context. We donate A LOT of money. Those are extreme circumstances though. In normal everyday life, everyone expects to take care of themselves and we don't force ourselves onto others.
@@sayitinswedish Generosity doesn’t have context.
@@karinaabdesselam5981 Intelligence doesn't either. And if you invite people to dinner when you can't afford it, you are not intelligent.
In Philippines, if the child wanna play with their friends/classmates, then they can do that after school time. The child have to inform their parents in advance. When the child get parents approval, then they can play after class but with condition don't eat snacks to their friends house as it is very embarrassing, also come home before dinner (as it gets dark after 6pm)
To make it short, the child have to come home before dinner or else nagging will happen from parents
That's basically how we usually do it. Children will have a set time when they get home to have dinner. That's a big reason why they usually wait for their friend, if that family eats earlier.
if i didn't know this ahead of time about sweden, i would be deeply offended. but if i'm in sweden, i would respect the culture and plan accordingly. you shouldn't have to change to please the rest of the world.
This is definitely a shock from someone who came from a culture where it’s customary to offer some food like snacks or a drink to guests from your child’s visiting playmate to the plumber who came to fix your pipes. 😆
BUT what is up with inviting people to a party THEN asking them to pay for food?
That's nothing I've heard about, except if it's a very special event and the party is at a restaurant or whatever.
Those are dutch people
The good old days. Family dinner.
Explain bajstunnan! Do you make your kid's friend shit in a bag and bring it home with them? The world needs to know.
Huh...? Seriously, what??
Det är ganska löjligt att det här trendade i Storbrittanien, ett land som inte är särskilt känt för gästvänlighet och respekt för andra kulturer
Det är ganska löjligt att det trendade någonstans alls.
I'm learning Swedish and I'm just happy I understood the entire comment lol
@@miriam6184 same :P
Tack för du gick igenom det sakligt och med olika perspektiv! Så få som är nyanserade angående swedengate hahaha
Jag försöker bara förklara hur svenskar tänker.
Lol I found this whole thing very funny. My Swedish professor always told us that compared to Americans, Swedes were kinda anti-social. Honestly this makes me feel like I could fit in, in Sweden 😂
Anti-social is not the word I'd go for, but we value privacy and individualism, so it's rather seen as polite if you leave people alone.
Everyone misuses this term "anti-social". The word you're looking for is "ASOCIAL". "A-" meaning without or lack of.
This concept also lies in india i.e. ऋण/भार - this means you should not be in debt of anybody's favour whether it's money, food or either doing some bad to someone else , we have to repay those debts in next life(reborn) . So in order to attain enlightenment we don't want to be in debt of someone's favour
Butttt.....
In india we people treat guest as god (अतिथि देवो भवः) so we can not send our guest with empty stomach , we will cook even delicious food and feed them over.
So the two ideologies clashes but we live with second one cause not everyone is concerned about afterlife, rebirth and enlightenment.
Easily explainable. To 'give food' to guests is like flaunting your wealth, and that goes against jantelagen.
That is a possible reason too, yes!
I am not from Sweden but I prefer your culture. I do not want to cause a burden and I don't want to be expected to be paid back. A lot of hospitable countries expect someone to pay you back in some form, and I hate that. That also feeds into their politics of corruption: I have done this for you, and you must pay me back when I am in power. Italy can brag about how hospitable they are, but their politics have been rampant with corruption because of their hospitable, family oriented culture.
It’s not a matter of culture. It’s all about people : some of them greedy others are not. There are many open hearted and generous Swedes and there some are closed ones.
This is an established thing and nothing I've come up myself. Swedes are open and generous in general but that is another thing entirely.
He's a man who's broken his fantasy in Sweden.
What if the Swedish people changed their position and left their friends alone in the room at dinner time at a friend's house in another country?
I think it is a cultural difference that is beyond the line to be called a cultural difference.
You obviously didn't listen to the video. It's about expectations and no one expects to be fed by someone else. Furthermore, like I said in the video, each case of "waiting in the room" is different. Most people is going to have dinner at home.
Brazil mentioned 🎉
Gratitude guilt is kinda messed up.
It is but is strong.
Haha this is rediculous. I am disappointed that this could have happened, how this came about that this is questionable and how people can even talk about the culture of a country they have no idea about. But this reminded me of something and it made me laugh, when I was at a friend's house during lunch and I didn't want to eat because I was ashamed and I didn't need to, they persuaded me but to no avail and in the end his grandmother took a "stick" and "whipped" my ass (don't know to express myself differently but it's nothing terrible in my culture, i hope someone will understand me). I come from Croatia and I have to admit that there are many differences between these two cultures, probably because in my country the standard is lower and people are more dependent on each other but this now is really too much.
Sweden has been individualist for hundreds of years. We basically have no villages. Beside that, the Tacksamhetsskuld comes into play. But it's about expectations and Swedes don't expect to be fed from someone else or to show up unannounced. People just have to understand the reasons. We think people are rude when they are loud in public for instance.
@@sayitinswedish People are sometimes like sheep, sticking to what someone says without even thinking about anything. Swedish culture is perfectly fine for me and it needs to be understood first. I personally share similar views on these things but I was raised in another culture and there are differences for sure, I once found myself in an awkward situation because I did something that is normal for me and I fell out weird and in the end that little gesture cost me everything I wanted.
@@matemikulic4869 no problem for you.But why do people have do defend it with strange excuses? Just accept that most of the world think it’s strange to not give a kid food.
@@swecollector8576 I know it sounds weird and so it is to me but first we need to understand their culture and look at it from their perspective. For me it is both okay I would offer food to a child because I am so taught but of course there are always exceptions and it depends on the individual. I am sure that they would give the child food and take it out of their mouths if necessary but not in that way, then we have to look at the other side, for example, how the child's parents would feel, they might be offended because they might think they are careless or they would feel obligated ...
crazy that ur trying to justify it
Giving people cultural context doesn't mean justifying it now, does it?
Jag har aldrig upplevt detta, jag brukar bjuda gäster på mat eller fika - och när jag kommer hem till folk brukar de bjuda mig. Är det verkligen en norm att inte bjuda folk på mat?
Sometimes we just have to accept that some cultural things are not good to take it forward to another generation. I hope this inhospitability in the name of culture and individualism ends!
I think people should try and help out more BUT not needing to rely on others is definitely a good thing.
Finnaly someone tells the truth about this.
swede spotted
As an American, like you, this was always my experience. We were expected to be home at dinner time!
But were offered to eat or not?
@@swecollector8576 It was expected that everyone goes to his/her own home to eat a meal. So, of course, we didn't offer food. It's time for our friend to go home. Maybe there will be playtime (outside) after dinner if it's still light out.
Because they always was rich and Need or emjoy the food in another house maybe. They has an introvertit culture of don't disturb the others, be quiet
It's more like we don't have a tradition of sharing food. We don't really have villages and thus the farms are located far from each other. Everyone did their own farming and if you had a bad year, you would be in trouble.
One set of great grandparents were Swedish immigrants: they came to the US during WW I. My grandmother, and thus my mother, and thus me and my siblings, grew up with a polite "Your friends will need to go home, it's dinner time." This had two reasons: dinner was usually a more planned meal and there wasn't enough for extra mouths, and after cleaning up was when the kids were expected to do their homework for school. Friends were never sent home for lunch if it was the weekend or the summer, as it was pretty easy to just make another sandwich.
Me be the swdish well be bettar aftar what happen
Well, if you have a low income, and 3 kids, who all have 3 friends over every day, it gets pretty expensive to make food for everyone.
It does.
60 cents for en extra cup of rice, 2 cents for morre water in the sauce to increase the amount. And a cup of water as a drink.
So tell me how is this okay? I went to a swedish friend's house for the first time. He offered me to visit him and chat together and play some video games. He drank energy drink the whole time we were there and he didn't even offer me a cup of water! How is that okay?
Ask him. I always offer something to drink if someone is coming over.
No, that's rude. I'm Swedish and would never do that.
I think they expect you to ask if you want something.
Me to. Dont speend time on videos like this. It is propoganda.
So ridiculous and rude
Nothing else is expected by us hence it's not rude from the parent's point of view.
Thanks!
Its a HOAX thing, but I have wood to put on the bonfire!
First.. we dont starve our guests, not even small childs that visiting our own child.
Then to my memorys of being a young urban child, visiting other homes.. when they started to prepare dinner, I recon that my own family was doing the same and left. It was at this time there was no cellphones, one have to be back at home not later then dinner!
And there is more cultural differens betwen north and south europe!
We grown up in a protestant tradition, that says, you is always guilty and there is no salvation in heaven, best thing is to be poor and still do the best thing on earth!
Soo, it kind of gets to, independens, independens, independens and a fear to get in to and interfere with others independency!
One dont realy want to get a call frome other parents to stop feeding there children!
I like that this video have named "tacksamhetskuld", its a part of it, and probably a thing that make it difficult to get new swedish friend, its the same betwen swedes!
If one get invited to strangers, one supose to invite them back later, if you dont.. your a bad person and there is no salvation for you in the heaven!
If one have gotten pass this first stage, and one have get friends, there is not that much limits anymore, its more about how close friends one got.
Now to the best part, if one have real good friends one can get invited to some traditional fiestas, then swedes put our traditional "poor farmers" food on the table! A lot of brined herrings and potatoes.. or in worste case, fermented herrings!
It is just very characteristic of general twitter discussion and painfully ironic to criticise an entire country's agreed upon cultural belief/practice, to the point that it devolves into an argument about bigotry, because it is.................different from what they are used to. Hmm.
Yepp. Swedes expect a certain behavior. Others expect another behavior. Since all Swedes are in on this, it's a non-issue.
If your arey guest you are going to enjoy good with me . It's absolutely inhumane and worst kind of hospitality if you don't offer food to your guest
No it's not. If you're over for dinner, what does food has to do with anything? You're just projecting what you're used to onto other people now without listening to why others don't do it your way. If no one expects food, is it rude not to offer it?
@@sayitinswedish I mean that's the culture that has devloped so understandable. In my country if someone comes to your house , it's very obvious that you should atleast offer them something to eat , like when my friend used to come to my house for video games he has to atleast eat snacks. The main thing here is offering. I can't eat it someone if my guest is atleast not offered as well .
I hope whats hapen now to swdish they well behve the gast bettar at there home
This clickbait tho! Unsubscribe immediately 🤮
Trying things out. Already changed it. That's what you have to do in this business.
The parents might not have enough money... bad excuse, here in Latin America people that hardly have any food will share it with a guest. As an adult, I wouldn't even dream of having dinner without inviting a guest, even more if such guest is a child, I would let the kid eat my food gladly.
It's only one of many possible reasons. Our whole culture revolves about individualism and not put pressure on others.
@@sayitinswedish what pressure do you mean?
How much do your country donate too other countrys?
How much taxes to you pay that goes to other People food and rent?
We in sweden are far from cheap we pay more than enough to other people
Maybe that is why so many people in South America are poor? Too dumb to think of themselves first. IF you have a fixed income and can only pay for just enough food for your family to eat, you are an idiot to invite other people to dinner.
lol, not true. Sweden has a high standard of living.
Grow up. Stop whinging....
liked the video but using a blonde woman in a bikini as clickbait ain't it, sir
Everything about this is clickbait. But that's how you get the explanation out. Or else people would keep believing the sensational headlines and rather watch videos of dogs pulling funny faces.