0:30 exaggerated perfectionism 1:04 Ruminating round problems instead of attempting to solve problems, even if it means accepting nothing you can do about the truly worst situations 1:12 Comparing your lives to others, feeling 'less than' resulting in Inferiority Complex 2:02 excessively blaming yourselves with too much intensity and frequency in proportion to the problem 2:38 completely giving up and surrendering to depression, instead of trying to learn how to increase your emotional intelligence. What non-professionals call Victim Mentality 3:16 Inferiority Complex about physical appearance 3:35 Unconscious, defensive, psychological projection 4:06 Excessive focus on the past, especially mistakes, emotionally beating yourselves up instead of learning from them
I'll try pull relevant simple philosophy maxims for each or something useful Perfectionism: "Strive for perfection. Always. Do not get sent under or chuck tantrums if you cannot achieve nor receive it. If absolutely necessary, no choice, accept the lesser evil"- The Horseshoe Party UK Rumination: Once you've learned all lessons you can from whatever incident, it's time to move on. "The past only exists in footage and memories. The future as far as we know, is not decided yet. The only time is NOW, always" - The Horseshoe Party UK Inferiority Complex: Uncommon Knowledge UK video about it. Separate your feelings from the facts. So what if someone has x y z. You're you. All you can ever do is be the best you! Self-shame and guilt: you are bullying yourself, likely as a result of others doing it. If you had a loved one in this situation, would you treat them this way? Likely no. You are allowed to like yourself. Just not be overly arrogant. Quote by Simon Sinek: "Confidence is believing in yourself. Arrogance is treating others as subhuman. Confidence inspires. Arrogance destroys". There is some overlap, but they're not the same. False Equivalence: "A Labrador is exactly the same species as a Komodo Dragon. Truly. After all they both have a face, eyes, mouth, nose, torso, four limbs, claws and a tail" Depression: Carol Dweck Growth Mindset is a good place to start. Also ATM I'm loving Mark Manson's video 'The Backwards Law'. Also watch for people trying to drag you into their Groupthink, Crab-Bucket mentality. Inferiority Complex: See previous, though it's a good chance to drop Epictetus: "Who is my master? He who decides who I do or do not like". He was born into slavery, and became one of the most popular, sought out Stoic philosophers of Ancient Rome. He was BAD Psychological Projection: No advice but I like the Everyday Health article about it. Final one, see self shame. Also "even when you think about the past, you're doing it NOW aren't you?" - Alan Watts. Further quotes: "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst" - often cited to Aurelius, but no clear evidence. Possibly Disraeli. "What stands in the way becomes the way." - Aurelius "Obsessively hating your enemies is like you drinking poison, and expecting them to die" - often attributed to Buddha, no clear sources, also Maya Angelous and more. "Be water" Bruce Lee's Philosophy massively oversimplified "If you're going through Hell, the best course of action is keep going through" "Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong" - Sir Winston Churchill - a very mixed character, did some terrible things, great things, pithy quotes. Also terrible at maths! "Don’t depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness" - Ibn Taymiyyah. ""The saying "where there is a will there is a way", is not accurate, often unhelpful, and can even encourage delusion. However, "without will, the ways will never be found" is more accurate and helpful" - The Horseshoe Party UK "Desire is making a contract with yourself to be unhappy, until you get what you want" - Naval Ravikant.
@@TheHorseshoePartyUK Wow, that's deep! Quite a lot for anyone to get through though! Seems worth it. I think? Oh I'm tired after thinking about all that 😂😂
@@michaelchildish That person is narcissists. People like that use psychology only to learn how to abuse other people - not to tackle nor to resolve their own mental issues.
Yup. For me, it gives me a sense of control, I guess. And I'm not the villain for saying others did it and don't look like the victim. Instead, I push the faults on myself.
@@38kenaly You're not the problem here. OP of comment is in dire need of proper therapy it seems. The logic is "I did this to myself, my bad, no need to be terrified of the world" when more accurate is "Not my fault, yet always my responsibility to deal with all my own problems, no matter who's fault it is" Instead, Cognitive Dissonance. I've been through a fair bit in this life, and unlike the vast majority of people you see online saying Do YoUr OwN ReSeArCh I actually know how, and constantly challenge my own beliefs and Confirmation Bias, checking for Logical Fallacies too, and slowly learning more of those as I go too. End result: It appears that in stable countries, violent crime is extremely unlikely to happen to people. I think it was Sweden, where 1% of the population were responsible for 63% of all violent crimes. Those numbers themselves were very, very low out of the total population. Then I had a nosey at UK crime stats, and it seems there, it's a minority, of the 'criminal' grouping itself, who are disproportionately prolific offenders doing anything from anti-social behaviour to violence. Most people are good. Many are not clear thinkers, and justify nasty behaviour online, as what they see as good intent. Don't let the news, social media, and Groupthink, bandwagon fallacy, echo chambers make you think the world is truly terrible, is the main message I'm trying to get to people here, not just you like :) Something appallingly ironic happens if you get addicted to social media like this. You think the world is a cruel place, stay on socials, poison your mind more, and it gets worse and worse. At minimum, BAM Major Depression even in otherwise 'healthy' people, and stokes political extremism every which way at once.
@The Horseshoe Party UK i don't understand why people have to show how smart they are. This post was meant for the video creator not to impose my thought process on anyone. We all go through phases of healing then falling and then healing life is not a straight line . I have been in therapy and I do take medication and yes I know ita not my fault but sometimes the post is how I think I don't understand why someone who went through another trauma whould come and be like sexual abuse was my fault ofcourse its not there are millions of different trauma
@Kenneth Torres did I say I ehat trauma I went through? Why I think like that? Did I ask you to think like I think? Did I say I went through sex abuse? There are different kinds of traumas ,different situations like domestic voilence etc . Im not saying this is right im just posting my thought process not saying this is how you should feel
i am truly the worst critic of myself. nothing i ever do is good enough and i'm sure it somehow stems from childhood, but i'm sick of it. i want to make music but everytime i finish a song i like it for a moment, then listen back and am disgusted by the entire thing and scrap it. this video was spot on for me, thanks doc
My therapist helped me realize that my inner critic was directly linked or "influenced" by two particular people in my life. Notice the patterns and question how people speak to you. What is their true intent. People will be passive aggressive, overly critical under a guise of being "concerned" when really all they are doing is attempting to make you feel ashamed/embarrassed/lesser than they are. Do yourself a favor and kindly remove those people from your life and focus on the people who are genuinely kind and encouraging to you. Do your best to catch yourself when those old, mean voices pop back up and rework them into positive encouragement. ✨️
"Do yourself a favor and kindly remove those people from your life and focus on the people who are genuinely kind and encouraging to you." You are totally correct to externalize inner critic - however people who have issues with inner critic and psychological well being - cannot remove themselves from toxic ambient. That is the core problem,, that is all problem. Which CBT does not explain at all - CBT does not talk about socio-economic issues like having money, shelter, safety/security and not being able to leave toxic job or toxic relationships. Femicide statistics are real - women and men are being killed if they leave toxic partner. Depp was almost destroyed by his lover psychopath. Also - everything is contextual. Sometimes we make mistakes and it is natural to feel inner critic voice. In this case, it would not be fair to blame other people around us for the crap we done in the first place. IT is normal healthy to admit mistake and amend it - not to insist to blame other people.
@@ranc1977 I can agree that sometimes people need to be called out on things. However, if someone in your life is continuously belittling you, talking poorly of you, making you feel terrible about yourself for everything you do wrong.. especially if what is "wrong" is you just not doing what they think you should be... then they need to go. Looking out for someone shouldn't involve being cruel and condescending. It sends the message that love = abuse and that it's okay for people to tear us down for who we are, because they can't accept us for who we are, they want us to become what they think we should be. That's not fair. I'm all about meeting people where they are at and being encouraging when they take steps to better themselves. That's just my experience.
I recently learned about self sabotage. I wasn't even aware of my critical thoughts. The first step was acknowledging the problem, and separating them from yourself, acknowledging that this thought isn't necessarily true. When I have a critical thought, I've learned to say "I'm having the thought that." I'm grateful for all of the resources that's helped me on my journey.
A concept that is definitely real despite the name, with both mental health and societal implications: Self-fulfilling prophecy. It can be good, bad, or a mix of both. "I believe X, so I will behave as Y, the results of my behaviour Z prove my prediction was correct" to oversimplify
"When I have a critical thought, I've learned to say "I'm having the thought that."" I am not sure that this is healthy. From psychological knowledge we have - any reaction to anxiety will form OCD issues. Anything in life is contextual. Imagine if you have made some error - deliberately or by mistake. Inner critic will appear as SuperEgo actually - and you will label this voice of reason as delusion and you will reject and suppress it with "I'm having the thought that." Now imagine what this will do to your social life and your ethical standards. Other people will hate you and be disgusted by you - for not owning your own mistakes, not being man enough to own errors you done, you will build narcissistic superior persona who is not allowed to make any mistakes, that is not allowed to show any mistakes and that is not allowed to admit any mistakes - it is road to mental illness and criminal acts. Because once you start ignoring your mistakes and flaws - you are on the road to become psychopath. You will simply rationalize and explain away anything that causing you to feel fear, anxiety, hurt, pain. All emotions are valid. Stifling down emotions and labeling them as inner critic is bad take. Inner critic - if you perceive it as enemy, as some force that you need to fight and engage battle in - you will create more of drama and chaos, not less. You will spend time, money and focus on civil war inside your head. Totally dysfunctional and unhealthy path to take. Psychology ought to explain us this in detail, but CBT is therapy of errors and narcissism so CBT doesn't explain at all. Instead CBT instructs us to build walls and spend money on pharma mafia to farm our neurosis into someone's bank account while we become zombie and obedient slave to covert abusers masked as authority. Inner critic - Jung said what we resist will persist. When we notice that we have doubts, criticism and shame - instead of dismissing it and ignoring it and stifling it down as you decided to destroy your mental health - the correct path is to have empathy towards ourselves ,as we have to other people. Everything is contextual - we need to become Sherlock Holms, scientist in a laboratory and investigate what is happening, why we feel criticism, from where it stems from. 1) is it coming from triggers and flashbacks from untreated unprocessed trauma, deep core belief we are unable to take care of ourselves 2) is it actual threat - are we in presence of pathological liar who is dumping criticism and unrealistic expectations on us - can we cut contact immediately with such covert psychopaths 3) is it Charcot Hysteria - deep seated conditioning, where there are no triggers and flashbacks but only our toxic habit where we learned as kids to worry and ruminate as habit in order to please and fix emotions of untreated mentally ill people in authority around us at the time If we understand inner critic as trauma - and we learn more about trauma, we will not live in spasm of total defense, living in survival mode as you made yourself believe that is ok due to CBT which is therapy of errors and wrong instructions that actually promote mental illness. Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠, TWITTER: The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.
@@ranc1977 I highly recommend you rewrite that into something more concise. I love a long well-nuanced read and also write lengthy comments. That is literally twice or three times the size of my longest comments. If I don't have the time to do more than skim that, nearly all of UA-cam won't get past the first line. Eg to wildly oversimplify my reply to you concisely: I think you have good intent but perhaps not quite grasped the point of this video. There is a world of difference between having a moral code yet not spiralling into a catastrophising self-loathing anxiety-ridden nervous wreck, as opposed to being a nasty Dark Personality who thinks morals and ethics are for the weak. False Equivalence: A goldfish is exactly the same as a great white shark, for they both live in water and breathe via gills. "Confidence is believing in yourself. Arrogance is treating others as sub-human. Confidence inspires, arrogance destroys" to paraphrase Simon Sinek.
@@TheHorseshoePartyUK "I highly recommend you rewrite that into something more concise." So basically in this video about inner critic you spread your criticism, your arrogance and your narcissistic entitlement where you see yourself superior enough to demand and order people around what they ought to write? "That is literally twice or three times the size of my longest comments." Thank you. "If I don't have the time to do more than skim that, nearly all of UA-cam won't get past the first line." If you do not have time to treat your mental illness, then you are in victim mode, like any narcissist - vulnerable narcissists to be exact. You like to wallow in pity, self pity and seek others to gloom and catastrophize and criticize others around, as a way that narcissists feel good inside and seek worth by putting other people down while never examining your own shadow and sickness and pathology that stems from covert narcissism. "I think you have good intent but perhaps not quite grasped the point of this video." I disagree with you. "There is a world of difference between having a moral code yet not spiralling into a catastrophising self-loathing" Yes, for a narcissists it is dangerous place to examine trauma. It is much easier to treat you tube commentators as sub human and slaves and order them around what and how they ought to write their comments. I like this quotes myself: "It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness." Leo Tolstoy An individual with grandiose delusions believes they have a great unrecognized talent or knowledge, for example, they may be a special messenger, guru, or God. Delusional disorder DK How Psychology Works "The belief that one's own view of reality is the only reality is the most dangerous of all delusions." Paul Watzlawick
@@ranc1977 Really? I'm an arrogant narcissist just because I ruffled your feathers slightly with a polite and valid criticism? Yet here is your reaction smearing someone you know nothing about. Your Cognitive Biases are: Groupthink, Anchoring Bias, Streetlamp Effect, Availability Heuristics Bias, Group Attribution Error, and Negativity Bias. Your Logical Fallacies are: Ad hominem - character attacks which are either totally irrelevant to the matter at hand or outright untrue. Strawman - misrepresent the opponents argument, beat that, then act like you won. Appeal to Emotion - manipulation of the audience's or victim's emotions without any substantial evidence for your claim. Appeal to Authority - In this instance acting like quotes by noted people which agree with your pre-conceptions and biases, are at all relevant to the debate. Defensive Psychological Projection: Hilariously over-reacting to even polite criticism as you try tell me I'm the problem. Covert Hypersensitive Narcissist detected. I suggest you get some help for that, before it's too late to ever come back from.
See Uncommon Knowledge UK channel featuring Mark Tyrrell. Vids: Anxiety, Panic. OCD is more tricky and beyond my abilities at this time, sorry. I think I heard a variation on DBT can help with it. Also I'm loving loving loving Mark Manson's Backwards Law video.
@@TheHorseshoePartyUK What is the role of the rescuer on the Drama Triangle? The definition of Rescuer in the Drama Triangle is someone who seems to be striving to solve a victim's problems but in fact does so in ways that result in the victim having less power, with the rescuer benefiting more than the victim.
@@ranc1977 After your totally fact devoid LIES about me and my reputation with constant Proof by Assertion fallacy and other circular reasoning and logical fallacies, I'm not at all interested in speaking to you. Get some Facts, Critical Thinking & debate skills, get some banter skills, or go away. You're utterly irrelevant to me otherwise.
There is never a straight line towards a goal. Failure, bad results from life decisions and emotional ups and downs are part of a life’s journey. Recognise the bliss of the present moment. Embrace every emotional moment. That’s what makes us human. If the world were to fall apart we would resort to day to day survival and recognising the joy of each day regardless of our decisions.
Bingo! thanks 4 sharing, I wasn't diagnosed with autism till I was 52 three years ago. This video is a state of mind that is hard to escape when peeling back the delusional mask of the past " how does anyone get past "just not getting it at a normal level. " I've watched many of your again thanks 4 sharing....
I cannot express to you how much I needed this video today. Thank you so much for continuing to make these videos, they help me immensely and I will be forever grateful to you, Dr Marks 💚
"Cant wait to part two." Spoiler: develop self worth. All trauma, inner critic stems from our deep hidden covert hate towards ourselves. This is conditioned, deep seated hypnosis that we are not aware of consciously but it comes to surface with Charcot Hysteria outlets which we label as "Inner Critic". Self worth, self love, self validation - all basis of Humanistic Psychology states exactly that : that the basis for mental health and functioning in this life is to have strong intrinsic locus of control, which means high ethical standards and common sense. Unfortunately self help gurus turn this self love concept into affirmations and other worthless crap which they charge a lot to learn about. Self love, self worth is like peeling onion layer - it is not easy task, it takes time and it will uncover a lot of hidden and forgotten and stifled trauma, grudge, rancour really that we repressed, ignored in order to fit in into sick Trump narcissistic society filled with psychopaths like Putin who will never seek mental health even though they are criminally insane. Living in such toxic society, no wonder we internalized deep seated hate towards ourselves, which we cover up with toxic habits. I like this quote available on you tube: We have this idea that what is normal is also healthy and natural. In this culture the norm is neither healthy nor it is natural. In fact, a norm is making us sick. YT Gabor Matè Tom Bilyeu
The breakdown of the signs of an overly harsh inner critic is so relatable and eye-opening! It's striking how we can be our own toughest critics, setting unrealistic goals and then beating ourselves up for not meeting them. I really appreciated the example of comparing ourselves to others or feeling guilty about past decisions, really hit home. They show just how much our inner critic can affect our self-esteem and happiness. Your approach of acknowledging these patterns and then learning to confront them with self-compassion is both encouraging and practical. This is such crucial info for our mental well-being!
I've spent decades believing that I was hating myself from the very beginning. And maybe I _was_ hating myself. But if I was, it was because of a fundamental misunderstanding that I was having with myself. The fact is, I would never have wanted to be "him". Not for anything that you could name, could I ever have wanted to be him. No, not under _these_ conditions. Not under _these_ circumstances. (I have learned that circumstances are everything.) Even so, unexpectedly there came this moment in which I was able to finally recognize the fact that through no fault of our own, I was *forced* to be him. But it's my simple recognition of that fact that makes it possible for me to (empathetically) regard the both of us for the perfect victims that we actually are. Indeed, it's a perfect (existential) victimization isn't it.
Aww I cannot wait for the second part. It's the first video I see from you that shows only the problem without suggestions for improving. I'm struggling with tons of self criticism right now and I wish I could have your advice.
Excellent video, thank you Dr. Marks. Your succinct explanations are extremely helpful. EVERYONE should watch this video. Love the graphics on this too!
10000% relate to everything in this video. having a hard time convincing myself that i am capable and am enough. i just cant see myself any other way anymore. looking forward to part 2.
Thank you Dr Marks. I really identify with this video. You always explain things so clearly. Thank you so much for your Utube Productions. I always share your words of wisdom with others.
Hmmm I was told I was overly critical about myself. These descriptions aren’t exactly how I think or speak. However, I’m definitely on the spectrum of it. The perfectionism, past mistakes and harping on them and spending years blaming myself, and lack of self compassion, guilt and self loathing for sure.
Look this the video ive been needing for years. Thank you so much for this cause my inner critic is such a jerk and I needed something to really teach me how to stop it. Thank you so much for this
I was bullied a lot when I was a child. It ended with me, blaming myself for every nature disaster, war, death and other horrible things happening. I thought the whole world hated me because of this.
The guilt is one of the worst things I deal with on a daily basis. My logical brain knows I shouldn't feel this way, but I'm not sure how to stop it. The intense guilt gets to be downright soul-crushing and sometimes I just want to give up on life because of it.
It's really great to see how your videos have improved looking back from the beginning. It shows how you've gotten better with practice! I hope other creators see this and take heart. 🥰
Dr.!!! I wish I can hug you! I just watched a different video that 3yrs old and it has given me hope! 😁 Unfortunately, I found that video after losing a great friend. I was ignorant to mental health and I didn't know myself and I did much wrong to her.. These videos are helping me understand why I acted as I did. Ill be study these videos religiously! Thank you and God bless -seriuosly- THANK YOU 🙏
Excited for part 2! Thank you Doc, my question as a trauma survivor, how do you balance/train/work with your inner critic to lighten up when it has been VERY right in the past?
I clicked on this video just to say I love your hair. It’s hard to resist everytime I see your thumbnails. Sadly I don’t like conversations like this but your hair is gorgeous. 😊😊
Right on time video…that appreciated…THXS🤗👏🏽👏🏽 You hit this right on the “inner critical harsh nose” Ouch🤕 but in a good learning “truths” about oneself way🤔with good examples to deceibe each point! Will review🧐& intake part two too.
Dr Tracey can you make a video to help people make a decision whether to stay in a job or not? My job has been depressing me for so long, but I earn too much to throw it away. So it feels like I'm choosing a lot of money versus better mental health. But quitting feels like the irrational move.
" I hate my inner critic" That is paradox. Inner critic stems from deep seated self hatred which we internalized from our toxic ambient while growing up. You can't heal hate with hate. Instead try to love it and accept it. See it like wound that hurts and screams for help, that needs long forgotten and never received nurture, care and empathy. If we look at it logically - inner critic is actually telling us to be good, nice, perfect, without mistakes - to fit into groupthink, conformism and society , society which is actually mentally sick like Trump or Putin. The goal of inner critic is to fit into abuse, to crap fit into abuse. Anything in life - whatever we say or do - is double binding. In this reality - we live in dualistic universe. Anything we say or do can be criticized and labeled as wrong - even though it really isn't wrong at all. It can be labeled and explained as wrong, due to double binding or dualism. This is the secret which CBT is not explaining us. Instead CBT joins into hysteria and uses its own criticism to paradoxically explain us criticism. Narcissists, psychopaths, abusers, manipulators, Machiavellians, emotional vampires, parasites - they all know this hidden secret: that anything in life can be labeled as wrong. Since we are not pathologically sick in the head - we play fair and we listen to authority and we do not question what authority claims and explains us as reality. This way we are in Milgram Experiment - where authority can instruct us to commit crimes and explain it as good and nice and productive. Being in such toxic environment - inner critic can actually be good voice that warns and alert us that we are being manipulated and controlled by sick people around us. This is very complex matter for anyone who never dared to think outside of box and realize the sick world we live in - but - It all comes down to this, plain and simple: Due to our high moral and ethical standards we are trying to be good and nice - but this makes us target to exploit. With our urge to be good and nice and obedient - we become like puppet on the string for covert abusers to exploit us - and again - due to our high moral and ethical standards we become blind and we do not see what is happening behind the curtain. Now the only voice that gets through to wake us up from this manipulation is surpassingly and surprisingly: inner critic. CBT as official medical mechanism ought to explain this in detail - but it doesn't. CBT deliberately protects crony Trump narcissistic psychopathic machinery that exploit us and make us into obedient slaves - so CBT gives us half information - mostly based on more criticism and self blame to paradoxically explain criticism and self blame - just enough information to keep our head above the water so that we do not drown. Inner critic is here as a jester, it is alarm system from our subconsciousness telling us that we are in toxic ambient - and that we need to wake up and start believing in ourselves. Inner critic tells us that we do not trust ourselves and that we place our worth in external reference locus of control.
@@ranc1977 Yup. The inner critic doesn't need hating. It's just the brain backfiring ironically in communication breakdown with itself. To hate the inner critic is to be the inner critic of your own inner critic and oh no I've gone crosseyed. Recommendations: The book about Anger by Buddhist Master Thich Nhat Hanh. He also has some talks on UA-cam. Dr Tracey's follow-up vid to this one. Carol Dweck's Growth vs Fixed Mindset, Uncommon Knowledge UK vid on Inferiority Complex, also the work of Mark Manson. He's a bit uncouth and rough for some people's tastes. He's no professional but a highly intelligent writer with an interest in Philosophy and Psychology. Relevant here is his article on the 'Feedback Loop from Hell'
Unconsciously yeah I feel this way it’s due my first break up I feel a harsh inner critic is because of my father’s harsh inner critiques the way he speaks to himself even in front of the toilet or even the bathroom
Thanks for posting this Dr Tracy. I can relate to some of the points including the not always satisfied part. I'm learning how to enjoy life without the likes of falling into those habits. It is a bit of a struggle but I'll get there ☺.
Another infinitely helpful video! Concise yet so informative, without using complicated jargon, or ideas in a complex way. Very helpful in discussing the different treatments and known advise about the videos topic, with giving any medical advice. With acceptance and growing discussion about mental health worldwide, this channel is invaluable, so thank you Dr. Marks! Also, would you consider doing livestreams again? ❤
@@Passions5555 priorities. She thinks that she can travel around Europe and see the world and then she would have time to go home and establish a long term relationship, as if time doesn’t exist. It just her thoughts seemed naive and immature to think she can have everything she wants whenever she wants. And now she’s lonely with a cat.
I have most of this (but not all of it). Most of it is due to lots of trauma and messing up due to my untreated ADHD D: Hoping to get meds soon and finally being able to improve smth. I lack the energy otherwise and therapy never helped me since I was a kid. I know what to do, but can't do what I know. I also know about the cognitive distortions and all that, but it feels like my brain is doing all of this stuff on its own and I lack control over it :( But thank you so much for this video
I learned that this "Inner critic" actually is 1) complex trauma - trauma stuck inside our body 2) hypnosis - repetition of criticism when our brain was forming 3) brain injury - long term exposure to narcissistic abuse causes brain fissure, brain wound observable in brain scan Narcissistic abuse: constant and relentless criticism, nagging, complaining, constant: coercion, manipulation, lying. 4) conditioning - discovered by Skinner's box - being exposed to untreated mentally ill person(s) 5) toxic ambient 6) Maslow need not being met: shelter, finances, security/safety not being present. The one common characteristic of all of these is - that inner critic is not inner at all. It stems from external factor, socio-economic issues which are never ever mentioned by CBT since CBT is run by Trump crony corporations who are causing socio-economic issues in the first place. The mainstream media, Trump-like medical industry, crony capitalism tends to blame us - even when talking about self blame like this inner critic issue. As if we are responsible and to blame for blaming ourselves and having self blame mechanism inside us. This way psychiatry is causing serious psychological damage to ourselves since CBT will explain us that our character trait is producing inner critic, that our persona is flawed and that we have control of this "inner critic". In reality - it is not. Think of inner critic like in lame sci-fi violent movie from 1987 called "The Hidden" where alien parasite is infesting random citizens and causing them to wreck havoc. Instead of using self blame to treat self blame, instead of deficiency motivation which is CBT itself - I would go into direction of externalizing our problems. It all comes down to simple elements of psyche: if we are not violent, if we are not serial killers, if we are not anti-social, if we are not having any kind of hidden agenda, covert manipulation mechanism to harm and cause damage to others or anyone at all - we are not sick. Any problem we are experiencing is trauma being caused by untreated mentally ill people around us who will never seek professional help for their untreated and undiagnosed psychopathy.
I agree, but I also want to overcome all those things and feel good about my life. Today, I have a great life, but my own criticism is bringing me down, very very low. I understand that my generation will not live to see a better world, but why take this as a personal problem? We should do our best, at least try, or else our existence in this world will not have any meaning.
The story line about the woman that goes to europe is a very common trope that misogynists use. They especially use one about the woman being too to find love. Your inner critic can use it in your own life.
I also give up easily because failing at something makes me toxically angry. Also I don't believe that life and circumstances are against me, I KNOW it. My view of the world is based on my experiences, and life does seem to be against me so what else would I believe would happen other than that? If life wasn't filled with shit and society wasn't filled with dicks I'd be fine. I am literally not the problem.
My comment to Nicole is keep on being deleted and censored when I reply to her so I am forced to write my reply here on the main thread. Nicole said that we ought to leave toxic people. That is true - but reality is that with fears and inhibitions this is mission impossible due to trauma bonding. Here is my banned and repeatedly censored reply to her: ". especially if what is "wrong" is you just not doing what they think you should be... then they need to go. " Again, you are absolutely correct. But you need to understand that people who suffer from "inner critic" also have bad environment around them - no money, and deep core sense of toxic shame and extreme social anxiety - these are only some of the blocks which prevent them from realizing that they can go in the first place - and without money and security they cannot go at all. For example - I had issues with people pleasing and fawning for large part of my life. CBT never explained it that way - CBT instructed me to engage in useless battles with fears and other failed techniques which only CBT can produce. So it is only last year that I discovered , after learning about humanistic psychology - that I can actually say online, on twitter for example "I disagree with you" or that I can block someone. Just think about it for a moment what this means. People who have trauma, inner critic - has this blockages and hypnosis, hangs up and being stuck, beliefs about being nice and good - that it is like veil over your face which distorts your reality. There are two blockages which prevent cutting contact with toxic people: 1) hypnosis, conditioning 2) external elements such as poverty, debt, financial problems which prevent people from quitting their toxic job, any kind of narcissistic abuse. These two things CBT does not cover at all. CBT ignores it. CBT also claims - well if something is bad in your life - just quit it. Well - they can't. And now we have problem to solve: How to help someone who cannot quit toxic ambient? How to survive in toxic ambient? I see solution once again in Humanistic psychology. It is about validation of anyone who is stuck in toxic ambient with toxic people. That is the first step which CBT never displays. CBT instead goes to the path of instructing self pathology anyone who seeks genuine help. Without self worth, without self love - we cannot move on with our lives. When we take care of ourselves, we can slowly cut ties with toxic people, build finances and plan to relocate. This is different approach than simply saying cold assertation which is CBT: Leave and go away from narcissistic abuse and toxic people around you.
It has been true, it hits different when the thing you fear someone thinks about you turns out to be true. For instance, I don’t think I am handsome and then got strung around by another girl. I believed I’m not good looking enough and that’s what she thought about me when I asked for the truth lmao
I’ve tried figuring this out, but what’s the difference between your inner critic and hearing voices can your inner critic cause you to hurt yourself? Mine tells me I’m not good enough and tells me to hurt myself is that the same thing?
Just wondering if aloneness has a influence on the mental health issues Like living alone while recovering from surgeries, no one in the house to help manage the recovery
This is great but can customize this in a format for kids and how they allow their inner critic to sabotage their lives? My daughter struggles with this.
Recommendations: Carol Dweck Growth Mindset, Mark Tyrrell of Uncommon Knowledge UK's vid on Inferiority Complex are good places to start. Also I did a timestamp comment where I dumped a load of Philosophy maxims and tips you might like? It's a lot though and it's not getting many likes 😂😂
To push back on point one what if its true? I feel i m gonna pause and do this at every point cause i m pretty sure i ll check most if not all of your points (my shrink will die on this hill) i'm dealing with a number of issues both intrinsic and extrinsic, amongst the intrinsic ones a fair number of psychological issues* that LITTERALLY paralyses me and make it impossible to even begin attempting to study. It has for now (i m 26) destroyed my higher education (i had no problems up to college even though i d LITTERALLY never opened a textbook or studied thanks to my hiq which turned out to be a curse and i m in a positiion now where i have the occasion to earn my degrees in physics from home (alliviating much of the social anxiety issues) but i can't. I just can't. So i do constantly criticize myself, feel guilty and anxious (thats a hell of an understatement) but i feel the criticisms are legitimate even though they are psychologically damaging. I can't do what i should be easily able to and whats expected of anyone in my position. Being a scientist at heart and passionate about most areas of science, especially psychology, i am pretty well educated -for an amateur- on the topic, i ve been though countless lectures and papers (including peer reviewed) about my situation, i understand the neurobiology at work and thats its much deeper and mlre serious then "pull yourself together" but still, i can't do what i wish i could and what i could have done if nlt for my psycological situation, and thats my point. I do make myself suffer probably far more then i should, but a) i have no control over it b) its been that way for years and its worse now because i ve progressed a bit in my therapy and have let it come to the surface so repressing it would be counterproductive c) i don't see any way out or any possibility of improvement d) it is legit and deserved, sais my emotional side, and he doesn't give a f*** about what the rational logical intellectual me sais, thats one of the few problems i can't think myself out of So? *(major/persistant depression, SEVERE adhd and HIQ (i really believe the high iq is a disability in my case not an asset it intellectulises and exacerbates every negative thing) a few of the dy's including dyslexia and dyspraxia, major anxiety issues that lead me to the darkest places one can think of...)
Growth Mindset is a good place to start. Discovered and amplified by Carol S Dweck. Else I LOVE the Mark Manson 'the backwards law' video. It's normal to have some glitches in our thoughts, which Mark Manson has an article calling the Feedback Loop from hell. angry about being angry about being angry. Anxious about being anxious about being anxious. I like to think only the most intelligent suffer that Loop the most. Else, Uncommon Knowledge UK video on Inferiority Complex did me a lot of good. Also his work on Anxiety. He's like the closest I've seen to a real practising therapist on UA-cam that goes in-depth into what you need to know.
@@DrTraceyMarks I'm in medical school at last year. Can i be a good doctor or the disease will affect me . Did u see a doctors with bipolar 2 they have a stable life and job ?
Why can't I ever feel mad? This is killing me .Someone can come up to me and spit on my face and I won't feel angry in my body and it feels horrible ,anger is part of the human experience
After reading your comment, It peaked my interest. I want to know more about your experience. But this IS UA-cam and their can b trolls. Anyways, hang in there. I go back and forth between two extremes. If I could find a balance, I would have more peace in my life. If you have to, plz stand up for yourself if necessary. Sincerely Rae.
It's awkward when you know someone thinks something about you that you didn't say out loud. If it's true though - that they do think that about you - then???? Where's the line there? Is it now something we should seek to change?
Love and prayers for this wonderful Doctor. Her work has been a great blessing in this viewer's life.
Same here 🤗
Agreed
Yes. God bless Dr. Marks!
indeed
0:30 exaggerated perfectionism
1:04 Ruminating round problems instead of attempting to solve problems, even if it means accepting nothing you can do about the truly worst situations
1:12 Comparing your lives to others, feeling 'less than' resulting in Inferiority Complex
2:02 excessively blaming yourselves with too much intensity and frequency in proportion to the problem
2:38 completely giving up and surrendering to depression, instead of trying to learn how to increase your emotional intelligence. What non-professionals call Victim Mentality
3:16 Inferiority Complex about physical appearance
3:35 Unconscious, defensive, psychological projection
4:06 Excessive focus on the past, especially mistakes, emotionally beating yourselves up instead of learning from them
I'll try pull relevant simple philosophy maxims for each or something useful
Perfectionism: "Strive for perfection. Always. Do not get sent under or chuck tantrums if you cannot achieve nor receive it. If absolutely necessary, no choice, accept the lesser evil"- The Horseshoe Party UK
Rumination: Once you've learned all lessons you can from whatever incident, it's time to move on. "The past only exists in footage and memories. The future as far as we know, is not decided yet. The only time is NOW, always" - The Horseshoe Party UK
Inferiority Complex: Uncommon Knowledge UK video about it. Separate your feelings from the facts. So what if someone has x y z. You're you. All you can ever do is be the best you!
Self-shame and guilt: you are bullying yourself, likely as a result of others doing it. If you had a loved one in this situation, would you treat them this way? Likely no. You are allowed to like yourself. Just not be overly arrogant.
Quote by Simon Sinek: "Confidence is believing in yourself. Arrogance is treating others as subhuman. Confidence inspires. Arrogance destroys". There is some overlap, but they're not the same.
False Equivalence: "A Labrador is exactly the same species as a Komodo Dragon. Truly. After all they both have a face, eyes, mouth, nose, torso, four limbs, claws and a tail"
Depression: Carol Dweck Growth Mindset is a good place to start. Also ATM I'm loving Mark Manson's video 'The Backwards Law'. Also watch for people trying to drag you into their Groupthink, Crab-Bucket mentality.
Inferiority Complex: See previous, though it's a good chance to drop Epictetus: "Who is my master? He who decides who I do or do not like". He was born into slavery, and became one of the most popular, sought out Stoic philosophers of Ancient Rome. He was BAD
Psychological Projection: No advice but I like the Everyday Health article about it.
Final one, see self shame. Also "even when you think about the past, you're doing it NOW aren't you?" - Alan Watts.
Further quotes: "Hope for the best, prepare for the worst" - often cited to Aurelius, but no clear evidence. Possibly Disraeli.
"What stands in the way becomes the way." - Aurelius
"Obsessively hating your enemies is like you drinking poison, and expecting them to die" - often attributed to Buddha, no clear sources, also Maya Angelous and more.
"Be water" Bruce Lee's Philosophy massively oversimplified
"If you're going through Hell, the best course of action is keep going through"
"Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong" - Sir Winston Churchill - a very mixed character, did some terrible things, great things, pithy quotes. Also terrible at maths!
"Don’t depend too much on anyone in this world because even your own shadow leaves you when you are in darkness" - Ibn Taymiyyah.
""The saying "where there is a will there is a way", is not accurate, often unhelpful, and can even encourage delusion.
However, "without will, the ways will never be found" is more accurate and helpful" - The Horseshoe Party UK
"Desire is making a contract with yourself to be unhappy, until you get what you want" - Naval Ravikant.
@@TheHorseshoePartyUK Wow, that's deep! Quite a lot for anyone to get through though! Seems worth it. I think? Oh I'm tired after thinking about all that 😂😂
@@michaelchildish That person is narcissists. People like that use psychology only to learn how to abuse other people - not to tackle nor to resolve their own mental issues.
For me blaming myself for trauma that happened makes me calm instead of accepting the fact someone intentionally hurt me repeatedly in in humane ways
Yup. For me, it gives me a sense of control, I guess. And I'm not the villain for saying others did it and don't look like the victim. Instead, I push the faults on myself.
How about if trauma is coming from sexual abuse? Am I to blame if I was just a kid? What I’m missing here, I’m trying to understand you
@@38kenaly You're not the problem here. OP of comment is in dire need of proper therapy it seems. The logic is "I did this to myself, my bad, no need to be terrified of the world" when more accurate is
"Not my fault, yet always my responsibility to deal with all my own problems, no matter who's fault it is" Instead, Cognitive Dissonance.
I've been through a fair bit in this life, and unlike the vast majority of people you see online saying Do YoUr OwN ReSeArCh I actually know how, and constantly challenge my own beliefs and Confirmation Bias, checking for Logical Fallacies too, and slowly learning more of those as I go too.
End result: It appears that in stable countries, violent crime is extremely unlikely to happen to people. I think it was Sweden, where 1% of the population were responsible for 63% of all violent crimes. Those numbers themselves were very, very low out of the total population. Then I had a nosey at UK crime stats, and it seems there, it's a minority, of the 'criminal' grouping itself, who are disproportionately prolific offenders doing anything from anti-social behaviour to violence.
Most people are good. Many are not clear thinkers, and justify nasty behaviour online, as what they see as good intent. Don't let the news, social media, and Groupthink, bandwagon fallacy, echo chambers make you think the world is truly terrible, is the main message I'm trying to get to people here, not just you like :)
Something appallingly ironic happens if you get addicted to social media like this. You think the world is a cruel place, stay on socials, poison your mind more, and it gets worse and worse. At minimum, BAM Major Depression even in otherwise 'healthy' people, and stokes political extremism every which way at once.
@The Horseshoe Party UK i don't understand why people have to show how smart they are. This post was meant for the video creator not to impose my thought process on anyone. We all go through phases of healing then falling and then healing life is not a straight line . I have been in therapy and I do take medication and yes I know ita not my fault but sometimes the post is how I think I don't understand why someone who went through another trauma whould come and be like sexual abuse was my fault ofcourse its not there are millions of different trauma
@Kenneth Torres did I say I ehat trauma I went through? Why I think like that? Did I ask you to think like I think? Did I say I went through sex abuse? There are different kinds of traumas ,different situations like domestic voilence etc . Im not saying this is right im just posting my thought process not saying this is how you should feel
i am truly the worst critic of myself. nothing i ever do is good enough and i'm sure it somehow stems from childhood, but i'm sick of it. i want to make music but everytime i finish a song i like it for a moment, then listen back and am disgusted by the entire thing and scrap it. this video was spot on for me, thanks doc
I can be the same way 🤕 it sucks the joy of creating right out of it.
Lol we are the same person.
"Guilt is like a bag of bricks. All you've got to do is SET IT DOWN."
-The Devil's Advocate
My therapist helped me realize that my inner critic was directly linked or "influenced" by two particular people in my life. Notice the patterns and question how people speak to you. What is their true intent. People will be passive aggressive, overly critical under a guise of being "concerned" when really all they are doing is attempting to make you feel ashamed/embarrassed/lesser than they are. Do yourself a favor and kindly remove those people from your life and focus on the people who are genuinely kind and encouraging to you. Do your best to catch yourself when those old, mean voices pop back up and rework them into positive encouragement. ✨️
"Do yourself a favor and kindly remove those people from your life and focus on the people who are genuinely kind and encouraging to you."
You are totally correct to externalize inner critic -
however people who have issues with inner critic and psychological well being - cannot remove themselves from toxic ambient. That is the core problem,, that is all problem. Which CBT does not explain at all - CBT does not talk about socio-economic issues like having money, shelter, safety/security and not being able to leave toxic job or toxic relationships.
Femicide statistics are real - women and men are being killed if they leave toxic partner. Depp was almost destroyed by his lover psychopath.
Also -
everything is contextual.
Sometimes we make mistakes and it is natural to feel inner critic voice. In this case, it would not be fair to blame other people around us for the crap we done in the first place. IT is normal healthy to admit mistake and amend it - not to insist to blame other people.
@@ranc1977 I can agree that sometimes people need to be called out on things. However, if someone in your life is continuously belittling you, talking poorly of you, making you feel terrible about yourself for everything you do wrong.. especially if what is "wrong" is you just not doing what they think you should be... then they need to go. Looking out for someone shouldn't involve being cruel and condescending. It sends the message that love = abuse and that it's okay for people to tear us down for who we are, because they can't accept us for who we are, they want us to become what they think we should be. That's not fair. I'm all about meeting people where they are at and being encouraging when they take steps to better themselves. That's just my experience.
I recently learned about self sabotage. I wasn't even aware of my critical thoughts. The first step was acknowledging the problem, and separating them from yourself, acknowledging that this thought isn't necessarily true. When I have a critical thought, I've learned to say "I'm having the thought that." I'm grateful for all of the resources that's helped me on my journey.
A concept that is definitely real despite the name, with both mental health and societal implications: Self-fulfilling prophecy. It can be good, bad, or a mix of both.
"I believe X, so I will behave as Y, the results of my behaviour Z prove my prediction was correct" to oversimplify
"When I have a critical thought, I've learned to say "I'm having the thought that.""
I am not sure that this is healthy.
From psychological knowledge we have - any reaction to anxiety will form OCD issues.
Anything in life is contextual. Imagine if you have made some error - deliberately or by mistake. Inner critic will appear as SuperEgo actually - and you will label this voice of reason as delusion and you will reject and suppress it with "I'm having the thought that."
Now imagine what this will do to your social life and your ethical standards.
Other people will hate you and be disgusted by you - for not owning your own mistakes, not being man enough to own errors you done, you will build narcissistic superior persona who is not allowed to make any mistakes, that is not allowed to show any mistakes and that is not allowed to admit any mistakes - it is road to mental illness and criminal acts.
Because once you start ignoring your mistakes and flaws - you are on the road to become psychopath. You will simply rationalize and explain away anything that causing you to feel fear, anxiety, hurt, pain.
All emotions are valid. Stifling down emotions and labeling them as inner critic is bad take.
Inner critic - if you perceive it as enemy, as some force that you need to fight and engage battle in - you will create more of drama and chaos, not less. You will spend time, money and focus on civil war inside your head. Totally dysfunctional and unhealthy path to take.
Psychology ought to explain us this in detail, but CBT is therapy of errors and narcissism so CBT doesn't explain at all.
Instead CBT instructs us to build walls and spend money on pharma mafia to farm our neurosis into someone's bank account while we become zombie and obedient slave to covert abusers masked as authority.
Inner critic - Jung said what we resist will persist.
When we notice that we have doubts, criticism and shame - instead of dismissing it and ignoring it and stifling it down as you decided to destroy your mental health - the correct path is to have empathy towards ourselves ,as we have to other people.
Everything is contextual - we need to become Sherlock Holms, scientist in a laboratory and investigate what is happening, why we feel criticism, from where it stems from.
1) is it coming from triggers and flashbacks from untreated unprocessed trauma, deep core belief we are unable to take care of ourselves
2) is it actual threat - are we in presence of pathological liar who is dumping criticism and unrealistic expectations on us - can we cut contact immediately with such covert psychopaths
3) is it Charcot Hysteria - deep seated conditioning, where there are no triggers and flashbacks but only our toxic habit where we learned as kids to worry and ruminate as habit in order to please and fix emotions of untreated mentally ill people in authority around us at the time
If we understand inner critic as trauma - and we learn more about trauma, we will not live in spasm of total defense, living in survival mode as you made yourself believe that is ok due to CBT which is therapy of errors and wrong instructions that actually promote mental illness.
Carl Jung | Psychology and Philosophy 🧠, TWITTER:
The foundation of all mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.
@@ranc1977 I highly recommend you rewrite that into something more concise. I love a long well-nuanced read and also write lengthy comments. That is literally twice or three times the size of my longest comments.
If I don't have the time to do more than skim that, nearly all of UA-cam won't get past the first line.
Eg to wildly oversimplify my reply to you concisely: I think you have good intent but perhaps not quite grasped the point of this video.
There is a world of difference between having a moral code yet not spiralling into a catastrophising self-loathing anxiety-ridden nervous wreck, as opposed to being a nasty Dark Personality who thinks morals and ethics are for the weak.
False Equivalence: A goldfish is exactly the same as a great white shark, for they both live in water and breathe via gills.
"Confidence is believing in yourself. Arrogance is treating others as sub-human. Confidence inspires, arrogance destroys" to paraphrase Simon Sinek.
@@TheHorseshoePartyUK "I highly recommend you rewrite that into something more concise."
So basically in this video about inner critic you spread your criticism, your arrogance and your narcissistic entitlement where you see yourself superior enough to demand and order people around what they ought to write?
"That is literally twice or three times the size of my longest comments."
Thank you.
"If I don't have the time to do more than skim that, nearly all of UA-cam won't get past the first line."
If you do not have time to treat your mental illness, then you are in victim mode, like any narcissist - vulnerable narcissists to be exact.
You like to wallow in pity, self pity and seek others to gloom and catastrophize and criticize others around, as a way that narcissists feel good inside and seek worth by putting other people down while never examining your own shadow and sickness and pathology that stems from covert narcissism.
"I think you have good intent but perhaps not quite grasped the point of this video."
I disagree with you.
"There is a world of difference between having a moral code yet not spiralling into a catastrophising self-loathing"
Yes, for a narcissists it is dangerous place to examine trauma.
It is much easier to treat you tube commentators as sub human and slaves and order them around what and how they ought to write their comments.
I like this quotes myself:
"It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness."
Leo Tolstoy
An individual with grandiose delusions believes they have a great unrecognized talent or knowledge, for example, they may be a special messenger, guru, or God.
Delusional disorder
DK How Psychology Works
"The belief that one's own view of reality is the only reality is the most dangerous of all delusions."
Paul Watzlawick
@@ranc1977 Really? I'm an arrogant narcissist just because I ruffled your feathers slightly with a polite and valid criticism? Yet here is your reaction smearing someone you know nothing about.
Your Cognitive Biases are:
Groupthink, Anchoring Bias, Streetlamp Effect, Availability Heuristics Bias, Group Attribution Error, and Negativity Bias.
Your Logical Fallacies are:
Ad hominem - character attacks which are either totally irrelevant to the matter at hand or outright untrue.
Strawman - misrepresent the opponents argument, beat that, then act like you won.
Appeal to Emotion - manipulation of the audience's or victim's emotions without any substantial evidence for your claim.
Appeal to Authority - In this instance acting like quotes by noted people which agree with your pre-conceptions and biases, are at all relevant to the debate.
Defensive Psychological Projection: Hilariously over-reacting to even polite criticism as you try tell me I'm the problem.
Covert Hypersensitive Narcissist detected. I suggest you get some help for that, before it's too late to ever come back from.
Sooo relatable to myself no doubt.. I have panic disorder and OCD.
See Uncommon Knowledge UK channel featuring Mark Tyrrell. Vids: Anxiety, Panic. OCD is more tricky and beyond my abilities at this time, sorry. I think I heard a variation on DBT can help with it. Also I'm loving loving loving Mark Manson's Backwards Law video.
@@TheHorseshoePartyUK What is the role of the rescuer on the Drama Triangle?
The definition of Rescuer in the Drama Triangle is someone who seems to be striving to solve a victim's problems but in fact does so in ways that result in the victim having less power, with the rescuer benefiting more than the victim.
@@ranc1977 After your totally fact devoid LIES about me and my reputation with constant Proof by Assertion fallacy and other circular reasoning and logical fallacies, I'm not at all interested in speaking to you.
Get some Facts, Critical Thinking & debate skills, get some banter skills, or go away. You're utterly irrelevant to me otherwise.
Wow. I really needed this today. I had a sense I was overly critical of myself but I didn’t expect to identify with every single one 😅
Omg this happens to me on a regular basis almost all of them which has turn my life into a nightmare thank you so much for the video
There is never a straight line towards a goal. Failure, bad results from life decisions and emotional ups and downs are part of a life’s journey. Recognise the bliss of the present moment. Embrace every emotional moment. That’s what makes us human. If the world were to fall apart we would resort to day to day survival and recognising the joy of each day regardless of our decisions.
Bingo! thanks 4 sharing, I wasn't diagnosed with autism till I was 52 three years ago. This video is a state of mind that is hard to escape when peeling back the delusional mask of the past " how does anyone get past "just not getting it at a normal level. "
I've watched many of your again thanks 4 sharing....
I cannot express to you how much I needed this video today. Thank you so much for continuing to make these videos, they help me immensely and I will be forever grateful to you, Dr Marks 💚
Looking forward to Part 2!
Cant wait to part two. I can recognise myself at every second of the video
"Cant wait to part two."
Spoiler:
develop self worth.
All trauma, inner critic stems from our deep hidden covert hate towards ourselves.
This is conditioned, deep seated hypnosis that we are not aware of consciously but it comes to surface with Charcot Hysteria outlets which we label as "Inner Critic".
Self worth, self love, self validation - all basis of Humanistic Psychology states exactly that : that the basis for mental health and functioning in this life is to have strong intrinsic locus of control, which means high ethical standards and common sense.
Unfortunately self help gurus turn this self love concept into affirmations and other worthless crap which they charge a lot to learn about.
Self love, self worth is like peeling onion layer - it is not easy task, it takes time and it will uncover a lot of hidden and forgotten and stifled trauma, grudge, rancour really that we repressed, ignored in order to fit in into sick Trump narcissistic society filled with psychopaths like Putin who will never seek mental health even though they are criminally insane. Living in such toxic society, no wonder we internalized deep seated hate towards ourselves, which we cover up with toxic habits.
I like this quote available on you tube:
We have this idea that what is normal is also healthy and natural. In this culture the norm is neither healthy nor it is natural. In fact, a norm is making us sick.
YT Gabor Matè
Tom Bilyeu
@@ranc1977 thanks for sharing. Im working with a psychologist rn. Its gonna be okay
@@negin5188
i been getting help from the videos in the past month. Slowly but surely, I'll improve my life. Thanks
The breakdown of the signs of an overly harsh inner critic is so relatable and eye-opening! It's striking how we can be our own toughest critics, setting unrealistic goals and then beating ourselves up for not meeting them. I really appreciated the example of comparing ourselves to others or feeling guilty about past decisions, really hit home. They show just how much our inner critic can affect our self-esteem and happiness. Your approach of acknowledging these patterns and then learning to confront them with self-compassion is both encouraging and practical. This is such crucial info for our mental well-being!
I've spent decades believing that I was hating myself from the very beginning. And maybe I _was_ hating myself. But if I was, it was because of a fundamental misunderstanding that I was having with myself.
The fact is, I would never have wanted to be "him". Not for anything that you could name, could I ever have wanted to be him.
No, not under _these_ conditions. Not under _these_ circumstances.
(I have learned that circumstances are everything.)
Even so, unexpectedly there came this moment in which I was able to finally recognize the fact that through no fault of our own, I was *forced* to be him.
But it's my simple recognition of that fact that makes it possible for me to (empathetically) regard the both of us for the perfect victims that we actually are.
Indeed, it's a perfect (existential) victimization isn't it.
Aww I cannot wait for the second part. It's the first video I see from you that shows only the problem without suggestions for improving. I'm struggling with tons of self criticism right now and I wish I could have your advice.
May God bless you beloved Dr Marks.
You are doing God's work.
💜🎉🙏💕
Dr Marks, You really are exceptional with your highly lucid, yet clear, warm and incisive advice. Thank you. From Australia.
Excellent video, thank you Dr. Marks. Your succinct explanations are extremely helpful. EVERYONE should watch this video. Love the graphics on this too!
Love you Tracey!!!! You have helped me so much with your videos!
10000% relate to everything in this video. having a hard time convincing myself that i am capable and am enough. i just cant see myself any other way anymore. looking forward to part 2.
Bells on for part 2!! 🖤 This is extremely informative. I cannot wait to hear the next segment.
Thank you Dr Marks. I really identify with this video. You always explain things so clearly. Thank you so much for your Utube Productions. I always share your words of wisdom with others.
Hmmm I was told I was overly critical about myself. These descriptions aren’t exactly how I think or speak. However, I’m definitely on the spectrum of it. The perfectionism, past mistakes and harping on them and spending years blaming myself, and lack of self compassion, guilt and self loathing for sure.
you real make me a better parson i real need to say thank you for all your Amazing work
Thank you. Over the last 3 pandemic years I've realized just how perfectionistic I am. CBT is helping. I am just a "beginner" still.
Look this the video ive been needing for years. Thank you so much for this cause my inner critic is such a jerk and I needed something to really teach me how to stop it. Thank you so much for this
I was bullied a lot when I was a child. It ended with me, blaming myself for every nature disaster, war, death and other horrible things happening. I thought the whole world hated me because of this.
I feel like that too sometimes. I had my inner critic say to me that I was the one who caused Covid....
@@Kandyrose0108 😦
Thank you for another great video Dr. Marks.😀
The guilt is one of the worst things I deal with on a daily basis. My logical brain knows I shouldn't feel this way, but I'm not sure how to stop it. The intense guilt gets to be downright soul-crushing and sometimes I just want to give up on life because of it.
Thank you, Dr. Tracey, for this video! ❤️
It's really great to see how your videos have improved looking back from the beginning. It shows how you've gotten better with practice! I hope other creators see this and take heart. 🥰
She is turning slowly to Humanistic therapies and away from crony Trump-like fascist CBT - and that is the main cause of improvement.
THANK YOU VERY VERY MUCH for this!!!!!! ❤❤❤ I needed this sooo much!!!
Dr.!!! I wish I can hug you! I just watched a different video that 3yrs old and it has given me hope! 😁 Unfortunately, I found that video after losing a great friend. I was ignorant to mental health and I didn't know myself and I did much wrong to her.. These videos are helping me understand why I acted as I did. Ill be study these videos religiously! Thank you and God bless -seriuosly- THANK YOU 🙏
Dr Tracey you are absolutely amazing! God bless you. I am so grateful for all the information you provide us!
You can also miss your accomplishments and good things that you do
Excited for part 2! Thank you Doc, my question as a trauma survivor, how do you balance/train/work with your inner critic to lighten up when it has been VERY right in the past?
Namaste, May all be tranquil. thank you.
I have benefited a lot from your presentation. May you be blessed
I clicked on this video just to say I love your hair. It’s hard to resist everytime I see your thumbnails. Sadly I don’t like conversations like this but your hair is gorgeous. 😊😊
Why does it seem like these videos are MEANT for me?? Thank you!
Right on time video…that appreciated…THXS🤗👏🏽👏🏽
You hit this right on the “inner critical harsh nose” Ouch🤕 but in a good learning “truths” about oneself way🤔with good examples to deceibe each point! Will review🧐& intake part two too.
Dr. Tracey Marks: this video is SOOO IMPORTANT for me!
Thank you, Dr. Tracey.
You help me so much, and many more, I assume.
Dr Tracey can you make a video to help people make a decision whether to stay in a job or not? My job has been depressing me for so long, but I earn too much to throw it away. So it feels like I'm choosing a lot of money versus better mental health. But quitting feels like the irrational move.
Into #3 and already can relate. I hate my inner critic
" I hate my inner critic"
That is paradox.
Inner critic stems from deep seated self hatred which we internalized from our toxic ambient while growing up.
You can't heal hate with hate.
Instead try to love it and accept it. See it like wound that hurts and screams for help, that needs long forgotten and never received nurture, care and empathy.
If we look at it logically - inner critic is actually telling us to be good, nice, perfect, without mistakes - to fit into groupthink, conformism and society , society which is actually mentally sick like Trump or Putin. The goal of inner critic is to fit into abuse, to crap fit into abuse.
Anything in life - whatever we say or do - is double binding. In this reality - we live in dualistic universe. Anything we say or do can be criticized and labeled as wrong - even though it really isn't wrong at all. It can be labeled and explained as wrong, due to double binding or dualism.
This is the secret which CBT is not explaining us. Instead CBT joins into hysteria and uses its own criticism to paradoxically explain us criticism.
Narcissists, psychopaths, abusers, manipulators, Machiavellians, emotional vampires, parasites - they all know this hidden secret: that anything in life can be labeled as wrong. Since we are not pathologically sick in the head - we play fair and we listen to authority and we do not question what authority claims and explains us as reality. This way we are in Milgram Experiment - where authority can instruct us to commit crimes and explain it as good and nice and productive. Being in such toxic environment - inner critic can actually be good voice that warns and alert us that we are being manipulated and controlled by sick people around us. This is very complex matter for anyone who never dared to think outside of box and realize the sick world we live in - but -
It all comes down to this, plain and simple:
Due to our high moral and ethical standards we are trying to be good and nice - but this makes us target to exploit. With our urge to be good and nice and obedient - we become like puppet on the string for covert abusers to exploit us - and again - due to our high moral and ethical standards we become blind and we do not see what is happening behind the curtain.
Now the only voice that gets through to wake us up from this manipulation is surpassingly and surprisingly: inner critic.
CBT as official medical mechanism ought to explain this in detail - but it doesn't. CBT deliberately protects crony Trump narcissistic psychopathic machinery that exploit us and make us into obedient slaves - so CBT gives us half information - mostly based on more criticism and self blame to paradoxically explain criticism and self blame - just enough information to keep our head above the water so that we do not drown.
Inner critic is here as a jester, it is alarm system from our subconsciousness telling us that we are in toxic ambient - and that we need to wake up and start believing in ourselves. Inner critic tells us that we do not trust ourselves and that we place our worth in external reference locus of control.
@@ranc1977 Yup. The inner critic doesn't need hating. It's just the brain backfiring ironically in communication breakdown with itself. To hate the inner critic is to be the inner critic of your own inner critic and oh no I've gone crosseyed.
Recommendations: The book about Anger by Buddhist Master Thich Nhat Hanh. He also has some talks on UA-cam. Dr Tracey's follow-up vid to this one. Carol Dweck's Growth vs Fixed Mindset, Uncommon Knowledge UK vid on Inferiority Complex, also the work of Mark Manson.
He's a bit uncouth and rough for some people's tastes. He's no professional but a highly intelligent writer with an interest in Philosophy and Psychology. Relevant here is his article on the 'Feedback Loop from Hell'
Thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️
Unconsciously yeah I feel this way it’s due my first break up I feel a harsh inner critic is because of my father’s harsh inner critiques the way he speaks to himself even in front of the toilet or even the bathroom
Dr Marks you are the best!
Wow. This entire video described me to a T. Looking forward to the next installment.
Thanks for posting this Dr Tracy. I can relate to some of the points including the not always satisfied part. I'm learning how to enjoy life without the likes of falling into those habits. It is a bit of a struggle but I'll get there ☺.
Thanks, this helps.
Thanks Tracey 😊
Another infinitely helpful video! Concise yet so informative, without using complicated jargon, or ideas in a complex way. Very helpful in discussing the different treatments and known advise about the videos topic, with giving any medical advice.
With acceptance and growing discussion about mental health worldwide, this channel is invaluable, so thank you Dr. Marks!
Also, would you consider doing livestreams again?
❤
I can agree with this 100 percent
Guilty of all.
Especialy the one about not starting new stuff because "I'm cursed"
I've gotten better about not giving up and being satisfied with my work.... I still need to work on being satisfied with my appearance....
Dr Tracey marks is woke to the game❤❤❤❤❤
Very informative! Thanks!!!
Looking forward to part 2 - what to say to the inner critic
Dr. Tracey, could you please make a video on Nootropics? I've searched on UA-cam and I can't find a video from a trusted person like yourself
I like the last example 😂.
She seems like sending a hidden message out there.
Don't turn down a relationship when it comes your way?
@@Passions5555 priorities. She thinks that she can travel around Europe and see the world and then she would have time to go home and establish a long term relationship, as if time doesn’t exist. It just her thoughts seemed naive and immature to think she can have everything she wants whenever she wants.
And now she’s lonely with a cat.
Wow she just described myself
hi Tracey could you do a video about,psychosis in bpd,what i read online is a bit controversial
I have most of this (but not all of it). Most of it is due to lots of trauma and messing up due to my untreated ADHD D: Hoping to get meds soon and finally being able to improve smth. I lack the energy otherwise and therapy never helped me since I was a kid. I know what to do, but can't do what I know. I also know about the cognitive distortions and all that, but it feels like my brain is doing all of this stuff on its own and I lack control over it :( But thank you so much for this video
I fall under all seven points 🥺. I’m so sorry dear self 🥺
I call it my gollum of negative self talk
I can't help it though, it's only afterwards I regret being so harsh on myself and by that point it's too late.
So how do I shut the inner critic in my head up???
I learned that this "Inner critic" actually is
1) complex trauma - trauma stuck inside our body
2) hypnosis - repetition of criticism when our brain was forming
3) brain injury - long term exposure to narcissistic abuse causes brain fissure, brain wound observable in brain scan
Narcissistic abuse: constant and relentless criticism, nagging, complaining, constant: coercion, manipulation, lying.
4) conditioning - discovered by Skinner's box - being exposed to untreated mentally ill person(s)
5) toxic ambient
6) Maslow need not being met: shelter, finances, security/safety not being present.
The one common characteristic of all of these is - that inner critic is not inner at all.
It stems from external factor, socio-economic issues which are never ever mentioned by CBT since CBT is run by Trump crony corporations who are causing socio-economic issues in the first place.
The mainstream media, Trump-like medical industry, crony capitalism tends to blame us - even when talking about self blame like this inner critic issue. As if we are responsible and to blame for blaming ourselves and having self blame mechanism inside us.
This way psychiatry is causing serious psychological damage to ourselves since CBT will explain us that our character trait is producing inner critic, that our persona is flawed and that we have control of this "inner critic".
In reality - it is not.
Think of inner critic like in lame sci-fi violent movie from 1987 called "The Hidden" where alien parasite is infesting random citizens and causing them to wreck havoc.
Instead of using self blame to treat self blame, instead of deficiency motivation which is CBT itself - I would go into direction of externalizing our problems.
It all comes down to simple elements of psyche: if we are not violent, if we are not serial killers, if we are not anti-social, if we are not having any kind of hidden agenda, covert manipulation mechanism to harm and cause damage to others or anyone at all - we are not sick. Any problem we are experiencing is trauma being caused by untreated mentally ill people around us who will never seek professional help for their untreated and undiagnosed psychopathy.
+
I agree, but I also want to overcome all those things and feel good about my life. Today, I have a great life, but my own criticism is bringing me down, very very low. I understand that my generation will not live to see a better world, but why take this as a personal problem? We should do our best, at least try, or else our existence in this world will not have any meaning.
This is super helpful, thank u so much 💛
How did it help you?
Not Todd from Bojack at 3:20 !!!
The story line about the woman that goes to europe is a very common trope that misogynists use. They especially use one about the woman being too to find love. Your inner critic can use it in your own life.
I also give up easily because failing at something makes me toxically angry. Also I don't believe that life and circumstances are against me, I KNOW it. My view of the world is based on my experiences, and life does seem to be against me so what else would I believe would happen other than that? If life wasn't filled with shit and society wasn't filled with dicks I'd be fine. I am literally not the problem.
Jonathan George 🥰
Well, number 5 is true :) Great video, as usual!
My comment to Nicole is keep on being deleted and censored when I reply to her
so I am forced to write my reply here on the main thread.
Nicole said that we ought to leave toxic people. That is true - but reality is that with fears and inhibitions this is mission impossible due to trauma bonding.
Here is my banned and repeatedly censored reply to her:
". especially if what is "wrong" is you just not doing what they think you should be... then they need to go. "
Again, you are absolutely correct.
But you need to understand that people who suffer from "inner critic" also have bad environment around them - no money, and deep core sense of toxic shame and extreme social anxiety - these are only some of the blocks which prevent them from realizing that they can go in the first place - and without money and security they cannot go at all.
For example -
I had issues with people pleasing and fawning for large part of my life.
CBT never explained it that way - CBT instructed me to engage in useless battles with fears and other failed techniques which only CBT can produce.
So it is only last year that I discovered , after learning about humanistic psychology - that I can actually say online, on twitter for example "I disagree with you" or that I can block someone.
Just think about it for a moment what this means.
People who have trauma, inner critic - has this blockages and hypnosis, hangs up and being stuck, beliefs about being nice and good - that it is like veil over your face which distorts your reality.
There are two blockages which prevent cutting contact with toxic people:
1) hypnosis, conditioning
2) external elements such as poverty, debt, financial problems which prevent people from quitting their toxic job, any kind of narcissistic abuse.
These two things CBT does not cover at all. CBT ignores it. CBT also claims - well if something is bad in your life - just quit it.
Well - they can't.
And now we have problem to solve:
How to help someone who cannot quit toxic ambient?
How to survive in toxic ambient?
I see solution once again in Humanistic psychology.
It is about validation of anyone who is stuck in toxic ambient with toxic people. That is the first step which CBT never displays. CBT instead goes to the path of instructing self
pathology anyone who seeks genuine help.
Without self worth, without self love - we cannot move on with our lives. When we take care of ourselves, we can slowly cut ties with toxic people, build finances and plan to relocate. This is different approach than simply saying cold assertation which is CBT: Leave and go away from narcissistic abuse and toxic people around you.
@ᴅʀ.ᴛʀᴀᴄᴇʏ ᴍᴀʀᴋs I guess this is the reason why it gets deleted.
Too much spam and spammers. ;D
It has been true, it hits different when the thing you fear someone thinks about you turns out to be true. For instance, I don’t think I am handsome and then got strung around by another girl. I believed I’m not good looking enough and that’s what she thought about me when I asked for the truth lmao
Amazing ❤ off topic: I want an Italian stallion 😂
LOL! I did at one point too. My husband is (only) 25% Italian. 😀
@@DrTraceyMarks that counts haha! My current crush is Italian so I’ll keep ya posted 😂❤️
I’ve tried figuring this out, but what’s the difference between your inner critic and hearing voices can your inner critic cause you to hurt yourself? Mine tells me I’m not good enough and tells me to hurt myself is that the same thing?
Just wondering if aloneness has a influence on the mental health issues
Like living alone while recovering from surgeries, no one in the house to help manage the recovery
Thanks a ñot Tracey😉
Yeah the Itty Bitty Shitty Committee gets me all the time. I rotate every mistake on repeat.
This is great but can customize this in a format for kids and how they allow their inner critic to sabotage their lives? My daughter struggles with this.
Recommendations: Carol Dweck Growth Mindset, Mark Tyrrell of Uncommon Knowledge UK's vid on Inferiority Complex are good places to start. Also I did a timestamp comment where I dumped a load of Philosophy maxims and tips you might like? It's a lot though and it's not getting many likes 😂😂
To push back on point one what if its true? I feel i m gonna pause and do this at every point cause i m pretty sure i ll check most if not all of your points (my shrink will die on this hill) i'm dealing with a number of issues both intrinsic and extrinsic, amongst the intrinsic ones a fair number of psychological issues* that LITTERALLY paralyses me and make it impossible to even begin attempting to study. It has for now (i m 26) destroyed my higher education (i had no problems up to college even though i d LITTERALLY never opened a textbook or studied thanks to my hiq which turned out to be a curse and i m in a positiion now where i have the occasion to earn my degrees in physics from home (alliviating much of the social anxiety issues) but i can't.
I just can't. So i do constantly criticize myself, feel guilty and anxious (thats a hell of an understatement) but i feel the criticisms are legitimate even though they are psychologically damaging. I can't do what i should be easily able to and whats expected of anyone in my position.
Being a scientist at heart and passionate about most areas of science, especially psychology, i am pretty well educated -for an amateur- on the topic, i ve been though countless lectures and papers (including peer reviewed) about my situation, i understand the neurobiology at work and thats its much deeper and mlre serious then "pull yourself together" but still, i can't do what i wish i could and what i could have done if nlt for my psycological situation, and thats my point. I do make myself suffer probably far more then i should, but a) i have no control over it b) its been that way for years and its worse now because i ve progressed a bit in my therapy and have let it come to the surface so repressing it would be counterproductive c) i don't see any way out or any possibility of improvement d) it is legit and deserved, sais my emotional side, and he doesn't give a f*** about what the rational logical intellectual me sais, thats one of the few problems i can't think myself out of
So?
*(major/persistant depression, SEVERE adhd and HIQ (i really believe the high iq is a disability in my case not an asset it intellectulises and exacerbates every negative thing) a few of the dy's including dyslexia and dyspraxia, major anxiety issues that lead me to the darkest places one can think of...)
How to silent or retrain the inner voice?
Watch the video and find out.
Growth Mindset is a good place to start. Discovered and amplified by Carol S Dweck. Else I LOVE the Mark Manson 'the backwards law' video. It's normal to have some glitches in our thoughts, which Mark Manson has an article calling the Feedback Loop from hell. angry about being angry about being angry. Anxious about being anxious about being anxious.
I like to think only the most intelligent suffer that Loop the most. Else, Uncommon Knowledge UK video on Inferiority Complex did me a lot of good. Also his work on Anxiety. He's like the closest I've seen to a real practising therapist on UA-cam that goes in-depth into what you need to know.
Can bipolar 2 on antipsychotic drug be a good doctor and complete his studying normally?
I don't quite understand the question, but antipsychotics are good choices to treat bipolar 1 or 2
@@DrTraceyMarks I'm in medical school at last year. Can i be a good doctor or the disease will affect me . Did u see a doctors with bipolar 2 they have a stable life and job ?
This is all me. 🤔 Now i know, but how can i change this?
Why can't I ever feel mad? This is killing me .Someone can come up to me and spit on my face and I won't feel angry in my body and it feels horrible ,anger is part of the human experience
You WANT to feel angry? Why? You don't need to be angry to have a backbone.
@@moemohamed8891 Not being able to access all of your emotions is never a good feeling inside. Good or bad, having anger is important.
After reading your comment, It peaked my interest. I want to know more about your experience. But this IS UA-cam and their can b trolls. Anyways, hang in there. I go back and forth between two extremes. If I could find a balance, I would have more peace in my life. If you have to, plz stand up for yourself if necessary. Sincerely Rae.
@@moemohamed8891 Bro you do believe me all of our actions are followed with emotions this is why you eat when you are hungry
@@angelina9379 exactly 💯💪
It's awkward when you know someone thinks something about you that you didn't say out loud. If it's true though - that they do think that about you - then???? Where's the line there? Is it now something we should seek to change?
Are OCD and ADHD related. ??? People have told me I was ADD or hyper my entire life, and I was diagnosed as OCD at 24 but was at 12.
Is all of this personalization?
The artist is in the first 48 seconds. Lol.
To tame imner critic, we need strategies 👍👍
✅ good video
❤❤❤❤❤❤love the ❤
I never use dating app s