Bill Burr - Advice: Afraid To Break Up With Girlfriend

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  • Опубліковано 4 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 279

  • @Snugglypatchvids
    @Snugglypatchvids 9 років тому +449

    I love how he makes every problem is own and starts getting mad at the person the questioners talking about.

    • @investigate3_11
      @investigate3_11 4 роки тому +11

      I do the same thing. Isn't it natural to put yourself in the narrator's shoe? I thought that was common?

    • @anonymousbo0318
      @anonymousbo0318 4 роки тому +1

      @@investigate3_11 No, its not. You seem narcissistic

    • @investigate3_11
      @investigate3_11 4 роки тому +10

      @@anonymousbo0318 You seem stupid.

    • @collinjoey3931
      @collinjoey3931 3 роки тому

      i guess im asking randomly but does any of you know a method to get back into an instagram account??
      I was stupid forgot my account password. I would appreciate any tips you can give me

    • @zanderraylan8518
      @zanderraylan8518 3 роки тому

      @Collin Joey Instablaster :)

  • @waddellkate101
    @waddellkate101 9 років тому +308

    Never ever stay with somebody out of guilt it's nothing but a dead weight where you just dread seeing that person and they feel like a burden on your freedom.

    • @AngusStewart01
      @AngusStewart01 8 років тому +7

      So true

    • @wolfwithin2967
      @wolfwithin2967 5 років тому +4

      Absolutely

    • @michaelsieger9133
      @michaelsieger9133 5 років тому +10

      And you eventually grow to resent the person, it shows, and they don’t know why. It’s bad for both parties.

    • @purugigi
      @purugigi 5 років тому +1

      So true. Good thing I recognized that with my ex

    • @damo9961
      @damo9961 4 роки тому +1

      All relationships become this though, it's called marriage :)

  • @Phamster92
    @Phamster92 10 років тому +364

    I was dying at "You'll find out in 5 miles!"

  • @dbfro1
    @dbfro1 12 років тому +81

    "what is she gonna do, bodyslam you?"... I gotta be honest, there have been times where the post-breakup drama and guilt trips, incessant calls/texting, and awkwardness amongst shared friends just got to a point where I, if given the opportunity, would have absolutely taken one bodyslam instead of having to deal with all that bullshit.

  • @AyazyamMedia
    @AyazyamMedia 9 років тому +222

    Bill Burr is one of those guys who is funny without even trying...genius

    • @805fillmore
      @805fillmore Рік тому

      yeah which makes him one of the greatest ever.

  • @cronaldopwns
    @cronaldopwns 9 років тому +321

    "Hey, watch this!" hahaha

    • @rowanb4395
      @rowanb4395 9 років тому +3

      +Deco20 If someone ever does that...

    • @ashkrikorian5753
      @ashkrikorian5753 9 років тому +9

      +Deco20 That was the funniest shit ever

  • @winkles2314
    @winkles2314 8 років тому +140

    That 'breakup suit' bit fucking killed me.

    • @dwprado25
      @dwprado25 8 років тому +2

      Fucking hilarious!

    • @Ghost-fe1vp
      @Ghost-fe1vp 8 років тому +3

      I lost the ability to function for a few seconds.

    • @GAZAMAN93X
      @GAZAMAN93X 7 років тому

      Ghost 1111 same. 😂

    • @cheeseonamonkey
      @cheeseonamonkey 3 роки тому

      I look it up a couple times a year

  • @definitelynotnolan
    @definitelynotnolan 8 років тому +96

    The next time I'm breaking up with someone, I'm definitely throwing in Bill Burr ads into it.

  • @frarfarf
    @frarfarf 10 років тому +489

    Is Bill's generic impression of a woman the funniest thing on the planet? Yes, it is.

    • @charliehustlenflow
      @charliehustlenflow 10 років тому +21

      yes it is other barry, yes it is.

    • @frarfarf
      @frarfarf 9 років тому

      charliehustlenflow
      huh?

    • @charliehustlenflow
      @charliehustlenflow 9 років тому +17

      i take it you dont watch archer. i highly recommend

    • @grungical
      @grungical 5 років тому +1

      It sounds like jim gaffagins

    • @rsimmons41407
      @rsimmons41407 3 роки тому

      Is Mr. Burr the funniest comedian of all time? Yes, he is.

  • @D2attemp
    @D2attemp 9 років тому +180

    I wish I listened to bill burr 5 years ago

    • @Tokengoldguy
      @Tokengoldguy 8 років тому +18

      +D2attemp Same. Look at it this way tho, people like you and I can binge watch this shit. I love this advice Bill is so good, looks at things from everyone perspective and doesn't jump to conclusions. Will kill to have a beer with the guy and a Cigar. Ohhhh Geeeezuusss

    • @phillytheflyerable
      @phillytheflyerable 8 років тому +7

      he should visit schools and give speeches to boys. men are worth more, but we settle for alot of bullshit because single men are considered to be werid losers

    • @jizzcupcake6323
      @jizzcupcake6323 7 років тому +4

      Life lessons are learned here at the monday morning podcast lmao

    • @ryanralph7494
      @ryanralph7494 6 років тому +1

      Right. I would of been divorced a couple years sooner I'm sure

    • @spg4770
      @spg4770 5 років тому

      D2attemp me too.

  • @kensokid6900
    @kensokid6900 9 років тому +93

    " this is all gonna make sense in about 5 miles".....LOL!!!!

  • @gonzisonsbc
    @gonzisonsbc 9 років тому +122

    This is like dismantling a bomb. LOL

  • @AlysiaRD
    @AlysiaRD 9 років тому +67

    LOL The start with the breakup suit has me in tears.

  • @einhornisaman2973
    @einhornisaman2973 8 років тому +101

    Bill cracks me up, he'll begin to give his thoughts on the subject and after a few sentences the ADD kicks in and he starts on complaining about other things, like his mind wanders. I'm the same way Bill!

  • @lwnf360
    @lwnf360 9 років тому +41

    "How awful were your parents?" hahahaha!

  • @domallen1451
    @domallen1451 8 років тому +21

    "when its sunny out and shes just aauueeegghh!" 😂😂😂😂😂

  • @lucidstargirl
    @lucidstargirl 8 років тому +64

    bill predicted macbook air.

    • @fuckgoogle792
      @fuckgoogle792 6 років тому +2

      Karin Castro Studio ive never owned an apple product. never will.

  • @mbelma6329
    @mbelma6329 11 років тому +22

    "Hey watch this" *rolls out of car*

  • @Gayner-h3q
    @Gayner-h3q 11 років тому +52

    Apart from the depression thing, this is almost exactly the same thing I'm going through right now. Weird...

    • @fatchickenswitnoribs
      @fatchickenswitnoribs 11 років тому +4

      same here 0_0.

    • @l3lackitty
      @l3lackitty 11 років тому +8

      Pretty much the same thing I went through last year. The ending was different, but the whole "she's depressed and I feel responsible" part is dead on.

    • @a.dude.washere
      @a.dude.washere 5 років тому +2

      Dude, I just did this entire relationship & breakup. It's crazy.

    • @zarreff
      @zarreff 5 років тому +2

      A lot of women go to nursing school, that should explain it

  • @freebee8221
    @freebee8221 9 років тому +27

    Iv been listening so much bill burr stuff lately that im startin to talk like him.and I love it

    • @SteelerNationTX
      @SteelerNationTX 8 років тому +12

      Ohhhhhh geeeee zusssss

    • @AngusStewart01
      @AngusStewart01 8 років тому

      I've been doing the same thing since 2013

    • @americaninsurgent4403
      @americaninsurgent4403 8 років тому +1

      I noticed Im saying " fuckin " a ton more. I'm not even trying to either wtf

  • @DjProdigy909
    @DjProdigy909 7 років тому +15

    The best advice ever. This was my exact situation and i finally ended it. Definitely a weight off my shoulders👌

  • @Xcorgi
    @Xcorgi 9 років тому +8

    Bill Burrs patented "here's your box of shit and goodbye and shut the door in the bitches face" breakup. Classic!

  • @ethanzif9008
    @ethanzif9008 4 роки тому +5

    Bill was really on point with the iPad commentary. He predicted it.

  • @Shigellosis
    @Shigellosis 4 роки тому +11

    Bill: "I need to stall so this could take as much time as possible"
    Listeners: _joke's on you I'm into that shit_

  • @robbybolo9088
    @robbybolo9088 3 роки тому +3

    Thank you 🙏, so glad to have heard this. Going through a tough time and definitely needed to hear this

  • @devinplayseverything3764
    @devinplayseverything3764 3 роки тому +2

    This one made me feel good, dealt with a similar situation recently, glad to know Bill would have agreed with my decision

  • @MelodicMizeryPs3Vids
    @MelodicMizeryPs3Vids 11 років тому +46

    one last thing always dump a girl your not happy with because if you stick with her through her hard times, when she gets happy she will drop you quicker then a new york minute

  • @Plinko779
    @Plinko779 5 років тому +16

    REMEMBER it’s not WHETHER you break up with someone but HOW you break up with someone. Broken hearts heal, sadness fades but words stick forever. As a woman who had just been broken up with in the most brutal way, I am trying to understand the male mind and how some of them can turn around and just treat women like shit at the end. I didn’t lie, I didn’t cheat and I paid half of everything, if not more, from the first date. Even if it was compatibility issues I would get that but it was out of the blue and he ripped me to shreds which was completely unnecessary. He said some things I will never forget. He turned into a monster overnight, couldn’t spare any empathy for 10 minutes. I understand what people mean when they say they had their heart ripped out because that is what it felt like. I’ve given up believing there are nice loyal men out there. Men complain about women but is just as painful for women getting walked all over and then walked out on. Maybe I should just become a complete bitch, maybe that will make men stick around.

    • @timotg91
      @timotg91 4 роки тому +8

      Plinko779 I hope you’ve healed since. Bless ✌️

    • @noushs8004
      @noushs8004 4 роки тому +3

      Never love him more than he loves you.

    • @patrickbateman7802
      @patrickbateman7802 3 роки тому +3

      One guy was a jerk to me,time to hate men and be a bitch......good logic.

    • @tryambkesh2371
      @tryambkesh2371 2 роки тому

      Yeah bill here went completely out of his mind, what the fuck wrong that women (boy's girl in the letter ) do that he got so mad on her, just because she was depressed and going through a hard time, Bill fucked up in this one, if it was'nt his hangover he should hit his head with bottle, that girl is no dick here it is just that this guy ain't into her anymore and bill was being complete dick .

  • @mrjakenorris
    @mrjakenorris 10 років тому +6

    Love the apple rant. Agree. Hey you don't need a CD/DVD drive. You don't need those keys on the keyboard. As long as it looks good in the shop. I don't mind a screen that's 1mm thicker.

  • @tinak.p.258
    @tinak.p.258 10 років тому +36

    Did I miss something here? She's often depressed - he does not want to be with her anymore. Ok. But how does she suddenly deserve being insulted and mocked like that in the process - that's not necessary at all in a clean break up. And - by the way- I think it is bad style to let HER come to the house only in order to be dumped there. If you want to break up with somebody, have the decency at least to go to their (!) place so that they can pull themselves together afterwards in a safe environment, and you can also bring the box with her stuff with you, so that there is no need to meet up again later.

  • @kreglfromworld
    @kreglfromworld 5 років тому +3

    Lmao the way he painted the picture with the whole "I'm not happy"

  • @yossarian1633
    @yossarian1633 10 років тому +72

    Let her drive? Obviously Bill has never seen the movie Vanilla Sky.

    • @snatchadams69
      @snatchadams69 10 років тому +3

      Lmao

    • @ToGetToTerrapin
      @ToGetToTerrapin 9 років тому +1

      yossarian1633 or "The Godfather"

    • @Xcorgi
      @Xcorgi 9 років тому +2

      yossarian1633 Vanilla Sky was not a movie. It was a visual abortion.

    • @gart76
      @gart76 9 років тому +4

      yossarian1633 that's what the suit is for didn't you listen?

    • @The_realist_realtor
      @The_realist_realtor 7 років тому

      bill burr never saw Vanilla Sky because he doesn't have shit taste in movies

  • @Servbot42
    @Servbot42 10 років тому +8

    Lmao at 8:25 I'm gonna use an advert when I break up with the next chick.

  • @Nerefurian
    @Nerefurian 12 років тому +1

    I stood and applauded when I read this comment. For truer words have never been spoken.

  • @_jadori_175
    @_jadori_175 7 років тому +3

    The "breakup suit" is soooo funny!

  • @HendersonHinchfinch
    @HendersonHinchfinch 12 років тому +1

    The part where he talks about putting on the break up suit and bailing out of the moving car is fucking priceless hahahaha

  • @film_magician
    @film_magician 9 років тому +16

    Someone tell Bill about the Mac Book air

    • @MisterBones2910
      @MisterBones2910 9 років тому +2

      Film Magician
      Ah, but the Mac OSs are even worse than their mobile ones.
      Normally I wouldn't advocate someone buy one, but the Google laptop-things seem like they'd fulfill his requirements for a non-PC device quite well.

  • @scottsnbatalk3447
    @scottsnbatalk3447 6 років тому +6

    If she doesn't have a lot of things then pack all of her stuff in a box, and bring the box by her place. Talk to her and say I'm done.

  • @sisepuedemaybe
    @sisepuedemaybe 9 років тому +33

    Damn this was pretty mean even by Bill's standards lol

  • @oldmanfromscenetwentyfour8164
    @oldmanfromscenetwentyfour8164 10 років тому +39

    First off, male or female, DO NOT keep any, I repeat ANY of your personal shit at the other persons apartment, EVER! It's YOUR shit, it should be in YOUR place.
    None of this, "I'll leave a change of clothes here just in case of ..." or "I'll bring my DVD player so we can watch movies." crap. Your stuff will just pile up, making any breakup more difficult.
    And sure as shit don't move in together, "It will be fun, we can have dinner every night, sex any time and just think of all the money we can save!", that shit gets old quick and no one has ever saved money moving in together, one of them (man or woman, doesn't matter) eventually becomes the dead weight in the relationship and it ends up costing more.
    Keep your shit, keep your space, keep your peace of mind.

    • @SoularisSoul
      @SoularisSoul 9 років тому +1

      +Old Man from Scene Twenty Four Thank you. I needed to hear that lol

    • @stuboy13
      @stuboy13 9 років тому +1

      So how long before you broke and moved her in..?

    • @swill1020
      @swill1020 8 років тому +1

      Old Man from Scene Twenty Four ....this is excellent advice coming from a guy whom had lost more shit than I have space for...

    • @LuisMartinez-en8pf
      @LuisMartinez-en8pf 7 років тому

      Pure fucking wisdom

  • @peteranon8455
    @peteranon8455 10 років тому +19

    You put all of her things in a box, it's the only way.

  • @jsc5590
    @jsc5590 9 років тому +6

    "Hey Toots, bend over...and use your knees"...pure gold!

  • @howyanow4810
    @howyanow4810 4 роки тому +11

    'I know I'm breaking up with you but at least you can support the troops' 😂😂

  • @buttaonaroll
    @buttaonaroll 8 років тому +2

    It would have been funny at the end, when he was making all those Disney references, if he added, "don't forget your glass slipper!"

  • @jacobp2690
    @jacobp2690 11 років тому +2

    *Super informative information* followed by "Ya know?" Kills me now that ive listened to him lots.

  • @victorledezma6652
    @victorledezma6652 4 роки тому +1

    Bill getting upset at an iPad not being a laptop is the funniest shit hahahaha

  • @azracore3974
    @azracore3974 7 років тому

    Bill Burr is absolutely my favorite person.

  • @CamperCarl
    @CamperCarl Рік тому

    No joke, the whole "worst case scenario by (insert time here) you'll be past it" has helped me so many times in life it's unreal. And I have this red headed fuck to thank for it.

  • @scoobynga8708
    @scoobynga8708 3 роки тому +2

    I love how he predicted the Mac book air

  • @rcastellon55
    @rcastellon55 11 років тому +2

    "Just roll out of the car." Lol

  • @matthewblanwilson
    @matthewblanwilson 11 років тому +2

    The fact that she is still depressed shows that no matter what you do isn't going to make her happy. I've been depressed before and got into a great relationship and was no longer depressed , I was on cloud 9 , though I was under the impression she was a good girl .LOL if their is such a thing !

  • @misterperegrine
    @misterperegrine 2 роки тому

    8:55 “…I know I’m breaking up with you right now, but you could-we could also support the troops. M’right?”

  • @Xrayblazer3595
    @Xrayblazer3595 4 роки тому

    Very similar to my current relationship problems i love these vids and it was kinda helpful

  • @kylefer
    @kylefer 9 років тому +18

    L O L 8:20 Best Product Placement EVER!!

  • @OneEyedJackNLD
    @OneEyedJackNLD 4 місяці тому

    0:32 The break up suit

  • @nogoodgod4915
    @nogoodgod4915 2 роки тому +1

    The dude that wrote in is 33 years old right now.

  • @LegionOfEclaires
    @LegionOfEclaires 8 років тому +4

    Oh my god. That breakup suit. Folks will find a reason to breakup.

  • @michaelmurphy1783
    @michaelmurphy1783 5 років тому

    Omg the dialogue of the last break up. He Killed it. I cant stop laughing

  • @johnnyarsonctXhc
    @johnnyarsonctXhc 12 років тому +1

    'lift with your knees'...... oh, burrs a savage

  • @prison_wallet_thief
    @prison_wallet_thief 5 років тому +1

    Epic! "Lift with your knees"

  • @traviscoates6878
    @traviscoates6878 3 роки тому

    “The Breakup Suit”! Classic...Put the helmet on, “I don’t wanna date you anymore” and roll out of the car!

  • @jwalker3835
    @jwalker3835 8 років тому +2

    i tried the advertising at the end of the breakup speech. yeah, she shattered all my windows, stole my dog and then left lol crazy shit ive ever seen but i couldnt stop laughing. i should have taped it

  • @MFRedeemerp2
    @MFRedeemerp2 12 років тому +1

    the 'break up suit' must be in bills live show

  • @SlickVega
    @SlickVega 12 років тому +1

    "Lift with your knees" LOL

  • @CosmosGamingChannel
    @CosmosGamingChannel 5 років тому +1

    The bad part of his break up suit idea is that some ladies would stop and floor it in reverse

  • @TheBattledamaged
    @TheBattledamaged 7 років тому +1

    Lift with your knees! 😂😂😂😂

  • @booognish
    @booognish 5 років тому

    That break up suit bit is great.

  • @bofa4608
    @bofa4608 2 роки тому

    “And when you get that sad look on your face you look like a muppet” LMAO

  • @joseph6270
    @joseph6270 6 років тому +1

    “Hey watch this”

  • @Tropyy
    @Tropyy 6 років тому

    the break up suit bit had me pissing myself lmfao

  • @caltrof
    @caltrof 12 років тому +1

    "Those frosty fucking brews" That just made me thirsty

  • @royalslack
    @royalslack 6 років тому +1

    Best advice ever.

  • @buisgolalas
    @buisgolalas 12 років тому

    The break-up suit is pure genius

  • @BrutalMonkey
    @BrutalMonkey 6 років тому +1

    This was the funniest shit I've heard out of all the podcast!!

  • @perculiarponcho1
    @perculiarponcho1 7 років тому +3

    'i know we're breaking up right now, but we could also support the troops'

  • @Phentes
    @Phentes 2 роки тому

    I swear I love bills lady voice 😂😂😂😂

  • @5n00ze
    @5n00ze 7 років тому

    "but bah bah bah - BEAT IT! I got a couple cold brews in the fridge. " - lol cheers!

  • @smokeyfreshhh
    @smokeyfreshhh 4 роки тому

    Lmfao at jumping out the car on highway with helmet

  • @spikelee5622
    @spikelee5622 12 років тому

    Bill is BRILLIANT

  • @zeldagoblin
    @zeldagoblin 9 років тому +3

    True story, Bill. iPads are a massive pain in the arse.

  • @danstone2226
    @danstone2226 11 років тому

    Bill Burr should be the star of the movie The Breakup Service. How good a flick would that be? He should write that film and Nia could help him.

  • @matternst2351
    @matternst2351 4 роки тому +1

    its all gona make sense in about 5 miles

  • @verticalhorizon4633
    @verticalhorizon4633 9 років тому

    Hysterical, Bill. Nearly clinical in your assessment.

  • @etherealnine
    @etherealnine 11 років тому

    There is a break up service. There are audio only videos on youtube, I think it's called breakupforyou or something like that. Some are pretty amusing.

  • @leissadlae
    @leissadlae 4 роки тому +1

    Totally hilarious bill has been getting me through hell ! W/ w/ a smilelog term h*** apply his stuff all the time!

  • @Hitbound
    @Hitbound 12 років тому +1

    Support the troops by breaking up? You are a genius!!!

  • @MrPrestige350
    @MrPrestige350 12 років тому

    Your price charming is out there somewhere. He ain't in here! Thanks Bill, I'm using that one :)

  • @justinbrutcher1579
    @justinbrutcher1579 4 роки тому

    Professional Break Up Service. GREAT idea for a movie.

  • @nicestmanevery9717
    @nicestmanevery9717 5 років тому

    Bill called it on the touch pad turning into a laptop

  • @Reason_over_Dogma
    @Reason_over_Dogma 12 років тому +1

    Wow, this dude is in the exact situaition I am. I asked God for a sign..and I find this in my facebook feed(I never get updates from bill burrs facebook! lol)

  • @northhallbabe13
    @northhallbabe13 4 роки тому

    When he starts tagging the advertisements hahahahaha fucking bill

  • @alasdairmacintyre9383
    @alasdairmacintyre9383 5 років тому +2

    Bill they do make them as laptops. Theyre called laptops

  • @jasonzimmer7478
    @jasonzimmer7478 6 років тому +1

    A breakup suit 😂

  • @ShallowBeThyGames
    @ShallowBeThyGames 11 років тому

    Really must shoehorn "Toots" into my repertoire.

  • @sissiradio
    @sissiradio 7 років тому

    I imagined that the protective suit was dark blue (and velvet). What color did you guys have in mind?

  • @motomoto9597
    @motomoto9597 2 роки тому

    The helmet advice 😂

  • @aMANinaSUIT
    @aMANinaSUIT 8 років тому

    I agree with his views on the whole iPad thing.

  • @dallassylvestre7209
    @dallassylvestre7209 5 років тому

    Does anyone know how much Bill makes per comedy special? Or how much he makes for doing this podcast?

  • @claudefox2882
    @claudefox2882 7 років тому +2

    had iPad's....never again.

  • @rowanb4395
    @rowanb4395 9 років тому

    All that advice.... Literally a fairy tale ending of doom analogy + 6 pack. Life.